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four What’s This I’m Seeing?

Pornography and sexting

Pornography today can be accessed on a wide range of media and in many different forms, from comics and novels to videos and magazines. Technology has only increased its accessibility, allowing many teens to access sexually-explicit material on their phones.

A large-scale survey of students in Singapore by Touch

Cyber Wellness reveals some interesting statistics about children’s exposure to pornography:

• 9 in 10 teenage boys have seen sexually explicit materials at least once. • 1 in 2 boys and 1 in 4 girls were exposed to pornography in upper primary school. • 1 in 2 boys have searched for porn online intentionally, while 4 in 10 girls have stumbled onto it while surfing online.

A growing trend is sexting, which is the exchange of suggestive personal photographs or messages. For some, this has even become a “normal” part of dating.

Here are some spiritual plumblines we can use to guide our children:

Plumbline #9: We are to honour God with our bodies

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. —1 Corinthians 6:19–20

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. —Romans 12:1

While the world may say that what we do with our bodies is our business, and our bodies don’t really matter anyway, the Bible teaches that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Paul elevates our bodies from being just flesh and bone to being the house of God’s Spirit.

According to 1 Corinthians 6:19–20, Jesus died on the cross not just to save our souls, but to save our physical bodies too. This is an important point to communicate to our children. Our entire selves, including our bodies, were bought at the price of Christ’s blood on the cross. This is a vital reason why we are to honour God with our bodies—because they are not ours; they are His.

Plumbline #10: We are called to be pure

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. —1 Corinthians 6:18

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust . . . —1 Thessalonians 4:3–5

Paul’s reminders to be pure in our sexual conduct and to avoid passionate lust follow on from the Bible’s many commandments on sexual purity. Sex is to be enjoyed only within marriage (Genesis 2:24), and adultery is prohibited (Exodus 20:14, Hebrews 13:4). Some might argue that watching porn is not partaking in the actual act of sex, but Jesus pointed out that “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

As you bring in these biblical guidelines on sexuality, you can talk to your children about how they compare with pornography, which demeans the human body and sexual acts. Discuss how advertisements and movies portray sex and lust, and what the Bible might say about what your child sees on mass or social media.

As with other topics, conversations on pornography will depend on your child’s mental and emotional development, and his exposure to external influences. Try introducing the topic in primary school, before your child hears about porn from his friends or stumbles upon it online. You can then continue and expand the scope of the conversation as his exposure to media and friends increases.

Start the Conversation

Here are some questions you could discuss with your children: 1. Look at images of men and women in advertisements in the newspapers or on the Internet. How do the images portray men and women? What impression do these images give about the act of sex? What do they say about the relationship and respect between the man and the woman? 2. Look at the Bible verses listed in pages 26 to 28. Ask your children what these verses say about our bodies, sexual sin, and self-control. 3. Is it wise to look at such pictures? Why or why not? 4. Should you post flirty pictures or videos of yourself? Why or why not? 5. Are you honoured or respected when someone asks you to post a flirty picture of yourself on social media?

What if you catch your child viewing porn?

While getting angry may be a natural response, remember that it is likely to be counter-productive. What is more helpful is to calm down first before talking to your child about what he has been watching. Ask him if you can view the film together, and if he says no, discuss with him why that is so. This becomes a teaching moment, when you can talk about: • How porn is addictive and results in a growing need for more and more, such that a person cannot do without it. • How porn and sexting dishonour men and women and their body parts. • How porn disrespects men and women by portraying them as sex objects, and gives false ideals of what a man’s or woman’s body should look like. • How porn distorts the idea of sex by portraying it as an act of domination.