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october november

twenty seventeen

the valley’s

for today’s


Get inspired with Halloween ideas and more at hornbachers.com


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contents

in every issue contributors .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

food for thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

oh, by the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

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contents

did you know

sections

kiddo focused forward foundation makes impact locally . . . . .16

gettin' through it cutting family costs: ways to save without sacrifice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

shop talk three must knows about plains art museum . . 28

ready, set, grow mama maddeners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

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10 40


contents

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feature & profiles

mod mom profile valerie crane . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

mompreneur annie schlecht— zen sleep consulting . . . . . . 30

rad dad profile trevor kallhoff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

cover story rikka brandon unconventionally unapologetic . . . . . . . . . . 40


moms

on the minds of

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PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITORS Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com Dani Parkos Fluge e: dani@onthemindsofmoms.com

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On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision. OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hornbacher's and Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers. Copyright 2017 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.


contributors

my never fail pick me up when I’m feeling blue is… rebecca undem  oakes | nd cover story: page 40 Turning on some upbeat music and shaking it! Music has always been the thing that soothes my soul, takes me back to times forgotten, and reminds me that I'm alive! If I can't dance myself out of a funk, we're dealing with something serious!

netha cloeter  fargo | nd shop talk: page 28 Gardening. There’s something therapeutic about being outside with my hands and feet in the soil. In the winter, I’ll tend, split, and re-pot plants from my embarrassingly large indoor plant collection when I’m feeling blue. It’s not quite the same as working in the garden, but it’s a nice reminder that plants weather long winters with us, be it indoors or underground.

kari klingsporn hitterdal  fargo | nd food for thought: page 14 Picking up the phone and calling a friend - or better yet - getting together with a friend! We moms don't spend enough time with our friends and I find when I don't touch base with my girls, I start to lose balance. On that note, anyone up for wine tonight?

sheri kleinsasser stockmoe  fargo | nd ready, set, grow: page 50 A good butt-kicking workout with my friend/trainer Stacey at Health Pros. We laugh, solve the world's problems, and I sweat like a mother! Yes, I can find excuses not to go but I always feel better after I’ve spend time with Stacey.

deb uglem  fargo | nd oh by the way: page 38 Shopping, friends, and wine. Because nothing beats a new pair of shoes, friends always make me happy and wine is the perfect pairing with both!


O

ringally from Rugby, ND, Valerie grew up the younger sister of Vanessa, but only by 13 months. “When we were younger many people thought we were twins,” Valerie says. “That could have been partly due to the fact my

mom saved money when she bought us matching clothes!” With an undergraduate and masters’ degree in elementary education, Valerie taught for six years before this single mom to daughter Capri [9] decided it was time for a change. Just over a year ago she became an advertising sales rep with Monitor Marketing in Fargo. A new career meant the need to do some networking. “I’ve met so many great people and they have become more like family,” she says. That includes her significant other, Josh. “We joke that we might not have met had I not been networking!”

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki


valerie crane age 31, fargo.nd

the funniest thing my daughter has said is… ”Mom, how old do I have to be to talk about romance?” My reply was, “30.”

the front of my refrigerator currently displays… a lunch calendar for my daughter’s school, pictures my nephew has drawn for us, thank-you cards and notes from family and friends, and pictures of family. Somewhere there might be a grocery list that needs updating, too...

i have been a bridesmaid… only a handful of times. My daughter has been in a lot more weddings than I have! I know my favorite wedding to be in will be my absolute best friend Laura’s, as it is coming up in September!

mod mom

them in a row and leave the couch as little as possible!

the biggest challenge of being a mom… is accepting that my daughter will learn and experience life in her own way regardless of how I try to prepare, teach, or even warn her about what adventures life will bring. My only hope is that I have helped lay a foundation that she can continue to build on that will lead her on her own fantastic journey!

i am most proud of… my daughter Capri. When Capri was born people would always ask me, “What’s the scariest thing about being a mom?” And I would reply, “That my

the hair product i can’t live without… leave-in conditioner.

my favorite “girls’ get together” that keeps me sane… Harry Potter movie nights. We try to watch all of

Helping to

protect

what matters

most

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701-277-1710

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mod mom

heart is walking around outside of my body!” So I am very proud to say that Capri is everything good in me, just walking around outside my body!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

i balance my family life and profession by… continually working at it. Some days are easy and some days are hard. Being flexible helps! As every family knows, dynamics can change in a blink of an eye and no matter how much you try to plan, things can just go out the window! Just being aware of priorities and sticking with them helps.

being a single mom gives me a greater appreciation for… the sacrifices parents make, especially my own parents. My parents never asked why or for what I needed help. They just showed up and unselfishly gave their

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

time, support, and love to both me and Capri.

one quality i hope my daughter embodies is… empathy. She already has a heart of gold so I hope that no matter what the world throws at her she can continue to show empathy and understanding to everyone she encounters.

people are always surprised to learn i… can play five musical instruments, one being the violin that I’ve played since I was in first grade!

the best parenting advice i’ve received is… love your children every day. Especially when it’s really hard to do. Love is something we try to teach our children but mostly they just learn by example. I would like to think I’m showing her what unconditional love is so she not only sees it but feels it!


HELLO FUTURE NEW SANFORD MEDICAL CENTER

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Christine Keup, MD OB-GYN

030002-00837 8/17


3 bean chipotle chili shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

P

erhaps you already have your own signature chili recipe, but if you are using a prepackaged seasoning mix, consider using this recipe for a lower sodium and more flavorful approach. Don’t be afraid of using the chipotle chilis—they pack more flavor than heat! Although this recipe is great on its own, the thing that always sends the flavor over the top is what is put on top! Chili is another great way to get kids trying new flavors: set up a little garnish buffet and let them pick what they want on their chili, allowing them to make independent choices about their food and fostering creativity with flavors. This recipe comes together quickly and can be served immediately, however the flavors will develop if you have time to let it simmer for a few hours, making it a perfect candidate for the slow cooker. Leftovers reheat well [and taste better!] and can be frozen for future meals.

you need: 2 Tablespoons canola or vegetable oil 1 large white onion, chopped 1 red bell pepper, chopped 1 cup fresh or frozen corn [optional] 4 cloves garlic, minced 1 1/2 pounds ground beef [optional] 2 Tablespoons chili powder 2 Tablespoons ground cumin 1 Tablespoon dried oregano [preferably Mexican oregano] 1 - 4.5 ounce can chopped green chilis 3 - 15 ounce cans low or no sodium beans, drained, liquid from cans reserved [use any combination of black, kidney, pinto, or chili beans, or use one bean variety for a more uniform taste] 3 - 7 ounce cans El Pato tomato sauce [or plain tomato sauce if you want a milder flavor] 1 - 7 ounce can chipotle chilis in adobo, pureed in blender or finely chopped 1 - 14.5 ounce can no salt added diced tomatoes or tomatoes and chilis, such as RoTel 1 can refried black or pinto beans [optional] salt and fresh ground pepper, to taste how to: Heat oil in large Dutch oven or any heavy-duty pot over medium-high heat. If using beef, sauté until cooked through, about 7 minutes. Season the beef with salt and pepper to taste and remove from pot to a large bowl. Add a bit more

oil to the pot if needed. Add onion and bell pepper to pot; sauté until vegetables are tender, about 7 minutes. Add garlic, sauté until fragrant, about 1 minute. Return meat to the pot if using. Add chili powder, cumin, and oregano; sauté 3 minutes. Add corn [if using], green chilis and juices from the can, drained beans, canned diced tomatoes and juices, tomato sauce, and start with a few tablespoons of the chipotle puree, adding more chipotle to taste. Add reserved liquid from cans of beans per taste. Do you like your chili like a thin soup, more like a stew, or thick? For a thin soup consistency, use more reserved liquid from the beans, add less if you like it more like a stew, and for a thicker chili [my favorite!], add about a half to a whole can of refried beans to the chili. Allow to simmer for at least 10 minutes and as long as several hours. Adjust seasonings as needed, and add salt and pepper to taste. Garnish to your heart’s desire and enjoy! garnish ideas • Chipotle sour cream [mix together ½ cup sour cream or plain yogurt and 1 teaspoon of the pureed chipotle peppers. If you like more of the chipotle flavor, simply add more puree!] • Pico de gallo: Here’s a quick recipe: Mix together 1 cup seeded chopped tomato, ¾ cup chopped white onion, 2 Tablespoons finely chopped jalapeno, 3 Tablespoons chopped cilantro, 2 Tablespoons fresh lime juice, salt to taste, ¾ cup chopped avocado added at the end [optional] • chopped fresh cilantro, red onion, green onion, avocado, jalapenos, radishes, or shredded cheese • fresh lime wedges • crushed tortilla chips


food for thought

feeding your family TIP: Keeping a homemade salad dressing on hand that can be used for several different recipes throughout the week is really helpful for me and encourages more salad eating as well as upping the flavor of other meals. For example, a homemade greek yogurt ranch dressing recipe can be used on a salad for a weekday lunch, as a dip for oven-baked sweet potato fries, or as a spread on a wrap sandwich for a quick Saturday lunch. A simple vinaigrette works for a weeknight side salad, a marinade for a chicken breast before it goes on the grill, or flavor booster when stirred into sides like rice or couscous. The time it takes to whip up a batch of salad dressing is usually only as long as it takes to put things in a blender or whisk them in a bowl. The flavor and health factor can’t be beat by a bottled dressing from the store. All you have to do is remember to use it up! Kari's passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on her beloved Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in both Social Studies and English from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. She enjoyed a brief stint as a caterer and cooking instructor, but has proudly spent most of her motherhood as a stay-at-home mom. Her husband, Brent, and three children, Gunnar, Ava, and Ella, have all [mostly] been eager taste testers to whatever is on the table for dinner. However, these days, having a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a second grader is providing new challenges of feeding everyone homemade and healthy meals, as well as giving her oven an intense workout most weeknights!

photo: thuen studios  | scott thuen


did you know

kiddo focused forward foundation makes impact locally

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

K

endal and Brandon Sethre were exhausted as they Forward Foundation, a registered 501(c)(3) nonprofit sat by their daughter Quinn’s hospital bed. Days of organization, is a stand-alone entity administered “it could be this or this,” but no definite answers, left by employees of Bank Forward, Insure Forward, Tax them feeling overwhelmed and their little girl still very Forward, and Invest Forward. Enhancing the lives of sick. They wanted to devote all their attention toward children in the communities they serve in North Dakota their baby girl and get her better, but what about work and Minnesota is their mission. and the bills due? They weren’t stopping. A donation “Since 2012 we have helped families like Quinn’s who have from Forward Foundation gave the Sethres breathing experienced a medical hardship, as well as organizations room. “We got to be with Quinn, focus on Quinn, be like Barnes County Social Services’s diaper and wipes where we needed to be, and do what we needed to do,” drive during Child Abuse Prevention Month this past Kendal says. 16

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen


year,” Board of Directors President Brad McCullough says. “In short, we want to help kids locally.” And Forward Foundation wants to do more, too, but they need your help. November 1-13, 2017, the organization will be hosting an online auction. Many businesses are donating goods and services ranging from sports apparel and décor, to dining gift certificates, to experiences such as trips and event happenings.

to book a session, visit caitlinkilloranphotography.com C

“There is something for everyone,” Brad says. “And it’s the perfect time to tackle your holiday shopping list while helping a great cause.” The auction’s goal is to raise $75,000. One hundred percent of donations and the funds raised from the auction will be used to benefit more children and their families. Contributions are tax-deductible to the extent of the law. Today Quinn is back to being a normal two-year old and her mom is taking an active role in helping make the auction a success by soliciting donations and gathering bidders. “I couldn't believe there was this amazing foundation, and they were able to help us like they did,” Kendal recalls thinking back in the hospital. “These people have changed my life in the best way, but I don't know if they'll ever really understand it. Until you've gone through something like that, it is so hard to even understand or fathom. And it’s not just the financial piece, but the support you feel. This was the scariest, most vulnerable, darkest time in our lives. Yet there was so much light. There were so many blessings, from everybody…in such a terrible time, so much good came out of it.” And Forward Foundation is determined to do even more good, with your support!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Online Auction November 1-13, 2017 Call Sheri at 701.293.9540 or visit www.forwardfoundation. com for more info and stay up to date on donation happenings and auction progress by liking them on Facebook. october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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october events

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Living with Grief Drop-In Session 701.237.6441 www.boulgerfuneralhome.com GriefSupport@boulgerfuneralhome.com Experiencing the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult things we face in life. Even if you feel loved by friends and family or supported by a faith community, there may be a time you simply need someone else to listen to the story of your loved one, or you may be in need of resources regarding the many aspects of grief. Ann Jacobson and Sonja Kjar, Boulger Funeral Home’s Grief Support Coordinators, are available to assist you. They have years of experience walking with people on the journey of life, through the valley of the shadow of death, and through the joys and sorrows that are a part of living in

this world. Please stop in Boulger Funeral Home [123 10th St S, Fargo], 6pm-7:15pm, and meet with Ann or Sonja during this drop-in session.

7

Moos, Ewes, & More! 701.231.7641 www.ag.ndsu.edu/ansc

games, fall art and craft projects, pumpkin painting [pumpkins available for $5] and the build-a-scarecrow corner! We provide straw and twine, you provide the old clothes and accessories, and our staff assist you in making your very own straw friend to take home!

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Head to the NDSU Equine Center [5140 19th Ave N Fargo], 10am-2pm for some FREE family- oriented fun and take in a little slice of agriculture right here in Fargo. Meet the animals that call NDSU home, enjoy horsemanship and sheep movement demonstrations, taste ice cream samplers, and MUCH more! North Dakota Beef Commission is also providing FREE breakfast to the first 500 attendees!

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Party in the Pumpkin Patch 701.232.6102 www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org Head to the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm [1201 28th Ave N, Fargo], 10am-5pm, and create, explore, and discover! Decorate pumpkins, create fall crafts, and explore two floors of fun interactive exhibits. Members free, non-members $5/person.

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Autumn Pumpkin Party www.wfparks.org Head to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for a festive afternoon filled with inflatable

Moms Café www.facebook.com/MomsClubFargo momscluboffm@gmail.com Come to the First Congregational Church of Fargo [1101 17th Av S, Fargo], 10am-11:30am, for the monthly meeting of MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead IR, ND. Enjoy time with other moms, snacks, playtime for children, and an opportunity to learn more about the club. This event is free and open to moms and children in the Fargo/Moorhead area. 

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New Dads' Playbook 701.234.2400 www.familywellnessfargo.org First time dads head to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 2pm-3pm, and learn how to properly care for your newborn and what to expect those first few days. Connect with other new dads and hear from an “experienced” father on what he wishes he had known! This class is for men only. Register in the 24th week of pregnancy or beyond. Class is free and open to the public. Call to register.

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Adult Healthy Cooking: Crockpot Freezer Meals www.familywellnessfargo.org You provide the meat and we provide the rest at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 10am-noon! We will assemble Chicken Fajita Quinoa Soup, Pot Roast & Veggies, and Chicken Cacciatore. Two pounds of chicken breasts and one three-pound beef roast required, but not needed at class time. Add the meat at home before freezing. Ages 15+. $20 members; $28 non-members.

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Parents’ Night Out www.ymcacassclay.org/events The Y wants to give you a break with a night out, kid-free! Bring the kiddos [ages 6 weeks – 14 years] to the Fercho YMCA [400 1st Av S, Fargo], 4pm-7:30pm, and while you are away, the kids will enjoy active fun and games in the Playstation, Xerzone, Kids' Gym, and Basketball Gym. Y member: $25; Non-member: $32.

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Tummy to Tot Expo 701.780.1660 www.safekidsgf.com Find the latest products, safety information, services, and fashions for you and your little one all under one roof. From noon-3pm at Alerus Center [1200 S 42nd St, Grand Forks].

Institute of Diagnostic Imaging is proud to participate in National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We offer... • Digital Mammography

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

which helps with early detection • 3D Tomosynthesis • Open MRI, CT, Ultrasound, and X-ray • You have a right to choose where your mammogram is performed.

2829 University Drive S, Suite 102, Fargo, ND | 18

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

701.234.0112

• We accept most insurances, including Medicare and Medicare replacements.


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Head to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 5pm-7pm, for an exciting night jam packed with Halloween FUN! Young, old, and everyone in between are encouraged to participate. Enjoy a healthy festive snack, face painting, Halloweenthemed games, prizes, and more! FREE and open to the community. A free-will donation to the Inspire Wellness Initiative is encouraged. Sign up at the front desk!

Head to the Fercho YMCA [400 1st Av S, Fargo], 4:30pm-7:30pm, for a spooky good time! Have fun, play games available at the Fercho Y, and ride the Dr. Seussthemed fun bus through Lindenwood Park! All ages welcome, Y members: $10/ child, Non-members: $12/child [parents accompanying kids get in free!].

Halloween Event www.familywellnessfargo.org

Spooky School Bus Ride www.ymcacassclay.org/events

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Kids Healthy Cooking: Nut Butter & Toast Roll-Ups www.familywellnessfargo.org

Learn to make a rug using a hula hoop and recycled t-shirts at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Av S, Fargo] 6pm-8pm. For ages 8-teen, cost $20, must register online.

Kids will love making French toast with a twist at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 10am-11am! Ages 5+, 5-7 needs to be accompanied by an adult – up to two kids per adult. $12 member; $20 non-members.

Hula Hoop Rugs www.fargoparks.com

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Not-Too-Scary Haunted House 701.232.6102 www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org

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Spooktacular Halloween Party www.wfparks.org Kids of all ages are welcome to attend this FREE Halloween event at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 2:30pm-4:30pm! Come in your favorite costume and experience our Haunted Maze, Mad Scientist Lab, decorate a cookie, and visit with our friendly witch. Thank you to the West Fargo VFW and Auxiliary, MSUM Community Outreach & Engagement, and Concordia Science Academy for supporting this event.

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Community Halloween Carnival www.courtsplus.org Head to Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo], 3:30pm-5:30pm for the annual

october events

Community Halloween Carnival. This FREE Carnival is for children of all ages. There will be Inflatable Games from Games Galore, Carnival Games, Face Painting & Art Projects by the Fargo South Art Club, Trick-or-Treat Bags, Candy, Candy, and More Candy!!!! The Carnival is FREE and open to the Public.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. More events found online at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/event-calendar. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

Head to the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm [1201 28th Ave N, Fargo], 10am-5pm, and create creepy crafts while checking out the not-too-scary exhibits. Wear your costume! Members free, non-members $5/person.

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october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

19


the sport of curling. Everyone is welcome at this FREE event!

november events

7

Living with Grief Drop-In Session 701.237.6441 www.boulgerfuneralhome.com

2, 7, 9, 14, 16, 21, 28 & 30

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events Statistically four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Are you sure yours is right? Don’t take a chance. Head to The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] Tuesday 10:45am-7:15pm or Thursday 1:15pm-5pm. Events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

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Curling Open House www.fargoparks.com

GriefSupport@boulgerfuneralhome.com Experiencing the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult things we face in life. Even if you feel loved by friends and family or supported by a faith community, there may be a time you simply need someone else to listen to the story of your loved one, or you may be in need of resources regarding the many aspects of grief. Ann Jacobson and Sonja Kjar, Boulger Funeral Home’s Grief Support Coordinators, are available to assist you. They have years of experience walking with people on the journey of life, through the valley of the shadow of death, and through the joys and sorrows that are a part of living in this world. Please stop in Boulger Funeral Home [123 10th St S, Fargo], 6pm-7:15pm, and meet with Ann or Sonja during this drop-in session.

9 & 25

Head to the FM Curling Club [4300 23rd Av S, Fargo], 2pm-4pm, and learn all about

Lego Club www.larl.org All ages and abilities are welcome to come

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL Now Enrolling K-12

red A Christ-cente

education.

e m i t a t a d l i h c One

.

an Come for sultation. nal Con

Educatio

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

ointment. up an app t e s to 0 0 36-05 Call 218-2

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

ParkChristianSchool.org 20

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

make their own Lego creation at our Lego Club. Supplies provided to build, but make sure to bring your imagination! Lego Club meets 6pm-8pm on Nov. 9th and 2pm-4pm on Nov. 25th at the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead, MN].

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B.L.A.S.T. Babysitting Camp www.sanfordhealthemseducation.org Babysitting Lessons and Safety Training is the initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. Held at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], 9am-3pm, participants will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques. They will also learn when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. $60 fee. Register online.

5+, 5-7 needs to be accompanied by an adult – up to two kids per adult. $12 member; $20 non-members.

11 & 12

Holiday Homes of Hope www.facebook.com/ HolidayhomesofHope/ Enjoy eight professionally decorated holiday homes in the Fargo Country Club neighborhood, and shop our extensive holiday boutique and vendor fair [admission to the boutique is FREE], Saturday 10am-5pm and Sunday noon-5pm. Tickets for the home tour available at area Hornbacher's stores. Mark your calendars to enjoy this beautiful kickoff to the holiday season. Event proceeds benefit the Cystic Fibrosis Association of North Dakota.

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Stress & Anxiety Management www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events

Measure, mix, knead, and bake your own loaf of bread at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 10am-11:30am! While it bakes, we will practice yoga. Once our practice is over, our bread will be done. What a great way to start the day! Ages

Expecting and preparing for a new baby is very exciting, but can also bring a lot of stress and anxiety for expectant parents. There are a lot of natural, simple things that can be done to manage this stress and anxiety during this time. Head to Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo], 1:30pm-2:30pm, for this Stress & Anxiety Management session

Kids Healthy Cooking: Yoga + Baking = YOBA www.familywellnessfargo.org


to learn more about these management strategies, as well as what you can do if you feel you can’t manage your stress and anxiety on your own.

12

Pink it Forward Women’s Day Out www.pinkitforward.org Grab your friends, head to Hilton Garden Inn [4351 17th Av S, Fargo], 11am-3pm and get a jump on your holiday shopping while supporting a great cause. Over 50 vendors, socializing, shopping, and a silent auction! See you there!

Bring a blanket and enjoy a movie on the big screen after playing on the inflatable games! Pizza and pop will be served. Preregistration is required. $25/couple [$10 for each additional son.]

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Kiddin’ Around with Music+Motion www.fargoparks.com Calling all kiddos ages 4-5! Head to RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Av S, Fargo] 10am-noon and wiggle, giggle, and sign with Penny and her musical pals Rockin’ Robot and Bernie the Bear. $13 fee, register online.

16

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Create one-of-a-kind necklaces, bracelets, and earrings of their choice with the help of an instructor at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Av S, Fargo] 6pm-8pm. For ages 8-teen, cost $20, must register online.

The Y wants to give you a break with a night out, kid-free! Bring the kiddos [ages 6 weeks – 14 years] to the Fercho YMCA [400 1st Av S, Fargo], 4pm-7:30pm, and while you are away the kids will enjoy active fun and games in the Playstation, Xerzone, Kids' Gym, and Basketball Gym. Y member: $25; Non-member: $32.

Jewelry Making www.fargoparks.com

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Mother-Son Date Night www.wfparks.org

Parents’ Night Out www.ymcacassclay.org/events

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november events

RDO Caters Taters for Charity www.rdocaterstaters.com head to Delta by Marriott [1635 42nd St S, Fargo], 11am-1pm, and enjoy a “Pound-tato” with your choice of toppings benefitting Creative Care for Reaching Independence [CCRI]. $8 gets you a "pound-tato" - a 1 lb. potato with all the fixings, a drink, and dessert. Dine In and Take Out availability. Raffle Tickets available. All proceeds from the event and raffle go to the benefitting charity.

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Cookies with the Claus Family www.fraserltd.org Friday November 24 at the FARGODOME from 1pm to 4pm. The Claus Family will arrive by horse-drawn sleigh at the FARGODOME [1800 N University Dr, Fargo]. Games Galore, entertainment, sleigh rides, cookie decorating, art, and more. This event is free and open to the public, 1pm-4pm.

25 & 26

Santa Village www.fargoparks.com Celebrate the season of giving at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 1pm-7pm. Santa Village, located on a 15-acre enclosed farm site, is a non-commercial village where children and adults can make holiday memories with Santa and Mrs. Claus. Visit Santa, see live reindeer, decorate a cookie with Mrs. Claus, write a letter to Santa, participate in special art and craft projects, and enjoy light displays. Admission to Santa Village is free, however, guests are encouraged to bring donations of canned goods, cash, and new toys.

A fun-filled night for moms and sons ages 4-12 to get out and play at Rustad Recreation Center [601 26th Av E, West Fargo], 6pm-9pm! Come jump on the inflatable games and burn off some energy.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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exposures by j. linnea

shutterbug

caitlin killoran photography


rialee photography

caitlin killoran photography

exposures by j. linnea

rialee photography


gettin’ through it

cutting family costs:

ways to save without sacrifice

story by  |  kimberly blaker

A

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

ccording to a January 9, 2017, CNN Money report by Kathryn Vasel, the cost to raise kids is now between $12,350 to $14,000 a year per child. Multiply this by two or more children and that's a substantial chunk of change. But there are lots of ways to keep costs down without sacrificing the quality of your family's life. Follow these cost-cutting tips and watch your savings grow. feeding the crew Feeding your family is perhaps one of the biggest expenses you’ll incur. It's also one of the best places to cut costs.

Coupon clipping can bring substantial savings—provided you use coupons only for items you’d purchase anyway. Admittedly, coupons can also be a hassle. If you have time for coupon clipping, look for grocery stores that 24

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

offer double coupons to make the most of this savings strategy. Also set up some guidelines so you don't use coupons to the extent you're losing money by making unnecessary purchases or where you could have had a better deal by purchasing another brand. Cut your grocery bill by at least a third by buying only on-sale items. Each week, flip through your store flier, then stock up with a four-to-six weeks’ supply of the items on sale. After the first month you should have plenty of stock to eliminate most non-sale purchases. Although you’ll invest more up front, within a few weeks you’ll have recouped your investment and see your grocery bill start to drop. Avoid wholesale food clubs. When comparing prices, the savings are usually minimal. They rarely compare to grocery-store sale prices. You might use food clubs for just a few staple items you've researched and know are always a better deal.


gettin’ through it When shopping, always compare the price per ounce on different size packages. Contrary to popular belief, smaller packages are often the better deal. Manufacturers learned people go for the bigger bulk-size items because of the better price per ounce. As a result, they switched the pricing around, knowing consumers will just gravitate to the larger package with the assumption it's a better deal.

• Keep your hot water heater between 115 to 120 degrees. Hotter temperatures are wasteful, unnecessary, and can lead to scalding. • When purchasing new appliances, compare energy efficiency. Paying a little more for the more energyefficient appliances can save money in the end. • Turn your computer off overnight and during long interruptions.

Don’t let unanticipated fast-food runs eat up your spare cash. Have paper plates and plenty of frozen meals to toss in the oven for emergency eat-and-run suppers.

family fun Having fun doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg—or anything at all.

energy efficiency There are plenty of ways to cut overall energy use without sacrifice, so make the following tips part of your strategy. • Run your dishwasher only when full, and use the no-heat or air-dry setting. • Keep your refrigerator out of the sun. • Turn off the oven a few minutes before your meal is done cooking. The heat already built up in the oven will finish the job. • Wash all laundry in cold water, except for sheets and towels that need hot water to kill bacteria and odors. • Clean the lint filter on your dryer before each use. And don’t over dry clothes. • Evaluate your lighting needs. Use the lowest-watt bulb possible that still provides ample lighting. Better yet, use the CFL light bulbs for maximum energy savings.

Make visiting your library a regular family activity. Libraries today offer a wide variety of free entertainment including books and magazines, DVDs, music CDs, video games, audio books, even computer games and software. If your library doesn’t carry a book you’re looking for, ask about its interlibrary loan program.

1st visit

recommended

at

1

year

of age!

Contact local, county, and state parks for scheduled activities and programs. And don’t forget about paved biking and roller-blade trails, hiking and nature walks, fishing, swimming, wildlife viewing, and more. Instead of taking your family to dinner or for fast food, pick up Chinese and head to the park. You’ll not only save, but you'll eat healthier, too. Contact the science, natural history, and children’s museums in your area and ask if they’re one of the more than 350 members of the Association of ScienceTechnology Centers in the U.S. If so, purchase an annual family membership, generally ranging between $120

Comprehensive dental care for infants, children, and adolescents.

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october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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gettin’ through it and $160. These passes offer unlimited visits to all ASTC member museums. Then plan several day trips throughout the year for family science fun. Visit http:// www.astc.org/passport/ for details. The passports must be purchased directly through one of the participating science-technology museums. Don’t buy new computers. Recent models can often be found in the newspaper or online classifieds for a fraction of the cost. finance savvy The following suggestions can bring big savings and make banking and loans work for you rather than against you. If possible, double up on mortgage and loan payments. If you can’t, you can still save by breaking each monthly payment into two. Pay half of your monthly loan and mortgage payments a couple weeks early. Contact your loan institution and make sure early and partial payments will apply to your regular monthly installments and that interest will be adjusted accordingly. Open your checking account at a credit union or bank that offers free accounts with no maintenance or check fees. Store your credit card. Carrying it on you can lead to impulse buying. Unless you’re disciplined enough to pay it off monthly, credit cards eat up spare cash on interest expense.

Love

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Hope Family

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

auto economizing There are many ways to keep driving expenses down. Try these for starters. • Increase the deductible on your collision to $1,000, unless you’re accident prone or have teen drivers. The cost difference can be significant. • Avoid purchasing a brand-new vehicle. Opt for a low-mileage model only one to four years old. You’ll save a fortune on depreciation. dress for less Save on household and clothing expense by trying these money-saving ideas. You'll be helping to protect the environment, too. Hit the end-of-season sales and save 60 to 80% on kids’ clothing for the following school year. A one-size difference is usually a safe bet. Visit resale shops for super savings on like-new children’s clothing. You can find these stores locally and there are also online resale shops. Catch the savings as families in all income brackets are doing today. Hit garage and estate sales for family and household needs. You’ll find top-quality, top-condition items, including toys, baby equipment, children’s clothing, household furnishings, and more, for next to nothing. Kimberly Blaker, of Michigan, is freelance family writer. Her articles have appeared in more than 250 publications throughout the U.S. Visit her at www.facebook.com/KimberlyBlakerWriter/ and www.kimberlyblaker.com.


Our Mission

is to enhance the lives of children in the communities we serve. What do we do? We help offset medical expense of a sick child, as well as contribute to organizations focused on positively impacting children. In short, we help kids and we do it locally!

"We got to be with Quinn, focus on Quinn, be where we needed to be and do what we needed to do." - Kendal Sethre

And you can help us this November! Support our upcoming Online Auction, November 1-13, 2017. Learn more at www.forwardfoundation.com.

the

Online Auction

Nov. 1-13 2017

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Save Date

Pictured: Kendal & Brandon Sethre with Peyton (5 months) and Quinn (2 years old), Forward Foundation beneficiary.

Learn more and watch for updates at www.forwardfoundation.com & on Forward Foundation is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization administered by the employees of Bank, Insure, Invest and Tax Forward in the trade areas they serve. 100% of your donations directly benefit the children we serve. Contributions are tax-deductible to the extent of the law. october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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shop talk

three must knows about plains art museum

story by  |  netha cloeter

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

H

ave you been to Plains Art Museum? When I meet new people in Fargo-Moorhead, I usually ask them this question. I often find that people are familiar with the Museum because they have been here for an event—a wedding, a photo session, a company party. It’s a beautiful venue with a picturesque view of downtown Fargo and we host great parties! But we are more than just an event space. Here are three unique facts about Plains Art Museum in Fargo: #1. we are free! As of July 2017 Plains Art Museum became free, which means you no longer have to pay an admission fee to see high-quality exhibitions and 28

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

thought-provoking art. We typically have five to eight diverse exhibitions on view at any given time, and we also have youth and adult classes and programs happening daily. Additionally, we have a family Art Lounge: a hands-on learning space where visitors can experiment, problem solve, and learn about art through games, books, and other art activities. The Museum is open Tuesday – Saturday and is open late on Thursdays. #2. our largest audience is youth Every year we welcome around 8,000 students to the Museum through our school-visit programs. Through a partnership with Fargo Public Schools, all FPS students in kindergarten through fifth grade visit the Museum each year to tour our exhibitions and create a clay project in our


shop talk ceramic studio. In addition, classes from West Fargo and Moorhead elementary schools, Grace Lutheran, Barnesville, and numerous other area schools take field trips to the Museum each year. A majority of contemporary art museums serve mostly adult audiences, so we are unique in that our biggest audience is youth and families. We encourage students to return with their families after they’ve visited, and many come back to give their families a tour! It’s inspiring to see art through young eyes. In addition to school visits, we have youth after-school classes, school-break camps, and a long-standing free family program called “Kid Quest” that occurs the first Saturday of each month, October – April. This program is free thanks to support from Xcel Energy Foundation, Kiwanis Club of Fargo, and MPR. Kid Quest combines artful looking in our galleries with inspired art making in our studios, and it presents a laid-back, safe environment for children to learn and express their creativity. Because families are invited to create alongside each other, inter-generational learning and community building occur naturally. We invite all families to join us for a free Kid Quest event at the Museum! #3. part of our art collection includes a garden The Museum’s campus was transformed into a public art project called the “Pollinator Garden” in 2014. This garden was conceptualized and proposed by artist Christine Baeumler, who envisioned a green space in downtown Fargo to help sustain populations of species

critical to our food supply, such as bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds. We call the project one of our “Defiant Gardens,” because it defies the urban environment of the Museum and downtown, which is mostly cement and asphalt, while also defying the dwindling numbers of pollinators who are critical to our food supply. Youth education is a key component of the Pollinator Garden, which was planted and is maintained by our phenomenal teen Buzz Lab interns. The Buzz Lab internship is a paid internship for youth ages 11-18 who are interested in art and science. This competitive annual program, as with many of our programs, positions youth as community leaders and visionaries. When we provide youth with a platform for their ideas and voices to be heard, we are investing in our future and enriching our community. To learn more about Plains Art Museum and our youth and family programs, visit plainsart.org. Netha Cloeter lives in Fargo, North Dakota, where she serves as the Director of Education and Social Engagement at Plains Art Museum. Originally from rural Wisconsin, Netha received her M.A. in Art History from the University of Oklahoma, and her B.A. in English and Art from Valparaiso University in Indiana. Cloeter managed the Memorial Union Gallery and permanent collection at North Dakota State University before moving to Plains Art Museum in 2015. Prior to graduate school, Netha taught art and English at Todd County High School in Mission, South Dakota, and worked at the Minnesota Children’s Museum in St. Paul and the Westchester Township History Museum in Indiana. She is passionate about art and museum education, and spends her free time outside of work with her son, Auden, who was born in May 2017.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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R

uby [3] and Pipa [2] have a great sister example in their mama Annie Schlecht, the youngest of five girls who grew up in Jamestown, ND. Annie received her Master’s in Occupational Therapy from the University of North Dakota

School of Medicine and worked for five years as an occupational therapist for the Anne Carlsen Center, focused on birth to 3-year-olds with developmental delays. With hubby Tyler and her two girls by her side, Annie quit full-time employment in January 2017 to start her own business, Zen Sleep Consulting, a consulting agency that helps people of all ages get quality sleep. Using a very holistic approach, Annie works with parents and babies, as well as older children, teens, and adults, to create customized plans based on the client’s sleep issues. “I educate them on the science of sleep www.onthemindsofmoms.com

and then work with them for two to three weeks as they implement the sleep plan to ensure their success,” Annie says. “I typically have my babies sleeping through the night within three weeks!” Also a certified infant massage instructor and trained in several sensory integration programs, Annie enjoys spending time outdoors with her family, crafts, Fung Shui, and quality time with her sisters/mom or girlfriends.

photos: caitlin killoran photography  | caitlin killoran

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen


annie schlecht zen sleep consulting, wimbledon.nd

what inspired you to start zen sleep consulting? This is a three-part answer. [1] While working as pediatric therapist I realized that I was setting some goals for my little clients and their parents that were unrealistic. It didn’t matter what kind of therapeutic activities I completed with my clients because these little ones were not capable of progressing in their development, due to their exhaustion, or the parents had no energy to work with their kiddos because they were so tired themselves. [2] I did not like the kind of wife/mom I was when I, too, was exhausted all of the time. I was not prioritizing my own nor my family’s sleep and it took a toll on all of us. After we taught our girls how to sleep through the night and I started getting quality rest myself, I wanted to share this information with the world. [3] I wanted to spend more time with my husband and my girls.

what qualities would your clients say describe you? I think most of my clients would say I’m down to earth, empathetic, creative, kind, honest, and funny.

what is your strongest mompreneur skill?

worth the drive!

I think my people skills are quite advantageous in the business that I’m in. I am literally asking people to let me into their bedrooms…I have to gain my clients’ trust and develop rapport quickly. I also like to think that my dorky sense of humor plays a slight role in my success, too.

I know I may be using the word incorrectly; however, when I hear “Zen,” the words calm, focus, and peace come to mind. That is what I hope to help my clients create: a Zen state of mind and a Zen environment so they can get the best rest possible.

what is the most important lesson you’ve learned as a business owner? You have to be confident in yourself and create a

business brand based on your authenticity. I always thought I wasn’t “professional” enough to run my own business and that I would have to change my style or approach so that I would be perceived in a different manner. Thankfully, one of my mentors, Rebecca, helped me realize that I would attract the right kind of clients if I just “did me” and started seeing my skill sets as a gift.

what motivates you each morning to go to work? I am the first and only independent sleep consultant in the state of North Dakota. Being a pioneer in my profession is motivating enough for me to get up and

thinking about a

cosmetic procedure?

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D’A rcy A. Honeycutt, M.D., F.A.C.S. Board Certified Female Plastic Surgeon

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

how did you come up with the name zen sleep consulting?

mom preneur


mompreneur give it my all each day.

how do you balance work and family life? I’m still trying to figure this out. I try to schedule special events with my kids, work when they are sleeping or at daycare, and unplug as much as I can when they are with me. My husband and I try to schedule date nights to ensure that our relationship is getting the TLC it deserves. We are lucky enough to have both of our parents nearby. We would be lost without their support.

what can families expect from working with you? I tell my clients right up front that I am not here to judge anyone on their parenting styles or sleep habits, because I have likely done all of the “frowned upon” things myself before I became a sleep consultant. I explain that their sleep situations are only a problem IF they have started to interfere with their quality of life. I am very empathetic, but at the same time I can also offer a tough-love approach with the science to back it up. Most of my clients have told me that it is my support and accountability that makes the sleep-training process a success.

what is one piece of advice you wish everyone took to heart when it came to sleep?

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Without quality sleep we are setting ourselves and our children up for failure. It is a physiological need that

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

must be met in order for us to flourish in our health, education, careers, and relationships. It is a skill that needs to be mastered, just like learning to walk or talk.

what is the best advice you have gotten as a mom? You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you are taking good care of yourself and your marriage.

anything else we should know about Zen sleep consulting? I offer free 15-minute sleep assessments via phone to anyone who might be interested, which you can schedule on my website. I also offer Sleep Seminars to organizations that might benefit from sleep education.

annie@ZenSleepConsulting.com www.ZenSleepConsulting.com www.Facebook.com/ZenSleepConsulting www.Instagram.com/ZenSleepConsulting


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T

his farm boy from Madison, MN, grew up with four siblings. “We always had a busy house where everyone had to pitch in and work,” Trevor Kallhoff says. “This is where I learned many of the skills and hobbies that I have today.”

With a degree in carpentry, Trevor moved to Fargo and for the past ten years has worked for All New Gutter Services and is currently a foreman. Married to Anne for eight years, the high school sweethearts have three kiddos: Gage [7], Kane [5], and Veda [almost 2]. This last year the Kallhoffs bought a ten-acre farm, planted a half-acre garden, and are in the process of remodeling the whole house. “Most of my so called “free time” is spent working on our house, in our garden, hunting, fishing, watching our boys in football, hockey, or baseball, or playing with our little girl Veda,” says the proud dad.

photos: caitlin killoran photography  | caitlin killoran


trevor kallhoff

rad dad

age 30, moorhead.mn

my idea of solitude involves… a crisp fall morning deer hunting with my buddies or family. Any time spent fishing in the boat. Or the half hour or so on the weekend mornings I spend alone drinking my coffee before anyone else wakes up.

my kiddos have definitely taught me… the meaning of the word patience. Also to really slow down and enjoy things. Time with them goes so fast and I hate to miss any of it.

one of my wife’s best qualities is… she is amazing with keeping our house in working order. From the kids’ activities and school, to her

very busy career, to keeping our house clean, to making sure that we take family time and vacations, and still finding time to spend with just me. I appreciate that she is strong where I am not.

the most spontaneous thing i’ve ever done… I’m not very spontaneous. My wife would be the first to tell you I like a schedule and to have everything planned out. However, when we first got married, we did take a road trip to Alaska with two other of our friends who were both female . . . that was something very spontaneous and not very well thought out on my part. Traveling across two countries in

Your Pe

BES

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october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

35

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Visit us at our new state-of-the-art facility!


rad dad

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a car with three women was a long ride. One with many great memories, just one I will not repeat.

not just a dad.

last time i yelled at the tv…

you would never catch me…

was a Vikings game.

with an office job.

in high school i was…

as a parent the single-most important thing you can teach a child...

pretty laid back. I had to work on the farm every day so any extra time I had I spent with friends doing what teenage kids that live in the country like to do.

respect and hard work. I was taught to respect everyone and that nothing feels better or is worth more than something you worked hard for and earned.

my kids love it when…

my biggest pet peeve is...

I make their favorite breakfast of bacon, sausage, and homemade buttermilk pancakes or waffles.

when people lack a good work ethic.

every dad should have…

love them no matter what and would do anything for them.

A hobby that they enjoy that reminds them they are 36

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

i hope my kids know i…


Take the Shot to

october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Get in Shape 37


oh, by the way

d$*&#%! it’s halloween story by  |  deb uglem

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

I

t was October and we jumped into our white Town and Country van that we, naturally, called the ambulance [it wasn’t the prettiest but it was functional] and headed to the country. Hubby, three boys, myself, and you could say that baby girl was around for this adventure too, considering I was five months pregnant. There is something about fall in Michigan. Deep. Sigh. We were headed to the apple orchard and pumpkin patch. I can still see the color and feel the crisp air. As we drove, thoughts of me and hubby walking hand in hand while the kids skipped in front of us filled my head. I envisioned us sitting on hay bales while sipping apple cider, enjoying the perfect fall day. That’s not exactly what happened, but the event was still memorable. 38

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

We arrived and the kids hit the ground running, literally. We couldn’t keep up. They were super excited, and why wouldn’t they be? I was too. I had never seen anything quite like it. It was a sea of pumpkins, very large pumpkins. Pumpkins on steroids. Jake was climbing on top and walking across the “sea.” The twins were crawling through the “sea.” It almost looked like they were drowning but the smiles on their faces contradicted desperation. It was amazing. I just had to have one of these giant pumpkins. Hubby just shook his head. “What are we going to do with that? We can’t even carve it.” The words were lost on me. I think he knew he wasn’t going to win this one. We shopped for pumpkins for the next hour and we each picked out our favorite pumpkin. The kids and hubby of course picked pumpkins they could carry; rookie mistake. I found the perfect one.


oh, by the way We had to purchase by the pound, so fast forward to the small crane lifting my 116-pound pumpkin into the back of the ambulance. Hubby mumbled something but, of course, I ignored him. We headed out with smiles on just about everyone in the van. As we traveled down the curved country road I noticed an estate sale. “We have to stop!” I pleaded with him. He turned in while doing his classic unapproving shaking of his head. I quickly got out and beelined to an antique dresser I had spotted from the road. Marked at $35, I just had to have it. Again, with the ‘how are we going to get that home?’ and again me ignoring the warning [are you seeing a pattern?]. Fast forward to the farmer helping us tie the dresser to the top of the ambulance. We got home and there we were with the task of getting our oversized purchases to their new home. We argued discussed how we would get the pumpkin to the porch. We settled on rolling it onto Grandma Jessie’s quilt [a wedding gift] and carrying it to its resting spot by the front door. The boys ran around the front yard yelling “Pumpkin! Pumpkin! Pumpkin!” Success! Then came the task of getting the dresser upstairs to our bedroom. I am sure we were the talk of the neighborhood as once again we argued discussed in the driveway how this would happen. I am sure we were quite a sight as a reluctant husband and five-month pregnant wife maneuvered a dresser from the driveway through the front door and up the very narrow stairs. This is when I heard my husband say, “D$*&%! Deb.” When I look back now I laugh. It reminds me of the time we tried

to wallpaper our first bathroom together [let’s just say I now do home- improvement projects solo]. The phrase “D$*&#%! Deb” is my husband’s favorite alliteration. It has been said enough through the last 25 years that I might start to think it is a term of endearment. Of course, I would be wrong. Because this phrase comes out of my husband’s mouth when I make decisions without [dare I admit?] thinking of the consequence. I can work on that development need later. For now, when I think of Halloween, that day is the first memory that enters my head and it makes my heart smile. I choose to believe that when my hubby thinks of that day he says, “D$*&#%! Deb, that was a great Halloween!” Deb is a city girl from Finley, ND, and she and her husband, Tim, have called the Fargo-Moorhead area home for the last 15 years. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. Currently Deb’s day job is working on her next adventure and she welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings. She is mom to Jake [23], Tony [22], Nick [22], and Emily [20], and credits them for her inspiration. She fills her spare time with golf, HGTV, shopping, and Netflix.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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39


rikka brandon

unconventionally unapologetic

story by  |  rebecca undem

Y

ou can hear Rikka Brandon coming before you even see her. With a big, booming voice coupled with a larger-than-life personality, she’s hard to miss.

Rikka is a wise-cracking, fast-talking serial entrepreneur, wife to Chris and mama to Carsten [8] and Tegan [7]. With a colorful background filled with eclectic experiences, there is one pervasive truth about the way Rikka Brandon lives: once she makes up her mind about what she wants, she is unapologetic about her pursuit to get it.


photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki


www.onthemindsofmoms.com

unconventionally unapologetic

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen


unconventionally unapologetic This is a somewhat unconventional approach to life for many women who find themselves overcome with concern about what other people think of them and find it difficult to follow their hearts. To people who don’t know her well, it might seem impossible to imagine that Rikka has ever struggled with any insecurities, given her bold and audacious approach to life. But, like all of us, Rikka had to learn specific strategies to show up in the world as she should and those lessons hold value for all of us.

for her to create an enormous network of people who value her for who she is. choices create consequences Obtaining a college degree was a minimum expectation in her family, as Rikka was fully aware. After admittedly “drunking out” of college and then convincing the school to reinstate her [even a university couldn’t resist her persuasiveness] she couldn’t shake the feeling that the timing was off. She knew she’d get her degree one day, but she didn’t feel ready. Putting college on the back burner, she decided to be a nanny. She had applied to work with a family in Connecticut.

be unapologetically you Growing up in rural Portland, North Dakota, Rikka came from a long line of strong females, some who chose the path of entrepreneurship. At a time when the traditional role of a woman was vastly different, particularly in the farming community, Rikka grew up never questioning her own value. In fact, she shared, “My parents never treated me like having a uterus implied that I was somehow deficient or unable to do something. On the farm I had to shovel bins of stinky, rotten beans. I had to drive a truck and a tractor, though I was terrible at it and was swiftly fired from that job.”

From being asked to cook the family’s dog Rice-a-Roni, to learning the couple she worked for were both recovering cocaine addicts and the mom had a warrant out for her arrest, Rikka quickly determined being a nanny wasn’t for her.

While her family provided a certainty of her value, Rikka always felt like a bit of a misfit in her family.

She never wanted to feel that trapped or controlled by someone else again.

“I’m just too much. I’m too loud. Too dramatic. Too intense. I talk too fast. I was the youngest of four siblings and was completely different from them.”

Even at this young age Rikka realized that her choices have consequences and she needed to make choices that allowed her to be in control of her future.

Her mom would chide, “Rikka, you need to talk slower. People can’t keep up.”

trust your gut Rikka’s first job out of college was a recruiting position with a large, national recruiting franchise. During the application process, she was given a variety of assessments to determine her aptitude for the work of recruiting.

Her response? “Mom, I really don’t care. I don’t want to think and talk slow so others can keep up. If they can’t keep up, we probably aren’t meant to be friends.” Her mom, visibly exasperated, rolled her eyes as if to say, “You can’t just be like that, Rikka.”

Every time she intentionally slowed herself down, she felt herself becoming awkward, fake, and stilted.

When she was offered the job, the managing partner told her they had never hired a recent college graduate before, but they’d also never had any applicant in their entire region score as high on the assessments. He was convinced she’d be a natural and remarked she had “the fastest mind to mouth ratio he’d ever seen.”

She said, “I decided I’d rather be authentic than be approved of by everyone.”

She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of validation that she hadn’t slowed down when her mom first suggested she should.

Being unapologetically herself has made it possible

Six days after she started, Rikka quit. october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

In a veiled attempt to conform, Rikka did try.

Nearly nothing about the experience was what she expected. As a naïve 19-year-old from North Dakota, she was served a healthy dose of [alternate] reality while living and working near New York City.


unconventionally unapologetic She figured the assessments had to be wrong because clearly, recruiting was for shady people. She eventually took a job with a large department store. When they opened a new store in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, Rikka and her team of three other managers were tasked with staffing 250 new positions. They literally walked the malls, secretly shopping other stores, to pick off the best talent. Recalling this experience, Rikka said, “I freaking loved it. Everyone else on the team hated it. They’d say, ‘Ugh, this is so uncomfortable!’ and I was thinking ‘I could literally do this all day long!’ That was when I realized that this [recruiting] feels very different to me than it does to other people.” A few short months later, when Rikka was only 23, she discovered “split-desk” recruiting when she landed a job with a national recruiting firm that had a contract with Pella Windows and Doors.

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She was hooked.

take a risk A few weeks after leaving that job, while sitting in a restaurant with Chris, Rikka was weighing the pros and cons of taking a new recruiting position with a different firm. Chris, as risk-averse as he was, said, “If they think you can do this for them, why don’t you just do it for yourself?” “Ah, because I’m 26,” Rikka replied, to which Chris smartly retorted, “Yeah, and what are they going to do? Take away your Grand-Am?” And with that, Building Resources, Rikka’s own recruiting firm, was born. Even with the necessary financial resources and a firm shove from Chris, Rikka still maintains that she’d never have been brave enough to start her own company if it weren’t for one pressing truth: she couldn’t stand to be controlled. Her track record as an employee proved it. Being in control sounded great to a wildly optimistic 20-something. She had no idea how difficult it would be.

For Rikka, it wasn’t just the thrill of recruiting; she really loved the building products industry. While the recruiting office itself was fairly balanced in terms of men and women, Rikka’s clientele was almost exclusively male.

The change from having in the past billed over $300,000 in sales as an employee to earning a paltry $34,000 her first year as a business owner was a blow to Rikka’s ego.

Though that could be intimidating to other women, Rikka loved that her clients were “super authentic, tell-it-like-it-is, not overly corporate or politically correct.” Her inner farm girl was thrilled.

Despite her outward confidence, she was terrified of cold calling, which was necessary for growth. Later that year she hired Erin to focus exclusively on business development.

Her position with this company came to an end when Rikka got lambasted by a client she had taken months to win over due to his general distrust of recruiters. He was furious because the company had overbilled him. She agreed with him and decided that she wouldn’t let the sketchy actions of a company tarnish her name and reputation.

With that first important hire, Building Resources started to take off. find the silver lining Almost exactly a year after starting Building Resources, Chris and Rikka were married.

If her reputation was to be ruined in any way, she wanted it to be on her terms.

Never having really dated much before, Rikka still knew Chris was one of the good ones. Plus, she could ditch the ever-complicated last name of Fugleberg and switch it out for Brandon. Seemed like a win-win.

Changing jobs so frequently might appear flighty or directionless to others, but each job change Rikka made was intentional.

They both worked nonstop and didn’t discuss work-life balance. It wasn’t an important topic.

She always trusted her gut to guide her, believing there would be other opportunities to create success for herself.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

Rikka didn’t want to have children. She was already nurturing a baby. Building Resources


unconventionally unapologetic had grown to over $1 million in sales in just three short years. As she was winning awards and being featured in the paper for her career achievements, Rikka’s professional life was actually imploding. From the outside, everything looked amazing but, as Rikka states, “People don’t see how fast you’re paddling under the water. I was working over 80 hours a week to keep the business together.” She had to, because in July of 2007 Building Resources started to feel the effects of the contraction in the building industry.

After drastically cutting overhead, laying off most of her team of 15, and desperately trying to salvage the business, she made one last [albeit humbling] attempt to save it. In December she approached her dad about lending her the money to keep the business afloat. As he reviewed the financials Rikka brought, all he said was, “Wow. This isn’t good. If the market isn’t coming back [which it wasn’t expected to for nearly three more years] I think we need to realize this business isn’t

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october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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unconventionally unapologetic sustainable.” As hard as it was for Rikka to hear, she imagines it was far more difficult for her dad to say. Then he said something that helped her put this humiliating failure in proper perspective. He said, “This is business. It’s not personal. It doesn’t have anything to do with your value as a person.”

ask for help Even though she was never planning to have kids, Rikka had distinctive ideas about what kind of mother she was going to be: primarily, she was going to be a great mom. Her older sister had diligently breastfed three kids, easily problem-solving any breastfeeding issue and

In January she let go of the remaining six employees. Bankruptcy was inevitable. While working with her attorney to get everything in order to file, Chris and Rikka were served up another unexpected blow. Rikka discovered she was pregnant. She cried for three straight days. Not only was this never in the plan, it was happening at conceivably the worst possible moment in her entire life. Once she got over the initial shock, Rikka drew from her deep well of optimism, choosing to believe it would all work out. [After all, it’s not like either of them hated children.] Three days later, Rikka miscarried. Although a sad experience, she was grateful for the experience because it helped her change her mind about starting a family. She really did want kids. Shortly after the bankruptcy was finalized they got pregnant with Carsten. After the bankruptcy Rikka and Erin teamed up to start Building Gurus, which was essentially the same business, only they ran it with little to no overhead. In 2008, the year of the bankruptcy, the business did well.

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As Rikka’s spirits soared with the anticipation of a professional comeback, 2009 had another idea in mind. With even more tightening of the building industry, she didn’t bill a single dollar the entire year. About 2009 Rikka says, “I was pregnant, I was a year out of bankruptcy, and I wasn’t able to deliver financially, which is what I’d been able to do my entire life. It was awful. The only good part about 2009 was getting Carsten.”’ This demonstrates Rikka’s eternal optimism: there is always a silver lining to be discovered.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

setting an alarm twice each night to get up and pump. This was the standard Rikka was determined to meet. But she hated everything about it. Her milk supply was low, she was certain Carsten was starving. Her doctor kindly said, “You know Rikka, a formula-fed baby with a calm, loving mom is better off


unconventionally unapologetic than a breastfed baby with a stressed-out, unhappy mom.”

having the kids so close together.

Rikka thought, ‘Thanks for that. But I’m not failing at this. This is what good moms do.’

By the time Tegan arrived Carsten was what Rikka lovingly referred to as a “mobile moron,” mostly mobile but with no regard for his personal safety, and she realized she had figured wrong.

One day one of Rikka’s lifelong friends said, “Man, breastfeeding sucks, doesn’t it?”

At this same time Erin decided that entrepreneurship

At that point she decided to heed her doctor’s advice and quit. When Carsten was only seven months old, Rikka got pregnant with their daughter, Tegan. With Carsten not yet crawling, she figured it wouldn’t be too tough

wasn’t right for her and wanted out of Building Gurus. With no business partner and the building market swiftly picking back up, Rikka had to hustle, despite taking only a little over a week off for maternity leave. To try and regain some of the financial success she’d experienced in the past, she worked nonstop, often while nursing Tegan on a Boppy pillow at her desk. october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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Rikka thought, ‘Wait. We can say that? That’s literally what I think all the time.


unconventionally unapologetic With two kids under the age of two and a growing business that demanded more time, this was the most stressful time in Rikka’s life. “The bankruptcy wasn’t even that hard on our marriage, but two kids under two? That was hard. Plus, we’re totally different people. He’s methodical and slow. I’m urgent and fast. We don’t problem solve the same way at all. We needed to figure out a way to get through it without killing each other or getting divorced.” She called her mom to complain.

all rikka could see in her future was the life of a stereotypical suburban soccer mom

live your dreams Once she felt some relief from the overwhelm of the day-to-day, Rikka still couldn’t shake the feeling that none of this was right for her. Motherhood, marriage, and all that came with it seemed like what “other people” do. She desperately didn’t want to lose who she was. All Rikka could see in her future was the life of a stereotypical suburban soccer mom. Rikka quipped, “I mean, I was already halfway there. We owned a minivan, had a two-story house with four bedrooms upstairs, and lived in Moorhead, which is like a suburb of Fargo.” Suffice it to say, the vision wasn’t pretty for her. She thought, ‘I love these little beings but the whole traditional idea of “momming” holds no appeal for me.’ She wanted to live a life that she was fired up about and she didn’t want to use her kids as reason to stop dreaming big. As typical, Rikka went into problem-solving mode. After starting yet another self-help book that she admittedly didn’t finish, she discovered the idea of living abroad. ‘This feels like something we could do,’ Rikka thought.

Her mom listened and eventually said, “You both have good jobs. Hire some help. This is a silly thing to be unhappy about.” Given that her mom stayed at home until Rikka went to school, it had never occurred to Rikka that her mother would suggest this.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

It was hands-down the best advice she’s ever been given. [In fact, it’s the advice she now dispenses most often, sadly with little acceptance. Asking for help really is that hard for most women.] She hired a college student to come over for one hour per day to take care of what she refers to as “the domestic stuff” like loading/unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, or refilling her Keurig. Being vulnerable enough to admit you can’t do it all and asking for help is hard, yet Rikka believes that decision alone saved her sanity in the early days of raising kids.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

She found a blog called “The King’s Life” and the featured couple had children almost the exact same ages as Carsten and Tegan. They were living abroad in Belize. When she asked Chris about the idea, he immediately said, “Yes, let’s do it, but only if you can make enough money that we don’t have to work for a year.” Challenge accepted. It only took Rikka three months. They eventually selected Puerta Aventuras, Mexico, for their destination and began the process of informing their families. Not surprisingly, practically no one was on board. Both sets of their parents had serious concerns about taking such young children to a foreign country. A long-time friend simply said, “What are the chances you married a person who would actually think this is a good idea?”


unconventionally unapologetic She listened to their concerns, but was undaunted by them. After tackling loads of logistics, including Chris leaving his well-paid salaried job, the Brandons embarked on a year-long hiatus in Mexico. When it was time to come home, Rikka felt ready to return, knowing she could now settle into the idea of “momming.” She’d proven to herself that, even with kids, you can still live your dreams. be unconventional Today Rikka is still running Building Gurus and living in her two-story house in Moorhead. She’s still a wife and a mom. Ironically, she’s still driving her minivan. And she’s still just as committed to not losing herself in the journey. “When we become wives, and certainly when we become mothers, we experience significant shifts. It’s easy to

lose yourself in the roles. Holding space for friends is crucial. All the gurus talk about the importance of “date night,” but making time for friends is how we stay connected to who we are,” Rikka says. With wild optimism, the assumption that things will work out, and the desire to live a life she’s fired up about, Rikka continues to show everyone she meets how to live unapologetically, no matter how unconventional that may be. Rebecca Undem yearns to live in a world with bold, inspired people who aren’t afraid of making mistakes; with a forever-full cup of coffee in her hand, preferably nut-flavored. A professional development expert with nearly a decade of experience, she’s a highly sought-after speaker, traveling the country sharing her message of how to live BIG regardless of what you do for a profession or where you happen to be. When she’s not writing or developing solutions to help individuals, businesses, and communities think bigger and challenge the status quo, you can find Rebecca cleaning up a variety of messes made by her three young children or her farming husband. She is excited to announce the release of her first book, How Mommy Got Her Groove BackTM, available now. Visit www.rebeccaundem.com for actionable and inspirational tips for getting your own groove back!

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“ My smile has brought out the model inside of me.”

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october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

49


ready, set, grow

story by  |  sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

T

hese kiddos allow us to experience the greatest love possible. But let’s face it. . . there are PLENTY of maddening moments accompanied by plenty of nail biting, hand wringing, and hair pulling. Trust this: you are not alone, mama! Here are some tips to get through some common parenting stressors.


mama maddeners


ready, set, grow

since 1983, the rate of SIDS has fallen by over 50%

wee ones [0–18 months]

S

eriously, could there be a cuter wee one? Those cheeks, that tuft of hair, those little toes…cutest ever! But, man, it would be so sweet if he could sleep longer! Can you even imagine a full night’s sleep? Heck, how about five hours in a row. . .heaven [sigh]!

nitey nite While sleep deprivation is a rite of passage for new parents, it doesn’t make it any easier to go through. Your new wee one is just following his internal job description: get through this most vulnerable stage and grow up big and strong. As adults we sleep much differently than our wee ones. We enter stages of deep sleep, but our wee ones spend a majority of their sleep in an active state where they can be easily roused. Research has shown this is a survival mechanism that allows your wee one to meet his basic needs. If he slept too deeply, he may not easily wake when he needs to eat or is cold

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or not feeling well. So while a full night’s sleep sounds fabulous, remember your wee one needs to wake often. seriously! Okay, for some reason there is an unwritten rule that an exceptional parenting style will result in respective wee one sleeping longer, sooner. . .we call BS! Don’t get caught up in the bragging match of ‘my wee one sleeps longer than your wee one’ and don’t be one of those mama exaggerators! There are tons of books, sleep aids, and other mamas with advice on how to get your wee one to sleep through the night, such as: • hear that? Comfort sounds or white noise such as radio static, a sound machine, or fan. • plug it A pacifier may have multiple benefits, as research has found a strong association between pacifier use and reduced incidence of SIDS. • step by step Get a bedtime routine: bath, bottle, bed.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

Contact Annie for a FREE 15 min consultation

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t


ready, set, grow

one study found 87% of 18-24 month olds & 91% of 30-36 month olds throw tantrums

tots

[18 months–3 years]

W

e’ve all been there. You’re at Target, the grocery store, or a restaurant and your ticking tot-time-bomb goes off. You feel the stares. You read their thoughts, “Control your kid, Lady!” Some avoid eye contact and others give you a sheepish smile that says, “I feel your pain, Sista!” All you want is for your tot to realize you’re the boss! Good luck! you make me so mad! There are typically two types of tantrums: 1. frustration tantrum This tantrum is due to your tot’s inability to communicate. Your tot has developed his mental and motor skills, but his verbal skills are lacking. With this type of tantrum, your tot needs your empathy. Help him ‘tell’ you what he needs using his words and non-verbal cues. 2. manipulative tantrums Our tots can be perfect button pushers! If he is using a tantrum to get his way, don’t fall for it. Ignoring his spectacle or walking away is the best way to teach him this behavior is not acceptable.

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So what’s the magic recipe to curb tantrums? Sorry, honey--there isn’t one! But we can do our best to prevent as many as possible and defuse them as quickly as possible when they do happen: • stay calm Let your tot have the tantrum and don’t join in. A tantrum doesn’t mean your tot is ‘bad’ or you’re failing as a parent. So deal with your own potential short fuse. A mature response from you will have a far better response from your tantrumthrowing tot.

• figure out what lights the fuse Pay attention to triggers that prompt a tantrum. Even consider keeping a journal. How you effectively deal with a tantrum will differ between tots. Maybe a timeout is best, or ignoring the behavior, or maybe you leave the shopping cart in the aisle and head to the car with tot in tow. • have a plan A tantrum is more likely to happen when he is tired or hungry, so plan ahead. One more stop on errand day right during prime naptime probably isn’t the best anti-tantrum idea.

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october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

53


ready, set, grow

in a year a typical 3-year-old gains about 4-5 pounds and grows 2-3 inches

preschoolers [3–5 years]

“M

aaa-mom! She hit me. . . he took the puzzle. . . she said a bad word!” Sound familiar? Tattling can be sooooo annoying! So why does your preschooler tattle on her siblings or playmates? He might be looking for attention [I know it’s the reason for most any naughty behavior, but still true], trying to gain power or control of his situation, or he might even be expressing his moral responsibility to call out all the rule breakers. Think about it. You [the all-knowing goddess in charge] have explained it is wrong to not hang up your coat. . . then this behavior must be pointed out!

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to tell or tattle No one likes a tattletale, but we do want to know about inappropriate behavior. Our preschooler needs to know the difference between tattling and reporting. Tattling is telling an adult about the actions of another child with the sole intention of getting that child in trouble. Reporting is telling an adult about the actions of another

child with the intention of getting help for someone in danger or a harmful situation. Make it clear that you do not like tattling, but situations where someone could get hurt need to be told to an adult. Use relevant, real-life examples of dangerous/harmful behavior: not waiting your turn isn’t the same as playing in the street or swimming without a lifejacket. How you react to tattling is very important. You need to make tattling useless. Ignore it or let your preschooler know the issue at hand doesn’t need to concern him [“You don’t need to worry about Jay’s coat.” or “Talk to Jay about his coat, not me.”]. It’s also very important not to reward the tattler by punishing the other child.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen


studies have found kiddos spend more time watching TV than any other activity except sleeping

ready, set, grow

big kids [6–9 years]

Y

our big kid looks you right in the eye and says, “Wasn’t me. I didn’t do it.” I mean looks you right in the eye, and you KNOW he did it! What’s up with that?

liar liar pants on fire So, why would your big kid lie? Crazy, but it’s a normal part of development. He may be simply testing his limits rather than laying the ground work for his future life of crime! While younger kiddos may not understand lying is wrong, your big kid knows right from wrong. Big kids lie for a number of reasons, such as avoiding punishment, protecting a friend, trying to get something they want, or [sorry] they hear you doing it. I’m not saying you’re some kind of compulsive liar, but there are times you tell a little white lie to get out of a meeting or appointment you’re trying to avoid, and those little ears are always listening! So watch yourself and be a good example. [Of course Santa is the universal exception to

truth telling. Keep that one going as long as you can!] teaching time Catching him red handed in fib-telling is your opportunity to do some life’s lessons teaching. First, don’t overreact, but make it clear that lying isn’t acceptable. Set the boundaries and stay consistent in your punishment. Also understand the power of your disapproval. Letting your big kid know he let you down can have a greater response than any punishment. Then talk about what happened and ask how lying made him feel and if he likes people lying to him. Lastly, talk about why lying is wrong. Be sure to also consider what is happening in your big kid’s life, as stress can prompt some naughty behavior in the effort to attract more attention. If your big kid continues to be dishonest and other destructive behaviors enter the picture, seek an outside professional, especially if he isn’t showing remorse for his wrong doings.

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ready, set, grow

it's estimated that the buying power of today's tweeners is roughly $40 billion

tweeners [10–12 years]

R

emember a time, not so long ago, when you were the queen jellybean in your kiddo’s world? You were cool, had all the answers, and were a trusted companion. Things are changing. Now you might be embarrassing and suddenly [cringe] old. NOOOOOOO! Gone are the days of holding your hand in public or kissing you goodbye in front of his friends. Welcome to the closed bedroom door and one-word answers. it ain't easy As your tween craves more independence, gets busier at school, and has a more important social life, it might feel like your guidance isn’t needed or wanted. Our tweeners can be impulsive and easily influenced by their peers, and while it may seem challenging, it is still very important

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty seventeen

[maybe more than ever] that you remain a central part of his life. Here are some tips to stay connected: • eat up Meal time is a perfect opportunity to talk. Turn off the TV and phones and just be together. • luv u Say it often and don’t underestimate how powerful those words and a hug are. • limits please Set clear, consistent rules for your tweeners. They need them. • in the know Stay involved in your tweener’s interests and activities by being his biggest cheerleader and supporter. Be empathetic and teach him to never give up when disappointments inevitably happen. Also know your tweener’s friends. Peers are very influential at this age, so know who he’s hanging with. • talk with, not at Your tweener doesn’t want to always be told what to do. Who does? You’ll quickly become the nag. Talk with your tweener and really listen to his thoughts and opinions. You have to let him make his own decisions and mistakes, but mama still knows best, so get in the mix when it is necessary.

Sources: www.babycenter.com | www.askdrsears.com | www.drgreene.com www.parenting.kaboose.com | www.familytlc.net | www.positivediscipline.com www.teenskills.com | www.kidshealth.org | www.healthychildren.org


the US high school graduation rate ranks 19th in the world [40 years ago, we were #1]

ready, set, grow

teens [13–18years]

T

here may be no greater hair-pulling experience than watching your teen underachieve. Whether it is in the classroom, workplace, home, or playing field doesn’t matter…frustrating!

Proud mama of Seely and Shya, and wife to Van Halen super-fan Stu, Sheri is also co-founder of OTMOM. She believes in UND green, Jesus, burnt marshmallows make the best s’mores, coffee…lots and lots of coffee, she has the best mom and dad ever, and without a doubt EVERYONE has a story to share.

It’s Elementary! Come Take A Tour.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

just do it Motivation is tricky. It can basically be attributed to love or fear. Think about it. You can sit for hours cutting out stencils and going through countless pictures because you love scrapbooking. At the same time, you can’t stand your job, but you go everyday because you fear being unemployed. It’s the same for your teen. The things he loves won’t need any nudging from you, but in other areas he may need a [figurative] kick in the rear! Here are some tips to help draw out his inner motivation: • plan it out Your teen has special gifts and talents. Talk to him about what he wants to accomplish. Listen to his dreams and help set a realistic plan to achieve the goal at hand. Really listen! He needs to feel he’s the main decision maker and calling the shots because it is his plan. Determine the steps that need to happen in order to reach the goal and revisit the plan often. Consistently check how the plan is working and recommit or make changes as needed. • stay the course Keep encouraging your teen. Talk about and visualize with him the success he will have. Let him know how proud you are of his efforts. • fear factor Like I mentioned before, fear is a motivator, so if the fear of losing driving privileges, or a night out with friends, or that new video game works…so

be it. Everything in life has consequences so your teen might as well learn that now. • get help Recognize if your teen needs outside professional help, whether it be an academic tutor or a counselor for an underlying issue such as depression. Dealing with these issues is essential to your teen’s healthy development.

Call 701-373-7114 www.oakgrovelutheran.com

october • november twenty seventeen | on the minds of moms

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Nothing can dim the light which shines from within. —maya angelou

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki


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OTMOM October.November 2017  
OTMOM October.November 2017  

the valley's modern resource for today's parent