March 2023

We Can Be Human

ecently, I was called for a second opinion. The individual had some concerns with how his case was going with another lawyer and wanted to run the scenario by me. A chief concern was that his lawyer was friendly with the opposing party’s attorney, and both lawyers had known each other for a long time. The very concern that gave this individual such anxiety gave me great delight. Too frequently, we only hear the news about bad behavior in the legal profession. I knew both attorneys in question, and I felt very confident that nothing inappropriate was going on. They were just being nice.

How unfortunate that we live in a society where civility amongst attorneys may be considered suspect. Or worse – that civility would result in inferior or compromised representation. I told the individual that in my experience, the adage is true – one gets more flies with honey. I explained that with his attorney knowing the other, and – gasp – being friendly with the other, it was possible that it could result in a more responsive opposing counsel. An attorney who is quick to pick up the phone when the other calls, because he or she is not dreading the discussion that lies ahead. More communication, in turn, could lead to quicker resolutions. The caller admitted he had not thought about this; indeed he indicated he was looking for a “bulldog” of an attorney and felt that his counsel was not quite fitting such description. He emailed a week or so later to inform me that the disputes were resolved in his matter.

RBeing an attorney is a privilege, but it does not come without an undue amount of stress. We help people. But, that frequently means helping them through very difficult times in their lives, often with unexpected conflicts. We sometimes hear and experience the worst from our clients due to the challenges they face. It can be really hard not to take their pain home with us or project it onto other relationships. Being angry, aggressive, and unreasonable for several hours every workday will undoubtedly spill into our personal lives and negatively impact our physical and mental health. Aside from the benefits civility may have in conflict resolution and case management, I also consider it a survival mechanism in this profession. We cannot control the Court. We cannot control how the opposing party or counsel behaves. We cannot control our clients’ reactions. But we can control ourselves.

As attorneys, we can be both civil and effective. We can be both firm and fair. Exercising civility does not equate to rolling over on opposing counsel’s demands or ignoring missed deadlines. We can exchange pleasantries and conversation with other attorneys before walking into a hearing where we oppose each other. We can grab a meal or a drink. We can serve on committees and in civic organizations together. We can even be friends. We can choose not to be reduced to the terrible lawyer stereotypes of being an animal such as a bulldog, a shark, or a pit bull. Instead, we can be human.

Karen L. Persis, Esq., owner of Karen Persis, P.A., practices surrogacy law, gamete donation, and adoption. She has been a member of the OCBA since 2005.