Melissa Cunningham’s infertility journey: Our Family. God’s Plan.
Melissa Cunningham’s life seems like a picture-perfect story: a happy marriage of nearly 25 years, two wonderful children and a close-knit family. But beneath this seemingly perfect exterior lies a powerful narrative of hope, loss and resilience. Melissa shares her journey through the joys and heartbreaks of motherhood, including the profound impact of miscarriages that deeply affected her heart and life. Her story is a testament to the strength and unwavering faith that guided her through the darkest times, ultimately leading her to a place of gratitude and fulfillment with her beautiful family.
I am Melissa. I have been happily married for nearly 25 years and blessed with two children. I live in a small town in very rural West Virgina. On the outside, if you see my family and I out, it probably looks like a normal family: Mom, Dad, big brother and baby sister. That’s the image that is projected. On the inside, in my mind’s eye only, lives another life. A reality so brief that it never got the chance to be. A small glimpse of what life would look like with the desperately wanted babies that ended in miscarriage.
I married very young, at age 20. Ten months to the day later, my son was born. The words fertility or infertility meant nothing to me.
Within months of having my son, my periods grew extremely heavy and prolonged. My cycle would last for weeks, and then months. Countless doctors told me nothing was wrong. The possibility of any further children seemed non-existent. I prepared myself for a life with only one child, although my heart ached for many.
In early 2009, I woke up to extreme pain and menstrual bleeding. I rushed to the emergency room where a tumor the size of grapefruit was discovered. Within the week, I was having surgery to have the tumor and my left ovary removed. I was diagnosed as having a benign teratoma and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). I began taking medications to help with insulin resistance caused by PCOS, and in a year, I had lost over 100 pounds.
In the beginning of January 2012, I realized that my now very regular period was a week late. I laughed at how crazy I was, taking a pregnancy test. When two lines immediately popped up, the feeling of shock, amazement and elation that filled my body was unexplainable. I vividly remember crying tears of pure joy. A dream so precious, I dare not even speak, was unfolding! We laughed as we ordered, my then nearly 13-year-old, son an adult sized Big Brother T-shirt.
I called immediately and made my first obstetrician-gynecologist (OBGYN) appointment. I had never been so sick in my life. All foods were vile. All
smells were evil. I was so tired. The OBGYN was booked, and my appointment date was over a month away. Early in the morning hours, just a few weeks after seeing those two lines, I noticed a bright pink discharge. I called and was seen later that morning. The ultrasound technician tried her best as she asked more than once what my dates were, hoping she had heard wrong. We took labs and repeated the ultrasound over 48 hours. That morning was the beginning of the inevitable.
A little piece of that family that would have been, that lives in my mind’s eye only, was no more. This unexpected pregnancy only kindled the desire for more children in me. The knowledge that I could and had gotten pregnant was all the motivation needed. After six months of not conceiving, I made a follow-up appointment. I was given clomid, a medication commonly used to treat infertility in women. We did this for several months with no success. My OBGYN decided that I was a good candidate for inter-uterine insemination while still using clomid. My insurance covered no heroic fertility measure. I did not care.
On a cold late November Saturday, I had the procedure to inseminate. Right before Christmas 2013, my husband and I made the announcement on social media. “Merry Christmas from our house to yours” with a blurry ultrasound image that received hundreds of likes. Christmas was wonderful. I felt so renewed and could imagine a tiny baby in my arms the next year. Everything felt so right; my labs were amazing, and the baby’s heartbeat was steady and strong.
On January 2, 2014, I had a doctor's appointment. Before heading upstairs, I stopped downstairs in the building to use the restroom. To my shock, I saw a significant amount of bright red blood. I screamed and called my mom, who was waiting for me in the lobby. By the grace of God, I did not collapse despite feeling the weakest I had ever felt. I managed to shakily tell the receptionist that I needed to be seen urgently. The same ultrasound technician I had seen two years prior took a long breath and left the room. My doctor, with tears in his eyes, informed me there was no heartbeat. The scream that left my body was guttural. Never have I felt so incomplete, broken or alone.
My sanity teetered the week that followed. Joy seemed so distant. God, who I know and serve, felt like a betrayer. My husband felt pain, but I was angry because he did not show the level of grief that I wanted him to. Within a few weeks, pieces of mail trickled in. Each bill was a bitter reminder of what should have been. “Treatment of miscarriage” as a diagnostic code took my breath. I can still see the green and white letters and feel the bile churning in my throat with the harshness.
I could never pursue infertility treatment again. The pain and burden on my body and sanity were far too great. My son graduated from high school in 2018. In 2022, we adopted a nine-year-old little girl, who, we now know, was hand-picked just for us by God. My family, when seen out and about, looks and feels complete, and it is. Through faith in God, I have withstood, and God has afforded me a beautiful family that I am so grateful for. Sometimes in the corner of my mind though, I can see two little ones, twelve and ten now, and know that their life although fleeting, changed me. Their laughter will never grace this Earth, but my heart will hold them forever.
Pull quotes:
“My family, when seen out and about, looks and feels complete, and it is. Through faith in God, I have withstood, and God has afforded me a beautiful family that I am so grateful for. Sometimes in the corner of my mind though, I can see two little ones, twelve and ten now, and know that their life although fleeting, changed me.”
“The same ultrasound technician I had seen two years prior took a long breath and left the room. My doctor, with tears in his eyes, informed me there was no heartbeat. The scream that left my body was guttural. Never have I felt so incomplete, broken or alone.”
“When two lines immediately popped up, the feeling of shock, amazement and elation that filled my body was unexplainable. I vividly remember crying tears of pure joy. A dream so precious, I dare not even speak, was unfolding!”
Captions for pictures:
Image 1- Melissa, Jason (husband) and Trenton (son), Fall 2012
Image 2- Melissa and Jason's wedding, June 19, 1999
Image 3- McKenna (daughter) and Melissa, Easter 2024
Image 4- Melissa and her children McKenna and Trenton, Mother's Day 2023
