Purposed Magazine - May 2023

FAITH

SELF-CARE LIFESTYLE FOROUR SONS +

ATRIBUTETOTHESONS WE'VELOST + ASINGLEMOM'S JOURNEYOFLOSS&FAITH

WHAT'S TRENDING

BRANDI HUNTER-LEWIS

Atlanta's Multi-Million Dollar Realtor & Mama On the Move

How She Rose To Success While Parenting Three Young Kings After Facing A Tragic Loss

SELF CARE LIFESTY

BY RASHIDA THOMPSON

As moms, we share the common experience of navigating the mental & emotional load of caring for our children Not only that, we encounter numerous challenges that make it much harder to commit or even think about self-care

I’m sure you ’ ve heard or been told many times over that self-care is essential for you as a single mom. So my intention here is not to tell you something that you already know

What I am here to do is to help you understand the very real & long-lasting benefits of regular self-care as a single mom, the costs of neglecting your needs and to give you practical & realistic tips on how you can create a self-care lifestyle that adapts to you & your needs

The Benefits of Practicing Regular Self-Care

Self-care is one of the best ways to ensure you are showing up every day as a woman & mother with a full cup

As a single mom, it can be way too easy to focus solely on the needs of your children and neglect yourself

However, it’s critical that you start taking time for yourself because it can have numerous benefits for both you and your children.

Improved mental health is one of the most significant benefits of self-care Motherhood is hard & it takes a huge toll on you mentally & emotionally By practicing self-care, you can better manage depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges that may arise from the responsibilities of motherhood

Prioritizing self-care can also help to reduce stress, which is critical for maintaining overall health and well-being. Chronic stress can lead to declining health sooner than later. Having a consistent routine in place can relieve the effects of daily stressors

When you take care of yourself, you become better equipped to take care of others, including your children This is why there should be no shame in putting yourself first Self-care isn’t selfish It’s self-preservation & necessary for you to lead happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives for yourself and your families.

The Costs of Neglecting Your Needs

We talked about the benefits Now let’s examine some costs of neglecting yourself One of the most significan consequences is mom burnout, which can lead to phys emotional, and mental exhaustion, making it difficult to manage even the simplest of tasks

Additionally, going too long without self-care can lead resentment towards your children or loved ones. As mu you love them, when you constantly put others' needs your own, you may begin to feel taken for granted or unappreciated

These negative emotions can strain relationships and m difficult to parent effectively As an additional consequ these feelings may lead to feelings of guilt & shame, fu affecting your emotional health

Creating A Self-Care Lifestyle

Self-care should be sustainable, otherwise, there is no Yes, you can get tremendous value from one-off practic in order to reap the long-term benefits, self-care needs regular practice A sustainable practice that doesn’t fee forced or hard A lifestyle

Creating this lifestyle requires a mindset shift that take account the roadblocks in your motherhood journey

YLE

Time

From working full-time to running errands to raising the kids, it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all.

When it comes to a lack of time, try these tips to ensure that you make the best use of the time that you do have without creating time that you don’t have the ability to create

Set boundaries Guard your time You only have so much to give. Establish specific times when you will not be available for other responsibilities or other people (family included). Account for any time leaks. Often, there are things that we do throughout our day that we don’t realize take up time that we could use for something else Log your days for about a week & make note of any activities or tasks that could be time wasters

Remove unnecessary tasks or obligations Instead of adding to your day, consider removing or delegating those things that will free up more space in your schedule. Block off time in your schedule. Just like with all the appointments for your job, business or family, scheduling an appointment just for you on your calendar allows you to literally make time for your self-care Consider that appointment a non-negotiable

Budget

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Depending on the type of self-care you prefer, a larger financial investment may be necessary. While not all single moms are struggling financially, some may have genuine financial constraints, which makes investing in self-care a bit more difficult

The good news is that there are many practical and affordable ways for single moms to practice self-care and prioritize themselves without breaking the bank.

For those who are on a tighter budget for whatever reason (because life happens), consider these ideas for self-care when you want to save some money

Take advantage of free resources - The beautiful thing about the internet is that you can find almost anything There are many free self-care resources available online, such as guided meditations, yoga & workout videos YouTube can be your friend when you are looking for free or low-cost routines to try at home.

DIY your routine - Get creative! Mix up your own face masks. Give yourself a mani & pedi Practice self-massage with a foam roller

Add a line item for self-care in the budget - If you do have some wiggle room, allocate a specific amount of money for self-care items each month, such as a massage, a new book or a monthly yoga membership

You are a single mom. Your children need you. YOU need you. That’s why self-care hits differently. That’s why you need to take it seriously. When you practice self-care daily (and it doesn’t have to be complicated), you fill your cup. Over time, that full cup turns into overflow. Live your life from a state of constant overflow. It has a positive ripple effect on everything that you do.

WHAT'S TRENDING...

Can we first talk about how Keke Palmer slayed her pregnancy!? Sis was glowing from head to toe and seemingly carried it all well. However, like with all good news, social media tends to let their opinions run rampant on the lives of celebrities.

Part of their rhetoric was centered around the fact that Keke is a non-married mother essentially adding to the single mom population.

How WRONG is this narrative? Listen, having a child in a non-marital, yet healthy relationship isn't the end of the world. Those of us single moms who never had a "complete" family structure understand that Keke is doing what works for her and her family. Her child is reaping the benefits of two parents loving each other and sing their child together. Where does "single m" fit into that?

On a recent episode of the popular "Tonight's Conversation" podcast, one of the hosts made a "controversial" statement

["..Let's talk about the number of married women who are single moms "]

During the conversation, the other participants touched upon the topic of married couples who do not function as partners. It was pointed out that in such cases, one individual (usually the woman) often bears a greater burden of responsibilities instead of sharing them equally.

Although there's not ever a time that we are adamantly proclaiming that we're proud to be single moms, it is unfair to prjoect this narrative on women that it doesn't apply to.

BRAND HUNTE

How This Single Million Dollar R

DI ER-LEWIS

e Mom Turned Tragedy Into A Real Estate Legacy For Her Sons

BRANDI HUNTER-LEWIS

Brandi Hunter Lewis is a premier real estate agent to Atlanta’s elite If you ’ ve ever wondered who Atlanta celebrities and socialites turn to when it’s time to purchase their homes, it’s her. Brandi has successfully built a luxury real estate agency while simultaneously raising three children as a single mom. However, in her current stage of life, Brandi is fully embracing the soft life as a wife to her amazing husband and enjoying her new normal in a big, beautiful blended family

We sat down with Brandi to learn more about her journey as a single mother to three sons and what it took for her to build a multi-million dollar real estate legacy in the process.

PM: So Brandi, you're married, and you are now part of this big, beautiful, blended family. Can you tell us a little bit about your life and transition into single mom life?

Brandi: That's right, I married my college sweetheart and we started our family early on. We both played sports at the University of Georgia, I played basketball, and he played football (Go Dawgs!) then ultimately, we got married and started a young family. It was an unfortunate and tragic event that led to me being a widow and single mother. My late husband was tragically shot and killed which immediately put me in a position where I had to then raise three young boys who at the time were ages 4, 3, and 1 So I was introduced to

being a widow and a single mother at the same time. At that point, I knew it was just all on me and I had to do whatever it took to make certain that my sons did not feel like they were lacking the parents Even though I had to assume both roles I knew that I couldn’t be a father to my children But I wanted to make sure that even though there was an absence we’d still have the life we desired.

PM: I’m sure at that point in your life you couldn’t even imagine all that you ’ ve accomplished. What was your motivation for you to pursue life after losing your husband?

Brandi: Absolutely not I knew that God would take care of us I didn't doubt or lack faith at any point even during those moments of uncertainty or moments of “how’s this going to happen?”. But I trusted God, with full faith and confidence that God would see us through. My biggest motivation, of course, was my boys. As an athlete, I was an overachiever so I've always had drive but those boys were my reason They were the thing I needed to

make things happen I wanted them, my family, and even my late husband to be proud of what I did to put my sons on a productive path to success.

Another source of motivation for me was seeing an Essence magazine article titled ‘Single Mom on the Move.’ This article featured a prominent real estate agent standing in front of a high-end subdivision in Georgia I picked up the magazine to read the article and learned that she was also a single mother who built an extremely successful real estate business. The fact that she looked like me, she was doing what I wanted to do, and was also a single mom helped me to realize that could be possible for me. So I went to work and started building my real estate business brick by brick

PM: You hit the nail on the head for a lot of us single moms when you said that you couldn’t be a father to your sons. But like many of us, we understand that it’s going to take support in order for us to pursue our purpose. What did that look like for you?

Brandi: Interestingly enough, I left my support system when we relocated from Chicago back to Georgia You know, I went to school here at the University of Georgia so moving back to Georgia was inevitable. You know, I had some fear about raising my children on the south side of Chicago and often wondered if they were safe. I knew that wasn’t the environment that I wanted to raise them in.

"I didn't doubt or lack faith at any point even during those moments of uncertainty..."

BRANDI HUNTER-LEWIS

I believed that Atlanta would be a better opportunity for us but when I made that decision I knew that I wouldn’t have any family here to support us

I knew that I wanted to pursue real estate before we moved especially after seeing that amazing article. Primarily because I knew I needed a schedule that would allow me the flexibility to be active for my kids and their activities while also providing the lifestyle we wanted

PM: I’m sure this is a question that can go without asking, but I’m going to ask anyway. Was it easy to pursue being an entrepreneur while being a single mom to young children? And how did you know you could push through without getting stuck?

Brandi: When I look back on those times, I often ask myself “How did I do it?” but I knew that it was nothing but the grace of God. Once we relocated, I was making the daily commute to Sandy Springs (a 30-mile distance) from South Fulton to pick up my children from school. Since I was still grieving my husband's death, I must be fully transparent and tell people that behind this story of glory, there were a lot of challenges One of the most humbling moments of my life came when I had a conference with my son's kindergarten teacher concerning his tardiness. Talking about a wake-up call! That moment set off an alarm to let me know that I needed to make adjustments because I couldn’t keep going the way I was I couldn’t use the excuse of “it’s just me ” to stop me from becoming more disciplined and structured Needless to say, we had a much better school year after that.

My schedule as an entrepreneur was very rigid given that I also had to juggle my kids’ activities as well Of course, I knew I couldn’t do it all alone so I was extremely grateful for the support of my teenage nanny, Alicia, she was a true Godsend. On those nights that I had to attend networking events or had late showings, she was there to assist me with getting the kids fed and in bed to keep them on schedule

My schedule as an entrepreneur was very rigid given that I also had to juggle my kids’ activities as well. Of course, I knew I couldn’t do it all alone so I was extremely grateful for the support of my teenage nanny, Alicia, she was a true Godsend On those nights that I had to attend networking events or had late showings, she was there to assist me with getting the kids fed and in bed to keep them on schedule.

I look back on those moments and recognize how different my children’s upbringing was different from mine I had the privilege of going to visit my father during the summers since my parents divorced when I was young. I didn’t get any of those “breaks” since my family was still in Chicago. You know terms like “selfcare ” and “soft life” weren’t a thing when I was raising my kids but I’m sure my mental health would’ve benefited from some scheduled me-time However, when time allotted, I did make time to connect with my college girlfriends as often as I could to unwind.

PM: What you were able to accomplish was no small feat, Brandi. How were you able to navigate through all of the noise of naysayers?

Brandi: One thing about me, I like to keep my circle of friends small with people that I can trust. I didn’t have people around me who were negative or didn’t believe in me. More than anything, I really believed in myself. I’ve always had the belief that other people can’t impose their negative thoughts on me and I was resolute in that A lot of times, people don’t believe that they can obtain or do things because they haven’t seen other people have/do it. For me, having that exposure and seeing a successful real estate agent do the exact same thing I wanted to do was it for me. It made me think “If she could do it, so could I.” My advice to those moms: the enemy (satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy dreams so you have to mute that negativity, whether it be those around you or even yourself

I’ve been in this real estate business for 18 years now and I know that once that seed was planted that God would reward me for my obedience. I truly believe that God ordered my steps and anointed my business because of my obedience to Him in all that I did He opened doors and graced me because of my heart and my commitment to Him

CATCH BRANDI'S INTERVIEW LIVE INSIDE THE PURPOSED. TRIBE

PM: What do you say to those single moms who desire to pursue their purpose but don’t have the belief that their life can be more than where they are right now?

Brandi: Well if I can do it then you can too? Who says you have to be another statistic? Why do you have to be another stereotype? I sincerely believed that I could shape my children’s future to be a success and not another statistic. If you can’t find the discipline to change your thinking, you’ll never be able to change your reality

CONNECT WITH BRANDI ON SOCIAL MEDIA!

FAITH FOR OUR SONS

A TRIBUTE TO THE SONS WE'VE LOST +

A SINGLE MOM'S JOURNEY OF LOSS & FAITH

TAMIR RICE

MICHAEL BROWN

JORDAN DAVIS

JORDAN EDWARDS

ANTWAN ROSE

CHRISTIAN TAYLOR

FAITH FOROUR SONS

A TRIBUTE TO THE SONS WE'VE LOST +

A SINGLE MOM'S JOURNEY OF LOSS & FAITH

One can only imagine the heartbreak that the mothers of Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Jordan Davis, Antwan Rose, Michael Brown, Jordan Edwards, and Christian Taylor felt when they received news that their son's life had been taken from them. Oftentimes when we hear their names it invokes a level of fear and worry as the thoughts become “What about my son?” We at Purposed Magazine want to use this space to acknowledge and pay tribute to the lives of these sons and provide encouragement to moms everywhere to continue to have Faith For Our Sons.

For Nicola Smith, that reality became true for her when she lost her 19-year-old son, Alexander ‘AJ’ Marion, at the hands of the police She recalls the moments that led up to her son ’ s passing and the moment the officers stopped by her home to recount the details of their encounter with her son

On September 19, 2013, Alexander, or AJ as he was known by his family, left his mother’s home to never return The events that led to his death started to unfold the day before which is the last time she recalls talking to her son. On September 18, 2013, at 11:28 pm, AJ called his mother, and his last words to her were “Mama, you know, I understand what you meant now. ” Nicola had the thought that something she had taught her son throughout his life had finally sunk in for him. However, when she went to sleep that night, she didn’t imagine that would be the last time she spoke to her son

Around 7:30 on the morning of the 19th, Nicola was awakened by what she thought was the sound of her doorbell. She dismissed the notion and went about her Sunday activities including going to church After leaving church, a family member inquired about the whereabouts of AJ and if Nicola had spoken to him that day. She said she hadn’t but continued to try reaching him by phone throughout the day. Once Nicola returned home, she received a call from her brother, an Asheville police officer, who insisted on coming to her home to visit She had watched a news report earlier in the day which stated that someone had recently been killed on a major highway in North Carolina About 15-20 minutes later, her brother arrives at her home with additional officers in tow. It was at that moment that Nicola feared the worst about her son as she screamed the words “NO!” Nicola later learns that her son led police officers on a chase through various neighborhoods before the officers shot and killed her son

Nicola’s life had been turned upside down by the passing of her oldest son, however, she knew that she had to press through in order to continue to provide for her three younger children.A year after AJ passing, Nicola made the choice to relocate from their hometown in North Carolina to Atlanta, GA. Battling with depression and thoughts of suicide, Nicola had no choice but to turn to God to continue to be there for her children.

After getting settled in Atlanta, Nicola was invited to a church, The Faith Center, by a neighbor. She says that it was being in a true faith environment that taught you how to invite God into every area of your life that reignited her faith in God As a mother who lost a son tragically, Nicola adamantly states that it was because of her faith in God - the one who has the final say so - that gave her the strength to raise three healthy, successful children.

As she’s approaching the 10-year anniversary of her son ’ s passing, her words of encouragement to other single moms who live in fear of this harrowing reality: His word tells us that He did not give us the spirit of fear, but He gave us the spirit of love and a sound mind. Our faith can’t be rooted in the temporary things of this world, they can only be anchored in the promises that God has given us.

FROM WELFARE TO WINNING

HOW I USED PUBLIC ASSISTANCE TO BUILD A BETTER LIFE

BY ANNA BOYD

A common misconception tells single moms that they shouldn’t be on public assistance (i.e. - SNAP, Medicaid, TANF), but I’m here to teach you how to take full advantage of it to get to your winning season. And no, I’m not talking about scamming or anything like that. I am talking about using free resources to help you establish a better way of life

Many people believe that those who receive public assistance do so for food stamps or cash, or that they are too lazy to work. There are certainly some parts of these myths that hold true, given the fact that some people try "game" the system The truth of the matter is that people face difficulties in life due to one reason or another that leaves them struggling financially and in need of these resources.

It is important to note that welfare or public assistance was not created to be a permanent financial resource for its participants It was designed to give individuals facing financial challenges a temporary way to support themselves until they’re able to do it themselves For me, that was my reality for those 10 years - temporary assistance. And that’s what I want to help other single moms learn as well.

So here’s a little bit about my journey from welfare to winning In 2003 I became a teen mom with no reasonable way to support a baby or myself financially My only option at the time was to apply for public assistance which I utilized for 10 years. At this point, I don’t see my life circumstances from a place of shame and regret because I realize now that it was a huge stepping stone for me to never be in this position again.

During my journey of raising my son as a young single mother and using public assistance, I found ways to make it work for me. To prepare participants for careers that will eventually allow them to graduate from public assistance, the Department of Human Services and the Department of Labor offer job training and job preparation programs I used these programs to obtain my Nursing Assistant Certification for free (course valued at $500) during a time that I wouldn’t have been able to afford it on my own.

As a result, I was able to begin pursuing a career in the medical field by enrolling in college and setting my family up for a better financial future I can only imagine how different life would be if I would’ve let shame stop me from pursuing this opportunity

Additionally, I believe one of the major benefits of utilizing the programs was that I was able to make connections and establish relationships with other mothers whose situations were similar to my own Our community of support grew from there, and we were there for one another during all of life’s challenges and victories

Department of Health & Human Services