Women, Men, Intimacy, and the Church
Cover design by Margaret Lawrence Mutuality (ISSN: 1533-2470) offers articles from diverse writers who share egalitarian theology and explore its intersection with everyday life.
Mutuality is published quarterly by CBE International, 122 W Franklin Ave, Suite 218; Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451. We welcome your comments, article submissions, and advertisements. Visit cbe. today/mutuality
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the 2011 revision of the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Advertising in Mutuality does not imply organizational endorsement. Please note that neither CBE International, nor the editor, nor the editorial team is responsible or legally liable for any content or any statements made by any author, but the legal responsibility is solely that author’s once an article appears in Mutuality
We Need to Talk—About Porn 17 Giving Opportunites 23 Praise and Prayer 28 Ministry News 30 President's Message Porn's Complicity in Abuse
Church Leaders and Porn: The Devastating Effects for Women in the Church Male church leaders’ porn use limits women’s opportunities for church leadership.
By William B. Bowes and Alejandra Fontecha-Bowes
CBE grants permission for any original article (not a reprint) to be photocopied for local use provided no more than 1,000 copies are made, they are distributed free, the author is acknowledged, and CBE is recognized as the source.
Autumn 2022
Women, Men, Intimacy, and the Church
2 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
The Bible has a lot to say about how our sexuality can be twisted and corrupted. By Kyle Norman
IN THIS ISSUE
We must account for effects of consumption and not just the production environment.
By Heather Matthews Preaching Porneia
This issue of Mutuality displays the upgraded CBE brand with vibrant new colors that visually display our mission of proclaiming God’s design of equal partnership between women and men.
Allowing porn to distort true intimacy reduces each other and ourselves beneath how God created us.
It’s time for the church to realize that women struggle with porn— and deserve the same resources as men.
Notice something di�ferent?
Is This Safe to Drink? Thoughts on Our Thirst for Intimacy
By Erin F. Moniz Is There Such a Thing as Ethical Porn?
From the Editor
12941824 DEPARTMENT 3
By Mallory Ellington
Women Are People, Too
EDITORIAL STAFF Editor: Sarabeth Ng Graphic Designer: Margaret Lawrence Publisher/President: Mimi Haddad Mutuality vol. 29 no. 3, Autumn 2022
We’ve said plenty about how men’s porn use affects their ability to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. We haven’t talked enough about how it affects their ability to love their neighbor as themselves.
The Christian church has not talked about porn well, even as the number of Christians who regularly use porn increases. Many of us, whether past or current porn users or close to a porn user, have been hurt and confused. The message the church has embraced is one of secret shame rather than of humility, listening, and redemption.
Content warning: Porn, by nature, can be difficult to discuss. Please be aware that this issue of Mutuality discusses porn use and its effects at length. What words come to mind when you think of porn? Sex. Lust. Objectification. Abuse. How about when you think of porn and the church? Simplistic. Hesitant. Damaging. Shameful. Silent.
As I was reading Proverbs 18, I was struck by how applicable it feels to the church’s approach to porn. To answer before listening—that is folly and shame. The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? (13–14) Sermons and discussions are undergirded by contempt, shame, and gossip. We have not sought to listen. We have crushed spirits. What stands out to me is how much we have centered men when we talk about porn. The church has told us that when men watch porn, it is themselves they hurt most. They say men’s personal righteousness and sanctification and closeness with God are the most important casualties in their use of porn. The reason men should stop watching porn is, above all else, so they can be “right” with God.
Even so, we’re hopeful. As each author presents the heartbreaking effects of porn, they all also present some practical ways we can move forward. Mallory Ellington starts by sharing how she hopes the church can begin to understand that women, too, struggle with sexual sin and deserve the same support as men. Erin F. Moniz discusses one reason many people turn to porn: broken patterns of intimacy. William B. Bowes and Alejandra FontechaBowes tackle the increasingly common question of whether porn can be ethical for Christians. Heather Matthews intertwines her experience as a pastor once married to a porn user with the latest research on how male pastors’ porn use affects women. Kyle Norman reminds us that it isn’t just porn that Christians should avoid, but all sexual immorality. Finally, Mimi Haddad helps us connect the dots between porn use and abuse.
It’s the wife whose husband objectifies and abuses her because porn taught him everything he knows about male-female relationships. It’s the woman churchgoer who has never been allowed to fully use her gifts at church because the male elders and pastors are terrified of being alone with a woman. It’s the woman who has learned to objectify herself and who feels irredeemably broken because she looks at porn when she’s alone. It’s the woman who was sold into sex trafficking because men want to take their porn-fueled fantasies off-screen.
With this issue of Mutuality, we are officially calling on all Christians, and especially those who have joined us in the fight for women’s biblical equality, to speak plainly about the sin that plagues us. We seek to listen and lament as we process the effects of porn use on women and men in church. Returning to Proverbs 18, we acknowledge that shame is not the answer—instead we embrace nuance and seek to listen before answering so that we may help and heal those who have been hurt by porn use.
When we take a step back, it seems the way the church talks about porn stems from harmful patriarchal attitudes toward sex: lust is every man’s battle, women exist to please men, men can’t control their sex drives, and shame is the only effective tool to inspire sexual purity. What if, instead, we centered (or even included) women in our dialogue about porn? Women are, I would argue, the ones who suffer most because of porn.
From
May these articles help us recognize the image of God in all of us. Together, we can leave behind the pornification of our churches and relationships to embrace the personcentered love that Jesus Christ embodied. the Editor by Sarabeth Ng
We Need to Talk—About Porn bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 3
These are the women we hope to help with this issue of Mutuality. We’re taking a break from begging men to stop using porn to discuss the effects of porn on women’s lives, women’s equality, and men’s ability to be good partners to women. Perhaps if more of us understood the full effects of porn use, we would talk about it openly and frankly. Let’s make sure the warning label on porn is very clear: porn hurts everyone—not just the viewer’s personal righteousness.
4 Mutuality | Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
Acting like porn use is a male-only issue in our churches has caused so much harm over the years.
W e sat in a circle in our cabin, escaping the heat and humidity. During this final church camp experience, we were reflecting on what our lives had been and beginning to think about what could come with college and careers on the horizon. Then one girl admitted she watched porn and wanted to stop. I will never forget what happened next. Slowly, other girls raised their hands to admit the same. My heart beat faster and I trembled a bit, but I raised my hand, too. At some point in our lives each of us had struggled, or were actively struggling, with watching porn. I was terrified to admit the truth to my peers, and I know I wasn’t the only one. In our youth group and church, our leaders and pastors had always taught porn use as a male struggle. And yet here I was, surrounded by other young women acknowledging that it was a problem for them, too.
Looking back, I wish someone had spoken up about how porn isn’t just a “guy’s issue.” Ever since the first time I viewed porn at twelve years old, I’d sat alone and wondered, what did it mean for me, as a young woman, to struggle with something that was only supposed to be a problem for guys? Was there something wrong with me? What did this mean for my sexuality? By Mallory Ellington
WomenArePeople,Too
Porn Use Isn’t Just a “Guy’s Issue”
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 5
The Great Sex Rescue affirms that women can and should enjoy safe, healthy sex in their marriages.
The book does mention women who watch porn, but only in passing. Now it is simply time to voice what many of us already know and have experienced. We must bring young women’s sexual sin into the light so that all of us may find freedom in Christ. We are all promised that we are a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17). That message does not just apply to young men—it applies to young women!
We struggle to fi nd a safe person to confide in. We feel isolated, unsure of how to move forward. No one preaches freedom and redemption for us from our sexual sin. And that is not what the gospel offers.
The messages girls hear about sexual sin only imprison us in shame. They disempower us, and in doing so they give undue power to our leaders and male peers who have decided that only men get to struggle with sexual sins.
Acting like porn use is a male-only issue in our churches has caused so much harm over the years.
We’re all painfully aware that women are most often victimized by men’s sexual sin, but there is a growing number of women, especially young women and girls, who are struggling with their own sexual sin. My whole life, I’ve been disheartened by the lack of resources and support for young women dealing with sexual sin. For the young man who confesses his sexual sin, there are books to read and accountability groups to join. The church helps young men walk in the freedom that is promised through Christ. This is not true for young
A Call for the Church
The Gospel Is Good News for Girls Who Use Porn
My youth group never discussed the reality of sexual sin for both genders. The reality is this: 13 percent of Christian girls ages thirteen to twenty-four regularly use porn.1 It is not just the guys in youth groups. Yet no other topic seemed to warrant such a strong gender divide. All of the senior girls would not have waited until one of our last youth group moments to speak up if porn use had been openly discussed with us like it had been for the guys. Instead, all of the focus for girls was on dressing modestly and not becoming like a chewed-up piece of gum. We carried a weight of responsibility on our shoulders, to guard our hearts and those of our brothers in Christ. We had to guard the gates of male sexuality, but we were never given the key for how to process and understand our own sexuality.
What an incredible disservice to all of us! The messages girls hear about sexual sin only imprison us in shame. They disempower us, and in doing so they give undue power to our leaders and male peers who have decided that only men get to struggle with sexual sin. I grew up thinking there was no gospel available for the girls who watch porn. The reality, however, is that the gospel is for young women like me, too. Recently, I read The Great Sex Rescue, and a friend asked what my main takeaways were. While I had plenty to say, I kept coming back to something from the end of the book: Women’s experiences have been largely overlooked or ignored, while women are seen as tools to help men get what they want. That’s not Christian. That’s not of Jesus. Women, though, are people too.²
6 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 7
1. Josh McDowell and Barna Group, The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Porn in the Digital Age (Ventura: Barna Group, 2016), 34.
TheSermonschurchneeds a better way forward: we need to love and serve the women who sit in our pews. Just as the church has shown up and o�fered support for men struggling to overcome sexual sin, we need to do the same for women. And it all begins with conversations. Let’s acknowledge that women are people, too, so they watch porn, too. Pastors and church leaders can help us see that porn use is not a men’s-only issue. It starts with something as simple as adding a couple words to your sermons on sexual sin—say “men and women” instead of just “men” when talking about people who watch porn.
2. Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky, The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2021), 234.
Recently,Resourcesmychurch announced that they were creating a group to support men struggling with sexual sin. But they mentioned no group for women. Every time I see the group in the email blast or on social media I think about my sisters, wondering who they can reach out to and who they can lean on if they are struggling with watching porn or other sexual sin. Sure, a group for women may not look the exact same as a group for men. But in churches that already do the work for men, we simply need to create the space and set aside the time to do the work for women, too.
ICommunityamdeeplygrateful for the women in my life who have helped me speak up about the ways I have struggled with sexual sin. When our churches miss that women are people, too, we’re left alone and isolated from the great gift of community. Truly, we are not meant to do any aspect of life alone (Eccles. 4:8–12). God created us to be in relationship, so I know that support, encouragement, and accountability are meant for all Christians. women. We struggle to find a safe person to confide in. We feel isolated, unsure of how to move forward. No one preaches freedom and redemption for us from our sexual sin. And that is not what the gospel offers. That moment at church camp was a decade ago this summer. I often wonder what I would tell myself at eighteen. I wish the younger me had the support she needed. I wish she had known to suggest that maybe porn wasn’t just a “guy’s issue.” But I know that eighteenyear-old me was doing the best she could. So if I could, I would promise her that I would bring to light that which is hidden in darkness (1 Cor. 4:5). For her benefit and for the benefit of those around her. I have written this to bring into light my past and the reality that many young women and girls are struggling with porn use, alone and ashamed. We have been in the dark for too long. Let the gospel be good news for us, too.
Here are a few ways that churches and leaders can begin helping women walk away from their sexual sin to embrace the freedom promised in Christ.
Reconsidering John 4 After #ChurchToo
More Info / Buy
ERIN HEIM, tutor in biblical studies at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford Subscribe to Excursus, the IVP Academic newsletter, at ivpress.com/newsletters
“In this book, Reeder has expertly traced the reception of John 4 and, more importantly, has used the Samaritan woman’s story to raise hard and necessary questions about the ongoing objectification, sexualization, and abuse of women—abuse that has too often been perpetrated and enabled by the church and its leaders.”
Reconsidering John 4 After #ChurchToo Caryn A. Reeder Most Christians are familiar with this picture of the woman at the well: a sinner, an adulteress, even a prostitute. Exploring the reception history of John 4, Caryn Reeder challenges common interpretational assumptions about women and sexuality, yielding fresh insights from the story’s original context and offering a bold challenge to teach the Bible in a way that truly values the voices of women. 224 pages, 978-1-5140-0060-1,paperback,$24.00
Caryn A. Reeder
RETHINKING THE RECEPTION HISTORY OF A POWERFUL PASSAGE THE WOMAN’SSAMARITANSTORY
The Samaritan Woman’s Story
VISIT IVPACADEMIC.COM TO REQUEST AN EXAM COPY.
Female and male partnerships grow out of the gospel of Christ and the knowledge that women and men are both God’s image-bearers and dearly beloved children. Some of these partnerships are in a vocational context or platonic intimacy of friendship as sisters and brothers in Christ. Marriage is a gospel partnership whose covenantal bond allows for deep vulnerability found in intentional, embedded life together. One of the great and tragic ironies of our modern age is that the very aspects of human life that are created for intimacy and connection, like sexual partnership within a marriage, have been distorted to create isolation and disconnection instead.
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 9
Thoughts on Our Thirst for IntimacyByErinF.Moniz
“He won’t have sex with me.”
After only a year of marriage the newlywed couple I had provided pre-marital counseling for was facing a significant difficulty. It had taken about twenty minutes of chit-chat on the phone with this young bride before she could bring herself to declare the awful reality of their marriage. Try as he might, her husband could not find any arousal from their sexual partnership. Instead, his use of porn, in isolation from his wife, seemed to be the only avenue that worked. They were both devastated and shocked. He never dreamed that regular porn use would make him impotent in his marriage.
Is This Safe to Drink?
Saltwater Intimacy “Water, water, every where, nor any drop to drink.”1
Our Creator designed us to seek throughoutrelationshipsintimateourlives. shows by to restoration, isolation, porn. what is
10 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
This quote from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is an illustration I find helpful for revealing the insidious evil that lurks in the broken parts of our relationships. Imagine you are stranded in the ocean without clean water, like those in the poem. Wouldn’t it be maddening being surrounded by undrinkable water? Wouldn’t it be tempting to take a few sips anyway, because surely some saltwater would be better than no water at all?
When something seems to have all the right properties of the very thing we desire, it is a betrayal of nature when the consumption of this “water” backfires. Drinking saltwater causes all kinds of maladies in addition to dehydration and increased thirst. This is the distinct affliction of porn on a healthy relationship. We all crave intimacy. Attachment theory shows us our development is shaped by intimate attachments that start from the very beginning of life. Our Creator designed us to seek intimate relationships throughout our lives. This is a gift of God’s grace. As we seek intimacy our thirst can lead us to the life-giving water of healthy relationships. Like clean water for our bodies, safe relationships built on the gospel truths of confession, repentance, restoration, and grace can be a refreshing joy of life.
There are any number of reasons why our thirst for intimacy might drive us to drink saltwater instead. Porn is one kind of “saltwater” or false intimacy in relationships. It is particularly insidious because it looks like what we crave: it mimics intimacy and relationship. Instead, porn produces isolation, dysfunction, and shame. It dehydrates what healthy intimacy we may have, and it leaves us aching for more intimacy in any way we can find it—often leading us to more porn. Like the young newlywed couple I counseled, my heart breaks when the possibility for healthy, mutual intimacy is replaced and rent by a habit that produces the very opposite of what intimacy desires. Porn is a thriving industry built on exploitation and destruction. It promises a shortcut to satisfaction by trading connection for isolation, dignity for exploitation and violence, and intimacy for enmity. The saltwater lives up to its essence, producing greater thirst and affliction. This fracture is a threat to the gospel partnership in marriage. God has called women and men to work together, but porn is a counterfeit, saltwater intimacy, and it creates distance where our Creator has called for closeness.
The Lies of Scarcity
When we begin to justify the consumption of saltwater intimacy, like porn, it is because of lack. If we do not have clean water, we become dehydrated and panic. This urgent scarcity can drive us to grasp at anything and everything that promises even a glimmer of the intimacy for which we thirst.
God has adopted us and now gives us everything for life and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3, NRSV). Our new identities in Christ are ones of abundance and care. Even in the troubles of this world, the transcendent power of the indwelling Spirit of Christ allows us access to a fruitful, flourishing life.
As Christians we need to remember that we have the Holy Spirit and the promise of God’s loving presence.
The allure of porn is more complex than just sexual arousal. Unfortunately, there is a trend in churches, youth groups, and Christian culture generally to merely focus on arousal as the root of porn use. Is it any wonder that porn use remains rampant in our churches? If our hope is to simply contain our sexual appetites through sheer will, we have missed out on the freedom offered us through the power of the Holy Spirit. If we want to combat this addiction, it is important to discern the condition of our souls.
1. Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, in The Poetical Works of S.T. Coleridge , ed. Henry Nelson Coleridge (London: W. Pickering, 1834), part 2, lines 121–22.
Erin F. Moniz is a college chaplain at Baylor University and creates content for emerging adults about healthy relationships, intimacy, and community. She is also co-host for CBE’s Mutuality Matters podcast “New Voices” segment.
2. Kim Gaines Eckert, Things Your Mother Never Told You: A Woman’s Guide to Sexuality (Downers Grove: IVP, 2014), 92.
The enemy of this world cannot change what is true about us in Christ, but if we can come to believe something untrue, then we can start to feel as though we are still orphans. For the young husband in my story, he had battled a lie of relational scarcity for most of his life. This lie of scarcity and the grip of shame that flowed from his embracing a saltwater intimacy held him hostage. Even after starting a wonderful marriage with a wife he loved deeply, it took a lot of time and work to flush out the salty effects of his long-term use of porn. A Call to Drink Fresh Water I’m happy to say that with grace, counseling, a loving community, and regular re-engagement with the gospel truths that reinforce their identity in Christ, this couple was able to work toward a healthier intimate relationship. It is an ongoing process, but if you are someone on this journey, or wondering if you have what it takes to start, the gospel reminds us that we are made for healthy, grace-filled intimacy within a kingdom of abundance and love. You will need people who can support this journey and remind you of truth along the way. But because of Christ we have access to a power that invites us to goodness and hope. Will we be a community that reminds each other that we are not made for saltwater intimacy, but are invited to follow Jesus to the freshwater well of intimacy he desires for us? the gospel reminds us that we are made for healthy, grace-filled intimacy within a kingdom of abundance and love.
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 11
In her book Things Your Mother Never Told You, Kim Gaines Eckert writes: If sexual addiction is about consumption, then healing is about intimacy. Addiction leads people to value possession and consumption of sexual stimuli over anything else. God calls us to pursue intimacy with God and others over all things. 2
Male and Female Perspectives Is There Such a Thing as Ethical Porn? 12 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
By William B. Bowes and Alejandra Fontecha-Bowes
Christians could use what she referred to as “ethically sourced porn.”1 Bolz-Weber is only one of many who have voiced a similar call, namely that while some porn consumption is harmful, there is a way to engage with it positively and responsibly. But is this really a viable position? Based on what porn is and what effects it produces, can Christian women and men come to understand the consumption of (at least certain types of) porn as ethical?
The reason why we must answer this question is simply because of the ubiquity of hypersexualized material. Our culture is becoming increasingly pornified to the point that it is extremely difficult to avoid engaging with porn, if not impossible. We need not rehash more statistics here, but it suffices to say that the presence of porn in our communities is unavoidable, and its negative effects on our development and on our relationships are becoming increasingly obvious. When Bolz-Weber and others refer to ethical forms of porn, they mean porn that is made legally and consensually, respects the rights of performers, has good working conditions, and does not involve or display abuse or overt harm. This idea of sexual ethics is common but overly simplistic. The claim is that the way the material was produced is the primary factor that makes it acceptable, rather than who consumes it, how they consume it, or the psychological, relational, and societal effects of that consumption. Aside from the fact that there is no way that viewers could know with certainty the circumstances of the production of particular pornographic materials, effect has just as much bearing on ethics as source. For example, if a person falsely claims to be a doctor and performs a botched surgery on one patient, and another honest, qualified doctor also botches the same surgery on a different patient, the effect is just as negative for the patients either way. Our core argument is that regardless of consent or intent, ethical porn is not a legitimate category, and there are no circumstances under which the consumption of porn does not lead to a negative result, particularly when understood from a Christian point of view. We intend to show this by focusing on how porn harms both women and men based on how we have seen its effects in our own lives, in the lives of those we love, and in the lives of those we serve in our work as mental health counselors. argued against shaming the consumption of porn by suggesting that rather than harboring shame about it, Christians what
The claim is that the way the porn was produced is the primary factor that makes acceptable.it
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 13
|Autumn
14 Mutuality 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
Watching porn leads men into a perpetual sense of dissatisfaction with what was intended to be fully satisfying. . . . The constant novelty and variety that characterizes porn sets men up for failure.
A Male Perspective: Lessons in Objectification In speaking to fellow men about this issue I (William) have found that, more often than not, porn is the main form of sex education that we receive during our teenage years, and it shapes what we find attractive. With repeated consumption of porn, the women men see become little more than a means to an end: women become tools of entertainment and catharsis more than people with souls and personalities. Inasmuch as it becomes habitual, porn serves as a way to practice this sort of thinking. Over time, the sexual ethic of the man who watches porn devolves from focusing on connection and relationship to idolizing personal satisfaction without consequences. When this happens, porn desacralizes and commodifies sex. It is not that men consume porn because they want to objectify (and thus devalue) women, but the effect of repeated consumption is the development of this kind of a pornified mindset. I wish this was a more uncommon story. Whether inside or outside of a counseling setting, I regularly hear from men (both Christian and non-Christian) who complain that they feel like they cannot fully enjoy intimacy with their partners because their real, human experience feels boring compared to the fantasy world of porn to which their minds have become accustomed. This has obvious deleterious effects on their relationships, and it can create a sort of “grass-is-greener” mentality. Watching porn leads men into a perpetual sense of dissatisfaction with what was intended to be fully satisfying. If the goal is for men to be prepared for a healthy sexual relationship with one woman for a lifetime, the constant novelty and variety that characterizes porn sets men up for Pornfailure.cannot therefore be a victimless experience; there is real damage done to men as absorbers of such content and to the women with whom they interact. Perhaps the most negative effect of porn that I see in men is that it teaches them to use women for self-centered ends and does not prepare them for the constant self-giving that characterizes a healthy marriage. Porn depersonalizes what is intensely personal, and thereby cheapens what should never be cheap: intimacy. If these sorts of effects emerge when men watch porn, even when the porn was made with consensual participants, how can we call it ethical?
Using ethically produced porn will not erase the negative effects porn consumption has on women, as if the problem is the type of porn rather than porn itself. Just because an act is consensual, that does not mean it is beneficial, neutral, or contributes to the flourishing of women. Ethically produced porn still presents a degraded, cheapened view of sex. Instead, every woman needs to step back and reevaluate what we believe sexuality is, what it means to us, and how our own desires speak to us about our stories and where their answers lie. As for the satisfaction of those desires, and the healing and restoration we need most, porn provides nothing. as gateway our idea of of personal This Stringer’s Unwanted our working damaged. inform in with us can help a on porn as focuses on willingness others
A balanced perspective is one that does not just seek to avoid porn or to treat it as harmless, but instead focuses on healing our deeper sexual brokenness. Make no mistake—this takes practice and a willingness to invite others into our process, but our answer should not be an attitude that says, “People are going to watch porn anyway, so let’s just change how it is watched.”
This is one of the core ideas in Jay Stringer’s recent book, , which I frequently recommend to women. 2
Using ethically produced porn will not erase the negative eff ects porn consumption has on women, as if the problem is the type of porn rather than porn itself.
A Female Perspective: Healing Our Idea of Sexuality
In counseling and small group settings, when I (Alejandra) talk to women about porn, it often becomes clear that our ideas about sexuality are based on a double standard that sees women as the sole victims of purity culture and sees marriage as the only gateway to sexual health and freedom. With this as our framework we’ve created a shame-focused idea of sexuality that neglects the inner work required to respond to sexual desire thoughtfully—with something more than total avoidance or total license. I believe that in order to appreciate their sexuality as a part of themselves and to overcome the shame associated with porn use, women need to understand their sexual story, and ultimately to learn how to embrace how their personal narrative informs their sexual ethic.
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 15
Whether a woman is watching porn or dealing with the effects of others watching it, the consumption of porn is ultimately degrading because it portrays womanhood only in explicitly sexual contexts, and often ones that involve subjugation to men. A Christian view of sexual health that values women is one that involves vulnerable, intentional connection at the deepest level of mutually interacting intimacy and safety. I encourage women who deal with their own or another’s consumption of porn to allow God and others to journey with them through their sexual story. This helps women recognize how their experience of their own bodies, of intimacy, and of sexual desire are deeply related to their own development as a person, their family background, and their innermost desires, hurts, and self-image. The end goal of this journey is not just greater self-awareness but a change in their mindset toward sex.
Knowing how our story was written and working to rewrite it are the keys to healing what porn has damaged. Our upbringing, our relationships, our hurts, and our insecurities all inform that story, and exploring these in a safe context with other women who love us can help us understand why porn hurts us and why we may continue to desire it anyway. Knowing our story helps us to understand our desires, and ultimately to take steps toward a more balanced perspective on porn.
2. Jay Stringer, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2018). We must begin with providing open spaces to confront the reality of porn in our communities without shame, but with a commitment to pursuing a different way. This can only truly happen when we actively nurture a culture of real openness and trust, where people can discuss sexual issues without shame and with the assumption that sex is fundamentally good and beautiful despite how it has been distorted. This entails a confrontation not only with non-Christian distortions of sexuality which embrace license, but also with Christian distortions of sexuality which amplify shame. We ensure that sexuality is a regular, recurring conversation and not an occasional sermon topic or the focus of a (usually male) support group. Especially with our children, we address sexual issues with regularity, without avoidance, and we specifically address porn before they ever see it. We perpetuate and sustain healthy sexuality in our communities by emphasizing the importance of relationships that are respectful and not sexually self-centered. Churches could cultivate this by highlighting the importance and legitimacy of male-female friendships, celebrating couples within the community who do this well, and giving those couples opportunities to guide and mentor
1.2.3.We know that stating our rejection of porn is not a long-term solution. Therefore, we’d like to share three practical, potentially fruitful ways forward in how our communities address porn and for our cultivation of a different, healthier sexual ethic.
Both women and men have been harmed by the creation and consumption of porn, and both women and men need to actively deconstruct how porn affects our thinking and our view of ourselves and of relationships. And, we would suggest, it also requires changes in vocabulary so that we can understand that “purity” is not the pursuit of a state of abstinence from porn but the active training of an un-pornified mindset. When we embody this in our lives and relationships, we will be more than a voice decrying the idea of ethical porn—we will be a living testament to another way, and a far more fulfilling one.
1. Johnny Walsh, “Nadia Bolz-Weber Does Ministry Differently,” Out In Jersey, 21 October 2018, https:// outinjersey.net/nadia-bolz-weber-does-ministry-differently/.
16 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
Conclusion: A Practical Alternative
If we agree that porn can never be ethical, this leads to broader questions. Specifically, about how believers can emphasize that the most ethical, beautiful forms of sexual expression are other-focused, self-giving, and personal. They result in the most flourishing when expressed in a context of being fully known, where intimacy, commitment, and safety are equally present. The counterfeit experience porn provides is not only a cheap substitute of this vision of sexuality but actively works against it.
William B. Bowes and Alejandra Fontecha-Bowes are married, both work as mental health counselors, and met while finishing degrees from GordonConwell Theological Seminary. Alejandra comes from a Colombian family and William from a Cuban family, and they live in Boston, Massachusetts.
Giving Opportunities
If you have a DAF, please consider including CBE in your distributions so we can spread the message that God calls women and men to share authority equally. Through CBE’s partnership with the Barnabas Foundation, you have access to free estate planning services and their DAF fund. To learn more Call the Barnabas Foundation directly at 888-448-3040 or email them at planning@BarnabasFoundation.com.
A donor advised fund (DAF) is like a charitable investment account for the purpose of supporting charitable organizations.
• Immediate tax deductions are received at the time you donate to your DAF.
DONOR ADVISED FUND
From you, to your fund, to your community
• When you decide, advise how and when you wish your gifts to be distributed.
New Website Coming October 2022!
• Easier to manage because you donate cash, stocks, real estate, or appreciated assets into a single account as often as you like.
• Avoid capital gain tax on contributions of long-term appreciated assets.
Leaders Porn and 18 Mutuality | Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
The EffectsDevastatingforWomen in the Church
By Heather Matthews
Church
I was sitting in the passenger seat of my fiancé’s car in 1998 when he confessed to me that he had used porn. My eyes teared up. I felt shocked, hurt, and betrayed, but I loved him deeply. Because I was a Christian, I thought my role was to forgive and move forward. I believed that he was repentant and that porn would no longer impact our relationship. I was very naïve. I didn’t know anything about porn, the proliferation of porn since the advent of the internet just a few years before, the addictive nature of porn, the impact of porn on marriage and family, or how porn perpetuates harmful patriarchal attitudes toward women, which cause a myriad of deleterious effects. My husband’s porn addiction impacted the next twentyfive years of my life. After getting married and going to seminary together, we served overseas, worked in pastoral ministry, and planted churches. At the same time, my husband’s addiction to porn was worsening, and he was becoming more and more angry and abusive in our home while maintaining his public persona of a well-loved and gifted pastor. Porn led to abuse, betrayal, and divorce that has scarred my family and deeply wounded the three churches where my husband and I pastored.
As I hear the news about male pastors caught in sexual immorality or abuse and read the statistics about porn use among men, I know that my story is not unique. Porn is causing destruction in individual lives, in relationships, and in churches, and it changes the way men view and relate to women in marriage, as coworkers, and in friendship. My generation is the first to progress through adulthood with internet porn at our fingertips. While my generation grew up before the advent of internet porn, subsequent generations have lived their entire lives in a sea of porn, with the average age of first exposure at eleven years old.1 As a result, porn is wreaking havoc among children, teens, and adults in their identity, relationships, health, and faith. Research on the cost of porn to individuals and society is staggering. Additionally, the number of pastors using porn is extremely high, and this should be concerning for followers of Jesus. Fifty-seven percent of senior pastors and 64 percent of youth pastors admit to struggling with porn use.2 While most people realize that this problem exists, there is little consensus about how to address the issue of porn among male 3 pastors and ministry leaders. Pastors are human beings with struggles and faults, yet at the same time they serve as intermediaries between people and God. They are called to a higher level of faithfulness and obedience and to lovingly shepherd those in their congregations. Porn is dramatically altering how male pastors lead and shepherd congregations, especially women in congregations. Although this article focuses on porn use by male pastors and its impact on women, the number of women using porn is growing, especially among women under twenty-five.4 This issue will also certainly need to be addressed in the church in coming years.
Porn is a natural outlet for pastors because, unlike other addictions and sins, porn use can be completely hidden from others. Churches have in fact placed some of the most emotionally and psychologically unhealthy people in leadership in our largest congregations.
bookstore:
Research has shown that many male pastors have a profile that makes them susceptible to sexual acting out and to porn.5 Many people enter ministry and other helping professions with deep wounds that they subconsciously hope to heal by sacrificially following Jesus and giving selflessly to others. As churches have prioritized charisma, leadership, and entrepreneurial gifts, they have in fact placed some of the most emotionally and psychologically unhealthy people in leadership in our largest congregations. Many men in ministry have deep feelings of inadequacy, narcissistic tendencies, and intense and chronic feelings of shame that lead to a need for affirmation from their congregations and other hidden sources, like porn.6
Why Do Our Male Pastors Love Hidden Sins?
cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 19
The negative character traits cultivated by porn are antithetical to the virtue expected of pastors as displayed in the life of Jesus, in the qualifications of pastors and elders delineated in the Bible, and in the fruit of the Spirit. It is difficult to imagine how a male pastor, whose soul and view of women is being formed by porn rather than Scripture and the Spirit, can effectively lead and shepherd the women in his congregation.
Every Woman Su�fers When Her Male Pastor Looks at Porn
20 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
Even though porn has been around for centuries, we don’t fully know how the meteoric rise of the availability and accessibility of online porn is impacting women in the workplace. Porn is perpetuating and worsening the power differential between women and men, and this plays out in everyday male-female interactions in congregations and on church staff teams. As Andrew J. Bauman describes, people who view porn develop a "Pornographic Style of Relating."13 I suspect that many churches and pastors are unwilling to grapple with the connection between porn, violence, discrimination, and attitudes toward women because men still lead close to 90 percent of churches, and porn use is so prevalent among male pastors.14 Church leaders choose to remain silent about porn within a religious system that condemns such behavior because confessing or
Since the advent of the internet in the 1990s, the availability of online porn has exploded. While the exact percentage is disputed, many pornographic scenes depict physical and verbal aggression and violence, and the targets are almost always women.10 Men are both consciously and unconsciously being conditioned by porn in ways that are dangerous for women. According to William M. Struthers: It is impossible to view pornography and not have it affect one’s belief about women. . . . There are many psychological, social, professional and spiritual side effects to regular porn use. They may include increased callousness toward women, . . . inability to control sexual arousal, shame . . . , irritability, . . . increased interpersonal conflict, paranoia about being caught as well as lack of inhibition in other aspects of their life.11 Furthermore, repeated exposure to porn leads to entitlement, omniscience, blaming/victimization, pride, objectification, distraction, anger, and aggression.12
The negative character traits cultivated by porn are antithetical to the virtue expected of pastors as displayed in the life of Jesus, in the quali��cations of pastors and elders delineated in the Bible, and in the fruit of the Spirit.
How Hidden Porn Use A�fects Male Pastors
According to 2011 statistics, approximately 15 percent of ministers qualify as functionally addicted to internet porn, and we might suspect that these numbers are even higher now.7 Like other addictive behaviors, porn use is often progressive and can lead to increased consumption, worsening types of porn, and increased acting out behaviors.8 The gravity of this issue cannot be overstated. While porn use and sexual acting out by any individual is a significant issue that has negative impact on the whole family system, porn use and sexual acting out by clergy has an extended impact on entire congregations and can lead to significant trauma for hundreds or thousands of people. When Diane Langberg speaks about such pastors, she reminds us, echoing Jesus’s warning against false prophets, “They look like sheep, but they are insatiable, greedy, and voracious wolves.” 9
There is also an undeniable link between the objectification that occurs in porn and the objectification that almost always precedes acts of sexual abuse.
While the impact of porn use is devastating to any person, men who are in positions of spiritual authority not only hurt themselves but also their congregations.
Male pastors cannot love and care for women as sisters while simultaneously objectifying women’s bodies to satisfy their own needs. They cannot work appropriately alongside women in partnership and equality in the church when outside the church they use and abuse women—even if “only” through a screen. Women in the church simply cannot flourish when there is hidden porn use by male pastors. They will inherently miss out on an abundant life, loving faith community, and purposeful engagement in God’s mission. Finding a Path Forward We can no longer bury our heads in the sand with no regard for porn and its impact on pastors, churches, and women. As a woman and as a pastor, I want to know that my male pastors, colleagues, and friends see me for who I am—a beloved child of God, a sister in the faith, and an equal coworker—and that their thoughts about and interactions with me and other women would validate these truths. Male pastors have a model in Jesus who had deep friendships with women, worked alongside women, and was touched intimately by women. I don’t believe that this type of friendship and partnership is possible when male pastors are enslaved by porn. Addressing porn use in church leadership requires extensive openness, curiosity, vulnerability, attention, and research for us who care about the church. There are wide-ranging questions that we need to grapple with in the church if we are to promote spiritual, relational, sexual, psychological, and emotional health in the church and in Christian leaders. Women continue to carry the burden and bear the impact of porn while men are silent, avoid responsibility, and yet receive compassion and forgiveness. While it is essential to address porn use by male pastors, we must also pay attention to the As a woman and as a pastor, I want to know that my male pastors, colleagues, and friends see me for who I am—a beloved child of God, a sister in the faith, and an equal coworker—and that their thoughts about and interactions with me and other women would validate these truths.
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 21
exposing porn use is risky—personally, professionally, and organizationally.
It is impossible for male pastors to fulfill their spiritual calling while using or addicted to porn because their view of women, relationships with women, and actions toward women are deeply flawed and irreconcilable with the biblical vision for pastors and for women and men in relationship and as co-laborers for the gospel.
Male pastors who use porn cannot look at female worship leaders or preachers as whole persons without objectifying their bodies. Women cannot feel safe in a one-on-one meeting with a male pastor when the porn he watches has trained him to see women as submissive, not equals. A male pastor will not invite a woman into a shared leadership role when he sees her as a sexual temptation. A woman cannot seek counseling regarding marriage or sexuality or abuse when she is unsure if her pastor can be trusted with intimate details or to protect her vulnerability. The daily situations and relationships in the church that porn impacts are innumerable. Women will constantly feel unsafe, hypervigilant, unsure, and anxious at a conscious or subconscious level with male pastors who have a pornified view of women.
11. William M. Struthers, Wired for Intimacy: How Porn Hijacks the Male Brain (Downers Grove: IVP, 2010), 50, 72.
9. Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church (Grand Rapids: Brazos, 2020), 139.
8. Robert Weiss, “Examining the Cycle of Problematic Porn Use,” Sex and Relationship Healing , 4 October 2021, https:// sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/examining-the-cycle-of-problematic-porn-use/.
10. Fiona Vera-Gray, Clare McGlynn, Ibad Kureshi, and Kate Butterby, “Sexual violence as a sexual script in mainstream online porn,” The British Journal of Criminology 61 (2021): 1243–1260.
If male church leaders will address the devastating impact of their porn use now, then perhaps we will be able to avoid seeing a similar problem among female pastors in ten to twenty years. There is no doubt in my mind that confronting the alarming use of porn among male pastors now will create space for women to freely flourish in ministry to the benefit of men, women, the church, and the world.
4. McDowell and Barna, The Porn Phenomenon , 58.
5. John Thoburn, Rob Baker, and Maria Dal Maso, Clergy Sexual Misconduct: A Systems Approach to Prevention, Intervention, and Oversight (Carefree: Gentle Path, 2011), 9. Thoburn, Baker, and Maso, Clergy Sexual Misconduct , 9. Thoburn, Baker, and Maso, Clergy Sexual Misconduct , 3. See also McDowell and Barna, The Porn Phenomenon , where 56 percent of youth pastors and 33 percent of pastors who use porn self-report being currently addicted to porn and living in constant fear of discovery (158).
14. McDowell and Barna, The Porn Phenomenon , 158–59. price that women are paying for men’s continued sexual sin. We must prioritize the real needs of women and the future of the church over the reputation of individuals and organizations. As more women step into church leadership, a rising generation of young women are expectant about the role that they can play in the mission of the church. At the same time, we must be aware of the increasing number of young women who are being enslaved by porn use.
Heather Matthews works at Wheaton College Graduate School. She holds two MA degrees from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and a DMin from Fuller Theological Seminary. Heather has worked in ministry for twenty years as a pastor, church planter, and nonprofit leader in the US and internationally.
22 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
7.
13. Andrew J. Bauman, "A Pornographic Style of Relating," in The Pscyhology of Porn: Essays on Porn, Objectification, and Healing (selfpub., 2018), 16–21.
12. Struthers, Wired for Intimacy, 70–71.
We must prioritize the real needs of women and the future of the church over the reputation of individuals and organizations.
3. While women use porn as well, their usage numbers are much lower than men’s are. According to research shared in The Porn Phenomenon , only 2 percent of married Christian women and 9 percent of single Christian women look at porn once or twice a month (101). Additionally, approximately 90 percent of pastors are male, which means that porn use among pastors is primarily an issue for men (see “Gender of Religious Leader,” Association of Religion Data Archives , https://www.thearda.com/ConQS/qs_8.asp).
1. Amanda L. Giordano, “What to Know About Adolescent Porn Exposure,” Psychology Today, 27 February 2022, https://www. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-addiction/202202/what-know-about-adolescent-porn-exposure.
6.
2. Josh McDowell and Barna Group, The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Porn in the Digital Age (Ventura: Barna Group, 2016), 81.
• We praise God for the success of CBE’s 2022 International Conference!
Would you be willing to pray regularly on behalf of CBE? Join our prayer team to receive a full list of prayer needs on a quarterly basis, plus occasional urgent prayer needs. Please email us at cbe@cbeinternational.org to sign up. cbebookstore.org
Praise
bookstore:
• We pray for the ETS annual meeting in November, that we would connect with many scholars about the complete, biblical equality of women and men. 2023 the conference, stay for the
• We thank God for the heartfelt scholarship of many academics to bring clarity to Bible passages about women and men. Prayer
• We ask for God’s wisdom to guide our planning of CBE's 2023 International Conference in Brazil.
• We ask God to guide the Alvera Mickelsen Memorial Scholarship winners.
• We ask for God’s guidance in reaching new communities and audiences through outside events, CBE publications, and CBE’s online presence.
JOINsun.US IN BRAZIL JULY 2023
• We ask Jesus for financial support for CBE’s initiatives, like our Katharine Bushnell film, our Christian radio spots on women in Scripture and mission in Spanish, and our new website.
Praise and Prayer Make CBE’s
• We praise God for the CBE volunteers, board, partners, donors, and foundations who give sacrificially of their time, talent, and treasure.
ConferenceInternationalYourNextVacation! Come for
• We thank God for the launch of CBE’s second eLearning course, “Egalitarianism: Women in the Church,” on Fuller Theological Seminary's website.
Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 23
By Kyle Norman As an Anglican priest who fields inquiries from people looking for a new church, I have often been asked, “Do you preach biblical sexuality?” I’ve come to understand that what people are really asking is, “What are your views on homosexuality?” For many in the church, there is little attempt to magnify the topic of sexual immorality beyond this hotbutton issue. Defining sexual immorality in such a narrow way, however, does not reflect the biblical voice regarding sexuality and sexual immorality. The Bible has a lot to say about how our sexuality can be twisted and corrupted. In fact, the word used for sexual immorality is porneia—a blanket term covering a wide array of corrupting activities. Limiting porneia to a singular sin of our choosing, whether that be homosexuality, pre-marital sex, or marital infidelity, is simply bad biblical interpretation. A Narrow View of Porneia Promotes Privilege We do a disservice to the church when we uphold a narrow definition of sexual immorality. We unwittingly endorse a gradation of sinfulness: highlighting certain sins while downplaying or ignoring others. This creates a deep inequality within the church as some people are privileged to never hear their sins aired from the pulpit. Think about it. In most churches, for most Sundays, heterosexual men and women can be confident that they will never hear a sermon calling them out for their sexual sins. While the preacher potentially rages on about the immorality of homosexuality and promiscuity, rarely will a pastor discuss something like the rampant rise of porn use among men and women. Of course, behind the issue of porn is the issue of lust. Popular television shows such as Outlander and Game of Thrones, for example, include graphic depictions of sex and rape. Nudity is becoming more and more common on television and in movies. The 2013 movie Nymphomaniac , starring Shia LaBeouf, Willem Dafoe, and Uma Thurman, boasted scenes of unsimulated sex. Such television and movies are never classified as porn by the mainstream media, or from the pulpit. This implies there is no immorality attached to viewing them.
24 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
When we turn to the world of literature, we find that the romance genre is a multibillion-dollar industry. Harlequin Romance, popular among heterosexual married women, boasts that two books are sold every second worldwide.1 On top of this, the erotic literature genre continues to grow exponentially. While we may argue whether these things are porn, biblically speaking, they are porneia. Sexually driven programs and literature are designed to elicit lustful fantasies and imaginations. Rarely do they house sexuality within a committed marriage. Adultery, fetishism, coercion, and abuse are constant themes. Whenever the church shies away from speaking about porneia , in all its forms, the only thing we’re protecting is privilege, and the only thing we’re expressing is hypocrisy. The church ought to preach against the sin of porneia in all its forms. Below are a few examples of how we may tackle the more robust issues of lust, sexual immorality, and porneia . These could help guide a sermon, Bible study, small group discussion, or even simply a discussion between two believers.
Preaching Porneia
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 25
Example One Lust in Matthew 5:27–30
You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:27–28)
Jesus is blunt: lust is contrary to God’s intention for biblical sexuality. Lust is not simply the noticing of beauty. Lust twists human sexuality in upon itself. Lust only concerns itself with self-gratification. What matters is our desire, and the satisfaction of that desire. The result of lust, therefore, is that we reduce others to mere objects of our desire. Identity, respect, consent, and mutual satisfaction rarely matter. (Case in point: read about David and Bathsheba in 2 Sam. 11). Lust is antithetical to love, for love has to do with mutual submission, service, and Weself-giving.might explore how turning to representations of lust divorces sexual expression from the context of committed marriage. The continual proliferation of porn, resulting from Hollywood’s constant blurring of the boundaries between what is acceptable and what is vulgar and obscene, occurs at the expense of our committed relationships. If we are to take Jesus seriously (and we are), each time a married person consumes porn or erotic literature, it is an instance of spiritual, emotional, and relational adultery. Essentially, Jesus says, we have broken one of God’s central commands and have violated the covenant of marriage. Lust is incredibly destructive to our life with God. The sin of lust is implied whenever the Bible discusses porneia. Lust is a destructive force that lies behind all matters of sexual sins, and thus all in the church are called to repentance. Together, let’s encourage a system of peer-based accountability. We should explore a challenge to delete apps or sites through which we are tempted to look at porn and movies or shows that have sexually explicit images, as well as avoid romance novels and other erotica.
Jesus highlighted the spiritual destructiveness of lust in the Sermon on the Mount, the epitome of his kingdom ethic. For Jesus, lusting after someone was indistinguishable from the physical act of adultery. Any time we turn to lustful voyeurism, through movies, magazines, literature, or the plethora of internet porn, we engage in sexual immorality. The fact that no physical adultery takes place is not the point. The issue at hand is not just in lusting after someone who is not our spouse, thereby suggesting that lusting for our spouse is acceptable.
The church needs to further explore how our unchecked sexual immorality impacts children. The sexual exploitation of children is one of the most vile and heinous sins of our day. Yet sexual immorality, as it relates to children, is not simply about abuse or trafficking. Like all matters relating to porneia, the issue is much more far-reaching. The average age at which a child is first exposed to porn is eleven.2 Having porn in the house, or failing to monitor a child’s cell or internet usage, is setting up these “little ones” to stumble. Viewing porn at such a young age shapes the way that children view relationships between women and men. Porn often shows women in degrading, sexually exploitative, and even violent scenarios. Thus, a child’s understanding of women, femininity, and sexual equality becomes darkened and deeply skewed. Similarly, porn endorses images of toxic masculinity.3 Research has shown that exposure to porn increases male aggressiveness.4 Porn teaches children that normative sexuality is a relationship between aggressive male playboys and docile, submissive women, conquered by men’s sexual magnetism. As children internalize these roles, they unconsciously grow into an unbiblical picture of themselves, and others. Thus, not only has their conception of sexuality and marriage been affected by porn, but the very basis of their own self-identity is also deeply impacted. When guarding children’s personal, social, and sexual development, we must remember the expanded definition of porneia. Lust is more than porn. It is about the television shows we watch, the books we read, and the language we use. Furthermore, like all matters of life and faith, we are our children’s teachers. It is not enough simply to keep porn out of their reach; we must model a true and biblical expression of sexual morality.
Sexual immorality is anything that takes us away from the equality rooted in our shared createdness. Women and men are equal disciples of Jesus. If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. (Matt. 18:6)
Example in Matthew 18:6 26 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
Tw0 Children’s Purity
Mutuality |Autumn
After all, sermons condemning homosexuality often contrast it with heterosexual marriage, the perceived bastion of sexual righteousness. Yet by equating sexual righteousness solely with heterosexual marriage, we inevitably conclude that other expressions of sexual immorality have no affect on our righteousness. We speak against the sin of one type of immorality while embracing another (unconsciously or consciously, as the case may be).
Finally, we should highlight how the entire framework of biblical equality is undermined in mainstream porn and lust. This is a natural invitation to look at the wider issue of gender equality. Why is it, for example, that we fail to ascribe Mary the status of “disciple”? In Luke’s account of the dinner at Martha’s home, Mary is clearly depicted this way. As Jesus teaches, Peter and the other disciples recline before him. This is the posture of discipleship that Mary enters. What is more, she is welcomed, received, and affirmed by Jesus. Yet so often we use the language of “devotion” rather than “discipleship” when we describe RecognizingMary.Mary as a disciple on par with the Twelve opens a larger discussion of biblical equality in the church. Does the church perpetuate antiquated gender stereotypes? Does the church live out the biblical truth that “nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28)? At your church do the men do the yard maintenance, but the women vacuum the sanctuary? Reflecting on these matters can make it clear that sexual immorality is anything that takes us away from the equality rooted in our shared createdness. Women and men are equal disciples of Jesus. What might this say about the topic of equality in church leadership? Are there women in positions of leadership? Men in positions of service? A further example can be taken from Paul’s use of the word synergos in Romans 16:3. Here Paul describes Priscilla and Aquilla as his “co-workers.” Before we are too quick to dismiss any association with church leadership, we must recognise that, only eighteen verses later, Paul uses the same word to describe his protégé, Timothy (16:21). Why do we exalt Timothy to leadership but not Priscilla? Porneia is not simply about sex. Ultimately, teachings on sexual immorality are about justice. The systematic inequality existing between women and men is a sin just as much as adultery or porn. These are topics that Jesus addressed in his ministry; thus, they are the evils the church should be tackling today.
1. “How a Fur Trader Trapped Harlequin Romance Novels,” CBC Radio, 16 April 2020, https://www.cbc.ca/radio/undertheinfluence/ how-a-fur-trader-trapped-harlequin-romance-novels-1.5534158.
Concluding Thoughts for All Christians When the church narrowly confines the language of porneia to one hotbutton issue, like homosexuality, we unwittingly endorse the notion that we can engage in other sexual sins in a safe and harmless way.
2. Amy Steele, “Porn Viewing Starts as Early as Elementary School,” Youth First, 5 June 2018, https://youthfirstinc.org/porn-viewingstarts-as-early-as-elementary-school/.
4. Dong-ouk Yang and Gahyun Youn, “Effects of Exposure to Porn on Male Aggressive Behavioral Tendencies,” The Open Psychology Journal 5 (2012), 1–10, https://openpsychologyjournal.com/contents/volumes/V5/TOPSYJ-5-1/TOPSYJ-5-1.pdf. As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. (Luke 10:38–39)
Example Three Rami��cations for Women in Luke 10:38–42 bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 27
3. Silva Neves, “What Is Toxic Masculinity,” Talking Sex and Relationships (blog), Psychology Today, 12 March 2021, https://www. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-sex-and-relationships/202103/what-is-toxic-masculinity.
The moral and theological issues regarding sexual immorality are deep and complex. Theologically speaking, the increasing sexual voyeurism of late-night television, the telling of dirty jokes, and the lust-filled undercurrent of modern entertainment work against our devotion to God. They damage our relationships and distance us from God. Thus, to be a church committed to biblical sexual righteousness, we must speak honestly about the evils that plague us. Kyle Norman is an Anglican priest residing in Kamloops, British Columbia. He is the rector of St. Paul’s Cathedral and the dean of the Territory of the People. You can contact him at revkylenorman.ca.
CBE is thrilled to announce the 2022 recipients of the Alvera Mickelsen Memorial Scholarship (AMMS)! Each of these remarkable women uniquely illustrates the importance of empowering women in ministry. CBE is proud to support them as they work toward graduate degrees in biblical studies, divinity, and theology. Juliann Bullock, Jessica Langley, and Taniecia McFarlane are no strangers to the barriers faced by women in ministry, but they remain committed to answering God’s call. These women demonstrate the commitments that characterized Alvera, including a love of Scripture, social justice, and women’s equality. It’s our honor to empower and encourage these women and women like them to use their Godgiven talents as they pursue their callings.
Each of degrees Taniecia including encourage callings.
28 Mutuality | Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
the 2022 Alvera
Meet Mickelsen ScholarshipMemorialWinners!
AMMS is a tremendous blessing and signifi cant contribution to financing this experience. While lessening the financial burden, this scholarship also opens additional space for greater intentionality in attending to Taniecia’s spiritual growth and cbe.today/ammsfund to donate and help support future Alvera Michelsen Memorial Scholarship recipients!
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of Porn 29
Taniecia is a rising secondyear student in the masters of theological studies program at the Candler School of Theology at Emory University. Hailing from the tropical island of Jamaica, her interest is in the area of modern religious thought and experience with a focus on biblical ethics.
Jessica is entering her third and final year pursuing a master of arts in biblical and theological studies at Western Seminary. She lives and works full time in South Africa as a Bible teacher in a cross-cultural ministry with a wide variety of teaching outlets. Receiving the AMMS award is a timely fi nancial provision as well as a wonderful opportunity to learn from others working for biblical equality and to open new doors for collaborative ministry. development. the gifts God has given them. The AMMS award will allow Juliann to continue her pastoral her children without worrying about the fi nancial costs of seminary education.
Knowing all of this, how can Christians respond?
Porn’s Complicity in Abuse
4. Ross Benes, “Porn Could Have a Bigger Economic Influence on the US than Netflix,” Quartz , 20 June 2018, https://qz.com/1309527/porncould-have-a-bigger-economic-influence-on-the-us-than-netflix/.
In porn, male domination, gang rape, strict gender roles, and sexual violence perpetrated on younger and younger females elicits sexual arousal, feeding the market for sex slaves.9 The raping of youth is filmed and sold on the dark web—a massively lucrative industry with a majority of male users.10 Porn users are, therefore, complicit in sex trafficking.
President's Message by Mimi Haddad
5. Josh McDowell and Barna Group, The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Pornography in the Digital Age (Ventura: Barna Group, 2016), 33.
When my husband and I were engaged, our pastor guided us through a fairly rigorous premarital assessment and counseling process. While our profile placed us in a category likely to succeed in marriage, our pastor might have addressed struggles so many couples encounter, like porn or abuse. Equally troubling, none of my graduate or seminary courses mentioned porn.
Even now, fifteen years later, Christians hardly discuss the topic. Given the prevalence of porn use among Christians and its abusive impact on marriages, it is stunning that I’ve never heard a sermon on porn. Nor has the topic been raised in adult education or addressed widely in egalitarian resources. Yet porn is one of the most lucrative industries on earth, and for decades it has damaged Christian minds and relationships. This is why it’s time for CBE International, and all Christians, to speak about porn in clear and definitive ways.1
7. Samuel L. Perry and Cyrus Schleifer, “Till Porn Do Us Part? A Longitudinal Examination of Pornography Use and Divorce,” The Journal of Sex Research 55, no. 3 (2018): 284–96, https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2017.1317709.
As we navigate a pornified world and church, we keep our eyes open, our minds informed, and our conversations candid and frequent. And we pray without ceasing.
1. Much of this content was published in my chapter, “Human Flourishing: Global Perspectives,” in Discovering Biblical Equality: Biblical, Theological, Cultural & Practical Perspectives, ed. Ronald W. Pierce, Cynthia Long Westfall, and Christa L. McKirland (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2021), 633–34.
9. Sa fi, “The Porn Industry.”
3. Ma rlo Safi, “The Porn Industry and Human Trafficking Reinforce Each Other,” National Review, 1 August 2018, https://www. nationalreview.com/2018/08/porn-human-trafficking-reinforce-each-other/.
Christians consume porn at nearly the same rates as non-Christians,2 contributing to what may be the “fastest-growing business of organized crime in the world, receiving more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined.” 3 Generating over an estimated $6 billion in 2018 alone,4 57 percent of men and 22 percent of women seek out porn at least monthly.5
6. Amanda M. Maddox, Galena K. Rhoades, and Howard J. Markman, “Viewing Sexually-Explicit Materials Alone or Together: Associations with Relationship Quality” Archives of Sexual Behavior 40, no. 2 (2011): 441–48, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-009-9585-4.
8. Ha ley McNamara, “Three Ways Domestic Violence Is Connected to Pornography,” National Center on Sexual Exploitation, 1 October 2018, https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/three-ways-domestic-violence-is-connected-to-pornography/.
2. Penny Starr, “Pornography Use Among Self-Identified Christians Largely Mirrors National Average, Survey Finds,” CNS News, 27 August 2015, https://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/penny-starr/pornography-use-among-self-identified-christians-largely-mirrors-national.
Studies show how porn undermines intimate, mutually satisfying sexual relationships,6 and users have higher rates of marital infidelity and divorce.7 These are only a few of the surface-level facts about porn use. As we dig further, it gets much worse. Let’s be clear: porn dehumanizes, objectifies, and abuses women and girls. Does porn consumption foster the abuse of girls and women? The short answer is yes. Porn use fosters not only sex-trafficking but also intimate partner violence.8
10. Dusan Trickovic, “21 Intriguing Dark Web Statistics in 2022,” Website Builder, 28 Feb 2022, https://websitebuilder.org/blog/dark-web-statistics. 30 Mutuality |Autumn 2022 website: cbeinternational.org
First, we can challenge power and dominance as Jesus did, devoting ourselves all the more to serving (Luke 22:24–27). Second, we can learn from and imitate the powerful male-female leadership teams in the Bible and throughout church history. Third, we can build empathy by listening and giving platforms to people we have historically silenced—the world's women. Fourth, we can appoint leaders not because they are male, but because they demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22–23).
STATEMENT OF FAITH
CORE VALUES • Scripture is our authoritative guide for faith, life, and practice.
• Patriarchy is an abuse of power, taking from females what God has given them: their dignity, and freedom, their leadership, and often their very lives.
Follow our blog ( cbe.today/blog ).
• We believe that eternal salvation and restored relationships are only possible through faith in Jesus Christ who died for us, rose from the dead, and is coming again. This salvation is offered to all people.
Visit our website, cbeinternational.org , to find thousands of free resources—articles, book reviews, and video and audio recordings. Connect with CBE online to learn more about us, enjoy the resources we offer, and take part in our ministry.
• We believe in the full deity and the full humanity of Jesus Christ.
If your church, seminary, school, or nonprofit agrees with CBE’s Statement of Faith and Core Values, join CBE as an organizational member to receive publications, discounted conference registrations, and more. Visit cbe.today/orgmembers for more info.
Follow us on Twitter @CBEInt ( twitter.com/cbeint ). Find us on Facebook ( facebook.com/cbeint ).
MISSION STATEMENT
Porn 31
• God’s design for relationships includes faithful marriage between a man and a woman, celibate singleness, and mutual submission in Christian community.The unrestricted use of women’s gifts is integral to the work of the Holy Spirit and essential for the advancement of the gospel in the world.
bookstore: cbebookstore.org Mutuality |The Problem of
• We believe in one God, creator and sustainer of the universe, eternally existing as three persons equal in power and glory.
• Christ’s redemptive work frees all people from patriarchy, calling women and men to share authority equally in service and leadership.
Receive a year of print copies of Priscilla Papers , CBE’s academic journal, and Mutuality , CBE’s popular magazine. Subscriptions are available for individuals, churches, and libraries. Learn more at cbe.today/subscriptions.
• We believe that women and men are equally created in God’s image and given equal authority and stewardship of God’s creation.
CBE INTERNATIONAL ( Christians for Biblical Equality)
• We believe the Holy Spirit equips us for service and sanctifies us from sin.
• Patriarchy (male dominance) is not a biblical ideal but a result of sin.
• We believe that men and women are equally responsible for and distorted by sin, resulting in shattered relationships with God, self, and others.
• While the Bible reflects patriarchal culture, the Bible does not teach patriarchy in human relationships.
JOINSUBSCRIBE
CBE International 122 W Franklin Ave, Suite 218, Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451 | (612) 872-6898
Followers of Christ are to oppose injustice and patriarchal teachings and practices that marginalize and abuse females and males.
CONNECT WITH CBE Get news, updates, and free resources (cbe.today/news)
• We believe the Bible is the inspired word of God, is reliable, and is the final authority for faith and practice.
CBE exists to promote the biblical message that God calls women and men of all cultures, races, and classes to share authority equally in service and leadership in the home, church, and world. CBE’s mission is to eliminate the power imbalance between men and women resulting from theological patriarchy.
Kevin Giles
Redeeming UnderstandingPower:Authority and Abuse in the Church
Diane Langberg
"This book is a groundbreaking look into what true, sacred biblical sexuality is intended to be and the root causes and ideas that damage a couple's intimacy in marriage. They seek to construct a framework for sexuality that is truly rooted in Scripture and God's beautiful advocate,Denhollander,design…”—Rachaellawyer,victimandauthorof
Non-Profit Org. U.S. JeffersonPOSTAGEPAIDCity,MOPermitNo.210 CBE International 122 West Franklin Ave, Suite 218 Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451 Forwarding Service Requested providing quality resources on biblical gender equality For more resources,visit cbebookstore.org cbeBookstore Recommended Books from CBE!
Although many Christians want to prevent abuse in their churches and organizations, they lack a deep and cleareyed understanding of how power actually works.
10 Lies Men Believe: The Truth About Women, Power, Sex, and God—and Why It Matters
J. Lee Grady
This book not only helps Christian leaders identify and resist abusive systems but also shows how they can use power to protect the vulnerable in their midst.
The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, Joanna Sawatsky
This book not only helps Christian leaders identify and resist abusive systems but also shows how they can use power to protect the vulnerable in their midst.
“In this book, Kevin Giles shows how biblical texts on male headship have often been misinterpreted and used to perpetrate the abuse of women by Christians globally and especially in the developing nations. . . . I highly recommend this book for use all over the world.” — Diphus Chemorion, Associate Professor and Dean of Faculty of Theology, St. Paul’s University, Limuru, Kenya
Although many Christians want to prevent abuse in their churches and organizations, they lack a deep and cleareyed understanding of how power actually works.
What Is a Girl Worth? The Headship of Men and the Abuse of Women: Are They Related in Any Way?
