Granny's Guide
When your child won’t take part in activities By Yvette O’Dowd Photos Penny McKenzie and Natured Kids
I
t’s taken you hours to get organised and get here – and now you child won’t get down off your lap and participate!
Parents invest time and money enrolling their toddlers and preschoolers in organised, educational groups and classes. Playgroups, music groups, sensory play, story-time – millennial children have opportunities to fill every day and more. But what can you do if your little one resists engagement and prefers to watch? Well, firstly, it’s okay by the facilitator and other adults! Relax – its not just you or your child. It is very typical for small children to stay close to their caregiver in any new situation and especially so during the multiple periods of separation anxiety of the first couple of years. Early childhood educators are trained to expect this and would not want you to push your toddler or older child to participate. As for other parents or grandparents, they have likely been in the same situation, or in another activity, and they are on your side! Commonly, it takes a few sessions for children to feel at home in a new space, with new people, new sights and sounds. Anxiety is a normal response and staying close to a trusted adult is a typical response. Allow your child time to become familiar with the space and reassure them verbally and physically. There are other things you can do to help your child feel more comfortable: Arrive early if you can. Walking into an activity which has already
started is stressful for anyone. By arriving early, your child has time to meet the facilitator or teacher, see the space before many adults and children arrive, and experience the space before additional sounds and other stimuli are added. Guided by the leader, find a spot where you can observe others
arriving and talk to your child about what they are seeing: “Here comes a child with a blue shirt like yours”. “That child is sitting on a cushion like we are”. “That person has a baby like your sister”. Gentle observations, with no expectation of response from your child. If they point to something or make a comment, reflect that observation back to them: “Yes – that child has a teddy too”. If they comment on sights or sounds in the space, acknowledge these too: “Yes, the music is playing. It is loud”. “The children are running around. We are sitting down.”. Allow time to just observe. 48
Peninsula Kids – Spring 2019
Participate yourself. Gently sing the welcome song while your child
sits on your lap. Take part in an activity holding your child on your hip or secure in a baby carrier. Talk to your child about what you are doing, what the teacher is doing, and what other families are doing. Allow your child the space to begin participating in any way they
wish. This might be gently bouncing on your lap instead of skipping around in the circle. It might be quietly making the animal sounds while everyone else acts them out more vigorously. Watch for subtle signs your child is engaged: a tapping foot when the music plays; rhythmic movement when others beat the drum; looking in the direction the teacher has indicated the children move to. Observation IS participation, just in a very subtle form. Encourage engagement with small parts of the session that seem
less overwhelming. If everyone is digging for bugs, sit with your child away from the main group and do a little digging yourselves. Watch the parachute go up and down while other children run under it and encourage your child to help you hold the edge. If everyone is painting rainbows, offer a pre-loaded paintbrush with just one colour and focus on that. Remember: process not product is most important. There will be plenty of make and take activities to put on the fridge one day – for now, focus on gentle experiences.