Motherscope LLC | San Diego, CA motherscope.com Cover Illustration by Alexandra Harvey | Mothershaped The Mom Salon logo by Samantha Acker | Gemini Designs Copyright © 2021 by Motherscope LLC and the individual contributors. All rights reserved. Leonard, Jackie (editor) The Mom Salon | October 2021 The Mom Salon features the writings of Motherscope’s 2021 Contributors, appearing in rotation from Mar. 2021 through Feb. 2022: Kate Bailey, Eunice Brownlee, Kelsey Cichoski, Heather Cleaves, Laci Hoyt, Micah Klassen, Shanthy Milne, Alyssa Nutile, Holly Ruskin, Kaitlin Solimine, Colleen Tirtirian, Megan Vos, Melaina Williams
SUBMISSIONS We believe every mother has a compelling story — and we are challenging you to take ownership of your story, to speak your truth. Motherscope examines the corners of motherhood we don’t often talk about. Be specific, be personal, be real. We want to hear from you! Check our Submission page for up-to-date information on how to contribute to our next issue. motherscope.com/submit Inquiries: hello@motherscope.com
In This Month’s Mom Salon: Shanthy Milne | Pallu Kolukattai: Celebrating the Joy of Eating
1
Kate Bailey | The Story I Tell
7
Eunice Brownlee | 53 Hours
11
Kelsey Cichoski | In Sickness and Heath: The Bond Between Mother and Daughter
17
CONTENT GUIDANCE “53 Hours” (p. 11-15): missing child “In Sickness and Health . . . ” (p. 17-19): cancer
Pallu Kolukattai: Celebrating the Joy of Eating By Shanthy Milne My son’s arrival in this world was not marked with any welcoming traditions or cultural practices. He was not Christened as his father had been, nor did we hold a naming ceremony or shave his head as is customary in Sri Lankan Tamil culture – a purification ritual believed to rid a child of any ills from a past life (and encourage a thicker re-growth of hair). But when our son’s beautiful gummy smile gave way to reveal his first incisor, it became the symbolic moment in which we wanted to draw on my family’s cultural traditions and come together to celebrate. Food plays a significant role in the cultural practices of Sri Lankan Tamil communities. Many religious rituals begin with the symbolic breaking of a coconut, representing the destruction of the ego and the pursuit of purity from within. In Hindu temples, Prasadam in the form of fruit or specially prepared rice dishes are placed before deities as an offering. Following poojas (ritual prayers), these offerings – now consecrated – are shared and consumed among devotees. Whether religious or secular, each ceremonial gathering culminates with the sharing of food. But there is also one occasion where it is the very act of eating and the embarkation on a lifelong relationship with food that is the cause for celebration itself. It was this, the Pallu Kolukattai (Teething Ceremony), which my husband and I felt the most affinity towards and desire to celebrate. In Western culture, teething tends to be met with ambivalence. Albeit a recognisable milestone, it is often bemoaned for the accompanying sleepless nights and ever-present fussiness of a baby with sore gums. Typically, it is the loss of the milk tooth that is given precedence. Though 1
children revel at the prospect of a nocturnal visit from the Tooth Fairy, the tradition of exchanging the lost tooth for money or gifts fails to pay homage to the joys of eating facilitated by these teeth or their successors. Comparatively, Asian and Middle-Eastern traditions marking the eruption of the first tooth are grander affairs, involving the wider community and celebrating the possibilities opening up to the tooth bearer – including but not limited to the culinary fares they might enjoy. The pursuit of food had taken my husband and I to far-off destinations and through food, we had transcended linguistic, social and cultural barriers, connecting with people in the most fundamental of ways. We all eat, and in doing so together, we can be unified by our similarities whilst appreciating each other’s differences. Having experienced this, we were united in our desire to raise a child who could derive the same joys and pleasures from food that we’d experienced. During his wedding speech, my husband (who I had never before seen cry) shed tears whilst recollecting the moment he first met my grandmother. They had found themselves alone together and in the absence of words, she had carved and fed him jackfruit. The intimacy of her actions tapped into the most primitive form of human connection, echoing the way a mother connects non-verbally with her child through the act of feeding. Without words, my husband had understood he was being embraced and welcomed into the family. On the day of my son’s Pallu Kollukattai, we gathered in my parent’s house. Never one to miss an opportunity, my dad had made his trademark spiced rum punch, which he distributed in glasses piled high with fruit. My auntie, Lalitha, had spent the previous day (and night) prepping the most important part of the day – the kolukattai. Kolukattai is a steamed dumpling found in South Indian and Sri Lankan cuisine. Traditionally, it is shaped like a half moon and filled with a mix of mung dal, cocunut, jagerry and cardamom. Preparing this delicacy is something of an art form and requires a certain amount of dexterity in order to achieve a perfectly uniform twisted seal along the kolukattai’s outer edge. As more aunties gathered to put the finishing touches on a final batch of ceremonial kolukattai, the kitchen was soon filled with the sound of laughter. This special batch was embellished with small pieces of coconut representing the new teeth we had gathered to celebrate. My husband’s
2