REG’S BENCH Why Parents Drink A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole
winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
Across 1 Clergyman's gown (7) 5 One who shows people to their seats (5) 8 Sightless (5) 9 Clipping of trees into fancy shapes (7) 10 Let go (7) 11 Period during which a monarch rules (5) 12 Place of worship (6) 14 Financial holdings (6) 18 Bush (5) 20 Race-meeting for boats (7) 22 Capital of Kenya (7) 23 Not asleep (5) 24 Assumed name (5) 25 Heighten, augment (7) Down 1 Floor show (7) 2 Expertise (5) cocktail (7) 3 Eccentric person (7) 15 Piffle (7) 4 Young cat (6) 16 Breed of cat (7) 5 Part of a shoe (5) 17 Sea trip (6) 6 Weightier (7) 18 Father Christmas (5) 7 Artificial silk (5) 19 Floating markers (5) 13 Gin and vermouth CRYPTIC CROSSWORD Across 1 Some tyres may be serrated (8) 6 Some pure deep colour (3) 9 Decree cited in error (5) 10 Office wear ordered from Algeria? (7) 11 Furniture placed by river (7) 13 Sample making sense (5) 14 News I'd broadcast in northern town (6) 15 Keep dancing near it (6) 19 Fruit that could be cheap (5) 21 Unpredictable boy sheltering rodent (7) 22 I go nuts arranging trips (7) 23 From concealment, shoot a bird (5) 24 Some Common Market countries - and the rest (3) 25 An unknown person is comparatively odd (8)
WORD SEARCH
Solutions page 14
QUICK CROSSWORD
Down 2 Was sex linked with diet? (7) 3 Rocky outcrop stuck up? Nonsense! (3)
4 Ref has trouble again (6) 5 Spectacles always provided for tourist (9) 6 Bread found in luxury car? (5) 7 A girl of the Indian Empire (5) 8 Notice cut in playground equipment (6) 12 A net helps wild animals (9) 16 A way to go on horseback - with legs
21 Rail transport (5)
apart (7) 17 Steal the Spanish coin (6) 18 Meals the queen found a problem (6) 19 Poser set in unpoetical language (5) 20 Greek garret (5) 23 Do wrong at home on Sunday (3)
SODUKU Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9, with no number repeated. MOLONG EXPRESS, Thursday 27 July 2023 11 11 MOLONG EXPRESS, Thursday 28 October 2021
