Happy Mother’s Day!
MAY 2013
iNSiDE
calendar • earth talk • dad’s eye view nearby nature • family health • movie time
Respecting Temperaments S
SUMMER 2013
While Leaving Room for Personality
By Shirley Kawa-Jump and Dr. David Johnson, DNS, RN
heri White’s 4½-year-old daughter, Becca, is on the high end of the sensitivity spectrum and is also the more expressive of her two children in their Frederick, MD home. She takes things very seriously, and has a tendency toward perfectionism. When things go wrong, B ecca becomes so frustrated, she’ll often cry or scream. Her mother says learning to understand Becca’s temperament and then find ways to help her adapt to the roadblocks in life is an ongoing process. “It took me the longest time to get her to ask for help when she needed it instead of screaming or crying and running up to her room. For instance, her clothes. If something needed to be taken off or turned right-side-out, she would try to do it. Even though I’d see her struggling, she would angrily refuse my offers of help, and it would usually end up in a meltdown,” Sheri says. “It took a lot of hugs and patience to teach her that my job was to help her and that
everybody needs help sometimes. Now, she will bring me inside-out clothes and actually say “Could you please help me?” without any stress.” Although Becca still gets frustrated when a drawing isn’t as perfect as she’d like it, Sheri says most days are easier since she learned the best ways to cope with Becca’s temperament. She rejected advice that spanking Becca was the best solution; inste ad, she lo oke d at her daughter and worked wit hin t he parameter’s of Becca’s natural tendencies. “I knew that once she became more verbal the tantrums would cease. Instead I would just hold her tightly until she calmed down. As her vocabulary has grown, the tantrums are extremely rare.” Exper ts say tr ying t o c h a n g e a c h i l d ’s temperament is impossible. Children are born with a specific tendency to act or react to people or situations in their lives. “Temperament” is this natural way of responding and includes aspects of one’s energy level, intensity of
Experts say trying to change a child’s temperament is impossible.
emotions, adaptability to new situations, persistence to meet challenges, sensitivity (to noise, emotions, tastes, textures) ease of being distracted, need for regularity (in regards to eating, sleeping, bowel movements) and disposition (happy versus serious). An infant’s temperament can often be detected at birth by gauging the child’s activity level, sociability, reactions to stimulating situations and behavioral inhibition or exhibition. Personality, which is often confused with temperament, is different. Temperament forms the basis, while personality is the beliefs, attitudes, values, motives, and behavior patterns developed over a lifetime. Personality is influenced by temperament, but only personality can change as life experiences do. For instance, a child who has a tendency toward shyness can learn to be more outgoing if put in a positive, encouraging environment. But a child who is highly adaptable in temperament will remain so as an adult; maintaining a sort of rollwith-the-punches kind of attitude.
Nature and nurture together h e lp to d e te r m i n e a ch i l d’s personality. Since a child is born with temperament, it is important to identify strengths and coach the child to assist them in developing a healthy personality. Respecting temperaments while focusing on the “outcome” of a healthy personality will assist parents in modifying their coaching style. Trina Lambert, an Englewood, CO mother of ten-year-old fraternal twins, says her son and daughter have very different temperaments and personalities. Her son tends to be the more spirited and reactive of the two, which can make emotional reactions stronger. She says she and her husband have learned that their children don’t mirror parental traits. “For an example, both of us are thinkers, while our daughter is a feeler. We have to slow down and listen to her feelings, instead of just resolving things in a logical fashion. On the other hand, our son is an extrovert and his noise level can drive the rest of us introverts batty. We try to give him appropriate
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