34 Pattaya Today
B
ar owner possible suicide: Trevor Hawley, better known among Pattaya and Bangkok bar owners simply by his initials TJ, was found dead in a hotel room in South Pattaya at the start of October. According to early reports it appeared TJ, the owner of the formerly very popular Coyotees gogo in Soi Marina Plaza, had allegedly committed suicide by ingesting a large quantity of sleeping pills. Questions have since been raised that this was not the case and his demise may be a little more suspicious. Coyotees had been raided on a few occasions in recent times and was suffering in a business sense as a consequence. The latest raid had resulted in TJ and a slew of dancers being hauled off to the local plod shop to explain the short-time rooms and the naked shows. That TJ was, so it is claimed, practically bankrupt financially, meant he was unable to supply the necessary funds required to make these kinds of issues go away. There was an early rumour TJ might have somehow faked his own death and scarpered to Cambodia, ala John Stonehouse style (the British MP who was later found in Australia). This theory I believe has been well and truly scotched. Many bar owners in Pattaya didn’t have a good word to say about TJ, for a variety of reasons, most of them centring on his blatant attempts to lure the youngest and best looking dancers to come and work for him. He was quite successful at enticing talent and this, not unnaturally, angered other business operators. Personally I didn’t mind him and, by and large, found him straight enough to deal with. He was a ladies man through and through rather than ‘one of the boys’. He knew from
Vol. 9 No. 03 16 - 31 October 2009
the start Coyotees would struggle to get passing trade and no matter what anyone says about him he succeeded in spades in a location that was always one of Fun Town’s black holes. For the nocturnalists: It is now, arguably, the most popular and well-patronised late night (and into the early morning) disco in Pattaya. Club Insomnia, which is well named, has been known to open as late as 7:00am (you didn’t hear that from me) and even at that time, a couple of hours after sparrow fart, it is packed to the gunwales. Just how the Marine and Marine 2 discos are staying viable is hard to fathom. Both have that tired and careworn look and are a far cry from being the place to be in the hours after 2:00am. Price is no real object: Although I know a lot of people who aren’t impressed by the wallet-raping pricing structure in the What’s Up soap-suds r us go-go (Soi 15), the joint continues to do a roaring trade. Admittedly, many of those unhappy about the prices (for example, 115 baht for a glass of lolly water and 125 baht for an amber fluid) tend to have one drink instead of three before leaving. For holiday-makers with a two-week wallet load of personality, they don’t care. The management of What’s Up at least continues to adhere to the strategies that made it one of the most popular places in Fun Town: lots of soapy water and exposed mammaries allied to a tactile experience for many imbibers. Up, Up and Away: I have never been a great fan of the go-go’s run by the personable Khun Nui, but I have to admit she has well and truly outdone herself with the Airport go-go (Walking Street). A narrow Cuban cigar-length den her first smart move in
the early days was to have a number of very attractive young ladies out the front dressed like airline hostesses. If they happened to work for a real airline I have no doubt it would be the most well patronised in the history of air travel. Initially, the dancing maidens were an average crew, but in recent times Nui seems to have attracted a genuinely top-notch gaggle of wallet emptiers and mattress actresses. The den is somewhat derivative: the white walls reminiscent of good places like Heaven Above while the Jacuzzi with its non-stop running water no doubt reminds punters of What’s Up. The place was packed with revellers and around 50 dancing damsels. The music was good car alarm (yes, there really is such a thing), draught amber is 85 baht, and there wasn’t a PAD demonstrator is sight, so it looks like the place should stay open. Arguably, Airport now rates as one of the mustvisit go-go’s in Fun Town. A short stroll on the Dark Side: The eastern side of Pattaya just seems to be getting busier and busier with more little bars opening almost every week. Most cater to a regular expat clientele, which is hardly surprising given that the majority of two-week millionaires only see Sukhumvit Road when arriving and leaving. A friend and I trekked off one lazy afternoon for an inspection of a few bars along Soi Khao Noi. We started at the Black Sheep (I’m reliably informed it is owned by a man from New Zealand, hence the affinity with little woolly creatures). It’s at the top end of Soi Khao Noi and has only been operational for a short period. There’s a free pool table, lolly water is 35 baht and bottled amber fluid is 60 baht. During happy hour, from 5:00 to 7:00pm, the amber nectar is just 50 baht a bottle. The ladies whose hands are magnetically drawn to the nether regions of customers were a friendly if somewhat average crew, but the bar was reasonably busy. We next dropped into the Banana bar, further down the road heading towards Sukhumvit. We didn’t stay for the simple reason the place looked as if it had just opened and the four or five employees were still applying war paint between slurping on bowls of noodles. Instead we took ourselves off to the Paradise bar. It has changed a little since my
last visit: opening up the front entrance and thereby making the bar inside lighter. As with most Sierra Tango joints the one-eyed trouser snake aficionados are a friendly crew and by and large an alluring bunch. Actually, they seem to have a predilection for getting very up close and personal with the blueveined monster; shyness is not a trait to be found on their CV. Bottled amber fluid is 60 baht while lolly water is just 30 baht. There is, like Black Sheep, a free pool table. Still in the top ranks: The Peppermint go-go (Walking Street) might no longer be considered the best in Pattaya, but it remains a wellrun and reasonably popular venue. As I’ve mentioned before, the mammary flashing barmaids have gone, but the centre stage, table dancers, the euphemistically called ‘pussy corner’, and the somewhat strange rear cage sections all remain. While the overall quality of the dancing damsels isn’t what it was compared to a few years ago, the same comment could be applied to every go-go in Pattaya. As far as numbers are concerned, the place is well stocked and so there should be something for everyone. Happy hour offers almost all thirst quenchers at just 55 baht until about 9:30pm. The remix style of music is not for everyone, although I personally quite like it, as the DJ seems to have picked the best of what’s available. How long is a piece of string? I fancy among the reasons the World Wide gogo (Beach Road, between Soi 7 and 8) does quite well is that it looks fairly fresh and clean inside and the dancing damsels look much the same, overdressed as they are in short skirts and bikini tops. Of course, being on the main road with plenty of passing foot traffic doesn’t hurt. The preferred discounted libation is draught amber fluid at 50 baht, while bottled amber froth is 70 baht. There are usually just six dancers on the central stage with most of the other 20 or so hiding in corners. They’re an average lot in the main, although, as with most places, there are a couple quite easy on the eye. The attempt at titillation comes by way of some tedious and boring shows. One involves four girls with very long lengths of coloured string. This is shoved into a place where the sun doesn’t shine and the dancers extract the said string while on stage
and wrap it between the various chrome poles. It’s about as erotic as watching a vet castrate a sheep with a rusty knife. Bit of an iron: I used to be a great fan of the old 1980s British TV series Minder. One of the Cockney rhyming slang terms I recall from that series was the word ‘iron’, used to describe a homosexual. So, you can imagine my surprise when I learnt the new gogo located right next door to Airport has the name Iron Club. Fortunately, the operators have added the phrase ‘exclusive Wild Girls’ underneath. So, at least in know we are dealing with a
distaff go-go bar, although even that term ‘wild girls’ could be construed in such a way as to suggest the dancing damsels have been trapped by persons engaged in a safari in the wilds of Issan. Opened at the start of October, an early spy -who admits he had indulged in a few pots of the amber froth- suggests the ladies of the chrome pole were a friendly and reasonably attractive crew with draught at 65 baht. Piece of Pith: From the 1960s-1970s program Hollywood Squares: Q. What is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Loneliness.