Vol. 42, Issue 7

Vol. 42, Issue #7

The

March 31, 2017

Knightly News

p. 4 Thomas Hattori Returns as Dean

p. 6 Landon Publishes Magazine

p. 8 PRUMC Replaces Varsity Knights

Knightly News Delivers Fake News Michael Simon Sports Editor Class of 2018

and story lines. Ms. Wilson and the editors were aware of the increase in made-up articles, but they ignored the issue due to the massive popularity of the newspaper. “Of course all of us knew that most of the stories that we were publishing were fake or used made-up quotes,” said Joe Loughran, 2015-2016 Knightly News co-editor in chief.

The Pace administration, however, is no longer willing to turn a blind eye to the Knightly News’ lies. The investigation confirmed that The Knightly News was in fact publishing fake articles in the print issues and on their website. After further discussion, Mr. Assaf and Head of Upper School Michael Gannon decided to eliminate the newspaper class from the Pace Academy curriculum.

“Frankly, I am not surprised,” said Ryan Vihlen, faculty advisor of The Pacesetter.

“But I don’t blame [The Knightly News] for using fake articles.

Otherwise, no one would ever read the newspaper.”

Photo: Michael Simon

Due to recent assertions by the Trump administration, the validity of news outlets around the world have been called into question. These claims have caused problems with one newspaper close to home: Pace Academy’s The Knightly News.

The assertions caused Head of School Fred Assaf to launch an internal investigation into The Knightly News.

However, this is not the first time that the high school’s newspaper has faced similar allegations. “The Knightly News has been on my radar ever since [senior] Brian Sloan’s ridiculous articles,” said Mr. Assaf. “With the current political situation, I decided it was a great time to examine our newspaper more carefully.”

Brian’s fake yet “banterful” articles proved to be quite popular among the Pace

Academy students. Due to his success, Brian is now known as the “Archbishop of Banterbury.”

Realizing the appeal of Brian’s articles, faculty advisor Lee Wilson directed all of the staff writers to implement Brian’s strategy of making up quotes for his stories.

“I saw how popular Brian’s articles were becoming, and I wanted to increase the appeal of the entire newspaper,” said Ms. Wilson. “The only option seemed to be to allow the staff writers to make up quotes that fit perfectly into their story, while also increasing the sensationalism of the articles.”

Ms. Wilson and the Knightly News staff realized that writing “fake” articles for each issue of the newspaper would be too obvious. So, The Knightly News began by dedicating the April issue to writing fake stories and called it the “April Fools” issue.

Over time, the April Fools issue proved to be the most popular issue of The Knightly News.

Gradually, each issue included more and more fake quotes

Co-Editors in Chief Alexis Wilkins and Landon Goldstein confirmed that The Knightly News has been publishing fake news.

Mr. Whyte Evicted from Pace Sarah Kitchen Online Editor Class of 2017

Photo: Sarah Kitchen

With a giant grin and an overwhelming spirit of optimism, Dean of Students and math teacher Gus Whyte springs out of his makeshift bed of Pace baseball jerseys in his office in the Arthur M. Blank Family Upper School to his 4:40 a.m. alarm. He wanders around the fourth floor, stopping only to brush his teeth at the water fountain, before stepping out onto the terrace to watch the sunrise. Mr. Whyte pushes open the door to the terrace as if he has been doing it every morning for the past three years. (It’s only been two.)

At this early morning hour, he expects to see a collection of empty tables and chairs, but instead, he is greeted by Head of School Fred Assaf and a team of police officers. “I knew it!,” said freshman dean Grady Stevens, emerging from the shadows of the doorway. “I can’t wait to tell my colleagues that you really

Dean of Students Gus Whyte says farewell to his office, which has been his home for the past two years. have been living at Pace Academy!”

Despite his surprise, Mr. Whyte did not resist the officers who escorted him from the Upper School, and he agreed

to their directive to remain off campus until 7 a.m. His car is tough to start after being parked in its spot all weekend. However, Mr. Whyte uses his disciplinary skills to move the vehicle off of

campus and to the West Paces Starbucks, where he gets a head start on grading until he is allowed to return to school.

After consultation, Mr. Assaf and Assistant Dean of Students

Joe Sandoe decided that Mr. Whyte will only be permitted to be on campus between the hours of 7 a.m. and 6 p.m., leaving him with 13 hours each day to return to his home, which does not yet exist. Until he can find a room to rent, he will be living with senior Ben Siegel.

Mr. Whyte was brought in front of the Honor Council on Feb. 28, with the council voting that Mr. Whyte receive a warning and an eviction notice from his office. “We decided to treat him like any other student,” said Mr. Sandoe. “He has one more warning before he gets suspended for a week, and I had to contact his parents to schedule a meeting to notify them of his misbehavior.”

Students and faculty members displayed mixed reactions after hearing of Mr. Whyte’s eviction, but most of them were amused or nostalgic. “No matter what time it was, he was always around campus to say hi,” said senior Annie Nottingham. “I will miss seeing his car every evening when I go home from managing tennis.”

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April Fools!

March 31, 2017

The Knightly News - Page 2

AP Astrology Class to be Offered Anna Stone

Staff Writer Class of 2018

Photo: Anna Stone

For students who wish to take an AP science but prefer more profound and useful knowledge, a new class is now available: AP Astrology. Science department chair and physics teacher John Pearson decided to share his love of outer space with any students who wish to shoot for the stars. The class will have a difficult workload and complex material, so it will be a double period open only to seniors and juniors.

Dr. Pearson plans to focus solely on the zodiac signs for the first semester and the constellations for second semester.

Dr. Pearson, who is a twin, is a Gemini, the sign of the twins.

This incredible coincidence is what got him interested in zodiac signs from a young age.

Dr. Pearson prepares for teaching AP Astrology to his students.

After years of keeping his passion to himself, Dr. Pearson has finally gotten his class approved. He is excited to have his

Five or Die Genna Schwarz Staff Writer Class of 2019

Photo: Genna Schwarz Junior Marissa Schwarz turns her back to her games and electronics to study for her AP classes.

crucial in my journey of selfdiscovery,” said Dr. Pearson. “I want to teach this course so that these young kids, struggling to

Photo: Genna Schwarz

Students will no longer be slacking off in AP classes at Pace Academy. Average grades and average students are no longer accepted. Headmaster Fred Assaf, in consultation with Head of Upper School Michael Gannon, has decided that any score under a five on the AP exam is no longer eligible for passing the class. “Pace is not hard enough, and kids are taking advantage,” said Mr. Assaf. “For example, Helen Smith’s AP European History class is way too easy, and it’s unacceptable for any student to get below a five.”

Despite outrage from students, the majority of teachers are content with this new rule.

“I totally agree with Mr. Assaf,” said Ms. Smith. “My whole career I have tried to make my class as clear and organized as I could, and students are slacking off. I’ve never been one to like to fail students but it is getting out of hand.” Other teachers, however, are not happy with the current change. “I’m upset by

the new rule because I feel like students will purposefully get fours on my English exam just to be in my class again,” said AP English Literature teacher Bailey Player.

From now on, if a student scores below a five on any AP exam they will have to retake the class the following year. “I know for a fact I will get a five on the AP Chem exam because the class is so easy, but in any other class this rule makes it impossible to advance in my curriculum,” said junior Cameron Perchik. Other students are furious as well. They think that Pace is already too hard and this change will take away from their personal lives and extracurricular activities.

“My tennis career is going to be completely ruined,” said sophomore Aaron Pascaner. “All of this extra work is going to take away from my two-houra-day practice time. I need the practice if I want to get an athletic scholarship.” Starting now, Pace students need to put down their phones and pick up their textbooks, because everyone’s lives are officially over at the beginning of next year.

students learn more about their identities in rigorous studies related to their zodiac signs.

“The zodiac signs have been

find out who they are and who they want to be, can finally find peace with themselves.”

Many students have already expressed interest in the class.

Junior Nicole Ortiz hopes to find out more about being an Aquarius: “I just need some solid truth in this crazy, crazy world and I think this course will be very rewarding for me.”

Of course, some students are in it for the constellations. “I love the constellations in the sky, especially Cassiopeia,” said junior Jennifer Spalten. “I always stare at the stars through my window at night, admiring their beauty.

Now I can finally know their secrets.”

Registration for AP Astrology will open on April 3 for the coming school year. Only two sections will be offered, so students should apply as early as possible. Since it is such a difficult course, talking with a dean before signing up is highly recommended.

Mr. Hamburger posts a sign permanently banning sophomore students.

Sophomores Banned From Lower Library Genna Schwarz Staff Writer Class of 2019

Effective today, sophomore students are no longer allowed in the lower level of the Woodruff Library. Initially, it was just a warning, then just a single table and a study room were banned, and now, Woodruff Library Director Matt Ball has announced total banishment for all sophomore students. “I just could not take it anymore,” said Mr. Ball.

“We have been lenient enough, and this foolishness needs to stop.”

Although many sophomores did not participate in the uncivil acts that occurred in the lower library, Pace librarians needed

to draw the line. “I would never disrespect the lower library,” said sophomore Ben Nottingham. “The students who do it should be punished for their actions. It’s just not fair to the people like me.” The rude behavior included leaving trash along with being too loud while others were trying to study.

Even after numerous warnings and pleadings from Mr. Ball and librarians Marty Hamburger and Linda Teague, the sophomores never changed their ways.

This rambunctious group of students could not be controlled.

The librarians have had the same problem for the entire one and a half years the current sophomores have been at Pace.

“Games are always left everywhere after the students leave,” said Ms. Teague. “I’m surprised

most of them aren’t expelled, but it will be a relief not to see them on the lower level anymore. We, as the librarians, feel no pity for any sophomore student, because they received the perfect punishment.”

Now, all of the sophomores at Pace are going to have to find a new place to do their homework.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without the lower library,” said sophomore Nicole Petrosky.

“The upperclassmen are way too scary to talk to in the Commons, so I would never go in there.”

As for others, the loss of privilege of the lower library does not impact their everyday lives. “I have no idea why anyone would even want to use the lower library,” said sophomore Henry Todd. “This punishment does not affect me in any way.”

April Fools!

Vol. 42, Issue #7

The Knightly News

966 West Paces Ferry Road, NW Atlanta, Georgia 30327 (404) 262-1345 Knightlynews@paceacademy.org Published by students at Pace Academy Member of Georgia Scholastic Press Association Co-Editors in Chief: Landon Goldstein Alexis Wilkins Managing Editor: Jonathan Rushton Lifestyle Editor: Sloan Wyatt

Sports Editor: Michael Simon Online Editor: Sarah Kitchen

Staff Writers: Graham Hurley Sydnie Jiang Eden Kerker Abby Meyerowitz Genna Schwarz George Shepherd Anna Stone Faculty Adviser: Ms. Lee Wilson Tech Adviser: Mr. Matt Walker

The Knightly News Editorial Policy The Knightly News is the student-run newspaper of Pace Academy. For over 40 years it has reported the news that affects Pace, as well as the opinions of students.

The Knightly News is published by the students of Pace Academy, and approximately 500 copies are printed

by Florida Sun Printing.

The Knightly News welcomes letters to the editor

and guest opinions, which may be edited for spelling and grammar, as well as space constraints. Neither Knightly News-generated opinion pieces nor guest opinions are reflective of the official policy of Pace Academy.

Every effort is made to publish accurate facts, but if you recognize an error or omission, please email knightlynews@ paceacademy.org.

Five Minutes with Shelly the Turtle Graham Hurley Staff Writer Class of 2018

Knightly News: So you are a turtle and you can talk?

Turtle: I sleep and breathe Pace Academy. I know and see everything here. I have witnessed multiple people who have lost their chair for yawning in Mr. Canfield’s class, which is one of his biggest pet peeves. You wanna know the best part? I have yawned thousands of times without Mr. Canfield noticing.

KN: So, Shelly, what do you think of Mr. Canfield’s class?

S: I honestly can’t stand it since I’ve lived through each discussion multiple times. I even have nightmares about Marc Antony’s speech. I know all of the vocabulary words by memory and every single grammar question as well.

KN: So, how do you like your fellow classmates?

S: I am picked up almost every day by these kids, and I feel violated all of the time. They call it “petting” but they don’t know how it feels. I honestly hate it.

It’s sick to be a turtle, but there are definitely downsides. Like, I can’t move out of my box, and if I did, it would take me years to get to the door.

KN: Interesting. How was your life before Pace?

S: I mean I feel slightly safer than how I was in the wild. I was

Photo: Graham Hurley

Opinion Editor: Amy Butler

Social Media Editor: Margaret Bethel

The Knightly News - Page 3

Senior Kate Trimble shares Mr. Canfield’s love for Shelly the Turtle. close to starving to death once.

Another time I had to fight and kill a hawk to survive. Seriously injured, I was walking around in a daze when Mr. Canfield found me.

KN: Wow! What do you think about Mr. Canfield as a person?

S: He’s an awesome guy for saving me and he’s quite funny sometimes. But honestly, he should spend more time with me when he’s in the halls. That’d be fun. He’s the only person who I don’t mind picking me up.

KN: You are going to be with Mr. Canfield for a while. Are you excited for Driver’s Ed? S: I’ve heard many things about it since I’ve been around so many of the students here. However Driver’s Ed is pointless for me since my arms are the size of a thumb.

KN: Well, Shelly, it was nice talking to you. I hope you stay around.

S: Yeah, I hope I don’t die as fast as his other pets that I’ve heard about.

Upper School to Require P.E. Alexis Wilkins

Co-Editor-in-Chief Class of 2017

Photo: Alexis Wilkins

Currently in the United States, one in three adults is obese. The average weight of adults has increased by 26 pounds since the 1950s, according to the Center of Disease Control (CDC). This obesity epidemic brings health tolls: high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart disease and strokes.

Obesity, defined by the CDC as having a Body Mass Index of 30 or higher, affects 17% of adolescents in the U.S., which is triple the number from 1971.

Nearly 32% of children and adolescents are either overweight or obese. Because of this statistic, Pace Academy coaches and physical education teachers have decided to take action.

Beginning with the 20172018 school year, upper school students will be required to take one semester of physical education (P.E.) every year of high school. “We don’t want our students to be prone to these health risks and this program will help tremendously,” said P.E. teacher and cross country coach Jolie

Cunningham. “Having only a one semester requirement for a sport in all four years of high school is not beneficial. We are requiring students to have P.E. one semester a year regardless of whether or not they play a sport.”

This addition to the upper school curriculum has created heated arguments among the students, as one free period will be replaced with P.E. for a whole semester each year. “Honestly, I’m so glad that I am graduating before this is put into place,” said senior Taylor Upchurch. “I still suffer from PTSD from middle school run days and the pacer test.”

The coaches are not all in agreement, either. “I don’t want my team to be worn out before practice even starts,” said varsity wrestling coach Mark Sommerville. But some coaches think that P.E. will be a good tool to strengthen their athletes. “As long as my boys take P.E. second semester after football season, I’m totally on board,” said head varsity football coach Chris Slade. “That way they won’t slack off in the off season.”

Students caught skipping P.E. will be given the same punishment as skipping study hall: 5 citations. “I know that students

Coach Mark Sommerville teaches freshman Blake Maner how to properly handle a badminton racquet. won’t take this as seriously,” said Upper School Dean of Students

Gus Whyte. “So we have to really be strict with the students if

they try to skip. There will be no frolicking around this.”

April Fools!

March 31, 2017

The Knightly News - Page 4

Mr. Hattori Returns to Become Dean Landon Goldstein Co-Editor-in-Chief Class of 2017

and teachers would laugh at his hands whenever they saw him in the hallway. “My hands aren’t even that small,” said Mr. Hattori. “People in California just have massive hands.”

Pace decided to pursue Mr. Hattori after receiving numerous complaints from seniors about their new dean, Krista Wilhelmsen, who was expected to become dean for the Class of 2021.

She never has candy for us,” said senior Michael Chen. “My dean’s gotta have mad candies.”

“I hated being dean anyway,” said Mrs. Wilhelmsen. “Especially because dealing with that class was horrible. Every day Sammy Lettes would come crying in my office about his missing Lincoln Logs. Just buy some new logs, Lettes!”

Photo:Landon Goldstein

After taking a year hiatus, Thomas Hattori is coming back to resume his position as a Pace Academy dean, but this time it will be for the Class of 2021. “I couldn’t stay away,” said Mr. Hattori. “I just missed Pace too much.”

Mr. Hattori left Pace after seven years of teaching and three years serving as dean for the Class of 2017. He was offered a position at the Thacher School in Ojai, California, near where his extended family lives. “I left because I wanted my children to grow up with the rest of their

family,” said Mr. Hattori. “That, and Gus [Whyte] was annoying.”

Even though Mr. Hattori enjoyed his year in California, he couldn’t resist coming back to Atlanta. “Pace asked me to be dean for the incoming Class of 2021. They also offered me a sizable bump in salary. I refused at first, but once they threw in Pace’s Smart Car, 24-hour access to the workout room and my own box at Mercedes Benz Stadium, I couldn’t refuse.”

Mr. Hattori was also facing problems in California. “I don’t like the people there,” said Mr. Hattori. According to an inside source, rumors spread quickly around the Thacher School that Mr. Hattori has extremely small hands. Apparently, students

Mr. Hattori celebrates his return at a dinner with Ms. Rhodes.

Phlotilla Cancelled for Future Freshmen Sydnie Jiang Staff Writer Class of 2018

Photo: Fred Assaf

As students approach the end of a long school year, they begin to lose the drive and motivation to keep working hard because of their excitement for the long-awaited summer break.

Teachers try to compensate by planning fun traditions in order to re-engage slacking students, including the famous Phlotilla.

Phlotilla is a tradition initiated by the science department several years ago for the freshman physics students. Students use their knowledge of the physics they learned in class to build a boat out of cardboard that has the capability to carry people across the finish line in the natatorium.

Phlotilla has always been a

Sophomores Kayla Ross and Carly Irvine race to win their heat in Phlotilla 2016. much-anticipated event in the Upper School because of the excitement of watching fresh-

men frantically paddle across the pool in their cardboard boats that have a very good chance of

sinking. Student spectators use their free periods to watch this race, and some even attempt to convince their teachers to release them from class in order to fill the stands. Even middle school students gather around the glass windows to watch this event. “I remember anticipating Phlotilla all throughout middle school,” said senior Prashanth Kumar. “It was really fun when I finally got to do it.”

However, the 2016-2017 school year will be the last year that freshmen get the chance to participate in Phlotilla. Scheduling changes and the lack of serious engagement on the part of the freshmen have influenced the decision to cancel future Phlotillas. A considerable amount of time is always allotted to this project, and freshman physics teachers have decided that it would be best for students to spend this time in the class-

room covering new material.

“I think the focus has shifted away from the conceptual ideas behind this project,” said science department chair Dr. John Pearson. The original purpose behind Phlotilla is for students to get a hands-on opportunity to really show off their knowledge to their teachers, but as of late the freshmen have not been taking the project seriously.

Additionally, Phlotilla takes place on Great American Picnic Day, which is the last day of school for the seniors. The science department took this into heavy consideration when determining the fate of Phlotilla.

They decided that GAP Day’s focus should be solely on the seniors and their last day of school.

“It’s kind of a shame,” said freshman Aman Hashim. “My sister has always talked about it and I think it will be a real loss for next year’s freshmen.”

Sophomore Girls Win Back Leggings Abby Meyerowitz Staff Writer Class of 2019

Photo: Abby Meyerowitz

With the recent ban on wearing leggings to school for sophomore girls, chaos erupted at Pace Academy. Prior to the ban, sophomore dean Erica Barbakow had met with the sophomore girls, warning them that if anyone were to break the strict dress code rules, leggings would be prohibited for everyone.

“I don’t know why anyone would directly disobey Ms. Barbakow,” said sophomore Aleks Golde. “I know I wouldn’t want to be the one to lose leggings for the whole grade.”

But someone did break the rules, and the casual, “going to the gym” look did not work for Ms. Barbakow, or with Dean of Students and math teacher Gus Whyte and Assistant Dean of Students and science teacher Joe Sandoe. Since then, however, their decision has been revoked

that the rule was sexist, with many girls thinking that teachers are more lenient towards boys regarding the dress code. “I see boys wearing T-shirts under their sweatshirts all the time and no one gets mad at them,” said sophomore Alex Allen. “Gender does not define rights,” said sophomore Annabelle Critz.

“Women deserve equal rights and should be free to express themselves by wearing whatever clothes they want.”

“We’ve decided that it was best to bring back leggings,” said Mr. Whyte. “We just want to make the most students happy and clearly, revoking the ban on leggings is the way to earn the favor of every sophomore girl.”

The sophomore girls could not be happier with the new and improved rules regarding leggings.

“I am peeved by leggings being brought back, but I can’t fight the upper managment’s decisions,” said Ms. Barbakow.

“I will never truly accept this decision for the girls at Pace Academy.”

Ms. Barbakow gives the thumbs up for the sophomore girls to wear leggings. due to many complaints from the students about the inequity of the dress code rules. “I just couldn’t deal with the number of complaints I received,” said Mr. Sandoe. “It was better to revoke the rule rather than deal with the

wrath of so many teenage girls.”

The students felt that comfort was a top priority for the school day, and that it even helps them learn better. “Comfort is key,” said sophomore Leah Mautner.

“Wearing jeans for a full day can

cut off your circulation. Then you can’t focus in your classes.”

High school is supposed to prepare you for college, so the girls believe that high school dress codes should reflect college norms. Some students felt

April Fools!

Vol. 42 Issue #7

The Knightly News - Page 5

Alumni Dori and Joe Stage a Coup Sloan Wyatt Lifestyle Editor Class of 2018

Photo: Steve Renner

"It never really gets better than high school," said former Co-Editor in Chief Dori Greenberg. "You just don't know what you have until it's gone."

Transitioning as freshmen to their respective universities this school year, Dori along with former Co-Editor in Chief Joe Loughran, never believed they'd miss their coveted positions on the Knightly News staff.

While Ann Arbor and Chapel Hill have welcomed Dori and Joe with open arms, the prestigious universities could not quite compare to the close-knit community within the Knightly News staff. "There was something missing at UNC," said Joe, "a gaping hole in my heart that I knew only a good dose of layout work and KnightFlix could fill."

Disclosing their mutual, desperate feelings to one another, Dori and Joe gradually realized that this was more than just a phase. After a semester

Do not be fooled by the boy-next-door smile. Pace alumnus Joe Loughran ‘16 has weaseled his way back onto the newspaper staff. of withdrawal, the dynamic duo got together during winter break to take action. "Something had to be done," said Joe. Plans were formed as the two rode a caffeine high all-nighter into the early hours of dawn.

Crumpled papers, previous newspaper issues, empty dtox bottles and profiles on current Co-Editors in Chief Landon Goldstein and Alexis Wilkins littered the floor. Head shots

plastered the walls with red X's on both Landon's and Alexis' faces. By the last day of break, the two emerged from Dori's basement with a crazed look in their eyes and a plot to take their positions back.

"You really come to miss the power that comes with being a Co-Editor in Chief," said Dori.

"Being able to yell at everybody whenever I want was something I really took for granted."

fine April evening, things can be hectic: hair, makeup, picture parties and rides are all underway.

The glorified dance held at the Piedmont Driving Club has been a staple in the freshman calendar for decades. However, for the Class of 2020, the date is now out of reach. A recent decision made by Pace’s Head of Upper School Michael Gannon has barred all freshmen from attending the 2017 dance. “In light of previous years’ unnecessary drama and induced stress brought on by the event, we feel that it is in everyone’s best interest to outlaw the Class of 2020’s participation in this year’s dance,” said Mr. Gannon.

While the decision has been in the works for a few months now, the official decision was communicated last night in an email sent to parents. In his communication, Mr. Gannon apologized for the last-minute notification and promised to

reimburse families for all costs.

“The Freshman PDC notoriously puts students behind in their studies for the week and has a reputation for poor behavior,” said Mr. Gannon. “We hope that you will understand and respect our decision.”

Devastation. Outrage.

Resentment. The email has left families, students and the famous Libba Wight flabbergasted by Pace’s intervention.

How dare they stand in the way of the freshmen’s best night!

While the decision has received severe backlash, Mr. Gannon has publicly stated that he will not waver. “This is an important lesson for the freshman class,” said Mr. Gannon. “Sometimes things do not go as planned, and we must learn to accept and adapt.

I sincerely hope that the freshmen handle this in a dignified manner. They have three years of PDC ahead of them.”

They may have three years of

the inconvenience of the shift.

“Sometimes, it’s best to stick with what works,” said history teacher Helen Smith.

Tech guys Matt Walker and Kevin Neely, who pioneered both shifts, do not regret their trial with Google. “We had been wondering for years if FirstClass was simply outdated and inefficient,” said Mr. Walker.

“Google had some neat features that we suspected might prove to be useful for our teachers and students.” To his point, Google did make sharing documents and accessing information from search engines effortless, and it provided unlimited storage for files and emails.

To keep these advantageous features, Pace will continue to maintain the Google accounts for Drive and emails. FirstClass will complement these features by resurrecting the Conference system rather than Google Groups (which is difficult and tedious to access). FirstClass will also provide the users with viewer history of emails, assignments posted on conferences and messages on US News and Announcements. “I still don’t know what Google groups is or how to find it, so I’m looking forward to being able to access all the juicy information next year,” said freshman Jack Jacoby.

A significant majority of

Anonymously phoning Head of Upper School Michael Gannon during Presidents Day weekend, Dori and Joe spread rumors in the Buckhead community about Alexis and Landon allegedly being hired as spies for other Buckhead schools' newspapers.

Secrets of The Knightly News had been leaked to Holy Innocents' Crimson and Gold and The Westminster Schools’ Westminster Bi-Line.

Horrified, Mr. Gannon suspended both Alexis and Landon until further investigation could be made regarding the claims.

It was at this moment that Joe and Dori realized it was time to strike. The next day, both alums paid faculty advisor Lee Wilson a visit expressing superficial condolences for the staff's loss.

In her vulnerable, chaotic state, Ms. Wilson agreed to their "spontaneous" idea to temporarily give them back their positions.

Ms. Wilson wrote in an email to US News and Announcements the week after spring break that "the [Knightly News] staff was in an unusual predicament.

Our unorthodox solution is a temporary, but safe, decision for the program as of now. Both Dori and Joe are exceptionally experienced in the field and will provide good guidance in the interim."

Sharp. Conniving. Brilliant. Co-Editors in Chief Joe Loughran and Dori Greenberg have officially secured their spots for the rest of the semester, completing their missions. But will Landon and Alexis let them maintain their reign?

Pace Freshmen Banned from PDC Sloan Wyatt Lifestyle Editor Class of 2018

Photo: Sloan Wyatt

“There’s nothing quite like your first PDC,” said junior Catherine Sweeney. Nothing, indeed, can compare to the boisterous, spring gathering that welcomes hundreds of freshmen each year. The Pre-Debutant Cotillion is a Buckhead milestone, held for each grade at different times throughout the year.

For freshmen, PDC is in April, with preparations beginning months in advance. During the first week of January, invitations are sent throughout the metro Atlanta area, sending freshmen girls into a frenzy.

Scurrying to secure a date for the dance, these young girls agonize over boys, dresses and ways to ask. Even in the moments leading up to the dance on that

Freshmen Lilli Woodruff and Kennedy Tate are dumfounded by the recent news. potential PDCs over the course of their high school careers, but nothing’s quite like that first year. While neighboring schools

will dance the night away at the Piedmont Driving Club on April 2, Pace students will be absent from the affair.

Pace students and teachers agree that they dislike the Classroom set-up on Google. Even towards the end of the second semester, teachers still tell their classes to “check the Conference” out of habit. The Conference interface is much more accessible, which students emphasize is vital to their academic efforts.

“My homework averages have suffered from the transition to Google,” said senior Jack Wallace. “The Classroom system is fundamentally unclear, and often I won’t see when teachers have posted new assignments or struggle to access materials shared via Classroom.” Next year, assignments will be nearly

impossible to miss since most students are familiar with FirstClass’s handy notifications.

“I constantly have to switch between my Pace account and my personal Google account that I’ve built my whole life on,” said sophomore Carter Ferguson.

Junior Reilly Murtaugh agrees, as her “documents and YouTube videos are stuck on her personal account.” With two separate accounts, it becomes difficult to keep track of personal mail, college propaganda, and content from groups and classrooms, which clogs up everyone’s feed.

Newer, bigger or fancier does not necessarily mean better, as the shift to Google has taught us.

Pace Leaves Google, Returns to FirstClass Sarah Kitchen Online Editor Class of 2017

Less than a full year after transferring to Google, the Pace administration has decided to return to beloved FirstClass.

Beginning in August 2017, the FirstClass server will be reactivated and students, teachers and administrators will return to the familiar layout of Conferences and the handy tools like Calendar and Address Book.

The whole team is ultimately content with the decision, despite some annoyance from

April Fools!

March 31, 2017

The Knightly News - Page 6

Landon Publishes Health Magazine Alexis Wilkins

Co-Editor-in-Chief Class of 2017

Landon Magazine,” he said. “I eat like three of these a day. My favorite flavor is mint.”

While protein is the core of Landon’s new diet, the first issue of the magazine will also focus on the importance of eating fruits and vegetables. “I see people in the cafeteria eating sloppy Joes and french fries,” he said. “You gotta make room for fruits and veggies if you want to keep up your spring break bod year 'round.”

Though many of his female fans have been asking, Landon is currently keeping his love life below the radar. Rumors have spread about a girl from Weber, but when asked to comment, Landon said, “I’m just here so I don’t get sued.”

The first issue of Landon Magazine will be released April 15, so be on the lookout to turn your spring break body into your forever body.

Photo: Landon Magazine

Most everyone has a New Year’s goal, but senior Landon Goldstein truly followed through with his this year. Landon decided that 2017 would be the year he would “get yoked” and become a new man. “I am tired of being called ‘Cankles’ all the time,” said Landon. “I’m more than that.”

On Jan. 15, Landon announced that he would be seeing his new trainer every week for two hours a day. He completely changed his diet to build upon his new aesthetic, and his after school drive rerouted to Lifetime Fitness on Roswell Road.

After just two and a half months of training, Landon’s peers stopped calling him

Cankles. On senior spring break, both Pace and Marist girls stood agape at the glow of SPF 100 on his impressive six pack. “I wasn’t even flexing,” he said. "It was a no flex zone."

Thanks to social media, Landon’s success story has become well-known all over Atlanta. “It’s kind of cool to have a brother who’s practically famous in Buckhead,” said Landon’s sophomore sister Graci Goldstein.

Landon recently announced that he will be publishing his own health magazine. “I want other people to have the same experience as I had,” he said.

“My magazine will focus on the balance between working out and eating well.”

Pace students may see Landon walking the halls of the Academy flashing his CLIF BUILDER'S protein bar.

“CLIF is the main advertiser for

Senior Landon Goldstein recently released the cover of the inaugural issue of his new health magazine.

Teachers Stalk Students on Social Media Jonathan Rushton Managing Editor Class of 2018

Ms. Helen Smith catches another sketchy post on Instagram. along with posting scandalous images," said Assistant Dean of

Photo: Jonathan Rushton

There's a new social media craze at the Academy: teachers are spying on their students behind fake accounts. Students are often followed by "ghost students," or students who claim to go to other schools. But after further investigation, these ghost students are actually Pace teachers attempting to get a closer look at students' lives outside of school.

The teachers were inspired to check out the students' private Instagram pages, otherwise known as "Finstas," in order to crack down on inappropriate content. "Rumors in the teacher world have it that Pace students were using inappropriate language to make fun of each other,

Students Joe Sandoe. "I personally love Instagram and post all

the time on my own account, @ sandoe10, but the students are not using this platform correctly, so we had to do something about it."

The idea came from the intense and sometimes inappropriate roasts on other schools, including junior Sebastian Bradley's famous Instagram account, "big_bass_boi." "I just wanted to make the Buckhead rivalry better by raising tensions between the schools," said Sebastian. "I never realized it would result in the teachers spying on all of our accounts."

Many current juniors will remember the account from two years ago called "j_hopkins21," which was created by Peer Leaders in order to monitor the Class of 2018. "We were all suspicious when this account followed everyone in our grade at once," said current junior Jaden Stea-

gall. "I don't trust any of these fools [teachers] anymore."

After students began to get wind of who was behind the fake accounts, the teachers could not keep silent anymore. "I started to feel guilty after certain students were getting in serious trouble because of us," said head of the teacher espionage group Stephanie Harrell. "We have decided to cut back on all of our spying and let the students be free on social media."

Students are outraged over this invasion of privacy. "Although we do represent Pace on our social media, teachers shouldn't be going behind our backs to make sure we are behaving," said senior and student body president Chris Howard.

"The student council plans to discuss how we can seek amends from the teachers at our next meeting."

DJ FUYU Goes on World Tour Eden Kerker Staff Writer Class of 2019

Photo: Emily Pulver

Senior Sammy Tanenblatt was eating at Willy’s recently with his sophomore girlfriend Emily Pulver when he received an anonymous call. Little did he know that that call would change his life forever.

“My mouth was stuffed with chips and cheese dip when all of a sudden I heard the ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ ring from my phone as the words ‘Unknown Caller’ appeared on my screen,” said Sammy.

Earlier this fall, DJ Mustard was wrapping up his show at Music Midtown when Sammy “accidentally” bumped into him. After chatting for a while, Sammy ended up giving him a

in shock. I mean, opening for DJ Mustard is an honor, a real dream come true,” said Sammy.

“He’s my DJ idol.” Ever since he was younger, Sammy has aspired to be a professional DJ like Skrillex or DJ Mustard. Music was his passion and it still is.

“Whether it’s Hannah Montana, Justin Timberlake or Migos, I will listen to it. I love all music and can make a sick beat using any song.”

The tour will start off in Brazil this June, so he will attend graduation with his fellow classmates. But then he will take a gap year from school. “I just want to see where this big break will take me,” said Sammy.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll be the next DJ Mustard. I can already hear the audience chanting for FUYU as I walk out into the bright lights.”

FUYU sets up for the Gatsby school dance, his big break.

CD of his works in the making.

“I didn’t want any of my friends to know I brought my music

with me, but I had a feeling I’d come upon greatness that night,” said Sammy.

Immediately recognizing the voice, he knew what was about to come. “I guess I’m still

April Fools!

Vol. 42, Issue #7

The Knightly News - Page 7

Jeb Carter Signs Deal with Def Jam Amy Butler

Opinion Editor Class of 2018

Photo: Amy Butler

Spitting bars since his youthful days at Pace Academy, Jeb Carter has just signed a music deal with Def Jam Records for his eloquent, updated style of freestyle rapping. “It all started on that fateful Friday last year,” said Jeb. “Ever since then, my life has been changed.” Jeb began his rapping career with Freestyle Friday as a junior.

Standing up in front of the entire school and producing freestyles is no easy feat, yet Jeb seemed to improve weekly and eventually mastered it by his senior year.

Despite fighting in rap battles against junior Jonathan Tennies and senior Samantha Moreland, Jeb constantly emerged victorious. “I always knew my son was talented,” said his mother Dr. Christine Carter. “I like to think that my son inherited some of his talent from me.”

When Jeb was rapping on

Junior Jeb Carter smiles with his friend and mentor, Chance the Rapper. the streets of New York one day, a young man named Chancelor Johnathan Bennett heard his

incredible rhythm and instantly fell in love with his “sick beat.”

Better known as Chance the

Rapper, Bennett gave Jeb his contact information and immediately Jeb’s popularity skyrock-

eted. “I like to think of Chance as my mentor,” said Jeb. “He’s an incredible rapper and I hope to be just like him one day.”

Later, Jeb was discovered

by Def Jam Records, who has signed major celebrities such as Justin Bieber, Kanye West and Jay Z. After releasing his first album, a spin-off of songs from his favorite musical “Hamilton,” Jeb received rave reviews from major critics and many rappers who now want to collaborate with him. “Yvng Jebbers (Jeb’s rapper name) is a great guy,” said fellow musician Drake.

“He’ll definitely go far in his career.”

Yvng Jebbers will be going on tour later this year throughout the United States and will tour internationally next year. His songs are featured on iTunes and Spotify, so be sure to support him by downloading his music.

“I’d like to thank my friends and family, but most of all Pace Academy for shaping me into the person I have become,” said Jeb. “I’ll never forget my roots at the Academy.”

Chief Joe Becomes YouTube Famous Landon Goldstein Co-Editor-in-Chief Class of 2017

Photo: Landon Goldstein

While only a few weeks old, sophomore Joe Hirsch’s YouTube channel, Chief Joe – Clash Royale, already has thousands of subscribers. How did he gain all of them? Answer: his amazing battle techniques and overall enthusiasm for the game.

“Clash Royale” is a freemium mobile strategy game. It brilliantly combines elements from collectible card games, tower defense games and multiplayer online battle games. “Clash Royale” is the newest game from popular iOS game creator Supercell. Some of its other games include “Hay Day,” “Clash of Clans” and “Boom Beach.”

“We decided to make ‘Clash Royale’ because everyone was sick of ‘Clash of Clans,’” said CEO of Supercell, Ilkka Paananen. “Now it’s just as popular.”

Joe started playing “Clash Royale” when he was a freshman. “I got the game because my friends were playing it,” said Joe. “I had no idea it would change my life forever. I just love everything about the game so much.”

According to Joe, he has probably invested over 200 hours playing the game. “I try to devote at least 30 minutes a day to the game,” he said. “When I’m not playing, I’m thinking about playing.”

These long hours are what led Joe to achieving such a high level in the game and attracting his massive numbers of YouTube followers. “I like to watch Joe

Sophomore Joe Hirsch’s YouTube channel already has over 3500 subscribers. because he is just so good at ‘Clash Royale,’” said senior Jake Movsovitz. “Watching him has definitely improved my craft and turned me into a robust adversary for any who dare enter my kingdom.”

Joe, although only having

three videos on his channel to date, already has a feature from Chief Pat. Chief Pat is another YouTuber who makes “Clash Royale” videos, and he has gained over two million subscribers. “Getting Chief Pat as a feature absolutely helped me

gain popularity,” said Joe. Joe plans on continuing his channel and hopes that it will grow to the size of Chief Pat’s one day. “I won’t stop until I hit one million,” said Joe. “I know I have it in me.”

ing with Seabass Part 3: The Squeakquel.” “I am a ‘Cooking With Seabass’ fanatic and I cannot wait any longer,” said super fan Dill Harris.

The trailers have already caused contributors to forum websites like Reddit to create speculation threads on the lore of the characters. There is a plausible theory about Young Dairy being the incarnation of Tupac. The films have both been scheduled to premiere in theaters in the second half of 2017.

The lineup for Banter Boiz Productions is creating immense hype. “I am confident that Banter Boiz Productions will become the most banter-filled studio that the world will ever see,” said CEO of Banter Boiz, Sebastian Bradley.

Actor Graeme Davidson (L) and Director Frank Houser discuss the next Banter Boiz project.

Banter Boiz Productions Merges with Universal Graham Hurley Staff Writer Class of 2018

Photo: Graham Hurley

Banter Boiz Productions, a studio founded by juniors Sebastian Bradley, Graeme Davidson and Frank Houser, has seen high praise for their short films from world-renowned critics and reviewers. “Cooking with Seabass” and “Green Eggs and Ham: An Adaptation” have exploded in popularity, receiving millions of views on YouTube.

“We viewed ourselves as a sleeper studio and we had predicted our success, but the support is overwhelming,” said director Frank Houser. According to The Onion, a trustworthy

news organization, the company has signed a contract to merge with Universal Studios.

The contract will provide Banter Boiz Productions with a studio in Downtown Atlanta with cutting edge technology.

With these new tools the studio is now able to shoot their films with greater ease. The best part of the agreement is that the Banter Boiz Productions’ team is allowed to make films without any pressure from the higher-ups at Universal. “I’m sure that with this contract we can make Young Dairy an international star,” said award-winning actor Graeme Davidson.

The on-the-rise studio has released trailers for the upcoming documentary “Young Dairy: A Story of Glory” and “Cook-

March 31, 2017

April Fools!

The Knightly News - Page 8

PRUMC Players Replace Varsity Knights George Shepherd Staff Writer Class of 2018

Photo: Will Zook

After a remarkable season and AAA state championship win, the future of Pace varsity boys basketball is about to drastically change. GHSA has indefinitely suspended all of the active Pace varsity basketball players and coaches for the 2017-2018 season. After three consecutive region championships and backto-back state championships, a private investigator looked into the Knights’ program and found violations of GHSA rules on illegal practices before the season’s official start.

Rumors have it that the Knights were having organized practices on the lower school playground’s mini-hoops with coaches present, which breaks GHSA guidelines, but details of the violation are still confidential. The athletic department still seeks to continue Pace’s basketball success, and they immediately began looking for talent to fill the shoes of the entire state championship roster.

The athletic department considered having a varsity team comprised entirely of rising freshmen, but this move would ensure a size and skill disadvantage in many games.

“At first, I was extremely

Sophomore PRUMC team rejoices after defeating their rival. area. Senior teams “BNB” and “The Sockmen” are not eligible for becoming the new face of Pace’s program because they will be graduating this spring.

Coach Baker and Coach Anna Bush are eyeing the rising juniors to continue the dynasty that is Pace basketball.

The PRUMC sophomore class has two teams, and the rivalry between them should not be taken lightly. Many Pace fans flocked to the PRUMC arena on

increasingly grown in popularity on YouTube, live streaming Pace football, basketball, soccer and other school events.

Recently, they’ve attracted a worldwide viewership, catching the attention of corporate heavyweights in the sports world. “We have gotten calls from all types of sports broadcasting companies, including NBC Sports and Fox Deportes, so we knew we had the potential to go to the next level,” said Jack.

KnightFlix gained such a large audience and high praise that it started to threaten the other sports news outlets.

Each broadcast has averaged 500,000 viewers, as fans want to see the Knights play but more importantly listen to the worldrenowned commentary skills of this pair.

“We heard the chemistry they have together during the games and realized we had to court them,” said ESPN CEO John Skipper. “Although we had to let Scott Van Pelt go in order to create financial room for these two, it will definitely be worth the investment. They are the next Jay Bilas and Dick Vitale.”

Known for their intriguing ways with words, like Will’s classic line “Mama there goes that Man” or Jack’s go-to punchline “Send down the Hammer,” this duo is the future of sports

broadcasting. Having already been nominated for Naismith Commentators of the Year, Jack and Will will continue to gain national attention for their young talent.

The up-and-coming stars owe their new fame to their predecessors and mentors. With previous KnightFlix standouts like Joe Loughran ‘16 and Dean Papastrat ‘15, Jack and Will were set up for success. “We had the best mentors,” said Jack. “Joe and Dean made the right decisions, both in the broadcasting booth and outside of it. They showed us the way to attain commentary achievement.”

The dynamic duo will be staying for the remainder of the school year, but plan on moving to the SportsCenter’s headquarters in Bristol, Connecticut soon after Jack graduates. Will plans to take at least a year off before completing his senior year at Pace. “It’s important for me to grab this opportunity for now,” said Will. “I can always go back and finish high school.” The first task for Jack and Will will be the NBA Finals in June.

“I’m so proud of all they have achieved under my watch,” said KnightFlix advisor Lee Wilson.

“Both Jack and Will are on the way to broadcasting greatness.

I know they have the ability to reach all of their goals.”

Nulty, Wallace Take Their Talents To SportsCenter

Photo: Fred Assaf The pair cover boys basketball at Redan High School on Feb. 26.

Jonathan Rushton Managing Editor Class of 2018

Often compared to legendary sportscasters such as Vince Scully and Verne Lundquist, junior Will Nulty and senior Jack Wallace will be taking their sports broadcasting talents to a new level. After their recent exponential growth in subscribers, the KnightFlix duo has begun to rival the giants in the field of sports broadcasting: ESPN. Formed in 2011 by Andrew Riley ‘10, KnightFlix has

Feb. 22 to see them face off instead of the Sweet Sixteen game in the Inman Center.

The “Wet Bois” (3-3) are led by the speedy duo of point guard Tase Karamanolis and small forward Cooper Selig. The players pride themselves on a 101-48 win versus Pace’s freshman team and being #LoyalToHoot.

The rival 10th grade team (4-1) is led by rising star Will Zook, whose favorite pregame meal is barbecue ribs. The team lays

Girls Golf Exposed Photo: Margaret Bethel

worried about where the program would be headed, but I had to look no further than Peachtree Road United Methodist Church (PRUMC) for the future of the team,” said Pace Athletic Director Troy Baker. PRUMC is home to two senior teams, two sophomore teams and one freshman team comprised of Pace students.

The church league is highly competitive and has athletes from all over the metro Atlanta

their foundation of play on a “team first, me second” mentality and focuses on defense and team chemistry. In the paint, they dominate.

Sophomore Lane Goldman plays a big role as the team’s power forward and is complemented inside by sophomore Brogan Smith, the team’s social media director. “I think [Lane] Goldman will be the next great player to come through Pace,” said McDonald’s All-American and Duke commit Wendell Carter, Jr. “He can post up, dribble and has a pretty jump shot. I try hard to emulate his playing style.”

The rival sophomore team narrowly defeated the Wet Bois by a score of 39-37 and seem to be the frontrunners for next year’s varsity team.

“The game was much more of a blowout than it seemed,” said freshman Jimbo Smith, a key contributor to the sophomore team. “We absolutely dominated all four quarters but slightly fell apart in the final minutes.”

Sophomore Andrew Konradt will likely become the head coach after his impressive coaching debut. Andrew is averaging 1.5 broken clipboards per game and provides incredible banter and coaching techniques.

Knights fans, stay tuned for what is in store for next year’s varsity basketball team.

Sophomore golfer Aleks Golde pumps some iron.

Margaret Bethel Staff Writer Class of 2019

Sophomore Sophie Beck’s toned muscles ripple as she swings her driver. Adrenaline courses through her veins. Sophie does not yet know that she will be banned from playing golf for the rest of her high school career. In late March, the entire Pace varsity girls golf team was cited for the use of poppy seeds.

“I honestly don’t see what the big deal is,” said freshman Lauren O’Sullivan.

The use of performance enhancing substances is explicitly prohibited by the GHSA rules and by-laws: “No players under any circumstance may use drugs or enhancers of any kind, except Luden’s Cough Drops in emergency situations,” according to the GHSA. Some of the blame can be put on head coach Tim Walsh.

“Yeah, I read the rules, but I still thought the team needed that extra sparkle to get the show

going,” said Coach Walsh. “We had a rough start to the season, and the poppy seeds seemed to bring the success that we have always wanted.” Assuming the girls on the team knew the rules, they were deliberately breaking them and taking a walk on the wild side.

“I have been to every golf practice and game since I was a freshman,” said girls golf superfan, senior Tom Phillips. “This season, I started to notice something. There was a blossoming fire in their eyes, a tangible rage that fueled their every move.”

Acting on an anonymous tip from somewhere on the Lovett campus, the GHSA confronted the team on Feb. 18 at one of their practices. “We are fighting for a five year ban, so hopefully we can be back in full swing by 2022,” said Coach Walsh.

“We really just wanted to get noticed by our peers,” said senior golfer Sandy Xie. “Although this is probably not the most constructive way to get the spotlight, look how sick our muscles are.”