,nat R€Vl€W Volume 37, Numbe r 4
Frida~, Oct. 19, 1982
No longer alone: Help a t hand for ha ttered wives by Ronale Anson Everv 18 seconds a woman is bc:uen. Some call for help: ~OSI do not. The call usu3lly comes in 1hc middle of the night. It could come through Open Line. from a 13w enforcement agency or from :i minister. It docs not mouer where the c.-nll onginotcs: the advocate ,s committed to aid Lhe victims of domestic ,,iolence. ··There is no typical vic11m: you cnn't really pick 3 persona lit) type." said Karen Downing. volunteer ndvoc:ite and domestic violence counselor. "There are some lhings that seem to bear through that have a common thread to it: one thing 15 low ~elf-cstcem--the people "'' ho stay have lo"' self. esteem." Another common thread seem\ to be 'hat she 15 a mothcnng-type. She feels responsible for the man, Do"'•ning said. "If they (the baucrcd women) hong in there, and they are the very best perM>n, then maybe he 'It change,'' Do,.•ning sn,d. ""They think 1h01 somehow they can toke the responsibility and change him." Bat final!) one nigh t tt is 100 much to 1:ike. She calls for help. The advocate explores the victim'!> rc~ourC'cs. ls it :i real emergency ~itu3tion? Docs she ha,e ~omcwhere 10 go? Docs i,hc need 10 go 10 the hospital? Do the police have to be called? If the woman has 10 get out of 1hc house, the 11dvoca1e will me et her at o ncu t ral pince and intervi(•w her 10 be sure tho1 !>he ,s realh· in need. because focihties arc scarce in c~ur d' A·lene. The baucred ..·oman Is then tnken to n "\nre·· hou~c which pro,•idcs all the comfons for the victim and her children for three days while ,;he consid<.-rs her altemn1ivc~. The odvocntc meet\ with the vie1im the next day for coun~cling and to examine the situation. The victim makes her own decbion concerning her future. "We never try 10 tell them what 10 do: it's up 10 them. We're supportive,'' Downing snid. "We understand. most of U\, why they're in thnt situation, :ind it') up to 1hem to make that decision." If the v1C1im decides lhat she wants 10 le:l\'C her hu~band, the volunteers 111 the Coeur d'Alene Women's Cenler will a~ist her in any way possible. Acconllng to the FBI, SO to 60 percent of nil married women hn,•e been battered at le~t once,
and only one in 10 coses is reponed. In Kootcn:ii County. :ibout six domestic dis1urb:inccs :ire reponed in a week. No one enjoys being beaten or deser ..es it. Dome\t ic violence occurs in all classes. races. profession<; :ind religious groups. Everyone in,ohed with domestic violence b n ,•1cum. In addition to the woman and 1he children. the man i<; a ,·ictim too. All of the ,•,ctims get trapped in the ""b31tered-wife svndrome."· A thrCC•Slage cycle, •he "'ba11cred•\l.ifc svn, drome·· s1:1n, "'ith the tension building pha.se. Nothing the "'omnn docs or docs not do can appease the \ituation. The second phase (crupuon) can be anything from verbal abu'ie 10 ph)·Sical beating. Then the m:in feels remorse (the honermoon phase). promises 10 ne\'cr do n again. and gives the w 1fe peace offerings of some ~on. This cycle continues until one of 1hrce 1hmg) hnppcn\. the couple scpanucs. someone is killed or the , ictims get counseling. " h 's frustrating for the ,oluntecrs 10 "'Nl \I.Uh some of the victim~:· Do... ning ,.iid. "'becau,c: the) 're not really ready for change--they do fl.O b3ck a lot. '"They keep going b:ick 10 their husbJnd.5 o,er and over again." ,he ,aid. "The typic-.11 wom.tn lea.cs the husband 10 times before she actuallv lea,·es.' Children of all ages 3re affected by "io.lencc in the home. Infants ho\'e poor ,lecping h11bi1s. )'Oung children show fc3r b} hiding or may try to protect their mother. pre-teens may block 1hc1r mother's <urTcring from their consciousness. and some 1eens may e,·en join thcir father in bellling their mother. In some cases the woman " ·ill no1 leave her husb:10d until he harms one of the children or another famil\' member. One women's C'Cnter ,olunteer told of a strange love hate rel:monsrup bcrween the <'hildren of a baucred woman. The brother "'ould hun his sister until she cncd out in p:iin. Then he 11.ould comfon her and tell her that he lo"ed her. According 10 Richard Gelles in ··Toe Myth of Battered Hu )bands.'' if a child is expo,ed 10 violence in the home and 1s 1he "ictim of parental ,•,olcnre, thnr child i) qune likely 10 gro"'' up and use
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Ston l:lall photo WHERE TO TURN- -Baucred l<"h es do have so me place to go In North Idaho but mu~t decide to reach out for help. , 1olencc ag3ins1 a child or spouse. Domestic ,iolence does not always happen somewhere else: u could be happening next door. Cc,cur d ·Alene social ngenc,e~ reported seeing at least --i bauered "'omen las1 venr. In California it "'as legal fo~ a man 10 kill his "'ife or children in the line of d1~ciphne m this century. according 10 Downing. Public aultude lms to change before there will be a lo1 of progre~s m soh ing the problem of domestic ,iolencc C'Ontinued on page 10
Concert slated Saturday "Saturd:iy Nigh1 at the Movies.' 3 concert gi,cn b>· the North lduho Symphony Orchestra. "ill be held in the Communication-Ans Audi1onum on Saturduy 111 8 p.m. The roncen, a bafancc of classical Jnd popufor music. will be performed by the orchcsrra, wh,c-h combines 60 NIC studen1s :ind communuy musicians. The o~hestra w3s staned a ye:ir Jgo b) Todd Snyder. NIC music: instructor. . The conceri is free and according to Sn}der. is armed 111 · · gemng 11" .. audience."' The prognm. v.hich t3kesoffon the Boston Pops ,den. ,.;11 include "S111r Wars. ··2001 Space Odyssey·· and ··ause Enroun1ers.''