What Does The Bible Say About Sex?

Teen Our Daily Bread

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT SEX?

INTRODUCTION S

ex . . . an exciting, yet somehow ‘out of bounds’ topic with Christians! Or so it seems. You’re sure to have questions about sex, because you are a sexual being.

And that’s not a bad thing, something to be ashamed of or something you hope will just go away; it’s how God made you! But we’re also not meant to just dive into sex and everything to do with it. There are limits and boundaries— God made sex, but there is a plan and purpose to it. So sex is good when we follow God’s design; but very dangerous when we just do whatever we want with whoever we want.

Maybe it all sounds like a bit of a balancing act—a pretty hard one at that, given how CRAZY our hormones go while we’re teenagers! But there is hope, guidance and practical help to be found in the Bible. Because ultimately, it’s only when we aim to please God with our attitude to sex that we will find ourselves most satisfied in that part of our lives.

Come and check it out for yourself . . .

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FOCUS ARTICLE

DO I NEED TO WAIT TO HAVE SEX? C

onsensual sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed. However, the Bible also makes it clear that the only correct place for sex is in marriage, between a husband and wife (1 CORINTHIANS 7:2).

Some of us might say, “But what’s wrong with casual sex? It’s just a bit of fun.”

The truth is there is no such thing as ‘no strings attached’ sex. Sex is a powerful, intimate thing—and it leaves its mark.

Even if you don’t feel lasting attachment after sleeping with someone, the other person may well feel some hurt and sadness when you then decide to leave their life. Think of it like this, if we glue an object and stick it to something else and

then rip the two apart, there will be some glue left on both (some sign that they once were joined together). If a glued object is repeatedly stuck on and ripped off other objects, it will soon lose its ability to stick at all. The longer a sexual relationship lasts, the more is left behind when we leave it.

That is why God gives us marriage as the safe, secure environment where two people can be joined together in sex. As part of their relationship, sex will help them grow closer together—knowing that they have committed in their marital vows to stay glued together all their lives (GENESIS 2:24).

Another objection might be, “But if I am committed to my partner, why do I need to get married?” It’s a good question. And again, it comes down to the true commitment of marital vows. These are not just nice words—they are a promise to put our husband or wife first and to stay with them forever, through thick and thin. Until we have given our partner that kind of commitment before God and our friends and family, we are not truly committed. And God says we’re not ready to sleep with them and join with them in that special way.

It’s also important to remember that while sex is for the enjoyment of a husband and wife, it is also for making children. And the more sex we have outside of marriage with different partners, the more risk there is of having kids outside of the security of marriage. Sex before marriage means babies can be born to couples who are no longer together or even in contact. This is not the safe, secure family environment that God wants children to know.

Of course, saving sex for marriage doesn’t mean that there won’t be problems or that kids won’t grow up without a parent—but it is the plan God has laid out for us. If sex were kept just for marriage, there would be far fewer sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancies, abortions and messy relationships out there.

God's plans are worth following; He knows best how we function and the most healthy ways for us to live out and enjoy our lives.

It is also important to remember that whatever our experience with sex, and however we may have got things wrong, God invites us to come to Him. We don't have to hide. We have this promise in the Bible: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 JOHN 1:9). Jesus died to pay for all sin, including sexual sin.

And He gives us His Holy Spirit to help us now live pure, God-centred lives (1 CORINTHIANS 6:18-20).

If you are struggling with sexual temptation or guilt, talk honestly with God. He stands with open arms ready to welcome and forgive. And think about who you can share your struggles with in your church (maybe you could talk with your youth group leader) so they can encourage and pray with you.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20 ‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial.

‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything.

13 You say, ‘Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.’ The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

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Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies.

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RUN AWAY! You were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies (1 CORINTHIANS 6:20).

“P

arry four!”

When I started fencing, my coach would shout what I had to do next to defend (“Parry”) against the move he was making. When he tried to attack me with his weapon, I had to listen and do what he said if I wanted to defend myself.

That active listening reminded me of the quick action the Bible tells us to have when we’re tempted sexually. Paul tells us to “flee from sexual immorality” (1 CORINTHIANS 6:18). “Sexual immorality” means getting involved with sex in any way that goes against God’s plan for it; like sleeping around, fantasising about it all the time, looking at porn, making sexual jokes. There are lots of ways we can misuse God’s gift of sex.

Sometimes we are to “stand firm” against temptations (GALATIANS 5:1; EPHESIANS 6:11).

But because it is so easy to misuse sex and make a mess of things, the Bible simply shouts: “Run away!”

Quick action will stop sexual temptations hanging around too long in our minds.

Once we start thinking too much about it, we’ll find fighting temptation really hard to do. A glance in the wrong place online, flirting with friends—each are steps that take us where we shouldn’t go and put distance between us and God. The answer to this kind of temptation is simple: run far away from it.

When we run away, God also gives us a place to run to. Through Jesus’ death on the cross for our sins, He offers us hope, forgiveness and a new beginning—no matter where we’ve been or what we’ve done. When we run to Jesus in our weakness, He helps us to live in His strength.

JB

Thinking it over . . .

How easy or hard do you find it to run away to God when you are tempted by sex? How does your time with God each day help you for these challenges?

EACH OF YOU SHOULD LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR OWN BODY IN A WAY THAT IS HOLY AND HONOURABLE. 1 THESSALONIANS 4:4

Proverbs 7:10-27 10

Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent. 11 (She is unruly and defiant, her feet never stay at home; 12 now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.)

13 She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said:

‘Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home. 15 So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you!

16 I have covered my bed with coloured linens from Egypt. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. 18 Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love! 19 My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey.20 He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon.’

14

With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. 22 All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose 23 till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.

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Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. 25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. 26 Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. 27 Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.

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ALL FOR NOTHING Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death (PROVERBS 7:27).

S

ex is good; God made it after all. But getting obsessed with sex is very, very dangerous. That obsession can include simply fantasising about it in our own minds, searching for porn online or actively trying to find people to sleep with.

I once heard obsessing over sex being compared with heroin addiction. Drug addicts start getting used to heroin, so larger hits are needed for the same high. Soon the dosage they take is enough to kill them. When addicts hear someone has died from an overdose, their first thought may not be fear, but “Where can I get that?”

The point is that when we obsess over sex (or anything else for that matter), we get more dragged into it and start to need it to survive. Christian writer C. S. Lewis warned of this downward spiral in The Screwtape Letters. He imagined a demon’s explanation of how temptation works: start with some pleasure—if possible something good like sex—and offer it in a way God has said no to. Once the person bites, give less of it while making them want more. Provide “an ever increasing craving for an ever [decreasing] pleasure,” until finally “we get the [person’s] soul and give [them] nothing in return.”

Proverbs 7 tells us sex is God’s good gift, but when we seek its enjoyment outside of marriage we are “like an ox going to the slaughter” (V.22). Many people have destroyed themselves with porn addictions and sleeping around (V.26), so “pay attention” and “do not let your heart turn to [those] ways” (VV.24-25). Selfish, secret sexual enjoyment tastes good at first—that’s why it’s tempting—but it always ends in despair and pain (V.27). MW

To pray about . . .

Father, You know how tempting I find sex. Please help me to focus on You, Your love and how satisfied I am when You are at the centre of my life. Please forgive me for where I’ve messed up and help me to rest in Your love.

OFFER YOURSELVES TO GOD AS THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN BROUGHT FROM DEATH TO LIFE; AND OFFER EVERY PART OF YOURSELF TO HIM AS AN INSTRUMENT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. ROMANS 6:13

Psalm 32:1-11 Of David.

Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.

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3

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. 7 You are my hidingplace; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

6

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. 9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. 10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.

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Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

DARK SECRETS When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long (PSALM 32:3).

D

o you have a dark secret that you’ve not told anybody about? Maybe you constantly daydream about sex and think that if your friends and family found out, they’d want nothing to do with you. Or maybe you’re hooked on porn.

Some people think that it’s best to keep these struggles hidden away, so no one ever finds out about them. But as one guy learned, keeping dark secrets isn’t good for us.

David, one of Israel’s greatest kings, chose to have sex with another man’s wife and got her pregnant. When he was unable to cover it up, he arranged for the woman’s husband to be killed. Soon after, he married the grieving widow (2 SAMUEL 11:1-27).

For over a year, David hid his secret. He didn’t tell a single person, not even God. But keeping it hush-hush tore him up inside. In Psalm 32, David wrote about this time in his life, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long” (V.3). The torture of hiding his secret ended when he broke down and admitted what he had done. “I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up [what I had done] . . . And you forgave the guilt of my sin”

(V.5; SEE ALSO 2 SAMUEL 12:1-13).

Are you hiding a secret that’s making you sick inside? Talk to God about it and share it with your youth leader or someone in your church you feel safe with. You’ll soon find out one of the ‘best kept secrets’ of life—the power of owning up and walking through our struggles with other Christians (JAMES 5:16).

JO

Thinking it over . . .

What’s stopping you from admitting your secret sins to God and other Christians?

Read Psalm 51:1-12 and think about what happens when we open up to God.

YOU ARE MY HIDING-PLACE; YOU WILL PROTECT ME FROM TROUBLE AND SURROUND ME WITH SONGS OF DELIVERANCE. PSALM 32:7

1 Samuel 24:1-10 After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, ‘David is in the Desert of En Gedi.’ 2 So Saul took three thousand able young men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats.

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3 He came to the sheepfolds along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave.

4 The men said, ‘This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, “I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.”’

Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.

Afterwards, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. 6 He said to his men, ‘The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.’ 7 With these words David sharply rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.

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8 Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, ‘My lord the king!’ When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. 9 He said to Saul, ‘Why do you listen when men say, “David is bent on harming you”? 10 This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord gave you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, “I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed.”

PEER PRESSURE The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving (JAMES 3:17).

A

ll of Kiera’s friends were having sex with their boyfriends. One boy she’d gone on a date with had told her he couldn’t handle a relationship that didn’t have sex involved. She was sure people were talking about her because she was still a virgin. And her friends were starting to really put her under pressure. Maybe life would be easier if she had sex with someone.

David knew about peer pressure. David and his friends were hiding from King Saul (who was trying to kill them) in a cave (1 SAMUEL 24). Saul came into the cave but he couldn’t see them. In the darkness, David’s friends tried to pressurise David into killing Saul (VV.4,10). But David said “No”. He knew Saul was in the wrong, but he also knew that Saul was “the L ord’s anointed [the person God had chosen to be king]” (V.6). What God said came first.

Our friends will sometimes want us to do things they think are a good idea.

Especially when it comes to sex; we’re told there must be something wrong with us if we’re not having sex! But there’s a difference between what seems like a good idea to people and what actually pleases God (1 CORINTHIANS 2:6-7). Wisdom from God “is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy” (JAMES 3:17). If we’re being pressurised to do anything that doesn’t match what God says, then it’s probably not a good idea.

When others are pushing us to have sex, we need to remember that His words are what count. And if we get laughed at for following His ways, He promises to be our strength during those times (MATTHEW 5:10-11).

JBS

Thinking it over . . .

Are your friends pressurising you about sex? Do you find it easy or difficult to say “No” to your friends? What’s the difference between pleasing people and pleasing God? (GALATIANS 1:10).

AM I NOW TRYING TO WIN THE APPROVAL OF HUMAN BEINGS, OR OF GOD? GALATIANS 1:10

FOCUS ARTICLE

I LOST MY VIRGINITY, BUT GOD DIDN’T LOSE ME

M

y first relationship was with a Christian guy when I was fifteen. Both of us believed in God, but that didn’t mean that our relationship was a healthy one. We pushed the boundaries and did everything short of the technical definition of sex. The whole time, I told myself that this was okay because “we were in love,” and “we’re both Christians”. After daily disagreements and fights for two years, our relationship ended.

Wanting to escape the problems of that relationship, I jumped into a new one right away, without much thought or prayer. This round, it was with a non-Christian.

Again, we pushed boundaries. But this time, we took things further than I had ever expected or planned to—in the heat of the moment, I lost my virginity to my second boyfriend. That night, I cried and cried, not being able to sleep, as I learned the hard way that lost innocence can never be rescued.

I felt I had to hang on to this unhealthy relationship, believing I couldn’t leave after I had given all of myself to him. For nearly three years, this relationship dragged on.

During those years, I faced an endless war within myself. My ongoing secret sex-life stood in total opposition to going to youth group each week. I felt disgusting, dirty and guilty. I was full of self-hatred. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, and yet I felt like I didn’t have the strength to escape it or do anything about it. It was like an addiction—just once more, and that’s it, I told myself. But it was never the last.

I grew distant from God. I would be physically there in church but never really paying attention or taking anything in. I would teach others about putting God first, when in reality I put my own needs in charge. I would go to prayer meetings, but my mind would be wandering. I was living a double life, and this had become my deepest, darkest secret. Most of all, I was convinced that I was beyond God’s saving grace. I was absolutely certain that God hated me.

And yet, God never gave up on me; He kept chasing me. People around me would reach out to me, asking me if I was okay or if I needed to talk; Bible verses would jump out at me; sermons would knock on the door of my heart. Sometime later, through God’s amazing work in my life, my eyes were opened at last. I decided to put an end to the toxic relationship with my boyfriend.

Despite how much it scared me, I turned to my youth leader. I finally built up the courage to share with her my darkest secret: I am not a virgin. My heart was pounding. I expected her to say I should leave church.

Instead, she told me that she had been paying attention to me, and that she noticed how I was drifting away—not paying attention, always distracted. She even thanked me for sharing something so difficult with her, and also reassured me that my life was not over, and that God did not hate me.

She reminded me that sin is a problem in everyone’s lives. Every single person has fallen short of the standards and holiness of God (ROMANS 3:23). It didn’t mean that I was worse than others because of what I did. It just meant that I also needed God! Romans 5:8 came to my mind: “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

For the first time, I understood that God could forgive me for a sin I felt had separated me from Him forever. No matter how much I had spiralled downwards, I was never too far for Jesus to reach out and save. In fact, Jesus had already delivered me from the moment I accepted Him into my life. I was overwhelmed by His amazing, unmeasurable love and grace. I was full of thankfulness that God had heard my cry for Him to “hide [his] face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity” (PSALM 51:9).

It was during the darkest time of my life that God filled me. There is indeed no other name like Jesus; I would never have experienced or known this without having been broken, and then put back together by His faithful hands.

For anyone else who may be in a similar place, I want to encourage you with these truths: Do not underestimate the power of Jesus’ rescue. God said to ancient Israel, who turned away from Him again and again, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more” (ISAIAH 43:25).

Surely, God will remember us too. Because of Him, our past does not decide our future.

Remember that we have all messed up, and that God stands ready to forgive.

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise” (PSALM 51:17).

Virginity is meant to be a gift for your future spouse. But more important is to have a growing love for God. If you have messed up when it comes to sex, this doesn’t mean your future is over. If you get married, a truly God-loving partner will, first and foremost, look at God at work in your life, rather than what you may or may not have done in your past.

I started dating another Christian guy. I felt it was right to tell him about my past.

I struggled to get the words out, but when I finally did, his reply perfectly captured the love of God: “These past mistakes do not define you. I mean, that’s why we need God, right? God’s forgiveness means these sins are not what makes us who we are.”

What was once a dark secret I could barely carry has now become a story of God at work in my life. I use it to share with other struggling people just how powerful and amazing God’s saving love is! That’s why Jesus came, to carry and pay for all our mess on the cross. It means God’s arms are always open to welcome you.

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