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EDITORS Lori Stephanoff Wanda Litchenberg Cindy Van Horn
GRAPHIC DESIGN Sherie LaPrade
AD DESIGN Chris Duckett Jennifer Harvey
WEB MANAGER Cara Adams
ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Dena Dee Lambrakos
Up, U p, Up Up & Away Away Ladies Ladies E Event vent
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pointe! magazine brings together the best of what women want and need – body, soul, and spirit. We are able to offer pointe! as a free publication because of our advertisers. Please support these businesses!
Pointe! East, West, North, South Charleston Area Spring Highlights . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
CONTENTS
It's a New Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Ask Meg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Astounding Second Half . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 "B" Polite . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
SPRING 2012
Pointe!ing the Way
Design Pointe!rs Style Restarted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Wonder of Paint. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Handy Girl DIY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Color Me Happy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
Connecting Pointe!s Saying YES to Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 A Dog's Guide to Living Well . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Connecting Through Reconciliation . . . . . . . . . . 25 Healing Touch of Forgiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 A Place Called Normandy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 A New Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Check Pointe!s ClutterBug . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 ABC's of Negotiating Mid-Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 So, What Are You Waiting For? . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
Health Pointe!rs Fitness Changes: The Ripple Effect . . . . . . . . . . . 22 A Common Sense Approach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Veggie Delights . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
FRESH STARTS Sometimes things just do not happen like we expect. Like this past winter here in Charleston, with its unseasonably warm temperatures, imitating spring and sending many plants into early bloom. Some are thriving, while others still struggle to recover. Yet spring joy resides in fresh starts. Even after an unexpected cold snap in the middle of warm days. First blades emerging from a buried bulb. Flower buds breaking through on barren tree limbs. Brown lawns turning green. Moving into this season, I’m enjoying a second chance at starting the year fresh and new. I often start strong in January; then life happens and I get off track. Here’s my strategy for getting off pause and back into action. 1. BUILD ON THE PAST Rather than getting trapped in “if only’s” or “should of ’s,” I choose to learn from the past and move forward, leaving behind the pains, hurts, wounds, failures, etc. I also leave behind some of the good, too. Why? Because I don’t want what was good in the past to be the high water mark for my future. I expect tomorrow to be better than yesterday! 2. LIVE IN THE PRESENT Getting the most out of today demands my full attention. I don’t want to miss the present by being stuck in the past or living in “someday.” That means taking the next step toward my goal. Trying something different, like taking an alternate way to work, to get my brain off autopilot. Pursuing my passion. 3. BELIEVE FOR THE FUTURE Go ahead. Take some time and think about what you want your future to look like. Dream big. Play the “what if ” game, imagining the possibilities. I’m confident you have untapped potential just waiting to be developed.
SUMMER SNEAK PREVIEW!
"Easy Breezy" Now accepting ad submissions for Summer 2012. Email us at advertise@pointemag.com for more information!
Often a fresh start simply begins with a fresh perspective. What works for me is spending time in prayer and getting God’s take on my life. See how this lands on you: Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! (Isaiah 43:19) Expecting something brand-new for you,
LOVE A SURCEE? WEEKLY SPRING GIVEAWAYS
Like us on Facebook and follow pointe! blog at PointeMag.com to automatically be entered into our weekly drawings! WHAT'S A SURCEE? A small, unexpected gift, given just because!
Senior Pastor Cathedral of Praise
pointe! magazine asked 250 women questions relating to 'Fresh Starts'. Look for these paint splats throughout our magazine to see their responses!
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— E. Otto Tilley
Spring is in the air! It’s a season of new life, vitality, and beauty. There’s a tangible energy emanating from nature as things that were dormant wake up and things that were dead come alive.
It’s not very hard to see a parallel between these natural cycles and the dreams for our lives. Just like plants have to endure the seasons of nature, our dreams must endure the seasons of life so that they can blossom into their fullest brilliance! A seed can lie on your windowsill for years and it will never do anything. But the moment you place it in fertile soil and give it a little water, it comes to life and begins to grow. It can’t help it; its DNA drives it to become what it was designed to be. We all have dreams, but for many of us they’re lying on the windowsill waiting to be placed in the proper soil so they can grow. Any gardener will tell you that the beautiful spring bonanza you see with your eyes is the result of special care and nurturing during the off season. In the winter, she cares for the roots to ensure they will keep growing deeper for strength. In the summer, she watches to make sure bugs and weeds are kept away from the growing plant. And in the fall, she makes sure no disease or fungus weakens the plant during its vulnerability. Then she eagerly awaits the birth of spring! So how do you cultivate your dreams? Here are some suggestions: GET THE SEED BACK IN THE GROUND Most of our dreams never happen in our timing, but you can’t give up on them. They keep us moving ahead with purpose and passion. So look at your windowsill and get those seeds back in the soil. Start a journal and begin to track the growth of your dreams.
CARE FOR THE ROOTS Roots provide strength for your dreams. Keep them growing by meditating regularly on them and feeding them. Read books about your dreams. Listen to others who have accomplished similar dreams. Do the research necessary to be ready when your “spring” comes and that dream bursts out of the ground. WATCH OUT FOR BUGS AND WEEDS Bugs damage plants by eating them or sucking the life out of them, and weeds choke the plant by consuming the nutrients that are meant for the plant. Be aware of the “bugs and weeds” that eat away at your dreams, and defend yourself against them: cares, concerns, and being busy. Take time often to make sure that you aren’t bogged down by the forest so that you can watch your tree. GUARD AGAINST DISEASES The number one disease that attacks dreams is discouragement. It comes in many forms, but the most destructive are words from family or friends. Many times they are said to keep you “grounded in reality.” Dreams are not cultivated in the soil of reality; they are cultivated in the soil of the impossible! The classic song doesn’t say, “To dream the reality dream.” It says, “To dream the Impossible Dream!” WATCH WITH EAGER EXPECTATION Never grow tired of watching for your dream to burst forth out of the ground! It comes when you least expect it; it comes with force and power; and it comes because you have cultivated it, nurtured it and believed in it!
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MEGAN TURNER
Ask MEG
AS A WIFE AND WORKING MOM WITH 3 GIRLS, MEGAN UNDERSTANDS THE CHALLENGES OF BALANCING HOME, FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIPS. ENERGETIC AND PASSIONATE, SHE LIVES LIFE WITH CONTAGIOUS JOY AND FREEDOM.
How can I get my husband to be more involved with the household cleaning? Dear Sweaty Cinderella, Early in our marriage, Luke did the finances and “outside” chores and I did the “inside” ones. I soon found myself getting frustrated. I took notice every time he didn’t jump in to help me with “my” tasks, which seemed to be a lot more than his. Before long, my frustration finally came out, not in a very nice way. When we finally sat down to tackle this issue together, I was honest and let Luke know how I was feeling. Then we did the following: 1. We made a list of the chores. 2.
Each of us chose chores we didn’t mind doing first. (Turns out he didn’t mind the ones I hated and vice versa!)
3.
We decided on a plan for special situations, such as crazy kid accidents or party messes that would require both of us!
4.
We agreed that after we put the kids to bed, no matter how tired we were, we were not done for the evening until we lightly straightened the house, picked things up and started a load of dishes.
To keep your marriage healthy, agree to discuss any frustration that has the potential to build and create an issue. Remember, small messes get cleaned up quicker than big ones do!
How do I know if the person I am dating is the "right" one? Dear Hopeless Romantic, Before you say “I do,” check out these essentials: 1. Do you and your significant other share the same priorities, morals, values, and spiritual beliefs? Still uncertain, let me ask you a slightly morbid question: “If something horrible happened and your spouse was left to raise your children without you, would he instill in them the core beliefs important to you?” 2.
Do you have fun together? Married life is multifaceted, with ups and downs, good times, not-so-good times, and hard
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times. It’s crucial that your relationship can handle the serious, deep, real-life issues; but if you are missing the “fun” facet with your significant other, then life will be less than what God intended for you both. 3.
Does he treat you better than he treats himself? We’ve all known girls who fall for the bad boy that acts like a jerk and ends up being miserable. Now imagine falling for a guy who models Jesus’ selfless love and example - the One who gave His life so that ours would be better and consistently did everything in His power to serve. Wow, that would be a real relationship!
My child is constantly whining! He whines when he is happy, sleepy, hungry, etc. I remember thinking when he was younger that it was just a lack of his ability to communicate, but it has continued as he has aged. What do I do? Dear Motivated Mom, Let me just say, “Girl, I hear ya!” As frustrating as it is, do not let your child see you react. If he can get a reaction, then he has succeeded. Give him just the opposite — controlled consequences! In cases of direct disobedience, a child must learn that negative actions lead to negative consequences. Take the child to a nearby room where he cannot see you but you can observe him to make sure he does not harm himself, and let him have a good cry. When he is able to act normally or conduct himself in a better manner, then give the attention he desires. I know you’re thinking, “She obviously doesn’t take her kids to Walmart.” I do. And I know our kids feel it is their duty to put on a show for every other shopper. This is a learned behavior. We must not give in (whether it’s a certain sippy cup, a specific food, a toy, to be held, and the list goes on) or the temper tantrums in public will only get worse. Remember it is our job to mold and shape our children. They will respond to our guidance!
Follow Megan on her blog: LifeWithMeg.com Have questions? askmeg@pointemag.com
ARE YOU BRAVE WITH PAINT COLORS? It was a tie: 50% bold & vibrant; 50% muted tones
— Brooks Hearn
Is your tried-and-true fashion or beauty routine starting to feel tired? Having a set routine or go-to outfit can save time and establish your personal style. There’s a lot to be said for finding what works for you and sticking with it. However, introducing a little change to your personal style also has its merits. Have you thought about a change, whether small or drastic, or just adding a little variety to your look? What’s stopping you es from adding highlights, considering a pair of sky-high wedges (or simple flats), or trying a bright red or coral lip color for a fun night out? u tend d For spring 2012, bright colors are all over the runways. If you ssoryy toward grays or blacks, think about adding one piece or accessory u’ve in a bright shade, like yellow, tangerine, or coral. Perhaps you’ve e) orr always wanted to see how you’d look as a blonde (or brunette) hirt with a short bob or extensions. Maybe you’re a jeans and t-shirt fanatic with a secret desire to add some sweet, ladylike piecess to your wardrobe. Change doesn’t have to be major — you can breakk the routine in small ways like nail color or jewelry. to Find what inspires you and then incorporate the new ideas into n your personal style at a level that is comfortable for you. Listen to your hairstylist when he or she suggests changing things up a bit. Visit a store that you may have dismissed in the past because it was too pricey or just “not your taste.” You do not have to purchase anything, but you may gain new ideas that will help you look at the clothes in your closet or favorite store with a fresh perspective.
You may even find traveling or just people-watching to be a source of style inspiration. For many people, spring is a time for beginning and restarting. As the season transitions, open your fashion sense to new possibilities, as well.
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Charleston Area SPRING HIGHLIGHTS CHARLESTON FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, beginning 4/14/12 8am-2pm, Marion Square, Free admission Offers an abundance of local produce, shrimp, plants, herbs, flowers and arts and crafts by local artisans. Enjoy breakfast, brunch or lunch while listening to live entertainment. MT. PLEASANT FARMERS MARKET Tuesdays, 4/10/12 – 10/16/12, 3:30pm-8:30pm Coleman Boulevard (Moultrie Middle School) A gathering place for locals and visitors to buy vegetables, fruits, seafood, flowers, baked and canned goods and much more! Live music, free children’s activities and free parking. 25TH ANNUAL MT. PLEASANT BLESSING OF THE FLEET 4/29/12, 11:30am-6pm, Free admission A safe and prosperous shrimping season is the sentiment of this community-supported benediction that dishes up fresh seafood and showcases local crafts.
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HAT LADIES ANNUAL EASTER PROMENADE 4/7/2012, 11:00-11:30am, historic Meeting Street between Broad St. and White Pointe Gardens. Have your cameras ready to capture their annual stroll reflecting the grace and tradition that is Charleston. www.hatladies.org SPRING BOAT SHOW 5/4/12-5/6/12, Mt. Pleasant Towne Center Get ready for summer while taking in this showcase of the latest in boating, featuring watercrafts for family fun, sport and cruising. SPOLETO FESTIVAL USA & PICCOLO SPOLETO 5/25/12-6/10/12 Over 120 performances throughout historic theaters, churches and outdoor spaces. Various disciplines from opera, theater, dance, chamber, choral and jazz music, as well as the visual arts. spoletousa.org (843) 579-3100 & piccolospoleto.com (843) 724-7305
ParΔnerinΩ with Parents & Families I am the grandmother of a Cathedral Academy student. I have personally witnessed the performance of this school and I have to say the connection between teachers and students is so amazing. I know that my granddaughter is in the hands of people that not only educate her but they keep her safe. To have that peace of mind is the most wonderful feeling for any parent or grandparent. —SANDRA WILLIAMS After being faced with the challenge of relocating our household from California to South Carolina, our next awesome task was to find a 'good' Christian school for our 15 yearold daughter. After touring several schools, inquiring of work colleagues, and even asking random people on the streets of Charleston, we decided on Cathedral Academy. We could not have made a better choice! —KENNETH AND JANET BESS Our experience with Cathedral Academy goes back to the year 2000 & continues to this day. We have had two children graduate from the academy and our third child that started in first grade will be graduating this year. We consider Cathedral Academy one of the best sacrifices/investments we have ever made for our children. —JOHN AND BETSY MONAHAN Life at Cathedral Academy has been a wonderful experience for our entire family. We are fortunate to be a part of an educational program that partners with families and fosters growth. We have developed lifelong relationships with the Faculty, Staff, as well as, other families; for that we say, “Thank you, Cathedral Academy Family!” —AARON AND NIKKI COPELAND Our daughter brought home top level scores in all areas on the year end SAT. I can only give my highest recommendations to any family considering the school. —DONALD AND BARBARA ALEXANDER
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— Susan Weathers
How often I have encouraged a young mom in her frustration over potty training her toddler. The seemingly endless stage of buying diapers on a tight budget, along with the time-consuming task of keeping a toddler clean and dry can be very daunting.
H
ow well I remember those days. My oldest son had trained so easily and very quickly by the age of two. Naturally, I thought the next son would be just as easy. I followed the same plan, starting at the same age, and no matter how much I encouraged, rewarded, clapped and danced, he simply was not interested.
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After several long unsuccessful and frustrating months, I was beginning to think he would never get out of diapers. During this time, my precious grandmother came for a visit. I was sharing my frustration and asking her for advice. In her sweet, gentle and graceful way, she said, “I wouldn’t worry about it. Obviously he isn’t ready and it is okay. He’ll get it, I promise. I’ve been to many weddings and have never seen a groom going down the aisle in diapers.” Such wonderful words of wisdom that changed my perspective! It was like the whole world became brighter. (continued...)
T
hat day I learned that being a good mom wasn’t about following a schedule and doing everything perfectly. I learned that one of the most important things was to be willing to keep things in perspective. Be willing to change my plan, be flexible, monitor and adjust according to each child’s design. This change brought a new freedom in my relationship with my boys. It made mothering FUN! Our family has grown to a total of three boys now. Our quiver is full. We moved out of the toddler years, into soccer games, homework, band practice, driver’s licenses, girlfriends, curfews, text messaging and Facebook. Life has been fast, flexible, full and FUN! This spring will bring more change, and I’m going to have to be flexible in a new way. These changes will be a little more difficult than potty training. In April, my oldest son will complete his core classes and apply for Physical Therapy school. I think I can handle that one…watching him go after his dream. The month of May will be a bit more challenging. On Mother’s Day, my youngest son, my baby, will graduate from high school.
Where did the time go? No more lunches to pack, late night projects, or field trip forms to complete. I keep offering to homeschool him for college, but he isn’t going for that idea! Then, 12 days after graduation, I will join my middle son on the dance floor for a Mother and Groom dance at his wedding. Really? Am I dreaming? Can it be happening already? Is he ready? Absolutely! Do we love her? Without question! But where did the time go? He was my blonde, curly haired, blue-eyed two year old that didn’t want anything to do with potty training. Now, I am at a crossroads. I can choose to either grieve about the changes in my world that are out of my control, or I can be flexible and embrace this next stage of life, moving into what lies ahead with joy and the anticipation of something new to discover. I think I’ll choose the latter. Yes, my three young boys have grown up to be incredible men. Yes, there were stages that were fun and ones that were difficult. And yes, God has been faithful in and through them all. So, yes, I can do this!
P.S. YES, Grandma was right!
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— Karie Calhoun
Spring tends to be the season for revamping the interior spaces of our homes. The easiest and least expensive way to re-do a room is a fresh coat of paint. You will be amazed at the impact that a simple coat of paint on walls, ceilings, or moldings can make. I have a love/hate relationship with paint. I have been dealing with interior and exterior paint colors for over twenty years; it can drive me up the wall (literally). Here are some simple tips for different painting scenarios. • When trying to decide on a color, pick up several paint chips to take to the room you are painting. Light has a great influence on color and will change depending on the light in the room. • Invest in a small sample of the paint before purchasing the gallon. Paint the actual wall or a poster board. Live with the color for a few days and look at it throughout the day/evening. • A paint deck will usually contain six samples on a strip. Two light shades, two medium shades and two darker shades. If you want to paint areas using different shades, make sure to skip a color in between in order to see the difference. For example, if you choose the second color down on the strip then the contrast color should be the fourth one down. • Paint can fix and save a lot of furniture from a trip to the dump. p Don’t be afraid to re-use byy p paintingg a p piece.
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Home Sweet Home!
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DO YOU WRAP YOUR VACUUM CORD OR HAPHAZARDLY LOOP IT?
78% wrap it tight!
HOW OFTEN DO YOU MAKE YOUR BED?
Every day, don’t you? 46% Haha, never! 15%
—Lori Stephanoff
CLUTTER! Yes, we all have clutter in our homes. The question is how LONG do you tolerate it? I am an advocate of LIVING in your house. It’s part of what makes a house a home. But too much clutter does eventually rock my world. can go two to three weeks before everything comes to a halt. Instead of overlooking the piles, I find the need to regain clarity and focus on my nest. It hits me like a Mack truck: stop, deal with this mess, and re-fluff!
I
Sometimes it helps to schedule a party or invite friends over for motivational cleaning. When unexpected guests arrive, there’s not much you can do other than cringe a little and say to yourself or aloud, “Well, you can tell someone lives here!” I don’t want a spotless home, after all I have kids and a golden retriever (big dog = hair on the floor and hardwood scratches.) Here’s TIP #1:
avoid the Mack truck experience — invite friends to your home so you have incentive to pick up! When my kids were growing up, I coined the phrase, “What can you pick up, what can you put away?” Here’s why: book bags automatically dropped to the kitchen floor; shoes and socks slipped off; keys, snacks, and books strewn about – you know the picture. Now those were happy days, don’t get me wrong! I cherish those moments and would do it again. But with several plates continually spinning, we moms can use a few extra hands around the house. Besides, those are teachable moments, right? Responsibilities, teamwork, family. Emphasizing efficiency and working smarter not harder, I would ask my family, “On your way upstairs, what can you pick up, carry with you, and put away?” After a while, I had an epiphany: my family needs to think this thought, this profound question, automatically without me asking.
So the second coined statement was birthed: “Ask yourself the question.” When my son Josh would head upstairs, I’d chime in, “Have you asked yourself the question?” And when standing in my daughter Sarah’s room staring at a sea of clothes, it begged the same response, “Have you asked yourself the question (like, recently, at all)?” Honestly, it was a stroke of brilliance because it helped my children think on their own versus mom citing the obvious and dictating a list. To this day, if I smile and say to my husband and now-adult children, “Ask yourself the question,” they KNOW without a shadow of a doubt what question I mean. With big grins, slight sighs, and fond memories, in unison you will hear, “What can I pick up, what can I put away!” TIP #2: Perhaps
there’s a phrase you can coin for your household (or borrow mine!) In theory, it’s a great plan to pick up and put away things daily. But that has never quite worked for me, even now with my children grown and out of the house. Sometimes I just don’t feel like carrying something up the stairs or putting away the dishes. I don’t know why. It just is. TIP #3: Be okay with that. So I haven’t mastered the perfectly clean, decluttered home. I don’t suspect I ever will. Through the years I’ve incorporated baskets, bins, hooks, shelving and other ways to encourage the clutter-free life. Fresh ideas are great, embrace them. TIP #4: There are
tons of inexpensive DIY organizational ideas on pinterest.com. I suppose until I have personal robot, at the end of the day (or somewhere in a two to three-week span), I still have to look in the mirror and ask myself the coined question, “What can I pick up, what can I put away?”
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Handy Girl D•I•Y
— Stephanie Gammons
I’ve always wanted a home that was warm, cozy and inviting. You know…the kind of place visitors feel comfortable and at home, where they want to stay all day. However, with three little mouths to feed, home décor usually falls to the bottom of my list. I love looking through magazines and Pinterest for looks I can recreate without spending a lot of money. You, too, can give your castle a fresh start with just a little creativity! Go ahead, think outside the box and turn something old into something new!
From Bed Posts to Candlesticks 1.
Take an old bed frame and detach the posts.
2.
Use wood filler to fill in any holes.
3.
Sand with medium grit sandpaper.
4.
With a table saw, cut off the top and bottom.
5.
Spray paint black for a traditional look or “antique” it for a funkier look.
BEFORE
AFTER
“Antiquing” Furniture Search your local thrift store for furniture. This dresser was only $11. AFTER
BEFORE
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1.
Remove hardware and sand with electric sander or sandpaper.
2.
Paint entire piece and allow it to dry completely. I used an interior white paint with a satin finish.
3.
Use medium grit sandpaper and selectively sand areas of the piece. Sand everywhere it would naturally have wear and tear - all the edges, grooves, and sides. If you want a very aged look, you can hit the edges with a hammer, a chain, or a small garden shovel (my personal favorite).
4.
Apply wood stain with a rag on top of paint. Immediately wipe off with a clean rag. I prefer Minwax brand and Dark Walnut for the color. Wear plastic gloves while applying stain, because it’s difficult to get off your hands.
5.
Allow to dry overnight…and enjoy!
Follow Stephanie at her blog: www.WhenTheKidsAreSleeping.com
Kid "Mat"ters Get Organized If all the “stuff ” that comes along with children is taking over their room(s), your house, your life, here are a few helpful hints for getting organized. 1.
Keep two large bins in the children’s closets labeled, “Too Big” and “Too Small.” Clothes for the next season or that don’t quite fit go into the “Too Big” box. Clothes they’ve grown out of go into the “Too Small” box. Once the “Too Small” box is full, donate the contents to charity or a friend.
2.
Help your child keep toys in place by putting a picture of the toy on the outside of the bin in which it belongs. For example, tape a picture of wooden blocks to the outside of the bin where blocks are stored.
3.
Large shelves rather than toy boxes make it easier for your child to find what they want.
4.
When telling young children how to clean their room, be very specific. For example, “Please put all your dirty clothes in the laundry. Pick up all the Legos first.”
5.
Make cleanup time a game by setting a timer and try to beat the buzzer. Play basketball with the toys going into each bin. Tell your child to pick up 20 (or some other number) toys.
6.
Go through the children’s rooms and playroom about every three months with a trash bag. Throw away all the broken toys and donate the things they no longer play with to a charity or another family.
7.
Stash some toys in the attic or out of sight. Rotate them on a rainy day. It’s like Christmas all over again!
8.
Make things easier on yourself and your children by giving them some responsibilities, as well. It may take a little work to get them started, but keep at it and you’ll be more organized before you realize it!
Parking Games 1. Flip over your doormat and apply masking tape to create a parking lot. (You can also use poster board if you do not have a mat.) 2. Write numbers, sight words, letters, etc. on small pieces of paper and place on each parking space. 3. Ask your child a question that holds a matching answer on one of the parking spaces. Examples: •
Park your car in the space that says “the”
•
What is 2 + 2?
4. Applaud and cheer as your child parks in the correct spaces!
Indoor Hopscotch (this is a perfect activity for a rainy day) Flip over a large area rug and outline a hopscotch with tape. I used painters tape, but masking or duct tape would work as well. I used the backside of my son’s road rug. Consider what you can repurpose to come up with similar games. Repurposing what you already have will eliminate extra space needed for more “stuff ” and it’ll save you money!
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A Dog’s Guide to Living Well! Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not. If what you want buried, dig llies ies bu until you y find d it. i
Bre's C¬oice
—Kirsten Lamb
My daughter Bre'ona is a animal lover; she has a rabbit, cat and fish. She is constantly asking for a puppy and reads a dog book most of the time on the way to school. When we passed an animal shelter about a month ago, Bre saw a sign at the shelter that said "we need cat and dog food." Her birthday was coming up and I asked her what she wanted. She said, "I'm not sure." A few days later she came and asked me, "Instead of getting presents this year, may I ask people to bring cat and dog food to my birthday party?" I was so proud of her. She did just that. After her birthday party, we loaded up the car and took her birthday presents (dog food and cat food) to the SPCA. Bre also took her $106 birthday money, went to Walmart and purchased other items the SPCA needed. Bre exclaimed: "I'm so happy, I got so much dog food for my birthday!"
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—Marcia Davis Taylor
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For most members of my high school graduating class, 2011 marked our 50th birthdays. For some, 50 is a milestone achievement, while others approach it with dread. My plan was, and is, to celebrate myself, my life, my achievements. I plan to have an astounding second act!
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here continues to be a healthy debate regarding whether or not women actually have a midlife crises. Is it a midlife crisis, or, is it that when we can finally take a breather from years of raising a family, managing a household, or building a career, we wake up to the fact that our lives are not quite what we expected them to be? Or maybe we are happy and satisfied, but just too tired to enjoy the things for which we’ve worked so hard? When we reach our 40s and 50s, we often begin to experience loss firsthand – family, friends, and classmates. It makes us think about our own mortality and we often begin to take stock of our lives. If we died today, what would be our epitaph? What would people remember most about us? Many times we begin to look back over our lives, remembering the dreams we left behind, remembering the things we may have given up to have families or careers. Sometimes we are left wondering if our life has any meaning. Do you remember the Oprah episodes that sparked the discussions about women who had “lost themselves?” These women, some of us among them, had that “ah-ha” moment when they realized they had lost touch with themselves, their hopes and dreams. They had allowed themselves to be overtaken and overwhelmed by all that is involved in just making it through each day. Some studies indicate that midlife crises occur anywhere between the ages of 38 and 55. But, is it really a crisis, or is it the transition that begins the second half of our lives, perhaps the best half of our lives? Not to say that building a career or raising families are not important or fulfilling endeavors; they absolutely are. It just may be that the first half was just the dress rehearsal or first act. Maybe all of the lessons we have learned are preparing us for an astounding second act, the one that will bring us a standing ovation at the end! We will have learned all of our lines, smoothed out the rough edges, and gotten rid of any stage fright we may have had. Perhaps in the second act we are really beginning to relax, enjoy ourselves, and take the stage as our own. Embrace the second act of your life with enthusiasm and wonder. Explore new ideas, new relationships, and unfulfilled dreams. Live your life as the woman you know you were meant to be, transformed and free like a beautiful butterfly emerging from its chrysalis!
Embrace the second act of your life with enthusiasm & wonder!"
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Success starts in the heart!
Fitness Changes
The Ripple Effect
— Keith Brown
I have been involved in helping people with weight issues, strength programs, and overall health for many years. Questions I’m frequently asked center around the right foods to eat, portion size at meals, the kinds of exercise that one can do to get stronger or shape up, or how to lose the weight around their “middle” or their thighs or the back of their arms. Certainly, we can set up a program to make all of these things happen. But the ultimate success of a particular program does not depend solely on the workout routines. Success starts in the heart. And we’re not simply talking about the organ that pumps blood through your body. We often assess a person’s commitment to something by asking, “Is her heart in it?” The word “heart” refers to the center of our being, our inner self. One interesting description is the “desireproducer that makes us tick.” Once you get a clear vision, establish your priorities, and “set your heart” to make positive changes, then your physical fitness and health issues will be more easily conquered. And the benefits will ripple out into other areas of your life. Picture a rock being thrown into a calm lake. There is an immediate splash, and then the ripples begin moving out from the center point. The positive actions you take today, and the decisions you make, will have more than just immediate results. You’ll likely become more confident to make changes in other areas of life, like your finances or relationships. Your success also may inspire others to make their own fresh start. So, why wait another moment? Go for the"ripple!" Keith Brown has been a Personal Fitness Trainer since 1992. He has been a Body-for-Life Success Coach and a Bowflex Trainer since 2001, and a Bod4God Trainer since 2010.
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— Brent Thacker
A
Common Sense Approach to Fitness & Nutrition
Ever-changing information coming from the fitness and nutrition industry these days can be very overwhelming. One day you’re told not to eat eggs because of cholesterol concerns; the next, it’s ok. (By the way, it IS ok to eat eggs!) Some experts suggest working out three times per week for 30 minutes, while others say this approach is flawed. So what gives and to whom should you listen? Without getting too deep, let us consider a common sense approach to fitness and nutrition that can be backed by science. There are three important factors when it comes to any successful fitness program.
FIRST, BE CONSISTENT. If you workout sporadically, you will not see change, regardless of what you do. Whatever program you choose, you must commit to it to see results. YOUR WORKOUTS MUST BE INTENSE. Intensity has an inverse ratio with time. What this means is that if you are able to push yourself extremely hard in a workout, then your workouts don’t need to be very long. However, if you aren’t pushing very hard, you must work out for a long time.
Nutrition is often the most confusing when it comes to health and fitness. Simply put, we should approach nutrition how our ancestors did and the way God intended us to eat. I suggest beginning with three baby steps.
DRINK LOTS OF WATER. I suggest half your bodyweight in ounces. If I weigh 200 pounds, I would drink 100 ounces of water per day.
INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF PROTEIN IN YOUR DIET. I have seen clients lose fat, weight and inches by changing this alone. Good sources of proteins are lean meats, fish and poultry.
ALL WORKOUT PROGRAMS NEED VARIETY. If you
CUT OUT PROCESSED FOODS. If food can sit on a shelf
do the same exercise over and over in the same manner, your body will adapt and you will no longer see results. Choosing functional exercises that work many muscle groups at once is the best way to approach this. Which do you think is more beneficial: doing a bicep curl or doing a pull-up, which works many muscles at once? (Answer: the pull-up.) Changing exercises, the amount of weight you use, the amount of repetitions and time you spend working out consistently is the key.
for six months without going bad, should we really be putting it in our body?
I EXERCISE...
Never 16% Occasionally 50% 3+ times/week 34%
This isn’t rocket science, although some nutritionists and “experts” would lead you to believe otherwise. Regardless of your goals, if you follow this common sense approach to fitness and nutrition, you will see a huge change in your life and health. Brent Thacker has a Bachelor of Science in Biology with a minor in Chemistry and a Master of Science in Exercise Physiology. A NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist® (CSCS), he is also Crossfit Level 1 certified. He has 15 years of experience training groups and individuals ranging in ages from 7 to 86 years old.
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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH CONFLICT?
Connecting
through
Sweep it under the rug 25% Bury it but “remember” 33% Openly communicate 42%
Reconciliation
— Jennifer Malone
Have you ever heard someone say they actually liked confrontation? I think it’s safe to assume the majority of people either do not like it or try to avoid it. personally used to hate confrontation. Even the thought of having to address someone made me feel sick. As if the butterflies in your stomach are not enough, you also have to deal with your feelings swirling and the thoughts flying through your head. And that’s even before you actually have the conversation!
I
But one of the biggest lessons in life I have learned over the years is…I actually NEED confrontation! I need it in all the deep and close relationships in my life. You know when you start feeling a little hurt when someone says or does something and then your thoughts spiral out of control. Whether this happens over a very short time or over weeks, I’ve realized the original thing that sparked this conflict is usually small but can end up hurting you BIG! I’m not sure if this is true for you, too, but usually this situation happened when I assumed incorrectly, misinterpreted, or expected unrealistically. Now I’ve learned to assume that the other person has my best interest at heart and would not intentionally hurt me. By doing so, I’ve stopped myself from getting hooked on a thought or feeling that leads me down a dangerous path. I struggled a lot with having expectations of the other person that he or she didn’t even know! I set the other person up because others can’t fulfill my expectations if I’ve never verbalized them. I’ve overcome that by expressing my expectations prior to an event, get-together or even just being with
all the family. Now I’m so much more appreciative and thankful when someone does something unexpected! It takes courage to be completely open and to lay everything out on the table. Courage to be vulnerable and to face things in yourself. Sometimes all I need is to hear the truth from the other person. To hear them say, “That’s not how I meant it,” or even just a reassuring “I love you.” Or it could lead you to recognize something in yourself, a behavior or attitude, for which you need to apologize. I still get nervous and have “butterflies” about confrontations. But with time and work, it has become a little easier and my relationships are better now than I could have ever imagined! And I know they are going to continue to grow. Now I don’t run from or try to avoid confrontation, instead I look at it as a chance for us to grow and for a fresh start!
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— Alyce Reeves
If you’ve been married two months or more, chances are you’ve had numerous opportunities to be ruffled, disrespected, offended, or hurt by your husband or wife. Since that’s the nature of living with another person in an intimate relationship, we all need the healing touch of forgiveness. I’ve often thought about this statement from Ed Wheat in The First Years of Forever:
Marriage becomes a series of surprises for most of us, and one of them is how frequently we need to forgive and be forgiven.” WHERE IS YOUR MARRIAGE TODAY? Could your love connection use a fresh start? Maybe you two have fallen into a dull routine or an ever-busy schedule that’s causing emotional and physical distance. Have you lost that loving feeling?
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Or on a deeper level, have you experienced pain from your mate’s hurtful words or decisions? God always has a good plan for you. He loves you and your sweetheart. Take hope today from these Bible verses, “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” (Lamentations 3:22-23) Your ability for a fresh start to reconnect as lovers and friends will depend largely on your choice to forgive each other. Forgiveness will bring the healing you need to get through the rough spots to a more loving relationship. There are many good things you can do to jump-start your love.
FORGIVENESS IS NOT….. Some people seem confused about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a feeling. Forgiving your spouse does not mean forgetting or condoning what has happened to you. Forgiveness in marriage is not saying that things are okay now and then going back and d accepting your spouse’s unacceptable behavior. It is not letting the guilty spouse “off the hook,” and it does not minimize or justify the wrong.
FORGIVENESS IS….. Forgiveness is a choice that you make because you care about yourself, your marriage, and your spouse. It is primarily for the freedom of the person who forgives, but others benefit from the healthier you. Your decision to forgive means you have given up your right to punish your mate and to define yourself as a victim. Most importantly, you will let God deal with him or her.
WHAT IF I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness.. will give your marriage the power to move past the bad and experience the good!
We all make mistakes. Take responsibility for your own attitudes and actions that have caused your sweetheart to feel disrespected, unloved, insecure, or unsuccessful. I remember when I realized I had offended my husband in a situation; I was heartbroken that I had caused him pain. I admitted my fault and asked for his forgiveness. If you’re truly sorry for something you’ve said or done, let your spouse know that you realize what you did was wrong and how it hurt them.
THESE ARE "NOT" APOLOGIES: “I’m sorry if I was wrong; I hope I didn’t hurt you.” "I’m sorry I said what I said, but you were wrong too.” “Sorry.”
THIS "IS" AN APOLOGY: “When I __________ (name what you said or did), I was wrong. I know that hurt you and I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”
Forgiveness is a choice that you make because you care about yourself, your marriage, and your spouse."
HOW TO FORGIVE Let forgiveness become a way of life for you. It will give your marriage the power to move past the bad and experience the good. People who are happily married are quick to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. • Forgive even though you don’t feel like it. • Forgive even if your mate has not apologized. • Forgive even though your mate does not deserve it. • Forgive for your own health.
THINGS TO REMEMBER • Be honest about your hurt feelings. Your mate needs to know how his or her behavior affected you. • Make a decision to forgive your spouse. • When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts. Pray…remembering that God is by your side. • Don’t throw mistakes back in your spouse’s face at a later date. Don’t use it as ammunition in an argument. • Don’t seek revenge. It will only extend the pain. • Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the hurtful behavior. • Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process. • If you continue to be unable to forgive, or find yourself dwelling on the hurt, seek counseling to help you let go and forgive. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 Bo and Alyce Reeves have a passion for healthy hearts, from the physical heart to the emotional and spiritual heart. They are committed to building strong, loving relationships in the couples around them through weekly marriage enrichment groups, marriage retreats, and counseling.
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The
ABC’s of
NEGOTIATING Mid-Life Health For Today’s Woman —Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, Author of “Brain-Framing”
It is a familiar refrain in my yoga class, repeated by women from 40-something to 50-something and beyond: “My body is changing and I don’t like it.” Weight gain, mood swings, “puffiness,” lackluster hair and skin, “muffin tops”…the list seems dismal and daunting at the same time. Yet, there is a lot that women can do, beginning before age 40, when hormonal shifts, demands of career and family, and general fatigue really hit hard. I put them into an easy to clip “ABC” format. And, by the way, each of the points has been triangulated with research, meaning that at least three different reputable studies or experts have confirmed them.
A
SK Make a point of asking for trades on a menu. My
favorite is “double vegetables” instead of a starch. Fewer calories and important antioxidants for your skin.
B
ERRIES Blue, purple, red. Frozen or fresh. Add them to
salads. Make them into smoothies. They increase the speed of neurons and the rate of weight loss.
C
HOCOLATE Make it 70% or more
dark chocolate, one small serving, to balance out mood swings. The new favorite among ladies, those nifty 100 calorie bars at Trader Joe’s.
D
ENTIST I never realized how much yellowing teeth can age a person or how much dental stress was impacting my well being. At age 52, I got a night-guard and my sleep and TMJ are so much better.
E
LEVATE Literally. Stack some pillows and put your legs up
the wall for 10 minutes each evening. Back pain, circulation, and relaxation can all be addressed with a bit of “legs up the wall.”
F
RIENDS are never more important than when mid-life
disappointments, the empty nest, or health issues press in. Create and maintain positive connections with women who share your passion for health, altruism, and spirituality.
G
REEN The color green is for tea. Sipping a cup of hot green
tea as soon as I sit down for a meal eases appetite and helps me to avoid appetizers that add too many dense calories.
H I
ANDS Find a good moisturizer with SPF and apply it day and night. It isn’t too late.
NVESTIGATE new places, ideas, and skills. It is a myth that
Dr. Linda Karges-Bone, professor, author, wife, and mother is on the faculty of Charleston Southern University’s School of Education and is the creator and voice of the “Prayerful Parenting” radio program heard nationally on the Family Radio Network. Linda is the author of 28 books and writes frequently on education, parenting, women’s issues, and wellness.
our brains are not capable of learning. They are, but it takes longer and typically requires smaller “chunks.” A great place to start: audio books while driving.
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J
OIN a co-op for fresh vegetables this summer and try new items like spaghetti squash or heirloom tomatoes.
K
INDNESS Choose a charity or
project that becomes your “signature piece” and invest yourself in it. You are old enough and experienced enough to make a huge difference in an organization and too old to be fluttering around random projects that make you feel tired.
L
OOSEN UP Let go of petty concerns and the desire
for perfection. A meal can be a beautiful salad. An exercise session can be a walk on a drizzly day with a fun umbrella. A cup of tea can replace a fancy lunch with a friend.
M
AKE ROOM for yourself. Get rid of clutter. Put out only
S
ABBATH One of the “10 Hot Trends” in the new decade
is said to be the return to a real Sabbath, a day of rest, rejuvenation, and reflection. Spiritually, physically, mentally and socially, women in mid-life need a day to rest. For Christians, this should be a natural choice; but it is amazing how many women put in their “church time” in the morning and then seize the rest of the day to get as much done as possible, losing the real focus of a God-given opportunity.
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RADES are a great way to increase wellness and decrease
inflammation. Trade popcorn (air-popped) for chips. Trade frozen yogurt for premium ice cream. Trade ground turkey or soy crumbles for beef. My favorite: spaghetti squash for pasta.
U V
P Sit up. Straight. Maybe on an exercise ball instead of in a chair. Stand up, instead of sitting whenever you can.
ALIDATE IT Write down what you eat and not just for
the holiday décor that you love. Create a room for your projects. I made a “boudoir” for my scarves, purses, and costume jewelry and instead of feeling bad about getting dressed, I play “dress up.”
calories or “points.” How many colors of fruits and vegetables did you eat yesterday? If it wasn’t at least 5 different ones, you need to make some changes.
N
W
EVER leave the house without a healthy snack. Lately, I’ve
been making homemade hummus and packing it in a plastic container (2 tbsp.) with carrot sticks and a few pita or pretzel chips.
O
STEO…or your “bones”
should become a priority. Get a baseline bone density scan and begin to consider your bones are as important as your brain.
P
ILATES Not just for the rich
and famous, this structured body sculpting makes you longer and stronger and addresses issues like balance. Mat classes are nice, but a private lesson on “the equipment” may change your life.
ATER Hydration for the skin, the brain, and for
weight loss is often talked about, and just as often neglected. A lot of women became addicted to diet colas in their college years and then added coffee when the career kicked in. But when mid-life puffiness assaults and the scale won’t budge, nothing helps like water.
X Y
”EXPECT” changes and accept them with compassion.
OGA is my “go to” favorite. From a rigorous morning
UIT Yep. Quit something that you have been doing, going to, giving to, or saying that diminishes your energy, your zest for life, or your beliefs. Resign. Re-align. Refuse.
practice to a gentle evening class, yoga stretches the mind and body at a time in my life when I need both. Choose a teacher and center carefully, so that the practice is truly about health and not about a spiritual focus. The YMCA, for example or even local hospitals offer inexpensive yoga classes often taught by nurses or physical therapists.
R
Z
Q
ELAX Turn off the computer and television an hour before
bedtime and go to bed an hour earlier than you have been. Amazingly, this seems to decrease the number of calories that one consumes by around 300….a great boost for weight management.
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UMBA is great, but can lead to injuries if you haven’t been
moving in a while. Prepare for a new challenge like Zumba with good shoes and a teacher who is aware of your health status and energy level, so that you don’t crash and burn.
Things Kindergarten Kids Say... —Amy Brace, K5 Teacker
Kids WHY DID GOD MAKE MOMS? “To help the little kids do what’s right.” LONDON
Their Moms!
“Because he wants the world to be nice.” BEN “To help us with special projects.” MADISON
WHAT DOES YOUR MOM DO AFTER SHE FINISHES HER WORK? “She doesn’t really do work at home, except print stuff out.” BEN
IF YOU COULD GIVE YOUR MOM ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
“She does a little bit more work and then she takes us to the playground.” AMBER
“A new dress with snowmen on it.” DILLON
HOW ARE MOMS AND DADS DIFFERENT? “Daddy has hair sticking out like a mohawk with lotion in it and Mommy’s hair just comes down.” MIKEY
WHAT’S THE PRETTIEST THING ABOUT YOUR MOM? “She loves me with all her heart.” TYLER
WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR MOM? “God made her in His image.” AUSTIN “On Tuesdays, she makes me a good breakfast.” NILES
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Hello! My name is BENTLEY POLITE, TE, but people call me “B” for short. I am a little penguin nguin that lives at the South Pole. My sister’s name me is Bellisimo, but we all call her Bella. My mom is Beatrice, and my Papa is Bernardo. We have no pets. ts. We get our last name from the beautiful, colorful orful and grand pole-lights that grace our southern n sky. It’s pretty cold where I live, so we penguins learned d that we can warm up our world by being kind and friendly to ourselves urselves and others. The not-so-scientific research done by our proper oper Head of Community Affairs at the South Pole has declared our Polite Promise – “to live kindly everyday!” We invite you to come play with us at our cool website, ProperPenguin.com, filled with many free games and activities. ies.
Since we were already naturally dressed up, we thought we would share some tips with your parents to help encourage you on your journey of kindness.
Are confidence & manners related? Helping children become more confident is a common concern for parents. Webster’s dictionary defines confidence as: “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.” If your child has knowledge that results in the ability to act in the right or proper manner in a situation, this helps to instill confidence. Good manners are ground rules we can use to teach our children the guidelines needed for living well, which in turn increases their confidence.
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Yes, good manners and confidence are directly related. Most importantly, teaching good manners is not only about ch children learning earning “what” to do…but rather, something much m bigger — it is about teaching them ”how” to be. Cynthia hia Grosso is a nati national etiquette expert and the author of The Proper per Penguin: Pe The Story of B. Polite, a National Civility Program, and other books and programs. Ms. Grosso helps parents instill confidence in their children through learning respect for themselves, which enables respect for others. Visit Charlestonschoolofprotocol.com for more information.
So, What Are You Waiting For? — Katrina Spigner
How many times have you stood in a line at the grocery store, bank, or other retailer only to find that the line next to you was moving at a faster pace than the one you picked?
O
n a number of occasions, I have gotten in a line that appeared to be shorter only to discover that it was moving at a snail’s speed and the lines next to me were zooming past. Nevertheless, I would just say to myself, “I picked the wrong line (again),” and settle in to wait my turn in my line.
During one of my extended stays in line, I had an epiphany. W Why had I resolved to stay in a line that was going nowhere qui qu quickly, i when all I had to do was…MOVE? What were my reas re reasons asoo for staying where I was despite the fact that I was saw othe ot other herr opportunities to go faster and still chose not to pursue them th em?? Why W was I waiting, when waiting was actually holding them? up m myy pr progress? What a moment What moo m of revelation! Not only did these questions apply to m myy ch choi oice ce in terms of how I approached checkout lines, but choices also al so h how ow I h had ad allowed myself to handle the proverbial lines of my llif ife. e. As As I began begg to honestly assess this behavior in myself, I be life. reco re recognized cogn gniz ized ed tthr three hree reasons I didn’t move to another line: hree It w was as jjus just ustt “easier” “eas “e asie ier” r” to remain where I was.
2
1
But, the truth of the matter is, none of these reasons were good enough to keep me from making the shift. In using these excuses, I was really allowing myself to:
1 3
Stay in my comfort zone. Let fear and intimidation rule.
2
Never take risks because of the potential to fail.
Do you find yourself standing in the same line? If so, I have just one question for you, “What are you waiting for?” When I asked myself this same powerful question, I quickly realized that my only holdup was me. I was standing in the way of my own progress. I was sabotaging my own advancement. I was making the choice to remain stuck where I was unnecessarily. Every day you have a fresh start with new opportunities to step into the line that has been orchestrated for your purpose and ultimate destiny. No more procrastination, no more fear, and no more excuses.
NOW is your time!
I believed beli be liev eved ed that, ttha hat, t, when whe w he I started toward the othe ot other herr line, line li ne,, someone some so meon onee eelse would probably get ther th there eree be befo before fore re me. me. So So what wh was the use? I thought, thou th ough ght, t, “What ““Wh What at if if I get get in that line, slows then th en iitt sl slow owss down. down do wn.. Then II’ll just be stuck that line. might stuc st uckk in ttha hatt li line ne.. So I m mig igh h as well stay st ay w whe where here re I aam. am.” m.””
3
What a moment of revelation!
DO YOU USE THE SELF-CHECKOUT REGISTER?
2 out of 3 women say "Yes, please, I’m in a hurry!"
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A Place Called
—Janton Barrineau
I could see tears begin to run down his right cheek. The image of his face in the window of the touring van was superimposed over passing objects outside in the narrow streets. Beyond the reflection, his eyes followed young children playing on soccer fields, mothers pushing their babies down concrete sidewalks, and sunlight dancing on the glass of large, modern office buildings. “It’s just like America,” he said quietly under his breath, still desperately trying to hold back the flood of emotions. “Fifty nine years ago, I was just a kid with combat boots and a gun, following orders, doing what I was asked to do. Now I understand why.”
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he year was 2003 and the place was St. Lo, France. The man whose image appeared in the glass was my father. At the young age of 21, he marched and fought his way into this European city, then occupied by the German Army. He and his generation were successful, both in answering the call of their country and in liberating the people of St. Lo from the Nazis. The final tally resulted decades later by creating a quality of life unparalleled by most of the current world. We traveled on and saw most of the Normandy countryside including Omaha Beach, its famous cemetery, and the little French village of Vidouville, where my dad was wounded in battle. We visited buddies, who in his mind, still looked like 19 and 20 year old boys. “They never left St. Lo,” he said. “They never lived a full life...they are the real heroes.”
one quarter away. So why then, with a great dad, almost perfect in every way, did I feel disconnected from him growing up? How does this happen? What did I do? I knew that I was loved and cared for, that was not an issue. The answer to those internal questions would come in Normandy. As the touring van came to a quick stop, one of the most meaningful conversations with my dad started with these words, “Dad, are you ok?” From that gateway question came words I had never heard before, a side of my dad perhaps hidden from my perception. It was a new experience. The man who I idolized and always saw as strong became vulnerable and honest. It’s indeed strange how seeing a place will bring back vivid images and emotions. It caused him to reflect on his entire life’s effort. As he overlooked the countryside, he also surveyed his own heart. Unlike some of his buddies, he lived his life fully. Now in the final recount, he honestly had few regrets, except one. “I’m sorry,” he said. Somehow in those two words I understood. We were both honest. He spoke about his absence in my life while busy doing “the right things” and I revealed to him my rebellion as a son. We talked. We walked. We laughed. We cried. We hugged. I rediscovered my dad. Most of all, we connected.
He was reconnecting with memories long put away since 1944. As his child, I was reconnecting with him. For many of my father’s generation, the way to deal with painful memories was simply to put them away. After the war, many returned home to quickly seek out their place in society. Some pursued careers, most married and started a family, giving way to this nation’s largest population boom. Whatever their endeavor, the work was exciting, honest, and noble. Most of all peaceful...anything but war. The war for them had been so terrible, so violent, robbing many of I believe them of their youth entirely. “Peace” was the buzzword much of that of the day; painful memories were shoved back, never experience to be remembered or spoken of for years to come. during those
war years fueled
I had no way of knowing at that moment in less than a year, Dad would leave. This time not by his choice or circumstance, but rather by a cruel disease that robbed him of almost every memory he had, both good and bad. Those few short months were like gold. In the almost eight years that followed, I leaned on those conversations in Normandy...still do. I could still hear his voice saying, “You are my son,” even when he no longer had no clue who I was.
My father was no exception. He returned home my father for to North Charleston, no longer a boy, but a man. his success in Making good on his deal with God, also known as ministry. “foxhole religion,” he quickly committed his life to Christ, married and was soon called into full-time A wonderful passage is found in the Bible that states, “He will ministry — a far cry from war. He moved to Cleveland, Tennessee turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts with his young bride of six months, attended Lee Bible College of the children to their parents.” Simply put, the verse speaks on the G.I. bill and graduated after two years. He soon was called of God’s desire to reconcile the generations. To redo what was to Kentucky, where he raised six children, pastored over nine undone. His heart is not only for us to connect with Him, but to congregations; and as they say, the rest is history. But not really. each other, as well. I believe much of that experience during those war years fueled my To the readers of this article, who find themselves searching to father for his success in ministry. A godly man, loving husband and connect with their father, for whatever reason, I simply issue this good provider, you haven’t met a man who loved people more. A challenge. LOOK FOR A NORMANDY. Find the “place” where witness of the horrors of war, he was completely driven and consumed you can be real, or at the very least, begin again. Not just a physical by deep convictions to help and minister to people. He married or geographical place, but a place where it’s safe for connection people. He buried people. He baptized. He dedicated babies. He to happen. A place where honesty is welcome and real love lives. visited the sick. He pastored. He did the very best he could. When you find that place, you will more than likely rediscover more than just your father. Growing up, I always had change in my pocket, a candy bar in the afternoon after school, and a high score in Pac-Man was just
tribute
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DO YOU GROW YOUR OWN?
Nope, just fakes! 45% Flowers 44% Vegetables 24% Herbs 18%
Recipes from the Charm of Charleston II cookbook, available at pointemag.com
Vidalia Onion Casserole
Squash Casserole
Asparagus
6
large Vidalia onions, sliced thin
4
cups cooked squash
1
½
cup margarine
2
eggs, well beaten
olive oil
1
cup sharp Cheddar cheese, grated
1
cup cream of mushroom soup
kosher salt
25-30 butter crackers, crushed
½
cup mayonnaise
DIRECTIONS
1
(5 ounce) can evaporated milk
1
medium onion, chopped fine
1.
½
cup grated Parmesan cheese
1
cup Cheddar cheese, grated
Steam asparagus. Coat in olive oil; sprinkle with kosher salt.
DIRECTIONS
½
sleeve butter crackers, crushed
2.
Ready to serve. Simple. Healthy.
1.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sauté onions in margarine until clear. Put onions in 9 x 13 inch casserole. Spread Cheddar cheese on top of onions. Top with butter crackers. Pour evaporated milk over crackers and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.
DIRECTIONS
Bake 20 minutes.
Zucchini Casserole
2.
1.
2.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix first 6 ingredients together. Pour into greased casserole dish. Bake 30-45 minutes. Sprinkle crushed butter crackers on top and brown.
bundle asparagus
Broccoli & Burnt Butter 1
bunch fresh broccoli
1
stick butter
DIRECTIONS
1.
Steam broccoli. Slowly brown/burn your butter in small saucepan (yes, on purpose!).
2.
Pour burnt butter over broccoli. No other seasoning is needed. Delicious!
Corn Casserole
2
pounds or 6 cups yellow and/or green squash, sliced thin
1
large can whole kernel corn (undrained)
½
cup onions, sliced
1
large can cream style corn
1
2
eggs beaten
can cream of chicken, celery, or mushroom soup
1
stick margarine, melted
1
cup sour cream
8
ounces sour cream
1
cup shredded cheese
1
bunch fresh green beans
1
box quick corn muffin mix
8
ounces herb stuffing mix
1
tablespoon olive oil or canola oil
cheddar cheese, grated
½
cup margarine, melted
1
clove garlic, crushed or minced
¼
cup onion, chopped
DIRECTIONS
DIRECTIONS
1.
1.
Cook squash and onion in salted water 5 minutes; drain.
2.
Combine soup, sour cream, and cheese. Fold in zucchini and onion. Combine stuffing and melted margarine.
3.
Spread ½ stuffing mix on bottom of greased 9 x 13 inch pan. Spoon vegetable mixture evenly on top. Spread remaining stuffing on top. Bake for 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients, except cheese, together and pour into greased casserole dish.
2.
Bake 45 minutes.
3.
After baking, add Cheddar cheese on top and bake until melted.
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spring spring 2012 2012
Easy Sautéed Green Beans with Garlic
Salt and pepper to taste DIRECTIONS
1.
Lightly sauté garlic and onion in oil. Add fresh green beans.
2.
Sauté 3-5 minutes. Serves: 4.
Color Me Happy!
Freshen up your landscape with these garden trends! You don’t need a large area; small spaces can have big impact.
MAKE IT PERSONAL
REUSE
Today’s rising trend is bringing the inside OUT. Extending your personal flare from the interior of your home to the exterior has become a top landscape priority. Carrying interior colors outside will create continuity and flow. Don’t be afraid to introduce new colors that make you happy.
Rising in popularity is the antiqued, distressed look. If this style captures your heart, then consider adding a few vintage accents from repurposed materials.
The key is bringing your personal touch to your outdoor haven. Anything goes in the garden to create the same comfy cozy feeling you find in your family room.
GET INTIMATE People feel so relaxed around a fire pit. There is something about it that makes you want to gather close with friends and family, swap stories, and enjoy the moment. They are budget-friendly, and you don’t need a fancy design or large patio. Simply pull up a chair and join the circle!
Repurposing materials in your garden is a creative way to add inexpensive accents to your front and backyard landscapes. With just a little imagination, you can think beyond a container’s initial purpose and give it a new use. Consider some of these container ideas in your yard: galvanized tubs, wheelbarrows, toolboxes, wire or metal containers, wicker baskets, ladder back chairs, wagons, painted cans, old colanders, dresser drawers or anything vintage. The list is endless. Start searching your home, attic and garage for fresh possibilities!
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My family has been blessed to have grown…in numbers, but not in the common, expected way. Last September, we welcomed a new addition, actually, more of a muchsought-after and prayed-for returning addition. And not a newborn but a teenager!
— Jeff King
O
ur niece came back to live with us to finish out her high school years. Victoria (Tori) originally moved to South Carolina with her mother and brother over three years ago. When they first arrived, it became clear that the children needed to stay with us while their mother worked through some emotional and physical problems. Both my niece and nephew have since moved back in with their mother here in South Carolina. Although we agree it’s best for children to be with their natural parents, it was a rough road of adjustments, building new relationships, and regaining trust. We were all surprised, however, last fall when her mom decided to move back to Louisiana. My niece had just started high school and settled in life here. We began to pray that God would move mountains for us and Tori. We asked very specifically if He would work miracles and provide a way for her to stay for the rest of her high school years. Within 48 hours, we received a phone call from her mother asking us if we minded keeping Tori for another three and a half years for her to finish high school here.
38 } pointe!
spring 2012
And since September, Tori has been thriving. While she is my niece and not my biological daughter, if the word daughter were based on love, she’d be my daughter in every sense of the word. Admittedly, I’ve never had a teenage daughter before, so I don’t have much to go on; I can’t imagine having a better one. She is such a joy to be around. And as if you couldn’t tell, it didn’t take her long to get me wrapped around her finger. (She probably just took cues from my wife and nine-year old daughter.) Needless to say, I have a very hard time telling her “no.” Luckily, she doesn’t ask for much. She just wants to be a normal teenager. She is concerned about things like keeping her grades up, keeping her room clean, and keeping the boys away. (Okay, I made the last one up.) These are the things we expect our teenagers to worry about. Although her past has been tough and required her to be more of an adult and stronger than most girls her age, she knows we can’t change the past. We can only pray that God continues to reveal Himself to us in a way we never thought possible. And for my niece, that means a fresh start in a new direction.
It's spring fever... That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want —oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly f y makes your y heart ache, you want it so! —Mark Twain
Surcee n. [sur-see] a small, unexpected gift, given just because! What gal doesn’t love a surcee? EVERY WEEK THIS SPRING, POINTE! MAGAZINE IS GIVING SOMETHING AWAY! Like us on Facebook and follow blog.pointemag.com to automatically be entered into our weekly drawings! Learn more and sign up today by visiting pointemag.com and FB.
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All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of yesterday. —unknown