DECEMBER 2020
In this Issue... Resilience and Growth: How We Can Still Bounce Back During Tough Times Ombudsman Moment December 2020 SAPR Support During the Holiday Season Avoiding Financial Fumbles During the Holiday Season Managing Holiday Stress During The Pandemic Healthy Relationships Your Virtual FFSC Webinar Schedule Visit us online at:
Promoting, Fostering Family Resiliency BY AMBER NOONE, LCPC, NAVAL STATION EVERETT Like most things, developing resiliency is a very personalized journey. Fostering resiliency also takes practice. When times get stressful, as they often do around the holidays, engaging in activities that promote resiliency becomes even more important. While we cannot always control our stressful events, we can indeed engage in practices that promote feeling calm and secure for our families and ourselves. The following are some ideas that you can use to promote family resiliency now and throughout the year: Make time for connection with your loved ones. One of the most important things we can do to promote our resiliency is to maintain important relationship connections. The hustle and bustle of the season and life in general may leave us feeling overwhelmed, as if we do not have enough time in the day. Make a commitment to schedule regular times for visiting with loved ones is critical in fostering resiliency. As a family create new traditions, observe old ones, or engage in a new fun hobby or activity together. Each of these things are ways in which you can boost your family’s resiliency and make special memories. Practice gratitude. Let’s face it; this has been a tough year. In the midst of the challenges 2020 brought, it may be difficult to feel grateful. But practicing gratitude is one way to boost your family’s resiliency. Practicing gratitude is not about minimizing our struggles. It is a skill to help focus our mental energy on the positive aspects of our lives. This will help us move away from negativity bias, that is, the tendency to focus on the negative things that happen in our lives.
Family Connection is a publication of the Fleet and Family Support Program. The Navy’s Fleet and Family Support Program promotes the self-reliance and resilience of Sailors and their families. We provide information that can help you meet the unique challenges of the military lifestyle. The appearance of external links in this newsletter does not constitute official endorsement on behalf of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense. If you have questions or comments, contact the Fleet and Family Support Program, cnic.ffsp.fct@navy.mil.
Practicing gratitude requires intention and commitment. How can you include daily gratitude? Dedicate five or 10 minutes at the end of every day to give yourself time to reflect on at least one positive thing from your day. Start a gratitude journal. Make it a family activity and create a gratitude jar where each family member writes down one thing (or more) they are grateful for every day on a small piece of paper, shares it with the family and then puts the paper in a jar. You can then go back and revisit the jar on days where you may need a “gratitude boost.”
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ATTENTION READERS: Make Family Connections Interactive! Share your questions, comments, good news stories, useful resources and articles you have written or found helpful. As space allows, we will include them in future newsletters OR release on social media. Submit to cnic.ffsp.fct@navy.mil
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DECEMBER 2020 Continued from Page 1.
Keep communication open. Make clear, respectful, and effective communication a priority in your family. Encourage family members to express emotions in a healthy manner, listen and understand family members when there is a concern, take the time to ask questions and show interest in each other’s day-to-day lives are great ways to put open communication in place and promote resiliency in your family.
Resilience and Growth: How We Can Still Bounce Back During Tough Times
Consider having a regular family meeting once or twice a week. This gives all family members an opportunity to practice these communication skills together.
A Japanese proverb states, “fall seven times, stand up eight.” Another way to think about this is that although hard times are inevitable, we can still bounce back! This is what we call resilience, and need for survival because no one is exempt from the curveballs that life throws at us.
Identify family strengths. Identifying our strengths and the strengths of our family members is another important component of fostering family resiliency. Drawing upon our strengths helps us navigate challenging situations and provides us with built-in resources to help us cope during challenging times. Also, knowing our strengths helps us build confidence to handle future challenges and fosters a sense of autonomy and self-efficacy. Consider making a family strengths tree where each member of your family identifies their own strengths and identifies strengths in each other. Engage in regular stress management and self-care practices. We tend to think of stress management as something that we need to engage in only when life gets challenging and stressful. Yet, the reality is, waiting makes it difficult to engage in stress management and self-care practices during those stressful times. Make a commitment to yourself (and your family) to identify two or three things you can do that are helpful and meaningful to you to promote self-care and a reduction of stress. Good self-care does not always mean binge watching the latest Netflix show or indulging in things that cost money. Often, good self-care looks like learning to say “no” and setting healthy limits and boundaries. By practicing good self-care and stress management, you are also setting a positive example for your children and helping them learn the importance of managing stress in a healthy manner. This is not an exhaustive list of practices that you can engage in to foster resiliency, and not all may work for your unique family. You may need to experiment with different activities and approaches until you find what works best for you and your family. Making a commitment to engage in things that foster resiliency in your family can help your family learn to thrive in the face of challenges, rather than just surviving in challenging times.
BY KIMA TOZAY AND PAUL FINCH
The longer we live and the more experiences we have, the more likely we are to lose our equilibrium. We may not always be able to control what happens to us and sometimes bad or stressful things happen. The good news is we can always control how we respond to these challenges and setbacks. A common misconception about resilient people is that they were born that way and that those born without resilience cannot build it later. Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on mindsets challenges that assumption. She demonstrates in her work that we can improve our resilience with a little practice, effort, persistence and grit. Research shows that children, when confronted with a challenge, end up learning from it rather than becoming paralyzed. The same is true for adults. In fact, the typical long-term response to any disaster is one of resilience. So how do we build resilience? By building on current strengths and not focusing on our weaknesses. We develop grit by focusing on passion, perseverance and consistent effort even though we may at first struggle, falter or fail. In his book, Anti-fragile: Things that Gain from Disorder, author Nassim Talib argues that tough times do not last, but tough people do. According to psychologist Stephen Joseph, who studies posttraumatic growth, we can actually grow stronger and better from tough times. There is actually an upside to facing life’s challenges, in that we can thrive through crisis. The Navy’s Fleet and Family Support Centers (FFSC) offer life skills courses to build resilience and growth. The goals of the courses are to strengthen your ability to cope with both operational stress and life challenges. FFSCs also offer a variety of programs, aimed to enhance communication and healthy relationship skills, promote employment and financial readiness. The life skills you will learn, include new approaches to parenting and practicing techniques to manage anger and stress. These skills will help you navigate life’s expected and unexpected challenges throughout a Navy career. In the end, you will not only overcome these challenges, but also come out stronger and more resilient on the other side.
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DECEMBER 2020
Ombudsman Moment December 2020 MANAGING YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES A commanding officer selects an ombudsman to ensure that he or she is the best candidate to serve the command families. An appointment letter to the ombudsman confirms their selection and conveys key information relative to the position. Another important form to complete is the DD Form 2793, Volunteer Agreement. This form outlines protections to the volunteer for the performance of their role and allows the ombudsman to have access to personal information about the command members and families from the command roster. Finally, the ombudsman registers in the Ombudsman Registry, which allows them to receive program and training updates. A command ombudsman has ongoing responsibilities after the initial training and paperwork are complete. Ombudsmen meet with their command leadership, meet their Fleet and Family Support Center (FFSC) or Reserve Component Command (RCC) Ombudsman Coordinator, attend Ombudsman Assembly Meetings and take part in advanced trainings. Ombudsman can use varying tools to promote the program to their command families. Social media is the most popular venue today, but email and newsletters are still used and effective. The ombudsman and command leadership will determine the best way for the ombudsman to interact with families. This may involve different mediums depending on the age, location and even preference of the individuals. It is important for the ombudsman to be able to reach all spouses or next of kin in the event of an emergency or crisis situation, so she or he can deliver pertinent information about the situation. Remember, ombudsmen will NEVER share roster information with another entity without the express permission of the commanding officer or the person involved. The work that ombudsmen do saves the U.S. Navy millions of dollars every year – money that would not be available to pay staff to perform the same work. If you would like to become a command ombudsman, talk to your commanding officer or contact your FFSC Ombudsman Coordinator or RCC Warrior and Family Support Specialist for more information about the role and responsibilities. To find your command ombudsman, contact those same persons or use the “Contact Your Ombudsman” feature on the Ombudsman Registry home page at https://ombudsmanregistry.cnic.navy.mil.
SAPR Support During the Holiday Season The holiday season can be a wonderful time to take a break and connect with loved ones. But due to COVID-19, we may not be able to have the same level of connection with our support network this year. This is a change for everyone, especially for survivors of sexual assault who rely on their support systems during the holidays. The Navy’s Fleet and Family Support Program (FFSP) is always standing by to provide extra support for Sailors and their families. The installation Fleet and Family Support Centers (FFSC) are open with modified operating hours and the local Sexual Assault Prevention and Response (SAPR) Program is available 24 hours per day, seven days a week to provide help. The Department of Defense’s (DoD) Safe Helpline offers support and resources online or through telephone or text. The Safe Helpline is an anonymous, confidential and specialized service available 24/7 that provides help to those affected by sexual assault in the DoD community. Safe Helpline users have access to one-on-one support with a trained staff member, peer-to-peer support, information, resources and self-care exercises at any time. Safe Helpline staff receive specialized training and are available to listen to needs and concerns, discuss long- and short-term safety planning, provide information and resources and connect the user to their local SAPR Program for more help. The Safe Helpline offers online support via live chat with a trained staff member and the ability to connect with other survivors through the Safe HelpRoom group chat. The Safe HelpRoom is secure, free, moderated and available at all times. Special group chat sessions for men are available on Sundays from 1–3 p.m. EST. For more information on the DoD Safe Helpline, visit safehelpline.org, download their mobile app or call 877-995-5247. For more information about the SAPR Program, please contact your local Sexual Assault Response Coordinator (SARC) or visit: https://www.cnic.navy.mil/ ffr/family_readiness/fleet_and_family_support_program/sexual_assault_prevention_and_response/contact-your-local-sapr-program0.html
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DECEMBER 2020
Avoiding Financial Fumbles During the Holiday Season BY STEFANIE HURLEY AND JEANETTE BLAND, NAVSTA ROTA, SPAIN In the blink of an eye, it seems, summer ends the winter holidays are upon us! Some may feel some financial stress over shopping for gifts, preparing holiday meals, decorating and other preparation tasks. Here are some tips to help you with the holiday season. 1. Plan ahead: A great way to help lessen this stress is to develop a spending plan for the holidays. Preparing a budget and setting a spending limit can cut an enormous amount of stress during the holiday season. This not only means setting a budget to determine what you are spending on gifts, but also planning ahead for the extra groceries you will need to buy. Space out purchasing those pantry staples that you will need for the holidays so that you are not shelling out one entire paycheck at the grocery store. 2. Be on the lookout for hidden expenses: Even if you have planned your expenses do not forgot about shipping and handling! If you need to ship presents to family members, account for that extra cost. If time is running out, you may need to pay extra to hurry delivery. Think ahead and make sure you are looking out for the little things. Another cost that sneaks up on you is your electricity bill. You could be cooking more, cleaning more or using all your new fancy electronics. If you went all-out and the holiday lights in your front yard are visible from the moon, prepare yourself for what that electric bill might look. 3. Shop around: Do not buy at first sight. Look around and find the right place and the right price. Research different apps and add-ins that will do the leg work for you. Be on the lookout for coupons, daily deals and special offers or consider waiting for special discount days. 4. Be in control: Try to avoid impulse shopping. For big purchases, take a night and sleep on it. Give yourself enough time to think about your purchases. Shopping can be intoxicating at times because we find things that we love and seem to be amazing deals ‌ then we end up immediately regretting the buy or feeling guilty about it. Another good idea is to talk it through with someone you trust. Usually when you say it out loud it will become clear whether you should make the purchase. 5. To buy for yourself, or not to buy: According to the National Retail Federation, fifty-seven percent of Americans spend almost $127 each holiday season buying gifts for themselves. You deserve something nice, right? But is this an expense that you have planned for? Is this a part of your budget? What will the financial impact be for this buy? Is this worth it in the end? Take time to think it through before you buy for you. 6. All for one, one for all: What better way to cut expenses than to go in on a gift? Gather your friends or family members and decide on how much you would like to contribute. Rather than buying a small, not-so-meaningful present, you can combine your funds and buy a larger and more appropriate gift. 7. Set up a Secret Santa: Instead of purchasing several different gifts for friends, family or coworkers, consider setting up a Secret Santa or other type of gift exchange. This will limit the amount you spend and end the stress of trying to find the perfect gift for everyone. 8. Give a gift from the heart: you have a special talent like baking or crafting, consider utilizing your talents to give a gift from the heart – canned jams, cookies, homemade foot scrubs or a special photo collage. The possibilities are limitless! You could give the gift of quality time. Spend the day together with a loved one, have a special movie night or game night. All that matters is that you are showing people close to you that you care because that is the true meaning of the holidays.
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DECEMBER 2020
Managing Holiday Stress During The Pandemic Many people may be experiencing more stress than usual as the pandemic alters our holiday and travel plans this season. Below are a few suggestions for how to deal with stress in healthy ways during this time: Strengthen positive connections. Rely on positive people for help and support. This may include family and/or friends. If you are feeling lonely during the season, reach out to friends using the phone or a virtual application. Connect using technology and make use of your social network. Set
aside 15 minutes for yourself every day. It is important to focus on our own needs and feelings during the holidays. Focus on doing something that you enjoy during this time such as going for a walk, listening to music or reading a magazine.
Set
realistic expectations. Identify what is important to you during the holidays and focus on those tasks. Understand that you may not get everything done and be flexible about making changes to your plan.
Budget.
Review your finances to develop a budget that works for you. Be realistic about how much you can spend on holiday gifts. If you are creative, try handmade gifts.
Focus
on healthy habits. Get plenty of sleep and incorporate physical activity into your daily routine. Eat a diet full of nutrients; research has shown that what you eat affects the way you think and feel. Limit consumption of alcohol.
Practice
gratitude. Research has shown that people who practice gratitude are happier, sleep better and enjoy healthier relationships. Try to identify three things you are thankful for on a daily basis.
Consume
the news in moderation. While it is important to stay informed and up-to-date on the latest events, too much information may contribute to our stress levels. Schedule periods throughout the day to catch up with the news.
If you continue to feel stressed during the holidays, contact your local Fleet and Family Support Center (FFSC) for assistance. There are counselors available to help. You can find your local FFSC in the FFSC Directory.
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DECEMBER 2020
Healthy Relationships BY KATHY MUSCARI, LCSW, NAVSTA ROTA, SPAIN The warning signs or red flags that point to an unhealthy or abusive relationship are often discussed, but what is not always talked about are the signs of a healthy relationship. What does a healthy relationship look like? In healthy relationships, both partners feel supported and connected but also independent. They are able to communicate with one another and can identify their needs and establish boundaries. Simple, right? Simple, perhaps, but simple does not necessarily mean easy. Healthy relationships often require growth. Growth can be painful, but when your growth as an individual coincides with your growth as a couple, it can be a beautiful thing. What are the main factors that contribute to the health of a relationship? These factors include safety, respect, equality, accountability, support and communication. Safety in a relationship is paramount. There is no place for aggression in a healthy relationship. Each partner should feel 100 percent safe to express themselves. You can make your partner feel safe by behaving and communicating in a way that is compassionate and respectful. When you FEEL upset, identify what has triggered the emotion and work on voicing a complaint without criticism. Respect and safety go hand in hand. When respected by a partner, it is safe to express ourselves and feel accepted for who we are. In a healthy relationship, each partner respects the other’s feelings, activities and beliefs with understanding and without judgment. When conflict arises, you do not need to agree with your partner but you can try to understand their point of view. Equality in a relationship is when both partners divide work and responsibilities. They provide input and make decisions together involving their family, home and relationship. A relationship should feel like a partnership. Both parties should collaborate with one another and making joint decisions. Your family’s financial information should be available to both parties and both should benefit from each decision. Each partner should commit to resolving conflict through compromise. This contributes to there being a sense of fairness within the dynamic. The research indicates that 39 percent of conflict is solvable (situational, not based on underlying conflict) and 61 percent is perpetual (the result of core differences in your personalities that are unlikely to change). When it comes to these perpetual issues, the only way through is compromise, and both parties need to feel resolutions agreed upon are fair and satisfying. Taking accountability involves accepting responsibility for yourself and your actions. It means increasing your self-awareness and being honest with yourself and your partner. If you find yourself becoming defensive while in a conversation, that is usually a good sign that there might be an opportunity for you to reflect on your actions and take responsibility. In healthy relationships, partners are supportive of one another’s goals and each partner accepts that they have their own hopes, dreams, feelings and opinions. Supportive statements sound like, “I think you’d be great at that,” “I support your position on this,” “I can understand how you feel that way,” or “I’m behind you 100 percent.” Last but certainly not least is communication. Good communication is an essential part of any healthy relationship. When issues arise, it is important to talk through them instead of making assumptions or hoping they resolve on their own. Good communication involves addressing your feelings and needs, avoiding blame and criticism, listening to your partner when they speak and asking open-ended questions. If, after reading the above, you feel you and your partner could use more guidance on how to improve your relationship and create a more healthy dynamic, contact your local FFSC to connect with a clinical counselor for couples counseling. NOTE: If you think you may be in an abusive relationship (physical, sexual, neglectful or emotional), we have counselors and case managers at the FFSC who can help guide you through the reporting options for domestic violence and provide the resources and referrals available for victims of abuse.
When it comes to unhealthy or abusive behavior, look out for the following warning signs from your partner: Your partner does not listen or respect your opinions. Your
partner yells at you or gets in your face during an argument.
Your
partner pressures you to do things that make you uncomfortable.
Your
partner makes you feel guilty for doing things for yourself, by yourself or with others.
Your
partner texts you all the time to find out where you are, who you’re with, or what you’re doing.
Your
partner makes all the decisions in the relationship and does not welcome your input.
Your
partner will not let you hang out with your friends.
Your
partner threatens to hurt him- or herself, children, family or pets, as a way to control you.
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DECEMBER 2020 DECEMBER 2020
Your Virtual FFSC Webinar Schedule We are all more organized in different areas of our life, but luckily FFSC has Subject Matter Experts that can provide you more tips and tricks to help tackle the areas that need improving.
How to register:
Step #1: Create an Account — Visit MyNavyFamily.com to establish a free account. We recommend establishing your
account at least one day before the webinar. Be sure to enter your time zone!! For NMCI, use the full URL: https://learning.zeiders.refineddata.com. Step #2: View the calendar — Once your account is confirmed, click “Live Webinar” at the top of the page to view the calendar and select a webinar. Step #3: Receive a Reminder Email — You will receive an email and link for the webinar one week, one day, and one hour prior to the webinar! Please feel free to message us at learning@zeiders.com if you have any questions. We look forward to seeing everyone there! Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday 2
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9:00 AM EST Job Search Strategies During Challenging Economic Times
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14 10:00 AM EST Stress Management
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4:00 AM EST USA Jobs 101 9:00 AM EST Love Thinks 1:00 PM EST Fundamentals of Resume Writing 2:00 PM EST Preparing for a Virtual Job Fair
11:00 AM EST Smooth Move Workshop During COVID-19
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Thursday
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9:00 AM EST Thrift Savings Plan (TSP) 10:00 AM EST USAJOBS 2020 11:00 AM EST Repairing Your Credit After COVID-19
10 9:00 AM EST Interview Techniques
12:15 PM EST Preparing for an Interview
12:00 PM EST Maintaining Relationships During Deployment
17 3:00 PM EST Bringing Baby Home
12:00 PM EST Workplace Professionalism and Dressing for Success
3:00 PM EST New Parent Support Program Virtual Holiday Celebration
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9:00 AM EST Building Healthy Relationships 10:00 AM EST Managing Your Student Loan Debt
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6:00 AM EST Back to Basics Resume Writing
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12:00 PM EST Reintegrating with Partners
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Friday
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12:00 PM EST Virtual Interviewing Tips
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