The Stranger Vol. 22, No. 34 by Noisy Creek

by Amanda Palmer

you

been paying attention until you look at your eyebrows in the mirror and they look like brown mcdonald’s arches sprawled across your forehead.

you don’t know how many vietnamese soft rolls to order, but that’s okay, because the wonder coffee & sports bar, reviewed by CHARLES MUDEDE in this issue, doesn’t carry them anyway.

you don’t know how precious your iphone battery time was until you’re reading REBECCA BROWN’s essay about sleeping in a homeless shelter in a cafe in boston and there are no free outlets available to recharge.

you don’t know how to convince these fuckers to let you use a fucking outlet.

you don’t know if these people don’t know who you are.

you don’t know how it’s possible to feel total compassion in one moment and total disconnection in the next moment.

you don’t know how CATE MCGEHEE’s story about diy culture in the university district somehow makes you feel total compassion, but you feel it anyway.

you don’t know how to exploit the diy scene into playing music for free at one of your concerts, but you’ll ﬁgure it out somehow.

you don’t know how to again reiterate the fact that you are in boston, where the terror happened, without making it seem like you’re just looking for attention.

you don’t know how to tell the girl in the chair next to you that you’ve been peeking at her dissertation draft and there’s a grammatical typo in the actual ﬁle name.

you don’t realize that the fact that you’re writing hundreds of words without a single proper capitalization makes you not the best unsolicited copy editor a dissertation-writer could ask for.

you don’t want two percent but it’s all they have.

you don’t want to read all of DOMINIC HOLDEN’s story about surveillance post-boston-bombing, but you want to mention it anyway, just so people remember that you’re in boston right now and wonder if you’re okay.

you don’t know where your friends went.

you don’t know where the bathroom is.

you don’t know… never mind.

COVER ART

Tiskatasket by TIM MANTHEY

See more of Tim’s work at Victrola on 15th (victrolacoffee.com) through May 31.

LAST DAYS

The Week in Review

BY DAVID SCHMADER

RETURNING COLUMN!

MONDAY, APRIL 15 This week of almost unrelenting American horror kicks off in Boston, where today tens of thousands of people gathered for the 117th Boston Marathon, which transformed into a scene of deadly mayhem after two bombs exploded near the ﬁnish line, killing three people (29-year-old Krystle Campbell, 22-year-old Lu Lingzi, and 8-year-old Martin Richard), injuring more than 200 others, and commencing a frantic ﬁve-day manhunt for suspects.

TUESDAY, APRIL 16 The week continues in Washington, DC, where today the nation’s leaders and lawmakers were scrambling to determine who bombed Boston when word arrived of the ricin-laced letter sent to the Senate. “An envelope that had tested positive for ricin had been sent to Republican senator

WAKE UP, AMAZING LADY

When a man sleeps with you for months yet NEVER comes over to your house, NEVER invites you to share any weekend time with him (including doing activities that he knows you like to do), RARELY initiates text/phone conversations, and ALWAYS texts you when he is drunk… HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND, HE WANTS TO BE YOUR FUCKFRIEND.

And while a fuckfriend may be a nice commodity item to have, please recognize that you are not now nor will you ever be the type of woman to be able to successfully have one. You, my silly, sweet, and sappy friend, are the type to tear up over mushy Subaru ads, and I know for a fact that you fall in love with strangers on the bus weekly—so stop denying that you are falling in love with this man you have been sleeping with three or four nights a week. You, my beautiful friend, have learned this lesson already, remember? You have had your heart broken and been taken advantage of in the past. So please please please listen to me when I tell you to STOP SEEING THIS GUY.

Somewhere out there is a man who wants to go to the dog park with you, play games with you, sleep in and then go to brunch with you, snowboard with you, surf with you, take weekend trips with you, go down on you, go to the movie theater with you. And somewhere out there is a man who won’t make you feel like a needy, simpering girl for even thinking of—much less asking him to do—any of the above things with him.

Roger Wicker of Mississippi,” reports Reuters. “Ricin is a lethal poison… [that] can cause death within 36 to 72 hours from exposure to an amount as small as a pinhead. No known antidote exists.” Tomorrow, another ricinenhanced letter will arrive for President

Barack Obama. “The mailings to Obama and Wicker were related, based on the postmarks and the identical language of the enclosed letters,” reports Reuters. “The letters included the phrase ‘To see a wrong and not expose it is to become a silent partner to its continuance,’ and were signed ‘I am KC and I approve this message’… The envelopes both bore postmarks from Memphis, Tennessee, and were dated April 8.” Silver lining: No one was hurt by the poisoned mail, and authorities found no indication of a connection between the letters and the Boston bombing. Tomorrow, the Feds will announce the arrest of a 45-yearold Elvis impersonator from Mississippi, but in five more days, charges against him will be dropped as authorities zero in on another person of interest. Stay tuned.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 17 Speaking of dangerous fuckery in DC, the week continues with a day that will live in infamy, as the most modest proposal for curbing American gun violence—requiring background checks for firearm purchases—died in the Senate.

“All in all, this was a pretty shameful day for Washington,” said a visibly pissed President Obama, mourning the failure of a bill that “represented moderation and common sense.” “But instead of supporting this compromise, the gun lobby and its allies willfully lied about the bill ,” said the president at a press conference also featuring the families of Sandy Hook victims. “They claimed that it would create some sort of ‘Big Brother’ gun registry, even though the bill did the opposite. This legislation, in fact, outlawed any registry. Plain and simple, right there in the text. But that didn’t matter.” Obama’s woe was echoed by Connecticut governor Dannel Malloy: “When the Senate cannot come together on an issue that is supported by the vast majority of Americans, there is little to no hope that common sense will prevail. The members who voted against this proposal should be ashamed of themselves.”

•• Meanwhile in West, Texas, a fertilizer plant exploded, killing 14 people (including five volunteer firefighters and four emergency services workers), injuring 200 others, and damaging and/or destroying dozens of nearby homes and businesses.

THURSDAY, APRIL 18 In much better news, we continue with the only thing (besides a Percocet hailstorm) that could temporarily divert Last Days from this god-awful week:

Songs for Troubled Times

In times of drama and strife, humanity has a habit of communing around spiritually apt pop songs. Can you match the American historical event to its corresponding soundtrack? Good luck!

1. The Great Depression

2. 9/11

3. The Boston Bombing

4. The Gulf War

5. The “War on Terror” in Iraq and Afghanistan

6. The Vietnam War

7. The End of World War II

A. “The Star-Spangled Banner,” Whitney Houston

B. “Sentimental Journey,” Doris Day

C. “Umbrella,” Rihanna

D. “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?” (Trad. arr.)

E. That stupid Enya song

F. “All Along the Watchtower,” Jimi Hendrix

G. The CNN News Theme, followed by corrections and apologies

the ﬁrst of two nights of performances by the world-historically great musical artist Prince in the Seattle nightclub Showbox at the Market. Every serious Prince fan has encountered numerous anecdotes about the amazing, intimate club shows Prince has given in the middle of the night at Minneapolis’s First Avenue or some nightclub in Paris. Tonight, we got one in Seattle. The basic setup: a performance by Thirdeyegirl, an all-female band with a male lead singer who happened to be Prince. The basic question: Would Thirdeyegirl be a tool for Prince to communicate weird new free-jazz feelings, or would this be an honest-to-God Prince show? This question was answered almost immediately after the lights went down, the band came on, and the stage exploded with amazing virtual pyrotechnics as Thirdeyegirl launched into “Let’s Go Crazy,” performed in a slowed-down, power-chord heavy version. This was deﬁnitely a rock show—Prince kept his guitar on all night, with things getting seriously funky only toward the end, when he brought out the Controversy classic “Let’s Work” and—OHMYGOD—“A Love Bizarre.” But holy shit, what a rock show. The set list was both a fan’s dream and from outer space, ranging from humongo-hits (“U Got the Look,” “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man,” “When Doves Cry”) to beloved B-sides (“She’s Always in My Hair”!) to weird catalog gems (The Gold Experience’s “Endorphinmachine”! Chaos & Disorder’s “I Like It There”!). The whole thing ended with a stageful of dancing band/audience members, and Prince DJ’ing a career-spanning medley of hits, over which he sang live and praised Seattle. We responded

by losing our minds. Thank you, Prince, for an exceedingly well-timed visit.

THANKS,

FRIDAY, APRIL 19 In worse news, the week continues with Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the Boston bombing suspects identified yesterday via photographs and video stills released by the FBI. Last night, following the release of the identifying images, the brothers allegedly killed an MIT police offi cer , hijacked a car and its owner, and were tracked by police to Watertown, Massachusetts, where, after an extended firefight, 26-year-old Tamerlan Tsarnaev was captured by cops and taken to the hospital, where he died from his injuries. Despite his brother’s capture and his own injuries, 19-year-old Dzhokhar Tsarnaev managed to flee the scene of yesterday’s firefight, instigating a manhunt that brought thousands of cops and military personnel to a 20-block area of Watertown, where the wounded suspect was found hiding in a boat in someone’s backyard and, after another firefight, taken into custody. On Monday, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev will be charged with using weapons of mass destruction and malicious destruction of property, for which he could face the death penalty.

SATURDAY, APRIL 20 Nothing happened today, unless you count the most desperately needed 4/20 in American history.

SUNDAY, APRIL 21 Surprise! The week ends with more tragedy, this time in nearby Federal Way, where tonight a man fatally shot four people (his girlfriend and three male bystanders) before being fatally shot by police.

If next week isn’t better, I’ll give you ﬁve bucks. Send hot tips to lastdays@thestranger.com and follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.

Impersonate Elvis at THESTRANGER.COM/SLOG

Get Ready for Your Close-Up

Did the Boston Bombings Blow Up What Little Resistance America Had Left to Surveillance Cameras?

BY DOMINIC HOLDEN

The choppy, low-resolution videos of the two Boston Marathon bombing suspects released by the FBI last Thursday were disappointing. They didn’t show the men head-on

because, presumably, they didn’t have those images yet.

Shouldn’t the government have had more footage, better footage?

That line of thinking—which I shared at the time—has since spurred politicians and media to bellow for more video surveillance of US cities. “I do think we need more cameras,” GOP representative Peter King of New York said in response to the bombings. Later that week, Slate declared, “We Need More Cameras, and We Need Them Now,” in a piece saying, “We should think about how cameras could help prevent crimes, not just solve them once they’ve already happened.” And Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel added that more cameras are “not just for big events like a marathon, but day-to-day purposes.”

After all, more surveillance is easy to pull off. Video cameras are relatively inexpensive, storing data gets easier and easier, and law enforcement has never met a camera it didn’t like (except cameras designed to record cops, naturally). England has roughly four million cameras, and London has an estimated half-million. By comparison, US cities have very few. After 9/11, about 3,000 surveillance cameras were installed in Lower Manhattan, which served as an example of how after a terrorist attack, America’s traditional resistance to casual surveillance can get blown up by the terrorists, too.

Because of how much fear a terrorist attack can incite, “typically, there is a public response to try to throw everything we can at a problem like this so it doesn’t happen again,” says Adam Molnar, a PhD candidate conducting research on security for major sporting events at the University of Victoria.

Dear NBA: Don’t Take Seattle for Granted

We’re Perfectly Capable of Telling You to Go Fuck Yourself

BY GOLDY

umors and updates have been trickling out of Sacramento all month, among them a bidding war between investment groups in Sacramento and Seattle vying for ownership of the Kings. The latest twist in the saga has NBA commissioner David Stern delaying the votes to approve the team’s sale and whether to move it to Seattle, and then

In Seattle recently, Mayor Mike McGinn shut down a Seattle Police Department drone program after the public protested their use and even city officials questioned drones’ efficacy in fighting crime. Meanwhile, whether or not the city will turn on a network of federally funded surveillance cameras in West Seattle remains contentious. Outside of Seattle, though, a lot of prominent voices are calling for more surveillance.

But whether cameras make us signiﬁcantly safer is debatable. The BBC recently reported that for every 1,000 cameras in London, only one crime is solved. And whether they prevent crime, as Slate suggests, is even more disputed. The crime rate in London didn’t drop after spending the equivalent of $807 million on cameras. The New York Times also reported in 2009 that “New York University says they do not deter it much, if at all,” and out of four other studies, only one found a drop in serious crimes while three others were inconclusive. Some research ﬁnds that perpetrators of serious crimes may avoid cameras, simply displacing where terrorist attacks might occur, Molnar says.

Whether cameras make us safer and deter crime is debatable.

“We’re concerned about America becoming a place in which cameras are so pervasive that we can’t go about our lives without being tracked by the government,” says Jamela Debelak, technology and liberty director for the ACLU of Washington. She adds that we need “controls on how long data is stored, and there should be public input on the policies.”

The question isn’t whether cameras should ever be used (again, everyone agrees that sometimes they should be), but how much America throws itself whole-hog—along with billions of dollars—into permanent video surveillance.

Yes, yes, I know. Cameras are already around, our online activity is already watched, our privacy is already lost. Under that line of thinking, what does it matter if the government installs a few million new cameras in urban centers?

Should we react to the Boston bombings with the same blind patriotism as we did with 9/11?

Raising this sort of question may be politically toxic right now (lots of experts declined to comment for this article), but raising tough questions about the Patriot Act and the Iraq war was politically toxic at the time, too—and raising questions about the Patriot Act and the Iraq war was the right thing to do.

“Even though this [bombing] is a very rare event, we tend to exaggerate the threat going down the road,” Molnar says, referring to the Boston Marathon. “We are not just introducing technology to prevent, deter, or enhance the possibility for arrest and capture, we are also changing the way we relate to one another.”

“We turn communities of trust into communities of fear,” he warns.

Granted, in the case of marathons, more cameras seem pragmatic (at least as temporary installations). But does that mean they should be everywhere else? Every city corner, every park, every coastline? Should we put them up now and leave them up indeﬁnitely?

reversing the order of those votes. Owners will now vote on whether to move the Kings before voting on whether to approve the team’s sale to Chris Hansen. It’s a switch that arguably gives the advantage to Sacramento by allowing that city to put its strongest case forward. And it only adds to the perception that Stern is stacking the deck in favor of Sacramento.

That’s the exact opposite of what happened here a few years back, when Stern all but conspired with Clay Bennett to steal the Sonics away to Oklahoma City. Stern is still reviled in Seattle, and rightly so. And that’s something else for NBA owners to consider: Our feelings are still bruised, and our patience is limited. Apply different rules to Seattle’s bid for the Kings, and we will understand it as the unprecedented dis it truly is.

To be clear: Without public and political support—and most importantly, a team to

Consider our nation’s reaction to 9/11: Afghanistan, Iraq, a spike in hate crimes against racial minorities, the Patriot Act. While I don’t disagree with everything the United States did—we should try to dismantle Al Qaeda, for example—invading Iraq (based in part on faulty surveillance) was a drastic overreaction, so I’m skeptical of our government’s knee-jerk reaction to terrorism.

prop this support up—the Sodo arena deal could still die. Seriously. The arena doesn’t get built until Hansen secures a team. And NBA owners shouldn’t fool themselves that we’ll wait around forever.

The NBA has never before rejected the sale of a team to qualiﬁed owners. So if the league wants a franchise in Seattle, either the owners need to show us the same respect they showed Oklahoma City—and approve this deal—or they better quickly turn around and grant us an expansion franchise (thereby adding a new team to the league). Because the longer we go without a team, the more opportunity there

Our feelings are still bruised, and our patience is limited.

We should react to the knee-jerk calls for more surveillance—“more” and “now”—with a whole lot of skepticism. No matter the rah-rah rhetoric from politicians or the media, we need to take our time in questioning the evidence to decide whether permanent surveillance networks in US cities are the security panacea they’re made out to be. Even if it’s not the popular thing to do.

will be for our process-driven political system to undermine the Sodo arena deal.

A lot of politicians stuck their necks out to make this happen. And a lot of taxpayers like me, who vehemently opposed previous arena proposals, put our knee-jerk opposition to public ﬁnancing aside in order to embrace the relatively fair deal offered by Hansen. But a lot can happen between now and the time the arena’s environmental review is completed. Like an election. And who knows? Perhaps Mayor Ed Murray won’t bother spending the political capital necessary to see his predecessor’s biggest accomplishment through to completion?

If the NBA doesn’t want to be in the Seattle market, ﬁne. But if they think they’ll gain anything by toying with our affections, they better think again. We told the league to go fuck itself once, and we’re perfectly capable of doing it a second time.

GEORGE PFROMM II

“Suck it, Proust. This book about stuff is much better than those things you wrote.”

—GARY SHTEYNGART

Can City Government Make Us Happy?

Seattle’s First Happiness Open House Was Super-Depressing

BY CIENNA MADRID

The sun took center stage on Monday, April 22. Flowers ﬂowered and birds cackled as half of Seattle sat outside, basking in one of the ﬁrst warm evenings of spring. I heard the muted, joyous laughter of pedestrians outside while I was stuck in a conference room at City Hall, where I sat with three other unhappy strangers and listened to a two-hour panel of “experts” lecture rows of empty

Hire Grounds

Business Interests Are Watering Down Legislation to Help Ex-Cons Get Jobs

BY CIENNA MADRID

For the past seven months, Seattle business interests have been busy watering down a bill designed to help roughly 39,000 Seattle residents with felony conviction on their records get jobs. The question now is, once the new business-friendly legislation is reintroduced in May, will it be reduced to a series of loopholes large enough to ﬁt most of the Greater Seattle Chamber of Commerce through?

“It doesn’t have everything we thought should be on the table,” admits Chris Stearns, chairman of the Seattle Human Rights Commission.

Last September, Seattle City Council member Bruce Harrell introduced the ﬁrst version of the legislation that would prevent most employers in Seattle from viewing the criminal record of a job applicant until after a person is conditionally hired. It would have also banned employers from denying jobs solely on the basis of a person’s past criminal history, unless a felony was directly related to the nature of the job. Harrell argued the bill would help break the cycle of offenders returning to jail and prison by bringing them into the labor market.

But business interests led by the Greater Seattle Chamber of Commerce (which represents 2,200 companies and 700,000 workers) have met with council members and humanrights activists and proposed their own changes that could give employers wiggle room to refuse hiring ex-convicts, even if they’re the most qualiﬁed applicants for jobs.

They’ve proposed three main changes that now appear to be headed into the bill once it’s reﬁled: (1) Instead of prohibiting background checks until a conditional job offer is made, the bill would allow employers to order background

chairs on happiness. As part of a “Happiness Initiative,” Seattle City Council member Richard Conlin had summoned a New York group called Make It Happy to come to Seattle and explore the topic with the hopes of “integrating happiness into public planning,” as he explained. (As of press time, queries about the taxpayer cost of the Happiness Initiative had not been answered.)

Here was their methodology: “The last four days, we were out on the streets asking, ‘What makes people happy?’” explained Laura Musikanski of Seattle’s Happiness Initiative, which was tasked with surveying Seattle’s happiness levels in 2011 (spoiler: Poor people are less happy). Behind the panelists sat a wall of sticky notes with the answers to that question, including sex, ﬁsh, power, free parking, corn, and sun.

“A lot of people said water—they love the rain,” added Mario Chamorro of Make It Happy. “People in Seattle are waterproof!” Judging by the emptiness of the room, we’re also bullshit-proof.

As the event wrapped up, panelists invited us to discuss on camera what makes us happy. Instead, there was a four-person stampede for the door as we rushed out to catch our happiness in the last lingering rays of sun, a strong drink, or the fantasy of masturbating in a bathtub ﬁlled with Richard Conlin’s tears.

checks once “unqualiﬁed applicants” are eliminated from the pool—which gives employers the chance to weed out qualiﬁed ex-offenders before deciding to hire a candidate. (2) It provides a $150 tax incentive for employers to hire ex-convicts. This isn’t a bad change—it could encourage small-business owners to hire people with felonies, if it works. (3) And while it once banned employers from considering felonies unless there was a “direct relationship” between a person’s conviction and the job they seek (e.g., someone convicted of robbing banks being hired as bank security), employers now must have only a “legitimate business reason” for withholding job offers.

Human-rights advocates are most leery of the third proposal, which they say gives employers the broad discretion not to hire an applicant solely on the basis of a criminal record. Merf Ehman, a lawyer for the human-

“We

want people who have a checkered past to be able to acknowledge it.”

rights law ﬁrm Columbia Legal Services, says, “We’d really like to see that clariﬁed. We’d like employers to consider factors like the age of the person at the time of the offense and the time passed before denying someone.”

But business groups say that the new language promotes dialogue: “We want people who have a checkered past to be able to acknowledge it, to describe and discuss that with potential employers,” explains Chamber spokesman George Allen.

Still, proponents are willing to swallow the changes if it means making Seattle the third city in the country to pass such a law. “It’s not as strong as it started out,” admits Ehman, adding, “It would still prevent employers from advertising ‘no felons’ on job listings, and that’s signiﬁcant.”

HAPPINESS OPEN HOUSE Very, very open.

ROCKIN PIANO

SEATTLE THEATRE GROUP 2013 I 2014 SEASON

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Trader Joe’s Silent Movie Mondays – International

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Sister Act

Sept 27 | Moore | $34.50

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Oct 3 | Paramount | $37 - $61

Martin Short

Oct 4 | Neptune | $26

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Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Wizard of Oz

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Carrie: The Musical

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Gregory Maqoma/Vuyani Dance Theatre

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Peter and the Starcatcher

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Isabella Rossellini – Green Porno

Nov 8 | Moore | $8.50

Global Dance Party

Nov 9 | Moore | $19.50

Seattle Rock Orchestra performs Pink Floyd

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Priscilla Queen of the Desert

Nov 16 | Neptune | $37

Kronos Quartet with special guest Degenerate Art Ensemble

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Cirque Dreams Holidaze

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Jerry Springer: The Opera

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Mark Morris Dance Group

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Seattle Rock Orchestra performs Michael Jackson

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Mar

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March

April

Mannheim Steamroller Christmas

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A John Waters Christmas

SOURCES SAY

• In last week’s Sources Say column, we quoted Vulcan Real Estate VP Ada Healey as saying the city council’s push for stronger affordable housing provisions in South Lake Union was “blatantly unfair.” We also said she didn’t understand the deﬁnition of “blatantly” or “unfair.” Said Vulcan spokeswoman Lori Mason Curran in a voice-mail: “I am not very happy about the way Ada’s been portrayed in this recent sort of blog from The Stranger.” She added Healey’s point wasn’t that affordable housing provisions were unfair, but that “she said it was ‘blatantly unfair’ to have more aggressive [requirements] in South Lake Union if it wasn’t happening in the rest of the city.” She went on: “If you want to talk about ‘blatantly unfair,’ I say the way you’ve portrayed this is blatantly unfair.”

• In the Seattle City Council’s South Lake Union committee meeting this week, Council Member Jean Godden accidentally seconded a motion she didn’t intend to support. “Oh no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” she said. The council let her recant, and the motion—a bid from Council

Member Tom Rasmussen for a slight change to heights on Westlake—failed.

• When asked whether they’d be joining their fellow city council member Richard Conlin’s April 22 attempt to Make Seattle Happy through a government meeting on happiness, three council members smirked and shook their heads as they headed out the doors of City Hall. “Don’t quote me on that,” one council member said, which is a shame, because it was a pretty awesome quote.

• An informal poll of Democratic political consultants concludes that Seattle mayor Mike McGinn has “no path” to victory in November. You know, just like in 2009.

• Like all gay things more than 22 years old, the Broadway Grill is announcing its death. In a statement released this week, the place blamed “severe financial obligations imposed by previously un-discovered mechanical, structural and operational issues.” The Grill—later renamed the Grill on Broadway—was a shamelessly proud anchor for Seattle’s gay culture in the 1990s. It was there when gay people needed a safe place for a date, when flamin’ waiters needed a place to be flamin’, and when drunk homos needed eggs at 2 a.m. It will close on Sunday, April 28. All homos should go there for one last night!

The State Says This Pot Isn’t Technically “Marijuana”

But It Looks Like Marijuana, Smells Like Marijuana, and Gets You a Little High

BY BEN LIVINGSTON

Under Washington State law, marijuana is deﬁned as cannabis with a THC concentration greater than 0.3 percent. Anything with less THC is not marijuana under state law; it is simply unregulated cannabis. Thanks to Initiative 502, we no longer prohibit this unregulated cannabis, which includes such commodities as industrial hemp, edible pot sprouts, and seeds.

But THC, the molecule primarily responsible for the psychoactive effects of pot, is just one of at least 85 known cannabinoids in the plant, and it turns out some people aren’t looking for THC.

only unregulated cannabis. “Since we’ve had it in for about a year, I would say it’s the ﬁfth or sixth fastest-moving strain we carry,” says Muraco Kyashna-tocha from the Green Buddha Patient Co-op.

Many dispensaries report that patients often want pot that is high in other medicinal compounds—like cannabidiol (CBD), which is thought to have a greater effect on pain.

Smoking M’Otto, I feel a bit more relaxed.

One such strain found locally is called M’Otto, and with 0.23 percent THC and nearly 11 percent CBD, it is not technically marijuana under state law. It certainly looks like marijuana, smells like marijuana, and smokes like marijuana. But around here, it is

“A year ago, it was hard to ﬁnd any low-THC strains,” remarks John Brown from the cannabis testing lab Analytical 360. “Now we’re starting to see, over the last six months, people propagating low-THC plants, trying to ﬁnd those strains that work for them. These are real patients looking for real medicine, not looking for a high.”

State regulators are aware of such non-marijuana.

“We’re not addressing anything that’s under that 0.3 percent THC,” insists Brian Smith, a spokesman for the liquor board, which is tasked with regulating the marijuana market.

Smoking M’Otto, I feel a bit more relaxed and wonder if I’m high. That is to say, it’s a bit like when I actually do get high. It’s deﬁnitely not heady, though I wonder how the hash tastes.

Kyashna-tocha thinks low-THC cannabis has limited recreational appeal and should be of little concern to the liquor board. “I can’t imagine this will sit high on their radar.”

Do You Have Art You’re Showing or Performing This Summer?

DSHS

If you’re an artist, performer, or arts organization, you should list your summer event(s) in the next issue of A&P. Information for events from June 5 to September 10 is due to us by May 1. Send it on over: calendar@seattleaandp.com.

Date: Time:

Place: Thursday May 2, 2013

9:00 am to 3:00 pm

Haller Lake United Methodist Church

13055 1st Ave NE

Sea le

AT THIS EVENT, YOU CAN APPLY FOR: Cash Assistance

Basic Food Assistance

Medical Assistance Programs

Drug & Alcohol Treatment Services

Child Care Services

You can also drop oﬀ paperwork, complete an Eligibility Review, Mid-Cer ﬁca on Review or make changes to an exis ng case.

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Sleeping with Strangers

The Overnight Shift at a Homeless Shelter

BY REBECCA BROWN

Once a month or so, I sleep with men.

Fourteen or 15 usually. We sleep on mats, the men on the ﬂoor of the gym and me on the ﬂoor of the storage room off the little kitchen by the gym. Before the men arrive, the other winter shelter host and I put the mattresses

out on the gym ﬂoor and a chair beside each one so the men can put whatever they have somewhere. We get out juice and cheese and crackers and instant soup and peanut butter and jelly so they can make themselves a snack. Some of the men, as soon as they arrive, go straight to sleep, but some of them want to stay up and read the paper, if one of us remembers to bring it, or watch a video on the TV in the kitchen, though mostly we just hang around together. The men are there because the downtown shelter where they usually go has “overﬂow” in the winter, so other places, mostly churches, open up for them.

This past January, the One Night Count conducted by the Seattle/King County Coalition on Homelessness found almost 9,000 people needed beds. Around 2,736 people were sleeping on the streets, in doorways or cars or tents or under trees or on the sidewalk. More than 6,000 spent that night in shelters or transitional housing. These numbers, of course, do not include everyone who doesn’t have a bed; some people hide from people who want to count them. As low as these numbers are, though, they’re up about 5 percent from last year.

Shelters cater to different populations: families, kids, women, single men. The St.

Martin de Porres Shelter, where the guys we get come from, serves single men over the age of 50. Every night, 212 of them sleep there.

After my cohost and I set up the mats, we drive the van down to St. Martin de Porres to get the men. Outside the shel-

of that all the way across the room to the other wall. Men and their stuff are all over the place, and there isn’t much room to move. Some guys lie on their mats with their eyes closed, asleep or trying to be, or sit up reading or talking or just staring into space. I don’t want to think about whatever it is they’re thinking. Some of the guys aren’t back here, though, but in the front room where the TV is. Tonight it’s one of the Lord of the Rings movies, and everything is green and clean and pretty, and all the people are handsome and ﬁt and have good teeth, and none of

Some guys lie on their mats with their eyes closed, asleep or trying to be, or sit up reading or talking or just staring into space. I don’t want to think about whatever it is they’re thinking.

ter, a bunch of guys are standing, smoking, waiting for their rides. Getting to go to an overﬂow church is good—they’re smaller than shelters, quieter, boutique hotels by comparison, where maybe for a while you can feel a little less a part of a mob.

In the back room of St. Martin de Porres, a couple hundred mattresses are lined up on the ﬂoor. The mats are foam, a few inches thick, and covered in thick light-green plastic. They’re only a few inches apart from each other in rows. There’s a row ﬂush against the wall and then a row in front of them and then a row in front

the guys are watching it.

I go up to the desk and say where we’re from, and the guy behind the desk shouts out for the woman with the list. In a minute, she’s there. She’s short and strong and wearing a fuzzy gray rabbit-ear hat. She shouts the name of our church and heads outside with the list, and a bunch of guys follow her. She stands by the van and reads off the names of the guys who are coming to us. The list is written by hand in big block red-ink letters on a page torn from a notepad. This is not an iPad kind of place.

A couple of our guys hoist the bags of blankets into the back of the van, then everyone climbs in. After the guys sleep

on them tonight, the blankets will get sent back to the shelter in the morning and get “burned,” that is, cleaned really hard so the next guys who sleep beneath them won’t get germs.

On the van ride, my cohost introduces herself and me (“my sidekick”). She’s nice and direct and funny, and she’s been volunteering at our church’s winter shelter for more than 20 years. That’s about when she and some other parishioners decided they wanted to do something practical about homelessness. Someone at church knew someone at St. Martin de Porres, so they partnered with them. A private donor pays about $10,000 a season for food, cleaning supplies, and gas; the church donates the gym.

When the guys arrive, we show them around—where the coffee is, the snack stuff, the TV. One time, when somebody spilled something and I got out the mop and started mopping, a guy I’d met there before and talked with a lot told me to stop. “We can clean up our own messes,” he said and grabbed the mop from me. “You just relax. Fix yourself something to eat.” He nodded at the sandwich stuff. “I mean it,” he smirked, playing with me, and pointed very pointedly at the sandwich stuff. “All right, all right!” I laughed. He laughed too and went back to mopping. I made myself a sandwich and one for him, and when he ﬁnished with the mop, he sat down beside me. We ate our sandwiches together and we talked.

Some of the guys don’t like to talk, but some of them do. One guy told me about when he repaired airplanes in the military but then he had to quit when he got injured, and then about his daughters’ work—one teaches grade school, one’s training for dental tech, and when they can afford it,

they’ve promised to get him a house. One guy was reading The Secret and told me all about how “positive thinking” and “universal laws of attraction” can get you what you want and how he was moving to California because he thought he could ﬁnd work. One guy knew a ton about ﬁlm noir, and another one knew all about Watergate. One guy kept saying if he could just get the money for one night in a hotel with her, his ex-girlfriend might give him another chance. One guy kept taking cruddy old wilted plastic bags out of his pockets and talked about the other guys who relied on him to bring them what no one else ate.

The lights go out in the gym at 10 p.m. and the TV goes off at 11. Most everyone is asleep by then, but the rest of us say good night to each other, I’ll see you in the morning.

The ﬁrst night I slept there, I didn’t sleep much. I lay in the dark and listened. I could hear some guys snoring through the walls, and the bus going by and the rain. I lay in the dark and thought a bunch about different places where I’ve slept. A million different rentals and apartments and houses when I was growing up, then dorms and apartments with friends then boyfriends and girlfriends. Group houses, summer sublets, hotels, apartments, trains. I’ve never once, not ever in my life, not had a safe and decent place to sleep.

We wake the guys up at 6 a.m. so they can have coffee and cereal before we drive them back downtown. The morning after the guy with the mop, he’d already started the coffee before I awoke.

There are only two bathrooms, and 16 of us, so pretty soon there’s a line. The line moves pretty quickly, though, because there’s only a toilet and a sink, no shower, in each. We stand in the clothes we slept in. The TV is on, and some vapid brunette and an overgrown smiling frat boy are making unfunny jokes and mispronouncing the names of foreign cities. There are weather reports and traffic reports and the sounds of coughing, the toilet flushing, a guy splashing water on his face. Sometimes there are toothbrushes and toothpaste the men can have, but sometimes there are not.

I love people when they wake up in the morning. I love peoples’ eyes not yet quite focused and tender and soft and puffy-faced before they have to go out and face the day. I love people standing in front of the coffee pot spaced-out and staring or still half-asleep and trying to tell you what they dreamed and not making sense but telling you anyway.

Because the kitchen can’t do much besides boil water, we pass out sack lunches for the guys to take for later. The lunches are made by different volunteers each night and might contain a sandwich, a gift certiﬁcate for coffee at McDonald’s, a banana, a hard-boiled egg, a candy bar. One time, near Valentine’s Day, somebody packed in homemade, heart-shaped, pink-frosted sugar cookies.

My cohost drives the guys downtown and the blankets back to the shelter. I stay behind to clean: I put away food and wipe down the counters and wash the kitchen and bathroom ﬂoors. I clean the toilets. I empty the garbage and sweep the gym. I roll up my pillow and sleeping bag and lock up and go home. I go to where I get to live with my alive and healthy spouse, who, by the time I get there, has left for work. We’re both employed and own our house, which includes in it a bed I get to sleep in whenever I want.

•

theSTRANGER SUGGESTS

Nicolai Fechin ART

Born in Russia in 1881, Nicolai Fechin was a painter who traveled the world showing his art and kept company with the likes of Arshile Gorky. He died in 1955, and several of his early works are in the permanent collection at the Frye, which has now organized its second retrospective of his work (the ﬁrst was in 1976). No, your eyes are not fooling you: He could be pretty great, and he could be pretty absurdly bad. His drawings are exquisite. His women run the gamut. See if you can ﬁnd his young Woody Allen look-alike and the stout dandy with one emerald earring. (Frye Art Museum, 704 Terry Ave, fryeart.org, 11 am–5 pm, free, through May 19) JEN GRAVES

Eamon Espey

BOOKS

It’s tough for authors to ﬁgure out what to do at a graphic-novel reading: Do you show slides? Talk about the book? Jump straight to the Q&A? Cartoonist Eamon Espey presents a unique solution: a shadow puppet show adapting a chapter of his newest book, Songs of the Abyss, that is “based on the true story of a man that has often been referred to as ‘the last wild Indian.’” The rest of Songs of the Abyss features Egyptian gods, biblical ﬁgures, and the revelation of Santa Claus’s true job: agent of Satan. (Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, hugohouse. org, 7 pm, $5) PAUL CONSTANT

‘The Trial’ THEATER

This new adaptation of Franz Kafka’s The Trial will actually shock you from time to time—there is bureaucratic horror, of course, but also bloody violence, sex, lingerie, frightening comedy, and the haunting feeling that what Kafka wrote as an existential parable 100 years ago is edging closer and closer to documentary truth. Darragh Kennan plays Josef K. with the sad, bewildered innocence of a Chaplin clown, and everything else—from the actors playing dumb, grinning cops to the set design, which extends into the seating—is ace work. (New Century Theater Company at Inscape Arts, 815 Airport Way S, wearenctc.org, 8 pm, $30, through April 28) BRENDAN KILEY

‘Sun Don’t Shine’

FILM Back after a featured run in NWFF’s American.Film.Week., Sun Don’t Shine is the sly, sharp neo-noir written and directed by Amy Seimetz (if the name sounds familiar, she’s the star of Megan Grifﬁths’s The Off Hours). Coming on like a mumblecore Blood Simple, Sun Don’t Shine follows two seemingly decent people in central Florida as they struggle to contain a shared evil deed. The ﬁlm is slow and obstinately elliptical, but its creeping sense of guilt and complicity will steadily rope you in. (Grand Illusion, 1403 NE 50th St, grandillusioncinema.org, 5, 7, and 9 pm, $8, April 26–May 2) DAVID SCHMADER

The Thermals

MUSIC

I love the Thermals! Their consistently infectious, fuzzy pop rock never fails to beat out a bad mood, and their new album, Desperate Ground, might just be their best (I need a few more listens before I can make that call—it’s gonna be real hard to top The Body, the Blood, the Machine). Even if you’ve never heard a single Thermals song, though, you must experience them live—the Portland trio is relentlessly energetic, always whipping the crowd into a deliriously happy, pogoing frenzy. Come get sweaty. With Wimps and La Luz. (Neumos, 925 E Pike St, neumos.com, 8 pm, $15 adv, all ages) MEGAN SELING

Hama Hama Oyster Rama

CHOW The Hama Hama Oyster Rama is a party on Hood Canal at the family-owned shellfish farm of the same name—it’s still small and low-key but really fun, with oysters done every which way, plus tons more seafood, and paella, and ice cream, and beer. Also: live music, a tidal flat tour, a trivia contest (first prize last year: a 20-year-old oyster!), and more, more, MORE. Get there early, wear boots, and bring a cooler with a bag of ice to bring more, more, MORE oysters home. (Hama Hama Co., 35846 N US Hwy 101, Lilliwaup, strangertickets.com, 11:30 am–4 pm, $10/free under 15, food/drink additional) BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

Emily Bazelon with Dan Savage

BOOKS “For centuries if not forever, children have bullied each other, and for almost as long, adults have mostly ignored them,” Slate senior editor Emily Bazelon writes in her antibullying treatise Sticks and Stones. Tonight, Bazelon appears in conversation with Stranger editorial director Dan Savage, whose It Gets Better Project has permanently changed the discussion about bullying. (When Republican politicians start claiming they’re being bullied by gay-rights advocates, that’s how you know you’ve won.) We’ve waited millennia for this conversation to happen, but now that it’s ﬁnally taking place, expect things to change quickly. (Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, townhall seattle.org, 7:30 pm, $5) PAUL CONSTANT

Killing Joke

British rockers Killing Joke have used their 34-year obsession with apocalypse to create a sprawling catalog scattered with potent peaks. Lead vocalist/paranoiac Jaz Coleman’s virulent, phlegmy barks compete with some of the tensest, most splenetic guitar sorties of the post-punk era. While they peaked with their self-titled 1980 debut LP—a classic of scorched-earth rock and desolate dub—Killing Joke have enough smart, bombastic tunes in their arsenal to keep a crowd on exhilarating edge all damn night. (Neumos, 925 E Pike St, neumos.com, 8 pm, $25 adv, 21+) DAVE SEGAL

Bazelon

JUST GETTING STARTED

ARTS

Cattle, birds…below Fights with monkeys…22 An unfortunate pig…23

ART

You Are in Montana

Ruth Marie Tomlinson’s Mountains and Postcards

BY JEN GRAVES

It’s in a small enclosed room steps away from the trafﬁc of Roosevelt Way, with one brick wall, two long cloudy windows, and a dumb thin black carpet laid down in squares. I’ve been to this place before: It’s a gallery, the Jack Straw New Media Gallery, and a couple of months ago it gained a glassy lobby—you used to have to ring a doorbell then walk down a dim hallway to enter it, which could not have been a less fortuitous beginning. When the gallery door closes behind me this time, I have traveled someplace new. There are sounds: empty playground swings clanging against metal poles, a female voice reading weather conditions (“cloudless, windless”), distant thunder and dripping rain. A continuous line of white pins along the white walls outlines a mountain range, ringing me into a valley. In the center there’s a low long table that glows. It has white branches sprouting out from under it like bleached antlers. A vascular system of the same branch shapes cut

there’s no corresponding window. I think it must be a light program, a multimedia ghost the artist made to remember the sun in Montana. She lives in Seattle the rest of the year. Her name is Ruth Marie Tomlinson. She’s been making art and teaching at Cornish College of the Arts for a long time; her way is unshowy and relaxed.

I recognize Tomlinson’s postcards immediately, from the fact that a few summers ago, she put me on her mailing list and sent me a few of them with the numbers painted on the fronts. I didn’t know what she was doing, but I liked them. They’re in the manner of On Kawara, the Japanese conceptual artist who’s been living in New York City and making date paintings every day for decades, just to say he’s here. Kawara’s paintings are more uniform: every day the same font, same size, as close to impersonal prints as paintings can get. Tomlinson’s want witnesses who love looking at paintings. She uses a basic font to

I feel like I’ve been dropped off at the tail desert end of a bus line and have to piece together a plan.

unify them all, but she also introduces variation into the theme by painting the numbers lighter or darker and leaning more or less to the side, as if they were the shadows cast by sundials. To achieve this effect, Tomlinson paints multiple layers, from dark black to washy brown. (Her materials are ink and coffee, it turns out.) Each date is a landscape, temporary, recorded. Was it hot and bright out when the ink is dark and the letters stand straight up? Was the light weak and rain coming when the number is falling over, made only of thin coffee? I have never been to Montana. I’m gazing like a fool at the light on this wall. I’m totally ready to fall in love with the lying heart of this place.

out of paper rests on the glowing surface of the table; any wind would blow it off. Cloudless, windless. I’m already someplace else, but when am I? Postcards tell me. Postcards with numbers on them are arranged on a continuous low shelf around the room, several feet below the white line of the mountains. Each one has three numbers painted on its front: 6.03, 6.17, 8.12, 7.22

BOOKS

Stick This in Your Björk-Hole

LOOSE LIPS

• The finale to RuPaul’s Drag Race on Monday was not a finale at all—it was a blue-ballsy psych-out. Hometown hero Jinkx Monsoon and tons of screaming fans crammed into Julia’s on Broadway for the crowning of “America’s next drag superstar,” only to see RuPaul announce that she hadn’t decided. Gah! Stop what you’re doing and vote now for Jinkx by tweeting “@RuPaulsDragRace Jinkx Monsoon #dragrace”! According to sources, Drag Race films three possible endings, so no one knows yet who the winner will be.

• Everyone was shattered to hear that young-adult author E. L. Konigsburg died over the weekend. From the MixedUp Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler is the best book about running away from home and living in a museum that any child could read. Celebrate Konigsburg’s life by passing on a copy of Mixed-Up Files to a kid in your life today.

• Performed last weekend at On the Boards, KT Niehoff’s Collision Theory was touchy-feely dance/theater that insisted on extended audience interaction and built to an explicitly conveyed moral about the value of communicating our stories. Which makes it all the stranger that, during Friday’s post-play discussion with KUOW’s Marcie Sillman, Niehoff visibly bristled at benign question after benign question, a number of which she refused to answer. Cheers for Sillman’s professionalism, jeers for hippie-dippy dance theater with a sour core.

REVIEW

Ruth Marie Tomlinson: Lost Long Jack Straw Gallery Through May 17

I am in summer. Maybe because numbers promise information, and this room feels like a place I’ve been dropped off at the tail desert end of a bus line, and I feel like I have to piece together a plan, I decide—no one’s looking; the door is closed, the gallery attendant far away and forgotten—to pick up a postcard. (When I later ﬁnd out this was allowed, I’ll feel both disappointed and relieved.) On the back there’s handwriting in ink by the artist. She’s describing her summer days and a love affair. The love affair is with this place: Two Dot, Montana. Her lover is always leaving. “I keep gathering these images in words and lines to sustain me through winter,” she writes. The words and lines describe trees, cattle, birds, “afternoon, the insect hours.” She’s a nice, spare writer. “And there it is at 5:33, that lucky old ball of ﬁre blasting over the horizon; a sliver to round in less than a minute.” Two Dot is not always in her good graces. “Gun shots in Two Dot and I don’t like my town very much right now.” A high hum like the sustained end of an amen comes over the speakers. I notice that on one wall there’s a mysterious rectangle of light as if a window were letting in sun, but

Reading Three Brilliant New Books from Icelandic Novelist Sjón

BY PAUL CONSTANT

It is an unfortunate fact of human nature that when we know very little about something foreign to us, we tend to reduce that foreign thing to a single joke. Take Iceland, for example. Here we have a beautifully alien plot of land that erupted from the ocean not so very long ago, populated with a people descended from a mixture of Celts and Vikings who are united by a culture—the world’s oldest democracy!—that has evolved in a clean, unbroken line from the 12th century to today. And what do most people have to say about Iceland?

Björk jokes.

Ask any American who’s traveled to Iceland, and they’ll tell you they’ve been avalanched by Björk jokes from friends and family, with “So did you meet Björk?” as the most common question by far. Everybody knows the weird pixie-faced singer who once wore a swan dress to the Oscars is from Iceland, and so they stick Iceland in the Björk-hole in their head, ready to proudly

• A recent visit to the Barnes Foundation in its year-old new location on Benjamin Franklin Parkway in Philadelphia brought many, many, many settings of eyeballs upon Renoirs, since the Barnes has more Renoirs than any other single collection. This conﬁrmed what was previously suspected: Renoir painted fruit very well, and painted many women and girls, but painted women and girls to look like ripe fruit. You have to be a horny straight man or a fool to overlook this kitsch. It was fun to spot the horny straight men/fools in the galleries, especially a fat Frenchman in a business suit, exclaiming and pontiﬁcating to a rapt group of American men in business suits.

• Sunday’s meeting to determine the future of the Zine Archive and Publishing Project went well, if a little slowly. The group of 50 or so concerned citizens broke out into three discussion groups based on ZAPP’s current responsibilities: archiving, community outreach, and event programming. Nothing concrete was determined, but people took on tasks. The next meeting will be in May; keep an eye on The Stranger’s readings calendar for details.

• In the textile manufacturing plant that’s now the artists live-work space the Bemis Building, there are 30 gorgeous, lightﬁlled live-work lofts, and they have an open house twice a year. The event this past weekend featured resident and visiting artists. The standout has to be Vic DeLeon’s taxidermy-and-other-preserved-livingthings museum. Contact the Bemis and feast your eyes on a freeze-dried human heart and a taxidermied rat posed like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park

THE STRANGER

SUMMER IS A GHOSTLY LOVER For a Seattle artist.

unveil that reference if Iceland ever comes up in conversation.

LET ME PAINT YOUR WALL RYAN WARD.COM

JOSH HARRIS

Thursday, May 2 at 6pm

SIGNING ONLY – TICKET REQUIRED

The electrifying behind-the-scenes story of the late Deadliest Catch star, from his own two sons. Phil’s two surviving sons, Josh and Jake Harris, team up with bestselling author Steve Springer and coauthor Blake Chavez to share the thrilling story of Phil’s remarkable life. Tickets and books on-sale now.

So I suppose it’s a blessing of sorts that Icelandic author Sjón has a Björk connection: He has written lyrics for Björk and was nominated for an Oscar for his lyrics in Dancer in the Dark. That way, when you’re telling friends about this amazing author you’ve just discovered, you can incorporate the inevitable Björk reference into the conversation cleanly and without incident.

But Sjón deserves more than a Björk joke. Choose any of his three handsome books newly published in America by Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and you’ll see why.

PREVIEW

Of the three, The Blue Fox ($10) is probably the most accessible. Set in the late 1800s, it’s the story of a hunter pursuing a mythical animal, a man who takes care of a woman with Down syndrome in a time when most infants with Down were suffocated at birth (“No witnesses were needed; before the child could utter its ﬁrst wail, the midwife would close its nose and mouth, thereby returning its breath to the great cauldron of souls from which all mankind is served”), and a priest buried alive under a glacier. Sjón’s language is deceptively plainspoken and direct, like the explanatory cadence of Icelandic sagas (those unfamiliar with the sagas will instead probably be reminded of the declaratory sentences of Kurt Vonnegut or Richard Brautigan).

If books described as “fablelike” aren’t your thing, you should note that The Whispering Muse ($22) is the funniest of the three. Get a load of these opening sentences:

I, Valdimar Haraldsson, was in my twentyseventh year when I embarked on the publication of a small journal devoted to my chief preoccupation, the link between ﬁsh consumption and the superiority of the Nordic race. It was written in Danish, under the title Fisk og Kultur, and came out in seventeen volumes over the space of twenty years.

Haraldsson, who proudly informs us he is also the author of Memoirs of a

Herring Inspector, is the best kind of terrible narrator. He operates under a series of wrongheaded assumptions (about fish, about racial superiority, about his own dominance over a world that couldn’t be bothered to care about him) as he goes on an adventure on a Danish merchant ship in 1949. Haraldsson relates the stories he hears on the vessel, most of which are told by a man who claims to have served on the Argo with Jason. (There are also stories about sailors getting in fights with monkeys, “a story,” Haraldsson notes, “that every mariner seems to have in his repertoire.”) The book is a big-fish-tale casserole of myth and the mundane explained by a self-important idiot, which somehow makes everything more sublime.

From the Mouth of the Whale ($13) is the most challenging of the three, combining the biblical story of Jonah, the sorry state of women’s medicine in the 1600s, and the battle of faith and reason, but Sjón has secreted into the novel the most rewards for patient readers of his work: All of his themes resonate deeply through Whale, and a reader who comes away from the book will have a greater understanding of the country the narrator refers to as “this unlovely splat of lava in the far north of the globe” with “the perpetual light of high summer” and the “terrible black chill that is the season we call winter.” It’s a land of bewildering reality and jaw-cracking fantasy; Sjón calls it home.

BOOKS

Big Government Made That Reading the Most Important Leftist Book of the Year, and Probably the Decade

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

The period between 1947 and 1973 is called the Golden Age of Capitalism. Corporate proﬁts were high, economic growth was strong, and there was a truce between labor and capital called Keynesianism. It worked like this: Labor got high

Sjón and the Redwood Plan Tues April 30, Hugo House, 7 pm, free

FACTS ABOUT SJÓN: One name, three new books, likes sitting on stairs.

REVIEW

wages and capital got no talk about socialism. This all sounds so wonderful, right? It seems plain crazy that we left this economic/ class paradise for the nightmare of neoliberalism (stagnant wages, weak labor unions, outsourcing, ﬁnancialization of the economy), which began around 1973 and ended in 2008. Considering the economic mess we are in today, it seems very sensible to call the whole neoliberal turn a big mistake. In fact, some on the right, like the economist and legal theorist Richard Posner, have, after being shocked by the US government’s bailout of Wall Street, even become Keynesians—an economic program that sees demand side (we the people) rather than supply side (the “job creators”) as the key to economic stability and growth.

The Making of Global Capitalism by Leo Panitch and Sam Gindin (Verso, $29.95)

But we can’t go back to the golden age. Why? Because it was the result of forces that are not transcendental, outside of time/history. These forces were once real and material, but they no longer exist. To understand this clearly, one has to read the most important leftist book of the year, and probably the decade, The Making of Global Capitalism: The Political Economy of American Empire. It’s written by two Canadians (Leo Panitch and Sam Gindin—the ﬁrst is a professor of political science and the second is an economist), it’s written with great care and precision, and its third chapter, “Planning the New American Empire,” ends with this insight:

The 10 million US soldiers brought back into the civilian economy after World War II were the equivalent of 20 percent of the 1945 workforce… And given that 46 percent of the American GDP consisted of military production at the war’s end, it was hardly surprising that many economists feared that “V-J Day meant major depression and mass unemployment.”

So you had millions of soldiers entering the job market on the one hand and this problem on the other: “[Because] government expenditures on civilian items compensated for only 11 percent of the decrease in the military budget, the question arose how the economy’s enormous productive capacity could be sustained.” How do you ﬁll the other 89 percent? The answer: Keynes, which meant full employment for society, high wages for laborers, and lots of bank loans for homes in the suburbs. The trick worked—America became the most powerful economy on earth.

To return to Keynes, therefore, is not to access some Platonic economic form but to go back in time, to go back to the one war that made America so productive that when peacetime arrived, the capitalists were willing to hold hands with labor out of fear of losing all of that marvelous, glorious productivity.

But Panitch and Gindin’s book is not about the limits and fantasies of Keynesianism. It’s about how the American state and not American businesses established global capitalism. The world we live in now, the world market of money and goods, could not have happened without the state, which not only imposed capitalism on other countries but became its ultimate guarantor, its lender of last resort, its unsinkable ship during ﬁnancial storms. There is no poetry in The Making of Global Capitalism, no dreams of socialism, no horizons of communism. What the thinkers present is a simple and steady ﬂow of facts that explain how the American state established the market of our world.

THEATER

Stupid Title, Damn Good Show

Book-It Takes on Huck Finn

BY PAUL CONSTANT

We have to start with the title of the show. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: Uncensored is a ﬂat-out stupid name, and, depending on the motivations of Book-It Theater, it could be considered aggressively stupid. In order of offensiveness from most to least, those motivations could be:

explaining and very little doing up until the point when Huck winds up on the raft, which gives the ﬁrst and last 20 minutes a dense, expository feel. But when the motormouthed, CliffsNotes-in-costumes vibe ﬁnally ends and the road (river) trip begins, everything is smooth sailing.

REVIEW

1. Book-It believes that the censored version of Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is widely accepted as the “regular” version of Huckleberry Finn, which makes an uncensored version noteworthy.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: Uncensored

The best parts of the play come when Huck and Jim are out on the raft, getting to know each other. Christopher Morson’s Huck is an over-the-top ball of energy—he runs all over the place all the time, literally doing cartwheels—but when he slows down to talk, that jitteriness focuses into an eerie kind of concentration. And Geoffery Simmons’s Jim has a gifted brain that’s been left, unchallenged, to languish. The more his Jim sees and does with Huck on the river, the sharper and more deﬁned a human being he becomes, mirroring the way that Twain seems to love Huck from the beginning and falls in love with Jim’s character only during the course of the book.

Book-It Repertory Theater Through May 12

2. Book-It felt like it had to alert people to the presence of the word “nigger” in this play by passive-aggressively labeling it “uncensored” in the hopes of preemptively scaring off anyone who might be offended.

3. Book-It wanted to arouse the prurient interests of potential theatergoers by giving their play a name worthy of a porno (what’s next from Book-It—This Ain’t As I Lay Dying XXX?).

But here’s the thing: When you label a book or a play “uncensored,” you’re actually scoring a point for the censors by normalizing censorship. You’re making a lack of censorship into something extraordinary. And that’s plain wrong: The uncensored text should always be considered the default position. Because fuck censorship. Fuck it right in its ugly fucking hemorrhoidal shithole.

Once you get past the title, Book-It’s staging of Huckleberry Finn is actually pretty damn good. The beginning and the end of the play feel unfortunately rushed—Judd Parkin’s adaptation style involves a whole lot of

The smart staging (by director Jane Jones and designer Andrea Bryn Bush) helps by making the raft the center of the action and by placing the raft on a central spring, so it drifts and tilts and spins and seems to ﬂoat in the fog coming from the wings. In fact, “smart” is a word that comes to mind frequently during the play. Peter Jacobs is smartly funny as an array of side

Book-It gave their play a title worthy of a porno. (What’s next? This Ain’t As I Lay Dying XXX?)

characters including a con man, Miss Watson, and an unfortunate pig. Evan Crockett and Hannah Nielsen’s live scoring of the play consists of smart song choices employed at just the right points (except for the climactic “I’ll Fly Away,” which feels like an unfortunate O Brother, Where Art Thou? rip-off). Just about everything about Huckleberry Finn: Uncensored is smart, except for that stupid, stupid title choice.

ALAN ALABASTRO

‘HUCKLEBERRY FINN: UNCENSORED’ “Look out, Huck, here comes the PTA!”

Mike Daisey

ART

HENRY ART GALLERY

Out [o] Fashion Photography: Embracing Beauty extends New York scholar Deborah Willis’s journey to the heart of photography. This new exhibition, created in residence at the Henry and especially for the Seattle museum, looks at artistic and ethnographic photography—comparing the images collected by the Henry Art Gallery and the University of Washington Libraries, Special Collections. The result is a surprise bulldozing of the distinctions between high and low, ideal beauty and medical health, sex and sales.

$10 suggested. Wed-Sun. Through Jul 7. 4100 15th Ave NE 543-2280.

NORTHWEST AFRICAN

AMERICAN MUSEUM

book of the bound is Carletta Carrington Wilson’s latest series of collages, which meld text and image to create narratives that touch on silence and language, on freedom and oppression.

$6. Wed-Sun. Through Jul 28. 2300 S Massachusetts St , 518-6000.

SEATTLE ART MUSEUM

The Dorothy and Herbert Vogel Collection is the stuff of (art) legend. Dorothy was a librarian and Herbert a mail clerk in New York City in the early 1960s. Together, they amassed a collection of thousands of objects—some by famous headlining artists and others the charming and idiosyncratic creations of ordinary mortals—that took over their tiny apartment. This exhibition is part of their “50 Works for 50 States” initiative to pollinate our country’s art institutions with pieces from their collection. $15 suggested. Wed-Sun. Through Oct 27. 1300 First Ave, 625-8900.

Gallery Openings

COLUMBIA CITY GALLERY

Beyond Technique: gallery artists Jacqui Beck, Mark Ditzler, Karen Graber, and Shari Kaufman. Free. Reception Sat Apr 27, 5-8 pm. Wed-Sun. Through Jun 9. 4864 Rainier Ave S, 760-9843.

PATRICIA CAMERON

GALLERY

Staccato: Cheryl Hahn’s mixed media paintings on wood. Free. Reception Thurs May 16, 5-8:30 pm. Mon-Fri. Through Jun 21. 234 Dexter Ave N, 343-9647.

PROGRAPHICA

Artist and Prographica founder Norman Lundin has this idea that all paintings lie somewhere on a spectrum ranging from descriptive to evocative. The Landscape Described —featuring Darlene Campbell, Kimberly Clark, Josh Dorman, Kathy Gore-Fuss, Laura Hamje, Michelle Muldrow, and Andrew Yates—explores the descriptive end of that spectrum. The next show will explore the evocative end. Free. Reception Sat Apr 27, 2-4 pm. Wed-Sun. Through Jun 1. 3419 E Denny Way, 322-3851.

WRIGHT EXHIBITION

SPACE

Alden Mason is a retrospective of the recently departed local legend’s work, curated by his former student Greg Kucera of Greg Kucera Gallery and Phen Huang of Foster/White. Free. Thurs-Sat. Through Jun 30. 407 Dexter Ave N, 264-8200.

Continuing Exhibitions

ABMEYER AND WOOD

Ron Ehrlich’s new oil paintings are the result of a strong person with a paint-drenched brush making sweeping gestures and then “blow[ing] the edges off” with a blowtorch. The figures are Drunken Horses, often with two heads, splayed proudly and desperately. Free. Tues-Sun. Through April 27. 1210 Second Ave S, 628-9501.

BLINDFOLD GALLERY

Rodrigo Valenzuela’s videos and photographs in (in)habit place the artist in landscapes, but is he really there? And where is that, anyway? And what on earth is he doing in the forest with those planks of plywood floating in the sky? He asks, “How are images inhabited?” Free. Wed-Sun. Through May 5. 1718 E Olive

Way, Ste A, 328-5100.

GREG KUCERA GALLERY

Modestly, undramatically, folkishly weird paintings and sculptures by David Byrd, an 87-year-old artist based quietly in upstate New York who has never before had a gallery show in his life. This is the must-see painting show of the spring. There are almost 100 pieces; many of them have sold, and it will be some time before they’re assembled again like this. Free. Tues-Sat. Through May 18. 212 Third Ave S, 624-0770.

JACK STRAW NEW MEDIA GALLERY

Lost Long means something like being far away from a rural home. Ruth Marie Tomlinson explores the horizontalness of rural space and geographical distance. See review, page 21. Free. Mon-Fri. Through May 17. 4261 Roosevelt Way NE , 634-0919.

Events

LECTURE: JENNIFER SCHWARTZ, CRUSADE FOR COLLECTING

Atlanta gallerist Jennifer Schwartz talks about her Crusade for Collecting project, in which she drives around the country in a VW bus exposing people to original photography. She’ll also discuss her online gallery, The Ten, that curates 10-image collections every month. Photographic Center Northwest 900 12th Ave, 720-7222. Free. Tues Apr 30, 6:30 pm.

visualart@thestranger.com

READINGS

Wed 4/24

A CONVERSATION WITH GRANTA’S 2013 BEST YOUNG BRITISH NOVELISTS Granta magazine editor John Freeman will appear in a discussion with young British novelists his magazine selected as the year’s best. Seattle Public Library, 1000 Fourth Avenue, 386-4636. Free. 7 pm.

ISABEL ALLENDE

Allende is a beloved novelist who has written a whole lot of books. Maya’s Notebook her newest, is a coming-of-age novel set in Chile. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 386-4636. Free, tickets required. 7 pm.

STATE OF THE BOOK

SALON 3: BOOK REVIEWS IN THE DIGITAL AGE

This is a panel discussion with Mary Ann Gwinn of The Seattle Times , Shelf Awareness’s Marilyn Dahl, and some turd named Paul Constant on the topic of book reviewing in an era in which most Americans would rather cut out their own tongues than read a book, let alone a book review. The panel is hosted by Garth Stein. Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 3227030. Free, $5 suggested donation. 7 pm.

BILL CARTER

Carter, the author of Boom, Bust, Boom will discuss the problems with copper extraction, which is locally an issue with Pebble Mine, which Robert Redford hates. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. $5. 7:30 pm.

Thurs 4/25

BOOKS FOR INMATES!

This is an event to bring books to men and women who are incarcerated in King County Library, which has not had a library branch since 2007. The event features poets Hamda Yusuf, Michael Hood, and Scott Yeager, as well as musicians Led to Sea and Kaia Chessen. Black Coffee Co-op, 501 E Pine St, 535-5122. Suggested donation, $1-$50. 7 pm.

EAMON ESPEY

See Stranger Suggests, page 19. Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 322-7030. $5. 7 pm.

FUMINORI NAKAMURA

The Thief is a novel that was recently named a finalist for the 2013 Los Angeles Times Book Prize. This event is for both English and Japanese speakers. Panama Hotel Tea & Coffee 605 S Main St, 223-9242. Free. 7 pm.

YOUR TICKET TO THE UNIVERSE : A GUIDE TO EXPLORING THE COSMOS

Your Ticket to the Universe: A Guide to Exploring the Cosmos “is a hybrid coffee-table book and field guide” about space. Sounds cool! Ravenna Third Place, 6504 20th Ave NE, 5252347. Free. 7 pm.

MOVABLE TYPE

PRESENTS: A LITERARY MIXER

These events are always a great time. Bring the book you’re reading to the bar. Buy a drink. Talk to other people about the books they brought, and tell them about the book you’re reading. Go. Have fun. Don’t be shy. Vermillion , 1508 11th Ave, 709-9797. Free. 7:30 pm.

Sat 4/27

SHERMAN ALEXIE: BOOKSELLER-FOR-A-DAY

Tiffany ( Once ) and Stephen Hoggett ( American Idiot ). Gregory Burke’s play is based on interviews conducted with former soldiers of a legendary centuries-old Scottish regiment that served in Iraq. Paramount Theater , 911 Pine St, www. stgpresents.org. $21.25-$55. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 1 pm. Through May 5.

ONE-MAN STAR WARS TRILOGY

Written and performed by Charles Ross. Originally created for the North American fringe circuit, Ross has performed this piece over 1,200 times in more than 180 cities across four continents. Triple Door 216 Union St, www.ticketmaster. com. $20-$25. Sat April 27 at 7 and 10 pm.

PRETTY WONDERFUL CLUB

Mon

THEATER

Opening and Current Runs

ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN: UNCENSORED See review, page 23. Book-It Repertory Theater at Center House Theater, Seattle Center, 216-0833. $23-$45. Wed-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 and 7:30 pm. Through May 12. ASSISTED LIVING A world-premiere comedy by local playwright Katie Forgette that takes place in the near future, after the fall of Medicare, when senior citizens lead a revolution against a dehumanizing system. Featuring artistic director Kurt Beattie as Joe Taylor, Julie Briskman as Nurse Claudia, and Jeff Steitzer as Wally Carmichael. ACT Theater 700 E Union St, www.acttheatre.org. $15-$41. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sat at 2 pm, Sun at 2 and 7 pm. Through May 12. AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY

“As the soon-to-be-disappeared patriarch Beverly Weston, Charles Leggett opens the show with a drawling monologue that gently lures the audience into his family’s drama. ‘My wife takes pills, and I drink,’ he flatly explains. ‘That’s the bargain we’ve struck.’ It’s an understated performance, but Leggett’s quietude toys with audience expectations before his Technicolor family explodes onto the stage. All 13 actors play their outsized characters with zeal, and it’s almost unfair to single any one out for praise. But life isn’t fair. Shellie Shulkin as the downer-addicted, acid-tongued matriarch, Violet Weston, all but steals the show. During her first entrance, stumbling across the set and garbling her lines, Shulkin relentlessly lurches right up to the line of over-thetop without ever crossing it.” (Goldy) Erickson Theater Off Broadway, 1524 Harvard Ave, www.balagantheatre.org. $20$25. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through April 27. BLACK WATCH An award-winning play (including four 2009 Laurence Olivier Awards) from the National Theater of Scotland, with direction and choreography by Tony Award-winner John

$5-$10. TuesWed at 8 pm. Through May 22. THE TAMING OF THE SHREW Seattle Shakespeare Company brings a revival of its successful summer show, set in a trailer park, indoors. Directed by Aimée Bruneau and featuring many of the original cast members including Keith Dahlgren, Karen Jo Fairbrook, David Quicksall, and Kelly Kitchens. Intiman Playhouse 201 Mercer St, 733-8222. $22-$45. Wed-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7:30 pm. Select Sun shows at 2 and 7:30 pm. Through May 12. THE TRIAL “Roland Barthes once wrote that ‘Kafka is not Kafka-ism,’ and this kick-ass new adaptation of The Trial, directed by John Langs, knows it. There is bureaucratic horror, of course, and mystery men in suits, and implied violence. But this Trial is not the sterile, flat landscape popularly associated with ‘Kafka-ism’— flesh, sex, and actual violence are refreshingly (sometimes shockingly) present.” (Brendan Kiley) Inscape , 815 Airport Way S, www.wearenctc.org. $15-$30. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through May 5. Dance

ASHANI DANCES: SEASON PREVIEW The preview of the upcoming season includes performances by Ashani Dances, Johnaye Kendrick, and Dawn Clement Duo. Reception to follow. Dance Fremont, 4015 Stone Way N, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20-$30. Sat April 27 at 7 pm. SCUBA 2013 Three contemporary dance performers on their

TOMBOYS MAKING CLOTHES FOR TOMBOYS

Brought to us by Naomi Gonzalez and Fran Dunaway, Tomboy Exchange’s impressive collection of separates targets a very specific type of woman—she prefers “tube socks over leotards,” their website says— and draws style influences from George Sand and Amelia Earhart, what with their practical glamour and trousers pulled high. Also seeping in: Diane Keaton’s elegantly disheveled character Annie Hall, from the 1977 Woody Allen film, and her piling together of menswear items: the knotted ties, bulky jackets, starched shirts, suit vests, pinstripes, and drooping pocket squares. (This was either Diane Keaton’s idea, or Ralph Lauren’s, or costume designer Ruth Morley’s, I can’t tell, but the look swiftly pervaded the era’s magazine spreads and generally turned the fashion world upside the fuck down.)

TomboyX’s capsule line contains plush cotton sports blazers and high-end polo shirts in check prints or earthtone solids; an additional selection of caps, T-shirts, cargo pants, and golf skorts is coming soon. For their ﬁt model, Naomi and Fran deliberately chose a middleaged woman who wears size 12, which is a refreshing change. Large-scale, corporate shit shows often rely on fantasy bodies to fulﬁll this utilitarian role, even though those fantasies have nothing to do with who we really are or what we really need. “We’re not 20 years old, we’re not a size 0, and nor do we want to be,” says Fran. “We’re tomboys making clothes for tomboys.”

“We’re not 20 years old, we’re not a size 0.”

The showpiece is the button-up shirt, designed to replicate the understated classic menswear garment, which always looked perfect to Fran, except for the boxiness and excessive length. Womenswear versions ﬁt better, of course, but she was alarmed by their typical and bizarre pairings of “frills and rhinestones and leopard prints.” So TomboyX’s team created their own model, but there were no easy shortcuts, believe me. It took nine prototypes to get it right, mostly because breasts bring such challenging obstacles in the realm of patternmaking. But the clever use of bias-cut side panels and hidden closures avert their unhappy consequences, such as gapes along the front placket, unbuttoning buttons, or even worse, the sudden tumbling-out of boobs—which sounds like an impossible nightmare, but it actually happened to me years ago, as I walked across the empty parking spots of a gas station in North Dakota in the dead of winter.

CHOW

The Business of Audacity

The International American Food in a New Ethiopian Bar

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

If you walk down Bole Road in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, you will eventually come across a jet plane attached to a ﬁvestory building. Together, this building and jet plane form the

London Cafe & Satellite Restaurant, a popular establishment that has local and international menus and at night offers “live music on the plane,” which, by the way, is really a structure that’s made to look like a plane. If you want to dine in a real decommissioned plane, you’ll have to go to the one in Colorado Springs, or the one in Mangaweka, New Zealand, or (if you are very brave or very stupid or both) the one in Damascus, Syria. Sadly, the best-ever restaurant plane is not accessible without a time machine, as its South Korean owners demolished it in 2010— the jumbo jet had been a success as a commercial plane but a total failure as a noodle restaurant. I bring all of this up because the ﬁrst thing that caught my eye when I walked into Wonder Coffee & Sports Bar, a new East African joint on Jackson and 19th, was the front of a Trans Am beneath a shelf containing blue lights and bottles of wine. I saw in the Trans Am the same spirit as the plane in Addis Ababa. This spirit has less to do with eccentricity and more to do with audacity. As the effort and expense of modeling

your restaurant as a commercial airplane in a poor city like Addis Ababa is audacious, an East African businessperson opening a huge bar/cafe/restaurant in the middle of a rich and major American city is also audacious. The Trans Am with the license plate for Colorado, the blinging hubcaps, the number 1800 painted on its hood, the splashy hiphop grafﬁti of Seattle’s skyline (the Space Needle, the box the Space Needle came in, the bright moon in the sky), the lights that in the real world open and close by pressing a button, the ’80s-cool Knight Rider windows—all of this expresses, captures, echoes, reinforces the audacity of it all.

are painted red, walls that are painted orange, walls that support a number of flat-screens, a shiny brown floor, lamps that hang from the ceiling like long upside-down tulips, an area for live music, a stocked and stacked cliff of a bar, and a dramatic flight of stairs next to the bar. The owner of this place was thinking big. He wanted to go all the way. And he did.

A part of the menu offers Ethiopian dishes. The other part offers plain American meals: hamburger and fries ($5.99), spaghetti with meat sauce ($9.95), and a chicken breast sandwich ($6.99). The Ethiopian dishes are solid—I ordered a $20 plate with everything possible—kay watt (lamb cubes in a spicy and thick sauce), yemisir watt (green lentils and chopped onions), gomen (collard greens), zilzil tibs (beef strips), and kitfo (Ethiopian steak tartare). The American meals are

The owner of this place was thinking big. He wanted to go all the way. And he did. Wonder Coffee & Sports Bar 1800 S Jackson St, 538-0044

The place that houses the Trans Am from the twilight of the 20th century is at the east corner of a bland building, the Legacy at Pratt Park Apartments, that replaced the Wonder Bread factory at the end of the ﬁrst decade of the post-future. What remains of the factory is now on top of the building (the big red neon sign), like a ghost on a widow’s walk, and in the name of the new East African enterprise.

The main section of the cafe/bar/restaurant has very high ceilings, tall windows, walls that

pleasantly unexceptional. You will not go to Wonder to eat a hamburger because you want to eat a hamburger, you will go there for the curious pleasure of eating a hamburger in an Ethiopian restaurant.

Now here is where things get wonderfully weird: The Ethiopian dishes are in the Wonder Special Ethiopian section of the menu, and the American meals are in the Wonder Special International section. When you eat a hamburger down the street, it is not international—but when you eat it in Wonder, it is. America, not Ethiopia, is international in Wonder. Now, if that’s not audacity, I do not know what is. Comment on this review at

THE TRANS AM A part of the trans-American dream.

KELLY O

DRINKKING WITH CHARLSE MUDEDE

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

ONE MIMOSA TOO MUCH FOR LUNCH

Empire Espresso

3829 S Edmunds St, 659-0588

The only thing better than a cafe that serves wine? A cafe that serves cheap wine. Empire Espresso, a cafe in the heart of Columbia City and at the corner of one of the best-designed new buildings in the area (Columbia City Live Aboves, by the firm Arellano/ Christofides, which is behind a number of the new low-income units in Rainier Valley and the marvelously modern Leschi Residence), sells cheap wine. A whole bottle of Inama Vin Soave, for example, is yours for just $15! That’s five good pours! That’s $3 a pour! And the wine has a pretty label and is entirely respectable. Here is We Speak Wine’s rather florid description of it: “Floral, highpitched aromas of stone fruits and fresh herbs on the clean, enticing nose. Shows

Snifﬁng is ﬁne for a dog or a cat, but not for a human.

very good balance and energy to its flavors of lemon icing, green apple, pear, and herbs. Richer on the palate than I expected, with lovely concentration and length; this is a very serious entry-level Soave and one of the best versions from Inama in years. Very well done.” Very well said. But I have to be honest, I’m one of the few lovers of wine who never sticks his nose into a wine glass. In my thinking, sniffing is fine for a dog or a cat or any animal that still finds olfactory information meaningful, but not for a human. We long ago traded the senses of the nose for the glory of tricolor vision.

Empire Espresso also serves a mimosa at the reasonable price of $5—it’s in a huge glass, and the champagne is Trader Joe’s world-famous blanc de blancs. My server was obviously very generous with the bubbly and stingy with the juice, as one glass of the mimosa got me drunk—it was around noon on a rainy day. All of the tables in the cafe were taken (a futuristic row of laptops), the music flowing out of the iPod was BadBadNotGood’s beautiful jazz cover of A Tribe Called Quest’s “Electric Relaxation,” and on the TV, a teenage bomber was on the run from the law (his aunt, uncle, and father were saying things I could not hear; his brother was spending his first day in death). When I finished the mimosa, everything in me yelled: Have another. But I was already no longer sober and still had to provide my job five more hours of work.

Comment on DrinKkinG with Charlse Mudede at THESTRANGER.COM/CHOW

LIFE

Eat at a participating foodery on April 25 and part of your purchase will be donated to Lifelong AIDS Alliance. Click here for a complete list of participating restaurants. Various locations. diningoutforlife.com/seattle.

POST ALLEY WINE HOP Slosh down Post Alley for the Thursday Wine Hop, where $4 glasses of unspecified wine are served from 5 to 7 pm at Kells, Post, the Tasting Room, and the White Horse Trading Co. Various locations. 5-7 pm.

GET READY TO RUMBA Sample Dzama Rum from Madagascar, along with “nibbles,” in this class on the history and evolution of rum. Starred for rumsippers and daiquiri/mojito fans. Only $10! Oliver’s, 405 Olive Way, 623-8700. mayflowerpark.com/olivers.asp. $10. 6-7:30 pm.

Fri 4/26

SLOG NERD

HAPPY HOUR

On the last Friday of every month, the Stranger Testing Department (aka the STD, aka Paul Hughes and Rob Lightner, along with Queen Nerd Mary Traverse, and sometimes special guests!) takes over the Raygun Lounge for beer-and-board/ card-game goodness, starting at 5 p.m. and on into the night. Bring a game to share, or borrow from Raygun’s collection. It is FUN. The Raygun Lounge, 501 E Pine St. gammaraygamestore.com/events. No cover. 5 pm until ?

RON JEREMY IS COMING

The adult film star comes to Linda’s to promote his new line of rum. Linda’s says: “We’ve been told Ron will keep his clothes on… we will have a variety of tasty things to put in your mouth; the foot-long ‘Hedgehog Dog’ can be a lot to handle, so we suggest a ‘Dark and Horny’ to wash it down. The party starts at eight and when it comes to punctuality, Ron does NOT FUCK AROUND.” Linda’s Tavern , 707 E Pine St, 325-1220. lindastavern. com. No cover. 8 pm.

Sat 4/27

HAMA HAMA

OYSTER RAMA

See Stranger Suggests, page 19. The Hama Hama Company is a family-owned shellfish farm located where the nearly unbearably scenic Hamma Hamma River meets Hood Canal. The Hama Hama Oyster Rama is a party on the beach with steamed clams, crab cakes, paella, and oysters galore. Also, a tideflat tour (educational but actually fun), the Shuckathalon (!), and live music all day long. Also-also, it benefits the Hood Canal Education Foundation and other area charities. It is FUN. Hama Hama Company, 35846 N US Highway 101, 888-877-5844. hamahamaoysters.com/rama. $10 entry, food/drinks additional; 15 and under free. 11:30 am-4:30 pm.

WORDS WITH KIMCHEE Linda Lau Anusasananan talks about her The Hakka

Cookbook: Chinese Soul Food from around the World and her journey to uncover the stories and traditions of the nomadic Hakka people, who migrated as far as Trinidad, Peru, and her grandmother’s kitchen in rural California. Kobo at Higo, 604 S Jackson St, 381-3000. Free. Noon.

FREE WINE TASTING AT PORTALIS

Civilized but not-tooschmancy wine shop Portalis offers free tastings on Saturday and Sunday.

A lot of regulars show up, particularly Ballardfarmers-market shoppers on Sundays. Those people sound smart. Portalis, 5205 Ballard Ave NW, 783-2007. portaliswines.com. Free. 2-6 pm, also Sun 11 am-4 pm.

HOT CAKES

MILKSHAKE CLASS

Autumn Martin of Ballard’s Hot Cakes celebrates her book Malts and Milkshakes: 60 Recipes for Frosty, Creamy, Frozen Treats by sharing her recipes for three boozy milkshakes and more. Also included: a signed copy of the book and a jar of Hot Cakes’ smoked chocolate chips. Starred for booze or chocolate lovers (so, everyone). Hot Cakes

Molten Chocolate Cakery , 5427 Ballard Avenue NW, 4203431. getyourhotcakes. com. $40. 4-5 pm; also May 4 and 11.

$12 CAVA ON SUNDAYS AT CURE Cure would like to invite you to “celebrate or lament” the end of your weekend with a $12 bottle of Cava (Spanish sparkling wine) on Sundays. Starred for cheap bubbles on the Lord’s day. Cure , 1640 Nagle Place, 568-5475. cureseattle.com. $12. 4 pm-2 am.

ESCAPADES DINNER

AUCTION

The Rotary Club of Kent is holding its 45th annual dinner auction (live and silent), benefiting a number of Kent-area and international charities. Showare Center, 625 W James St. kentrotary.com. $75. Sat April 27, 5-9 pm.

Mon 4/29

MANHATTAN MONDAYS

Every Monday the BottleNeck serves $5 Manhattans made with Evan Williams. Cheers! BottleNeck Lounge , 2328 E Madison St, 3231098. $5. 4 pm-2 am.

Sun 4/28

SNOUTS & STOUTS

Every last Sunday of the month, Little Water Cantina roasts a couple whole hog’s worth of local-beerbrined pork tacos: You get a plate of those, a matching beer, and live music, too. This month: Chuckanut Brewery and Country Lips. Weather permitting, the party’s on the patio with its awesome Lake Union view. Little Water Cantina , 2865 Eastlake Ave E, 397-4940. littlewatercantina.com. $17.

COOKING CLASS WITH BRUCE NAFTALY

Learn how to make great foods with all-time-great chef Bruce Naftaly (of the late, great Le Gourmand, who is also really nice), with eating and drinking

legourmandrestaurant.com. $75. 1-4 and 6:30-9:30 pm; also Mon 6:30-9:30 pm.

Tues 4/30

NEIGHBORFOOD

From the company that brought the world Dishcrawl, Neighborfood involves obtaining one tasting sample at eight different restaurants in a three-hour period. Included in the Capitol Hill iteration (they are “launching Neighborfoods in other major cities the same date”): Plum Bistro, Manhattan, Sam’s Tavern, more. Neighborfood will donate a non-whopping five percent of the proceeds to the Seattle Humane Society. Woof. Various locations. dishcrawl.com. $40 in advance, $45 day of. 2-5 pm.

THE CORNER TABLE Come to Cafe Presse for a monthly family-style French supper paired (optionally, but vive a little!) with wine. Cafe Presse, 1117 12th Ave, 709-7674. cafepresseseattle.com. $40 for food and wine, $25 for food only. 6:30 pm.

Ongoing

COOPER’S 11TH

ANNUAL IPA FEST

Cooper’s Alehouse’s IPA Fest has blind tastings, brewers nights (check their Facebook for dates), and more than 70 IPAs: “Regular, double, triple, or imperial, you’ll see them all!” Starred for beer nuts. Cooper’s Alehouse , 8065 Lake City Way NE, 522-2923. coopersalehouse.com. No cover.

TO: chow@thestranger.com

Find grazillions more food events online.

SULLY McGINNIS, THE CHEESE ENCYCLOPEDIA

Sully McGinnis

Cheesemonger, Poco Wine + Spirits 1408 E Pine St, 322-9463

One might call cheesemonger Sully McGinnis a cheese prodigy. He’s been fascinated with cheese since he was 4, when he discovered a book about a French mouse that is a cheese connoisseur. He estimates he read the book more than a hundred times. Specialized fascinations like his are characteristic of people with autism. “The cool thing about autism is, my mind is like a ﬁling system,” Sully explained. “Someone says washedrind cheese, and I think of a hundred washed-rind cheeses.”

Sully told me about mimolette, a cheese Napoleon loved so much, he forbade his cheesemaker to sell it to anyone else. When the cheesemaker smuggled it to other customers inside cannonball cases, it became infested with cheese mites, which to everyone’s surprise made it extra delicious.

For Sully, that mimolette is key to understanding a historical moment. The mission of Sully’s new Kitchen Sink Project (kitchensinkproject.com), in addition to wholesaling tasty, exotic cheeses to restaurants and wineries, is to create educational food events that help people see food as he does—every meal a convergence of many complex systems. At Poco Wine + Spirits, where Sully currently mongers, we ate pale slivers of an experimental Alpinestyle raw-milk cheese, which tasted like very sharp Swiss. When he told me it was “yet unnamed,” I felt I’d never truly known the thrill of cheese until that moment. SARAH GALVIN

CHOW BIO

MUSIC

WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU THE NAME OF THIS PLACE But they book uncommonly enjoyable acts.

You Have to Wild-Child It

DIY Culture’s Migration to Seattle’s University District

BY CATE M C GHEE

There’s a hole in the earth where the Funhouse used to be, and Healthy Times Fun Club is now a hair and waxing salon. Queen Anne’s Easy Street Records is being replaced by a shiny

new Chase Bank, and ﬁve years ago the Bellevue real estate company Murray Franklyn bulldozed a strip of iconic bars on Pine for condos and then left it as a parking lot for two years. And now, just a few blocks downhill, Bauhaus and other independent businesses are getting sold up the same river. Rent is rising, people are getting pushed out of the center of the city, and with water on either side, the development refugees can go either north or south. If Capitol Hill isn’t in the picture and you’re looking twice at the rest of the map, these days the University District isn’t looking half bad.

After years of gathering momentum, and to the surprise of many, the renaissance of the University District has arrived. The community of musicians and organizers spidering out from Roosevelt Way was created by and for the people who couldn’t ﬁnd a space for themselves anywhere else. It’s for the part-time day-jobbers and young urban unprofessionals who don’t have $15 for a show, who never take cabs, who maybe aren’t 21, or who just want to play music for each other without red tape. There are more shows than ever happening in the U-District, and they’re cheap or free, all ages, and totally DIY.

One aboveground establishment that’s helped foster this community is Cafe Racer, a

for Cafe Racer, Table & Chairs would never have become what it did, because we were free to do whatever we wanted here, and they were supportive of it,” said Bergman.

A few years ago, Bergman found a cheap University District house on Craigslist where he could practice, and it was only after he moved in that he realized how many friends were living nearby or on their way. Bergman doubts he’ll leave the area now that his work and community have congealed around Roosevelt, asking, “Why would I move somewhere else just to come back here all the time?”

An excellent question—if you live anywhere else, and you don’t ﬁnd yourself trekking to the U-District at least once a week, you’re missing some incredible shows. Though it looks pretty shabby from the window of a 49 bus, all those Craftsmans with peeling paint probably have either a great basement or a hardwood-ﬂoored living room, and that’s all it takes—bonus if there’s a porch or more than one bathroom. Erin, who’s lived in and booked at the nowdefunct show houses Pet Seminary and the Funny Button, as well as the freshly leased Another Dream, said, “There are so many awesome bands that just aren’t hype bands, so how are they going to get on a show unless we do it? It’s very empowering to have someone call and be like, ‘Can I play a show?’ and to be able to say, ‘Yes, we’ll make it happen.’” Houses like Erin’s are where new bands get established, where established bands get weird and personal, and where any band can perform spontaneous, boundary-pushing shit on their own terms.

“I don’t like playing bars or places with weird sound systems. Not even venues, really, or art galleries,” said Erin, whose last name we are withholding because she’s associated with an underground venue. “You have to wild-child it. You have to freak out and have a space where people can play nude with their butt holes painted green, or they can be as drunk or sober as they want. Where they can use the bathroom—and even perform in the bathroom. No rules.”

cafe and bar on Roosevelt that works with the local record label Table & Chairs to produce the Racer Sessions, a curated, free weekly jam. Like most things in the U-District’s burgeoning DIY community, Table & Chairs started with people seeing a need and trying to ﬁll it themselves. “It was made by a group of people who had no previous knowledge of the music business but wanted to get together

“They can use the bathroom and even perform in the bathroom. No rules.”

and ﬁgure out how to promote our own music and others’,” said Luke Bergman, one of the founders of the Sessions and Table & Chairs, and a member of local bands Heatwarmer and Thousands. The Sessions have been happening every Sunday for three years, producing more than 150 original pieces of music and providing an open, egalitarian space for musicians to meet, play together, and form new groups. “We were really lucky being able to score a cool place like this… If it weren’t

Another Dream, Erin’s latest house, debuted with a one-night festival last January that included approximately 20 performances of mostly local bands. It was a raging success. Erin said of the night, “There were like 300 people there, but it was chill. Nothing got broken, nobody robbed us, everyone was just in it to win it.”

Erin originally moved here from Olympia for a room at Healthy Times Fun Club, a Capitol Hill all-ages DIY venue that was shut down in 2011 due to a lack of required permits. DIY show houses are traditionally crucial landing pads for relocating musicians, and the U-District has an especially accessible revolving door of tenants and vacancies. Matt Fu, who lived in the iconic U-District show house the Mystery Machine (previously known as New Crompton), said that one of the things that most attracted him to the neighborhood was the “focus on injective out-of-town and touring energies.” Fu said that to “stay strong and resilient in our noncorporate, underground subcultures,” communities need to look outside themselves and “exchange ideas and spirits.” The tenacity and expansion of the U-District’s subculture owes much to a few key houses with homemade particleboard basement rooms and eagerly offered couches.

Fu runs MASA Records, self-described as “a small, sputtering, not-for-proﬁt,

WHAT'S CRAPPENING?

BY RON MAEL'S MUSTACHE

• Yoga punks Partman Parthorse opened Chop Suey on Saturday for the Intelligence—leading man Gary Smith thrilled the crowd by spewing chunks of apple from the stage, wadding up a jacket and shoving it into his sparkly mankini, showing everyone his balls, and ripping up a dollar and putting it in his butt. Sources say that the middle band, Daydream Machine from Portland, was “a little freaked out.” The Intelligence put on a great show, even though Lars Finberg kept his shirt on and didn’t put anything down his pants.

• Local rock ’n’ roll groovy sleaze-makers Scream Queen (formerly Nite Nurse) brought head-banging, crowd-surﬁng, beer-throwing, spitting, and guitar-playingwhile-standing-on-the-bar to the one and only Pony—Seattle’s Best Gay Punk Bar™— on Thursday night. Watch out for them at the 2013 Capitol Hill Block Party. Don’t wear your favorite shoes.

• Prince painted the Showbox purple for four total appearances last Friday and Saturday, two per night. The late show on Friday had sudden “discount” tickets available for $100 for those who protested the initial $250 “PRINCE H8S POOR PPL” price. People who were lucky enough to attend, however, said the performances were epic and totally worth whatever hoops His Funkiness needed them to jump through.

• Sexagenarian “adult entertainment star” Ron Jeremy is coming to Linda’s Tavern on Friday the 26th to promote his new imaginatively named Ron de Jeremy rum. It’s been reported he’ll be keeping his clothes on, which is probably for the best at this point.

• In other “hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife” news, Insane Clown Posse will be juggaluggaloccaro-ing on down at El Corazon for two nights only on Friday, May 24, and Saturday, May 25. It looks like Seattle is the only tour stop for ICP that includes two dates in the same place, so… you’re welcome?

• Light in the Attic Records will be reissuing three solo LPs by 13th Floor Elevators’ Roky Erickson: The Evil One, Don’t Slander Me, and Gremlins Have Pictures. These alien-haunted ’80s albums by the psych-rock legend will come out sometime in the spring. Speaking of Light in the Attic, its Modern Classics subsidiary is joining forces with fellow Seattle label Medical Records to rerelease one of the most revered shoegaze-rock opuses ever. Its identity can’t be revealed yet, but let’s just say it came out 20 years ago, and fans of the genre are going to freak the fuck out when they ﬁnd out about it. Look for this vinyl-only release in shops around July or a little later.

Protesters

CHRISTIAN PETERSEN

DIY CD-R and cassette label”—typical, yes, but also pretty righteous. Fu’s dedication to the independent-music community is paramount in his life, and it says a lot that the U-District won him over. “I always try to live near where the most all-ages shows and DIY creativity are, and when I ﬁrst moved to Seattle in 2005, that seemed to be on Capitol Hill and starting to spill more into the Central District. I had not even really considered the U-District for whatever reason, but once I moved into the Mystery Machine and encountered other folks in the neighborhood who were working on the same sort of projects, I realized that the U-District had its own vibrant community.”

The exciting new centerpiece of DIY in that community is a show space in the University District, the name of which The Stranger is withholding to protect its anonymity. Unlike the show houses, it’s a legit venue/gallery in the sense that it uses a commercial space, making it the ﬁrst of its kind in recent memory for the area. It’s all ages, no booze, and multipurpose, and it ﬁlls some of the hole left by Healthy Times. “Outside of Vera, what is a dry space in Seattle?” asked Kenneth, one of its two founders and operators. Kenneth used to live at the Funny Button with Erin, which was a major hub for touring and local bands in the U-District before the owners decided to tear it down for development. Kenneth remained in the neighborhood after the Funny Button closed, and when he found this building, he jumped on it. He partnered with a local musician named José, who wanted a space for his recording projects. The pair has been booking the venue with uncommonly enjoyable local and touring acts, and they also host craft fairs, parties, art openings, fundraisers, zine releases—whatever they think the community needs.

that money is only as important as what you can do with it, and they are sacriﬁcing more than their time to operate this new safe, dry, independent venue.

The most tragic part of this sacrifice is that, one way or another, the invisible hand is bound to catch them. Broke artists always take the first step toward gentrification, and eventually the rent pendulum reverses and clears a path for the condo owners. And what could be no more than a potentially bleak fate becomes inevitable when you consider the northward-burrowing light rail. Strangely, everyone in the U-District seems to know this.

“What’s next? After Capitol Hill is officially Belltown, and the CD is Capitol Hill?”

“The appeal is that the University District is so much cheaper than other places, but that’s also too bad because that means it probably won’t be cheaper much longer,” said Bergman. José was even gloomier, asking, “What’s next? After Capitol Hill is ofﬁcially Belltown, and the CD is Capitol Hill, after whatever else happens and then collapses in on itself?”

“There aren’t many opportunities like this around town, where us poor-ass motherfuckers can just be like, ‘We want to have an opening.’” When Kenneth ﬁrst called the building’s owners, he says his stomach was hurting for days because he was so excited. “Everybody needed it,” he said of the new venue.

But like most DIY spaces, no matter how much enthusiasm there is, your constituency is still the “poor-ass motherfuckers,” and there will be serious ﬁnancial obstacles. For Kenneth and José, the substantial gap between what they make from donations and the monthly rent comes right out of their pockets. “Half of my income is going to this space,” said Kenneth. “Actually more than half, because we’re in renovation debt… But I don’t know what else I would do with the money I’m losing. I guess I would save it or something.” Kenneth and José both believe

Everyone moved north for the rent and stayed for the community. Or they moved for the community and stayed for the rent. Untangling the ouroboros-chain of demographic events is impossible, but when a place is cheap and all your friends are there, a sense of cooperative community is bound to emerge. And even if they’re just building a sand castle while the tide is low, the projects of the U-District residents have a sense of heroism. When asked to describe the most important thing about DIY spaces, Matt Fu responded, “I think, at the heart of the matter—for folks like me across the country, who ﬁght on a daily basis to make art happen in their communities and whom I consider culture warriors and culture activists—is reforging and ﬁghting for that space that has been stripped away from our communities. Space for us to share together, love and laugh together, be human together.”

DIY IN THE U-DISTRICT A vibrant community of culture warriors.

KELLY O

Former Pro Pitcher Throws Electronic-Music Scene a Curveball

Decibel Fest’s

Cody Morrison

Is Armed with Bright Ideas

BY DAVE SEGAL

Rambunctious German house DJ/ producer San Proper is rocking Q nightclub’s powerful system at Shelter, a weekly Wednesday-night event dedicated to bringing in world-class dance-music headliners to play deep cuts… to 29 people. It’s one of the Seattle music scene’s most epic fails in years. But this disappointing turnout hasn’t dimmed the enthusiasm of Shelter’s promoter, Cody Morrison. He’s continued to book major acts that most other promoters either don’t know or refuse to hire because they’re too risky. (Upcoming shows feature underground favorites Cio D’or and Gerd Janson and Kompakt Records icon Michael Mayer.)

However, Shelter is but one facet in Morrison’s multipronged strategy to energize Seattle’s electronic-music scene, already one of the country’s strongest. Along with Jeremy Grant, he is co-owner of the High & Tight party-throwing team and the Nuearth Kitchen label, a rising force in left-ﬁeld house music, featuring sterling, twisted releases by Jon McMillion, Madteo, and others. Most crucially, Morrison—a commercial realestate broker by day—is sponsorship director for Decibel Festival.

Not bad for a former pro baseball pitcher who did stints with the Seattle Mariners’ and Anaheim Angels’ minor-league systems, as well as a brief spell with the latter’s majorleague team. (At a powerfully built six foot two, Morrison also physically stands out from nearly everyone in the city’s electronic underground. You believe it when he says his fastball used to blaze at 90 miles per hour.)

A graduate of Kelso High School and University of Washington, Morrison grew up with hippie parents and was steeped in jamband culture. He majored in French at UW because, he says, it came easy to him and allowed him to play ball and go to raves without too much stress. During one of those outdoor parties, Morrison had the sort of transcendental revelation that converts ravers into lifelong aﬁcionados of electronic music. “You feel a connection to everybody in the room,” he says in his huge Capitol Hill loft apartment, outﬁtted with an enviable DJ setup and sound system. “I got turned on by it and haven’t been able to spit the hook yet.”

Morrison’s seven-year run in baseball ended in 2005. Fascinated by the inner workings of big dance events, he cold-called Decibel founder Sean Horton in 2008 and told him he could help Decibel. Horton tapped Morrison to head the sponsorship department. Since Morrison assumed that role, Decibel’s been in the black.

“When Cody first came on board, we weren’t in a good place financially,” Horton says. “Cody has been instrumental in creating new opportunities for the festival, many of which have flourished beyond funding into creative partnerships. Some of the key partners Cody has quarterbacked for us over his tenure include Rane, EAW, Rdio, Ableton, Bookr, and the W Hotel.” Horton cites Morrison as a stabilizing force among Decibel’s sprawling staff. Keep in mind that this growth has happened during a recession. It’s a testament to Morrison’s persuasiveness and business savvy that Decibel has become both bigger and

more ambitious when many companies have been tightening belts.

Ruminating on how to improve Decibel, he asks rhetorically, “How do you grow while still maintaining your principles, keeping the production bar and the user experience very high without sacriﬁcing the reason you started it in the ﬁrst place? It’s not like a Coachella or even a Block Party, where there are outdoor stages and a lot of capacity. We’re limited by the sizes of our venues. To continue to grow the festival in an urban environment with smaller capacities is really hard. That’s why we took risks by bringing in Erykah Badu and Orbital last year. For the most part, that was a success. We wanted to

grow the user base and turn more people on to the festival without sacriﬁcing the type of artists who really get us excited.”

With this year being Decibel’s 10th anniversary (Sept 25–29), people are harboring high expectations. “I’d be dishonest if I said we still didn’t have a ways to go to lock in some more acts. The popularity of EDM— and I hate that term—in North America has caused fees to rise so much, and there’s more competition now. It’s been tough to come to an agreement with some artists we thought would not be so difﬁcult. The headliners we have in the works are in line with what you’ve seen in previous editions. There’s gonna be an awesome Optical lineup this year. I was pretty excited with our sound last year, and you’re going to see more of that, the EAW speakers at Neumos and some of those big, sexy rigs. It’s going to be our biggest and best program yet.”

Deeming himself “stubborn,” and clearly still as competitive as he was in his pitching days, Morrison says, “I’m putting my ass on the line. I’ve lost money on several events, but I’m not doing this to make money. I want Seattle to be the kind of city where people want to come and play—a destination for really thoughtful, intelligent, passionate dance music, because there’s not a ton of people who are doing this stuff. That’s why the same circle of agents and artists are always hitting Sean and me up, trying to get on our radar. It’d be much easier if we wanted to program bullshit EDM like some of the other people in town, but I’d fucking kill myself if I did that.”

- 2:00AM (365 DAYS)

KARAOKE (EVERYDAY)

MON-THU 9PM-2AM FRI-SUN 7PM-2AM

COMEDY (EVERY TUESDAY) 7PM - 9PM

Friday, April 26, at 7pm BEETHOVEN’S SYMPHONY NO. 7

Xian Zhang, conductor

Come at 5:30pm for pre-concert happy hour, featuring $5 appetizers and wines by Wolfgang Puck Catering. Plus, stay after the concert to mingle with Seattle Symphony musicians. TICKETS FROM: $17 Friday, April 26, at 10pm

Seattle

Featuring contemporary ensemble pieces performed in the Grand Lobby, including three world premieres by Symphony principal musicians. TICKETS: $17

SOUND CHECK

CRYSTAL CASTLES’ REQUIEM MOVES

Crystal Castles w/Pictureplane

Tues April 30, Moore Theater, 7:30 pm, $32.50, all ages

In a squalid, DNA-stained alley behind the club, Ethan Kath and Alice Glass of Toronto’s Crystal Castles are injecting their goth-muse voodoo droid with probiotic sugar water. The muse was flatlining. The sugar water is complex, produced in a costly chem lab—it hits the droid’s bloodstream like crushed-up Adderall SweeTarts coated in a cocainecodeine combo. The droid snaps to and sits up with wide eyes, looking like a character from Edward Gorey’s The Gashlycrumb Tinies. It opens its latex speakermouth, and the song “Transgender” comes out, from Crystal Castles’ third full-length, III. Mutated, metallic ping sounds float over an ominous Gregorian synth-bass bed. Glass’s distant vocals are basically unintelligible, “Will you ever preserve, will you ever exhume?” It has that post-rave/ empty-cathedral feel. Beats shake and sift their way in; a kick lands and steers it into an improbable requiem banger. Deathmarch EDM. To record III, the duo isolated themselves with a 1950s-era tape machine in Warsaw, Poland. Themes on the album center on oppression. Images of blood mix with melancholy and chemicals in the dirt. When they flatline, their sugar water revives them. Kath and Glass spoke.

The lyrics for “Transgender” seem lost, yet leading—pained and headstrong. Where do your words come from?

Glass: Where does anything come from? As a lyricist, I like what bands like Crass and Crisis did, politically. They wanted to inform the masses of injustice in the modern world. Take human trafficking, for instance— America isn’t doing enough to fight human trafficking within its borders, and something like 50,000 women are trafficked into America every year. There aren’t enough shelters for victims, and many victims are placed in juvenile treatment facilities. Statistically, one in 12 children in America will be sexually assaulted. The biggest threat to women’s safety and health is domestic abuse, but there is little funding to educate and help women. Stuff like that needs to be brought to light.

In “Affection,” you say you catch a moth in your hand and crush it casually. How do you crush a moth casually?

Glass: You tell me.

Moths get such a bad rap. Everyone’s always scared of them. Just because they’re gray? And have to eat your old T-shirts to live? While butterﬂies get all the bright colors? How come no one’s afraid of butterﬂies?

Glass: That’s a great question, but not what the song’s about.

What are some of your favorite reads and writers?

Glass: Albert Camus, Sylvia Plath, LouisFerdinand Céline’s Journey to the End of the Night

Why did you choose to record the album in Warsaw? How was it?

Kath: We chose Warsaw because we

didn’t speak the language and we didn’t know anyone there. We wanted the isolation. We like the cold weather, too [laughs]. We tried to keep the takes to a minimum, to keep it more live, with no editing. The ﬁrst take usually captures a more raw expression of emotion, and nothing is corrected. We left wrong notes in there. When stuff gets corrected and edited, the song loses itself a bit. We didn’t want that.

And no computers were allowed?

Kath: Right. We banned computers from the studio and living quarters, and we used 1950s tape machines to track everything.

Your shows are unpredictable. Alice is unhinged. What are your thoughts on live shows versus the album?

Kath: Shows and albums are two completely different entities. When recording, we’re capturing something—an idea or sound, something melancholy. The live show is more about power. Alice can be an animal out there. The ﬁrst time I saw her performing, she was in a punk band called Fetus Fatale. These sexist older guys who had been in big local punk bands in the

’80s were shouting at her to get off the stage and that girls shouldn’t play punk. She started spitting beer in their faces and yelling back at them, telling them that they were wimps. She was smaller, a teenager, sticking up for herself and spitting on these legends, while shouting what I thought was this beautiful poetry.

I was checking out the Crystal Castles forums, and there were two girls arguing about eye makeup. It was brutal: all this stuff about primers and eye shadows, one of the girls called the other one a “cow.” If I had to put that stuff on, I’d poke my eye out. I’m sure you’re on the forums all the time, right?

Kath: Not so much [laughs]. I’ve been asked about the forums before. We try not to look at the internet. We try to pretend it’s 1990. We have a guy who checks our e-mail.

What do you associate your music with? Is it sound, or emotion? Or just moths?

Kath: I think our music is bleak, maybe lonesome, and sad. I think those are the biggest emotions we have when we write.

I’m going to ﬁnd an empty cathedral after this, and I’m going to crank Crystal Castles in there while I save all the moths with my Edward Gorey droid. Kath: I like that. Don’t poke your eye out.

INTERVIEWS BY TRENT MOORMAN

Crystal Castles

Anna Minard claims to “know nothing about music.” For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

THE RAINCOATS

The Raincoats (Rough Trade/Geffen)

I always wonder why some kinds of emotional (or funny or smart or weird) but less than tuneful music makes me feel energized and engaged, while other kinds make me immediately tired. I tried to investigate that this week with the Raincoats, because I didn’t love them the way I wanted to, and that sucked because intellectually I can tell they’re supreme.

British post-punk (thanks, internet!), mostly dude-free, and contemporaries of the Slits, the Raincoats are the kind of music I wanna bring to a zine-making party or an all-girl sleepover for grown-up ladies, now with wine! (Note to self: Organize an all-girl sleepover for grown-up ladies, now with wine!™ immediately.) But that’s because they sound/feel powerful, not because they make my ears happy. And there’s my conundrum. Obviously I’ve skipped some important music education—but I didn’t skip actual music education. I grew up singing in church choir and took piano lessons; I can read notes and have a decent grasp of music theory And now I’ve listened to a brandnew album almost every week for more than a year. When do my ears learn the lesson? I still make an involuntary scrunch-face when songs get really busy. I ﬁnd it aurally upsetting. Then when other people listen to these albums with me, they’ll immediately point out parts of the instrumentation or lyrics I’ve never noticed and that I think are neat. Why is it so much harder for me to hear what’s going on in complicated music?

Take track nine, “You’re a Million.” It sounds like they’re playing at least two songs on top of each other, maybe three. A violin is dirgeing and then shrieking. The drums are doing one plodding thing, the guitar sounds like it’s in a ﬁsh tank, and then everything goes nuts—drums, guitar, violin go crashing and dissonant—and she shouts, “STOP HERE!” Then it starts up all over again. It overloads my circuitry.

As I try to catch up on all this music, my ears spend tons of time being confused and/or begging for a break. But with every album, the more I listen, the more I hear. That sounds dumb, but it’s real: When I get lost in the wailing, I just play a track over and over, until slowly the song reveals itself to me, like a perfect fossil. By the time I’d listened to “Million” six times in a row, I started to like it.

Perhaps I’ll get there quicker someday, hear things faster. But I could also just be a bit ritardando. And that’s okay, because when I do get there, it’s hella rewarding. Oh yeah, and they do a rad cover of Weird Al’s “Yoda.”

I give this a “learning and growing” out of 10.

MY PHILOSOPHY

YG, FLOSSTRADAMUS, AESOP ROCK, PAC DIV

First off: My thoughts, like yours quite likely, are with the city of Boston—the innocent lives lost, the victims, the hurt. You’ve already seen our disgusting media in action, now let’s hope this tragedy isn’t used to justify more horror. Whatever happens, I truly believe our people need to “choose love,” like the president said, and really try to envision a culture that lives for peace. Too soon? How soon is now? Okay, right, America, culture of peace. Well, YG out of “Bompton” (at Neumos on Wednesday, April 24) doesn’t exactly represent that—don’t get me wrong, he really just makes pungently ignant party music—but as evidenced by his frequent collabos with Rollin 60s MC Nipsey Hussle, he does represent an LA that’s moved past some of its colorline issues (those of the blue and red).

StormLarge

Of course, in the true fashion of LA’s embedded gang culture, that is probably partly due to pressure from other color-line issues (those of the black and brown). That said, all shades can enjoy YG, with high-powered Tactowners Jay Barz and ILLFIGHTYOU and the triumphant cool of Royce the Choice

Half a decade ago, LA’s Pac Div were at the forefront of what I, despite your feeble protestations, think of as the snapback blog-rap wave. Their mid-aughts mixtapes earned them the love of boutique-type bros everywhere, even if no one could ever quite name all three members. They tended to leave the actual quotables to guests like Blu and Kendrick Lamar, instead holding down that golden posse-cut middle ground that’s now the domain of the Pro Era crew. Their raucous live presentation, however, gets the most fun out of their inoffensive brag raps— see what I mean at Nectar on Thursday, April 25, with NYC’s ever-plucky weirdo Johnny Polygon, local champs Dyme Def, and ATL’s silky After the Smoke

The next night, pedestrians best watch out for ambulances on Pike Street: Chicago club cardinals Flosstradamus are playing at Neumos, and odds are good that when amateur hour strikes, there will be reports of unseasonably dressed people overheating like Excitebike up in that bitch. Why don’t you slow that ﬂow, but still get your heart goin’ at a proper clip, with Aesop Rock at Neumos on Sunday, April 28, as he ﬂexes his singular jabberjaw pedigree. His Hail Mary Mallon–mates Rob Sonic and Big Wiz will be there, as well as Busdriver It’s not inconceivable that Ace Rock’s partner in the Uncluded—noted trap music expert Kimya Dawson—could make an appearance. The “trap music” thing was a joke, by the way—please don’t include it in your psycho “Mistakes Larry Made” scrapbook, okay?

Actually, here’s a freebie for you—it is totally a mistake what a gloriﬁed show calendar this column’s gotten to be, what with a pile of local rap I’ve been needing to review. It’s cool that Ryan Lewis is leaping off of pirate party ships and Macklemore is skydiving onto the Space Needle—actually, it’s hella cool—but somebody has to unearth some new shit for y’all. On rare occasions, that somebody is me. Till then.

Carlos Kalmar, conductor Storm Large, vocals / Oregon Symphony

The Oregon Symphony teams up with Portland-based singer-songwriter Storm Large to perform Weill’s Seven Deadly Sins in a program that also features music by Schubert and Ravel.

THE CAVE SINGERS

HIPHOP YA DON'T STOP

BY LARRY MIZELL JR.

UP&COMING

Lose your mystical folkie magic every night this week!

For the full music calendar, see page 43 or visit thestranger.com/music For ticket on-sale announcements, follow twitter.com/seashows

Wednesday 4/24

Purity Ring, Blue Hawaii (Neptune) See Underage, page 48.

Cio D’or, Rubidium, Eddie Lee (Q) See Data Breaker, page 47.

Marnie Stern, SISU, Heavy Petting (Barboza) Once best known for her maniacal technical ﬂamboyancy on the guitar, which involved tapping it like a stenographer on meth, Marnie Stern has toned down her fretboard hysteria on her last two albums, Marnie Stern and The Chronicles of Marnia. Where she used to challenge Battles’ Ty Braxton and Ian Williams for math-rock complexity and velocity supremacy, she now channels her restless energy into composing songs with more blatantly beautiful melodies and slightly slower tempos. Her playing retains that percolating radiance and sugary clamor, but the songs they’re servicing sound more like an anxiety-stricken Blonde Redhead than an estrogenic Hella. Tonight you’ll probably get to revel in both of Stern’s phases. DAVE SEGAL

Grave Babies, Dreamsalon, Starskate, Bat, DJ Jermaine (Mercury) Dreamsalon is the band you probably haven’t seen but already love. I mean, if you’ve lived in Seattle for any length of time and listen to rock/punk/post-punk, you already know and love the A Frames, Factums, the Intelligence, Pyramids, and/or LoVe TaN. Dreamsalon is a baby-child of former members of all of these bands—Min Yee, Matt Ford, and Craig Chambers. The three are lifelong friends, and you can hear it plainly in the music. The chemistry is electric, eclectic, tangible. Like their lo-

ﬁ, jangly song “Northern Comfort,” it’s comforting to know that these humble yet supremely talented musicians aren’t moving off to LA or Brooklyn to jump on any trendy garage-rock bandwagons. They’re unwavering Northwesterners. And Seattle wins. KELLY O

YG, Jay Barz, ILLFIGHTYOU, Royce the Choice

(Neumos) Compton’s YG (that’s Young Gangsta) burst onto the charts with his catchy, disrespectful pop-rap hit “Toot It and Boot It” in 2009, but in the years since, he and his Pu$haz Ink label crew have blown up with their stripped-down-yet-turntup “ratchet music” sound. Built on producer/DJ Mustard’s sparse, snappy, hard-knocking beats (see Tyga’s ubiquitous “Rack City” for a prime example) and YG’s ﬂexin’, VIP-section baller lyrics, it’s young LA’s post–N.W.A, post–Dr. Dre party music—set in luxury cars or in the club, but still very much rooted in and afﬁliated with the area’s gang culture and tradition. A quick listen to YG’s recent Just Re’d Up 2 mixtape should be enough to determine whether this is all a fun time or a “ratchet mess” for you. MIKE RAMOS See also My Philosophy, page 39.

Thursday 4/25

The Thermals, Wimps, La Luz (Neumos) See Stranger Suggests, page 19, and Underage, page 48.

Relcad, Eric Moon, Phaedrus (Electric Tea Garden) See Data Breaker, page 47.

Pac Div, Johnny Polygon, Dyme Def, After the Smoke (Nectar) See My Philosophy, page 39.

Rodriguez (Neptune) Here’s some 21st-century heresy: I didn’t much care for Searching for Sugar Man, the Oscarwinning documentary that introduced Rodriguez to a new generation/the world at large. The story the film tells is unquestionably amazing, charting Rodriguez’s blip of a ’70s career and “posthumous” rise to superstardom in South Africa. But the “quest for a lost man” framing the film uses feels forced— as Slate’s Dana Stevens noted, “Sugar Man didn’t really seem that hard to find”—and I exited the film thinking the Great Rodriguez Tale would have been equally effective (and shorter) as an episode of This American Life. But nothing can diminish the glory of Rodriguez, the man and musician, whose backstory is so amazing it won an Oscar, and whose current life finds him bringing his mystical folkie magic to the stage of the Neptune. (So thanks for that, documentary makers.)

DAVID SCHMADER

Week of Wonders, Seacats, Detective Agency

(Columbia City Theater) Now this here is a perfect “maybe-it’s-kind-of-getting-warmer” show at the beautiful Columbia City Theater! Kelso, Washington’s, whimsical pop masters Seacats have been working their soggy tails off recently—touring down to SXSW, playing several shows around Seattle, hitting up Bellingham’s all-ages music fest Yellingham, and releasing a perfectly catchy 7-inch called The 7” Burger on Ballard label Fin Records on 4/20 (do you like the Rentals? Do you like fun?!). Catch the ’Cats with dreamy, melodic janglers Detective Agency and shimmering tropical sunbursts Week of Wonders. Go ahead and wear sunglasses, friends, but bring a light jacket. EMILY NOKES

ABSU, Cross, Bone Sickness, Old Skin (Highline) Hailing from Dallas, Texas, ABSU have concocted a strange brew, mixing raging black metal with jazz, prog rock, death metal and most things in between. Their last two records, Absu (2009) and Abzu (2011), have highlighted the experimental side of the band, with the latter opening with a soaring anthem that will make you nostalgic for Judas Priest. Olympia’s own Bone Sickness will be opening. These dudes have been getting

a ton of press lately—and with good reason. The stripped-down death-metal band releases their new raw-as-fuck EP, Alone in the Grave, on April 30th. It’s a release that will surely draw some attention from lovers of the sloppier, less technical side of death metal.

KEVIN DIERS

Kithkin, Constant Lovers, Pleasureboaters, Edie Sedgwick (Chop Suey) I don’t care how hungry you are, there is not a single band on this bill you should miss even a second of. After working up a sweat during Edie Sedgwick’s (of Dischord Records!) dance punk and Pleasureboaters’ raucous set, those Rancho Bravo nachos will be calling your name, and you’ll probably think that you can run down the hill and be back in time for Constant Lovers, but DO NOT RISK IT. Every band on this bill is incredible in different ways, and to miss even a moment would be foolish. Constant Lovers’ show is even more commanding now that they’re armed with Helms Alee’s Ben Verellen on drums, and Kithkin’s tribal percussion party often ends in the entire audience getting onstage and partaking in the music-making. Rancho Bravo is open until midnight. Nachos can wait. MEGAN SELING

Friday 4/26

DVS1, Recess (Q) See Data Breaker, page 47.

Vendetta Red, Moneta, the Female Fiends, Curse of the North (El Corazon) Local screamo (sorry, there really is no better description) band Vendetta Red have always had a ﬂair for the dramatic. To mark the release of their two new EPs, Scripture and Light Year Anniversary, the band has made limited-edition books, which are hardbound and ﬁlled with CD copies of each record, handwritten lyrics, and the band’s autographs. Very cool! Right now, the only way you can get one is at tonight’s show, so if that sounds like something you need, better bring some extra cash, as they’re $30 a pop. Here’s another tip: Show up early for openers Curse of the North—the former quartet is now a duo, and, I’m told, their Sabbath-

inspired hard rock is more powerful than ever. MEGAN SELING

Darto, Dreamdecay, Mutant Video, Thee Samedi (Heartland) The Stranger’s perspicacious Underage columnist Brittnie Fuller has praised Dreamdecay as “unfuckwithably heavy,” and this is true. I’m reminded of early Swans— nearly the ultimate in heavy and demonic rock during the ﬁrst half of the ’80s—but more prone to jaggedly up the tempo from Swans’ mastodon trudge; plus, the singer’s voice eerily resembles Michael Gira’s stone-faced, stentorian bellowing. Fuller has also noted that Dreamdecay “have gone underappreciated in the local music community.” Let’s end that nonsense now. The few songs I’ve heard by Seattle’s Darto suggest a rewarding blend of Joy Division, the noisier end of post-punk, and slowcore stalwarts like Seam and Codeine. DAVE SEGAL

Saturday 4/27

Fly Moon Royalty, Le VICE, the Bad Tenants (Comet) See Homosexual Agenda, page 45.

Nomeansno, Ford Pier, Trash Fire (Crocodile) Nomeansno’s latest studio album, All Roads Lead to Ausfahrt, is almost seven years old. Seven years. The entire Beatles discography was released in that much time. It’s almost tempting to accuse the long-running Canadian prog-punk trio of having a poor work ethic. But considering their extensive back catalog, relentless touring schedule, and recent penchant for tour-only EP releases, the wait for a new full-length is excusable. Any accusations of laziness are further dispelled by Nomeansno’s careerspanning high-energy live shows. One can only hope to have as much physical vigor and musical agility as they approach the ages of these three ﬁftysome-

things; the rhythm section alone makes most musicians half their age look tired and arthritic in comparison. But c’mon, guys—

Lou-Lou Hernandez, the Midget, Noel Brass Jr., the Syrinx Effect (Moon Temple Restaurant) Would you like some excellent, adventurous music with your Chinese food? You’ve come to the right place, then. Seattle duo the Syrinx Effect improvise chamber jazz with sax, trombone, guitar pedals, and “toys.” The effect, so to speak, is woozy and pregnant with some kind of intangible menace or blessing. They have a distinctive thing going. Another local twosome, the Midget, purvey attractive electro-pop songs that sometimes motor(ik) like Stereolab or Quickspace. Their melodies and guitar/keyboard textures are gloriously, gleamingly retro-futurist, and their rhythms are supremely efficient. Noel Brass Jr. is leader of fab soul-jazz trio Afrocop and one of the city’s most accomplished composers of moving, Tarkovsky-film-worthy keyboard odysseys. Seattle lo-fi electronic explorers Lou-Lou Hernandez celebrate the release of a new full-length cassette, Doors Closing, Doors Opening. It’s their richest, strangest batch of enigma-dispersing electro ditties to date. Dig their sinister charm. DAVE SEGAL

Sunday 4/28

Aesop Rock, Rob Sonic, DJ Big Wiz, Busdriver, Grayskul (Neumos) See My Philosophy, page 39.

Mercy Ties, Lord Snow, La Luna, Body Betrayal (Black Lodge) I’m bummed to have missed Seattle band Body Betrayal’s set when they opened Vera Project for Behead the Prophet/the Need last month, because the songs on their Bandcamp are ripping. BB’s harshed-up queer punk seethes with witchy screaming, brutal percussive freak-outs, and jarring stops/starts, with occasional moody interludes. Also from Seattle, heavy grinders Mercy Ties had me from the Some Kind of Monster (aka the best/worst Metallica documentary ever) quote at the beginning of their song “No Harm, No Foul.” With mathy hardcore four-piece La Luna (Calgary) and spastic chaos creators Lord Snow (Chicago).

EMILY NOKES

Monday 4/29

Mourn the loss of your innocence.

Tuesday 4/30

Killing Joke, Czar (Neumos) See Stranger Suggests, page 19.

Crystal Castles (Moore) See Sound Check, page 37.

Willie Nelson’s Birthday Celebration: Michael Stegner, Jeff Fielder, Robin Holcomb, Cuong Vu, Jeremy Manley (Royal Room) I love birthday parties—what a lovely focus for communal celebration: Hey, this one person is great! So happy birthday to the beloved double-braidin’, pot smokin’, bandanna-wearin’, folk strummin’ Willie Nelson. Here to make this celebration feel worth your while are all the pot

www.nectarlounge.com

4.25 Thursday (Hip Hop) PAC DIV

Johnny Polygon, Dyme Def, After the Smoke

$10 adv., 8pm, 21+

4.26 Friday (Funk / Americana / Rock)

YOGOMAN BURNING BAND

Heels To The Hardwood, The Big Medicine

$7 adv / $10 dos, 8pm doors, 21+

4.27 Saturday (Reggae)

PREZIDENT BROWN & REGGAE ANGELS

The Crucialites, ZJ Redman

$15 adv / $20 dos, 8pm doors, 21+

4.30 Tuesday (Hip Hop)

B.U.D.

Cash Gordon, Aquino , K-Truth, Brandon Berry, Balanse, Swift Daville Dirty O, Smoke

$5 adv. $7 Doors, 8pm, 21+

5.1 Wednesday (Bluegrass)

MAYDAY BLUEGRASS! feat

Allie Kral & The Giraffe Dodgers

Kendl Winter and the Summer Gold

$5adv / $8dos, 7pm doors, 8:30pm show, 21+

UP & COMING: 5.2 EMEFE

brownies in the world (must make yourself and consume at home, sorry!) and a troupe of local musicians. The best parts of this show, though, are its unexpected location and diverse lineup—the Royal Room is mainly a jazz club, and the lineup is a jazz trumpeter (Cuong Vu), a soft and slow pianist (Michael Stegner), a famous genre-transcender (Robin Holcomb), and more. Now this is a new tribute to the grizzled country poet. ANNA MINARD

Brad Mehldau Trio

(Jazz Alley) Brad Mehldau, a New York–based jazz pianist who received his education at the New School, is a real-deal genius. Whenever he plays something, you start saying to yourself: This is the music of a gifted mind. He is up there with the genius of Art Tatum—this is no exaggeration. What the two have in common is the ability to translate incredibly complex thoughts into understandable music—Cecil Taylor, on the other hand, translates complex ideas into even more complex music. For those who need an introduction to Mehldau’s work, check out Songs: The Art of the Trio, Volume Three, which contains, among other things, his dazzling cover of Radiohead’s “Exit Music (For a Film).” Giants still walk the earth. CHARLES MUDEDE

Childbirth, Fancy Lads, the Bad Machines, Acapulco Lips

(Sunset) After a heavy week of news, I suggest heading to a place where the sharply dressed Fancy Lads transport you back in time, to an era when the biggest parental worry was boys with guitars and swoopy haircuts causing teen hysteria. The Lads combine ageless hits from the likes of Chuck Berry and the Kinks with a sprinkling of originals and suspicious accents. (Though they claim to be from England, I feel like I’ve seen Fancy Lads around town, and they bear very strong resemblance to Seattle’s best Christmas-only band, Dancer and Prancer…) If you’d rather not dress up, a hospital gown would also be appropriate tonight, as supergroup Childbirth (featuring members from Pony Time, Chastity Belt, and Tacocat) will be delivering their second show ever. [Full disclosure: One of my bandmates is in this band.] EMILY NOKES

seven years? BRIAN COOK

CONGAS IN A JAZZ SEPTET

WED 4/24

LIVE BARBOZA Marnie Stern, Sisu, Heavy Petting, 8 pm, $12

BOAT STREET CAFE Jennifer Kienzle and Eric Verlinde, 6:30 pm

a CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Tamara Power-Drutis, Hannalee, Bucket of Honey, James Lanman, 7:30 pm, $8/$10

COMET Blyss, Secretary Old Glamour, guests, $6

COPPER GATE That Thing: Andy Roo Forest, 7:30 pm, $3

HATTIE’S HAT Jessica Lynne, free

HIGH DIVE Scott Pemberton, Jelly Bread, guests, 8 pm, $6

HIGHWAY 99 Little Ray & the Uppercuts

MERCURY Grave Babies, Dream Salon, Starskate, Bat, DJ Jermaine, $5

NECTAR B.A.R.S., Severed Triple, Hype Squad, Shine, DJ Kun Luv, guests, 8 pm, $10; Dubtonic Kru and Jah Sun, Kool Johnny Kool, Callisto, 8 pm, $10

a NEPTUNE THEATER

Purity Ring, 8 pm, $21.50

a NEUMOS YG, Jay Barz, Illfightyou, Royce the Choice, 8 pm, $18

NEW ORLEANS Legacy Band, Clarence Acox

RENDEZVOUS Kurly Something, the Resets Abductee, 10:30 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM Crossing Borders, 8 pm, $5-$15

SEAMONSTER The Unsinkable Heavies

SHIP CANAL GRILL Jay Thomas & the Canteloupes, 7:30 pm

SUNSET TAVERN Dead Sea Symphony, Radio Telescope, Goose Vargis , 8 pm, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Ben Ottewell, Buddy, $13/$15

TRIPLE DOOR Shuggie Otis, 7 pm, $35/$40

BALTIC ROOM Reverb: DJ Rome, Rozzville, Zooty B, Antartic

CAPITOL CLUB Island Style: DJ Bookem, Last 10 pm, free

CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Travis, DJ Alison

CHA CHA LOUNGE DJ Hank Rock, Cutz Like a Knife, free CONTOUR Rotation Tryouts

THE EAGLE VJDJ Andy J

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Passage: Jayms Nylon, Joey Webb, guests FOUNDATION Reid Speed, Dirt Monkey, Just One, Sir Kutz, MC Jamalski, Headie, $10 after 10:30 pm

HAVANA SoulShift: Peter Evans, Devlin Jenkins, Richard Everhard, $1 LAST SUPPER CLUB

Jame$Ervin, DT, Contagious

MOE BAR The Hump: DJ Darwin, DJ Swervewon, guests, 10:30 pm, free NEIGHBOURS Undergrad: Guest DJs, 18+, $5/$8

PONY Bloodlust: DJs Gin & Tonic

Q NIGHTCLUB DJ Cio

D’Or, $5/$10

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Fade: DJ Chinkyeye, DJ Christyle, 10 pm

THURS 4/25

LIVE

ARABICA LOUNGE OAG Thang a BENAROYA HALL Seattle Symphony: Hilary Hahn, 7:30 pm

BLUE MOON TAVERN

Austenitic, Moraine , Chung Antique

CAFE RACER Yojimbo, Brenda Xu, Johnny Belen

CAN CAN Vince Mira a CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Improvised Music Fest: Bill Frisell, Insistent Caterpillars, 7 pm, $5-$15

a CHOP SUEY

Kithkin, Constant Lovers, Pleasureboaters , Edie Sedgwick, 8 pm, $8

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Week of Wonders, Seacats, Detective Agency, 8 pm, $7/$8

COMET Prism Tats, Big Foot Wallace, guests, $7

CONOR BYRNE Rebecca Johnston

COPPER GATE Fu Kun Wu

Trio, 8 pm, free a CROCODILE Yours, 1-2-12 , Moose Portrait, 8 pm

DARRELL’S TAVERN The 350s, guests, free

DISTRICT LOUNGE Cassia

DeMayo Quintet, 8 pm, free

EGAN’S JAM HOUSE Deadwax Trio, 7 pm, $7; the

THIS PHOTO NEEDS A CAPTION!

This photo was submitted with just this wee bit of information: “Found on Airport Way South, near Georgetown Records.” So what happened here? There must be a story, and I’ll bet it’s a doozy. Write a caption at thestranger.com/drunkoftheweek. KELLY O M. NOE

Hayburners, Val D’Alessio, 9 pm a EL CORAZON Senses Fail, Such Gold, Real Friends, Major League, 8 pm, $15/$18

a GUAYMAS CANTINA

Oleaje Flamenco, 8 pm, free

a HENRY ART GALLERY

Abby Aresty, 7 pm, free

HIGH DIVE Mark Sexton, Shiftless Layabout , Tyler Bueneman, 8 pm, $6

HIGHLINE Absu, Cross, Bone Sickness, Old Skin

HIGHWAY 99 Monster Road

a HOLLOW EARTH RADIO Airport, Thunder:Grey:Pilgrim Folk Assembly, Pink Void, 8 pm

JAZZ ALLEY Bobby Caldwell, 9:30 pm, $28.50

THE KRAKEN Love Songs from the Hated, Cosgrove, guests, $5

LUCID The Hang: Caffeine, 9:30 pm, free

NECTAR Pac Dive, Johnny Polygon, Dyme Def, After the Smoke, 8 pm, $10

a NEPTUNE THEATER Rodriguez, guests, 8 pm, $25

a NEUMOS The Thermals, Wimps, La Luz, 8 pm, $15

OWL N’ THISTLE Danny Godinez

THE ROYAL ROOM Scott Law Trio, 8 pm, $5-$15

SCARLET TREE How Now Brown Cow , 9:30 pm, free

SHIP CANAL GRILL Bernie Jacobs Trio

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Radio Telescope, Manzanita Falls, Locomotives, 8 pm a SMOKIN’ PETE’S BBQ

Richard Kimball & the Fugitives, 6:30 pm, free

SNOQUALMIE CASINO

Kenny ‘Babyface’ Edmonds, 7 pm, $60-$100 a STUDIO SEVEN Pat Thompson and the Common Names, After Prater, guests, 7 pm, $8/$10

SUNSET TAVERN The Kelley

Foundation Music Benefit: Low Standard, Claude Balzac, 7 pm, $15

TRACTOR TAVERN Lindsay Fuller & Kaia Wilson, Gregory Paul, $10

THE WHITE RABBIT Marmalade, $6 DJ

BALLROOM DJ Rob, free

CAPITOL CLUB Citrus: DJ Skiddle

THE EAGLE Nasty: DJ King of Pants, Nark

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN

Relcad, Eric Moon, Joris Kamma

HAVANA Sophisticated

Mama: DJ Sad Bastard, DJ Nitty Gritty

LAST SUPPER CLUB Open House: Guests

LO-FI Sorted!, $3

MERCURY Isolation: DJ Coldheart, $3

MOE BAR Saucy: DJ Rad’em, DJ 100 Proof, free

NEIGHBOURS Jet Set Thursdays: Guest DJs

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND The Lowdown: DJ Lightray, $3

Q NIGHTCLUB Front Street: Karl Kamakahi, free

SEE SOUND LOUNGE

DAMN $ON: Tony Goods, Jameson Just

TRINITY Space Thursdays:

Rise Over Run, DJ Christyle, Johnny Fever, DJ Nicon, Sean Majors, B Geezy, guests, free FRI 4/26

LIVE

2 BIT SALOON On the Make, Muddy River Nightmare Band, Killer Dillers, Hook-Ups

BARBOZA Chad Valley, Ski Lodge, $10

a BENAROYA HALL

[untitled]: Seattle Symphony, 10 pm, $17

BLUE MOON TAVERN

Space Needles, Universe

People, the Gallow Swings

CAFE RACER Spy Device

the Dee Dees, Jaguar Paw

CENTRAL SALOON Toxic Zombie, Barb Wire Dolls, Dolly Shock, $5

a CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Improvised Music Fest: Eric Revis, Ted Poor, Cuong Vu, Sequoia, 7 pm, $5-$15

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER

Pretty Broken Things, the Comettes, Lonely Companion, $10/$12

COMET Hobosexual , Springboards, Spinning Whips, guests, $8

CONOR BYRNE Creeping

Time , Warren G. Hardings, $7

COPPER GATE Fleur Jack, Brad Yaeger, 8 pm, $5

a CROCODILE Sweet Water, To the Glorious Lonely, 8 pm

DARRELL’S TAVERN Cracker Factory , Blue Tracks, Mtns & Tunnels, $6

EGAN’S JAM HOUSE Cynthia Mullis, Maureen Girard, Kate Olson, 6:30 pm

a EL CORAZON Vendetta Red, Moneta , the Female Fiends, Curse of the North 8 pm, $10/$12

FOUNDATION Congorock, Sean Majors, Maluu, Bryan Furious

HARD ROCK CAFE The Piniellas , Loud Eyes, Acapulco Lips, Backstabbing Romeos, $7/$10

a HEARTLAND Darto, Thee Samedi, Dreamdecay, Mutant Video, 8 pm

HIGH DIVE Ayo Dot, Imaginary Friends, Boomzilla, 9:30 pm, $8

HIGHLINE Mechanismus: Unter Null, the Break Up, Smp , $7

HIGHWAY 99 Left Hand Smoke

JAZZ ALLEY Bobby Caldwell, 9:30 pm, $28.50

THE KRAKEN Arctic Flowers, Countdown to Armageddon , Ratbite, Key Of Solomon , Crazy Eyes, 8 pm, $5

THE MIX Beth Whitney, Screen Door Porch, Benyaro

NECTAR Yogoman Burning Band , Heels to the Hardwood, the Big Medicine, 8 pm, $7

a NEPTUNE THEATER Local Natives, Superhumanoids, $20.50/$23.50

NEUMOS Flosstradamus, Lil’ Texas, 8 pm, $18

RENDEZVOUS Chastity Belt, Messenger, the Memories, Street Gnar, 10:30 pm a THE ROYAL ROOM Piano Royale, 5:30 pm; Pearl Django, Douce Ambiance, 8:30 pm, $5-$15

SEAMONSTER Funky 2 Death, 10 pm, free a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Dr. Dog, Dawes a SILVER PLATTERS (QUEEN ANNE) Jenny O, 6 pm, free

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

A Breakthrough in Field Studies, A Leaf, the World Radiant, 8 pm, $5

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Pop Defect, Girl Trouble , the Tom Price Desert Classic a STUDIO SEVEN YUCA, Invertical, 25 Cent Ride, Jason Kertson and the Immortals, Atomic Ballroom, Shallow Waters, 7:30 pm, $8/$10

SUNSET TAVERN The 7th Annual TrackSuit Invitation: Iron Mic, Feverton, guests, 8:30 pm, $10 a TOWN HALL Lake Union Civic Orchestra, 7:30 pm, $13-$18

TRACTOR TAVERN Country Lips, Ole Tinder, the Sumner Brothers, 8:30 pm, $10

THE WHITE RABBIT Casey Ruff and the Mayors of Ballard, the Stevedore, Randy Hicks Band

95 SLIDE DJ Fever One

BALLROOM DJ Tamm of KISS fm

BALMAR DJ Ben Meadow

BALTIC ROOM Bump Fridays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Just Got Paid: 100proof, $5 after 11:30 pm a CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Cebrina

CHOP SUEY Tuck: Adé, Aleksa Manila, Jackie Hell, Mama Tits, Robbie Turner, $8/$10

CONTOUR Afterhours, 2 am

FRIDAY 4/26

SOON TO BE LATE: THE BUS STOP

Some questions will never be answered. Examples: What the hell IS that strange dent in that one Capitol Hill drag queen’s head? (Unfortunate hammer accident? Attack of the size 19 wedgie?) Why does Michelle Obama feel the compelling need to high-ﬁve people all the damn time? (And all those push-ups! Unseemly.) Why does that one hot gay-bar door dude love me when I come into the bar like a long-left-alone puppy with low selfesteem that’s had to pee all day, when he, like, TOTALLY ignores me on light rail all the time? (I’d do him. Whatever.) Mysteries, each and all. And equally mysterious shall remain the real-life reason that our dear and beloved Bus Stop is about to go tits up (the fat lady did done sung

CUFF TGIF: Guest DJs, 11 pm, $5

FUEL DJ Headache, guests

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LAST SUPPER CLUB

Madness: Guests

NEIGHBOURS DJ Richard Dalton, DJ Skiddle

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Caliente

Celebra: DJ Polo, Efren

Q NIGHTCLUB Flash: DVS1, Recess, $7

RE-BAR TRIBAL!: Rob Noble, Michael Manahan, Guest DJs, 10 pm, $10

SCARLET TREE Deejay Tone, DJ Buttnaked, guests

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Crush: Guest DJs, free

TRINITY Tyler, DJ Phase, DJ Nug, guests, $10

THE WOODS Deep/Funky/

Disco/House: Guest DJs

SAT 4/27

LIVE 2 BIT SALOON Black Nite Crash Jupe Jupe

Operadisiac, guests

BARBOZA Palma Violets, 7 pm, $12

a BENAROYA HALL Seattle

Symphony: Hilary Hahn, 8 pm a BLACK LODGE LB.!, Walking Corpse Syndrome, Guns of Barisal , Bloodhunger

BLUE MOON TAVERN Mugatu, Puget Power, Bob & the Dangerous Brothers

CAFE RACER The Flying Tortugas, the Slags a CAIRO Beach Fossils, Naomi Punk, FF, 8 pm, 8 pm

CENTRAL SALOON Charlie Drown , SANCTION VIII , Invertical, $5

a CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE King Tears Bat Trip, Japanese Guy, How Glass Is Made, 7 pm, $5-$15

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Impossible Bird, Nathaniel Talbot Trio, Dearborn, $10/$12

COMET Fly Moon Royalty, Le Vice, the Bad Tenants, $10

CONOR BYRNE 6th

Annual Willie Nelson Tribute Night: Guests

COPPER GATE Jennifer Kienzle, Martine, 8 pm, $5

a CROCODILE Nomeansno, Ford Pier, Trash Fire, 8 pm

DARRELL’S TAVERN The Annie Ford Band, Los Caba Los Loco, Andrea Peterman Band, $6

EGAN’S JAM HOUSE Nancy Nolan, Clave Gringa, Sumi Tanooka, 7 pm

a EL CORAZON For All I Am, I the Mighty, Stories Away, A Taste of Daylight, guests, 7 pm, $10/$12; the Maension, guests, 8 pm, $10/$12

a EMPTY SEA STUDIOS

The Blackberry Bushes Stringband, 8 pm, $12/$15

HARD ROCK CAFE One Gun Shy, Kiss the Gunner’s Daughter, Stonebender , $10/$13

HEARTLAND CAFE &

BENBOW ROOM Jason Sees Band, free

HIGH DIVE The West ,

Ever So Android , Post Adolescence , $8

HIGHLINE Wild Hunt, Eye of Nix, Blood of Kings, Golgothan Sunrise

HIGHWAY 99 Hot Wired

Rhythm Band

JAZZ ALLEY Bobby Caldwell, 9:30 pm, $28.50

a JOSEPHINE Alone

Together: The Earwigs, Temptshun Milt, Overdose

The Katatonic , Widswept Planes, guests, 8:30 pm

THE MIX Edge of Paradise, guests

MOON TEMPLE

RESTAURANT Lou-Lou Hernandez, the Midget , Noel Brass Jr., Syrinx Effect

NECTAR Prezident Brown, the Reggae Angels, Crucialites, The , ZJ Redman, 8 pm, $15

a NEPTUNE THEATER

Cowboy Junkies, 8 pm, $35

a NEUMOS Darth & Vader, Aaron Simpson & Sir Kutz, 8 pm, $20

QUEEN CITY GRILL Faith Beattie, Bayly, Totusek, Guity, free

RENDEZVOUS French Letters , On the Make, Sad Face , 10 pm

a THE ROYAL ROOM

The Moonspinners , the Pynnacles, the Suicide Notes, the Tripwires, 9 pm, $5-$15

SERAFINA Tim Kennedy Trio

her li’l heart out, stick a forked butt plug in this party, it’s DONE). Co-owner Rodney says, “After eight amazing years, Gary and I have made the difﬁcult decision that it’s time to move on. Being part of your lives and this neighborhood has been one of the best experiences of my life. You are my friends and my family. OK. Enough with the Oprah shit. We have until the end of the month to make this the awesomest party ever.” You better get in there to give the old girl a kiss good-bye, because this weekend is IT, baby. Bus Stop, 7 pm, free, 21+.

SATURDAY 4/27

TO THE MOON, ROYALLY Sass, class, and a great big bucket of even more sass and class—that’s what the one, the only Adra Boo is. She rocks my stupid gay little sockxxx off. What a voice! What a presence! She is the allll-woman half of Fly Moon Royalty, the other half being Action Jackson, who is obviously a totally straight dude since he never returns my nekkid sexts (gol), and tonight the pair of them are going to rock all of our stupid gay little sockxxx off because THAT’S WHAT THEY DO. We don’t get a ton of chances to see the glory that is FMR live these days for some reason, so miss this show with deep regret. With Le VICE from San Francisco and the Bad Tenants from here. Well, Bellingham. Same diff. The Glamorous Comet Tavern, 9 pm, $10, 21+.

Kurly Somthing Tour Kick Off! with The Resets and Abductee 10:30pm THU 4/25

Spotlight Comedy Show 8PM THE GROTTO: NO DIGGITY 8PM

MONDAY 4/29 CHAPPO

THE TORN ACL’S 9PM $6

TUESDAY 4/30 FANCY LADS

CHILD BIRTH ACAPULCO LIPS THE BAD MACHINES 8:30PM $6

BY ADRIAN RYAN

HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COAST SWING, BACHATA, WALTZ, TAP, LINDY HOP, HIP HOP, SALSA, TANGO, WEST COAST SWING, EAST COASTSWINGBACHATAWALTZTAPLINDYHOP

a SHOWBOX AT THE

MARKET Ghost B.C., Ides of Gemini, 8 pm, $20/$23

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE The

DTs, Acid Angels, the Thing

Changers

STUDIO SEVEN Klover

Jane, Windowpane, Black Diamond, the Mothership, Step Daddy, 7 pm, $10/$14

SUNSET TAVERN Sailor

Mouth, Trip Like Animals, Ticktockman, $8

TIM’S TAVERN Loves It, Medicine Creek, $5

TRACTOR TAVERN The Big Wheel Stunt Show, Mystery Ship, Endino’s Earthworm, the Magic Mirrors, $8

a VERA PROJECT Transit, Seahaven, Young Statues, 7 pm, $11/$12

VICTORY LOUNGE

Smokejumper, City Mouse, Kids on Fire, $5

THE WHITE RABBIT Black Tommy, Fox Hunt, Jim Castandeda

BALLROOM DJ Warren

BALTIC ROOM Good

Saturdays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Inferno: Guests, 10:30 pm, free before 11:30 pm/$5 after

CAPITOL CLUB Get Physical: DJ Edis, DJ Paycheck, 10 pm, free

CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Mark

CHOP SUEY Talcum: Gene Balk, Mike “Teal Pants” Nipper, Marc Muller, Mike Chrietzberg, Last 9 pm, $5

CONTOUR Europa Night: Misha Grin, Gil CUFF Bliss: DJ Harmonix

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN

Shameless

FOUNDATION Norin & Rad, Darrius, Marq, Gravity Lift

HAVANA Rotating DJs:

DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LO-FI DJ Swamp, Vox Mod, Lisa Dank, WD4D , Aarta, Derrick Deepvibez, $10

MERCURY HEX: DJ Hana Solo, $5

MOE BAR Panther Down: DJ N8, Anthony Diamond, free

NEIGHBOURS Powermix: DJ

Randy Schlager

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND DJ Chance, DJ Eternal Darkness

PONY Stiffed: DJ Pavone

Q NIGHTCLUB John LePage, Almond Brown, $10

RE-BAR Cherry: Amateur Youth , Mathematix, 10 pm, $5/$7 after 11 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Switch: Guest DJs

TRINITY Guy, VSOP, Jason Lemaitre, guests, $15/free before 10 pm

THE WOODS Hiphop/R&B/ Funk/Soul/Disco: Guest DJs

SUN 4/28

LIVE

BARBOZA Shyan Selah & the Republic of Sound, the Busted Down, Kaffeine, 8 pm, $10

a BENAROYA HALL 70th Anniversary Gala Concert: Seattle Youth Symphony Orchestra, 3 pm, $20-$50

a BLACK LODGE Mercy Ties, Lord Snow, La Luna, Body Betrayal

CAFE RACER The Racer

Sessions

CAN CAN The Nathaniel Johnston Band, Temptest, Oliver Franklin

CHA CHA LOUNGE: Crypts, Eternal Bad, Into Violence

CROCODILE Horace Pickett, 8 pm, $5

HIGH DIVE Naomi Psalm, Dirty Deals, Service Animal

8 pm, $6

JAI THAI BROADWAY Rock Bottom Soundsystem, free

JAZZ ALLEY Bobby Caldwell, 7:30 pm, $28.50

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

NECTAR The Horticulture Club, Lexilingo, Jumpmanewz, Jasper T, John Crown & the Homies, Mega Evers, 8 pm, $5

a NEUMOS Aesop Rock, Rob Sonic, DJ Big Wiz, Busdriver, Grayskul, 8 pm

a PHINNEY

NEIGHBORHOOD

ASSOCIATION Claudia Schmidt, 7 pm, $16

PIES & PINTS Sunday Night Folk Review: Guests, free THE ROYAL ROOM The Rochelle House Ensemble, Whitman Middle School Jazz Band, 6:30 pm, $5-$15

SERAFINA Danny Ward, 11 am; Jerry Frank, 6:30 pm

SHIP CANAL GRILL Clegg and Foster, 11 am

a SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB Holly Figueroa, 8 pm, free

a ST. MARK’S CATHEDRAL Orcas Choral Society, 2:30 pm

a STUDIO SEVEN The Spiral Brainiacs, the Abandoned Project, Brandon Welch, Quin, City Reek, Big John Kristi, guests, 7 pm, $7/$10

SULLY’S LOUNGE Christian Smith Quartet, 7 pm, free SUNSET TAVERN Golden Gardens, Snowdrift, Nostalgist , the Echo Echo Echoes , 8 pm, $6

TIM’S TAVERN Jonathan Meyer, 8 pm, free

TRIPLE DOOR Sarah Elizabeth Charles and the Seattle Women’s Jazz Orchestra, $20/$25

BY DAVE SEGAL

WEDNESDAY 4/24

CIO D’OR: MINIMAL TECHNO’S GOLDEN GIRL

Elsewhere in this week’s paper, I tout Cody Morrison as one of Seattle’s top promoters, including his Shelter weeklies at Q, which this blurb is hyping right now (synergy!). And this week’s headliner, Köln-based DJ/producer Cio D’or, adds yet anther jewel to Shelter’s crown as king of Wednesdays—one of the most cursed nights of the week. As a producer, Cio creates some of the most chill and beautiful minimal dubby techno happening now; bonus points for collaborating with Italian techno deity Donato Dozzy. It’s downright therapeutic. As a DJ, she’s been known to generously pump up the adrenaline factor and get more maximal with tracks by techno illuminati while keeping things strictly unconventional. Cio D’or used to play congas in a jazz septet, so she knows more about rhythm than your typical techno jockeyer of discs. With Rubidium and Eddie Lee Q Nightclub, 9 pm, $5 adv/$10 DOS, 21+.

THURSDAY 4/25

TECHNO STAR WARS WITH PELOTON AND PLEASURE BOAT

Tonight, Peloton and Pleasure Boat two of Seattle’s most adventurous electronic-music labels—join forces for a loaded bill of forward-slinking techno. Phaedrus (aka Joris Kamma) produces that thrusting, head-wrecking techno that sounds like a futuristic interstellar battle in which everyone wins. Eric Moon (aka one half of Crown Hill Repeater) is a super-smart tech-industry guy—I believe he invented Gmail, but don’t hold me to it—who also makes and spins some of the

DJ BALTIC ROOM Mass: Guest DJs

CAPITOL CLUB Island Style:

DJ Bookem, DJ Fentar

a CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Nosey Joe

CONTOUR Broken Grooves:

DJ Venus, Rob Cravens, guests, free

THE EAGLE T-Bar/T-Dance:

Up Above, Fistfight, free

MERCURY DJ Trent Von, $5

MOE BAR Chocolate

Sundays: Sosa, MarsONE, Phosho, free

NEIGHBOURS Noche Latina: Guest DJs

PONY TeaDance: DJ El Toro, Freddy King of Pants, 4 pm

Q NIGHTCLUB Revival:

Riz Rollins, Chris Tower, 3 pm, free

RE-BAR Flammable: DJ

Wesley Holmes, 9 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Salsa: DJ Nick

MON 4/29

LIVE

BIT SALOON Metal

Monday: Terminate, Primordial Conviction, Abode For the Dead, $7

BLUE MOON TAVERN Andy Coe Band, free a CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Stephen Drury

COMET Pal Philips, Underwater Tiger, If Bears Were Bees, $5

CROCODILE Hurry Up and Die, Scream Queen, Phantom Tank, the Crap, 8 pm, $5 a EL CORAZON As Death Comes Calling, Aenimus, Blood and Thunder, Onset the Shores, Among the Mayans, 7:30 pm, $8/$10

JAZZ ALLEY Bobby Caldwell, 7:30 pm, $28.50

weirdest techno and abstract electronic music within the 206 area code. Relcad (the ultra-low-key Alex Duff), as a certain Stranger writer keeps telling you, is probably the region’s most slept-on techno luminary. His work’s at least as engrossing as that by Seattle artists on big indie labels. Relcad issued his third fantastic full-length in December, Anonymous City, and you can hear it for free at pleasureboatrecords. bandcamp.com/album/anonymous-city. Electric Tea Garden, 10 pm–3 am, free, 21+.

FRIDAY 4/26

NO-BS TECHNO DJ DVS1 HEADS MOVEMENT PRE-PARTY

This is the ofﬁcial Seattle pre-party for 2013’s Movement Festival in Detroit, which ranks with Decibel as one of America’s most interesting electronicmusic events. Headlining the festivities is DVS1, a Minneapolis DJ with about 20 years of party-rocking under his belt-drive turntable. Like a lot of Midwestern jocks, DVS1 plies a brand of no-bullshit, hard, and exploratory techno and house that keeps you warm during those frigid winter nights. With Recess Q Nightclub, 9 pm, $7 adv, 21+.

HIGH DIVE PRESENTS: ROOTS/SOUL/FUNK MARK SEXTON (EP RELEASE) SHIFTLESS LAYABOUT, TYLER BUENEMAN

$6/8PM

4/27

DIVE PRESENTS: ROCK/INDIE THE WEST EVER SO ANDRIOD (CD RELEASE) POST ADOLESCENCE

$8/9:30PM

$6/8PM

5/1 SKINNY DIP PRESENTS: A VARIETY SHOW OF BELLY DANCE AND BURLESQUE

$8/8PM

THURSDAY APRIL 25TH | 7:30PM

RENNY WILSON THE BLIND PHOTOGRAPHERS BATTLE GROUND GRAMMAR $8

SATURDAY APRIL 27 | 7:00

TAKE WARNING PRESENTS: TRANSIT, SEAHAVEN YOUNG STATUES

$12 ($11 W/ CLUB CARD) ADV.

SATURDAY MAY 4 | 7:30 PM

LAND OF PINES ALBUM RELEASE, SPECIAL EXPLOSION, IJI PEEPING TOMBOYS

$9 ($8 W. CLUB CARD) THURSDAY MAY 9TH | EARLY & LATE SHOW THE MUSIC TAPES PRESENT: THE TRAVELING IMAGINARY $12.50 ADV $14 DOORS

SUNDAY MAY 12 | 7:30 PM

WAKE UP & THE VERA PROJECT PRESENT OF MONTREAL, WILD MOCCASINS

$18 ADVANCE

WEDNESDAY MAY 15 | 7:30 PM

PROFESSOR BLASTOFF LIVE WITH HOSTS TIG NOTARO,KYLE DUNNIGAN AND DAVID HUNTSBERGER

SEATED SHOW, LIMITED CAPACITY

$19 ($18 W. CLUB CARD)

ALWAYS ALL AGES

Cio D’or

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

THE KRAKEN Shakin’ Michael J, Vampirates, Burn Burn Burn, $5

a NEPTUNE THEATER Local Natives, Superhumanoids, $20.50/$23.50

NEW ORLEANS The New Orleans Quintet, 6:30 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM Frankly Mondays, 8 pm, $5-$15

a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Alex Clare, the Knocks, 7 pm, $18.50/$20

a STUDIO SEVEN Lich King, Skelator, Phalgeron, Toxic Rain, guests, 7 pm, $8/$10 SUNSET TAVERN Chappo, the Torn ACLs , guests, 8 pm, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Allen Stone, John Roderick, Meagan Grandall, Shelby Earl, Wayfarer, Mike & Matt Gervais, Jacob James, Daniel Blue, guests, 8 pm, $10

TRIPLE DOOR Bob Schneider, Maz Gomez, 7:30 pm, $22/$25

THE WHITE RABBIT Michael Shrieve’s Spellbinder, $6

BALTIC ROOM Jam Jam:

Zion’s Gate Sound, $5

BARBOZA Minted: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free

CAPITOL CLUB The Jet Set: DJ Swervewon, 100 Proof

CHOP SUEY Tigerbeat, 10 pm, free

COMPANY BAR DJ Plantkiller, 8 pm, free

CONOR BYRNE Get the Spins: Guest DJs, free HAVANA DJ Jay Battle, free THE HIDEOUT Introcut, guests, free

Young Composers Workshop Participants, 7:30 pm, free

CAFE RACER Jacobs Posse

CAN CAN The Faradays

COMET PukeSnake, Bugs, guests, 8 pm, $5

CONOR BYRNE Ol’ Time Social: The Tallboys , 9 pm

COPPER GATE The Suffering Fuckheads , 8 pm, free

CROCODILE Yogoman Burning Band , 7 pm, $25

EGAN’S JAM HOUSE Joanne Rand, Reggie Garrett and the Snake Oil Peddlers, 7 pm a EL CORAZON He Is We, Dylan Jakobsen, 7 pm, $12/$15

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Monktail Creative Music Concern, DJ Shonuph, free HIGH DIVE Your City Sleeps, Scandals, Qeluga, 8 pm, $6 JAZZ ALLEY Brad Mehldau Trio, 7:30 pm, $30.50

KELL’S Liam Gallagher THE MIX Jazz Night: Don Mock, Steve Kim, Jacques Willis, 8 pm a MOORE THEATER Crystal Castles, 7:30 pm, $32.50

NECTAR B.U.D., Cash Gordon, Aquino, K-Truth, Brandon Berry, Balanse, guests, 8 pm, $5

NEUMOS Killing Joke, Czar, 8 pm, $25

NEW ORLEANS Holotradband, 7 pm THE ROYAL ROOM Willie Nelson Birthday Celebration: Michael Stegner, Jeff Fielder, Robin Holcomb, Cuong Vu, Jeremy Manley, 8 pm, $5-$15

SEAMONSTER McTuff Trio, 10 pm, free

BY JACKSON HATHORN

WEDNESDAY 4/24

PURITY RING, BLUE HAWAII

THE MIX Bring Your Own

Vinyl Night: Guests, 6 pm

MOE BAR Minted Mondays: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND SIN: DJ Keanu, 18+, free PONY Fruit: DJ Toast, DJ Logic Vortex

Q NIGHTCLUB Reflect, 8 pm, free

TUE 4/30

LIVE

BARBOZA NastyNasty, PressHa, Penny Wide Pupils, Physix, 8 pm, $10 a BENAROYA HALL Samuel Jones, Merriman Family

SERAFINA Jerry Frank, 6 pm a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Mindless Self Indulgence, 7 pm, $22.50/$25 a SHOWBOX SODO Soja, Rootz Underground, Los Rakas, 8:30 pm, $20/$25

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Junkyard Amy Lee, 7 pm a STUDIO SEVEN Murder Death Kill, Antagonist AD, Level 4, Navigator, Crooks To Kings, Believer, the Further, 6:30 pm, $10/$12 SUNSET TAVERN Child Birth, Fancy Lads, the Bad Machines, Acapulco Lips, 8 pm, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Nataly Dawn, Ryan Lerman, 8 pm, $10/$12

TRIPLE DOOR K’s Choice, 7:30 pm, $20 THE WHITE RABBIT Champagne Sunday the

There are two posters for this show on the streets this week, both of which feature some pretty cool I-scribbledthis-in-my-notebook-while-sitting-athome-listening-to-music-you-probablywouldn’t-like-so-leave-me-alone lettering. Look up the show on Facebook to ﬁnd out more. AARON HUFFMAN Darto w/Dreamdecay, Mutant Video, Thee Samedi Fri April 26, Heartland

When you listen to Blue Hawaii, try to imagine all the forlorn and pixelated Skype conversations that take place between distant boyfriends and girlfriends every day. Their latest album, Untogether, lyrically describes a relationship in repose, while musically conjuring shitty internet connections and vexing moments of reticence. Raphaelle Standell-Preston sings candidly, reﬂectively, and somewhat dispassionately, but occasionally her voice is modulated and pulled apart into tiny unrecognizable shards. Meanwhile, collaborator Alexander Cowan sets down cavernous and alluring guitar grooves that can leave you in a doleful and techno-addled stupor.

Headlining tonight are the comparatively punchier Purity Ring. From the name alone you can tell the duo sings holy praises of the human body, and their Shrines album often depicts lush scenes of ﬂeshly movement. Reimagining the dance club as a far-off mausoleum, each Purity Ring song is like an elaborate crypt springing to life: There are lots of moving parts operating in a unique musical cuneiform, and when you spend too much time deciphering it all, you lose the whole experience. Neptune, 8 pm, $21.50.

THURSDAY 4/25

THE THERMALS, WIMPS, LA LUZ

One of my principal musical fears lately has been that the Thermals are now known as “lifers.” In their 10th year of existence, it means that they have ostensibly grown up and started making more adult-sounding records. But while the Thermals might have dialed back their bratty nature and lo-ﬁ production values in recent years, Hutch Harris and company still make post-pop-punk music designed to connect your anger to your brain Maybe the macabre Now We Can See or the relationship woeful Personal Life don’t hit quite as hard, but The Body, the Blood, the Machine’s youthful celebration of love, rebellion, and salvation has got to be in every angry/angsty kid’s desertisland-discs collection. All previews of their upcoming album, Desperate Ground, indicate that it’s poised to be a giddy return to the band’s dizzying heights. Two of Seattle’s ﬁnest new bands open, the snotnosed, thumping Wimps and celestial, surf-rocking

Introcut, Suttikeeree, WD4D , SeanCee, Absolute Madman MERCURY Die: Black Maru, Major Tom, $5 MOE BAR Cool.: DJ Cory Alfano, DJ Cody Votolato, free

DJ Element, Chukki,

Purity Ring

FILM

Film Review Revue

A Dickensian Riff, Criminal Bodybuilders, and Natural Born Dullards

Mud dir. Jeff Nichols

Ellis and Neckbone are two Arkansas 14-year-olds living up a tributary of the Mississippi. Early one morning, they pilot their little motorboat to an empty island out on the big river, where they find a bigger, better motorboat stranded in a tree, washed up there by floods. But as soon as they decide they’re going to fix it up and get it back on the water, a mysterious stranger appears. Mud (Matthew McConaughey) makes a deal with them—if they bring him some food, they can have the boat.

Of course, Mud’s hiding out from the law, and while the echoes of Great Expectations are undeniable, writer/director Jeff Nichols (Take Shelter) ﬁnds a beautiful coming-of-age story in this Dickensian riff. What Nichols absolutely nails is that sense of boyhood receding into maturity, of Ellis and Neckbone’s make-believe adventures suddenly turning

into a very real one. Tye Sheridan and Jacob Loﬂand are both outstanding as Ellis and Neckbone, respectively—and McConaughey is generally okay, too, except for the one scene where he has to howl in emotional pain and literally pound sand.

The best parts of Mud all involve the two kids, but there are some terriﬁc supporting performances, too: a steely Sam Shepard as the creepy old man who lives across the river and a hilarious Michael Shannon as Neckbone’s philandering uncle.

(There’s also Reese Witherspoon as Mud’s estranged girlfriend, but let’s move on. She isn’t awful, I guess.) Toward the end, Nichols allows his plot to run amok—there’s a ridiculous shootout and an encounter with a pit of poisonous cottonmouths that seem particularly contrived—but these false notes pale

in comparison to what Mud gets right. At its heart, it’s a sad, sweet story about growing up and discovering that adults don’t hold all the answers. If that sounds like a cliché, Mud offers a worthwhile variation that contains real feeling. NED LANNAMANN

Pain & Gain

dir. Michael Bay

Somewhere out there in an alternate universe, I’d like to think that Pain & Gain was directed by the Coen brothers. It’s a premise that seems ideal for them: the true story of a team of lunkheaded Florida bodybuilders who decide to kidnap a wealthy deli owner and hold him hostage until he agrees to sign over his fortune. The story gets weirder, ultimately involving a porn magnate, a retired private detective, several bushelsful of severed body parts, and a whole lot of stupid choices.

But for whatever reason—karmic punishment?—we live in a universe where Michael Bay directed Pain & Gain. This is not entirely a bad thing: Bay’s coked-up camerawork and obscene overuse of ﬁlters, slow motion, and other directorial trickery work pretty well with the idiocy on display in the story. The problem comes, as it usually does, with Bay’s sense of humor. In Bay’s world, no punch line is funnier than laughing at a fat woman because she’s fat, and no subtle joke goes unbludgeoned. He’s overwhelmed by the tone changes that the script requires, so the third act’s hideously gory twists land awkwardly after the ﬁrst hour’s (mostly) harmless shenanigans.

Thankfully, at least Pain & Gain was made with the perfect cast: Mark Wahlberg brings his not-quite-self-aware slowness to the American-dream-believing “mastermind”

of the plot, Daniel Lugo, and he’s as compelling as you’ve seen him in a while. Likewise, The Rock is better as a cokehead born-again Christian than he’s been in years. Everyone else in the cast—Rob Corddry, Ken Jeong, Ed Harris, Rebel Wilson, Coen regular Tony Shalhoub—acquit themselves admirably, too. I’d like to think that, in the alternate universe I mentioned before, the Coen brothers gathered the same cast to make Pain & Gain, and some of these people won Oscars for it. As it is, in this universe, we’re left holding a greasy mixed bag. PAUL CONSTANT

Newman dir. Dante Ariola

Arthur Newman is one of those films that leave the audience with more questions than answers. Questions like: Where’d that bag of cash come from? Can you really drive all the way from Florida to Indiana entirely on side streets? And did Emily Blunt and Colin Firth actually bother to read the script before signing on to do this incredibly dull, pointless, and contrived film? Wallace Avery (Firth), a bored and boring middle manager, decides to escape his disappointing life by faking his own death and assuming the identity of Arthur Newman (get it?), a bored and boring golf pro. But on the way to a new life at a small golf course in Terre Haute, Indiana, fate throws him together with the beautiful but troubled Charlotte (Blunt), also living under an assumed identity. The result is a meandering road movie in which these two thinly drawn characters act sullen between breaking into strangers’ houses to have sex. Everything about their adventure is predictable, except for the parts that inexplicably are not. Arthur Newman has the look and feel of a thoughtful, quirky indie film that keeps you waiting for the epiphanous twist that’ll make the director (Dante Ariola) look like a genius. It never comes. GOLDY

Arthur

MUD Matthew McConaughey teaches the ﬁner points of hanging oneself.

FILM SHORTS

More reviews and movie times: thestranger.com/ﬁlm

LIMITED RUN

BERT STERN: ORIGINAL MAD MAN

This is a documentary about the ego, the art, and the appetites of photographer Bert Stern. It’s a portrait of a man allowed to indulge his obsessions. If you don’t know him by name, Bert is most famous for his iconic “Last Sitting” photo shoot with Marilyn Monroe (and somewhat less so for quoting it with Lindsay Lohan a few years ago). When Monroe got the film from the original shoot, she marked over shots she didn’t like, an orange “X” across the frame. Of course, they were printed anyway, with the colorful accents “like a dessert—don’t you just want to eat them?” asks Bert. Bert never slept with Marilyn, but he slept with a boatload of other women he shot. Women are his favorite thing, and women being Bert’s favorite thing is this documentary’s favorite thing about Bert, so much of it is about the women in Bert’s life. In fact, the director is Bert’s girlfriend, Shannah Laumeister (they first met when he shot her at age 13; he was 40 at the time). Bert claims camera shyness, but more evident is his desire to charm the audience−he’s an engaging subject and a lively reminder of the ethos of a bygone era. (KRISHANU RAY) Varsity, Fri-Sun 1:3 0, 4:30, 7:25 pm, Mon-Tues 4:30, 7:25 pm.

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

A wonderfully trashy beauty pageant mockumentary that’s littered with brilliant performances from Allison Janney, Ellen Barkin, Amy Adams, Kirsten Dunst, Kirstie Alley, and Brittany Murphy (RIP). King’s Hardware, Mon April 29 at dusk.

LABYRINTH

The film that introduced the public to the yet-to-be-fullydismissed theory that David Bowie is, in fact, a Jim Henson creation. Central Cinema, Fri-Tues 7 pm.

LEVIATHAN

This documentary, produced by two members of Harvard’s innovative Sensory Ethnography Lab, relies primarily on images and sounds, rather than words. No voice-over tells you where you are, what people are doing, how it was filmed. The purpose is to make you feel, in your stomach, what it is to exist at the intersection of things like “the commercial fishing industry” and “global capitalism.” And feel it you do. (JEN KAGAN) Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Tues 7:15, 9:15 pm.

MISSISSIPPI MERMAID

A decidedly non-mermaid woman (Catherine Deneuve) swindles a tobacco mogul (Jean-Paul Belmondo) out of his money by tricking him into marrying her. Seattle Art Museum, Thurs April 25 at 7:30 pm.

NFFTY 2013

See Festive, this page. The National Film Festival for Talented Youth—the largest youth film festival in the world— returns with its 2013 showcase. Cinerama on Thurs, SIFF Cinema Uptown on Fri-Sun. For complete schedule and showtimes, see nffty.org.

NIGHT ACROSS THE STREET

The final film completed by the great Raul Ruiz, concerning an elderly man who’s mysteriously reliving his life’s memories as he approaches retirement. Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Tues 7, 9:15 pm.

PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE

So many ’80s movies don’t hold up on further investigation, but Pee-wee’s Big Adventure improves with each passing year. Somehow, Paul Reubens made a perfect road movie composed entirely of quotable, memorable moments. You can study this movie, monklike, for decades and find new moments of sublime beauty every time; I defy you not to laugh when Pee-wee makes his ride off into the sunset after performing his “Tequila” dance. That shit gets me every time. (PAUL CONSTANT) Egyptian, Fri-Sat midnight.

SUN DON’T SHINE

See Stranger Suggests, page 19. Grand Illusion, Fri 7, 9 pm, Sat-Sun 5, 7, 9 pm, Mon-Tues 7, 9 pm.

UPSTREAM COLOR

Almost 10 years after directing Primer, probably the most intelligent or even realistic film about time travel, Shane Carruth directed Upstream Color, a science fiction film that’s about the human body’s deep connections with other life-forms. The film is gorgeous and melancholy, but runs into several plot problems in the final act. Indeed, the ridiculous ending almost kills the whole film. The fact is, Upstream Color does not need a resolution. All it had to do was drift aimlessly from one gorgeous scene to another, like a massive country of a cloud with a sun setting behind it. (CHARLES MUDEDE) SIFF Cinema Uptown, Fri 3 pm, Sat 9:15 pm, Sun-Mon 7, 9:15 pm, Tues 9:15 pm.

FESTIVE

NFFTY 2013

For those who don’t know, NFFTY (pronounced “nifty”) is the National Film Festival for Talented Youth, which has grown into the largest youth film festival in the world over the past seven years. Even better, NFFTY routinely features terrific films that induce viewers to forget the makers’ ages and get lost in beautiful work. Among the offerings in NFFTY 2013:

Finding Franklin

Directed by 22-year-old Alex Bohs of Illinois, this moody 14-minute drama follows a young woman called home for her grandfather’s funeral who stumbles upon a mysterious link to her grandfather’s past. It’s all gorgeously shot and tastefully spare, with significant stretches passing wordlessly before closing with a revelatory (and still spare) conversation. (Spoiler alert: LGBT themes.)

Lost and Found

Coming on like a King County CSI, this locally made short jumps between a mystery in a medical examiner’s office and flashbacks on how this mystery came to be. Along the way, it paints an elliptical portrait of a father and daughter’s troubled relationship, and if you’re tempted to note the occasionally clunky exposition, allow me to point out that the film was made by two 16-year-olds (Chase Crittenden and Kayla Loy) and a 12-yearold (Asher Handaly).

Strawberry Blonde

This impressionistic short, from Denmark’s Andrea Sand Gustavson and Anna Malmkjaer Willumsen, follows a pubescent girl as she babysits her little sister at a family party, where both girls stumble into some forbidden knowledge. It’s a lovely portrait of barely budding sexuality and sisterly connection.

NFFTY 2013 runs April 25–28 at the Cinerama and SIFF Uptown. Full info at nffty.org. (DAVID SCHMADER)

Got a film festival you want us to write about? E-mail festive@thestranger.com.

NOW PLAYING

THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

Robert Redford stars as a former member of the Weather Underground and wanted fugitive who’s living a comfortable life under an alias. When the FBI starts arresting other members of his cell—and when a nosy young reporter (Shia LaBeouf, unfortunately) starts poking around his past—Sloan goes on the lam. This is the kind of serious, by-the-book political drama that gets over-praised these days simply because it doesn’t over-insult the intelligence of its audience. But that’s not the movie’s fault: Director/ star Redford is just telling a story here, and he doesn’t care about being ostentatious, just letting the plot unspool itself the way it wants. Mostly, he succeeds. (PAUL CONSTANT)

TO THE WONDER

Terrence Malick’s latest seemed like trouble from the beginning. Even the title evokes memories of the vague, overbearing spirituality that has weighed down his films in the past. Since Malick wrote virtually no dialogue for the actors, they must rely almost entirely on body language

to develop character. Unfortunately, they look more like props than people, entangled in strange, stilted physical misunderstandings with one another. Wonder has a bit to offer visually, but fails to top any of Malick’s other works here either. It’s clearly a work of unrepentant idealism, and I admire that, but his search for meaning may be leading us down a dead end.

(KRISHANU RAY)

TRANCE

James McAvoy plays Simon, an employee at an auction house; when a Rembrandt gets stolen, Simon tries to protect it and gets a vicious knock to the head from thief Franck. But it turns out Simon was actually working with Franck—and that knock to Simon’s head means that he can’t remember where he hid the painting. They inanely decide that the only way for Simon to remember is if he gets hypnotized, then the hypnotist finds herself entwined in their backassward, convoluted scheme. Trance is confident, gorgeously shot, and beautifully scored. But from the moment “Let’s hypnotize him!” is turned into a legitimate plot point, everything goes from sharp to sloppy. (ERIK H ENRIKSEN)

GOOD COP BAD/ BAD COP GOOD

loving BAD cops. Now, I’m not talking about the cops who pepper-spray hippies in the face. (Even though pepper spray is the closest thing to a bath some of these hippies have seen in years.) I’m talking about the morally questionable cops and the battle between good and evil that rages inside them. That’s the stuff that gives me an itty-bitty bad-cop boner!

Hey readers! I’m going on vacation this week—and all I’m taking is my computer and the best dirty-cop show of all time, The Shield! Currently you can stream seasons one and two (with the rest of the series to follow) for free at Crackle.com—and to remind you of how awesome this show was, here’s a vintage I Love Television™ from 2005! See ya next week! —Luv, Humpy

In my continuing effort to create a “disconnect” between myself and I Love Television™ readers, let me just say this: I LOVE COPS. Now, I know a lot of my readers like to pooh-pooh cops (especially those who have received tickets for speeding, drunkenness, or excessive coke tooting)—but when a cranky One Tree Hill fan on meth comes charging into my ofﬁce swinging a machete? I welcome an appearance from the boys in blue.

However, cops never seem to understand why some people don’t trust them. Well, let me clear up that confusion for any cops in the audience: YOU’RE WEARING A GUN, DUMBASS! And you’re allowed to use it, sooooooo… it kind of puts us regular people at a disadvantage, don’tcha think? You know, in England the cops don’t carry guns—and people seem to get by okay. However, their cops are also called “bobbies”… so I can see why a meth-addicted, machete-swinging One Tree Hill fan may not take them very seriously.

BUT I DIGRESS! Besides hating me for loving cops, my readers also hate me for

This is why I’m absolutely loving the best dirty-cop show of all time, The Shield. Starring bald-headed bulldog Michael Chiklis, The Shield is a thinly veiled indictment/ love letter to the problem-riddled LA police bureau. Chiklis stars as Vic Mackey, the leader of a largely unsupervised “strike team,” who uses unconventional (and sometimes criminal) methods to bust the baddies. While successful, these same methods cause a moral strain that lures Mackey and his team (which includes the terriﬁc Walton Goggins from Justiﬁed… SQUEEEEE!) to the dark side of drugs, money, and even… MURRRRDER Meanwhile, Mackey’s strike-team members are doing their damnedest to rationalize away their actions, which include lying, cheating, and killing, all in the name of “protecting the public good.” In episode after episode, the team walks a delicate line between upholding the law and having its shenanigans uncovered by Internal Affairs—or worse, violent crime lords who love cutting off their enemies’ dangly bits. But here’s the most interesting part: Even the supposedly “good” cops in the unit are complicated characters with dark streaks a mile wide. It’s like Hill Street Blues—covered in Bad Lieutenant frosting. So grab all seven seasons of The Shield on DVD if you’ve got some catching up to do (or better yet, watch it with me for free online at Crackle.com). I’ll be the one squirting pepper spray in my eyes and hitting myself in the Scrabble bag with a nightstick.

Tourist Season

Terry, maybe the last rural milkman in the USA, drove a remote, twolane Northern Idaho road through a dense pine forest. The road was probably a game trail 80 years earlier. He loved solitude, so this job, delivering dairy products to odd and isolated folks, was perfect. There is nothing as beautiful as Idaho lonesomeness.

One morning in late autumn, 30 miles from the nearest town and 10 miles from the nearest house, Terry was surprised to see a newish car parked on the roadside ahead. He was more surprised to see a black man walking a slow circle around the Toyota, an obvious rental. Terry thought a black man in Northern Idaho was suspicious. Then he chastised himself for his reﬂexive racism and pulled to a stop beside the black man’s car.

“Hey, partner,” Terry said. “Everything okay?” The black man was nervous. His smile was forced. “Car troubles?” Terry asked. “Just had to pee,” the black man said. “All right then. You take care, partner.” As Terry drove away, he saw, in his rearview mirror, the black man resume his circle-walk around his car. Strange, yes, but isn’t strangeness the entire point of being human?

Then Terry was struck with the overpowering sense that a dead body was in the trunk of the black man’s car. Just more racism, Terry thought, but for the next week he paid close attention to the news, fearing he’d hear about a missing person and see a police sketch that looked like the black man. But there were no mysterious crimes in the region. As usual, people were robbed, raped, assaulted, and murdered by people they knew well—by people they loved.

It’s an awful world, Terry knew, and he, like everybody, was awful in it.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

For the Week of April 24

ARIES (March 21–April 19): How we react to the sound of the wind gives clues to our temperament, said philosopher Theodor W. Adorno. The unhappy person thinks of “the fragility of his house, hounding him from shallow sleep and violent dreams.” But for the happy person, the wind sings “the song of his protectedness: its furious howling concedes that it has power over him no longer.” I bring this up to illustrate a point about your life. There will be a strong and vivid influence coming your way that is like the wind as described by Adorno. It’s neither bad nor good in itself, but may seem like one or the other depending on the state of mind you choose to cultivate.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20): In 1921, Russian composer Sergei Prokofiev—born under the sign of the Bull—premiered his opera The Love for Three Oranges in the United States. Here’s how the New York Times felt about it: “There are a few, but only a very few, passages that bear recognizable kinship with what has hitherto been recognized as music.” It’s possible, Taurus, that you will get a similar reaction when you debut your new approach or endeavor. And that may disturb you. But I think it would be a good omen—a sign that you’re taking a brave risk as you try something innovative and unfamiliar.

GEMINI (May 21–June 20): I’m passionate about doing whatever I can to make the world a better place. How boring and sad it would be if I only thought of satisfying my personal needs. But I also remember what Aldous Huxley said: “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” Even if you have mad skills at healing and fixing everyone whose life you touch, Gemini, Huxley’s reminder is good for you to honor right now. The place that’s in most pressing need of transmutation—and where you’re most likely to be successful—is within you. Now here’s the trick ending: To the degree that you regenerate yourself, you will improve everyone around you. Your inner work will be contagious.

CANCER (June 21–July 22): Thomas Jefferson almost pulled off a miracle in 1784. America was a young country. There were only 13 states and a few unorganized territories. As a representative to the Continental Congress, Jefferson proposed an ordinance that would have prohibited slavery in those territories, including what would later become Tennessee, Mississippi, and Alabama. By just

one vote, alas, the provision failed to pass.

Can you imagine what the United States would have been like if slavery had been partly extinguished decades before the Civil War? The moral of the story, Cancerian, is that at certain pregnant moments, small shifts can have big consequences. The astrological omens suggest your life will be proof of that in the coming weeks.

LEO (July 23–Aug 22): I believe you will crawl or scramble or glide to the top of some mountain in the next four weeks. What mountain do you want it to be?

A crumbly molehill? A pile of cheap but useful gravel? A lofty peak where you can see for miles and miles? I urge you to decide soon on which of the possibilities you will choose. Then affirm your intention to call on all your resources, allies, and powers to help you make the ascent. This is a chance for serious expansion, Leo. Unleash your soulful ambitions.

VIRGO (Aug 23–Sept 22): Have you ever seen a moonbow? It’s like a rainbow, but it’s created by the reflected light of the moon instead of the sun. For this phenomenon to occur, the sky must be dark. The moon has to be full and setting in the west, near the horizon, and rain must be falling. So it’s a rare event. All the conditions have to be just right. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, it’s more likely than usual that you’ll spot one of these exceptional beauties in the coming days. Your affinity for curious wonders and mysterious marvels of all kinds will be at a peak. I suspect you will have a knack for being exactly where you need to be in order to experience them.

LIBRA (Sept 23–Oct 22): Lonesome George was about 100 years old when he died last year. He was the last remaining member of a giant tortoise species that had lived on Ecuador’s Pinta Island for thousands of years. But scientists say his kind is not necessarily extinct forever. They believe that by crossbreeding tortoises of other related species, they could re-create a 100 percent pure version of Lonesome George’s species. I suspect, Libra, that you may be able to pull off a metaphorically comparable resurrection—especially if you initiate the effort in the coming weeks.

SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 21): Let’s imagine ourselves near the snowy summit of Washington’s Mount Rainier. We’re in an unusual kind of cave. Volcanic steam rises from cracks in the rocky floor. Above us is a roof made of ice. As we stand between the heat and the chill, we find the temperature quite cozy. The extremes collaborate to produce a happy medium. Can you accomplish something in your life that’s similar to what’s going on in this cave? Metaphorically, I mean? I think you can.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): “We cannot accept the world as it is,” remarked Belgian author Hugo Claus. “Each day we should wake up foaming at the mouth from the injustice of things.” I

don’t subscribe to the idea that each day should begin like this. On some mornings, we should rise and greet the world singing songs of praise for the great fortune of being alive. But I do think Claus’s approach is precisely right on certain occasions—like now, for you Sagittarians. The time is ripe to tap into your reservoir of righteous anger. Fight to right the wrongs that disturb you the most.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 19): “Your story begins the moment Eros enters you,” says Anne Carson in her book Eros the Bittersweet. “That incursion is the biggest risk of your life. How you handle it is an index of the quality, wisdom and decorum of the things inside of you. As you handle it you come into contact with what is inside of you, in a sudden and startling way. You perceive what you are, what you lack, what you could be.” I want to extend Carson’s dramatic hypothesis. I’d like to propose that Eros enters you again and again in the course of your life, and your story resets each time. How will you handle it when it makes its next incursion? Get ready, because here it comes.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20–Feb 18): “I prefer by far the warmth and softness to mere brilliancy and coldness,” wrote Anaïs Nin in one of her early diaries. “Some people remind me of sharp dazzling diamonds. Valuable but lifeless and loveless. Others, of the simplest field flowers, with hearts full of dew and with all the tints of celestial beauty reflected in their modest petals.” I suspect that even if you normally love cold brilliancy, Aquarius, you will need an abundance of warmth and softness in the coming days. To attract the best possible embodiments of this influence, get clear about your favorite forms of it. Be picky! Don’t accept sloppy sentimentality.

PISCES (Feb 19–March 20): Ludwig Wittgenstein was a genius. His last book, which influenced many different fields of thought, is regarded as one of the most important philosophy tomes of the 20th century. And yet he was a big fan of foolishness. “If people did not sometimes do silly things,” he observed, “nothing intelligent would ever get done.” Another time he said, “Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.” Here’s one more of his opinions: “Don’t be afraid of talking nonsense! But you must pay attention to your nonsense.” I hope that’s enough evidence to support my advice, Pisces, which is: Now is a good time for you to get both smarter and wiser. And a good way to do that is to play and play and play some more.

Homework: Buy or make yourself a present that encourages you to be more generous. Report results at freewill astrology.com.

GENERAL HELP WANTED

EXPERIENCE KARAOKE

HOST @ THE RICKSHAW

The Rickshaw Restaurant is looking for a Karaoke Host that can pack a bar! Must have experience, great personality and if you are popular we want you!

We have our own brand new equipment so all we need is that dynamic host! Please email your resume or information to me: gingerluke@comcast.net

TREE CLIMBERS NEEDED for Tree Removal/ Pruning Looking for Experienced Tree Climbers with minimum 1-2 year’s Professional Experience. Been in business since 1986 who can offer steady Full Time/ Year round Work! Requirements: Must have own Gear (Saddle, Spurs, Ropes & Climb Saw), Valid DL & Reliable Transportation/Vehicle Required. Ability to Climb with or w/out Spurs. Ability to Repel out of the tree. NO bucket work here! Experience in Trimming/ Pruning & Removals. $140-$200/ day + OT To Apply: Email Work experience or Resume to jasminer@evergreentlc.com or submit application to www.evergreentlc.com Questions: Call 800-684-8733 ext. 3434

PAID RESEARCH

ARE YOU SUICIDAL, but resisting harming yourself? We want to hear from you! The UW is recruiting participants for a study on suicide. Call 206-543-2505.

RESTAURANT/HOTELS/CLUBS

MARRAKESH MOROCCAN RESTAURANT in Belltown now hiring exp. Servers and kitchen helper. Evening/ weekends. For more info call (206)9560500, or apply at 2334 2nd Ave. MCMENAMINS MILL CREEK is now hiring LINE COOKS and SERVERS! Qualified apps must have an open & flex sched including, days, eves, wknds and holidays. We are looking for applicants who have prev exp and enjoy working in a busy customer serviceoriented enviro. Please apply online 24/7 at www.mcmenamins.com or pick up a paper app at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N. Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-2218749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individ locs! E.O.E. MCMENAMINS SIX ARMS is now

www.mcmenamins. com or pick up a paper app at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N. Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-221-8749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individ locs! E.O.E.

TATTOO ARTIST WANTED

Talented tattoo artist wanted, Be well rounded with an appreciation for tattooing. 5 Years Exp, and Clean Hygiene. 206-659-4012 johnsontattoo22@gmail.com

RESTAURANT OPEN CALL!

Cinebarre is HIRING all positions, must be 21+ to apply in person. 6009 244th Street Mountlake Terrace, WA 98043

VOLUNTEERS

DO YOU LIKE SODA POP? See our web post for details. Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center

DO YOU LOVE automobiles? Volunteer at Lemay Americas Car Museum! For information visit our web site: www.LemayMuseum.org or email Volunteer@LeMayMuseum.org.

PACIFIC HIGHWAY CHARGERS-A non profit organization provides a positive tackle football program for youth ages 6 to 14. http://www.pacchargersfootball.org/default.html or call 206-666-9886

RECRUITING LEADERSHIP TEAM for American identity and immigration town hall with community BBQ on July 4th. Need Spanish speakers and people of color! Siobhans.Salon@gmail.com.

SKILLED TRADE/CRAFT

TATTOO ARTIST

Cicada Tattoo is looking for another tattoo artist. Artist run shop, back patio, private parking, machine shop, large collection of vintage handpainted tattoo flash, talented crew, and a spacious work area. If interested call 206327-9309. 10309 Aurora Ave N. cicadatattoo.com.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

$$$HELP WANTED$$$ EXTRA Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-4057619 EXT 2450 http://www.easyworkgreatpay.com (AAN CAN)

AIRLINE CAREERS- BECOME an Aviation Maintenance Tech. FAA approved training. Financial aid if qualified Ð Housing available. Job placement assistance. CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance 877-492-3059 (AAN CAN)

ATTEND COLLEGE ONLINE from Home. *Medical, *Business, *Criminal Justice,*Hospitality. Job placement assistance. Computer available. Financial Aid if qualified. SCHEV authorized. Call 800-481-9472 www.CenturaOnline.com (AAN CAN)

DISCOVER THE “SUCCESS and Moneymaking Secrets” THEY don’t want you to know about. To get your FREE “Success and Money Making Secrets” CD, please call 1-800-7905752 (AAN CAN)

APARTMENTS

GREENWOOD $825 Greenlake/Greenwood 1929 English Tudor Whole 2nd fl flat-type apt. 1BR w/LR or use as 2BR w/kit-family rm combo. $825 for 1 person. $95 for all utl incl cable & wifi. NS or NP. No background problems.

ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM.

COUNSELING

ANGER MANA GEMENT Is your life out of balance? Perhaps your anger is creating problems. Find Balance Between Body + Soul. Call (206) 427-9796 or Visit www.NutriPsychTherapy.com

MASSAGE

$45HR FOR MEN 1.5-$65/2hr-$85. Massage-friendly South Capitol Hill studio. Bodywork for problem areas. Unhurried general massage to enjoy yourself and unwind. 18yrs masseur. John Runyan (LMP#MA8718) 206.324.0682. 10am-9pm. Cash/ incalls only. Last minute encouraged. DEEP TISSUE AND Relaxation Massage on Capitol Hill. $50.00. Jeff LMP 206-650-0542 swedish, sports, and deep tissue massage. Last minute appointments encouraged. www.broadwaymassage.com 14 years experience. All are welcome. Close to broadway ave. 7 days a week 11:00a.m.-9:00p.m. LAURIE’S MASSAGE (206)919-2180

LIKE A JAPANESE Hot Springs - At The Gated Sanctuary you can soak naked outside amoung soaring cedar trees in jetted hot pools, dip in a cold plunge, and relax with therapeutic massage. Unwind in our eucalyptus steamroom. (425)334-6277 www.TheGatedSanctuary.com

Retail Help Wanted

The Goodwill University is located in the heart of retail row near the UW campus. Our store has a separate men’s and women’s vintage section with a fashion forward trend. Our retail operations are comprised of the best teams out there! They value initiative and take care of our customers, our employees, and help support the surrounding communities. You can become a part of a dynamic selling environment where your fashion sense and selling strength will make you an important part of our team. We have two positions open: Retail Supervisor and Retail Assistant Manager. Come make a difference and join our dynamic team. Please visit our site and apply on-line: seattlegoodwill.applicantpro.com/jobs/

ROOMMATES

cold calls and drop-ins, developing relationships with local business owners and providing them with tailored, multi-platform advertising solutions best suited to their needs. Must possess superior organizational, customer service, and communication skills. Must be hard working, self-motivated, goal-oriented, and be able to thrive in a deadline-driven environment. Creativity and entrepreneurial attitude a plus! At least one year of experience in commission-based print/media sales or a related ﬁeld preferred. Vehicle or vehicle access required. First year compensation includes base salary, commission and bonuses. Beneﬁts include medical, dental, vision, Simple IRA, as well as paid vacation/sick time. If you are a fearless, personable, focused sales professional, we’d like to hear from you. For consideration, please submit your resume, cover letter and desired salary range to: salesjob@thestranger.com or The Stranger, 1535 11th Avenue, 3rd Floor, Seattle, WA 98122, Attn: Sales Job. No phone calls please.

YOGA

OTHER

AUDIO/VIDEO

CHILDCARE

LESSONS

LEARN THE ART Of Recording at Mirror Sound StudioÕs Practical Audio Recording Course Experienced engineer/teachers will teach you how to use digital software like Pro Tools. Learn fundamental analog recording techniques, Mac & PC friendly “Hands-On-Training” “Live Session Experience”Great for all ages and experience levels. Register for our upcoming May class. Call Today! 206-440-5889 www.MirrorSound.com

SING WITH CONFIDENCE. Beginners welcome.

MUSIC INSTRUCTION & SERVICES

DRUMMER WANTED PLEASE DRUMMER WANTED Please have transportation and drumkit. I have a space to play. Looking to jam 1 to 2 times a week.If you like to play heavy hard rock original music call me.(425)387-8291

ELECTRONIC MUSICIANS/PROGRAMMERS/SONGWRITERS CALL Murphy at 206 860 3534. I’m ready to make videos and get back on stage. If you live in Seattle and want a steady gig with me, give me a call.

HEAVY GUITAR PLAYER, early 30’s. The style of music is analogous to bands Botch, Deadguy, Rorschach. Into playing in odd-times and heavy dissonance! U-district, can travel. todieattwenty@gmail.com

PIANIST AVAILABLE

I’m Richard Peterson, 64 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available.

MUSICIANS WANTED

GARAGE SOUL SINGER wanted for band into mod/punk/psychedelic/soul music. Current members include a guitarist from Brian Jonestown Massacre and the drummer from Camper van Beethoven. We’re currently recording and need a cool frontman/woman. Contact jmihsstb@comcast.net

ESTABLISHED ROCK BAND seeks rockstaaaa bass player! Please see www.vigilantejusticerocks.com

WANTED: BASS PLAYER

Dedicated/motivated/reliable. Practice two times per week. Gig often. Listen at www.alkijones.bandcamp.com. Email/ contact: alkijonesmusic@gmail.com.

RECORDING/REHEARSAL

BAND REHEARSAL SPACE 1 Shared Room @$210/month Incl. 36hrs/ month & Private closet and Private Rooms @ $500/mo. Call 425-4459165 or Visit wildersoundstudios.com

Located in SODO Seattle

BAND REHEARSAL SPACE

1 Shared Room @$220/month Incl. 36hrs/month & Private closet Visit wildersoundstudios.com

Located in SODO Seattle. Contact Samantha 425.445.9165 s.wilder@wildersoundstudios.com

FLOG LADY AT VALUE

VILLAGE

CAPITOL HILL CAFE VITA

You:Wearing

#919587

CURLY HAIRED FREMONT

BARISTA

You

WEST SEATTLE PCC PRODUCE

For the last few months, you have been throwing glances ( I think). Usually you smile, sometimes you laugh- and today, your fellow produce pal jerked his head in my direction while looking at you. How about a friendly hello? When: Sunday, April 21, 2013. Where: West Seattle PCC. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919584

BUS GOING TO CAP HILL Sat together on bus from The ID to Cap Hill you a gentleman, blonde hair going to work I was going to an interview You were kind to help me with which stop was best We spoke of The Stranger When: Wednesday, February 15, 2012. Where: International District to CapHill. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919583

4/20/13 LUNCH AT LA PANIER

You (W) sat next to your mom? I was at the window of La Panier at lunch. You went outside to have your photo taken with a guy and his t-shirt. Meet for coffee or drinks? When: Saturday, April 20, 2013. Where: La Panier at the Pike PL Market. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919582

LITTLE RED HEN- CAMERON (SATURDAY)

MATT - CAFE MOX

You: design websites/work at Swedish Me: an idiot reading a SQL book I was with a friend. We talked about my book and many other things. I was such a dunce that evening...if you’re interested I’d love to meet up. When: Saturday, January 12, 2013. Where: Ballard. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919570

6TH & VIRGINIA

You were heading west on Virginia sometime in the afternoon on Tax Day when I saw you through the window. You crossed 5th and grew even taller for a few seconds. Then you and your backpack were gone. Uncanny. When: Monday, April 15, 2013. Where: Downtown. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919569

Found My ID at Barca

You were a kind & handsome man who graciously found my ID. I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with you after but ran off without properly grabbing your #. Run into you again sometime soon?

-The Smitten Interior Designer

When: Saturday, April 13, 2013. Where: Barca, Capitol HIll. You: Man. Me: Woman.

CART HARTS, RED FLANNEL, QFC

RED SUBARU, CUTE DOG

I saw you: with your plugs, your mohawk...and your tropical hat. You’re dead sexy. Thanks for the dance. You’re better than you think. When: Saturday, April 20, 2013. Where: Little Red Hen. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919581

BAND BABE

Your band practices in the dirty recesses of an abandoned warehouse facility in Sodo. So does mine. During a break saw you. You are a babe.

Maybe your name starts with an M. Coffee/Write a double album together?

When: Thursday, April 4, 2013. Where: Sodo. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919580

DG GLASSES

You said you see me walk by everyday. Whenever I see you stop in I imagine you must be taken. Maybe not?

When: Friday, April 19, 2013. Where: QA. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919579

HOME INFUSION KELLY Hey! Next time you see me at UWMC don’t let me get

saw you picking your nose while waiting you were waiting for a prescription. I was buying bananas. I saw you walking on the street after as well. You’re cute. When: Thursday, April 18, 2013. Where: North Broadway Qfc (upstairs). You: Woman. Me: Man. #919574

GIRL RED COAT CHOP SUEY

Girl in red coat at Hobosexual/Local

H show, with green(?) bag, bangs, jeans, black shirt. saw you saw me. Were you alone? was with friends. When: Wednesday, April 17, 2013. Where: Capitol Hill. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919573

SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE LO-FI

Your name rhymes with Molly, we saw you at the Lo-Fi on Soul Night. Super cute, great smile, beautiful curly blonde hair, and yellow top maybe. This stunning girl and her bf wanna see you again. When: Saturday, April 13, 2013. Where: Lo-Fi. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #919572

FONDA LA CATRINA

Lingering, languid....you, across, ignoring the chill still present in the sun, eyes unafraid to return. Familiar? Or pleasant moment shared? Don’t fear, not a poet, fault of the medium. Maybe speaking in words is a declaration of war. When: Tuesday, April 16, 2013. Where: Georgetown. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919571

SAVAGE LOVE

Problem BY

DAN SAVAGE

DEAR READERS: When I sat down to write this column—while the manhunt was under way for the second bomber in Boston, while a small town in Texas was on fire, while antigay violence was spiking in France—it occurred to me that the last thing the world needs right now is more problems. So instead of the usual sex problems, CPOS problems, and DTMFA problems, this week I’m only running letters from people who don’t have problems. Because we could all use a break.

No problem here. I’m a straight 36-year-old guy. My wife has always been great about my kinks—some femdom role play, OTK spankings, D/s three-ways—so when she announced at age 34 that she had a kink of her own, I regarded it as my mission to make it happen. We just got back from a trip to see a safe and trustworthy friend in Los Angeles who “paid” me to have sex with my wife. When it was over, she kept saying how much she loved me for being the person who made her paid-for-sex fantasy come true. People who stand in the way of their partner’s fantasies don’t realize what they’re depriving themselves of—so much love and gratitude! Her Sub Pimp

Thanks for sharing, HSP!

a way to bottle and sell your kink, LHTB, you would be rich and no one would ever need to take Adderall again.

I’m a 19-year-old newbie lesbian Dom starting a relationship with a smart, sexy, wildly kinky 22-year-old. Our relationship so far could not be better. One issue: She’s into latex clothes. I have a severe latex allergy, to the point where I would need to be hospitalized if she wore latex clothing. She was GGG about anal, which was something I wanted to explore. I want to do this for her. Is there a good alternative to latex?

I just started dating a guy who seems perfect in almost every way. (I’m a guy, too.) He’s cute, fun, smart, and successful. There’s only one thing that’s bugging me. He has a superfurry ass crack. The funny thing is, I can tell he trims the hair on his legs with a clipper. All he’d have to do is keep going up onto his ass and into his crack. Yes, I know some guys find a furry crack to be a big turn-on. I am not one of them. We’ve been on four dates, and actually gotten fully naked only once, so it’s not like I feel so totally comfortable with him that I can just come out and say it…

Really Into Men Smooth

Your letter reminds me of a funny conversation I overheard at the gym:

Guy #1: “You should grow a goatee—it would feel great when you rim me.”

Guy #2: “I have a goatee when I rim you.” Sounds like you have a beard when you rim your new boyfriend, RIMS, and I would advise you to get used to bearded rimming for the time being. You’re only four dates and one fully naked Big Gay Sex Romp into this new relationship, RIMS, which is too soon to start asking for body mods. But once you hit, oh, 20 dates and a dozen Big Gay Sex Romps, I think you could offer to give him a hand with those clippers.

Whenever this female college student studies, she gets incredibly horny! At peak times during the semester, when I am constantly reading or studying, I find it almost impossible to go more than a couple of hours without having to masturbate. The more aroused I get, the less focused I am, so denying the feeling is not a solution. But there are definitely times when my productivity is negatively affected by my need to relieve myself. I have an active sex life! I am not bored sexually or mentally! Is there a physiological explanation for this?

Lady Hits The Books

Some people are turned on by completely random shit, LHTB, and no one quite knows why. Probably something to do with our big brains— just think of all those billions of nerve endings, all those synapses making connections, all those formative childhood experiences getting all synapsed up and becoming adult erotic obsessions. Think of all that, and then count your lucky stars that studying turns you on. It could’ve been worse. And, hey, if there were

Thanks In Advance

There’s no working around an allergy so severe it can land you in the hospital—and with everything else you two have going for you, TIA, forgoing latex is the price of admission your new girlfriend should be willing to pay to be with you.

No question here, just a thank-you. Last week, my 16-year-old son told me that he has a crush on his best friend… who happens to be a 16-year-old boy. I’ve known he was gay since he was about 4, but without your column, I don’t think I would’ve been prepared for his “revelation.” You and your readers taught me the importance of letting him know that I will always accept him, love him, and support him in any decision he makes. The best part: He wasn’t really worried about telling me he’s gay; he was worried that I wouldn’t let his crush spend the night anymore. (And he was right to worry!)

Proud Mom

After reading that you intended to “support [your son] in any decision he makes,” I started to compose a mildly scolding response in my head. (“Gay kids, like straight kids, need their parents to be their parents. Your son needs you to meddle lovingly, to criticize constructively, and to help him pull his big gay head out of his big gay ass when it needs pulling. And it will, PM, because gay kids make bad decisions, too.”) But you made it clear at the end of your letter—he was right to worry about those sleepovers being over—that you aren’t confusing “support my gay son” with “sign off on any damn thing my gay son wants.” Well done, PM!

I am an 18-year-old British queer girl who was recently involved with an older woman while visiting the United States. She told me about your “campsite rule,” and she followed it to the letter and was generally wonderful. I’ve since moved back to London and told everyone I know about your column. As a result, there’s a small group of teens running around North London that adores you. I hope we can spread your excellent advice and make as many people as possible into GGG partners.

Thanks for the lovely note, CC, and tell the older woman I said thanks—for honoring the campsite rule and for helping to build my readership in the UK by turning you on to my column.

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