Q Magazine | August 9, 2018

Q inform | inspire

The Real Face of LGBTQ ATLANTA

August 9, 2018

Jake Shears

His Q interview about a very queer solo debut

What We’d Tell Our YOUNGER SELVES When to Say F*%!

WHAT OTHERS THINK Lost Gay Soul Was A MAN NOT A NARRATIVE

Q News The Queer Agenda Q Shots The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK C. COOKE JON DEAN BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER SUNNI JOHNSON ERIC PAULK ALEXANDRA TYLER NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

Idolizing

DIVERSITY

It’s not enough to value multiplicity.

We must embrace unity.

ATLANTA IS LIKE A TOSSED SALAD. Go ahead and make your remarks.

I’ll wait…

So yeah, here is where queers of every ilk can mix with each other as well as with non-queers from all walks of life. Politicians, media and most LGBTQ plain folks tout diversity as one of the keys to our continued work toward equality.

But diversity is not an end in itself. Without commonality and caring, diversity leads to fragmentation. Disunity produces a centrifugal energy, pulling us apart. Unity produces a centripetal energy, which brings us together.

The infighting among fellow queers, not to mention the rest of the world, is enough to hinder MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER our progress. Learning to live in harmony and productivity with those who are dissimilar to us — in and out of our own LGBTQ tribe — is ultimately much more important than simple diversity in and of itself.

Atlanta’s diversity becomes front and center in our Thoughts piece, in which stats show the densest queer population by percentage in Atlanta is lesbians of color, and they don’t live in Midtown. Just knowing that can help policies and conversations be more inclusive when the community gathers and makes decisions.

But once we acknowledge each other’s basic equality, how do we learn to love those who will never see eye to eye with us? In a word, respect, for ourselves and others. When we practice acceptance, kindness and helpfulness, unity becomes possible.

Those are just some of the secrets we’d go back and tell our younger queer selves if we could, which just so happens to be this week’s 10 Queer Things topic. We take another of those lessons over to letter writers who need to trust themselves more and care less what others think in The Q advice column.

Speaking of lessons for his younger self, sexy singer Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters has learned a lot in the three years since his iconic queer band broke up.

In our People profile, Shears pours it all into his solo debut, and he talks to us about the album, straight guys, his mustache, and his plans for Atlanta.

As always, find what you did and what you’re going to do in the Q Shots galleries and the Queer Agenda calendar, and send me your ideas for future stories at mike@theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 1 ISSUE 37 AUGUST9, 2018

10 QUEER THINGS Hindsight

COVER

22 10

Sister Act Scissor Sisters’ Jake Shears goes solo

COMMUNITY

So Long

13

27 Work It

Atlanta loses photographer Tim Wilkerson

THOUGHTS

16

Facing Facts

32 Cake Walk

Stats expose LGBTQ-ATL’s full story

FEATURES Q Voices

8

Q News

14

Q Shots

27

Queer Agenda The Q

15 38

38

33 Net Gain theQatl.com

7

Q

Q VOICES

Not Your

All who mourn Gemmel’s passing should resist the

NARRATIVE

temptation to fit his life and death into some

Gemmel Moore was a man, not a cautionary tale GEMMEL MOORE DIED ON JULY 27, 2017. A 26-YEARold, beautiful, black, gay, young man in the prime of his life, he was found dead in the apartment of a well-known white polit-

ical donor, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and pornography.

It’s hard to imagine a more tragic story.

Almost exactly a year after Gemmel’s death, we are asked to

grieve once more, as prosecutors decline to file charges against Ed Buck, the Democratic donor connected to the fatal overdose that killed Gemmel at Buck’s West Hollywood home.

narrative about race, sexuality and pathology.

This line of thinking is an argument, not an explanation. It’s lazy and wrong, and it is unfair.

Do me a favor: If you must impose a narrative on Gemmel Moore’s death, pick something other than the Hypersexual Black Gay Man story. How about the LGBTQ Homelessness narrative? How about the story of how Gemmel and so many other young LGBTQ folks are unstably housed, and that the consequence of housing instability increases risk for sexual abuse and exploitation, drug and alcohol dependency, social stigma and discrimination?

Or make it a story about the root cause of substance abuse among LGBTQ folks. Too many are raised in a culture that is not affirming, where they are bullied in schools, fired from jobs and attacked in churches. That culture may cause them to use drugs to cope.

Moore’s sudden and awful death has been

met by silence from national LGBTQ organizations, advocates for sex workers, harm

reductionists and the Democratic Party. All of those organizations supposedly have a vested

interest in the health and safety of young men like Gemmel.

For those who have not been silent, the news

ERIC PA U L K

of Gemmel’s death has focused on familiar tropes of about the value of young Black gay men.

“Male prostitute, 26, dies of meth overdose at Hollywood home of high-profile Democrat donor,” the Daily Mail headline read.

Better yet, don’t try to make Gemmel Moore’s life and death into any kind of cautionary tale at all. He was a complicated man. He loved his family, he was a loyal friend, and he doted on his mother.

An L.A. Times article was quick to discuss the differences be-

Here’s what we know, and at this point, it’s all we can possibly know: Life is fragile. And Gemmel Moore was just 26.

dead in. “Moore was 26, black and poor. He had been homeless

All who mourn Gemmel Moore’s passing should resist the temptation to fit what little we really know about his life and death into some kind of familiar narrative about race, sexuality and pathology. Gemmel Moore had a life and a story and loved people. He deserves better. Let’s spend our time honoring his living and his loving.

tween Moore and Ed Buck, the man whose home he was found and had worked as an escort. Buck was 62, white and wealthy, a well-known figure in LGBTQ political circles.”

Others asked, “Where was his mother?” To them, it had

been his decision to engage in behavior that could potentially place him in harm’s way. And, like so many other young

black gay men who have made similar choices, he paid for it with his life.

8

Those are incomplete, artificial narratives, too, but at least they provide a little variety.

theQatl.com

Eric Paulk is an advocate working at the intersections of race, class, and sexuality. Follow him on Twitter @ EricPaulk

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Q

10 QUEER THINGS

Forget Labels

Love, Trust & Believe in Yourself

If one fits, wear it. If none do, create your own. The right people will respect it.

Care less what other people think, and know your own timeline.

You are stronger than you think.

Younger SELVES What lesson would we impart on our younger selves? Here are the 10 most common themes from real readers.

Communicate

Don’t assume other people know what you’re thinking, or vice versa.

Money Matters

It’s not the most important thing, but becoming financially literate makes some things easier.

10

theQatl.com

Be Kind

To yourself and others.

Have Discipline

Don’t wait until you feel like it. Do what you need to do when you need to do it. It’s freeing.

As Is

You are already as you were created to be, and it’s fabulous.

No Shit Don’t take it from anyone.

Fear Not

Be bold and brave, and don’t let fear keep you from your dreams.

Surround Yourself With fierce, positive, driven people.

Our favorite “regrets” responses: “Don’t eat sushi in the Bahamas.” “People are great, but you don’t have to marry them.” “Trust No Man!” and “Don’t stick that in there!” theQatl.com

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COMMUNITY Q

Blake’s makes Lyft’s Top 10 summer destinations

By Patrick Saunders LYFT RELEASED ITS TOP 10 destinations that Atlanta riders pointed to this summer, and one gay bar made the cut — Midtown mainstay Blake’s on the Park.

Beloved Gay Atlanta Photographer Tim Wilkerson dies at 61

By Patrick Saunders FRIENDS FROM ACROSS LGBTQ ATLANTA ARE MOURNING THE death of photographer Tim Wilkerson, who died on July 26.

“He was the first icon to start taking photos of gay life in Atlanta. He would take photos every single day of this event, that event. What a loss to the city,” said longtime friend Mitch Grooms.

Over the years, Wilkerson did feature shoots for David Magazine, was heralded for his shots of the male physique and shot photos for countless events and organizations.

“He was always positive, he never would talk negative about anyone or anything,” Grooms said. “He would do a lot of free photoshoots for people that didn’t have the money. He would do anything in his power to make it work.”

Grooms said Wilkerson was diabetic, had been on dialysis for the last year-anda-half and recently went to the hospital with a bone infection.

“When they treated him for the bone infection, that killed his kidneys,” Grooms said.

The photographer worked up until his final days, including a 12-hour fitness center shoot on July 22, though he wasn’t’ feeling well.

Longtime friend Rick Alexander worked with Wilkerson on the Hotlanta River Expo for several years in the 1990s and early 2000s.

“He was the official photographer for Hotlanta River Expo,” Alexander said. “He was very instrumental in photography and documenting events for the gay and lesbian community. Everybody loved Tim. Everything I hear is, ‘Such a nice guy.’

That’s the way people describe him. Always pleasant.”

Jim Marks, who performs in drag as Bubba D. Licious, worked with Wilkerson on photoshoots for PALS Bingo, AID Atlanta, Hotlanta River Expo, Mr. Hotlanta contests and Miss Hotlanta pageants.

“Tim was a great friend who was always donating his great talent every time I requested,” Marks said.

Wilkerson’s family hosted a memorial service in his native Randleman, N.C., on Aug. 2. Grooms plans a celebration of Wilkerson’s life in Atlanta, but details were not set by press time. Updates will be posted at facebook.com/timwilkersonphotos

The rideshare company’s list covers rides taken in Atlanta from May to July.

Who grabbed the top spot? That would be the Georgia Aquarium, which of course hosts LGBTQ Atlanta every year for the Atlanta Pride kickoff party.

Gayborhood fave the W Atlanta - Midtown landed at number two, and Six Flags Over Georgia — which hosted Atlanta Pride’s Out in the Park event in June — rounded out the top three.

Making somewhat of a surprising appearance on the list is the Hotel Clermont, which just reopened in June after a major renovation project. The Clermont Lounge reopened last year though, so those long sweaty nights of dancing and bisexual dancer Blondie’s can-crushing exploits may have remained a major draw.

“Since Lyft launched in Atlanta, we have been dedicated to providing drivers with a flexible earning opportunity and a convenient way for passengers to connect with the people and communities that matter most to them,” said Sam Bond, Lyft’s Atlanta general manager, in a statement.

The full Top 10 destinations list is below.

Georgia Aquarium W Atlanta - Midtown Six Flags Over Georgia Dark Horse Tavern Hotel Clermont Ladybird Grove & Mess Hall Lakewood Amphitheatre Blake’s On The Park New Realm Brewing Fado Irish Pub theQatl.com

13

Q

IN BRIEF

Barack Obama endorses gay attorney in Georgia House race GAY ATTORNEY MATTHEW WILSON RECEIVED A surprise endorsement from former President Barack Obama.

In his bid to unseat a Republican incumbent in the House District 80 race in Brookhaven, Wilson was among 81 candidates nationwide that Obama endorsed on Aug. 1.

Among Georgia candidates, he also endorsed Stacey Abrams in her race for governor against Secretary of State Brian Kemp, businesswoman Sarah Matthew Wilson Riggs Amico in her race for lieutenant governor against former state Rep. Geoff Duncan, and social worker Shelly Hutchinson in her race for the House District 107 seat in Lilburn against paralegal Janet Mihoci.

Atlanta man arrested in Nashville for robbing victim using Jack’d

By Patrick Saunders NASHVILLE POLICE ARRESTED A 28-YEAR-OLD Atlanta resident for allegedly robbing a man he met on the gay cruising app Jack’d.

Desmond Clements stands charged with robbery, a felony, and two misdemeanors — criminal impersonation and vandalism. Clements remains in the Hill Detention Center in Nashville on an $11,500 bond.

Clements has an extensive criminal history, including felony theft, weapons possession, drug possession, impersonation, vandalism, domestic assault, trespassing, stealing cars, DUI and robbery. He also has outstanding arrest warrants in Georgia, and in January, Bartow County authorities arrested him for probation violation.

Desmond Clements

Clements met the victim on Jack’d and when the man arrived at his address, Clements demanded $100, according to an arrest affidavit. When the victim said he didn’t have the money, Clements jumped into the victim’s car, honked the horn repeatedly and said that he “had friends with guns inside,” according to court documents.

Clements drove the victim to an ATM on Main Street near 14

theQatl.com

“Today I’m proud to endorse such a wide and impressive array of Democratic candidates – leaders as diverse, patriotic, and big-hearted as the America they’re running to represent,” Obama said on Twitter.

Wilson told Project Q Atlanta that he was “not at all” expecting Obama’s endorsement.

“Obviously I’m very honored that President Obama recognized the strength of our campaign and how House District 80 is turning purple,” he said. “We have a strong campaign plan to win this in November, and having his attention certainly helps us. It’s an exciting day.”

Wilson faces state Rep. Meagan Hanson, a Republican, in the November election. Hanson introduced an LGBTQ-inclusive hate crimes measure in this year’s legislative session.

East Nashville, and when the man got out, Clements told him to hurry up and said that the longer he took, the more damage he would do to the car. Clements then keyed the car, according to court documents.

The victim told a witness at the ATM that he was being

robbed. That person called 911, and police arrested Clements.

Anti-LGBTQ judge confirmed to Atlanta-based federal court THE U.S. SENATE CONFIRMED ANTI-LGBTQ JUDGE Britt Grant to Atlanta’s 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, giving her a lifetime position on a powerful court that routinely addresses LGBTQ issues.

Three Democrats joined 49 Republicans to confirm the Georgia Supreme Court justice and Judge Britt Grant former solicitor general on July 31. Georgia’s two U.S. senators — Johnny Isakson and David Perdue — voted for Grant.

Grant assisted with an amicus brief opposing gay marriage while serving as solicitor general under former Attorney General Sam Olens. She also wrote a 2016 brief arguing against letting transgender students use the bathroom that corresponds to their gender identity.

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA

TUESDAY, AUGUST 14

The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

Disco Bingo

August 9 - August 15

Break out your platforms and

halters for “Disco Inferno” drag

THURSDAY, AUGUST 9

queen bingo to benefit Pets Are

Bi Visibility Night

Loving Support @ Lips,

The overlooked “Bs” gather en force with Atlanta

7:30 p.m. palsatlanta.org

Pride as sponsors @ Ten, 8 p.m. atlantapride.org

Morph the BeltLine

LGBTQ-POC collective Morph curate DJs

and performers to bend queer ears @ The Bak-

ery, 9 p.m. Read our interview at theQatl.com.

thebakeryatlanta.com

FRIDAY, AUGUST 10 Fat Kid Dance Party

Exercise with instructor Queer

Fat Femme via dancing that celebrates all body types @ Rush Center, 7 p.m.

thehealthinitiative.org

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15

SATURDAY, AUGUST 11 Tales of the City

AQLF Summer Book Club reads the Armistead Maupin classic

in preparation of his Labor Day

appearance in Atlanta @

Ponce de Leon Branch Library, 3 p.m. atlqueerlitfest.com Rise

DJ Manny Lehman returns to the scene

of his last Atlanta dance queen slaying @

Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com

MONDAY, AUGUST 13

To Wong Foo

Tell the Wussy crew “Thanks For Everything” during this cult-classic screening @ Plaza Theatre, 7 p.m. wussymag.com

THURSDAY, AUGUST 16 Off Tha Wall

Southern Pride Queer Pride

curates this black queer art show @ Murmur Gallery, 6 p.m. southernfriedqueerpride.com

Sundays at Four

Find even more LGBTQ events in

in this generational story @ Out Front Theatre, 8 p.m. outfronttheatre.com

theQatl.com.

As part of the Atlanta Musical Theatre Festival, family and faith collide

the Queer Agenda each Thursday at

theQatl.com

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The reviews are in!

Wow. I just found Q, and it’s great!

Congratulations on the new magazine.

Atlanta didn’t even know Finally! A queer publication what it was missing!

for everybody, not just some.

A gay magazine I actually want to sit down and read!

I just wanted to tell you how much my husband and I love your new magazine…

omg I love your mag!

Q magazine is the best thing to happen to Atlanta!

I thought I knew what to expect in local rags, but Q is totally different. I need to pick up more often.

Q is informative and

energetic, something that was sorely You guys are like a missing in the ATL. breath of fresh air.

Thank you for bringing Q to Atlanta!

You guys should have done this years ago!

Atlanta needed this.

Readers love

Q

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

and your messages are the proof!

Thank you for the support, and please continue reaching out!

THOUGHTS Q

What most LGBTQ-ATL really looks like, and why we should fight the Trump Administration to keep the US Census queer

By Mike Fleming

T

hink you know where gay ATL lives and what those residents look like? Nuh-uh.

Even as Attorney General Jeff Sessions declares war on LGBTQ policies in the federal government with his “Religious Liberty Task Force,” and since the Trump administration has already rolled back inclusion of “the gay question” in the 2020 U.S. Census, we can look at why queer inclusion at all levels of government is so important. 

T H E FAC E OF QUEER

ATLANTA

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Q

THOUGHTS, Continued What LGBTQ Americans find out about ourselves when we are included in the U.S. Census is crucial to understanding each other. It’s also critical in the advancement of LGBTQ equality, both nationally and right here at home.

Case in point: Where does gay Georgia live? You say right here in metro Atlanta, specifically Midtown and Decatur. Well sure, in as much as there are gay folks all over the city and the state, but new numbers may blow your mind — or at least expand our understanding of Georgia’s big, diverse LGBTQ population.

You’re half right about Fulton and DeKalb counties when counting which places have the most overall queers. Both rank high for same-sex couples in the 2010 U.S. Census. The overall metro ranks No. 5 in the U.S. for density of gay couples, and the number of households that reported being run by same-sex couples doubled from 2000 to 2010.

Of course, a gay gasp went up in Midtown to find out that the Georgia mountains — Fannin, Gilmer and Rabun counties — are heavier on the gay spice, percentage wise. Adding insult to injury, those country gays are happier than city gays too, according to a 2013 study by the Journal of Homosexuality.

Unlike the broader LGBTQ population, African-American queers and couples tend to live where there are higher proportions of other African-Americans.

But hold the phone. Fulton and DeKalb are both far outranked by south metro’s oft-gay-ignored Clayton County in one very important way. In fact, UCLA’s gay think tank Williams Institute used Census and Gallup Poll data to show that Clayton is home to the fourth highest concentration of African-American gay couples in the country.

The study identified and located black gay U.S. residents for the first time, and the results estimated more than 1 million out, self-identified LGBTQ African-American homes in the nation. Of those, more than a third are raising children. In Clayton County, a full 40 percent of same-sex African-American LGBTQ households have kids, and a full 65 percent of those families are run by lesbians.

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theQatl.com

Yes, intown Atlanta is still a big deal when it comes to queer-identified households. And yes, there are still more total black gay couples in the more populous Fulton and DeKalb Counties, though a much more diluted concentration.

Not for nothing, the heart of the city plays host to one of the largest Black Gay Pride celebrations in the country. But the facts shift popular notions of queer residency away from a single-minded focus on intown neighborhoods and inclusive of people of color, especially women.

Among states, LGBTQ Georgia ranks third for self-identified black queer individuals, behind the District of Columbia and Louisiana. We’re also third in same-sex African-American couples, behind D.C. and Maryland.

The big takeaway? Unlike the broader LGBTQ population, African-American queers and couples tend to live where there are higher proportions of other African-Americans, “as opposed to areas with higher proportions of the broader LGB population,” the study says.

Parsing statistics may be boring, but understanding the basics can be helpful, and not just to make you more interesting at parties.

Beyond that, it’s always a good idea to question what you thought you knew and realize that, yes Mary, the rest of the gay world — even in Georgia, and even in Atlanta — might not look like you.

So the next time a Justice Department missive or other administration directive about the U.S. Census pops up, our visibility, our not being erased, is why we have to care.

Mike Fleming is an editor and publisher at Q magazine and Project Q Atlanta. Reach him via mike@theqatl.com Sources: Williams Institute, 2010 U.S. Census

Q

Writers!

Photographers!

Q magazine and Project Q seek to expand our pool of contributors Reporting, commentary, event pics, portraits and photo essays. Help us express Atlanta’s diverse LGBTQ perspectives on a one-time or recurring basis.

Samples to mike@theQatl.com

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PEOPLE

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ONYMOUS

By Buck C. Cooke

I

magine if honky-tonk, funk and electronica had a threeway and made a baby. That baby would be “Jake Shears,” the self-titled debut solo album from the Scissor Sisters’ out queer frontman.

After the Sisters went on hiatus, Shears broke up with his longtime partner and moved to New Orleans. He worked on the album there for a few years, and he was inspired by the Southern setting, he tells Q. “I think the best description is it’s a queer Southern rock record,” Shears says. “It has a strong Southern feel, and it was all made in Kentucky and Louisiana. The musicians are also all Southern, for the most part.”

Q sat down with the singer and queer sex symbol for an Atlanta exclusive to talk more about the album, the surprising straight-guy appeal of his new mustache, and how many times he plans to hit Atlanta behind this particular record.

How is the album different than recordings you’ve done in the past?

Every track is about eight or nine people playing together at the same time. The horns and strings were recorded in New Orleans and added in later, but everything else was recorded in one take.

[Recording in one take] was so scary at first, because what you recorded is what goes on the tape. I love how it sounds and how it feels. There are imperfections on it, and there are fingerprints on it.

It feels dangerous recording that way, and it was exciting. It’s the kind of record that doesn’t get made these days.

Jake Shears’ solo debut takes fans on sexy, Southern, ‘Big Bushy Mustache’ ride

What’s the feel you were going for on the new album?

There’s a little honky-tonk and some glam rock. It’s the rock album I’ve always wanted to make.

“Big Bushy Mustache” is an epic song. It feels so sexy and celebratory.

It’s one of my favorite songs on the record. There never really had been a mustache anthem, so I just saw the need for it in the world. [Laughs.]

“When I had the idea, I had to figure out the perspective and story. Once I grew a mustache, I got approached by a lot of straight guys, so that was my way to tell the story. It’s also one of the heaviest songs on the album, rock-wise.

This album had a long gestation period, yes?

I’ve been working on this record for a long time and put my everything into it. I am immensely proud of it, and I can’t wait for people to hear it. I’ve waited a long time for this moment and it’s been a long journey to get it out.

I moved to New Orleans almost three years ago and started writing then. It took a solid two years to write, record and mix the record. But the album has been mixed and finished for a year. In August 2017, I got the call to do Kinky Boots in New York City at the beginning of 2018, and that moved things to this summer.

You’re hitting the road in the UK behind the album. Will you tour the US as well?

I am definitely touring the US, and lots of fun announcements are coming up, so stay tuned! I want to tour a lot with this and play as many shows as possible.

I want to work this record a lot. I hope to come through Atlanta a couple of times, at least.  theQatl.com

23

Q

JAKE SHEARS, Continued

Your memoir was very well-received. Can we expect a sequel?

Yes, totally. I need to get some more separation from things. I stopped the first one in 2006, but I think I’ll definitely keep writing. I’d love to write a novel, and I plan on it. It might take a while but I’m going to keep at it.

If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would you say?

Don’t change a thing! I stayed out of trouble, I guess, but got in tons of trouble at the same time. [Laughs.]

I look back, and there’s nothing I’d really change other than — it’s funny, I think of the body issues I had in my early 20s, how gay culture and gym culture affected me, and how I viewed myself. I can’t imagine what someone who is 21 now is going through in that respect. I feel lucky that I grew up when I did.

“Jake Shears” is available on August 10 from Freida Jean Records. www.jakeshears.com 24

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AGLCC FOURTH FRIDAY AT EINSTEIN’S

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS Q

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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DJ ABEL’S DIVA TOUR AT DISTRICT ATLANTA

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS Q

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q

Q SHOTS

CRUISE CONTROL WITH DJ MISTER RICHARD AT ATLANTA EAGLE

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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40TH ANNIVERSARY AT BULLDOGS

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HOTLANTA CLASSIC VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT

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RAINBOW TROUT & WET DEMONS POOL PARTY

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TE A L

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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Q

THEQ?!

F#%*! What

OTHER PEOPLE THINK

Living life to suit other people will never, ever, not in a trillion years, get you where you want to go

Q

From the outside, I appear to have the perfect life. My partner is successful. We have two gorgeous kids, and our house has been featured on the cover of a local magazine.

We vacation overseas, we have domestic help, and we have a family photo with Hillary Clinton on the mantle.

What no one sees is that my husband treats me like shit. I gave up everything to live his dreams, and what I get is dismissive at best, monstrous at worst. How can I fix it without alerting all our friends that something is rotten in Dunwoody?

Dear Blind: You’re having trouble seeing the forest for the well-manicured trees. You’ve grown accustomed to the lifestyle his money provides, but some serious re-prioritizing needs to happen — stat.

You talk a lot about what money buys, but I won’t be the last to tell you what it can’t buy. Being happy is more important than appearing perfect — to the neighbors, to the judging eyes you feel are on you, or to anyone else who decides to be interested in your business. This is your life, and you deserve to be satisfied.

Put some of that capital and energy where it can do the most good. Hint: Your mantle isn’t one of them. Pick up your career where you left off, or create a new one based on your experiences since then. Volunteer for the kids’ school or other people who need you.

Start figuring out why you’d be willing to “give up everything” for anyone, ever.

Q

Until I graduated from college, I put up with my grandmother’s expectations. I let that go after taking an office job, but it’s filled with conservative jerks, so I remain mostly closeted and in fear of being outed at work. I can’t stop wondering: When is Me Time?

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Dear Now:

Live honestly and authentically, despite what others may want from you. Deciding to address this starts the clock on You Time immediately.

Sorting the consequences is actually the easy part. There will be tough choices whether you stay stuck or break free, but repercussions of the former can be worse than you’re already experiencing, and the latter comes with rewards richer than any paycheck.

Q

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster with the hottest woman I’ve ever met. The second I saw her, I fell hard.

When I found out she had a brain to go with the body, I obsessed. When I landed her in my bed and my life, I thought I was the luckiest dyke alive.

Trouble is, she knows it, and she uses it against me. Most of the time, her femme topness is telling me how to improve to keep her satisfied. The implication is that, at some point, she’ll leave because I can never live up to her standards.

I don’t want to end up alone.

Dear Timid: You’ll ultimately end up lonelier by seeking validation from others than getting it from yourself. As lucky as it feels to be with your physical dream girl, the rest of this woman sounds like a psychological nightmare.

She’s playing on your insecurities. She wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t worthy, but keeping you wondering keeps her in power.

Hear me: You are worthy of a woman who feels just as lucky to have you as you do her. Look within, seek professional help if necessary, and find people who love you just the way you are. You’ll look back some day and be oh-so glad you did.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

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