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FOUNDERS : Dexter Tittil and Chris Jennings Editor In Chief & Creative Director : Chris Jennings Publisher & Managing Director : Dexter Tittil Art Director & Layout Creator : Lisan Sootim Contributors : Writers Shalana Modest aka Toffy Girl Afiya Bishop Mahalia Joseph Lou Orielle Jeffery Brenda Rivelle Toussaint Carolina Quero Chris Jennings Photographers : Chris Jennings Assistants : Vanessa Joaquin Anella Phillip

Special thanks to everyone who makes each issue special - the designers, store owners, artist, models, make up artist, hair stylist, event producers, drivers, caterers and last but not least FWTT ( fashion week of Trinidad and Tobago) for allowing us to be there this year to get so many great photographs and designer biographies first hand to feature in the magazine. To all of you, thank you.

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Letters to Lou

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spired an entire "flock" of self-esteem deprived individuals. When most people see that level of confidence and expression, they automatically desire to become what they are apparently not. This method might seem weird to most but some people yearn for that showmance of confidence and self-expression to give them that push or boost. Take heed, this scenario does not play out for everyone; some people just sink into a lower self-esteem.

he meaning of self-expression according to the website Answers.com means "expression of one's own personality, feelings or ideas..." In layman terms this means "talk yuh mind, doh be fake; just be the real you..." Some may say "What's the point of expressing myself if the society I live in doesn't accept me for who I am?" or "Why must I stand out and be a spectacle for society to laugh at and criticize me?" The answer to this is not only unspoken by many but also metaphorically irrelevant to society as self-expression is. Not only does self-expression motivate those around you, it encourages self-esteem, expands the thoughts of a judgemental race and most importantly unites us. Some people spend years yearning and searching for their true identity. If you've found yours then what's the big "HO-HA"? That "HO-HA" might be living in a society that doesn't accept you for YOU.

It is apparent that we live in a society primarily composed of cliques. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against cliques but wouldn't it be nice to go absolutely rogue on occasions and express yourself instead of conforming to the characteristics of that clique? Come on..let's go nerd on the oppressors! Sometimes expressing your inner being can even boost your confidence to move solo instead of masking your own beliefs just to "fit in" or conform. Take note from Madonna "express yourself, don't go for second best..."

Doesn't it amaze you how individuals can live their entire lives on the views of outsiders? The part that irks (yes irk, thats a new word, means to irritate-look it up) me the most is that if they expressed themselves, they could have in-

This article may come off as if I'm targeting the blame at one individual group but the fact is both parties are at fault. The group that tries to change you and the group 1


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that desperately try to conform because it's the trend. So after reading this article, I hope you realise the importance of self-expression. I f you still aren't convinced remember my 3 step rule:

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Never suppress yourself or your feelings to please anyone but yourself.

Agree to disagree-Please be my guest! What's your opinion?

Express yourself, DON'T YOU DARE go for second best!

JĂŠvan Stroude-Mitchell : The importance of being yourself in today's society.

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As young people it’s hard to find alternative methods to relieving stress, so most people take the negative path rather than trying to find safe ways to deal with their aggression or problems that they just don’t feel the need to speak about or that they feel they can’t speak about, dancing is one of the best ways to release any excess energy, so or negativity when In doubt take a jump, take a literal leap of faith, and shake your troubles away, when all else fails just dance,

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My definition of dance is: a freedom of movement a chance to feel free and get lost within you and the music. I remember my mother always saying “since you small you always moving can't sit down” and she is right I’m 20 turning 21 and I still can't sit down because my whole life has been

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taken hostage by this beautiful art, it's been almost sixteen years I’m dancing and there is still much i need to


learn, you see it was always in my heart and mind to take dancing and the performing arts as my sole career. I was a science student all academic and yes you guessed it a nerd. The type of girl you call an ugly duckling, diamond in the ruff but enough about the past and unto the future I am currently a student of the University of Trinidad and Tobago at the Academy for the Performing Arts I’m interested in all styles of dance my favourite of all being Modern contemporary and hip hop . One of my biggest goals is to become a dancer with the Alvin Ailey American Dance Company but for now I am still moving on up to reach that status you’re gonna see me more in the future to come . love and rockets Jelae

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Celeste Johnny’s unique talent and love for fashion has propelled her rise as an international resort wear designer for one of the newest and most exclusive resort wear brands, JOHNNY VINCENT. Celeste graduated from Louisiana State University where she served as Wardrobe Consultant for the LSU Fashion Committee and was a member of the University’s Fashion Board. Following LSU, Celeste relocated to New York and enrolled at Parsons School of Design where she discovered her passion and talent for designing resort wear. In 2006 she launched JOHNNY VINCENT a true representation of Celeste’s contagious spirit - energetic and full of life. In 2007, Celeste launched her first collection entitled Paradise. This collection paid tribute to the Hollywood of old while displaying an explosion of glamour. With an eye for vibrant color, majestic fabrics, and glamorous accessories, she made JOHNNY VINCENT the “must have” item for any woman’s wardrobe

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Tick Tuck, the walls roared of Remainder Theorem with graphite of pencils, hissing their melancholy and aches, with inaccurate answers of exercises. Behind the air condition unit, laid Suzy caressing everything smooth surface of the floor, wiping her tears with razors to forget her best friend Becky. Suddenly rose whispered so softly in her mind, 'tickle me' crying a dew drop on her cheek, as she gently French kissed the soft edges and stroked the fury stem. Schizophrenia Suzy was a beautiful mind. She was only 11 and the mind rape she experienced engulfed her body into the land of prostitution. It was the beautiful drug of her mentally disturbed cubicle. She flaunted her sexual seduction with confusion of living in an orphanage, calculus and Friday night rates dancing all over her mind. The only way to afford her textbooks was to strut her long red auburn hair with doubles padded bras and momma's red lipstick, To her it metamorphisized into a chain -financial desperation, sexual desire, mind rape and sadly her human nature. The dawn of the day came when the seasons changed in Suzy's life and the rushing lies cobweb of sexual and financial needs entangled her, causing her to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, out-

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side the local welfare hospital. After the days she grieved for every man who scraped pieces of her virginity, she now resides with deep hints of colourful shades of fuchsia, indigo and purple bruises on her skin in harmony, in combination with the sophisticated razor marks on her skin. The gruelling morning when the death of Becky was announced, she calmly awaited by the bus stop, as all calculus m e m b e r s passed her by, singing sweetly, I Run to You by Whitney Houston. As the wind shivered hours later, she gradually slipped off her attire and ran naked in the wind, hoping to return to the portal where she can return to her innocence where the number of integrals we not of ratio to the number of customers she had on Friday nights. Tick tuck, the clock ticked with fiendish laughter as she now caresses a rose with the lips of the last pimp who cause the mental damage of her adolescent human nature, with the dew reminding her of the tattoo shoulder of his she cried on, and the soft stem and his legs her hands laid upon. I prayed Yahweh dis-ease her life by taking her into his hands...


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ith a sudden plethora of online items delivered right at your doorsteps in as little clothing shops in Trinidad it could as a couple working days. be a shopping nightmare decidtellar Avenue is the brainchild of Cari ing which direction to turn to for that new outfit you Chandler and Nicole Murray, two fresh need. graduates of the University of the West Indies. To them, the business idea was How do you know you’re buying from a trusted, resimple – provide a way to help young liable source that will give you professional, high women achieve their desire to stand out, be confiquality service and products worth your money? dent and look beautiful. The term “stellar” is synStellar Avenue makes a boast that arguably no onymous with outstanding and dominant. We want other online clothing shop in the country can echo. to help our customers walk the path of dominance; that is, “Stellar Avenue.” When the company was formed just over a year ago, it revolutionised the art of shopping for styl- No sooner than their business took off the ground ish, classy and in-fashion female attire in this twin with a growing customer base, these two proprietors were faced with a sudden flood of competi--island nation. tors. Stellar Avenue became one of Trinidad’s first ever A barrage of new local businesses and some old online shopping stores, providing an alternative to ones offering the same services emerged on the the hectic, manic experience of street shopping in market making similar boasts. Most of these busiT&T. With a few clicks on StellarAvenue.com, you nesses however are fleeting, and within months can browse from a selection of unique clothing at the current trend sees them fading into obscurity. reasonable prices, place an order and have the

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friend- ‘hey that might be a symptom of breast cancer- go get that checked’ then we would be happy that our little campaign was worthwhile”.

Fleeting or not, no competition has been enough to faze – or Murray. They are adamant that Stellar Avenue possesses the x-factor when it comes to online shopping for stylish, unique apparel.

The future seems bright for Stellar Avenue, and they’ve got a lot on the agenda.

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h a t makes us different is that, apart from our online presence (i.e. stellaravenue.com and facebook), we have opened up our doors, literally. On a Saturday morning we’re available at our showroom for clients who prefer a more personalised shopping experience. I think the people who come to the showroom really like that side of the business. Sometimes people will come in and really just hang out with us, try on some clothes, talk about what’s going showing on the TV, tell us what party they are going to later, you know, the atmosphere is just really comfortable. It’s completely unlike anything you would experience in the average store- there is no rush, there is no pressure to make a purchase, we understand that every woman is different and has different concerns where the way they dress is concerned. We encourage people to come in if they are unsure about something they have seen on the website. Anyone can be a model for a few minutes here, you have our undivided attention.

“We have a big sale coming up to make room for our Christmas stock, last year was our first Christmas and we did lots of dresses and the customers really loved those items. This year we are looking to bring some more unique pieces as well as a lot of accessories. Then right after Christmas we have to start preparing our carnival stock” says an excited---.

“We had a model search a few months ago so I know our customers will be looking forward to seeing who the new faces will be. And in the long term, we are hoping to just continue to grow and expand our service offering, we want to be able to bring in shoes, stylish career wear, plus sizes, the works!” It’s all about what our customers are looking for that they can’t find anywhere else. We encourage people to email us all the time, or write to us Though Stellar is a fledgling, Chandler and Murray on faceare already showing they’re a company with heart. book.” For October – Breast Cancer Awareness Month, they’re doing their bit to heighten awareness. “QUOTE- Our hope is basically that people will read about this disease and take note of how prevalent it is. If one person reads something and remembers it, and maybe 2 years from now they may be able to tell a

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hen my editor brought to me the topic of this months' issue I was so glad because it has been a while that I've wanted to share this with all our female readers. Yes I am selfish to say that this issue is to all my beautiful women.

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Now back to reality and business did you read the head line right? It says LOVE, not LIKE but LOVE. When was the last time you saw yourself in a mirror and didn't complain about the way you look? Or even better when was the last time you got up in the morning looked at yourself and said yes I look hot. I am fabulous, I look real sexy boy! I bet I can count with one hand and am sure it has been once!! . The cruel reality in today's society is that we are too judgmental we live to judge to criticize others and ourselves it is true that we are our biggest critics but we can be harmful and take things to the extreme. Why is it that we are never satisfied with our bodies with ourselves with the way we look? Why is it that we must let and follow society in their judging of appearances, speech or Knowledge?


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e are all different and it is what makes us who we are, if we all looked the same. Dress the same thought and spoke the same life would be so boring and yes I know you may all heard of this before but its true and this is why we have all these beautiful, versatile humans, some are chubby some are skinny, tall, short, slim and trim, piercings, stretch marks, tattoos point is no two people are the same.

your dimples , cherish your body yourself LOVE yourself because in this world there is only ONE Anais , One Christopher , One Vanessa , One Albert One YOU.

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nd to those females who want to change and starve your selves because your 'man' said so . Let me slap some sense into you , that 'man' that is constantly making you feel like you worth nothing , the one whose constantly comparing you to some other girl o me loving my self is not taking on what , who puts you down and insults you I have three others say, not letting society especially words for you BUN THEM ALL. Kick them out, NO MAN telling me what to do or how to NEXT them out ,goodbye to them and hello to you. dress , walk or talk. Some of us will go to the edge and to the end of the world to achieve that here is no way in hell that you should 'perfect body' but what is a perfect body? Society change your size, hair colour, remove classifies a perfect female body with attributes your piercings or tattoos over a ‘man’. such as flat stomach , skinny as hell , boobs , butt The day he decided to ask you to be in , skinny legs and arms and you know what I say his life he was sure signing a contract with you as screw that, do I really want to look like I am about for you. Remember TAKE ME AS I AM OR DON'T to die? With no boobs and butt, hello I love my lit- TAKE ME AT ALL! tle curves my arms my legs and yes even my stretch marks. I may be small but I have my stretch adies as from tomorrow get up and look at marks and I love them. yourself and say you know what my eyes may look puffy , my hair may be in a mess t’s so sad seeing females who are oh so my breath sure stinks but you know what skinny trying to achieve some curves or the I LOVE ME,I LOVE THE WAY I LOOK , I LOVE typical chubby girls trying to starve them- The way my face looks . I LOVE ME I LOVE ME selves. It’s a vicious cycle that we do not and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME! need, we MUST destroy it. So what if I got a few pounds I am proud of them and I know and I feel s a closure I dedicate Runaway from fabulous. So what if I got too many piercings or too Kanye West. Yes say cheers to all those many tattoos or if my skin is too dark, too pale, too a-holes that have put you down to all the yellow or even too green, so what!!!! This is me this haters because at the end it’s all about is who I am this is how I was born the way I was YOU baby. meant to come to this world. Take me as I am and if not ... Don't let the door hit your back side because trust me I won't miss you.

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irls , ladies , women , females , mamacitas of this world there is nothing wrong with the way you look, just like madam Aguilera says 'you're beautiful no matter what they say these words can't bring you down' . You should never be afraid or ashamed for the way you look, talk, sleep, snore, eat , bathe , sing , etc. It is who you are. And the most important thing don't change your appearance or feel ashamed for what you have cherish your stretch marks , cherish

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......take me as I am or don’t take me at all!”


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Fresh from a showing at the International Contemporary Fair at the Jacob Javits Center in New York, Robert Young of The Cloth, marks yet another milestone in his career having taken his signature style to the world with home decor pieces and accessories using his pioneering appliquĂŠ technique. Robert has also continued to receive interest from regional and international industry stakeholders with a recent feature on the highly respected insider global trend forecasting site jcreport.com and a request for an exclusive retail location to be opened in French Caribbean Islands. Robert was also recently featured in the premiere edition of the online magazine trinidadlookbook.com. As the industry grows so does The Cloth. Robert continues to share his brand of Trinidad and Tobago style with the nation, the region and the world. 20


Letters to Lou

hen leaving is easy that is when you should always try to stay. It is always harder to do whatever puts us in the face of adversity. Have you ever wondered if life was all daisies and sprinkles how would it really be? It is the hard ships that mould us and it is the life experiences that we overcame that shapes us. The battles you face when placed in the face of adversity are the building blocks to build your character. When you have loved and lost don’t be upset that it is over be happy that it happen and you were able to have enjoyed it, even if it was only for a little while. Always remember that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

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In this life anything worth having is never easy to obtain. Reason being the harder you work for something, the more

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.....anything worth having is worth fighting for.� 23


you will appreciate it. Like the saying goes anything worth having is worth fighting for. As individuals we get lost in a moment, trapped stuck in a time of what was while we ignore the present reality only in search of what tomorrow may be. There is no future in the past so don’t live in it and if you lose today, then that is your fault, don’t be mad if you don’t get a tomorrow, because tomorrow is never promised. Live in the now, love for today, eat for today, enjoy for today, Life should have a balance. Too much of anything is never good for anyone. Don’t over work yourself, don’t over stress yourself. Life is meant to be experienced not analysed. Do not try to fine tune every moment of your day or time because you can have a day planed down to the last hour and the moment you step out your house you can be hit by a bus and die. What good are your plans when you are dead? Who will live your life for you when you are gone? Fact: you only get one chance, what you do with it is up to you. If you chose to waste it that is your decision, if you choose to embrace it, that is your decision and if you choose to ignore it that too is your decision. The point is this; your life style depends on you. "The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice." If you make no choices then you missed the point of living. You have the power to choose and it is up to you whether or not you decide to embrace that right or disregard that right. When you give up the ability to choose you give up who you are. If you don’t know yourself how can you know someone else? How can you be a friend if you never had one and how can you teach if you never learned or you your self been taught? Most importantly, How can you relate to life and life lessons if you your self have never lived? Never be afraid to live, and do not be afraid to loose, nothing last forever so whatever you experience always remember that it is bound to end sometime, when it does however do not be so afraid to lose it, bear in mind that you enjoyed it

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when it had its time. One of the greatest lessons we are meant to learn but only a few ever do is this: everything is life has a season. A time and place for it all. Situations will occur and those same situations may or may not leave you. What happens if it does? Never be too afraid to experience anything because of the fear of losing it but be anxious to accept the opportunity when it comes and always make the best of it. You never know when opportunity will come knocking at your door and unfortunately you will never know when it may leave, so Never get so attached to anything that you cannot function if it is gone, as stated earlier nothing last forever . How you function when it all falls down is up to you. Sure you can sit and cry and hurt and wish to die but what good would come from that? True courage is when you push forward when it seems

Fact: you only get one chance, what you do with it is up to you.”

like a hopeless journey, it is only when you lose everything and still you try to make the best of it can you say you have lived and you are still living. You will only know your true strength when you are defeated. To win it all you must first lose it all. Only when you know what it feels like to have it all and then to not too can you determine your true mental capacity for living life. Some people get so attached to the physical that when it is gone, so too they lose themselves and they too stop living, all


because letting go is never easy and acceptance is always hard. Denial is a killer but always remember you are only as brave as you allow yourself to be. The only barrier you have is yourself. If you dream it then so too you can make it a reality. And if you lose it, then try to get it back and if it is not attainable then make a new dream because the last one was not meant to be. In case you did not know you are your own army, you are the best cheerleader you can have in your own life so March to the beat of your own drum . Obsessing over the past would not change it, it won’t bring back. what you lost is gone already so living in despair is pointless because when you do decide to pull yourself up out of it and you have come to the realization that now is the time to move on because it is over, you will question yourself relentlessly over and over again: why did it take it take me so long for it to hit me? Do not misunderstand, Mourning is healthy but it is the obsession + depression that are not. Do not be cold hearted and live like you are made from stone, that is not the message, grieve for your lost it is only human that you do, but do not let you lost determine your future. Emotions and feelings are one thing but never forget that nothing and no one is worth missing out on life for. No matter how valuable or rear you think it is, know this, life is the most precious gift that you would have ever received in your entire existence, wasting it because of lost would be a fool’s decision and that is the true wisdom of it all.

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RESORT COLLECTION 2010 26


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Antineil blackman THE GIRL BEHIND THE SERIOUS FACE

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Name: Antineil Blackman Height: 6ft Sign: Sagittarius OCCUPATION: Student (Bsc Sociology and BA Theatre Arts) at the University of the West Indies, St. Augustine. MY MOTTO: Anything is possible through Jesus Christ Interest: modeling, acting, dance, singing, stage management, event management. LIKES: I love to relax because being involved in so many activities doesn’t give me much time to do so. I usually relax by listening to music or just laying back with a glass of red wine I love my country. My culture I keep very close to my heart…. Feting season is my time of the year. DISLIKES: Dishonesty, untidiness, and chaos. (Only chaos I appreciate is Carnival Monday and Tuesday MY FAVOURITE FOOD: hmmmm that’s a hard question honestly. Cassava or dumpling and salt fish SECRET: I can’t live without my family, I love them so much their support and love has made me the person I am.

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At a young age in primary school I was always considered the “ugly girl” in class. As I got older I honestly began thinking of myself as the “ugly girl” and focused on school, sports and having fun of course in life. This did not break my self-esteem in anyway especially in my teenage life because I focused in what I was really good in like singing calypso and playing netball at that point in time. Being exceptionally well in my extracurricular activities and my education became my strength as a young teenager. As I got older in teenage life, adults kept saying to me that “you would make a nice model”. I never really considered it until I was 17 years in lower six form at St. George’s College when I began going walking classes with Fashion Designer Saleem, who introduced me to the fashion industry in Trinidad. My very first runway show was for Fashion Designer Ecliff Elie. From then I began going castings and doing runway shows, taking part in model search like “Emerge” and modeling for Carnival Band Launches. 31


At a Carnival Band launch casting is where I met well known photographer Calvin French. My first professional photo-shoot was with him. For that shoot my hair was cut similar to that of Nadine Willis. Everyone began saying that I looked like Grace Jones and which developed my career as a model in Trinidad and Tobago. I was awarded the face of Micles for 2008/2009 I began modeling for designers such as Claudia Pegues, Meling, Heather Jones, Shawn Griffith, Zad and Eastman, Radical Designs, etc

! To me women are empowered by their confidence, self- respect and their career. Beauty to me is determined within, by showing care and love for others. I look at the University of the West Indies when I go to class and the number of females attending the institution shows me the empowerment of women over the pass years. Even the hard work of single parents is something that we must all embrace. Society’s pressure on women in being too fat and not fitting in the ideal pretty girl or the texture of hair is a sign of weakness to me if a women feel depress by this. Why not be who you are, embrace your physical appearance, embrace who you are. The only way someone can appreciate you for who you are; is if you appreciate yourself for who you are. So to all young females empower yourselves by being the best you can be in life through hard work and honesty. It would take you so far in life.


CHRISTIAN BOUCAUD


Christian Boucaud is an imaginative designer who ture) incorporates the Caribbean aesthetic and contemporary styles through her avant garde creations. Makin Styles Campaign Designer ( 2005This is most times reflected in her exotic resort 2009) wear, prêt a porte and accessories. Miss Universe Trinidad and Tobago 2009 swim Christian Boucaud started designing at the tender suit sarong designer age of 8 and started presenting her collections at age 17. She present her own Fashion Show at age Miss World 2009 swim suit campaign designer 20 in her hometown Sanger Grande, where she was discovered by Fashion guru Christopher Face designer of Makin Styles 2010 Nathan who began using her pieces for shows he was presenting. In 2004 and 2005 she was a key Enigma of Styles 2009 and 2010 designer in the presentation of Emerge Trinidad and Tobago and was named the Campaign deNational Training Agency Career Fair 2010 signer for ‘Makin Styles’ 2006. From then on her designs have been on the stages of Fashion Week Christian with major support for her family friends Trinidad and Tobago 2008-2010 among other and clients continues to embark upon explosive major fashion productions in Trinidad and Tobago. milestone projects which propel her to leave a Her designs are well sort after by foreign and local mark in the fashion industry. She operates at: Sanclients which allows her to propel into a well crafted gre Grande and St. Joseph and her collections are designer. sold at: D’ Caribbean Culture Shack opposite Scotia Bank, St. John Road St. Augustine and Indulge Christian’s accomplishments include: Clothing Store 101 Tragarete Road Port- of Spain. Trinidad and Tobago Fashion Week (2008CONTACT: 2010) Phone: (868) 7040707 Miss City of Port of Spain ( Best Haute Cou- Email: christianboucaud@gmail.com Facebook: Christian Boucaud Designs

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What is true Beauty all about? For years as young teenagers especially for females this has been a struggle and this topic is so tabooed by society. In life for some reason everything seems to be connected and this topic is not irrelevant to body images, loving yourself, self-esteem and so on. The definition that we all know from the 'aesthetic' point of view is that True Beauty is all about having the perfect body, perfect hair and so on, I like to call them the typical barbies and kens of dream land; Luckily we have no Barbie and ken readers so let me give you my real definition of what true beauty is. First of all as I always say God made us all different for a reason there is no need to have 5 individuals that walk, talk and think alike, the world would simply be such a boring

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place. He made us in different shapes, colours, heights, religions, nations, Languages. Different so that we would all appreciate his beauty in other words US. So if WE don't like the way HE almighty God has created us then I say something is clearly wrong with us. Just because you got a rocking, smashing, wicked body or a beautiful face makes you more beautiful than me, it only means you can photograph better but that's all. Beauty comes within yourself. Is loving, caring respecting you for you and not for someone else. As mentioned before Beauty comes in all sizes, colours and shapes. I am proud with the body, mind and soul that God gave me and so I am embracing it and


loving every single scar, stretch mark everything the whole package. It is said that in order to be pretty or feel beautiful you must change your 'imperfections' that you were born with and you know what if you don't like me for the way I look then you are wasting my time. What ever happened to the old saying 'don't judge a book by its cover' .Society now days plays a horrific role in all our lives and we follow their ridiculous trends and what they think is right what they think is the perfect life style .I am sure that celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan are happy with the "way of life" she has Why change the way your body looks ,will it really make you feel better?. Ladies if you get a boob job do you really think it will make you feel better , because if you're definition of feeling good and loving your self is by getting a lot more attention from the opposite sex then you are really messed up and should be reading this article. The saddest part of that thanks to the "society" a lot more young teenagers have committed suicide or hate themselves at the age of 10. From 2002 a 65% of the teens have committed suicide because

of peer pressure or depression. Why would an 11 year old care or even more why be under depression, once again? A round of applauses to society, As an old school woman that I am when back in my younger years I also struggled at trying to find my "identity" and then came to realize I don't need to change over some guy or some stupid silly girls who only talk about gossip, etc. I love me for what and who I have become, I love me inside out. So true beauty, it’s not only about appearances, looks, money, cars and status. To a point yes all these things can help you somehow but does it last long? The most important most essential priority in life should be learning how to love yourself. I can't be as simple as I am being and I do hope girls and boys out there you can all think a bit , sit down read the papers and see how many teens ,specially females have killed themselves over society , over looks , over money and status. Think about it

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I come from a place of hurt…..a place you first brought me too and never took the time to take me from. You said trust me; I will never hurt you…..so why am I crying? Why does it feel like my world been shattered and I am sitting in the splinters. I’m here alone trying to find the pieces of my heart so I can mend it once more, hoping it can soon be whole. Then again what’s the use, in time I’m sure you will break it as you always do. It seems like your favourite past time, because it’s what you do whenever you have time. Sometimes it feels like you just wait till all is well in the world, to come just to destroy it, simply to leave one tired soul broken, as you have done effortlessly before. I don’t think that anyone plans for this, but I don’t think anyone keeps allowing it to happen either. "Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your

"At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you." way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope" "In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. The appreciation of pleasure can be an anchor to one's humanity." How human can you be if all you think about is yourself and your own happiness? But then again maybe you are human after all. If you give someone the key to your happiness then only they can open that door of joy, if you allow them to

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create a story for you, then your happiness will always be uncertain but if you take the pen and be the writer of your own story then only you can decide how it turns out. Be the deciding factor of your happy ending. Man will always fail you bout God won’t, he might drag you through hell before he takes you to heaven but as long as you trust him you will be fine. When all else fails you have got to keep your faith.

Stop questioning “why” and start questioning” how”. Every time you feel like saying: why me? Ask yourself….how can I prevent this from happening again. Crying over spilled milk will get you nowhere, but if you want to keep the rest of your milk, focus on how to keep the glass steady so nothing more is wasted and what is left can be enjoyed and once you accomplished that then the rest is knowing that it will be safe where you have it, you must "When you're lost in those have faith in your decisions. woods, it sometimes takes you a "Faith is walking face-first and while to realize that you are lost. full-speed into the dark. If we For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered a few feet off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore." The point is simple we all make mistakes but it is coming to the realization that we messed up first, is the only way we can redeem ourselves and make a fresh start. So what if you have to start over a thousand times, the fact of the matter is you still knew each time you made a mistake and you were able to take yourself from it, to start something new. "Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings." 43

truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."

(All quotes in this piece were made by Elizabeth Gilbert, author, Eat, Pray, Love)


found the think you have he just may even in life you may y and ha prove it to you, k you are pp in th any ay m m u yo one, lic in pure you may be surprised by his actions; you an, can say they are ready to fro u yo so l al co it m ve mit bu ha t u ho w many of them that yo may believe you are all that exists in his really mean it? bliss. world

the side all of you, even he may reject you will he accept ? re fo be et m r he neve

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he may push yo u away and deny you that same affect ion that he once gave so freely


deuces good by cide to e, “I’m out of yo his mind, and de ur life, I ju he may change st don’t except yo u yo ith w s u I’m sorry” an then when you least expect it he just pl s hi on ck go ba may decide to leave

....... on’t

,Iw no turning back goodbye to you is point look at you at th

.......

some times in life you get a se cond ch ance, it’s importa then when you least expect it he just may nt to do what you did decide to leavewho is this girl? Why she not do the first time the oppo rtu ni ty pr ecrying I want to talk to her, but she seems sented itself out of my league

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say the s important to ay w al is it e lif : in e feelreveal your tru to d an , en ok unsp ithout ver be open w ne n ca u yo , ings s ago I speaking: year an m “ y st hone d you w you crying an sa I , re he u yo met anted t I saw you, I w bu e, m e se t no did as too afraid” to say hi but I w

“woman speaking: the last time I was here many years ago my heart was broken by the love of my life, I kept my true self from him and right as we were about to get married I told him the truth and then he left me so before you say another word there is something you have to know”

: I wear wigs to hide my true self , I do not like being judged and I am not as young as I was once before and to me now it’s harder to seem beautiful with all these young girls out here. You see in this life you can be so self-less and a man can still take you for a joke, so goo d bye

ve

on I ha n’t leave, hold :wait please do hing too to share somet

: I wear wigs too, with my obsession to be young, I still dress and try to look like the young man that once roamed this park, I too have issues with myself that I fight to deal with, I do not think you are a joke, I just found it ironic that the girl of my dreams have just as much issues with herself as I do

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my dear, I waited all these years to find a person to grow with, that wou ld respect me and that I could respect as wel l, if you take me as I am, I can take you as you are and together we will build upo n that.


on my ally you? I am “is it you? Is it re ck to ba you to come knees begging ow kn t g then I did no w me, I was youn ho ow u, I did not kn d what I did to yo fin y, rr ge and I am so ill to accept chan st I e, t to forgive m it in your hear king: ” Woman spea love, love you. e entiv wigs and nega we through our anyu do not want yo ergy on you, I more.

it’s my turn I’m sorry my brother but was alnow, I will treat her how she d and I will ways meant to be treate you could lover her in all the ways not, your lost is my gain.

it’s my turn to say deuces, my turn to say I can’t put up with this, I’m sorry but you have lost me. I gave you the best of me and you laughed in my face. Time may heal things but it can’t change the past, I found what I was looking for and he took me as I am form the start, so friend I leave you hear as I depart.

the moral of this story is that you don’t know what you have till it’s gone, and in this life, if you say you love someone then love them fully, take them as they are and embrace their flaws, what you may miss out on today my come back tomorrow, but never ever be afraid to be yourself, and allow people to love you for who you are and above it all always believe that there is love for everyone.

CREDITS: Story and photography by : Chris Jennings Wardrobe by: Indulge Clothing MUA: Lisan Sootim

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Pellau Magazine, November's Issue