SHABBAT DINNER GUIDE
WHY SHABBAT?
In Jewish tradition,
the world is created in an evolution of seven days: six days of work that culminate in the seventh day, Shabbat, a day of rest.
Shabbat is not a postscript, it is as important a part of bringing the world into being as any of the days of active creation. Jewish wisdom teaches that we, human beings, are responsible for continuing the work of creation to make the world a better place, day after day, week after week. Shabbat doesn’t just make that creative work possible, it is an integral part of shaping the world and making meaning.
In the Torah, the most central Jewish text, we are commanded to “Remember Shabbat to keep it holy.” Meaning, it is our words and our actions that make Shabbat sacred. The philosophers among us can debate whether Shabbat is innately holy, or whether it is holy because we make it so. Our response to them is: why not both? Shabbat is special, and each time we recognize it and name it for what it is, we help Shabbat keep its sacred status. In return, Shabbat helps keep us in balance, reminding us that at the very minimum, we have something to lift up and celebrate every single week.
According to Jewish law, Shabbat begins just before sundown on Friday night and spans a restful 25 hours until after sundown on Saturday. Though we love all of Shabbat, at OneTable Together, we’re all about Shabbat dinner.
We know that connecting and building communityover good food, good conversation, and good people at the end of the week is good for you.
Shabbat dinner is the apex of all things towards which Jewish traditions guide us — counting our blessings, rejoicing in delight, opening our home and ourselves to others, getting to the heart of what matters to us, connecting to our values, and elevating sacred time.
We also believe that Shabbat is for everyone. Whether you have celebrated Shabbat your whole life, or you're just hearing about Shabbat for the first time, we know that there is a table on Friday night waiting for you. We hope that you will use this guide as a launchpad: to hold you and inspire you as you consider how you want to set your table each week for Shabbat.
HOSTING SHABBAT THROUGH OUR VALUES
At OneTable, Shabbat rests upon three core values: Hachnasat Orchim–Welcoming, Kedushah–Elevation, and Oneg–Joy. When you are hosting Shabbat, consider how each of these values inspires you as you plan your evening.
JOY
How will spending Friday together spark joy? Mayb a silly theme, a new game simple pleasure of each o company. We are comma partake in the joy of Shab of Isaiah in the Hebrew Bi “call Shabbat a delight.” W you have to do to make su your guests called your Sh a delight?
ELEVATION
What makes this night different from all other nights (of the week)?
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel z”l wrote about Shabbat as a "palace in time.” The ways in which you strive to make Shabbat a meaningful 25 hours are the very things that el t Sh bb t th t make Shabbat an ornate palace at the end of y you’re making this night special by cooking or b you don’t get to eat all the time. Maybe the elev Shabbat blessings and rituals you are incorpora Or perhaps it is through a meaningful conversation topic. Consider how you want your meal to feel elevated, decide how you're going to do it, and then communicate that to your guests–even small decisions can help make the evening feel special.
WELCOMING
In Jewish tradition, welcoming guests is not simply a nice thing to do— it is a core value imperative to our practice. In the Torah, Abraham welcomed three strangers into his home, and they turned out to be divine messengers. Though we don’t expect your guests to be literal angels (but who knows?), we believe that each time we welcome guests that we’re honoring the divine within them.
How do you plan to make this Shabbat as welcoming as possible for your guests? Whether you’re hosting old friends or folks you’ve yet to meet, how are you planning this night with them in mind? For some, that might mean explaining all the rituals as you do them or checking in about dietary needs. For others, it might mean inviting a group of people you think would like each other or being really intentional with the seating chart. Keeping the conversation flowing is also a great way to make guests feel welcome and included.
CONVERSATION STARTERS:
Looking for a few ideas to spark meaningful connections? Try some of these suggested discussion prompts!
What is aJewish value elps guide you in life?
What foods remind you of home?
What does Shabbat mean to you?
What is the most important lesson you’ve been taught by a family member?
When and where do you most feel like you belong?
What doesJewish community mean to you?
Is who you are now who you wanted to be when you were growing up?
What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?
Who is the person, where is the place, what is the thing that feels like home to you?
What inspires you to better yourself?
What do you know now that you reallywished someone had taught you growing up?
What sense of purpose or mission guides you in your life?
What gives you the most hope about the future?
ENVISIONING SHABBAT
ENVISIONINGSHABBAT
The ancient rabbis taught that each time we experience Shabbat, we get a taste of The World to Come, or the Messianic Age. Shabbat, therefore, helps us see the world as it could be, a world brimming with possibility, serenity, and joy. We invite you to lean into the practice of seeing possibility, by doing it on a micro scale: by envisioning your Shabbat dinner. This isn’t necessarily about planning so that everything is “perfect” or according to plan. We’re not aiming for perfection, but a brief moment of bliss. Consider what you can do to bring that taste of The World to Come into fruition. Even something small — remembering someone’s favorite dessert, connecting two people who should be friends, walking someone to the door can bring someone closer to that feeling of serenity.
For some people, starting with a clear vision of the evening is a helpful planning tool. For others, that kind of broad thinking can be overwhelming. If you prefer to think about the details first, skip this section and return to it later (or not it’s your guide to use as you prefer!).
If you like to start with the end in mind, ask yourself the following questions. You can even jot down your answers and return to them as you plan the details of your evening. Just remember: this is a jumping-off point. You are not beholden to anything you come up with, and your vision might evolve as you plan.
ENVISION YOUR SHABBAT: REFLECTIVE PROMPTS
Before you light the candles or set the table, take a moment to imagine the experience you want to create. These guiding questions can help you shape a meaningful and memorable Shabbat gathering.
What do I wa guests to feel during this Shabbat dinner?
What do I want myguests to remember about this Shabbat dinner?
When I imagine my Shabbat dinner, what will I see and hear, smell and taste?
How do I want to be changed bythis Shabbat dinner?
How will I infuse caring into this Shabbat dinner?
Who will make this evening feel special?
SHABBAT PREP
Everything you'll need to make your dinner a success, and even a bit more!
POSTYOURDINNERONTHE ONETABLETOGETHERPLATFORM
When you sit down to do this, make sure you have a date and a place (probably your home, or maybe a friend's) picked out. It’s also good to have an idea of who you’d like to invite – but you can always invite more people later. Visit gettogether.onetable.org to post your dinner.
Consider the dietary needs of your guests: does anyone keep kosher or have any dietary restrictions? Are you going to cook, have a potluck, or bring in food from a favorite restaurant? Or all of the above? Remember that if it seems overwhelming handling the food and beverages by yourself, your guests may be excited by the chance to contribute to the meal. Suggesting that someone bring a dessert, salad, or bottle of wine not only takes the pressure off you as a host, but allows your guests to feel like helpful co-creators.
There's even a place to make requests of your guests on the OneTable Together platform!
Are we jumping right into the Shabbat blessings or having cocktails and appetizers first? Are you hoping to play an after dinner game, or retire to the living room for engaging conversation? Thinking about the flow of the evening will help you and your guests prepare and also help you orient them to the evening when they arrive.
SETUPYOURSPACE
You don’t need to be a feng shui expert to get your space ready! Consider how your space might need to be adjusted to accommodate the group you're hosting. Does a couch need to be pushed closer to a wall, or a leaf has to be added to your dining room table? This is also a moment to consider the accessibility needs of your guests–are you welcoming someone with limited mobility? Make sure that your space is easily navigable for them (this is also important information to add to your dinner description).
Additionally, while you're setting up your space, think about your table–it might be a good night to break out the stemware or that funky tablecloth. Perhaps you’d like to run over to your local florist and grab a bouquet to make your space feel festive. However you set up your space, it should be both a reflection of you and the kind of Shabbat dinner you are hosting.
GET YOUR RITUAL ON
Think about both the “what” and the “how” of your Shabbat rituals. Do you want to go the more traditional route or do something out of the box? If you don’t feel super comfortable leading one or more of the Shabbat blessings, feel free to ask a guest to help!
Additionally, part of what can be hard about hosting is keeping track of all the things you need. Below you’ll find a list of the ritual items you may want to gather for your Shabbat dinner, broken down by ritual:
LIGHT
Candles + Candlesticks Some folks like to light two candles per home; others light two per person. If you’re going two per person, we recommend getting a bunch of tea lights and placing them on an aluminum tray in a fire-safe location.
Matches A lighter also works, but we prefer matches for the olfactory effect.
WINE
Tasty Beverage Traditionally, we drink fruit of the vine – wine or grape juice. If you don’t have wine or grape juice, or just feel like experimenting, use a beverage you don’t normally drink throughout the week. You can actually make kiddush on any type of beverage you like, there's just a slightly different blessing!
Kiddush Cup Your favorite cup, a cup reserved for this purpose, not your everyday cup. At some point, people got the idea that a kiddush cup has to be a chalice or a goblet or at least a fancy cup someone got for a bar mitzvah present at some point. Those are all good, but not necessary. As long as it holds about four ounces of liquid or more, what matters about the cup is that it’s special to you.
HANDWASHING
Access to Water + Cup for Washing Ideally, the cup should have two handles, but if you don’t have a special handwashing cup, a mug with a handle works well.
BREAD
Preferably Challah because it’s delicious in every conceivable way. But don’t stress any bread will do. Two full loaves is ideal, but if you’re hosting a more intimate dinner, serve up two pitas or two dinner rolls. Even scallion pancakes will work if you’re getting Chinese takeout! Whatever kind of bread you use, take it out of its packaging and place it on its own plate on the table.
A Challah Cover Any kind of cover to place over your bread, from a napkin to an ornate embroidered cloth.
Salt or Honey Some have the tradition of salting their challah before eating it to connect to the customs from the Temple in Ancient times (whether you add salt as a group or individually is up to you). If you’re celebrating something special, like a birthday or an anniversary, skip the salt and add honey to your challah instead.
BUT AM I READY?
Hosting people in your home can be hard or just feel daunting. It may feel like you need a rabbi, cantor, or someone more trained or more qualified to lead you in Jewish ritual. We get the instinct, but we’re here to tell you that you can do it. Shabbat was made for YOU. It does not require special training, or any special wisdom. And we’re here to guide you every step of the way.
Judaism was always meant to be accessible, always designed to be DIY.
In fact, as far as Jewish ritual goes, the community holds more power than its leaders. There is so much power in community.
For instance, there are some things in Judaism that require a certain number of Jewish people to show up: two are needed to witness the signing of a ketubah (Jewish marriage contract), three need to serve on a beit din (Jewish court) to formalize a conversion, and 10 need to show up to form a minyan (minimum number or quorum for prayer). What those groups have in common is that none of them need to include a rabbi, just a group of willing Jewish adults. The same is true for your Shabbat dinner — you, your guests, and the intention to make it special is all that is needed. Everything else will fall into place.
ACKNOWLEDGING CHAOS AND LETTING IT GO
There’s a certain chaos to Friday afternoons: running around to make sure you have all of your food and beverages ready to go, pulling things out of the oven, hiding that one pile of miscellany that doesn’t seem to have a home, worrying about that one friend who always shows up 15 minutes early when you know that you won’t be ready at the time they walk through the door. It makes you wonder if hosting Shabbat is worth all this hassle. We’d like to think so but in the tumult of 4:45pm on Friday, our reassurances may fall flat. Therefore, we invite you to draw a spiritual line between your diligent preparation and your actual enjoyment Shabbat. Making this separation not o allows you to greet your guests calmly and joyfully, it allows you to lean into y own experience of Shabbat more fully.
Your spiritual separation can be whatever is meaningful for you. When you have finished your Shabbat prep work, try taking a few deep mindful breaths or writing down an intention for your day of rest. Some people like to identify a song as their Shabbat song –whether Jewish or secular – that they only listen to on Shabbat, helping them transition from the chaos of the week into the serenity of Shabbat. Just about anything can be a pre-Shabbat ritual – whatever helps you let go of the frenzied energy of Friday afternoon, so you can greet your guests and the Sabbath in the right headspace.
DURING DINNER
This section will guide you through the Friday night rituals. In addition to the blessing in Hebrew and English, you’ll also encounter a kernel of wisdom about each ritual, a question to consider asking yourself and your guests, or even an alternative or non-traditional approach to the ritual. If you're overwhelmed by options, just stick to the basics. Do what feels right around your Shabbat table with your community. There's no wrong way to Shabbat, we promise!
We light the When we business, mundane impor
The most comm the candles, b later), cover you after the blessi flame anew – ou of Shabbat. As you have to do .
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav vitzivanu l’hadlik ner shel Shabbat.
Blessed is the Oneness that makes us holy through our actions and honors us with the light of Shabbat.
KERNEL OF WISDOM
Many of us have an image in our minds of a mother or grandmother lighting the candles on Friday night (just think about the scene in Fiddler on the Roof!). While candlelighting may have been considered the task of a woman, we believe in egalitarian ritual. And as it turns out, so did our ancestors. Maimonides, a 12th century rabbi, doctor, philosopher (why choose to be a rabbi or a doctor when you could be both?) insisted that it was every person’s obligation to light candles: all genders alike.
QUESTION FOR REFLECTION OR DISCUSSION
As we enter Shabbat, what clutter from the week would you like to leave behind?
A LITTLE EXTRA
Many people wave their hands over the candles in between lighting the candles and saying the blessing. They move their hands in a circular path three times, each time drawing their hands toward their body. Though no one knows exactly why this started, we like to think of it as a way to gather in the Shabbat energy. If you’re up for something new, consider trying this practice but moving your hands out and away from your body, sending Shabbat energy out to others, while thinking about someone who could use that taste of Shabbat. Whether you’re thinking about those sitting around your Shabbat table or those outside your gathering, it can be a sweet way to share the magic of Shabbat with others, while setting the intention of Shabbat for yourself.
Blessing Each Other
Each Friday night, parents have the opportunityto bless their children as part of the Shabbat rituals. For those of us who have children, manyof them are grown and some are even parents themselves. Rather than skip this blessing, this is the perfect opportunityto bless our friends and chosen family, even when children aren’t seated around the Shabbat table. We invite you to use this moment to bless your guests, letting them know just how special they are to you.
Below you will find the text to Birkat Kohanim or the Priestly Benediction, the oldest blessing in Jewish tradition. We use it at auspicious times to bless the people in our community. Or, if you would rather try something more participatory, look no further than our “Practice in Improvisational Blessing.”
BLESSING
KERNEL OF WISDOM
Birkat Kohanim is composed of three lines, each line gradually increasing in length. First three words, then five words, then seven words. Liturgically, this increase is powerful, as if each line is granted a little more blessing than the last. It also suggests that our blessings should grow, rather than diminish over time. We invite you to take a moment to consider how the blessings in your life have increased throughout your life.
QUESTION FOR REFLECTION OR DISCUSSION
Who is one person who helped you get through the week?What did they do that made such an impact on you?
ALTERNATIVE: A PRACTICE IN IMPROVISATIONAL BLESSING
Breathe in. Breathe out. Identify someone at your Shabbat table you’d like to bless. Maybe it is the person next to you, or the person across from you. Decide what you’d like to bless them with. Some ideas include light, courage, health, and peace – but feel free to get creative. Say aloud: [Name of Person] I bless you with May you be blessed. May we be blessed. And may others be blessed through your blessing. Together we say Amen.
Continue with each guest until everyone at your table has blessed someone else.
Kiddush
The word Kiddush means to consecrate, make holy, demarcate, and set aside. When you take the Kiddush cup in your hand, you set aside this Shabbat as something holy, something special.
Kiddush consists of two blessings: one to bless the wine itself, and one to sanctify the day. We sanctify the day because of our seven-day creation story. According to the Torah, the Divine created the world over the span of six days and rested on the seventh, punctuating the ultimate act of creation with its apparent opposite: an act of total rest, the act of Shabbat. Each time we celebrate Shabbat, we take part in that ongoing cycle of creation and rest. When we recite Kiddush, we formalize our role in that neverending cycle.
When it comes to actually reciting Kiddush, you have options. Some people recite the short two-line blessing over the wine and the day, others do the full several paragraph blessing. Some people stand, others stay seated. The good news is that there’s no wrong way to do it, and the choice (and the cup) is completely in your hands. L’chaim!
BLESSING:
KERNEL OF WISDOM
Did you know that Kiddush is not just about holiness but also about love? The main paragraph of Kiddush proclaims, “The Divine gave us Shabbat in love and favor as our inheritance.” In other words, the gift of Shabbat is a sign of love between the Divine and the Jewish people. So often there are things in our lives that show our love, even when we don’t say it out loud. We know that when someone makes us food, drives us to the airport at 3:00am, or gives us a perfect hug, what they really mean is, “I love you.” So too, with the Jewish People and Shabbat. The Divine gave Shabbat to the Jewish People, and when we celebrate Shabbat, it is as if we are saying, “I love you, too.” And, like the song says, all you need is love!
QUESTION FOR REFLECTION OR DISCUSSION
What are the things in your life that bring you joy? How do you plan on leaning into that joythis Shabbat?
A LITTLE EXTRA
Wine represents joy in Jewish tradition. The Talmud (a collection of Rabbinic laws and stories) teaches that since the destruction of the Second Temple in Jerusalem, the way to fulfill the mitzvah of rejoicing is through wine, as it is said in Psalms, “Wine gladdens the heart.” For over a thousand years, wine has been there to mark an occasion as special and joyous, giving us reason to raise a glass of wine at weddings, holidays, and baby namings. On Shabbat, our joy is not just present, it is abundant and overflowing. To symbolize the depth of our Shabbat joy, some choose to fill their Kiddush cups all the way to the rim, litera ou’re feeling particula try filling your cup erflow!
Handwashing
InJewish tradition, water is transformative. While it has the power to clean physically, water also has the power to hold us as we move mentally from one state to another. The water can hold the grime from the week that we no longer wish to hold, allowing space for us to accept the serenityof Shabbat with open hands and open hearts.
Rather than placing our hands underneath the faucet, it is common to fill a cup with water first. Some people use a cup with two handles, but any vessel will do. Holding the cup with one hand, pour two or three splashes of water over your other hand, and then repeat with the opposite hand. Regardless of whether you are a righty or a lefty, some people pour water on the right hand first because, in Jewish mystical thought, the right side of the body symbolizes kindness, a quality that never hurts to prioritize.
Next, recite the handwashing blessing, which some people say while raising their hands in the air as a symbol of spiritual elevation. Others say the blessing while drying their hands with a towel. After washing, it can be a sweet gesture of hospitality to fill up the cup for the next person and to hand them the towel.
BLESSING
Not just Torah, but a scientific fact: there is no new water on this Earth. The same water that our ancestors used to bathe in, cook with, drink, and wash their hands is actually the same exact water that we're still using today to do the same things. While water can change states from vapor to liquid to ice, from fresh water to salt water, from living in our bodies to living in the seas, we have the same amount of water on the planet that has always existed. When you wash your hands, consider how this water connects you back through time to your ancestors and their practices and rituals.
QUESTION FOR REFLECTION OR DISCUSSION KERNEL OF WISDOM
While we elevate the sacred work of our hands, what is one thing you have done this week that you are proud of?
A LITTLE EXTRA
Some people have the tradition of refraining from speaking in between handwashing and challah. The thought behind it is that the two blessings are connected, so we want to do them as closely together as possible, and talking in between might prolong the length of time in between washing and eating. This does, however, produce some awkward silence. To prevent this silence some people like to sing a niggun (a wordless melody) in between the blessings. If singing a niggun isn’t your thing, maybe this is a moment to hum your favorite song, or a poem, or an opportunity to discuss the reflection question above. This moment is not about strict silence, but about eliminating chatter and seeking elevation.
Challah
An ancient rabbi once said, “Without bread, there is no Torah.” We need physical sustenance to access spiritual sustenance, and the reverse is also true. When we take the time to feed each other and ourselves, we open ourselves up to the wisdom of the body and the wisdom of the soul. We are nourished both bythe food on the table, and bythe people sitting around it.
It is customaryto place two loaves of challah on the table instead of one, even when one loaf seems like more than enough. This tradition is not about excess, but about abundant nourishment.
When the Israelites were wandering the desert after the Exodus from Egypt, they relied on the Divine for everything, even their food. The Divine would send down manna, flaky foodstuff they could gather up and eat each day – in fact, anything that was left over at the end of the day would go bad. However, the Divine wouldn’t send manna on Shabbat, so God provided a double portion of manna each Friday that would miraculously last an extra day. That way, the Israelites did not have to gather manna on Shabbat, and instead they could rest. Revel in the way that manna nourished them all those years in the wilderness: we eat two challahs on Shabbat to honor the double portion of manna our ancestors received. When we set our challahs on the Shabbat table, we have the opportunity to remember that our nourishment – physical and spiritual – is doubled every single Shabbat.
BLESSING
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam ha’motzi lechem min ha’aretz.
Blessed is the Oneness that brings forth bread from the earth.
KERNEL OF WISDOM
The ancient rabbis shared a story about our matriarchs Sarah and Rebecca. Abraham's wife and Isaac's mother, Sarah made challah dough that carried a blessing. Even though she made one portion of dough, there always seemed to be enough for two. When she died, so did the magical doubling challah dough. Yet, when her son Isaac married his wife Rebecca, her dough became blessed the same way her mother-inlaw Sarah’s did. Each time Rebecca made dough for one challah, there would always be enough for two. Rebecca’s warmth and love was abundant, and she was blessed with abundance in return.
QUESTION FOR REFLECTION OR DISCUSSION
A LITTLE EXTRA
You might see some people add salt to their challah before sharing. While this practice has its roots in Temple times, it also has a more mystical explanation. According to Isaac Luria, a 16th Century Kabbalist, both bread (lechem–םחל) and salt (melech–חלמ) are representations of the Divine; bread is divine kindness and salt is divine severity. We seek to overpower the severity of the salt with the kindness of the bread. Therefore, when you salt your challah, do not sprinkle the salt on top of the bread, but instead sprinkle it on your plate and then touch the bread to the salt to represent kindness over severity.
Gratitude
Though manycultures have a practice of reciting grace before a meal, inJudaism, we have a practice of reciting it after we eat. This practice is taken from a commandment in the Torah. Simply, “Once you eat, and are satisfied, bless.” We revel in and give thanks, not only for the food, but for physical and spiritual satiation. To saygrace after a meal therefore requires a sense of intention around the act of consumption, nourishment, and feeling good as a result.
The full text of the Birkat Hamazon (the blessing of the meal) is pretty lengthy. We recommend trying out Brich Rachamana, a succinct alternative from the Babylonian Talmud. Of course, if the full Birkat is your practice, you can reference any other resource for that text.
BLESSING
Brich Rachamana, Malka d'alma, marey d'hai pita.
We are blessed with compassion by the Oneness that sustains us with bread.
KERNEL OF WISDOM
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks z”l notes that reciting grace after a meal is so important that it is a biblical command, while saying a blessing before eating is a rabbinic invention – worthy and important, but lacking the weight of the biblical text. It makes sense to thank the Divine when we are hungry, when the need for food feels pressing. But, Sacks writes, “to thank God when we are sated is more difficult.” After we have eaten, when the need is not felt is when we are most likely to forget to express that gratitude.
QUESTION FOR REFLECTION OR DISCUSSION
How does your experience of THIS Shabbat shift how you experience or express gratitude?
ENDING THE EVENING
At this point in the evening, you’ve blessed, eaten, laughed, talked, and connected with your guests. It’s hard to capture that perfect feeling of a Shabbat dinner done right. Sometimes, we wish to hold on to it for a few more minutes.
Don't forget to end your meal with intention — whether it’s a closing reflection question, walking your guests to the door, or making a plan for your next Shabbat together. Taking just a few extra minutes can help that Shabbat feeling linger well into the next week.
Remember, Shabbat lives in your home, your heart, and your soul — all you have to do is reach for it, and it will be there to hold you.
Shabbat Shalom!
Same time, same place, next week.