Q ATLus Magazine | January 21, 2021

January July21, 23,2021 2020 July 16, 2020

Midwinter

RESET Warm Trends Toward a Hopeful Summer

ATL Drag Queens Make Epic Pandemic Pivots Rolling Up Their Sleeves To Take Pfizer’s Vaccine So You Really Want to Be a Transgender Ally

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Warming

TRENDS

THINK TEMPERATE THOUGHTS as we get through the coldest part of the year and what could be the most frigid part of the pandemic too. This week’s Q ATLus snuggles up to some warming trends in LGBTQ Atlanta.

Community and humanity soothe a frigid soul, and 10 Q Things offers ways to be a trans ally to our L, G and B siblings out there. Art is like hot soup on a freezing day too, and two queer artists are serving it on billboards in Atlanta.

Easing minds about the longstanding Coronatimes are two gay Atlanta healthcare workers. Their job is to educate and test for COVID, and they relate their experiences and thoughts after taking the Pfizer vaccine. You know who else hates the Miss Rona? Drag queens. In Q Nightlife, four prolific showrunners talk about the hits they took and their pandemic pivots to save Atlanta drag.

Speaking of nightlife and its efforts to return fully to life, Q Events has calendar items for your consideration. That includes virtual soirees, online discussions and masked, distanced in-person fetes. Q Advice wraps this week’s edition with juicy gay gossip.

Write our editor at mike@theQatl.com with your coverage ideas, from stuff people are doing to notable LGBTQ artists, activists and others you’d like to learn more about. Catch us with new content every day on theQatl.com.

RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & SALES RICHARD@THEQATL.COM 404-917-9678 JOHN NAIL ART DIRECTOR JOHN@THEQATL.COM

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM RIVENDELL MEDIA NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 theQatl.com 5

INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 4 ISSUE 9

JANUARY 21, 2021

ALLIED AXIS

How to Show Trans Support

NIGHTLIFE

19

8

Queenly Moves

The (Drag) Show Must Go On

11

14

ART

COMMUNITY

Atlanta Billboards for Equality

When They Took the Vaccine

Road Raves

Shot in the Arm

10 Q Things.................... 8

Q ADVICE

Q Community............... 14

Broken Hearts Club

Q Art............................. 11 Q Nightlife.................... 19 Q Events....................... 23 Q Map........................... 24 Q Advice....................... 29 6 theQatl.com

Worst. Breakup. Ever.

29

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Q

10 THINGS

8 theQatl.com

So You Want to Be a

TRANS ALLY Extend the spirit of

remembrance and visibility through the whole year

By Mike Fleming

Don’t Make Assumptions

About a trans person’s sexual orientation and realize they are separate aspects of identity.

Listen & Learn

Ask for and use preferred pronouns she, he and they.

It’s not that hard. Also respect the use of non-binary or gender queer instead of “transgender.”

What’s in a Name?

Don’t ask trans brothers and sisters what their “real name” is. They’re leaving it behind, and so should you.

Be Patient

It may take time for someone to explore and fully realize their gender identity, and every person is different. There’s no right or wrong way to transition, and there’s no time table.

Challenge & Defend

Speak up if disparaging comments are made behind people’s backs, sadly yes you may have to even in LGB spaces.

It’s Personal

Don’t out people as trans. People’s gender history is confidential and theirs to share (or not).

Private Parts

People’s primary sex organs are none of your business, and ditto if they’ve had “the surgeries.”

Sex Life

Sex acts are between the people engaging in them. If you’re cis and gay, think of this one as a straight person asking your habits.

Avoid Backhanded Compliments

Just say no to “I would have never known,” “You look just like a ‘real woman,’” and “I’d date him even though he’s transgender.”

Be Inclusive

Find ways to include transgender people and topics in workplaces, organizing meetings, public spaces, and other gatherings.

Source: glaad.org

theQatl.com 9

ART

Q

Billboard art at Hemphill Avenue and Curran Street by Shanisia Person, courtesy SaveArtSpace

‘SACRED’ Space Atlanta artists create billboards supporting trans lives TWO BILLBOARDS IN ATLANTA ARE drawing second glances for eye-catching graphics, progressive messaging, and a distinct lack of commercial purpose in traditional advertising settings.

walks of life and inspire a new generation of young creatives and activists,” said Travis Rix, executive director of the non-profit organization.

Based in Brooklyn, N.Y., the organization has created several public exhibitions since its 2015 inception.

Welcome to SaveArtSpace, an “urban gallery” project.

“One of the greatest experiences of SaveArtSpace is seeing the faces of the artists as they see the billboards in person, the happiness and joy they express,” he said. “And for us to know that, the billboard that once had a consumerist bent, at least for a short time will be by and for the people.”

“By placing culture over commercialism, SaveArtSpace aims to empower artists from all

SaveArtSpace’s current exhibit is called “Trans People Are Sacred.” Organizers selected 14 trans  theQatl.com 11

BILLBOARDS continued and nonbinary artists to create billboards on the theme that appear across the country.

Artists Kae Goode and Shanisia Person designed the two pieces now on display in Atlanta.

Goode’s piece “Give Your Tithes” stands at Marietta and Parker Streets downtown. Person’s “Sacred” is up at Hemphill Avenue and Curran Street on the Westside.

“It was so amazing to have the opportunity to amplify a message centering Black trans people,” Goode told Project Q. “As a Black trans artist, this opens an important conversation about paying and uplifting our stories and experiences.”

Person saw the project as a perfect fit.

“It was like a dream gig to specifically be asked to make art about trans people,” Person said. “I would do it anyway, but to be asked to do so, was like I had to have it, it was made for artists like me.”

Goode is looking for her next art project. Person cited a few big themes in life and in new art already in progress.

“We have to protect each other, especially us Brown queer folks, because no one else will,” Person said. “In a time where we all feel isolated, communication can be so exhausting, but it can also save lives. Check in on your people!”

The billboards went up in late December and will remain on display until someone else buys the space. Responses have been largely positive for the artists as well as the organization, Rix said.

“We’ve had numerous people reach out to say something positive or leave donations,” he said.

“We truly believe people want to see more art than advertisements on the streets of our cities.”

And there’s more to come in Atlanta from SaveArtSpace, he added.

“Stay tuned,” Rix said. “We aim to hold more public art exhibitions in Atlanta in the coming months and years. We keep the process as simple as possible for our curators and artists.”

Find Kae Goode on Instagram @GoodeGawd and Shanisia Person @ShanisiaPerson. Reach @SaveArtSpace on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Billboard art by Kae Goode in Atlanta at Marietta and Parker streets, courtesy SaveArtSpace.

12 theQatl.com

Q

COMMUNITY COVER

CORE

Commitment

Gay frontline workers happily roll up sleeves for COVID vaccine

the shot. For him, the injection site remained sore, and he had some spontaneous fatigue for a few days. He also “sneezed about 10-15 times,” a regular sign for him that his body is reacting to something new.

BY NOW, YOU PROBABLY SEE OR HEAR about people receiving a dose of COVID-19 vaccine. It’s easy, side effects are mild and everyone with an opportunity should do it, say two gay healthcare workers in Atlanta.

FRIENDS, FAMILY AND BEYOND

“During injection, I honestly never felt anything,” said Rom Ghannam, a CORE Response outreach mobilizer and caretaker for his octogenarian mom.

“It happened so fast and painless. A few hours later, I experienced a minor soreness in my left arm around the injection area.”

“The next morning, it was if nothing happened,” he added.

CORE conducts free coronavirus testing around Atlanta, including LGBTQ spaces like Heretic and Ansley Mall. The Fulton County Board of Health provided CORE employees with the Pfizer vaccine.

Ghannam got his first done in December with fellow Community Mobilizer Thomas Le. “They ask that you stay for 20 minutes after so they can monitor you in case of any side effects or allergic reactions to the vaccine,” Le told Project Q. “It also gave you time to read over some educational material that was provided to you about the vaccine.”

In thatby20 minutes, experienced slight shortPhoto Keilan ScottLe Photos Q ATLus cover photo

by David Martinez ness of breath and, like Ghannam, soreness after 14 theQatl.com

“I did not get sick at any time after the vaccine,” he said. “I would advise everyone to listen to their own body, as we will all respond to the vaccine differently both mentally and physically.”

The pair received their first dose on Dec. 18, and their second on Jan. 8. Part of their jobs includes educating people about vaccine safety in a world full of misinformation. A CORE survey during testing opened Le’s eyes to the challenges, he said.

“One of the questions on the survey was, ‘Will you get the vaccine when it becomes available?’ To my surprise, the response was 50 percent yes and 50 percent no,” Le said.

“Another specific question we had on our survey was, ‘How long will you wait to get the vaccine?’,” he added. “About 70 percent of people responded immediately when it becomes available to them, while the other 30 percent said they would wait one-to-three-months plus months after the vaccine comes out.”

Ghannam’s 84-year-old mother wants to wait to see post-injection data before she takes one. About 5 percent of his circle are “non-believers” who don’t plan to take a covid vaccine at all.

“I try to help educate them by sharing numerous,

Rom Ghannam and Thomas Le

easy-to-understand educational material from different reliable sources,” Ghannam said. “When educating adults with different political and social points of view, offering them easy to relate and understand educational material via video or photo illustrations absolutely helps.”

Both men also post on social media as outreach.

Le said that anyone on the fence about vaccines should know they are not alone.

“It’s OK to be uncertain about when you want to

get the vaccine,” Le said. “I would say continue doing your own research and make the decision that’s best for you.

Ghannam agreed.

“Knowledge is power,” he said. “Suggesting resources and creating non-confrontational social gatherings to discuss the positive and real-world post-vaccination experiences wins many hearts and minds.”

Visit CORE Response for COVID testing sites and other resources. theQatl.com 15

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NIGHTLIFE

Q

Queens make epic turns to save Atlanta drag

Pivot!

By Mike Fleming

“I’ve used this time to reevaluate my business, my art, and rediscover my actual self.”

—Phoenix

WHEN CORONAVIRUS CREATED nationwide shutdowns last March, artists and entertainers were among those whose steady income evaporated in a matter of days. That includes one Atlanta group known for reinvention and staying power: drag queens.

“I went from performing and producing multiple shows a week, managing talent, being a makeup artist for TV — to a dead stop, nothing,” said Phoenix, the local showrunner, club queen, Brooks family legend and RuPaul’s Drag Race alum.

The citywide quarantines — followed by scattered re-openings, re-closings and smaller crowd sizes throughout 2020 — was a wakeup call for 20-year veterans like Phoenix as well as queens at every level of experience. 

theQatl.com 19

DRAG continued Taylor Alxndr was ready to make 2020 their bitch.

But then the live shows stopped for this performer, event planner and multimedia artist. Even for a queen with nine years and a deep foundation of support from their organization Southern Fried Queer Pride and their own drag family, it was tough.

“I was gearing up to release an album and do a cross-country tour, but both have been paused, which is another loss of income,” Alxndr said. “For the first part of the pandemic, I felt creatively starved.”

Another prolific showgirl, self-professed “quarantine queen” and nine-year hosting veteran, Brigitte Bidet felt the pressure, too.

“COVID ruined gig culture and forced everyone to either be super innovative with how they make money, or to just find a different job,” she said.

By day, Dotte Com is a web developer. By night, the cosplay queen of five years found drag “hit or miss” during the pandemic. It became “an expensive hobby” but one that remains a priority, the performer said.

“I’ve fully stopped relying on drag for any income,” Dotte Com said. “I’m still trying to put out new content, but it’s all coming out of pocket.”

QUEENS OF REINVENTION Virtual shows became the go-to as winter gave way to spring last year. Some queens don’t care for the online format and rely on the energy of a live audience. Others think virtual shows are OK, but the financial enthusiasm took a dive as the pandemic wore on, they said.

“I will say the support and donations were really high in Spring 2020 but died down after June,” Alxndr added. “I guess because the experience of online drag wasn’t the same, online fatigue, etc.”

Dotte Com went online with the popular show NeonBlk — the all-Black show at Mary’s that first came as a response to racism at the now-defunct gay bar Burkhart’s. The show streams on Twitch every first Saturday of the month with a rotating cast of kings and queens, both local and national.

Bidet does virtual shows, but found much of her 2020 success by diversifying her portfolio. She cohosts Wussy’s “Good Judy” podcast, and she consulted on three events mobilizing LGBTQ people for the U.S. Senate runoffs with Future Coalition.

“It made me understand how important the voices of drag artists are to the community,” Bidet said.

“I’ve fully stopped relying on drag for any income.”

—Dotte Com

20 theQatl.com

“For the first part of the pandemic, I felt creatively starved.”

—Taylor Alxndr

“And gave me a new title: ‘Brigitte Bidet, Consultant.’ Cute!”

In addition to the podcast, Wussy helped set a standard for virtual shows in spring 2020 with its “End Metronormativity” marathon, hosted by Bidet and “Good Judy” cohort Ella Saurus Rex. As spring became super-saturated with virtual shows, warm weather unleashed outdoor extravaganzas and drive-in drag.

Phoenix headlined a Stardust parking lot show with fellow RuGirl Detox at Heretic. And again, Wussy was on the forefront. Their drive-in drag shows were a hit, and there are more to come in 2021.

THAT DOWNTIME, THOUGH Despite epic pivots and digging deep for new ways to make a living, Atlanta queens experienced a loss that hit hard at first. Then it became an opportunity for growth, self-reflection and change for the future. For Phoenix, aka Brian Trapp, that came as a direct hit.

“Luckily I’ve got some amazing friends that have helped keep me in good spirits,” Phoenix said.

“I’ve used this time to reevaluate my business, my art, and rediscover my actual self aka Brian.”

“It’s been nice to find Brian again,” she added.

“Being someone in the spotlight constantly, you play that role almost full time. After 20 years of it, Brian has taken a backseat. I’ve learned to work Phoenix around Brian, instead of working Brian around Phoenix.”

Phoenix also took time to “re-fall in love with my craft,” she said. She has big plans as the entertainment director for Future Atlanta when the gay dance club opens in Underground Atlanta.

Dotte Com also spent part of the quarantine downtime tapping into creativity. That includes an Instagram “show” of nine colorful cosplay looks Elmo to Pikachu. It took months.

“Since I have a darker skin tone, I’ve struggled to figure out techniques that allow for bright and vibrant colors to stand out on my skin,” Dotte said.

“The series was a celebration of the growth in my makeup journey, in addition to being a personal commentary about the racism in the cosplay community that affects POC.” As Core Dance Afflilliate Joshua Rackliffe during the day, Bidet stayed on better financial footing than some during the early days of quarantine.  theQatl.com 21

DRAG continued

“Dressing up and being self-expressive is a great way to stay positive and forget about the dumpster fire of 2020. Drinking in your apartment helps too.”

— Brigitte Bidet

Like the other queens, though, the art of drag is what got her through some rough nights.

“Drag is not only a career. It’s a creative outlet,” she said. “Dressing up and being self-expressive is a great way to stay positive and forget about the dumpster fire of 2020. Drinking in your apartment helps too.”

SUPPORT THOSE WHO SUPPORT YOU Atlanta’s worldwide reputation for drag talent, originality and diversity translated as a mixed bag through 2020. They saw donations to their Venmos and Cashapps, as well as help meeting crowfunding goals, and they welcome fans who show their appreciation in that way.

Phoenix said that one of the best things about Atlanta drag is its willingness to help. That generosity is something fans could pay back during tough times like the pandemic.

“You can always show support to your favorite drag performers by sharing their content,” Dotte Com said. “It doesn’t cost anything to share what they do and help boost their visibility. If you like what they’re putting out, compliment them and let them know how much you appreciate what they do.”

Alxndr sees the diversity of Atlanta drag as both a strength and an opportunity to do better.

“Whether it’s a cast of showgirls in Midtown, a gaggle of artsy queers in the EAV, or the more downtown stunts and shenanigans of my turf Edgewood Ave., you’re going to be entertained,” they said. “As always, I definitely think the various scenes of Atlanta could blend and collaborate more.”

Bidet said the pandemic really drives home how special Atlanta is for drag and its queens.

“Drag performers are always the first people called when money needs to be raised or when attention is needed for a cause,” Phoenix said. “Even if you’re not at a show, if you can, send some love to your favorite performer, it means a lot.

“I never realized how much was going on here until nothing was going on at all,” she said. “If I could change one thing, it would be for us to have even more spaces, bigger spaces, and more events for everyone to feel supported by people who are like them.”

Queens also pointed out that support doesn’t have to be only financial, either.

Hit Instagram for next moves from @Phoenix_atl, @TaylorAlxndr, @BrigitteBidet and @theDotteCom.

22 theQatl.com

Q Events

The Best LGBTQ Things to Do in Atlanta This Week

SATURDAY, JAN. 23 Armorettes Anniversary

It’s been 42 years since

THURSDAY, JAN. 21

a bunch of bearded

softball fans became

Inf initum

drag cheerleaders

Illustrator and author

that became the

Tim Fielder discusses

camp queens with

his “graphic novel,

an Afrofuturist Tale”

about an ageless king without

a kingdom in a journey across time. Charis hosts @ Crowdcast, 7:30 p.m. charisbooksandmore.com Spark Game Night

DJ Darlene finds you playing games with the

hearts of gold. Celebrate

with the current cast and a few surprises @ Heretic, 8 p.m. hereticatlanta.com Rubyfruit Jungle

The LGBTQ Book Club discusses the queer classic by Rita Mae Brown with Charis as sponsor @

Zoom, 10 a.m. charisbooksandmore.com

Jameson Wheel of Prizes and other surprises @ Hideaway, 8 p.m. facebook.com/atlantahideaway

Pop!

DJ Nova does the music and

video party gays and gals need

@ Blake’s 9 p.m. blakesonthepar-

katlanta.com

SUNDAY, JAN. 24 Supreme

Coco Iman and DJ Amethyst lead the ladies in Storytelling through Art Accomplished queer painter and muralist Maite Nazario leads the online discussion with Southern Fried Queer Pride as host @ Zoom, 7 p.m. southernfriedqueerpride.com

FRIDAY, JAN. 22 Fem Friday

The backyard and patio are open for women who love women who love open-air parties, with two socially distanced and masked levels indoors @

My Sister’s Room, Fridays and Saturdays 8 p.m. – 3 a.m. mysistersroom.com

a drag and dance event to wrap your weekend @ My Sister’s Room,

8 p.m. mysistersroom.com NFL Conference Championships

The final four take to the gridiron, and gay bar

screens are filled with it. Game

food and drinks with masks and proper distance @

Hideaway and Woofs,

12:30 p.m. facebook.com/

atlantahideaway, woofsat-

lanta.com

theQatl.com 23

on tA ve .N E dm Pi e

5

10

11th St. NE

9

10th St. NE

Amsterdam Ave.

Dr. N E

Piedmont Park

14th St. NE

12th St. NE

1 13

Mon roe

West Peachtree St. NE

E

75

t. N eS tre

85

ach Pe

Spring St. NW

Q Atlus Map

11 6

Virginia Ave. NE

2 9th St. NE

12 7

Key

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

 Bars

 Restaurants North Ave. NW

North Ave. NW

 Clubs  Retail/Services

Not Shown

1. Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE

8. Flex 76 4th St NW

2. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE

9. Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE

Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE

10. Joe’s on Juniper Ralph McGill Blvd. NE 1049 Juniper St NE

Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE

4. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 5. My Sister’s Room 84 12th St

11. Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE Highland Ave. NE

6. X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE

12. Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Eagle)

7. Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

13. Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

24 theQatl.com

Future (Opens July 3) 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Glen Iris Dr. NE

3. Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE

4

The T 465 Boulevard SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

St. Charles Ave.

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

r. NE roe D Mon

Charles Allen Dr. NE

NE

NE

Piedmont Park

Piedmont Ave.

Spring St. NW

8

3 Juniper St. NE

85

Peachtree St.

75

West Peachtree St. NE

8th St. NE

Lin

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Dr.

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Manchester Rd. NE

Dr.

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P

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ista

85

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ve. sA ter

Lav

Alco S t. NE

Piedmont Ave. NE

3

NE

8 E

d. N eR

dg

Bri

Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

Cheshire Bridge Road 5. The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

9. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE

2. Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE

6. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

10. Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

3. Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE

7. Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

11. Tokyo Valentino (Cheshire Bridge) 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

4. BJ Rooster’s 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

8. 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

nr Mo

3

5

Pied

4. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

tA ve .N E on ed m

r. NE

Pi

5. Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 6. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE

D Monroe

Piedmont Park

1. Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

3. Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

8

6

Ansley Park 2. The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE

E

4

r. N

7

D oe

2 1

Morningside Dr. NE

mon t

Ave. NE

1. Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE

Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

7. Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 8. Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE

theQatl.com 25

Q Atlus Map Directory The businesses on the preceding pages are integral parts of Atlanta’s LGBTQ landscape. Those listed in boxes are consistent Q partners and community allies.

BARS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE Future 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Mama’s Cocina 1958 Piedmont Road NE Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE My Sister’s Room 84 12th St Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

26 theQatl.com

Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW The T 465 Boulevard SE Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE

RETAIL & SERVICES 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Atlanta Eagle) Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thrift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

ADULT Flex 76 4th St NW Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Starship Galaxy/Starship Novelties 2273 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Tokyo Valentino 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Q Advice Breaking Up is

HARD TO DO

Every split is the worst one, ever.

Q

After a year of passionate sex, genuine laughs and always having a Plus One, we broke up. It was mutual, and it was the right thing to do, but the only person I want to talk to about it is him, my ex.

Everything reminds me of our inside jokes. Something happens on “our show,” and I want to text him. I see “our place,” and I wonder if he’s been there recently.

I don’t want to get back together, but I miss him. I don’t want to give him the wrong impression, but I do want to talk.

Dear Talkative: What you’re experiencing is grief. Your relationship died, and the impulse to talk to your ex is understandable. But don’t, at least not right now.

If the breakup was done right, he knows where you stand. Opening old wounds only extends your distress.

The grieving process is how you move on, so use it to process memories and internalize what the relationship meant to you. Think about why your breakup was the right thing to do.

You might also try a letting-go ritual: Write a letter pouring it all out. Tuck it in a drawer and put away your relationship with it. Or burn it and release your past with the smoke.

Q

My ex and I were together seven years, but the last year was a lie. They cheated repeatedly, promising each time not to do it again.

They eventually moved out without discussing why.

I want closure. How can I get it?

Dear Cheated:

Wondering what motivates other people is tempting, but futile. Speculating on their “reasons” only delays your recovery. Turn your energy toward someone you can control and who needs your help: You. Did you put up with it for too long? Did you invest in someone who didn’t earn it? Why? Would you prefer someone who respects your relationship as much as you do?

Q

After 13 years, I thought “happily ever after” was ours.

I was wrong. Dirty laundry aside, he’s gone. I’m left with two dogs, a mortgage and a house full of memories.

Here’s the crazy part: I’d take him back. I spent too much time on this to close the door on a whole era. I don’t want to move on. I want my life back!

Dear Let Go: The door you’re clinging to is closed. It’s OK not to bounce back right away, but it’s not OK to wallow indefinitely. Hug your dogs, call your friends, hire a counselor, sell the house, but whatever you do, let go because he’s gone.

Q Advice is intended for entertainment, not professional counseling. Send your Qs to mike@theQatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON

theQatl.com 29

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