Dichotomy, paradox, tension, Confusing (organized) utter c h a o s
Death of normalcy… structure destroyed… exhilarating liberation… Deliverance. maybe… The only way— Dissonance.
Just in case anyone was wondering…
*motif: SKETCHBOOK strives to be a safe and honest gathering of any/all authentic creative expression — from the seeds of ideas to the fully blossomed. It does not represent the views of Evergreen Baptist Church of LA.
It was bound to happen when one cooks for 50 years straight. With a resume that includes being a sous chef for a family of seven as a high schooler and cooking for large groups in college, the biggest for 80, these experiences yielded a love of cooking and a way to bless friends reasonably. Fifteen years in a smaller house forced the end of large parties with the caveat of invitations to cook for large groups at Air BnBs, churches, or retreat sites. Small scale kept my high school math skills honed to test new recipes to not tire of my cooking.
One night at dinner, the husband of a rare critique, made a face. Not wanting to go down a path of arguing after a busy work day, I paused before answering. He pronounced whether there was a mistake after putting down his forkful of mashed white vegetables. This Sherlock Homes revealed additions of cauliflower and garlic in mashed potatoes created a healthier version.
As a missionary, I also work to make ends meet financially by not overspending our weekly household food budget. This follows my mom’s pattern of weekly cooking for her growing family to allow cooking breaks on weekends to allow trying new meals in local restaurants to become additions to the family menus. While under her tutelage, this elder daughter of a working elder daughter provided for her family (my father and five children, two boys and three girls, me the eldest). I would watch and view dinners hand-formed and creatively presented.
If a new flavor in our spaghetti with meat sauce appeared, she added oatmeal or soy crumbs to extend a pound of meat for all of us. Time in her kitchen unmasked more shortcuts and money-saving meals crafted from the sales racks. To date, I can provide weekly dinners for just $20.
This usually entails my handy crockpot making what used to be overlooked items, into meals. Some items are moving off my menu as bone marrow is now a stand-alone appetizer instead of a regular addition to make bone broth. Pork bone ends and what we call baby cabbages are now fancy restaurant fare. This spend-thrifty chef is thankful cabbages, carrots, and onions are still plentiful as the basis for healthy inexpensive meals.
Thankfully, a brown thumb turned green also produces for our table flavorful tomatoes instead of store-bought bland ones. We have grown butternut squash for soup and annually welcome plentiful, flavorful tangelos for juice.
Bigger deceptions make even the seasoned cook welcome future fusion foods. Creativity makes one question the status quo only to learn dining dissonance is abundant. I loved how our family was allowed to ask questions about our food and even how we prepared it. My brother asked, “Why can’t you grill hot dogs in winter?” My dad taught us you can use a hair dryer to start charcoal in cold Seattle winters. Why no late-night dim sum restaurants? Learning to question over the years was necessary as we welcomed other cultures to our neighborhood and table. Soup dumplings are dinner regulars with burritos with eggs and French fries for breakfast. Who would have thought that over-ripe blueberries added to roasted pork scraps for gravy would create a family fan favorite, pork chops with hoisonberry sauce but that is another story.
DISSONANCE VISIBLE
by Bruce Chow
Symbiotic slavery and codependence…beauty… repulsive…uncontrollable compulsion to stare…
Invasion at bay…perfectly flawed outcome… beauty…destruction…preservation…wonder…
Piercing and unintelligible wordless message… calmly disturbing…sympathy…
REBECCA CHAN
PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRUCE CHOW
WRITTEN BY ERIC LUI & JANUARY LIM
“AS MUCH AS I HATE DISCOMFORT IN MY LIFE, I CAN’T DENY THAT WITHOUT DISSONANCE, WE BECOME COMPLACENT OR WORSE—BORING.”
One might say that lately, dissonance has been a big part of Rebecca Chan’s life. As someone who works in the world of TV & Film production, the Writers Guild of America’s strike that started on May 2nd, 2023, disrupted her life in true dramatic fashion: sudden unemployment. The Screen Actors’ Guild strike that shortly followed the WGA strike only worsened the situation and prolonged an already disrupted, uncertain season. Rebecca decided to take it all in stride. While waiting for the unions to negotiate a new contract, she took this time for herself, traveling and utilizing this period to refresh herself and perspective on life.
Meet Rebecca Chan! Since 2008, she has been attending Evergreen Baptist Church of Los Angeles and over the years, Rebecca has been actively serving on the Worship Arts Tech Team and the Missionary Executive Board. She has traveled overseas to the Democratic Republic of Congo where she helped film videos for Evergreen’s global workers in the country. She has also been to Deborah’s House several times to help women and children who have been affected by domestic violence in Tijuana. Professionally, she works as a Utility Sound Technician, which she says is a fancy title for “I help record sound on TV and movie sets.” Rebecca grew up in Taiwan, and moved to Los Angeles 15 years ago in order to attend film school at USC. When asked about the first thing that comes to her mind when she thinks of the word dissonance, she says, “my first reaction…is discomfort…not my favorite experience. But I also see the beauty in how it can contribute to the depth, humor, complexity and richness in people, art and society.
I turned 40 this January. When I was younger, I thought I was too cool to ever go through a midlife crisis. I thought I wouldn’t care about my age, what I’ve accomplished, where I am in life or how society would view me. Well, it turns out I’m not as cool as I thought. There I was, going through a full blown midlife crisis a few months before I turned 40. It also didn’t help that this was during the writers/actors strike, so I was very much unemployed. Instead of denying it, I decided to embrace it and see where it would take me. I had a lot of time, being unemployed and all, to reflect on my life and my journey so far.”
Rebecca was working on the HBO Max show “Hacks” when the strike started. Instead of shooting that day, the crew just packed up their gear. That would be the last time she was on set for 8 months. During the unexpected time of turmoil, she was able to come to a big realization that made her look at her situation differently.
“SLOWLY BUT SURELY, I REALIZED I WAS ACTUALLY REALLY HAPPY WITH MY LIFE. EVERYTHING I HAVE IS A GIFT FROM GOD. SURE, I WORKED HARD WHEN EACH OPPORTUNITY PRESENTED ITSELF, BUT THEY WERE HANDED TO ME. NOT MANY PEOPLE GET TO DO WHAT THEY LOVE FOR A LIVING…I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS WHO CARE ABOUT ME, GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY FAMILY, THE FREEDOM TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF AND MYSELF ONLY ETC. I AM GENUINELY HAPPY.”
Rebecca’s outlook and ability to recognize and name her happiness and gratitude simultaneously with tension, is both liberating and refreshing. She breaks down her internal process candidly.
“Why do I feel this tension? Where does this crisis feeling come from? I realized this tension comes from feeling like I SHOULDN’T be happy. I am single, childless, and don’t have what people would call a super ‘successful’ career. On paper, I’m what a traditional society might call a loser. At the age of 40, I SHOULD have kids, a house, a husband etc…Not only should I have that life, I should WANT that life, pursue it and work harder for it. The fact that I am content is a sign of weakness, laziness or that there’s something inherently wrong with me. So this [tension] comes from being happy while sometimes letting the outside voices get to me— maybe I shouldn’t be? Maybe the way I’m living my life is wrong?
It was liberating once I was able to separate how I actually feel and how society expects me to feel. This is not to say that I’ve overcome the tension. Like I said, I’m not cool enough to ignore what others might think. I sometimes still feel a little embarrassed when people ask me if I own a house or if I have kids or [am] married because I feel like they might be judging me. But I’m learning to give myself permission to just be happy and grateful for who I am and what God has gifted me in this stage of my life.”
When talking about a time where she has been a dissenting voice or a challenger of the status quo for others, Rebecca refers to a situation that really pushed her towards passionate advocacy. “Three years ago, my fellow tv/film union workers (behind the scenes hourly wage workers, not actors, writers or directors) and I fought to change the way this industry operated. For a long time, we’ve worked long hours with very little weekend turnarounds or in between work days. We’ve witnessed our friends and colleges get injured on set or fall asleep behind the wheel driving home after a long day/week.”
It had clearly reached a point where Rebecca and her fellow workers needed to take action. “We thought, wait, we’re not first responders, we’re not saving lives, or fighting wars. We’re just making tv shows and movies. There’s no reason for us to be risking our lives like this. The only reason we’re working like this is to save the studios’ money. So we banded together and pushed our leaders to negotiate better. We shared our horror stories publicly and we [gained] momentum. We were ready to strike to show our strength in numbers. In the end, we settled for a deal.”
Even though Rebecca and her coworkers were not totally content with the terms of the deal, she was able to experience an awakening in her overall attitude towards the act of challenging the system. “[The] experience made me realize that I hadn’t really been trained to question the status quo. I was so quick to conform to the way of life of the industry without ever questioning it. As an immigrant, in order to survive, I was more trained to adapt and not to challenge. This was the first time I was involved in challenging an establishment in hopes of making a difference. I gained a new perspective on how to view the environment, people and communities around me and…activated a muscle I hadn’t used that much before.”
Through it all, Rebecca has come to embrace how dissonance can sometimes be a positive force in life. “In order to be creative, the presence of dissonance is inevitable…By definition, being creative is being disruptive or confrontational or operating outside of the box. I don’t think creativity would exist without dissonance. When I was taking screenwriting classes in school, one of the most important element we needed to establish was the conflict. The conflict between characters and the conflict within the characters, the higher the stakes the better. That’s what makes the story interesting and that’s what pushes our heroes in the story forward…Dissonance pushes a society forward, motivates growth in a person and creates complexity and richness through creative forms.”
WE SHARED OUR HORROR STORIES PUBLICLY AND WE [GAINED] MOMENTUM.
WE WERE READY TO STRIKE TO SHOW OUR STRENGTH IN NUMBERS.
Crystal Mountain
By Alex Eng
I think everyone relates to some degree that life can be quite challenging. I wanted to display that difficulty with this piece, "Crystal Mountain." Crystals are usually very smooth and hard. Now, imagine climbing an entire mountain that is just one big crystal. Maybe the goal is getting that degree, getting that job, or simply just making ends meet—there are definitely times when it feels like life is working against you, like climbing a mountain with nothing to grab on. The sad reality is that not everyone achieves their goals; in fact, many don't. I think in moments of difficulty and in times when you hit rock bottom, it's important to trust God. Knowing that it's all part of God’s plan brings certainty to very uncertain times.
Duality The Conflicting of
A depiction of my state of mind regarding my paralyzing ischemic stroke that happened the morning after I had returned after a filming trip in Thailand as a response to the needs of missionaries. My mind has been occupied with questions, feelings of betrayal—why would God allow this to happen? After I had prayerfully put aside two weeks of paid work, I returned home and experienced a tragedy that impacted my family negatively in many ways. Personally, I am still trying to get over the trauma of ending my career suddenly due to paralysis of the entire left side of my body from shoulder to toes. This made me unable to operate camera equipment or keyboards with both hands for editing and creating visual effect shots. All of a sudden, financial responsibility fell on my wife.
The first frame of render is a visual representation of me—a dried up aging man with pieces of my skull pealing off—signifying the evaporation of my dreams and hope for a career as a storyteller in the film industry. The second frame is a rendition of the impact of my disability on my wife—she feels that all of a sudden she was forced into deep water of responsibility and despair. She often feels tired of carrying the weight of being responsible for everyone in the family. The dissonance between the two of us formed the "harmony" of our struggles, our hope is that one day, whether or not I can recover from my physical ailment, we would be able to rise above our situation without losing our faith in Christ.
Untitled
By Chris Hohl
By Quincy Sakai
Sometimes, I forget I’m half-Chinese. Admittedly, I don’t normally find anything particularly Chinese about me. However, despite my disregard for my Chinese roots, I never felt too disconnected from my heritage due to my Japanese side, where I was immersed in the culture despite not knowing Japanese either. Because of this, I never felt much of a need to explore my Chinese side until I visited the LA Chinatown for a race. Being in this area reminded me of the small parts in my childhood where I experienced parts of Chinese culture, such as lunar new year celebrations, learning tai-chi with my grandpa, and family dinners at Chinese restaurants. All these seemingly little things that I had forgotten about reminded me that I do have a place in both sides of my culture. My painting is symbolic of this experience by the flooded Chinatown and the glowing lion, showing the revival of a place that was previously abandoned.
Self Portrait
Jang Lee Oil on canvas 18x24 inches
I draw upon a traditional genre of Korean painting known as Hojak-do (호작도), which features a magpie and tiger. In Korean folk tale, the magpie outwits the stronger tiger, contrasting the outward appearance of power with underlying cunningness. Inspired by the "doubleness" of the magpie, each element in this piece implicitly challenges and compliments the other—a testament to the dichotomies that shape our own identities.
An Interview with January Lim
Photography by Maya Olson
January: Hi Yoshonises! Or as I personally love to call you, the Yoshoni! Thank you so much for agreeing to be interviewed for our latest issue. Could you please introduce yourself to our readers?
Joel: Hello, I am Joel. :) We live in Pasadena with our three kids, but when someone asks where I am from, I tell them, “Michigan”, which is where I was born and lived until 2019. I am a stay-at-home dad and do a handful of other things on the side, mostly related to music in some capacity.
Liz: Hi! My name is Liz Yoshonis. I live in Pasadena with my husband and our three boys. I am a full-time student in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Fuller Seminary and a full-time employee at Fuller as an admissions counselor for the School of Psychology and Marriage and Family Therapy Programs.
January: Amazing. And Joel, by a handful of “things on the side,” I know it ranges from audio engineering for podcasts, producing music with your band “Mosquito Fleet,” and leading music for numerous Fuller Seminary events to name a few. ;). So, this issue of motif is centered on the theme of “dissonance.” What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word dissonance?
Joel: Dissonance definitely has both negative and positive associations for me. Dissonance in music comes to mind. I think a lot can be learned from how dissonance operates in music, how it can be uncomfortable or even painful to listen to but also the moment that brings us along to the next part of the song. On a different note, I think of how growing up a pastor’s kid and then serving as a worship pastor for nine years, I’ve learned to live with a(n unhealthy) sense of dissonance between my inner world and identity versus how I present and what was expected of me in those roles.
A Conversation with
JOEL & LIZ YOSHONIS
Liz: When I first hear the word dissonance, I am inclined to think about it in a negative sense. However, when I think about dissonance and its meaning musically, I think that dissonance can sometimes be beautiful... or lead to a beautiful sound once it’s been resolved... Dissonance in life, however, makes me think in terms of in-congruencies; maybe in values and behaviors that can lead to pain. I’m not sure this kind of dissonance has the capacity for beauty as it does in music. Although, once life resolves after the dissonance, it can be very beautiful. How did you cultivate your creativity and your artistry?
January: Is there a significant aspect of your life or experience you’ve had where you have experienced tension, clashing, or a lack of harmony? What have you taken away from these experiences?
Joel: I have felt this tension internally for some time now. That sense of dissonance between my inner world and identity versus how I present myself became an increasing point of tension. That tension has been incredibly uncomfortable and even painful as it has caused me to look at things I’ve been scared to be honest with myself about. But now I am beginning to see how this tension, despite the discomfort, has been the thing that finally brought me to a breaking point where I had to acknowledge what was happening within me. I think tension and dissonance often works in this way.
Liz: The biggest clash I can think of or lack of harmony has been adding kids to our family. Of course, we love them and of course, we wouldn’t have it any other way, but kids have a way of disturbing the peace! Joel and I were married for two years before Isaiah was born. We had our typical early marriage conflicts but our lives were [relatively] harmonious and peaceful. Enter our firstborn born and all of a sudden, we weren’t sleeping, our patience wore thin, and we were cranky. I remember one night that I got upset at Joel for chewing too loudly because I was anxious that Isaiah was going to wake up. Things got extremely dark and complicated when I went through postpartum depression with our second child. That completely threw us for a loop. We were navigating both life with 2 kids as well as my mental illness at the time. It was extremely hard.
Thankfully, Joel and I learned to be a team during that season. We always had love but when we started having kids, we had to choose each day to be on the
same team. I learned so much about who I was as a person through being a mom. You really learn what triggers you, and where your pain cycle is and it’s rarely pretty!
January: Thanks for sharing that Joel and Liz. As your friend, it has been incredibly rewarding watching you both navigate parenthood together while being the greatest supporter of each other’s individual pursuits. On a slightly different note, has there been a time where you have been a dissenting voice or a challenger of the status quo? What did you learn about yourself and/or of others during this time?
Joel: Personally, I found myself in this place in my last few years as a pastor. I had raised some concerns regarding the conflation of conservative American politics with Christianity. For me, witnessing what was in my view such brazen hypocrisy made being a dissenting voice a comfortable, albeit isolating place. I felt grounded in such deep conviction that it was almost as if I could do nothing but challenge the status quo.
I also think of the nature of the roles Liz and I have taken on within our family in this season and how [these roles] are not necessarily the typical, culturally-normative for cis-het couples. This particular challenging of the status quo has been difficult in some sense but also incredibly freeing. I feel as though Liz and I are coming into our full selves as we’re discovering how to parent and be partners in ways that are true of us rather than accommodating to a social norm.
The last two years have been especially tough though as I have been dealing with depression. As a straight male, and growing up in the Midwest, there is often a cultural pressure to [repress] emotions and refrain from vulnerability. But learning and growing in that within my marriage has allowed room for Liz to step more fully into areas of her identity too.
Liz is a pillar of strength in and for our family. She has a strength and dependability that has often been the only solid thing in my life to lean on. I have often felt carried and led by her through this season and I am learning that vulnerability can be a path toward security and safety. In all of this, I still find myself regularly coming up against the tension between where I find myself and the cultural and familial pressures to be a certain type of husband and father. But leaning into the discomfort of that dissonance has turned out to be a freeing journey for both of us.
Liz: This season in many ways has been a time where I think we have as a couple challenged the status quo for what a "typical family" looks like. Joel is not the primary stay-at-home parent and I am working and in school. Because of that, I think I've learned that I possessed a strength within that I wasn't previously aware of. I've also seen a soft, nurturing, and sensitive side of Joel that I hadn't seen before making this switch. Joel is such a badass. He is this strong, super smart guy, kind of mysterious and then there is also this side that is so adventurous, playful and fun and I have really gotten to see that come out more in this recent season.
January: Liz, you are also one of the funniest people I know, and so I can see how you might draw out the giggles all around in the family. As we wrap up this interview, may I ask you for some final thoughts on the value of dissonance?
Joel: In my view, dissonance is one of the best tools for creativity. Dissonance within artistic expression is helpful for the observer/participant, but I’ve also found a level of dissonance among and between creative group/team members to be incredibly valuable as well. It’s natural to want to surround myself with people who have the same perspectives and preferences as I do, but what emerges from the dissonance and tension between co-creators can bring about something new. I’m talking about this is an artistic context, but I think it applies to other spheres as well: professionally, personally, and politically. The dissonance that occurs in these settings is often something that winds up generating new ideas, new (or recovered) identities, new growth, new politics and even governments. Dissonance that works well requires humility from those involved. I do think there is a limit to how far dissonance can take us before we break from the tension. Sometimes dissonance is a sign that it’s time to leave, or time to give up the dissonance and allow one to come back into harmony with oneself.
Liz: Dissonance. Is. Good. I think that dissonance can be uncomfortable but it’s necessary. In my experience, I have found that sometimes something needs to be shaken up for change to happen. Systematic changes are rarely comfortable in the process; it’s the painful stuff. But good things come out of dissonance and it’s crucial for change to occur.
January: Joel and Liz, it’s such a privilege to be a part of your lives and to be an auntie to your beautiful boys. Thank you again for sharing your lives with our motif readers!
PERCEPTIONS
Written
by Lovelyn Chang
Artwork by Julia Hendrickson
We think we see and know
Perceiving what is in front of our eyes
Sorting into neat categories
Simple and convenient
To fit our fears and anxieties.
Demonize the other
To gain power to cover
Our cowering insecurities
Lash out till we’re livid!
Spreading hate like a virus
Caustic words drip like acid
Clashing yells, honks and blasts compete
The dissonant din drowns out
Voices of reason.
We are left with the deaf and blind who mislead
Us to our cliff
Julie Kim
Photography by Victor Lee
Featured Artist: Maya Olson
By Lovelyn Chang
LOSS: THE UNTOLD STORIES OF ASIAN AMERICAN WOMEN CLERGY
Written by Dr. Eunice Hong
Artwork by Jang Lee
I had the opportunity to share some of the findings from my most recent research project with some Asian American women church leaders, and a dear colleague and friend articulated it so well when she said that loss was the theme that ran through the stories. Loss. Loss of opportunities. Loss of relationships. The loss of what could be but isn’t.
These are the stories of the women I had the privilege of interviewing. Eleven women, all Asian American, all pastors (though some were still on an ordination track due to denominational requirements) and all very aware of what it means to be at the intersection of being an Asian American, woman, clergy member. The women were from five different denominations and lived in four different states. To protect their identities, only pseudonyms are used in the paragraphs that follow.
BEING ASIAN
Being an Asian American was inevitably at the forefront of the conversations. While some were proud of their ethnic identity, others commented on the struggles they experienced of being a minority. It was difficult to hear that some even experienced blatant racist remarks from their church members, one of them being, “You’ll never be my pastor because you’re a Jap.”
In another instance, even though Karis, the Senior Pastor of a predominantly White-congregation, had held her position for a few years, she felt as though she had to put on a mask to do ministry; she said, “I’ve noticed when I am in dominant White spaces, out of survival, I posture differently… [but] the posture got exhausting and more exhausting… I just felt like I had to put on a mask to do ministry.”
Another difficulty that many participants encountered was the balance between being Asian and being American. That is, while many participants identified as being a Confucius Christian, especially highlighting the importance of family and filial piety, there was also a notable tension of wanting to individuate. A few participants even shared having severed relationships with their fathers, who were also full-time ministers, due to theological differences.
BEING A WOMAN
Many participants were vocal about the fact that they have to put in more work in order to be affirmed and accepted in the same way their male counterparts are accepted. Almost all participants spoke of barriers they had to overcome, and continue to overcome, because of their gender. For instance, some individuals experienced a lack of respect from the members in their congregations and others discussed the fact that their church members felt entitled to critique and/ or question them. It was interesting to note that it was often the women in the congregation that were dismissive of the women clergy members; for example, Lonnie said that she chose to wear her clergy robe every Sunday because some women would look at what she was wearing and ask in a judgmental tone, “Why are you wearing that?”
Participants felt pushback from other women, but especially from other Asian American women. For example, Annie said that her Asian American women clergy colleagues used to rely on her when they needed support, but when she was elected as a candidate for promotion, they told her that they would not endorse her. She further shared that the women had started a rumor about her, and it really bothered her; “Not supporting is fine… I didn’t even ask for that… but if you are not going to help me, why are you attacking me?” Lisa likened the Asian American woman pastor (or in her specific context, the Korean American woman pastor) to the Asian (or Korean) American man; that is, “she’s aggressive, she’s loud, she’s forceful, she’s self-referential,” consequently, and unfortunately, she no longer seeks “mentorship or counseling or comfort from a Korean American leader anymore.”
BEING A PASTOR
In a similar vein, many, if not all, of the women experienced pushback around the legitimacy of being a woman pastor. For instance, when Grace was looking to be hired as a pastor, she found that no one would call her for an interview despite the many applications she had submitted; because this went on for so long, she had no choice but to consider finding a different job. Or, when Olivia was younger, she had told male pastors her dream to become a pastor one day. Their responses, however, were not what she had expected as they used Scripture to admonish her and correct her desire to be a church leader. Remarkably, Olivia went
on to say it was those encounters that piqued her interest to pursue a doctoral degree in Biblical Studies as she desired to correctly understand the context and meaning of the passages they used to discourage her.
The women also noted that their call to ministry was not a straight path but a windy one. Amid their respective journeys were stories of burn out, seasons of spiritual wilderness, and even stepping away from the church for some time. As Heather mentioned, “[This journey] is kind of this meandering, winding path that’s very different from a lot of our male counterparts... [For men it’s more like,] “God called me, I’m gonna serve a church and this is the way it’s gonna be.” But for a lot of us [women], it’s gonna be bivocational, it’s gonna be windy, it’s gonna call on different skill sets in people… It’s very humbling because there’s a stretch where I just didn’t know… And God and God’s provision has demonstrated He’s just going to use it all.”
RESILIENCE
I often found myself discouraged and at times, even in tears, as I reflected on the stories of these women. Loss. Loss of opportunities. Loss of relationships. The loss of what could be but isn’t…
Yes, there is a theme of loss, but I’m optimistic as I also see melodies of hope and courage-- hope that God is real and ever-present in our struggles, and the courage of these amazing women who choose to press in and press on despite the challenges and struggles that come their way. As Kathy shared, “To put it in a perspective of Asian American women’s life, because of all the marginalized, underprivileged experiences of women, we have this resiliency, resilience to make it through no matter how hard it is. And when you don’t make it, it’s not your ego that’s hurt, it’s a new lesson to be learned. So, I keep on learning and growing and growing deeper.”
So, I asked the women, “What keeps you going?” “Why continue to press in when you’re surrounded by such struggle and strain?” to which Lisa said, “I felt like I needed to be a pastor for future me’s. Because I’m in a position right now where I don’t have anybody. I will be damned if somebody in the future doesn’t have somebody like me in their corner… I’m realizing I need to see this space in my lifetime. And if it’s not for me, it has to be for somebody else that comes after me.” Or as Olivia said, “What I’m so proud of is when my kids and the kids at our church close their eyes and imagine what a pastor looks like, they imagine women, I would say as much as a man. And I think that’s incredible.” And to that, I applaud and cheer on my sisters as they continue to steadfastly, whole-heartedly, and courageously run the race marked out for them.
Dr. Eunice Hong is the Director of Research and Assistant Professor of Ministry on the Wheaton College Graduate Faculty. Dr. Hong’s current research interests consist of issues related to Asian American experiences. This research was made possible by a grant received from the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship.
When He Came For Her
Written by Jon Moy
Artwork by
Marian Sunabe
When her father came for her
It was only to give her away
This is the way the world works, he said
And as he shipped her off to a strange land
She remembered his words It was him or her
When the king came for her
It was only when he had lost
His temper or his dignity
And as she slaked his lusts with her body
She stole his power It was him or her
When the prophet came for her
It was only to humiliate and break Her people and her faith
And as he bled her followers dry
She vowed to return the curse It was him or her
When the soldier came for her
It was only to take her throne
He called her a whore and killed her son
And as her own pulled her to the edge
She still would not beg It was them or her
When the man came for her
It was only to write psalms in the sand
And as he kneeled, he asked
“Who has condemned you?”
“Haven’t you’ve heard,” she spat.
“It has always been them or me.”
“Daughter,” he replied, “now it is just us.”
The Redemption of Jezebel
9"x12"
Watercolor and gouache on paper
When Jon asked me to do a visual response to his poem, for several days I had no ideas. But suddenly one morning, I woke up with this image in my mind, fully formed. It was Jesus at the feet of Jezebel, not writing in the sand but planting seeds. The morning glories, which were sprouting up out of the seeds, were driving out the darkness of Jezebel's past and the darkness was visibly exiting her body. That is an image of forgiveness, available to us all.
“IT’S KINDA LITTLE BIT TOO MESSY COLORS. BECAUSE IT’S A TOO MESSY PAINTING. IT’S SUPER, SUPER, SUPER MESSY LOOKING.”
Title: Messy Paint
Ellie Liv (Age 5)
Acrylic on Paper
Jonathan Moy (b.1985)
Jesus Tweets The Five Thousand , 2024 Digital Print, Midjourney
INVESTIGATING THE ROOTS OF THE ASIAN AMERICAN VOTER TURNOUT GAP:
NEW EVIDENCE FROM THE 2024 ASIAN AMERICAN VOTER EXPERIENCES SURVEY
Nathan Kar Ming Chan, Ph.D.
Dr. Nathan Chan is a political scientist and scholar of racial and ethnic politics in the United States. His research focuses on how identity molds the political behavior of minoritized communities. He teaches courses in public opinion, survey research, and statistical methods.
Across many previous election cycles over the generations, Asian Americans have generally lagged behind in terms of turning out to vote. It is clear that there is a racial turnout gap.1 Asian Americans’ rate of turnout is far behind White and African Americans and in most elections during the 21st century, less than that of Latines. Even during the last presidential election in 2020, amidst the coronavirus pandemic when Asian American turnout rates skyrocketed during a time of increased discrimination and hate against this community, the Asian American racial turnout gap persisted.2
What is responsible for the Asian American racial turnout gap? Why do Asian Americans turnout less?
Popular media has long depicted Asian Americans as being apathetic toward politics, and the narrative of Asian Americans not being interested in politics are common stereotypes used to explain their low turnout rates. Yet, there is much more to this story.
Scholars of Asian American politics do recognize that their low rates of voter turnout are indeed puzzling. For example, even as early, yet still prevailing theoretical accounts that explain voter turnout patterns were fairly simple -- noting that people participate in politics because they have the resources to do so -- these
overly simplified explanations do not apply for this racial/ethnic group.3 This is because Asian Americans are on average the highest earning racial/ethnic group in The US, yet still turnout the least.4 Therefore, if it is neither economics nor tropes about lack of interest in politics that can most accurately explain Asian American voter behavior, then what can?
I argue that in order to understand why Asian American turnout rates are lower, we need to shift our attention to the structural factors that prevent Asian Americans from voting to begin with. Apart from the historic forms of institutionalized exclusion, such as the internment of Japanese Americans, that political scientists have found disincentivize electoral participation of this group to the present day even as generations have passed,5 Asian Americans face additional, contemporary barriers to voting.
My recent research illuminated some of these contemporary barriers to voting, as my team and I conducted and completed The 2024 Asian American Voter Experiences Survey. This political survey was in the field between January 2024 to March 2024. We surveyed Asian Americans across various regions of Los Angeles County in areas with large proportions of Asian Americans such as Alhambra, Monterey Park, Little Tokyo, Koreatown, and East Hollywood. We made the survey available in four different languages including Chinese (simplified), Chinese (traditional),
1 Ghitza and Robinson 2021
2 Morris and Grange 2021
3 Chan and Phoenix 2020
4 Kochhar and Moslimani 2023. However, see Budiman and Ruiz 2021, which notes differences and disparities within Asian American households by national origin.
5 Komisarchik, Sen, and Velez 2022
Vietnamese, Spanish, and English. The findings from an analysis of ~ n=1,500 Asian Americans, in comparison to White and Latine respondents6, underscore several contemporary, structural barriers that limit the ability for Asian Americans turnout to vote in elections.
Asian Americans are less likely to turnout to vote due to an outreach issue. The Asian American turnout rate is a function of the community being the least likely to be contacted by a political campaign about voting to begin with. Figure 1 notes the percentage of individuals across racial/ethnic group that were, what political scientists call – recruited into the political process. 66% of Whites and a lower 54% of Latines in the survey sample were contacted by a political campaign to vote in the last election. This is while only 44% of the Asian American sample reported having been contacted to do the same by a political campaign. This 12-percentage point difference, which demonstrates that Asian Americans were the least likely to be contacted to go out and vote, reflects a national trend of lack of outreach to Asian Americans during election cycles.7
FIGURE 1: % of Respondents that were Contacted to Turn out to Vote in the Last Election Across Race/Ethnicity
Whites were five percentage-points more likely to be contacted by both the Los Angeles County Registrar and community-based organizations, relative to Asian Americans. The findings here underscore the reality that Asian Americans are not prioritized for outreach and poses questions about how much value political campaigns and grassroots organizations alike value the Asian American vote.
FIGURE 2: % of Respondents Who Know Someone Who Can Assist with Voting Across Race/Ethnicity
Political campaigns are not doing a great job at encouraging Asian Americans to vote. In addition, our survey asked if individuals had been contacted to vote by other entities such as the Los Angeles County Registrar Office or various community-based organizations. We find that, again, Asian Americans are the least likely to report being encouraged to vote by both alternatives. For example,
The lack of voter education by political campaigns and community-based organizations contributes to the low turnout rates among Asian Americans. However, further, we find in our survey that Asian Americans cannot fill in for assistance that they need with turning out to vote by reaching out for voting help to their immediate social circles easily. Figure 2 displays the percentage of people that know someone that they can reach out to for questions about the election ballot. Whites are the most likely to report having access to this assistance (74%), and 66% of Latines report knowing someone that can help them with ballot concerns. However, Asian Americans are the least likely to say that they know someone that they could reach out to for help with voting (62%). Figure 1 and Figure 2 collectively demonstrate that the problem of low voter turnout among Asian Americans is a structural one. Asian Americans turnout less because they are not as frequently asked to do so by the very agencies that are tasked to do so. The lack of encouragement by political and community-based organizations is especially a problem because Asian Americans are the community that likely need this election outreach the most.
6 Our study targeted respondents in Los Angeles County, and thus we did not have enough sample size power to accurately and confidently report findings in relative terms to African Americans. For recent cross-racial comparisons on Asian American political behavior compared to African Americans, Latines, and White Americans, see for example: Chan, Kim, and Leung 2022.
7 Ramakrishnan et al. 2017
Further, turning out to vote for Asian Americans is quite difficult because of language barriers. While California residents can get the ballot in languages other than English such as in Chinese, Hindi, Japanese, Khmer, Korean, Tagalog, Thai, or Vietnamese, our survey reveals that when Asian Americans request the ballot in these languages, they are reporting issues with understanding the ballot in their native Asian language of preference.
FIGURE 3: % That Agree or Disagree with the Statement: “Ballot makes no sense when it is in (Respondent’s Asian Native Language of Preference)”
When we asked Asian Americans about their experiences with their Asian language ballots, more than a majority of respondents (about 61%) said that the ballot in that Asian language did not make any sense. As the Asian American community is made up of a large proportion of immigrants from many different countries, it is commendable that the state of California makes election ballots available in a variety of different languages. However, the data reveals additional language issues that make it hard for Asian Americans to go out and vote. The survey findings suggest that the quality of these ballot translations needs to be improved to reflect more accessible political jargon that Asian Americans that do not speak English as a first language can truly understand, so that they can feel the most comfortable to move forward by then participating in elections.
In order to accurately come to terms with the sometimes uncomfortable fact that Asian Americans turnout less than others,8 we need to grapple with the structural forces that prevent them from participating in the first place. The findings from The 2024 Asian American Voter Experiences Survey illuminate what some of these barriers to election entry might be. Asian Americans turnout less because they are simply not prioritized in election-related outreach efforts. This is particularly of issue because as political campaigns, election offices, and community-based organizations are reaching out to Asian Americans the least, they are also the racial/ethnic group that is least likely to have support during elections from their immediate social circles. Further, language barriers persist. A large proportion of Asian Americans who attempt to utilize ballot materials that are made available in preferred native Asian languages are also reporting that they do not make a lot of sense.9
Asian Americans are currently the fastest growing racial/ethnic group in The United States.10 They are large enough of a population and proportion of the voting electorate to swing the outcome of an election. However, even as the demographics of The U.S. shift to a majority-minority country,11 scholars have warned that we are to be cautious about the “limits of demographic change,”12 meaning that barriers to voting may make it so that the voices of minoritized groups such as Asian Americans may remain relatively stifled. A great deal of election policy change needs to happen to lift the barriers to voting for groups that have been historically excluded from the franchise.
8 For more on the status and indicators on the voter behavior of Asian Americans see: Chan and Sadhwani 2022 and Chan, Nguy, and Masuoka 2024.
9 Additional research has also found and argued that redistricting efforts have made it so that Asian Americans cannot cast their ballots equitably in Los Angeles. See Masuoka and Chan 2023.
10 Budiman and Ruiz 2021
11 Frey 2018
12 Wong 2018
UNTITLED
Anonymous
In doing some research, I learned that the burning of the American flag was made legal in 1989 and reaffirmed in 1990, as the Supreme Court deemed that it is a First Amendment right of free speech.
When I found these old flags in my parents’ garage, the only word that could describe the feelings they brought up was “dissonance.” They had once meant something to me, but I could no longer say I have the same feelings of awe and loyalty toward them. They have come to represent the white Christian nationalist ideology which to I stand vehemently opposed. White Christian nationalists have co-opted these flags. This piece is my honest reaction to these tarnished symbols of faith and country.
Für Alina & The Banshee
Performed by Daniel Lee
I paired Arvo Pärt’s Für Alina with Henry Cowell’s The Banshee to explore two diametric expressions of what “dissonance” could sound like: the first, an internal liturgy with an unsettling undercurrent; the second, as what I can only describe a long, guttural scream. Living with these pieces, I began to learn that behind the ugly and terrifying could be something human and moving. The Banshee cries out to foretell the impending death of a loved one. A mother, in Für Alina, ruminates on her child daughter who is now grown and gone. As you listen to the track, I invite you to listen deeper to the dissonances, the disturbances that exist in and around you. Do you hear anything different?
Out of Love, Eternal Life
Written by Virgil Lew
Artwork by Julia Hendrickson
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~ John 3: 16
Just about anyone young or old has heard of these famous words. John 3:16 describes God, love, world, Son, and eternal life. It’s essentially a love poem. It is an extravagant gift from God to the world.
The five words defined in this single verse are a tremendous display of the internal work of God. What the early church heard was: the Father is the giver, the Son is the gift, and the Spirit is the breath spoken between the Father and Son. So, let’s take a closer look at this verse.
The preposition “for” introduces an object or noun with an intention. “For God” implies a purpose from God. It is God’s action to affect, touch and transform everything. It is God’s promise to provide the reality of heaven on earth.
God is the one and only creator. He brings into existence things all things. The desert tradition believed that all life hinges on God. If God did not exist, then, there would be no life.
God is Love. Love given is God’s endowment to us. There are no requirements or conditions of God’s generosity. God simply gives in Love, by Love,
and through Love. Love is an eternal, mutual overflowing of God’s radiance and glory in the world. There is no realm of lightness or darkness that Love does not reach.
The world is our reality. The world is inclusive of everything, good, bad, beautiful, corrupt and messy. The world is not infinite. It runs down and is depleted. It is finite and has limits. But God knew that the barriers and limitations of the world would not prevent Him from loving it greatly. In other words, God allowed himself to be touched, moved, misunderstood, hated, degraded and cursed. Love embraces all of these things without partiality.
The Son is God in human flesh. Though he is God, he emptied himself. This is so unfathomable for many of us to imagine. We ask, “How?”, but the text does not reveal this mystery. It is just a benevolent self-giving of God. The Son is a mirror and reflection of God who through his 30+ years on earth grew to know, understand, and love the world. The people who encountered the Son were experiencing the real and living God.
Eternal life is paradise, heaven on earth. The words of the Lord’s prayer bring to our consciousness this truth. The Lord’s prayer is embodied in each believer not as an achievement or measure of hard work but by grace. Heaven lives in us whether we are aware of it or not. However, eternal life must be received, then practiced and lived. We cannot take it for granted that eternal life will always shine because we are indeed captured by many misgivings and sins. But
it is possible to know that eternal life is in us by our openness to God and through His love for us.
“The capacity to see, feel, and know the world as the kingdom of heaven or paradise is only possible for those who allowed themselves, through a long process of spiritual transformation, to be drawn gradually into the possession of such freedom.”(Douglas Christie, The Blue Sapphire of the Mind, 331) Through God’s love and the offer of eternity, there is freedom.
Therefore, let’s not take this verse for granted. Let the words wash over you today. Let’s give thanks for God’s boundless self-giving because God is patient and waiting for us to receive it with all of our hearts.
GOING DEEPER
1. When has life been so crushing to you that you gave up hope in yourself, the world and God?
2. If you were offered a ticket to heaven, would you take it? Why or why not?
3. Have you experienced a specific time in your life that you have felt a bit of heaven or eternity or a miracle? Share that time with someone you know.
4. How would our lives change or be transformed if we realized that eternal life is in us?
THE SERPENT & THE MARK
Written by Jason Ashimoto
Artwork by Quincy Sakai
In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth…
But somewhere within that beginning, the serpent was also created.
There, in the garden of Eden – Earth’s first paradise – and in the wake of all that was good… evil was created. ‘How and why’ has been the subject of many theologians, philosophers, and scholars for ages, with no definitive answer remaining. All we know is simply that it happens.
Evil is born.
In our ancient creation myth, we recognize that sin and brokenness has entered our human story. The serpent figure is presented as the antagonist… the villain. It introduces conflict in this tale – an opposing force to the creation narrative of God declaring everything good.
The Serpent is a sly kind of enemy. It is subversive, sneaky, smart.
In a way, it cultivates sin in us – grows it from the seed of a suggestion.
Adam and Eve fall prey to the ploy, introducing brokenness into the beauty that God crafted. The Jews call it the yetzer hara – the evil inclination. The evangelicals call it the sinful nature. Whatever we name it, it is the propensity in us to do bad just as we can do good. As a consequence, these first two humans are sent away into a life where evil is now a reality.
But while the story of the Serpent presents the origin of this broken world, it is the next chapter that shows us the extent of this evil in our lives. It affects the next generation of Eve and Adam – their son Cain - suggesting that this is not just a problem for the original humans, but a problem for every human. But what is perhaps more horrendous is what this sprout of evil leads to – the intentional murder of a family member.
10 The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”
13 Cain said to the Lord, “My punishment is more than I can bear. 14 Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”
15 But the Lord said to him, “Not so; anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him.
16 So Cain went out from the Lord’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.
Humanity’s first sin outside of the garden is fratricide. At this point of the story, the human race seems doomed right from the start. By all appearances, it looks like the Serpent has already won. It’s set into motion a type of disease that causes us ultimately to destroy ourselves. Like Cain, we are all made the villains of our own story.
And what does God do with Cain in response? In an unexpected move, God gives Cain a mark… inscribes a character on his forehead. The mark simultaneously identifies both his sin and salvation… his despair and hope… his guilt and freedom. Yes, he is the villain. The serpent would love to close the book on Cain – cementing his fate and all of ours with that conviction and the death that it brings. But God declares the story will not end there.
Today, we are invited into that story and to humbly find ourselves in Cain’s narrative. To discover ourselves as his offspring… his descendants. We are marked with the same character on our heads.
All of us – forever villains from a villainous people. But a villain with a promise from God.
