Feb/March 2022 On the Minds of Moms

FEBRUARY MARCH 2022

Inside: The valley’s modern resource for today’s parent

ENTREPRENEUR SHARES HOW GRIT, LAUGHTER AND AUTHENTICITY GUIDE HER PG 22 DELIGHT YOUR KIDS WITH THESE TASTY DISHES PG 30

CONTENT

IN EVERY ISSUE

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CONTRIBUTORS

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EDITOR'S NOTE

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EVENTS

20

SHUTTERBUG

Sophie Grace Photography

2 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

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CONTENT

FEATURES & PROFILES

8

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MOD MOM Katie Ehlis

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QUEENS OF THE COURT

A shared love of tennis brings area women together on and off the court

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APOLOGIZE SINCERELY

Why it’s so critical to healthy relationships

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COVER STORY Entrepreneur Kelsey Rasco shares how grit, laughter and authenticity guide her

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KATHLEEN WRIGLEY Column: No bad days

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GOOD FOOD Kids will recognize these tasty dishes and be delighted by the new flavors they offer

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SPOTLIGHT ON SUPPORT

Toadally Therapeutic Community Store

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MORE THAN A FEELING Daughter teaches mom to express her emotions

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RAD DAD

Plus: 19

POPULAR BABY NAMES What they reveal about your need to fit in or stand out

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BOOK NOOK “Not Quite Snow White”

Langston Johnson On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 3

contributors

On the Minds of Moms is grateful to have the following individuals contributing their expertise and voice to this issue of the magazine.

Melissa Davidson is a mom to three girls and writer for Click Content Studios, a marketing and video production agency. In addition to writing, she’s passionate about health and wellness, wishes she could get through all the non-fiction books out there, and thrives on learning new things, like the cello!

Jessica Rerick of Grand Forks is a freelance writer, trained chef and mom to four boys. Her food blog, wineandhotdish.com, is filled with recipes that quickly become new weeknight favorites. She also owns and operates Craveable Kitchen, an expanding line of dry mixes and seasonings.

Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft is manager of integrated media operations production for Forum Communications. She and her daughter, Calliope, live in Moorhead.

Kathleen Wrigley is a wife, mom and advocate. She is made with equal amounts of grace and grit, with gobs of giggles and gratitude.

Thomas Evanella is a reporter for InForum. He’s worked for InForum for over two years, primarily reporting on business news.

Follow him on Twitter @ThomasEvanella.

Viv Williams hosts the NewsMD podcast and column, “Health Fusion.”

Viv is passionate about boosting people’s health and happiness by helping them access credible, reliable and research-based health information from top experts.

Danielle Teigen is managing editor of On the Minds of Moms magazine as well as the author of two nonfiction local history books.

She and her husband have three children who keep every day filled with laughter, craziness and caffeine.

Mary Jo Hotzler is the editor of On the Minds of Moms magazine and chief content officer at Forum Communications Company. She lives in Fargo with her husband, two boys and two cats. In her free time, Mary Jo enjoys interior design and amateur woodworking.

4 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

IT PAYS TO GIVE BACK! You could win one of this year’s fantastic prizes by:

1. Giving

2. Volunteering

3. Donating Goods

Choose from nearly 550 charities to support at GivingHeartsDay.org.

Follow

GHD-00344 1/22

GivingHeartsDay for sweepstakes announcements!

*All entries must be submitted one hour prior to the posted prize drawing schedule to be eligible. Winners will be announced the week of Giving Hearts Day, February 7- 10!

Scheduled gifts and pledges dating back to Jan. 3, 2022, will also be entered into the sweepstakes.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 5

moms@forumcomm.com PUBLISHER Forum Communications Company EDITOR Mary Jo Hotzler mhotzler@forumcomm.com MANAGING EDITOR Danielle Teigen danielle.teigen@forumcomm.com WRITERS Melissa Davidson Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft Jessica Rerick Danielle Teigen Kathleen Wrigley ADVERTISING Lisa Tillotson adfeatures@forumcomm.com DESIGN AND LAYOUT Sara Slaby PHOTOGRAPHY Ten Little Chickens Photography CONTENT INQUIRIES moms@forumcomm.com

SFI-00574

MISSION AND VISION

On the Minds of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family.

On the Minds of Moms is an online community and magazine for and about local moms. We strive to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a national audience.

On the Minds of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

6 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

The invaluable gift of community and connection

O

ne of the byproducts of pandemic-era living has been the explosion of all things virtual. From shopping to meetings to healthcare, it really is just part of who we are now.

of On the Minds of Moms that touch on that theme.

It’s not all bad. As a busy parent, I’m happy to turn over my grocery shopping to an online shopper and get back that time for something else.

I’m also happy to have an option to work from home, which has allowed me to actually eat dinner with my family every night.

I am part of a moms Facebook group and can’t help but notice over the past year or so how it has shifted from general parenting posts to heart-wrenching pleas for help.

The pandemic hasn’t been easy on working parents, and we can’t forget about those who don’t have built-in support systems to lean on during difficult times.

But this new way of living has its challenges too.

In our cover story, Kelsey Rasco, owner of Dash + White, talks about being a small business owner during these uncertain times. Kelsey, who also wears the hat of wife, mom and stepmom, started her business shortly before the pandemic hit. (If you haven’t shopped there, it’s one of the coolest little home furnishing stores in town.) One of the secrets to success that Kelsey shares is her network of friends, family and connections – her tribe, as she calls it.

The importance of having people we can count on can’t be understated, even if that support system is virtual, as it is for many today. In fact, you’ll see a couple of stories in this edition

MARY JO HOTZLER

And that leads me to one of the other things that’s been on my mind as of late.

That said, I see many women in this group stepping up to help – to give another mom a ride to work or to help her get groceries or clothes for her children. It’s inspiring to see women helping other women, even though they don’t know each other personally. Even if it has to be virtual, I’m thankful that we have more options than ever today to build networks, communities and support systems for those needing an extended hand.

Sure, there are days I’m not so sure about the world we live in, but there’s proof all around us that there are still generous, good people among us.

Let’s celebrate them.

Thanks for reading, and stay warm!

Mary Jo Hotzler is Forum Communications Company’s Chief Content Officer and the editor of On the Minds of Moms. She lives in Fargo with her husband Heath and twin boys.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 7

Katie Ehlis is the owner of The Vanity Bar, wife to Emerson, an orthodontist and co-owner of WE Ortho, as well as mom to 4-year-old Pippa and 8-year-old Porter. Photo courtesy of Alissa Krueger 8 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

MOD MOM Katie Ehlis Supporting our best selves through business and the community

BY MELISSA DAVIDSON At Planet Fitness, it’s called the “Judgment Free Zone”, a place where you can work out without the fear of being judged. At The Vanity Bar, there’s no special name for it, it’s just a part of who they are. It’s only been about a year and a half since its opening, but in that time The Vanity Bar has given legs to Katie Ehlis’ vision of eliminating the stigma surrounding aesthetic medicine. The “boutique med-spa” gives clients a semi-private space where they can be surrounded and empowered by like-minded people who want you to be your best self.

“Too often, many people feel like they have to keep their aesthetic treatments a secret or they shouldn’t talk about them with friends, family, etc.” she said. “The entire concept was about social self-care and empowering individuals to destigmatize aesthetic medicine.”

Katie and her husband Emerson, who is an orthodontist and co-owner of WE Ortho, had discussed the idea for years. In 2020, it finally came to be when The Vanity Bar opened its doors.

But The Vanity Bar is part of a bigger mission for Katie. Each year the

The entire concept was about social self-care and empowering individuals to destigmatize aesthetic medicine.

KATIE EHLIS

company and a handful of other businesses host Belles & Blooms, an event that creates awareness and raises funds for Hope Blooms, a non-profit that inspires happiness and emotional healing through repurposed flowers. The event is in its third year and allows women to come together to celebrate all things looking and feeling your best with tips, tricks and demonstrations along with appetizers and drinks.

In addition to giving back to the community through her business,

Katie is also a member of the BIO Girls Impact Committee, which supports improving the self-esteem of adolescent girls in our community.

“Seeing (and working with) my husband own a business, lead a team, and become a strong community member really inspired me to do this with The Vanity Bar,” Katie said. “I felt like it was a great opportunity for The Vanity Bar to give back and partner with an organization that was truly all about

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 9

MOD MOM spreading hope and letting people know they matter.”

Being business owners with a strong sense of philanthropy can certainly keep Katie and her husband busy, especially when combined with the busy lives of their two kids, Porter and Pippa, but balance has been key

to keeping all of their buckets full.

Here’s more about Katie and what makes her a mod mom.

The most important things you’ve learned since becoming a parent?

It’s all about balance – balancing what fills your personal and professional bucket with being

available, present, and involved in all areas of my kids’ lives!

What’s the biggest dream for your business?

The biggest dream I have for The Vanity Bar is for people to highly trust our team, have confidence in what we do and know that everything our team does is with authenticity and your best interest in mind. Growth comes with having a loyal patient base, doing good work, and being a strong member of the community. The Vanity Bar team is doing that, but my ultimate dream is that everyone recognizes our brand: honest, authentic, and treatments/ services that give results that are true to you.

You and your husband both run your own businesses. What are the biggest challenges associated with that?

Time! We’ve really learned that our most valuable asset is time. It’s really easy to get sucked down the work rabbit hole anywhere, any time… but we’ve really learned that we need to make an effort to disconnect with work and connect with our kids and each other.

How do you and your family “survive” the winters?

Skiing and travel! We love to travel!

If your kids were to learn one thing from you and your husband, what would be the most important?

The importance of a strong work ethic and how they treat people.

Similar to above, we really believe that if you work hard and you treat people with kindness, you can do great things in this world! Be kind and work hard. Those are the two most important things and a mantra we share every morning at drop-off!

Favorite things to do with your family in the area?

The Ehlis family stays busy with their respective businesses and plenty of activities their kids are involved in, but they also enjoy traveling and spending time at the lake all year. Photo courtesy of Alissa Krueger 10 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

We love to ski at Detroit Mountain and be out at the lake! We are on Lake Six in Frazee and enjoy all seasons out there! Our kids love to swim and explore.

Preschool Playdate Thursdays at 10:30 a.m.

Fargo Basketball Academy TNT Kid’s Fitness Preschool Open Gym Thursday 11 a.m., Fridays, 8:30 a.m. and 10 a.m.

TNT Kid’s Fitness Little Leapers at Skyzone Saturdays 9 to 11 a.m.

SkyZone

ND Elite Cheer & Dance Open Gym Sundays & Wednesdays from 7 to 9 p.m.

ND Elite Cheer & Dance

Early Literacy Storytime (for ages 3 to 5) Wednesdays at 10:30 a.m.

West Fargo Public Library

Moorhead Story time Tuesdays 6:30 p.m. and Thursdays 10:30 a.m.

Moorhead Public Library

Open Swim at Fargo South Saturdays & Sundays in February from 1 to 5 p.m.

Fargo South High School

Baby Boost Storytime (for babies & their adults) Fridays at 10:30 a.m.

West Fargo Public Library

FEBRUARY EVENTS 1 Frostival: Candlelight Trail Walk 6 to 9 pm | Viking Ship Park

3 Music, Art & Grief 11:30 a.m.to 1 p.m.

Online class. Register at www.bit.ly/griefclassregistration, or call (800) 237-4629.

5 Winter Trails Day 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. | MB Johnson Park Youth Pond Hockey Day 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. | Lindenwood Park Frostival: Sleigh Rides 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. | MB Johnson Park

Train Day at Moorhead Library 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Moorhead Public Library Monster Jam 1 p.m. and 7 p.m. | Fargodome

10 Frostival: Learn.Sustain.Enjoy. Excursion 6 to 7:30 p.m. | Viking Ship Park Rink & Reels: Skating & a Movie 7 to 9 p.m. | Broadway Square

13 Solar System Explorers Series (ages 6+) 3 p.m. | MSUM Planetarium Frostival: Keep me Cold in Moorhead Open Skate 1 to 3 p.m. | Cullen Hockey Center

19 Frostival: Sleigh Rides 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. | MB Johnson Park

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Origami Valentine Drop-In 10:30 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Plains Art Museum

Coffee & Cocoa Crawl 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. | Downtown Fargo

Solar System Explorers Series (ages 4 to 6) 11 a.m. | MSUM Planetarium

Youth Ice Fishing Derby 2 to 3 p.m. | Woodhaven Pond

MARCH EVENTS 3

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Loss of a Child: Honoring a Parent’s Grief 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Online class.Register at www.bit.ly/griefclassregistration, or call (800) 237-4629.

Celtic Festival 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. | Hjemkomst Center

Solar System Explorers Series (ages 6+) 3 p.m. | MSUM Planetarium

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26 Solar System Explorers Series (ages 4 to 6) 11 a.m. | MSUM Planetarium

The Cat in the Hat No Place Like Space 11 a.m. | MSUM Planetarium

6 The Cat in the Hat No Place Like Space 3 to 4 p.m. | MSUM Planetarium

Event listing courtesy of

8 Tuesdays for Toddlers 9 to 11:30 a.m. | Plains Art Museum Camp Carnival 5 to 7 p.m. | Family Wellness

Social Events

ONGOING EVENTS

For more information about these and many other events, please visit https://fargo.momcollective.com/events/month/.

Hosting an event that you would like to have published in the On The Minds of Moms magazine? Email moms@forumcomm.com.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 11

MEET THE TEAM ON PAGE 14!

Queens of the Court A shared love of tennis brings area women together on and off the court

BY MARY JO HOTZLER

W

hen you hear talk of women competing against other women, it’s easy to assume something negative.

After all, modern-day thinking (and common decency) calls for women to support other women rather than to compete against one another.

As it turns out, it’s possible to do both. Look no further than Jill Abbott and Angela Summers. These two Fargo moms are part of an all-female adult tennis team that not only competes fiercely to win, but also prioritizes female friendship and helping one another succeed – on and off the court.

The team’s dedication to one another and to the sport landed them a spot this past fall at the USTA national competition in Arizona, where they competed against the best-of-thebest women and walked away with a handful 12 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

of wins and countless memories. But for Jill, Angela and their teammates, competing in tennis as adult women is about something even bigger.

“For my daughter to be able to see that women competing is normal and we can compete with and against other women and be friends, it’s a really good thing,” said Jill, whose teenage daughter also plays tennis.

Angela also loves seeing her 11-year old daughter’s excitement about her mom participating in a competitive sport. This kind of thing is sometimes expected or readily accepted with men, but not always with women, she says.

“Gender issues are improving on fronts, but we’re still not really where I think female athletes are respected and acknowledged as much as their male counterparts,” she said.

QUEENS OF THE COURT The tennis team is represented by a group of nine area women who came together over a shared interest in tennis and have stayed strong through the bonds that developed over time.

For my daughter to be able to see that women competing is normal and we can compete with and against other women and be friends, it’s a really good thing.

All of the women have different backgrounds and experience but compete at a similar level. Jill, for instance, has been playing tennis most of her life, though took a break for a handful of years only to rediscover the sport when her daughter was old enough to swing a racket.

Angela did not play tennis growing up, but her husband Oliver, who is the head tennis coach at Courts Plus in Fargo, was an avid tennis player, as was his entire family. Eventually she took up the sport too.

Tennis sparked Angela’s competitive spirit and she found herself motivated to keep playing and keep finding ways to advance. Along the way, she has involved other likeminded women and spearheaded the team’s quest to play at the national level. Scheduling time to practice and compete isn’t easy as all of the women are busy juggling jobs, families and life. But Angela said everyone is invested, committed and wants to do well, so somehow it all works. “We all push each other to become better,” she said.

JILL ABBOTT

This spring they again hope to pull the team together to compete, first at the qualifier level, then at sectionals in Minneapolis, and finally at the national tournament. The women also want to encourage other women to find their passions and to not be afraid to try something new or to reignite a hobby or passion they’ve maybe forgotten about. “As women we sometimes discount our own passions. I had to give myself permission to not feel guilty devoting the time to it,” Jill said.

The benefits are worth it. Jill notes that tennis has been good for her

physical and mental health, and the connections she’s formed with the other women has meant a built-in support network to help navigate the tough times.

Angela’s advice is not to let the fear of not being good at something or not having experience in something stop you from pursuing something you just might enjoy. “You’re never going to find that passion if you don’t put yourself out there and give it a try,” she says. “Maybe you’re nervous you might not be good at it, but if you love it, it becomes a passion and takes on a life of its own.”

9 benefits for women playing tennis Tennis is considered a life-long sport and can be played by men and women at almost any age. There are many benefits to taking up tennis. Here are just a few: • Helps with weight loss

• Enhances motor control

• Increases range of motion • Improves balance

• Increases vitamin D exposure (if you play outside)

• Decreases osteoporosis risks

• Social interaction

• Promotes agility Source: Verywellfit.com

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 13

MEET THE

TEAM Angela Summers Team Captain

Occupation: Insurance brokerage professional

In her words: I love this group because they have fun and play hard. Everyone’s uniqueness is valued.

It’s a supportive group where we encourage each other to grow and learn on and off the tennis court.

Jill Abbott Occupation: Administrator/deputy to the president at Concordia College, Moorhead

In her words: I love competing on the court and being a supportive spectator off the court for youth and adult tennis. I’ve met so many kind, fun, and interesting people through tennis. Tennis is great for my physical health and emotional well-being. Jill also plays tennis with her daughter.

Maret Wowra Occupation: Retired from teaching in 1996 to stay home and raise three children, now ages 30, 28 and 26 - all living and working in Fargo.

In her words: What I love most about tennis is the opportunity to meet new people, to improve my game and advance USTA levels. The team aspect of USTA is an opportunity to play teams from across the region/country, and meet more people. Had I never stepped on the tennis court I would have never met this wonderful tennis family!

14 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

Christine Shellenbarger Occupation: User experience designer for Microsoft

In her words: They say tennis is roughly 80 percent mental and this team makes my mental state very happy – we have a wonderful group! I also love the fact that this sport has you constantly figuring out how to improve, while getting some good exercise in.

QUEENS OF THE COURT

Kerri Lee Occupation: Middle school math teacher and a mom

In her words: I started playing in the mid-’80s – we wore bloomers, not spandex under our skirts.

My first nice racquet was a hot-pink Head with black strings. I thought I was totally rad!!!

Rachel Conrad Occupation: Self-employed software engineer; volunteer for local charities that include Make-A-Wish ND, United Way of Cass-Clay, and the MS Society.

In her words: Aside from the challenge, the competition, and physical aspects of tennis, I truly love the social side of the sport. I have made so many lifelong friends from being a tennis player, friendships that I have both on and off the court.

Lisa Satermo In her words: I love all the fun people I have met over these years and the great friendships that have blossomed over our mutual love for tennis.

Becky Carlson

Tracy Beecher

Occupation: Church communication administrator

Occupation: Nurse Practitioner, Neurosurgery, Essentia Health

In her words: I started playing tennis when my youngest were toddlers. I wanted a place to release stress, connect with new friends and find joy while working out. From the earliest days I loved the sport and these people: when I hit a bad shot, I’d laugh, and when I hit a good shot, I’d laugh! That’s still true today.

In her words: I love being out there with my teammates as we have become a family unit over the last 15 years. We all play hard, have different strengths, always have each others’ backs, on and off the court and we have a lot of fun but we are all competitive.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 15

APOLOGIZE SINCERELY

How to apologize sincerely And why it’s so critical to healthy relationships

BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

E

ven the healthiest, most loving relationships inevitably face situations best resolved by a sincere apology. That’s what allows you to feel safe in a relationship, and a sincere apology actively repairs the damage.

Of course, that’s all easier said than done.

A true apology involves recognizing what you did (intentionally or unintentionally) to cause harm or injury to another and then producing sustained changed behavior, said Lindsey Kringlie, a licensed professional clinical counselor and mental health therapist in Fargo who works with individuals, couples and families.

“If you say, ‘I’m sorry, but’ then what is the validity of the apology?” she said, noting that the change in behavior must be something reasonable, not a promise “to never do it again.”

Recognizing the feelings of the other person is necessary, as is understanding the difference between perception and intention and how that difference affected the situation. It’s also not possible to offer a true apology until you’re ready, because just saying “I’m sorry” without really meaning it will never repair what has been damaged.

“It takes humility and self-reflection and self-awareness to apologize,” Kringlie said. “Don’t offer an apology until you’re ready to be humble, and that can take time.”

So, is it possible to become better at apologizing to those we love?

If someone is open to learning, then yes, they can increase their apology

skills and their own emotional intelligence, she reassured. The key is self-awareness.

“You have to have an awareness of your own defensiveness and combat that with a healthy level of humility,” Kringlie said. “You have to be able to own the part where you messed up and realize how the other person was hurt by your actions.”

In addition, you have to accept how the other person will respond.

Simply apologizing does not mean emotions won’t still exist regarding the situation. “That’s not how that works,” she said.

In fact, the validation of the other person’s emotions is integral to the process of apologizing and repairing the relationship. “You have to include what it was that you did wrong; you can’t just say the words, ‘I’m sorry’ and expect things to be good,” Kringlie said. “You have to recognize that you caused hurt.”

In addition, you have to state your intent and a plan for repairing. You cannot force your own expectation on the other person, Kringlie explained, and you have to remain open to however the other person feels even after a sincere apology is offered.

A sincere and meaningful apology is about restitution and repair. Megan and Casey Caston of Marriage365. com broke down a sincere apology in four easy steps: • Say: I’m sorry for [your action + feeling it caused the other person].

• Say: I was wrong.

• Say: What can I do to make this better?

16 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

Lindsey Kringlie Fargo Mental Health Therapist • Ask: Will you forgive me? (For any intentional or unintentional hurt) They explain that past resentments and hurts become a “precarious stack of pancakes” so you need to recognize the hurtful actions and apologize; the sooner you do so, the better chance of repairing the relationship. Kringlie pointed out that you can still apologize for things that happened long ago if that will lead to healing.

But apologizing is not just for married couples; everyone needs to apologize at some point to someone they care about, otherwise the relationship cannot heal. To help children learn how to apologize sincerely, role playing is a great strategy to help them understand the words to use and how to identify hurtful behavior. “You have to meet kids at their developmental level,” Kringlie explained. “It will take time and maturity, but it’s good to have kids develop those skills over time.”

She said stories can be especially helpful for small children to identify

Offering a sincere apology is the only way to truly heal a fractured relationship.

Shutterstock/Special to On the Minds of Moms On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 17

Parents who apologize to their children are not only repairing the relationship but also modeling what a sincere apology looks and sounds like for their kids.

Shutterstock/Special to On the Minds of Moms

hurtful actions, the results of those actions and what can be done to make things right. Working with them in a safe, controlled and preventative setting – rather than reactive – will help them process their thoughts and emotions in the future as well as develop empathy toward others.

For older children and teens, role playing is still a good option, but it’s also important to set examples of

apologizing for them to emulate.

If they’ve never experienced an apology, they won’t know what it should look like, so you have to help them develop that empathy and those apologizing skills over time as well.

Apologizing is hard, because it requires vulnerability, and vulnerability feels uncomfortable.

However, causing hurt in a

relationship with someone you love results in a breach of trust and makes the other person feel emotionally unsafe. We don’t want that either. That’s why it’s so important for us to recognize our own defenses, be aware of the hurt we have caused, and seek to repair the relationship with a genuine and thoughtful apology. Only then can true healing begin and a loving relationship be restored.

A few more things to know…

• Don’t apologize excessively. That’s not healthy either, Kringlie said.

• If you’re carrying hurt or resentment toward yourself, consider offering yourself a sincere apology. It’s an act of self care.

• For parents, apologizing to your children is an important but difficult aspect of your relationship. Want some help understanding how you can repair your relationship with your child after harsh words have been shared? Dr. Becky at Good Inside has you covered with a 5-minute video lesson where she breaks out what to do and what you can say.

18 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

• For couples, consider reading John Gottman’s “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert”. His work can also be found at https://www.gottman.com/about/thegottman-method/.

• Kringlie also mentioned clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson as a resource for Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). Her website offers several books as well as free downloads for those looking to repair a relationship.

What popular

BABY NAMES

reveal about your need to fit in or stand out Do you ever wonder why or how your parents chose your name?

It takes some thought, because, unless you go through the hassle of changing it, you're stuck with your name for life. Maybe that's why people turn to resources such as Babynames.com to find out what names are popular and which ones are not. That site lists Charlotte, Oliver and Quinn as 2021's favorites. And the Social Security Administration tops their most popular baby names for 2020 as Olivia and Liam.

A new study from Carnegie Mellon University looks into some of the psychology behind the changing popularity of baby names and it has to do with your desire to fit in and stand out at the same time. You can want both things. They developed a mathematical model that explains how the motives to conform and to be unique interact to produce complex dynamics when people observe each other in a social network.

Taeryn

“Dr. Jessi is the best provider we’ve had.” ~ Emily Teberg

imahealthcare.com • 701-280-2033

They use the name Emily as an example of how this works. If Emily is popular, parents might pass on that one and pick a similar one, such as Emma. This strategy helps them pick a name for their baby that's socially acceptable and unique at the same time. And if a lot of parents are all doing the same thing, the name Emily will decrease in popularity and Emma could increase.

So, basically, this study explores ways to explain shifting and unpredictable cultural trends. The paper is published in the journal Psychological Review.

“I wanted to use math to describe two conflicting motives — wanting to fit in and wanting to stand out at the same time,” said Russell Golman, associate professor in the Social and Decision Sciences Department at Carnegie Mellon University, according to a press release.

“They push you in opposite directions but you can want both things.”

The study concludes that understanding social psychology and social network structure are both critical to explain the emergence of complex, unpredictable cultural trends.

Viv Williams On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 19

Everyday Adventures Photography

20 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

Ten Little Chickens Photography

shutterbug Shutterbug is a section dedicated to partnering with area photographers who have a passion for family portraits.

Interested in having your photographs featured?

Email moms@forumcomm.com.

Sophie Grace Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Everyday Adventures Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

Sophie Grace Photography

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 21

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R

Kelsey Rasco

Humor and humility Entrepreneur Kelsey Rasco shares how grit, laughter and authenticity guide her

BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

K

elsey Rasco never thought she’d have kids, but today she has two children, two stepsons and a baby business named Dash & White. Talk about a turnaround.

But Kelsey laughs it all off with her signature sense of humor and delightful wit. Even though she’d vowed to never date someone with kids, once Kelsey met Shawn — whom she describes as a complete “smokeshow” and amazing father — and his sons Benjamin (8) and Jackson (7), she completely changed her stance. While she’s busy raising a business and empowering women through networking events, Shawn stays home with 3-year-old daughter Rhyan and 18-month-old son Rudy.

Kelsey talks candidly about her “incredibly chaotic” life right now, sharing that even though she owns a home goods store full of chic furniture and beautiful decor, her own house is anything but perfect and likely has Cheeto fingerprints on the door. “And they’ve probably been there for months!” she laughed.

Her sense of humor as well as her sense of self is what fuels Kelsey every day to keep working and keep dreaming of how she can continue to touch the lives of everyone around her.

Flying far away Kelsey grew up in Hutchinson, Minnesota, where she had a unique opportunity to work in an art gallery where she

Kelsey Rasco is the owner of home decor boutique Dash & White, wife to Shawn, mom of two and stepmom to two. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 23

Shawn and Kelsey are parenting, from left, 8-year-old Benjamin, 18-month-old Rudy, 7-year-old Jackson, and 3-year-old Rhyan.

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

fell in love with beautiful things.

After high school, Kelsey moved to Moorhead to attend Minnesota State Community and Technical College for business, although her “tenacious” entrepreneurial drive has probably been the driving force behind her professional path, rather than a singular degree, she admits.

She added several more years to her resume by working in FM art galleries and continued to nurture her dream of opening a store with gorgeous items worthy of being in a gallery of their own. When she realized she needed to make a change in her life, Kelsey headed west to Bend, Oregon, and found what she describes as a “beautiful and detrimental experience”.

“I went out there and had a super humbling experience,” Kelsey shared.

“Many people say living in central Oregon is poverty with a view, and I ended up having to piecemeal together a job where I presented to the owners what their faults and inefficiencies were and a plan on what to improve.” The business owners hired Kelsey in a managerial position where she executed the plan she’d developed, and it turns out her experience analyzing and honing business practices would come in quite handy down the road. “Oh, yes, Dash & White is run perfectly,” Kelsey quipped. “Without a doubt, those experiences really defined and crystalised the direction of Dash & White and how I want to run it.”

sure enough, Fargo drew her in.

“There’s something so sweet about Fargo-Moorhead,” she shared. “It’s sacred and beautiful and homey with options for growth. Fargo is a really beautiful, youthful city with a calmness about it. It’s just delightful.”

Heading home

When she opened her doors, Kelsey didn’t have a grand opening or huge celebration; she just quietly unlocked the front door — which

Once Kelsey realized she needed to leave Oregon, Fargo was the last place she thought she’d land. But

24 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

Armed with her dream, experiences and entrepreneurial spirit, Kelsey decided the time was right to have a store of her own. In August 2019 she opened Dash & White in The Shoppes at Blu Water Creek along 45th Street in south Fargo. Kelsey fills her store with a fun mix of midcentury modern pieces, appliances, accessories, art and hand-crafted pillows and throws.

HUMOR AND HUMILITY

There’s something so sweet about Fargo-Moorhead.

It’s sacred and beautiful and homey with options for growth. Fargo is a really beautiful, youthful city with a calmness about it. It’s just delightful.

KELSEY RASCO

was emblazoned with a welcoming “Hi, nice to meet you. Welcome to Dash & White” on it — and waited for customers to find her.

project, forcing a months-long delay in the reopening, but Kelsey tries to remain positive about everything she learned through the ordeal.

Looking back, Kelsey compared the situation to not telling people it’s your birthday but still expecting them to come out and celebrate with you.

“That whole season was so awful, but you have to stand up and keep marching,” she shared. “I had a whole tribe handing me water and a whole community telling me I could do this…so I just kept moving.” And even though Kelsey said she is still dealing with the financial fallout of what the contractor situation caused her business, she remains hopeful that soon she will be far enough removed from that “humbling and horrendous season” to move beyond it through Dash & White’s success. Once the store reopened in July 2021, Kelsey shared

“The moral of the story: tell people it’s your birthday,” Kelsey laughed about her business opening. But she was undeterred, and instead set out to tell her story at networking events where she connected with so many community members and fellow entrepreneurs.

“Entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone,” she shared. “It’s exhausting, and not for the weak of heart. It has ebbs and flows, and some seasons will be grand, and then something like COVID happens.”

Overcoming obstacles COVID affected Dash & White like it did so many other businesses in 2020, but then in 2021 Kelsey was dealt another blow: contractor issues that delayed the opening of her store in a new space along 32nd Avenue South. She and a neighboring business, Allison Lunde’s Floret & Foliage, planned to open in mid-April only to find the contractor they had hired had not done the work, they told The Forum in an April 30, 2021 story. Instead, the entrepreneurs hired a new company to complete the

that she was choosing to look at the situation through a positive lens.

“I kind of found joy in the process,” she shared in a July 8 Forum story.

“Joy doesn’t always mean happiness to me. There’s lessons learned and being intuitive in the moment, something I really focused on doing, so I found joy in that.”

Beauty and balance When talk turned to Kelsey’s family, joy was clearly evident on her face and in her megawatt smile.

She shared honestly some of the challenges regarding a blended family such as distance and different rules, but Kelsey has loved watching the

FUN FACT:

Dash & White was named Best Furniture Store in the 2021 Best of the Red River Valley competition.

Kelsey was honored by the award, noting that her store only exists thanks to customers. “We’re not here because of anything else,” she said. “Anyone shopping at Dash & White is a sacred guest, no matter what you’re buying. You’re going to get the best customer service, because no matter what, my family thanks you.”

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 25

relationships between all four children develop over the years. She recalled her “magical” secret wedding ceremony with Shawn on Dec. 31, 2019, where they shared vows they’d written for one another and how she was able to also vow to her stepsons to always be there for them as well.

Powerful connections for powerful women Kelsey loves to talk about how important networking was at the start of her entrepreneurial journey, and she quickly realized that women in particular could benefit from a supportive community where all aspects of their lives are shared and celebrated.

“I always thought if I had a platform I would want to spread goodness and kindness to one another, and I wanted to have a women’s group that was nonpolitical and nonreligious where I could be Kelsey without being Mama Dash,” she shared.

So Kelsey created the Facebook group Powerful Woman to empower and honor all women and their individual stories. (She shared a raw and honest side-by-side photo of herself that garnered an incredible amount of discussion and empowering encouragement that has become a harbinger of the group.) Since starting the group, Kelsey has hosted small events for members, but in March she is hosting an event aimed at helping women feel great and have some fun. “Revelry by Powerful Woman” will offer a morning session facilitated by keynote speaker Rebecca Undem with an evening session featuring elegance and entertainment. Tickets can be purchased for one or both sessions, and tickets are on sale at https://checkout.eventcreate.com/ revelrybypowerfulwoman/selectbuy. The event will be held Friday, March 25 at Riverhaven Events Center in Moorhead.

“It’s going to be a mind-blowing event,” Kelsey shared.

26 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

“When I met Shawn and his boys, I knew I was protected and loved, and I wanted to give (my stepsons) the tools to flourish as much as my heart had the capacity to allow,” she shared. “Then with my firstborn, that love turned ferocious and blew my heart open; (that love) grew like wildfire.”

When Kelsey talks about raising babies and a business, she doesn’t sugarcoat the situation. “We’re doing our best,” she answered. “My husband picks up a lot, and I can see how much more taxing it is to stay at home than be a business owner…he filled the gap I didn’t know needed to be filled in order to be a mother, and we balance out beautifully.”

Shawn is the Daddy Dash to Kelsey’s Mama Dash, she laughed, and together they are working every day to raise tiny humans as well as a successful business. As Kelsey looks ahead to the future of her business and her family and how much each of them will change and grow in the coming years. She also hopes that her children will one day look back and know how hard their mom was working every day to create a future for them through her business.

“My kids are just not old enough to see me persevere, and I come home and cry sometimes and sometimes I come home late, and when the boys are here only on weekends, they say I’m working all the time . . . but I hope they know that when I wasn’t there (at home), I was here (at the store) for a reason,” she said. “I hope every single one of my kids knows they can move mountains. No matter what it is. They don’t have to be an entrepreneur to be successful…but as long as you’re putting goodness into the world, that’s beautiful.

That’s all I want them to know.”

Kelsey knows her entrepreneurial journey requires her to be away from her young children, but that makes the time she spends with them even sweeter and more purposeful.

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

HUMOR AND HUMILITY

Kelsey shared that because her husband Shawn stays home with the kids, she is able to focus on her business. She said “he filled the gap (she) didn’t know needed to be filled in order to be a mother.”

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 27

No bad days It’s possible to find hope, joy and love, even through darkness

BY KATHLEEN WRIGLEY

L

ife is hard. And it’s beautiful.

Sometimes the facts of our circumstances, especially the painful parts — pain we didn’t cause, can’t control, and cannot cure — leave us unhinged. The truth is that through the mess and muck of life, there is hope. There are blessings and glimmers of light, even if we must squint hard to feel them.

A friend once told me that he doesn’t like the word hope. He declared that this word, hope, is cliched and overused. I probably moved away from him so that the lightning strike (from heaven) didn’t hit me too. The

conversation happened more than thirteen years ago. His words are etched in my memory. I hung on them. For thirteen years.

Who doesn’t like the word hope?

Perspective and attitude are within our control.

We get to steer that ship, even through the darkness, high winds, and bone-crashing waves of life’s hurricanes. Hope doesn’t make life easy. It makes tough times bearable.

I have another friend. His name is Hunter Pinke. He has become North Dakota’s story of hope. With his permission, I am reposting his December 27, social media post:

Hunter Pinke #PinkeStrong December 27, 2021 at 4:26 PM 2 years ago today, I laid on a mountain slope in Colorado questioning what was going to happen to my life. My legs were motionless and no matter how hard I tried, I could not move them. In the scariest moment of my life I prayed for peace. Surgery, rehab, senior year of college, moving across the country, and through everything else that has happened the past 2 years, the peace I prayed for has never left.

I am still Hunter, and much of me is still the same. Parts of me have changed though. I am stronger today than I was two years ago. I am wiser than I was two years ago. I am more patient than I was two years ago. Change is a good thing though. If we are not continually changing, I’m not sure we can ever reach our full potential.

I believe I’m going to walk again. I think God has some important things for me to do in a wheelchair before that happens. I have no complaints about my life.

I’m still here, I have a choice, and I am so loved.

Here’s to more life. Let’s roll. #LiveDay

28 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

NO BAD DAYS Hunter shares his story, his hope, his wisdom, his attitude, his perspective to thousands of audiences in schools, churches, and communities. I’ve heard him say he has “No bad days.” There are tough moments. Moments of extreme sadness and loneliness, a quick pity party. But he yanks himself out of that hole and pivots to see the light of hope and goodness and blessings. I can imagine it takes Herculean strength that only God can provide.

Hunter lives in his loss every single day with a grateful heart. There are moments of frustration. Flickers of anger and sadness. And yet he is steadfast in not surrendering these emotions to accumulate into full days, weeks, months, and years of bitterness.

No bad days. Three simple words stoked with power and purpose.

Loss is part of life. Sadness quite literally hurts our hearts and, for some of us, it engulfs us. Some challenges in life will change our futures. Forever. If your loss is the result of another human’s foolishness, selfishness, or delinquency, these emotions may bring a bitterness the likes of which you couldn’t have imagined you were capable of feeling.

Bitterness tastes good and feels justifiable. It masks the hurt. So how do we find hope?

I read in a devotional that “Bitterness doesn’t have a core of hate, but rather a core of hurt.” As a school counselor, I remind myself (often) that the students who are hardest to love need love the most. They’re crying out for help and love because they’re hurting and don’t know how to communicate their pain.

As a school counselor, I remind myself (often) that the students who are hardest to love need love the most.

KATHLEEN WRIGLEY

Squint to find the hope in the shards of pain. It is there, my friend.

Hunter Pinke recommends stacking good moments on top of good moments until the minutes become hours and the hours turn into no bad days. Here’s to living more life, feeling hope, finding joy, and loving one another, my friends.

Bitterness is the exact opposite of the way God designed our hearts to work. But when our hearts are hurting or suffering from tremendous loss or trauma, we sometimes protect them with a shield of bitterness. This is natural, but not helpful.

So what can we do? How do we crawl out of the darkness of bitterness? How does Hunter Pinke decide that there are no bad days as he sits in his wheelchair and looks at the changed landscape staring back at him?

Deciding to sit in our grief, sadness, despair, and loss can be a good cure for bitterness. Plant seeds of hope. Get help. Talk to a professional counselor. Write and document your loss and pain in a journal. Sit in it. Feel it. Then move.

Exercise. Go for a walk. Help someone or volunteer. Do something outside of yourself to support someone in need. Find joy. Chase peace. Surround yourself with positive people who believe in hope and force you out of the darkness. Pray and give. Consider opening your heart and letting tenderness in and give yourself grace to heal.

I understand. I have sat in the depths of loss and despair.

Hurting and allowing bitterness to invade my good and godly heart was an instinctive – though not healthy – reaction to pain. The longer I rested in the bitterness, the harder my once-soft heart grew. Decide to get unstuck.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 29

During the winter you can emulate grilling by baking the chicken thighs at a high heat before broiling them to finish with a lovely brown char. Recipe on page 32.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms

GOOD FOOD 30 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

Hello flavor, hello fun Kids will recognize these tasty dishes and be delighted by the new flavors they offer

BY JESSICA RERICK

G

etting kids to step out of their comfort zones when it comes to dinner time can be difficult. As a parent, it’s also tough to decide when to “rock the boat”. It’s certainly easier to give kids what they want, but I also don’t enjoy eating a different meal than they do.

As a chef, I have a lot of different flavor cravings, and, most of the time, my kids are willing to try the new items.

One of the flavor profiles that I always have good luck with the kids being willing to try is curry. Curry is typically a blend of cumin, turmeric, ginger, fenugreek, black pepper, coriander, cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, anise, and cayenne. The blends of curry will always be slightly different, but for the most part, it’s full of seasonings that my children are already familiar with. Some curry powders can also be hot with the addition of dried chiles, but most curry powders that you find in a supermarket will be mild. If you want to add more heat, feel free to add a little cayenne.

I like it spicier, but because I know my children want it a little milder, I usually keep a bottle of chile flakes out for myself when it comes time to eat.

A great way to get kids to try something new is to make it seem familiar by adding new spices to foods they already eat. A great place to start is with Yogurt Curry Marinated Chicken. If you didn’t know already, yogurt is an amazing way to tenderize meat. Without getting

too sciency about it, the lactic acid is a more gentle way to tenderize and add moisture to the meat than the usual vinegar and acid-based marinades. The ideal length of time to marinate your chicken is anywhere from 4-12 hours.

You can use the same flavorings as you would in your usual marinades, but today, we are going to stay focused on curry. For the marinade, I stirred together plain yogurt, curry powder, the juice of a lemon, salt, pepper and garlic.

I add my boneless, skinless chicken thighs to a gallon-size resealable bag.

You can use other cuts of chicken, but I’m using thighs because they were on sale last week!

I generally use a grill to cook chicken, but this time of year, I use a high-temperature oven and broiler combination. I place the marinated chicken on a rack on a sheet pan and bake for 10 minutes. Next, I turn on the broiler and cook for an additional 3-5 minutes or until it starts to brown on the top. Then I remove the pan from the oven, flip the chicken over, and brush with melted butter before returning the pan to the oven for an additional 3-5 minutes. The chicken should still have a “grilled” appearance, and the yogurt will be cooked down enough to no longer look like yogurt on the chicken.

Serve the chicken with coconut rice, french fries, tater tots, veggies and any other food your kids are familiar with.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 31

GOOD FOOD

Yogurt Curry Marinated Chicken Ingredients: 1 cup plain yogurt Juice from 1 lemon 1 1/2 tablespoons curry powder 2 cloves fresh minced garlic 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt 3

/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper

3 pounds boneless skinless chicken thighs 3 tablespoons melted butter

Directions: In a small bowl, add yogurt, lemon juice, curry powder, garlic, salt, and pepper. Stir until well blended.

Place the chicken in a gallon-size resealable plastic bag. Add yogurt mixture, seal the bag, and work the yogurt mixture all around the chicken. Place the bag in the refrigerator for 4-12 hours.

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

Place a baking rack over the top of a rimmed sheet pan. Remove the chicken from the yogurt marinade and let the excess yogurt drip off. Place in the oven for 10 minutes. Turn the oven broiler on high and let the chicken cook for 3-5 minutes or until browned. Remove the pan from the oven, flip the chicken over, and brush with butter. Place the pan back in the oven and broil for an additional 3-5 minutes or until browned. Remove the pan from the oven and check that the internal temperature of the chicken has reached 165 degrees.

If it has not, flip the chicken again and broil for a few more minutes.

Letting the chicken marinate in the yogurt mixture for 4 to 12 hours will ensure your meat is tender and flavorful.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms

(Serves 6-8) The lactic acid in yogurt acts as a meat tenderizer for chicken thighs.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms

Chicken Curry Tater Tot Hotdish is a fun twist on a classic midwest casserole. I used finely chopped meat from a rotisserie chicken, frozen mixed vegetables, cream of chicken soup, curry, spices and tater tots. It doesn’t get much easier! This recipe also works great as a make-ahead meal. You can prepare the dish up to the point where you would place it in the oven and then either freeze or store in the refrigerator until you are ready to make dinner. I sometimes find that I have more time to assemble dinner in the mornings before I wake the kids up!

Chicken Curry Tater Tot Hotdish Ingredients:

Directions:

4 cups shredded or diced cooked rotisserie chicken

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

In a large mixing bowl add chicken, cream of chicken soup, curry powder, garlic powder, and ground ginger. Stir until evenly combined. Add frozen vegetables, stir again, and pour into a greased 9x13 pan. Cover in rows of tater tots. Bake uncovered for 1 hour.

Remove from the oven and let cool for 5 minutes before serving.

16 ounces frozen mixed vegetables 2 cans (10.5 oz. each) of cream of chicken soup 2 tablespoons curry powder It looks like a standard Tater Tot Hotdish, but this version incorporates a fun new flavor your kids may really appreciate!

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms 32 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

1

/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1

/4 teaspoon ground ginger

Tater tots to cover the pan (1-1.5 pounds)

(Serves 8-10)

GOOD FOOD Pumpkin Coconut Curry Soup is easy to make ahead of time so you have a warm and comforting lunch ready to go all week.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms

Pumpkin Coconut Curry Soup isn’t one that I have made for my kids yet, but it is one that I make for my own lunches.

Self-care is important, too! As busy as we can all be from time to time, I like to make this soup on a Sunday afternoon then keep half in the fridge to eat for the week and freeze the other half to use later.

Pumpkin Coconut Curry Soup Ingredients: 1 Tablespoon coconut oil (I used butter flavor) 1 small yellow onion diced 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1 tablespoon fresh grated ginger 2 teaspoons kosher salt 1

/2 teaspoon black pepper

1

/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1 tablespoon curry powder 2 cans (15 oz. each) of pumpkin puree 3 cups vegetable stock 1 can coconut milk Coconut flakes and pumpkin seeds for garnish Directions: In a large kettle, melt coconut oil over medium heat. Add onions, garlic, and ginger. Cook until the onions are tender but not browned, about 5 minutes. If the heat gets too high, turn the heat to low. Whisk in salt, pepper, curry powder, pumpkin, vegetable stock, and coconut milk. Let simmer for 15 minutes. If desired, use a stick blender to puree the soup until smooth.

(Serves 6)

Kindergarten Enrollment Opens March 1

moorheadschools.org/enroll On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 33

Meghan Dahnke and her son, Broden, are seen in their home. Dahnke is the founder of Toadally Therapeutic Community Store, an online shop for secondhand and used goods for children with autism, which her son inspired her to create.

Chris Flynn / The Forum

Spotlight on support Toadally Therapeutic Community Store

BY THOMAS EVANELLA

M

eghan Dahnke has always had a touch of clairvoyance. Before her son was born in 2013, Dahnke knew that now 7-year-old Broden was going to be special. Four years later, Dahnke’s maternal hunch proved true when Broden was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. “He changed my life before I even knew it. I knew that he was going to have autism. I had a gut feeling that there was going to be something special about him,” she told The Forum.

The West Fargo mother of four recently launched Toadally Therapeutic Community 34 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

Store, an online marketplace for second-hand goods for children with autism. The store is named after Broden’s nickname, “Brody Toady”, which was inspired by the frog-like pose he uses to soothe himself. “The whole business idea just hit me like an epiphany three or four months ago and I just went for it,” Dahnke said.

Dahnke is well-versed in the struggles parents of children with autism face when they first receive the diagnosis. The diagnosis, she explained, only puts a name on the condition.

“It was a difficult process because it’s a blind

SPOTLIGHT ON SUPPORT task,” she said of Broden’s diagnosis.

“Nobody tells you what to do. You think after getting a diagnosis that you’re going to finally have the answers that are going to lead the way. It’s far from it.”

Autism cases vary from person to person, meaning each individual requires a tailored solution when it comes to therapeutic items. For that, Dahnke turned to Sanford, which offers what she described as a “library checkout” for equipment.

However, the long wait times for items, Dahnke said, made the process of finding answers timeconsuming and frustrating. She can count hours spent in Sanford waiting rooms to get equipment, only to return home and find Broden hated something, like a weighted vest she once borrowed.

Inspired by that experience, Dahnke said Toadally Therapeutic will buy back any equipment a child doesn’t like to ensure parents can find the specific solution for their child without being tied down. “I just knew there was nothing like this in the community and I wanted to start something like this,” she said. “There are so many of us that are struggling, and I just kind of wanted to pay it forward to that next mom that’s sitting in that waiting room.”

Finding secondhand equipment for children with autism in the Red River Valley is a tall order. It has meant several trips to the Twin Cities, where she has had more luck finding specialty goods. She also scrounges thrift stores and Facebook for bargains and things people don’t even know they have. Her business is currently too small for wholesale

operations, only adding to the challenge of sourcing stock. Her goal is to bring in 20 new items a month, which translates to a lot of turning over rocks to find goods, and that’s just to keep up with demand.

Toadally Therapeutic is as much an online marketplace as it is a way for parents of children with autism in the area to connect.

Dahnke said she’s learned a lot in just a few short months while working with other parents and therapists in the area. It helps that she can relate to the grocery store meltdowns or other trials parents face. “It’s heartwarming to have these individuals open up to me about their struggles,” she said. “It’s brought me closer to many different individuals and understanding that it’s not a one-size-fits-all (solution).”

Learn more at https://toadallytherapeutic.com/

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 35

‘You’ll never regret

EDUCATION

Spotlight

NDSU programs offer flexibility

SARAH ROCHELEAU

Sarah Rocheleau is a busy mother and and family science and left school in small business owner. Kacie Schulz is 2008 before earning a degree. a determined mom focused on personal Then life happened. She got a job and and professional growth. started a family. She wanted to return They pursued human development and to school but was worried her busy life family science degrees at North Dakota wouldn’t allow it. She has a business, State University for different reasons. small children, family obligations and Rocheleau wanted to improve her home not much free time. daycare business, gain career flexibility, and finish a long higher education But she was determined to find a way journey.

Schulz wanted career to earn a college degree to teach her advancement and more tools to better kids about perseverance, accomplish a longstanding goal, and to improve her serve her clients as a financial adviser. business.

It was sometimes difficult, but always rewarding. And both said the program’s After years of thinking otherwise, she flexible scheduling, online classes realized it was possible at NDSU. and helpful professors allowed them to reach their educational goals and “Having my courses online helped tremendously,” said Rocheleau, who unlock new career opportunities. is from California but now lives in “You’ll never regret getting an education Minnesota. “The HDFS department to advance in your field,” said Schulz, really worked with me. They tailored the who is a certified financial planner in experience to my life so I could get it West Fargo. “You’ll never regret learning done. Most of the classes are self-paced more and taking that next step toward and I was able to schedule things for your goal. I don’t know anyone who when I had the time.” looks back and regrets pursuing a Rocheleau earned her bachelor’s degree. degree in human development and “And NDSU’s human development and family science with an emphasis in family science program gives parents a child and adolescent development in December. She said strong support way to do it.” from her family and the NDSU faculty A LONG ROAD helped her accomplish her goal.

Rocheleau started college at NDSU in 2004 as an animal science student. She Rocheleau said her time at NDSU has changed majors to human development helped her become a better daycare

OPTIONS FOR GOING BACK TO SCHOOL AT NORTH DAKOTA STATE UNIVERSITY IN HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND FAMILY SCIENCE UNDERGRADUATE DEGREE

Bachelor’s degree in HDFS offered in-person and online with emphasis in one of these areas: • Child and Adolescent Development • Family Science • Adult Development and Aging

UNDERGRADUATE CERTIFICATE

These certificates require just 3 courses (9 credits) and can be done all online.

You don’t already need to have a degree to earn one.

• Aging Studies • Family Financial Planning

36 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

GRADUATE DEGREE

Master’s degree in HDFS offered exclusively online in one of these areas: • Family Financial Planning • Gerontology • Youth Development

getting an education’

to finish degree, advance career

“Getting a degree is so important,” she said. “And HDFS is so versatile. There are so many things you can do with it.

I can move my career the way I want to now. It was so worth it.”

A FULFILLING CAREER

Schulz was a teacher before beginning a career in financial services a few years ago. Always looking to learn and improve, she enrolled in NDSU’s family financial planning online master’s degree program hosted by the Great Plains Interactive Distance Education Alliance.

Schulz said the program is ideal because it allows students to earn a professional designation in addition to their master’s degree. Professional designations, which include certified financial planner and personal finance specialist, are important in the financial services industry because they designate a high level of competency in financial planning and investing.

Schulz also chose the master’s program to gain more skills that will help clients make tough financial decisions.

“We all depend on technology so much

GRADUATE CERTIFICATE

These certificates offer a way to get started with a graduate program. A certificate may be all you need, or you may decide to continue with the full master’s program. These programs are exclusively online.

in our jobs and in our lives,” she said.

“But in financial planning, people want somebody to monitor things, make sure it’s quality controlled and to have a personal connection. There isn’t a robot or artificial intelligence that can replace that relationship.

“The courses at NDSU help you provide that for your clients at the highest level.”

Schulz completed one course each semester for five years to earn a master’s. That’s a highlight of the program, Schulz says. You can work at your own pace and still do all the other things that lead to a fulfilled life.

KACIE SCHULZ

provider and the HDFS degree could eventually lead to another rewarding career. Whatever the future holds, she knows she’s now got career options.

WORDS BY HEATH HOTZLER | PHOTOS BY JUSTIN EILER

During her time in the program, she changed employers, had two children, and endured a global pandemic.

“Like anything worth doing, it can be difficult,” said Schulz, who also teaches an undergraduate course at NDSU. “But I had access to do it when it worked for me. That’s the only way I could have attempted it. I’m really fortunate to have had this educational experience at NDSU. They say it’s not possible to have your cake and eat it, too.

“But I feel like I can now do both.”

Please visit www.ndsu.edu/hdfs/ for more information on NDSU’s Human Development and Family Science programs.

CONTACT • Youth Development • Youth Program Management and Evaluation • Gerontology • Family Financial Planning

PHONE: 701-231-8269 EMAIL: joel.hektner@ndsu.edu WEB: ndsu.edu/hdfs

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 37

More than a feeling Daughter teaches mom to express her emotions

BY ALICIA STRNAD HOALCRAFT

M

y daughter and I are very similar in very many ways. She has my eyes, my love of reading, my stubborn determination, my memory for trivia and my night owl tendencies.

But when it comes to how we express our emotions, we’re very, very different.

When my daughter has a feeling, everyone around her knows it. The full range of human emotions plays out in her daily. (Given her love of theater, I often think of her reciting Goldie Hawn’s “First Wives Club” line: “I do have feelings. I’m an actress – I have all of them!”) Anyone around her never has to be in doubt about exactly what my miniature human feels about what’s going on.

For most of my life, I’ve largely been the opposite: the stereotypical stolid and stoic Midwesterner, keeping my feelings in the majority of the time. I once caught myself at a comedy show saying “that’s funny” instead of allowing myself to demonstrate emotion by actually laughing.

It’s not that I don’t have emotions – of course I do. I just convinced myself somewhere along the way that they were better kept to myself instead of expressed to the world at large. I don’t know why I went that route – part of being an introvert, perhaps, or a desire for privacy – but my anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, enthusiasm and delight regularly go unexpressed. Most of the time the closest I come is turning the music in the car up louder.

Watching my daughter be so expressive of her feelings has helped me put my relationship with my own emotions in perspective. I’ve encouraged her articulation of her inner mental workings both for her own benefit and for that of those around her. I want her to 38 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

know her own mind and to feel comfortable and confident revealing her emotions. I never want her to feel she needs to hide or restrain part of herself to be accepted by others, to be considered strong or to be viewed as the intelligent person she is.

And I’ve been surprised at how being openly emotional has worked for her in everyday life. Her immediate callouts of things that hurt, upset or anger her often leads those around her to swiftly reconsider their words and actions. In her eight years of life, I’ve seen my daughter get more apologies than I’ve received in my nearly four decades.

Every time I see the cycle repeat itself – someone says or does something, Callie tells them they hurt her feelings, they review their behavior and apologize – I am more proud of her for standing up for herself and speaking the truth. I see the power in that and the power in her.

And more than the effect on others, I see the effect on her. Openly expressing her joy seems to bring her greater joy, and giving voice to her anguish seems to lessen it.

Seeing the catharsis it appears to bring her to be so open makes me rethink my own rigid control over emotional expression. Seeing her share herself so openly with me and with others makes me think I should aim to be more like her instead of focusing on all the ways she’s like me.

So during a recent disagreement with someone close to me, when I felt my emotions welling up inside me, I allowed myself to follow my child’s example. I let go of my usual restraint and was outwardly emotional.

It felt strange and surreal. It was such an unfamiliar experience that it felt unnatural. It felt awkward. And awesome. My throat hurt

MORE THAN A FEELING

Book Nook

“Not Quite Snow White” Tameika is a die-hard song-and-dance gal, and the world is her stage. Now, having played a cucumber, a space cowgirl, a dinosaur, and a mermaid, she’s going to audition for the biggest school play role yet: the lead in the musical Snow White.

But when she overhears her peers gossiping (“She’s too tall.” “She’s much too chubby.” “And she’s too brown.”), Tameika’s strong will wavers. “Maybe she was wrong for wanting to be this princess,” debut author Franklin writes. Enter Tameika’s parents, who give her the encouragement she needs (“You’re just enough of all the right stuff”) to knock ’em dead at the audition.

With earnestness and plenty of heart (and offering subtle assurances throughout that Tameika is no prima donna), the creators adroitly make the girl’s problem feel less overwhelming, smartly emphasizing her passion and empowerment.

Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft has learned how to express her emotions after watching her daughter do so and seeing the power it gives her young daughter.

Special to On the Minds of Moms

from the force of my feelings, but the person seemed to understand the depth of my inner hurt. I felt completely wrung out, but also strangely light. When I watched a funny video online later that night, I found myself laughing out loud.

According to Common Sense Media, this book flawlessly redefines what it means to be a princess in a world where many young children question whether they can truly achieve their dreams because of the color of their skin. The story’s captivating illustrations and positive messages — including embracing diversity and body positivity — make it a wonderful read-aloud, especially for young children.

Publishers Weekly

It turns out, I love the sound of my laughter. It sounds like the laughter of my wonderfully expressive daughter.

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 39

RAD DAD Langston Johnson Super cuber, super guy

BY DANIELLE TEIGEN Many parents drop hobbies (permanently or temporarily) once they have kids, simply due to the new demands on their time (and the lack of sleep they deal with in those early years). But Langston Johnson has been able to hone a very specific hobby that also happens to fit in well with his family-centric lifestyle: he’s a speedcuber, and a serious one at that. Speedcubing is a sport that involves solving combination puzzles as quickly as possible, typically using a 3x3x3 Rubik’s Cube. He’s a member of the World Cubing Association (WCA) and his personal best official solve time is 10.6 seconds. Yes, you read that correctly — seconds!

He hit that personal best back in 2019 and was hoping to blow that record out of the water at the World Championships back in December 2021, but rising COVID cases forced the WCA to cancel the event.

When he’s not solving Rubik’s cubes at the speed of light, Langston leads the Quality Assurance department at Bushel. He and his team ensure the products Bushel builds do what they should through rigorous testing.

“It’s an exciting line of work because you’re one of the first people to walk through these virtual construction projects and verify that everything

is where it needs to be,” he said. “I also participate in a fair amount of recruitment-related events such as game nights, college fairs and mock interviewing with high school and college students.” He also leads Bushel’s Diversity and Inclusion Group which works to highlight “all of the magnificent people” within the company “while organically generating the one-of-kind culture we’ve all come to flourish in and enjoy,” he said.

Langston and his wife Bethany (known as “Bethie” to her family and close friends) have been married since 2014 and stay busy raising two sons — Mandela (a.k.a. Manny) is 4 years old and Guion (whom they call Baby Guy) is 2. “My hope is that he will grow up and be referred to as Uncle Baby Guy when Manny has kids!” Langston joked.

All jokes aside, Langston knows raising children is a serious business, and he’s had great role models in his life, especially his father. He’s actually combining the parenting lessons he’s learned with his unique hobby through a plan to give back to kids in his hometown of Minneapolis.

“I plan to spread the good word of cubing everywhere I go, and I

40 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

even have plans to distribute 500 cubes to children at a Harvest Best Academy in north Minneapolis,” he said. “I plan to teach them all to solve throughout the course of a week, which will culminate in an official competition they could participate in, allowing them to become full-fledged members of the WCA as well.”

Read on to learn more about Langston’s speedcubing journey, his family, and a few more things that make him a rad dad.

How did you end up in the Fargo-Moorhead area?

After graduating from North High in Minneapolis, I came here to study pharmacy at North Dakota State University, and I eventually graduated with a degree in zoology.

NDSU was affordable, and far enough away from home that I’d have three hours to get my act together if my mom decided to drop a surprise visit.

What is your educational background?

I ended my formal education with an undergrad degree from NDSU, but I’ve continued to learn a variety of new things through work and a general curiosity.

Langston Johnson and his wife Bethany met in 2011 and have been married since 2014. Photo courtesy of Lauren Elise Photography On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 41

RAD DAD

Langston and Bethie are parents to 2-year-old Guion “Baby Guy” and 4-year-old Mandela "Manny". Photo courtesy of Lauren Elise Photography

Tell me about your family.

How did you and your wife meet?

Mandela is named after Nelson Mandela, and Guion (pronounced Guy-on) is named after Guion Bluford, the first African American to fly in outer space. Both boys are both extremely inquisitive and love spewing facts to people they meet about dinosaurs and other various creatures. My wife Bethany is an applied behavioral analyst at the North Dakota Autism Center, and we met through a mutual friend in college back in 2011. Bethie and I have been married since 2014, and we’ve always had a variety of activities that we mutually enjoyed, such as touring breweries (in Washington State, Wisconsin, Minnesota, etc.), enjoying highquality food and hitting up a number of concerts and live shows, back when all of that was a thing. As of late, we’ve greatly enjoyed hangin’ with the Unglued Crew as we’ve had the opportunity to help out with the facilitation of their Summer Camp and Fall Retreat events this past year.

My best friend in college, Ryan, a.k.a.

“Farmer”, invited me to mug night at The Turf with some people he met through the organization Students Today Leaders Forever. Bethie was there, and four days later we were sitting on a blanket my grandmother made me while reading books, eating Pita Pit, and finishing with Charlie’s Ice Cream in Island Park. Little did I know we’d be a legitimate family someday.

Tell me about speedcubing and how you took it up.

All of these questions have been great, this one, in particular, strikes a chord with me. I was first introduced to Rubik’s Cubes in 2006 after seeing the iconic solve Will Smith’s character Chris Gardener pulls off to get a job while riding in a cab. I was fascinated then and the more I’ve learned about the cube the more fascinated I’ve become.

I learned how to solve a cube from one of Tyson Mao’s instructional

42 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022

videos and some hints from my old man. I’ve used it as a recruitment tool with both NDSU and Bushel since then. I spend at least an hour a day solving and learning new techniques, with serious guidance from my coach, Australian sensation Jayden McNeil.

What has been your greatest parenting lesson?

Be consistent and do what you say you’re going to do. My own father, Kevin Johnson, is a stellar example of this for me. I’ve also gained a lot of insight around gratitude and what it means to be present with your family, and just let whatever is going on happen and wash over you. Not trying to make my own imprint on my children, but instead, empower them to become themselves.

Fredrick Douglas says it best, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men”. Benchmarking against other dads is also really important to my strategy, even if that dad is Bandit from “Bluey”!

RAD DAD What are three words you would use to describe yourself?

With the flow.

What do you and your family love to do together?

We love going to parks, visiting the zoo, and occasionally visiting Sky Zone. At home, we play a lot of music on the various xylophones and child-sized drums and guitars strewn about the house. Often I’ll just put on some music in the living room and we’ll just dance. We also spend a fair amount of time with their five cousins in Grand Forks making a splash at Grandma and Grandpa’s. This year someone mysteriously pulled a towel ring out of the wall, but it was all good, the beef tenderloin and stuffed prawns would not be trounced. I am also greatly looking forward to the

boys being able to participate in my mom’s summer program at Divine Institute when she teaches children vocabulary and etiquette, but mostly just have a ton of fun at amusement parks and museums.

What’s your favorite part about raising a family in Fargo?

There is pretty much always something family-friendly to do (shoutout to Folkways), the Horace Mann neighborhood where we live is beautiful, and we’re surrounded by great people. What more could you ask for? Warmer weather, maybe!

One word to describe your wife and each son?

Bethie: Patience Manny: Inquisitive Guy: Foodie

We’re always curious about balance - how do you balance work, family life and hobbies?

Yeah, this is a real fluid sort of tight rope to try and walk. First off, having a solid partner is indispensable. Bethie is very open to allowing me to take time to enjoy my hobbies. I’ve also just adapted to doing more stuff I can do with the kids around. Cubing is very kid-friendly, and once they’re older that’s something we can certainly try together in earnest if they’re into it.

Playing guitar is also pretty simple; I’ve got an electric drum set and an organ in my basement that they hammer on while I play. Lastly, I recently got the Paw Patrol Game on my PC, which is a fun way to introduce them to the machine I built.

If you could take your family anywhere on vacation, where would you go?

I’d like to take them to Hawaii to see the animals, the ocean, enjoy the food, and culture there. Do some guided fishing and perhaps some snorkeling!

Poke bowls and perhaps a pork roast, while also taking some advice from the locals on what they enjoy, that’s always a fun vacation rabbit hole to go down no matter where you end up.

One activity leads to the other.

What’s your favorite part about being a dad?

Having candid conversations with the boys. As we’re getting ready in the morning: Manny: You know Daddy, Giganto (Giganotosaurus) has a powerful belly.

Me: Yeah, you’re right, I’m guessing he does derive a great deal of power from his belly.

Manny: You know, Daddy, you TOO have a powerful belly!

As my wife cackles in the next room…

Anything else?

Langston said both of his sons are incredibly inquisitive children who love dinosaurs and sharing random facts about them with anyone who will listen.

Photo courtesy of Lauren Elise Photography

I Livestream Rubik’s Cubes on twitch. tv/langstonmandela: come and learn to cube!

On the Minds of Moms • February | March | 43

44 | On the Minds of Moms • February | March 2022