Motherscope | San Diego, CA motherscope.com Motherscope Branding by Samantha Acker | Delilah the Gemini Cover Illustration Design & Interior Collages by Dani Aziz | Dani Aziz Studio Hand Illustrations on Contents page & pages 54, 64, 104, 128, 131 by Eva Liebovitz Copy Editor | Matthew Leonard Copyright Š 2019 by Motherscope and the individual contributors. All rights reserved. Leonard, Jackie (ed.) Issue 2 | Choose Your Own Motherhood SUBMISSIONS We believe every mother has a compelling story — and we are challenging you to take ownership of your story, to speak your truth. Motherscope examines the corners of motherhood we don't often talk about. Be specific, be personal, be real. We want to hear from you! Check our Submission page for up-to-date information on how to contribute to our next issue. motherscope.com/submit
MOTHERSCOPE.COM IG & TWITTER: @MOTHERSCOPE FACEBOOK.COM/MOTHERSCOPE Founder & Editor | Jackie Leonard Inquiries | hello@motherscope.com
Broadening the Scope of Motherhood.
Foreword by Motherscope Editor, Jackie Leonard
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Meet Dani Aziz of Dani Aziz Studio
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Kaylene Victorio | I Choose to Fly
Elizabeth Dingmann Schneider | Diptych, Thirteen Embryos, Two-Week Wait
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Amy Dunkel | Should I Stay or Should I Go?
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Kaitlin Solimine | Tandem
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Bridget Moore | Handsome Girl Designs
Melissa Face | Having It All: Another Myth of Motherhood
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Angela Dribben | Growing Beyond Reach
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Meet Melissa Martinez of Vegancitas
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Lindsey Maureen Jones | You Would Never Know Victoria Jane Kearney | Held
Cheryl Pullins | The Choice that Changed Everything Suzy Harris | The Color Pink
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Shanthy Milne | Breastfeeding to the Bittersweet End
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Esme DeVault | Big Sur
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Motherscope Community | #UnpopularMomChoice Kate Hutchinson | Ligatures Lisa MasĂŠ | Fever Breaks
Meet Joy Blessman of Bokujoy Melissa Martinez | Spontaneity Allison Hong Merrill | Yu-Jie
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Motherscope Community | #ChoiceIDidntWantToMake
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Victory Corwin | Prayer for Surrendering Liberty
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Sunayna Pal | Accept and Change
Frances A. Rove | The Mystery of Me Autumn Konopka | Drought
Meet Miriam Torres of Because of What Happened Susan Alkaitis | When to Release Jetti Mares | Up & Coming Anna Forsberg | Awake
Meet the Mamas | Contributor Bios
A Special Thank You | Write Beside Her
Motherscope Exclusive | 50 Writing Prompts
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Photo by Tara Johansen Photography
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FROM THE EDITOR Would you believe me if I told you that the only reason this magazine exists — the only reason there is a Motherscope and there is a me writing this foreword to you and sharing my story — is because of a Facebook message? A choice. A small, fraction of a choice. The 1% of a fully realized and conscious choice was the thing that shifted me in a new direction, the one that led me here. I see now that the thing that changed me from the me before to the me now was not in the big decisions and changes. It was not in leaving my job, or birthing my son. The only reason that I am here today, writing these words to you, feeling more vulnerable and impassioned, more alive and happy and in love and loved than I have ever been, is because one day, for no apparent reason or need, I reached out to two women, both women I knew and was friendly with, but otherwise had very little relationship with, women who, by any and all intention, I had no real awareness of what either could offer me, or especially, what I could offer them. And yet, I made the choice to reach out. They were both women in the same season as I, we were pregnant, due within weeks of one another, with our first children. I can't tell you what my frame of mind was during that day in February and April when I sent a message to each of them. Our prior messages to one another were over a year old, reminding me how little we really interacted beforehand. Maybe I was bored, watching a rerun on Netflix,
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A NOTE ABOUT
I couldn't step into the theme of choice without thinking about the women and children and families not too far from where I call home. I remembered these lines from the poem, "Home" by Warsan Shire: you have to understand, that no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land I couldn't look away from the images of mothers and babies and children crying. The stories of separation and loss. I came across a news story about a breastfeeding mother detained in an ICE facility for over twelve days, separated from her four-month old child. I couldn't even imagine the pain of that situation, the fear, the worry. It unsettled me. Reading the comments under the news story was a glaring reminder how easy it can be to dehumanize issues. This unsettled me more. And maybe, because this was fresh on my mind, I took notice of an organization doing something to help. Border Kindness responds to the immediate needs of migrants and refugees in the Mexicali/Calexico Border Region. Among other services, Border Kindness provides women and children safe temporary living
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spaces with the comprehensive resources they need. Border Kindness believes everyone should have the opportunity to live free of pain, hunger, intimidation and fear. To support our neighbors at the border, Motherscope is donating 15% of all proceeds from Issue 2 to Border Kindness. You can learn more about the work they are doing by visiting borderkindness.org. As you flip through the pages of this magazine, pay attention to the thoughts that creep in, the judgments, the assumptions. Take the time to ask where they are coming from. These stories are a practice of understanding, a way to challenge yourself to embrace the choices of motherhood, the nuanced, varied, specific, personal ways that each of our experiences differ. Embrace the community we can build in motherhood instead of treating it like a club we will never fit into. Never forget to find yourself in another person's story. See to be seen. Thank you for choosing to support Motherscope and embracing the stories of motherhood.
Jackie Leonard
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Photo by Aubree Lynn Photography
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I Choose to Fly By Kaylene Victorio
Does a caterpillar choose to turn into a butterfly? The state of pregnancy with my first child was what I imagine it would feel like to go from a hungry caterpillar to a too tight, and slightly uncomfortable, cocoon in vast anticipation for the final POP! Now, half a decade into motherhood and two children later, I have come to realize that all mothers start their journey of metamorphosis the same — we may not look the same or feel the same, but we are the same and we are united. For some, the transformation of female to mother will bring devastation, to others utter joy, and for us all, it will bring change. A change in perspective. A change in our whole self: our minds, bodies, and spirits. Some of it may be radical change and other slow-moving. Motherhood has changed how I see myself — how I love myself. I deeply believe that becoming a mother, in whatever context that title means to you, is an illuminating experience in both the best and worst of ways. The only picture to paint around motherhood is that it is constant. It is always happening around us and yet amplifies the fact that
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Let Love Grow Growing Babe 27
Postpartum | Bridget Moore
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Introduce yourself and share a little about what makes you you! My name is Melissa, I've been cooking and baking since I was nine years old. My love for food is infinite and my need for creativity is endless. I'm a mother, artist, self-taught baker, and chef thriving in Riverside, California. I run Vegancitas, a Xicana Vegan Bakery that specializes in pandulce, bread, desserts, and custom cakes. Tell us more about what first led you to create Vegancitas, and the journey it's taken you on to get to where you are today. I was a social worker working with autistic children for about three years before I became a mother and had my own children. After becoming a mother, I began my struggles with chronic illness. It became so debilitating that having a job became extremely overwhelming to fulfill while being a mother and dealing with chronic illness. I dealt with so many hospitalizations, being stuck in bed for days, constant doctor visits, and feeling
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The dough is tacky. It won’t release from rolling pin or cookie cutter. In the yard, water keeps coming. Now climbing the sliding board backwards. Now kicking at the high swing. And in the basement, the walls are weeping all over the infant toys, area rugs, and other junk we wanted to sell or give away. No matter how much I flour, the shapes stick and stretch, stars and hearts, deformed, almost unrecognizable.
By Autumn Konopka
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Is there nothing rigid, set, reliable. Freeze dough for 30 minutes. Flour work surface. Roll. Cut. Bake. But not today. Today it pours rain. We are trapped inside together, my toddler and me. The same toys and games, the same routines that bore us both. And none of our easy distractions. I did my time in the glider, with the boppy pillow, nursing bras, lanolin. Now I’m through. So we bake. Special cookies, no eggs, because she is allergic. It was thoughtful. I was thoughtful. I considered her fickle diet, and I baked. It is not my body, no. But it is something.
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