We nurture a thriving Market community in the heart of downtown
6 KEEP YOURSELF WARM
Eight Must-Haves to Survive This Stupid Season
9 COMFORT ZONE
The Coziest Bars, Restaurants, and Coffee Shops in Seattle
13 THE HOLIDAY COOKIE
A Cookie Recipe from the Pastry Project
Editorial
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Rich Smith
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Megan Seling
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Charles Mudede
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Hannah Krieg, Ashley Nerbovig, Vivian McCall
17 MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA FILTHY KAMPER A Cocktail Recipe from Kamp Social Hous 19 HOW TO SURVIVE S.A.D.
Real Tips from a Mental Health Expert
25 GET WARMTH, GIVE WARMTH Because Everyone Deserves a Shower and a Cup of Hot Coffee
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Janey Wong
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KEEP WARM 2023
27 MEET YOUR MAKER
Get to Know Four Seattle Creators Making Gift-Worthy Goods
35 WINTER EVENTS
Holiday Shows, Light Displays, NYE Fireworks, and SantaCon
44 FUN PAGE Dunk Your Mallow Before the Cocoa Gets Cold!
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46 SURVIVAL OF THE GRODIEST
How Well Local Wildlife Will Keep You Warm, Tauntaun-Style
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Katie Lake
Keep Yourself Warm Eight Must-Haves to Survive This Stupid Season
BY KATHLEEN TARRANT • ART BY TERESA GRASSESCHI
Seattle winter settles in like a drunk uncle. For months the days are idyllic and warm, and then—boom—there he is. Without warning he’s in your house, kicking off his shoes, sucking up all the air in the room, and demanding that you rearrange your life to accommodate his heavy needs. It’s lights out. We’re the screaming birds, Seattle is the cage, and winter is the blanket an angry god throws over us to shut us up.
When it comes to Pacific Northwest winter survival tips, many people will recommend purely practical things like sun lamps, physical exercise, fresh vegetables, and Vitamin D (so many new Seattleites literally overdose on this stuff so be careful!). And I endorse these things! But this is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s also a really dumb marathon, where every few weeks you’ll find something else that hasn’t totally dried out from the endless drizzle and you’ll want to pack up and move. To combat that you need more than gear or supplements. You need hope.
These are some things that give me hope from November to May. Maybe they’ll work for you, too.
Vibram soles on your shoes
Fucking do it. Moss grows everywhere in our city. As our tenuous hold on reality gets slipperier, with our white knuckles slackening under the relentless gray sameness, make sure that at least your shoes can get a grip. Any cobbler will do it. I’ve even done it on heels.
A jacket that is nominally water resistant but mostly just makes you happy
I didn’t own a rain jacket in Seattle for nine years, and I barely wear the long Topo Designs one I bought. It’s nice I guess, but it’s a black column of a thing, and when I wear it I feel anonymous. I feel blank, like a palimpsest scraped clean for ad copy.
A couple years ago my ex came home and pulled a big brown bundle from a Goodwill bag. “This seemed like something you would like,” he said as he held it up for my inspection. It was a leather jacket—a duster. It has big, wide, ‘70s
lapels and tawny contrast stitching with woven leather buttons along a sharply tapered waist that leads into a big flare and stops right above the knees.
lapels and tawny contrast stitching with woven leather buttons along a sharply tapered waist that leads into a big flare and stops right above the knees.
When I wear it I feel like Dick Tracy cosplaying as Carmen Sandiego. I feel stylish, even when I put it on over my Steely Dan sweatpants to go to the Red Apple. It keeps the water off. I mean, it stays a little damp, but what doesn’t come January? A jacket that makes you feel like yourself and kind of sort of keeps you comfortable in this weather is way more helpful than something that’s purely functional but reduces you to a pile of meat to be kept dry.
When I wear it I feel like Dick Tracy cosplaying as Carmen Sandiego. I feel stylish, even when I put it on over my Steely Dan sweatpants to go to the Red Apple. It keeps the water off. I mean, it stays a little damp, but what doesn’t come January? A jacket that makes you feel like yourself and kind of sort of keeps you comfortable in this weather is way more helpful than something that’s purely functional but reduces you to a pile of meat to be kept dry.
It kicks needed you needed stay in a mug like a lady medication stare out slick sparkling get nostalgic don’t even If that peace, and saved really need in Van In Winter stories in love how that means, grubby, into us expect late-winter fall prey
Love by Simon Winter starts out
woven waist above cosplaysweatpants off. I doesn’t feel like comfortthan reduces
Love Begins in Winter by
Simon Van Booy
Love Begins in Winter by
Simon Van Booy
Winter in Seattle always starts out a little dreamy. It kicks off when you needed the break, when you needed the excuse to stay in after 6 pm, to hold a mug with both hands like a lady in an arthritis medication commercial, to stare out the window at the slick sparkling streets and get nostalgic for things you don’t even necessarily miss.
Winter in Seattle always starts out a little dreamy. It kicks off when you needed the break, when you needed the excuse to stay in after 6 pm, to hold a mug with both hands like a lady in an arthritis medication commercial, to stare out the window at the slick sparkling streets and get nostalgic for things you don’t even necessarily miss.
If that feeling, that leaden peace, could be captured and saved for when you really need it (February), it’s in Van Booy’s Love Begins In Winter. A bunch of short stories about people falling in love and meditations on how that feels, what that means, how that gets its grubby, needy little fingers into us when we least expect it, it’s antidotal to the late-winter cynicism we all fall prey to.
If that feeling, that leaden peace, could be captured and saved for when you really need it (February), it’s in Van Booy’s Love Begins In Winter. A bunch of short stories about people falling in love and meditations on how that feels, what that means, how that gets its grubby, needy little fingers into us when we least expect it, it’s antidotal to the late-winter cynicism we all fall prey to.
Fancy hand lotion
People are always like, “But it’s so humid here!” Well good for you, but my hands dry up like all the plants I always forget to water even though I stare at them every day and am like “I need to water you” and then I am like “...but the pitcher is so far” and then I get confused when they die.
I splurge on Aesop sometimes and keep it in my purse to dole out in the tiniest possible dollops over the winter, huffing the scent, rubbing it into my hands like I’m anointing myself as something sacred—the girl who lived through winter one more time even though it was so chilly.
People
Text them. Call them. Make plans with them. Regularly. Fall in love with them. Trust them. Be kind to them. Let them in. We’re the warmest things we have until the spring.
Unfulfilled longing
This is endurance training. This is finding pleasure in the pain. This is emotional edging. People who experience sun during the winter do not understand how conceptual sunshine becomes to folks in the Pacific Northwest. You can turn away from this, the darkness that will be your life for the next several months, or you can learn to yearn.
Yearn for everything. Yearn for swimming in the lake, yearn for feeling warmth on your skin, in your bones, all the way through your body. Yearn for who you used to be, for friends you haven’t seen in years, for lovers you’ve lost. Yearn for a murky future that you can’t control and for a heavily edited past that you’ll never remember with any accuracy.
A bouquet of dried flowers from Pike Place Market Dried bouquets last forever and they’re pretty. And don’t you deserve something pretty to look at that won’t die on you?
Long, my frigid winter babies. Long for everything, expect nothing. Go against every Buddhist teaching and desire so much, and then go Ram Dass on that shit and detach from needing fulfillment. Find yourself in
Frightened Rabbit’s The Midnight Organ Fight
At a Frightened Rabbit show in 2009 in Colorado, lead singer Scott Hutchison spotted a dad holding an 8-yearold kid on his shoulders right after he had announced in his sweaty Scottish brogue that the next song was about sex and depression. He asked the dad how old his son was, and when the dad yelled the kid’s age back, Hutchison laughed and replied, “You’re never too young to learn!” then launched into “Keep Yourself Warm,” a song from The Midnight Organ Fight about how fucking a bunch of people doesn’t heal a broken heart, and includes the
your sweetest aches, stick your hand in the gaping maw of your own untenable fantasies, and hold it there. This is how you stay soft in the icy heart of winter. If you can do that, you might end up even liking this season.
all-time lyric, “You can’t find love in a hole.”
After Hutchison died in 2018, at the end of a long winter, I felt my way back through this album that I’ve loved for so long. It’s upbeat songs about despair, it’s distilled hope without any optimism to back it up. It’s loving without encouragement, screaming to be heard, touching the stove to remind yourself that you’re here and you have every right to be here even if you’re a bummer. It’s a record that relishes the grossest and most embarrassing parts of being alive—needing people, missing people, loving people, losing people.
Comfort Zone
The Coziest Bars, Restaurants, and Coffee Shops in Seattle
BY MEG VAN HUYGEN
Seattle has a reputation for getting more rain than any other American city thanks in part to fresh transplants who learned everything they know from watching Frasier and Grey’s Anatomy. The truth is, the American South clobbers us on yearly rainfall—Seattle’s not even in the top 20! But we are number five or something for most rainy days per year.
Because of that, our restaurant scene’s hygge levels are through the roof. From the precious Cafe Allegro, tucked in its ivy-draped U District alleyway, to Wallingford’s A Muddy Cup with its warm tones and carved duck decoy decor, Seattle does a cozy cafe as all hell. And even though we don’t have the most rain ever, it’s still gonna be a long, wet winter for at least the next four or five months, so you’re gonna need a good fleece-lined hangout. Here are some favorites for snuggly season.
Sully’s Snowgoose Saloon
PHINNEY RIDGE
Sully’s is the fuckin’ comfy king. No bar in Seattle can touch the outrageous coziness levels being represented inside this old-timey Phinney Ridge tavern. With a Swiss ski chalet mom and a thatched-roof pub in the Irish countryside dad, Sully’s Snowgoose Tavern was one of Seattle’s first bars to open after Prohibition was repealed in 1933, and it’s barely changed since. Built in a residential cottage from the 1920s, the ceiling’s adorned with mountain hiking paraphernalia and stuffed geese (owner Tim Sullivan chose the name because “I like snow geese”), and the floor’s covered with friendly dogs begging for some of your complimentary popcorn. Clientele is mostly old guys, and despite the tweeness, there’s a good divey crust going on here, too.
The Fireside Room at the Sorrento Hotel
Red Onion Tavern
MADISON PARK
The Red Onion is cozy in a shitty divey way, with a grotty Elizabethan-era aesthetic, lookin’ like Samuel Pepys hangs out here. This bar has been open for about 500 years, too (okay, like 90), and the main attraction is the sooty fireplace with a giant iron hood in the front room, with pleather couches gathered ‘round. It’s less like Hotel Sorrento’s classy fireplace room, though, and more like where a group of Game of Thrones marauders would end up after a long day of swording people’s heads off. But in a friendly, camaraderie-type way. Also, there’s beer and pool tables and a grumpy bartender. And a ghost of another bartender, or so the living bartender says.
Hannyatou
FREMONT
Chef Mutsuko Soma is world-renowned for her noodle-focused restaurant Kamonegi, but her little sake bar next door rakes in at least as many points for ambiance, if not more. Hannyatou means “wisdom water” in Japanese—that’s sake!—and the place is all wooden crates and Japanese
crocks, serving both Japanese bar bites along with a wide sake and shochu selection. Being here feels like you’re in a ryokan in a light novel, and there’s nothing like hunching over the bar with a pork chop katsu sando or a bowl of mushroom-loaded soup, rounded out with a warm cup of sake. Go on a rainy day and watch the windows fog up.
Cafe Allegro
UNIVERSITY DISTRICT
I take it back; Caffe Allegro is the actual king of this list. Okay, Sully’s is the cozy tavern night king and Allegro is the cozy coffeeshop king of the day. Down a U District alley that runs alongside ivy-covered Magus Books, look for the painted coffee cup sign above the doorway, where the ivy stops. Inside, beyond the coffee counter, is an exposed brick fox den of interconnected rooms that eventually leads you back out into the alley, up a flight of stairs, and into an even cozier unmarked coffee shop exclave. Established in 1975, Allegro is Seattle’s oldest coffeehouse, and it’s traditionally full of students and professors at work, so bring your laptop and your earbuds.
Cafe Allegro
Cozy cocktail classix include the Britain’s Cartel, with tobacco-y cigar-infused mezcal, CioCiaro, vanilla demerara, umami bitters, and lemon, and the Love and Loz, with gin, saffron, Chardonnay reduction, lemon, orgeat, and rose water.
White Horse Tavern PIKE PLACE MARKET
In Post Alley, the White Horse looks like a 17th-century British pub where the highwaymen might hide out from the king’s constable. It’s small and dark and cluttered, and the decor comprises whisky [sic] barrels subbing as tables and about a million flags and paintings and vintage liquor signs all over the walls. The menu’s handwritten and only has about 10 things on it, one of which is bull’s blood (cognac, white rum, Grand Marnier, and OJ) and none of which are food, although sometimes a platter of free piroshki or burgers suddenly appears, to soak up the English ale. They also sell antiquated books here! Charmed.
The Fireside Room at the Sorrento Hotel
FIRST HILL
A Muddy Cup WALLINGFORD
Big Humboldt County vibes set the mood at A Muddy Cup, inside a quiet little house in Wallingford. There’s a crunchy texture here that’s part hippie and part hunting cabin in the woods, with warm red-orange-yellow gradient walls, antique tables, thrifted oil paintings of forests, lots of houseplants, and ceramic frogs and wooden duck decoys stashed among the bookshelves. Your drink will probably come in an old jar or a wonky handthrown mug. They do a great dirty chai here, and I can’t think of a better spot in town to read a real, paper book.
The Nook
WEST SEATTLE
In the Admiral Junction, the NOOK knocks it out of the park at craft cocktails, so go here for those, sure. But the snuggly upstairs loft is the best reason to visit, regardless of what you order. Up there, you’ll find a few mid-century settees tied together by a homey rug and a big marble coffee table, around which you and your friends will naturally want to congregate.
Don’t be intimidated by the timeless Italianate Sorrento, for its lobby Fireside Room is so very toasty and inviting. The home of the long-running Silent Reading Party, where you read a book in a room full of people and don’t talk to each other, this lovely parlor’s main draw (after that, of course) is the beautiful green-tiled fireplace flanked by comfy wingback leather chairs. This is the best spot in town to languish around trying to cure your hangover, ideally with some Parmesan truffle fries and an aperitivo.
The Sitting Room
LOWER QUEEN ANNE
Next to On the Boards, the Sitting Room is a private little subterranean hideyhole with ochre walls and Euro touches, warmed by light-up globes and candles. It’s like if Paris were a city in Minnesota. There’s a menu of Mexican faves, and drinks are loaded with tchotchkes and served in quirky glassware. All of this is plenty cozy to begin with, but to boot, they do an aged fig-bourbon eggnog every year whose legend is told far and wide. Should be dropping any minute now. Hell yeah. ■
COURTESY OF CAFE ALLEGRO
The Holiday Cookie
BY THE PASTRY PROJECT
“We love the holidays—baking feels even more magical this time of year,” says Emily Kim, cofounder and community impact director of the Pastry Project. “The dough of these cookies is a classic holiday spice with cinnamon and nutmeg (almost a little like eggnog in a cookie), but you can substitute the chocolate with any favorite mix-ins— just keep it to about six ounces total. If you’re using chopped nuts, make sure to toast them a little bit first!
“We like to make our dough ahead of time and freeze the dough in scoops, that way when we’re busy during the holidays we can get them out and bake them straight from frozen!”
THE PASTRY PROJECT
MERRY BRIGHT& MAKE
BENAROYA HALL YOUR HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
NOVEMBER 28
BIG BAD VOODOO DADDY’S WILD & SWINGIN’ HOLIDAY PARTY
“Kings of Swing” Big Bad Voodoo Daddy bring joy to Benaroya Hall with a special holiday concert for naughty and nice fans alike!
DECEMBER 5
AN EVENING WITH AUDRA MCDONALD AND THE SEATTLE SYMPHONY
Andy Einhorn conductor
Audra McDonald vocals
Seattle Symphony
Six-time Tony Award winner Audra McDonald comes to Benaroya Hall for an evening of classics from Broadway and the American Songbook.
DECEMBER 8–10 HOLIDAY POPS
SEATTLE POPS SERIES
Stuart Chafetz conductor
Aubrey Logan trombone & vocals
Seattle Symphony
A dazzling program full of holiday favorites.
DECEMBER 14 & 15
GENE KELLY: THE LEGACY — AN EVENING WITH PATRICIA WARD KELLY
BENAROYA HALL PRESENTS
Gene Kelly’s wife and biographer, Patricia Kelly, showcases the life and heart of the man who changed the look of dance on film.
DECEMBER 15–17 HANDEL MESSIAH
Antony Walker conductor
Seattle Symphony Chorale
Seattle Symphony
Enjoy this matchless December tradition with the famous and exultant “Hallelujah” chorus.
DECEMBER 20 A FESTIVAL OF LESSONS AND CAROLS
Jacob Winkler conductor
Northwest Boychoir
The story of the Nativity told through reading, choral setting and audience carols.
DECEMBER 28–30 BEETHOVEN SYMPHONY NO. 9
Kahchun Wong conductor
Seattle Symphony Chorale
Seattle Symphony
This awe-inspiring masterpiece, with its “Ode to Joy” chorus, is a wonderful way to end the calendar year.
DECEMBER 31
NEW YEAR’S EVE CONCERT & PARTY
Ring in the new year with Beethoven’s monumental Ninth Symphony and following the concert, ring in 2024 at a post-concert party.
SPONSORS
Audra McDonald’s performance is generously sponsored by Leslie and Dale Chihuly.
Handel’s Messiah is generously sponsored by Stephen Whyte in memory of Gwendolyn Jones Whyte.
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Audra McDonald
Aubrey Logan
Ingredients
7 4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
7 4 ounces (1/2 cup packed) brown sugar
7 2 ounces (1/4 cup) granulated sugar
7 1 egg, room temperature
7 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
7 2 teaspoons cinnamon
7 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
7 1 teaspoon baking powder
7 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
7 1 1/2 teaspoons Diamond Crystal Kosher Salt (use 3/4 teaspoon of other salt)
7 6.5 ounces (1 1/2 cups) all-purpose flour
7 6 ounces (1 cup) white and/or gold chocolate
7 holiday sprinkles, as needed
Directions
In the bowl of a stand mixer or a medium mixing bowl with a hand mixer add butter, brown sugar, and sugar. Cream this mixture on medium speed for a stand mixer or high speed for a hand mixer, until light and fluffy, approximately three minutes. Scrape down, and cream for another minute. Scrape down the butter mixture in the bowl and add the egg and vanilla extract. Mix until thoroughly combined and fluffy, about three minutes.
In a separate bowl, whisk together all
dry ingredients to make a spiced flour mix. Scrape down the creamed mixture in the mixing bowl, add the spiced flour mix, and mix on low speed. Just as the mixture is coming together, add in the chocolate and mix until combined.
Remove the bowl from the mixer and using a spatula, fold the dough to ensure it is thoroughly combined.
Using a 1.5-ounce scoop or a tablespoon, scoop 12 rounds of dough onto a parchment-lined sheet pan, arranging scoops of dough with approximately two inches of space between each cookie scoop. Twelve cookie dough balls will fit on one standard cookie sheet. Top the dough with sprinkles, if desired.
Cover and refrigerate for two hours before baking, and up to overnight (this develops the most flavor!). Fifteen minutes before you’re ready to bake, preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Bake until set on the edges and puffy in the middle, about 13-15 minutes. Don’t overbake! The middle should be puffy, but feel gooey when tapped, when just done. Allow to cool on the baking sheet for about 10 minutes before transferring to a serving tray.
Store in an airtight container for up to five days. Enjoy!
Learn more about the Pastry Project and their bake-at-home pastry kit subscriptions at thepastryproject.co. Gift subscriptions are also available! ■
REVA KELLER.
Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Kamper
FROM MARCEIL VAN CAMP AT KAMP SOCIAL HOUSE
Seattle Holiday Drink Week is December 4-10 and some of The Stranger’s favorite bars and restaurants are serving up glasses of good cheer. Participants include Bang Bang Kitchen, Athenian Seafood Restaurant, and Kamp Social House. Their Gay Yule Tide drink with gingerbread syrup is served over a snowball!
That said, it’s never a bad idea to have a drink recipe tucked away in your stocking for the impromptu holiday happy hour or for when the weather outside truly is frightful and you just want to stay indoors. Thankfully, Marceil Van Camp at Kamp Social House shared her secrets for the Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Kamper, a festive and fizzy cocktail spiced with cinnamon that you can easily make at home for one or 100 people.
“I grew up in Germany, so hot mulled wine is a holiday staple at our table,” said Van Camp. “This drink is a fun way to mix up a little nostalgia with a refreshing twist. It also makes a great alternative to traditional holiday punch, as it’s easy to make in batches, and it’s a crowd-pleaser because you can make both a boozy and an unboozy version.”
For the non-alcoholic recipe, Van Camp
recommends replacing the mulled wine with Jøyus Non-Alcoholic Cabernet Sauvignon, the gin with Monday Zero Alcohol Gin, and using All the Bitter, a line of 0% aromatic bitters. Top it off with some boozefree bubbles—Van Camp likes Zilch—and you’re ready to party!
Ingredients
7 2 ounces mulled wine
7 1 ounce London dry gin
7 1/2 ounce fresh orange juice
7 2 dashes Angostura bitters
7 2 dashes orange bitters
7 Prosecco topper
Directions
Mix all ingredients in a champagne flute and garnish with a cinnamon stick. Cheers! ■
COURTESY OF KAMP SOCIAL HOUSE
How to Survive SAD Real Tips from a Mental Health Expert
BY NATHALIE GRAHAM
Nobody in Seattle is exaggerating when they refer to the period between November and March as the Big Dark.
The gloom and doom of 4 pm sunsets may be fun to joke about (hello, coping mechanism), but this seasonal change packs a punch for about 5% of Americans. The short days, cold temperatures, and shitty weather can cause feelings of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, or appropriately, SAD. Winter can also exacerbate symptoms of pre-existing depression and anxiety diagnoses.
Up here in the great gray north, where the days are shorter and the sun enjoys long, drawn-out disappearing acts, us Seattleites are well acquainted with SAD—and not just because we’re consistently the “saddest metro area” in the United States. Transplants and natives alike know what it takes to get through a Seattle winter with their wits intact.
Local mental health professional Nancy
Haver moved to Seattle from the Los Angeles area in the 1980s. “The winter was a shock to me,” Haver said.
That seasonal shift comes on fast, Haver explained. Before even all the leaves have fallen, the clocks turn back and the darkness comes. “What I notice in my clients is that sense of almost an anxious feeling. That anxiety I see is based in fear.”
There’s a literal fear of the darkness,
Haver said, but there’s also a kind of claustrophobia that comes from the hunkering down we do in winter. “The change in weather and light brings this sense of needing to be insulated from the outdoors. That affects your brain and it affects your emotions.”
You don’t have to live closed off to the world with only anxiety and the landlord-controlled radiator for company. Haver offers some tips for dealing with our forever enemy, the Big Dark.
Bring In the Light
“If it is darkness that’s causing SAD, find a way to get in the light,” Haver said. “Open the blinds, get light into your living space. Turn on more lights, do some light therapy.” That could mean using a lightbox or some other kind of phototherapy. She adds that if you buy a lightbox, use one with 10,000 lumens. Sit in front of it every morning while you eat breakfast or put on your makeup.
Bring In Other People
“Stay in touch with the people you care about,” Haver said. “Find ways to participate with other people.” That could mean Zooming with them from the comfort of your couch or braving the weather to go to the movies or a show.
Talk to a Therapist
If you’re feeling down—especially if you have a history of depression—talk to a therapist. “Depression isn’t just feeling sad,” Haver said. “There’s a sense of isolation, guilt, hopelessness, anxiety, self-loathing, and sadness. Feeling any of those? Reach out for someone and get help.”
Remember It’s Not Just You
“A lot of times when people are faced with a mental health issue, they don’t know it yet,” Haver said. “They get into a place of, ‘I’m the only one.’ People are going through the same things around here.” People can feel shameful or guilty for these types of feelings, Haver said. They shouldn’t. “There’s no reason to feel ashamed at feeling sad, lonely, and
blue during dark winters. You just need to figure out how not just to survive but thrive in a Seattle winter.”
Bring In the Joy
“Think about the things that bring you joy,” Haver said. “That can be petting your dog or cat, talking to a friend, bundling up and going for a walk, binging something on Netflix. When we’re in a funk like [SAD], we can feel like that funk is everything, like ‘I am swimming in this soup.’ Well, move the soup to another place at the table. Take care of you.”
If Haver’s thinking about what to do to bring her joy, she’s “going to work a jigsaw puzzle,” she said. “I’m going to rewatch all of Ted Lasso.”
The most important thing is to not deny your feelings of joy.
“Find your favorite turtleneck, and wear it. Find your favorite sheets, and sleep in them.”
Remember That Spring Always Comes
Haver likes to remind herself of things to be hopeful for when she’s feeling hopeless. Remember, for instance, during the third straight week of dark, rainy days that the sun will eventually come out, the green on the trees will return, and flowers will bud: It will be spring.
“All of [winter] gives us this beautiful place we get to live in. What is the cost of living in this place? It’s winter.” In the meantime, think of the little things that give you hope. For Haver, it’s pumpkin pie.
The winter will always be here. Get out of the house, get some exercise, and try to enjoy the unique experience that is living in this wet, dark place. Waterproof shoes, jackets, and pants can help make enjoying the wet part easier. There’s more to life than your four walls, even in the dark.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a behavioral health crisis, consider calling King County’s Crisis Connections line at 206-461-3222 or 866-427-4747 or visiting www.crisisconnections.org for help. Services are available 24 hours a day 356 days a week. ■
GABI GONZALEZ-YOXTHEIMER
Choral Arts Northwest presents
SAT DEC 16, 2023
7:30 PM
PLYMOUTH CHURCH SEATTLE 1217 6th Avenue | Seattle, WA 98101
Morten Lauridsen’s Mid-Winter Songs form the center of this program, evoking hope and possibility for renewal in the blue nights of winter with a cyclic setting of Robert Graves’s poetry. Additional repertoire includes a variety of music by composers in the Northwest and beyond. Join us for a weekend of stirring music to embrace and sustain our spirits.
SUN DEC 17, 2023 3:00 PM ST. THOMAS MEDINA 8398 NE 12th St. | Medina, WA 98039
HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:
• Morten Lauridsen’s Mid-Winter Songs
• Serena Chin, accompanist
• Favorite Northwest composers
CHORAL ARTS NW
Timothy Westerhaus, Artistic Director choralartsnw.org
Gift Guide
Everyday Mary J Cooking Weed, books & classes
VARY
Eco-friendly adventure awaits at Clover Toys with the Liquifly Fizz Rocket. Launch into sustainable fun, learn science, and bond with the family. It comes with bicarbonate soda and vinegar, but since it’s reusable, you can launch it repeatedly with the same ingredients from home. Connect the rocket to the base, and as the pressure builds, Liquifly Fizz Rocket and your joy soar into the sky!
Pick up Everyday Mary J Cooking Weed at a dispensary near you. Make your own medicine and lose the pills; learn to cook with cannabis and make the best Christmas cookies ever. Classes are available for Edibles, Tinctures, Gummies & Topicals. Classes & her cookbooks available on website.
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Bisou Bisou Skin, an Esthetician founded Skincare brand, is striving to end single use products by reinventing the sheet mask category with our Naked Sheet Mask. With Bio-Fer mented Sea Kelp, the Naked Sheet Mask provides antioxidants, hydration & stimulates collagen production.
ergreen beauty, these stunning statement earrings dazzle and shine! Give the gift of elegance with Stone Anvil.
Gift Guide
Beach Towels of Italian watercolors by Joel Patience
LESS THAN $50
Pike Place Market Tote Bags
Designed locally by La Ru, artist & owner of Robot vs Sloth, these totes are a great way to add cuteness to your daily life. The totes measure about 14” x 16” & are the perfect size to quickly slip a laptop, phone, notebook, or a fun market find in while on the go. Also available in three other full color designs: Trans Pride, Ferris Wheel Sloth, and La Ru Animals. Robot vs Sloth also features 45+ (mostly) local artists.
Cosa c’è sulla tua spiaggia oggi? (What’s on your beach today?) Edmonds artist puts his watercolor art of Italy on beach towels A selection of watercolors from Joel’s trips to Italy…re-imagined to giant beach towels. Perfect to show your Italian flair; at the beach, the pool or accents to your home. Large enough to use as a swimwear cover or as a sarong skirt. Requests for other products are welcomed.
Perfect for the whole family, these shirts feature art by La Ru, artist & owner of Robot vs Sloth, available in youth and adult sizes (XS - 3X). Not only are the shirts designed in Seattle, but they are also printed locally by Gorilla Screen Printing. Pride Shirts are made from a cotton/poly blend, so they won’t shrink & run true to size. Robot vs Sloth also features 45+ (mostly) local artists.
Unlock unforgettable memories at The Works Seattle! Give the gift of an experience that lasts a lifetime. From hands-on workshops to DIY Kits with nationwide shipping, there is something for everyone on your list.
Gift Guide
DeLille Cellars Gift Sets
$95
Spread holiday cheer one glass at a time with DeLille Cellars gift sets! Gift two of our best-selling wines, the iconic 30th vintage of D2 and Chaleur Blanc, our beloved Bordeaux-style white wine. Ready to gift in a locally made DeLille Cellars gift box. Shop these favorites and other gift sets online or at our Woodinville tasting room.
DELILLE CELLARS | 14300 NE 145TH ST WOODINVILLE, WA 98072
“People • A” Original woodblock print by Tetsuo Aoki
$100-$500
“People • A” is a signed, limited edition artwork, hand-carved and individually printed by contemporary Japanese artist Tetsuo Aoki. Aoki’s work features themes of touch, interaction, and society, and is included in the $100-500 range of available works. Davidson Galleries supports both international and local artists and carries a variety of original artworks that fit all budgets and styles.
Cozy up with a one-of-a-kind ceramic mug by Seattle-based Kuu Pottery. With a vibrant chartreuse gloss finish, this sculptural piece is handmade and painted without any use of a mold or stencils. Stop by the Frye Museum Store to find more from Kuu Pottery, and discover other fun holiday gifts created by Pacific Northwest designers and artists.
FRYE MUSEUM STORE | 704 TERRY AVE, SEATTLE, WA, 98104 (206) 432-8201 | STORE.FRYEMUSEUM.ORG
Three Show Package!
$100
Give yourself, or a friend, the gift of Theater with a Three Show Package from Seattle Public Theater! Reserve your seats to the World Premiere of Once More Just For You by Maggie Lee as well as The Moors by Jen Silverman, and Unrivaled by Rosie Narasaki. Three theater experiences all for only $100! Special prices only last until December 31st! Get yours today at seattlepublictheater.org
SEATTLE PUBLIC THEATER
7312 WEST GREEN LAKE DR N, SEATTLE, WA 98103
(206) 524-1300 | SEATTLEPUBLICTHEATER.ORG
Get Warmth, Give Warmth
Because Everyone Deserves a Shower and a Cup of Hot Coffee
BY MEGAN SELING
The King County Regional Homelessness Authority activates Severe Weather Response Protocols when daily high temperatures drop to 40 degrees or lower for three days in a row and/or there’s at least two inches of snow on the ground. (You can check the severe weather status and find open emergency shelters are at kcrha.org/resources/severe-weather-shelter.) But what about the rest of the not-severe but sure-the-fuck-not-very-comfortable winter days? What about those days when the temp doesn’t dip below freezing but the wind-
chill sure as hell does and the clouds are pissing out the most annoying misty kind of drizzle that doesn’t seem like it should amount to much but manages to soak through every layer within 20 minutes?
Everyone deserves a warm shower and a hot cup of coffee; no one should have to sleep in the cold. Here are a few places you can go if you need to warm up, as well as information on how to donate if you want to help others stay healthy and comfortable this winter.
Aurora Commons
8914 AURORA AVENUE N, AURORACOMMONS.ORG
Aurora Commons offers three different drop-in programs throughout the week for both men and women. All are welcome Monday through Thursday 10 am to 1 pm, and they also host men’s night drop-in every Monday from 5 to 8 pm and women’s night drop-in every Wednesday from 6 to 9 pm. They have food and a kitchen, computer and internet access, laundry services, and unlimited coffee.
Right now their biggest need is gently used or new men’s clothing, and they’re also accepting winter gear, sleeping bags, tarps, and phone chargers. Find the full list of needs on their website.
Women’s Day Center from Mary’s Place
1830 NINTH AVENUE, MARYSPLACESEATTLE.ORG
Mary’s Place operates the Women’s Day Center in downtown Seattle, and it’s open Monday-Friday 7 am-3:30 pm and Saturday 9 am-1 pm. They have meals, showers and laundry services, and onsite support for everything from medical assistance to housing and employment referrals.
They’re accepting toys, gift cards, and good ol’ cash money for their holiday drive. Find their list of the most requested items (kids still love that SpongeBob!) and an Amazon Wish List at marysplaceseattle.org/holiday.
The Westside Neighbors Shelter at the American Legion Hall in West Seattle opens whenever the overnight temperature is expected to fall below 40 degrees. They can host up to 25 adults. Doors open at 5 pm, dinner is served at 6:30 pm, and breakfast starts at 8:30 am.
If you’d like to donate, they have a list of their most needed items—including food, coffee, warm clothing, and hygiene products—on their website.
YouthCare’s Orion Center
1828 YALE AVENUE (CORNER OF DENNY WAY AND STEWART STREET), YOUTHCARE.ORG
YouthCare’s Orion Center serves young people ages 12-24 and offers both daytime and overnight accommodations as well as meals, hygiene supplies, onsite counseling, and daily activities such as yoga, art, and cooking classes.
They’re currently holding a winter holiday drive and accepting everything from coats to hand- and foot-warmers to gift cards via Amazon Wishlist.
For more shelter options throughout Washington state, including extreme weather resources, visit wa211.org or dial 211. ■
ALEXA PITT
Meet Your Maker: Renny Cobain Get to Know Four Seattle Creators Making Gift-Worthy Goods
BY MEGAN SELING
Renny Cobain, owner of Tough Tatas Pottery, has put boobs on just about everything—mugs, bowls, plates, planters, flasks, pinch pots, sponge holders, matchstick holders… but does she have a favorite?
“My taste in boobs is always changing,” she said. “But my current favorites are my ‘little knockers’ wind chimes and ‘tits and butts’ ashtrays. But boobs on a coffee mug are a classic.”
Cobain’s handmade mugs start at $50 and feature boobs of all shapes and sizes—big boobs, little boobs, close-together boobs, and farapart boobs. There are boobs that sit high and boobs that hang low, and boobs covered with polka dots or striped with rainbows. But what really caught my eye while perusing Cobain’s wares on Instagram was
the line of menorahs ($75-$90) she’s been rolling out this season, in hilarious shapes like pickles, giant macaroni noodles, and, my favorite, bright yellow banana slugs.
“[Banana slugs] are an iconic PNW creature,” said Cobain. “[They] are slow and strange, something that I think all us in the Pacific Northwest can relate to in the long dark days of winter.”
In Seattle, you can find Cobain’s Tough Tatas creations at Making Local Market at Victory Hall on November 25, Urban Craft Uprising Winter Market at Seattle Exhibition Hall December 1-3, and the Urban Craft Market at Fairview at 400 Fairview on December 13. Follow Tough Tatas Pottery on Instagram at @toughtataspottery for market updates and to peep the latest mug puns.
What first inspired you to put boobs on a coffee mug?
I’m not the first person to put boobs on a mug, but between my daughter’s love of boobs and the boob I married, boobs play an important part in my life. I think in raising my two daughters, I want them to feel comfort and acceptance that all bodies are different, and all are beautiful. Plus, it just makes your morning cup of coffee a bit more titillating.
You also have a line of really great menorahs. I am especially fond of the banana slug menorah, but you also just debuted a new macaroni and cheese menorah, and wow. It’s perfect! Will your menorahs be available at Urban Craft Uprising?
I’m having a bit of a menorah love affair at the moment and have been kicking out tons of banana, pickle,
macaroni, and banana slug menorahs for all my holiday markets this year.
Pacific Northwest winters are notoriously awful—it’s dark, damp, cold. Do you do anything specific this time of year to help push you through until spring?
Besides an increase in medication and gummies, I get through winter with cozy socks, a fresh season of The Great British Bake Off, and a hot toddy served up in a “My penis is beautiful” mug.
I have to ask, and I apologize because I’m sure you get this allllll the time. Your last name is pretty iconic in the Pacific NW. Any relation to, well, you know…
Yes, I am related to Kurt on my husband’s side. No need to apologize, though! Pretty used to it at this point. ■
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE ARTIST
Meet Your Maker: Colleen Echohawk Get to Know Four Seattle Creators Making Gift-Worthy Goods
BY MEGAN SELING
It’s been a big year for Eighth Generation, the Seattle-based lifestyle brand owned by the Snoqualmie Tribe. Not only did they earn international attention when actress Lily Gladstone—star of Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the
Flower Moon —wore one of their blankets on the cover of British Vogue , but they also expanded their offerings by multitudes when they moved into a larger retail space in downtown Seattle.
“We have launched 100 new
products this year since we reopened on First Avenue, and we have 64 more new products on deck for next year,” said CEO Colleen Echohawk (Pawnee, Athabascan).
“We’re able to grow like this because we really care about what customers want. Native art is trendy right now, but Native art isn’t just a ‘trend,’ it’s an enduring art form and legacy that deserves to be in every home in America.”
In 2020 the company introduced the Gold Label line, a collection of stunning blankets and scarves that are designed, woven, and finished by hand right here in their Seattle studio. Pendleton could never. You can buy them online, but you really should see them in person to truly appreciate the craftsmanship and weight of each blanket. Thankfully Eighth Generation’s Seattle store (1406 First Ave) is open daily 10 am-5 pm so you can feel to believe.
How long does it take to make a Gold Label blanket? And is it true that each one is made with five pounds of wool?!
Our Gold Label blankets take about an hour to knit on the machine; then they have to be washed, dried, steamed, and hand-finished to create the beautiful and soft hand feel each has. And it’s true, every three-color blanket is made with
over five pounds of Merino wool!
Our two-color Gold Label blankets have one-third less yarn, so they’re one-third lighter, but still luxurious and so soft.
I love your motto, Inspired Natives not “Native-inspired.” Can you talk a little more about what that means and why that’s an important distinction?
Our motto is all about appreciation versus appropriation! Support Inspired Natives is about seeing the amazing value in actual Native artists and designers, and ensuring they get paid for their beautiful work. It’s about seeing joyful and thriving Native communities, and stopping the negative impact of cultural appropriation on our communities. Plus, supporting actual Native artists is just really cool! We all want to do the right thing, and supporting Native artists over fake “Native-inspired” stuff really is the right thing to do.
What is the best present you’ve ever received?
When I had my naming ceremony in Oklahoma, my Uppit (Grandpa) Hobe gifted me a beaded medallion that he made and two eagle feathers. It’s one of my most treasured possessions.
Pacific Northwest winters are notoriously awful. Do you do anything specific this time of year to help push you through until spring? Going to Barre3 in Ballard as often as I can is what gets me through the winter! I try to go at least five times a week in winter, and I come out feeling energized and better about life. I also try to go outside every day to walk our dog, Rizzo, and spend time with my husband and kids at Carkeek Park. ■
NEW PHASE THROW BLANKET – GOLD LABEL COLLECTION, DESIGNED BY DINÉ/NAVAJO ARTIST JARED YAZZIE
samarpitcrew.com | @samarpitcrew
Meet Your Maker: Jessica Lynch Get to Know Four Seattle Creators Making Gift-Worthy Goods
BY MEGAN SELING
When perusing Slow Loris’ massive selection of T-shirts, hoodies, sweatshirts, and hats, it becomes very clear very quickly that Jessica Lynch, the artist behind all the designs, finds inspiration in the Pacific Northwest’s unique beauty.
On one shirt, deep blue stripes of ocean waves disguise fish and orcas below a mountainous horizon. On another, called Nature Walk, an array of blackberries, bees, oyster shells, and bird feathers—perhaps the contents
of a child’s pocket after a stroll through the woods—are displayed in a Rorschach-like pattern. There’s a shirt showcasing a backpacking tortoise and another with a dog sitting by a campfire. There really is a Slow Loris shirt for everyone! And they’re all designed, printed, and shipped from the family-run studio on Washington’s Guemes Island.
Slow Loris won’t be popping up at any holiday markets this year, but you can find a selection of designs at REI stores or buy online at SlowLoris.com—they’re even having a
big sale November 23-27 (Thanksgiving through Cyber Monday).
Do you have a favorite place to go and be outside in Washington?
I love the little island I live on and there is a special place here called Dogwoods, where dogs can run free on trails and their humans can meander behind them taking in the gorgeous trees and mushroom-filled trails. It’s around three miles of forestland trails and it’s a family favorite location we end up at almost daily, rain or shine, with our two pups.
It can be hard to get outside this time of year, though—it’s so damp and cold and gray. But there’s still a lot of beauty! Do you have any tips for folks who might have the tendency to hole up until April?
Just this week, after picking my daughter up from school, it was rainy and windy and, even though she didn’t want to because of this, we stopped at the island park to stand in the hundreds of leaves as they were blowing off the huge maple trees. It was really quite beautiful. We were alone in a big field, in a cyclone of leaves. She ran around trying to catch them before they hit the ground. After we left the park, my 7-year-old said, “That it was the best day ever.” I don’t have any tips, but cold weather has always made me feel alive, so I like to be in it. It’s fun to be out walking in a storm on the beach and then come home and get cozy and warm.
I am so glad you have a slug shirt! I feel that slugs are underappreciated. I love them, but some people hate them. Where do you fall on the slug spectrum? I love slugs! They are so weird and fun to draw. I have many slug stories, like the time my friend Alex and I took our shoes off and walked barefoot down a forest trail covered in brown, black, yellow, and green spotted banana slugs. They were everywhere. We stood side by side, closed our eyes—we made this randomly up on a dare—holding onto the same broom handle across us so we walked together, and whoever squished a slug with their barefoot and made a sound lost. No slugs were harmed, but it was quite funny and gross. ■
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ARTIST
Meet Your Maker: Joe Norris Get to Know Four Seattle Creators Making Gift-Worthy Goods
BY MEGAN SELING
Don’t call Hot Jawn Chili Sauce hot sauce. It’s “a spicy condiment,” says creator Joe Norris. “It’s not as vinegar-forward as your typical hot sauce. It’s also thicker, which is why I went with the squeeze bottle.”
Norris first made Hot Jawn kind of sort of on accident in 2020, when he was trying to make a wing sauce that had the kind of heat “that let you know you were alive but that also made you want to keep eating.” He spent the better part of the year perfecting the recipe and now Hot Jawn is available by the bottle online at allthejawns.com as well as local shops and restaurants including at Communion, Leschi Market, King Leroy, Double DD Meats, and Brother Joe.
Norris will also be at a few holi-
day markets this season so you can grab an easy gift for that friend who’s always making a big deal out of how spicy they like their food to be whenever you go out to dinner. Catch him at South Lake Union Winter Market at Van Vorst Plaza on December 7 and the Seattle Restored Winter Market at Fifth Avenue and Pike Street on December 10.
Take a bite, warm your insides, and remember that you’re alive.
I love that you have recipes on your website and share tips on Instagram on how to use Hot Jawn to make everything from bloody marys to salad dressing. What’s your favorite way to enjoy Hot Jawn?
It was originally a wing sauce, so if you fry up some party wings and toss them in Hot Jawn and melted
butter, you’ll never go wrong. My number one favorite, though, is Hot Jawn fettuccine alfredo! Stir some Hot Jawn into the sauce right before you drop the pasta and it is amazing!
For a lot of people, the holidays are all about the food—any tips on ways people can work Hot Jawn into their holiday dishes? People sometimes put cayenne pepper in pumpkin pie!
Do you think that’d work?
I’m not really a pumpkin/sweet potato pie guy, and I think I like my apple pie au naturel with some vanilla bean ice cream, but if someone gives it a go, let me know for sure! I do add Hot Jawn to my collard green recipe, which is always pretty incredible, and I typically put Hot Jawn on my mac and cheese. Some of my regulars tell me that
when they go to their in-laws for the holidays, they’ll typically sneak a bottle onto the table to help them get through some of the... drier, less flavorful dinner dishes that tend to come along with the holidays.
Pacific Northwest winters are notoriously awful—it’s dark, damp, cold. Do you do anything specific this time of year to help push you through until spring?
We are officially entering soup season, so the next few months will consist of filling up on a million varieties of hot, savory liquids combined with vegetables and proteins. Pro tip: You can add Hot Jawn to the big pot, but I always add more to my individual bowls. As for a hot drink, anything with whiskey works, right? ■
Winter Events Holiday Shows! Shimmering Light Displays! Fireworks! And
(Ugh) SantaCon.
A
Very Die Hard Christmas
ARTS
BY LINDSAY COSTELLO
A Very Die Hard Christmas
SAMARA JOY
“Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.” Or you could head to this Die Hard musical parody, which blends the action classic with pure comedy (plus smooth jams and ‘80s style) for a snarky twist on the Christmas spirit. Yippee ki-yay, am I right!?
Seattle Public Theater (Wed-Sun Nov 22-Dec 23)
George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker
It’s The Nutcracker—you already know the premise, but it never really gets old, does it? Tchaikovsky’s magical score will spring to life again in this Sugarplum-packed rendition of the longstanding holiday tradition, complete with mice, tin soldiers, and a timeless trip to the Land of Sweets.
McCaw Hall (Nov 24-Dec 27)
A John Waters Christmas John Waters, who shall henceforth be known as the “anti-Santa,” will glide his perverse sleigh into Seattle for some Christmas twistedness and holiday jeers. He might stomp on your perfectly wrapped presents, but this evening with the cult filmmaker seems promising for
those on the holiday-averse end of the spectrum. If you’ve been naughty this year, Waters encourages you to lean into it—he’ll pull “celebrity blow-up dolls,” “yuletide diseases with booster shots that actually get you high,” and “kindergarten detention drag shows in Florida” out of his big red sack.
Neptune Theatre (Nov 28 and Dec 2)
Scott Shoemaker’s War on Christmas
Scott Shoemaker (aka Ms. Pak-Man) will lead a gaggle of Seattle’s most Yuletide-lovin’ burlesque, music, and comedy stars in this subversive celebration of Christmas. Expect song and dance, utter hilarity, and partial nudity from this cast of cheery queerdos.
Theatre Off Jackson (Dec 1-23)
The Dina Martina Christmas Show
Seattle’s own “Second Lady of Entertainment” will return to the stage with some Christmassy razzle-dazzle this month. Alongside Stranger Genius award-winning composer and musician Chris Jeffries, Dina Martina will deliver the surreal comedy and festive tunes for which she’s been known and loved for over 25 years. John Waters calls her act “some new kind of twisted art,” so buckle in for a holiday fever dream.
ACT Theatre (Dec 8-24)
Astra Lumina: A Night Walk Amongst the Stars
Los Angeles-born light experience Astra Lumina will illuminate the Seattle Chinese Garden all month long, transforming the botanical space into a “wonder of visiting stars” with projections, lighting, music, and “astral energy.” OoOoO! Bundle up to stroll down the celestial pathway; you’re promised to encounter “cosmic visions and astral song.” (You may also want to pop an edible first.)
Seattle Chinese Garden (Dec 8-31)
Black Nativity
Written by innovative playwright, poet, and social activist Langston Hughes, Black Nativity first premiered in 1961 and was one of the first off-Broadway plays composed by an African American person. Presented in partnership with the Hansberry Project, this interpretation of the gospel play features “actors, dancers, soaring vocalists, and a rousing city-wide gospel choir,” who come together for nativity storytelling, dance, and traditional Christmas carols with brandnew songs. The production also offers opportunities for audience sing-alongs, so prep your vocal chords before the show.
Broadway Performance Hall (Tues-Sat Dec 12-30)
The Jinkx & DeLa Holiday Show
Jinkx Monsoon, the “internationally tolerated Jewish narcoleptic drag queen,” and BenDeLaCreme, the sugary sweet RuPaul’s Drag Race icon, will bring their unique blend of bubbly effervescence and quirky realness to the stage for this holiday dragstravaganza. The pair plan to show off their sleigh and share why they’re the
true queens of Christmas cheer, which already seems undebatable. The show will return to town after a wildly successful run last year; expect brand-new songs and a healthy dash of spectacle, plus “adult themes and language.”
Moore Theatre (Dec 21-24)
Moulin Rouge! New Year’s Eve Sing-Along
“Rooooooxannnne!” Belt it out to Baz Luhrmann’s feverish, theatrical love story Moulin Rouge! at this New Year’s Eve screening and sing-along, which promises free “bling rings.” Best part? The show ends in time to shamble over to the Space Needle and catch the New Year’s fireworks spectacle. SIFF Cinema Uptown (Dec 31)
MUSIC
BY AUDREY VANN
The Great Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition
Much like the traditional Christmas treat known as figgy pudding, caroling is a whimsical old-time image of the holiday season that seems to fade little by little, year by year—and that’s why I am declaring this December, Little Women Winter. That’s right, I’m talking bonnets, handwritten letters, Christmas trees lit with real candles (that’s safe, right?), boiled puddings, communal singing, and helping your neighbors à la 19th-century coming-of-age novel. Summon your inner March sister at the 37th annual Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition, which unites thousands of carolers (and timid bystanders) to sing holiday ditties in support of the Pike
CHRIS BENNION
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Market Senior Center & Food Bank. The top caroling teams will end the night with a very festive “sing-off” on the Figgy Pudding main stage. Velvet capes, top hats, and fur muffs are highly encouraged (by me).
Pike Place Market (Dec 1)
Seattle Men’s Chorus Presents: A TREEmendous Holiday
The Seattle Men’s Chorus will make the yuletide gay with a festive, fun-filled performance that proclaims to be the Pacific Northwest’s “gayest sing-a-long.” The chorus will perform dazzling carols of the season, such as revamped takes on “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” “Festival Gloria,” “Here We Come A-Caroling,” and many more. Look forward to snazzy tree costumes, sensational singing, humorous dancing, and plenty of holiday cheer.
Benaroya Hall S. Mark Taper Foundation Auditorium (Dec 1-23)
Matt Rogers: Have You Heard of Christmas
I am a regular listener of the Las Culturistas podcast—a “Reader” to be exact (IYKYK)—so, the fact that America’s sweetheart Matt Rogers is coming to town feels like a true Christmas miracle. If you know anything about his podcast with Bowen Yang, then you know that Rogers loves many things, including indie pop sapphics MUNA and Christmastime—so it only makes sense that his debut album, Have You Heard of Christmas, is dedicated to the holiday season (and features a song with MUNA). He will perform many mirthful songs from the album like “Hottest Female Up in Whoville” along with tender yuletide ballads like “I Don’t Need It to Be Christmas at All.”
Moore Theatre (Dec 19)
An Evening With David Benoit: Christmas Tribute to Charlie Brown featuring Courtney Fortune
When the winter blues cover the windows of my mind in heaps of snow, there is one thing that can shovel me out: Vince Guaraldi’s score to A Charlie Brown Christmas Grammy Award-winning jazz pianist David Benoit, who is best known as the musical director of the 2015 Peanuts Movie, will return to Jazz Alley with vocalist Courtney Fortune for a tribute to Guaraldi’s beloved score.
Jazz Alley (Dec 21-23)
ELF in Concert
Earlier this year on November 1—while recovering from a caramel apple lollipop coma—I pulled up the Max app to turn on some trashy reality TV. What I saw next stunned me. Will Ferrel’s 2003 holiday comedy Elf was already #1 on the trending tab. I examined my Halloween decorations in confusion before remembering just how seriously people take this movie. Even as someone who isn’t obsessed with the film, I’ve seen it approximately a million times (and I bet you have, too). Share your affinity for elf culture by experiencing the film like never before, where every note of John Debney’s score is played live as the movie plays on the big screen.
McCaw Hall (Dec 29)
New Year’s Eve with Kenny G
Seattle’s curly-haired son (and Franklin High graduate) Kenny G will return for a New Year’s Eve celebration, ringing in 2024 with his sexy—and saxy—smooth jazz that has managed to stay consistently popular since 1986. Brush up on your knowledge of the hometown hero
JOSHUA HEBERT
SantaCon
by watching Penny Lane’s critically acclaimed HBO documentary, Listening to Kenny G, which takes a look at the backlash he’s faced from the jazz world. Jazz Alley (Dec 31)
Artist Home’s 10th Annual New Year’s Eve
For the 10th year running, the Seattle-based talent-buying, event-promoting, and artist-consulting collective Artist Home will host a New Year’s Eve bash featuring artists with whom they’ve worked. Dance your way into 2024 to holiday-appropriate covers from Seattle musicians and members of bands including Smokey Brights, Naked Giants, Parisalexa, Shaina Shepherd, La Fonda, Rat Queen, Tea Cozies, Adra Boo, and many others. Tractor Tavern (Dec 31)
CULTURE
BY SHANNON LUBETICH WildLanterns 2023
Kids and those of us who are kids at heart will enjoy a magical snowy world in a polar regions exhibit, and marvel at brilliantly lit parrots and toucans in the Fine Feathered Friends zone. Arachnophobes might want to skip the Bugs and Blooms display, where vibrant flowers and giant spiders line your path (though we bet they won’t bite).
Woodland Park Zoo (Through Jan 14)
Winterfest
Every holiday season, the Seattle Center transforms into Winterfest, where visitors will find seasonal decor, live performances on the weekends, and of course, the beloved miniature winter train and village.
For the first time this year, we’re getting a European-inspired outdoor Christmas market offering gifts from local and international vendors as well as tasty treats like glühwein and bratwurst. Winterfest opens on Friday, November 24, with kick-off celebrations including ice sculpture carving, roving carolers, s’mores, fire pits, and more. Seattle Center (Nov 24-Dec 31)
Christmas Ship Parade of Boats
The waters around Seattle will get a little more sparkly this season as Argosy Cruises’ Christmas Ship leads a parade of holiday cheer. You can grab a spot on the lead boat, deck out your own boat in lights and follow along in the water, or, if you’re boatless like me, stake out one of the many excellent shoreside viewpoints. The parade will gather in Lake Union and head westward through the Fremont Cut, where you can find a free viewing party at Evanston Plaza. Lake Union (Dec 8)
SantaCon
In the words of former Stranger staff writer Matt Baume, “I do not necessarily endorse this event, but I feel that you should be warned that it is happening again.” Happening across two weekends, SantaCon claims to be “much more than a pub crawl” and features drink specials, contests, and live entertainment for the hundreds of folks decked out in Santa Claus costumes looking for a drink (or several). My favorite thing is the bars that put out ���� signs in an effort to ward away the sometimes-too-jolly red elves. Various locations throughout downtown Seattle (Dec 9 and 16)
United Indians Native Art Market
Put your money where your land acknowledgment is and support the Indigenous community at this market featuring goods from local Native artists. You can find gifts from a wide range of styles and tribes, including clothing, jewelry, woodworking, drums, art prints, and more. Already finished with your holiday shopping? That’s fine, these high-quality creations will be in style all year round. Daybreak Star Indian Cultural Center (Dec 15-17)
New Year’s Eve at the Needle
Nothing says 2024 like a drone show. This year’s New Year’s celebration at the Space Needle will feature flying robots lighting the sky in impressively eerie synchronization (if you missed the All-Star Game drone show earlier this year, we can assure you it’s really quite cool). Don’t fret, pyro-purists, the drone show is just counting down to the fireworks at midnight, so you’ll still get your fiery air and big booms. Party in person at Seattle Center or tune in live on KING 5. Space Needle (Dec 31)
2024 NHL Winter Classic
You’ve seen baseball at T-Mobile Park, and maybe even a concert, but what about hockey? In just their third season, the Seattle Kraken has been chosen to host the NHL Winter Classic, an outdoor hockey game that only happens in one city each year around New Year’s Day. In a battle of the youngest teams in the NHL, the Kraken will face the Vegas Golden Knights in what’s sure to be an action-packed and chilly game; we expect T-Mobile to have
plenty of cozy concessions and overpriced merch to keep you warm.
T-Mobile Park (Jan 1)
FOOD & DRINK
BY JULIANNE BELL
Miracle on Second
In 2014, New York bar owner Greg Boehm temporarily transformed his space into a kitschy Christmas wonderland replete with gewgaws and tchotchkes galore. Now the pop-up has expanded to more than 100 locations all over the world and will be returning to Belltown’s Rob Roy this year. Beverages are housed in tacky-tastic vessels (a drinking mug resembling Santa’s mug, for example), bedecked with fanciful garnishes like peppers and dried pineapple, and christened with irreverent, pop-culture-referencing names like the “Bad Santa,” the “Yippie Ki Yay Mother F**r,” and the “You’ll Shoot Your Rye Out.” Rob Roy (Through Dec 25)
Seattle Holiday Drink Week
‘Tis the season for warming wintry libations, from mulled wine to spiked cocoa. Ready to get your nog on? The Stranger and EverOut have you covered with our Holiday Drink Week, a new annual tradition that debuted last year. For one week only, you’ll find a variety of exclusive holiday-themed drink specials at participating bars and restaurants around town. Why not round up some friends, bundle up in your coziest attire, and head out on a self-guided booze tour? One thing’s for certain: these won’t be your ordinary cups of cheer.
Various locations (Dec 4-10) ■
CANOE VENTURES
Miracle on Second
Out Growth
BY BRENDAN EMMETT
ACROSS
1. Keep the beat?
7. Big holiday party
11. Psaki of MSNBC
14. “Yoo-hoo!”
15. Duck Duck Go results
16. Deodorant named after a tool
17. Torrone ingredient
18. Unadventurous doctor’s bag?
20. Sticky stuff in a hospital wards?
22. Turkish inns
23. Egyptian cobras
24. With all one’s marbles
25. ____-majesté
28. Took the bench
30. “Get cracking!”
34. What was removed from 20-Across
35. Not many
37. Uno, dos, o tres
39. Pre-Christmas decoration ritual, and cryptic clue for this puzzle’s theme
42. Charger someone took from you?
43. Evasive
44. Wrist band?
45. Looked up and down
46. Put a spell on
47. Midnight ____
48. Stamp of approval
51. Shoe company with an arrow in it’s logo
54. Some slender fresh-water fishes
57. Belt it out in the shower?
61. Gore on the Super-G?
63. Sandwich meat
64. What was removed from 57-Across
65. Space to work
66. Low scoring soccer line, say
67. The “S” of “NES”: Abbr.
68. Tolkien tree creatures
69. Founding Father Paul
Find the crossword solution at www.thestranger.com/ puzzlesolution
QUIGLEY
DOWN
1. What was removed from 61-Across
2. Love in Los Cabos
3. As a result
4. Kabaka Pyramid’s genre
5. Exams whose answers are on the tip of your tongue?
6. Lull
7. Hazel’s boyfriend in “The Fault in Our Stars”
8. Painter who may take a long time to do a wall
9. Woolly Peruvian beast
10. Like some crocodiles and elephants
11. Copacetic
12. Way out
13. Team with a B on a basketball for its logo
19. Unreal
21. City of North RhineWestphalia
25. River that flows past the cave Hypnos
26. Cartoon character who studies space history, astrophysics, and star geometry
27. Whack biblically
29. “Shucks!”
31. DreamCloud competitor
32. Neighborhoods
33. Meter readers?
35. OB-GYN’s org.
36. What was removed from 18-Across
37. Kraken’s org.
38. 180° turn, slangily
40. Scrooge’s last name
41. Ranger’s home
46. Lacks
47. Bullet train technology
49. “The Hobbit” setting
50. Coach Prime
52. Ski helmet feature
53. Goofier than goofy
54. Vientiane’s nation
55. Moisturizer brand
56. Raises questions
58. Drop off
59. Dubai dignitary
60. Banagrams piece
62. Winter Meetings execs
ART BY MIKEY BURTON
Survival of the Grodiest
How Well Local Wildlife Will Keep You Warm, Tauntaun-Style
BY SAM MACHKOVECH
God-shit-ass-buns, it’s freezing outside and now you’re stranded in the cold, stupid woods on what should have been a pleasant Pacific Northwest vacation because you didn’t know it got dark at 4 o’clock in the afternoon.
Elk
You might mistake their bugle calls as either guitar feedback or a grunge singer’s screams, but no, that’s not Mark Arm out there in fur and antlers. (I mean, probably. I don’t know what he does on weekends.)
Elk typically exceed 400 pounds and they’re common enough in Washington’s most majestic outdoor environs, so if you need to gut and crawl into a corpse around here, they’re a decent bet. Unless you fuck up and crash a harem of cows (aka lady elk), at which point a horny, protective bull will rocket to the top of your shitlist.
SURVIVAL RATING: 4/5
Bears
If you want to get wild with local bears, the clientele at Capitol Hill’s the Cuff will take care of you, Daddy. Oh, um. For this guide, we’re talking about ursus americanus, or black bears—the most common bears in Washington’s parks and woods. Fun fact: “Firm, monotone voices” will scare these bears away from tent sites. Finally, a reason to bust out that old Ben Stein impression!
This can happen for many reasons—an overly ambitious REI spending spree, a few too many treats from Shawn Kemp’s Cannabis—but no matter. You need help, and fast. Luckily for you, we’re a buncha burly, uh, burlesons here at The Stranger so
we rated some of our biggest, brawniest wildlife on how likely they are to keep you warm under dire circumstances. Think Luke Skywalker and the tauntaun, Hugh Glass and the horse, or Bart Simpson and the kangaroo. Gutting knife optional.
Bears go to great lengths to stay out of humans’ paths and can be scared away if you know your stuff. Face one carelessly, however, and your ass will be grass before you get to turn Smokey into a last-ditch fur coat.
SURVIVAL RATING: 1/5
The Wheedle
The furry fictional creature who, in the 1974 children’s book Wheedle on the Needle, protested Seattle’s population boom by climbing the Space Needle. Gentrification sucks for fictional creatures, too, kids!
In the land of make-believe, the Wheedle would make the perfect shelter—he’s huge with a soft round belly and he’s covered in soft-as-fuck fur. Unfortunately, the closest to real the Wheedle gets these days is a terrifying, Elmo-looking orange costume that’s trotted out for local weather PSAs. That suit would probably keep you warm… until an aforementioned black bear sees the color and either tramples or humps you to death.
SURVIVAL RATING: 3/5
Buoy
The Seattle Kraken’s mascot. Bored on a slow winter’s day? Partake in your favorite legal inebriate, then watch videos of Buoy dancing with Gritty on TikTok. Should you successfully beat up Buoy and wear his flesh, you’d be off to a good start with a spacious, furry, maple-scented shelter. (The rumors are true—he smells great.) But as we all know, Amazon has lined Climate Pledge Arena with high-tech cameras, and security would hold you hostage until you’ve worked at least 40 Kraken games and made an appearance at a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert.
SURVIVAL RATING: 2/5
John Roderick
Veteran Seattle musician who has played with pretty much every local act to enjoy mainstream success over the past 20ish years, from Death Cab to Cutie and Harvey Danger to his own band the Long Winters. Don’t ask him about beans.
If you run into Roderick in the woods, you’re in luck, because dude’s from Alaska. If you had to gut him tauntaun style for survival’s sake, you’d be cozy—he’s tall, he
has a nice beard, and bonus points if he’s dressed as Santa for an indie rock charity event, as he’s wont to do. But then you’d suffer the Roderick curse: constantly being asked by strangers about other, more famous musicians you’ve played with, as opposed to your own (very respectable!) material. It’d probably wear you down.
SURVIVAL RATING: 1/5
Amazon Delivery Truck
Sometimes delivers packages, but mostly is used to store Amazon employees’ plastic bottles full of piss—around here, Prime applies to shipping speed, not working conditions.
During the slightest hint of snow, these trucks can get stuck on Seattle’s worst unsanded and black ice-covered hills. And because steep hills align with property value—hey, people pay good money for those views!—if you do take shelter in one of the stranded monsters, you’ll no doubt be able to subsist on that fancy farm-totable dog food that’s more expensive than what the average human Seattleite eats.
