By Rob Okun
BMen’s Second Act
inary thinking—so 20th century— seems to be at the core of much of the contemporary national conversation about gender. The argument—bolstered by legitimate stats about, say, greater enrollment figures of females in colleges and women’s growing numbers climbing the corporate management ladder—boils down to this: the New Woman is riding high; the Marlboro Man has fallen off his horse.
Into the mix comes “The End of MEN,” the cover story of the July-August Atlantic magazine, continuing inside with the Editor’s column headlined “She’s the Man” and a sidebar to the cover story blaring, “Are Fathers Necessary?”
I certainly know about provocative headlines—I’ve been writing them for decades. But after all the sizzle stops spattering, who’s going to clean up the spilled ink in the gulf of words? Yes, the landscape of gender relationships has shifted—many women are empowered to cross the new terrain; many men are insecure treading on unfamiliar ground. I like to think of what’s happening as not bad news for men as much as good news for women, and great potential for everybody.
That women now hold the majority of jobs in the country—the hook “The End of MEN” hung its hat on—speaks volumes about changing ideas notions of, family, and career. Even though many men are confused and more than a little uptight— when three quarters of the eight million jobs lost during the recent Great Recession were held by men it’s no surprise—there is a silver lining. Relieved of the yoke as primary breadwinner, pushed by new ideas about masculinity that eschew invulnerability and stoicism, maybe we can begin to reverse our sorry health stats—from heart disease and stress disorders, to underreported depression and spiking numbers of suicide. Rather than feeling if women are up, men must be down, how about seeing the potential for a new social compact that promotes collaboration and partnerships over competition and going it alone.
The torch of women’s autonomy has been successfully passed to adult daughters of feminist foremothers. Fathers and other male mentors, a full generation or more behind in trying to decode what women’s
brave new world means for us, have only recently begun to teach our sons. What is happening isn’t so much “The End of MEN” as much as it’s “Men’s Second Act.”
We may be obtuse and molasses-brained a lot of the time—I certainly have been both—and we may be slow to adapt to a changing world, but even the dimmest among us have the potential to grow and change. If the late Sen. Robert Byrd of West Virginia could renounce his days as a member of the Ku Klux Klan in the 1940s and describe his decision to oppose the 1964 Civil Rights Act as a colossal mistake, then any man can change.
Here we are, decades after a growing cohort of men began redefining masculinity—from antiwar protesters who chose to come of age as men without being tested in the jungles of Vietnam, to stay-at home dads deriving satisfaction from raising their children—the revolution in men’s consciousness in still under the mainstream radar. For its’ entire publishing history, Voice Male has been reporting on the lives of men who, even though unsure (read scared), began to walk away from the privileges and entitlements that come with being a penised person.
We report on the men you don’t hear much about—fathers who know the secret
that it’s not just that kids need dads but that dads need kids. (Take a look at the inspiring photos beginning on page 14 of National Football League player dads and their daughters with the NFL players speaking about their roles as fathers.)
We write about the men who know that domestic violence and sexual violence are not “women’s issues” but community issues (see Alan G. Johnson’s article, “Telling the Truth about Domestic Violence” and excerpts from his searing novel, The First Thing and the Last, (page 10).
We share the good news about men mentoring boys, discovering their inner lives and shedding tears of grief and of joy as they struggle to come to peace with being a son (check out Sy Safransky’s memoir about his father, “Legacy,” on page 22).
The complex interconnectedness that is the web of our lives—perhaps most recently reflected back to us by the social, economic, and cultural tsunami that’s befallen so many residents of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida in the wake of the BP oil disaster— invites a more nuanced approach to gender dynamics than a headline like “The End of MEN” suggests.
How ironic that a half century after most men were hanging tightly on to our privilege, deriding women’s struggle for equality, many feel the tables have turned and feel threatened by seismic sociocultural shifts. Those confused by what is happening need only turn to men who are adapting, who are incorporating such heretofore strictly female attributes—nurturance, collaboration, emotional and social intelligence—into who they are as sons and brothers, husbands and fathers, uncles and friends.
Rather than heralding “The End of MEN,” how about a cover story investigating, say, “The Coming Gender Peace Accord” as men join women in creating a society where everyone is appreciated for changing a flat tire and a diaper; where all are equally celebrated for closing a deal and opening a heart.
Voice Male editor Rob Okun can be reached at rob@voicemalemagazine.org.
Eve Ensler
Rob A. Okun Editor
Lahri Bond Art Director
Michael Burke Copy Editor
Gail Sailant
Zazie Tobey Interns
National Advisory Board
Juan Carlos Areán
Family Violence Prevention Fund
John Badalament
e Modern Dad
Eve Ensler V-Day
Byron Hurt
God Bless the Child Productions
Robert Jensen
Prof. of Journalism Univ. of Texas
Sut Jhally
Media Education Foundation
Bill T. Jones
Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co.
Jackson Katz
Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies
Michael Kaufman
White Ribbon Campaign
Joe Kelly e Dad Man
Michael Kimmel
Prof. of Sociology SUNY Stony Brook
Charles Knight
Other & Beyond Real Men
Don McPherson
Mentors in Violence Prevention
Mike Messner
Prof. of Sociology Univ. of So. California
Craig Norberg-Bohm
Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe
Chris Rabb
Afro-Netizen
Haji Shearer
Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund
Shira Tarrant
Prof. of Gender Studies, California State Long Beach
Another Side of “Precious”
I can understand Imani Perry’s concern that the movie Precious might reinforce negative stereotypes about the black community for some viewers (Spring 2010). However, I think there’s another side to this groundbreaking film that needs to be acknowledged.
Survivors of childhood abuse (particularly sexual abuse) are another group that has long been marginalized, stigmatized, ignored, and revictimized by society at large. Why? Books like Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman have studied and documented the reasons at length, but most boil down to denial. Sexual abuse is such a painful topic that most people tend to minimize it or pretend it doesn’t exist. Abusers have a vested interest in denying the reality of sexual abuse. Those who fail to stop abuse also tend to do their utmost to avoid facing responsibility. Witness the church’s often cold response to the ongoing clergy abuse scandal.
prevention so it was particularly timely. I found it interesting that there were only six or seven men present. I love the magazine. It was refreshing to read articles that talked about rape from a male perspective and to see other writing from men in our movement. I loved that you addressed the Dockers ads; I don’t think a lot of people thought that there was anything wrong with that ad which is frustrating to the violence prevention movement as we try to address gender norms and the societal constraints we place on each other. I am impressed by Voice Male and will be subscribing for our coalition. Thank you for putting out a fabulous magazine that talks about the heart of the issues of violence against women!
Rachel Olive Prevention Coordinator
Nebraska Sexual Domestic Assault Coalition, Lincoln, Neb.
Why Allies Speak Up
How many films show an honest, unvarnished depiction of child sexual abuse, a horror that has been experienced by literally tens of millions of women and men in the U.S. and around the world? As Ms. Perry notes in her article, “We see in Precious’ story personal resilience, possibility, healing.” To me, this is the real story of Precious: the story of an incredibly brave woman whose abuse experience and healing journey are depicted in a remarkably honest, sensitive, real and inspiring way. Her example could be a revelation to countless survivors who feel completely isolated, unseen, and unable to find help, or even articulate the possibility or need for recovery from trauma. This film clearly speaks the revolutionary messages that survivors need to hear: your experience was real and important, and healing is possible!
Watching this film, I don’t see a condemnation of the black community at large. Rather, I focus on the incredible courage of a gifted black filmmaker to give a voice, and a message of hope, to millions of abuse victims of every race, culture, and gender.
Charlie Hertan Florence, Mass.
Speaking to the Heart of the Issues
When I returned to my office recently from a conference in Atlanta I found a copy of Voice Male (Spring 2010) in my mail box. Part of what we were talking about at the conference was engaging men in our movement of violence
I write in response to the letter to the editor sent by Marc S (Spring 2010) who is concerned that “you (Voice Male) are turning men into guilty sissies…” and that the men who “took a pledge (to stand against violence against women) should be embarrassed.” Marc, it sounds as though you feel publicly standing up against violence against women is somehow emasculating. You also go on to say, “Women want strong men who can protect them.” I feel uncomfortable when you state what women want. First, it is a generalization and stereotype. Second, you do not speak for me.
My husband was one of those “sissies” at the University of Massachusetts basketball game who took the pledge. That action made me feel protected. Not by a show of physical strength or verbal threat. As an ally to all women, with his action he is holding himself and other men and boys accountable for behavior that for too long has been thought of as “a man’s prerogative…teaching her a lesson because she had it coming… and boys will be boys.” The pledge not only spoke to their own behavior, but also to not tolerating gender abuse of other males. I see it similar to my interrupting racist jokes because, as a white person, I am responsible not only for my own behavior but also encouraging other white people to consider the impact of their hurtful and oppressive behavior. It is one way I can challenge white privilege.
What you call grandstanding, I call acting with maturity and responsibility.
Cate Woolner Northfield, Mass.
Letters may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray Street, Amherst, MA 01002.
Surprise: Postpartum Depression Can Hit
New Fathers
While it’s widely known some mothers suffer from postpartum depression, several studies suggest new fathers may become depressed after childbirth, too.
About 10 percent of men whose partners are having babies suffer depression from three months before the baby is born through the baby’s first birthday, reported Joanne Silberner, in a story for National Public Radio. That’s twice the usual rate of depression in men, and it’s in the same range as postpartum depression in women. Statistics from an analysis of 43 earlier studies validated the fathers’ experiences, Silberner reported.
The riskiest period for the father is when the baby is three to six months old, according to a study published in May in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Pregnancy-related depression comes as a surprise to most men it hits. Psychologist Will Courtenay of Berkeley, Calif., has made a career of helping men with depression and maintains the website SadDaddy.com. He says it’s not true that men don’t get depressed, and that’s a danger. “The cultural myth that men don’t get depressed also communicates to men that they shouldn’t get depressed—or at least, not express it. And so they don’t. They’re more likely than women to try to hide their depres-
sion or to talk themselves out of it,’ Courtenay says.
“The traditional thinking was postpartum depression among women was related to hormonal changes,” says Gregory Simon, a psychiatrist with Group Health Research Institute, a nonprofit in Seattle. But both he and study author James Paulson of the Eastern Virginia Medical School say this theory is not a hard and fast rule, leaving researchers scrambling to explain what else might be at play.
There are lots of things that can be affecting fathers just like they might affect mothers, says Paulson, including the financial stress of having a child. Paulson posits the spike in depression when the baby is three months old may in part be related to both parents, returning to work as parental leave ends.
Paulson warns against ignoring the signs of depression in fathers. “There’s evidence growing that depression in fathers is negative for children and increases the risk of emotional and behavioral problems,” he says.
Treatment options for fathers include talk therapy, group coun-
seling, and drug treatment—or just open and frank discussion within the family.
And the new study may help by raising awareness about the issue, says Simon. If new mothers know their partners may be having problems, they can discuss with the men the need to seek help, and encourage health care professionals to recognize a father’s symptoms.
To learn more go to: www. npr.org/templates/story/story. php?storyId= 126905558&sc= 17&f=1001.
Killing Us Softly
In an update of her pioneering Killing Us Softly series, Jean Kilbourne takes a fresh look at how advertising traffics in distorted and destructive ideals of femininity. The film, updated for the first time in more than a decade, marshals a range of new print and television advertisements to lay bare a stunning pattern of damaging gender stereotypes—images and messages that too often reinforce unrealistic, and unhealthy, perceptions of beauty, perfection, and sexuality.
Internationally recognized for her groundbreaking work on the image of women in advertising and for her critical studies of alcohol and tobacco advertising, in the late 1960s Jean Kilbourne began exploring the connection between advertising and several public health issues, including violence against women, eating disorders, and addiction, and launched a movement to promote media literacy as a way to prevent these problems. A radical and original idea at the time, this approach is now mainstream and an integral part of most prevention programs. Her films, lectures, and television appearances have been seen by millions of people throughout the world.
Killing Us Softly 4 introduces to a new generation of students the idea of taking advertising seriously, and thinking critically about [continued on page 6]
Voice Male contributing editor and national advisory board member Jackson Katz, left, was on a panel in May with the Dalai Lama on “Educating for a Non-Violent World” at the University of Northern Iowa (UNI) in Cedar Falls. More than 5000 people jammed into the UNI basketball arena where Katz asked the Dalai Lama his thoughts on the need for male spiritual leaders worldwide to promote public leadership in the struggle to prevent men’s violence against women and children. UNI is launching a violence prevention education center and is working with Katz and Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) a program he cofounded. The UNI and MVP collaboration features the MVP program as a centerpiece in the UNI’s School of Education curriculum.
Dalai Lama: Educating for a Non-Violent World
popular culture and its relationship to sexism, eating disorders, and gender violence, according to the film’s director, Sut Jhally, executive director of the Media Education Foundation, which also distributes the film.
The film includes sections on constructed beauty, objectification, thinness, dieting, eating and morality, advertising and sex, consumerism and sexualizing products, masculinity, and violence. To learn more, go to www.mediaed.org.
Time to “Man Up!”
Man Up is a global campaign to activate youth to stop violence against women and girls.
Announced at the Clinton Global Initiative in September 2009 in collaboration with Vital Voices wordwide Partnership, Man Up works to activate youth to stop violence against women and girls. It is the brainchild of Jimmie Briggs, a New York–based journalist-activist, and longtime human rights educator Karen Robinson Cloete.
“Our call to action challenges each of us to ‘man up’ and declare that violence against women and girls must end,” Briggs said.
In order to break the cycle of trauma, misinformation, and unabated violence against women and girls, families, communities, and societies around the world, the Man Up Campaign was created to give young people a voice in developing models of change to powerfully address the issue, Robinson Cloete and Briggs said.
Through the universal platforms of sport, music, technology, and the arts, the Man Up Campaign is partnering with young men and women around the world by providing innovative training,
Lining up to “Man-Up” - Alyse Nelson (Vital
resources and support to youth informed initiatives. This partnership works to build a network of young advocates and defenders, linking their efforts to those of community-based and mainstream organizations, entertainment and sports communities, non-profits and corporations.
This summer, Man Up brought together a prestigious team of delegates, along with artists, athletes and activists to launch a five-year campaign at an inaugural Young Leaders Summit in Johannesburg, South Africa, during the 2010 FIFA World Cup.
In 2014 this same group of Man Up delegates will gather again at World Cup 2014 in Brazil to share their experiences, build community, and further develop methodologies to strengthen their efforts.
Jimmie
Says cofounder Briggs, “This initiative is the first of its kind in that it is both youth led and youth informed. Over the course of the next five years and beyond, Man Up will continue to expand both its resources and presence to build a worldwide community around our cause.” To learn more go to www. manupcampaign.org.
Women’s Voices Underrepresented in Most Media
Are women’s voices more or less equally represented in media—have gender bylines and TV appearance gaps been fixed? No. There is still fundamental male dominance in the public discourse, according to AlterNet, the online news service. The news service has started a
campaign to change the situation but they say “it won’t be easy.” The OpEd project collects data on female bylines from the oped pages of the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, Los Angles Times, as well as from content of online sites such as Huffington Post, Slate, and Salon . Oftentimes, the numbers are chilling:
• 95% male writers for week of April 12 for the Wall Street Journal
• 95% male for week of March 15 for the New York Times
• 81% male for week of April 26 for Huffington Post
• 91% male for April 16 for Salon
According to AlterNet, while those were among the worst weeks, it was an extremely rare
VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the Alliance for Changing Men, an affiliate of Family Diversity Projects, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002. It is mailed to subscribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas and is distributed at select locations around the country and to conferences, universities, colleges and secondary schools, and among non-profit and non-governmental organizations. The opinions expressed in Voice Male are those of its writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of the advisors or staff of the magazine, or its sponsor, Family Diversity Projects. Copyright © 2010 Alliance for Changing Men/Voice Male magazine.
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Submissions: The editors welcome letters, articles, news items, reviews, story ideas and queries, and information about events of interest. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed but the editors cannot be responsible for their loss or return. Manuscripts and queries may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002.
Voices),
Briggs (Man Up Campaign), Hibaaq Osman, Ricky Martin, Joanne Sandler (UNIFEM), Jennifer Buffett (NoVo Foundation), Peter Buffett (NoVo Foundation), and Eve Ensler (V-Day).
week from March until June when any of those media operations had more than 30 percent women’s bylines, and often much less.
In addition to institutional sexism in mainstream media, there are other reasons for the gender byline gap. According to American Prospect editor Ann Friedman, “Men are socialized to be more aggressive and confident, which translates to pitching more articles and getting published more often. Men are more likely to be well connected. Men are more likely to tout their experience.” AlterNet reports it featured one third female bylines for more than four years—an editorial requirement they’re not aware any other major media outlet has. AlterNet associate publisher Roxanne Cooper says, “that is still inadequate. We just surveyed our own content over the past month and the number of female bylines is only 35. percent. So we are not as cool as we thought.”
The AlterNet OpEd project campaign is to raise money for an editor whose primary job will be to assign more content to women, raise more money to pay for more women writers, and develop a wider system to distribute great female writers to social networking sites and other media. The Harnisch Foundation offered a $15,000 matching grant for the project, meaning the first $15,000 donated by individuals will be matched by the foundation. To learn more, go to alternet.org.
Childhood Obesity Linked to Domestic Violence
Children whose mothers reported chronic abuse at the hands of an intimate partner were more likely to be obese at age five than those from violence-free families, researchers have found.
After controlling for several potential confounders, including maternal obesity and depression, children whose mothers reported chronic violence had 1.8 times the odds of being obese, according to Renée Boynton-Jarrett, M.D., Sc.D., and colleagues at Boston University
The association appeared to be magnified in girls and in families living in unsafe neighborhoods, the researchers reported in the June issue of Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine “If substantiated, these findings may have implications for obesity prevention and …reducing obesity risk…by incorporating strategies to address family violence. Interventions aimed at improving neighborhood safety may have a benefit on reducing childhood obesity risk, even among those exposed to family violence.”
While family environment plays a role in childhood obesity, the impact of adverse psychosocial exposures is not well understood, according to Boynton-Jarrett and her colleagues.
To examine the relationship between exposure to domestic violence and obesity in children, Boynton-Jarrett and her colleagues turned to the Fragile Families and Child Well-Being Study, a prospective cohort study conducted in 20 large U.S. cities. The analysis included 1,595 children born between 1998 and 2000 and their mothers. Intimate partner violence and perception of neighborhood safety were reported by the mothers. Overall, 16.5 percent of the children were obese at age five.
Freedom to Learn For Straights Only?
About half, 49.4 percent, of the mothers reported physical, sexual, or restrictive intimate partner violence at some point, including 16.8 percent who reported chronic abuse. The likelihood of being obese at age five was greater for children whose mothers reported chronic abuse.
Limitations of the study included the reduced sample of participants for whom longitudinal data on body mass index were available, the use of self-reported abuse, and the lack of information on several important predictors of obesity, including nutritional content of diet, dietary patterns, degree of breastfeeding, and physical activity.
—Todd Neale, MedPage Today
In the waning days of the elementary school year, a Boston third-grader’s admission to a Catholic school was rescinded solely because his parents are lesbians. The action is no isolated incident. Just a few months earlier, a Catholic elementary school in Colorado expelled two preschoolers for the same reason.
“These are just some of the cases we know about,” says Harry Knox, director, Religion and Faith Program of the Human Rights Campaign. “Has the Church hierarchy apologized?” Knox asked. “No. Have they come out and said it was wrong to target the children of LGBT families? No. Have they said that they won’t discriminate against LGBT families in the future? Not one bit.”
Acknowledging that the U.S. Constitution protects the right of religious institutions to make decisions that may be inconsistent with state nondiscrimination laws, Knox said, “that doesn’t make it right.” Knox is urging those opposed to the decisions to send a letter to Cardinal Francis George, president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, urging him to not make this a nationwide trend and to end these hurtful practices targeting LGBT parents and their kids. For more information go to www.hrc.org.
Harry Knox, director, Religion and Faith Program of the Human Rights Campaign
A link has been found between domestic abuse and childhood obesity.
Women and the media: closing the gender gap.
My Cancer was Arbitrary; Atrocities in the Congo are Deliberate
By Eve Ensler
Some people may think that being diagnosed with uterine cancer, followed by an extensive surgery that led to a month of debilitating infections, rounded off by months of chemotherapy, might get a girl down. But, in truth, this has not been my poison. This has not been what pulses through me late at night and keeps me pacing and awake. This has not been what throws me into moments of unbearable darkness and depression.
Cancer is scary, of course, and painful. It tends to interrupt one’s entire life, throw everything into question and push one up against that ultimate dimension and possibility of dying. One can rail at the gods and goddesses: “Why? Why now? Why me?” But, in the end, we know those questions ring absurd and empty. Cancer is an epidemic. It has been here forever. It isn’t personal. Its choice of the vulnerable host is often arbitrary. It’s life.
For months, doctors and nurses have cut me, stitched me, jabbed me, drained me, cat-
me and hydrated me, trying to identify the source of my anxiety and alleviate my pain. While they have been able to remove the cancer from my body, treat an abscess here, a fever there, they have not been able to even come close to the core of my malady.
Three years ago, the Democratic Republic of Congo seized my being. V-Day, a movement to stop violence against women experience of women survivors of sexual violence there. After three weeks at Panzi hospital in Bukavu, where there were more than 200 women patients, many of whom shared their stories of being gang-raped and tortured with me, I was shattered. They told me about the resulting loss of their
got—the hole between their vagina and anus or vagina and bladder that no longer allowed them to hold their urine or feces. I heard about nine-month-old babies, eightyear-old girls, 80-year-old women who had been humiliated and publicly raped.
In response, taking the lead from women on the ground, we created a massive campaign—Stop Raping Our Greatest Resource: Power to Women and Girls of DRC—which has broken taboos, organized speak-outs and marches, educated and trained activists and religious leaders, and spurred performances of The Vagina Monologues across the country, culminating this month with a performance in the Congolese parliament. V-Day activists have spread the campaign across the planet, raising money and consciousness. In several months, with the women of Congo, we will be opening the City of Joy, a community for survivors where women will be healed in order to
turn their pain to power. We have also sat and pleaded our case at Downing Street, the the UN secretary general. We have shouted (loudly) at the Canadian parliament, the U.S. Senate, and the UN Security Council. Tears were shed; promises were made with great enthusiasm.
As I have lain in my hospital bed or attempted to rest at home over these months, it is the phone calls and the reports that come in daily from the DRC that make me ill. The stories of continued rapes, machete killings, grotesque mutilations, outright murdering of human rights activists, these images and events create nausea and weakness much worse than chemo or antibiotics or pain meds ever could. But even harder to deal with, in the weakened state that I have been in, is knowing that atrocities that have taken the lives of more than 6 million people and left more than 500,000 women and girls raped and tortured, the international power elite appear to be doing nothing. They have essentially written off the DRC and its people, even after continued visits and promises.
member was executed. A 10year-old boy and 12-year-old girl were gunned down in their car on their way home. Murdering and raping of the women in the villages continues. The war rages on. Who is demanding the protection of the people of Congo? Who is protecting the activists who are speaking truth to power? At a memorial service last week in Bukavu, a pastor cried out: “They are killing our mammas. Now they are killing our children. What have we done to deserve this? Where is the world?”
The atrocities committed against the people of Congo are not arbitrary, like my cancer. They are systematic, strategic, and intentional. At the root is a madly greedy world economy, desperate for more minerals robbed from the indigenous Congolese. Sourcing this insatiable hunger are multinational from these minerals and are willing to turn their backs on the players committing femicide and genocide, as are met.
“The atrocities committed against the people of Congo are not arbitrary, like my cancer. They are systematic, strategic, intentional, rooted in a madly greedy world economy, desperate for more minerals robbed from the indigenous Congolese.”
The day is late. It is almost 13 years into this war. The Obama administration, as in most situations these days, refuses to take a real stand. Several months ago I visited the White House to meet a high in Congo, believing that her solidarity would galvanize attention and action. I was told, essentially, that femicide was not her “brand.” Mrs. Obama, I was told, was focusing on childhood obesity.
It surprised me that a woman with her capabilities lacked ambidextrous skills (or was it simply interest and will that was absent?). Then we have Secretary Clinton, who at least, after much pressure, visited the DRC almost a year ago, and made promises that actually meant a huge deal to the people. They were excited that will in the Great Lakes region of Africa to end the war there. But, of course, they are still waiting. And then there is the UN. The anemic and glacial pace and the death-like bureaucracy continue to allow and, in the case of MONUC and the Security Council, even help facilitate a deathly regional war.
At the beginning of June, in Kinshasa, one of Congo’s great human rights activists, Floribert Chebeya Bahizire, was brutally murdered. In the same week, at Panzi hospital the family of a staff
I am lucky. I have been blessed with a positive prognosis that has made me hyperaware of what keeps a person alive. How does one survive cancer? Of course good doctors, good insurance, good luck. But the real healing comes from not being forgotten. From attention, from care, from love, from being surrounded by a community of those who demand information on your behalf, who advocate and stand up for you when you are in a weakened state, who sleep by your side, who refuse to let you give up, who bring you meals, who see you not as a patient or victim but as a precious human being, who create metaphors where you can imagine your survival. This is my medicine, and nothing less will
Award-winning playwright Eve Ensler (The Vagina Monologues) is the founder of V-Day, an international organization committed to ending violence against women and girls (www.vday.org). A version of this article appeared in The Guardian newspaper in June.
Floribert Chebeya Bahizire, one of the Congo’s great human rights activists, was brutally murdered in June.
Telling the Truth about Domestic Violence
By Allan G. Johnson
Allan Johnson’s searing novel
The First Thing and the Last is the story of Katherine Stuart, who barely escapes being beaten to death by her abusive husband, David, in the kitchen of their suburban Boston home. In the aftermath of utter loss and devastation—her husband and son both dead — she is sought out by Lucy
Dudley, an elderly woman living on a family farm in northern Vermont, who reads about Katherine in the news and is drawn to her by a closely guarded history of her own. Unable to bear the accusing eyes of her family, Katherine accepts Lucy’s invitation to come to the farm, setting in motion a deepening relationship between the
two women that frames a universal struggle to heal and reclaim what severe trauma takes from people’s lives. The story Johnson shares here—of his decade-long odyssey to find a publisher brave enough to publish his book—offers a window into the resistance society still has to acknowledging the bitter reality of domestic violence.
The First Thing and the Last is a novel devoted to telling the truth about what domestic violence really is. Nine years ago an agent showed the novel to a handful of publishers before giving up. “They’re having a problem with the violence,” he told me. So I went looking for a new agent and after almost two years signed with a well-established agency with a long record of success. My new agent told me this was the best novel that had ever come to her and publishers were going to fall over one another to get hold of it. I expressed some doubts, knowing from many years of working on the issue of men’s violence against women how much denial there is around this subject. “Not in this town,” she said.
She was wrong about that. Over a period of six years, the novel was turned down almost 60 times by commercial publishers. Three senior editors wanted to publish it but were overruled, one by a publisher who said he didn’t know why a woman would stay with a man who beat her up. Another wrote my agent that although everyone on the editorial board admired the quality of the writing and everyone agreed that this is a novel that deserves to be published, they were turning it down because, he explained, some parts of the story were difficult and there were times when he had to stop and think about less painful things for a while, that this is a negative subject presented in a way that is not sugarcoated and not softened by cutting away at the critical moments and would be difficult to sell. He closed by saying, “I genuinely hope you will find someone brave enough to take this on.”
seems a strange objection in a society whose mass media—including book publishing—are saturated with violent images and stories. And there actually isn’t that much description of violence in the novel—a word count of sentences that describe violence comes to just over four pages out of more than 400. The other 99 percent is about the rest of the story—about abandonment and loss, about grief, about trying to make sense of the truth of what really happens to people. It is about how to live and know love and pleasure and beauty in a world
There isn’t that much violence in the novel—four pages out of more than 400. The rest is about how to live and know love and pleasure and beauty in a world full of horror and unnecessary suffering.
is charming and affectionate and well liked by the neighbors and your family, which gets him inside to begin with, not needing to hide in the closet, but sitting across the dinner table, lying beside you in the bed, brushing his teeth while you take a shower, so that when you lock up for the night, you do not lock the danger out, you lock yourself inside with it. To acknowledge the reality of domestic violence is to put in doubt some of our deepest assumptions about the ability to be safe in the world and to really know and trust another human being, about the power of love and the sanctity of home and family. If it is possible for women to be in such danger even with the men they love and who profess to love them, then where is safety to be found?
I suspect that if I had told Katherine’s story in such a way that white middleclass editors could avoid seeing someone like themselves in the characters—far away in time, for example, say the nineteenth century, or in some distant place like Pakistan, or made Katherine and David working or lower class or other than white, the response would have been very different.
Almost two years ago, my agent gave up and I went out on my own in search of an independent press. I identified a dozen who publish literary fiction, of which only three were willing to read the novel and two turned it down. The last door there was to knock on—the fiercely independent Plain View Press— opened.
The violence, said publishers again and again, was the problem. The violence in the novel is undeniably graphic—which is to say, real—but that
full of horror and unnecessary suffering. It is about the struggle to heal and to reclaim and to redeem; about the power of courage and faith and love, and the remarkable things that happen between these two women reaching out to each other across generations.
It took me a while to realize that violence is not the problem commercial publishers have with this novel. Or that the subject matter is ‘difficult’ or “painful”—human beings have been telling and listening to difficult and painful stories forever. What puts them off, I believe, is that the difficulty and the pain in this story disturb something that is too close to home, “too real.”
Domestic violence is not just any violence, because it takes place in a context of intimacy and trust. It’s one thing for an attacker to break into your home, your refuge—the psychopathic terrorist, the creepy neighbor, the serial killer, the sadistic rapist—the plot line of many a best-selling thriller. But it’s a whole other thing when the attacker
But I didn’t do that. The novel and its story came within a hair’s breadth of never seeing the light of day because I tried to do what I believe serious writers are supposed to do. I tried to tell the truth, and the terrible truth that Katherine acquires is that no one is immune from what is an ongoing epidemic in this country. It is all too easy to imagine that terrible things happen only to people who are stupid or bad or asked for it or somehow deserve whatever they get. But Katherine Stuart is an intelligent, educated woman, an accomplished poet, a teacher, a woman who grew up knowing her own mind and setting her own course. But when you find yourself trapped in a nightmare—whether as a soldier caught up in the horror of war or as a hostage held by terrorists or as a woman beaten and raped in her own home—all that you are or were can suddenly not be enough.
David does monstrous things to Katherine that are no different in kind from what is done in millions of homes in this country. How are we to understand
this? In a society in which everything is individualized and psychologized, it is tempting to think that all the Davids are little more than monsters, but that is too easy. Violence is a instrument of control, and David’s violence is nothing more than an extreme manifestation of the masculine obsession with control by which every man’s manhood is measured and judged in this patriarchal society. David manifests that obsession with violence, but what he shares with every man—growing up and living in a society that puts masculine control at the core of what qualifies men to claim their place as “real men” and the access to male privilege that goes with it— connects all men to the violence that only some men do.
For many years I have been trying to understand men’s violence – violence against women and violence against other men—first as a sociologist and now as a novelist following my heart into the truth of so many people’s lives. When I reflect on the massive resistance and denial that rose up to meet this novel, I have to ask, can we afford to be so completely ruled by fear of such a story? And if we do not allow ourselves to feel horror and grief at what is truly horrible and grievous, if we do not allow our hearts to be broken, then what else do we give up in ourselves and in one another?
Allan G. Johnson is a novelist, sociologist, and trainer and author of several books including The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy. This article is a condensed version of a presentation given by the author at a conference on domestic violence organized by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the National Organization of Men Against Sexism in Anaheim, California, August 2, 2010.
For an instant, Katherine forgets what is happening and feels as if she is flying. Like an object hurled into the air and weightless at the apogee of flight, she is aloft, unbound in the vast and timeless space between one heartbeat and another, before the gravity of being draws her back to who and where she is and what is what.
(p. 11)
Her sole refuge became a numb and frozen place inside herself where time and feeling stopped, suspended above her body while he beat or raped her, focused only on the simple goal of staying alive from one moment to the next, deflecting the blow, stanching the flow of blood, presenting the smallest possible target, saying nothing that might fuel what raged all about her, wondering if Ethan could hear and praying he would stay in his room just one more time. . . . (p. 43)
and spit falls onto the floor and onto her. After awhile he seems in a ritual trance, a litany of words falling from his mouth in accompaniment to each blow – bitch, cunt, whore, stupid fuck, who do you think you are – over and over, weaving a thick fabric of rage and hate that covers them both, driving out the air and the light.
Tomorrow he may be horrified at what he’s done and beg her to forgive him one more time. But she knows tomorrow is a long way off. . . . (pp. 50–51)
. . . already he is on her, spreading his legs to steady himself as he punches downward to her head and shoulders.
“You’ll leave me dead,” he says, breathing hard, “that’s how you’ll leave me.” And then she feels him fall into a steady, familiar rhythm, like a longdistance swimmer whose secret is in the pacing, relentless but in no particular hurry. She knows this may go on for hours unless he tires of it sooner. Or unless he kills her this time. He uses his arms until they weaken and then switches to his feet and kicks her wherever he can without losing his balance, one hand resting on the wall above her. She crouches against the wall so that he can only kick her legs, but he reaches down and pulls her out over the floor and kicks her in the back and side. He is breathing hard through his mouth
Katherine focuses on the sound of Lucy’s voice, barely noticing the words, just the steady rise and fall of one image and another, the turning of a page, the clearing of Lucy’s throat, in soft counterpoint to the thrush’s song that is at once both thick and light, quicksilver in the air. Katherine sinks down, closing her eyes and for just a moment feels safe in the arms of the old woman sitting by the door. She drifts into half-sleep and then opens her eyes to the sound of Lucy’s voice and bubbles breaking in the cool air above the tub.
“Lucy,” she says, in a sleepy voice.
“Yes, dear.”
“Would you open the door a little?”
“Of course. How are you doing in there?”
“Fine.”
There is a long silence and then, “Lucy,” her eyes beginning to fill.
“What?”
“How did you get to be the way you are?”
“One bath at a time, honey. One bath at a time.” (pp. 218–219)
—Allan G. Johnson
Celebrating Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride
By Barack Obama
AForty one years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. Last June, on the 40th anniversary, President Obama commemorated LGBT Pride Month, by committing to achieving equal justice under the law for LGBT Americans.
s Americans, it is our birthright that all people are created equal and deserve the same rights, privileges, and opportunities. Since our earliest days of independence, our Nation has striven
story is the movement for fairness and equality on behalf of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. In June, as we recognize the immeasurable contributions of LGBT Americans, we renew our commitment to the struggle for equal rights for LGBT Americans and to ending prejudice and injustice wherever it exists.
LGBT Americans have enriched and strengthened the fabric of our
responders, LGBT individuals have achieved success and prominence in every discipline. They are our mothers and fathers, our sons and daughters, and our friends and neighbors. Across my Administration, openly LGBT employees are serving at every level. Thanks to those who came before us, the brave men and women who marched, stood up to injustice, and brought change through acts of compassion or a more perfect union.
My Administration has advanced our journey by signing into law the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which strengthens Federal protections against crimes based on gender identity or sexual orientation. We renewed the Ryan White CARE Act, which provides life saving medical services and support to Americans
also signed a Presidential Memorandum directing hospitals receiving Medicare and Medicaid funds to give LGBT patients the compassion and security they deserve in their time of need, including the ability to choose someone other than an immediate family member to visit them and make medical decisions.
In other areas, the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) announced a series of proposals to ensure core housing programs are open to everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
against members of the LGBT community in the rental and sale of housing. Additionally, the Department of Health and Human Services has created a National Resource Center for LGBT Elders.
under law for LGBT Americans. That is why we must give committed gay couples the same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple, and repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. We must protect the rights of LGBT families by securing their adoption rights, ending employment discrimination against LGBT Americans, and ensuring
schools so all our children may learn in a supportive environment. I am also committed to ending “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” so patriotic LGBT Americans can serve openly in our military, and I am working with the Congress and our military leadership to accomplish that goal.
As we honor the LGBT Americans who have given so much to our Nation, let us remember that if one of us is unable to realize full equality, we all fall short of our founding principles. Our Nation draws its strength from our diversity, with each of us contributing to the
OW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA , President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2010 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon all Americans to observe
discrimination in their own lives and everywhere it exists.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-eighth day of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand ten, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.
Fathers and Daughters
Portraits of the New Father
Fatherhood is in transition. The signs are everywhere, if you know where to look. From birth classes for expectant fathers to stay-at-home dads raising their children— and recently, in new photo exhibits and books. As more dads enter a new world of fathering where accountability, nurturing, and consciousness are valued attributes, society’s understanding—and expectations—of fatherhood is changing, too. Part of the new father’s awareness is acknowledging how challenging violence against women is an essential component of being a responsible parent.
Take NFL Dads Dedicated to Daughters, a new book celebrating the bond between pro football fathers and their daughters that grew out of a project initiated by the New York–based antiviolence organization A Call to Men (www.acalltomen.org). It’s a rich,
heartwarming mosaic of present and former members of the National Football League, all portrayed as loving dads—none are shown, say, trying to sack Tom Brady.
The portraits of the 60 players and their daughters suggest a different vision of manhood from what we normally think of when we see professional football players. They evoke not tough, stoic, silent dudes so much as tender, loving, gentle men. Torry Holt, a wide receiver now with the New England Patriots, says, “My daughters have brought out a softer, more sensitive side of me.” If a pro football player can say that, what about other fathers? Can more dads proudly step into our identities as nurturers rather than disciplinarians?
Washington Redskins quarterback Donovan McNabb, photographed with his two young daughters, says: “We cannot… support a man who needs to dominate a woman in order to boost his own confidence and feel like a man. There are legal consequences for violent actions, but there should be social ramifications…as well.”
On Father’s Day two years ago, Barack Obama reminded fathers that a man’s responsibility to his children does not end at conception. “What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child—it’s the courage to raise one,” he said.
He also advised fathers to pass along to their children the value of practicing compassion.
“Not sympathy, but empathy. . . the ability to stand in somebody else’s shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. There’s a culture in our society that says remembering these obligations is somehow soft—that we can’t show weakness, and so therefore we can’t show kindness. . . We need to show our kids that you’re not strong by putting other people down— you’re strong by lifting them up. That’s our responsibility as fathers. . .”
—Rob Okun
Rob Okun is editor of Voice Male A version of this article appeared in Ms. magazine online.
Brendon Ayanbadejo (Baltimore Ravens)
“I am very protective of my daughters. I want my family to live happy, healthy lives in a world where there are good men who treat women right.”
Donovan McNabb
Jim Mora Jr. (former head coach, Seattle Seahawks)
Joey Porter (Arizona Cardinals)
Scott Fujita (Cleveland Browns)
(left) David Diehl (New York Giants)
(right) Donovan McNabb (Washington Redskins)
“Educating young men early could help curb violence against women. Setting the proper foundation at home is the key.”
Torry Holt
Tony Gonzalez (Atlanta Falcons)
Casey Rabach (Washington Redskins)
Jeff Saturday (Indianapolis Colts)
La’Roi Glover (former NFL player)
Torry Holt (New England Patriots)
Vitamin D: A Cureall for Men?
By Dr. Sarfraz Zaidi, M.D.
Most men, regardless of age, are unaware that at high risk for a number of serious diseases. The top three most common diseases among men are heart disease, prostate cancer, and colon cancer. Some men may also experience chronic fatigue, a general lack of wellbeing and lack of stamina. Many others suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and metabolic syndrome. These diseases are a threat to men of all ages around the world. However, recent such diseases could be prevented.
Vitamin D is essential to men’s overall health and wellness. Most men are low in Vitamin D, but do not know it. To remedy the situation there is a simple solution. Consider these points:
• Not technically a vitamin, Vitamin D is actually a hormone that affects almost every organ system in the body.
• Vitamin D deficiency is a disease. Deficiency of Vitamin D can affect every organ in the body and result in various lifethreatening diseases.
• Research shows that Vitamin D can significantly improve chronic fatigue, stamina, sense of well-being, muscle strength, the immune system, and the cardiovascular system.
• Most people don’t know how to tap into the incredible health benefits of Vitamin D without risking toxicity.
To maximize the efficiency of Vitamin D, you should follow this prescription:
• Get your Vitamin D level checked. Everyone has a different level of Vitamin D based on various factors. A simple blood test will determine if you are Vitamin D deficient. The proper blood test is 25 (OH) Vitamin D.
• Take advantage of all of the sources of Vitamin D, including sensible sun exposure, proper nutrition and, most important, proper dose of Vitamin D supplements.
• Check your Vitamin D level with your doctor on a regular basis. The optimal daily dose of Vitamin D for most people ranges from 2000 I.U. to 10,000 I.U., compared to the usual dose of 400 I.U. in multivitamins and calcium supplements.
Sarfraz Zaidi, M.D., is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Medicine at UCLA and Director of the Jamila Diabetes and Endocrine Medical Center in Southern California. He is the author of The Power of Vitamin D. To learn more, go to http://www.DoctorZaidi. com.
Voice Male gives us fuel and fresh ideas for the work of ending male-dominated societies and supporting new roles for men and new relations between the sexes.
—Michael Kaufman, co-founder, White Ribbon Campaign
I celebrate you for standing with women in the struggle to end violence against women and girls. Your brave magazine is bringing forward the new vision and voices of manhood which will inevitably shift this paradigm and create a world where we are all safe and free.
Bless you for it.
—Eve Ensler, award-winning playwright (The Vagina Monologues)
That’s the question Voice Male tries to answer each issue as it chronicles manhood in transition. The changes men have undergone the past 30 years, our efforts following women in challenging men’s violence, and our ongoing exploration of our interior lives, are central to our vision.
The magazine’s roots are deep in the male positive, profeminist, anti-violence men’s movement. We draw inspiration from the world-changing acts of social transformation women have long advanced and the growing legion of men agitating and advocating for a new expression of masculinity.
At this key moment in the national conversation about men, Voice Male has much to contribute. Join us! 4 issues-$24 8 issues-$40
To subscribe—or to make a tax-deductible gift—please use the enclosed envelope or go to: voicemalemagazine. org
Men’s Pain, Men’s Gain
Scream quietly now or the neighbors will hear you….
Over your tear struck eyes
Huddle your knees to your chest
Watch the shadows on the wall
Hear the curses in the ether
Tell the social worker
You can’t recall
Or remember
Either
Play make up with your mommy
To cover the bruises
And the table;
Offer him
No
Excuses
To invoke his rage
Or ignite his temper
Press your lips
Do not whimper
In a moment mommy says this all will be through
So scream quietly now…Or the neighbors will hear you…
As a little boy I watched daily as the men in my life terrorized women through acts of control, aggression, and violence. These same men also worked hard to beat out of me any expression they deemed “feminine” and “weak.” Because of this I grew up with an awareness early on that something was wrong with the men in my world. It was an understanding so simple and yet so precise: These men were in pain. A lot of pain. What was this pain? Had you asked me then I would not have known.
by Yolo Akili
Later in my life, I came to see that this pain connected to how we as men are socialized. It is a pain created by selfdestructive beliefs about manhood that many of us accept without question. I learned how we are taught to disconnect from our emotions, and that the only acceptable feeling to express is anger. I learned how men are taught that our sense of self-worth is tied to external material and not internal immanent value. I saw that the culture gives us a code of what “real manhood” is and that it is this unquestioned code, with all of its repression and ethics of aggression, that is causing a great deal of our pain.
I wonder what would happen if black men Starting speaking to each other?
I wonder what would happen if the time we spent
Oppressing women
Or perpetuating rigid gender roles
Was spent staring eye to eye?
See I believe even the most masculinist brotha
Would break in
And cry…
As I grew older and came out as a gay man, my relationship to violence against women
community of gay men, for instance was one heavily involved in feminist activism. We saw ourselves as feminist/womanist/pro-feminist revolutionaries. Yet and still, we did not see or look into how society still privileged us because of our maleness. Because of the way our gay identity “warped” our perceived masculinity, we were very rarely, if ever, called out on the abusive behaviors we
and idolization of normative feminine performance, which is directly connected to the degradation of women by devaluing
women as objects of visual pleasure, went unnoticed. Our domination and silencing of lesbian and queer women at conferences, in the media, in classrooms and in community was not spoken of. We marched through feminist spaces, enjoying the notoriety we got for being men who say the exact same things women have been silenced about for eons. We rationalized our interruptions of sexism by crying homophobia. Even though our locations were different, at the end of the day, it became very apparent to me that gay men and straight men’s sexism stems from the same root, even if the tree looks different.
Women are best
In high heel shoes
Prada
Gucci
Vuitton
Will do.
Plastic toys
To dress and style
Swing your hips like this
Make the straight boys smile
What are you wearing?
Oh sistah
No!
Come, my accessory
To the mall
We go…
Creating safety for women means much more than stopping physical violence. Physical violence is only the manifestation of a breadth of ideologies about women’s worth, “place” and being. These ideologies contribute to creating climates where rape, misogyny and physical violence can occur. Thus as men regardless of sexual orientation we are all implicated, and we all have work to do.
A part of this work is holding the mirror up to each other and looking at ourselves. It is what I like to call “healing work.” Healing work is ending and addressing violence and domination with the goal of creating a world where every being can express themselves without danger. It means we look within, and move outward, understanding these realities are intricately a part of each other. This “healing work” is the work we must do now in order to end violence against women, girls, boys, all human beings and ourselves. It is the work that always, no matter who or where we are, begins with us.
Yolo Akili is a poet, Iyengar yoga teacher, and instructor/trainer at Men Stopping Violence in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a part of the co-founders of Sweet Tea: Southern Queer Men’s Collective, an organization dedicated to addressing issues of sexism in queer male communities, and the author of the poetry chapbook Poems in the Key of Green. He can be reached via his website, yolothepoet.com.
Exhibit Reimagines Fatherhood
At Allegiance Health’s hospital in Jackson, Michigan–where most babies in the county are born–an exhibit of moving images of fathers and children organized by the Real MEN’s Project (Men Embracing Non-violence, www.realmensproject.org) opened the week leading up to Father’s Day. A similar exhibit in support of healthy relationships and healthy parenting, organized by Vermont’s White Ribbon antiviolence campaign, was on display in Montpelier and Barre, Vermont with select photos scheduled published on Father’s Day in the Times-Argus newspaper.
What’s notable about these projects is their twin aims: urging men to challenge violence against women and celebrating involved fathering.
At the Michigan exhibit beneath each portrait is a pledge signed by the father in the photo, bearing these words:
I will not commit, condone, or be silent about domestic or sexual violence. I will teach my children and model healthy, nonviolent relationships. I will use my words and my actions to convey to all boys and all men in my life: Real men don’t hit. Real men don’t rape.
According to exhibit organizer and father of four Dani Meier, all new parents at the hospital hosting the display will receive 10 Ways to Be a Dad packets among materials given new parents. “We don’t require licenses for parenting as we do for driving,” Meier observes, “[b]ut we can give new dads basic tips on teaching peaceful, non-violent kids—boys who don’t hit, and girls who learn not to expect hitting as “normal.”
Photo by Sabreena Konsdorf
Photo by Stephanie Dobbins
Photo by Dani Meier
Photo by WIlla Davis
Photo by Madison Anderson
Photo by Kelly McCloughan
Photo by Dani Meier
Legacy
by Sy Safransky
Sy Safransky is the editor and publisher of The Sun magain the magazine and in a collection of his essays, Four in the Morning.
The Reader’s Double Standard
By Randy Flood
Where was the outrage when an adult woman is seen having sex with an adolescent boy as was the case in The Reader, the 2009 Academy Award–winning movie? Was there none because of our culture’s gender-constructed ideas about sexuality? For adolescent boys, it may be considered titillating— and a big compliment—to be seduced by an older woman. It’s every teenage boy’s fantasy, right? But when it comes to examining the implications of an adult woman initiating sex with an adolescent boy, conversation comes to a near standstill, more often dismissed or minimized than thoroughly discussed.
The Reader tells the story of Michael Berg (David Kross plays the adolescent; Ralph Fiennes, the adult), a German lawyer who as a teenager in the late 1950s is sexually seduced by an older woman, Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslet). Hanna disappears only to resurface years later as one of the defendants in a war crimes trial stemming from her actions as a guard at a Nazi concentration camp in the later years of World War II.
A benevolent, lonely woman seeking connection, closeness,
she is illiterate, a sharp contrast with well-educated Michael who “entertains” her by reading aloud. In the world of emotions it is Michael who is illiterate and vulnerable—just as he is also horny
and sexually inexperienced. Older, more powerful, wiser, and skilled sexually, the “relationship” Hanna initiates is depicted as acceptable, even romantic, seen by some as a unique, endearing love story.
emotionally lopsided “affair” might be having on the young man, in large part because of society’s gender-constructed views about sexuality. The audience gets a peek at how hurt and sad Michael is after Hanna temporarily rejects him. As his preoccupation with the sex they’re having grows, he becomes estranged from his ageappropriate peers. He forgoes swimming and other fun adolescent activities with his friends for clandestine afternoon sexual escapades. This leads to being late for family dinners, uncomfortable silences during dinner while he tries to make sense of this powerful, exciting and confusing experience all alone. When Hanna suddenly departs, Michael feels abandoned.
Years later, while he’s in law school, Michael encounters Hanna when his class attends her Nazi war crimes trial. He sits in the courtroom isolated and in emotional agony, alone. He refuses to let any of his classmates or professors reach him, donning impenetrable, emotional armor. This dark secret is sequestered in the caverns of his soul, casting an ominous, harmful shadow across his life.
Missing from any serious consideration of THE READER is the toll the “affair”had on the young man. Kate Winslet portrayed Hanna Schmitz and David Kross played Michael Berg.
Eventually, when we see Michael years later, he is going through a divorce caused, we’re led to believe, by how emotionally closed he is, how aloof, how preoccupied, how pained. The audience sees some of the seismic damage done to Michael, but only glimpses— makes. As Michael’s life demonstrates, although boys may not cry out and tell us about their inner wounds and their inner pain, what happens to them over the decades is their legacy.
Imagine the outrage—and the national conversation that would have ensued—if the gender roles had been reversed: an adult male and female adolescent! The discussion would most likely have focused on the inappropriateness of the sexual relationship, the inherent power differential, statutory rape concerns, the manipulative and offensive predation of the adult male, and the insidious negative impact on the adolescent female—an impact we’d presume she’d carry throughout her life. Rather than the subtle societal ethos that suggests perhaps he was lucky to have been sexually “mentored” by an adult female, feminist analysis
might well have stunted its popularity.
That’s what should have happened but instead The Reader was acclaimed. In fact, her poignant performance won Ms. Winslet an Academy Award for Best Actress. Besides the blatant double standard, what is the message here? Society has a long distance to travel if we are to understand the emotional reality and naked vulnerability that lives at the core of male sexuality and adolescent posturing. Despite their unconcealed sexual energy, adolescent males need to be respected and protected with no less care than we respect and protect adolescent females.
It matters little that society says male socialization promotes men’s emotional invulnerability. Younger males—indeed, all males—remain vulnerable regardless of what tough guise they may strike. Just because some boys want to drive cars fast, binge on alcohol, and skip school at 15, society doesn’t arbitrarily allow that behavior or condone it. Just the opposite. Just because some men
want to exploit adolescent girls sexually, it is still a social—and moral—imperative to protect these girls. It’s pretty basic: adults have a responsibility to provide a safe and healthy environment for our children until they are old enough or mature enough to do so for themselves.
While real life provides laws and policies designed to protect girls and boys, when it comes to enforcing our cultural ethos, society’s gendered view of sexuality undermines enforcing such laws equally. Try as popular culture might to use its many forms—in this case, cinema—to seek to normalize adult female sexual predatory behavior against adolescent boys, in the end it adds no more to creating a healthy and safe environment than going to Hooters does to offering a nutritious, healthy meal.
Where is the outrage? Where is the demand that society protect all adolescents from sexual predators—boys and girls alike?
Randy Flood is a psychotherapist, consultant, and writer, and director and co-founder of the Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan. He is co-author (with Charlie Donaldson) of Stop Hurting the Woman You Love (Hazelden, 2006). He can be reached at RFlood@ fountainhillcenter.com or by visiting www.menscenter.org.
Books and Videos
Pornland: How Pornography Has Hijacked Our Sexuality
By Gail Dines Beacon Press, 2010
After a recent presentation on pornography, a group lingered to talk more about their experiences. One woman, in her forties, explained that she had always suspected that her husband used sexually explicit material but that they had an unspoken “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. He didn’t want to acknowledge his habit of masturbating to porn online, and she didn’t want to know.
That couple’s tacit agreement broke down when his porn use became so compulsive that he was incapable of a meaningful sexual relationship with her. Another woman, two decades younger, said she had ignored the signs of her boyfriend’s obsession with porn until he began to nag her to try anal sex, which she found painful the one time she agreed. When his nagging turned to a demand, the extent of his use of pornography surfaced.
Neither woman realized how common their problems were in a society in which the mainstreaming of pornography has accelerated dramatically. They took some solace in the knowledge that their experiences weren’t unusual, but that gave way quickly to a painful recognition of how the denigration of women is routinely sexualized in contemporary culture. Whether we use pornography or are in a relationship with someone who does, we all live in Pornland.
To understand this pornification of society, I recommended to the women that they read Gail Dine’s amazing new book, Pornland: How Pornography Has Hijacked Our Sexuality, which can help us all make sense of the explosion of increasingly cruel sexually explicit material and the dramatic coarsening of pop culture.
The key to the power of Dine’s book is its uncompromising radical feminism, articulated in everyday, jargon-free language. Although such politics is routinely mocked in the United States, Pornland makes a compelling case for an unromanticized radicalism that is more necessary than ever. The women’s movement has won important victories in recent decades, but Dines makes it clear how much work is left to be done, and how the porn culture has been a setback to gender justice work.
What happens when you saturate a culture with ever more extreme misogynistic and racist images designed to sexually arouse? What happens to the sexual imaginations of boys and men, who are the primary consumers, and to the self-image of girls and women?
(Full disclosure: I have known Dines as a friend, colleague, and co-author for 17 years, and my own work on this subject has been influenced by her insights. My review is prejudiced in that sense, though my enthusiasm for the book comes not from loyalty but from the importance of her work.)
Dines, a professor of sociology and women’s studies at Wheelock College in Boston, begins the book by suggesting we are living through “a massive social experiment” in which we are being used as experimental subjects without our permission. The research question: What happens when you saturate a culture with ever more extreme
misogynistic and racist images designed to sexually arouse? What happens to the sexual imaginations of boys and men, who are the primary consumers, and to the self-image of girls and women? How are intimate relationships shaped by the expectations cultivated by pornography? What effect does the routine use of such material have not only on levels of sexual violence but on how we define sexual violence?
Dines organizes the evidence that is starting to accumulate from scholarly research and everyday experience, and the news is bad. The accomplishment of Pornland is that it not only reports on that bad news without sugarcoating, but provides an analysis of the underlying systems, making it possible to comprehend why this has happened.
The book starts with an explanation of the business of pornography—how innovators such as Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt paved the way for the pornification of the culture, and how lots of “legitimate” corporations (especially mainstream media companies and hotels) are cashing in today. If we want to understand pornography, we have to look at capitalism, in all its amoral, predatory glory.
Pornland also shines a light on the racism of contemporary pornography. While the worst racist stereotypes have been eliminated from mainstream movies and television, they flourish in pornography. In some movies, pornographers sexualize race for white men who want to see women from particular racial/ethnic groups degraded, while in other movies they avoid non-white performers to appeal to men who despise people of color. Pornography reminds us of how white supremacy endures in contemporary society.
Dines focuses the core of the book on male supremacy, the central system that defines pornography. Recognizing that, for many, the term “patriarchy” is not part of the contemporary vocabulary, Dines talks about that system in accessible language that makes it clear: Pornography is, at its core, the sexualizing of male domination and female submission. Pornography’s defenders want to suggest that sexually explicit images are just sex on screen, but Dines walks the reader through the reality of those images, especially the most extreme and misogy-
nist “gonzo” pornography that blankets the Internet. Dines not only explains but equips pornography critics to respond to the most common attempt to derail this analysis, the accusation that people who have a problem with porn are “anti-sex.” The label is nonsensical, but people—especially women—who fear being dismissed as repressed or prudish often are understandably scared off by the insult.
Dine’s response is useful: “[I]f this were a book that criticizes McDonald’s for its exploitive labor practices, its destruction of the environment, and its impact on our diet and health, would anyone accuse the author of being anti-eating or anti-food? I suspect that most readers would separate the industry (McDonald’s) and the industrial product (hamburgers) from the act of eating and would understand that the critique was focused on the large-scale impact of the fast food industry and not the human need, experience, and joy of eating.”
Dines also makes it clear that the other common slur against radical feminists—that they are man-haters—is equally absurd. Pornland is a book for men as much as for women, a call for men to take back control of our own lives from the pornographers. Dines describes her frequent lectures to college audiences: “When I look out at the men in the lecture hall, they remind me of my son, and I feel outraged that they are caught in the crosshairs of this predatory industry, one that has a huge financial stake in habituating them to a product that dehumanizes all involved.”
Dines doesn’t end the book with naïve claims that the pornified culture will be easily challenged. We can all make personal choices to reduce our exposure to pornography, but precisely because we all live in Pornland, individual actions aren’t sufficient. New approaches to law may have a role; certainly a more vigorous public education campaign around pornography and sexuality more generally is needed. Dines doesn’t
pretend to have answers, but her book gives us the analysis we need to start this important conversation.
For more information on Dines and Pornland, go to http://gaildines.com/.
—Robert Jensen
Voice Male contributing editor Robert Jensen is a journalism professor at the University of Texas at Austin and board member of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center. His latest book is All My Bones Shake: Seeking a Progressive Path to the Prophetic Voice (Soft Skull Press, 2009). He also is the author of Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity (South End Press, 2007).He can be reached at rjensen@uts.cc.utexas.edu. His articles can be found online at http://uts.cc.utexas. edu/~rjensen/index.html.
Fathering
Through Divorce by Carol Patton Handbook for Men Mentoring Men and it’s Impact on Parenting
Trafford Publishing, 2010 $9.95, 120 pages
Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.
Along with the end of a marriage come feelings of failure, guilt, bitterness, and anger, not to mention such practicalities as dividing property and assets, and deciding who moves out. Among the boulders and gullies found in this new emotional landscape, for parents there is the added issue of custody arrangements to negotiate. A new guidebook for fathers is a good road map for navigating this unfamiliar terrain.
Fathering Through Divorce is rich in resources and tips from divorce experts and honest accounts from fathers who have been there. The book can help men plot a personal course to recovery from divorce—mentally, emotionally, and financially.
Unlike most women, many men don’t have the kinds of deep personal friendships or social support networks to help them get through this painful and complicated life transition. Showing up at a time when more men are joining men’s groups and feel growing social permission to honestly share difficult life experiences with other men, a book like this is right on schedule:
nothing like a crisis to motivate many men to begin to look for support.
To ensure positive outcomes in negotiating with the other parent, Fathering Through Divorce recommends developing strong communication skills to solve problems and make decisions. Among its tips are:
Don’t interrupt or get defensive.
Avoid starting sentences with “You always…” or “You never…”
Don’t express your opinions as fact.
Lower your voice.
Avoid name-calling, killer statements, and put-downs.
Meet in a public place or email each other to resolve issues about the children.
Steer clear of history lessons; decide that bringing up the past is taboo.
Place a photo of your children next to you during phone calls or while emailing to help you stay focused on what’s best for your children.
Email your concerns in advance of each meeting so both of you will have time to think them through.
Stay on topic and focus on one problem at a time.
Create an agenda.
Be flexible.
Brainstorm solutions.
As Men Mentoring Men observes, divorce is rarely easy. How could it be? If fathers concentrate on what’s best for the kids, though, instead of the problems they may be having with their children’s mothers, they’ll vastly improve the prospects of ensuring a happy and stable future for their children.
Fathering Through Divorce is available online through the Men Mentoring Men group at www.menmentoringmen.org.
Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture
By Shannon Hayes Left to Write Press, 2010
Mother Nature has shown her hand. Our planet is on the verge of climatic catastrophe; the fossil fuel that drives our industrialized economies is running out; animal and plant species are facing extinction; social injustices are rampant. At long last, Americans have grown conversant in the fundamental steps necessary to solve our global crisis: stop
Gail Dines, Wheelock College professor of sociology and women’s studies.
driving our cars; consume less; increase our self-reliance; buy locally, eat locally, rebuild our local communities. So says Shannon Hayes, author of Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture.
Hayes believes what lies ahead is the great work of sweeping out our hearths and kindling the home fires. Radical Homemakers is a book that spotlights women and men around the U.S. who have chosen to focus their lives on home and hearth as a political and ecological act. These men and women are, Hayes says, “centering their lives on family and community not only for personal fulfillment, but as a way to bring about cultural change.”
Hayes is the host of grassfedcooking.com, and author of The Farmer and the Grill and The Grassfed Gourmet. Exploring what domesticity can look like in an era that has benefited from feminism, Radical Homemakers also examines the possibilities of a world “where domination and oppression are cast aside, where the choice to stay home is no longer equated with mindnumbing drudgery, economic insecurity, or relentless servitude.”
Hayes has made a life for herself that is far from mind-numbing drudgery. She interviewed radical homemakers around the country so they could speak out about the personal empowerment they sought “to bring about true change, find genuine happiness, cast aside the pressures of a consumer culture, and live in a world where money loses much of its power to relationships, independent thought, and creativity.”
Hayes lives with her husband Bob Hooper and their daughters Saoirse and Ula in Schoharie County, New York, where they work with her parents operating Sap Bush Hollow Farm raising all-natural grassfed lamb, beef, pork, and poultry. She holds a BA in creative writing from Binghamton University, and a masters and Ph.D. in sustainable agriculture and community development from Cornell University.
Film Review
Boys and Men Healing
Directed by Kathy Barbini
DVD, 58 minutes
$24.99 individuals
$59 for therapists and non-profits
$99 for educational organizations
Big Voice Pictures
www.bigvoicepictures.com
Boys and Men Healing is a documentary film about the impact the sexual abuse of boys has on both the individual and society, the importance of healing, and the value of speaking out for male survivors in order to end the devastating effects. The film portrays courageous nonoffending men whose arduous healing helped them to reclaim their lives— while giving them a powerful voice to speak out and to act to prevent what happened to them from happening to other boys. The emotional honesty of the men in the film recounting the effects the abuse had on them as boys, adolescents. and adults—and their quest for healing—clearly helps educate about male
child sexual abuse and the great need for resources.
The film features a number of men’s stories, including David Lisak’s moving and poignant personal story of facing his own childhood sexual abuse, his dedication to speaking out, and his professional work educating about the impact male child sexual abuse has on the cycle of violence.
Boys and Men Healing was produced by Big Voice Pictures (BVP), in association with the International Documentary Association, a leading organization supporting independent and award-winning documentary filmmakers. BVP produces film, that give voice to emerging social issues aimed at provoking discussion, effecting change, and offering new insights and hope for individuals, families, and communities. Their earlier acclaimed film, The Healing Years , was broadcast on PBS and widely distributed. For more information about Boys and Men Healing, go to:www.bigvoicepictures.com or email: kathy@bigvoicepictures.com.
Resources for Changing Men
A wide-ranging (but by no means exhaustive) listing of organizations engaged in profeminist men’s work. Know of an organization that should be listed here? E-mail relevant information to us at info@voicemalemagazine.org
100 Black Men of America, Inc. Chapters around the U.S. working on youth development and economic empowerment in the African American community www.100blackmen.org
A Call to Men
Trainings and conferences on ending violence against women www.acalltomen.org
American Men’s Studies Association
Advancing the critical study of men and masculinities www.mensstudies.org
Boys to Men International Initation weekends and follow-up mentoring for boys 12-17 www.boystomen.org
Boys to Men New England www.boystomennewengland.org
Dad Man
Consulting, training, speaking about fathers and father figures as a vital family resource www.thedadman.com
EMERGE
Counseling and education to stop domestic violence. Comprehensive batterers’ services www.emergedv.com
European Men Pro-feminist Network
Promoting equal opportunities between men and women www.europrofem.org
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Working to end violence against women globally; programs for boys, men and fathers www.endabuse.org
Healthy Dating, Sexual Assault Prevention http://www.canikissyou.com
International Society for Men’s Health Prevention campaigns and health initiatives promoting men’s health www.ismh.org
Paul Kivel
Violence prevention educator http://www.paulkivel.com
Lake Champlain Men’s Resource Center
Burlington, Vt., center with groups and services challenging men’s violence on both individual and societal levels www.lcmrc.org
Males Advocating Change
Worcester, Mass., center with groups and services supporting men and challenging men’s violence www.centralmassmrc.org
ManKind Project
New Warrior training weekends www.mkp.org
MANSCENTRUM
Swedish men’s centers addressing men in crisis www.manscentrum.se
Masculinity Project
The Masculinity Project addresses the complexities of masculinity in the African American community www.masculinityproject.com
MASV—Men Against Sexual Violence
Men working in the struggle to end sexual violence www.menagainstsexualviolence.org
Men Against Violence
UNESCO program believing education, social and natural science, culture and communication are the means toward building peace www.unesco.org/cpp/uk/projects/ wcpmenaga.htm
Men Against Violence
(Yahoo e-mail list) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/menagainstviolence/
Men Against Violence Against Women (Trinidad)
Caribbean island anti-violence campaign www.mavaw.com.
Men Can Stop Rape Washington, D.C.-based national advocacy and training organization mobilizing male youth to prevent violence against women. www. mencanstoprape.org
MenEngage Alliance
An international alliance promoting boys’ and men’s support for gender equality www.menengage.org
Men for HAWC
Gloucester, Mass., volunteer advocacy group of men’s voices against domestic abuse and sexual assault www.strongmendontbully.com
Men’s Health Network
National organization promoting men‘s health www.menshealthnetwork.org
Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe, Inc. Statewide Massachusetts effort coordinating men’s anti-violence activities www.mijd.org
Men’s Nonviolence Project, Texas Council on Family Violence http://www.tcfv.org/education/mnp. html
Men’s Resource Center for Change Model men’s center offering support groups for all men www.mrcforchange.org
Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan
Consultations and Trainings in helping men develop their full humanity, create respectful and loving relationships, and caring and safe communities. www.menscenter.org
Men’s Resource Center of South Texas
Based on Massachusetts MRC model, support groups and services for men mrcofsouthtexas@yahoo.com
Men’s Resources International Trainings and consulting on positive masculinity on the African continent www.mensresourcesinternational.org
Men Stopping Violence
Atlanta-based organization working to end violence against women, focusing on stopping battering, and ending rape and incest www.menstoppingviolence.org
The Men’s Story Project Resources for creating public dialogue about masculinities through local storytelling and arts. www.mensstoryproject.org
Men’s Violence Prevention http://www.olywa.net/tdenny/
Mentors in Violence Prevention—MVP
Trainings and workshops in raising awareness about men’s violence against women www.sportsinsociety.org/vpd/mvp./php
Monadnock Men’s Resource Center
Southern New Hampshire men’s center supporting men and challenging men’s violence mmrconline.org
MVP Strategies
Gender violence prevention education and training www.jacksonkatz.com
National Association for Children of Domestic Violence
Provides education and public awareness of the effects of domestic violence, especially on children. www. nafcodv.org
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Provides a coordinated community www.ncadv.org
National Men’s Resource Center
National clearinghouse of information and resources for men www.menstuff.org
National Organization for Men Against Sexism
Annual conference, newsletter, profeminist activities www.nomas.org
Boston chapter: www.nomasboston. org
One in Four
An all-male sexual assault peer education group dedicated to preventing rape www.oneinfourusa.org
Promundo
NGO working in Brazil and other developing countries with youth and children to promote equality between men and women and the prevention of interpersonal violence www.promundo.org
RAINN—Rape Abuse and Incest National Network
A national anti-sexual assault organization www.rainn.org
Renaissance Male Project
A midwest, multicultural and multiissue men‘s organization www.renaissancemaleproject
Resources for Changing Men
The Men’s Bibliography
Comprehensive bibliography of writing on men, masculinities, gender, and sexualities listing 14,000 works www.mensbiblio.xyonline.net/
UNIFEM
United Nations Development Fund for Women www.unifem.org
VDay
Global movement to end violence against women and girls, including Vmen, male activists in the movement www.newsite.vday.org
Voices of Men
An Educational Comedy by Ben Atherton-Zeman http://www.voicesofmen.org
Walk a Mile in Her Shoes
Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence http:// www.walkamileinhershoes.org
White Ribbon Campaign International men’s campaign decrying violence against women www.whiteribbon.ca
XY Magazine
www.xyonline.net
Profeminist men’s web links (over 500 links) www.xyonline.net/links.shtml
Profeminist men’s politics, frequently asked questions www.xyonline.net/misc/ pffaq.html
Profeminist e-mail list (1997–) www.xyonline.net/misc/profem.html Homophobia and masculinities among young men www.xyonline.net/misc/ homophobia.html
Fathering
Fatherhood Initiative
Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund Supporting fathers, their families and theprofessionals who work with them www.mctf.org
Fathers and Daughters Alliance (FADA)
Helping girls in targeted countries to return to and complete primary school fatheranddaughter.org
Fathers with Divorce and Custody Concerns
Looking for a lawyer?
Call your state bar association lawyer referral agency. Useful websites include: www.dadsrights.org (not www.dadsrights.com)
www.directlex.com/main/law/divorce/ www.divorce.com www.divorcecentral.com www.divorcehq.com www.divorcenet.com www.divorce-resource-center.com www.divorcesupport.com
Collaborative Divorce
www.collaborativealternatives.com www.collaborativedivorce.com www.collaborativepractice.com www.nocourtdivorce.com
The Fathers Resource Center
Online resource, reference, and network for stay-at-home dads www.slowlane.com
National Center for Fathering Strategies and programs for positive fathering. www.fathers.com
National Fatherhood Initiative Organization to improve the well-being of children through the promotion of responsible, engaged fatherhood www.fatherhood.org
Gay Rights
Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation Works to combat homophobia and and all media outlets www.glaad.org
Human Rights Campaign
Largest GLBT political group in the country. www.hrc.org
Interpride
Clearing-house for information on pride events worldwide www.interpride.net
LGBT Health Channel Provides medically accurate information to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied communities. Safer sex, STDs, insemination, transgender health, cancer, and more www.lgbthealthchannel.com.
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
National progressive political and advocacy group www.ngltf.org
Outproud - Website for GLBT and questioning youth www.outproud.org
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
By Molly Scott
WHAT’S DONE
The Rune Perth: initiation, something hidden, a secret matter
When is done, done? enough, enough? When old bones ache and crack and when the hefty arms that hauled and handled trees and engines, could not lift the son out of the chair onto the toilet so he would soil and be ashamed and angry at you and you couldn’t explain, no one to blame just aging tissues and time passing, and so you’d bend your bones to clean him up because love is the language between you two and if he hurts, you hurt, and if he goes, you go
And when the spring comes and the son’s spine splinters down and the precarious balance of his breath struggles through collapsing channels, and you hear the saplinged sanctuary where you two had gnarled together, is sheared down, and the town has felled
the twisted message maple that was your telephone to neighbors all those years, into a stump whose broken body lies across the path that used to lead to home
And when some hidden signal sounds inside your gut, although— perhaps because—forsythia blooms so wildly yellow just outside your door and the warming garden waits for your hand, you can say Yes to everything and still will shut the door, savor your favorite meal, and then in the finest, gentlest way you know, loving the boy with every breath he breathes, take it away, along with yours, and be no longer here.
Molly Scott is a poet, singer, psychotherapist, and social justice advocate who lives in the deep hills of western Massachusetts.
General Support Groups:
the participants. Groups are held in these Western Massachusetts communities: Hadley, at North Star, 135 Russell Street, 2nd Floor: Tuesday evenings (7:00 – 9:00 PM). Entrance on Route 47 opposite the Hadley Town Hall.
Group for Men Who Have Experienced Childhood Neglect, Abuse, or Trauma:
ensure a sense of safety for participants. It is a facilitated peer support group and is not a therapy group. Group
Group for Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning Men:
transgendered men are welcome! In addition to providing personal support, the group offers an opportunity for
A G. J author of e Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy and Privilege, Power, and Di fference presents his first novel
“This beautiful, brave, and liberating book is a triumph of the spirit. Engrossing and exquisitely written, it shines with rare courage and a tender, life-saving wisdom that comes only through facing
— Joanna Macy
is miraculous.”
“This is a novel that rings true, and that we need urgently to take into our hearts.”
— Jean Kilbourne
— Lundy Bancroft
“His ability and willingness to see so deeply, to portray a woman and her story so profoundly, takes our breath away.”
— Deena Metzger