Parenting through the storm find help hope and strength when your child has psychological problems a
Parenting Through the Storm Find Help
Hope and Strength When Your Child Has Psychological Problems Ann Douglas
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When a Child Has Been Abused Towards Psychoanalytic Understanding and Therapy Frances Thomson-Salo
“This is the first book that I’ve read in my long journey of parenting a child with a mental illness that didn’t make me feel like I was somehow to blame. Ann Douglas actually made me feel understood and helped to stop the swirling thoughts of ‘What do I do now?’ In a calm and thoughtful way, she addresses so many things parents have trouble with, including self-care and caring for other children.” —Elise W., Kentucky
“This book is like having a best friend who will help you navigate the system. You’ll learn what you can do to make a difference and how to know if you are getting the help your child needs. Ann Douglas is compassionate, passionate, and direct.”
—Karyn D. Hall, PhD, author of The Emotionally Sensitive Person
“A true gift to parents. As a mental health clinician and parent of a child who has struggled mightily over many years with major anxiety, I thought ‘Hallelujah’ when I finished this book. Finally, a resource that both provides validation for parents in pain and offers concrete, actionable guidance. I wish I’d had this guide when I was in the thick of it, but I am so glad it exists now, and I will recommend it to the parents I work with.”
—Claire Lerner, LCSW-C, Senior Parenting Strategist, Zero to Three
“This book fills a void in special-needs parenting resources by focusing on the big picture, and the whole family. The stories of many other parents throughout the book made me feel less alone. Reading this book, it felt like Ann was a good friend helping me through the tough times with my daughter and reassuring me that there’s hope for good days ahead.”
—Ashley G., North Carolina
“Raising children is tough enough, but add learning or psychological issues to the mix and no one can really prepare you for the tumultuous experience ahead. Ann Douglas does an extraordinary job of providing much-needed support, guidance, and direction. She takes you on a journey from finding out what’s wrong to navigating treatment options and dealing with challenging situations. A true gem for parents!”
—Timothy E. Wilens, MD, coauthor of Straight Talk about Psychiatric Medications for Kids, Fourth Edition
“Ann Douglas offers hope for the many parents who are searching for answers—especially because she’s been through it all herself. The book is reassuring that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, but also realistic and based on research. It provides the tools you need to make tough decisions and help your child. I love this book!” —Michele Borba, EdD, author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World
“This book is the GPS for navigating the mental health system for children and youth—period. Parents of the approximately 20% of kids who have a mental, emotional, or behavioral disorder won’t want to be without it. Douglas charts a course for dealing with stigma and overcoming the shortcomings of the school and medical systems, with insight and understanding.”
—Mary Gordon, Founder and President, Roots of Empathy
“An essential resource. Deeply personal and moving, this book explains the inexplicable and helps you manage your child’s mental health challenges, from how to use your ‘parent radar’ that tells you something is amiss to getting a diagnosis and beyond. The stories of determination in these pages will shore up your courage and feed your resilience.”
—Susan Newman, PhD, author of Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day
“This is more than a book—it’s a life raft for parents whose children struggle with mood disorders or developmental differences. As a parent, I’ve been there. You feel utterly overwhelmed by information, while at the same time isolated and without direction. Ann Douglas does something remarkable by combining concrete, empathic guidance with the voices of other parents who guide us to find the way forward.” —Asha Dornfest, author of Parent Hacks
PARENTING THROUGH THE STORM
Parenting Through the Storm
Find Help, Hope, and Strength When Your Child Has Psychological Problems
370 Seventh Avenue, Suite 1200, New York, NY 10001 www.guilford.com
All rights reserved
The information in this volume is not intended as a substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals. Each individual’s health concerns should be evaluated by a qualified professional.
No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Library of Congress Cataloging-i n-P ublication Data
Names: Douglas, Ann, 1963– author.
Title: Parenting through the storm : find help, hope, and strength when your child h as psychological problems / Ann Douglas.
Description: New York, NY : Guilford Press, [2017] | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016023806| ISBN 9781462526772 (pbk. : alk. paper) | ISBN 9781462528042 (hardcover : alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Mentally ill children. | Parents of mentally ill children. | Parent a nd child.
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016023806
To Darlene, Karen, and Lori
For lunches, phone calls, and emails when I needed them most—at the height of the storm
The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived. robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
H aruki Muraka Mi, Kafka on the Shore
If You’re Dealing with a Crisis Situation 32
The Truth about Labels 34
The Waiting Game 36
What to Do While You Wait 37
You Have the Diagnosis: Now What? 38
What If You Don’t Agree with the Diagnosis? 40
Talking with Your Child about the Diagnosis 40
How You May Be Feeling 42
Confronting Stigma 44
The Blame Game 45
What You Can Do to Help Now 48
How to Get Support 49
Starting Treatment 50 Making Decisions about Treatment 50 What’s on the Therapy Menu? 54
Hospital‑Based Treatment and Residential Treatment 60
The Great Medication Debate 61
Talking to Your Child about Treatment 64
What to Do If You’re Worried about the Effectiveness of Treatment 68
What to Do If You’re Worried about the Quality of Treatment 69
How to Get Support 71
6
Building on the Loving Attachment between You and Your Child 99
Being Your Child’s Voice 100
Validating Your Child’s Emotions 102
Creating a Predictable Environment 104
Being a Positive Parent 107
Fostering Confidence in Your Child 108
Looking for Little Ways to Make Things Better 109
Practicing
Raising
Helping
The Types of Difficulties Your Child Might Be Experiencing at School 169
First Things First: Know Your Child’s Rights 171 Working with Your Child’s Teachers 172 Working Through the Tough Stuff 178 Discipline Revisited 181
When Is Home Schooling the Best Option? 183 To High School . and Beyond 184
Helping Your Child Learn How to Make and Keep Friends 190
Why Your Child Is More Likely to Be Bullied 194
How Being Bullied Affects Mental Health 195
Why Your Child May Bully Others 196
What You Can Do to Reduce the Chance That Your Child Will Become a Victim or a Bully 197
Emphasizing Love and Acceptance Is Key 212 Celebrating Successes along the Way 213
Dealing with Setbacks 216 Handling a Crisis 218
Communicating with Your Child during a Crisis 220 Hopes and Dreams Revisited 221 Endings and Beginnings 222
System That Emphasizes Prevention and Early Treatment 226 A System That Makes Sense to Families 228 A System That Provides Suitable Supports to Young Adults 230 A System That Works for People Who Are Struggling with Dual Diagnosis 231 A System That Is Adequately Funded—and That Funds the Right Treatments 231
Purchasers of this book can download and print the record‑keeping forms at www.guilford.com/douglas- forms for personal use or use with individual clients.
Author’s Note
The parent stories shared in this book are based on detailed conversations and/or correspondence with the parents who were interviewed for this new edition of Parenting Through the Storm or the original Canadian edition. In all cases, permission was obtained to quote these parents and to share their families’ experiences. In some, identifying details were changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. In other cases, pseudonyms were provided at the family’s request. I have edited and paraphrased some comments in the interest of clarity, while still honoring the spirit and intention of the original comments.
This book is designed to provide you with general information about child and youth mental health so that you can be a better-informed health consumer and parent. It does not contain medical advice. This book is not intended to provide a complete or exhaustive treatment of this subject; nor is it a substitute for advice from the appropriate mental health care practitioners, who know you and your child best. Seek medical attention promptly for any specific medical or psychological condition or problem that your child may be experiencing. Do not take any medication without obtaining medical advice. All efforts were made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this publication as of the date of writing. The author and the publisher expressly disclaim any responsibility for any adverse effects arising from the use or application of the information contained herein. While the parties believe that the contents of this publication are accurate, a licensed medical practitioner should be consulted in the event that medical advice is desired. The information contained in this book does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement with respect to any company or product.
Acknowledgments
It would be impossible to write a book like this one without the help of a great many people.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the parents and other family members who agreed to be interviewed for this book: Danielle Arbuckle, Lori Bamber, Vivian Bott, Andrea Boulden, Susan Bujold, Katrina Carefoot, Sari Chateau, Danielle Christopher, Laura Devine, Shelley Divnich Haggert, Jodi Echakowitz, Darlene Evans, Rosina Fortier, Leigh Galway, Michele Girash, Christine Hennebury, Jill Jago, Laura Keller, Sandra Knof, Karen Godel Labrie, Megan Lagrotta, Jennifer Lawler, Rebecca Lee, Darlene Losier, Grace Loucks, Karen Lyall, Lisa MacColl, Stephanie MacDonald, Marie MacDonald, Kim MacKay-Hoogkamp, Cat Martin, Andrew and Eleanor Merton, Shelagh Mahri McIntyre, Micheline Miller, Mark Barranger Mitchell, Alison Palkhivala, Laurie Parr-Pearson, Cheri Patrick, Donna Pearson, Karen Petersen-Lai, Heather Petit, Laura Pettigrew, Lydia Pinkham, Tara Robertson, Marvin Ross, Susan Rvachew, Tamar Satov, Mara Shapiro, Ruby Snow, Maureen Soch, Lindalee Soderstrom, Cindy Woodcock, and the parents who chose to provide their feedback anonymously. Thank you for trusting me with your families’ experiences, for sharing your hardearned wisdom, and for your willingness to open up your hearts to help other families.
Thank you to the many mental health experts and advocates who shared valuable insights with me during the writing of this book: Darcy Gruttadaro, director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Child and Adolescent Action Center in Arlington, Virginia; Ellen Leibenluft, chief
Acknowledgments
of the Section on Bipolar Spectrum Disorders at the Emotion and Development Branch of the National Institute of Mental Health; Liza Long, mental health advocate and author of The Price of Silence: A Mom’s Perspective on Mental Illness; Alison Malman, executive director and founder of the campus mental health advocacy group Active Minds, Inc.; Megan McClelland, Oregon State University developmental psychologist and coauthor of Stop, Think, Act: Integrating Self-Regulation in the Early Childhood Classroom; Marilyn Price-Mitchell, developmental psychologist and author of Tomorrow’s Change Makers: Reclaiming the Power of Citizenship for a New Generation; Andrew Solomon, mental health advocate and author of The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression and Far from the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity; and Joshua Weller, assistant professor of psychology at Oregon State University.
And thank you also to those equally passionate mental health experts and advocates who allowed me to interview them for the original Canadian edition of this book: Keli Anderson, president and CEO of the Institute of Families for Child & Youth Mental Health; Sarah Cannon, executive director of Parents for Children’s Mental Health; Christine Cooper, executive director of the Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere; Allison Kelly, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo; Stan Kutcher, professor of psychiatry and director of the World Health Organization Collaborating Center in Mental Health Policy and Training at Dalhousie University; Lucinda Loukras, pediatrician; Walter Mittelstaedt, adjunct clinical faculty at the University of Waterloo and director of the university’s Centre for Mental Health Research; Bev Ogilvie, a district counsellor with the Burnaby School District in British Columbia; Stuart Shanker, distinguished research professor of philosophy and psychology at York University and director of the Milton and Ethel Harris Research Initiative; Heather Stuart, professor of community health and epidemiology at Queen’s University and the first Bell Mental Health and Anti-Stigma Research Chair; Michael Ungar, family therapist, professor of social work at Dalhousie University, and founder and co- director of the Dalhousie-based Resilience Research Centre; and Nancy L. Wolf, mental health advocate and founder of Your Bridge Forward.
Thank you to the hardworking members of the technical review panel, who went above and beyond the call of duty in their efforts to help me write the most helpful and relevant book possible: Keli Anderson; Jean Clinton, associate clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at McMaster University; Shelley Hermer, social worker at Peterborough Regional Health Centre; Catherine Kerr, early childhood consultant at Community Living Toronto; and, finally, Nancy L. Wolf, mental health
Acknowledgments xv
advocate and founder of Your Bridge Forward, whose input into the U.S. edition of this book was truly invaluable.
Finally, I would like to thank my agent, Hilary McMahon, of Westwood Creative Artists, for believing in this project right from day one; Kitty Moore and Christine Benton, my editors at The Guilford Press, who were equally passionate champions of this project; Brad Wilson, Catherine Marjoribanks, Maria Golikova, and Stacey Cameron, my editors at HarperCollins Canada, for extraordinary editing and even more extraordinary author support; my husband, Neil, for his unwavering love and practical assistance; and my four children, Julie, Scott, Erik, and Ian, for all they have taught me—and all they will continue to teach me—about finding strength in the storm.
Introduction
The storm has set in. Dark clouds cluster on the horizon, and the sky feels electric with change. Nothing feels the same, and yet you can’t quite pinpoint what’s different. Your child looks the same. Your surroundings appear the same. And yet the inner compass that guides all your parenting decisions feels like it’s spinning out of control.
Welcome to the club—a club you had no intention of joining, but that you find yourself a member of nonetheless: a club made up of parents who are living with the pain and worry that go along with loving a child who is struggling with a mental health challenge.
Those of us who are members of this club have certainly paid our dues, looking for help for our children and searching for answers to questions like “Why my child?”—questions that may not have answers at all.
It can make for a very lonely journey.
There may be times when you feel like you’re all alone: that no one else could possibly understand what your family is going through.
The numbers, however, tell quite a different story.
Nearly one in five children and teenagers is affected by a mental, emotional, or behavioral disorder that is serious enough to cause them problems at home, at school, in the community, or in their relationships with friends.
That means a lot of kids are hurting— and a lot of families are hurting along with them.
The first step to easing that hurt is to break the silence— to reach out and connect with other families who truly understand. You’ll find advice on forging those types of connections throughout this book— connections that will lend you the strength and wisdom you need to find the help your child needs.
The second step is to look for ways to make things better for your child, yourself, and your family, starting right now. That, in a nutshell, is what this book is designed to do: to launch you on your journey to a better place by giving you the knowledge you need to start making a difference for your child today.
Why I Wrote This Book
I wrote this book in the hope of making that journey a little less lonely— and a lot less overwhelming— for you. Because the only people who can ever truly understand the pain and heartache that go along with caring for a child who is struggling with a mental health, neurodevelopmental, or behavioral challenge are other parents who have walked this path, this book relies heavily on the wisdom and experience of the brave group of moms and dads who agreed to share their stories with me. You will find their names listed in the acknowledgments.
A decade ago, I desperately needed a book like this one. Each of my four children had been diagnosed with one or more psychiatric disabilities and/or learning disabilities. I should stress that, while I’ll be focusing here on the various diagnoses my four children received around the time when things were at their worst, my children are so much more than any diagnosis could ever hope to convey. DSM-5—the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the mental health profession’s guide to diagnosing psychiatric disorders)—may be one thick book, but it’s not thick enough to capture what I love about my kids. (I’m sure you’d say the same about yours.) They’re feisty, funny, opinionated people who are great to be around— and these days they’re all thriving as young adults. They still face their challenges, but those up-and-down moments are nothing like the emotional roller- coaster ride we were on during their younger years. They are doing so much better than I ever could have expected— than I ever would have dared to dream—when things were at their worst.
I know we were lucky. Not every child or family manages to come through the storm relatively unscathed. The storm can be relentless and scarring, leaving untold damage in its wake, which is why I’ve chosen to round out my own experiences by sharing the experiences of other families.
But first I’m going to tell you a bit about my own experiences. And, to give you a sense of what things were like when things were at their worst for our family, I need to take you back to an earlier time, when things weren’t quite so rosy—when things were actually quite awful, in fact. The year was 2003, and all four of my kids were going through a very rough time— which meant that my husband and I were going through a very rough time too. At times it felt as though our lives were falling apart. And I was about
to nosedive into a deep depression that would last for a couple of years. In the interest of full mental health disclosure, I should probably tell you that I live with bipolar disorder— bipolar II to be precise, which means that I don’t experience full-blown mania, but I do experience hypomania: intense, highly productive periods of creativity and high energy. I come by this bipolar thing honestly. My mother was diagnosed with bipolar I—the type with manias, including hallucinations— during my growing-up years.
Back in 2003, Julie, my oldest, was in 10th grade. She had been struggling with depression for about 2 years. The previous June, she had spent a few days in the hospital after taking an overdose of Tylenol. But now, instead of withdrawal and sadness, her depression had morphed into something angrier and much more hostile: she was climbing out the window at night so she could sneak downtown to hang out with a group of friends. She was also using drugs. What she wasn’t doing was eating— or at least keeping food down. She had become bulimic.
Scott, who had been diagnosed with attention- deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) back in elementary school, was in ninth grade and going through the motions at home and at school. It was almost impossible to get him to follow any family rule related to computer use— actually, make that impossible. When he couldn’t be on the computer, he would entertain himself by provoking his siblings, something that added to the stress and drama of family dinners.
Erik, who had been diagnosed with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and a learning disability related to writing, was in seventh grade. He was having frequent outbursts— some provoked by homework or video game frustration, others provoked by Scott.
Ian, who had struggled with phonological processing disorder (difficulty making sounds) and motor-skills delays when he was younger, was experiencing a great deal of difficulty in first grade—at least in part because his teacher, who was brand new to teaching, didn’t quite know what to make of him or how to manage his behavior. “I’ve never met a child quite like Ian,” she kept telling me. He was suspended six times for a variety of offenses, including throwing a projectile object (tossing a pencil). It soon became apparent that we needed to find another school for him. We would end up trying four different schools (two public, two private) over the years before we finally found a school that was able to meet his needs. At the age of 10, he was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder that is no longer a stand-alone diagnosis as of 2013,* as well as ADHD and a writing-related learning disability.
* The diagnosis of Asperger syndrome has been eliminated from DSM-5. Now people meeting the criteria for this disorder are simply diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.
When things were at their worst, I remember feeling helpless and overwhelmed. I felt like a totally incompetent parent. I remember worrying about what would happen to each of my kids. I knew I had to do something to help, but what was that something?
This book is my attempt to answer that question, however belatedly.
Who This Book Is For
There can be a great gap to cross—and a lot of learning to be done— between knowing that your child is struggling with something and coming to a full and helpful understanding of what that something is.
You might come to discover that your child is struggling with a psychiatric disorder or an intellectual disability, or experiencing significant psychological difficulties (for which there may or may not be a clear-cut diagnosis). Or maybe he is simply working through the challenges that are part and parcel of being a unique growing, changing, developing child. When we stop to put a name to what we see, it’s a bit like stopping a movie to focus on a single frame. That single snapshot can never fully capture all of your child’s strengths and weaknesses, but at least it can help to jumpstart a conversation about what your child is experiencing and provide a path to treatment.
As you will see from the stories parents have contributed to this book, many children experience a cluster of different conditions: anxiety disorder plus ADHD; autism plus learning disabilities; Asperger syndrome plus obsessive– compulsive disorder (OCD). The problems are rarely simple; nor are the methods for addressing them.
What these conditions have in common is the challenge they present to these children and their families. Families are facing a storm of stress, heartache, worry, and hard work. If any of this describes your situation, then this book is for you.
A Quick Note about Language
Language is powerful. It can also be awkward, clumsy, and just plain inadequate when it comes to describing what our families are experiencing. I tend to use the term mental health challenges as opposed to mental illness or mental health problems because the word challenges provides for greater hope and optimism: you can work to overcome a challenge. That said, language is, of course, a matter of individual choice. People need to feel empowered to use the language that best reflects their own individual circumstances
and that captures both the strengths they bring to the table and the struggles they have experienced or are experiencing. So you will find the term challenges used extensively in this book—but you’ll also find me using terms like mental illness or mental health disorder or childhood psychiatric disorder when describing specific psychiatric conditions. Ditto for the term neurodevelopmental disorder, because sometimes that term can be helpful in pinpointing exactly what we’re talking about. And, of course, you’ll find me using the term mental health to describe the state of being mentally healthy. As the World Health Organization points out, mental health is not merely the absence of mental illness. Mental health is about thriving. It is important to acknowledge that mental health and mental illness are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to experience mental health while living with mental illness. That is what the mental health recovery movement is all about: maximizing mental health while living with a mental illness.
But enough about terminology. You’re probably wondering what this book is all about and how to zero in on the information that is most relevant to you right now. Here’s what you need to know.
How to Navigate Through This Book
This book is divided into five parts, which will guide you through a widening perspective on the challenge you are facing with your child, with your family, and in your community.
Part I looks at the tools you will need to get started in finding help for your child and making things better. You will find guidance for interpreting the symptoms when your “parent radar” is telling you something might be wrong; advice on the process of diagnosis; information about treatment options; and direction for your efforts as your child’s most important advocate. But this book is also about you—your worries, your stresses, your feelings— so all along the way you will find advice from other parents and useful information to help you get the support you need.
In Part II you will read more about what you are going through in your relationship with your child. You will find tips on reducing stress so that you can safeguard your own mental health and advice on maintaining your loving connection with your child while you help him learn how to manage his emotions and his behavior more effectively.
In Part III the focus broadens to look at your experience with your child in the context of your family as a whole— because you are all going through this together! You will also read about some recommendations for changes you might want to make to your lifestyle that will help the whole family feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Part IV takes you out into your community, discussing the challenges that might come up for your child at school and with friends, including the issue of bullying. And you will read about ways to find support for yourself from the people around you and the people you work with.
Part V looks at the idea of recovery, which basically means living the best possible life in the wake of particular challenges— the successes and the setbacks and new dreams for the future— and what that might mean for your child, for you, and for your family and community. And finally, we’ll look at ideas for a better system of care for children with mental health, neurodevelopmental, and behavioral challenges, and what you might be able to do to help make that a reality.
As always, I would welcome your comments and input for future editions of this book. You can send your comments to me online via my website, www.anndouglas.net
Best wishes to you, your child, and the rest of your family as you weather the storm together.
Part I The Challenge and Your Child
If your child is struggling with psychological problems and challenges— at this point, early in your journey, it may still feel strange to see that written out in black and white—you are likely struggling yourself, feeling frightened and alone, uncertain about how to help your child or where you can turn for the information and support you so desperately crave. If you grew up with a family member who struggled with mental health challenges, you may be heartbroken and terrified about what the future may hold for your child.
It’s easy to lose your sense of direction during the peak of the storm, to stumble, to get lost. That’s what this first part of the book is for: to help you make your way through the chaos and the confusion and arrive at your destination. In this section of the book, we will deal with some of the important steps to take toward getting help for your child from the health care system: assessing symptoms, obtaining a diagnosis, navigating treatment options, and advocating for your child all along the way. This can all be very daunting, but there is a lot of support out there for you, and hopefully the information here will provide a helping hand.
Connecting with other parents who truly understand is an important first step, which is why you’ll be encountering so many parent stories in the first part of the book. You need to know that other parents have made it through, and that you have the courage
and strength you’ll need. There were times when I wondered how I would find that courage and that strength myself. And yet I did because I had to. My children were counting on my husband and me to do everything we could to guide them through the storm.
The storm struck for us when my daughter was 13 and going through a very dark time. She had been struggling with depression for over a year and, at some point during the final months of eighth grade, she stopped being able to imagine life ever getting any better. In an effort to make the pain go away, she took a large quantity of Extra Strength Tylenol.
We were lucky. I found her in time and recognized that something was wrong. We spent that night in intensive care, me holding the baby-blue vomit basin up to her mouth as the activated charcoal worked its magic, soaking up the toxins in her stomach.
While she slept fitfully for 45-minute stretches at a time, in between spasms of vomiting, I stretched out on the three metalframed chairs that a kindhearted nurse had assembled into a makeshift bed for me.
I thought back to an earlier time, when I was a brand-new mother up in the middle of the night in this very same hospital with this very same child, then a tiny newborn. I remembered how scared and uncertain I had felt during those early hours and days of motherhood. Those same feelings were back once again. But this time, there weren’t any mom-and-baby classes I could take to tell me how to keep my teenage daughter safe from herself.
It didn’t matter that I was in the heart of a busy hospital, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the ICU, and just inches away from my sleeping daughter. I felt utterly, totally alone. I felt like my daughter was slipping away.
We made it through that crisis and the countless others that followed over the next few years— crises that necessitated trips to the emergency room; calls to police officers; and appointments with social workers, psychiatrists, and other experts. And so did Julie. As I write this book, she is a healthy 27-year-old and a talented young artist with a passion for abandoned places and anything else whose beauty has been overlooked by the rest of the world.
Kids can come through the worst of times. So can families. We’re a resilient lot. (Thankfully.)
You’ll pick up on that spirit of resilience as you make your way through the first part of this book, which is largely a tapestry of other parents’ stories. You will notice that, even while parents are speaking of the wrenching pain they endured while their children were struggling, their love and commitment to their children shine through. It all begins with love.
Looking back over a lifetime, you see that love was the answer to everything.
Ray Bradbury
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grown through the limbs of the older ones, presenting an anomalous sight. Col. Vegesack, who had been assigned to the 20th New York, now took command of the Brigade, and Lieutenant-Colonel Corning returned to the Regiment. Col. Vegesack, who had obtained a furlough from the Swedish army to cross the water and fight in behalf of the Union, was a brave and beloved officer. While the first battle of Fredericksburg was in progress, he received an extension of time, and in announcing the fact to his men on the field, added; “My soldiers, I fight from patriotism: you fight from patriotism and for country; I expect that you will fight well.”
The next day the Regiment marched fifteen miles, passing through Williamsburg. The inhabitants manifested in various ways their delight at seeing the army retreating, which four months before had marched so victoriously in the opposite direction. Marching by Fort Magruder and the old battle-field, the Thirty-third bivouacked in a pleasant spot three miles beyond. The troops rose early the next morning, and by six o’clock were in motion. Proceeding through Yorktown, the Regiment encamped near a grave-yard, two miles distant from the city, in which two of General Washington’s Aids, killed in the first siege of Yorktown, were buried. Officers and men now for the first time visited the city, spending several hours in wandering through the streets, and examining the heavy fortifications constructed by the enemy. General Van Allen was in command of the place. Near to the fortifications was a “Union Cemetery,” containing the graves of 300 Union soldiers, each of which was adorned by a neat head-board, designating the name and Regiment of the soldier Wednesday the march was resumed at five o’clock, and continued for ten miles, until Big Bethel was reached. At ten o’clock on the following morning the Regiment arrived in Hampton. The various Divisions of the army had now reached here, the entire retrograde movement having been performed most successfully.
CHAPTER XVIII.
Abandonment of the Peninsula. Arrival at Acquia Creek. Disembarkation at Alexandria. Pope’s Operations. Death of Generals Stevens and Kearney. Retreat to the Fortifications. Responsibility for the Disaster. Fitz-John Porter.
On the following day, the Thirty-third and other Regiments of the Third Brigade embarked at Fortress Monroe, on board the steamers Vanderbilt and Empire City, and came to anchor the same evening at Acquia Creek. The design in sending them here was to reinforce General Burnside, who had already arrived, and held Fredericksburg with a large force. As affairs were assuming a threatening attitude around Washington, it was deemed best, however, to withdraw all the troops from Fredericksburg and vicinity. General Burnside, therefore, commenced evacuating the region the same day that the Thirty-third arrived. The three bridges constructed over the Rappahannock, the railroad, Quartermaster and commissary buildings at Falmouth, were destroyed, the Fredericksburg machineshop and foundry blown up, and various other property laid in ruins. As the last of the forces were leaving, a woman appeared, with three little children clinging to her side, whom General Burnside recognized as a prominent Union lady. He immediately remarked to her: “Have you anything down to the bridge, madam?” “Only a bed and a few small articles, sir.” Turning to one of his wagon-masters, he said, “Send down an ambulance, wagon-master, and have them brought up and carried to the depot.” The lady afterwards had the pleasure of being landed safely in Washington with her children and effects. This was a little incident in itself, but illustrates the character of the man.
The Thirty-third did not disembark, but proceeding on up to Alexandria, went into camp near Fort Ellsworth, on the 24th, just five months from the day it left for the Peninsula. Five months of active campaigning had brought with it all the fortunes of war. Victory and
defeat had anon perched on our banners. New Generals had come and gone. Brave spirits innumerable had been shot to death on the field, lain down in sickly swamps to die, or breathed their life away in northern hospitals or homes. The retrospect was not a cheerful one.
The other Regiments of Franklin’s Corps arrived during the same day, on the Daniel Webster and other transports.
General Pope’s army was in the meantime actively engaged.
Saturday, August 9th, the battle of Cedar Mountain was fought between Generals Banks and Jackson, which can hardly be claimed as a victory for the Federal arms, though the subsequent retreat of the enemy left us in possession of the field.
Wednesday, 13th, General Buford’s Cavalry pushed on further south, as far as Orange Court House, capturing many wounded who had been abandoned.
Sunday, 17th, the army encamped along the banks of the Rapidan.
Wednesday, 20th, General Pope and his entire command crossed to the north bank of the river, and during the same day Jackson, who had been heavily reinforced from Lee’s army, appeared at several of the fords, and opened a brisk and lengthy artillery fire. Opposing batteries were planted along the river at different points for a distance of fifteen miles. No advantage resulted to the enemy from this prolonged artillery duel. They succeeded, however, in throwing a body of cavalry across one of the fords at the extreme left of our lines, which was met by a corresponding force. A severe conflict ensued, neither party being the victors.
Saturday, 23rd, the rebels made a spirited attack on Rappahannock Station, compelling us to abandon it. The bridge over the Rappahannock at that point was burned, and the abutments blown up.
Monday, 25th, the entire left wing of the rebel army crossed the river at Warrenton Springs, and General Pope immediately decided upon abandoning the line of the Rappahannock.
Tuesday, 26th, Ewell, with a part of Jackson’s command, appeared at Bristow Station, in Pope’s rear, and destroyed two bridges, two locomotives, and fifty cars, en route back to Alexandria from Warrenton Junction, whither they had conveyed General Hooker’s Division a few hours previous. Leaving Bristow Station, Ewell proceeded to Manassas Junction, and burnt one hundred more cars, heavily laden with ammunition and supplies. He also destroyed the bridge over Bull Run, and retreated to Hay Market, closely pursued by Hooker and Kearney. About the same time Longstreet’s corps forced a passage through Thoroughfare Gap, after meeting with a stubborn resistance from General King’s Division.
On abandoning the Rappahannock, General Pope had marched rapidly back, in three columns, from Warrenton and Warrenton Junction, and disposed his forces in the following manner. The Corps of McDowell and Sigel and the Pennsylvania Reserves, under Reynolds, were moved to Gainesville. Reno and Kearney were directed upon Greenwich, while Hooker’s Division was sent against Ewell along the railroad. These dispositions, General Halleck tells us, were well planned, but were unfortunately too late, as a large detachment of Lee’s army was already east of Thoroughfare Gap. General Porter was ordered to be at Bristow Station by daylight on the morning of the 28th, but not obeying the order, his Corps did not participate in the battles of the 28th and 29th. Heintzelman’s Corps pressed forward to Manassas on the morning of the 28th, and forced Jackson to retreat across Bull Run by the Centreville turnpike. McDowell had succeeded in checking Lee at Thoroughfare Gap, but the latter took the road to New Market, and hastened to the relief of Jackson, who was now in rapid retreat. A portion of McDowell’s corps encountered the retreating column on the afternoon of the 28th, near Warrenton turnpike, and a severe but successful battle ensued.
Friday, 29th, Jackson was again attacked near the old battle ground of July 1861, when a heavy engagement ensued. Sigel, who had arrived, held the extreme right of our lines. The enemy endeavored to turn his position, but were repulsed three times.
Fighting continued until dark, at which time the rebels had been driven one mile. General Pope, in his official report of this battle, wrote:
“We fought a terrific battle here yesterday with the combined forces of the enemy, which lasted with continuous fury, from daylight until after dark, by which time the enemy was driven from the field which we now occupy. Our troops are too much exhausted to push matters, but I shall do so in the course of the morning, as soon as Fitz-John Porter’s Corps comes up from Manassas.”
Upon the following day our forces were arranged as follows: Heintzelman, extreme right; Porter and McDowell, centre; and Banks, extreme left. Sigel was held as a reserve in the rear of Porter. We renewed the battle at 7 o’clock, A. M. Firing was kept up on both sides until one o’clock, when the rebels charged in solid column upon our centre. They were at first repulsed, but again advancing in six columns, McDowell’s troops gave away. The centre now being broken, the wings were compelled to fall back, when a perfect rout ensued. Officers and men, alike, rushed back, pell mell, in the direction of Washington, as fast as their legs would carry them. Reaching Bull Run they were temporarily rallied and held the advance of the enemy in check, but again pushing on, they did not stop until within sight of Centreville.
Returning to General Franklin’s command, the Thirty-third, together with the other Regiments of the Corps, received marching orders on the 28th. Tents were struck, rations provided, and everything got in readiness to hasten to the support of Pope. But the movement did not commence, and at sunset the tents were repitched. Orders came again, however, at ten o’clock, to be ready to march on the following morning. The Third Brigade was in readiness at six o’clock, but, proceeding on to the camps of the remaining portions of the Corps, saw but little indication of a move. Tents remained standing, unharnessed artillery horses were eating their grain, and other evidences of an intended delay were apparent. After the lapse of two hours, the Corps took up the line of march, and proceeding through Annandale, halted at eleven o’clock for the day, after having made a distance of six and one half miles. The next
morning the march was resumed at eight o’clock. On nearing Fairfax Court House, the artillery firing of General Pope could be distinctly heard, and the troops, knowing that he must be in need of reinforcements, were anxious to push rapidly forward. But they were moved along at a snail pace. Arriving at Cub Run, two miles beyond Centreville, large numbers of wounded men, stragglers and wagons were met going to the rear. While the Thirty-third was fording Cub Run, “we were ordered,” writes the Lieutenant-Colonel, “to countermarch. Our army had given way and the hellish intentions of some Generals had been accomplished. Pope had been defeated.” The Brigade returned to Centreville, reaching there about ten o’clock at night. Lieutenant-Colonel Corning was immediately ordered to proceed with the Thirty-third and Seventh Maine, to a point two miles to the rear, to stop the stragglers, who were now hurrying towards the capital by whole Brigades. The Regiments were posted across the road, where they remained until the following morning, halting and turning back, at the point of the bayonet, a large number of the panic-stricken fugitives. Being relieved, they returned again to Centreville, and took up position in one of the lines of battle formed by the Corps to cover the retreat. Under protection of a flag of truce, some sixty ambulances proceeded to the battle-field and brought off about half of our wounded, who had lain since Saturday in the open air, exposed to the broiling sun, and fierce storm which prevailed Sunday evening. The poor fellows were in a terrible condition, having been deserted by the surgeons, who, like the rest of the army, were panic-stricken and had fled. Nearly two hundred of them were left, the flag of truce expiring before they could be brought away. Just at nightfall (Monday) a portion of the enemy succeeded in getting in our rear, between Centreville and Fairfax, and fell upon the supply trains, which were withdrawing to Alexandria. General Stevens was immediately sent back from the former place, and succeeded in driving the enemy away, though losing his own life. He fell at the head of his Brigade, pierced through the breast by a minie-ball. Later in the evening the lion-hearted Kearney was also killed. It was his habit, like that of Stonewall Jackson’s, to ride round his lines after the troops were asleep, and inspect them closely, satisfying himself that the pickets were doing their duty. Not unfrequently he would
start off in this manner alone, and be absent for hours, making himself fully acquainted with everything that was transpiring along the lines. It was while out on such a tour of inspection, Monday night, that he was shot dead by a rebel picket, who observed him riding along, from a distance. His death, as well as that of General Stevens, was universally lamented.
Vienna, 15 miles from Alexandria.
The entire army now fell back to the fortifications around Alexandria. The Thirty-third left the front about seven o’clock Monday
evening, halting at two o’clock on the following morning, one mile west of Fairfax Court House. The roads were full of troops and wagon trains, and the night was intensely dark, which added to the confusion. After sleeping two hours, the Division again moved back to the front, and constituted the rear guard of the retreating forces. About ten o’clock it was withdrawn and proceeded towards Alexandria, reaching the old camping ground at ten o’clock in the evening.
So ended the second series of Bull Run engagements. Owing to the timidity and lack of confidence in the people, which have led the military authorities at Washington, from the commencement of the war, to withhold unfavorable intelligence, the country has never comprehended the extent of the disaster which resulted from this week of battles. Our arms unquestionably suffered the severest reverse which has yet befallen them. In addition to the loss of seventy-five cannon and large quantities of small arms, equipments, supplies, etc., there must have been fully twenty thousand Federal troops killed, wounded and taken prisoners.
Neither has the country comprehended the rightful causes of this disaster. We believe that it was occasioned solely by the jealousy of military officers, and not through incapacity on the part of Gen. Pope. No sooner was he appointed to the command of the Army of Virginia, and large forces placed under him, than an emulous spirit manifested itself among the Generals of the Army of the Peninsula. When he issued the injudicious address to his troops, announcing that his headquarters were to be in the saddle, and that they were not to be employed in seeking out lines of retreat, this spirit was still further developed. Finally, when the Peninsular forces were recalled to the capital and placed under Pope, and Gen. McClellan left in command of the fortifications simply, several of his Generals deliberately, we believe, plotted the new leader’s ruin. Gen. Porter was unquestionably the most guilty one of the number, and merited a severer punishment than has been meted out to him. This was the general opinion entertained in the army, outside of his own Corps. However much they loved and admired Gen. McClellan, the troops came to regard his pet, Gen. Fitz-John Porter, with distrust and
suspicion. Had he obeyed orders, Gen. Pope informs us that the enemy would have been completely routed.
No satisfactory reasons have ever been given for the late advance and slow march of Gen. Franklin’s Corps from Alexandria to the scene of operations, when it was so much needed. The fact of his never having been called to account for it, is, however, sufficient reason for asserting that Gen. Franklin was not responsible for the delay. He was too much of a patriot, too much of a soldier, to be guilty of any machinations against a brother officer and his country. Great injustice has been done him by associating his name with Gen. Porter’s.
The conduct and correspondence of Gen. McClellan all go to prove that he neither shared in nor countenanced that spirit of rivalry which cost the country so much blood and treasure. Gen. Pope’s plans were well conceived, and if they had been carried out, would doubtless have resulted in a substantial victory. However questionable his veracity, we cannot withhold from him the meed of having displayed good generalship in the East as well as in the West.
CHAPTER XIX.
General McClellan Restored to Command. Re-organization of the Army. Advance of the Enemy into Maryland. March from Washington. Battle of Crampton’s Pass. Harper’s Ferry Surrendered.
Soon after the troops fell back, Gen. Pope was relieved, at his own request, and Gen. McClellan re-instated as Major General commanding. He immediately commenced the labor of re-organizing the army. The lull which followed, and absence of the enemy from our immediate front, boded no good. The news, therefore, which soon reached Washington, that the rebels had made their appearance near Edward’s Ferry, was not wholly unexpected. Friday night, Sept. 5th, they crossed the Potomac and occupied Frederick City with a heavy force, destroying the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad for several miles, and cutting off communication with Harper’s Ferry and Martinsburg, where considerable bodies of our troops were stationed. Gen. Lee’s plan, he afterwards stated, in crossing the river, was to threaten Baltimore, Washington and Harrisburg at the same time, thereby diverting the attention of our authorities while he encircled and captured the above forces. Gen. McClellan immediately pushed forward to meet him.
SUGAR-LOAF MOUNTAIN, MARYLAND.
Saturday evening, Sept. 6th, Franklin’s Corps crossed the Long Bridge, followed by Sumner’s and Hooker’s (late McDowell’s), and proceeded up the Maryland side of the river. All night long the solid, heavy tramp of troops could be heard through the streets of the capital.
The Thirty-third passed up Pennsylvania Avenue about 7 o’clock, and marching until 2 o’clock Sunday morning, halted at Tanlytown. The march was resumed at 5 o’clock P. M., and continued for six miles.
Monday, Sept. 8th, marched through Rockville, halting one mile west of the place. Many of the knapsacks were left here, and afterwards sent back to Washington. Resuming the march, bivouacked four miles east of Darnestown.
Tuesday, Sept. 9th, moved at 9 o’clock A. M., and encamped near Seneca Creek. The weather was very warm and roads dusty, but,
relieved of their knapsacks and other effects, the soldiers suffered comparatively little.
Thursday, Sept. 11th, marched at 9 o’clock, A. M., and halted about noon between Barnsville and Sugar Loaf Mountain.
Friday, Sept. 12th, marched at 9 A. M., encamping near Monocacy Bridge, which had been destroyed by the enemy, but was now rebuilt. The same day our advance, under Gen. Burnside, entered Frederick, the people turning out en masse to welcome them. Just before reaching the city they encountered a Brigade of rebel cavalry, under Fitzhugh Lee, whipping and driving them before them in gallant style.
Crossing the bridge upon the following morning, Lieut.-Col. Corning was ordered forward with the Thirty-third and Twentieth New York, to drive the enemy out of Jefferson’s Pass, an opening through the range of mountains extending southeast of and nearly parallel with the Blue Ridge.
Doffing such wearing apparel and equipments as were not necessary, the men pressed rapidly forward. Their dark blue uniforms and glistening bayonets soon appeared among the trees and green foliage of the mountain side, as they moved upward, scaling rocky ledges, and clinging hold of shrubs and branches, to steady their footing. The enemy, who were posted along the summit, hastily fled as they drew near, leaving it in their possession. A magnificent view presented itself from here. Stretching far away in every direction, were rich fields of grain, ripening into maturity, thousands of cattle feeding on the green hills, little villages and farm houses dotting the landscape, the church spires of Frederick looming up in the distance, and at the base of the Blue Mountains immense rebel trains, protected from attack by the frowning guns above. Descending the opposite side of the mountain, the two Regiments deployed as skirmishers, and moving forward a mile beyond the beautiful village of Jefferson, picketed for the night. All along the route they were enthusiastically received by the Marylanders. Fair maids plucked the richest flowers from their gardens, and clustering them in rich bouquets, placed them in the hands of the brave New
Yorkers. Grave matrons, with ruddy daughters, like Angels of Mercy, came to the gates by the road-side with cups of milk and water to refresh the thirsty soldiers. Such a reception was hardly expected, and was the more appreciated, after the long and unpleasant experiences among the rebel men and women of Virginia. The remainder of the Division came up here and rested for the night.
Heavy firing was heard in the direction of Harper’s Ferry. While passing through Jefferson much merriment was occasioned by the chasing of a rebel cavalryman. Seeing him lagging behind, one of our troopers, clapping spurs to his horse, started in hot pursuit, yelling and screaming at the top of his voice, as he rode. He continued to gain on the gray-back, and when within a few yards, discharged his carbine and revolver simultaneously at him, which so alarmed the fugitive that he wheeled, and at once gave himself up. A little further on, Col. Irwin, of the Forty-ninth Pennsylvania, who had now assumed command of the Brigade, took after five rebel videttes, and riding into their midst with a revolver in each hand, compelled three of them to surrender.
When our forces advanced to Frederick, the enemy retreated on two turnpikes diverging from the city, and running through cuts in the Blue Ridge, six miles apart, and known as the South Mountain, or Turner’s Pass, near Middletown, and Crampton’s Pass, near Burkettsville. Having fortified these and the surrounding hill-tops, they waited our approach. Gen. McClellan, after reviewing the situation for a short time, decided upon storming these positions. To Gen. Franklin he assigned the duty of taking Crampton’s Pass, while he superintended operations personally at Turner’s.
The Sixth Corps moved forward from the vicinity of Jefferson Sunday morning, and on nearing Burkettsville, was arranged for the attack. The enemy seeing this, opened a heavy fire from the guns planted on the heights, but the troops pressed rapidly forward on the double-quick over the ploughed fields and meadows, until the village was reached, when they halted in the streets. The Thirty-third lost but one man while running the gauntlet of the rebel batteries. Though shot and shell were flying in every direction, the citizens came out of their houses, waved their handkerchiefs, cheered for the
“Union Boys,” and brought them food and drink. After resting for a few moments, the advance was again sounded, and Slocum’s Division moved to the right of the turnpike and engaged the enemy, while Gen. Brooks, supported by the Thirty-third and other Regiments of the Third Brigade, marched directly up the road. About 3 o’clock Slocum reached the Pass, and drove the enemy from it, after a hard fought battle. Brooks’ column immediately came on, and dashing up the woody summit, charged the battery at the left of the Pass and captured two guns, together with numerous prisoners. Among the number was Col. Lamar, of the Eighth Georgia, who had previously been taken at the battle of Golden’s Farm and paroled. It now being dark, the troops retraced their steps to the Pass, and moving down the west side of the mountain, bivouacked at the foot in Pleasant Valley. Gens. Hooker and Reno had, in the meantime, stormed the South Mountain gorge, though in doing so the latter lost his life.
Monday morning, the Sixth Corps stood to arms at sunrise, and prepared to march to the relief of Harper’s Ferry. It was soon ascertained, however, that Col. Miles had surrendered that place, and the men went into camp again. This intelligence so affected Gen. McClellan as to cause him to shed tears. Tuesday, the Corps remained in Pleasant Valley.
CHAPTER XX.
THE BATTLE OF ANTIETAM, FOUGHT WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 17TH.
The battle of Antietam was the first substantial victory which crowned the labors of the Army of the Potomac. Williamsburg, Fair Oaks and Malvern were all victories, but productive of no immediate results. Fought on ground of the enemy’s choosing, and under the disadvantages which always attend the assailing party, it was a decisive struggle, stemming the tide of invasion and rolling back to their rebellious territory Lee’s boasted legions, the
“Ragged multitude
Of hinds and peasants, rude and merciless,”
who had come to “free” “My Maryland.” A single regret is associated with Antietam: that the enemy, defeated and driven back, were not followed up and annihilated.
ANTIETAM.
Straw Stacks, with Wounded. Position of Thirty-Third when attacked. Rickett’s Battery.
After being driven from the mountain passes, Gen. Lee withdrew his forces from the vicinity of the Blue Ridge, Boonsboro and Hagerstown, and concentrated them near Sharpsburg, in horse-shoe shaped lines, the heels resting near the Potomac. Gen. McClellan followed with his entire army, save Couch’s Division and Franklin’s Command, which having been detached for the relief of Harper’s Ferry, were several miles in the rear.
The valley in which the conflict occurred lies directly west of the spur of the Blue Ridge known as South Mountain, and comprises one of the most delightful portions of Maryland. Looking down from the Highlands, the eye fell upon little villages, crowning eminences or nestling in dells; farm houses standing out boldly on the hill-tops, or half-hidden down the woody slopes; yellow fields of grain, green
pastures and sombre fallows; luxuriant orchards and groves of maple, interspersed with oak; the tortuous Antietam, forming in its serpentine windings numerous miniature islands; lesser streams sparkling in the sunlight, leaping and babbling down the mountain side, or flowing noiselessly through the verdant meadows—the whole comprising a landscape of surpassing beauty and loveliness.
Down on this fair valley settled the “horrid cloud” called battle. Over this gorgeous patch-work of nature rolled the “hot elements of destruction.”
Monday afternoon and Tuesday were spent by Gen. McClellan in reconnoitring the enemy’s position, and establishing his own. He likewise devoted considerable time to examining the topography of the region. “Two hostile armies,” a recent writer observes, “on a battle-field, are two wrestlers—one tries to throw the other; they cling to everything; a thicket is a basis; for want of a village to support it, a Regiment gives way; a fall in the plain, a transverse hedge in a good position, a wood, a ravine, may arrest the heel of that column which is called an army, and prevent its slipping. The one who leaves the field is beaten, and hence the necessity for the responsible Chief to examine the smallest clump of trees, and the slightest rise in the ground.” No General ever realized the truth of the above more than Gen. McClellan, and it was accordingly his wont to inspect minutely the ground chosen for battle. Before Tuesday noon he had familiarized himself with the plan of “Antietam,” examined the woods, fields, hills, dales and streams which it embraced, selected the commanding positions for his artillery, and marked out the level spots where infantry could be manœuvred to advantage.
As fast as the troops came streaming down from the mountain, they moved to the various points assigned them. It was an inspiring sight, those long shining lines, pouring down through the woods and fields, like “living threads that went to weave themselves into the glorious tapestry of our nation’s history.”
There was the chivalric Burnside, leading the conquerors of Roanoke and Newbern—the Ninth Army Corps—which he loved so well. Further to the right came Porter, with his Regulars and well
filled ranks of Volunteers. Still further on appeared the brave old Sumner, whose highest wish was to die with the harness on— followed by troops who adored the hero of Fair Oaks, if possible, more than their Chief.
In the rear rode the gallant Mansfield, who, tired of inactivity, had exchanged the ease of court duty at the capital for the command of Banks’ Corps, fresh from the gory fields of Cedar Mountain and Bull Run. Hither was he come to uncover to the storm his head, now silvered o’er by the frosts of nearly sixty winters, and die while cheering forward his men on a charge. And there too was the courageous Hooker, deploying far away to the right his battle-scarred veterans.
During Tuesday there was heavy skirmishing between the infantry, and considerable artillery firing, but no general engagement took place. Meanwhile Lee was reinforced by Jackson’s Corps of thirty thousand men, who, after having taken possession of Harper’s Ferry, moved rapidly back up the Virginia side of the Potomac and crossed over at the fords near Sharpsburg. Aware, as he now was, of his superiority in numbers and position, the rebel chief calmly awaited our attack.
The dawn of Wednesday found the Federal army arranged in much the same manner as the day previous, Hooker on the right, supported by Mansfield, then Sumner, then Porter on a commanding eminence, as a reserve, and lastly Burnside, on the extreme left.
The line extended between four and five miles. The rebel left was in the woods, directly in front of our right, and their forces were posted across the valley between us and Sharpsburg, and very nearly parallel with our own. Our artillery was planted behind the crests of the various hillocks, ready to be run up and fire at a moment’s notice.
To Gen. Hooker had been assigned the honor of opening the great combat. During the night previous he had crossed the Antietam on the Hagerstown road, and gained a position on the right bank of that stream, which curved round in front of our forces.
He was in the saddle before daylight, and the rising sun shone upon his troops moving forward in battle array—the right of our lines sweeping round towards the Potomac. They proceeded but a short distance before encountering the enemy, drawn up to receive them, and soon the profound stillness which precedes a battle was broken, and Saxon was pitted against Saxon in the contest of death.
Steadily the brave fellows pressed forward over the wooded and uneven ground, regardless of the infantry and artillery fire which was concentrated upon them from several points, and sweeping through the cornfields and grove at the right of the Sharpsburg turnpike, bore down with irresistible fury upon the rebel lines.
They stood the shock but a moment, and then the swarthy foe fell back in disorder, closely followed by our victorious boys, who made the welkin ring with their shouts and cheers. But now come reinforcements for the enemy, and our troops are forced back from the ground which they have so gallantly won. For a moment it seems as if Hooker will be overpowered, so heavily has the enemy’s left been reinforced, but the timely arrival of Mansfield stems the tide of rebel success. The two commands are massed together, and together resist the onslaughts of the enemy. There is as yet no fighting elsewhere. All the energy, skill and force of the respective commanders are, for the time being, centred on this point. Hither all eyes are turned. Ten o’clock finds the troops still fiercely engaged. Both Hooker and Mansfield are lost to them. Gen. McClellan soon arrives, inspiring the men by his presence. A few moments later Sumner comes up with his whole Corps to the relief of those who have been fighting for three hours.
His troops suffer severely. It was true he exposed them— unnecessarily some thought—but no more than he exposed himself. Wherever the conflict waxed hottest, there he was to be seen riding to and fro, brandishing his sword and cheering forward his men, his head uncovered and his long silver locks streaming in the breeze. French, Richardson, Kimball and other brave spirits were with him, seconding his commands.
The gallant young Howard, who laid aside his ministerial robes to lose an arm at Fair Oaks Roads, leads Burn’s old Brigade on a charge. Close by appears the intrepid Meagher, double-quicking his Irish braves through a field of corn, and the enemy, who have again commenced advancing, are checked. Our reserve artillery are now trained upon them, and
“Like a plow in the fallow through them Plow the Northern ball,”
creating wide gaps and producing fearful carnage in their ranks. But determined on breaking this part of our line, Gen. Lee continued to mass his forces here, and portions of Sumner’s troops, weary and exhausted, began to recede.
It was now a most critical moment—Mansfield killed, Hooker wounded, Sedgwick, Richardson and Crawford carried bleeding from the field,—the enemy pressing on in overwhelming numbers,—our own troops giving way,—what should we have done had not Franklin arrived at this juncture from Pleasant Valley with two fresh Divisions?
The force had left Pleasant Valley at daylight, and marched rapidly to the scene of action. The Third Brigade, with two others, immediately pressing forward, put the enemy to flight, and established the lines far in advance of where they had been at the opening of the fight. This brilliant success cost us, however, many casualties. Fifty were killed and wounded in the Thirty-third alone; among the former was Sergeant-Major George W. Bassett, a brave and beloved officer. He was shot through the head, after bearing Lieut. Mix from the field, seriously wounded through the thigh. Captain Gifford and Lieutenant King were also wounded. LieutenantColonel Corning’s horse was hit three times, and Major Platner’s killed. The Thirty-third, and other Regiments of Franklin’s Corps sent forward, held their position during the remainder of the contest. The fighting on the left did not commence until later in the day, and it was noon before the fire of musketry announced that the infantry were engaged in that direction. The first advance was made down the slope of a hill, to a bridge which crossed the Antietam. Beyond the
