Passive Aggressive Husbands Should Take Their Last Train to Happiness For more resources on stopping your passive aggression, visit: Passive Aggressive System Wives and husbands argue constantly when they don’t agree on something. In a passive aggressive marriage, the argument about whether the husband is passive aggressive can go on forever. Here is the formula: ● ● ●
She complains; he denies all responsibility; She suffers; he ignores her suffering and walks away; She gets educated or a therapist; he laughs at them;
And this can go on for years! Most of the women writing to sites, blogs and forums for help begin their letters by saying: “I have been married to this guy 20 years…or 15, or 25…” Why would they suffer that long, willingly? Because only recently have they put a name to this situation! Having a name situates them into a new category: “I’m married to a passive aggressive husband!” How can she really know? Yes, that’s something a lot of husbands are asking. Well, as with some psychological disorders, the victims themselves (wives) are the telltale indicators that something is not right. By compiling the victims’ narratives, we get the picture of a behavior that is real because we can now observe its impact on its victims.
Because victims have this pain of the gap between expected behaviors and their own reality, they observe, compare, and get educated about the differences between loving, healthy relationships and the toxic ones. So, husbands, if your wife is hurting, accusing you of passive aggression, one thing is certain. Even if you don’t want to admit to passive aggression, there is no room to deny that you have a toxic marriage! There is now a lot of information coming out, and we know more and more about how passive aggressive behaviors work and what is their impact on marriages. As a result, for him it is becoming more difficult to deny that those separated and “isolated” incidents now fit into a large, ominous picture where he is now seen as the culprit of her unhappiness. For husbands, it may seem like there is no place left to hide from their wives. Unfortunately, many husbands don’t realize that wives are also despairing that there is no place left to hide from those toxic parts of their husbands. The passive aggressive husband that is trying to divert, confuse and obfuscate his wife, never taking personal responsibility for anything, cannot work for him forever. It can work in the short term, but in the long term, people tire of his endless “It wasn’t me….” answer. Eventually, they give up, give him what he seems to want, and withdraw from the emotional connection with him. Essentially, they just leave him behind. It doesn’t matter how many times that husband says, “Wait, I love you, stay.” It matters how many times he shows it. How many times he shows how sensitive he is to the real needs and wishes of his family. It’s not enough even now that he’s a “good provider.” If a husband withdraws into silence instead of showing his desire to express himself and share thoughts and emotions to connect with his family, he will never get what he truly wants: love, support and respect. The next time husbands are tempted to go into their cave, clam up, keep the silence and individual “business” for two weeks and wait for the storm to pass giving everybody the cold shoulder, they should remember: Perhaps this is the last time life is giving them an opportunity to look around and see the wounds of the people who (still) love them. Isn’t there something more courageous husbands could be doing with it? Like asking their wives the magical question: “Please, can you tell me what hurt you? This time, I’m ready to listen…?” Husbands can show they are ready to listen and prove they are ready to heal themselves and their families by taking advantage of resources that work to save marriages. They can access a proven resource for stopping passive aggression by visiting Passive Aggressive System.