LIFESTYLE
Diary of a Single Girl Types
Mr Minty Fish Bonnie and Clyde 2013
This is the interview that would occur if someone was chewing their face off and thought I was Beyonce. Them chewing their face off is optional for this tale but we’re in Hamilton so may as well keep it realistic. #hissing Who inspired you to pursue your dream of acting/singing/etc. Um, sorry mate I think you’ve got the wrong person. Well, what kind of men/women are you into then. A bit forward, but he has to be a bit ugly I suppose. Almost like roadkill that needs caring for.
shit, your eye is just one giant pupil. What do you like to watch on tv. Police 10/7. Might be why you look familiar. How did you get discovered Preferably not tomorrow morning in a rubbish bag floating down the Waikato River if that’s ok with you. What would you be if you were not famous Getting harassed outside Static. Just a guess. Do you have any hobbies Fuck it. May as well have fun with this. I love devuring the souls of the innocent Wow. Edgy. I love it Bey! You’re an idiot. Where did you grow up. In a town where there was definitely not enough warning about stranger danger evidently. What kind of kid were you. I’m assuming if there had have been a van full of candy, I would have jumped in.
Who is your celebrity crush? Why.
Annnnnd scene. This is what happens in my head.
Because it’s what the people want. I think ‘the people’ will survive.
I love your genitals, mmf.xxx
Stop being a fuck Beyonce, give your people the yarns they deserve. Jesus.
mmf@nexusmag.co.nz Come at me brah
I live in a flat with three other girls. When my Mum visited the other day she commented that you could tell it was a girl’s flat because of the tampon casually chilling on the coffee table. I pointed out that the ‘pin the penis on the man’ game on our wall was probably a better indicator. Despite going out together most weeks we never seem to have issues when it comes to boys because we have such different tastes. I have “crossed swords” with some of the ones I’ve known for longer before, but as we’ve got a bit older this is no longer an issue. Our types could be labeled as the dirty hipster, the skinny geek, the tall nice guy and lastly the tall, muscular jock (preferably blonde). I didn’t realize just how predictable we all were until very recently when I was at the gym and pointed out a guy to my flat mate. Her only response was, “I knew you’d like him.” I realize that most
“So next time you’re eyeing up a guy, who let’s face it, probably looks like any ex you’ve ever had, stop and consider the cute squidgie babies you would make.” people have a type that they like and if I were basing this column on any psych papers I’ve taken, I would tell you this is because basically, on a subconscious or sometimes conscious level you think that you would make great babies with each other. So next time you’re eyeing up a guy, who let’s face it, probably looks like any ex you’ve ever had, stop and consider the cute squidgie babies you would make. Or in my case pick a different guy! Cause I ain’t got no time for babies yo.
You heard it here first guys. Beyonce wants to rav Jesus. Uh ok yeah NO though. And I don’t think you can say that? Angry mobs will appear. Holy 31