By Sylvia Puentes
H
ow many times have you wondered how to have less of a struggle when it comes to parenting? What if you could be at ease with your children, no matter what’s going on?
As parents we often spend so much time judging ourselves, analyzing every choice we make, seeing where we’ve got things “wrong” and constantly trying to change so that we might become the “perfect” parent.
Invite more intimacy. Gratitude is considered to be one of the five elements of intimacy. The other four are honor, trust, allowance, and vulnerability. What if you could have all of these with your children?
These elements aren’t always what we think they are. Allowance isn’t about granting your children permission for anything and everything, but rather allowing them to be and explore who they are without It seems counterintuitive, but what if you began to search for what’s right judgment. Deciding and defining who or what your children should be also prevents you from truly honouring them. about you as a parent? Have you acknowledged everything you’re already doing that works for you and your family? What if you stopped Vulnerability is about being present when anything shows up for judging yourself? you or your child without worrying if you’re getting it right or wrong. It’s actually a tremendous strength to acknowledge anything that’s Here are my tips to help parents avoid self-judgement and happening for you, whether it is a difficult situation or a tender moment. striving for perfection, and parenting with ease and enjoyment Your children will trust you more when they can experience you and without the fight. without any barrier, and it will teach them by example the power of Increase gratitude. vulnerability and all of the elements of intimacy. When you judge the people in your life, from your partner, to your Ask questions. children, or even the people you work with, you stop seeing them as So often we react to what we assume is an issue, blinded by our filters valuable. If you have gratitude for them instead, you begin to see their and prejudgements of ourselves or our child. Asking questions, whether value in ways you didn’t recognise before. aloud or simply to yourself, can assist in getting better clarity on what What if, even in challenging moments, you increased your gratitude exactly is going on. When we ask a question, one that isn’t based on for your children? It’s impossible to be grateful and angry or upset at judgment or assumption, we gain awareness of a situation and what the same time. With more gratitude, you create more space to respond we can choose to do with it. differently. Showing gratitude towards the people in your life not only One question that’s particularly useful in intense moments is, “What’s alleviates the compulsion to fight; it also generates an atmosphere of right about this that I’m not getting?” Rather than going straight to a more ease and enjoyment for everyone. problem, look at the ways you can turn it into a positive, a teaching
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Peninsula Kids – Spring 2019