The Portlander’s Guide to FUN
Turn your frowns upside down(s) with our roadmap to finding the good time you deserve.
BY WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Look, we get it: with everything going on in the world, having fun, being happy, or even feeling the slightest bit content feels somehow… wrong. But here’s the thing—finding enjoyment, helping others, and even partying your ass off is a true form of defiance in the face of wanna-be authoritarianism.
The current administration is banking on you feeling sad, defeated, and isolated. And if the country is already giving these narcissistic dick-whistles so much, do they get to take our joy as well? That’s why it’s more important than ever to force yourself out of your sour mood and search out the happiness that’s all around you in our community.
So if you’re one of those people who says, “I remember when Portland used to be fun,” well, guess what, sugar pop? IT ALWAYS WAS AND FOREVER SHALL BE. It may sound quieter in Portland’s land of fun due to the current circumstances, but that’s mostly because we’re not hearing YOU and your joyous laughter in the mix. We miss you, and you deserve to have fun again. So why not flip the ultimate finger to the president, his lackeys, and wealthy local enablers, by getting back
out there, living your life, and HAVING A FREAKING GOOD TIME?
And that’s what the Mercury ’s guide to having fun in Portland is all about. Consider us your tour guide into the many and varied ways that Portlanders are having a goddamn blast, and how YOU can join them!
For example, is a lack of funds stopping you from enjoying all the arts and culture Portland has to offer? Check out our Nolan Parker’s guide to having fun with the EBT card, which (in case you didn’t know) offers very deep discounts to so many great music, art, and theatrical performances around town! Or if you’re the type of person who hates to go it alone, allow Corbin Smith to introduce you to lots of fun (and often free) group activities, where I bet you’re going to meet your next bestie.
Love the outdoors? Explore the little-seen nooks and crannies of the city by bike, as our Taylor Griggs shares her favorite Portland rides. If biking’s not your speed, what about checking out Portland’s most interesting spots by bus? (Our Lindsay Costello has the road map you’ve been looking for.) And if your family is threatening a visit, but you’re stumped for places to take them which aren’t
overrun by tourists, try our guide to Portland’s most unlikely tourist attractions! But, let’s just imagine for a second that you just want to be ALONE. The hilarious and smart Elinor Jones has the perfect suggestions for where to go when you need to shut down all systems and disassociate!
On the other hand, maybe you’re a fun-seeking night owl (or want to be) and want to take advantage of all the amazing entertainment Portland has to offer. See what the cool kids are up to at the city’s many small music venues, which are offering up more musical genres than you can shake a stick at! Or go check out a current or classic flick at the city’s famously incredible indie movie houses. And trust me, nothing will cure your funk and build internal strength like laughing your ass off alongside Portland’s four-star comedy scene—and we’ve got the perfect roundup of recurring comedy shows for you to enjoy!
Okay, let’s say you’re “hungry” or perhaps even “thirsty.” We have the ultimate list of Portland dive bars for every conceivable mood, suggestions for finding fun ‘n’ games at local restaurants, and even where you can see a fantastic show while cramming your
mouth with delicious food.
But perhaps “fun” for you is getting involved with your community? Our Courtney Vaughn has easy instructions on how to be the activist your community desperately needs. Or find the help you need as a queer person with our roundup of support services for all of our LGBTQ+ pals! And if you’re a person of color looking for a great time, don’t miss our calendar of terrific Black-forward events.
But holy crap, that’s not all! In this seemingly endless guide to fun, you’ll find all the usual Mercury favorites, such as the hilarious Trash Report, the sex-ified Savage Love, and the noggin-scratchin’ Pop Quiz PDX.
DEAR GOD… THIS ISSUE LITERALLY HAS EVERYTHING! So what are you waiting for? Dip into the “Portlander’s Guide to Fun,” soak in all this delicious knowledge, and then set a course for “Destination FUN.” Trust me, no matter what’s going on around us, once you get there you won’t wanna come back.
Yer always pal, Wm. Steven Humphrey ■
Editorial
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Wm. Steven Humphrey
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Courtney Vaughn
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THE TRASH REPORT
BY ELINOR JONES FUN EDITION!
Hello friends, and welcome to The Trash Report! This is a space for talking about what’s happening in the world. I know this issue of the paper is all about FUN and much of the news right now is very—how you say—not fun. I’d like to say something like “I’m never one to back down from a challenge,” but in all honesty I am always one to back down from a challenge—because why make life harder for myself?—except in this instance, because I love you and I want you to be happy. Now let’s make like raccoons and use our opposable thumbs to tear the lid off this garbage can.
Politics are FUN (Or at Least Funny)!
There was briefly a moment when it seemed like the Democrats would do something awesome to stand up to the Trump/Musk regime… but of course, they fucking blew it. Republicans put together a budget bill with zero input from Democrats, and it was full of a bunch of stuff that would make life worse for millions of Americans and, without support from any Democrats to help it pass, there would have been a government shutdown. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer momentarily stood against the bill before breaking ranks and supporting it with some dumb reasoning about how a shutdown would’ve been worse and the Democrats would’ve been blamed for it. This is a girl going, “I decided I’m actually fine with an open relationship” to a dude who has been cheating on her for months. The Democrats can pretend all day that they’re in a functional relationship with the Republicans, but it doesn’t matter; they will continue screwing everyone. In the words of Wayne Campbell: “Get over it. Go out with someone else.”
Politician Relationships are Definitely Funny
In other political news, GOP Representative Lauren Boebert has been hooking up with Kid Rock. I know this sounds pathetic, but hang on, it gets worse: according to gossip site Crazy Days and Nights, Rock is allegedly cheating on Boebert with a stripper who looks like his ex, Pamela Anderson. Ouch! Boebert is probably sad because last time she tried stripping, she got kicked out of a production of the musical Beetlejuice Kid Rock then invited fake liberal Bill Maher to dinner at the White House with Trump to “unite the country.”
nessa Trump has been quietly dating golfer Tiger Woods for the past few months. Vanessa used to be married to Don Jr. and shares five children with him, the oldest of whom, Kai, is an avid golfer. Trump Sr. (the president) is friends with Woods. Trump is notorious for engineering the relationships of those in his orbit—he gave Jr.’s last fiancée, Kimberly Guillifoyle, a posh ambassadorship in Greece to get rid of her—and I can’t help but think he’s encouraging the Tiger/Vanessa thing specifically to fuck with Junior. Just like, “my gifted granddaughter deserves a father figure who’s good at golf, and it ain’t you.”
The man is evil as a president, but he’s cious as a dad.
Another Fun Relationship!
I am deeply obsessed with the ro mantic comings and goings of one Jennifer Lopez, and friends? Your girl has been fed. Celebitchy suggested that Jenny from the Block might be entangled with none other than Ted Las so’s Roy Kent, Brett Goldstein! This is such a random pairing, but I love it. He’s an English comedian who’s rumored to be an absolute delight to everyone he meets, as well as a stone cold fox . I’d go so far as to say he’s the opposite of Dunkin’ Donuts… if a person could be the opposite of Dunkin’ Donuts? J.Lo would never slap Brett Goldstein on the chest to correct his posture at the Grammys, because he would never be pouting like a baby at the Grammys in the first place!
healthcare is expensive. Besides, it seems way easier to slap a hashtag on an Instagram post than set up a GoFundMe like the rest of us have to do when we need surgery.
“But what is going on with Kelly Clarkson?” you ask. And friends, I truly wish I had an answer. Clarkson has been absent from a few tapings of her show recently, and celebrities who were there to be guests were suddenly thrust into guest hosting roles. The show said that Clarkson is “dealing with a personal matter that does not directly involve her.” Quelle intrigue! That’s worse than saying nothing! “Dealing with a personal matter” = precisely that, she deserves privacy, we are already lucky enough to be sharing God’s green earth with Kelly Clarkson, so we do not need details, and a queen must rest. “Dealing with a personal matter that does not directly involve her” = OKAY PRODUCERS, WHO DOES IT INVOLVE THEN? HOW IS SHE INDIRECTLY INVOLVED? IF IT’S A PERSONAL MATTER, DOESN’T IT MEAN THAT SHE IS DIRECTLY INVOLVED? OR IF SHE TRULY IS NOT INVOLVED, WHY ISN’T SHE AT WORK?
Local Trash
This is a gross misunderstanding of the influence Bill Maher carries, which is only with other men who are exactly the same as Bill Maher, and nobody else. The country is already united around this one concept, which is that Bill Maher is a hack.
Elsewhere in the Trump orbit, his former daughter-in-law Va -
Singer Megan Trainor just got a boob job and is getting a lot of shit for it, because it was free via a brand sponsorship. But I say, good for her! Breast health is healthcare, and
Portland just dropped out of the top 25 most populated cities in the US, getting bumped by Austin, Texas. I didn’t realize Portland had been the 25th biggest city in the US before, and definitely didn’t realize it was only recently bigger than Austin! I think Austin deserves that spot, to be honest. It’s easy to be cool in the Pacific Northwest, but to be cool in Texas has got to be weird. Congratulations, Austin! And a final bit of news, this time involving actual trash: the City of Portland is hosting several Dumpster Day events this spring and summer, where residents can unload large unwanted items for free on certain dates and locations around town. You can find out more on the city’s website, and I encourage you to look into it, because our friends and neighbors need to get honest with themselves and accept that nobody wants their half-broken Ikea coffee table, and putting it out on the sidewalk with a free sign is not the kindness people want to think it is.
Okay that’s all the space I have, so I’m gonna take off. Thanks for having fun with me if you found this fun, or thanks for reading without smiling if it wasn’t your cup of tea. The fun thing about fun is how subjective it is! I should make a spreadsheet of ranked enjoyment levels. Now THAT would be fun.
Funfully,
Kelly Clarkson
Brett Goldstein
Don Jr & Vanessa Trump
Chuck Schumer
KAYLA BARTKOWSKI-GETTY IMAGES
Be a Hero in Your City!
How to be civically engaged and care for your community in the age of Trump.
BY COURTNEY VAUGHN
For many, Donald Trump’s second term in office has been a dizzying descent into chaos. The unraveling of our federal government, and disregard for the Constitution is unconscionable. It’s also been a stark reminder of the importance of political literacy, civic engagement, and building community.
That’s easier said than done. Year after year, polling by the Annenberg Public Policy Center suggests most Americans don’t know which rights are protected under the US Constitution, and the latest polling data found less than 66 percent of the roughly 1,600 respondents could name all three branches of government. In 2018, a Johns Hopkins University survey found a third of the 1,500 people surveyed couldn’t name their state’s governor.
Even 2020, which yielded the highest voter turnout rate in the US in over two decades, saw less than 67 percent of eligible voters cast a ballot. Those are frightening statistics, especially given the Trump administration’s attempt to erode voting rights, including an effort to do away with Oregon’s vote-by-mail elections.
We can do better. We may not be able to thwart the authoritarian agenda coming from the White House, but we can try to
insulate ourselves from the effects of bad governance. When our government fails to serve us and protect our civil rights, the least we can do is protect each other It starts at the local level.
Tapping into Portland city government: a how-to Reshaping systems starts with knowing how they work. Portland has a new governing structure that gives voters more representation in city government than ever before. There are a dozen people serving on Portland City Council–three of which represent you, and your district. The new system also provides greater access to the city’s elected officials.
How does it work?
The new City Council is more akin to a state legislature or Congress. Councilors can introduce legislation to one of eight policy committees. If the committee supports a policy proposal, they will vote to send it to the full Council for review and a final vote. All committee and City Council meetings are open to the public. Anyone can attend in person at Portland City Hall, or watch live online via the city’s YouTube channel (search for “e-gov PDX”).
PDX SAINTS LOVE
PDX Saints Love workers and volunteers distribute food, water, and basic supplies during a weekly wellness fair.
“Our volunteers are really the heart of what we do.” —Suzanne Washington, CEO of Meals on Wheels People
How do I decide which meetings to check out?
Portland City Council meets in regular session on the first and third Wednesday of each month, with additional meetings scheduled the following day, if needed. Policy committees meet Monday through Thursday during weeks when Council isn’t in session. Meeting agendas are posted on Portland.gov under “council agenda.”
A proposed ordinance on an upcoming agenda sounds crappy. What can I do?
Tell your councilors. Government is supposed to be driven by our needs. You can submit written comments for a committee or the City Council to review, or you can sign up to give testimony during a meeting. Links for public testimony are included on the agenda web page.
Is there an issue in your neighborhood that needs attention? A lack of services?
Maybe you’ve run into a problem with a city bureau, or just have an idea that would improve your community. You can also reach out to councilors individually. Find their contact info at portland.gov/council
What if I have a complaint or concern about city government?
The Portland Ombudsman is an independent office that investigates complaints from residents regarding city agencies. To file a complaint or learn more, visit portland.gov/auditor/ombudsman.
Ready to take your civic engagement to the next level?
Apply to help out in one of the city’s volunteer programs. The city relies on volunteers for an array of services and amenities like tree planting and upkeep, gardening, emergency communications and coordination, and more.
Peak public servant status: unlocked
Do you find local government fascinating? Are you a real life Leslie Knope? Are you also a decent person who can work collaboratively with others? Consider applying for one of several volunteer, citizen-led committees.
Committees at the city level function as advisory bodies that help develop recommendations and/or policy to guide core city functions and initiatives. They’re highly influential. These groups meet regularly, and often work closely with Portland bureaus. There are plenty of options, depending on your interests and priorities.
Concerned about police oversight, accountability, and the public’s relationship with Portland’s Police Bureau? The Portland Committee for Community Engaged Policing (PCCEP) might be a good fit. The city’s Focused Intervention Team Community Oversight Group (FITCOG), which works with city leaders and police to pro-
vide oversight and recommendations for reducing gun violence in Portland, is also recruiting members. Are parks your passion? The Portland Parks Board and Parks Levy Oversight Committee are both recruiting volunteer members.
Other advisory committees tackle everything from transportation, to permitting and development, and city budget-related issues. Portland’s website has a list of available volunteer gigs and open advisory body positions at portland.gov/engage/volunteer
The helpers are going to need our help
Not every solution calls for government intervention. In fact, Portland is teeming with nonprofit organizations and mutual aid groups, many of which work quietly, but diligently to help fill gaps in social services.
Those gaps are worsening under the Trump administration. Critical food assistance programs are feeling the sting of mass layoffs at the Department of Health and Human Services, which provides funds to organizations like Meals on Wheels.
The meal delivery service–which caters to homebound seniors and adults facing food insecurity–relies on government funding for its operations, but none of it could happen without a massive network of volunteers. Portland-based Meals on Wheels People says it relied on 2,033 volunteers to deliver nearly 1.5 million meals last year.
“Our volunteers are really the heart of what we do. They’re out there every day making sure older adults in our community feel seen, supported, and cared for,” says Suzanne Washington, CEO of Meals on Wheels People. “The need is only growing, and we truly need more folks to step in and help. We honestly couldn’t do this without them.”
The same is true for PDX Saints Love, a smaller-scale Portland nonprofit primarily serving the unhoused population. PDX Saints Love operates a day shelter, as well as a weekly wellness fair where food, water, and basic supplies are handed out. The group uses a holistic and equity-centered approach to community care, with a mission to “advance love by building bridges of compassion.”
“We focus on addressing social determinants of health in underserved communities, especially those living unsheltered or housing insecure,” Alexis Bolin, a case manager and program director at PDX Saints Love, tells the Mercury. Bolin says just like other aid-based groups, volunteers “play a critical role” in the organization.
“While we do have a small paid staff, the heart of our events and programs relies significantly on the support, energy, and dedication of our volunteers and community,” she says. “Their contributions greatly expand our impact and enable us to serve the Portland community effectively.” ■
See Your City on a Bike!
Explore the often unseen Portland with these four routes that cover a variety of situations.
BY TAYLOR GRIGGS
Everyone knows Portland is a great city for biking. But once you have your bike, and you’re on the street getting ready to push the pedals, you may find yourself wondering: Where should I go?
The Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) offers a very helpful list of suggested rides on its website, with information about the length and geography of the route. What PBOT’s suggestions don’t include, however, is an explanation of WHY you should go on any given bike ride. This short list provides a starting point for developing your own favored bike rides around the city.
Disclaimer: While I would love to tailor these recommendations to each individual reader, I don’t know where y’all live or are starting/ending your bike rides. I highly encourage you to check out PBOT’s biking and walking maps, which show the city’s greenways and bike routes. (Your preferred GPS app will also typically be pretty accurate when it comes to bike directions.)
The St. Johns Ride: For when you want to find serenity underneath Portland’s most beautiful bridge. If you don’t live in the North Portland peninsula, I bet you don’t go to St. Johns enough. The neighborhood—home to some very charming houses, the city’s most gorgeous and iconic bridge, and great cafes and restaurants—is also easier and safer than ever to access by bike. Last summer, PBOT made some key changes to North Willamette Boulevard, removing on-street car parking and fixing a gap in the bike lanes. (The city has plans to make the street even better for biking, so stay tuned.)
North Willamette Blvd contains some of the best views in the city, showcasing the northern stretch of the Willamette River and the bluffs that surround it. Once you arrive at Cathedral Park, enjoy the scene of the St. Johns Bridge with Forest Park’s trees behind it. Depending on the time of day and year, you might be accompanied by some cute ducks and geese, or people swimming at the new Cathedral Park dock.
RECOMMENDED ROUTE: Coming from the east, take North Rosa Parks Way, which turns into N Willamette Blvd a few blocks west of N Greeley. From the south, take N Greeley past Mocks Crest Park and the Dog Bowl until it meets up with N Willamette. Take Willamette northwest to North Burlington, where you’ll turn left to arrive at Cathedral Park. The route along Willamette
is mostly flat, but don’t be ashamed if you have to walk your bike up Burlington when you’re ready to go home.
PIT STOP IDEAS: Get a caffeinated pickme-up at the wonderful Cathedral Coffee on N Willamette and N Buchanan. (Open seven days a week, 7 am to 5 pm.) In St. Johns, make a detour up to the corridor along N Lombard for excellent Mexican food at Tienda Santa Cruz (8630 N Lombard, open 9:30 am to 9:30 pm every day), renowned—if elusive— pizza and ice cream at Gracie’s Apizza (7304 N Leavitt, open Thursday to Saturday 5-8 pm), or a drink and a show at The Fixin’ To (8218 N Lombard, open every day from 4 pm to 2 am).
The Sugarpine “Bike-In” Ride:
For when you want to work for your ice cream sundae. First, let me be clear. I believe eating ice cream is a human right, and don’t think you should have to physically punish yourself in order to enjoy a sweet treat. But it’s also true that a good meal tastes at least ten
times better after a long bike ride, and this is particularly true of the Sugarpine Drive-In.
Sugarpine is an adorable little diner serving up scrumptious, soft serve ice cream sundaes and sandwiches on the Sandy River in Troutdale. It’s also located right off the 40-Mile Loop, an incomplete
series wmetro area. Don’t let the restaurant’s name mislead you—while Sugarpine does have a drive-thru, there’s also a walkup counter, and it’s perfectly bike-friendly. SUGGESTED ROUTE: When traveling all the way to Troutdale by bike, the journey is a major part of the experience. Luckily, this journey is quite lovely. The Marine Drive
Cycling down the Marine Drive trail.
Cyclists enjoying the view on Mocks Crest.
TAYLOR GRIGGS
CAMERON CROWELL
Trail takes you most of the way there, overlooking the adjacent Columbia River. Facing east on a clear day, the Marine Drive Trail provides some of the best Mount Hood views you can find in Portland. There are some gaps in the trail, however, meaning you’ll have to ride on NE Marine Drive’s somewhat sketchy bike lane for chunks of the trip. I recommend getting to the trail via NE 33rd, which you can approach from the west via NE Dekum. However, take care when crossing the weird bridge over NE Lombard and Columbia. Then, stay on NE 33rd Drive until you see the trail entrance. (You’ll pass a golf course and the Columbia River Correctional Institution on the way.) Enjoy the plane spotting opportunities the trail presents when passing the airport, if you’re into that kind of thing.
At NE 223rd, take a left. You’ll run into the new Ch’ak Ch’ak Trail, which runs around the Troutdale Airport and Amazon PDX9 warehouse. When the trail ends, take NE Harlow Road to the path under I-84 and ride on the Crown Point Highway before crossing the Sandy River Bridge, where you’ll run right into Sugarpine.
The First Date Ride:
For when you need a route to romance. If you’re on the dating apps in Portland, someone very well may suggest going on a bike ride for your first date. Bike rides can make for good, endorphin-boosting first dates, but you probably want to avoid a route that will leave you gasping for air and sweating. This route, which takes you between two of Portland’s finest parks, is relatively flat and contains many opportunities to stop and catch your breath.
SUGGESTED ROUTE: Start at Irving Park on NE Fremont and 7th. From there, take NE 7th to NE Shaver to North Williams, where opportunities for refreshments begin to emerge. Continue on Shaver to N Mississippi, which is home to some of the best first date spots in the city. Then head south one block to N Failing, which will carry you across I-5 to North Overlook. Stay there until N Skid more, which will deposit you at Mocks Crest Park (AKA the Skidmore Bluffs). If biking to Mocks Crest on a first date is too basic for you, go to the Dog Bowl instead, located on N Willamette and N Jessup. Or pedal back to N Shaver. Take a right on N Michigan and head north to N Ainsworth, where you’ll find Peninsula Park (and, in the right season, its fountain and rose garden).
If even that’s too basic, go back to Irving Park. Take NE Klickitat east to NE 18th, and head north until you reach Sabin HydroPark. Or stay on Klickitat and ride east until you fall over. (That’s what you get for criticizing my bike ride ideas.)
PIT STOP IDEAS: Kulfi is a unique dessert shop on Williams between Fremont and Beech, selling delicious ice cream and its namesake Indian frozen treat. On Mississippi, check out Moloko, Interurban, or The Rambler, which are each romantic in their own way. I also recommend gazing into the mesmerizing display at Sunlan Lighting. Tehuana Oaxacan Cuisine, a food truck on N Ainsworth and Greeley, is worth the detour.
The Goodwill Bins Ride:
For when you want to bike along the Willamette on the Springwater Corridor trail, but feel like you need a destination and don’t want to go to Oaks Park. (This ride could also be the Oaks Park Ride with very few tweaks.) I love the Goodwill Outlet Store (AKA The Bins) in Milwaukie, as does every cool person in Southeast Portland, many of whom are intimidating. Build up the strength and confidence to fight for your finds at the bins by riding your bike there.
SUGGESTED ROUTE: This one’s easy: Just take the Springwater Corridor trail (the segment adjacent to the Willamette River) south and keep going. From the trailhead just south of the Tilikum Crossing Bridge, the ride is about four miles, and pretty much flat. You’ll pass Oaks Amusement Park and the Oaks Bottom Wildlife Refuge, both of which offer visual interest. Head east off the path at SE Linn Street. Goodwill is across SE 17th Ave, and there’s bike parking up front. If you buy too much stuff, there’s a MAX Orange Line stop a few blocks away.
PIT STOP IDEAS: Piece of Cake bakery, on SE 17th and Umatilla Street, is charming and yummy. The Muddy Rudder Public House, right off the Sellwood Bridge, is welcoming with great pizza. Lady Gaga once went to Gino’s, on SE 13th and Spokane.
But if that’s too upscale for a post-thrifting bite, try the Sicilian deli and bakery Sebastiano’s, located on SE 13th and Umatilla. There’s a lot to check out in Sellwood—if you’re not already making regular trips to the neighborhood, an afternoon biking its streets will make you
Painted on the bike lane at N Williams and Killingsworth.
TAYLORGRIGGS
Things To Do And See With EBT
Arts For All makes checking out many of the city’s cultural institutions a lot less expensive!
BY NOLAN PARKER
Did you know that as someone receiving food and/or cash assis tance from the State of Oregon, you are automatically able to take advantage of Arts For All—a program allowing EBT cardholders (the card given to those who receive food and cash assistance) to access some of the city’s biggest and best cultural institu tions for a reduced rate?
Arts For All tickets are obtained differ ently at different places around the city and usually knocks the price of admis sion down to $5 a person or, as I found out while researching this piece, even cheaper. I didn’t know about Arts For All for years, even though I was on and off EBT for over a decade! The list of what you can access through Arts For All is immense, and, at times, pretty confusing. Fear not, as someone who has taken deep advantage of this program, I’ve wrangled up a list of just some of my favorite places and happenings you can take advantage of via Arts For All.
By the way, there is ZERO SHAME using an EBT card, none whatsoever! The government—yes, the City of Portland and the State of Oregon—has done us dirty by refusing to defund the police (and the mil itary/prison industrial complexes) while continually cutting funding to socialized resources including healthcare, education, and the arts—providing those who need it with food and cash assistance is the literal minimum they should be doing. Proudly use your EBT card to get into the fancy concerts at the Schnitz and dress TF down, use it at farmers markets and food co-ops where they double the dollars you spend, use it after you stop receiving food and cash assistance to continue getting into cultural spaces and events on the cheap! You are not doing the institutions or artists a disservice by using your EBT to get reduced admission, you’re actually just saving yourself a few bucks and forcing the government to subsidize the arts— something they should be doing more of without having their hand forced.
they have bangers, they’re bangers ! They offer AFA tickets on a first come, first served basis—get yours early by emailing info@ albertaabbey.org to secure your spot. Hilariously, they will be hosting
SAW: the Musical in late April/early May and I reckon that’s a good bang for your (5) buck(s).
These are just a small handful of the arts and culture institutions offering Arts For All (AFA) tickets to their events and spaces…
The cherished Alberta Abbey venue offers the $5 AFA deal to most of their shows with a few exceptions. They don’t always have the fullest calendar, but when
Hosting incredible performances at various churches and cathedrals around town, Cappella Romana is Portland’s premiere resource for experiencing Gregorian chants, experimental choral arrangements, and a capella groups that otherwise would not be seen or heard in our city at all. The easiest way to access AFA tickets for Cappella Romana performances is to use their website to purchase tickets and select the Arts For All pricing when checking out—easy as that. Another feature they offer is student tickets for $15.
The only theater of its kind in the PNW,
Corrib Theatre hosts and commissions plays exclusively from the Irish diaspora. This doesn’t mean only white-Irish either, as their programming is diverse and vast in scope—one season has the potential to see multiple performances by playwrights of color featuring players of color. An excellent example of their commitment to diversity is seen in their Godot Is A Woman festival happening this spring. The festival features Godot -esque plays and staged readings featuring women and gender nonconforming people. The best way to get AFA tickets for Corrib performances is to call their box office directly at 503-389-0579.
A Portland classic, Lan Su Chinese Garden is a serene reprieve from the sometimes hectic landscape of the Pearl and downtown. Lan Su boasts a city block’s worth of traditional Chinese gardens complete with a koi pond and tea pavilion.
Just head to the box office with your EBT card and ID and they’ll sort you out. The garden recently reduced the AFA ticket price to $3 but, heads up, you’re not able to get AFA pricing for their ticketed events, such as their Lunar New Years celebrations. On top of the reduced AFA pricing, they also offer free admission to one caregiver if someone has mobility needs. Hej! The gorgeous Nordic Northwest campus in deep SW Portland hosts myriad events culturally tied to Nordic countries. They offer traditional crafting workshops, music performances, and, in the warmer months, have outdoor film screenings on their lush lawn by nordic directors such as Ingmar Bergman. Just head to their website, select AFA tickets at checkout, and you’re all set—don’t forget to bring your EBT card to the event to show the ticketing folks.
The Oregon Museum of Science and Industry, or OMSI as it’s affectionately
ANTHONY KEO
known, goes hard with the benefits offered to EBT cardholders. You can purchase up to four general admission tickets at $5, either online or at the museum, allowing you to view the permanent collections and, for a small upcharge, the Jurassic World exhibit. OMSI also offers deeply discounted memberships—up to 55%—to those receiving government assistance. Just make sure you bring your EBT card with you as they may ask to see proof of eligibility.
One of Portland’s newest indie theaters, PAM Cut Tomorrow Theater , is quickly becoming known for their pre- and post-screening events that include vinyl swaps, art salons, crafting, and so much more. Portland movers and shakers hosting these events include Nationale, Violet Hex, and Woo-Woo. Tomorrow Theater has joined in on the fun, offering $5 AFA
OMSI goes hard with the benefits offered to EBT cardholders.
tickets to all their screenings that are $15. These tickets also grant access to the happenings before and after screenings—the only thing you can’t get AFA tickets for are their special events like artists talks, live podcasts, and the like. AFA tickets can be purchased at the theater’s box office day-of-show.
Portland’s grande dame of the arts has to be the illustrious Portland 5 consortium of theaters that includes the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, the Winningstad Theatre, the Keller Auditorium, the Newmark Theatre, and the Brunish Theatre. Portland 5 does offer AFA tickets to many of their events, but it can be a tad confusing to figure out which events are participating and where you procure said tickets. With P5 venues, it’s best to call their box office directly at 503-248-4335 to chat with one of their extremely friendly employees to figure out if the events you’re interested in are offering AFA tickets and, as was the case when I called in, they are happy to tell you about other discounts such as rush and student/educator tickets.
Our city’s largest arts organization, the Portland Art Museum has been active in bringing art from all over the world to the South Park Blocks for over 130 years. The programming has been diversifying in recent years with exhibitions featuring Black Oregonian artists, Indigenous visionaries, and a wide range of queer and femme creators. EBT cardholders can purchase up to two $5 tickets per visit, granting access to everything currently on view. Checking out the forthcoming exhibitions featuring Yoshida Chizuko and Australian Indigenous artists—along with the permanent collections—is well worth the AFA admission, which can be obtained onsite at the box office. PAM also offers many discounts outside of the AFA program, including free first Thursdays and free admission for those 17 and under—head
to the “ Discounts & Free Days” section of their website for more info. Portland Center Stage, champions of both traditional and experimental theater, are also advocates of accessibility. Along with offering $5 AFA admission to all of their performances, there are two pay what you will nights for each production. So, if you have the scratch and want to pay it forward, you can spend $100 on a ticket, but if your bank roll is getting small, you have two opportunities per production to pay literally $0 to see some of the best theater in Portland. To access either of these discounts, call their box office at 503-4453700 with a credit card or visit their box office in person with card or cash. Their remaining three productions of the season all look incredible.
Nestled in the Southwest Hills, right across the street from the International Rose Test Garden, the Portland Japanese Garden is a sight to behold any season of the year. It’s especially stunning if you trek up on a clear day and catch Mount Hood in all her glory. Regardless of the season, get up there whenever you can to check out the gardens, the lovely cafe, and their rotating art exhibitions. Present your EBT card (from Oregon or Washington!) at the front gates to get up to two adult tickets for $5 and four children’s tickets—ages 17 and under—for free.
The crown jewel of arts and culture in Beaverton, the Patricia Reser Center for the Arts —or simply the Reser—is a new, beautiful building hosting cultural events ranging from popular music concerts to queer cabarets, and community events like Beaverton City Library’s annual literary event, One Book, One Beaverton . Not all events at the Reser offer AFA pricing, the easiest way to find out if the events you’re interested in have AFA discounts is to call their box office at 921-501-7722. One of their events I’m most excited about is coming up May 30 and presented by the Oregon Symphony: Carla Kihlstedt’s 26 Little Deaths —a song cycle taking us through the alphabet of Edward Gorey’s darkly twisted children’s book, the Gashlycrumb Tinies
These institutions also participate in the Arts For All program…
Literary Arts, Live Wire Radio, The Old Church Portland, Oregon Ballet Theatre, Oregon Symphony, Pittock Mansion, Portland Gay Men’s Chorus, Portland Lesbian Choir, Portland Opera, Portland Playhouse, Third Angle New Music, Wisdom’s NW Indian Storytelling Festival.
Find a list of every participant in the Arts For All program at racc.org/artsforall
Also, as an aside, if you own a business or think someplace you’re connected to would be into offering reduced admission, reach out to Arts For All and get something going! If you’re more on that DIY tip, advertise your events by including NOTAFLOF (no one turned away for lack of funds) or PWYC (pay what you can), or offer a sliding scale! It’s easy to do and truly allows people who just straight up wouldn’t come to your show (or party or screening) because they can’t afford it. Access is a top priority right now and always—we should all be getting with it! ■
Lilac Days
APRIL 19 - MAY 11 2025
Lilac Plant Sales • Gift Shop • Quilt Raffle Barn/Museum • Self-Guided Garden Tours Historic Klager Farmhouse
10am – 4pm Daily
$10 Gate Fee (children 12 & under free) 115 S. Pekin Rd, Woodland, WA 98674
Group Therapy
Finding friends (and fun!) in Portland with group activities.
BY CORBIN SMITH
Group activities: they lead to friendship, romance, creative fulfillment, exercise, and exposure to nature. But getting involved can seem strange, alien. That’s why the Portland Mercury , your favorite newspaper, is here to help. Here are six starting points for getting your fun on with your fellow person(s) in the big city.
Salsa Dancing
A novel mix of Cuban, African, and American musical and dance influence, salsa dancing is a partnered ballroom dance form. Carolina Rahima, the owner of Change to Vitalidad Movement Arts Center, a dance studio in East Portland, teaches salsa classes for dancers of all ages and experience levels. “It’s a partner dance,” she says. “Somebody leading, somebody following.” Think waltzing, but with way more kinesis and faster music. “And you also have solo stuff, where you get to shine and show off what you know.”
Salsa rose to global glory in New York City in the 1960s and has been a hot boogie for dancers ever since. “It’s a very sexy, very connected to your partner type of dance, and it’s a lot of fun.”
“We have different levels of classes, based on a curriculum we’ve developed over the last twenty years,” Rahima notes.” You learn the footwork without a partner, then you move onto partnering. We rotate partners, so you don’t need to bring someone. You’ll be dancing with different people, which is encouraged because the rules you have to learn as a lead or a follow [means] you gotta learn how to deal with different people.”
Another perk to salsa dancing, you can go out and strut your stuff after your first class. “You don’t have to be an expert to go out and have fun,” Rahima says. “Of course, the more you know, the more you can do on the dance floor. There are clubs all around town where you can go dancing, and we have social dancing on the first and third Sunday of the month.”
Vitalidad’s beginner classes are frequent and robust. Find more info at vmacpdx.com
Pottery
Clay has held the dreams, ambitions, and passions of craftspeople since the dawn of civilization. If you hear the call of the wheel, there are studios all around the Portland area, ready to supply you with the knowledge and materials you need to create anything you want from the Earth’s preferred material.
According to Alexa Evans-Pritchard, the co-owner of Morning Ceramics Studio, “A lot of people get into it because they had a class or two in school or have seen it looking methodic and relaxing on Instagram. The reality is, we’re working with dirt, and it can be a barrier to entry. It’s harder than it looks, but the failures just make the highs even higher.”
Rec League Basketball
Four nights a week across Portland, groups of roving people pack gyms across the metro area, and play competitive games of basketball. It’s the Portland Basketball League, consisting of 110 teams growing fat and powerful with the spirit of hooping. If you already have a team you play with at the park or the gym, you can sign up to ball in one of three leagues for men or one for women. Or, if you’re not into the whole unity thing, you can live like a Ronin, going from team to team with the help of the leagues’ Pick-to-Pick portal, which can keep you in shorts and “running off screen” for up to four games a week.
“Basketball is just a really well-designed sport,” Mikal Dulio, the founder and owner of Portland Basketball says. Why should one choose a rec league, instead of hunting for pickup games? “Instead of going to a park or a 24 Hour Fitness—where there’s too few or too many people, never the right number of people, five-on-five with two subs—they get an exact game with an exact number of people that starts at an exact time,” Dulio continues. “It’s very efficient. They get time to be social, they get their cardio, it’s good for their bones, it’s good for their joints, it’s good for their mental health. Plus there’s friendships, and the game is fun. You get a lot of value.”
Info about Portland Basketball can be found at portlandbasketball.com . Seasons last only eight weeks, so you can get into a new round of play soon. PBB also runs volleyball leagues, if that’s more your speed.
If you love going down rabbit holes, you can spend a lifetime in basic handheld clay formation, spinning on the wheel, obsessing over painted decoration that pops after a round in the kiln, obsessing over a carved detail on a single pot, or both at the same time. You can devote yourself to one pot for months at a time, or you can crack your neck and get busy producing 40 nearly identical coffee cups in one session.
Membership at Morning grants you 24/7 access to the studio. “Because ceramics can be so involved,” Evans-Pritchard says, “doing it alone can be a lot for people. We
have some members who have their own home private studios, but they still choose to get a community membership so they can remain plugged into a social experience of pottery. People who work from home and are looking for a ‘third place’—I wanna get out, I wanna meet people, I’m looking for friendship, I’m looking for collaboration— that’s the core of the community studio and what we do here.”
Morning Ceramics Studio offers a constant stream of intro classes. Check them out at morningceramics.com
PHOTOS BY CORBIN SMITH
Roller Derby
Sure, sometimes bringing order to the chaos of a lump of clay is fun, but what if, in your heart, what you really want to do is roller skate head-first into a wall of people?
Portland’s world famous roller derby club, the Rose City Rollers, offer classes and community for anyone looking to strap on a helmet and skates, and step into the ring.
The Rollers offer a four-week program covering the basics of the game. “We’ve created a really great program to make it as accessible for people as possible.”
Loren Mutch, a star skater in the Rollers and the league’s comms person tells the Mercury. “As an adult, it’s kind of hard to get involved with a new sport. You don’t need to know the rules of roller derby, you don’t need to be a great roller skater—we’ll teach you everything you need to know.” No equipment needed, the Rollers provide.
“I think ultimately it’s the community and the people in it who make it so special,” Mutch says. “It’s super athletic, and it’s fun to be a player and work with your teammates. Everyone is very supportive and people feel very empowered. I think that’s why people stay.”
“You don’t need to know the rules, you don’t need to be a great skater—we’ll teach you everything you need to know.”
The Rollers’ next intro series starts May 31. Check out their website, rosecityrollers.com for more info. They also play league games every Friday and Saturday evening at the Rose City Rollers Hangar at Oaks Park, so you can check out their immaculate vibe without ever strapping on a skate.
Juggling
Every week from 7 to 9 pm in the gym at Reed College—a famous liberal arts college tucked away in Southeast Portland’s Woodstock neighborhood—a group of students work towards their PE credit in a juggling class, taught not by a professor of juggling, but by a group of enthusiastic volunteers who gather to work on their own craft and share the good word with the youth or anyone else who drops by looking to learn the ways of the circus arts.
“It’s good exercise, for one,” TJ Carlson, the director of the Portland Juggling Fes -
tival says. “It’s great for the brain—lots to think about, all the patterns, all that stuff. Plus, some of the greatest friends I’ve ever made, I made through juggling.”
“But it’s not just about juggling,” Carlson continues. “Juggling and ‘the flow arts’ are two very closely related things. The flow arts are more about making things just flow around: people waving fans, spinning poi (weighted objects, typically balls on strings), bounce juggling.” A few people in the gym were futzing with devil sticks, while another guy was working with his Diabolo, a silicone hourglass that you handle with a string at-
tached to two sticks. One small group in the gym was even using a big piece of cardboard to steer a small indoor hang glider. If you can toss it or dance with it, you can learn it here in a welcoming environment.
“A lot of students have never tossed a ball before,” Carlson tells me, “but the members of the Portland Jugglers are willing to teach you.”
Classes take place every Wednesday in the gym at Reed College from 7-9 pm. They’ll start you on three balls and you can go from there. Find more info at portlandjugglers.org
Magic: The Gathering
In 1993, Wizards of the Coat published the first set of Magic: The Gathering cards. In the intervening 32 years, no one has made a trading card game that comes even close to prying daddy Magic’s grip from the hearts and minds of tabletop players the world over.
“It’s a great way to just get together, shoot the shit, and scratch the competitive itch a little,” says Keishi Ihara, a weekly participant at Guardian Games’ extraordinarily popular Thursday Commander night.
“It’s so fun, it’s the best game ever,” adds Peter LaRose, a local MTG enthusiast. If you’re looking for someone to play with, LaRose recommends checking out the people around you, many of whom are nursing a secret love for the dark arts. “You’d be surprised how many of your co-workers or neighbors play. Keishi was my coworker, and we just started talking one day about Magic, and now we play together every week.”
Jules Morales, another player at the table, chimes in. “It’s not just for basement dwellers or anything like that, there’s a pretty solid group of people who play.”
“It’s inclusive enough to include those people, though,” says Ihara.
If you want to learn the basics of Magic: The Gathering, you can’t do better than MTG Arena, the official free app available on your application store of choice. If you would like to weaponize that knowledge in meatspace, you can buy a commander deck from Guardian Games and find a table at their Commander Night, every Thursday from 6 pm to 10 pm. Many other game stores in the area also host Magic nights.
Big Love For Portland’s Small Venues
Our city’s small capacity venues rule and so do you… it’s a match made in heaven!
BY MERCURY MUSIC WRITERS
Seeing artists like Doja Cat and Portugal. the Man in small capacity venues before they blow up is incredibly memorable not (only) because it’s a bragging point, it’s also that you’ve experienced these incredible talents in an intimate setting they will never play again—allowing you to connect with the performers and their music more deeply than is possible at festivals and arenas. Even though her politics now suck, seeing Grimes open for Austra at Holocene in 2011 was insane—it felt like all of Portland was there and those who weren’t, claimed to have been. There’s an unparalleled energy seeing live music in a small room, surrounded by
those who are there to experience the same music you are, people who get it. Here in Portland, we are unbelievably lucky to have dozens of small venues that host gigs on a near-nightly basis. What follows is a noteven-close-to-comprehensive run-down of small capacity venues I, and some of the Mercury ’s writers, love. See you there!
If you walk down the streets of North Portland, you’re bound to come upon colorful plaques attached to brick storefronts peppered between newly built apartment complexes. These plaques tell the story of how, before the disruptive I-5 freeway project, the pool halls and jazz clubs of Portland’s historically Black neighborhoods made
this the center of Portland nightlife. The 1905 is tucked one block off the main drag of Mississippi, and while it may be one of one jazz clubs in the neighborhood, it is nonetheless a blessing. Whether it’s showcasing world class touring musicians across the spectrum of the genre or highlighting the city’s world-class talent, the 1905 does it all while slinging tasty pizza and bringing stiff drinks to your table on their cute courtyard patio.
CAMERON
CROWELL
Portland’s long been short on small-to-medium sized venues championing all-ages shows. Thankfully, Black Water Bar has always swam against the current. Recently
moved from its NE Broadway spot in the Lloyd District to their new Rose City Park location (NE 51st & Sandy), Black Water continues its legacy as a storied spot for the local punk, hardcore, and independent music scenes who, let’s face it, would likely otherwise be booked to play your friend's basement. House shows are fun, but not everybody can rely on “Ask a Punk/DM for addy” nor are punk-house venues the most ADA-friendly. And sometimes you just want to eat that scorpion vegan burger on the edge of the pit. CC
Can you feel it? Amid shredding guitars, pounding drums, wailing vocals, and thrashing bodies—condensation forms on the
DESIGNED BY ANTHONY KEO
pipes above The Fixin’ To’s 125-capacity crowd, droplets blessing the attendees below. “It’s like some silent wet symbol that we’re doing the lord’s work,” owner of the Fixin’ To, Bart Blasengame writes. Praise be, pass the Frito pie! Because the Southern-fried St. John’s staple welcomes all genres, music communities—locally and beyond—have rewarded the venue with continued support. “It’s easy to focus on the trials and travails of running a small venue,” Blasengame writes, “but having bands from Japan or France or Mexico hit us up is hopefully some sign we’re doing the right thing.”
ROBERT HUSSEMAN
A hub for all manner of beat-heavy sounds and true to its name, The Get Down is a subterranean venue tucked beneath the Melody Ballroom in Portland’s Central Eastside. Opened in 2022, The Get Down has an upscale speakeasy vibe, with low ceilings, plenty of neon lighting, and beefy security guards. It also boasts a meaty sound system and spacious dancefloor—perfect for its regular schedule of hip-hop, reggae, modern jazz, and electronic artists.
ROBERT HAM
Leaven Community, housed in a former Northeast Portland church, is a hotspot for the city’s avant-garde music scenes. The organization’s commitment to diversity and equity extends to their concert programming—Creative Music Guild and Moment are among the roving music events that regularly produce shows at Leaven, drawing enthusiastic crowds of those in the know. The community center is a musical sanctuary boasting stunning natural acoustics often only heard in religious architecture. Don’t let the stained-glass windows and wooden pews fool you, Leaven Community is non-denominational. CHARLES ROSE
The name Lollipop Shoppe is a nod to PDX legend Fred Cole’s pre-Dead Moon outfit of the same name, bridging the gap between elder and greener generations of showgoers in the city. With a range of diverse lineups spanning international DJ sets, secret shows, local punk, electronic, pop and indie, Lollipop is run by stalwart scene instigator, Liz Elder, who has spent the better part of a decade laying the foundation for the venue
in addition to running the annual Lose Yr Mind Fest. RYAN PRADO
The folks behind Mendelsshons, a cozy bar on North Mississippi, are filling an unusual and necessary niche in the local music scene—taking classical music out of enormous concert halls and churches to give it back to the people. While their concert calendar mixes in jazz, folk, and musical theater, the venue’s bread and butter is small chamber ensembles performing canonical classical works on a small stage set eight feet above where patrons sit and sip creative cocktails. RH
It’s been ten years since No Fun opened its doors, and a steady stream of eclectic noise bombs has emanated from its innards ever since. No Fun’s narrow confines bring an intimate feel to its live music offerings, running the gamut from punk and heavier fare to jazz and live DJs. The bar’s unflappable vibe takes on elements of both neighborhood dive and well-oiled working musicians’ HQ. Their no guest list policy means more proceeds go directly to artists. RP
If you’ve been searching for a small capacity venue to love in SW Portland that doubles as a secret reprieve from the chaos of Old Town, look no further than Shanghai Tunnel . Accessible via the Ankeny Alley between SW 2nd and 3rd, descending the stairs to the subterranean venue is like stepping back in time to a more punk, more rockin’ Portland. It feels like you’re going to bump into Courtney Love having a drink after a shift at Mary’s, waiting to catch Dead Moon or Wipers play. Shanghai has also recently changed hands and, lucky us, the new owners have updated the sound system, locked in the bar program, and developed a food menu that bangs. NOLAN PARKER
Ahh, the Spare Room —there are few places as eccentric as this Cully neighborhood classic. Whether counting your squares at Bingo night, grooving to some of the best soul DJ nights in town, or hopping up on stage for karaoke, something strange and memorable is always happening in your periphery at the former bowling alley. Seriously, I was there
the night Damian Lillard hit his playoff series-clinching shot (from nearly half court) against the Oklahoma City Thunder. Next to me a group of old men were throwing money on a table making live bets, pre-gambling apps. When the shot went in the whole bar erupted, two of the old guys jumped on top of the table tapping their wrist watches and screaming in joy—DAME TIME! Two hours later the place would be filled with young people shaking ass to an Al Green remix. CC
Swan Dive accentuates its 19th Century expanses with a dose of gritty cool. Downstairs, expect dance parties, burlesque nights, karaoke, and VJ sets, along with weekly jazz. Upstairs is a sonic cauldron of wide-ranging artists—touring and local—ranging in scope from punk, to indie rock, goth, pop, electronic, and everything in between. The bar’s side room is all ages until 9 pm, and there’s a drag brunch every Sunday. An exciting newer addition to the Central Eastside’s thriving live venue renaissance. RP
Turn! Turn! Turn! is your favorite basement party hang at street level. Your parents—hell, your grandparents—feel at home at this intimate, 49-capacity venue. “We want it to be the place where a wide variety of acts, including acts that don’t have a big name yet, have a place to start,” owner Mark Davies says. Bartenders double as sound engineers, artwork from weekly drawing clubs adorns the walls, and kludgy college bands perform one night with sextagenarians playing brass and bass the next. Hip-hop, jazz, indie, emo, noise: the whole neighborhood’s invited. A frisbee-toss from Portland Community College and Jefferson High School, where cyclists pedal along N Williams and buses rumble down the avenue… that’s where the venue thrums amid the din. It’s centrifugal motion, it’s perpetual bliss. RH
The long-running heavy music haven, Twilight Cafe and Bar opened at its new location in late 2023, expanding its capacity and visibility with the move from SE Powell to SE Grand & Belmont. Twilight is the venue to see bands with tattoo-headed members sporting umlauts in their monikers. The curb outside the venue is often dotted with a cavalcade of be-stickered tour vans and tough-looking smokers in leather. This is a venue for the thrashers, by the thrashers. Bring earplugs. RP
Visiting the modern art gallery Virtua , tucked inside the creepy confines of the nearly-empty Lloyd Center Mall, is surreal enough. That feeling is only trebled when the small, but mighty space hosts performances by experimental artists from across the globe, like Baltimore duo Matmos and Michigan-based weirdo Twig Harper. For older music heads, it’s the ideal setup: there’s ample parking for venue attendees and the shows have to be over by nine to accommodate the mall’s operating hours. RH
Sadly, due to formatting and space restrictions, we can’t include a write-up of all of our favorite small rooms in Portland. Here’re a few more beauties to keep an eye on: the Alleyway, Barn Radio, Dream House, Ethos Music Center, Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, Ming Lounge, the Waypost, Xhurch, and the World Famous Kenton Club. We would also be remiss not to light a candle for the fallen small venues of our fair city: Anarres, the Artistery, Backspace, Beech St. Parlour, Berbati’s Pan, Club 21, Dig A Pony, Dunes, East End, the Know (Alberta), Liberty Glass, Liquor Store, Meow Meow, Plan B, Satyricon, Slabtown, Tonic Lounge, Valentine’s, the Woods, X-Ray Cafe. These venues did so much for Portland in their times—their sweaty, noisy, beer-soaked memories will live on in our hearts forever. ■
DJ WICKED II
THE 1905
There’s so much to enjoy at The Spare Room.
National and local jazz acts can be found at The 1905.
Keep Portland Reel Weird
Your Guide to the City’s Independent Movie Theaters.
BY DOM SINACOLA
At the Oscars in March, Best Director Sean Baker took the stage with a warning: “Right now the theater-going experience is under threat. Movie theaters, and especially independently-owned theaters, are struggling, and it’s up to us to support them.” Living in Portland, you may not witness that struggle first-hand. Our city is practically silly with celluloid: independent theaters in all quadrants offer screenings not just on digital, but in 70mm, 35mm, and 16mm, often from within an establishment over 100 years old. Repertory titles suffuse Stumptown; Q&As with stars and filmmakers feel abundant.
Still, even while thriving, Portland’s theater-going community is forever at risk from streamers, rising rents, and existential threats like AI or the obsolescence of physical media. Heeding Baker’s words, and supporting the treasures we have before they’re priced out forever, has never seemed more important to Portland culture than now.
So, let’s take a brief tour of our independent theater paradise.
This year, the Alphabet District’s Cinema 21 enjoys its 100th anniversary. It’s where you’ll find talked-up art fare—Apichatpong Weerasathakul’s enchanting Memoria and Harmony Korine’s beautifully scummy AGGRO DR1FT had limited runs—and semi-regular, participatory showings of Tommy Wiseau’s cult phenomenon The Room (yes, please chuck spoons at the screen), with occasional appearance by the media-hungry director. In fact, Wiseau loves the theater so much he premiered his sophomore film, Big Shark, there in 2023.
Upcoming: Metropolitan and post-screening Q&A with the mannered maestro, writer-director Whit Stillman (May 1)
Laurelhurst Theater
2735 E Burnside | Owners: Prescott Allen, Woody Wheeler
At the corner of Burnside and NE 28th, the Laurelhurst marquee is a beacon calling pedestrians to a cozy night of pizza, beer, salad (if that’s your thing), and a
healthy array of first- and second-run titles. Part of Portland’s supply of centenarian cinemas, the Laurelhurst Theater was built in 1923 by Walter Tebbetts (who’d later erect the Hollywood and Roseway, RIP), but has been under the stewardship of the same two guys for the past 26 years.
“We think our society needs to have some common shared experiences, like movies,” says co-owner Woody Wheeler. “We feel very fortunate to be in [this] community.”
2021 SE Hawthorne | Owners: Ryan Frakes, Nicholas Kuegler
Portland’s oldest, still-surviving cinema— outlasting Clinton Street by one year— CineMagic is, in its latest and most invigorated version, the brainchild of two Portland movie-lovers: Nicholas Kuegler, who managed the theater six years prior to becoming co-owner, and Ryan Frakes, an employee of Portland-area theaters for most of his adult life. Together they’ve built CineMagic as a paean to their crowd-pleasing tastes, offering affordable 16mm, 35mm, and ear-annihilating digital screenings of themed series for genrefiends and families alike.
Academy Theater
7818 SE Stark | Owners: Heyward Stewart, Julie Stewart, Tyler Dupuis
New releases sit comfortably among revival showings at Montavilla’s Academy Theater, where on a few days in March you could’ve caught Showgirls in the middle of the afternoon—under the cold light of day is the ideal time for Showgirls , IMO—then later that night had an avocado roll from Miyamoto, the restaurant down the street, with Mickey 17
In addition to sushi, concessions feature Flying Pie pizza (from next door) and Bipartisan Cafe’s baked treats (from across the street). “Academy owes its continued success to fantastic support from the Montavilla community,” co-owner Heyward Stewart says. Good movies and sometimes better food: utopias have been built on less.
Upcoming: Robert Altman’s generation-defining Nashville and Rolling Thunder, John Flynn and Paul Schrader’s neo-western (April 25–May 1)
5th Avenue Cinema
510 SW Hall | Staff: Sarah Schaeffer, Clara Johnson, Alyssa Glaze, Naomi Nguyen, Isaac Odai
Oregon’s only student-run cinema, Portland State University’s 5th Avenue opened in 1989. Since then, according to Cinema Coordinator Sarah Schaeffer, PSU has given full control to students of the School of Film: “...once each member picks their two films for the term, all I have to do is secure the distribution rights for it. We don’t need permission.”
This emphasis on discourse around burgeoning film fandom, in addition to hosting 35mm showings, has allowed 5th Avenue to, in its own words, “bridg[e] the gap between students and the film community at-large.” As Schaeffer puts it, “The 5th Ave team really works to cater to the eclectic tastes of both the city and student body.” The result is a seemingly boundless curatorial variety.
Upcoming: Marjane Satrapi’s Persepolis (May 2-4) in 35mm and Bengali master Satyajit Ray’s essential Pather Panchali (May 23-25)
Tomorrow Theater
3530 SE Division | Owner: Portland Art Museum
The Tomorrow Theater opened late 2023 as a self-proclaimed “creative hub for the cultural snacker,” wielding festival-grade tech for current features and interactive rep screenings. This is great and all, but at the heart of Tomorrow is its storied history as the Oregon Theatre, which up until March 2020 was Portland’s longest running pornographic movie palace. Owned by the Maizels, who’d also run the Aladdin and Clinton Street (then: the Encore) as porn purveyors in the ’60s, the OT bore a slight veneer of respectability, so much so the Mercury once described the theater as “much less creepy than most of its kind.” High praise.
Upcoming: Charlotte Wells’ devastating Aftersun, with after-screening discussion and salon, hosted by Nationale (May 15)
Clinton Street Theater
2522 SE Clinton | Owners: Aaron Colter, Susan Tomorrow, Tom Kishel, David Gluck, Morgan McDonald, Steven Williams In the spirit of the art collective who oper -
ated the theater in the late ’70s and early ’80s, six people with ties to local film and music communities took over the Clinton Street Theater in 2022. Though Portland’s second oldest (and oldest continually operating) theater is maybe best known for showing Rocky Horror Picture Show every Saturday since 1978, the new owners still prioritize inclusivity and diversity. This means holding a 200-seat space for drag shows, music performances, and comedy nights, in addition to regular rep programming and special Q&As, like when Sheryl Lee—Laura Palmer in David Lynch’s intense Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me —visited the Clinton for a deeply affecting Q&A following the film.
“My advice to this city: Cancel one streaming service and go see a new movie in a theater once a month instead,” co-owner Aaron Colter tells me. “You’ll likely find something wonderful, and you’ll have a deeper connection to art and your community.”
Upcoming: CorMAYnia, a 16-film retrospective celebrating filmmaker Roger Corman’s inconceivable legacy (May 8-20)
4122 NE Sandy | Owner: The Hollywood Theatre non-profit
Acquired by a non-profit in 1997, the Hollywood Theatre has come to represent the enduring vivacity and accessibility of film culture in Portland. Saving rental and memorabilia haven Movie Madness and its nearly 100,000 titles; opening a microcinema for local filmmakers and students at the Portland Airport; bringing back regular 70mm showings to the region; still projecting silent films with live organ accompaniment—the list of the Hollywood’s good deeds is long and well-documented. I have seen most of my favorite movies on film at the Hollywood. I genuinely consider myself blessed to live in the same city as this historic house. ■
Upcoming: Kineto Shindo’s folk nightmare Onibaba (April 29) and The Straight Story (April 27, part of a week-long Lynch tribute), both on 35mm
CineMagic
Hollywood Theatre
COURTESY OF CINEMA 21
BLAIR STENVICK
COURTESY OF TOMORROW THEATER
MEG NANNA
Portland’s Best Tourist Destinations (for the Non-Tourist)
Discover hidden gardens, historic neighborhoods… and entertaining truck stops?
BY ABE ASHER
Portland is not known for big-ticket tourist attractions. We have a few, to be sure, but the real draw of the city is its approach to life— creative, independent, unhurried, and green.
So if you have friends or family coming into town, ditch the typical tourist stops and consider treating them—or yourself!—to an unorthodox few days in Portland, with activities that speak to the things that make our city the treat it still is.
Have a raspberry fool!
Rimsky-Korsakoffee House, located in an old bungalow in the Buckman neighborhood near Revolution Hall, is not what your typical tourist might think of when they picture their late-night vacation entertainment.
But since 1980, Rimsky’s—named for the master composer Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov, who died a stone’s throw from here in the Russian town of Luga in 1908—has been delighting a wide range of Portlanders with their confections, coffees, and teas served against a backdrop of piano music and string lights.
Rimsky’s stature in the city is such that it raised over $20,000 from fans to stay afloat during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic. It is now open until midnight, five days a week. The raspberry fool, a dessert made of raspberries, whipped cream, and chocolate, is a favorite.
Rimsky-Korsakoffee House, 707 SE 12th
Get some hardware!
“Keep Portland Weird,” you say? Try Hippo Hardware & Trading Co., 40-plus year-old hardware emporium on East Burnside in the Central Eastside where you can buy doorknobs, bathtubs, nails, old furniture, house numbers, light fixtures, and a wide variety of hippopotamus-adorned merchandise.
You can often find the dapper owner, Steven Miller, presiding near the cash registers, holding forth on all manner of hippo and hardware-related subjects and browse an extraordinarily eclectic array of Northwest ephemera on display throughout the cavernous store.
Hippo Hardware has faced its share of difficulties in recent years, beginning with the COVID-19 pandemic, but the business has said it remains here to stay. It’s currently open Wednesday to Sunday, from 10-5 PM.
Hippo Hardware, 1040 E Burnside
Visit the other rose garden(s)!
Portland is a neighborhood town, and there are few finer neighborhoods than Ladd’s Addition, sandwiched in all its hexagonal glory between SE Hawthorne and SE Division.
The neighborhood’s layout revolves around a center circle featuring a variety
of flowers like rhododendrons and azaleas, but the real draw for rose-hawks is the four diamond-shaped rose gardens situated in all four directions extending out from the center circle.
Those roses are, at their peak in the late spring, absolutely sublime. There are more than 3,000 roses of 60 different varieties in the neighborhood in total, which are viewable at any time, free of charge (preferably with a snack in hand from either of the nearby Hawthorne food cart pods).
Ladd’s Addition, SE 16th & Harrison
Go pick berries!
One of the most important apects of any visit to Portland is a little time spent outside the city—but if you don’t have the time or means to travel far, a morning or afternoon spent picking berries on Sauvie Island is an ideal way to experience one of the many non-urban delights that are so close by.
There are a number of U-Pick farms on the island, offering visitors the opportunity to pick everything from strawberries to pumpkins to lavender, while also enjoying hayrides, prepared food, and plenty more.
The summer berry season is a particular highlight, with farms offering not only strawberries but a dizzying variety of blackberries, raspberries, marionberries, and blueberries through July and into August. If you’re used to buying your berries in grocery stores, brace yourself—you’ll never be able to go back.
COURTESY HIPPO HARDWARE
Ruby and the Wonders— just one of the musical acts you’ll learn about
Do the Albina Soul Walk! They might not make it plain in all the guidebooks, but one of the best things about visiting a new place (or exploring in a familiar place) is learning a little something.
One way to do that in Portland is by enjoying the Albina Soul Walk, a self-guided audio tour created by artist Megan Hattie Stahl to help people learn about the musical culture of the Albina neighborhood in the period between the 1960s and 1980s before the forces of disinvestment and gentrification took hold.
The walk begins on North Vancouver Avenue and covers about a mile, with stops along the way at the sites of old music venues and community hubs, accompanied by clips of songs from the Albina Music Trust archive, stories from musicians, and narration from venerable Portland musicians Calvin Walker and Norman Sylvester.
Albina Soul Walk, albinamusictrust.com/ albina-soul-walk
Hang out at a truck stop!
Oh, but not just any truck stop! Jubitz’s flagship truck stop, located off I-5 at Exit 307 in North Portland, has a little something for everyone.
In addition to the 300 parking spots that service more than 2,000 drivers each day, this Jubitz boasts The Portlander Inn hotel, a lounge and grill with a weekly lineup that includes country music, trivia, and line dancing, two delis, a banquet hall, and a movie theater where films are screened three times daily for the modest price of $9 per ticket ($7 for kids!).
That’s not all, either. Drivers can take advantage of the facility’s car wash, take a
shower, get a haircut, do laundry, get a massage, and ship a package. Buc-ee’s is officially on notice.
Jubitz Truck Stop, 10210 N Vancouver Way
Go canoeing!
If you’ve had enough fun at the truck stop, or if your berry-laden stomach is crying out for mercy after your morning at Columbia Farms, consider retiring to Kelley Point Park at the very edge of North Portland— one of the most isolated, peaceful parks in the city.
Portland has its fill of great parks, and they’re all worth your time, but there’s no park quite like this one. Kelley Point Park is located at the confluence of the Columbia River, Willamette River, and the Columbia Slough, the latter of which is a prime resting place for steelhead trout and Chinook salmon.
The park is also home to a wide variety of other non-human Northwest inhabitants, including freshwater mussels, beavers, turtles, and deer. Kelley Point has picnic facilities, trails, a beach, and can be the ideal place to launch your canoe or kayak on a sunny day.
Kelley Point Park, N Kelley Point Park Rd
COURTESY ALBINA MUSIC TRUST
COURTESY PORTLAND PARKS
on the Albina Soul Walk.
Love Portland? At the AHC you can explore the city through exhibits, walking tours, arts and building crafts, and lectures in cultural history and architecture.
(503)231-7264 | visitahc.org Follow us @visitahc
Step into the exciting world of anime and Japanese pop culture at Kumoricon!
Join us at the end of October for a weekend of cosplay, panels, and immersive experiences—don’t miss your chance to be part of the excitement! Altonimbus Entertainment is proud to continue an annual tradition of bringing fans together for a jam-packed extravaganza of everything that it means to be a fan of anime and Japanese popular culture. Gaining its namesake (kumori) from the Japanese word “cloudy”, Kumoricon embodies the best parts of fandom and what it is to live in the Pacific Northwest. The Kumoricon family is growing with every passing year, making us the largest anime convention in Oregon.
OCT 31 – NOV 2, 2025
Portland, Oregon | Oregon Convention Center
Chaos Tonight!
A tour of Portland’s funniest comedy game and talk shows.
BY KATE MURPHY
Mentioned here many times over, Portland is a comedy town where traditional standup thrives. These days, alternative-format unscripted comedy shows put on by stand-ups are taking the spotlight—and we’re here for it. Game shows, talk shows, panel shows, and roasts are a great way for stand-ups to showcase their quick wit and promote chaos without facing the beast that is Portland’s equally impressive improv scene. Polished and reliable material is a stand-up’s ultimate goal. However, comedians always want to shake it up, and we know how audiences fucking love chaos.
While alternative-format comedy shows are nothing new to this city, you’ve undoubtedly noticed a surge in your algorithm of crowdwork clips and game show reels. To a certain extent, we can thank streaming networks like Dropout (formerly CollegeHumor) for bringing highly produced, interactive, and unscripted comedy content to your feed. If you haven’t heard of them, I’m sorry for you, and you should watch my favorite show—Very Important People
More importantly, you should know that these types of live shows are right down the street from you. You’d rather be there in person—say,instead of watching on your phone while pooping—I promise. Here are some of my favorites in no particular order:
The Ricky Winters Show
About every two months, at almost every comedy venue in town. Keep an eye out for the next one by following the socials of the man possessed, James Hartenfeld. Portland’s #1 tabloid talk show. Has. Everything. It’s serving over-the-top drama, absurdity, confrontation, and big laughs. Stand-ups, as larger-than-life guests, talk with Ricky Winters (James Hartenfeld) for an outrageous live show channeling the chaos of classic daytime TV—think Portland’s own Jerry Springer.
With a history of sold-out shows across the city, you can expect absolute mayhem, and like Springer, things can get physical. Recently, a committed comedian went for the Emmy and ended up with a broken bone. The audience, safe and oblivious, was having a great time as always. No legal drama here,
Roast City Battle
Twice monthly—Dante’s and Funhouse Lounge. When it comes to the rise and fall of different comedy trends, the popularity of roast battles remains untouchable. Cam Strong hosts Roast City, a recurring roast battle where, in the name of comedy (and maybe a little personal vengeance), comedians verbally bodyslam each other. The four-round, joke-for-joke format is then judged by a panel of (you guessed it) more comedians, who deliver the final verdict.
I’ve had the privilege of judging these battles, and I’ve discovered that my kink is watching any glimmer of self-esteem leave the eyes of Portland’s funniest top-dog comedians in real time, knowing they’ll spend a sleepless night squirming in existential quicksand. Don’t expect any trigger warnings, and bring a strong stomach—mostly for the belly laughs.
however—just a beloved local performer now proudly flaunting crutches and legendary status.
Leave Your Troubles at the Door
First Friday of the month at Funhouse Lounge and sometimes other venues across the city. Hosted by Chris Hudson, Leave Your Troubles at the Door brings no rehearsed punchlines. Instead, stand-up comedians take on the audience’s real-life problems, turning them into spontaneous, off-thecuff comedy. Before the show, attendees anonymously submit their troubles, and throughout the night, some of the town’s best comics riff on your issues in real time. For once, the jokes aren’t about the comedian’s life—they’re about yours . You are unlikely to leave with a solution to your problems… but holy shit, y’all can’t be helped anyway, right?
Two Evils
Every few months at Siren Theater. If you’re reading the Mercury, you’ll definitely know when it’s time for the next one.
Driven by both narcissism and journalistic synergy, I can’t NOT mention Two Evils. This silly-ass game show is hosted by yours truly and the legendary Arlo Weierhauser—oh, and graciously presented by the same publication you’re reading right now. That said, it’s objectively “a Hell of a time.” (Get it?)
Two little devils (Arlo and myself) prompt our comedian guest—and the entire audience who vote on their phones—to choose between two truly terrible options. Before a decision is made, the booming “voice of God” (The Mercury ’s very own Wm. Steven Humphrey) provides additional context upon request. Once everyone (audience included) submits their answer, our lord shares the holy truth and chaotically awards points to either the audience or the comedian guest.
There are prizes, of course—but really, it’s a game show meant to reveal just how fucked up y’all are, and to show that, naturally, God is never fair. Would you rather have sex with your grandmother’s corpse or miss the next show? The choice is yours. ■
JAMES HARTENFELD
CAM STRONG
Six Essential Events for Black Culture and Community in Portland
Celebrating Blackness with rodeo, music, brunch, and more!
BY JENNI MOORE
Contrary to popular belief, Portland’s Black community has a significant presence in the city, and the impact and influence of Black culture on the city’s food, arts, and music scenes is undeniable. These six events are unique for centering the Black experience while uplifting and educating through celebrating diversity. Whether you’re into girls brunch with line dancing, supporting live jazz, enjoying local hiphop, free and family-friendly park events, or want to see an all-Black rodeo, there’s something here for everyone.
8 Seconds Rodeo
Now in its third year, the 8 Seconds Rodeo was founded by photojournalist Ivan McClellan as a celebration of Black cowboy culture and the legacy of Black rodeo. Launched June 17, 2023 and formerly dubbed the 8 Seconds Juneteenth Rodeo, it became the first Black rodeo in Portland’s history and took place at the Portland Expo Center. This year, the 8 Seconds Rodeo will once again go down at Veterans Memorial Coliseum on June 15— AKA the Sunday before Juneteenth—and it’s expected to be bigger and better than ever. As far as rodeo events are concerned, buckle up for bareback riding, barrel racing, and bull riding, as well as mutton bustin’ (which is similar to bull or bronc riding, except with children riding or racing sheep). Hosted by comedian/writer/ producer/actress X Mayo (whose resume includes being a former staff writer for The Daily Show) , there will also be giveaways, and “dancing on the dirt”—a quaint tradition in which people dance on the dirt floor of the rodeo arena, typically accompanied by country music (and we’re hoping the DJ will spin some bops from Beyoncé’s Grammy-winning album Cowboy Carter ) Attendees can also look forward to a mechanical bull, and other fun interactive activities like boot/hat branding, roping lessons, and line dancing. It goes without saying that attendees should wear their best cowboycore.
Veterans Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Ramsay Way, Sun June 15, 7 pm (pre-show starts at 3 pm), ticket provides access to both pre-show activities and rodeo main events.
Black Girls Brunch Club
In a city like Portland, where two-thirds of the population is white, being at a restaurant/bar/venue where everyone is Black is almost unheard of—it’s even more rare to attend a Black event where cis-men aren’t
allowed. Monthly brunch series Black Girls Brunch Club specifically caters to all Black women, as well as nonbinary and gender nonconforming people, creating a safe space for fun, food, music, and community. The series typically takes a break for fall and winter, and returns in the spring for their anniversary event. Held at the modern Eastside sports bar Jackie’s throughout 2024, the event has become beloved by its regulars for much more than serving chicken, waffles, and mimosas—it’s all about the good vibes. The event’s focal point is on the dance floor, where the DJ is spinning lively tunes, so attendees can expect ample opportunities to get down with line dances like the Cupid Shuffle and the Wobble. It’s a fun outing to experience with friends, but going solo is also solid, because there’s always the option of meeting new people or networking. The thing with Portland’s rare Black experiences like BGBC? Tickets always sell out, so don’t dawdle.
The next Black Girls Brunch will be held at Jackie’s, 930 SE Sandy, Sun April 27, noon, otherwise once per month during the spring and summer, instagram.com/blackgirlsbrunchclubpdx
The Thesis
Launched in December 2014, monthly hip-hop showcase The Thesis is organized and curated by co-founder/writer/activist/former rapper Mac Smiff, along with co-founder and resident DJ Verbz. As the founders explain on their website, the series “was born out of a history of over-policing at Portland hip-hop shows as well as a general lack of support of Black music and the Black community.” The show isn’t necessarily aimed at always billing Black music artists, but the series has become a staple, and is consistently popular among Portland’s rising hip-hop and rap scene, and it often attracts a diverse and ever-evolving base of young creatives and music fans. While the Thesis is first and foremost a local hip-hop showcase, the series changes things up with different themes each month, and over the last decade has increasingly grown to use its platform to tout the talents of artists from a range of genres, including soul/R&B, pop, jazz, and rock, as well as billing locals alongside out-of-towners.
Lollipop Shoppe, 736 SE Grand, first Thursday of every month, thethesispdx.com
Biamp Portland Jazz Festival
Presented by PDX Jazz, an arts and culture nonprofit founded in 2004 with an inau -
gural three-day festival, the now 20-yearold annual, multi-venue Biamp Portland Jazz Festival kicks off during Black History Month and now includes two weeks worth of programming. Last year’s festival boasted artists from stalwart local jazz band Mel Brown and B-3 Organ Group, to Erykah Badu, and Zambian singer/rapper/songwriter Sampa the Great, to Portland-based soul supergroup WRK!, comprised of Amenta Abioto, Vaughn Kimmons, and Jacque Hammond (Roman Norfleet and Be Present Art Group). In addition to both free shows and ticketed shows, the festival coincides with PDX Jazz’ education-centered ethos with programming that also includes artist talks, films, lectures, masterclasses, exhibitions, and jam sessions.
Portland Jazz Festival, pdxjazz.org
Good
In the Hood
The annual, two-day Good in the Hood Multicultural Music and Food Festival is the largest of its kind in the Pacific Northwest. The nonprofit org was launched by parents and staff of Holy Redeemer Catholic School in 1990, with the mission of celebrating diversity and raising money for the school. That tradition continues today, with the festival raising funds to donate to future leaders with college scholarships. Although Good in the Hood took a break in 2024, they’re back and better this year, now with a new location, and it’s sponsored by the University of Oregon, which has fully moved into the nearby campus formerly occupied by Concordia University. The festival kicks off with a parade that travels through Northeast Portland and ends at the
festival site, where there will, of course, be live music, local food vendors, and family-friendly activities.
Lillis Albina Park, N Flint & Russell, June 2829, goodnthehood.org
Kidz Outside Festival
The Kidz Outside Festival was founded in 2019 by two fathers—rapper Mat Randol and Donovan Scribes of Gentrification is Weird—with a vision to serve North Portland youth with a fun experience and the lofty goal of raising funds and interest in reimagining and revitalizing George Park in St. Johns. Well, after many conversations and multiple annual TKO festivals, that goal has been met. In 2024 the festival celebrated securing more than $4 million for the park’s redevelopment in a first-of-its-kind deal between the City of Portland and Portland Parks Foundation. The festival historically has solid entertainment in its live music lineup—with past performers that include trumpeter Farnell Newton, youth emcee J Prodigy, and Mat Randol himself—and other kid-friendly programming like appearances from Nikki Brown Clown. The backbone of the free festival is arguably its mutual aid program organized by colead organizer LaQuisha Minnieweather, who handles the impressive backpack and school supply drive, which went from giving away 75 backpacks in its first year to giving away 500 in 2024. The festival has also been known to give away food, hygiene products, and even expanded to providing bicycles for youth going back to school. ■
George Park, 7240 N Fessenden, every August
Director of Athlete Relations, Charles Sudduth (left), and bull rider Malachi Anderson (right) before the 2023 8 Seconds rodeo.
SEAN BASCOM
Ticket to Ride A Guide to Portland’s Most Scenic TriMet Bus Trips.
BY LINDSAY COSTELLO
After years of depending on TriMet to get around Portland, I’ve developed a complicated relationship with the city’s transit system. One can direct many valid criticisms TriMet’s way—it’s plagued by asshole fare cops, a troubled Safety Response Team program, and board members who maybe-do, maybe-don’t even ride the damn thing. But I’m still grateful to live in a city with a beefy transit system, especially one that carried me virtually everywhere for close to a decade. So let’s channel some positivity, shall we?
By “positivity,” I mean “I spent six hours riding the bus on a rainy Monday.” And surprise: There’s still plenty to love about riding TriMet. The murmurs, clinks, and sighs of the bus, its familiar rattles and dings and disembodied robot voice announcing the stop. The requisite “thank you”s and occasional curb jumps. Light streaming into the streetcar when the drizzle subsides and a streak of sun breaks through the clouds. The first cherry blossom branches dipping into my path as I walk to my MAX stop.
Sure, public transit can feel like sensory overload. But it’s also a complex and interesting chorus we miss out on when confined to cars. I’ll go ahead and say it—sometimes it’s fun . So, let’s get into it. Here are ten of the most fun routes in the city.
The Day Trip
The 35 line is an easygoing bus with beautiful sights and stops, including Tryon Creek, River View Natural Area, Mary S. Young State Park, and Lewis & Clark Col -
lege. Ride all the way to the Oregon City Transit Center to explore the downtown area, which offers more than enough fun to fill an afternoon. You can hop on the free Municipal Elevator, snag a dollar cone at Mike’s Drive-In, browse instruments at Wally’s Music, or grab coffee at Black Ink’s cafe-slash-bookstore. For a little more adventure, trek across the Oregon City Arch Bridge to Camassia Nature Preserve, an underrated trail that explodes with purple camas in late spring.
For a change of pace, catch the 33 to head back into town—it trails the eastern side of the Willamette and cuts through downtown Milwaukie. (You get extra fun points if you stop at the old-school Main
Street Collectors Mall & Soda Fountain or the elegant Ledding Library, which borders the tranquil, duck-laden Scott Park.)
The Workhorse
At first, calling this route “fun” felt a bit like finding excitement in taking a Vitamin D supplement. I wasn’t thrilled about it or anything, it just helped me navigate the city more easily. But the wide-windowed, brazenly green FX2 , which swoops across Tilikum Crossing, down Division, through the Jade District, and clear out to downtown Gresham, passes some lesser-known—and definitely fun—landmarks along the way. My advice? Ride hungry, and cruise past SE 82nd. You can stop at barbacoa hideaway La Herradura, nun-founded vegetarian eatery Van Hanh, Try Me Ethiopian Cuisine, or grab jianbing and congee at Master Kong. Oh, and FX stands for Frequent Express. That means the bus runs every 12 minutes, just enough time to grab a seltzer at Plaid.
Another option is the 15 line , which rolls from the Northwest Industrial Area through downtown, over the Morrison Bridge, and out past Montavilla. I’m partial to this line because it runs straight to the top of Mt. Tabor, with several deboarding options along the park’s northern edge. Bring a picnic blanket and stop at Tabor Bread for breakfast sandwiches first.
The Panoramic Past NW 23rd, the 20 line to Beaverton Transit Center curves through the greenest swaths of W Burnside, with expansive views of Forest Park from either side of the bus windows. Hop off at SW Barnes and Leahy to explore the Cornell Farm plant nurs-
ery and munch scratch-made pastries from their on-site cafe.
You’re probably already familiar with line 63, which winds from Pioneer Square through Washington Park with pit stops at the Rose Garden and Japanese Garden. (It beats trying to park up there.) You’ll find a less-frequented, but still leafy trek off the 24 line. Hop off at NE Fremont and 89th and take a winding 30-minute walk to Rocky Butte’s panoramic city view. Back on the west side of town, the 51 line to Council Crest leads from Goose Hollow through the Southwest Hills and ends at Healy Heights, one of the highest points in the city. This line runs only twice a day, Monday through Friday, but offers unmatched sights of the city and a woodsy stroll to Marquam Nature Park’s Towhee Trailhead.
Honorable mention: I imagine the view from the aerial tram is dramatic, too, but I’m afraid of the Big One coming the second I climb aboard. Try it and let me know what it’s like: lindsayc@everout.com.
The Long Haul
The 16 line is reliably empty on a weekday morning—perfect for resting one’s head on the window and pretending they’re the protagonist in a Sofia Coppola movie. The route runs from downtown through St. Johns and up, up, up to Sauvie Island. If you’re into bridges, this is your route: The 16 cruises beneath the Fremont Bridge, allowing one to view its inner workings from interesting angles. Then it sails over both the St. Johns Bridge and the Wapato Bridge, with Mount St. Helens in view on clear days. The route offers a front-row seat to the goings-on in the Northwest Industrial Area—anonymous warehouses, rail lines stacked with old train cars, and moody sights of Forest Park’s eastern edge.
If you’re not keen to ride to the island, deboard at N Lombard and Alta—you’ll be right on the doorstep of Revolutions Bookshop. After perusing activist-friendly lit, grab the 75 line to head back south. It glides all the way from St. Johns to Milwaukie and illustrates the shifting landscapes of the city’s east-side neighborhoods. Look out for P’s and Q’s Market’s mural of a dog playing a banjo, the mountain vistas on NE Columbia, and the Hollywood Theatre marquee. Hop off at SE Cesar Chavez and Knight, then take a 15-minute stroll down Woodstock, past Reed College’s rolling lawns and some schmancy Eastmoreland homes. You’ll wind up at Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden, a botanical sanctuary with solid birdwatching. ■
ISABELLA GARCIA
COURTESY PORTLAND JAPANESE GARDEN
The 63 line takes you to the visual splendor of the Japanese Garden.
Beep-beep! All aboard the FX bus to adventure!
Portland has so many dive bars, and folks feel passionately about each one. But the word “dive” can encompass many vibes. Generally, a dive possesses a lack of pretension and a promise of cheaper-end drinks. The bathroom might be described as somewhere between community art project and compost pile. The furniture is scarce; sometimes there’s just one chair on one side of the room and a single table on the other. The patio might have graffiti left by your mother, which you add to like a growth chart.
Predominantly, dives are small and dark. They have food—as required by the OLCC— but if you order any you’ll make everyone there annoyed because there’s only one bartender.
It’s not scientific; it’s not a checklist. You can find good food, personable bartenders, and chairs and still have a dive.
For the purposes of this article—written to create conversation that devolves into bickering—we will organize Portland’s dives into the following categories: food dive, music dive, activity dive, and dive dive. We do not have enough room to include all the dives. If you think there should be more categories, or that one bar is in the wrong category, please go to your nearest dive and really get into it with someone. Wherever someone is arguing about something stupid over a cheap drink, a dive bar is with them.
Food Dive
Portland is blessed to have so many excellent dives with good (occasionally great) food. For this we can largely thank the Oregon Liquor and Cannabis Commission (OLCC), which requires bars to offer hot meals with hard liquor. Most emblematic of this arrangement is Reel M Inn (2430 SE Division) whose fame as a dark corner bar where you can get a tallboy and piping-hot fried chicken has landed it on many of Portland’s Best-of lists. Also legendary are the wait times for those glistening delights—they only have one fryer—but you can have the beer while you wait. The fact that your meal arrives when you’re two or three drinks in doesn’t hurt its reputation.
My Father’s Place (523 SE Grand) is a dive bar inside a long-standing, much-beloved greasy spoon. The enduring draw of breakfast all day, at most hours of the day— it’s only really closed between 2:30 am-7 am—is the reason we’d wager most people go to MFP. You know it’s open, and you can probably get a table with your friends. Local critics have gushed about the liver and onions, if that’s something you desire. The chicken-fried steak has never steered us wrong.
Speaking of surprisingly good, I’ll just say it: The Hilt (1934 NE Alberta) is fucking solid. The menu is primarily Greek food, pitas and falafel, but the house burger is no slouch. Open your mind and try on the garbanzo-zucchini patty; I’ve been messing with that for years, and it’s never let me down. If you’re lucky, you can grab one of the cherished two-seater booths along its front window, perfect for reading or intimate meet-ups.
Red Fox (5128 N Albina) has a short tap list that nevertheless includes nitro
Bars Dive Kinds of in Four
Portland Find You’ll
Categorizing beloved drinking institutions for fun and arguments.
BY SUZETTE SMITH
fernet, and a brief menu that boasts jackfruit tacos. Everything here is just a little better than it has to be. We could ascribe it to keeping up with the Joneses because everything surrounding Red Fox brings the heat—we’re talking Mississippi Records, Sweedeedee, and speakeasy kava tea shop Nalu, which you find by venturing into the loading lot behind Cherry Sprout Produce.
Joe’s Cellar (1332 NW 21st) is one to argue about. Is it a food dive? Is it a dive dive? Is it even a dive if it closes at mid -
grateful that Holman’s (15 SE 28th) is back. Its sideroom reaches a buzzy warmth, and its patio is perennially cool. The bartenders shoot daggers into me if I order a mixed drink, so its dive status remains firmly in place. Other mentionables from this dive dynasty: Lay Low (6015 SE Powell), Sandy Jug (7417 NE Sandy).
Music Dive
Funny story… Firkin Tavern (1927 SE 11th) closed for renovations for five months in 2023. And when it reopened, it was exactly the same inside: It always looks like a room that’s just been cleared after a fight. As it turned out, the remodel was for a different part of the building, and Firkin’s owners know this hot little show spot, with at least one legendary-level barkeep, is perfect just how it is. The full calendar of music at Starday Tavern (6517 SE Foster) plants its flag firmly as a music dive—there’s at least one if not three things happening a night. Another beneficiary of cool neighbors, Starday welcomes outside slices from nearby spaces, like Atlas Pizza.
Architectural-minded punks rejoice because Alley Way (2415 NE Alberta) is in a quonset hut! It’s also a great spot to see local punks get noisy and weird, and if there isn’t a show on, the covered patio is a great place to chat and cruise. Dark basement bar Shanghai Tunnel (211 SW Ankeny) is one of the few places in Old Town not overrun by bridge and tunnel warriors on the weekends. But we’ve been to a number of quality metal shows held there with seemingly increasing frequency, so we’re tentatively moving her out of dive dive and into music dive—for now!
Activity Dive
Suki’s (2401 SW 4th,) in Southwest holds down a solid reputation as a karaoke destination with strong-to-serviceable well drinks. In 2023, the owner also purchased beloved fallen dive bar Claudia’s, rechristening it Suki’s II (3006 SE Hawthorne). Karaoke at Suki’s is laid back and less intimidating than places like the Alibi (place of the perpetually-arpeggiating birthday serenade). Bear Paw (3237 SE Milwaukie) is another slept-on stunner karaoke spot, with slightly more opportunity for mischief thanks to their lengthy tequila menu that taunts me at every turn.
night and forces us to reach the properly degenerate hour of 2 am in the brightly-lit EDM stronghold up the block. What pushes Joe into the food category are the number of times I’ve seen people chowing down on salad there. Every year we hear that they’re about to close everything up and turn into Slabtown condos. Say it ain’t so, Joe.
It’s become a common joke that bars bought up by business partners Warren Boothby and Marcus Archambeault are divey versions of what McMenamins does with historic buildings, but I’m
The distinction between dive bars and pool halls is where the arguing really begins. Yur’s Bar and Grill (717 NW 16th) has good tacos, big booths, and a main room that feels like a high school dance where everyone is standing around the edges of the room—except the floor is full of pool tables.
Dive Dive
Removing activities, food, and music from the dive bar equation leaves you alone with just the drink, your thoughts, or plain ol’ conversation. A good dive is an ideal place to catch up, commiserate, or simply to be around your friends. Scooter McQuade’s (1321 SW Washington) offers little other than a narrow hall next door to Crystal Ballroom, but it’s the place where a dynamic conversation
SEAN BASCOM
with a friend-of-a-friend began a yearslong bestieship for this critic. Similarly, B-Side Tavern (632 E Burnside) offers merely tables, taps, and a patio that keeps going (truly, try behind that door— there’s more)!
Rooms that you’re not sure if you’re supposed to be in are a lesser-appreciated, but absolutely defining dive characteristic. It was about a year into drinking at Billy Ray’s (2216 NE MLK) before I realized there was an upstairs area, with a pool table and arcade games. B.Ray’s also boasts a fairly advanced patio for a dive and even busts out a misting system on super hot summer days.
It was once a great pastime to while away Portland’s heatwaves, sipping sweet lager underground, but Gil’s Speakeasy (609 SE Taylor) may be one of the last,
lingering basement bars we can rely on. Kind of like a Tardis, she feels bigger on the inside than the outside. The food’s not half bad, but this is still your dive’s dive. Similarly, Slim’s (8635 N Lombard) in St. Johns serves food and pretty often has live music, but based purely on vibes, I still think it’s a dive dive.
The true crown of Portland dive bars obviously belongs to Yamhill Pub (223 SW Yamhill), a nondescript hole-in-the wall downtown with far more graffiti inside than out. Yes, the bathroom is chaotic, but Yamhill is beloved by some of the last true punks in Portland and a few confused businessmen. One day, anthropologists will painstakingly excavate the layers of sharpie lining this bar’s walls, and beneath they will find the soul of Portland, alive and well. ■
SEAN BASCOM
WIKI COMMONS
SUKI’S
Starday Tavern
Suki’s Bar and Grill
Joe’s Cellar
Showing Up and Showing Out
The many ways Portland’s queer and trans people take care of each other.
BY BLAIR STENVICK
I’ve lived in Portland as an out queer person for more than a decade now, and the longer I live here, the more in awe I am of the way Portland queers show up, speak up, spread joy, and do the work—often filling in the gaps that other social safety nets don’t cover.
Full disclosure: My day job is at Basic Rights Oregon, a statewide LGBTQ+ advocacy organization. One of the many things BRO does is maintain an extensive list of community resources, which you can find at basicrights.org/resources. There are a million and one groups doing amazing things for Portland’s LGBTQ+ communities, and I wish I could gush about all of them here. But because the tyrannical Mercury editors are imposing a word count on me, here are a few picks that highlight just how extensive and resourceful LGBTQ+ Portlanders are.
True Colors Recovery Organization
Did you know that about a quarter of LGBTQ+ people struggle with addiction, versus only about 9 percent of the general population? If you misuse substances to cope with the stress of being queer in 2025, you aren’t alone. True Colors hosts a wide range of LGBTQ+ specific support groups, from harm reduction meetings to 12-step groups, including many meetings for non-substance addictions. True Colors also has one-on-one mentor programs for those who need additional support. Learn more at truecolorsrecovery.org.
Prism Clinic
Operated by the Cascade AIDS Project (CAP), Prism offers HIV/AIDS and other STI testing—but it’s much more than that. With two locations in North and SE Portland, Prism provides LGBTQ+ and HIV+ informed primary care, gender-affirming care, mental health services, PrEP prescriptions, and more. The clinic takes Medicare, Medicaid and many private insurers. Learn more at prismhealth.org.
Queer
Social
Club
Do you ever look at your calendar and think “Jeez, I wish my plans were gayer!”? Look no further than Queer Social Club, a weekly newsletter highlighting fun LGBTQ+ events around town. QSC’s got a little something for everyone: speed dating, dance nights, zine meetups, drag shows, COVID-cautious meetups, family-friendly events, and more. They typically list between 5-10 events each night of the
week, so you are officially out of excuses for staying home and rewatching the TV shows you liked in high school. Subscribe at queersocialclub.com.
The Rainbow Passage
LGBTQ+ people got a few more rights and some good TV shows in the last decade. That freaked cis/straight people out, which of course prompted the massive anti-trans, anti-gay panic we’re now witnessing around the world. Data shows that LGBTQ+ folks have been moving from red to blue states for their own safety in recent years, and that trend is going to keep growing for at least the next four years. If you’re new to Portland or know someone who is, The Rainbow Passage can connect you with newcomer resources and help you navigate being queer in a whole new state. And if you want to help welcome LGBTQ+ folks to Oregon, you can also volunteer to be matched with transplants who need support. Learn more at rainbow-passage.com.
The Marie Equi Center
The Equi Center has been providing health care and advocacy for LGBTQ+ Portlanders since 2014. Last year, it opened a new day center to support LGBTQ+ unhoused and low-income
Portlanders. They offer peer support and recovery, help navigating complex systems like food stamps and health insurance, mail and computer access, skill-sharing opportunities, and more. If you want to support this amazing center, you can sign up to volunteer. Learn more at marieequi. center/service-center.
Black & Beyond the Binary Collective
Black LGBTQ+ Portlanders have significantly different experiences than what I’ve experienced as a white person. That’s why Black & Beyond the Binary Collective is so important—it creates a space unique to Black queer and trans folks in need of support. Services include leadership develop -
ment and training, a housing safety fund, and a culturally specific healing program. You can donate or access their resources at blackbeyondthebinarycollective.org
Q Center Support Groups
Living in Portland as a queer and/or trans person can sometimes be a mindfuck right now. On the one hand, everything we see on the news is a dumpster fire. On the other hand, we’re among the “lucky” ones living in Portland, and we still have to keep going every fucking day. It’s easy to feel isolated at times like these, but it’s so important to remember you aren’t alone—even if you’re new to town, or never fully recovered socially after COVID lockdown. There are a lot of incredible support groups serving different parts of our community, and the Q Center’s support group calendar is one solid hub for finding connection and empathy. View the calendar at .pdxqcenter.org/calendar
Greater Portland Trans Unity
This is another source for finding connection with other trans Portlanders. This group organizes the Trans Pride March in June, and holds monthly organizing meetings, social meetups, and open mic nights all year long. Learn more at pdxtransunity.com ■
The Marie Equi Center.
Find queer fun and camaraderie with the Queer Social Club.
Play—With Your Food
Three food-filled Portland-area recreational places to get your game on.
BY JANEY WONG
We’ve all heard the saying “don’t play with your food”—and when it comes to the literal sense, we as upstanding humans adhere to the wise words. But that doesn’t mean mealtime has to be all starched white tablecloths and seriousness. With spots like the geeky tavern TPK Brewing accommodating the roleplaying set and the incoming Capes & Crepes taking over a prominent corner of Southeast Division, there’s an entire genre of restaurant-meets-entertainment that caters to the generation who grew up going to McDonald’s PlayPlace. Food and fun can go hand-in-hand, so get a place that can do both.
Paula Deen, eat your heart out St. Helens restaurant Mister Goose is roughly a 40-minute drive from Portland’s city center, so you’d be within your rights to ask what exactly is the draw. The saltof-the-earth tavern specializes in steamed sandwiches, a regional specialty of East Tennessee . Proprietor William Steurenagel, who also co-owns Cheese & Crack , grew up on them; his grandmother owned a bar in Kansas City in the late ’70s through the early ’90s. A steamed sandwich may sound weird on its face, but if you’ve ever had Canard’s steam burgers, you’ll know not to knock it ‘til you try it.
In case the menu isn’t niche enough for ya, the bar hosts a weekly butter bingo. This is not your grandma’s bingo: Aside from the general thrill of the game, you can expect unhinged commentary, customers getting lightly ribbed by the host, and as advertised, butter . Winners of each round can choose between a block of Darigold’s finest or spinning “the churn,” from which the host plucks out a scrap of paper that directs the winner to roll a pair of giant dice. Mystery prizes include menu items and random fun prizes like a recorder
(just like the one you probably played in elementary school). The monthly grand prize is a push-button telephone-shaped butter sculpture , ’cause why not?
“[St. Helen’s] has as much going on as any small town has, so it’s been really fun to see who comes out for [bingo],” says Steurenagel. “There’s been nights where there’s teachers, postal workers, the people from the tax place… it’s almost Sesame Street with everyone showing up.” Customers have even brought cookies to the bar baked with their butter winnings.
At my first butter bingo foray, I struck gold, winning a special prize of a dozen eggs fresh from the bartender’s chickens!! (In this economy? Bless you, Mister Goose.) Aside from cold, hard cash, this has gotta be the best bingo prize I’ve ever encountered. The only thing I’ve wanted to win as badly was a flat of mangoes at Sam Bond’s Garage in Eugene.
My friend and I were big fans of the popcorn shrimp and we also loved dipping the hot ham sandwich into a bowl of housemade tomato soup. Also surprisingly solid, the mac salad, which was better than the renditions I’ve had at some Hawaiian places. Drinks-wise, the delightful not-toosweet cherry limeade was reminiscent of Sonic Drive-In. And for dessert, I sipped on a whipped cream-topped key lime pie cocktail (flavor was right on the money) and split a slice of fudgy chocolate tart. From its plucky mascot to the small
vintage television sets playing throwback commercials and cartoons, this place has charm in spades. Much like the fictional bar Cheers, it feels like the type of place where everybody knows your name—as the marquee sign outside read at the time of my visit, “In the Goose, we all fam.”
Mister Goose, 58499 Columbia River Highway, St. Helens, OR; Butter bingo, Mondays 6-8 pm weekly; free to play with purchase of food and/or drinks.
The ball’s in The People’s Court
If you haven’t been to The People’s Court (TPC) yet, then what are you waiting for?
Pickleball has been the recreation du jour for a hot minute now—TPC opportunely jumped in on the craze when it opened in 2023. If you’re not looking to break a sweat playing pickleball, the venue’s Free Game Fridays offers free bocce ball, ping-pong, and cornhole from 7 pm to close, and is a budget-friendly night out. The venue recently revamped its bunker space to offer axe throwing (super Portland of them).
Food offerings can be ordered from two concessions counters on opposite sides of the building: the “Kitchen” offers shareables like wings and nachos, burgers and sandwiches, entrée-sized salads, and rice bowls. On the other side of the building, the “Parlor” slings pizzas made with a dough recipe that was co-developed by venerated pizzeria Apizza Scholls.
Tables interspersed between the courts make it easy to socialize between games or take a quick snack break—I took bites of a Columbia River steelhead sandwich and perfectly crisp fries between my turns at bocce. I was pleasantly surprised at how perfectly cooked the trout was (dry fish is the worst!), and the lemon-dill aioli slathered onto the Dos Hermanos ciabatta bun was a win as well. I’ll be back for more fun and to try the pizza.
The People’s Courts, 2700 NE 82nd, open seven days a week; reservations recommended for pickleball.
It’s your move at Senet Game Bar Up in a second-story building on downtown Tigard’s Main Street, groups of tabletop gamers huddle together around tables littered with game pieces, cards, and other accoutrements. This is the scene at Senet Game Bar, which is named after the ancient Egyptian game senet and boasts a library of around 200 board games. If you somehow exhaust all of those options, the bar also offers private-room karaoke, themed trivia, Dungeons & Dragons sessions, murder mystery nights, and more.
The food here isn’t too involved, just some simple dishes that are suitable for when you’re in the thick of gameplay. There’s pita pizzas, tahini-curry nachos for sharing, sandwiches that can be made into cabbage wraps. Though there is a mocktail menu, all of the bar’s cocktails can also be ordered sans alcohol, which is convenient and knocks $5 off the price. You’ll taste house-made flavors such as plum and elderflower syrup in the gin- or vodka-based Sugar Plum Fairy and chai syrup in the bourbon-boosted Apple Donkey. ■
Senet Game Bar, 12553 Main, #201, Tigard, OR, free gameplay with $15 purchase.
Steamed sandwiches at Mister Goose.
Senet Game Bar.
The Columbia River steelhead sandwich at The People’s Court.
JANEY WONG
JANEY WONG
JANEY WONG
Portland needs a Medieval Times. Like, what city would get MORE into the idea of swigging ale, chomping a turkey leg, and watching people joust in period specific costumes? Feels right up our alley. That being said, there are plenty of super fun options to eat a fine meal while watching a show—be it comedy, jazz, or just a good movie. There may not be any performative horsemanship, but drag queens doing death drops is a lot more fun anyway.
The 1905 If there were one spot I’d recommend for dinner and a show, The 1905 is it. Just off Mississippi Avenue, this cozy little jazz club offers a primo lineup of local and touring artists, like a monthly bossa nova night and experimental quartets. Even better, the cocktails and food are destination worthy on their own.
For the last year, former Italian pop-up Scorfana has been running the kitchen at The 1905, with basics like a slice of cheese pizza, to elaborate specials like roasted game hen with pickled cherry bombs and jus, or a shaved fennel salad bursting with acidic dressing and sweet muscat grapes. The spaghetti and meatballs offer three substantial meatballs in a salty (good salty) marinara, excellent for sharing with your date. Shows sell out, so make sure you reserve a good table well in advance—and if you’re in the front row, you could even offer a bite to the bass player sitting just a few feet away.
830 N Shaver, the1905jazz.club
Darcelle XV Showplace
Darcelle may have passed in 2023 (Darcelle forever), but her spirit lives on at her nightclub. It’s unclear if you can truly call yourself a Portlander if you haven’t spent at least one night at the nation’s oldest drag club, downing vodkas, and (OF COURSE) raining the performers in fresh dollar bills. Darcelle shows are raucous, a little raunchy, and naturally 21-plus.
These days, there are Friday and Saturday night shows, and a Sunday brunch. While the food is far from remarkable, you
Dinner and a Show!
BY ANDREA DAMEWOOD
can’t really mess up chicken tendies and burgers, and nothing on the menu is more than $13, which leaves you more dough to hand over to the dolls.
208 NW 3rd, darcellexv.com
McMenamin’s St. John’s Pub and Theater
Portland may have the highest ratio of strip clubs per person in the US, but I’m guessing our independent theater ratio is way the hell up there too. While many theaters have fantastic pizza and popcorn options, McMenamins St. Johns Pub and Theater is the move if you’re looking to really nosh while consuming cinema.
First run shows are just $9, and splitting a basket of cajun tots while watching Robert Pattinson die multiple times during Mickey 17 is a real delight. The St. Johns theater also has tables for every row, a soaring peaked ceiling, and eerily good surround sound. Sure, stanning a McMenamins is a little cringe, but sometimes it’s just the (movie) ticket.
8203 N Ivanhoe, mcmenamins.com/st-johnstheater-pub
Karaoke from Hell at Dante’s
Every Monday at Dante’s the dinner show is YOU. That’s when they rev up the longstanding Karaoke from Hell, where wan -
nabe Micks and Mariahs have the chance to sing their song of choice in front of a live band. Five bucks gets you in the door, but have cash on hand to tip if you want to secure a slot.
Don’t worry, you’re not spending big on dinner here—a couple of NY-style pizza slices from the window attached to Dante’s will do just fine. Even if you don’t have the cojones to sing live yourself, watching someone drunkenly fuck up “Welcome to the Jungle” while munching on a piece of pepperoni sounds like a pretty nice little Monday, if you ask me.
350 W Burnside, danteslive.com
Funhouse Lounge
Portland be Portlanding at the Funhouse Lounge, self-described as a fringe theater, clown room, and arts venue. There are regular standup showcases, along with a roster of improv comedy shows that can get real weird, and real funny. Look for the annual USS Improvise: The Next Generation: The Musical, or DomProv, a late night show where a dominatrix has the improvisers do her bidding.
Food is a basic pizza/nacho business, but if you reserve a booth, they’re also cool with you bringing in food from the outside–and you’re real close to all the bounty Southeast Division has to offer. Try not to
2432 SE 11th, funhouselounge.com
Live Music at the Bar at Clyde’s Prime Rib
Clyde’s restaurant first opened its doors in 1955, and there’s no better place to soak in their midcentury cool than in the bar. Put on your best go-go boots and sip a martini while you take in acts like Bridge City Soul and the Executive Groove Band.
Live music happens every Friday to Sunday, and it pairs best with the prime rib bites, smothered in horseradish and au jus, and a classic creamed spinach, with plenty of garlic butter toast to dip in it. It’s enough to make you wish we could still smoke inside. ■
5474 NE Sandy, clydesprimerib.com
SUZETTE SMITH
COURTESY OF CLYDE’S PRIME RIB
COURTESY MCMENAMINS
Sorry… Shutting Down All Systems
Portland’s best quiet places (when one needs to disassociate).
BY ELINOR JONES
FLORA BAI
Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade. Other times, you just look at the lemons and deeply seethe at your misfortune. Like, lemons ? Again with the fucking lemons ? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE ALL THESE LEMONS ?!
But there is a place between misery and elation, where you can step away from stress without feeling the need to grin and put on a show. As a frequent visitor of such spaces, I’ve put together this handy guide on where you can overload your senses so that the depression cannot reach you. Friends, this is your guide to the best quiet places to disassociate.
The Benches at Mt. Tabor with a View of Downtown SE Salmon Way and SE Park One of the best things I started doing during COVID was parking at the base of Mt. Tabor, hiking to the top, sitting on a bench with a view of downtown—and then spacing out until someone would start to think it was weird. Pair this with an audiobook of a celebrity memoir, and you’ve got yourself a perfect couple of hours— no news, no notes. I recently listened to Jessica Simpson’s memoir Open Book, and then several episodes of the podcast You’re Wrong About which was about this same book, and it was, like, 11 hours of distraction from the horrors. When your eyes are focused on a stunning landscape, and you’re breathing deeply in connection with
moving your body, and your ears are filled with delicious ‘90s pop star gossip that in no way involves you, you’ll have no space left in your senses for sadness or despair.
The Mall 205 Target Candle Aisle
9800 SE Washington
There is great comfort in knowing that in any part of this godforsaken country, you can step into a candle aisle at a Target, and it will have that same unique smell that can only be described as “every smell.” Is there anything quite as soothing as picking up a candle, smelling it, placing it back on the shelf, and then doing it 50 more times?
How can you think about societal collapse when you’re trying to place that aroma–is it cloves? Amber? Perhaps a mild patchouli?
The Mall 205 Target is especially perfect, because the candles are tucked into a quiet corner of the second floor and can be reached only after passing several aisles of blankets and throw pillows that you can gently touch as you walk by, going “ oohh, this one’s soft .”
New Midland Library
805 SE 122nd
East Portland just opened a new public library which is quiet and chock full of books… as one would expect from a library. But it’s also beautiful–light, airy, and open, with short stacks. This means that I can let my child read quietly on one side while I wander around the rest of the space, picking out books to read, remembering I have a bunch of books at home that I need to read,
and then putting the books away, like a volunteer librarian. I could read or not read here forever.
Portland Nursery (When It’s Not Raining)
5050 SE Stark
The saying “touch grass” means a person needs to back away from their screens and experience nature, but did you know that it doesn’t have to be grass? Really, any foliage will do. Enter: Portland Nursery. The neatly organized rows of plants and pots and small trees provide ample space to walk and enjoy greenery for an extended period of time without running the risk of getting lost on one of Mt. Tabor’s lesser-used trails, because you were geeking out on Jessica Simpson’s memoir and that edible was more potent than you expected. In fact, I bet you could be super stoned at Portland Nursery and still find your way back out, no problem. There is no stress here.
Hale Pele (When It Is Raining)
2733 NE Broadway
When it’s shitty out, I understand the compulsion to hole up in a dive bar and stare wistfully into gray skies, letting the melancholy overtake you. But may I also recommend imagining better days? The tiki bar Hale Pele on NE Broadway offers this space. The world could be on fire in a bad way, but in here? The cocktails are on fire in a good way. There are no windows. The interior is lush AF and seemingly always 75 degrees. Instead of bitter IPAs and whiskey that tastes like leather,
Hale Pele will give you eight kinds of rum in a single pineapple, plus volcano sound effects. I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure it’s medically impossible to feel the blues while in the presence of a tiny umbrella.
Amtrak Cascades
Union Station, 800 NW 6th
Here on the West Coast, it’s easy to feel envious of the Eastern seaboard and their easy rail travel. But not me! Because one thing I realized when traveling by train in the Northeast United States is that a lot of those areas are kinda (sorry!) grimy. While our inter-city travel in the PNW may be limited, when we can go by rail, the visuals are going to be stunning. Put some main character music on the iPod and imagine you’re being filmed, and it’s the part of the movie when you realize that you deserve a better, happier life… because you do.
Hippo Hardware
1040 E Burnside
Like Portland Nursery, Hippo Hardware is deceptively huge, providing hours of fun exploring opportunities. Unlike the Portland Nursery, Hippo Hardware is enclosed, meaning you’re not so much strolling open spaces as you are maneuvering around old bathtubs, pizza parlor lamps, and a million ancient knobs. It’s impossible to wonder if you’ll ever be able to afford to retire when you’re wondering if one of these clanky skeleton keys is carrying the spirit of an old-timey pioneer ghost, or if it’s just dusty.
Montavilla Farmers Market
7700 SE Stark (currently open every other Sunday; weekly starting in May)
There is simply nothing better than walking around a farmers market when you’re not sure what you want to make for dinner. The market will tell you what you need. Sometimes you’ll buy more produce than you’ll ever be able to eat in a week, and sometimes you leave with a bouquet of flowers and three kinds of hot sauce. Either way is fine. What matters is that you were outside, and you were free.
The Hike in Washington Park that Ends at Pittock Mansion
Parking at Lower Macleay Trailhead, 2960 NW Upshur
Similar to hiking up Mt. Tabor, the Washington Park hike that ends at Pittock Mansion isn’t so much about the journey as it is about getting there and then taking in the view of this gorgeous, gorgeous city of ours. My mind often goes to the quote from Seth Green’s character Kenny Fisher in the 1998 classic teen comedy Can’t Hardly Wait: “Oh no baby, please… you are far too fine to look so sad.” Because we are. ■
Savage Love
BY DAN SAVAGE
Sailed Ships
My always polite and very-high-functioning drunk husband was fucking around for the first fifteen years of our marriage. The other women were “unhappily married co-workers” who needed discretion. At the time, I thought our sex life was actually fairly normal.
Things came to a head when I learned about a two-year affair he’d been having. I kicked him out. He quit drinking and, because our kids were young, I took him back. He has maintained his sobriety for thirty years. But he became a turtle: he hid in a shell, abandoned his friends, refused to voice opinions or make decisions. He wouldn’t even choose a restaurant or TV show. Our sex life came to a halt after the discovery of the affair and since I took him back he’s avoided intimacy—physical or emotional—with me or anyone else. Our marriage became completely transactional: I was management, he was labor. We’ve been in a basically sexless marriage for the last 25 years.
Why didn’t I leave? That’s a complicated story, but it has much to do with our two adult children, both of whom have serious medical conditions that required us to create a big nest egg. The husband has been to thousands of AA meetings over the years and seen a dozen therapists, alone and together. The only thing that has changed—and this is a recent change— is that he’s finally willing to talk, but only about himself. But there are no childhood traumas or traumas of any kind that he can recount. Why did sobriety turn him into a monk? He either doesn’t know or won’t say. I’m curious what your take is.
Vibes Only Marriage
Your husband was a high-functioning, philandering drunk for the first fifteen years—careful to cheat only with unhappily married women who would (in theory) keep his secret—and he’s been an emotionally-inert monk for the last thirty. So, you limped along, doing what needed doing, for forty-five years, most of them sexless.
To make your marriage bearable, VOM, you came up with an explanation: your husband was who he was—and your marriage became what it is (management, labor)—because your husband had experienced some significant trauma in childhood. But when your husband finally opened up to you about his past—after all these years and all of those AA meetings and all them therapists—there wasn’t some flashy traumatic event in his past that made him and everything else make sense. No rapey priests, no abusive parents, no alien abductions.
No significant trauma… unless you count the trauma he inflicted on you and himself and your kids with his drinking, VOM, which doesn’t seem insignificant to me.
Maybe after the chaos and guilt and broken promises of his drinking years, he didn’t know how—or didn’t have the will— to be a human being, much less be a hus -
band. So, your husband buried himself in silence and simplicity and left you to carry the emotional load of making all the decisions. And it worked, right? To a certain extent? You got the kids raised and built that nest egg together. He stayed sober and steady. And here you are.
So now what?
It’s too late to remake your marriage— that ship sailed long ago—and at forty-five years, VOM, it may be too late to end your marriage. So, you can either make peace with what this relationship has been (and the long-simmering, slow-build trauma it has inflicted on you) and live the rest of your life with the man you’ve built a life alongside but not with. Or you can give yourself permission to want more. Even if that “more” is just a you let him go without leaving—a solo chapter where you allow yourself to choose what to watch on TV without allowing your husband’s apathy to register with you.
And if listening to him talk about himself isn’t giving you the answer and/or closure you hoped it would, VOM, you don’t have to listen to him talk about himself. He’s got therapists for that.
When my cousin was about three years old—my cousin was assigned female at birth—they told everyone they were a boy. My family laughed this off and told them they were not a boy. My cousin stayed consistent on their boyhood until they were about seven. They wore boys’ clothes and did not like being called a girl. We’re from a Catholic family in Montana, but ultimately mostly liberal. My family, especially my grandparents, have struggled with supporting our gay relatives, but have always tried. I am ten years older than this cousin, so I was thirteen when this began to play out.
My cousin, who had been a pretty loud lit-
tle kid, became a reserved bigger kid. There were other things going on with their parents, but I’ve always worried that they became so introverted because they’re trans and have been forced to live as a cis woman for the lack of support. I’ve thought a lot over the years about whether or not I should try to talk to them about their identity, but we’ve ultimately never been that close. I just read Dylan Mulvaney’s memoir and thought about how painful it was for her to have told her mom that she was a girl when she was four, but not get to live as a woman for another twenty years. I don’t want this to happen to my cousin, who will turn 21 this year. I think about a possible future where they come out and feel that they were never supported. Do I wait until, or if, that ever happens? Or do I try sooner? I’m working on being supportive generally, and reaching out to build our relationship outside of family dinners over the holidays.
Conflicted Over Unstated Support Involving Nibling
For the record: Some assigned-female-atbirth (AFAB) kids who insist they’re boys and dress like boys grow up to be trans men. But some don’t. Some grow up to be cis women—often lesbians—who just happened to be tomboys when they were kids. And #NotAllTrans men were tomboys… and #NotAllCisWomen were girly girls… and gender identity and gender expression are two different things… and this shit is complicated… and I need a drink.
There are two competing and contradictory risks here: the risk of doing nothing, which could leave your cousin feeling unsupported if they are trans and closeted and struggling, and the risk of jumping in, which involves making assumptions that could offend your cousin and/or open old wounds if they’re not trans). If your cousin is still figuring things out—or if they’ve
already figured things but aren’t ready to share the news (they’re trans) or if there isn’t any news to share (because they’re cis)—asking the dread direct question (which I often endorse) is highly likely to backfire in a case like this.
Relatives who’d made homophobic jokes around me didn’t start saying supportive things when they began to suspect I was gay. They just got quiet. If they had asked me if I was gay before I was ready to come out, I would’ve panicked and denied it and probably remained closeted for a lot longer. What I needed—what they could’ve done when they began to suspect I was gay—was say something positive about gay people to other relatives when I was around.
Signaling to your cousin that you’re in their corner—assuming they’re in a corner—is the best way forward and it won’t be hard to do. Trans and queer issues are very much in the news, thanks to the Trump administration’s attacks. If you think it can wait, you can express your disapproval of those attacks to the whole family at your next family dinner; if you don’t think it can wait—if you think your cousin might be in crisis—you can express your disapproval on the family group chat.
P.S. You could also tell your cousin you’re gonna be passing through their college town on a road trip—they don’t need to know that they’re the reason you’re going on this road trip—and take them out to dinner. If they want to open up, they will. If they don’t, they won’t. ■
GOT PROBLEMS? YES, YOU DO!
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JOE NEWTON
Know Those Portland Landmarks!
BY WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Hey, smarty butt! How much do YOU know about your city’s most eye-catching and beloved landmarks? Take the quiz below and let’s find out!
1) Until recently, Portland was home to the world’s smallest park (Mills End Park on SW Naito)... that is until another country stole our idea and built an even smaller one! WHICH NATION STOLE OUR GLORY?
A. Finland
B. Spain
C. Japan
D. Lilliput (those little bastards from Gulliver’s Travels)
2) Way back in 1912, Portland businessman Simon Benson donated 20 drinking fountains (later known as “Benson Bubblers”) to be installed in various locations downtown. What was the primary reason for his generous gift?
A. To quench the thirst of horses, not people
B. Stopping workers from drinking alcohol during their lunch breaks
C. To piss off then-Mayor Allen G. Rushlight, who refused to build public fountains
D. He loved watching ladies drink water (it was a sexual fetish �� )
4) EEEK! It’s the “Witch’s Castle” deep inside Portland’s Forest Park! OMG… did an actual fucking WITCH originally live in that thing??
A. Yes, it’s was a fucking witch, and she ate children, too!!
B. No, it was built by the parks department as a ranger station and public restroom.
C. Well, maybe it was a public restroom that was taken over by a fucking witch!
D. OMIGOD, will you guys please shut the fuck up?? There’s no such thing as a fucking witch! (I hope!)
3) The world-famous “Portland, Oregon Old Town” sign on the west side of the Burnside Bridge was originally erected in 1940—though it was advertising something totally different back then. What did the sign originally say?
A. White Stag Sportswear
B. Jantzen Swimwear
C. White Satin Sugar
D. Portland, Oregon “Home of the Whopper”
What’s the official name of that sculpture that stands across the street from Powell’s Books on Burnside, and is often referred to (by me) as “The Devil’s Testicles”?
“Pod” (2002), by Pete Beeman
“Allow Me” (1983), John Seward Johnson II
“Folly Bollards” (1998), Valerie Otani
“Beelzebub’s Juicy Bits” (2005), Some smartass at a high school shop class
6) Ooh-la-la… just look at that juicy piece of ass. God-DAYUM! Sure would like to take a bite out of that apple, if you know what I mean! Waitasecond… who does that ass belong to, anyway?
A. That’s Paul Bunyan’s ass (from the statue in the Kenton neighborhood)
B. That’s Bob’s Big Boy ass (from the restaurant formerly located on NE 182nd & Glisan)
C. That’s Mr. Muffler’s ass (from the car shop on 82nd Avenue)
D. That’s the author Wm. Steven Humphrey’s ass (note the apple-bottom jeans and boots with the fur)
CITY OF PORTLAND
WIKI
