The Stranger Vol. 22, No. 46

FIVE NIGHTS OF GENIUS

AT THE FRYE ART MUSEUM

Finalists for the 2013 Genius Award share and discuss their work with an editor from The Stranger in this five-part series. Find your favorite Genius and have a hosted cocktail before the program!

WEDNESDAYS 5:30–8 PM | JULY 24–AUGUST 21 | 21+

704 Terry Ave. $10 tickets include one cocktail. $40 full series pass comes with one cocktail per show plus your name on the 2013 Genius Patron list.

7/24 MUSIC • Hosted by Emily Nokes JESSIKA KENNEY & EYVIND KANG JHEREK BISCHOFF | KATIE KATE

7/31 FILM • Hosted by David Schmader BEN KASULKE | SCOTT BLAKE | ZACH WEINTRAUB

8/7 VISUAL ART • Hosted by Jen Graves MATTHEW OFFENBACHER | RODRIGO VALENZUELA SHERRY MARKOVITZ

8/14 LITERATURE • Hosted by Paul Constant APRIL FESTIVAL | MAGED ZAHER | NEAL STEPHENSON

8/21 PERFORMANCE • Hosted by Brendan Kiley AMY O’NEAL | PAT GRANEY | ZOE|JUNIPER

thestranger.com/genius | strangertickets.com

Volume 22, Issue Number 46 July 17–23, 2013

STUDY GUIDE

Questions for The Stranger, Volume 22, Issue 46

1a. The Stranger is one of only two newspapers in Seattle to publish endorsements. The Seattle Times is the other. Considering the distribution range and online presence of each newspaper, please identify which paper’s endorsements are more useless. While running your calculations, please remember that The Stranger endorsed Mike McGinn in the last primary.

1b. Using crayons, draw a picture of yourself. Now, if applicable, color yourself surprised that The Stranger chose to endorse Mayor McGinn for a second time.

1c. If you were surprised that McGinn earned The Stranger’s endorsement, write an additional essay explaining what it feels like to be baffled by the sun rising in the east every morning.

2. REBECCA BROWN somehow fills up an entire page of the arts section with some Cracked.com-style fanwank about how Wagner’s Ring cycle was the basis of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. Is this or the aforementioned McGinn endorsement the more fanciful work of fiction to be published in The Stranger this week? Which piece is more out of touch with the needs and desires of the average Seattleite?

3. A little boy who we will call “Mike McGinn” and a little girl who we will call “Mary Martin” are opening lemonade stands across the street from each other. “Mike” refuses to sell lemonade to customers who drive up to his stand in automobiles. “Mary” refuses to sell lemonade to customers who support capitalism. Which stand goes out of business first?

4. Considering the fact that The Stranger endorsed Mike McGinn early in the issue, did you even manage to read through to MEGAN SELING’s profile of musician Shelby Earl? If not, do you think you would have enjoyed the piece? Why or why not?

Find podcasts, videos, blogs, MP3s, free classifieds, personals, contests, sexy ads, and more on The Stranger’s website.

LAST DAYS

The Week in Review BY

DAVID SCHMADER

MONDAY, JULY 8 Hello and thanks to Cienna Madrid for taking over this column while we took an honest-to-God vacation. Now we’re back and ready to tackle this week of amorous rafting, fatal urination, and deeply upsetting legal doings. Things kick off with an exemplary story of would-be vigilante justice in Seattle, where a citizen found herself mysteriously menaced by a teenager and somehow refrained from fatally shooting him. Our heroic protagonist: Eliza Webb, a West Seattle woman who was going about her life a couple weeks ago when she noticed that the inside of her car looked weird. “I thought maybe my husband had come looking for something and made a mess of everything,” she told KOMO. “But then I looked at the driver’s side seat and found a black cell phone and immediately realized that it’s not a cell phone I recognize, and I started looking closer and we had some missing items.” Upon determining that the abandoned phone belonged to a 19-year-old man, Webb took an inspired course of action: “I called his mom… I said, ‘This is a very uncomfortable phone call to make. I have your son’s phone and I’m missing some things out of my car and I think they might be two related items,’ and she was devastated.” Following the call, Webb and her husband visited the teen’s house to return the phone and recover their missing property. “We knocked on the door and he answered in just sort of a defeated look,” Webb told KOMO. “He looked like he had been crying.”

•• Speaking of young men doing dumb things, today also brings a much worse story

THANK YOU FOR SINGING WITH ME

Dear guy who was using the urinal next to the toilet I was sitting on at the Whole Foods: We were singing along to Sam Cooke’s “Chain Gang,” which was playing over the store’s loudspeakers. I had the bass, you were harmonizing, and we just sang. We didn’t laugh or say anything else, we just got on the stage of life, or throne in my case, and we just sang. It felt like the world became a musical. And even though I didn’t see you, or even look over to see your shoes, I will always treasure our brief moment together; it was special. Thank you.

—Anonymous

from New York City, where early this morning 30-year-old Matthew Zeno was walking with a friend along the subway tracks in Williamsburg when he decided to urinate. Tragically, Zeno’s urine stream connected with the electrified third rail and he was fatally electrocuted “His 26-year-old pal tried saving him and was also shocked,” reports the New York Post “Both men were rushed to Woodhull Hospital where Zeno died and the second man was listed in stable condition.”

TUESDAY, JULY 9 In lighter news, the week continues in Australia, where a restaurateur has invested nearly $40,000 into developing a new letter for the alphabet. Details come from the Daily Telegraph, which identifies our moneyed letter-promoter as Paul Mathis, and describes his would-be 27th letter of the alphabet as a combination of an uppercase T and a lowercase h designed to represent the word “the.” “The word ‘and’ is only the fifthmost used word in English and it has its own symbol,” Mathis said. “Isn’t it time we accorded the same respect to ‘the’?” Certain that his new letter has a natural home in a world of Twitter and texts, Mathis must now “convince mobile phone developers and keyboard manufacturers to add a new key to their devices,” reports the Telegraph. Good luck, fake letterman.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 10 In squeakier news, the week continues in Ohio, where today a man with a history of allegedly having sex with inflatable pool rafts was indicted on charges of public indecency after allegedly having sex with an inflatable pool raft . Details come from the Norwalk Reflector, which identifies the alleged raft lover as 34-year-old Edwin Tobergta, who was arrested last month after stepping out of his house naked in the middle of the afternoon and having “sexual relations with a rubber pool float,” according to the police report. Having been arrested at least five times previously for similar offenses, Tobergta faces up to a year in jail if found guilty.

THURSDAY, JULY 11 Nothing happened today (unless you count the millions of headline-avoiding citizens sensible enough to fuck their beloved rubber rafts behind closed doors).

FRIDAY, JULY 12 The week continues with this remarkable sentence from the Associated Press: “An Oregon man told police he was using his assault rifle as a crutch to help him get up from a couch at a friend’s apartment when it fired a burst through the ceiling and killed a little girl upstairs .” Charged with manslaughter, assault, and unlawful possession of a machine gun, gunman Jon Andrew Meyer Jr. remains held on $250,000 bail, while 5-year-old Alysa Bobbitt remains dead. Condolences to all.

Hot Fun in the Summertime!

The Stranger and the Portland Mercury invite amateur filmmakers, actual filmmakers, porn stars, porn-star wannabes, kinksters, vanillas, and other creative types to make short porn films—five minutes max—for HUMP! 2013. Films selected for HUMP! 2013 will be screened over three weekends in November in Seattle, Portland, and Olympia. HUMP! films can be hardcore, softcore, liveaction, animated, rough, tender, kinky, vanilla, straight, gay, lez, bi, trans genderqueer—anything goes at HUMP! (Almost anything: no poop, no animals, no minors.) HUMP! films are not released online or in any other form. Filmmakers retain all rights. HUMP! does not retain copies of the films once the festival is over. HUMP! lets you be a porn star for the weekend—not the rest of your life!

THERE ARE NO ENTRY FEES FOR HUMP! THERE ARE PRIZES! BIG ONES!

Three first-place prizes and one grand prize are awarded at HUMP! by audience ballot.

Best Humor: $1,000 First Prize, $250 Runner-Up

Best Sex: $1,000 First Prize, $250 Runner-Up

Best Kink: $1,000 First Prize, $250 Runner-Up

Best in Show: $5,000 Grand Prize

Extra-credit items for 2013: bowling pins butt plugs, and Hillary Clinton (Include one or more of these items in your film, and you get extra points!)

ALL SUBMISSIONS DUE BY SEPTEMBER 30, 2013. For more details on entering HUMP!—technical requirements, release forms, etc.—go to humpseattle.com.

Trayvon Martin, the 17-year-old Florida boy who was fatally shot by a gun-toting neighborhood watch volunteer in 2012. In a heartsickening twist, today a Florida jury pronounced this gun-toting neighborhood watchman—George Zimmerman—not guilty of the murder of the unarmed-except-for-a-bag-ofSkittles Trayvon Martin. America promptly lost its shit, with “justice for Trayvon” marches filling streets across the country tomorrow and beyond. As (failed) prosecuting attorney Angela Corey will tell HLN on Monday, “We never said Trayvon didn’t do something to George Zimmerman. What we said is you can’t take a concealed weapon and encourage or incite a fistfight—which is what he did by stalking a teenager who didn’t know who he was—and then whip your gun out and shoot.”

For more words on the Trayvon Martin verdict, see Charles Mudede’s story on page 19.

•• Meanwhile in Texas, citizens awoke to learn that, just before midnight last night, the state senate approved one of the strictest abortion laws in the country, which “bans abortions after 20 weeks and will force the closure of all but a handful of the clinics that perform them,” reports ABC News. Texas women: You live in a state that is waging war on your private parts, and we encourage you to consider revoking all access to your private parts by any and all Texas men. We’re talking some serious Lysistrata shit—no vaginal access until this fucking war is over. (For helpful reinforcements, visit Babeland.com.)

crammed into Velocity Dance Center for the final performance of Cherdonna and Lou’s latest dance/burlesque/performance art extravaganza, My Obviously Unsuccessful Lifestyle, which doubled as the final show by Cherdonna and Lou . After a half-decade run, Jody Kuehner (Cherdonna) and Ricki Mason (Lou) are officially and mutually going solo, with Lou Henry Hoover continuing on with the burlesque mainstay DeLouRue productions and Cherdonna veering off on her own into the wilds of contemporary dance/ performance. As for tonight’s final show: It was a woozy, pervy dreamscape with occasional punch lines and a canny through-line of selfinterrogation. Among the questions left hanging in the air: Should you keep dancing just because people are clapping? Isn’t mindless repetition annoying? Is there anything sadder than the straggly remains of an awesome party that’s over?

Godspeed, Cherdonna and Lou. Everyone else, send hot tips to lastdays@thestranger.com and follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.

SATURDAY, JULY 13 Speaking of kids fatally shot by idiots, the week continues with

SUNDAY, JULY 14

The week ends in Seattle, where tonight an overflowing audience

We’re calling your mom at THESTRANGER.COM/SLOG

KILLER CRUTCH

ALLEGED VICTIM

JAKE CLIFFORD

The Stranger Election Control Board

For

the August 6, 2013, Primary Election

BY THE STRANGER ELECTION CONTROL BOARD

Yeah, sure, we know. It’s summer. It’s sunny. You’ve got better things to do than waste five minutes and a postage stamp voting in some stupid, pointless primary. In this election, the top two candidates from each race will continue to the November ballot, and in most races, we already know who they will be.

But you know what happens when you don’t vote? Mayor Mike Fucking McGinn! Four years ago, some car-hating, potsmoking cocksuckers at a foulmouthed alt-weekly thought it would be funny to endorse a fat bike-riding sociopath for Seattle mayor, and because you didn’t vote, he won! The result: the postapocalyptic nightmare we now all live in—something along the lines of Mad Max, but with fewer cars.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Together, we can toss out these idiot politicians those idiot voters put into office. Just fill out your ballot—exactly as we advise below—and Seattle will enjoy a brighter, slightly less dystopian tomorrow.

CITY OF SEATTLE

MAYOR

Mike McGinn

Mike McGinn was never supposed to be mayor. When he ran in 2009, the city’s power brokers backed former mayor Greg Nickels,

and after Nickels lost in the primary, they rallied behind T-Mobile executive Joe Mallahan. But the outsider McGinn won anyway, and Seattle’s butthurt establishment insiders have treated him like an illegitimate mayor ever since.

McGinn was set up for failure from day one. The Seattle City Council rejoiced in thwarting McGinn’s agenda, twice freezing the mayor’s Transit Master Plan (they were concerned McGinn preferred light rail over buses), while our Republican-humping, anti-cycling daily paper ran their presses dry spewing dishonest articles that did everything from accusing McGinn of wanting to make Seattle a “motor-less city” (seriously) to denying him the credit for creating a school attendance program they effusively praised.

Economy and City Budget: Despite former county executive (and current Ed Murray endorser) Ron Sims’s asinine claim that if voters stick with McGinn, Seattle will “retire like Gary, Indiana” (a city infamous for its economic nosedives and fleeing population), Seattle is booming. The Downtown Seattle Association reports 30 construction projects under way downtown, representing $2.8 billion in investment, a “level not seen since 2008.” Meanwhile, Seattle’s unemploy-

a nation-leading program to direct low-level drug offenders into treatment (it’s de facto decriminalization). McGinn reformed a decades-old trespassing rule that had been used to ban youth of color from public spaces. He launched a privately funded gun buyback, which helped keep unwanted firearms off the street (the state estimates $2.9 million in guns are stolen annually). And while we believe he should have settled sooner with the Feds and picked a stronger police chief, he deserves credit for three landmark accomplishments: (1) creating a citizen police commission that brings together conventional business interests and lefty reformers, (2) defying the police union by committing to a binding legal settlement instead of fighting against reform in court, and (3) tweaking the settlement agreement to limit onerous obligations for more middle management and welcoming rules that could gauge racial impacts of policing by disparate outcomes. All told, McGinn has built a powerful coalition to implement these reforms—and nobody in this race is better suited to finish the job he started.

Light Rail and Transportation: McGinn has accelerated transit planning for light rail to reach Ballard, so that when voters consider another light-rail measure, hopefully in 2016, Seattle will likely have a nearly shovel-ready project. And finally, McGinn has also pledged to fully fund the city’s bicycle plan and has begun building protected bicycle lanes along key routes. No other candidate is as ambitious or specific in transit planning.

McGinn’s accomplishments demonstrate collaboration with lawmakers, regional agencies, business, and activists, belying the claims that he can’t get anything done.

We’re not deluded about McGinn’s failures. We’ve written about them at length: Most dramatically, McGinn opposed the deepbore tunnel without ever proposing a viable alternative. That was idiotic. McGinn also resisted the best choice for the courtappointed monitor to oversee police reforms; he vowed to get rid of 200 strategic advisers in city government, who have important jobs; and he advocated unsuccessfully to have the liquor board extend bar hours.

Seattle’s butthurt establishment insiders have treated McGinn like an illegitimate mayor ever since he won.

If this sounds like the congressional Republican strategy to blame Obama for their own obstruction, it’s because it is.

And now that McGinn is up for reelection, these same business lobbies and career politicians have made these trumped-up allegations of divisiveness and ineffectiveness the centerpiece of their anti-McGinn campaign. But it was McGinn who accelerated transit planning, rescued the city budget during a recession, and brought a huge cast of unusual bedfellows together for police reform. And it was on McGinn’s watch that prosperity returned to Seattle, while crime plunged to its lowest level in five decades. Yes, McGinn has stumbled, too—we’re not too high to forget that—but he’s muscled through a progressive, pro-transit, urban agenda.

ment rate has fallen to 4.7 percent, more than two points below the state average. The mayor’s budgets have replenished the rainy day fund (spent down by the council in 2008), while rebuilding a South Seattle community center and sustaining social services. McGinn also brokered a public partnership to bring ultra-high-speed broadband to Seattle next year and led the charge to double the Families and Education Levy to help schools. Seattle is not “retiring.” It hasn’t even peaked.

Public Safety and Police Reform: This is arguably McGinn’s weakest issue—and, paradoxically, one of his strongest. The US Department of Justice sued the Seattle Police Department last year for excessive force and racial bias—a culture, however, that was seeded years before McGinn took office. Still, before the Feds ever stepped in, McGinn voluntarily partnered with law enforcement to launch Law Enforcement Assisted Diversion,

But none of the challengers has made a case that he or she can do better. In fact, they largely agree with McGinn’s policies and agenda, but offer nothing substantive about how they would be more effective.

Ed Murray, the state senator behind the state’s gay marriage law, is a solid Democrat. But he has offered virtually no details about his agenda for the city—instead, he’s run an ad hominem campaign obsessed with the theme that McGinn is a divisive loser. Murray is the one fomenting division. He claims to have brought together factions in Olympia, but the Democratic caucus fractured this year with Murray as its leader, and Murray has brokered record-setting highway budgets while funding for higher education has fallen off a cliff.

Seattle City Council member Bruce Harrell, although a solid progressive on most issues (such as helping convicts get jobs), says he would have fought in court to avoid a settlement that binds the city to reform the

THE STRANGER ELECTION CONTROL BOARD is Bethany Jean Clement, Paul Constant, Christopher Frizzelle, David “Goldy” Goldstein, Jen Graves, Dominic Holden, Tim Keck, Cienna Madrid, Anna Minard, Eli Sanders, Dan Savage, and Kesha Sebert.

JAMES YAMASAKI

police department. He questions the Feds’ argument about excessive use of force. (Wow.)

Finally, former city council member Peter Steinbrueck prefers buses over light rail; he’s stuck in the 1970s, and we’ll be stuck in traffic. Steinbrueck is supported by the loudest anti-density, antitransit groups in town. The other candidates in the race are all long shots, including a smart planner and neighborhood activist named Kate Martin, who holds draconian views on panhandling.

Our priorities are increasing public safety, reforming the police, building a citywide light-rail network, creating new jobs, and helping businesses grow. Which makes our endorsement in the mayor’s race a simple one: Vote McGinn, who is already delivering that agenda.

CITY COUNCIL, POSITION 2 Kshama Sawant

He may look goofy, but Richard Conlin isn’t just a huge-headed tooth balloon—he’s arguably the most destructive member of the Seattle City Council.

He has claimed to be a progressive environmentalist during his 16 years on the council, when in fact he has spent those four terms helping to kill mass transit, build new highways, and seek harsh penalties for panhandlers. He’s not a progressive; he’s a green-washing liberal fraud. Sure, Conlin has served on the Sound Transit board and prized a bill to legalize backyard pygmy goats—which shows how much he lervz the earth—but as council president, Conlin hampered real environmental progress: He brought votes to suspend funding of the

city’s Transit Master Plan while leaving the city’s Bicycle Master Plan mostly unfunded. Conlin backed building a wider, six-lane 520 bridge that still lacks $2 billion in funding for

Seattle’s side of the project. He championed a deep-bore tunnel (dishonestly calling it a “green alternative”) that won’t accommodate any mass transit. And Conlin ignored environmental reviews for the tunnel in the name of expediting highway construction, while arguing in favor of environmental reviews as a means to delay mass transit projects and homeless shelters.

On human rights, Conlin’s record is terrible: He was the only “no” vote on the council on a bill to require paid sick leave. He also ignored the Seattle Human Rights Commission, appointed by the mayor and council, which unanimously opposed new penalties for aggressive panhandling (which is already a criminal offense), because they violated due process in court and provided a fast track to jail. “The proposed ordinance does not comply with human rights standards,” the commission found. What did Conlin do? He rushed the bill to a vote and voted for it anyway (Mayor McGinn later vetoed the bill).

In other words, don’t vote for that snakeoil-sweating charlatan.

In this race, the clear choice to represent Seattle is Kshama Sawant. Despite her “Socialist Alternative” label, there isn’t anything particularly radical about the core of Sawant’s progressive agenda. She promotes a $15 an hour minimum wage and new taxes on the wealthy to bolster funding for mass

transit, while cutting taxes on small businesses, homeowners, and workers.

An Occupy Seattle organizer and economics instructor at Seattle Central Community College, Sawant—who is sharp as a tack and loud as an air horn— brings a lefty perspective that would widen the council’s ideological spectrum and make the progressive council member Mike O’Brien seem more moderate in comparison. We wouldn’t want a council filled with Sawants. But we don’t want a council filled with sniveling, prevaricating Conlins, either—and that’s pretty much what we have now.

Brian Carver, another challenger in the race, hasn’t shown the spine our council needs. But Sawant has—vote Sawant.

CITY COUNCIL, POSITION 8

Mike O’Brien

The Seattle Times thinks you’re a gullible, cud-chewing cow, and those fuckers are flexing their fingers and aiming to milk you, hard. Why else would they try to convince you that Council Member Mike O’Brien is the “mayor’s sidekick and occasional puppy” and that the mayor is “his ventriloquist”?

Everyone watching city hall has witnessed O’Brien prove to be an independent, accomplished progressive. Where McGinn has fostered some acrimony and flopped on some campaign promises, O’Brien has racked up accomplishments with the help of his council colleagues. The Seattle Times is being dishonest with you.

In his freshman term, O’Brien passed a bill to ban plastic bags, thereby reducing the city’s waste, and, by collaborating with

grocers, avoided a referendum challenging the measure. (In 2009, before O’Brien began, the council passed a similar bag bill, but the plastic industry ran a $1.3 million campaign in 2009 to successfully overturn it.) O’Brien also sponsored legislation that gives political newcomers a better shot at running for city hall seats by preventing incumbents from rolling over their war chests of cash from one campaign to the next. A bill that allows homeless people to sleep in their cars outside churches also came from O’Brien, and he’s been a stalwart supporter of his colleagues’ liberal bills (including paid sick leave and helping people with criminal records get jobs). While courts tossed out O’Brien’s bill to require a registry that let residents opt out of yellow pages delivery, we appreciate that he tried getting those useless lumps of pulp off our porches. Meanwhile, O’Brien has sometimes agreed with the mayor and sometimes defied him, tweaking McGinn’s deal for a new Sonics arena to get more public benefits and increasing the rate of affordable housing in South Lake Union. And while O’Brien opposed the deepbore tunnel—along with the mayor and this newspaper—he managed to remain collegial with his peers.

Put simply: O’Brien is the most effective, most progressive member of the city council, and he’s shown broad support by sweeping endorsements from key labor groups, district Democrats, and a cavalcade of Seattle lawmakers.

The only reason we can imagine that Albert Shen, a Seattle Community Colleges board member and engineering consultant, got into this race is that O’Brien was considered a vulnerable target—maybe because of the Seattle Times’ hatchet jobs. But Shen is fuzzy on the details of city business. He’s unfamiliar with a public campaign financing measure on the fall ballot and told the

FILM GENIUS SHOWCASE

SECB that light-rail funding should begin by asking federal officials for cash (the city should go to the Feds last). He’s also too conservative: In addition to thinking pot should still be illegal and that the city should add more penalties for aggressive panhandling, which is already a crime, Shen opposes nearly all bike lanes. Bike lanes get in the way of vehicles, he says, and should be restricted only to streets where “it is safe for them.” Maybe we’ve been snorting too many bath salts over here, but painting bike lanes where it’s already safe and letting cyclists continue to get crushed on the most dangerous streets sounds bananas. If Shen seems out of touch with Seattle, well, his campaign isn’t really a Seattle campaign: 68 percent of Shen’s money comes from outside the city. In contrast, O’Brien only has 17 percent of donors who live in another city. So don’t vote for out-of-touch Shen and don’t vote for David Ishii, a joke candidate. Vote O’Brien.

KING COUNTY

PROPOSITION NO. 1: PARKS LEVY

For Christ’s sake, vote yes on the parks levy to prevent our county-run parks—places like Marymoor Park, Cougar Mountain, and the Burke Gilman Trail—from becoming trendy new dumping grounds for the bodies of missing children. This levy doesn’t cost much (about $56 per year on a $300,000 house) and provides about 70 percent of the King County parks system’s budget to maintain 200 parks and hundreds of miles of trails. Only assholes don’t like parks. Are you an asshole? No? Then vote for the parks levy.

COUNTY EXECUTIVE

Dow Constantine

King County executive Dow Constantine’s challengers include a twice-bankrupt civil engineer, a part-time Metro operator with no money, and the delightfully batshit Goodspaceguy (who wants to colonize the moon!). Constantine is the only real candidate in this race. During his first term as county executive, Constantine reined in expenses while leading successful efforts to rebuild the South Park Bridge, lobbied for the taxing authority to fund Metro, and curbed the euthanasia rate at the county animal shelter from 40 percent to 14 percent. He’s also screwed up some stuff: Constantine censored left-leaning political ads on Metro buses while selling space to the antigay Mormon Church, tried to strip public defenders of

their autonomy by bringing them in-house, and ginned up war-on-cars rhetoric by saying tunnel opponents were trying to force

Dow Constantine’s

his

baby minks.

drivers to “abandon their cars.” Yeesh. But still, there’s no one better (or viable) in this race. Plus, have you seen his hair? It’s like his scalp gave birth to a litter of wellgroomed baby minks. Vote Constantine.

COUNTY COUNCIL, DISTRICT 1

Rod Dembowski

The county council appointed Rod Dembowski, a status quo Democratic establishment type, to fill out Attorney General Bob Ferguson’s vacated council seat. So we went into our SECB interview really, really looking for a reason to hate him. And we couldn’t find one.

Dembowski is a smart, aggressive “recovering lawyer” with a working-class background that informs his pro-transit, pro-environment, pro-social-service agenda. And he’s willing to fight more moderate Democrats: As we mentioned, County Executive Constantine is attempting to bring all

public defenders to work inside the structure of county government, thus stripping their independence and potentially weakening their advocacy for criminal justice reform. Dembowski has already resisted, bucking Constantine’s legally dubious argument that the county needs to neuter the defense agencies.

Community activist Naomi Wilson, while well-meaning, is clearly outmatched. She speaks authoritatively on the health and human service issues she knows well, but lacks depth on other county issues. Also, she needs to pay a few more dues before asking voters to cast their ballots for somebody who has rarely cast a ballot herself.

Vote Dembowski.

COUNTY COUNCIL, DISTRICT 9 Shari Song

We had hoped that Reagan Dunn’s embarrassing seven-point thumping in last year’s attorney general race (he barely won his own council district) would finally stick a rusty fork deep in his undeserved political career. When he ran for attorney general, Dunn had the council’s worst voting record, missing 491 votes.

Dunn presents himself as the stern face of fiscal conservatism (he roused himself from his vegetative state of sloth long enough to vote against a temporary $20 Metro-saving car tab, against the parks levy, and against a tax to pay for public safety) while spending

The Stranger Election Control Board

CHEAT SHEET

For the August 6, 2013, Primary Election The Stranger does not make endorsements in uncontested races or races we forgot.

KING COUNTY

PROPOSITION NO. 1: PARKS LEVY

Approved

COUNTY EXECUTIVE

Dow Constantine

COUNCIL DISTRICT NO. 1

Rod Dembowski

COUNCIL DISTRICT NO. 9

Shari Song

PORT OF SEATTLE

COMMISSIONER POSITION NO. 3

Stephanie Bowman

CITY OF SEATTLE

MAYOR

Mike McGinn

COUNCIL POSITION NO. 2

Kshama Sawant

COUNCIL POSITION NO. 8

Mike O’Brien

SEATTLE SCHOOL BOARD

DIRECTOR DISTRICT NO. 4

Sue Peters

DIRECTOR DISTRICT NO. 5

Stephan Blanford

$6,000 on a taxpayer-funded junket to Australia. Asshole.

Unfortunately, in council elections past, Dunn’s weakness of character has only been surpassed by the weakness of his opposition, leaving us with no choice but to ironically endorse long-shot challengers with no chance of winning this Republican-leaning district.

Not this year.

Democratic challenger Shari Song is a Korean immigrant, a mom, a successful businesswoman, and a grassroots community organizer who not only epitomizes the American Dream but understands how hard it can be to attain. “I’ve had to figure out how to make dinner on $2.50,” Song told the SECB about her early struggles. “Not Reagan.” It’s a perspective that makes Song a better fit for this largely rural district than the jet-setting Dunn.

Song’s vision for King County is clear: pay for parks, attract living wage jobs, and improve our transit and road infrastructure. And her critique of Dunn is dead-on: “He supports things that sound nice … but he always votes against new revenue, even the parks levy.” And refreshingly, Song promises to be a “full-time council member.”

It also wouldn’t hurt to give the county’s large Asian community some representation on the council for the first time in recent memory. Enthusiastically vote for Shari Song.

PORT OF SEATTLE

COMMISSIONER, POSITION NO. 3

Stephanie Bowman

We’ve been covering Port of Seattle races for years, and we’re still not exactly sure what the commissioners do, or why they get to spend taxpayer dollars subsidizing giant shipping companies. But we’re pretty certain it’s got something to do with “the economy,” so we try to take this seriously.

In that spirit, we’re endorsing Stephanie Bowman, who brings the most relevant experience and credible endorsements to the position. Bowman’s fellow commissioners appointed her in May, after she served five years managing federal governmental affairs at the Port of Tacoma. We’re crossing our fingers she turns out to be the accountability and “economic justice” advocate she says she is. Michael Wolfe argues that his travel industry experience would bring a needed airport-centric perspective to the commission, which we agree is lacking, but he doesn’t have Bowman’s breadth of knowledge and experience. Meanwhile, software engineer Andrew Pilloud is even more clueless about the commission than we are. Vote Bowman.

DISTRICT NO. 4

Sue Peters

As if you needed more proof that the Seattle School Board is a dystopian shithole, the board members, in a self-evaluation released this summer, anonymously described themselves like this: “The poster-child for a dysfunctional school board.” “It’s like Kabuki Theater.” “A board like this will repel all people of quality.”

Seriously, we didn’t even have to make any of that shit up. Consequently, school board races are normally filled with wackos. But this year, the candidates were thoughtful, intelligent, and for some god-awful reason, engaged in the minutiae that makes up school board work.

Take Sue Peters, for instance. An education buff who started the group Parents Across America and edits the wonky Seattle Education blog, Peters opposes the corporate education reform agenda, including charter schools and Teach for America,

For some godawful

and she’s skeptical of the state-mandated Common Core curriculum soon to be rolled out in schools.

Opponent Suzanne Dale Estey is wellqualified, but despite saying she opposes privatizing public education with charter schools, she’s in bed with the corporate education “reformers” behind charter schools. Most notably: Tania De Sa Campos, sponsor of last year’s charter schools initiative, gave to Estey’s campaign. Estey is also backed by problematic past board members who should have prevented the district from losing millions of dollars in a scandal a few years back. Specifically: She’s been endorsed by retiring incumbent Michael DeBell and former school board member Peter Maier (they received a report about the risk of theft years ago and did nothing). We don’t need another candidate perpetuating dysfunction. The other guy in the race, Dean McColgan, is a charter schools supporter who says he’d bring a “business background” to the board. Yech. Peters points out, rightly, that “the last time we had a board with business backgrounds… we ended up with a superintendent and CFO being fired.” Vote Peters.

DISTRICT NO. 5 Stephan Blanford

Stephan Blanford seems a little, well, bland (ha-ha, Stephan Blandford!), and he hedges on issues more often than we’d like. But he’s more familiar with the district and its problems than opponent Olu Thomas, a parent and social worker. An education consultant who’s worked with the district before, Blanford prioritizes early education funding and addressing the achievement gap. Thomas thinks we should move money from the capital to the operations budget (which isn’t possible), was unfamiliar with Teach for America, and has a bit of an anti-teacher bent, which plays poorly for someone looking to help direct a school district. LaCrese Green, a tutor, didn’t even show up to our endorsement meeting. Vote Blanford.

Tell us why we’re wrong, wrong, wrong at THESTRANGER.COM/NEWS

TIGER HEALTH CLINIC

TIGER HEALTH CLINIC

Regular Death of a

Joel Reuter’s Friends—and the Staff of a Neighborhood Bar Where He Used to Hang Out—Remember What He Was Like Before Illness Struck

BY CIENNA MADRID

Joel Reuter used to drink at Montana, a black-lacquered, lovingly graffitied Capitol Hill bar with lots of regulars and cheap cocktails on tap. His apartment was only a few blocks away. Most mornings, Joel would wake up and walk his floppyeared toy King Charles spaniel, Telly, to meet his friends at Analog Coffee. Then he went to work at a job he loved near South Lake Union—he was a software developer. Then after work, he and Telly (who was named after the Radiohead song “Planet Telex”) would wander down to the dark and cozy Montana for happy hour. Joel would grab a seat at the bar, order a Moscow Mule on tap, and gently flirt with the bartender, David, until his friends arrived. He was a great listener, and jokester, but rather private about his personal life.

“He was really soft-spoken, really sweet,” David recalls. “It wasn’t until he started coming in alone that I got the impression he was gay.”

“I didn’t know he was gay until we were trying to remember Judy Garland’s name,” Joel’s close friend Julia recalls. “He said, ‘All gay men know the phrase ‘Are you a friend of Dorothy?’ And I thought, ‘Joel just told me that he’s gay.’ He didn’t talk much about his sexuality.”

Joel’s friend Duncan says, “He was the guy who would send you a text saying, ‘I got a bunch of tickets to see this awesome band—you wanna go, right?’ His attitude always was: ‘I’ve got this all set up; I just want to hang out with you.’”

People didn’t just want to hang out with Joel, they moved to Seattle to hang out with Joel. Duncan and Joel went to college together in Tucson, and when one of Duncan’s college friends was having a rough time in Tucson, “Joel bought him a plane ticket to Seattle and let him sleep on his couch until he found a job,” Duncan says. Same goes for another man Joel met at Sasquatch! music festival two years ago. That man also uprooted his life and ended up living rent-free on Joel’s couch while he figured out his life.

“Any time he could help you out in any way, he’d do it,” remembers Alex C., another friend. “It wasn’t something he even had to think about. That was just who he was.”

He was a teddy bear—“a handsome, alopecia-stricken, six foot four teddy bear,” one friend jokes. “Maybe an oak tree crossed with a bald teddy bear.” He was a 28-year-old tech geek with a dimple in his chin and cherubic cheeks always on the verge of a smile.

At least, that was the man his friends knew and loved, before a bout of cancer treatments and a struggle with mental illness seemingly undid him. On Friday, July

5, after an eight-hour standoff, Joel fired a shot at police out of his fifth-floor apartment, and they returned fire, killing him. A crowd had gathered on the streets below, including neighbors, reporters, and seven of Joel’s close friends. For them, it was the culmination of a tragic seven-month-long nightmare that began in January, when Joel was diagnosed with lymphoma—blood cancer.

Here’s how Joel described himself, his life, and his diagnosis in an undated post on his website:

I’m on chemotherapy and I’m doing well so far. I’m told that I have a great shot at getting it cured over the course of several months of chemo treatments and maybe a little radiation at the end.

I work in one of the coolest places ever. We have pinball games, a gigantic theater, and a kitchen which serves meals three* times a day. We work hard and we laugh hard and we get a lot done. My coworkers have been bringing me meals and spending time with me so I don’t have to be alone. I have paid time off to get better. And insanely good health insurance. I love my job.

*Sometimes afternoon cookies, too.

I just got a new car, which is pretty awesome, though I haven’t gotten to use its all wheel drive feature much. I wanted to ski more this winter, but it’s been

difficult, to say the least.

I like to play guitar, make beats on the computer, program lights to flash on an Arduino board, or watch movies and play PC games during my spare time, which has been growing larger.

In January, I started to feel lightheaded and dizzy once in a while. I thought it would go away, or that it was an ear infection, or something I could just deal with. It got worse. Eventually I had to go to the Emergency Room because I felt so… weird. They found that my calcium level was very high, and told me to follow up on it the next day. So I did.

And the next day.

And then I was in a world of hurt. I couldn’t do anything. Shower, drive, I could barely make it to the waiting room at the doctor’s office because my head hurt and I was so emptied out, mentally and emotionally. I just wanted to feel better.

This began the process of going to the hospital, getting tests done (bone marrow biopsies SUCK), and finding out I have lymphoma. That is a tough pill to swallow.

Luckily, my friends have also been amazing. Some stay overnight, some bring me food and flowers, some take me grocery shopping, and some set up crazy websites for my family and friends to stay connected to me. Some have been there while I cried, others have seen me

laugh inappropriately at a cancer joke I made out of fear.

I have so much. What I want to find, and I think I will, is a stronger self as someone who has defeated cancer. I want to walk proudly down the street knowing that I have beaten this thing that could have killed me had I not been so strong.

I am so lucky.

Before Joel began chemo, he and Duncan shaved their heads together. And on that first day of chemo in late February, several friends took the day off work to accompany him (in fact, he never attended a treatment alone). It was that first night, after chemo, that his friends first noticed a behavioral change. “He was distant,” says Alex W., a friend and former coworker. “He stayed up most of the night painting. It was colorful and strange. He was explaining a piece of it to me in such great detail, like, ‘This was the alien ship coming down…’ It took him half an hour to explain one little section to me. He acted like he was tripping, only he wasn’t. Each day after that, he was a little weirder, a little weirder, a little weirder. We thought it was the chemo, but it was like he never recovered from it.”

Like his sexuality, Joel hadn’t talked about his bipolar diagnosis with many people. The friends who did know say he was studious about his meds and that he’d never had an episode in Seattle. They theorize that the chemo interfered with his medication. After the first few rounds of chemo, he simply stopped taking his meds. The near-daily happy hours at Montana ceased. In four short months, the Joel his friends knew and loved was replaced with someone else: a paranoid stranger. One who bought a one-way ticket to London because he was convinced that both his government and his family were out to get him. Immigration officials at Heathrow Airport immediately put Joel on a plane back to Seattle. He then fled to Canada. Twice.

In this country, we’re not great, or even good, at understanding or supporting people who struggle with mental illness. If a person is diagnosed with cancer, it’s easier to rally behind them. Their sickness is visceral, treatable, accepted. But there’s an overall willingness to dismiss those with mental-health issues as simply crazy or beyond help.

Joel’s loved ones didn’t do that. They put mental-health groups on speed dial in their phones. They called the cops routinely. They begged for guidance. On two occasions, they had Joel temporarily held for psychiatric evaluation. Each time, he was released before his medications, and his moods, stabilized. They talked of having him committed.

“It’s hard to understand, to internalize, that it’s not the same person,” says Duncan. “He looked the same, but that wasn’t Joel.”

“Every day was a struggle,” remembers Julia. “I remember being on the phone in my kitchen and crying to the Crisis Clinic, ‘What’s going to make this change? When he finally kills himself?’ They said they had no proof he was a threat.”

In May, Joel began talking about guns. “He was really antiviolence,” Julia and many others stressed. “He was totally freaked out by guns. He would never own a gun. Never.”

At some point, Joel bought a handgun without telling his friends. (ATF is currently tracing the sale of the weapon, as it should have been illegal for Joel to purchase the gun

He was a 28-year-old tech geek with a dimple in his chin, always on the verge of a smile… before a bout of cancer treatments and a struggle with mental illness seemingly undid him.

after being involuntarily held for mentalhealth evaluations.) He threatened suicide. He began fixating on religion, whereas the Joel his friends knew was an atheist.

That is the man that police confronted on July 5, the stranger who made the news. At the scene, Joel’s friends told police about his recent mental-health problems. They offered to reach out to him, to call him. At one point, Joel appeared on his balcony holding a handgun and reportedly shouted that he was prepared to defend himself against zombies. “What’s going on?” asked a bystander, new to the scene.

“Just some crazy guy with a gun,” the officer responded, within earshot of Joel’s friends.

Joel’s friends don’t want his memory to be defined by his mental illness. That’s not how they will remember him, because that’s not what defined him.

Joel was the man you could lean on when it felt like your life was collapsing, his friends say. He was the man who would slowdance with you after a bad breakup. When you were depressed, he’d be the guy at your door in khakis and a polo shirt, cajoling you into taking a shower and going out dancing. He’d invite you over to his house for a Disney sing-along. He would play Mario Bros. with you. He’d watch Adventureland with you. He’d play guitar with you. He was the guy you’d be most likely to spend eight hours listening to Radiohead with, the guy who would drag you onstage at a Girl Talk show—just you, him, and two dozen sorority houses all shaking your asses.

More than a single story or memory, his wide circle of friends and their loyalty, their commitment to step up and support him through physical and mental illness, stands as a testament to the man Joel was.

“He might not be the loudest guy in the room, the guy who starts parties, but he was the guy you could talk to about your problems. The guy who’d make you laugh,” says Julia. “He was Joel, and we’re going to really, really, really miss him.”

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My Parents

Told Me the Sad Truth About America

Thirty Years Later, I Had to Tell My Black Son

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

There were two things my parents told me repeatedly when I was a boy: One, I would have to work harder than white kids to get ahead in life, and two, when out and about, I would have to do everything I could to avoid confrontations with police officers and white strangers. As for the first thing, I recall asking my parents exactly how much more did I have to work, and being told double, at the minimum. (This meant no comic books, no video games, no TV—I was only allowed to watch PBS.)

As for the second thing, it really meant never letting down my fear of white police officers or loud/angry white men. This was 30 years ago, and my family was not poor and didn’t live in a ghetto. We stayed in a leafy and quiet section of our medium-sized American city, I attended a good school, and my best friend was Toufik, an Iraqi whose father managed an oil company. But even living in this seemingly sheltered segment of society was not enough to protect me, a black boy, from the realities of American racism.

When we moved back to Zimbabwe in 1981, my parents stopped warning me about bad white people and also allowed me to watch as much TV as I wanted (though there was only one channel and it operated only seven hours a day—from 5 p.m. to midnight). It was such a relief to be in Zimbabwe. I was allowed to get a C without having to fear that my future was irrevocably ruined, that some racist teacher would send me to special ed. I was allowed to ride my bike around town without thinking about what my skin might mean to this or that person. I

facts mean one thing: Little has changed from the days when my parents warned me about cops and aggressive white men. And because there has been little change, it would be foolish, even negligent, of me not to impress upon my son a hard understanding of the society he lives in.

When walking home, I had to be aware that my skin (not what I wore, did, or said) coded me as a criminal.

My parents went to great lengths to fix in my head a permanent and realistic picture of this society. They wanted me to forget about American laws, about my rights, and about what people in the news, in school, and in books said about the fairness of the justice system, and instead just focus on the facts— who gets arrested, who ends up in prison, who is on death row, and who ends up dead. My chances of surviving this brutal system and of getting to college would be greatly improved if I always operated with an understanding of what America really is and not what America thinks or imagines it is. When in the classroom, I had to see the white teacher as a person who was expecting me to fail and drop out. And when walking or riding home, I had to be aware that my skin (not what I wore, did, or said) coded me as a criminal.

could finally be normal and make normal mistakes. If I was caught breaking the law (shoplifting, smoking pot, buying booze or cigarettes with money I nicked from my mother’s purse, or driving the car without a license), I would not be seen as a criminal but as a teenager.

Thirty years later, I find myself with a teenage son. We live in an American city. He is in high school. He is black and tall. He likes to jog and hang out with friends. He seems to be having a happy childhood. He plans to go to college. All seemed to be going well until George Zimmerman was acquitted for killing an unarmed teenager, Trayvon Martin. Now, I don’t want to go over the tedious details and arguments of this case. I just want to point out two clear facts: One, had Trayvon Martin been white, he would have made it home alive. The second fact: George Zimmerman is not going to jail. These two

This is what I told him over dinner recently: The most important thing to know is that your rights are useless to you if you are dead. So when it comes down to reality, forget about them. If a cop approaches you for some reason or another, be cool and diffident. Even if the cop is an asshole, even if he is totally wrong, do not raise your voice or challenge him in any way. I know, it sucks—but, as I said, the name of the game is staying alive. Also, if a white man asks what you are doing in this or that neighborhood, don’t say: You have no right to ask me that. Why? Because your rights mean jack when you are dead. So be calm, do not make sudden moves, answer his questions as clearly as possible, and always keep your hands visible. (Once, when two cops approached me with drawn guns and demanded to see my ID, I, with raised hands, calmly told them that it was in my back pocket, but I feared lowering my hands. Once they understood that I was not challenging their power to take my life, the tension dropped and one of the cops searched my pockets for and found my ID—I was not the black guy they were looking for. I lived to tell that story.)

So never get angry, keep the situation cool, and always be aware of the color of your skin when you are jogging to Lake Washington or to the soccer field. Know that what many people see is not a teenager enjoying the day, but just a criminal, someone who should be locked up, someone who is a menace to society. I do not want a dead son.

Comment on this story at THESTRANGER.COM

MIKE FORCE

theSTRANGER SUGGESTS

‘Traveling Light’ ART

Traveling Light is not just a metaphorical title for this show. Gallery owner Beth Cullom is closing her storefront in the International District. For more than five years there, she’s been mixing antique Japanese prints with works by living artists, and it’s been great. She plans to continue online and in pop-up locations, and in honor of her transition into new mobility, Cullom is hosting an exhibition of postcards— by the 57 artists from 10 countries who’ve shown there—plus conversations about what it means to “travel light,” to be invested in being divested You’re invited to a 3 p.m. talk on July 20. Things end with a closing garage sale on July 27. (Cullom Gallery, 603 S Main St, cullomgallery.com, noon–6 pm, free, through July 27) JEN GRAVES

Black Flag vs. Paul McCartney

Midday Veil MUSIC

MUSIC You’ve got a tough choice here! Which incredibly influential rock legend will you see tonight? Pros: Paul McCartney will always have a RAMsized place in my heart for making the most wonderful post-Beatles solo album. Black Flag will always have my utmost respect for bringing DIY punk to kids who didn’t realize there was an alternative—they made your favorite punk band possible. Cons: I politely shielded my ears from most things McCartney after Wings. Nerds are arguing about whether this particular Black Flag lineup is worth seeing. Choose wisely. (Black Flag at El Corazón, 109 Eastlake Ave E, elcorazonseattle.com, 8 pm, $25 adv/$30 DOS, all ages; Paul McCartney at Safeco Field, 1250 First Ave S, safecofield.com, 8 pm, $39.50–$253, all ages) EMILY NOKES

Midday Veil’s second album proper, The Current, finally surfaced and is now beautifying our airspace like an exquisite, alien perfume Through rigorous touring, the Seattle sextet have moved beyond even the highly evolved kosmische compositions on their new release, emboldening their live performances to ever-loftier heights. The band officially celebrates the suspenseful space-rock of The Current tonight, but also expect newer songs that roil and soar into more complex, exotic sonic territory. (Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, chopsuey. com, 8 pm, $7 adv/$10 DOS, 21+) DAVE SEGAL

Valerie Steele FASHION

When Valerie Steele was studying history at Yale in the 1970s, a fellow student made a presentation on the Victorian corset, and Steele’s career as a public fashion intellectual was born—in her mind. She had to invent the role, eventually writing books, curating more than 20 exhibitions, and becoming director of the Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. Tonight, she lectures on how Japanese designers like Issey Miyake, Yohji Yamamoto, and Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garçons revolutionized clothes in the 1980s The clothes themselves are upstairs in the galleries in the visiting exhibition Future Beauty. (Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave, seattleartmuseum.org, 7–8 pm, $10) JEN GRAVES

‘Twin Peaks’ Dance Party

MUSIC/ART

Why throw a huge party to celebrate everything Twin Peaks? The real question is: WHY NOT! David Lynch’s epic TV drama is forever in the hearts and minds of every true-blue Northwesterner, and this tribute will feature local bands Glitterbang, the Hot & Readies, and Night Cadet (the latter playing Julee Cruise cover songs), plus a Twin Peaks–themed art show and photo booth, cocktails, coffee, and fresh-baked cherry pie. FBI agent Dale Cooper, aka actor Kyle MacLachlan, was recently seen kicking around Seattle, so maybe he’ll even pop in. Fingers crossed! (FRED Wildlife Refuge, 127 Boylston Ave E, fredwildliferefuge.com, 7:30 pm, $20, 21+) KELLY O

MON JULY 22

‘The Heat’ FILM

An uptight FBI agent and a crude Boston cop team up to topple a mysterious Russian drug lord in this summer flick. Sounds familiar, right? Sounds like every other buddy-cop flick since the invention of both flicks and buddies. Here’s the twist: The two agents are played by Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. Women! In leading roles! Cast in a summer blockbuster, no less! And they’re funny! Holy fuck, I think I’ve burned all my bras (that’s a metaphor for death) and gone to saggy-titted feminist heaven. Grab a sack of popcorn and join me there. (See Movie Times: thestranger.com/film) CIENNA MADRID

Courtney Love

Porchetta Sandwich

CHOW The newest addition to sandwich-heavy Pioneer Square is Rain Shadow Meats Squared, a lunch-counter offspring of the popular butcher shop. In their porchetta sandwich, unsurprisingly, the meat is the focus ; it’s a crusty baguette stuffed with fatty roast pork and slathered with pesto sauce. The flavors all point inward, toward the pork: The bread sops up the fat, and the pesto highlights the porchetta’s freshness . It’s a sandwich to be stacked against anything Pioneer Square—even sainted Salumi—has to offer, with juiciness you can only find in the best cuts of meat, simply prepared. ( Rain Shadow Meats Squared, 404 Occidental Ave S, 467-4854, 11 am–6 pm, $12 ) PAUL CONSTANT

Oh, Courtney Love. She’s had ups, downs, and more downs— the drugs, the drama, the boobs . Girl’s not merely a hot mess— she’s a burning landfill . But she’s as real as they come, and you must bow down to Ms. Love as one of the fiercest females to hit the music industry. In her band Hole, Love played visceral, vulnerable, and aggressive music with a bravado usually reserved for her male counterparts. Word is Love will include songs from Live Through This , Celebrity Skin , and Nobody’s Daughter . ( Moore Theater, 1932 Second Ave, stgpresents.org, 8 pm, $32.50–$47, all ages ) EMILY NOKES

FRANK CORREA

Photo by Mark Kitaoka

ARTS

OPERA

The Lord of the Ring

J.R.R. Tolkien Denied

The Lord of the Rings Was Inspired by Wagner’s Operas, but I Find That Hard to Swallow

BY REBECCA BROWN

Wagner fans know the story about the inspiration for the music of Das Rheingold. In the autumn of 1853, when Wagner was on holiday in La Spezia, he got dysentery and spent a lot of time in bed and on the toilet. One day, he claims in his robustly self-mythologizing autobiography Mein Leben, in a state of—delirium? Vision? Trance?—he heard the sound of rushing water. The water rushed and rushed but then eventually resolved itself into a stream of E-flat arpeggios which then became the music of Das Rheingold, the first of the four operas in Der Ring des Nibelungen, also known as the Ring cycle, which begins a run on August 4 at Seattle Opera. An aural hallucination from on high inspired him.

Probably fewer Wagner fanatics are aware of something I ran across when I was looking up Barry Millington, author of The New

der Musik), and drafted plays and operas about culture-changing figures such as Parzival, Lohengrin, Emperor Barbarossa, and Jesus. Each of these dramas, to whatever degree, tells the story of a wounded old man or wounded old culture in desperate need of repair. Redemption arrives via supernatural things like magic rings or cloaks that can make the wearer disappear, or through a man who’s different from others, a stranger who’s from far away or been born in some eerie way and is a fool or innocent. He’s given riddles to answer or tasks to perform, and he must also make a very difficult choice. These stories are about the conflict between good and evil, law and love, the corrupting power of power and the salvific heart. They end in tragedy or hope or sometimes both.

Shortly after he heard the water-rushing arpeggios, Wagner drafted the score for Das Rheingold. Over the next couple of years (1854–56), he drafted Die Walküre and continued, while composing other work, laboring

That

“most toilets flush in E-flat” is “of crucial concern to Wagnerians.”

over Der Ring. These same years, he was falling in and out of love with his first wife and then his second, battling debt collectors (he once fled from people he owed money to accompanied by his dog named Robber), and trawling around for patrons.

LOOSE LIPS

ARTS GOSSIP

BY ZOMBIE PAUL ALLEN

• Local cartoonist David Lasky’s biographical comic The Carter Family: Don’t Forget This Song has been nominated for a Harvey Award in the best graphic album category! Winners will be announced in early September. Congrats to David and his writing partner Frank M. Young

• Last week, Amazon.com announced it will publish comic books under the Jet City Comics banner. Most of the books are science-fiction-themed and based on works created by big names like George R. R. Martin and Stranger Genius finalist Neal Stephenson. If any literary field is waiting for an Amazon-style disruption, it’s comics, which have been in the clutches of corporate intellectual property farms like DC and Marvel Comics for decades. This is an industry that is in desperate need of some shaking up, and maybe Amazon could be the business to do it.

Grove Guide to Wagner and His Operas, which is that “most toilets flush in E-flat”… “a phenomenon of crucial concern to Wagnerians.” “If toilets flush in E-flat,” continues the Millington citation, “could the initial inspiration for the Ring actually have been the flushing of an Italian lavatory cistern?” This coexistence of the sublime with the ridiculous, otherworldly transcendence with the mundane and very human here-and-now, is always present in Wagner.

Unlike most composers, Wagner also wrote the words to his operas. He wanted his operas to be more than merely realistic, but also to convey great big political, philosophical, mythic, and religious ideas. He had worked on the story of Der Ring for years. In the early 1840s, he immersed himself in classical literature and myth. In the late 1840s, Western Europe erupted in revolutions that make the late 1960s look like Disneyland, and the Arab Spring almost tame. It was a time when young people, intellectuals, workers, and others fed up with the indifference of their rulers to social inequality rebelled, and lots and lots of them had hell to pay. Barricades were raised (like in Les Mis!), governments fell, people were slaughtered, exiled, liberated, and re-oppressed. For a while, Wagner was a wild-eyed radical and took part in the Dresden insurrection. He may have even made some hand grenades. A warrant was issued for his arrest, and he had to flee Germany. He lived in exile (Paris, Vienna, Zurich) for about a dozen years, during which time he wrote essays about politics, drama, and music (including the anti-Semitic Das Judentum in

In other words, though Wagner wanted his operas to convey big philosophical ideas, they are also shot through with the more mundane concerns of money, greed, envy, lust, and the desire for revenge that figured so prominently in his life. They also contain, in terms of plot, a lot of completely ridiculous events (though not more ridiculous than most myths, fairy tales, or some of the stuff in his life, such as the time he and his wife lived with a wolf…). The plot of Der Ring, ridiculous or not, will sound extremely familiar if you have read J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings or seen the movies.

Last week, I looked again at The Fellowship of the Ring DVD and noticed that the short little clip at the very start—the bit you see before it sets up the menu to “play movie” or “select scene” etc.—was of a hand dipping down into a river and pulling up a ring. The water gets stirred and cloudy; the ring is seductive gold. Though Tolkien denied his Ring was influenced by Wagner’s, I find that a little hard to swallow. In an article in the New Yorker a few years back, Alex Ross claimed Tolkien had made an “informal study of Die Walküre not long before writing the novels.” Like Wagner’s, Tolkien’s Ring is a story of good and evil, redemption and faith—and it contains a river at the start; a corrupting and powerful ring; a short, dark, creepy creature who possesses it; a magical sword; an invisibility garment; distinct and warring “races”; a tall, skinny, wandering wise man; an intense relationship between landscape and people; an innocent redeemer; people wearing awesome headgear; and flying animals.

Wagner’s plot also contains some disturbing things that Tolkien’s doesn’t. In Wagner, there’s incest (almost-savior Siegfried is the love child of siblings), men offering women as payment to other men (Wotan promises to pay the giants with Freia), and goddess-sized marital spats (Fricka nails Wotan). There’s also more singing. Here are some of the highlights, both musical and otherwise.

Das Rheingold: The Rhinemaidens, whom Anna Russell, a Canadian-British

• Continuing its planetary takeover, Amazon is also plotting to sell original art, maybe starting later this month, the Wall Street Journal reports. In Seattle, formal talks began when execs—reportedly with varying degrees of engagement in art— invited local gallery owners to a reception in an Amazon meeting room. Over wine, sodas, veggies, and dip, the execs gave their pitch, and the art dealers had a range of reactions, from total rejection (“I’ve blocked it out of my mind”) to tentative embrace (“I think it will work for certain art at a certain price point”). The price of admission to the meeting, of course, was a nondisclosure agreement, so sources have asked to remain anonymous. But it sounds like you can look for artists represented by at least one or two local galleries on Amazon in the coming months.

• The cash-strapped LA Times turned itself into an embarrassingly small-town newspaper recently when it eliminated its only art reporter position—in America’s second-largest art city. The entire museum leadership of Southern California wrote a letter requesting that Jori Finkel’s job be reinstated (she was laid off). In response, Times editor Davan Maharaj wrote an open letter back: “Please know that our

Diminishment has occurred.

commitment to intelligent and illuminating reporting of the visual arts in Southern California is in no way diminished” (emphasis ours). So, after years of service, Finkel’s contributions amounted to zero? And readers’ palpable loss is their own collective delusion? It’s naive, but it would be nice if at least newspaper journalists—like Maharaj—would tell the truth about the news. Diminishment has occurred.

• Have you been to the Living Computer Museum yet? Neither have we, but hey, it’s a thing, down in Sodo at 2245 First Avenue South between Lander and Holgate. Paul Allen opened it in October, and it houses old computers fully restored, with the goal of “breath[ing] life back into our machines so the public can experience what it was like to see them, hear them, and interact with them.” Some you can even work online at livingcomputermuseum.org.

Hand grenades…below Smarmy pulp…24 Karl and Groucho…25 BRITTANY

RIDICULOUS OR NOT Wagner once lived with a wolf.

singer-comedienne, calls “a kind of aquatic Andrews Sisters,” sing.

Die Walküre contains “Ride of the Valkyries,” which is what the guy is listening to in the helicopter in Apocalypse Now as he is flying off to bomb everyone to smithereens.

Siegfried: Roles in this one include a giant, a dragon, a forest bird, a sword, and a woman awakened with a kiss. Only one of the above doesn’t sing.

Götterdämmerung: The river overflows, the ring is recovered (maybe… sort of?… for a while?), and there is a humongous great noisy consuming fire that either destroys or renews everything. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, and I wonder which.

I bet Tolkien wondered, too.

BOOKS

The Profane and the Ridiculous

Tampa and My Education Are Two Very Different Sexual Encounters

BY PAUL CONSTANT

The It Book this summer is Alissa Nutting’s Tampa (Ecco, $25.99), a novel so desperate for the attention of the bookbuying public that it’s wrapped in a fuzzy dust jacket designed to entice browsers into fondling a copy. It only gets fondlier on the inside: Tampa is narrated by Celeste Price, a young, beautiful schoolteacher with a ghastly secret. She’s sexually attracted to teenage boys, preferably age 14 or 15. And Price

embraces her pedophilic tendencies; she’s excited to start her teaching career so she can prey on students.

The sex is copious, highly illegal, and methodically described. Price is unsympathetic and unrepentant. She loathes her husband, the parents of her young prey, and all her coworkers. (She fantasizes about the death of her husband, with “pert adolescent males singing around his corpse, removing their colorful jerseys and swinging them above their heads in celebration.”) She constructs schemes on top of improbable schemes in order to keep indulging her obsession. It’s all so very prurient, a stink bomb aimed at easily offended readers who’ll clutch their pearls and urge a boycott (nothing sells books like a boycott). Comparisons to Lolita will no doubt be launched.

But the obvious difference is that Lolita is beautifully written, a testament to (and chronicle of) Nabokov’s love of the English language. Tampa is all shrewd calculation and awkward imagery. Early in the book, Price imagines “a moment when lust might be able to operate my labia as a ventriloquist’s dummy and speak aloud,” and she draws “the ledge of [her] pubic bone against the head of [a teenage boy’s] penis, pressed it there like a photograph beneath the plastic velum of an album page cover.” There will be some who claim that by addressing an ugly, perverse side of female sexuality, Nutting is performing a subversive feminist act. This is not that book; Tampa is just a smarmy little pulp thriller.

But as long as novelists take teaching jobs in MFA programs, the forbidden teacher-student sexual dynamic will always be a central theme of fiction. And sometimes it

can be used to great effect: Susan Choi’s new novel, My Education (Viking, $26.95), starts on familiar ground, as a young student named Regina Gottlieb is warned about charismatic professor Nicholas Brodeur but finds herself drawn to him anyway. But it then carves its own unexpected path through that tawdry relationship—Gottlieb winds up in an intense sexual relationship with Brodeur’s wife, another professor named Martha.

Gottlieb’s first encounter with Martha is unlike anything she’d ever experienced: “Had I been a doll, she might have twisted off each of my limbs, and sucked the knobs until they glistened, and drilled her tongue into each of the holes.” This is an image 10 times more salacious—and incalculably better written— than any of the sex in Tampa. It advances character and themes. It takes up residence in your head like a dirty little pop song.

I don’t want to misrepresent things here: My Education isn’t all about sex. It follows a small group of people for a decade or so; at one point, Choi transports us to years later, after characters have married and had children, and expects us to figure out where we are through context clues. She isn’t a writer who worries herself with making sure her characters are likable. We encounter just about everyone in My Education at the worst times in their lives, when they are at their most desperate, or angry, or self-obsessed. Everyone gets on everyone else’s nerves. Regrettable sex happens. Selfish choices are made. And Choi explains it all in muscular sentences that charm and shock and power the narrative:

And yet there were times in that endlessly dilating week—for every day’s newness made days within days, so that the week seemed to magically lengthen, the more it diminished—when Martha

and I, having drunk our way past drunkenness to a gritty sobriety; having eaten ourselves hungry again; most rare having fucked ourselves calm, so that sex relinquished its hold for a while on our minds; would sit across from each other in that professor’s apartment, or in a white-doily coffeehouse run by Greek Orthodox nuns, or in a bleach-washed linoleum Chinatown diner with scum-covered lobsters in tanks by the door, simply pouring ourselves out to each other in talk, as we somehow had not done before.

What Choi argues is this: It’s sometimes in our most profane moments, when we indulge every naughty craving our bodies offer up to us, that we manage to introduce ourselves to the greatest loves of our lives.

THEATER

Both Kinds of Marxist

Intiman Opens Its Second Summer Festival with the Subversive Clowning of Dario Fo

BY BRENDAN KILEY

Things ain’t what they used to be for Intiman Theater. The building that used to bear its name is now the Cornish Playhouse at Seattle Center, and the once august, Tony-laureate institution has downsized to a four-play summer festival, a seasonal tenant in its former home. The atmosphere at last

weekend’s opening-night performance of We Won’t Pay! We Won’t Pay!—the first play of this year’s festival—felt different as well, more like the giddy excitement of a summercamp talent show.

Last year’s festival also had a summercamp air, but Jen Zeyl, production manager and designer for the festival, says it was “like the Krusty the Clown summer camp on The Simpsons. Everything was a little broken, and everyone was crying a little—but there was a lot of love for the clown.” Mistakes were made, lessons were learned, and this year feels more sure-footed. And meanwhile, Zeyl adds, “We’re still paying down an epic debt.”

The resulting comedy is both kinds of Marxist—part Karl, part Groucho. As Antonia purrs, sighing with pleasure: “You have no idea how good it feels to shop without spending money.”

REVIEW

We Won’t Pay! We Won’t Pay! Intiman Theater at Cornish Playhouse at Seattle Center Through Aug 14

Intiman’s leaders, including artistic director Andrew Russell and board president Cynthia Huffman—who were profiled in the most recent Sunday New York Times—must be thoroughly sick of the comparison between “old Intiman” and “new Intiman.” But after the theater collapsed in 2011, laid off its staff, and announced it was making a comeback, it raised questions about what, exactly, the new Intiman would look like. Would it still rate among Seattle’s other regional theaters, ACT and the Seattle Rep? Or would it be a new fringe company with the borrowed glory of an old name?

We Won’t Pay! We Won’t Pay!, Dario Fo’s 1974 farce about police invading a neighborhood after Italian housewives loot a grocery store, seemed suspended between the two. This anarchic production of Fo’s anarchic play was inconsistent and lurching: At times,

Acting with one’s eyebrows is generally discouraged, but in this case it’s masterful.

one could feel the energy evaporating from the room. At others, it roared back to highoctane comedy, largely depending on who was onstage. This could be a symptom of uneven direction from Jane Nichols, who recently directed the gallows comedy Tall Skinny Cruel Cruel Boys—about a self-destructive birthday clown—at Washington Ensemble Theater with more success.

We Won’t Pay! largely takes place in the pink apartment of Giovanni (a bumbling factory worker with an enormous belly, played by Burton Curtis) and his scheming wife, Antonia (Tracy Michelle Hughes). Antonia, one of the grocery-store looters, ropes her friend Margherita (Kylee Rousellot) into hiding the goods from their husbands and the police, who are conducting house-to-house searches.

The best moments of We Won’t Pay! come courtesy of actor Adam Standley, also a member of the Satori Group, who plays multiple police officers and an undertaker, all with delightfully precise and minute tics. In one scene, he’s a lisping state trooper (he pronounces it “e-sthate e-throoper”) with a long, curly mustache, a ridiculously tiny hat, a black bow tie, and a uniform shirt that looks like it was swiped from the Seattle Police Department. At one point, when Antonia refuses a suggestion of his, Standley’s face races through approximately 15 different shades of incredulity in five seconds. Acting with one’s eyebrows is generally discouraged, but in this case it’s masterful.

In another scene, Standley plays an aggressive SWAT officer, rolling dramatically around the apartment, barking through his bullhorn, and fighting off invisible enemies while opening up his secretly revolutionary heart: “You might not believe me, but sometimes it disgusts me to be a policeman… to have to rob people of their dignity. And for who… for the politicians and slumlords who steal them blind and leave them homeless and hungry… Those bastards are the real thieves.”

Curtis plays Giovanni as a kind of Italian Fred Flintstone—an honest, go-along/ get-along dope—but his friend Luigi, given a big, good-natured swagger by G. Valmont Thomas, is another revolutionary in the making. With echoes of the recent riots in Brazil, Luigi announces he’s walked off the job to protest a transit fare increase. “Are you out of your mind?” Giovanni says. “We shouldn’t pay anything?” “The company should pay for our commute,” Luigi declares. “And they should pay us for the time we’re on the train.”

Everyone in Fo’s universe is a fool of one kind or another, but his most withering caricatures are of the buffoons who think the status quo is inevitable and unchangeable.

There were a surprising number of empty seats last weekend (15 percent of them, according to a spokesperson), but Intiman has three more opening nights to prove itself this summer: Trouble in Mind, directed by Valerie Curtis-Newton; Lysistrata, directed by Sheila Daniels; and the world-premiere musical Stu for Silverton, directed by Russell. The 2012 festival was an experiment—2013 will give us a more definitive picture of what the new Intiman means to Seattle.

Whether We Won’t Pay! turns out to be one of the stronger or weaker shows of the festival will tell us a lot about where Intiman is headed.

ART

Museums

FRYE ART MUSEUM

Buster Simpson // Surveyor: We can already thank Buster Simpson, elder of public art, for making bearable the Sea-Tac rental car garage with his new and luminous Carbon Veil, and now he’s working on the seawall renovation that will not only look good but also keep the city from falling into the Salish Sea. This exhibition is a retrospective for Simpson, detailing his immense contribution to public art and good citizenship. Free. Tues-Sun. Through Oct 6. 704 Terry Ave, 622-9250.

HENRY ART GALLERY

James Turrell’s “skyspace” Light Reign is on always-andforever display at the Henry, but it’s always and forever changing. It’s an outdoor room with an opening in the ceiling so you can sit and watch the sky go by. The experience is mindbogglingly more fascinating than you’d think, which is why Turrell has “skyspaces” all over the world. This season, Turrell also has three major museum shows around the country, in LA, NY, and Houston. It’s a good time to sit down and consider him. $10 suggested. Wed-Sun. 4100 15th Ave NE, 543-2280.

SEATTLE ART MUSEUM

In a Silent Way : SAM pulls work by Roy deCarava, David Hammons, Carrie Mae Weems, Glenn Ligon, and Rashid Johnson out of permanent collection storage. The exhibition features pieces that “quietly reflect on African American histories and identities” and have a distinct Miles Davis mood. $15 suggested. WedSun. Through Dec 1. 1300 First Ave, 625-8900.

Gallery

Openings

COCA GEORGETOWN

CoCA Collision: Past, Present, and Future: Over 150 artists (you heard us, one-five-oh) from across the country and also Switzerland. Free. Reception Thurs July 18, 5-9 pm. Mon-Fri. 5701 Sixth Ave S, Plaza Ste 258, 728-1980.

GALLERY [CONTEXT]

Direct Experience: The description of this exhibition contains only the many definitions of the words ‘direct’ and ‘experience.’

So, you know... Free. Reception Thurs July 18, 5-9 pm. Mon-Fri. 5701 Sixth Ave S, Ste 262

KATE ALKARNI GALLERY

The gallery celebrates its grand opening with this inaugural group show featuring work from 14 artists. Free. Reception Thurs July 18, 6-10 pm. MonFri. Through Nov 1. 5701 Sixth Ave S, 453-0043.

LTD. ART GALLERY

Saturday Morning: Cartoons and cereal: Aficionados know it to be the cognac and cigar of childhood. Fifty-two (52) artists help you reconnect with the sugar-addled product placement of your youth. Free. TuesSun. Through Aug 24. 307 E Pike St

PHOTOGRAPHIC

CENTER NORTHWEST

Long Shot: 24 Hour Photo Shoot: The exhibition of what got made during the annual 24-hour event. Free. Jul 22-27. 900 12th Ave, 720-7222.

PROGRAPHICA

The Big Picture : What art needs to be big and why?

Large works from Prographica artists. Free. Wed-Sat. Through Aug 17. 3419 E Denny Way, 322-3851.

SAM GALLERY

Stitchery: Group show featuring artists who use knitting, sewing, quilting, macrame (okay, not macrame)—all that. Includes Mandy Greer and Ries Niemi. Free. Reception Thurs July 18, 5-7 pm. Wed-Sat. Through Aug 17. 1220 Third Ave, 343-1101.

VICTOR

STEINBRU ECK PARK

MONUMAS : Seth David Friedman has carved a 5-foot piece of 10-million-year-old Persian travertine marble that aims to “put a stick in the

wheel of modern time,” and he’s installing it in Seattle’s tourist haven/open-air drug market/ seagull habitat. Free. Jul 20Aug 10. 2001 Western Ave, 684-4075.

Events

BUSTER SIMPSON

WALKING TOUR

Hike around the city with Buster Simpson and Randy Engstrom, director of the Seattle Office of Arts and Culture. It starts at the Frye and wanders off through the Convention Center, Pike Place Market, and Belltown. Frye Art Museum 704 Terry Ave, 622-9250. Free. Thurs July 18, 6:30-8:30 pm.

EMPOWERING WOMEN

ARTISAN MARKET

Artist cooperatives from Rwanda, Morocco, Laos, Nepal, India, and Bolivia will be at the museum, doing demonstrations and selling their wares. Burke Museum NE 45th St and 17th Ave NE, 5435590. Sat July 20 and Sun July 21, 10 am-3 pm.

POSTCARDS

Postcards: For this mini-exhibition, every artist who has ever shown at the gallery was invited to send in postcards on the theme of Traveling Light in honor of the gallery’s last month before moving online. Cullom Gallery, 603 S Main St, 919-8278. Free. Wed-Sat. Through Jul 27.

SAM TALKS: VALERIE STEELE

The badass director/chief curator of the Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology talks about the significance of Japanese fashion in the 1980s in conjunction with the Future Beauty exhibition at SAM. Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave, 625-8900. $10. Fri July 19, 7 pm. visualart@thestranger.com

READINGS

Wed 7/17

THE BREADLINE

This installment of the great readings series features poets Rich Smith and Chelsea Kurnick, along with comedians The Great Consultation, and a “dramatist” named Yooni. Plus an art installation! Vermillion 1508 11th Ave, 709- 9797. Free. 7 pm.

DAVID ORENTLICHER

The author of Two Presidents

Are Better Than One: The Case for a Bipartisan Executive discusses his idea, which I have not researched but which sounds totally fucking crazy on the surface. University Book Store, 4326 University Way NE, 634-3400. Free. 7 pm.

Thurs 7/18

GABE DURHAM

The author of Fun Camp will discuss the long process his book had of getting to print (one publisher went under before another one swept in to pick it up) and also his recently Kickstartered line of small books about video games. Plus readings by Matthew Simmons and Sean Boudoin! Vermillion, 1508 11th Ave, 709-9797. Free. 7 pm.

JODI ANGEL, JENNINE CAPÓ CRUCET, PETER MOUNTFORD

To celebrate the release of Jodi Angel’s new short story collection, You Only Get Letters from Jail, fancy writer Capó Crucet and local novelist Mountford get together to read short work “about the seedier parts of life.” Sounds like a good time to me. Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 322-7030. Free. 7 pm.

ROWENA KENNEDYEPSTEIN, REBECCA BROWN Kennedy-Epstein has shepherded an unpublished autobiographical novel by Muriel Rukeyser about the beginning of the Spanish Civil War into print. Tonight, she’ll be in conversation with certified Stranger Genius Rebecca Brown about the book and why it’s so important. Elliott Bay Book Company , 1521 10th Ave, 624-6600. Free. 7 pm.

Fri 7/19

BEN H. WINTERS I really dug Winters’s novel The Last Policeman It was about a schlub of a guy who becomes a police detective in a world where an asteroid is about to wipe out all life on earth. Countdown City is the second book in the series. Seattle Mystery Bookshop 117 Cherry St, 587-5737. Free. Noon.

MICHAEL MONTOURE Still Life is the newest book from the author of “horror and dark urban fantasy.” Wayward Coffeehouse, 6417 Roosevelt Way NE, Suite 104, 525-5191. Free. 8 pm.

Sat 7/20

JANET BROWN Conflict of interest alert: The author worked with me for years at Elliott Bay Book Company before she became an author and I became a total failure. Her newest travel memoir, Almost Home: The Travels of a Geographic Trollop, is about what it’s like to live in Bangkok and return to the United States, most specifically Seattle. Elliott Bay Book Company 1521 10th Ave, 624-6600. Free. 5 pm.

Mon 7/22

GRAHAM KERR

(Kindred Spirits), directed by Amy Poisson (These Streets). Professor Pemberton, a resident of New Providence, must confront his past as political unrest sweeps through his town. Theater Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave S, www. brownpapertickets.com. $10-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Aug. 3. EVIL DEAD: THE MUSICAL A musical-theater mashup of Evil Dead Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness, the campy schlock-horror series about college students who accidentally “unleash an evil terror.” Last Chance Productions at Erickson Theater Off Broadway , 1524 Harvard Ave, 877-976-EVIL. $25-$35. Thurs at 8:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 7 and 10:15 pm. Through July 20. FAMILY

SUSAN CHOI My Education

a young woman who has an affair with a professor, but not in the way that you’re expecting. Elliott Bay Book Company, 1521 10th Ave, 624-6600. Free. 7 pm.

Tues 7/23

MARY DAHEIM The mystery author returns with what must be her umpteenth book. University Book Store 4326 University Way NE, 6343400. Free. 6 pm.

MATTHEW SPECKTOR American Dream Machine is Specktor’s second novel. It’s about Los Angeles, which, as the cliche goes, practically becomes a character in the book. Elliott Bay Book Company , 1521 10th Ave, 624-6600. Free. 7 pm.

SAMUEL R DELANY

Fancy-pants sci-fi-minded writing organization Clarion West is bringing legendary author Delany to Seattle. He’ll read from his most recent novel, Through the Valley of the Nest of Spiders, and answer pretty much any question you may have about what it means to be the man with the awesomest beard in science fiction today. Seattle Public Library, 1000 Fourth Avenue, 386-4636. Free. 7 pm. readings@thestranger.com

THEATER

Opening and Current Runs

THE ACROBATIC CONUNDRUM A circus-theater hybrid company called the Acrobatic Conundrum performs The Way Out about eight strangers trapped in a world with no exit. Youngstown Cultural Arts Center, 4408 Delridge Way SW, 686-3729. strangertickets. com. $20. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through July 27. THE CLOCKWORK PROFESSOR Pork Filled Productions presents a new steam-punk adventure play by Maggie Lee

Company at Center Theater Seattle Center Armory, 355-5267. $5-$15. Fri-Sun at 7:30 pm. Through July 21.

PICNIC A handsome drifter comes to a small town on Labor Day weekend and sets all the ladies aflutter. Written by William Inge, directed by Davis Hsieh. ReAct Theater at Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 364-3283. reacttheatre.org. $8-$16. Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm. Through Aug 3.

RAPTURE, BLISTER, BURN A Pulitzer Prize finalist by Gina Gionfriddo about a high-powered academic who returns to her hometown to take care of her mother and meets her former best friend, Gwen, who is a stay-at-home mom married to the academic’s old boyfriend. The two study each other for disappointment. Anita Montgomery directs this comedy starring Kirsten Potter and Kathryn Van Meter. ACT Theater, 700 E Union St, 2927676. $20-$57. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun

COPS IN SHORT SHORTS!

A succinct collection of antiquated photographs, crime artifacts, deadpan write-ups, and charmingly outdated communications equipment is housed at the Seattle Metropolitan Police Museum in Pioneer Square. Apparel creeps in, too. There are dozens of patches and badges, and several historic uniforms showcased behind glass, though they’re too infested with utilitarian details to bring a lot of thrills.

In the back room, a 1987 photograph of “The Nation’s First Mountain Bike Patrol” is much flashier than the other displays. It shows two uniformed men posing before a cityscape. The cops are fit and young and clean and alert, and the sunlight surrounding them falls down like poured gold

In keeping with a certain formal dignity, they have classic button-up collared shirts with western-cut pocket flaps, muted navy tones, and long sleeves. But their upper and lower bodies are not the most perfectly matched pairs. The officers wear

crisp short shorts accessorized with Velcroclose high-top sneakers, and their identical athletic-stripe, calf-length tube socks are lightly scrunched for a casual effect. The resulting ensemble imparts the perfect blend of visual spice and symbolic urgency.

Additional style visuals are sprinkled throughout the museum: a perpetrator’s knit ski mask, a call-center employee’s feathery pompadour, a policeman’s bulbed woolen helmet from the 1900s. But if you need more elaborate insider writeups, you’ll have to look elsewhere.

Start with the 1985 book of interviews Cops: Their Lives in Their Own Words by Mark Baker. In it, an anonymous police chief finally explains the cop-and-mustache connection. Once upon a time, the decoy section entrapped purse snatchers by posing officers as harmless old ladies who carried handbags and trudged the city’s dark streets: “You want a woman victim, so we have to dress up one of the guys… The guys outsmarted me at first. They started growing mustaches. Before long, they all had one.”

Also read David Ziskin’s book The Real Police, a meticulous recounting of his service to the Seattle Police Department. From the “Uniforms” chapter: “Most departments wear clip-on neckties in uniform, so that a suspect cannot choke an officer by grabbing the tie,” Ziskin writes. And for plainclothes duties, “I had a couple of ties cut and then tacked back together in a place that would be concealed under my shirt collar. If anyone tried to choke me by grabbing the tie, it would part under the collar and pull free.”

ROCKIN PIANO SHOW

CHOW

Restaurant Overload

Three

New Places I Would Totally Go Back to If I Had Limitless Time and Stomach-Space

BY BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

So. Many. New. Restaurants. In. Seattle. It is overwhelming. Just in the last couple months, six new restaurants have opened on Capitol Hill alone. Six! Plus two pop-ups! By the time

you read this, there’s probably a seventh— Freddy’s, a hamburger place from the owner of Rancho Bravo (his name is Freddy). And it’s happening all over town: more and more and MORE places to eat food. Local food blogs put up posts like “The 47 Most-Anticipated Restaurant Openings This Summer.”

As a human professionally obligated to keep up with all this, I need another stomach, or maybe a wholesale clone (she would live such a good life!). Meanwhile, there are places that get tried, then lost in the shuffle—good neighborhood places, places with really nice people working there, ones that it’s a shame to leave never mentioned just because they don’t have a name-brand chef or a trendy menu. Here are three new restaurants I tried recently that I would totally go back to if there weren’t 47 other new places waiting.

BRASS TACKS

6031 Airport Way S, 397-3821, georgetownbrass.com

Brass Tacks is the sister and nextdoor neighbor of Ground Control, the Georgetown sandwich shop and bar with the model airplanes that everybody loves. Brass Tacks feels like an upscale roadhouse—it’s welcoming and odd, with shuffleboard among the tables and a baby doll smoking a cigar in a big birdcage. Strings of lights make the

rough-around-the-edges stuff (and the people among it) look romantic and fun, the kind of party you’d see through the slats of a fence and want to crash. If someone from the outside had come into Georgetown and made Brass Tacks, they’d have been excoriated for appropriating the neighborhood’s unaffectedly mismatched, reclaimed, weirdo style; as it is, it seems pretty much perfect.

The woman who seated us was a marvel of human interaction—so genuinely, immediately nice that you felt like family—and the rest of the service was low-key and just right. (This is a silverware-in-jars-on-thetable kind of place, as any Georgetown restaurant besides the Corson Building probably should be.) It happened to be the night of HONK!

Mad Hatcher chicken. It was a hot night, so we skipped the pork fries (pork belly that’s breaded and deep-fried—really!) and the heavy stuff. The deviled duck eggs ($6) were great, each with a little chip of crisped ham and a cornichon lodged in the creamy yolk. The Oregon lamb sliders ($12 for three) were tasty on their springy little brioche buns, but needed more horseradish/citrus aioli for kick and sauciness. Jerk chicken thighs ($11) were limey-spicy-good. Then we ate vegetables: a delicious, unwieldy, grilled romaine version of a Caesar ($10); roasted artichoke ($9, with white beans, arugula, and radish, all good but not really integrated); and grilled asparagus ($8, with pea vines, fennel, and pancetta, same deal).

Beardo chef Chris Opsata will roast you and your party a whole suckling pig if you order it ahead of time; he would probably love to do it.

RESTO

421 E Thomas St, 427-1745, restoseattle.com

DLocal food blogs put up posts like “The 47 MostAnticipated Restaurant Openings This Summer.”

Fest—the annual convergence of multiple marching bands on the streets of Georgetown—and a jazz band was playing on Brass Tacks’ corner stage, loud enough that we had to shout a bit. It still felt like a refuge.

The menu is a familiar fancied-up comfortfood one: house-made pickles, poutine, a Painted Hills cheeseburger, macaroni and cheese with house-smoked brisket, half a

restaurant?) and moules frites. The chef/owner lived in Montreal while on a 10-year break from restauranting; before that, he ran the Front Porch in Snoqualmie and some places in Richmond, Virginia. He was assisted intermittently in the kitchen by the goofily gallant, completely lovable server (who also makes the pie, which I feel mean saying was just okay).

First: an amuse-bouche (yay!) involving planks of cracker and roasted grapes, which was odd but kindhearted and charming, much like Resto overall. And generous: Resto’s beet salad ($8) had a chunk of chèvre on it that was practically bigger than the restaurant. The beets were very good, as was a small plate of crispy-fried oysters ($7), presented thoughtfully and prettily with little heirloom tomatoes and arugula. The lamb chops, in the lollipop style (three for $21), were excellent: richly flavored and exactingly cooked, still pink, warm, luscious. The “Eggman Pasta” ($12), purportedly containing olive oil, garlic, parsley, thyme, and capers, was plain in the extreme, like boxed spaghetti made by a particularly incompetent hungry drunk person in the middle of the night. Luckily, we had lots of leftover chèvre and heirloom tomatoes to mix in, to great improvement.

Everything else was at such a higher level, it seems like the Eggman debacle must have been a mistake. I would absolutely give it—and the rest of Resto’s short, happily uncomplicated menu—another chance.

LA COCINA OAXAQUEÑA

1216 Pine St, 623-8226, lacocinaoaxaquena.com

La Cocina Oaxaqueña has filled the Capitol Hill space of that pho place across from Machiavelli that was always sadly empty. Walking to the restaurant in a torrential downpour, I got a text from my waiting friend: “There is a noise in here that I’m not sure I can deal with,” she said. But one of the kind and solicitous people who work there rushed to open the door for me as I dealt with my umbrella, and another of them had already moved my friend from the problem, which is an isolated area beneath a vent near the door. (It does make a soul-vibrating sound; don’t sit there.)

o you remember the Thomas Street Bistro: somewhat liked, mostly reviled, and finally—unbelievably—kicked off Groupon due to customer complaints? Resto is in the same Capitol Hill spot, and spot is the word for it: It seems like it used to be the entryway for the apartment building above. There’s a miniature outdoor seating area, three booths, two tables, and the world’s smallest open kitchen. If there are loud people at Resto, you will know it; hopefully, they’ll have French accents, like our loud people did.

“Resto” is Montreal/French slang for “restaurant.” Resto’s menu has a nominal Quebecois bent, evidenced by poutine (here called “poutini,” maybe after the Toronto

The space is a little strange; there is so much glass that paranoid people who prefer to sit with their backs to the wall will be hard-pressed to do so. But, again, everyone is so nice, and the house margaritas are made with fresh lime (and only $7). The carne asada tacos ($6.95) were in the upper 20th taco-percentile, with subtly seasoned meat, fresh cilantro, and bits of onion in cushy homemade tortillas. A side of beans ($2.50) was also much better than most, in the preferable soupy style. And the camarones al mojo de ajo ($11.95), a large number of very fresh-tasting shrimp, was really, fearlessly spicy-hot—the hottest version I’ve ever had. I didn’t have a knife, and they never noticed and got me one, but I was so involved with my shrimp, fork, and spoon, it didn’t matter.

One of the owners of La Cocina Oaxaqueña used to be a manager at the famous/great La Carta Oaxaca, which will open a Capitol Hill branch just a few blocks up Pine Street this fall. The new La Carta will be approximately equidistant between La Cocina Oaxaqueña and the really good Fogón. So much Mexican food. But La Cocina Oaxaqueña might end up being your favorite, and you won’t know if you don’t try. Comment

BRASS TACKS The bar and the baby doll smoking a cigar.

BETH CROOK

WHO IS THE BOSS AROUND HERE?

The Boss is a bar next to Jumbo Seafood Restaurant & Lounge, which in turn is next to a business that sells jewelry and furniture, all of which are contained in a building, Rainier Mall, that’s painted the color of white flesh and has near its entrance impressive statues of roaring lions and ancient and curvy Greek women dancing in a way that would excite and wet the dreams of a 19th-century German philosopher. If, as I have written in another column, the bar at Maneki is like the set in a movie by the Japanese master Yasujiro Ozu (warm, familiar, practical), the Boss is like the set in a movie by the Hong Kong

director John Woo. And by this, I do not mean the Woo of the ’90s (his Hollywood period), but the Woo of the ’80s, when the handsome Chinese actor Chow Yun-Fat was his leading man.

The Boss is small, is dark, and has a bar in its east section and a stage for karaoke in its west. Though most of its patrons are Vietnamese, one who, like me, has consumed a large amount Hong Kong crime thrillers can’t help but feel that, upon entering the Boss, it would be perfectly normal to find the dangerous but ultimately honorable assassin played by Chow Yun-Fat in the film The Killer sitting at the bar, downing shots of whiskey One could even picture the assassin leaving the Boss in slow motion—overcoat swaying with each slow step, and one hand smoothly placing a black pistol into the pot of a plastic plant.

When I visited the Boss late one night, I had a glass of wine (Pine & Post) that cost $8, a well vodka and tonic that cost $9 (at least it was strong), and a small plate of giant shrimp that cost $9. Wineglasses hung from the rack over my head like bats. A man on the stage sang a very sentimental Vietnamese song, the flowers in front of me had folded dollar notes planted in their white petals, and the lady bartenders were very sweet and eager to please me, to make me feel like I was the boss, the only big boss in the whole of the world.

Recent Restaurant RIPs BY BETHANY

JEAN

CLEMENT

• THE CONTINENTAL GREEK RESTAURANT AND PASTRY SHOP • U-District: After more than 40 years, the much-loved, familyowned-and-run fixture on the Ave made the “bittersweet announcement” that they would close at the end of last month “so that Demetre & the fam can have some rest & relaxation.” There were lines out the door until the end, and the wonderful owners invited everyone to “bring in Tupperware to take home some pastries, dips, soups, etc.” on the last day. So sweet. Thank you and farewell to the Continental!

• ROVER’S • Madison Valley: Another one of the very few Fine Dining places in town bites the dust, after chef/owner Thierry Rautureau—aka “The Chef in the Hat” for his omnipresent headwear (what’s under there?)—had been dispensing “the cuisine of the Pacific Northwest refined by a French accent” here since the beginning of time, aka 1987. While the hidden-courtyard setting was sweet and the (very spendy) food could be fantastic, both the decor and feel of the place were notably staid. The Chef/Hat’s more casual restaurant, Luc, remains open nearby, and another is reportedly in the works.

The Chef in the Hat had run Rover’s since the beginning of time.

and promising (threatening?), “We won’t rehearse grace, performance and passion, we will live it. We will have an altruistic, guestsfirst mentality, but our differentiation will steam [sic] from our commitment to being straightforward and memorable.” The sign on the door promises (threatens?) “a great and exciting new concept… in the very near future.” Cal’s in Kent remains open.

• COPPER GATE • Ballard: It’s good-bye to Copper Gate’s Scando-hodgepodge-chic furnishings, old-fashioned cheesecake photos of topless ladies, and tasty Scandinavian food, and hello (sometime soon) to Olaf’s, which sounds pretty similar, minus the ladies, plus a more typical bar menu, according to Eater Seattle. (The Pussy Room will reportedly carry on.)

• CHUTNEY’S GRILLE ON THE HILL • Capitol Hill: How did it last so long?

• LA CÔTE • Madison Valley: The crepe place formerly known as Saint Germain is no more, so now if you want a French restaurant in Madison Valley, it’s just Luc or Voila! Bistrot, you poor thing.

• HERFY’S • Fremont: The Fremont remainder of the Everett-founded, now-defunct burger chain with a photo-realistic cow’s face for a logo is now defunct in Fremont. (The few Herfy’s left are all independently owned.) The verdict on Slog was: not sad Commenter Hernandez summarized: “With their nearby competition being Uneeda Burger, Pecado Bueno, Via Tribunali, and Dot’s Delicatessen, I don’t think they ever stood much of a chance. I never saw more than three customers in there at a time.” A cafe/wine bar called Vif (which sounds good) will take over the space.

• LA BOUCHERIE • Vashon Island: La Boucherie was said to be Vashon’s best restaurant, which is a big-fish-small-pond situation to be sure, but it was also part of the island’s sustainable Sea Breeze Farm: “We farm it, raise it, harvest it, clean it, process it, cook it, and serve it,” they said, and it was said to be good. The owners are returning to just running the farm, but intermittent farm dinners will be held; check their Facebook.

• QDOBA • Capitol Hill: The Broadway link in the “Mexican grill” chain is gone. Sympathies to those who worked there, but otherwise, good riddance: It was pretty awful.

• OOBA TOOBA • Capitol Hill: See Qdoba above. Exact same thing!

• CAL’S AMERICAN KITCHEN • South Lake Union: Open for less than a year, Cal’s seemed a little over-concepted from the get-go, calling itself “a new twist on the tradition of the American tavern,”

A BARRAGE OF BISCUITS AT MORSEL

Kekoa Chin-Hidano Owner, Morsel 4754 University Way NE, 268-0154

Kekoa Chin-Hidano, owner of Morsel, is carrying on the biscuit tradition in the spot formerly inhabited by the incredibly popular biscuit-making Nook in the U-District. He’d been a barista at Nook for three months when the owner decided to call it quits and entrust the space to him. He hired chef Domingo Ramos, who came up with a new biscuit recipe plus a menu of sandwiches like the Spanish Fly, with prosciutto, Manchego cheese, fried egg, arugula, and aioli. I had a Cheesy Biscuit, a fluffy pastry baked with garlic, butter, Beecher’s cheese, and house-made tomato jam: It was basically the ultimate garlic bread. Kekoa’s cappuccino was similarly excellent—simple and high quality—made with Velton’s Mexico Nayarita coffee and milk from Twin Brook Creamery. Kekoa, a former PC repairman, developed a fascination with coffee and spent a year training himself as a barista before opening Morsel. He claims his favorite thing to eat at Morsel depends only on how hungry he is, but he puts Domingo’s pickled jalapeños and bacon jam on everything. Kekoa said he wanted his photo for Chow Bio to include every object inside Morsel. After a moment of thought, he added, “Especially the grinders! I love my coffee grinders.” When asked why he chose the name “Morsel” over other tiny adorable food names, such as “Niblet,” he said he felt Morsel best conveys the homey atmosphere of the place. Kekoa and Domingo are considering extending Morsel’s business hours, and they’ve done a few experimental catering jobs. “We made 400 frittatas last weekend!” Kekoa said. SARAH GALVIN

Mexican Favorites Since 1974

CHOW BIO

THE STRANGER

• CHABELA’S • Wallingford: It did not last long.

• JUNCTION BAKERY AND CAFE • West Seattle: It lasted nine years.

• THOA’S • downtown: The upscale Vietnamese place kitty-corner from SAM, back toward the water, from chef Thoa Nguyen, is closed after 10 years. She still runs Wabi Sabi and Chinoise (with another Chinoise planned for Issaquah). The space will become Jason Stratton’s Spanish restaurant, Aragona—he’s known for the acclaimed Spinasse and Artusi.

Find reviews of places that are still open at THESTRANGER.COM/CHOW

Chow Events

Thursday 7/18

MOJITOS AGAINST MOSQUITOS

Fight one of the world’s great public health scourges (malaria) with one of the world’s great pastimes (drinking!) at this fundraiser for the Uganda Village Project. BalMar , 5449 Ballard Ave NW, 297-0500. ugandavillageproject.org. $15. 6 pm.

Friday 7/19

TASTING FLIGHT AT THE ZOO

It’s an “after-hours, adults-only fundraiser event” at the zoo, with tastes from more than 30 Washington wineries, live music, and the chance to see Asian small-clawed otters in person. BYOG (bring your own glass). Woodland Park Zoo North Meadow. zoo.org. $27 adv, $32 day of, $100 VIP. Fri Jul 19, 6-9 pm.

8TH ANNUAL PNA SUMMER BEER TASTE Taste beers from more than 20 local microbreweries—with snacks and live music included in the ticket price, too— outside on Phinney with “No boring beers here”! Phinney Neighborhood Association , 6532 Phinney Ave N, 7832244. phinneycenter.org. $25 for PNA members; $30 general public; $10 designated driver. 4-7 pm.

Monday 7/22

CALAMITY

JANE’S BINGO

Bingo plus booze equals FUN, and this Monday night bingo game has $2.50 PBR tallboys with all-you-can-eat spaghetti for $9.13 (plus meatballs “as big as your head” for a bit more). Calamity Jane’s, 5701 Airport Way S, 763-3040. calamityjanes.biz. 6-10 pm.

PLANES, TRAINS, AND TRAVELING CHEFS

KIRKLAND UNCORKED Kirkland uncorks itself with tons of Washington wine, restaurant samples, a grill-off, food trucks, cooking classes, the “Burger Brawl,” live music, a boat show, a Dog Modeling Contest, etc. in waterfront Marina Park. A portion of tasting garden admission goes to the Hope Heart Institute, so you can feel a portion of virtuousness. Marina Park , Kirkland, 949-8357. kirklanduncorked.com. Tasting Garden $25 adv/$30. 5-10 pm, Sat noon-10 pm, Sun noon-6 pm.

Saturday 7/20

TAMALE-MAKING CLASS

Embrace the pork lard and learn the secrets: You’ll take home a dozen tamales of your own making at the end, plus the ability to make tamales for the rest of your natural life. Class fees support Centro de la Raza’s Senior Wellness Program. El Centro de la Raza , 2524 16th Ave S, 957-4611. $75. 10 am-12:30 pm.

POKER BIKE WINE TOUR Wine Tea Chocolate has changed its name to the Barrel Thief, and they’re celebrating with a bicycle wine tour from Wine World to City Cellars to Tutta Bella to Fremont Wines to the Barrel Thief that they promise will be awesome. Ride carefully! Across Town . wineteachocolate. com. Free. Noon-5 pm.

Owner Dan Bugge and chef Shane Ryan of Matt’s in the Market host a series of dinners cooked by haute shite visiting chefs, including six courses with wine pairings. Tonight: Gabriel Rucker of Le Pigeon in Portland! Matt’s in the Market, 94 Pike St, 4677909. mattsinthemarket. com. Call to inquire about price. 6 pm.

Tuesday 7/23

TWO-DOLLAR

TUESDAYS

In observance of National Ice Cream Month, Cupcake Royale offers single scoops of their ice cream for just $2 every Tuesday in July, at last making a National [thing] Month meaningful. Cupcake Royale locations. cupcakeroyale.com. $2. Tuesdays through Jul 30.

COLUMBIA CITY CHOW DOWN

Your Chow Down passport gets you “scrumptious bites” at as many participating Columbia City restaurants as you can hit in four hours, including Afrikando Banadir, Bananas Grill, Empire Espresso, Full Tilt, St. Dames, Tutta Bella, and more! Bonus: It all benefits the great work of the Rainier Valley Food Bank. Columbia City . rvfb.org. $50. 6-10

MUSIC

Grown-Up Things

Shelby Earl Isn’t Hiding Anything BY

MEGAN SELING

When it comes to her music career, golden-voiced Shelby Earl has a knack for doing things a little backward. At an age when most musicians are thinking about leaving the game

and getting a real job (mid-30s), Earl quit her full-time position at Amazon to devote her life to music. Then, after releasing her debut record, Burn the Boats, in 2011, rather than following up with a flawless second album that utilized all the new tricks she learned the first time around, Earl recorded Swift Arrows (out July 23) in only eight days, using a lot of first takes and live recordings as the foundation.

Because of the stripped-down approach of Swift Arrows, the album is more vulnerable than Earl’s previous release, but the songs also carry a newfound confidence. Just as Earl celebrates the possibility of mistakes and imperfections in the music itself, she’s also, in a way, celebrating the once-shitty situations that inspired lyrics like “I will swim in your sea of glass/Let it hurt, just make it last.” This time around, Earl is not holding anything back, nor is she hiding behind anything—even if it might make for some awkward conversations with her dad.

I don’t know if you remember this, but several years ago, we ran into each other at a show at the Sunset and I asked how things were going—you told me you decided to leave your job and pursue music full-time. Did I witness a pivotal historical moment in Shelby Earl’s musical career? What prompted that? I was in a band for a long time, but I was always “just the singer.” When that band broke up, I took some time off and thought that was that. But maybe nine months later, I started writing songs and it just snowballed—writing my own songs was really freeing. It started getting consuming: I was writing lyrics in meetings, going to my car

realistic, you’re not acknowledging how bad things are in the world,” and that is so naive to me. “Grown Up Things” is about an event that threatens your sense of innocence, because I’ve always believed you can have innocence without ignorance. It’s not me singing that to someone else, it’s someone telling me to get my head out of the clouds. That song was a purging for me, it’s a little cheeky.

You get cheeky a few times! Like the “I love you, and you love yourself” line on “The Artist.” That one, too—people keep asking who that’s about. That’s the only cowrite on the record. My friend Lance Paine and I wrote this song actually poking fun at ourselves. He’s a songwriter, he’s married, and we were talking about what a pain in the ass we are to our people. Seriously!

You recently tweeted that some guy came up to you and was like, “So who writes your songs?” You said, “I do,” and then he said, “Yeah, but who writes the lyrics?” That was unbelievable. That’s actually happened a few times. Maybe it’s because I sing about all these weapons—they think a dude is behind it [laughs]. I actually didn’t even realize this, someone just pointed it out, but I listen to almost all male musicians. So it could also be about my input, which of course affects my output.

• Noc Noc. Who’s there? CONDOS AGAIN. The late-night-until-early-morning gothic hideout the Noc Noc will be no more after August 31, when a real-estate company called Urban Visions (oh boy) will “redevelop” the Second Avenue four-story building that houses the venue. The Noc Noc has no plans to relocate, but you can show your support by stopping by and purchasing a 16-ounce Pabst for two dollars, available any time they’re open.

• Sub Pop’s Silver Jubilee—the 25thbirthday bash the label threw itself on Saturday—was a raging, crowded, fun, stoned, drunk, loud success. Upwards of 30,000 people streamed through Georgetown for the festivities, and barely anyone was an asshole! (Except for the guy screaming “IS SOUNDGARDEN SERIOUSLY NOT FUCKING PLAYING?” after a rumor of a “secret headliner” circulated through the hopeful crowd.) Highlights from the sun-soaked day included: the abrasive noise-rap group (and new Sub Pop signees) clipping., the mellow

Pissed Jeans

to voice-memo a melody. And then I started thinking I should record these. I had never been all in with music—I just figured there would always be a day job. I also had someone close to me pass away within that same time frame, which makes things very real and urgent. You realize that this could all be over soon and you might as well be doing it the way you want to be doing it.

The first line of “We Will Die”—where you sing, “That first step, all it takes, to start walking the other way, and that fear, well it has its place, but it cannot compromise the grace”—is clearly coming from a place where something different needs to be done. That theme pops up a lot on the record. Was there a lot of transitioning during the writing of those songs? With Burn the Boats, I would tell people, “This song’s about that, and this song’s about this,” but I’m feeling a little more reserved these days. There are some tough life events that happened. This is where I love being older and being a songwriter and having this outlet. The main theme on the record is going through something really challenging that does not take you out.

There’s the line you sing that I really wish I’d heard in my early 20s: “Let it hurt, just make it last.” Who hasn’t felt that way? Either a person is terrible or a thing is terrible, but you still don’t want to let it go. I dreamed that chorus. That’s never happened to me before. In my dream, it was the Flaming Lips singing it or something, so I had to google it to make sure it was not a song. But I didn’t know what it meant, it was the whole line: “I’ll go swimming in your sea of glass/Let it hurt, just make it last.” So I created a whole story around it. That line has had the most interesting effect on people.

“I was writing lyrics in meetings, going to my car to voice-memo a melody.”

With so many songs that are about battling and going to war, what is it that you’re battling against? These songs were written over a couple of years, so it’s different life situations. Like, with “Grown Up Things,” I’ve had a couple people ask, “What’s the terrible secret?” And I’m like, the terrible secret is whatever you’re hiding! Or whatever makes you feel like you're no longer an innocent person. My dad said to my stepmom, “So what do you suppose that terrible secret is?” I was like, “Dad! No!”

That makes sense—there’s a lot of talk of war or weaponry on the album. On the song “Grown Up Things,” it sounds very threatening. The songs are very lovely sounding, but they’re also battle cries. Like you want to kick somebody’s ass. Do you? Not now, no [laughs]. Thank you, songs! Actually, “Grown Up Things” I wrote from somebody else’s perspective. I had somebody say to me, years and years ago, “You’re too optimistic—it’s not

What do you say to that, to your dad wondering what kind of terrible things you’re hiding? For this record, there’s a quote—this is terrible, I hate even saying it out loud—but there’s this writer, Anne Lamott, who said, “Write like your parents are already dead.” Which is a terrible thing! But she just meant that you’ve gotta say what you’ve gotta say. It’s hard, though. In the past, I’ve definitely self-edited.

This album doesn’t feel as self-edited or vague as Burn the Boats That’s what I’m saying! I let there be grown-up stuff in there.

future hiphop of Shabazz Palaces, the extreme stage-diving that took place during METZ, the highly quotable Pissed Jeans set (“Seattle, where did you import your bros from? LA?”), Father John Misty’s insistence that the Jubilee was an extravagant party for the one-and-a-half-year anniversary of his album Fear Fun, Mudhoney’s too-crowded-tomove super-set, and the man named Digger who was accepting dollar bills if you felt like stapling them to his chest

• KEXP DJ Sharlese and Stranger contributor Chris Aldrich (aka Ctrl_Alt_Dlt) are starting a series of electronic-music podcasts for the influential radio station. Stay tuned for more info.

• We are sad to announce that Q Nightclub has canceled its Sunday-afternoon Tea Dance featuring local awesome-person DJ Riz. Booooo!

• The music editor of this paper, Emily Nokes, would like to formally invite Courtney Love to her house after Ms. Love’s performance on July 23 at the Moore Theater.

• It is with much wailing and gnashing of teeth that we report that French prog-rock guitar icon Richard Pinhas of the legendary band Heldon will not be playing Seattle on his rare West Coast tour in September. This is a shameful turn of (non-) events for this city. Merde!

• Former Stranger music editor Eric Grandy is moving to San Francisco because he got an awesome job! We hope he’ll still have it in him to gripe about Macklemore regularly on Facebook and Twitter. Good luck, Grandy—we’ll miss you!

SHELBY EARL Sings about pain and secrets, wears the best collars.

Shelby Earl

Tues July 23, Sonic Boom Records, 6 pm, free, all ages

COURTESY RIOT ACT MEDIA

What Kind of Shit Is This?

Three 206 Albums That Were Made to Sound Like a Million Bucks

Rik Rude, the MC for Fresh Espresso and Metal Chocolates, once rapped that he “feels like a million bucks in the ’80s.” I bring this up because there’s a batch of new local recordings that have production values that do indeed sound like “a million bucks in the ’80s.” Should I say it? I will: These records—Brothers from Another’s EP Tacos on Broadway, Romaro Franceswa’s self-titled LP, and Havi’s LP Self-Portrait—sound money. Meaning, they sound like they were made with the support of a big corporation that has a major studio (a million channels, booming microphones, enough space to fit an orchestra) on a tropical island. But all of this is just an illusion; the albums were instead made in small studios, one of which (Tacos on Broadway) was in someone’s house (Parker Reddington’s of Flavr Blue and State of the Artist). But you will never be able to tell the difference between the studio in the Bahamas and the studio on Beacon Hill. We now live in an age where rappers and producers can find no excuses for not making a record that sounds like a million bucks in the ’80s (according to the CPI calculator, a million bucks in the ’80s is about two million today).

Let’s begin with Brothers from Another, a crew that comes down to two rappers, Tiglo and Cole, who were fortunately/unfortunately on XXL magazine’s list of Seattle’s “New New” rappers, and who also happen to be students at the University of Washington (our paper’s head rap critic, Larry Mizell Jr., describes BFA’s mode of hiphop as “fresh-faced college shit”). The EP has three interludes and five full tracks—one of which features Sol, a rapper who graduated from the University of Washington and was

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

awarded a grant to travel the world for nine months (Sol left for this tour—traveling “to the places that people told him not to go”—almost exactly a year ago). The EP is produced to perfection (clean sound, clear raps, crisp details); it has beats that never let you down, and rhymes that never go heavy on you, but flow as naturally and playfully as a day in the sun. True, it’s college shit (Tiglo and Cole rap about being young, dealing with the pressures/pleasures of university life, and spending time with friends at popular local spots), but good college shit is always better than bad street shit.

Romaro Franceswa’s new self-titled album is an excellent example of good street shit, and the streets that taught this talented young brother are found in Federal Way. The album is dense, is ambitious, and contains 12 tracks—on the first listen, five seduced me, three appeared to have the potential to grow on me, and the rest were either too hard or too pop-friendly for my tastes. Altogether, Romaro Franceswa stands as another great achievement for its producer, BeanOne. One would think that after almost 20 years of relentless beat-making, BeanOne would start to show some signs of wear, tear, and exhaustion—but he does nothing of the sort. Just listen to the track “Bounce,” and you will find the energy of Romaro’s youth fully matched— indeed, encouraged—by the youthful energy of a beat produced by a veteran of the 206 game. Also, BeanOne has a long record of producing, from his basement, albums that sound like, yes, “a million bucks in the ’80s.”

HAVI Self-Portrait

According to the CPI calculator, a million bucks in the ’80s is about two million today.

Self-Portrait is an album produced, arranged, recorded, and written by its rapper, Tacoma’s Havi. Though Havi obtained a BA in English from the University of Washington in 2010, you can’t classify his music as college shit, nor really as street shit— Havi is not into the whole gangster realism, guns, and bitches thing. Havi’s zone is instead somewhere between the open sky of the imagination and the ground of everyday life. The goal of his raps is to achieve clarity without sacrificing poetry, and the function of his beats is to provide a lush and sometimes very dramatic (strings, piano, flutes) background for his stories and concerns. My first listen of this polished album, I fell in love with four tracks—one of which, “Social Network,” might very well be the first rap record to present a consciousness that’s fully shaped by cyberspace. Facebook, hiphop websites, uploading images, downloading MP3 files, news feeds, likes, smartphones, laptops, clicking this, clicking that… all of these soft machines and activities are integrated into the mind (a node in the net) of an animal that expresses its emotions—love, hate, envy, spite—like no other animal. As for the sound of Self-Portrait , you would think it was made in some massive and grand studio, but, of course, it wasn’t. Our age has democratized big production values.

Clicking this, clicking that at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

THEIR RECORDS SOUND MONEY Havi (left), Brothers from Another (top), and Romaro Franceswa (bottom).

COLBY PERRY (KEXP)

BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER Tacos on Broadway EP

ROMARO FRANCESWA

Romaro Franceswa

JACK NEWTON

MY PHILOSOPHY

JAY-Z, NACHO PICASSO, GRAYSKUL, RUN THE JEWELS

I’ve probably said this before—shit, I’ve probably said everything before by now— but my biggest pet peeve when big rappers come to town is that part of the show when they display how much they looove Seattle by desecrating “Smells Like Teen Spirit” with their raps. I instantly feel pandered to, and weakly so—like, you ain’t no real Nirvana fan, bruh. So my first groan came early with Jay-Z’s Magna Carta Holy Grail, with Justin Timberlake singing Cobain’s words on the opening track—basically the express lane to my brain’s indifference center. I caught a few things as my illegal download of the Grail (fuck your Samsung, fuck my iPhone, too) sped through my iTunes, though. “Beach Is Better” is actually perfect, but it’s less than a minute long, and the hook on “F.U.T.W.” (“Let’s fuck up this world”) already seems like the war cry of the ruling class. Shine on, you crazy billionaire! Meanwhile, the dude known to most as Mos Def—you know, Yasiin Bey— underwent force-feeding via tube-innose, strapped into a chair, to protest what’s happening to hunger-striking detainees in Guantanamo Bay. Which is more revolutionary—that, or being an ultra-rich black ex–crack dealer with the juice to make up so-called #newrules? I don’t know if either act—and they are both acts—really are revolutionary, or at least a tenth as revolutionary as an actual hunger strike is. Shouts

NEVER HEARD OF ’EM

BY ANNA MINARD

Anna Minard claims to “know nothing about music.” For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

BETTY DAVIS

They Say I’m Different (Just Sunshine; reissued by Light in the Attic)

I know I get paid to write this column, so I hope I don’t get fired for this, but: PUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PAPER DOWN RIGHT NOW! What are you doing?! Stop reading these words—STOP! If you are doing anything other than running to the store this second to get a copy of this album, you are doing life wrong. Fix it! I promise, your ears are going to get such a boner! And you won’t be the same after. Go, go, go! Phew, okay, so now we’re on the same page. You’re listening to Betty Davis, I’m listening to Betty Davis, we’re both entering another dimension, all the pain in the world is slowly receding from our minds. Maybe, like me, you can’t help laughing out loud with utter happiness and appreciation. Hey, ears, say all the instruments in their best sex voices Just relax. This is going to be

to the 30K inmates throughout California’s prisons refusing meals.

As soul-lessening as it is for me to think about shows when we’re hurtling toward a police state, it’s important that I remember how inspiring and life-giving live music can and should be, so let me get back to the lecture at hand. Rumored Greek god Nacho Picasso, the Odd Future–affiliated hardcore maniacs Trash Talk, young mystic Key Nyata, and #WaterGod Keyboard Kid are all playing at Neumos on Thursday, July 18. A classic rap-show clusterfuck is upon us, however, as veteran spit-slingers Grayskul play at the Crocodile that very same evening with the indefatigable RA Scion, the frankly baffling Continental Soldiers, the spiky electropop of Clutch Douglass, and DJ Phil Anthony. At Nectar, you’ll find ChiTown indie mainstays Qwel & Maker on their Beautiful Raw tour, with Th3rdz Qwazaar Batsauce & Lady Daisey, Jewels Hunter, Suntonio Bandanaz and MomentumX. And Macklemore & Ryan Lewis added a third show at the KeyArena in December— c’mon, they already knew the first two would sell out.

To take it back to the top—it’s damned clear that the Run the Jewels (El-P and Killer Mike) album positions itself as the anti-all-that. Killer Mike snapped on “Sea Legs”: “When death run in the distance, there will be no mercy mes/There will be no reprieve for the thieves/There will be no respect for thrones/No master mastered these bones/Your idols all are my rivals/I rival all of your idols/I stand on towers like Eiffel, I rifle down all your idols/Niggas will perish in Paris, niggas is nothing but parrots/I write for the writers that write for the liars that impress you and your parents.” Same.

spectacular. Then Betty Davis and her fierce, hoarse growl or her glowing croon comes in and says stuff like “I’m gonna shoo-b-doop all night” and screams, “He was a biiiiiig freak! Flim flam floozy fantasy” and “They say I’m different ’cause I’m a piece of sugar cane.” And then the warm funk washes over or the backup singers come in to shoopshoop you to your happy place

This is the precursor to every bit of more contemporary sex-positive feminist music that makes me stand a little straighter and dare people with my eyes to just try some shit. I’m sure Salt-N-Pepa rapping, “’Cause every time I hear the noise comin’ from your lips/You’re gonna feel the rotation in my hips” and Alanis Morissette wailing, “Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?” owe every bit of their existence to this explosion of grace and grandeur and warm horns and musical groans. No one can ever top Betty Davis’s sing-song, “I used to say all kinds of dirty thi-ings…”

Also, can we talk about the album art, here? Holy shit, this outfit! And I don’t know what she’s holding, but at first glance they read as weapons. Which, I mean, she doesn’t need weapons to kick your ass; they’re just for decoration. I’m not sure this album art can be topped, either.

When I heard about this assignment, you can imagine: I thought I’d be getting some recording of 1930s film star Bette Davis, who is also a badass, but not when I imagined her singing jazz standards on some cheesy celebrity crossover record. This Betty Davis, who happened to be Miles Davis’s ex-wife, just makes me explode with joy. It actually makes me get a lump in my throat, with a sort of pride in all womankind. Dudes of the world: You could never make anything as tough as this.

I give this a “seriously, you guys, I’m tearing up here” out of 10.

HIPHOP YA DON'T STOP

BY LARRY MIZELL JR.

SOUND CHECK

BEN GIBBARD, TRANQUIL MARATHON TROUBADOUR

Since 2003, frequencies from the Postal Service have been combing the tiny hairs of our inner ears. The tamped, mechanical sieve of Jimmy Tamborello’s beats and the eased harmonies of Ben Gibbard, Jenny Lewis, and Jen Wood know our temporal lobes well. Along the nerve routes of our auditory cortex, they’ve posited the characters of their melodies. There goes Clark Gable, swimming the spiral channels of our cochlea again. Somehow, it’s not an image that ever tires—our inner ear as the London Underground, smeared with black ink. Or mirroring eye-freckles, fire escapes, and a figure in the dark who knows who shot JFK. In the recent video for “Tattered Line of String,” the Postal Service hooks us once again with their audio imagery. It’s a flip on a man at a laundromat, directed by Parisian team AB/ CD/CD, where the world is washed and spun instead of his clothes. As the video ends, the man falls up into the sky. The shot is clear and fitting—inside out, but right. To Ben Gibbard we go, as true and tranquil a troubadour as there is. He spoke from Fremont, my inner ear saw his songs.

I wanted to talk about your friendship with the world speed-eating champion Kobayashi. You met in Tokyo in 2006, and over the years, y’all have become super-tight? I’d say we’re supertight, yeah. You know, I’ve been getting into running, and marathons—right now, I’m training to do a 50K in October. And if you think about it, ultrarunning is only a step away from competitive eating. As an ultramarathoner, you’re pushing your body to achieve things that are outside the norm. Kobayashi and I have that in common. We meet up for a light lunch when we can.

The dude can eat 150 hot dogs in five minutes. He’ll talk about his foodchewing and -swallowing techniques. I talk about running. We share war stories. We trade tips, but they’re not really analogous or useful to either of us [laughs]. But just the sound of his voice is inspiring.

Can we talk about you doing the reality show Lead Singer Swap? With the Postal Service and Black Sabbath getting back together, they had you switch with Ozzy. You fronted Black Sabbath for a week. What was that like? I got along with the band pretty well. I think the most challenging thing about doing shows with Black Sabbath was dodging bottles. Over the course of an hour-and-a-half show, you’re gonna get 50 or 60 bottles thrown at you. And two or three of them will get you. But you take it

in stride. You figure, it’s only a week long, I can tough it out, the bruises will heal. Also, in hindsight, it was a very terrible idea.

Don’t you have a manager helping you with those decisions, or was that decision made for you? To be perfectly honest, that’s an internal conversation we’ll be having. They keep saying, “No, it’s on YouTube, you get nailed with the bottle, people love it, it has a lotta hits.” I don’t think that’s a good thing. It’s one of those things where management and I get into a disagreement, and they say, “Why don’t you come into the office for a week, so you can see how hard our job is?” And I’ll say, “Well, why don’t you front Black Sabbath for a week and get nailed in the head with Michelob bottles?”

And when Ozzy came out instead of you, the Postal Service fans fucking loved it. They did. I mean, he did a really good job. Jimmy loved him. Postal Service fans are a pretty polite bunch—they’re like, “Oh, this is happening now, I guess we’ll go with this.”

How do you eat healthy enough on tour? Truck stops, Denny’s, and Taco Bell? Or do you travel with a Special Ben Gibbard Marathoner Chef? No, we’re not quite at Coldplay level [laughs]. But touring now is such a different animal than when we first started. I mean, we’re traveling in buses, and there are people whose job it is to go get us food and stuff. It’s not like it used to be, where you’re hassling in some town, having to figure out how to cobble a meal together at an ARCO station. Although I do find myself eating four or five meals a day sometimes when I’m on tour. From running and playing shows, I need a lot of calories.

Are you one of those singers who does the preshow warm-up routine, singing scales and doing diaphragm squats and shit? No, you know, I don’t sing that loud, and I’ve never done that stuff. I feel like I’ve never really needed it, for better or worse.

During shows, in between songs when you’re changing guitars, you don’t just hand the guitar tech your guitar, you throw it. One time I saw you throw it like 30 feet. I mean you launched it, Metallica-style. Is that something you practice? Has it ever gone wrong? It just started happening. There wasn’t a practice run or anything. I’ve always told our techs that it’s on me—I’m throwing this to you, so if you don’t catch it, it’s not your fault. If I’m dumb enough to be throwing a guitar across the stage to you, I would like it if you caught it, but I’m not going to hold you accountable. As I’ve played shows these last five years sober, it’s something I’ve been doing a lot less.

Are those valuable guitars? Or are they just cheapies that you can break? Because I can’t see you playing cheapies. They’re valuable, but they’re not invaluable. Does that make sense? They’re not irreplaceable. I do have a handful of guitars that have emotional and vintage value that I would never throw across stage.

Let’s do Ben Gibbard Guitar Throwing Tips for When You’re Throwing Your Guitar Across Stage to Your Tech. You don’t want it to pinwheel. Consider it like you’re throwing a knuckleball. You don’t want any spin on that bad boy. You want to stay away from that…

Read the rest of the interview at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

SATURDAY JULY 20 @ VERA PROJECT JOYCE MANOR

MERRY CHRISTMAS THE EXQUISITES LEE COREY OSWALD ALL AGES - 7:30 PM TICKETS @ WWW.TICKETFLY.COM

SATURDAY JULY 20 @ THE SUNSET KEVIN & STEVE FROM SUPER TROOPERS AND BEERFEST

21+ ONLY - 8:30 PM TICKETS @ STRANGERTICKETS.COM

FRIDAY JULY 26TH @ VERA PROJECT TALLHART / FROM INDIAN LAKES

MAKESHIFT PRODIGY, AFTERWORDS, THE BARD AND THE LIAR ALL AGES - 7:00 PM TICKETS @ WWW.TICKETFLY.COM

SATURDAY JULY 27TH @ EL CORAZON ALEX GOOT

SAM TSUI FEAT. KURT HUGO SCHNEIDER, LUKE CONARD & LANDON AUSTIN, KING THE KID, MATT BACNIS ALL AGES (BAR W/ ID) - 7:00 PM TICKETS @ WWW.TICKETFLY.COM

*JUST ANNOUNCED* THUR SEPTEMBER 26TH @ EL CORAZON TEENAGE BOTTLEROCKET / THE QUEERS

THE COPYRIGHTS, W/ GUESTS ALL AGES (BAR W/ ID) - 7:00 PM TICKETS @ WWW.TICKETFLY.COM

SUN OCT 20TH @ NEPTUNE THEATER STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO

MIKE PARK, DAN POTTHAST ALL AGES (BAR W/ ID) - 7:00 PM TICKETS ON SALE FRIDAY JULY 19 @ WWW.STGPRESENTS.ORG

UP&COMING

Lose your born-yesterday ears every night this week!

For the full music calendar, see page 47 or visit thestranger.com/music For ticket on-sale announcements, follow twitter.com/seashows

Wednesday 7/17

The Grandmothers of Invention (Jazz Alley) Frank Zappa’s Mothers of Invention were some of rock’s most outré freaks of the superfreaky ’60s and ’70s. Some folks will never tire of reliving those memories of wild-haired shenanigans where weird rock sweatily embraced political and cultural satire. Which brings us to the Grandmothers of Invention. Now featuring keyboard wizard Don Preston and vocalist/saxophonist/flutist Napoleon Murphy Brock, GOI will perform One Size Fits All in its entirety, plus favorites from Bongo Fury Overnite Sensation, Uncle Meat, Roxy & Elsewhere, and We’re Only In It for the Money. Zappa’s been dead for two decades, but if you want the best live representation of his classic tunes now, go see GOI. (By the way, check out Sub Rosa’s recent archival dig of Preston’s innovative keyboard work, Filters, Oscillators & Envelopes 1967–75.) DAVE SEGAL

Portugal. the Man, Avi Buffalo (Showbox at the Market) WhooooooOOOOooeeee eooOOOoeEEEEooo! Take a hit off the ol’ helium bong, because it’s time to wiggle it out to the restless psychedelic/rock/punk (what genre is the Mars Volta?) of Portland’s Portugal. the Man. Their new album, Evil Friends, is a mostly upbeat collection of bouncy summer jams (even lines like “after you, hell should be easy” are delivered in a sugary croon over layers of happily buzzing guitars and stompy drums) and youthful “let’s do this” anthems. Listen to “Modern Jesus” if you want that last bit to make sense; listen to “Hip Hop Kids” if you want the first bit to make sense. EMILY NOKES

Thursday 7/18

The Postal Service, Big Freedia (KeyArena) See Sound Check, page 41.

Nacho Picasso, Trash Talk, Key Nyata, Keyboard Kid (Neumos) See My Philosophy, page 39.

Qwel & Maker, Th3rdz, Qwazaar, Batsauce & Lady Daisey, Jewels Hunter, Suntonio Bandanaz, MomentumX (Nectar) See My Philosophy, page 39.

Substrata 1.3: Yagya, the Sight Below, Ethernet (Chapel Performance Space) See Data Breaker, page 51.

SK Kakraba, Lori Goldston, iji (Heartland) See Underage, page 49.

Midday Veil, Master Musicians of Bukkake, Panabrite, DJ Explorateur (Chop Suey) This is the album-release party for Midday Veil’s sprawling, gripping space-rock opus The Current; you can read about it on page 21. The rest of the bill’s packed with top-flight musical transportation. Master Musicians of Bukkake’s own new full-length ritual, Far West, can be heard as a weirder sonic cousin to Earth’s recent twang-doom songcraft. Solo synth master Panabrite also has some recent new-age/dynamic-ambient releases for optimal elevation and chillaxation (sorry), Xenon

Noveller Friday 7/19 at Chapel Performance Space

District and Bathysphere Suite. Most conflict-ofinterestingly, my partner in the Distortions DJ crew, Explorateur, will spin some of the best, strangest psych-rock and drone records you’ve never heard (yet). DAVE SEGAL See also Stranger Suggests, page 21.

The Magic Mirrors, Man Plus, Gerhardts (Comet) Man Plus are back! Though they weren’t gone too long, the synth-laced dance-pop band

THE GRANDMOTHERS OF INVENTION

TUE, JUL 16 - WED, JUL 17

Performing Zappa’s landmark 1975 album, “One Size Fits All,” in its entirety, featuring pivotal musicians behind the Zappa legacy.

PONCHO SANCHEZ and his LATIN JAZZ BAND

THU, JUL 18 - SUN, JUL 21

Grammy-winning master conguero returns with his fiery brew of upbeat jazz, gritty soul and melodic rhythms.

HAZMAT MODINE

TUE, JUL 23 - WED, JUL 24

A New York septet that delivers rustic and joyful reggae, klezmer, rockabilly and gypsy-tinged music.

BILL EVANS’ SOULGRASS

Feat. special geusts

STEVE KIMOCK and JEFF PEVAR

TUE, JUL 30 - THU, AUG 1

Multiple Grammy-Award Winning saxophonist blending soul, jazz and Americana joined by guitar Masters

JOHN PIZZARELLI QUARTET with BUCKY PIZZARELLI

FRI, AUG 2 - SUN, AUG 4

Guitar legends blend pop, jazz, and swing, setting the standard for stylish modern jazz

2033 6th Ave. | 206.441.9729 all ages | free parking full schedule at jazzalley.com

has certainly been missed. No other local band is quite as good at writing songs that sound like a modern version of what would’ve been playing during pivotal moments of a beloved 1980s teen drama. Seriously. “Houdini” would be perfect in the Sixteen Candles dance scene or maybe in the background at the house party; “Color Me Fevered” could play when Duckie is feeling all weepy and throwing cards into his hat in Pretty in Pink; and “911” would be the ideal song to hear when Nicolas Cage, in an attempt to get over Julie, makes

out with his ex-girlfriend in Valley Girl. Anyway! Welcome back, Man Plus! And Hollywood, call me if you need a movie soundtrack maker person.

MEGAN SELING

David Byrne & St. Vincent (Chateau Ste. Michelle) Not one writer on The Stranger’s staff or in our freelance stable pitched to cover this show, which is one of the most surprising developments of this section in some time. Why? The ex–Talking Heads leader has some creative juice left in his still-limber sexagenarian body—and, you know, he’s David fucking Byrne, one of rock’s most compelling figures of the post-punk era. Plus, St. Vincent are one of America’s more piquant artrock outfits working now. Together they cut 2012’s Love This Giant, a vibrant orchestral-pop album with a sneaky funkiness animating its bottom end. It’s high-quality NPR-ish music that will sound perfectly, urbanely at home in the classy environs of Chateau Ste. Michelle. DAVE SEGAL

Grayskul, RA Scion, Continental Soldiers, Clutch Douglass (Crocodile) Yes, I still mark 2005 as the year that triggered a powerful wave of local hiphop, a wave in which we are still caught, and a wave that has raised one rapper to the highest parts of American popular culture. Tonight features three rappers who made major contributions to 2005: RA Scion, as the rapper in Common Market, and Onry Ozzborn and JFK, as Grayskul. The former released Common Market, the latter Deadlivers. Though they’ve been around the block several times, these triedand-tested rappers have yet to sleep. They are still releasing records (RA Scion dropped Adding to the Extra in March, and Grayskul drop Zenith in September); still not showing love for the police, these MCs still got love for the 206. So tonight is about the past, the present, and the future. CHARLES MUDEDE See also My Philosophy, page 39.

Friday 7/19

Paul McCartney (Safeco Field) See Stranger Suggests, page 21.

Black Flag, Good for You, Piggy (El Corazón) See Stranger Suggests, page 21.

Substrata 1.3: Noveller, Grouper, Ken Camden, Sean Curley (Chapel Performance Space) See Data Breaker, page 51.

Terrible Buttons, the Hoot Hoots, Candysound, Secretary (Comet) Spokane’s Terrible Buttons play the kind of music that might run through your head as you wander through the exhibits at Philadelphia’s Mütter Museum. Have you been there? It’s eerie and fascinating. They have a large wall display of various human skulls. They have a giant filing cabinet filled with objects that were found in choking victims’ throats. They have jars filled with dead babies and tumors, and old medical equipment that, when you realize someone ever used it on a human, will make your stomach churn. It’s a place that delights in the dark side, much like Terrible Buttons seem to do through their mixture of blues, psych rock, and haunted vaudevillian vibes. Come celebrate the release of their new album, Runt, and watch shit get creepy. MEGAN SELING

Peter Murphy: 35 Years of Bauhaus (Showbox at the Market) Peter Murphy—the Subaru Forester–driving Godfather of Goth—is out on the road with his “Mr. Moonlight Tour.” Don’t expect any of solo songs from the high-cheekboned King of Gloom—Murphy will perform 100 percent from the Bauhaus catalog. No other members of Bauhaus will perform with him, but expect rivers of mascara-soaked goth tears to flow anyway when Murphy croons the infamous 1979 hit “Bela Lugosi’s Dead.” KELLY O

Debo Band

(Triple Door) Even if you approach Debo Band with born-yesterday ears, you likely can’t help getting swept away by their celebratory, hip-swiveling dance jams and stirred by their lush, melancholic ballads. Led by Ethiopian-American saxophonist Danny Mekonnen, the 11-strong Boston ensemble translates the complex euphoria and solemnity of

Ethiopian pop into accessible songs that make you feel as if you can do improbable things, like abolish racism, dunk a basketball, and find a parking spot on Capitol Hill on the weekend. These Sub Pop/Next Ambiance artists whipped up a frenzy at last year’s Bumbershoot; it should be interesting to see how their rousing juggernaut of sound fares in the Triple Door’s vastly different confines.

DAVE SEGAL

Saturday 7/20

Twin Peaks Dance Party: Glitterbang, Night Cadet, DJ Rebel Rebel, (FRED Wildlife Refuge) See Stranger Suggests, page 21.

Joyce Manor, Merry Christmas, the Exquisites (Vera) See Underage, page 49.

Wimps, Satan Wriders, Dude York, the Narx (Cairo) See Underage, page 49.

Substrata 1.3: Kim Cascone, Jacaszek, Christina Vantzou (Chapel Performance Space) See Data Breaker, page 51.

Jani/Jussi, Emotional, Baby Vitamin Slaughter, Dreamsalon, Glam Code (Black Lodge) Freaks rejoice! Copenhagen’s avant Skrot Up label is hosting a drool-worthy night of fiercely experimental sound. Dreamsalon are Seattle’s answer to Mark E. Smith’s cantankerous messthetics, bubbled down to a fragmented garage-rockin’ rumble. Though their deliberately spookified proto-/post-/whatever-punk debut album (released July 13 via Skrot Up) is rife with Fallisms, it also possesses its own charms. Glamtastic noise rager Jani/Jussi (aka Peter LaCombe of Jeans Wilder) also freaks steady with tangled post-synth on the Pleasure Boy cassette. Ranging from minimalist, LSD-junkyard blues to ’80s synth pop sliced through blown-out post-discodelia, it’s an ear-mud-

dling triumph even more awash in retro vibes than Ariel Pink’s distorted psychmares. Vortex-opening highlights include oceanic wall-of-synth closer “Nastalgia” and junk-funk club hit “JV,” which cements Jani/Jussi as a mover of the groove-ably bizarre. Dark synths, asymmetrical beats, and skewed (post-)punk should permeate the night with weirdness.

BRITTNIE FULLER

Dessa

(Crocodile) The only female member of Minneapolis rap collective Doomtree since their first release, False Hopes, Dessa has always stood out from her peers with her poetic, spoken-word rap style. On her latest solo effort, Parts of Speech, she indulges further in the singing and songwriting abilities she often hinted at in her past solo material and work with supergroup Gayngs, but wisely spares any acoustic cheesiness by sticking to her triedand-true in-house producers Paper Tiger and Lazerbeak. Even the softer songs still manage to hit hard, Dessa’s lyrics taking focus when the beats thin out. There’s definitely an art-house element to it all, but it should go over well in a live setting with a local crowd that’s been down with Doomtree since their backpack glory days.

MIKE RAMOS

Rrose, Eddie Lee, Ctrl_Alt_Dlt, Roddimus, Eugene Fauntleroy

(Electric Tea Garden) The SpaceRock Saturdays team have really done it this time. These local techno aficionados have enticed Rrose, a genderswitching pseudonym of one of the Bay Area’s greatest experimental-techno producers, to DJ their monthly. (I might get sued, technically, if I reveal her/his name.) Anyway, the important thing to know here is that Rrose spins some of the darkest, most psychedelic minimal techno you’ll hear in 2013. If you’re still unsure, go to YouTube and search for Rrose’s Resident Advisor mix for proper dilation of your mind and soul. DAVE SEGAL

Piano Royale: Torture Garden (Royal Room) There’s nobody better in Seattle to reanimate Naked City’s Torture Garden than Wayne Horvitz. The renowned keyboardist played with John Zorn’s group when they cut the infamous 1989

7.18 Thursday (Hip Hop) Nectar & The Blacklab present: QWEL & MAKER

Moynilectric

7.20 Saturday (Reggae) Caribbean Blu Presents: NORMA FRASER SISTER NANCY

Winston Jarrett, Blumeadows, DJ Redman, DJ Ron $15 adv / $20 dos, 9pm doors, 21+

7.21 Sunday The Town Entertainment Presents ZO! (CD Release) feat Kimberly*Nichole, Camila Recchio, DJ Fresh1 $12 ADV/$15

HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COASTSWINGBACHATAWALTZTAPLINDYHOP

DUST 8/5 KEYBOARD KID, BLKHRTS 8/6 PRIVATE PARTY 8/9

Friday, July 19th - Saturday, July 20th

8/1

HURT 8/15 GOOD MEN AND THOROUGH 8/16 SMITH WESTERNS 8/17

DROP 8/18 PIANO PIANO, SLOW BIRD 8/23 SOULS OF MISCHIEF 8/24 STONES THROW SOUL TOUR W/ DAMFUNK, THE STEPKIDS, MYRON & E 8/25 ALYSE BLACK 8/29 GREGORY ALAN ISAKOV 9/3 MURDER BY DEATH 9/5 POOLSIDE 9/7 PREFUSE 73 9/8 THE RED EYE TOUR FEAT. YOUNG RODDY, CORNER BOY P & FIEND 9/10 TYPHOON 9/12 SOUND REMEDY 9/13 CAMPFIRE OK 9/14 EARLY SCHOOL OF ROCK 9/15 TRAVIS GARLAND 9/26 DB FEST: RESIDENT ADVISOR SHOWCASE FEAT ACTRESS 9/27 DB FEST: GHOSTLY INTERNATIONAL SHOWCASE FEAT SHIGETO 10/5 TOM ODELL 10/16 LEGENDARY PINK DOTS 10/17 CARBON LEAF 10/22 BOY

This Louisiana native settled in Los Angeles where she caught the attention of the legendary founder of the Improv chain, Budd Friedman. He bestowed the title of “America’s Next Funniest” comedian upon her at Harrah’s Improv in Las Vegas in 2010. Alysia has been a finalist in many more competitions including California’s Funniest Female Competition.

album. A collection of brief, violent spasms of grindcore jazz, Torture Garden is a phenomenal display of instrumental dexterity and ferocity. Unfortunately, original “singer” eYe (of Boredoms) won’t be here to wail agonizingly, but Master Musicians of Bukkake’s Brad Mowen is no slouch in the vocalextremity department. Alto saxophonist Reed Wallsmith will assume Zorn’s role, while guitarist Tristan Gianola subs for Bill Frisell. Bassist Keith Lowe and drummer Mike Stone fill out the lineup. Imagine Napalm Death skirmishing with Albert Ayler in a pressure cooker, and then pray for the structural integrity of your eardrums. DAVE SEGAL

Sunday 7/21

Bruno Mars, Ellie Goulding

(KeyArena) I’m actually surprised one of my female relatives “of a certain age” has not e-mailed me a Bruno Mars video with the subject line “ADORABLE!” because he’s totally the kind of nonthreatening pop star/male human that aunts and grandmothers can get behind. Mars churns out music for the mainest of streams—think an Old Navy commercial for a bikini meets a Target commercial for a hot-pink blender. Now, Ellie Goulding is also pop, but she’s got more sparkle and dramatic flair to her. Her newest album, Halcyon, is almost entirely about breakups, but it has that powerful “I’M SAD BUT DEALING” punch of La Roux or Florence + the Machine, with Skrillexesque (say it fast) electronic backbone. EMILY NOKES

Monday 7/22

A fine night to back up all of your hard drives.

Tuesday 7/23

Shelby Earl (Sonic Boom Records) See preview, page 35.

Courtney Love (Moore) Sure, people talk about her being a psy-

chotic Twitter monster, a shit-talking drug addict, a bad mother, a wicked witch, but whatever—I’ve always had a soft spot for wicked witches. So even if popular culture’s unforgiving stance on Courtney Love’s larger-than-life persona was decided long ago, I challenge anyone to deny her brilliance as a performer. Live Through This is the masterpiece of her reign as grunge-noise queen, and classic cuts of that almost-20-year-old record will be performed at the Moore for the first time since her revamped version of Hole toured in 2010 (unfortunately, sans all core-era members). Regardless of your take on Courtney Love, the live spectacle is bound to earn her some credit in the straight world with her endlessly entertaining array of beautiful garbage. BREE MCKENNA See also Stranger Suggests, page 21.

The Cat Empire (Neumos) I obviously chose to blurb this show based on the strength of the band name, and it looks like I’ve gotten myself into an Australian ska situation. SKAUSTRALIA. The Cat Empire formed in 1999 and have released six studio albums, which have actually been progressively less ska-flavored and more Latin- and jazz-influenced, with layers upon layers of rhythm and horns. Like a giant conga line of cats, or a cat-trapeze-heavy circus, or a cat beach party with too much rum. Obviously the name has had an effect on me, but I will leave you with this maybe helpful info: This band has six members who are backed by four horn players, six string players, and six dancers. That’s a lot of cats onstage. EMILY NOKES

Ken Camden Friday 7/19 at Chapel Performance Space

COMING UP

THURSDAY JULY 18TH FERAL CHILDREN THE PURRS + WAYFINDERS

SATURDAY JULY 20TH THE PINIELLAS PARTMAN PARTHORSE + SPACENEEDLES

SUNDAY JULY 21ST TU B`AV FEST LOVE DAY DANCE PARTY

THURSDAY JULY 25TH GROUNDISLAVA BEAT CONNECTION DJS

WEDNESDAY JULY 31ST TRUE HOLLAND YEVTUSHKENKO + THE RALLIES

FRIDAY AUGUST 2ND CONTE

COMING SOON

7/17 Gran Rapids • 8/1 JK Pop! • 8/3 Sebadoh • 8/7 Ken Stringfellow • 8/8 My Dad Bruce + Irukandji Physics of Fusion • 8/9 Jamie Commons • 8/14 Grum • 8/15 Filastine • 8/17 Real Don Music • 8/18 Filligar • 8/20 Majical Cloudz • 8/21 Luck One • 8/22 Scout Niblett • 8/23 Eef Barzelay • 9/6 Bleeding Rainbow • 9/7 Ewert and The Two Dragons • 9/15 Julia Holter • 9/17 Woods + The Fresh and Onlys • 9/18 Y La Bamba • 9/19 Porcelain Raft • 9/21 Hanni El Khatib • 9/22 Youryoungbody • 9/23 Jackson Scott • 9/25 Dirty Beaches • 9/27 Chelsea Wolfe • 9/28 Joan of Arc • 10/6 Houses • 10/16 Tony Lucca

DANCE NIGHTS

ASTRAL-FOLK LULLABIES

DRUNK OF THE WEEK …BELOW UNDERAGE…49 DATA BREAKER …51 THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA …53

WED

7/17

LIVE

BARBOZA Gran Rapids, Lacosa, Load B, 8 pm, $7

CHOP SUEY French Letters , Tangerine, the Solvents, Vacant Sea, $6

COMET Dwight Smith

a CROCODILE Mike Dumovich, Alicia Amiri, Jon Pontrello, 8 pm, $5

a EL CORAZON Let’s Drive to Alaska, 8 pm, $8/$10

HEARTLAND CAFE & BENBOW ROOM Shadow Puppet, Liz Crowley, Christina Cramer

HIGHLINE Mugen Hoso, Triple Sixes, Shakin’ Michael J, Braden Daniel and the Chics, $8

HIGHWAY 99 Dirty Rice, 8 pm, $6

JAZZ ALLEY The Grandmothers of Invention, 7:30 pm, $25.50

NECTAR The Lost Project, Quinn, Moss Mantis , High Noon, 8 pm, $5

NEUMOS Rogue Wave, Papa, Wardell, 8 pm, $16

Q NIGHTCLUB All Bands on Deck: Vox Mod

THE ROYAL ROOM Jovino

Santos Neto Quinteto, Chris Stover, 8 pm, $8/$10

SEAMONSTER The Unsinkable Heavies

a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Portugal. the Man, 8 pm, $25

SUNSET TAVERN Hobo Nephews of Uncle Frank, the Harmed Brothers, $7

TRACTOR TAVERN Head for the Hills, Juniper Stills, $10

TRIPLE DOOR The Dirty Birds, Jelly Bread, 8 pm, $12/$15

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Jerry Zimmerman, 8 pm, free

a WOODLAND PARK ZOO

NORTH MEADOW John Hiatt, 6 pm, $28

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Reverb: DJ Rome, Rozzville, Zooty B, Antartic

CONTOUR Rotation: Guests, 10 pm, $5

THE EAGLE VJDJ Andy J

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN

Passage: Jayms Nylon, Joey Webb, guests

FOUNDATION Tigerlight, Grym, Dirty Byrdz, Matt Waters, $10 after 10:30 pm

HAVANA SoulShift: Peter Evans, Devlin Jenkins, Richard Everhard, $1

LAST SUPPER CLUB Vibe: Jame$Ervin, DT, Contagious

MOE BAR The Hump: DJ

Darwin, DJ Swervewon, guests, 10:30 pm, free

NEIGHBOURS Undergrad: Guest DJs, 18+, $5/$8

PONY Body 2 Body: 10 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Fade: DJ Chinkyeye, DJ Christyle

THURS

7/18

LIVE 2 BIT SALOON Basement Baby, Sunshine Junkies

John Wayne Guns, the Duke Evers Band, 8 pm

BARBOZA Feral Children , 8 pm, $8

BLUE MOON TAVERN Cold Kiss Casino, SOVA, Claire Yazza, $5 CAN CAN Vince Mira

CHATEAU STE.

MICHELLE David Byrne & St. Vincent, 7 pm, $55/$75

CHOP SUEY Master

Musicians of Bukkake, Midday Veil , guests, $7/$10

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Hibou, the Soft Hills, Snowdrift, $7/$8

COMET Magic Mirrors, Man Plus, Gerhardts, guests, $6

CONOR BYRNE Day

Laborers and Petty Intellectuals , Littlest Birds,

LANTZ AT THE SUB POP JUBILEE

Q: How many bottles of warm Bud Light Lime can you chug, in an alley by a dumpster, in under three minutes?

A: Only three.

Q: How many bottles of warm Bud Light Lime can you chug, in an alley by a dumpster, in under three minutes IF IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

A: Only three.

Happiest barfy birthday from Drunk of the Week! KELLY O

Burning Lamps, $7

CROCODILE Grayskul, Ra Scion, Continental Soldiers , Clutch Douglas, 8 pm, $10/$12

DISTRICT LOUNGE Cassia

DeMayo Quintet, 8 pm, free

a EL CORAZON Elude, Cavalier, Call It Off, Backfire, guests, 8 pm, $8/$10; B-Side Players, the Brown Edition, 8:30 pm, $15/$18

HARD ROCK CAFE Zarni

De Wet

a HEARTLAND Lori Goldston, SK Kakraba, iji

HIGHLINE Rauan Klassnik, Lydia Swartz, Evan J. Peterson, Tony James, Chelsea Kurnick, $5

HIGHWAY 99 Rosie Ledet and the Zydeco Playboys, 8 pm, $20

a KEYARENA The Postal Service, Big Freedia, 7 pm, $32-$42

THE KRAKEN BAR & LOUNGE We Were Heroes, A War in the Sky, Junebugs, Caparza, $5

NECTAR Qwel & Maker, Th3rdz, Qwazaar, Batsauce & Lady Daisey, Jewels Hunter, guests, 8 pm, $10

a NEUMOS Trash Talk, Nacho Picasso, Key Nyata, Keyboard Kid, 8 pm, $12

RENDEZVOUS Tijuana Panthers, GRMLN, 10 pm, TBD

THE ROYAL ROOM The 1 Uppers, 8 pm

SCARLET TREE How Now

Brown Cow , 9:30 pm, free

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Army of Dragon, Petrified Forest, 8 pm, $6

a SMOKIN’ PETE’S BBQ

Mts & Tunnels, 7 pm, free

SUNSET TAVERN Keaton Collective, Jackrabbit, $8

TRACTOR TAVERN Roadkill

Ghost Choir, Ghosts I’ve Met , $8

TRIPLE DOOR BoDeans, 7:30 pm, $37.50/$39

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Rik Wright, free, Casey MacGill, 5:30 pm, free

THE WHITE RABBIT

Marmalade, $6

DJ

BALLROOM DJ Rob, free

CAPITOL CLUB Citrus: DJ Skiddle

CHAPEL

PERFORMANCE SPACE

Substrata 1.3: Yagya, the Sight Below, Ethernet

THE EAGLE Nasty: DJ King of Pants, Nark

FOUNDATION Arty, Johnny

Monsoon, Maximilian, DJ Glo

HAVANA Sophisticated

Mama: DJ Sad Bastard, DJ Nitty Gritty

SUPPER CLUB Open

LAST

House: Guests

LO-FI Noctum Caro: Guests

MOE BAR Soundsystem: DJ

Panamami, free

NEIGHBOURS Jet Set Thursdays: Guest DJs

NEIGHBOURS

UNDERGROUND The Lowdown: DJ Lightray, $3

PONY Billion Dollar Babies: DJ Aykut Ozen, Pretty Baby

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Damn Son: DJ Flave, Sativa Sound System, Jameson Just, Tony Goods, $5 after 10:30 pm

THERAPY LOUNGE

DUH.: DJ Omar, guests

TRINITY Space Thursdays: Rise Over Run, DJ Christyle, Johnny Fever, DJ Nicon, Sean Majors, B Geezy, guests, free FRI 7/19

LIVE 2 BIT SALOON SpaceWaster, Metameric, Key Of Solomon , Beringia BLUE MOON TAVERN The

The Can Can is a unique phenomenon in Seattle, and maybe in the country - Brendan Kiley, The Stranger

SOPHIA DUCCINI JULIA LUCILLE, DWIGHT SMITH, KIERSTEN

dentistry

Green Cleaning Seattle Eco-Maid Services

Green Cleaning Seattle - Eco-Maid Services™ is Seattle’s only trademarked locally owned and operated green cleaning service. Offering eco-safe cleaning services to Seattle and select surrounding locations, GCS will turn your home or office into a sparkling retreat!

$20 to spend at Green Cleaning Seattle Eco-Maid Services. Your Price: $10 Master Boiselle’s Seattle Taekwondo Academy

Experience an awesome way to get those youngsters of yours out of the house, and into an active, energetic, and engaged atmosphere. Get them to Taekwondo! The Taekwondo Academy wants to bring confidence to the lives of young people, all while teaching them an ancient form of self defense that is not only fun, but will bring balance to mind, body and spirit. One Month / 8 Classes ($90 Value) at Master Boiselle’s Seattle Taekwondo Academy. Your Price: $45

Resets , Kurly Something, Valupak, 9:30 pm, $6

CHAPEL

PERFORMANCE SPACE

Substrata 1.3: Noveller, Grouper, Ken Camden, Sean Curley

CHOP SUEY Entyme, King of Pants, DJ Destrukt, $5/$10

COLUMBIA CITY

THEATER Elridge Gravy & the Court Supreme, Sebastian and the Deep Blue, $8/$10

COMET Terrible Buttons, Hoot Hoots, Candysound , Secretary , $8

CONOR BYRNE The Ames, Robert Sarazin Blake, guests, $8

CROCODILE Justin Martin, Pezzner , Kid Hops, $15$20

DARRELL’S TAVERN Aaron McDonnell & the Gospel Plow, No Rey, $7

a EL CORAZON Black Flag, Good For You, Piggy, 8

pm, $25/$30

HARD ROCK CAFE Cassie

Correlle

HIGH DIVE Nine50Nine, Smokey Brights, 9:30 pm, $8

HIGHLINE Local Dudes Cheap Meats, Hymen Haulocost, $10

HIGHWAY 99 Peter Karp & Sue Foley, 8 pm, $15

THE KRAKEN BAR & LOUNGE Bottlenose Koffins, Direct Hit, Lipstick Homicide, Benedict Awesome, $5 LO-FI The Swearengens, Gibraltar, Shake Some Action

LUCID Fade Jazz Quartet, Juke Joint

THE MIX Full Life Crisis, $8 NECTAR Total Request Live Night: American Island, $7 NEUMOS The Torn ACLs , Tom Eddy, the Wild Ones, guests, 8 pm, $8 PARAGON Levi Said, free

BY JACKSON HATHORN

THURSDAY 7/18

LORI GOLDSTON, SK KAKRABA, IJI

We have all heard someone play a xylophone, but until now, you may not have ever witnessed true mastery on the instrument. Hailing from northwest Ghana, which has produced countless talented xylophone players, SK Kakraba boasts the most impressive xylophone pedigree you’re likely to see stateside. Experienced live, Kakraba’s percussive dexterity is spirited and stupefying. Tonight, an accomplished band joins him, opening up propulsive and transformative dimensions to his music. With Stranger Genius Award–winning cellist Lori Goldston, and the freewheeling pop group iji Heartland, 8 pm.

SATURDAY

7/20

JOYCE MANOR, MERRY CHRISTMAS, THE EXQUISITES

Two sun-kissed pop-punk bands from the shores of Long Beach, California, descend upon the Vera Project tonight. Joyce Manor make stirring compact music, perfect soundtracks for being stuck at home during a never-ending summer and wandering aimlessly around old neighborhoods. Their songs really take hold once howled, screeched, and sung along to (preferably in a big, sweaty, and joyous pit). Merry Christmas’s windswept take on brainy/brawny punk rock recalls spunky lo-fi bands like Guided by Voices and Superchunk. Rounding out the lineup is one of Seattle’s most fiery and raspy groups, the Exquisites Vera Project, 7:30 pm, $11 adv/$13 DOS.

WIMPS, SATAN WRIDERS, DUDE YORK, THE NARX

Wimps, Dude York, and the Narx should be three of your favorite local bands, if they aren’t already. In their short life span, the Narx have left a lasting mark with their uproarious and juvenile punk clobbering. (Aside: I’ve been waiting to hear one of their songs that I know only from its totally awesome title, Getting Head on a Bus in Heaven,” for way too long. Consider this a very public calling out that the song needs to see the light of day.) Dude York, whose teen pop only gets sweeter with age, have a much-anticipated new album due out this year. Wimps’ mighty, trenchant, and taunting rock songs prove that nice guys can finish first. You’ll also want to welcome the murky stoner jams of Stockton, California’s Satan Wriders with open ears. Cairo, 8 pm.

director David Lynch

most of the songs on his new record with a track featuring Swedish musician Lykke Li.

$11.95-cd/$16.95-lp

Nine new tracks from the Boys: eight originals plus a cover of Springsteen’s “The Last To Die.”

RAVIOLI STATION

TRAINWRECK Dizzy, guests

RENDEZVOUS The Confetti

Kids, Mugatu, Thrust Fund, 10 pm, $7

a THE ROYAL ROOM

Harmonious Wail, the Greg Ruby Quartet, 8:30 pm

a SAFECO FIELD Paul McCartney, 8 pm, $39.50$253

SEAMONSTER Funky 2 Death, 10 pm, free

a SHOWARE CENTER American Idol Live, 7:30 pm, $33.50-$64

SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Peter Murphy, 8 pm, $35/$40

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB The Jetfoils, Lushy , 8 pm, $7

SUNSET TAVERN The Mike Dillon Band, 10 pm, $8

TIM’S TAVERN Ship Of Fools

TRACTOR TAVERN Imagine the Giant, Tommy Simmons, the Good Hurt, 9:30 pm, $10

TRIPLE DOOR Debo Band, 8 pm, $20/$25

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Jovino Santos Neto , 8 pm, free

DJ

95 SLIDE DJ Fever One

BALLROOM DJ Tamm of KISS fm

BALMAR Body Movin’ Fridays: DJ Ben Meadow, free

BALTIC ROOM Bump Fridays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Just Got Paid:

100proof, $5 after 11:30 pm

CAPITOL CLUB Neoplastic: Marcus G, Jay Battle, DJ Shorthand, free CONTOUR Afterhours, 2 am

CUFF C&W Dancing: DJ

Harmonix, DJ Stacey, 7 pm;

TGIF: Guest DJs, 11 pm, $5

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN All

Ours: D-t3ch, Mikey V, Jason Curtis, the Architects, 10

pm, $10

FOUNDATION Anthony Attalla, Miguel Alvarado, JJ Salvador, Ian Powers

FUEL DJ Headache, guests

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LAST SUPPER CLUB

Madness: Guests

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Caliente

Celebra: DJ Polo, Efren

PONY Shenanigans: DJ Porq, DJ kKost

SCARLET TREE Oh So Fresh

Fridays: Deejay Tone, DJ Buttnaked, guests

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Crush: Guest DJs, free TRINITY Tyler, DJ Phase, DJ Nug, guests, $10

THE WOODS Deep/Funky/ Disco/House: Guest DJs

SAT

7/20

LIVE

BARBOZA The Piniellas , Partman Parthorse , guests, 8 pm, $7

a BLACK LODGE

Jani/Jussi, Emotional, Baby Vitamin Slaughter, Dreamsalon, Glam Code

BLUE MOON TAVERN Lights

From Space the Double Cross Committee, Crooked Smile, 9:30 pm, $6

a CAIRO Wimps, Satan Wriders, Dude York, the Narx

CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Substrata 1.3: Kim Cascone, Jacaszek, Christina Vantzou

COMET Danava, Lecherous Gaze, Golgothan Sunrise, DJ Mamma Casserole, guests, $8

CONOR BYRNE Last Great Fire, GreenhornBluehorn , $7

a CROCODILE Dessa, $15

DARRELL’S TAVERN Crooked Trailor, David’s Drinking Band, $6

a EL CORAZON Monsters Scare You, Speaking the Kings, guests, $10/$12; Mobile Deathcamp, Hollywood Jesus, the Godbeast, Witch Ripper, Antitheus, 8 pm, $10/$12

FRED WILDLIFE REFUGE

Twin Peaks Dance Party: Glitterbang, Night Cadet, DJ Rebel Rebel, guests, 7:30 pm

a GORGE AMPHITHEATRE

John Mayer, Phillip Phillips, 7:30 pm, $30-$95

HARD ROCK CAFE Lotus Room, Hearts Are Thugs March At Dawn, $7/$10

HIGH DIVE Jaded Mary 9:30 pm, $8

HIGHLINE Witch Mountain, Eight Bells, Eye of Nix, Gladiators Eat Fire , $8

HIGHWAY 99 Summer Harp Blast: Hank Shreve, guests, 8 pm, $15

LUCID Monkey Bat THE MIX Sit Ubu Sit, $5

a MOORE THEATER Candlebox, $25/$27.50

NECTAR Norma Fraser, Sister Nancy, Winston Jarrett, guests, $20

NEPTUNE THEATER Super Geek League , Fungineers, Jonny Sonic & Chaotic Noise Marching Corps, 8 pm, $20/$25

PARAGON Solbird, free a PIECORA’S Acoustic Echos, 9:30 pm, free

QUEEN CITY GRILL Faith Beattie, Bayly, Totusek, Guity, free a THE ROYAL ROOM Piano Royale, 6 pm; Blue Cranes, Torture Garden, 8 pm, $10/$13

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

The Fentons, King County Queens, Riffbrokers, 8 pm, $7

BY DAVE SEGAL

THURS–SUN 7/18–21

SUBSTRATA 1.3 MAXIMIZES THE MINIMAL, BEAUTIFULLY

You can think of Substrata 1.3—which happens at the acoustically awesome Chapel Performance Space—as splitting the difference between the Decibel and Debacle Festivals. There’s overlap of both musical events in Substrata’s remit, which focuses on adventurous, rigorous musicians working in experimental/electronic realms. Organizer Rafael Anton Irisarri has assembled another stellar lineup and expanded the fest to four days, including a workshop on “Subtle Listening” conducted by Kim Cascone on Sunday, July 21.

Thursday night revolves around the dispersed, blissful techno of the Sight Below (aka Irisarri), Portland’s Ethernet (Tim Gray), and Iceland’s Yagya (Aðalsteinn Guðmundsson). Ethernet’s 144 Pulsations of Light (Kranky, 2009) is an overlooked gem of gnomic, soft-focused melodies and subliminal 4/4 beats. Yagya—who burst on the scene with 2002’s arctic and majestic Rhythm of Snow—has gone on to cut three other full-lengths of chilled, sumptuous dub techno, including 2012’s femalevocal-heavy The Inescapable Decay of My Heart. Recording for Ghostly International, the Sight Below is probably Seattle’s most prominent and deft producer of minimal techno. Recent live sets have seen him moving toward the blackened, dubbed-out techno of Porter Ricks—a very good thing.

Friday night spotlights four artists doing unconventionally alluring things with guitars and effects. One of the Northwest’s most interesting guitarists, Seattle’s Sean Curley uses looping devices and his own phenomenal dexterity to create

TIM’S TAVERN The New Johnny Bravo Rock Band

TRACTOR TAVERN Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk, 9:30 pm, $20

TRIPLE DOOR Melissa Ferrick, 8 pm, $20/$23

a VERA PROJECT Joyce Manor, Merry Christmas, the Exquisites, 7:30 pm, $11/$13

VITO’S RESTAURANT &

LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm; Kareem Kandi, 9:30 pm, free

DJ

BALLROOM DJ Warren

BALTIC ROOM Good Saturdays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Inferno: Guests, 10:30 pm, free before 11:30 pm/$5 after

CAPITOL CLUB Get Physical: DJ Edis, DJ Paycheck, 10 pm, free

CONTOUR Europa Night: Misha Grin, Gil

CUFF Gear Night: DJ Mattstands, no cover if wearing fetish gear, otherwise $5 for men and $15 for women

FOUNDATION Norin & Rad, Maor Levi, Darrius, Solar

Signal

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

HAZLEWOOD Gayzlewood: DJ Tanner, guests, free

NEIGHBOURS Powermix: DJ Randy Schlager

NEIGHBOURS

UNDERGROUND Club

Vogue: DJ Chance, DJ Eternal

Darkness

NEUMOS The Fourth

Annual Neumos Beach Party: Slow Dance, Four Color Zack, Sean Majors, 8 pm, free

PONY Meat: Amateur Youth , Dee Jay Jack

RE-BAR Ceremony: DJ Evan

Blackstone, guests, 10 pm, $5

spiky, diamond-glint tapestries of strangely beautiful tones, evoking Robert Fripp, Snakefinger, and Vini Reilly at their spaciest and most restlessly inventive. Chicago’s Ken Camden (another Kranky artist) is perhaps the most overtly psych-rock-leaning player in the fest. His albums—Lethargy & Repercussion and Space Mirror—abound with synapsecrackling ragas and mesmerizing, Spacemen 3–like drones. Grouper (Portland’s Liz Harris) etherizes the heavens with gorgeous mists of treated guitar and vocals, creating astral-folk lullabies. Brooklyn-based Noveller (Sarah Lipstate) launches dense yet crystalline guitar clouds in the manner of Richard Pinhas in his more action-packed, meditative phase.

Saturday’s lineup of Christina Vantzou (ex–the Dead Texan), Poland’s Jacaszek, and San Francisco’s Kim Cascone zeroes in on minimalist drone composed with utmost attention to fascinating detail. Vantzou applies severely peaceful orchestral flourishes in her stoically pulchritudinous works, offering a highbrow balm. On Jacaszek’s 2011 album, Glimmer, he also toils with classical tools—harpsichord, strings, woodwinds—to forge microscopic ambience of tremulous beauty. Cascone, one of America’s most venerable ambient-music producers under his own name and as Heavenly Music Corporation, has also worked as assistant music editor on David Lynch’s Twin Peaks and Wild at Heart Cascone’s most recent productions involve his explorations of human-generated noise in oceans and audio hypnosis. It’s apropos that Substrata will end with what will likely be the deepest performance

More info at irisarri.org/substrata-1.3, $35 day/$65 three-day pass, all ages.

WEDNESDAY 7/17

HOBO NEPHEWS OF UNCLE FRANK WITH THE HARMED BROTHERS AND CLEARLY BELOVED

$7 • 9PM

THURSDAY 7/18

KEATON COLLECTIVE

JACKRABBIT • DIAMONDWOLF

$8 • 9PM

FRIDAY 7/19

MIKE DILLON BAND

CRYSTAL BETH AND THE BOOM BOOM BAND

$8 • 10PM

SATURDAY 7/20 TAKE WARNING PRESENTS: KEVIN & STEVE FROM SUPER TROOPERS AND BEERFEST

$18 ADV • 8:30PM

SUNDAY 7/21

BLOOPER

LUCARNE • PITSCHOUSE

$6 • 8PM

MONDAY 7/22

BE HONEST, RUTH BRYAN

BRENDA XU • TAPE STACKS

$6 • 8PM

FOR FULL CALENDAR AND BOOKING INFO: SUNSETTAVERN.COM

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Guest

DJs

TRINITY ((SUB)): Guy, VSOP, Jason Lemaitre, guests, $15/free before 10 pm

THE WOODS Hiphop/R&B/ Funk/Soul/Disco: Guest DJs

SUN 7/21

LIVE

CAFE RACER The Racer Sessions

CHOP SUEY The New Originals, Load Levelers, LD & Her Pretty Pretties, 3 pm, $10

COMET No Rey, guests

a CROCODILE Summer Rock Band Camp Recital: Guests, 1 pm, $10

a EL CORAZON The Dirty Heads, the Expendables, Big B, the Approach, 7 pm, $25/$30

HIGH DIVE Falling Blind , Killing Dove, Triaxe , 8 pm, $6

JAI THAI BROADWAY Rock Bottom Soundsystem, free KELL’S Liam Gallagher

a KEYARENA Bruno Mars, Ellie Goulding, 7:30 pm, $45-$105

THE KRAKEN BAR & LOUNGE LB.!, Set and Setting, Lo’ There Do I See My Brother, A Province of Thay, $5

NECTAR Zo!, Kimberly Nichole, Camila Recchio, DJ Fresh1, $12

PIES & PINTS Sunday Night Folk Review: Guests, free THE ROYAL ROOM Run Boy Run, Renegade String Band, 8 pm

SUNSET TAVERN Lucarne Blooper, Pitschouse, 8 pm, $6

TRIPLE DOOR Michael Kaeshammer, 7:30 pm, $20/$25

TULA’S Jim Cutler Jazz Orchestra, 8 pm, $8

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6

pm; the Ron Weinstein Trio, 9:30 pm DJ

BALTIC ROOM Mass: Guest DJs

CAPITOL CLUB Island Style: DJ Bookem, DJ Fentar

CONTOUR Broken Grooves: DJ Venus, Rob Cravens, guests, free

THE EAGLE T-Bar/T-Dance: Up Above, Fistfight, free HIGHLINE Mechanismus: Assemblage 23, guests, $10/$15

MOE BAR Chocolate Sundays: Sosa, MarsONE, Phosho, free

NEIGHBOURS Noche Latina: Guest DJs

PONY TeaDance: DJ El Toro, Freddy King of Pants, 4 pm

Q NIGHTCLUB Revival: Riz Rollins, Chris Tower, 3 pm, free RE-BAR Flammable: DJ Wesley Holmes, 9 pm SEE SOUND LOUNGE Salsa: DJ Nick

MON 7/22

LIVE

2 BIT SALOON Skinwalker, Poney, Drone Strike, $5

BLUE MOON TAVERN Andy Coe Band, free a CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Bonnie Whiting Smith, Karl Knapp, 8 pm, $5-$15 a CHATEAU STE.

MICHELLE Natalie Maines, 7 pm, $59.50 - $75.95

COASTAL KITCHEN Pork Chop Trio, 9:30 pm, free COLUMBIA CITY THEATER

Jolie Holland, Mark Olson, $20

a EL CORAZON Oranges, These Colors, guests, 8 pm, $8/$10

HIGHLINE Holy Grail, Spellcaster, Thac0, $10

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

THE ROYAL ROOM Miwa

SATURDAY 7/20

SEATTLE RED DRESS PARTY

Gemini, Bakelite 78, the Retailers, 8 pm THE WHITE RABBIT Michael Shrieve’s Spellbinder, $6

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate Sound, $5

BARBOZA Icon Mondays: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free CAPITOL CLUB The Jet Set: DJ Swervewon, 100 Proof COMPANY BAR Rock and Roll Chess Night: DJ Plantkiller, 8 pm, free CONOR BYRNE Get the Spins: Guest DJs, free HAVANA DJ Jay Battle, free THE HIDEOUT Introcut, guests, free LO-FI Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate, Sound Selecta, Element, Mista Chatman $5

THE MIX Bring Your Own Vinyl Night: Guests, 6 pm MOE BAR Minted Mondays: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND SIN: DJ Keanu, 18+, free PONY Dirty Deeds: Guest DJs Q NIGHTCLUB Reflect, 8 pm, free

TUES 7/23

LIVE AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

CHOP SUEY French Cassettes, Special Explosion, Goldenboy, Little Black Bottles, $7

CONOR BYRNE Ol’ Time

Social: The Tallboys , 9 pm

a CROCODILE Heartless Bastards, Writer, 8 pm, $16 a EL CORAZON Cascabel, Black Sheep Wall, Numb, UN, 8 pm, $8/$10

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Monktail Creative Music Concern, DJ Shonuph, free

BY ADRIAN RYAN

No one knows how it all started, really, way back in the long-ago then. The strange and truthy truth of it has been lost forever in the misty sands of time. Of course we know that red dresses were unshakably mandatory from the word go, and that the party has always been intended to support those living with the HIV and the AIDS. We also know that Portland did it first (god damn it!), way back in 2001—and that today the party has grown huge and spread like some sort of benevolent lip-herpes to places like Sacramento and Chicago. But the specific whos and wheres are confused and/or forgotten. No matter: The now legendary Red Dress Party draws upwards of 2,000 people each year, is headlined by top-drawer talent, and has become a juggernaut of HIV/AIDS fundraisers.

I must shamefully confess that I have never attended a Red Dress Party—not here! Not anywhere!—because REASONS. These have mostly to do with OHMYGAWD! EWW! Me in a dress! (Rip your eyes out! RUN!) This is especially shameful since tonight’s event marks its fifth year in Seattle, plus the annoying fact that I’ve had to listen to Portland friends drone on endlessly about how incredible they are for twice that long. But certain stars have aligned and events have conspired to force me to overcome my me-dressydraggy-in-public reticence: (a) Pakio Galore, the brilliant costumer for Le Faux at Julia’s who has dressed such nobodies as, oh, Jinkx Monsoon and Ben DeLaCreme

HIGH DIVE Almond Buds, Shadow Puppet, Ian Jones, 8 pm, $6

HIGHLINE Skullbot , the Lot Lizard, guests, 9:30 pm, $5

KELL’S Liam Gallagher a MOORE THEATER Courtney Love, 8 pm, $32.50 - $47

NEUMOS The Cat Empire, Tin Pan Orange, 8 pm, $20

THE ROYAL ROOM Lady

Be Good, Two Hemispheres, 8 pm

SEAMONSTER McTuff Trio, 10 pm, free

a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET We the Kings, Breathe Carolina, T.Mills, the Ready Set, Keep It Cute, 6:30 pm, $20/$23

a SONIC BOOM

RECORDS (BALLARD) Shelby Earl, 6 pm, free SUNSET TAVERN Enemy Camp , Witch Ripper, Goose Vargis , 8 pm, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Lincoln Durham, $8

TRIPLE DOOR Raul Midon, 7:30 pm, $20/$25

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE The Tarantellas, 7 pm, free

DJ

95 SLIDE Chicken &

Waffles: Supreme La Rock, DJ Rev, free

BLUE MOON TAVERN Blue Moon Vinyl Revival Tuesdays:

DJ Country Mike, A.D.M., guests, 8 pm, free

CONTOUR Electric Groove: Guests

THE EAGLE Pitstop: DJ Nark

HAVANA Word Is Bond: Hoot and Howl, $3 after 11 pm

MERCURY Die: Black Maru, Major Tom, $5

MOE BAR Cool.: DJ Cory Alfano, DJ Cody Votolato, free NECTAR Top Rankin’ Reggae: DJ Element, Chukki, free

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Vicious Dolls: DJ Rachael, 9 pm, $5

WILDROSE Taco Tuesday: Guest DJs

(plus everybody else) is personally designing me a dress for the ages, and (b) Robbie Turner, Alexis Jordan, NeNe Leakes (a Real Housewife, don’tcha know!), Chi Chi Larue, DJ Richard J. Dalton, Gaysha Starr, Aleksa Manilla, Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, Jamie Von Stratton, Lou Henry Hoover… you get the picture.

Now, the event isn’t what you’d call cheap by any means: Tickets start at $50 for general admission and shoot all the way to $350 for the über VIP package (but you get to meet that Real Housewife!). And far be it from me to prattle on about things like “good causes.” But what you have to keep in mind is that this is one of the biggest, baddest geigh parties of the year, and then decide just how much those few extra shekels really mean to you. Are you willing to miss it? Are you ready to take that chance? No. I didn’t think so. Fremont Studios, 9 pm, $50/$120 VIP/$350 Absolut VIP, 21+

Robbie Turner

FILM

Film Review Revue

Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me

dir. Drew DeNicola, Olivia Mori Grand Illusion

When Paul Westerberg sang, “I never go far, without a little Big Star,” in the Replacements’ 1987 anthem “Alex Chilton,” he unintentionally underscored the hard-luck status of Big Star. That 1970s Memphis rock band had always been more praised by musicians and critics than loved by the masses. Considerably less talented than Big Star, the Replacements sold way more records than their heroes did. Same goes for R.E.M., Wilco, and other groups inspired by Alex Chilton, Chris Bell, Andy Hummel, and Jody Stephens—Big Star’s first and best incarnation.

A documentary as great as Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me ought to launch its subjects out of the cult status in which they’ve dwelled for nearly four decades. (That ’70s Show’s use of “In the Street” didn’t quite do the trick.) The directors gather a hall-of-fame wing of musicians to hail the band’s virtues, provide crucial in-the-studio footage and remembrances from Ardent Studios’ engineers (including the legendary Jim Dickinson), and offer key input from journalists and the family of Chris Bell, Big Star’s most tragic, conflicted figure, who died at 27 after crashing his car into a utility pole.

One of the film’s biggest revelations is that Ardent, Big Star’s label, flew more than 100 influential music journalists to Memphis in 1973 for the first annual Rock Writers of the World Convention. (So absurd in hindsight.) Big Star proceeded to blow minds there, but all of this effort was for naught because Stax— Ardent’s parent company—went bankrupt and halted distribution of the band’s classic second album, Radio City. A problematic, sporadically brilliant third album was delayed and misunderstood, and Big Star dissolved in 1974. Chilton resurrected the group in 1993 with Stephens and two members of the Posies; he kept it going until he died right before a scheduled SXSW appearance in 2010. So beloved was Chilton that a pickup unit of high-profile musicians quickly assembled for a tribute concert.

Big Star’s music had the rare ability to capture both the most glorious highs and the most miserable lows in timeless, gorgeous

You can imagine the enormous shitstorm these claims generated—Arendt received death threats and was called a self-hating Jew. To make matters worse, she publicly defended her former lover, Heidegger, who had not only been a card-carrying Nazi but wanted to be Hitler’s philosopher. The Heidegger side of this film is a bit flat, and the same goes for the scenes concerning the trial. What really makes this movie are the scenes that capture Arendt’s New York world—her Manhattan apartment, her office, her classroom, her intellectual discussions, her constant smoking. Indeed, the amount of smoking that goes on in this film will just amaze you. CHARLES MUDEDE

melodies and poignant lyrics. Their main songwriters—Chilton and Bell—were too mercurial to last long together, but the sparks they created in their brief union made them something like a Southern American Beatles for sensitive souls. DAVE SEGAL

Let’s get right to it: Hannah Arendt is a solid biopic. Yes, it’s about a philosopher; yes, philosophers do not usually live exciting lives; yes, the film could not avoid being a bit talky. But you must understand that the real surprise would have been if Barbara Sukowa (she plays Arendt) and Margarethe von Trotta (the director), two veterans of the German film industry, failed to make a movie that was at least half interesting.

Now, who was Hannah Arendt? She was once a student and lover of the king of 20th-century German philosophy, Martin Heidegger; she taught at the New School in New York for many years; and she wrote a number of books, the most famous of which, Eichmann in Jerusalem, is at the center of this film Two controversial points are made in this book: One, the SS officer Adolf Eichmann, who in the early 1960s was captured by Mossad and put on trial in Jerusalem for crimes against humanity, was not a devil but a big bore who had no imagination (from this insight we get the famous expression “the banality of evil”). Two, Jewish leaders did not help their people but helped the Nazis kill them.

(4:25), 7:15*^, 9:25* DESPICABLE ME

(PG)

PLAYING Wed & Thu: (1:35)*, (4:45)*, 7:10*, 9:30* Fri - Mon: (1:35)*, (4:45)*, 7:10*, 9:30* Tue: (1:35)*, (4:45)*, 7:10*^, 9:30*

7/27

SOnly God Forgives

dir. Nicolas Winding Refn SIFF Cinema Uptown

ome critics will doubtlessly declare Only God Forgives to be a prickly kind of cinematic masterpiece. I’m not one of them. At the press screening I attended, every time a gruesome act of violence played out onscreen—which is to say, very often—several critics burst out laughing. And so if gory scenes of stabbing and shooting and torture make you break out in titters, especially when those scenes fall between long, pointless (but beautiful!) shots of sad people walking slowly down empty hallways, you’re in for a great time.

This is basic noir stuff: Julian (Ryan Gosling) and his brother are American expatriates living in Thailand. After Julian’s brother is killed, their monstrous mother (Kristin Scott Thomas) comes to town to goad her son into exacting vengeance on the killer and the sword-wielding policeman who let the killer go. There’s not much plot, because this is an exercise in tone: The first half of the movie, with its saturation of red lights and long, wistful shots of Gosling making fists, could practically be a perfume commercial. (At least you can’t accuse Nicolas Winding Refn and Gosling of trying to duplicate the success of Drive.) There is definitely an audience out there willing to watch long, silent scenes of Ryan Gosling staring sadly at things— a masturbating woman, his own fists, a wall, some martial artists—but those same people probably won’t enjoy the film’s themes of incest, pedophilia, and sudden graphic violence. But now I’m being too harsh. There are some great scenes here, buried in all the pretension and intentional off-puttingness. Scott Thomas is hilarious. A few of the brutal moments are thrilling. And every shot is a gorgeous painting of texture and light. Ultimately, Only God Forgives feels like a scattered collection of memorable moments, waiting to be hacked to pieces and remastered on YouTube by ADD-addled Gosling fans. PAUL CONSTANT

Hannah Arendt dir. Margarethe von Trotta Seven Gables

FILM SHORTS

More reviews and movie times: thestranger.com/film

LIMITED RUN

BIG STAR: NOTHING CAN HURT ME

See review, page 55. Grand Illusion, Fri 8 pm, Sat 5, 8 pm, Sun 5, 7 9 pm, Mon-Tues 7, 9 pm.

BYDESIGN

See Festive, this page. The Film Forum’s annual design-centric film series. Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Tues. For complete schedule and showtimes, see www.nwfilmforum.org.

THE CORE

Stupid scientists drill to the center of the earth—and unleash nuclear horror! King’s Hardware, Mon July 22 at dusk.

DAZED AND CONFUSED

Richard Linklater’s amazing stoner comedy about graduation night in a small town in Texas. Central Cinema, Fri-Mon 7 pm.

FAR OUT ISN’T FAR ENOUGH: THE TOMI UNGERER STORY

Before watching Far Out Isn’t Far Enough, I thought I had never heard of Tomi Ungerer, despite the film’s claim that he was once one of the most popular children’s book authors. But I have! And so have you! He wrote, among others, Flat Stanley Even if you aren’t already familiar with Ungerer’s work, this documentary is a moving story about a man who is more than just a children’s book author—he is also an envelope-pushing badass crazy artist who’s brought immeasurable amounts of joy to kids and adults alike, in spite of his tumultuous, sometimes heartbreaking life. (MEGAN SELING) Varsity, Fri-Sun 2:25, 4:40, 7, 9:20 pm, Mon-Tues 4:40, 7, 9:20 pm.

THE GHASTLY LOVE OF JOHNNY X

Musical sci-fi à la ‘50s campy B-productions about a ragtag

bunch of aliens exiled to Earth. Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Tues 7, 9 pm.

HAIRSPRAY

1988’s original Hairspray is a stone-cold classic—a meticulously executed comic fantasia and the best work of art John Waters has ever produced. (DAVID SCHMADER) Cal Anderson Park, Fri July 19 at dusk.

SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN

This film is a joyful, sugarcoated sing-along, belying the dark turmoil roiling within its complex, demented characters. Magnuson Park, Thurs July 18 at dusk.

STORM SURFERS 3D

It’s weird that a documentary called Storm Surfers 3D would have so much dull footage of white guys sitting in chairs and talking in clichés about how much they like surfing, how good their friends are at surfing, and why they like to hunt for big waves. Where’s all the sweet footage of waves, bro? What little there is is not especially mind-blowing (although, granted, The Stranger did not get to screen this in 3-D). I watched this with someone who’s seen “at least 50” surfing documentaries and said this one was “especially bad.”

(CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE) SIFF Cinema Uptown, Fri 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 pm, Sat 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 pm, Sun 5, 9:15 pm, Mon-Tues 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 pm.

SUPERBAD

The 21st-century comedy classic about friendship, sex, childhood’s end, and drawings of dicks. Fremont Outdoor Cinema, Sat July 20 at dusk.

UNDER AFRICAN SKIES

From Joe Berlinger, the man who brought us the worldchanging West Memphis 3 documentary Paradise Lost,

BYDESIGN 13

What do the Ford logo and New York City’s subway signage have in common? Lella and Massimo Vignelli, Italian designers who married in the mid’60s, moved to New York City, set up shop, and conquered the world. Their work—the subject of the excellent documentary Design Is One: Lella & Massimo Vignelli, which opens this year’s ByDesign film festival—is all over American culture: furniture, jewelry, interior spaces, public spaces, corporate logos, and so on. But despite their incredible American success, the Vignellis are profoundly European. From their way of dressing, their attitudes about life, their manner of standing, sitting, talking, and eating, one would gather that the 50 years they’ve spent in America has made no impression on them. The Vignellis are as European today as they were on the first day they arrived in New York. In one scene (my favorite in the documentary), Massimo Vignelli describes a plastic coffee cup he designed with a peculiar kind of handle. The cup proved to be a flop not because he designed it badly, but because Americans don’t know how to drink coffee properly. Americans, he explains with calm contempt, fill the cup to the very top. But the right way, the civilized way, the European way to drink coffee, is to fill it only halfway. So if Americans knew how to drink coffee properly, there would be no spilling problems with the peculiar but elegant design of the handle. Massimo does not blink an eye when he calls Americans uncivilized. Those who enjoyed Eames: The Architect & the Painter will certainly enjoy Design Is One. (CHARLES MUDEDE)

ByDesign 13 runs July 19–24 at Northwest Film Forum. Full info at nwfilmforum.org. Got a film festival you want us to write about? E-mail festive@thestranger.com.

SUGGESTS

comes this in-depth exploration of the making and legacy of Paul Simon’s 1986 classic Graceland. Moving between talking-head interviews (both old and new), archival makingof footage, and scenes of preparation for a 21st-century Graceland reunion tour, Under African Skies is most valuable for reminding us that before Graceland was a beloved-by-everyone masterwork, it was a wild experiment. Watching Paul Simon chase the sound in his head, busting cultural boycotts and forcing venerable South African musicians to adhere to Western pop-song structures in the process, is revelatory, even for those of us who have every note of Graceland in our DNA. (DAVID SCHMADER) Keystone Church, Fri July 19 at 7 pm.

NOW PLAYING

20 FEET FROM STARDOM

A documentary about those mostly anonymous folks who sing backing vocals for filthy rich, famous musicians, 20 Feet from Stardom spotlights the golden-piped Merry Clayton, Darlene Love, Lisa Fischer, and Judith Hill, who’ve augmented recordings by Springsteen, Midler, and others. The film also documents backup singing’s decline from its 1960s peak to its current moribund state.

THE CONJURING

Director James Wan (Saw, Insidious) certainly doesn’t reinvent the wheel, or even try to do anything groundbreaking or original with The Conjuring. But what he does flawlessly, with impeccable pacing and old-fashioned horror-movie timing, is make a truly scary film. The story is based on an experience by real-life 1970’s ghost-hunting power-couple Ed and Lorraine Warren (exorcists and original investigators of the Amityville house). The film maintains a perfect balance of charmingly retro Satan-hysteria (demonic possession! Witches! Priests! Holy water!) and classic haunted-house trickery (doors slamming! Doors opening themselves! Rocking chairs rocking

CHOW MUSIC FILM

with no one sitting in them!). This balance, combined with spot-on acting by Vera Farmiga as Lorraine and Lili Taylor as the mother trying to save her family from certain demonic doom, is perfectly reminiscent of greats like Poltergeist The Omen, and The Exorcist (especially the latter, with the pea soup Satan-vomit being modernized with a Abu-Ghraibesque bedsheet and a whole lotta blood). (KELLY O)

THE HEAT

An uptight FBI agent and a crude Boston cop team up to topple a mysterious Russian drug lord in this summer flick. Sounds familiar, right? Sounds like every other buddy-cop flick since the invention of both flicks and buddies. Here’s the twist: The two agents are played by Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. Women! In leading roles! Cast in a summer blockbuster, no less! And they’re funny! Holy fuck, I think I’ve burned all my bras (that’s a metaphor for death) and gone to saggy-titted feminist heaven. (CIENNA MADRID)

I’M SO EXCITED! The Almodóvar of I’m So Excited! is the throwback version. All candy colors and bubbly camp, Excited! promises naughty delight upon its opening scene, a tease of a cameo by Antonio Banderas and Penélope Cruz. Taking place almost exclusively in the business class of a damaged airplane circling as aimlessly as the plot, Excited!’s exaggerated characters guzzle booze and confess themselves to each other, eventually devolving into a drug-induced orgy. There are glimmers, but nothing quite works. The jokes are tepid, and occasionally painfully out of touch. Three male stewards perform a flamboyant routine to the titular Pointer Sisters song because, you know, gay, and when a psychic virgin date-rapes a drugged-out kid in economy class, it’s meant to be taken as a quirky meet-cute. Fluffily pleasant, if difficult to invest in, it leaves its audience with a pat mess of sex and death, and the sense that Almodóvar would do best to move into his future. (MARJORIE SKI NNER)

GET OUT OF MY NOSE

This isn’t going to be a good TV column. Why? Because I am so hopped up right now on sinus medication, I feel like I’m the entire front row of a Phish concert. SERIOUSLY! I’m high as a freaking kite, and in a completely terrible way. Would it kill the pharmaceutical industry to add a little cocaine or some other feel-good drug to their sinus medication? C’mon! WHAT’S STOPPING THEM? (And don’t say, “the Food and Drug Administration,” because I’m high, I’m on a roll, and I don’t want to be interrupted!)

Oh, sure—before I took the sinus medication, it felt like two barrels of fruit Jell-O were shoved up my nose and a vibrating dildo was buried just beneath my eyebrows. And while the sinus medication removed both Jell-O and dildo, it also took out my brain and replaced it with a jumbo package of cotton gauze and a sleeping hobo. So now whenever I try to form a coherent thought, the hobo rolls over and screams, “OY! Wot’s all this then? Can’t ye see I’m tryin’ to get me beauty rest, ye lily-livered pecker licker??” (Apparently this hobo is some kind of cockney pirate?)

See, this column is already terrible, and I haven’t even mentioned “television” yet. Whatever! It’s not like you’d notice—I’ve read the comments you leave on YouTube, and you’re not all that impressive either! Okay. So. TELEVISION. Nothing’s on television this week. However! A preview

of something interesting is coming on television this week for something that’s actually debuting next week… even though the thing that’s previewing this week is actually the same thing that’s debuting next week. One could say it’s actually debuting this week, and next week is its second week, but—OWW!! Stop hitting me with your bindle, Sleepy Hobo!

Anyway, tune in to Fox this Sunday, July 21, at 9:30 p.m. for a preview of the new late-night cartoon block called Animation Domination High-Def (ADHD), which will actually premiere Saturday, July 27, at 11 p.m.—so don’t get it twisted! This week’s preview features two of its new short animated series, including High School USA!, which was created by the consistently hilarious Dino Stamatopoulos (Community, Mr. Show Moral Orel) and revolves around a gang of high-school kids (not unlike the Archies) who are insanely optimistic, upbeat, and tackle topics such as bullying, sexting, and Adderall addiction… all of which I’ve engaged in within the last two hours.

BUT! ADHD also features the highly anticipated Axe Cop—which is about a cop! Who carries an ax! Based on the web comic illustrated by Ethan Nicolle and written by his 5-year-old brother Malachai, Axe Cop battles dinosaurs, zombies, and otherworldly villains with the help of his partner Flute Cop, sleeps for only two minutes per night, and at one time was married to a female Abraham Lincoln. And NO, that’s not the sinus medication talking—that’s the actual plot of this show!

So check out this week’s preview of ADHD, then watch the real ADHD next week, which very well could be the same ADHD and—OWWW!! Damn you, Sleepy Hobo! I’m going to cram a vibrating dildo in my ear and KILL YOU!!!

BY WM. TM STEVEN HUMPHREY

LESSONS

LEGENDARY PIANIST AVAILABLE

Opened for Jeff Bridges! I’m Richard Peterson, 64 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have a piano.

WE ARE A band who just lost our drummer and vocalist and we are looking for someone new! We are located in the Lynnwood/Bothell area. Some of our influences include; Brand New, Rise Against, Defeater and Title Fight.

MUSICIANS WANTED

MUSICIANS AVAILABLE

BASSIST W/ LEAD vocals, searching for a very talented lead guitar player. Added vocals a plus but more concerned with an extreme talent for your 6 string soloing. Serious talent only. send your best music links to puyalluprecords@gmail.com

LEAD GUITAR, BASS, and Drums wanted (Seattle) I have 23 years of Vocals and Spoken-Word experience. am creating a new crew to collaborate/ perform live with. https://myspace.com/ civilizedmonster Let me know if

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STUDIES

OTHER

UNPLANNED PREGNANCY?

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CLEANING

CARPET CLEANING SPECIAL!

$29.99 per room, min. of 3 areas/ rooms. We use the state of the art Rotovac Wand. Visit us online at www.DoneRiteCarpetCleaning.com or call 24 hours/7 days per week. 206-715-4685

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FINANCIAL/LEGAL

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HOME/GARDEN

LICENSED PAINTERS RESIDENTIAL, Licensed Painters residential, commercial customers, Affordable Painting built a successful business based on the simple fact that customer satisfaction is everything. (425) 2460112 AFFORPP96100 www.affordablepaintingpro.com

PLUMBING AND DRAIN Services with a smile! Our free estimates and quality service are guaranteed. Call anytime, you can’t go wrong! 1-877-2-FIX-LEAK or 206-259-6493

MISC.

ADOPTION. YOUR BABY will raised with endless love in a financially secure home. Expenses paid. Please call or email Kristin 1-800-983-9143 / kristinadopt@gmail.com

BLANCHARD CHAPEL WEDDINGS & Receptions: Historic cathedral sanctuary, steeple bells, indoor & outdoor reception areas, gardens and countryside meadows. We welcome all marriages! (www.blanchardchapel.com) (360)766-6944

MMJ I-502 CONSULTINGRMMC Consulting offers solutions for Recreational Marijuana and Medical Cannabis Businesses. Operation plans; Zoning assistance etc. info@rmmcconsulting.com www.rmmcconsulting.com 206-395-8280

TRAVEL

FREQUENT FLYER MILES for INFREQUENT Flyers: HOW TO TRAVEL FOR FREE. Four hour course as part of UW Experimental College on July 20th from 12 - 4 p.m. $28 public/$25 UW students. Call 206-543-4375 to register.

IN THE SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF WASHINGTON IN AND FOR KING COUNTY

SAMMY WOONHA LEE, an individual, Plaintiff.

v.

TOMMIE FRANKLIN REGISTER AND TINA REGISTER, as individuals and a marital community, JOHN L. BOWERS AND ARLA BOWERS, as individuals and a marital community, BEN WATSON, and DARYL AND JUDY JOHNSON, as individuals and a marital community. Defendants.

Case no. 12-2-39208-1 SEA SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION TO TOMMIE FRANKLIN REGISTER (60 days)

The State of Washington to the said TOMMIE FRANKLIN REGISTER:

You are hereby summoned to appear within sixty days after the date of the first publication of this summons, to wit, within sixty days after the 12th day of June, 2013, and defend the above-entitled action in the above-entitled court, and answer in writing the complaint of the plaintiff Sammy Woonha Lee, and serve a copy of your answer upon the undersigned attorneys for plaintiff Lee, at their office below stated. In case of your failure to do so, judgment will be rendered against you according to the demand of the complaint, which has been filed with the clerk of said court. The complaint alleges breach of contract, quantum meruit, conversion, and trespass to chattels, and seeks an award of related damages and the release of seized property.

Plaintiff’s Attorney /s/ Charles P. Moure HARRIS & MOURE, pllc 600 Stewart Street, Suite 1200 Seattle, WA 98101 Tel.: (206) 224-5657 Fax:

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

For the Week of July 17

ARIES (March 21–April 19): The 19thcentury Italian composer Gioachino Rossini was a prolific creator who produced 39 operas. Renowned for his lyrical melodies, he was sometimes referred to as the “Italian Mozart.” So confident was he in his abilities that he bragged he could set a laundry list to music. I trust you will have comparable aplomb in the coming weeks, Aries, since you will be asked to do the equivalent of composing an opera using a laundry list for inspiration. This will be a different challenge than making lemonade out of lemons, but it could be even more fun and interesting.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20): Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? Or is its more vivid hue just an optical illusion caused by your inability to see the situation objectively? Judging from my analysis of your current astrological omens, I suspect that you’re not deluded. The grass really is greener. But it’s important to note the reason why this is true, which is that there’s more manure over on the other side of the fence. So your next question becomes: Are you willing to put up with more crap in order to get the benefits of the greener grass?

GEMINI (May 21–June 20): You know the voice in your head that’s kind of a sneaky bastard? The voice that sometimes feeds you questionable advice and unreliable theories? Well, I suspect that this voice might be extra active in the coming week. But here’s the weird thing: It might actually have a sound idea or two for you to consider acting on. For once, its counsel may be based on accurate intuition. So don’t completely lower your guard, Gemini. Maintain a high degree of discernment toward the sneaky bastard’s pronouncements. But also be willing to consider the possibility that this generator of so much mischief could at least temporarily be a source of wisdom.

CANCER (June 21–July 22): We keep million-dollar works of art in well-guarded museums. Paintings created hundreds of years ago are treated with reverence and protected as if they were magical treasures. Meanwhile, beautiful creatures that took nature eons to produce don’t get the same care. At least 5,000 animal and plant species are going extinct every year, in large part due to human activities. Among the recently lost works of art are the Madeiran Large White butterfly, West African black rhinoceros, Formosan clouded leopard, golden toad, and Tecopa pupfish. I’m asking you not to allow a similar discrepancy in your own life, Can-

cerian. The astrological omens say that now is a perfect moment to intensify your love for the natural world. I urge you to meditate on how crucial it is to nurture your interconnectedness with all of life, not just the civilized part.

LEO (July 23–Aug 22): Hurry up, please. It’s time. No more waffling or procrastinating. You really need to finish up the old business that has dragged on too long. You really should come to definitive decisions about ambiguous situations, even if they show no sign of resolution. As for those nagging questions that have yielded no useful answers: I suggest you replace them with different questions. And how about those connections that have been draining your energy? Reevaluate whether they are worth trying to fix.

VIRGO (Aug 23–Sept 22): “This morning I walked to the place where the streetcleaners dump the rubbish,” wrote painter Vincent van Gogh in one of his letters. “My God, it was beautiful.” Was he being ironic or sarcastic? Not at all. He was sincere. As an artist, he had trained himself to be intrigued by scenes that other people dismissed as ugly or irrelevant. His sense of wonder was fully awake. He could find meaning and even enchantment anywhere. Your next assignment, Virgo—should you choose to accept it—is to experiment with seeing the world as Van Gogh did.

LIBRA (Sept 23–Oct 22): I believe you will undergo a kind of graduation in the next four weeks, Libra. Graduation from what? Maybe from a life lesson you’ve been studying for a while or from an institution that has given you all it can. Perhaps you will climax your involvement with a situation that has made big demands on you. I suspect that during this time of completion, you will have major mixed feelings, ranging from sadness that a chapter of your story is coming to an end to profound gratification at how much you have grown during this chapter.

SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 21): What’s your favorite sin, Scorpio? I’m talking about the mischievous vice or rebel tendency or excessive behavior that has taught you a lot. It may be the case that now and then this transgressive departure from normalcy has had redeeming value, and has even generated some interesting fun. Perhaps it puts you in touch with a magic that generates important changes, even if it also exacts a toll on you. Whatever your “favorite sin” is, I’m guessing that you need to develop a more conscious and mature relationship with it. The time has come for it to evolve.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): The Sagittarian writer and artist William Blake (1757–1827) made drawings of many eminent people who had died before he was born. Julius Caesar was the subject of one of his portraits. Others included Dante, Shakespeare, and Moses. How did

Blake manage to capture their likenesses in such great detail? He said their spirits visited him in the form of apparitions. Really? I suppose that’s possible. But it’s also important to note that he had a robust and exquisite imagination. I suspect that in the coming weeks you, too, will have an exceptional ability to visualize things in your mind’s eye. Maybe not with the gaudy skill of Blake, but potent nevertheless. What would be the best use of this magic power?

CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 19): How close do you really want to be to the people you care about? I invite you to think about this with unsentimental candor. Do you prefer there to be some distance between you? Are you secretly glad there’s a buffer zone that prevents you from being too profoundly engaged? I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It might be correct for who you are right now. I merely want to suggest that it’s important for you to know the exact nature of your need for intimacy. If you find that you actually do want to be closer, spend the next four weeks making that happen. Ask your precious allies to collaborate with you in going deeper.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20–Feb 18): I love your big, energetic thoughts. I enjoy watching as your wild intuitive leaps lead you to understandings that mere logic could never produce. I have benefited many times from the Aquarian tribe’s ability to see angles no one else can discern. In the immediate future, though, I hope you will be a specialist in analyzing the details and mastering mundane mysteries. I’ll be rooting for you to think small and be precise. Can you manage that? I expect there’ll be a sweet reward. You will generate good fortune for yourself by being practical, sensible, and earthy.

PISCES (Feb 19–March 20): Is it a river or a creek? Is it a mountain or a hill? It’s important for you to decide questions like these—preferably on the basis of the actual evidence rather than on wishful thinking. I’m not saying that the river is better than the creek or that the mountain is better than the hill. I simply want you to know that it’s important to be clear about which it is. The same principle applies to other experiences you’ll soon have. Is the catalytic person you’re dealing with a temporary friend or a loyal ally? Is the creation you’re nurturing just a healthy diversion or is it potentially a pivotal element in transforming your relationship with yourself? Is the love that’s blooming a transient pleasure or a powerful upgrade that’s worth working on with all your ingenuity?

Homework: Confess your deepest secrets to yourself. Say them out loud when no one but you is listening. Testify at freewill astrology.com.

NAUGHTYNW.COM

SAVAGE LOVE

Boy Trouble BY DAN SAVAGE

I am a young gay man who has been so freaked out by the idea of catching a sexually transmitted infection that I haven’t gotten with anyone for two years. But last night, I hooked up with a cute 21-year-old FTM trans boy, and maybe because it was a person with lady parts, I let caution go, and no condom was used. How worried should I be about having made a baby with a person who is way too young to have one?

Cautious Homo In Loopy Dilemma P.S. He is on hormone therapy.

Here’s a good rule of thumb for all you sex-havers out there: A new sex friend who’ll have unprotected sex with you has probably had unprotected sex with other sex friends. Yes, yes, typically cautious people have been known to “let caution go” on rare occasions. It happens, CHILD. But the odds that two typically cautious people will both simultaneously decide to “let caution go” and have unprotected sex with a brand-new sex friend just this once are pretty slim. “This person who’s having unprotected sex with me is having unprotected sex with other people” is a far more reasonable assumption than “This person who’s having unprotected sex with me would never have unprotected sex with anyone else.”

Which means you should be less concerned with pregnancy—your sparkly new concern— and more concerned with that old concern of yours, sexually transmitted infections. The odds that you got that FTM trans boy pregnant are pretty slim; there’s only a 1-in-20 chance that a single act of unprotected penis-in-vagina sex will result in pregnancy. The fact that this guy is on hormone therapy may make him slightly less likely to conceive. But if your cute hookup was having unprotected sex with others—if he wasn’t making a very special exception just for you—then you’re at greater risk of acquiring an STI than you are of acquiring an heir. Go and get tested, CHILD, and while you wait for your results, ponder this: Health workers and HIV-prevention educators tell me that the more freaked out someone is by the idea of catching an STI—the more paralyzed by fear someone is— the likelier that person is to have unprotected sex when they do have sex. Your recent experience is common enough to be a depressing cliché. So working to conquer your irrational fear of STIs— and actually having sex once in a while—will leave you less likely to contract one.

Twenty-one-year-old furfag here. I consider myself a bi guy, I check out men and women (femmy guys and cute girls), but I’m a virgin. I have a boyfriend of three years, and we do roleplay online. He’s sweet, nice, and sometimes a stubborn dick, but otherwise always there for me. We met online, and I fell in love with his personality two years before we traded pics. He is totally okay-looking, average, and I am fine with this because he’s a sweetheart. He’s also four years my senior. I’m working on my bachelor’s and trying to get into graduate school. He swears that no matter where I go, he’ll follow me. Is this a strange relationship? I know it’s unorthodox, but is it a bad move? I don’t want to ruin his life. What if we meet and try gaying it up and I’m not into it? (“Ha! You ruined your life. I’m not even into men.”) It’s my senior year, and I think I love him. I’m certainly more fond of him than any other relationship I’ve been in. Sex doesn’t hold a big interest for me, and porn doesn’t do ANYTHING for me—gay, straight, it’s like watching a sweaty, breathy anatomy class. I’ve never even masturbated. Am I going about this wrong?

Fella Unsure Regarding Feelings About Gayness

Maybe I’m behind the times—maybe I just don’t get this “online relationship” stuff—but I don’t think two people who’ve never met in real

life (IRL) should be planning a future together. Attraction is about more than just shared interests, emotional compatibility, and kinks in common. There’s an ephemeral, unquantifiable aspect to attraction, something that can only be established when you’re face-to-face/tongue-totongue with someone. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think you can know for sure that it’s love—a love worth moving across the country for—until you’ve tasted each other’s spit.

Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great that you two got together, FURFAG, and I don’t doubt that there’s a real connection. One of the wonderful things about the internet is the way it brings people with rare kinks together. And sometimes people with uncommon kinks have to go to uncommon lengths to be together—which can include taking a big risk like moving across the country to be with the furfag of your dreams.

But before you do that—or before you let him do that—you need to meet in person at least once to establish that (1) you’re actually in love with each other, and (2) you’re actually into men. You can’t resolve those doubts until you’ve acknowledged them, FURFAG, which means a truth-telling, doubts-airing, non-role-playing Skype session is in order.

I’m a 19-year-old gay guy in a relationship with an 18-year-old gay guy (for nearly four years). My boyfriend and I have a good sex life, but I rarely get to top him. We’re both versatile on paper, but the actual act of getting penetrated is almost always painful or uncomfortable for my boyfriend, even with plenty of lubrication and preparation. I’m frustrated because I know it’s not his fault, but I sometimes feel that he isn’t putting in enough effort to try to bottom for me. Additionally, it’s hard for me to understand how he feels because bottoming is never painful for me, and I enjoy it a lot. We’ve discussed the possibility of me topping another guy (alone or in a threesome), and he isn’t opposed to the idea, but I’d much rather it be him. Is there any way we can make bottoming pleasurable for him?

Ready To Top

The best way to determine if your boyfriend is a natural-born top—not into getting fucked, never will be into getting fucked—is to sideline your dick for the time being. Explore his ass, and his capacity to experience anal pleasure, without fucking him. Get some small anal toys that aren’t designed for in-and-out play, RTT, but set-and-forget play—a few butt plugs, one or two small vibrating eggs. Pop one in his ass and then let him fuck yours. If you can take the pressure off your boyfriend while getting a toy in him, RTT, he may begin to associate having something in his ass with pleasure. If he can do that, he may be able to graduate to your cock. Good luck.

I’m a 21-year-old gay boy with a kinky side that I keep pretty private. (Total twink—you wouldn’t know what I’m into by looking at me.)

I went to London in June to get with a guy who has an amazing dungeon. I spent a week being his slave boy and getting tied up and caged, and I had a blast. He posted some pictures of me to his porny Tumblr, which I was okay with, but some gossipy vanilla boys I go to school with recognized me even though my face was blurred out. NO! What do I say to them?!?

Kinked Twink

“I had a blast.”

This week on the Savage Lovecast: When gays ATTACK! Find it at savagelovecast.com.

mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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