The Goldie Globe March 2022

the

GLOBE GOLDIE A Publication of the Goldie Margolin School for Girls

GROGGERS: WE SHOULD

USE THEM MORE

Freaky Friday THE PURIM STORY:

21ST CENTURY EDITION

HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT GIFT BAG HAMENTASHEN AND THEIR

MANY FLAVORS

Purim Issue

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OPINION

Freaky Friday Atara Segal ’25, a freshman, describes her experience when she acted as a senior for a day.

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ithin the dynamic of a high school, two classes arise: upperclassmen and underclassmen. As a freshman, I really have no clue what it’s like being in the upper division of the high school. To discover the differences, similarities, and interesting dynamics that the upperclassmen have in comparison to the underclassmen, I was sent on a mission to sit in on two upperclassman classes and observe: one smaller secular studies class and one big Judaic studies class.

I started my journey sitting in on the most mindboggling class, AP Calculus, taught by Mrs. LaRoux.

Being taught were three incredible seniors named Serena Cooper, Sara Weinstein, and Elise Mendelson.

In all honesty, while sitting in the back, trying to be quiet and observant of what was happening, I realized I had no clue what was going on. This so-called “math” (I’m really not convinced you can consider it math at this point) was flying right through my head.

But, it wasn’t only that. The thing that I truly couldn’t grasp was how these girls, who are only about three years older than me, could possibly understand what was happening. “If Y is E to X then what is Y?” Umm… I don’t know, maybe Y? I am more than convinced that no matter where they are in life, most, if not all adults cannot do this math, or anything even close to it. The only exception is Mrs. La Roux, afterall,

Atara enjoying Rabbi Safier’s 12rh grade Navi Goldie Globe Issue 3

she is the one currently teaching AP Calculus in the GMSG. “Trivial solutions, nontrivial solutions, Y prime is the derivative of Y” is an example of something said in this class that made absolutely no sense to me, but it seemed almost natural for the seniors of the GMSG. Of course, they found it somewhat difficult, but they could do it. They knew what was happening, unlike the poor, freshman me. This class both made me feel very dumb, but also hopeful. If in just three years from their freshman year, these students could fathom Calculus, maybe I will be able to as well.

Then, I continued on my journey by sitting in on the exclusively twelfth grade Navi class, taught by Rabbi Safier. The first thing that I noticed were the amazing handouts passed out by a faithful student, Chaya Finkelman. The book of Navi that these spectacular seniors have been learning this semester is Melachim Alef (Kings I). I would be lying if I said they all showed up on time, but I’ll cut them some slack.

They've been doing this for more time than I have, and I’m sure they’re close to getting sick of it. Senioritis is real after all. Rabbi Safier started talking and the seniors quickly sat up straight, invested in the Tanach they were being taught. Another big thing I noticed was the GMSG seniors’ Hebrew skills and translation abilities, along with the background information they have accumulated over their time in this school. This Navi class, along with many other learning experiences in the GMSG, have shaped these students into the incredibly knowledgeable and outgoing people we know them to be.

I think I have a lot to learn before I can even try to understand the upperclassmen’s curriculum and workload, but I also know that soon enough, I’ll be the senior that a freshman is looking up to. I think that as a freshman, it’s really important to start off high school on a good foot, and look up to the people that have already made it really far. The upperclassmen, more specifically the seniors, are great role models to look up to, and amazing friends as well. I have learned so much from my time in these upperclassmen classes and I cannot wait class. to one day, hopefully, follow in their footsteps.

March 20, 2022

CREATIVE WRITING

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The Purim Story: 21st Century Style Abby Rivera ’22 tells the Purim story from a modern-day angle.

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chashverosh is a well-liked man and he decides to throw his annual tailgate party for all of his friends.

It is going to be the craziest party that anyone will ever experience! Once the party comes along, Achashverosh is having the time of his life, drinking all of the mixed drinks and taking shots with ease. Achashverosh’s wife, on the other hand, is not one for parties. He usually doesn't hang out with her, but this night, his drunken self wants to show her off. He asks his wife, Vashti, to show herself off to all of his friends. She says, “Absolutely not!” She is totally against showing herself off to a bunch of drunk people. Out of a fit of rage, that of which Achashverosh is no stranger to, he blocks her on all social media platforms and decides that it is time to file for a divorce. “Things aren't working out anyway,” Achashverosh mutters to himself while on his new iPhone 13 with his lawyer. He has a huge following, so he doesn't care about blocking Vashti nor worry that his fans won't be on his side through the divorce.

After the blocking of his wife on social media, Achashverosh realizes that he is very lonely without Vashti. His friends suggest that he host a beauty pageant for all of the girls in the city. Naturally, all of the girls in the city freak out because Achashverosh is the cutest guy in the entire town! Afterall, being married to the biggest social media influencer around would be unbelievable. Malls filling throughout the kingdom, everyone is looking for the perfect dress.

Mordechai, the leader of the Jewish religion, has a cousin, Esther, who is taken to the beauty pageant without any preparation. The rest of the girls questioned her asking,“how can you not put on makeup for a pageant? You are ridiculous!” But, Esther has no need to date this popular guy, as she is more reserved and introverted. Long story short, as Esther enters the palace, Achashverosh knows that she is not like other girls and finds her absolutely beautiful. He doesn't want any other girl, so he proposes to Esther. “Yes,” Esther says. She thinks it will be beneficial for her one day, and she also feels bad for him. He is kind of a pick-me guy, so many people find him annoying, and she figures that no one else will want to marry him. It’s not the best way to get married, but oh well. Esther is also Jewish, which her new husband does not know about.

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Abby dresses up as a modern Queen Esther.

Haman works closely with Achashverosh. He is a very evil and self-obsessed man who wants to kill the Jews in order to increase his twitter following.

Mordechai refuses to bow down to him, since he only looks up to G-d, and therefore thinks that everything Haman says is cap (a lie). Haman absolutely hates that Mordechai won’t bow down to him. He has many more Instagram followers than him, so why doesn’t Mordechai just give in and appreciate his social media status? It seems ridiculous! Esther eavesdrops on the conversation Haman has with his wife about his plan to put an end to the Jews. Esther is furious and decides that she needs to cancel Haman once and for all.

Esther asks her husband and Haman to a feast and Achashverosh, of course, accepts her offer. He loves food, especially wine. Haman agrees, thinking his plan will work out well.

Little does he know, Esther tells her self-obsessed husband all about Haman’s plan. Haman is not only shocked, but also embarrassed. Esther even records the conversation, later posting it to TikTok where she gets over 1 million views within the first 15 minutes. Haman is publicly humiliated, his worst nightmare. “You are officially canceled!” Esther screams at the top of her lungs to Haman. Haman is banned from all social media platforms and taken to the gallows for his punishment. Not a day goes by where someone doesn’t mention Esther’s heroism and Achashverosh’s cluelessness. And in the end, Esther receives the most followers of them all.

March 20, 2022

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OPINION

How to Make the Perfect Gift Bag Brooke Sanderson ’25 gives her view on what makes the best Mishloach Manot.

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verytime Purim comes around, I always look forward to the Mishloach Manot that my family receives. Mishloach Manot are gifts that one receives from and gives to friends and family. It is a basket full of fun treats and snacks and usually has a theme to it, but that depends on the family. Mishloach Manot are one of the best things about Purim and I know all of the best things to put inside.

As soon as my family receives the gift baskets, I run to look through them to pick out my favorite things.

First and foremost, I look for money. Money is the best thing a person can give. I don’t know about you, but money can definitely buy my happiness. If you are ever

Brooke making the best Mishloach Manot ever.

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stuck and don't know what to give someone, just give them money. It is simple and meaningful at the same time. With money, one can buy whatever one wants, from one's favorite snacks to clothes. Money should always be included in everyone’s Mishloach Manot, and I highly recommend giving a twenty dollar bill. Imagine the wide variety of snacks one could attain with twenty bucks! And, if you’re feeling extra generous, slip in a 100 dollar bill. Remember: not only does money buy yummy foods, but happiness as well.

My next favorite thing to receive, that I wish people would give more often, is new technology. I know this is not very common and while I have never actually received technology in my Mishloach Manot before, I know that any recipient would certainly be pleased. Imagine opening a Purim gift basket, assuming only food would be inside, and seeing a new Apple Watch or an iPhone. Not only would my mind be boggled, but it would be the highlight of my Purim. Some items that I highly recommend including are the ones I previously mentioned, as well as the latest model of Air Pods or an Alexa. Sure, this will cost a lot, but the smile you’ll see on people’s faces when they open up their Mishloach Manot will be priceless. It will be so rewarding that you will forget how much you paid for these items. Even if you don’t want to give these big ticket items in every Mishloach Manot that you give out, you should at least give them to your closest friends. Trust me, they will be super grateful.

Lastly, people should start including different types of beans in their Mishloach Manot. Beans are a staple food. They can be used in many different ways, including their regular placement in the cholent pots of many. Chickpeas are also a type of bean and are used to make everyone’s favorite classic: hummus. By supplying your friends and family with beans, you won't have to worry about whether or not they will like your gift because everyone needs beans!

Purim is the holiday in which we celebrate the fact that we were saved from mass genocide.

What better way to celebrate it than to kill your bank account!

March 20, 2022

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OPINION

Groggers: We Should Use Them More Elizabeth Valeriano ’23 explains how groggers can be extremely useful in our every day lives.

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roggers, you just can’t not love them. In my expert opinion, groggers are the best part of Purim.

Forget the hamentashen and the costumes, groggers are where it’s at. It’s such a shame that we only use them on Purim, so I propose that we start using them in our everyday lives. You might be thinking, “You’re crazy!

Groggers are so loud and annoying, why on earth would we want to use them on any regular day?” There are actually many reasons why groggers are the best, so I’m going to explain why we should all start to use them more.

First of all, we should take advantage of how loud groggers are and start using them as regular noise makers at parties. Think about it, what can make your New Year’s party even better? Groggers! They are also perfect for birthday parties. Groggers are ten times louder than regular party noisemakers, so also using them at parties will make any party ten times better.

If you are of the opinion that groggers are really annoying, then you can use groggers for just that reason: to annoy people, specifically your siblings. As a brother or sister, it is your duty to annoy your siblings, so I advise you to take advantage of groggers. Find your loudest, most annoying grogger and barge into your sibling’s room and start using it. Sure, they might kick you out of their room, but those few moments of annoying them are definitely worth it. You can also use groggers in retaliation to people annoying you.

Groggers are perfect for that, as they are the absolute best way to annoy people.

Another amazing way to use groggers is to drown out annoying people. Let’s say that someone just keeps on talking and talking and talking, and you’re tired of listening to them. The most effective way to drown them out is to shake a grogger in front of their face.

Some people are super loud and annoying, making probably the only thing louder than them a grogger.

Don't think of groggers as annoying, rather use them to your benefit.

Lastly, the people that can benefit the most from these super loud noise makers are antisocial people.

Two things that antisocial people struggle with are trying to find ways out of conversations and trying to avoid people approaching them to start a conversation.

Groggers are the obvious solution to this problem. If

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antisocial people start carrying a grogger with them, whether it’s in a purse, backpack, or back pocket, then the problem is solved. When they see someone start to walk up to them to start talking to them, they can pull it out and start shaking it around so it makes its super loud noise. The person that was approaching them will quickly run away because who wants to talk to someone who is making an unbearably loud noise? It’s clear that groggers are the best way to get someone to not come up to talk to you. Groggers are also the best way to get out of a conversation that you are already having. To do this, just pull out that grogger that is already in your pocket or bag and start shaking it around loudly when you are ready for a conversation to be over. No one wants to continue to talk to someone who is making a loud noise, so they will quickly run away from your conversation. But let’s say that person doesn’t run away immediately and instead, they keep on asking you to stop. No matter how many times they ask you to, never stop! That’s the only way to end the conversation.

As you can see, groggers really are great and have many uses to them. This is why we should start using them on the regular. From being used to annoy people to ending unwanted conversations, groggers can be used for more than just the regular Purim use.

Becky ’24 bothers Brooke ’26 with her grogger.

March 20, 2022

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OPINION

Hamentashen And Their Many Flavors Hannah Rovner ’23 expresses her unique opinion on the many types of hamentashen.

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s we all know, there are practically one million different flavors of hamentashen known to man. Today, I am going to tell you my subjective but correct opinion on each of these flavors. Now, the criteria to be on this list are simple, it must be something that I’ve eaten before. If you do not see your favorite on this list, do not fear, simply give me your favorite flavor in mishloach manot and next year it might appear on this list.

Let’s start out with the most normal kinds of hamentashen, at least in my opinion: jams and jellies.

We’ll start with my favorite and the most objectively correct hamentashen in the entire world, raspberry hamentashen. Raspberry is the best flavor because it's tart, yet its sweetness pairs nicely with the cookie or hamentashen dough. It is objectively the best flavor, and

Hannah makes a tier list of the different Goldie Globe Issue 3

I will accept no arguments to the contrary. Next up are blueberry hamentashen, which I rate similarly to raspberry. I, however, find blueberries much too sweet and prefer to snack on raspberries instead. Strawberry jam hamentashen are honestly mediocre; it has too many seeds but the taste is still good. Lemon jelly hamentashen are okay; they are not the best but also not the worst. It’s a nice midtier jelly hamentashen.

We’ll move on to a gross jelly, apricot. While certainly not the worst flavor, it has a distinctive taste that is not to everyone’s liking. Personally, it's not for me, but I understand the appeal. Cherry hamentashen have a bad flavor because they taste too much like medicine.

Finally, the worst jams and jelly filling hamentashen: grape. Grape hamentashen are just disgusting. There are no redeeming qualities to this kind. They taste bad, the texture is bad, and it reminds me of medicine. It’s just overall a terrible flavor.

Moving on to the normal but weirder ones, we have poppy seed hamentashen. Honestly, my main gripe with this one is the texture. It tastes like you're eating sand, and I mentally cannot handle that. Aside from the texture, poppy seeds simply don’t taste good. Unless you need an excuse for why you didn't pass your drug tests, I don’t recommend poppyseed hamentashen. To conclude, we will discuss my family's favorite: chocolate hamentashen. You can use any type of chocolate you want, making it extremely customizable. It tastes like chocolate chip cookies. I mean, seriously, chocolate is the perfect type of hamentashen.

In conclusion, some hamentashen are good and some are bad. We should recognize that people have different opinions, but some opinions are just wrong. Mine are hamentashen flavors. always right though.

March 20, 2022

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DVAR TORAH

Va’ya’afoch He Shoshanah Kaplowitz ’24 explains whether Vashti and Esther are the same person.

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he story of Esther, read on Purim, is full of twists and turns. The line to the queenship is seemingly flipped. Queen Va s h t i , t h e w i f e o f Achashverosh, who mysteriously disappears after refusing the king’s orders, is not often thought about as someone distinguished, in the end only serves as Esther’s predecessor. Esther and Vashti seem to be polar opposites in what they do, and how they interact with Achashverosh. But what if Pictures we flipped the script again and the heroine, Esther, and Queen Vashti were the same person?

Vashti is first introduced in chapter one of Megillat Esther where it talks about the feast she held for the women in the palace in conjunction with the one that Ashashverosh held. She is ordered by the King to appear before him so he can show her off to his friends, but she refuses. In a fit of anger, Achashverosh disposes of her and puts her throne up for grabs. The words it uses don’t signal that Vashti was necessarily executed, as it says, “ “If it please the king, let there go forth a royal commandment from him, and let it be written among the laws of the Persians and the Medes, that it be not altered, that Vashti come no more before king Ahasuerus, and that the king give her royal estate unto another that is better than she.” She just can’t go before the king, which does not necessarily mean that she was executed. But still, how could Vashti and Esther be the same person, when Vashti’s crown was given up and she cannot go to the King?

In the next chapter, before setting up his famous beauty pageant, it says that Achashverosh remembered Vashti and what he decreed against her. To get Vashti back he can’t simply remarry her, rather Achasverosh has to find a way to get around the decree he made to rid Vashti of her crown. So, he comes up with Goldie Globe Issue 3

of Esther and Vashti by Mendy Lewis “Esther,” the new form that Vashti will take to become Queen again. Achashverosh wants this new Vashti to come to his empire-wide beauty pageant, only setting it up as a test to see if she wants him back too. Vashti shows up and enters under the name Esther. When she gets there, she is immediately given special treatment, not because she is inherently more beautiful or better than the other candidates, but because she was the former queen and the servants and Achashverosh recognize her.

Esther and Vashti seem to be polar opposites in how they interact with the world. However, when it comes to the small details, they line up to be the same person exactly. Vashti’s expulsion from the castle indicates that she was executed, but there is no reason to assume that from the text. Then, Achashverosh has a plan to get her back using the alias of Esther in an empire wide effort for a new queen. This Esther gets the treatment no other contestant got, most likely because the castle staff recognized her as a familiar face. She was crowned because Achashverosh wanted his queen back, and there was no other way to do that than crown her again as a random girl, who just “happened” to get the best treatment.

This idea was created by Rav Yair Lichtman and expanded on by Rabbi Ephraim Helfgot.

March 20, 2022

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PURIM Q&A: GMSG TEACHER EDITION

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Goldie’s Guidance Dear Goldie, Purim is coming so soon and I have no idea what to dress up as. As I am growing up and maturing, I have found I want to do more clever costumes, but I can’t think of anything at all! Please help me!

Thank You, CostumeLover101 Dear CostumeLover101, I see your issue. There is such a fine line between a baby custom and a teenager custom. You want to be funny and cute, but also not look like a baby. Luckily, I have thought of a few costume ideas for you. First, you could dress up as a ceiling fan, but instead of being the actual fan, buy a sports jersey and make a hat that looks like a fan. This idea takes a simple costume and puts a spin on it. The second idea is for you to be a fruit punch.

For this costume, you just need to buy a Hawaiian shirt and boxing gloves. This way, you are a fruit punch but not the drink. I hope these ideas are helpful on what you should dress up as.

-Goldie

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DVA

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GMSG

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Letter From the Editor Dear Readers, Yesterday was filled with food, joy, and laughter.

By bringing you the Goldie Globe, we hope to enhance your post-Purim week as well.

In honor to Purim, this issue consists of creative articles. First and foremost is the return of GMSG’s Freaky Friday, where Atara, a freshman, writes about her experience switching places with the seniors. Then, Abby makes the Purim story modern, Elizabeth explains the usefulness of groggers, and Brooke demands expensive mishloach manot. Hannah’s Hot Takes returns as she relays her Hamentashen flavor ratings. Lastly, Shoshanah

writes a complex Dvar Torah evaluating the relationship between Vashti and Esther.

Our Purim features include Purim themed questions with GMSG teachers’ answers, as well as more brilliant advice from Goldie. Atara guides us through what makes the perfect Purim costume and the GMSGers star in hilarious memes.

Purim is a holiday that represents happiness.

Thus, this issue was created with the purpose of bringing light and laughter to our readers. I hope we have done just that!

Shavua Tov! -

To sponsor an issue for just $20, email saraeweinstein@mhafyos.org

GOLDIE GLOBE STAFF Sara Weinstein Editor-In-Chief/Layout Editor saraeweinstein@mhafyos.org

Hannah Rovner Managing Editor chana.rovner@mhafyos.org

Elizabeth Valeriano Assistant Editor

General Staff Atara Segal Becky Schubert Shoshanah Kaplowitz Serena Cooper Elise Mendelson Brooke Sanderson Adina Steiner Yael Cooper

adrienne.valeriano@mhafyos.org

Mrs. Ashley Brown & Features RabbiHarris Baruch Harris Mrs. AshleyEditor Brown & Rabbi Baruch

Abby Rivera

Faculty Editors abigail.rivera@mhafyos.org

Faculty Editors