Parent Resource Guidebook

2024 PARENT RESOURCE

GUIDEBOOK

A comprehensive tool for parents to support child abuse prevention.

PARENT GUIDE

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DEAR PARENTS AND CAREGIVERS,

By Leslie J. Davila

Director of the Office for Child and youth Protection No one wants to think about children being abused, but sadly, it is a common occurrence. More likely than not, you know a child who has been or is currently being abused.

One of a parent or guardian’s most important jobs is to teach their children how to be safe.

When they are very young, you child proof your home to ensure they are not accidently injured. As they grow, you teach them how to safety navigate the world around them. But many families do include personal safety in these safety- and it is important.

You are your children’s first and most important teacher. Research shows that when children learn personal safety skills from their parents, they are more likely to be able to recognize inappropriate behavior and are better able to protect themselves (Wurtele & Kenny, 2011). Additionally, when prevention efforts are a partnership between parents and schools, they are even more successful (Wurtele and Miller-Perrin, 1992)!

When parents partner with schools, concepts are reinforced, children have opportunities to apply their new knowledge to their daily life, and there is a decrease in secrecy and stigma surrounding the topic.

(Wurtele and Kenny, 2010). At the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, this prevention partnership is one of our most important priorities.

For twenty years, the Office for Child and Youth Protection’s (OCYP) “promise to protect” has meant creating and preserving a network of prevention and protection for the children entrusted into the Archdiocese’s care. This is accomplished through the three components of OCYP’s Safe Environment Program.

1. Pennsylvania Law and Archdiocesan Policies Ensuring the Archdiocese’s policies for the protection of children meet requirements set forth by Pennsylvania law, including background checks and clearances.

2. Compliance Audits Performing annual compliance audits of all parishes, schools, and child serving programs and activities within the Archdiocese.

3. Prevention and Education Offering prevention education and training for staff, volunteers, parents, and parishioners, as well as age-appropriate child safety programs for children who attend our schools and religious education program.

Additionally, OCYP provides support and resources to help individuals who have been directly impacted by clergy sexual abuse in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia achieve psychological, emotional, and spiritual healing.

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PARENT GUIDE

FACTS AND RISKS There is good news. When parents/caregivers have accurate information about child abuse, and partner with schools, they can better protect their children. So let’s take a look at the facts, then you may better understand the risks.

WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT CHILD ABUSE TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN?

Child abuse happens far more often than people realize. It happens in every ethnic, socioeconomic, and religious community.

Although the actual rates of abuse are probably far more than statistics show, based on available data, we know that each year in the United States: More than 600,000 children are victims of abuse and neglect (Child Maltreatment, 2022).

1 in 10 children are sexually abused before they turn 18 (Townsend, 2013).

1 in 5 children is sexually solicited on the internet (Darkness to Light).

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF ABUSE? There are four main types of child abuse.

They include physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect. When you hear the term “child abuse” you most likely think about physical abuse. In broad terms, physical abuse is a non-accidental act or failure to act, that causes physical injury to a child.

Examples of physical abuse may include: Unexplained injuries, including burns, bites, and scratches Broken or fractured bones

WHAT IS CHILD ABUSE? In Pennsylvania, child abuse is defined as when an individual acts, or fails to prevent, something that causes serious harm to a child under the age of 18. This act or failure to act must occur intentionally, knowingly and recklessly. The resulting harm can take many forms, such as serious physical injury, serious mental injury, neglect, or sexual abuse or exploitation. (Pennsylvania Family Support Alliance, 2021).

Multiple bruises in various stages of healing Injuries in the same shape as a strap, hand, rope, or other object

For additional information, check out all of our parent resources.

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NEGLECT

EMOTIONAL ABUSE Sometimes called psychological abuse or verbal abuse, emotional abuse is any type of abuse that causes serious mental injury to a child. Emotional abuse can take many different forms and can be difficult to identify.

It may include: Withholding attention

love,

support,

Constantly criticizing, humiliating a child

praise,

blaming,

Child neglect is a repeated failure to provide a child with needed care, protection and attention. It may include: Lack of adequate medical and dental care

or

A child who is often hungry

or

Persistent (untreated) conditions, such as head lice or diaper rash

Physically or socially isolating a child, or confining them from positive experiences

Clothing that is dirty, inappropriate for the weather, too small or too large

Telling a child they are worthless, unloved, or not enough (NSPCC) Sexual abuse is rarely a sudden violent attack.

Abusers take great care not to frighten or hurt the child so they can ensure ongoing access and secrecy. This process is called grooming.

SEXUAL ABUSE During the grooming process the abuser builds an emotional connection with the child to gain their trust, and to ensure secrecy. Grooming is a slow, gradual process that can last for months Child sexual abuse is contact of a sexual or even years. Children, families and even nature between an adult and a minor, or two communities are groomed. minors, which results in the sexual stimulation and gratification of the abuser. Examples of Grooming can be hard to detect, but there may be warning signs. Abusers often become child sexual abuse may include: friendly with potential victims and their families, Touching a child’s genitals or forcing a getting involved with family activities, earning child to touch someone else’s genitals for trust, and gaining time alone with children. Stay particularly alert to adults who: sexual pleasure Exposing a child to pornography or photographing a child in sexual poses

Discourages other adults from participating or monitoring their time with children

Watching a child undress or use the bathroom, often without the child’s knowledge

Looks for excuses to be alone with, or isolate themselves with children

Using computers, cell phones or social media outlets to make sexual overtures or expose a child to sexually explicit materials. (PCAR.org)

Seems more excited to be with children than people their own age Gives children gifts without your permission (Virtus)

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PARENT GUIDE

CAN CHILDREN BE ABUSED OR EXPLOITED ONLINE? An estimated 500,000 predators are active online every day (Child Crime Prevention & Safety Center). Some types of abuse/exploitation that occur online include: Sexting, and exposure to sexual materials Engaging a child in a chat about sexual acts Sending nude or pornographic images to a child or exposing themselves via live streaming Asking a child to perform sexual acts, expose themselves or sharing sexual images Cyberbullying The majority of online sexual advances occur in internet chatrooms or through instant messaging. Predators visit social media websites that are popular with children and pretend to be their age.

They gain children’s trust by posting fake profile pictures, pretending to share their interests, and by offering the children compliments and gifts. (Child Crime Prevention & Safety Center).

It is important that parents protect their children online. Technology changes all the time, and kids are constantly finding the newest websites, apps and gadgets.

WHO ARE THE ABUSERS? The people who abuse children look and act like everyone else. In fact, they may go out of their way to appear trustworthy and gain access to children (Darkness to Light).

In cases involving physical/emotional abuse and neglect, 77% of children are abused by a parent (National Children’s Alliance, 2024).

About 90% of child sexual abuse victims know their abuser (Finkelhor & Shattuck, 2012).

30 – 40% are family members (Finkelhor & Shattuck, 2012) and 60% are acquaintances (neighbors, teachers, community leaders) (Finkelhor & Shattuck, 2012).

More than 70% of sexual abuse was perpetrated by a peer (Gewirtz-Meydan & Finkelhor, 2020).

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY CHILD HAS BEEN ABUSED? Children who are being abused may be afraid to tell someone what is happening, especially if the abuser is parent, relative, or family friend. That’s why it’s vital to watch for red flags.

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PARENT GUIDE

POSSIBLE RED-FLAG BEHAVIORS IN CHILDREN MAY INCLUDE: Unexplained personality

changes

in

behavior

or

Becoming withdrawn Seeming anxious

Poor relationship with a parent Knowledge of adult issues inappropriate for their age Running away or going missing

Becoming uncharacteristically aggressive

Always choosing to wear clothes which cover their body.

Lacking social skills and friendships

Self-injury and suicidal behavior

More specific signs and symptoms depend on the type of abuse and can vary (See Types of Abuse for some examples). Keep in mind that the presence of warning signs does not necessarily mean that a child is being abused.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SUSPECT MY CHILD HAS BEEN ABUSED? You may be faced with the concern that your child has been abused. Suspicions are scary, but trust your instincts. ChildLine, Pennsylvania’s 24-hour child abuse reporting hotline can be a great resource. Staffed by professionals who can respond to questions about suspected child abuse, ChildLine can evaluate if further action should be taken.

CHILDLINE CAN BE REACHED AT 1-800-932-0313.

Reports of abuse can be made by phone at 1-800-932-0313.

Alternatively, you can report suspicions to your local law enforcement.

Remember, when adults don’t act on their suspicions of child abuse they leave the difficult responsibility of stopping the abuse on the child.

WHAT IF MY CHILD TELLS ME HE/SHE HAS BEEN ABUSED? Telling is an act of courage and your reaction is important. Here are five simple steps to handling a child’s disclosure of abuse.

1. Believe. Let the child know that you believe what they are telling you.

2. Remain Calm. The child will be watching your reaction.

3. Assure. Let the child know that he/she did the right thing by telling you.

4. Tell. The child needs to hear that the abuse was not his/her fault, they did nothing wrong and you are glad that they told you.

5. Protect. Do what you can to protect the child from future abuse. This should include reporting the abuse to ChildLine and/or your local law enforcement.

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PARENT GUIDE

PREVENTING CHILD ABUSE At the heart of successful prevention efforts by parents/caregivers is a relationship with their children which fosters an environment of openness and understanding. This allows children to ask or say anything and know that they will still be accepted and loved. Research shows that children with strong family relationships develop positive self-esteem; resist peer pressure; and act responsibly when making decisions about drugs, violence, and sex (AdvocatesforYouth.com).

Two factors at the heart of successful prevention efforts in the home are nurturing parenting and supportive family environments. Establishing open – honest communication is a great first step!

HOW DO I GET MY CHILDREN TO TALK TO ME? Many parents/caregivers find it challenging to get their children to talk to them. Does this conversation sound familiar?

Did you have a good day today? No. Did you do well on your test? Yes. Do you want to talk about anything? No. The best way to avoid this scenario is to start having conversations with children when they are young. These discussions can occur during a planned time set aside or during life’s many teachable moments.

Teachable moments are times during the day that present opportunities for life lessons. You can find them doing just about anything from watching TV to grocery shopping.

Try asking open-ended questions. Questions that can be answered by a “yes” or “no” do not encourage conversation.

EXAMPLES OF OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: What was your favorite part of your day today?

How do you think you did on your test today? What makes you think that?

What did you and your friends do after school today?

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PARENT GUIDE

HERE ARE SOME PRACTICAL TIPS FOR SETTING THE STAGE TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR CHILDREN:

IF I WANT TO SPEAK WITH MY CHILDREN ABOUT PERSONAL SAFETY, HOW DO I TALK ABOUT IT AND WHEN?

Make Conversations with Children a priority. Begin talking to children while they are young. Talk often, and talk about everything.

Based on research, parents should teach the following personal safety concepts at each of the following ages.

Eat Dinner Together. When possible, eat dinners as a family. Research shows that children, whose family eats dinner together regularly, are less likely to become involved with drugs and more likely to get good grades. Families who eat dinner together a few times per week talk more and as a result, parents will be more likely to hear about problems that are occurring in their children’s lives (Harrison et al., 2015)

It is best to present information in small sequential steps and repeat concepts frequently. Whenever possible, use real life situations for practice which will encourage children to practice making decisions and problem solving. Each stage builds onto the next. (Keeping Your Child Safe, 2010).

Teach children to problem solve.

Encourage children to make their own decisions and trust them to do the right thing. Provide nonjudgmental input and give them room to figure things out. Be understanding as they make mistakes.

Teach about personal boundaries and the concept of privacy by modeling behavior.

For example, before you close the door to use the bathroom, explain that you would like privacy.

Be open. Show children that they may come to you with any problem.

Spend one-on-one time together. The best discussions occur when it is just the two of you.

PRE-K AND KINDERGARTEN AGE

Reinforce the idea that children’s bodies belongs to them. Children who feel that they have control over what happens to their bodies are less likely to be abused (Nienow).

Be an active listener. Make eye contact.

Ask questions and clarify information. Try not to appear intrusive.

Help children understand the difference between okay touches (those that make them feel happy) and not-okay touches (any touch that makes them feel uncomfortable, scared or confused).

Avoid the “why” questions. Why questions can sound and feel judgmental.

Encourage children to trust their instincts about how touches make them feel.

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PRE-K AND KINDERGARTEN AGE

AGES 5 - 8

Empower children to say “NO” to unwanted or uncomfortable touches or interactions with others, including adults. For example, do not force your child to hug or kiss others.

Doing so teaches them that their body is not under their control and that they must surrender to the wishes of an adult when told to do so.

(Review and build on concepts taught in previous stage. Continue to use correct names for all body parts including reproductive organs.)

Teach children the names and functions of all parts of the body, including reproductive organs (vagina, vulva, penis, scrotum, breasts). Children who know the correct names of their body parts are less likely to be targeted for sexual abuse. Additionally, providing correct names, enables them to clearly report if abuse occurs.

Identify to children who (doctors, neighbors, parents, teachers, friends) is allowed to touch them, when, and what touch is appropriate.

Help your children develop positive selfconcept by allowing them to make choices and decisions in their everyday lives. This creates a sense of confidence which will help them make difficult decisions when in stressful situations.

As appropriate, allow children to set their own boundaries Teach children that if they need assistance they can go to a trusted adult. Create a list of trusted adults at home, school, church, etc.

Compare and contrast good and healthy touching vs. touching that is not appropriate.

Discuss similarities and between boys and girls.

differences

Stress the qualities of a good relationship between friends, family, and acquaintances.

It’s natural for children to explore their own bodies, but it is important to establish an appropriate place for “private time.”

Teach the difference between “public” and “private” places, body parts, and behavior.

AGES 8 - 11 (Review and build on concepts taught in previous stage. Continue to use correct names for all body parts including reproductive organs.)

Discuss the importance of discretion when revealing personal information online and with peers.

Discuss and model ways to stand up to peer and social pressure.

Encourage and facilitate healthy hygiene; explain what is needed and remind children to use healthy hygiene practices.

Teach how to participate in social interactions (appropriate greetings, personal physical boundaries, manners, etc.)

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PARENT GUIDE

AGES 12 - 18 (Continue to build on concepts taught in previous stages) Discuss family values, and religious and moral beliefs around relationships.

Conversations should continue to emphasize body ownership, respectful relationships, and avoiding harmful situations and self-respect.

Provide information about the changes that come with puberty.

HOW DO I TALK TO MY CHILD ABOUT DIFFICULT SUBJECTS? Talking about difficult subjects can be… well, difficult! Sometimes things happen in your community or the world around them and you don’t know if you should talk about it. If you do… how? You may be asking yourself: “What should I say?” “Should I wait for my child to bring it up?” “Is it better to just let my child forget about it?” This can be an anxious and confusing time for both you and your child and YES, you should discuss it. Hopefully, you have been working on establishing open, honest communication with your child, as that foundation will make bringing up a difficult topic easier.

Here are some tips and suggestions for how to discuss difficult topics: Bring it up first and start with the known. It is usually best if you begin with what you know the child has seen, heard or already mentioned. “I know you saw the story about your school on television.” Or “You mentioned that the kids at school were talking about…”

Normalize Feelings and Accept Strong Emotions. A child can feel confused about the many feelings that may arise at a time like this. Letting your child know his or her feelings are normal can help the child feel more comfortable.

Give it Time. Some children will want to discuss what happened right away and others may need to wait a while.

Be Honest. Honesty can help repair doubts the child might be feeling about adults. For this reason, it important you do not lie or avoid questions.

Keep your Routine. Children find security in order and routine. Try and keep to your regular school and weekend schedules, whenever possible.

HOW CAN I PROTECT MY CHILDREN FROM UNSAFE SITUATIONS ON THE INTERNET? Like other safety risks we have discussed, the key to internet safety is communication. The list of topics below from NetSmartz.org can help you talk to your children about online risks in an age-appropriate way. For example, you should start talking about online manners, or “netiquette,” with your youngest children so they have a good foundation for later lessons about issues like cyberbullying. You can start talking to your tweens about not posting revealing pictures and evolve that into a frank discussion about sexting when they become teenagers. You can talk to young children about not trusting everyone they meet online.

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PARENT GUIDE

Younger Children (5 – 8 years old)

Tweens (8 - 12 years old)

“Netiquette” (Safety rules)

Cyberbullying

Looking at appropriate content

Sexting

Popups/Passwords

Posting inappropriate

Not trusting everyone you meet online

Information/Personal Information

(NetSmartz.org).

Meeting Offline

BY THE TIME THEY’RE TEENS, THEY’LL BE READY TO DISCUSS THE RISKS OF MEETING OFFLINE.

RESOURCES OFFICE FOR CHILD AND YOUTH PROTECTION: Prevention Tips for Parents and Caregivers https://childyouthprotection.org/docs/TipsforParentsFinal_91923.pdf Trauma Informed Personal Safety English https://childyouthprotection.org/docs/TipsforParentsFinal_91923.pdf Spanish https://childyouthprotection.org/docs/Spanish_Version_Trauma_Informed_Personal_Safety_8 823.pdf Conversation Starters for Kids English https://childyouthprotection.org/docs/Conversation-Starters.pdf Spanish https://childyouthprotection.org/docs/Conversation%20Starters%20SPAN.pdf Parents as Partners Online Training https://learning.childyouthprotection.org/

For additional information, check out all of our parent resources.

If you are or have been a victim of sexual abuse by a cleric, religious, lay employee, or volunteer of the Church, the Archdiocese of Philadelphia understands that you have been hurt by the experience and that you may have lost your trust and faith in the Church. Please consider reporting the abuse as a first step in the healing process.

To report abuse, call the Office of Investigations at (888) 930-9010. We also encourage you to report the abuse to law enforcement.

If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, call ChildLine at 800-932-0313. If the abuser is a representative of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, please also contact the Office Investigations at (888) 930-9010.

For more information about our services please visit www.childyouthprotection.org