Purposed. Magazine - Q1 2024 - Brandy Miller

Brandy Miller

C O N T R I B U T O R S

ADRIENNE BROOKS

(@adrimoni b)

MATIELYN JONES

(@matielynjones)

Matielyn Jones is a graduate of Georgia State University with degrees in Political Science and Education She has sp mission-driven roles, including teaching, min management. Matielyn is the Founder and C She is originally from New Orleans, Louisian Georgia with her husband and their two ha

Adrienne is a lover of all things family, fitness, fashion, and fragrances. As a fitness and health influencer, Adrienne builds a community around her journey of beating diabetes and teaching women how to do the same In this issue, Adrienne highlights her favorite spring scents just in time for Mother’s Day.

SIMONE EDWARDS

(@goldenlocksrealtor)

Simone is the consummate real estate professional with over 20 years in the game. Her most notable claim is the ability to sell her client's homes within 60 days in a down market and find buyers their perfect homes in less than 21 days In this issue, Simone shares her journey of perseverance as a single mom and creating a legacy of home ownership for her children.

NICKIA LOWERY

(@iam nickialowery)

Nickia is a multifaceted therapist, speaker, author, and actress (looks familiar, right?). As a therapist, she has helped countless individuals through various life situations including dating. In this issue, Nickia helps mamas learn and avoid the signs of love bombing

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Dear Purposed Tribe,

As we embrace the arrival of a new issue of Purposed Magazine, I am honored to introduce you to the remarkable Brandi Miller, a single mom and widow whose journey of resilience and strength will undoubtedly inspire and uplift you. In this issue, we shine a light on Brandi's story of loss, grief, and ultimately, triumph, showcasing her unwavering determination to find purpose and hope in the face of adversity.

I am also thrilled to unveil the all-new Purposed Tribe, a revitalized community dedicated to supporting single moms like never before. Through exclusive workshops, engaging events, and a vibrant digital platform, the Purposed Tribe offers a space where you can connect, grow, and thrive alongside fellow single moms who understand and celebrate your journey.

As we embark on this exciting chapter together, my passion for helping single moms discover and walk in their purpose remains as strong as ever. With each issue of Purposed Magazine and every interaction within the Purposed Tribe, my commitment to empowering and uplifting you is unwavering.

Thank you for being part of our community and for allowing us b f j T her, let's continue to in our stories, and create our families.

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For as long as I can remember, I have always loved politics As a kid, I would watch the evening news with my family and we would discuss what is going on in the world When it was campaign season, we would attend different meetings where members of the crowd would speak about different issues they cared about in the community. I remember these groups being organized, vocal, and present in civic spaces My mom was a leader I can remember her working for change within the local PTA, encouraging participation in fundraisers and events, and pooling resources with other parents to get things done.

Political efficacy is a citizen’s ability to trust in their own ability to change the government and the belief that they can understand and influence political affairs Because of my upbringing, I have a strong sense of political efficacy. Think of civic engagement as a house. If being registered to vote is the foundation, running for office is the ceiling and there are many (seen and unseen) pieces in place that hold the house together Take assessment of your sense of political efficacy Do you believe that you can make a difference in the world around you?It was a little over four years ago that I ran for public office the first time. This was before the pandemic and although the odds were against me, I ran anyway! I didn’t win the race, but I performed really well in the election results So well, that my

district was one of the first to be redrawn by the General Assembly, making it more difficult to flip from one political party to the other next election cycle. The second time I ran for office, I ran for the same seat, didn’t win the race, and the two elections could not have been more different The first election was at the start of the pandemic and the second election was nearing the end of the pandemic By then, I noticed a drastic shift in voter energy. The pandemic’s disruptions weighed heavily on people and fatigue set in, myself included. My once boundless enthusiasm for politics waned considerably in that season, but I remained hopeful that even with those challenges, people would still recognize the value in being engaged citizens After all, politics is about serving.

The Illusion of Perfection. When engaging in our democracy, it's about more than just advocating for change or staying informed about current events and community matters It's also about understanding that perfection is unattainable in our system, from candidates to policy decisions. However, what we can strive for is maximizing our impact as community members, engaging elected officials, advocating for chance, and even running for public office ourselves As a woman of faith, it's important to pray for elected leaders, even those we may not personally support

Teaching our children the value of prayer, and recognizing that elected officials are human beings with emotions, families, and personal stories, is crucial We should pray for our country, community, and families, keeping God at the center of our actions, as it is by His grace that we thrive in this world.

Politics Simplified. The process of political change can be complicated. In many ways, the process alone intimidates many people from being more involved However, the work of politics is not complicated at all Politics is the process of making decisions about shared spaces and resources–laws and budgets. Politics is the process of answering the question: How are we to interact with people, places, things, and who is paying for it? First, elections take place every year. Vote! Spread the word: there are no “off” years! Now granted, everyone can’t vote in every election because an eligible voting population is determined by city and district lines Nonetheless, in a representative democracy, voters choose who will represent them in making decisions about public policy and spending, which is why it’s important to vote!

POLITICALLY CORRECT

The decisions will be made regardless, but the decision-makers are decided by you!Learn who is on the ballot and what they care about Being a well-informed citizen means you know and understand who is making decisions on your behalf If you ’ re indifferent about politics, don’t be dismayed by the outcomes. Remember, political resources are shared resources and it’s our collective responsibility to determine how they are managed. Secondly, these seats don’t belong to anyone these are the people’s seats!

Think of the game musical chairs every year, people fight for a limited number of seats.When there are more people than chairs, someone is going to get eliminated eventually from the game.

Sometimes there are five people fighting for the same seat Sometimes there’s only one person, one seat, and no one else in the game Elections are opportunities to lead. Have you ever thought about running for office?

Maybe you should. Studies have shown that only 2% of the eligible voting population has ever run for office. This means that so few people are “playing the game ” , that what we see in political leaders comprise a tiny fraction of the general population No wonder there’s a disconnect at times! Can you imagine what could become of politics if more people raised their hands to serve? Representation matters. inally, it’s personal. Take responsibility for your own civic engagement

Start going to the g political meetings th taking place Visit the s observe the legislati close Take your child planning meeting and on the agenda where to speak at a school b share your thoughts a what is important to yo indicates to your elected officials that you care about the decisions they are making on your behalf and that you ’ re paying attention to what is happening in the community. Remember, they work for you! Transparency, accountability, and oversight are key to ensuring that elected officials are stewarding our shared resources well.

the general well-being of all I hope that your children will reap the benefits of your civic life My prayer is that they would know and understand how powerful they are, be active participants in the world around them, use their voices for change, and confidently lead their generation. We all play a part in forming this more perfect Union every day

As a mother, I recognize that I’ve been given a tremendous honor and responsibility to raise the next generation of leaders in the world, and it’s really important to take my role seriously. We are global citizens–meaning that everything is connected socially, politically, and economically –nothing we experience happens in a vacuum Mothers are a child’s first role model, so understanding the wider world and your place in it are key American democracy is a 248-year experiment in good faith that people will follow a social contract with inherent checks and balances and be willing to compromise at times for the

HOMEBUYING:101

A SINGLE MOM’S JOURNEY OF PERSEVERANCE + HOMEBUYING TIPS

by: Simone Edwards

Becoming a single mother at the tende 17 was not the life I had envisioned for Yet, despite the trials and tribulatio came my way – from job loss to sick remained steadfast in my determina create a life that I, my parents, an importantly, God, could be proud of.

Navigating the challenges of parenthoo still a teenager was no easy feat. The moments when I felt overwhelmed, unsure of how I would provide for my child and myself. But through it all, I held onto the belief that anything was possible with faith, resilience, and a strong support system.

uncertainty of life looming overhead It was during this time that I welcomed my second child into the world, adding another layer of responsibility to my already full plate.

At 25, I achieved a milestone that once seemed out of reach: I purchased my first home. It was a symbol of my perseverance and a testament to the power of hard work and determination. However, the journey to homeownership was fraught with obstacles. There were many things I didn't know and had to learn along the way.

In the aftermath of 9/11, I made the bold decision to relocate to Georgia, seeking a fresh start for myself and my son. It was there that I purchased my second home, determined to create a new life filled with promise and opportunity. But life had other plans, and I soon found myself facing yet another setback – the loss of my job. Forced to confront financial hardship, I made the difficult decision to shortsell my five-bedroom house and transition to renting, all to rebuild and start anew. It was a humbling experience, but it taught me resilience and the importance of adapting to life's ever-changing circumstances.

Living in the condo for almost six years, I found solace and stability amidst life's chaos. But deep down, I knew that I yearned for something more – a place to call my own, a sanctuary where I could rebuild the life of my dreams after a tumultuous divorce. With unwavering determination and the support of a trusted realtor, I leaped once again, purchasing my third home – a house that symbolized hope, resilience, and the promise of a brighter future. Owning both the condo, which brought me additional income, and my new home, I felt empowered to take control of my destiny and create the life I had always envisioned for myself and my children.

Today, I find myself in the haven I've always dreamed of –surrounded by love, stability, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow. My journey as a single mother has taught me that no matter what life brings, with determination, focus, faith, and the support of others, anything is possible. To all the single mothers out there facing their trials and tribulations, I offer these words of encouragement: You are stronger than you know, and you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. With faith as your guide and determination as your compass, never lose sight of your dreams And remember, with the right support system – including a great realtor – you can overcome any obstacle and create a life that you and your loved ones can be proud of

HOMEBUYING TIPS

HERE ARE SOME TIPS I GIVE MY CLIENTS THAT HELP THEM NAVIGATE THE HOMEOWNERSHIP JOURNEY! IT WORKED FOR ME, THEM AND IT WILL WORK FOR YOU!

Research Assistance Programs: Look into government and non-profit assistance programs designed to help first-time homebuyers, particularly single parents. These programs often offer down payment assistance, low-interest loans, or grants to eligible individuals. Education is key, speaking with a Realtor who has access to and knowledge of these resources is vital.

Build Your Credit: A good credit score is essential when applying for a mortgage. Take steps to improve your credit by paying bills on time, reducing debt, and monitoring your credit report for errors. Avoid paying a company to help you with this. It’s better to gain discipline with your finances so you don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Save for a Down Payment: Start saving for a down payment as early as possible. Consider setting up a separate savings account specifically for this purpose and contribute to it regularly. You may also explore options such as gifts from family members or using funds from a retirement account, though these should be approached with caution and expert advice. When I purchased my home, I only spent money on essentials. I ignored sales, spending bonuses, or any unexpected income.

Understand Your Mortgage Options: Educate yourself about the different types of mortgages available and determine which one best fits your financial situation and long-term goals. Consider seeking pre-approval for a mortgage to understand how much you can afford and streamline the homebuying process. Like any education process… Ask questions, and not from your cousin’s coworker’s, or sister’s neighbor whose aunt purchased has a friend who purchased a house in 2001. Ask an expert!

Research Neighborhoods: Take the time to research neighborhoods that align with your lifestyle, budget, and needs. Consider factors such as school districts, safety, proximity to amenities, and future resale value.

Consider Future Needs: Think about your future needs and whether the home you choose will accommodate them. As a single mother, you may want to consider factors such as accessibility, safety, and the potential for future growth or changes in family size. Your investment in a home is an investment in your future. Know that you will sometimes take baby steps or even experience quantum leaps! Keep your mind open. Your first home is not your forever home and your forever home is waiting for you!

Prioritize Your Well-Being: Above all, prioritize your well-being throughout the home-buying process. Take time to care for yourself and your family, and feel free to seek support or guidance if you feel overwhelmed or unsure about any aspect of the journey. By following these expert tips and approaching the home-buying process with diligence, determination, and compassion for yourself as a single mother, you can lay the groundwork for successful homeownership and create a stable and secure environment for you and your family.

Br M

randy Miller

In the tapestry of life, some threads are woven with unexpected twists, where love and loss intersect to reveal the resilience of the human spirit. Brandy Miller's journey is one such tapestry—a narrative of love, loss, and the profound transformation of becoming a single mother to her beautiful son after the untimely passing of her husband.

We sat down with Brandy to dive into her courageous journey of love, loss, and the extraordinary path to single motherhood. Through her experiences, we uncover the raw emotions, the challenges overcome, and the moments of profound joy that have defined her remarkable story.

Brandy Miller

PM: Brandy, we ’ re so glad to have you with us today to learn more about you and your journey into single mom life. You’re a mom to an amazing 4-year-old, Mr. Canon, but before giving birth to your son, you became a widow. Can you walk us through that part of your story?

Brandy: Sure. I met my husband back in 2009 and we dated on and off for a few years. In 2013, we made it serious and dated seriously then in 2016 we got engaged Because my parents are no longer with me but he had a bigger family, we were decided that we wanted a more intimate experience for our wedding.

Once we began planning our wedding, we sort of joked around about eloping to somewhere like New York or Paris At the time, we didn’t think that would happen so I started to look into it. Once I did the research and saw that it was possible my husband and I made our travel plans, booked the vendors, and hopped on a flight to Paris. We told our family members we were visiting Florida for the weekend so they wouldn’t be too suspicious (laughs). My husband and I had a fairytale Parisian wedding and to this day I still can’t believe that we got away with it but it was an amazing experience.

PM: A true Parisian wedding indeed. It almost reminds me of an episode of Sex in the City. So, you and your husband come back from your fairytale wedding and wasted no time getting started on your family.

Brandy: We had just celebrated our first anniversary that August and I found out I was pregnant. So I decided to take the firstanniversary cake that we had frozen and had the words “ you ’ re going to be a dad” written on it to surprise him

PM: Let’s fast forward here - you ’ re newlyweds and carrying your first child then one day you got the news that your husband has passed away in your ninth month of pregnancy. Can we talk about how your husband passed and what your life looked like at that point?

Brandy: Well we later found out that he had a very rare heart condition that’s usually found in older Caucasian males and not easily detectable. It is a hereditary trait so in the future I’ll have to get our son tested and take preventative measures. There were times that I noticed when he would have episodes or moments so we took the necessary steps to get him checked out, and saw cardiologists.

One day while he was playing basketball with his friends and I was at home preparing dinner, I received a call that he had fallen flat on his face while playing.

Mind you, I’m 9 months pregnant at this point and due at any moment, we ’ re newlyweds, what could go wrong? Once I arrived to the hospital I distinctly remember that they didn’t take me into a patient room to meet the doctors. Instead, I went into this quiet room where there was a box of Kleenex tissue sitting in the middle of the table. That image has always stood out in my mind. The doctors informed me that they had taken extraordinary measures to try to save my husband but they couldn’t save him. The next thing I remember, I was screaming at the top of my lungs thinking that it was all a dream.

PM: How did the loss of your husband affect your pregnancy?

Brandy: Well I had to start planning for my husband’s funeral and because I was due to have my son at any moment I opted to have a c-section so that I would be able to attend the funeral.

PM: So, not only are you throttled into single parenthood, you ' re now the only parent for your child. What was that like days leading up to the funeral where you ' re dealing with postpartum, having a newborn, and grieving all at the same time?

Brandy: Honestly, it’s really hard to remember how I got through it. Sometimes I feel like I draw a blank or my memory is fuzzy when I try to recall those moments. It’s like my brain is trying to protect me from reliving that pain. I do remember coming home from the hospital and going through with the funeral but the days in between are a blur.

PM: Wow. I imagine that this triggered the ‘survivor mode’ response that we single moms tend to develop. Now that Canon is getting older and coming into his amazing personality, do you ever have those moments where you feel like you have to “fill a void” or overcompensate?

Brandy: Oh for sure. I’m definitely guilty of that, but I also realize that I can’t fill that for him. I’m doing my part of instilling values in him that I know his dad would want him to have - like being a hard worker, having respect, and manners - but I know that he needs his father I pray over my son and keep men around him that will show up for his games or just be there in general.

Brandy Miller

PM: Your son, Canon, is also on the autism spectrum I won’t say that raising him is challenging but we ’ re aware that there are challenges that come along with raising a child with special needs. How has it been navigating this part of life over the last 4 years?

Brandy: The main thing that I’ve learned is understanding my child. Finding the right resources for him has been the biggest challenge We want our children to receive the best of everything including their education. At this point though, we ’ re in a sweet spot where Canon is thriving across the board - the right therapies are in place and his teachers are on board. He’s a super smart, typical four-year-old boy who likes to tumble around and he’ll be on track to start Kindergarten next year.

My advice to other moms out there who are raising children on the spectrum: be their advocate. They deserve the best and you can’t give up.

PM: That’s so beautiful. And the reality is that we can’t do this parenting thing alone. You’re not only a single parent, you ’ re the only parent for your son. What does your village of support look like these days?

CATCH BRANDI'S INTERVIEW LIVE INSIDE THE PURPOSED. TRIBE

Brandy: My family and friends are my village. They have been a huge support for me. My husband left me in good hands because they have stepped in and stepped up so much for my son and me He has uncles and other family members who show up for his games just to encourage him and cheer him on.

PM: We know you for being a very active mom with your son and doing all the things to support and take care of him, but who is Brandy Miller now?

Brandy: Oh, gosh! Who is Brandy Miller? Well, the last 4-5 years have been a challenge but I think 2023 was the first year where I felt I was no longer in a dark space. I guess you could say there was an awakening in me that made me feel like I can start dreaming and having goals again. It’s made me feel like I can actually start working towards my goals and figuring out who I am outside of survival mode. For four years I was in survival mode trying to make it from one day to the next and getting through those feelings of grief just took time. With God and therapy I took the time necessary to get back to me and understand what it was I wanted again and what I wanted to accomplish.

PM: You said you spent the last year on a journey of self-discovery and coming into your own. So what did that produce for you as far as your career and entrepreneurial endeavors?

Brandy: I’ve actually been doing real estate since before my husband passed but my passion has always been fashion. So, in my journey of selfdiscovery, I became a style coach for moms who’ve lost themselves but are trying to get back to feeling good about themselves and regain their confidence.

LOVE BOMB

A Dating Story

HOW TO SPOT IT & WHEN TO WALK AWAY

By: Nickia Lowery

I know you have likely heard the phrase “The dating pool has pee in it” and although this is worth a chuckle it is not as hard as some may believe if you know how to date. The reality is there is some skill to dating and as a single mama you want to be extra cautious with what and whom you invite into your life. I could write an entire book on the who’s, what’s, and why’s of dating but let’s focus on the red flags that are of the most concern to your safety and how easy it is to get sucked into the cycle of manipulation and abuse.

So let me paint a picture for you: Imagine entering the dating scene after focusing on caring for your children You long for a partner, someone to share your life with, and to be quite honest it would be nice to have someone to share your life with who is not constantly dependent on you for their needs Someone that you can lean on Someone you can hear “I got it” and you truly know they do So here he comes, he is moving fast You are surprised at how fast he is moving He loves you; he wants to spend his life with you. He calls or texts you daily. He is discussing having more children with you. He wants to be your husband and he has even been talking about moving in together. You feel so lucky to have found someone so quickly. It must be a sign from God. You feel like you have never been loved like this before or at least it’s been so long since you been in a relationship that you can’t recall feeling this way ever Sis, it’s only been two weeks! Have you stopped to ask this man what he loves about you? Why is he so interested in moving in with you after knowing you for three months? Of course, you haven’t because you do not want to lose this man that makes you feel so good about yourself, but this is a part of you that is questioning how fast you are moving or maybe some things aren’t adding up So, you start to ask questions and he responds in such a way that you start to feel guilty for questioning him He makes you feel like you are being insensitive because you have questions or that you are selfish. He may even refer to you as a narcissist or that you were using him. Now you are second-guessing everything about yourself and trying to please this man.

You ignore every instinct in your body that is telling you not to move forward because he keeps excessively “loving on you ” and you can’t lie that part feels good, but you cannot shake the uncomfortable feeling that follows.

Sis, make no mistakes, you are being love-bombed.

Love Bombing Defined:

Love bombing is a skill of manipulation in a relationship that is used to gain control over the other partner. It is a tactic in the cycle of abuse. It is also one of the tactics used by cult leaders. The goal is always to control nothing more nothing less. It does not matter how “nice” of a guy this person is to you he will not be for long. Although love bombing can look different depending on the person there are some common behaviors:

Excessive flattery

Oversharing and communicating deep affection/feelings for you early on in the relationship ( ie: within two weeks of meeting is pretty common for someone who is love bombing)

Showering you with unsolicited funds and or gifts

Talking about a future together early in the relationship such as moving in together, having a baby together, getting married and you only talked on the phone a few times or been on a few dates.

Talking about a future together early in the relationship such as moving in together, having a baby together, getting married and you only talked on the phone a few times or been on a few dates.

Love bombing is almost always intentional, but it can also be unintentional. A potential partner can engage in love bombing due to attachment issues or co-dependency and develop an unhealthy attachment to you early on This is just as controlling, however They are using these behaviors to make sure you remain in their life This dynamic is equally problematic and/or toxic Whether intentional or unintentional, the perpetrator of love bombing’s main concern is always having their needs met, and eventually will be at your expense whether it's mentally, physically, or financially

LOVE BOMB

Are you wondering if he’s love-bombing you? Do you remember the story I told earlier? Someone who is using love bombing will likely make you feel pressured at some point Their level of attention will make you feel uncomfortable in some way You need to assess where you are in your healing journey as well because your discomfort could be misread if you are experiencing some unhealed trauma I will discuss this later in more depth However, if you are in a place where you are certain that you can recognize a healthy relationship and are receptive to it, then you should have no problems setting boundaries A good way to test whether you are dealing with someone who is trying to manipulate you is to set a boundary they do not want in place and stick to it, you will quickly see the shift. They will immediately begin to try to shift the power back to them through shaming, blaming, and gaslighting. He will make you feel sorry for your feelings, he will have you feeling like you said or did something wrong by not accepting this behavior, he will attempt to make you responsible for his feelings, and last but certainly not least he will make you start second guessing your feelings You are not “ crazy ” trust your intuition You were gifted with an internal alarm for a reason Activate those instincts and respond accordingly

A Success Plan for Dating:

To be successful in dating, you must be sure that you are ready Are you in a place in your life where you can devote time, energy, and attention to someone else? Have you dealt with and healed from any past breakups? Do you have an idea of what you ’ re seeking in a partner? It is best to be intentional in what you are seeking for the best outcome but be realistic with your expectations. You should go into the dating scene knowing who you are and what you want. If you feel uncomfortable with being treated well then that is a sure sign that you have some healing to do. Conversely, if you feel as though you should immediately be in a relationship with someone and feel rejected because they are not ready, you have some healing to do Get familiar with any trauma responses you may have A trauma response is an emotional reaction to an upsetting event that elicits fear, anxiety, panic, or shock It is the fight-flight-freeze survivor tactic