Q ATLus Magazine | November 6, 2020

November 5, 2020 July 23, July 16, 2020

Sister Sister

Atlanta-Based TikTok Influenced Millions

Dancing with Our Queer Depression True to Your Word vs Little White Lies Mainstay LGBTQ Eatery Says ‘No Mas’ to COVID

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Ties That

BIND

FAMILIES OF CHOICE understandably get a lot of attention in LGBTQ circles. When some parents fail, there’s a community to take up the slack.

Two Atlanta sisters lucked out in the family-of-origin department, landing each other in the bargain. Meet mis-matched siblings Lindzey and Loren Shaffer in this week’s Q Cover story. When Lindzey got cancer, friends and family stepped up, including Loren’s millions of followers and a viral gender-identity video.

A double-dose of Q Community in this issue keeps the vibe going. See how one gay dentist and a pair of gay restaurateurs jumped into action for others when coronavirus threatened their own livelihoods.

Q Voices finds Ian Aber dances with personal demons in the wake of an LGBTQ suicide in his circle. Other folks wrestle instead with their own lies in Q Advice. Hope rises to the top in both columns.

We never leave our community wanting in Q ATLus, either. Find the Q Events calendar for your downtime, the Q Map if you feel lost, advertisers you can trust, and a whole site of fresh daily content on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com.

Q ATLus. It’s ATL and it’s Us. Write mike@theQatl.com.

RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & SALES RICHARD@THEQATL.COM 404-917-9678 JOHN NAIL ART DIRECTOR JOHN@THEQATL.COM

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM RIVENDELL MEDIA NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 theQatl.com 5

INSIDE THIS ISSUE V O LU M E 3 I S S U E 3 8

NOVEMBER 5, 2020

KEEP IT UP

LGBTQ Downtime Events

18 COVER

23

Sister Love

TikTok & Family Matters

30 COMMUNITY

Drill Sergants Dental ‘Family’ Keeps it Clean

10

ADVICE

Your Word

Dear Pretty Little Liars Voices.................... 8

COMMUNITY

Big Hearts No Mas! to Tough Times 6 theQatl.com

Community......... 10

13

Q Events............. 23 Q Map................. 26 Q Advice............. 30

Q

VOICES

Dancing with

OUR DEPRESSION

THEY SAY YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE TIME

that should surprise no one in our community.

to be grateful for what you have, that the act

of gratitude will ground you, motivate you and make you appreciate your life more.

Some days, I just live my life and nothing

that happens is so good or bad that it trig-

gers the depression inside me. Then there are

This is some straight-person bullshit. Why

wouldn’t you stop to smell the roses, when you own all the roses?

weeks like this.

I lost another queer friend to suicide this past

week. To everyone that knew him, he was one

of the most bright and bubbly

In truth, I agree in principle,

personalities they had ever en-

but in practice, anytime I have

countered. That’s what he was

ever attempted to make a grat-

to me, too: someone who could

itude list, I am left filled with

light up a room, who could

dread. To me, a gratitude list

make you feel like you were

is everything you have to lose,

the most special person in the

everything that could possibly

world while he talked to you.

be taken from you.

I also knew he struggled with

What if, for instance, the political climate gets any darker or

more foreboding, or the actual

climate goes to shit and society

IAN ABER

depression all his life. I knew he had attempted to take his life

before, and that the person he

goes full dystopian?

projected was the best self he wanted to be.

Am I being melodramatic? Of course, but I

He leaves behind a huge void in the lives of the

will attack me with next, and it definitely likes

sion is trying to use his death as a trigger, I know

don’t have full control over what my depression to paint a fearsome and detailed picture to fret and obsess over.

That is how my brain works, and it always has.

people he touched, and as much as my depres-

that the best way to honor my friend is to keep

working on my mental health and be the kind of person he was in the world.

Any moment of success or joy is immediately

I definitely identify with the term “suffering”

“ain’t shit” I am. Any moments of success or

hand. It’s more like a dance. My depression and

followed by a thorough self-analysis of how

joy are just that, fleeting moments in a life of disappointment and struggle.

with depression, but I am done suffering at its

I are tied together at the wrist, each with a knife

in our free hand. I may be suffering, but I am not

I’m not alone. Studies point to queer people hav-

going down without a fight, hunny.

orders than our heterosexual counterparts, a fact

runner in Atlanta.

ing higher occurrences of mood and anxiety dis-

8 theQatl.com

Ian Aber is a stand-up comic, columnist and show-

Q

COMMUNITY

Prevention the BE

photo by matt hennie

The staff of Chip Hill, DDS, PC

Expertise and office ‘family’ help LGBTQ dentist weather 2020

disinfected and in keeping instruments sterile,”

By Mike Fleming

For Hill, strict adherence to CDC guidelines

LGBTQ ATLANTA DENTIST CHIP HILL, DDS, PC had a leg up on the rest of the world back in March. As broadsided as anyone by the impact of coronavirus, Hill and his staff were old hands at safety protocols.

“In dentistry, we are prevention experts and use universal precautions in keeping our work areas 10 theQatl.com

Hill told Project Q. “As people who have worn

mask regularly for decades, we know they work.

Masks are the best measure to avoid contracting or passing Covid-19 to others.”

was a no-brainer. Above-and-beyond measures

for patient safety, as well as some quick thinking on the business side, were in order, too.

Hill closed his practice completely for 10 weeks beginning in March. With federal payroll

protection and unemployment insurance in

place, the office spent lockdown installing new equipment and additional PPE.

ST PROTECTION “The airborne threat increase with Covid-19

‘The sooner the better for this to be back under control. We miss our patient hugs!’

led to adding new suction devices to control aerosols, air purifying units throughout the

office and increased PPE for our team,” Hill

said. “Once we were again secure in knowing

our team and our patients would be protected, we reopened June 1.”

— Chip Hill, DDS, PC

Upon reopening, the whole staff came back at

full pay, and they have stayed busy since. That’s

seem pleased with the efforts we are putting

eryone else experienced in the age of COVID-19.

As an expert, Hill offered simple, effective ad-

not to say there weren’t intense moments like ev-

into keeping everyone safe.”

“We are a family, and we are there to offer

vice about basic precautions until the pandemic

spirits up by staying in close contact with group

“Social distancing and hand sanitizing/hygiene

support to one another,” Hill said. “We kept our messages and Zoom meetings.”

is behind us.

are excellent safety measures,” he said. “If we

all do our part, we can bring the infection rates

EXPERT ADVICE The new normal at the practice includes masks for patients and limited people in the waiting

area. Visitors can also expect a temperature check and a plexiglass barrier at the reception desk.

Patients seem to welcome the extra precautions and understand the changes, Hill said.

“To offset the ongoing cost of additional PPE,

down while continuing our lives somewhat undeterred.”

There is one thing Hill can’t replace as LGBTQ Atlanta waits for the end of the pandemic, he added.

“The sooner the better for this to be back under control,” he said. “We miss our patient hugs!”

we elected to cease validated parking rather

Chip Hill, DDS, PC is at 1355 Peachtree St. NE.

“Aside from those small items, our patients

call (404) 724-9918.

than charging patients a PPE fee,” he said.

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COMMUNITY

Q

Focus on

COMMUNITY

Steve MacNeil (left) and Walt Bilinski at No Mas! Cantina.

LGBTQ-owned eatery No Mas! gives back during tough times NO ONE WOULD BLAME WALT BILINSKI and Steve MacNeil if they laid low after losing 90 percent of sales at No Mas! Cantina back in March. Instead, they rose to the occasion of quarantine in some impressive ways.

“During lockdown, we focused on being what the community needed during that time,” said Bilinski, who founded the Mexican restaurant and adjacent arts emporium with MacNeil in 1996.

“We knew we weren't the only business suffering and that our community was hurting as well.”

Like many local eateries, they opened for delivery and takeout. They also offered grocery delivery by tapping their supply chains, even as grocery stores went dry on some items.

“We also started a ‘Feed the Front Line’ campaign and donated a meal for every meal that was purchased,” Bilinski added. “On Cinco de Mayo, usually our busiest day of the year, we donated 2,020 meals to essential workers and front-line workers.”

Giving back wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but it was the right move for No Mas!, Bilinski asserted.

“Like many other businesses, the pandemic shutdown struck us very hard,” he said. “Along with the health implications of COVID-19, we were certainly stressed about the financial  PHOTO BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD

theQatl.com 13

NO MAS continued wellbeing of our businesses and staff. It was incredibly difficult during the lockdown. We experienced a 90 percent decrease in sales during that time.”

One thing helped — a lot.

“Focusing on doing what we could for our staff and community is what kept our spirits up and kept us opening the doors day after day,” he said.

‘PART OF THE UNIFORM’

No Mas! reopened under state guidelines in the summer. Revenues improved, and safety became second only to “great food and service,” according to Bilinski.

“We wanted people to be able to come to No Mas! and relax and enjoy the experiences they had come to expect before the pandemic,” he said. “We only seat the restaurant at half capacity, so we highly encourage reservations.”

Employees remain masked at all times, and patrons must wear them when not actively eating and drinking. Look for hand-sanitizing stations throughout the establishment and consistent re-cleaning of common surfaces.

“You will notice that there will be lots of space between the guests and that social distancing is maintained,” the owner said. “We will continue to practice

14 theQatl.com

all the additional safety measures until we are certain that our staff and guests will be safe, so masks will probably be part of the uniform for a while.”

“Most people have been very supportive of the changes we have made and feel safe dining in our restaurant and shopping in the Artisan Market,” he added.

HOPEFUL AND RESOLUTE

Bilinski said that everyone at No Mas! is hopeful for the future, despite a rough year.

“We are definitely ready for things to get back to the way they were before the pandemic,” he said.

“We know as long as we keep putting people first and doing the best we can for our community and staff that things will work out.”

With a Castleberry Hill location convenient to concerts and pro sports, No Mas! looks forward to serving margaritas and fajitas before and after events.

“It may not be tomorrow, next week or next month, but everything will get back to the way it was,” Bilinski promised. “And we will be here, ready to celebrate with you.”

No Mas! Cantina & Artisan Market is at 180 Walker St. SW. Visit the restaurant and shop online or call 404-574-5678.

Q

COVER

PHOTOS BY JACK MANNING FOR JAXON PHOTO GROUP, JAXON PHOTO GROUP.COM

18 theQatl.com

Family

TIES

‘TikTok sisters’ drive views, LGBTQ attitudes amid cancer battle

By Mike Fleming

AT FIRST GLANCE, YOU MIGHT NOT THINK siblings whose styles diverge so much would be super close. Maybe you wouldn’t imagine them collaborating on a clothing line or an international video sensation that addresses gender equality and LGBTQ issues.

But if the sisters are Loren and Lindzey Schaffer, you’d be oh-so-very wrong.

“People have always been curious about Loren and me as sisters, we’re so different,” Lindzey told Project Q Atlanta. “Loren always hypes me up about how amazing and unique I am, and that people need to hear my story and know about me.”

The LGBTQ local, who is a veteran promoter on Atlanta’s nightlife scene, went viral on TikTok in a matter of hours last month for her androgyny, unique style and family bonds.

It started when older sister Loren posted about Lindzey’s undeniable fashion sense. A post proving that they are both stunning in their own, completely different ways came next.

“Loren felt maybe other androgynous people could relate to me,” Lindzey remembered. “She also wanted to show what it looks like to support family and that it’s OK to be different.”

Then bigoted comments about Lindzey’s skater style inspired a third post that became a global sensation. In the video, Loren slammed pre-conceived notions about gender and sexuality.

“You guys need to stop telling me that my sister

is my brother,” Loren’s voiceover says in part. “It’s 2020. Women can wear what they want.”

In less than a day, the post racked up an amazing 10 million views and countless messages of support. It’s the kind of “going viral” most people hear about but never experience. Both sisters were humbled by the results, but Loren said she wasn’t surprised.

“I knew it would blow up,” Loren remembered.

“I made the TikTok and said to her, ‘I hope you know that when I press this button you’re going to be famous. … I had been telling her for years, ‘People just need to see you, if they knew about you, they’d love you.’”

Inspired and Inspiring As much as the messages showed support, viewers also didn’t miss that the videos reference Lindzey’s stage IV cancer. It’s why her hair is short at the moment. In January 2020, the 29-year-old faced a diagnosis that’s all too familiar in her family. The women’s mom had cancer, their aunt has it now, and they lost their dad to colon cancer in 2017.

“My entire life changed overnight,” Lindzey said.

“When the doctor told me ‘stage IV,’ I felt like I was floating in a dream. That’s the only way I can explain it. I just lost my dad to this. ‘There’s no way. I refuse to believe it.’ I instantly switch on warrior mode. I will beat this.”

She sees the battle as much as a fateful duty as a personal challenge, she said.

“I want to help as many people as I can that have cancer and people who struggle showing the  theQatl.com 19

SISTERS continued

PHOTOS BY JACK MANNING FOR JAXON PHOTO GROUP, JAXON PHOTO GROUP.COM

20 theQatl.com

world who they are,” Lindzey added. “I was meant for this.”

positive vibes, virtual hugs and prayers.”

After the initial shock of the news, big sister Loren recognized that fighting spirit. It’s a perfect example of who Lindzey is as a person, she said.

posts include hilarious candid moments and ba-

“Lindzey is selfless. She’s always trying to help people,” Loren said. “Friends, family, strangers, spoiling our nephews. She’s very giving. She truly believes she’s going through this whole cancer thing so she can inspire and help others. I agree, wholeheartedly.”

Donations poured into a GoFundMe for Lindzey started by their older sister Lisa. At this writing, the campaign is nearing its initial $50,000 goal.

Other friends and family have donated, raised funds and comforted Lindzey through tough times.

“Fundraisers were held by skateparks, yoga studios, tattoo shops and local artists,” Lindzey said. “Now Loren’s TikToks about me have people sending love and prayers from all over the world. I am so beyond grateful.”

Looking Ahead Lindzey is not out of the woods with her cancer.

“There are some tough moments, but I’m feeling so much better than I was a few months ago,” she added. “I’m so grateful for

Fresh TikToks continue to drop, too. Subsequent dass curated content. There’s also a tearjerker for Breast Cancer Awareness Month on YouTube.

The latest TikTok looks at the pair’s burgeoning sense of style while growing up. That said, the women look forward more than back.

“It’s always been our dream to create a unisex

clothing line together,” Loren said. “We’ve already started on it! We’re shooting for Spring 2021.”

The Schaffer drive includes a sense that the family is lucky, despite their history with cancer. Inspiring others is something of a shared mission.

“We realize how fortunate we are,” Loren said.

“Our parents always loved and supported our

differences. We have a very close-knit family. Our heart goes out to people with little or no support who are unable to fully be themselves.”

Lindzey agreed.

“Always be yourself,” she said. “Surround your-

self with people who lift you up and make you want to be a better person.”

Follow the sisters on

TikTok and Instagram

at @loren.schaffer and

@lindzeyschaffer.

theQatl.com 21

Q Events THURSDAY, NOV. 5 Burger Thursday If you didn’t get to Wing Wednesday, make plans for next week. Still, you can still get in on an amazing special from the kitchen with sports on TV every day @ Woofs, 11:30 a.m. 9 p.m. woofsatlanta.com

The Best LGBTQ Things to Do in Atlanta This Week FRIDAY, NOV. 6

Election’s Over. What Now? Project Q Atlanta founder Matt Hennie hosts a live Q&A with LGBTQ Georgia leaders prepping their moves in the climate of the next presidential term @ Crowdcast, 12 noon. theQatl.com

SATURDAY, NOV. 7 Madames and Divas of the Moonlight Some of the city’s most talented glamazons take the floor every Friday and Saturday night @ Midtown Moon, 11 p.m. facebook.com/midtownmoon 

Murder at the Estate Sale Charlene Ball and Libby Ware discuss their new Lily Charles mystery novel, wherein their lesbian characters Molly and Emma solve murders and fall in love. Charis hosts @ Crowdcast, 7:30 p.m. It’s also Charis’ 46th birthday weekend of specials. charisbooksandmore.com theQatl.com 23

EVENTS continued SUNDAY, NOV. 8 Heifer Review Ruby Redd corrals the queens while you down endless mimosas and the food bar @ Midtown Moon, 12:30 p.m.

Georgia Out of the Darkness The statewide American Foundation for Suicide Prevention event goes online for 2020, but not without compelling, meaningful opportunities to connect and make a difference @ Zoom, 2 p.m. afsp.org/GAexperience

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 11 Country Night LGBTQ boot scootin’ now every Wednesday on the dance floor with WarpZone gaming in the lounge @ Heretic, 8 p.m. hereticatlanta.com

24 theQatl.com

FRIDAY, NOV. 13 Eagle’s Last Dance Atlanta Eagle and its VIPs say goodbye — for now. They hope to reopen somewhere in 2021, but this is the last chance to dance at 306 Ponce. $50 admission @ Atlanta Eagle, 10 p.m. atlantaeagle.com Netflix November Be on the lookout for LGBTQ content on streaming services to get you through the longer nights. On the straight but pretty-damn gay side, Anne Hathaway and Octavia Spencer star in a remake of The Witches on HBO Max (photo), and The Crown returns to Netflix with Season 4 on the Charles and Di years.

PALS supports people in Atlanta who are elderly or who are living with or disabled due to a critical illness.

We provide pet food and basic veterinary care for the pets of our clients, which enables them to keep their pets.

You can support PALS by:

• Attending our monthly Drag •

• •

Queen Bingo fundraisers.

Making PALS the beneficiary. of your Amazon Smile, Kroger Plus or Chewy.com accounts.

Making a donation online.

To learn more about PALS or to donate visit:

www.palsatlanta.org

on tA ve .N E dm Pi e

5

10

11th St. NE

9

10th St. NE

Amsterdam Ave.

Dr. N E

Piedmont Park

14th St. NE

12th St. NE

1 13

Mon roe

West Peachtree St. NE

E

75

t. N eS tre

85

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Spring St. NW

Q Atlus Map

11 6

Virginia Ave. NE

2 9th St. NE

12 7

Key

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

 Bars

 Restaurants North Ave. NW

North Ave. NW

 Clubs  Retail/Services

Not Shown

1. Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE

8. Flex 76 4th St NW

2. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE

9. Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE

Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE

10. Joe’s on Juniper Ralph McGill Blvd. NE 1049 Juniper St NE

Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE

4. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 5. My Sister’s Room 84 12th St

11. Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE Highland Ave. NE

6. X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE

12. Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Eagle)

7. Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

13. Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

26 theQatl.com

Future (Opens July 3) 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Glen Iris Dr. NE

3. Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE

4

The T 465 Boulevard SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

St. Charles Ave.

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

r. NE roe D Mon

Charles Allen Dr. NE

NE

NE

Piedmont Park

Piedmont Ave.

Spring St. NW

8

3 Juniper St. NE

85

Peachtree St.

75

West Peachtree St. NE

8th St. NE

Lin

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Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

Cheshire Bridge Road 5. The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

9. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE

2. Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE

6. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

10. Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

3. Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE

7. Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

11. Tokyo Valentino (Cheshire Bridge) 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

4. BJ Rooster’s 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

8. 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

nr Mo

3

5

Pied

4. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

tA ve .N E on ed m

r. NE

Pi

5. Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 6. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE

D Monroe

Piedmont Park

1. Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

3. Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

8

6

Ansley Park 2. The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE

E

4

r. N

7

D oe

2 1

Morningside Dr. NE

mon t

Ave. NE

1. Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE

Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

7. Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 8. Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE

theQatl.com 27

Q Atlus Map Directory The businesses on the preceding pages are integral parts of Atlanta’s LGBTQ landscape. Those listed in boxes are consistent Q partners and community allies.

BARS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE Future 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Mama’s Cocina 1958 Piedmont Road NE Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE My Sister’s Room 84 12th St Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

28 theQatl.com

Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW The T 465 Boulevard SE Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE

RETAIL & SERVICES 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Atlanta Eagle) Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thrift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

ADULT Flex 76 4th St NW Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Starship Galaxy/Starship Novelties 2273 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Tokyo Valentino 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Q Advice

True to

these fits your boyfriend, but the upshot for you is the same: disappointment. Sit him down and show him his pattern. Put it on him to fix it, and decide not to rely on him any more until he does.

YOUR WORD Q

Level up by doing what you say and saying what you mean

Q

My boyfriend tells me what he thinks I want to hear before turning around and doing whatever he wants.

He says he’ll pick up milk, then forgets. He says he’ll mail something, and it sits in his backseat for a week. He says he’ll be home at 7 p.m., then rolls in at midnight.

When I ask, he unloads about his schedule. I’m busy too, but when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. Isn’t it reasonable to expect the same in return?

Dear Busy: Have you ever noticed that everyone is busier than everyone else? It smacks of disregard for others.

Some perpetual promisers worry about disappointing others and take on more than they can handle. Others hate conflict, so they agree to everything. A few are actually as selfish as they appear and make assurances to shut you up.

I don’t have enough information to say which of

I have a friend who’s always late. Always.

I begrudgingly grew used to it, but he recently kept my new acquaintance and I waiting nearly an hour for dinner. We were starving by the time he got there, and my guest left with a bad impression of both of us.

Meanwhile, my friend full of excuses. How can I get through that thick skull that late isn’t cute?

Dear Doormat: If your friend writes me wanting to change, I’ll give them an earful about grownups being only as good as their word. But since you’re the one writing, I won’t help you try to fix their issues.

Occasional trouble scheduling is normal, but acceptance of repeated behavior is on you. Stop being a doormat to habitual tardiness.

You could figure out your friend’s patterns and work around them. If they’re perpetually 30, 45, 60 minutes late, factor it in and tell him an earlier start time than everyone else. If he has to wait on you — and by your description, he won’t — all the better to convey your message.

Another option is to continue your plans without him. When they show up late and you’re wrapping dinner, maybe he learns over time.

Maybe not, but nobody is hungry but him.

Q

I scheduled a Grindr hookup, then decided I wasn’t into it and ghosted without messaging. I figure those are the breaks for random hookups. Am I right?

Dear Fickle Pickle: Even if you didn’t owe strangers an explanation, you owe yourself good karma and personal integrity. Your call.

You can’t change nature, but worrying without changing your perspective is just emotional self-flagellation. Stop it.

Q Advice is intended for entertainment, not professional counseling. Send your Qs to mike@theQatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON

30 theQatl.com