Lawrence School presents The Myth of the Late Bloomer

The MYTH of the

LATE BLOOMER

Every Child Learns Differently Early identification and intervention is key to avoiding academic failure

The MYTH of the

LATE BLOOMER

inside

COMMON LEARNING DIFFERENCES Children don’t learn the same way. Here are typical struggles children face. | PAGE 3 EARLY READING: WHY WAIT FOR FAILURE? Reading concerns can happen before or after school-age.

Early intervention is key to closing the gap. | PAGE 4 THE MYTH OF THE LATE BLOOMER The wait-and-see approach doesn’t apply to children who have learning differences. Become aware of how your child’s learning develops. | PAGE 6 TRUST YOUR GUT: SEEK ADVICE FROM A PEDIATRICIAN Dr. Elaine Schulte at Cleveland Clinic Children’s provides the next steps parents can take if their child is struggling in school. | PAGE 9 FREE SCREENING TO HELP DETERMINE READING STRUGGLES How to take action if you feel your child might be dealing with reading challenges. Lawrence School offers an opportunity for screening from kindergarten through third grade. | PAGE 11 BEHAVIOR BATTLE Parents might find themselves struggling with how their child acts — whether at school or home. Here are some ways to help diffuse these concerns. | PAGE 12

EINSTEIN: THE SCIENTIFIC MONTHLY VIA LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

STAYING AT THE RIGHT ALTITUDE Find a parenting balance of when to step in and when to step out of the way. | PAGE 14

Today, thousands of school-aged children — born with the intelligence and talent to build great bridges, create new art, triumph in the business world and contribute to society — are struggling academically because they are misunderstood, mislabeled and not afforded the same opportunities to learn and grow as their peers.

Lawrence School is pleased to present this resource with the hope that families will be able to learn more about learning differences, the reasons behind the challenges they create, and ultimately to become better equipped to understand, accept and help their own children.

Lawrence School is a coeducational day school serving students in grades K-12 who have dyslexia, ADHD and other language-based learning differences. With two campus locations in Broadview Heights and Sagamore Hills, it is Lawrence School’s mission to teach students using diverse learning strategies, ignite their potential, and inspire academic, personal and social success. lawrenceschool.org

Lower School —1551 East Wallings Road Broadview Heights, OH 44147, 440-526-0003 Upper School — 10036 Olde Eight Road Sagamore Hills, OH 44067, 330-908-6800

Myth of the Late Bloomer is presented by Lawrence School Produced by Northeast Ohio Parent magazine, property of Mitchell Media, Inc. PO Box 44236, Hudson, OH 44236 Creative Director Angela Gartner Designer Adam Griffiths Cover Photography by Kim Stahnke

GREAT MINDS DON’T THINK ALIKE Did you know that Albert Einstein couldn’t read until he was 9? Walt Disney, Gen. George Patton and Vice President Nelson Rockefeller had trouble reading all their lives. Whoopi Goldberg, Charles Schwab and many others have learning disabilities that haven’t affected their ultimate success.

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Dyslexia:

ADHD:

Steven Spielberg Anderson Cooper Muhammad Ali Justin Timberlake Daymond John (founder of FUBU) Lisa Ling (TV Journalist)

Information courtesy of Understood.org

Common Learning Differences Children and adults process information at various speeds, using a number of different strategies. Children with learning disabilities (also called “learning differences”) need an environment that will fit their specific needs. “There is an obligation to teach children the way they learn,” says Lou Salza, head of school at Lawrence School in Broadview Heights and Sagamore Hills. Defining what’s a learning difference isn’t always easy for educators and parents. “The State of Learning Disabilities: Facts, Trends and Emerging Issues,” a 2014 report from the National Center for Learning Disabilities, provides the following details about these common learning differences and their characteristics:

DYSLEXIA

DYSGRAPHIA

DYSCALCULIA

Reading is associated with dyslexia. Those who struggle with it often have difficulty with:

Writing is associated with dysgraphia. Those who struggle with it often have:

Math is associated with dyscalculia. Those who struggle with it often have difficulty with:

· phonemic awareness, the ability to notice, think about and work with individual sounds in words

· tight, awkward pencil grip and body position

· counting, learning number facts and doing math calculations

· phonological processing, detecting and discriminating differences in phonemes or speech sounds · word decoding, fluency, rate of reading, rhyming, spelling, vocabulary, comprehension and written expression

· trouble forming letter shapes, and inconsistent spacing between letters or words

· measurement, telling time, counting money and estimating number quantities

· trouble organizing thoughts on paper

· mental math and problem-solving strategies

· difficulty with syntax structure and grammar · a large gap between written ideas and understanding, demonstrated through speech

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Significant inattention, hyperactivity, distractibility or a combination of these characteristics is associated with ADHD, according to a 2014 report from National Center for Learning Disabilities titled, “The State of Learning Disabilities: Facts, Trends and Emerging Issues.” The disorder is often linked to heredity (genetics), as well as to brain structure and function. Neurochemical imbalances can be effectively treated with a combination of behavioral programs and medicine.

WHAT IS A LEARNING DISABILITY? In simple terms, a learning disability results from a difference in the way a person’s brain is “wired.” Children with learning disabilities can be as smart as — or smarter than — their peers. They might have difficulty reading, writing, spelling, reasoning, recalling and/or organizing information if left to figure things out by themselves or if taught in conventional ways.

A learning disability can’t be cured or fixed; it is a lifelong issue. With the right support and intervention, however, children with learning disabilities can succeed in school and college, and go on to successful, often distinguished careers.

Parents can help children with learning disabilities achieve success by encouraging their strengths, knowing their weaknesses, understanding the educational system, working with professionals and learning about strategies for dealing with specific difficulties.

2016 · LawrenceSchool.org

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Early Reading: Why Wait For Failure?

BY KALENA ARIF Reading helps kids learn in a variety of subjects. But for a number of children, it seems like a useless tool instead of a helpful resource.

The National Assessment of Educational Progress says 40 percent of children in the U.S. are at or below the basic level of reading, meaning they can’t use reading as a tool for learning — at least not without intervention.

Impacts of Reading Struggles The ability to read is one of the most important predictors of academic and overall success.

Experts say waiting for a child who is struggling with reading to just improve on their own could have a devastating effect on their lives, with consequences they may not easily rebound from. “(If a child) can’t read past the fourth-grade level, they never learn to be effective readers; it destroys their belief in themselves,” says Earl Oremus, former headmaster at Marburn Academy in Columbus and board president of the Learning Disabilities Network. “They feel like they don’t have any value.”

Research from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Development finds a 60/40 split in reading problems: Of approximately 50 million school children across the U.S., 60 percent learn to read well regardless of instruction; 20 percent read with difficulty but not for pleasure and fall steadily behind;” and 20 percent read below a fourth-grade level and fail to learn how to read.

The same percentages apply to school-age children in Ohio.

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Oremus notes four risk factors for reading problems: · Genetics — having parents or other close blood relatives with reading and spelling difficulties, which accounts for 85 percent of the children with reading problems · Delayed or difficult acquisition of oral language · Early hearing impairment, which might result from chronic ear infections · Inadequate oral language or literacy exposure The Cost of Reading Failure Reading struggles aren’t just a problem in school, they have lasting consequences into adulthood. The National Longitudinal Transition Study (NLTS), which was funded by the Department of Education, followed 11,000 students from all over the United States who had learning struggles. Results indicate the cost of reading failure is high: · 35 percent of children with learning disabilities drop out of high school. This is twice the rate of students without learning disabilities. · Only 14 percent of students with learning disabilities (compared to 53 percent of students in the general population) attend postsecondary programs within two years of leaving high school.

Numerous studies of incarcerated youth and adults have reported the incidence of significant reading failure among this population to be from 50 percent to above 80 percent.

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“THE MORE THAT YOU READ, THE MORE THINGS YOU WILL KNOW. THE MORE THAT YOU LEARN, THE MORE PLACES YOU’LL GO.” —DR. SEUSS, “I CAN READ WITH MY EYES SHUT!”

Get Help Early Many parents are advised that issues with reading don’t just go away, but must be addressed for a student’s performance to improve — and the earlier the better.

A 2015 report by the Journal of Pediatrics concluded that the “achievement gap between typical and dyslexic readers is evident as early as first grade, and that gap persists into adolescence and beyond.”

According to the report’s findings, young children who are at risk for dyslexia can be identified early, and

intervention makes all the difference. Using effective reading programs as early as kindergarten or even preschool offers the potential to close the achievement gap.

If a child is lagging behind in the classroom, or is consistently saying “I don’t know what I’m doing” or “This doesn’t make sense to me,” you might want to have a screening test administered to find out if the child is struggling in a particular area.

2016 · LawrenceSchool.org

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MYTH OF THE LATE BLOOMER

THE MYTH OF

THE LATE BLOOMER

WRITTEN BY ANGELA GARTNER

PHOTOGRAPHY BY KIM STAHNKE

A

my Myers and her husband Greg noticed their daughter Courtney, a second-grader, was having difficulty in school — specifically in reading and attention.

“We thought she was just being a little girl when she consistently would tap her pencil,” Myers says.

The school district provided reading intervention for her through third grade. She passed Ohio’s Third Grade Reading Guarantee, a mandated state test to identify students falling behind in grade level reading.

When fourth grade came and no additional reading interventions were provided, Courtney’s school year took a turn for the worse. “Her test scores weren’t good,” Myers says. “Her grades were plummeting.”

Not only did Courtney’s academic career suffer, but so did her self-esteem — she began to lose trust in teachers.

The family decided to have her evaluated, and it was determined she was dyslexic and had ADHD. The Myers family is not alone, as many families face similar situations in which children are identified with a learning difference in fourth grade and beyond. The earlier children receive support and intervention, the better the opportunity to close any gaps in learning.

The Perception You might hear “let’s wait and see” from grandparents, educators and others when your preschool- or elementaryage child is struggling in certain areas. Others may say your child is simply a late bloomer — meaning they are not yet ready for reading — and they will eventually catch up to their peers.

In Courtney’s case, Myers heard, “Your daughter is so smart. She is going to get it. She just needs a little more time.”

While this statement is meant to ease the worries of the parents who see their child struggling in academic and social situations, it’s actually causing a delay in action.

“Dyslexia is not something that goes away,” Myers says.

“Are there late bloomers? A minority of children develop later than their peers,” says Dr. Cheryl Chase, a licensed clinical psychologist in Independence. “But there is no evidence that it’s simply late bloomers.”

The study “Learning to Read and Write: A Longitudinal Study of 54 Children From First Through Fourth Grades” states, “Children who became poor readers entered first grade with little phonemic awareness. By the end of fourth grade, the poor readers had still not achieved the level of decoding skill that the good readers had achieved at the beginning of second grade.”

Chase adds the greater myth is that we have control over these things.

“For parents to blame themselves is not constructive — guilt slows us down and makes us feel heavy,” she says.

Early Indicators It can be difficult for parents to admit to themselves something might be going on when their child is struggling.

Myers says not everyone will have dyslexia or ADHD, but parents should trust their gut.

“Maybe there is nothing wrong,” she says. “But the longer you wait, you are putting off an intervention that could be helpful.”

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2016 · LawrenceSchool.org

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THE MYERS FAMILY: COURTNEY, AMY, GREG, RILEY AND HENRY. PHOTO BY KIM STAHNKE

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The Myers family didn’t wait when they noticed their son Henry, 9, had similar learning challenges as his older sister.

After Henry was tested, it was decided that he would attend Lawrence School with Courtney.

Knowing the signs and being aware of how a child is learning is important early in their development — and can start as early as preschool.

“Evidence for typical reading development is present very early,” Chase says. “A big red flag is if your child has difficulty naming their letters or numbers.”

A child might also avoid reading activities or have difficulty with rhyming, she adds. Elementary-age children could have trouble remembering sight words or have issues with basic spelling such as their name — which she notes they should know by first or second grade.

Behavior also plays a role in learning differences, as some children might throw tantrums and avoid reading, homework time or school.

Risk of Nothing For a child who is struggling, the gap can grow wider in learning new concepts. Finding help for those children before third grade is crucial.

“I think the risk of doing nothing is greater than the risk of doing something,” Chase says. “By third and fourth grade, kids are reading to learn rather than learning to read. In middle school, the kids are expected to comprehend the material and are given take-home reading to discuss in the classroom.”

Teachers at the higher grade levels are not equipped to teach reading, she says, because the majority aren’t specialists in that area.

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Dr. G. Reid Lyon is the former chief of the Child Development and Behavior Branch within the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. He spoke during a 2001 U.S. House Subcommittee on Education and the Workforce hearing.

“It is clear from our NICHD research that this type of failure affects children negatively earlier than we thought,” Lyon said. “By the end of first grade, children having difficulty learning to read begin to feel less positive about themselves than when they started school.

As we follow children through elementary and middle school years, self-esteem and the motivation to learn to read decline even further.”

Get Help While the future can look bleak for children struggling in academics, early intervention can close the gap.

“It’s the biggest myth that everyone learns at the same pace,” Chase says. “Struggling readers can catch up and will read above grade level if they get the right intervention.”

She adds that parents can educate themselves by talking to an expert, pediatrician or intervention specialist.

“Really take a look at your family history,” she says.

“Learning differences are genetic, and you want to be proactive and get out in front of it.”

Myers says advocating for your child is important, along with trying to reduce the stigma.

“They just process information in a different way, and (that doesn’t mean) they learn any less effectively,” she says.

Trust Your Gut:

Seeking Advice from Your Pediatrician Anytime a child is ill, parents dutifully go to their doctor’s office to seek advice. The same should happen if a child is struggling in school. Pediatricians, such as Dr. Elaine Schulte at Cleveland Clinic Children’s, can assess the next steps to take — whether addressing medical concerns or if further testing is needed by the child’s school or other health professionals.

Get Ready for the Appointment If there are any concerns, it’s best to make an appointment with your pediatrician.

“The right time to go is when you are worried,” Schulte says. “Parents have good intuitions about their kids. I never tell people to wait. Speak up as soon as you have concerns.”

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2016 · LawrenceSchool.org

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Schulte says the most common problem that parents bring to the office is when their child is having trouble in school which often can be a vague complaint and parents may not have a lot of detail about the problem.

Here are some questions you should think about and be prepared to answer before you see your pediatrician: · What’s going on at school? · Have you spoken to your child’s teacher? · What behaviors are mentioned? · Are behaviors happening at both school and home? · Is there any family history of learning or attention challenges? · What does your child do during learning time at home (homework, reading, etc.)? · What are you hearing from the teachers who are observing your child in the classroom?

Evaluation In the doctor’s office, your pediatrician will assess your child for learning challenges as well as medical concerns.

“We need to make sure that there are no other reasons to explain the learning challenge,” Schulte says. “The child might struggle with hearing or vision — something that we can easily assess with screening in the office.”

A variety of methods are available to evaluate children with attention issues.

“Every pediatrician has their own preferred method,” Schulte says. “The teachers and parents will typically complete questionnaires (for example) as part of the evaluation process.”

If children have learning challenges that are determined not to be medical, someone from the school district — such as the school psychologist — can do further evaluations.

“Based on that information, the school determines what type of services are needed,” Schulte says.

“Sometimes the testing (finds) there are additional medical things that need to be addressed.”

Advocates Parents are the best advocates for the child, but the pediatrician and other trusted medical professionals can provide valuable advice.

“The pediatrician’s role is to encourage parents to stick with it and provide support,” Schulte says.

During difficult times, having a conversation can help alleviate worries — and often, guilt.

“I tell parents to be prepared to hear information that is not easy,” Schulte says. “If your child is diagnosed with a learning disorder, that’s tough information. The good news is that they care and are focused on their child and can work to ensure that the child receives all the support he or she needs.”

She tells parents and kids that school is designed for certain types of students. When she hears a kid say they hate going to school, there should be a conversation.

“Understand that the kids are not alone,” she says.

“What we know is (children develop) at different rates, have different personalities and temperaments, and learn differently. Some children may not fit into the traditional classroom mold.”

These early indicators are used to determine school readiness and define developmental areas that require support or interventions for children ages 4-6.

BEHAVIORAL

· Seems lost or confused in the classroom · Needs one-onone assistance transitioning to tasks · Displays general disinterest in school · Needs help holding writing and eating utensils, drawing shapes, cutting paper, and putting on shirt/ pants/shoes

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PRE-READING CONCERNS

· Reluctant to sit and listen to stories · Inconsistently identifies letters, numbers, colors and/or shapes · Unable to rhyme (i.e. house, mouse) · Trouble learning the alphabet or days of the week

MYTH OF THE LATE BLOOMER

COMMUNICATION

· Adds or mixes up sounds in a word · Has difficulty being understood by others · Delayed speech · Difficulty naming people and objects

Is Reading a Struggle for Your Child?

Parents are urged to take action as soon as they know their child might be dealing with reading challenges.

The Ethan D. Schafer Center at Lawrence School offers free early childhood reading screenings for students in kindergarten through third grade.

Screenings are conducted by school administrators and/or psychologists — all of whom have received specialized training in literacy test administration and interpretation.

The screenings are used to identify literacy issues and offer parents resources and recommendations about where to find help. Each screening, plus face-toface feedback, takes about an hour to complete and is administered at Lawrence Lower School in Broadview Heights.

At the end of the test, the screener will be able to tell the parent whether a child will struggle in reading.

The free testing is called Predictive Assessment of

Screenings Help Determine Literacy Issues and School Readiness

BY KALENA ARIF Reading, or PAR. The other widely used screening test is the CTOPP, or Comprehensive Test of Phonological Processing, which is a 15- to 20-minute screening test.

Families also can have their children, ages 4 to 6, screened for early childhood literacy concerns. The child is evaluated for school readiness and developmental areas that could require support or interventions.

The screening begins with a thorough interview with caregivers and an in-depth review of records to identify issues and evaluation strategies.

Important decisions need to be made as early as possible after evaluation to ensure that the school sets appropriate goals, provides the right intervention and carefully assesses progress.

Families can schedule an appointment by calling 440-832-7850 or learn more at LawrenceSchool.org/SchaferCenter.

2016 ¡ LawrenceSchool.org

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Behavior

Battle

Strategies for parents to help manage their child’s home and school style.

BY ANGELA GARTNER

D

ifficult behaviors at home or school often are exasperating to moms, dads — and to their child.

At school, the child might act out due to school frustrations; and in other cases, the day spent in the classroom doesn’t always match the home behavior.

Parents might find themselves in constant yelling matches with their child or dealing with uncontrollable tantrums, or social concerns with siblings or friends.

For kids who struggle with attention, impulsivity and learning differences, especially, the magnitude of difficult behaviors can become overwhelming.

“Most parents get to the point of wanting guidance,” says Dr. Kelly Christian, director of the Ethan D. Schafer Center at Lawrence School. “They want an understanding of what’s going on so they can best support their child.”

To help alleviate these issues, parents can use the following strategies from Christian.

Scenario 1: Your child refuses to do his or her homework or nightly reading. It’s a constant battle to complete the work. By the time your child finishes — homework might be semi-complete or messy — both parent and child are exhausted from the process.

Christian suggests communicating with the teacher first to find out if there are similar behaviors happening in the classroom.

“Talk to the teacher about your child’s behavior in school and learn the homework expectations,” she says.

“A thoughtful conversation with the child’s teacher can go a long way in understanding if your concerns only occur at homework time or if it’s a problem throughout your child’s day.”

A child could be refusing to do their homework for several reasons. If attention to the work looks and feels overwhelming to the point where the child is having anxiety, Dr. Christian suggests breaking the assignment into parts so your child is focusing on only a few items at one time. For example, covering up all but the first row of math problems on a worksheet allows the child to focus on just a few items at a time rather than an entire sheet.

If required reading is an issue, she suggests providing

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a social aspect, where everyone in the household is doing a reading activity at the same time.

“Setting a time where everyone is reading helps get reluctant readers on board since the family is doing the same thing,” she says, adding that parents should be mindful of their child’s reading interests. To foster an interest in reading for pleasure, make regular trips to the library where a child can pick out books that are aligned with their interests regardless of whether it’s a chapter book, picture book or magazine. Introducing a book or series, like “Amelia Bedelia,” “Diary of a Wimpy Kid,” “Big Nate,” can sometimes motivate a child to read a new book because they are already familiar with the characters and have a general idea of the type of story they are about to read.

Relatedly, children work at their own pace, so rushing them to finish due to obligations might not yield positive results, Christian says.

If you see your child spinning their wheels, investigate if they understand the assignment directions and whether they need one-on-one guidance to complete the task, especially if the material is brand new to them.

Anticipating triggers also can help lessen tantrums and homework complaints.

BUILT-IN TOOLS FOR LEARNING Scenario 2: Your child is constantly receiving bad reports from his or her teacher for making inappropriate social remarks, impulsivity (such as stealing a classmate’s pencil) or inattention to the classroom’s group work. At home, you can’t seem to get your child under control.

There are constant reminders to stop behaviors such as disturbing or touching siblings or playmates and defiant actions to parents. When a child gets home from school or a long day of focusing on an activity, parents often describe them as “bouncing off walls” — ­ meaning they might display uncontrollable behaviors toward parents and siblings.

Depending on the age, simple redirection and not taking things personally can be helpful, Christian says.

“You should redirect in the moment the unwanted behavior occurs, not after the fact when your child has moved on to something else,” she says.

The No. 1 priority is self-care, Christian says, which can help these concerns before they escalate.

“Assess their physical needs first — hunger, sleep,“ she says. “Children are not their best selves when they are hungry or tired. Research also suggests that poor sleep is often the culprit of attention difficulties.”

Children with attention issues often need a physical outlet, Christian says, suggesting parents provide a space where it is OK for the child to let off some steam.

“Go outside and play, or provide a space inside where they can run, jump and be loud if they want to,” she says. “It helps them feel at ease to have a space where they can create and direct their energy on a task of their choosing.”

Establishing social expectations also can help these kids when socializing with peers.

“Have a quick chat beforehand,” Christian says, to talk about when you will probably ask them to take a break, like when they have a hard time listening to peers or adults or sharing, and remind them how difficult behaviors will be managed.

Technology can be an important part of learning.

Moreover, assitive technology such as tablets and other smart devices can provide valuable help to those with print disabilities such as dyslexia.

Dr. Kelly Christian, director of the Ethan D. Schafer Center at Lawrence School, says technology provides reading materials to children who otherwise do not have access.

Audiobooks provide an option for building reading fluency, and the child is less likely to give up due to the visual and auditory input, she says.

For those kids who have difficulties in handwriting, the speech-to-text options help give an opportunity to verbalize ideas a lot faster than handwriting, Christian says.

While these devices still need to be monitored, they can level the playing field and help kids show what they know.

CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR? GET EXTRA HELP. If school reports about behavior or attention difficulties are consistently coming home with your child or if parents suspect there might be an issue beyond typical development, parents can seek out additional resources.

“The child’s parents can pursue a comprehensive evaluation to determine whether the behavioral, attentional, and/or academic concerns are impairing enough to warrant a diagnosis and specific interventions,” says Dr. Kelly Christian, director of the Ethan D. Schafer Center at Lawrence School. “Parents can request in writing to have the school district conduct a Multi-Factored Evaluation (MFE) or seek a private evaluation with a clinical psychologist.”

For more information, contact the Ethan D. Schafer Center at Lawrence School to schedule an appointment: 440-832-7850.

2016 · LawrenceSchool.org

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Staying Right When Dealing P

eter, a sixth-grader, has always been good at school tasks. All of a sudden, he starts to get low markings and seems to not complete his work as easily. His parents begin to ask each other “What’s wrong?” and “What’s different?” They can’t help but worry how long this is going to last and how it will affect his future.

Relaying concerns for your child is one thing, but parents who “hover” and become “helicopter parents” can do more harm than good. “Helicopter parenting” is defined as an overprotective mother or father who discourages a child’s independence by being too involved in the child’s life. Parents need to find the right balance of when to step in and when to keep out of the way so that children learn to resolve issues.

Help Find Answers Rather than Give Them All students grow and change inside of their environment ­— whether at school or home — but when is it OK to let them experience failure and when do parents need to get involved?

Lou Salza, the head of Lawrence School in Broadview Heights and Sagamore Hills, says there are a number of reasons why a student’s academic performance may begin to suffer. For some, it’s just a moment in time — maybe a result of having to adjust to new circumstances, for example. But for others, it might be an indicator that something is actually wrong.

In either case, seeking help is recommended and Salza believes parents can use this situation as a teaching

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moment to empower their child.

“The challenge is, when and how can parents intervene in a way that helps their child develop self-efficacy — and learn to be an effective advocate for themselves,” Salza says.

“How do we help children develop a sense of their own power and their own competence in that environment?”

The first step is to listen. The problem may be as simple as the child feeling alone and not having anyone to talk to about what is bothering them. Salza says parents who make themselves available to have the conversation about what is going on in their child’s life can help them figure out who might be able to assist with the issue.

“When a child comes home and tells Mom or Dad they had a terrible day at school or a terrible time with a classmate on the playground, parents should ask the child, ‘Who can you talk to or ask about this problem at school?’”

When parents help their children find advocates, allies and answers, they cultivate a sense of independence and self-agency.

“You’re coaching the child on how to advocate and ask questions for themselves,” Salza says.

“When you teach children how to reach out to the right people in the right situations, then Mom and Dad become counselors who are helping the child

at the Altitude With Parenting

BY KALENA ARIF

learn the ropes. It’s important that kids figure out how they can influence and use their own power to resolve issues and problems.”

Sometimes the child may not be sure who to contact.

“In that case, the parent might say, ‘How about I call the school tomorrow and find out who you can talk to about this and you make a list of the things you would like to say to them?’” Salza says. “This way you help them figure out how to use the resources they have within themselves and the resources they have in their environment.’”

Once parents have shown the child how to seek the assistance they need and the problem persists, Salza recommends families contact the school to determine the next steps.

“It’s a team approach,” he explains.

“The family at home is a team, and we at the school are a team. At Lawrence School, we teach the child about reading, writing, arithmetic, etc., but also about how they can stand on their own and get what they need to feel OK.” Children might stumble from their normal status at school. When this happens, parents should make sure children learn from it and know who at school they might be able to talk to the next time it happens.

“Don’t just talk to your child when something bad happens. Make sure you are creating spaces, places and opportunities where kids can talk about their

day and their experiences,” Salza says. “It’s important to listen carefully; to reinforce what they are experiencing and help them figure out what to do and who to talk to when problems arise.”

Still Pay Attention There are some circumstances however, where Salza recommends parents take immediate action. For instance, if your son or daughter is feeling isolated in school or being rejected by other kids, this could be a dangerous situation that calls for immediate adult intervention.

“Children can survive almost anything if they have one good friend, someone to talk to through the day, sit with at lunch and play with at recess,” Salza says. “After school activities are opportunities for kids to find other students who share the same interests. This is the basis of friendship. But starting in middle school, it is really important to understand if your child is rejected by other kids. This is not something you can ignore or something a child can handle alone.”

If a parent feels or fears this may be a problem, they need to talk to the administrators at their school to share concerns and perhaps confirm their worries about the child, Salza says. The school may be able to engineer some contacts and help students become more acquainted with others or participate in activities where they may find more peer acceptance.

2016 · LawrenceSchool.org

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