Go Your Own Way - Meera Lee Patel by penguinpressuk

Identify how much self-confidence you carry within:

On a scale of 1-10, how confident do you generally feel?

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ALSO BY MEERA LEE PATEL How It Feels to Find Yourself: Navigating Life’s Changes with Purpose, Clarity, and Heart My Friend Fear: Finding Magic in the Unknown

JOURNALS Create Your Own Calm: A Journal for Quieting Anxiety Made Out of Stars: A Journal for Self-Realization Start Where You Are: A Journal for Self-Exploration

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an imprint of

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First published in the United States of America by TarcherPerigee 2023 First published in Great Britain by Particular Books 2023 001 Text copyright © Meera Lee Patel, 2023 Book design by Meera Lee Patel The moral right of the author has been asserted Printed and bound in Italy by Printer Trento srl. The authorized representative in the EEA is Penguin Random House Ireland, Morrison Chambers, 32 Nassau Street, Dublin d 02 yh 68 A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library isbn : 978–0–241–65740–9

www.greenpenguin.co.uk Penguin Random House is committed to a sustainable future for our business, our readers and our planet. This book is made from Forest Stewardship Council® certified paper.

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To you, for summoning the courage and the confidence to go your own way

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I wasn’t raised to be confident. I was a stubborn child, which worried my family. Stubbornness was perceived as a detriment, a pestering characteristic that would almost certainly repel potential relationships and opportunities. As a young girl raised by immigrant parents, I was taught to be accommodating, modest, and grateful for all I had. It wasn’t until I was a fully grown adult that I began to appreciate my stubbornness for what it really was: a sign of my dedication, persistence, and belief in myself. It’s nearly impossible to possess self-confidence when you feel like an outsider. Growing up as one of few BIPOC families in a wealthy, all-white town meant that besides my family, there was no one who looked like me. There was no one who also struggled to straddle two worlds, no one who could relate to what it feels like to be a thirdculture kid. This inability to relate to any of my peers during my developmental years—for my entire adolescence—led me to despise anything that made me different from the people around me. It made me despise myself. I spent years lightening my skin, hanging my hopes of acceptance on bleach creams and scrubs. I thought if I scrubbed hard enough, my brown skin would eventually give way to white. I stopped speaking my native language, opting only for English, especially around classmates and friends. I stopped being myself because what I wanted more than anything else was to be accepted—and to me, that meant being someone else. The hardest part about childhood is that you have little choice about where you live and the people, environment, and culture that’s accessible to you. You believe that the small world around you is

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indicative of the entire world. It’s difficult to comprehend that another world, another life—can exist. As I grew older my environment changed, and the world—or what I knew of it—split wide open. I attended a performing arts high school that prioritized diversity. I was no longer restricted to the presence of the few dozen peers I grew up with. Instead, I met intelligent and creative students from all over the state. I met people from a range of economic backgrounds, ethnicities, languages, family dynamics, and interests. Everyone was different, and all the more beautiful because of it. This was the first time in my young life that I clearly remember feeling less alone. I felt proud of what set me apart from everyone else, and my confidence bloomed. Throughout the years, I’ve realized that my differences are strengths. This includes my skin color, my culture, and my language, but extends to include my thoughts, my philosophies, my beliefs, and my values—and how I choose to practice them. These elements come together to form the essence of who I am. In moments of doubt and insecurity, I remind myself that no other person can think like me, nurture friendships like me, express themselves like me, create as I do. My voice is who I am, and the person I am uniquely connects me to the world. When facing your own moments of doubt or insecurity, I want you to remind yourself of the very same: Your voice is who you are and the person you are uniquely connects you to the world. You have the ability to leave an impression on each person you meet and the part of their life you touch. Use this reminder to instill confidence and love within yourself. Self-confidence is knowing yourself deeply; accepting yourself and your imperfections; and loving yourself through impatience, mistakemaking, and life’s messiness. Approach yourself the way you would a loved one—with the same understanding, love, and forgiveness—and with the same kind heart. Confidence isn’t floating through life with

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perfect poise and grace. Confidence is understanding that you will inevitably make mistakes but trusting in your ability to change course and, if necessary, begin again. Confidence is the acceptance and owning of your own power—the power to adapt, change, and rise to the challenges in front of you. Confidence is having the strength and humility necessary for changing your mind. How do you become more confident? Self-confidence grows when you stop trying to be anyone other than who you are—when you lean into the core of yourself with the intention to understand who you are even more deeply. Self-confidence grows when you take care of yourself—when you put healthy foods into your body, move your body in the ways that nourish it, and get enough sleep. Self-confidence grows when you talk to and look at yourself with love and kindness; eventually, you will believe that you are someone worthy of both. Self-confidence grows when you practice something that doesn’t come easily—from becoming comfortable with small talk to mastering a new skill or language. Remember that what looks like it came easily to others is often the result of practice and persistence, not innate ability. As you become familiar with this discomfort, you’ll feel more confident in your ability to learn and navigate new experiences. Your entire world will open up. Things will feel more possible because they will be more possible. Make decisions that reflect who you are, even if they don’t carry the promise of acceptance or approval from others. Live according to the values that make sense to your heart and mind. Listen to your own ideas. Make yourself proud. Remember that you will stumble and fall, but that it’s within you to stand up and try again—and that confidence, and comfort, will always find you when you go your own way.

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Identify how much self-confidence you carry within: On a scale of 1-10, how confident do you generally feel? 1

(I have trouble loving myself)