Modern Women Bali Magazine Issue 3

SURPRISE YOURSELF: EMPOWERMENT ON EIGHT WHEELS BATTLE ROYALE:

MONOGAMY vs POLYAMORY WELL BEING:

BODY POLITICS: FAT GIRL BRAVING CANGGU

CONTENT

04 EDITORIAL A note from the editor 08 CONTRIBUTORS

09 WANT TO GET PUBLISHED?

22 Well Being Body politics: Fat girl braving Canggu

10 BATTLE ROYALE Monogamy vs. Polyamory Navigating the Love’s Spectrum

34 BALI CHALLENGES Saucy sage

40 HEALINGHOMES Making a home in paradise?

28

Laughing Matters Screaming in silence

46 BALIGEMS Prajna - Transformation through self inquiry

52 MOTHER MUSINGS Montessori’s answer to raising independent children

58 WELLNESS ACADEMY Question the norm: What every woman needs to know about female hygiene products

66

64 KEEP YOURWITS ABOUT YOU

Cover story

Surprise Yourself: Empowerment on Eight Wheels

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UNCLAIMED BRILLIANCE IN PADDED ROOMS. Bali - a casino, an asylum, a zoo; but also, in its corners, someone quietly is cooking something great.

The trouble is, often from where we are sitting it’s hard to tell where we are on that spectrum.

Are we the sane ones in a deeply unwell, intellectually and spiritually handicapped society? The brave lucid few who see things clearly? Or are we ever so cheerfully slipping on the slippery slope of wokeness into mad spinsterhood? Interestingly, not necessarily a grim development. A friend recently told me her goal in life has always secretly been to become a gleefully disruptive eccentric old lady with an outrageous luxuriously bohemian lifestyle.

Moving to Bali proved to be the embodiment of the dream.

As our Saucy Sage discusses (page 34), many of us who live here have received a fair share of concerned looks from our friends and family back home.

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incomprehensible. We flew the coop. We are making weird choices. We are following wacky non-linear career paths. They’ve got a point.

Between the moon-made divine goddesses of Ubud and Tuesday night Canggu rope-play sessions, there’s plenty to be worried about.

‘Are you sure you know what you are doing?’ they ask cautiously.

Quite frankly, often - no.

But let’s face it, whatever we were doing back home wasn’t quite cutting it. It was like we were all reading from the same tired life manual. All following the same unspoken understandings about how we are to look (thin); how we should work (always growing); the success we should aspire to (monetarily expressed); the relationship we should want (hetero-monogamous).

And so wild with wonder, hearts ablaze, we’ve set out to discover if something else will feel better.

Here as we meet people from different cultures, we are delighted by variations.

Turns out, there is no one single manual.

Suddenly there are a lot more reference points. Our regular columnist Ibu Skit (Laughing Matter, page 28) was happy to learn that to Italians our ‘shameful extra pounds’ are desirable; the French taught us that great sex after 50 exists.

EDITORIAL

To them, we are doing something

EDITORIAL

From the Balinese we learned devotion, and how to smile. We learn a new kind of forwardness.

The one that moves through the obstacles by wrapping around them.

We start to wonder if such a variety of choices exists, maybe we can stop trying to fit into any one of these ways, and just make up our own. The girls from Skaters Without Borders were wondering the same. Now some of them are discovering they can make a decent living hanging out with their friends on eight wheels (Cover story, page 66).

We are beginning to get a glimmer of where our unclaimed brilliance is hiding.

And just as we are discovering that we can make our own way financially, maybe we can do that for our relationships also? Perhaps, although married, we are better off living in separate houses? Maybe we can sexually and romantically engage with other people while being in a deep committed relationship (Battle Battle Royale, page 10). Maybe we want to charge our crystals under the moon and, barefooted, clad in all white chant ‘Hare Krishna!’ on Mondays.

Making our own way does get confusing.

What’s too weird? What’s too far? What’s better - our ‘alternative’ choices or their mainstream ones? And if the worst-case scenario is true, and our choices are indeed insane, is that really so bad?

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Perhaps the transcendental descent into the wrong choices is mandatory for any sizeable breakthrough. Mad genius kind of thing.

It takes getting lost to be found. So don’t be disheartened if you can’t see the road ahead, if what others are doing doesn’t tickle you. Misfit with us proudly. We identify ourselves as the spokeswomen for the impossible. We let ourselves get possessed, crowned and transported by what we love. We speak in colours, and weave our mad magic. Seems to be working.

Bali - a casino, an asylum, a zoo; but also, in its corners, someone quietly is cooking something great.

Modern Women Bali Founder

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Anastasia Belikova EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sania Rasyid EDITORS Lynn Maria Minervini Rahima Saikal EDITORIAL TEAM Ibu Skit Rahima Saikal Kathleen Isley Megan Lynn Judd Lynn Maria Minervini Anastasia Silver ADVISORY BOARD Ibu Kat The NYX DESIGN Irawan Zuhri ILLUSTRATIONS AND PHOTOGRAPHY Marina Richterova Cecil Buller Linkan Palenewen (@candylcker) Dean Raphael (@deanraphael) Haikini Swimwear (@haikini.co) Harley Lunar (@harleylunar)

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CONTRIBUTORS

FOUNDER

WANT TO GET

PUBLISHED? Would you like to get published?

You will get a great exposure and an amazing platform to showcase your writing, your art, your area of expertise to a wide audience.

We are a hub for creatives, intellectuals, business women, professionals and other badass Modern Women in Bali who want to grow, express, create, inspire, inform and connect.

Not a writer but would like to flex your creative muscles and gain experience? Join our creatives braintrust!

We welcome writers to become the voice of Modern Women Bali and make an impact in the community.

GET IN TOUCH! modernwomenbali@gmail.com

We encourage you to contribute articles, thoughts, opinions, expert tips, poems and stories about your Bali experience.

@modernwomenbali

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BATTLE ROYALE

MONOGAMY POLYAMORY: NAVIGATING THE LOVE SPECTRUM 11

BATTLE ROYALE

I CHOOSE POLYAMORY

BY ANNE-CLAIRE MERET I have two lovers and I like

What degree of closeness and intimacy do we

it. I used to associate non-

expect, and what do we offer? Do we have a veto

monogamous relationships with

on the other’s relationships? And so many other

frivolity, lacking depth and

questions I’d never thought about before.

relational stability. I imagined those choosing this path had

Contrary to my initial thoughts, I found that

an excessive sexual desire,

polyamory is not frivolous (it can be, depending

commitment-avoidant people

on the rules you choose to adopt, or ignore).

seeking constant validation,

Establishing open relationships requires the

or wanting to forever be in

courage to pose the kind of intimate questions

the initial exciting zone of

often sidestepped by monogamous couples.

dating instead of choosing to

Through these explorations, I’ve uncovered

grow together and deepen a

that such inquiries cultivate increased trust

relationship. Then, six years ago

and freedom, two elements that appeared

in Ubud, I met the man who is

contradictory in my past relationships.

now my husband.

RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENTS Back then, he wasn’t ready to

Today I have a husband and a boyfriend (also met

start something with me. I met

in Ubud! Who said good men there are hard to

another man, in a polyamorous

find?). We decided to create a hierarchical type

relationship, and found myself

of relationship: I have a “primary” partner with

on an unexpected journey. When

whom I have a daily life, a dog and two cats, long-

my now-husband came back

term projects, investments, etc. and a “secondary”

into my life, we explored what

partner with whom I share a few hours or days

committed love meant to us. In

per week, sometimes vacations. My boyfriend has

retrospect, I understand that

other partners and is delighted with this situation,

starting our relationship open

allowing him to spend quality time with me

to polyamory allowed us to dare

and still maintain his “bachelor” life. There are

create our tailor-made union.

infinite ways to create relationships, and they can

What types of agreements make

also evolve over time; our agreements are not set

us feel cherished, loved and

in stone.

secure?

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“Establishing open relationships requires the courage to pose the kind of intimate questions often sidestepped by monogamous couples”.

13

BATTLE ROYALE

“Open relating delayed the process of actually breaking up. It became almost like an excuse for us to not move on”.

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My husband and I have listed all the best

Then, ‘compersion’ can emerge—a

questions to ask ourselves when a new person

beautiful word denoting the ability

enters our life. It’s fourteen pages long.

to rejoice in the happiness of one’s partner, even when that joy arises

INTIMACY AND SEXUALITY

from relationships other than yours.

Do we have twice as much sex when polyamorous? It’s possible, but it’s a myth to

Is open relating something everyone

think that we always sleep with our partners just

can explore? It’s important to know

because we have the opportunity. (And if you’re

why we choose to be polyamorous.

wondering about STDs, each person explicitly

For me, life offers beautiful

agrees to investigate any partner’s potential

experiences that I want to be able to

diseases, and protects themselves to safeguard

say yes to courageously with an open

everyone.) Beyond sex, there are many other

heart. I acknowledge that embracing

things to experience together.

open relating requires prioritising important questions for success.

JEALOUSY UNMASKED

When we dare to deconstruct norms

From my perspective, partners are like flavours.

and invite creativity into our lives, to

As a short Métisse with a beautiful smile and

boldly live as we wish without fear

curly hair, I’ll never be a tall blonde with blue

of others’ judgement, it can be an

eyes! I don’t feel threatened if a partner makes

amazing journey full of love.

that choice because I believe that what’s meant for me will come to me, though I might get sad if a partner were to leave me for a connection with someone else. But I tell myself that just means

FROM THE AUTHOR

they’re a better match.

I am a coaching teacher, We can get triggered we’re human. Dissolving

naturopath, and author.

jealousy involves different steps; one can

I also offer online

undertake it alone through self-reflection, or

programs, inspiring

together. What does my partner seeing that

humanity to aim higher

person mean to me? What are the stories in

and live from the heart.

my head? Are they true? How can I cultivate a

Instagram: https://

sense of worth and safety? Discussion deepens

www.instagram.com/

relationships. It takes courage to confront fears

anneclaire_meret/

together, and quite often, jealousy dissolves with crucial conversations, patience, and love.

15

BATTLE ROYALE

I CHOOSE MONOGAMY

BY JOAN PICKERTON I didn’t believe in ‘the one’ before I met

a pattern of ending up in

my partner. I always looked down on that

the same relationships,

idea. It was a fantasy. I can’t say with any

getting triggered, and

certainty if ‘the one’ exists for anyone else,

feeling lost. How do we

but I’m definitely having an experience that

break out of this prison?

allows me to feel like I can die now because I’ve loved, and have been loved, in a way I

Two important tools are

never have before.

nervous system regulation and secure attachment.

For the past four years, I’ve been in a

When someone can bring

committed, deeply attuned relationship.

all the parts they judge as

I’m profoundly touched by this way of being

unlovable into connection

together. It is genuine and powerful. And

with others, learn how to

challenging. Because I have never been

regulate themselves and

this committed, my abandonment trauma

be more resilient, they

has never been this activated. I have never

ultimately end up living

been this understood, or felt this free from

the lives they want. If

any doubt in any other relationship. It’s

we just add ‘conscious’

not a decision whether or not I want to be

to relating, I think that

monogamous with him. I just am.

will help people face what comes up, regardless of

In the late 90s, I moved into an Osho

what relational forms they

community. That environment of

have. They no longer need

conscious, open relating, where we’d all

to dissociate, deflect, eat

come together to learn to be ourselves and

too much, reach out for

become free, led me to pursue degrees in

sex because they’re lonely.

psychotherapy, specialising in sexuality

There’s an awareness

and trauma. In my relating and intimacy

(aka consciousness) to

work I find that, for a lot of people, it’s less

everything they bring to

of a question of being polyamorous, or

how they relate.

monogamous, but more about addressing

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“The biggest gift of my entire life is how I’ve been loved, and how I’ve been able to love in my current monogamous relationship”.

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BATTLE ROYALE

Testing and trying different forms of

relationship where someone has an

relating to get to know ourselves, and the

affair. That’s the classic model.

takeaways from those experiences, takes a certain amount of courage.

I think what I learned the hard way is that if I’m not genuinely connected with

I don’t know if I needed my previous

my partner and I keep letting it go, keep

open relationship to prepare myself

giving it another week, another month,

to fully commit to just one person.

another year, I’m kind of betraying

Back then we were running a business

what’s true for me. I can use that open

together, building a brand. That was

relating paradigm to make it okay,

the focus. I brought the academic

because it’s conscious, we talk about it,

background and he brought the

and we agree. However, ultimately in my

management skills. In that sense, we

case it accumulated a certain pain that

had amazing chemistry, and we were

we weren’t processing.

successful. But I was forming a certain dependency on him professionally and

Were my current relationship an open

financially and ended up compromising

container, I wouldn’t be able to go as

what was truly genuine to me. It was

deep as I can because I wouldn’t feel

really clear to me that we matched well

safe. I’d be anxious, or consumed by who

in certain ways, but not in others. And

else my partner might be flirting with

yet I stayed. Sexually, and romantically,

or fucking. Right now, I know he is with

it wasn’t a match, and that mismatch

me. He is loyal, and we have a mutual

became more and more of a wound that

commitment. It allows my stuff to

led to other people getting involved. It

come up and be integrated into a whole

was painful. Eventually, the relationship

other level of acceptance. That actually

came to a mutual rejection.

deepens our intimacy.

In a way, open relating made it possible

I’m in my fifties now. I’ve had an amazing

for us to find our work as the meeting

variety of relational lives. The biggest

point. But open relating also delayed

gift of my entire life is how I’ve been

the process of actually breaking up. It

loved, and how I’ve been able to love in

became almost like an excuse for us to

my current monogamous relationship.

not move on, or for me to go out on my

And I couldn’t have had that journey had

own. But is this unique to polyamory?

I always accepted monogamy as the only

It could have been in a monogamous

container.

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Books To Explore: More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy, Jessica Fern The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship, Don Miguel Ruiz Radical Honesty, Brad Blanton.

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship” Stan Tatkin The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, Ty Tashiro Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, Sue Johnson 19

22

WELL BEING

BY THALIA ARCHER

One day I was working out of

I mean - you’re not fat.”

a cafe across from the Body Factory, and a guy sat next to

Ahhh little did he know

me. We started chatting. He

that I used to be 30 pounds

said that he loves Bali, he likes

over what my doctor would

the quality of the gyms here,

have gently recommended

and that he hates fat people.

was my ideal weight. And I’m 5’2”. In no universe

I choked on my soda. “You…

could I relate to him.

hate? Are you joking?”

I slurped my coca cola loudly, “No. I really hate fat people,

told the guy he sucked, and

they’re obviously lazy, like,

moved to another table.

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WELL BEING I wondered, is this what Canggu has truly become? A mecca of steroid-chugging, botox-pumping 30-year-olds who actually believe that humans are little more than the sum of their body mass index?

Cue the Russian supermodel whizzing past on an Nmax in a sports bra, plumped-up lips, and Celine sunglasses.

Of course she’s not wearing a helmet.

I wish I could say that social media gives a deceitful misrepresentation of Canggu, making it appear that this popular coastal town is only inhabited by the young and beautiful. But ya’ll, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. As far as people-watching goes, Canggu feels like it’s hosting open casting calls for Love Island - and the patio at Revolver

“Let your D-cup titties bounce, let your belly see some sun.

You deserve to have as much fun in Canggu as all your petite friends do”.

will give you a front row seat.

I often wonder why everyone is so

Most women proceed to flood the

impossibly good looking, and fit. Is that

comments with sisterly support, stern

a requirement for entering this expat-

reassurance, and finger snapping ‘you

influencer-hipster-instagram bubble?

rock that body with pride gurlfrewnn’.

And what if…I don’t look like them?

But I know there’s something missing from this encouragement

It’s a question that pops up frequently

of body positivity, because the

on the Bali women’s Facebook Groups.

truth is, yes, you will be judged.

It usually goes something like this: I thought back to my younger, fatter I’m overweight and out of shape.

self. What had I wished someone would

I’m not happy with how I look, but I

have told me then, when I was cursing

really want to explore Canggu and

God for giving me a curvy body in a

see what it’s all about. Do you think

country of petite Asian women?

I’ll be judged if I hang out there?

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Is this what Canggu has truly become? A mecca of steroidchugging, botox-pumping 30-year-olds who actually believe that humans are little more than the sum of their body mass index?

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“There’s something missing from all the encouragement of body positivity, because the truth is, yes, you will be judged”.

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WELL BEING I wish someone had told me: If

These days, body insecurities

you focus on your mental health,

take up less space in my mind. I

then everything else will fall into

don’t love my body, but I like it.

place. Let your D-cup titties bounce, let your belly see some sun. You

And I have something a lot of these

deserve to have as much fun in

beautiful Canggu people don’t. I

Canggu as all your petite friends do.

have confidence, and strong thighs thick enough to crush a cacao fruit.

Those years when I was overweight, I was battling a severe depressive

The best part is, now that I no

episode. Sexy neuroscientist

longer indulge in body comparison,

zaddy Andrew Huberman

I have time to complain about

popped up on my Youtube feed

other stuff in Canggu. Seriously,

and suggested taking morning

what’s up with ugly Scandinavian

walks, and letting the first rays

style investment properties? Why

of sunlight touch my eyeballs to

is Padel so expensive? Is it just

cope with depression. These were

me or do those policemen at the

just two of his key ingredients

intersections make the traffic worse?

for optimal mental health.

Morning walks became a sacred ritual for me, a way to beat intrusive thoughts and find joy in living again.

Turns out, walking is one of the most effective ways to lose weight, not a 3-month membership at Finns.

I lost thirty pounds as a byproduct of working on my mind.

And that’s the issue with the body positivity movement. While telling people to love their bodies is nice, it’s problematic not to address the deeper, underlying mental health concerns associated with body image.

FROM THE AUTHOR I am a Texas Indonesian writer based in Bali.

When I’m not napping or making margaritas, I go on disastrous dates with tourists. I channel my fascination with human absurdity into personal essays and humorous romantic fiction. When I grow up I want to be funny. https://substack.com/ @thaliaarcherbali

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BY IBU SKIT

“She yelled so loud,” the Balinese

She regularly pops in to my kitchen

woman tells me. “I didn’t know if I

where we work on mastering her

should go in and check she’s okay.”

English.

My alarm quickly turns to

“So, this guy has a lot of female

amusement. She explains that

guests?” I ask wryly. “Do they all

since she rented out one of her

make a lot of noise?”

rooms to a buff young Russian guy, beautiful girls sleep over almost

She pauses to think about it. “They

every night.

do!” she replies with widening eyes, as if on the brink of discovery.

I’ve known this woman for a few years. She’s one of my Balinese

When I smile, she smiles too.

landlord’s helpers. It’s been a

“Well,” I laugh, thinking we’re on

pleasure watching Ketut grow

the same page, “I guess that means

in confidence and evolve her

he’s good.”

business savvy with foreigners.

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LAUGHING MATTERS

Her brows furrow. “Good at what?”

I fumble a key back into that Pandora’s box and turn it. I’m not sure I’m ready for a conversation about Sex Ed with this married lady today. Nor do I want to risk saying something insensitive.

From what I’ve been told, the Balinese typically get it on to have children. Often, they don’t get married until the girl is pregnant. I don’t know anything about married sex for pleasure in their culture. I can only guess why Ketut doesn’t put together that a skilled lover can make a woman scream.

Before I moved to Bali, I used to joke with a group of heterosexual BFFs that if we want to get properly laid after we turn forty, we should move to France. The French have a saying: The best soups are made in old pots. Unlike in North America, there’s a reverence for mature women there who don’t seem to age-out of desirability. Brigitte Macron, the glamourous wife of the current French president, is twentyfive years his senior.

As a young woman in my 20s, I experienced the effort French men put into their sexual performance. The men I engaged with took their (self-proclaimed?) reputation as “the world’s greatest lovers” as seriously as they do their haute-cuisine food. More than once, I got the sense that my attentive French lover went down on me for the pride of his flag.

Back in the day, in western Europe it was easy (it still is) to learn what to expect while dating. Though, admittedly, in Italy it took me a minute to realize that an entire meal was always coming after I’d already finished the full plate of pasta. It was also surprizing that getting a little chubbier in the south led to being invited out on even more dinner dates.

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If you want to get properly laid after you turn forty, you should move to France. In Italy getting a little chubbier leads to being invited out on even more dinner dates.

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LAUGHING MATTERS

In Bali, navigating the codes of mono-

And what of sexual preference? Men the

culture seems so quaint. We settle here

world over might get in the elevator, but

from all over the world. And like the

not all of them will go down.

tourists planning a quick in and out, we use dating apps for hook-ups. Most

Clues, based on what we think we

expat woman I know looking for actual

know, might be part of our process,

relationships with men, including a few

but we invariably swipe right based on

‘golden oldies’ in their eighties, have

the information at hand. Appearance.

tried, or remain on, Bumble, Tinder, and

Attraction is important, but can we really

Hinge. But if he’s only in town for a week,

know anything of greater substance

and wants to ‘hit the best spots’, maybe

before we meet cheek to cheek? And what

you pass on being a tour guide with

of cultural mores?

benefits.

As a girl, my mother used to tell me, “You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince charming.” Weird Disney damsel fantasies aside, that implies that you should know what you want, and be willing to put in the effort to find it.

So, you scroll through more carefully curated profiles and ask yourself if taking a chance on this one is worth your time.

Regardless of clever marketing, it’s patently impossible to assess potential chemistry, personality, a sense of humour – all of which women typically claim is important – by looking at someone’s picture. Does a candidate’s native culture influence your choice, like if you expect him to buy you dinner, would you pick the hot Scandinavian or Dutch babe? The term ‘going Dutch’ means you pay your own way.

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To begin to understand what drives any

There might be some synchronicity at

given culture, we need to ask a lot of

play, because I don’t have to wait long

questions, or experience it.

for some insight, however partial. At my Indonesian sponsor’s office, the tension

“Ketut, I’ve got to run,” I say, ending the

in the air is palpable. With the tone of a

lesson in my kitchen. Then for the entire

kind, but scolding mother, the manager is

week, I berate myself for the missed

in a discussion with two of the company’s

opportunity to have a woman-to-woman

artisans. As I’ll soon learn, they’d been

talk about sex in Balinese culture, and

discovered mid coitus in one of the

why she didn’t recognize the sound of

building’s defunct storage rooms.

pleasure in those screams.

This Balinese couple, both married to somebody else, confess that their affair has been going on for months.

Apparently, until someone opened the wrong door, their sex was so quiet, they might never have been caught.

I berate myself for the missed opportunity to have a woman-towoman talk about sex in Balinese culture, and why she didn’t recognize the sound of pleasure in those screams.

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SAUCY

SAGE

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Question: I’m living in Bali long-term, and loving it. I’m thriving! However, I’m struggling with friendships back home. There’s a weird tension between us. One friend told me, ‘You seem lost’. Their criticism fills me with self-doubt. How do I deal with this lack of support without cutting them off?

Answer: So, you’ve chosen to be your own

They’re afraid they’ll lose you to some

person and live every day to the fullest.

hallucinogenic-filled orgy gone wrong. Or

Congratulations! That’s the first and

at least they’re afraid of losing the version

hardest step to take on a fulfilling life path.

of you they have known.

Mission accomplished. Now let’s go to the beach and drink some margaritas.

Here’s the thing, people change. Whether you’ve relocated, had a baby, gotten back

Oh dear, that didn’t quite answer your

with your horrible ex, adopted a menagerie

question, did it? Maintaining those back-

of paraplegic cats, or cut your own bangs

home friendships while you’re following

for some strange reason… a true friend will

your bliss can be complicated. Ok, let’s dive

eventually embrace every version of you,

in, so long as we can keep on sipping our

even if the new you takes some getting used

drinks while we chat about it.

to. They’ll be open to shifting roles and boundaries as needed. Ideally, when that

When life takes us on an unexpected path,

happens, they’ll say, “Hey, you’re amazing!

the people who love us can become… well,

I love witnessing your journey, even from

alarmed. Maybe that path led to a Kambo

afar. I support you, AND I miss you.”

ceremony. I, of course, would support that without any reservations, but having frog

Friendships are the spice of life, adding

poison smeared across your freshly burned

flavor and depth to our experiences.

skin, followed by 30 minutes of purging,

Like the chili, salt, and lime, wrapped

might concern some folks, we can freely

around the rim of this Marguerita. But

admit that. Maybe you’re having a mystic

just like spices, when they go sour or

moment, charging your crystals naked

bitter, everything tastes off. You’d toss

and empowered beneath the full moon,

the old spices, right? But what about

while your friends just see expensive

friendships? They hold more value than a

rocks, and a girl gone wild. Suddenly

single moment, and they can also ripen,

things are awkward between you. You

becoming more beautiful and delicious as

feel misunderstood, unsupported.

they age. What to do?

35

BALI CHALLENGES

Perhaps you are still searching for your

Perhaps something is happening in their

tribe here in Bali and are afraid that this

life and with their mental health and they

weird dynamic with your friends from

desperately need stability and continuity.

back home is as good as it gets for you. If,

Can you muster kindness? Acknowledge

after a few drinks, you told me you were

the impact their current stance may have

just holding on out of habit, that these

on your growth, while also recognizing

friends offered you nothing, and that the

that certain shared values, like love,

relationships were truly toxic, I’d assure

family, or intellectual pursuits, can serve

you that it’s completely normal to outgrow

as anchors amidst emerging differences.

certain people as we move through the

These shared foundations may offer a

stages of our lives. Let yourself look at

common ground to navigate the evolving

who these people are to you with honesty.

dynamics of your friendship.

Try your best to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty. The quest towards deep

Only you can know if you are clinging

genuine companionship begins with

to an expired friendship because the

clarity and courage, even if it means

lonely alternative seems daunting, or

navigating the unknown alone for a while.

whether you and your friends are just in that awkward stage where you’re not

Maybe it’s not like that, though. It could

really juice anymore, but you haven’t yet

be that you’re sprouting up like a well-

managed to become tasty wine.

fed seed in the heat of this infinite Bali summer, and it’s taking them some time

Just as with any long-term relationship,

to adjust to that. How much sun are they

be it marriage, friendship, or family,

getting where they live? Remember that

there will be periods of closeness and

we all grow at our own pace. Just as you

drifting apart, building and falling apart.

yearn for acceptance and understanding,

They don’t have to understand everything

extend the same patience to them. You may

about you. They don’t have to approve of

find yourself feeling less criticized once

everything, and you don’t have to talk

you realize their reactions are probably not

about everything with them until they

about you.

are ready to hear it. They’ll catch on eventually, and when they do, you’ll be

Maybe they just need a minute to adjust

saving a beach chair with their name on it.

to the poison frogs and groovy crystals.

It’s possible they haven’t developed the

In the meantime, are you mature and

capacity to fully comprehend your choices

secure enough to allow for the ebbs and

or the skill to relate to someone whose

flows? You don’t have to push for deeper

interests diverge from their own.

contact if it makes you feel unhappy.

36

“Only you can know if you are clinging to an expired friendship because the lonely alternative seems daunting”.

37

“It is also an island of questionable gurus, sweettalking fuck boys, and hospitals full of newly minted street racers. It could be that your friend is actually right. You really might be going off the deep end”.

38

BALI CHALLENGES

There’s no rule that says you have to

minted street racers. It could be that

make yourself available when it’s not

your friend is actually right. You really

convenient for you. If the deep period of

might be going off the deep end. Take a

the relationship is basically over for now,

step back and seek objective viewpoints

that’s ok. Keep it light in your interactions

from trusted individuals removed from

for a while.

your current environment. For example, if you are getting into spirituality, talk

If tensions persist and grievances linger,

to an elder who has been in the ‘field’

initiate an honest conversation to air

for decades. If shibari rope play is now

frustrations. For those more passive or

your Tuesday afternoon staple, talk to a

people-pleasers, this may be daunting.

kink-informed professional from a remote

Yet, this is your opportunity to finally

progressive city. Don’t cherry-pick those

learn how to set boundaries and learn to

who will just echo whatever you have to

be responsible for your own happiness.

say, like your new friends or your new

Be clear on how exactly they are hurting

coach.

you, and what you need from them. Don’t forget to ask what’s happening on their

And remember, it’s only their opinion,

side and what they may need from you.

not the ultimate truth, that they are going to share. Maybe you are choosing to get

If you’ve struggled to have a productive

lost. Maybe you need to hit rock bottom to

conversation or notice signs of an

address the issues you’ve been avoiding.

unhealthy friendship, then consider

It’s your bottom, after all.

stepping out altogether, or at least put it on a temporary hiatus. Sometimes taking

I’m rooting for you to do what feels best,

space can do wonders with resetting the

my dear... even if that means dropping

dynamic. Maybe at some point your friend

‘em like a tourist drops a Scoopy off the

will come around, do their work, and so

Canggu Shortcut, only to come back later

will you, and, newly evolved, you will

and pick them back up. Until next time…

meet again.

On a final note, consider the possibility that your friend’s concerns may hold merit. Bali is where we come to

Got a question for Mama Bali?

Submit via DM @modern_women_bali

rediscover ourselves. It is also an island of

or email

questionable gurus, sweet-talking empty

modernwomenbali@gmail.com

fuck boys, and hospitals full of newly

39

Making a home in paradise?

BY CATHERINE SHOVLIN

You made it! You cut your contracts, conveniences and comfort zone and here you are in Bali. The landscapes are beautiful, the people gracious, the sun on your skin delicious. You drag your bags into your new accommodation. Home for the next 3 months. You can’t wait.

Hmm. It doesn’t look quite as glorious as it did in the photos. A bit dark and dingy to be honest. And what’s that… atishoo! Seems a bit damp and dusty too. Oh no. You sink onto the (now suspect) bed and wonder if this was a terrible mistake.

But fear not! All is not lost.

41

HEALING HOMES

Here is your action plan to make your

● Imagine a tic tac toe grid over the

house into a home. Albeit temporarily.

room. Each of the nine segments is

And if you haven’t found your new place

important for a different aspect of

yet, it’s a good checklist of what to look

your life. If your room is an irregular

out for.

shape, then compensate for that by

TIP 1: A BREATH OF FRESH AIR Freshening the place up is fast and effective. As feng shui tells us, stagnation means trapped energy or chi, and you don’t want that. Especially not if it belongs to the last tenant and isn’t yours.

So fling open everything you can – all the doors and windows, wardrobes, kitchen cupboards. Light candles, swab wood with lavender water, chase away the ghosts and make a fresh start.

TIP 2: THE ART OF SMART PLACEMENT Next, put away everything that makes you uncomfortable - ugly decorations, plastic plants, information signs. And use a sarong to cover that picture you can’t stand.

Now think about how you live. What parts of your home are most important for your life? If you move the desk to the window for better light or that coffee table to make space for your yoga mat you can make the room work better for you.

When it comes to feng shui and furniture, that’s a whole big area to learn about, but here is a start:

42

adding mirrors or lights to increase

and remove electronics, clutter

chi in areas that have been reduced

and piles of papers waiting to be

or are missing.

processed from your bedroom.

● To help you sleep more sweetly, cover any mirrors facing your bed,

● Let the chi flow free. Move things that are in the way, for example, that awkward bookcase you have to squeeze past to get to the cupboard.

Check out the buying and selling groups too – you might be able to pick up a couple of pieces cheaply that make all the difference for you. And you can sell them on when you leave.

TIP 3: COLOURS OF LOVE A good shortcut is to listen to your body, not your mind. Even blind and colour-blind people respond physiologically to colour so if you’re not sure about something, you can close your eyes and feel into which colour works for you. It could be as simple as putting that red cushion out of sight and covering the bed with a sarong in your power colour.

As a quick intro, it helps to know that blue stimulates brain activity (good for your writing desk but not your pillow), yellow endocrinal and emotional activity (so avoid it if you’ve got too much to process) and green universal love - the most peaceful colour for both our eyes and our heart.

43

That’s why a view of rice fields or jungle gives us that

practicing bongo drums in

“Aaaah” feeling. If you’re already saying grey is your

the moonlight or the other

favourite colour or that you don’t like blue, then I

one who likes to chant for

suggest you read my book.

hours, treat it as a chance to make new friends. Then

TIP 4: ROOSTERS!!

point out how they could be

Nobody said there would be roosters in paradise. If

more friendly themselves.

you can’t get away from the problem then you have two choices (sorry, roostercide is not a way to build a

If you don’t want to go full

good relationship with your landlord or neighbours).

Bali and start getting up

Earplugs or zen. Either blot out the noise or convince

before dawn (frankly not for

yourself that you have something to gain by

me) then you’ll need the eye

developing enough equanimity to cope with it.

mask or safety pins to keep the curtains together when

Likewise with barking dogs, bright lights (eye mask

that dazzling sunrise gets

or zen) and rumbling fridges (unplug them at night

going.

or go zen). When it comes to your neighbour who is TIP 5: ADD JOY! You came here to find something right? Or lose something. Or both.

Whatever your reasons, a little joy can go a long way. It can be as simple as getting yourself a beautiful cup for your morning coffee. Or sticking up a page from a magazine that means something to you.

At the supermarket you can buy cheap sketch pads and crayons – enjoy the liberation of not having to be cool and urbane anymore.

44

HEALING HOMES

If you find the typical Balinese wooden

Care for your home and your bit of

sofas uncomfortable, how about cosying

paradise – and feel them care for you.

yours up with throws and cushions - in colours that make your heart sing. The

TOP TIP

tropical climate doesn’t need the usual

Above all, remember you came here

Danish idea of hygge - fluffy blankets for

because you wanted something

warmth - but who wouldn’t want a sense

different. So when you’re frustrated that

of well-being and contentment in their

things are way more ambiguous than

home? A little loveliness can increase

you’re used to, don’t get narky with Bali.

the love, so take some time to imagine

Accept the rough with the smooth – if

what that means for you.

you want rice field views you might get damp, if you want to live in the jungle,

TIP 6: LOVE THE ENVIRONMENT

then remember the mosquitoes and

Lastly, but vitally, if you want your home

critters were there long before you.

to be a healing space for you, it’s worth

You’re the visitor in these parts.

thinking about what impact you might be having on the people and nature

Take a deep breath and remember these

surrounding your home.

are just growing pains. With a few adjustments to your environment and

I’ve been kept awake by a neighbour

your expectations, life in Bali really can

leaving a bright terrace light on, leaving

be paradise.

me huddled on one side of my bed to avoid it. And it hurts to see the stream by my house full of paint or rubbish, knowing that the local boys were fishing there the day before. In the west we are not used to the idea that what we put down the plughole goes straight into the public water system – but that’s often the case in Bali. Giving up detergent and shampoo four years ago has reduced that and saved me money too. It’s worth thinking about it – turns out a lot of what we believe about needing those products is just because of persuasive

FROM THE AUTHOR I’m a Londoner who ditched a corporate life to make my home in Bali four years ago. Before creating my dream house here, I lived in rented accommodation with the usual challenges.

My book “Your True Colors” is available on Amazon and other platforms: books2read.com/ CatherineShovlin

marketing.

45

46

Prajna Transformation Through self-inquiry.

BY AFI WIBISONO “Typical wellness retreats are designed to be a quick fix, to keep you coming back,” says Scott, the founder of Prajna Bali. “What the Prajna team offers are programs to address each client’s challenges.”

Those feel-good dopamine hits you get from taking care of yourself on a wellness vacation can be great. But they’re often fleeting. Prajna provides tools to create lasting change with bespoke, one-on-one programs, for burnout, mild depression, anxiety and stress – issues that get in the way of you being your best self.

Ironically, anxiety is increasingly reported as a common by-product of aspirational wellness. In a global industry that targets women’s insecurities, wellness can become toxic. The concept is often hijacked to market the appeal of greater beauty, desirability, and status, and to portray conspicuous consumption and displays of wealth in a positive light. At Prajna, the goal is emotional, mental, physical and spiritual balance, thanks to a treatment program designed specifically for you.

Though imposing in presence, Scott is gentle in manner. This nononsense former addict with a penetrating gaze is Prajna Bali’s gatekeeper. He’s the first person any potential client will encounter on the journey to health, wellness and balance that Prajna guides you along.

Following an in-depth interview – usually via a video call – if you’re serious about getting well, the team then decides if you’re a good fit. “At Prajna, we do not accept clients we don’t think we can help.”

47

Prajna has its roots in Prana Bali, a program that treats all forms of addictions.

‘Having seen, from personal experience, what rehab is like in the West, we wanted to create the antithesis of the cookie-cutter rehab business model that treats every addict with the same regime – a system with a success rate so appalling it stands at roughly five percent’.

Like Prana, Prajna Bali is a bespoke treatment program coordinated by a team of specialists, that serves one client at a time.

Ayurveda, Chinese medicine, yoga philosophy, self-investigation, asana, pranayama, meditation, yin yoga, and traditional Balinese healing, are among the modalities included in Prajna’s bespoke therapeutic programs “Based on our observations and client feedback, we see what is starting to work, what resonates. After the first week, the client comes back to us and we discuss the program.

It’s a collaborative process.”

48

BALI GEMS

As a journalist who’s spent years writing about the health and wellness industry, I’ve tried a lot of alternative therapies and wellness fads, met my fair share of charlatans, and some bona fide healers. I’ve come to Prajna after a relationship and business failure left me numb.

I don’t feel depressed in the clinical sense. I’ve simply lost my nerve. I chose the program from Prajna’s treatment options that best describes my current state: ennui, more commonly known as apathy. Or abject boredom.

“Untreated depression, anxiety, or ennui, the loss of a sense of purpose, will likely find its way to substance abuse, or other unhealthy behaviour.

You can only sit in your discomfort for so long.” This, Scott says, was the impetus to create Prajna’s program, to address these issues before their sideeffects could take you down a slippery slope.

And so I start my trial program. At a villa north of Ubud, I’m greeted by a Balinese woman who brings me to a room overlooking rice paddies. She tells me to strip to my underwear and get on the table. For over an hour, I’m given what she calls a chakra-opening massage.

49

BALI GEMS

She presses into my body, focusing

Depending on what’s best for

on unexpected places, under my

your needs, you might be treated

arm, the back of my knee, often

by renowned acupuncturist

burping in the process. A few times,

Jon Win Lee, or Tjok Gede, a

she leans over a spittoon to expel my

member of the Ubud royal family

impurities. I’ve never experienced

and one of Indonesia’s most

anything quite like this. Almost

respected homeopaths and holistic

immediately, I feel a lethargy leave

practitioners.

my body. Later that night, I’m so energized it’s hard to doze off.

This is not a quick fix. Prajna’s treatment programs run from three

I return the following week and

to six weeks, or more, depending on

report my experience. “At first they

your needs and budget. The focus

don’t believe,” this fourth-generation

is on health through meditation,

Balinese healer says of the clients

yoga nidra, Theta breathing, and

sent to her by Scott. “But then,

intentional movement. To know what

when they sleep, they want to come

the issues are, you’ll be guided to go

back every day.” (Good sleep did

inside yourself. To go deep. Self-

eventually happen for me too.)

investigation leads to self-love. Selflove leads to self-care. And self-care

During this visit, I’m kneaded,

leads to health. Not another jade egg.

twisted and rolled by a native German sage, led to focus on my

“What sets Prajna apart is that we

breath, listen to my body internally.

help you to look within, at what

Her hands seem to land on me

makes you so uncomfortable. We

intuitively. I feel the tension of an

offer windows into how that could

old shoulder injury. Somehow, I

change. And if our clients are

recognize this knot as a need for

willing, and able, we can help them

control. She presses on my neck, the

set up a plan to escape samsara, the

heart meridian, and I melt into a

wheel of deluded existence.”

deeper state of relaxation. The pain in my shoulder starts to let go.

For more information, check out their website:

Prajna’s team is impressive.

50

www.prajnabali.com

51

Montessori’s answer to raising independent children

BY RAHIMA SAIKAL

I will say it shamelessly: One of the reasons I love living in Bali is because of our nanny.

Selfless, sweet, caring, kind, creative and loving are some words to describe her. My toddler whines: she is there with a snack. My toddler stumbles and trips: she is there to pick him up, kiss his ‘boo boo’ and cuddle him. My toddler decides he despises his favourite foods today: her patience is unmatched. In summary, she is a God send.

52

The Balinese love children. Often, at a

versus doing the chores and everything

café, the staff will pick up our toddler,

else. I think that ties in beautifully with

whisk him around the vicinity, show him

practical life,” says Jemina.

the inner workings of the cash register, and follow him while he traverses

Jemina explained that children,

the steps for the 78th time. Honestly,

especially toddlers like to be given a

childcare on this island is marvellous.

choice.

However, with all the one-on-one

“For toddlers to start fostering a sense of

attention, are we allowing our children

independence and an ‘I can do it myself’

to gain a sense of independence? How

attitude, it all begins with choice. They

do we foster a child’s sense of autonomy

are individuals. Therefore, they want to

when a nanny waits for them hand and

choose”.

foot?

An intriguing Montessori-based concept I’d heard about was ‘practical life,’ which teaches children to care for themselves, others, and the environment through purposeful activity. It helps children develop motor control and coordination and cultivate independence and a sense of responsibility.

To understand this concept better and learn how it can be implemented in a place like Bali, where having a nanny is a primary method of childcare, I sat down with Jemina Villanueva, Vice President of Programs and Training of Cosmic Education Group, to chat.

“I think having a nanny in parts of Asia is something we should embrace wholeheartedly. It’s part of the culture.

It gives families a different opportunity to connect with children because they

“With all the oneon-one attention, are we allowing our children to gain a sense of independence?

How do we foster a child’s sense of autonomy when a nanny waits for them hand and foot?”

have more time to be with the child

53

She suggested offering your toddler

involvement does your child have in

two of everything and allowing them

preparing their meal? In most cases, if a

to choose what they want. For example,

child assists in the preparation, they’re

your toddler can choose what shoes to

more inclined to eat it. Allow your child

wear.

to set their place at the table with a little fork, spoon, and plate. This will

“Once they choose, it is a balance in

also teach your child it’s time to eat,”

terms of how much help a parent or

explains Jemina.

nanny gives them in terms of execution.

Too much help and the motivation to

Makes sense. But look, I’ve witnessed

do it themselves is low. But if there

our nanny at mealtimes. She just wants

isn’t enough help, it leads to intense

him to eat because a hungry child is a

frustration. There isn’t a magical

crying child, and don’t get me wrong,

formula; it’s all about trial and error”.

she does this out of pure love, and perhaps, at times, she wants to prove

I didn’t know you could give toddlers

her value. But how do we get her on

choices without them burning the

board to implement these practical life

house down and spurring the start of

skills?

World War 3, I joke.

“I would have a conversation and ask “A concept we have in Montessori is

the nanny to offer two choices to your

called ‘freedom with limits’. How

child, which is how they can help your

much freedom do you give a child, and

child become independent. It’s a shift in

if so, what limitations do we need to

mindset,” answers Jemina.

implement for that freedom to unfold beautifully? In this case, it’s two

However, let’s not put this all on the

choices to begin with, increasing the

dear nanny. Mum and Dad need to set

choices over time as the child becomes

the centre stage and lead by example.

a confident decision maker” explains Jemina.

“If both parents are aligned in supporting independence within their

Okay, so what about mealtime? I

child, it will make their child feel more

shudder.

empowered. That trickles down to the nanny through conversation and

“Well, it is simple: how much

54

modelling,” says Jemina.

MOTHER MUSINGS

“For toddlers to start fostering a sense of independence and an ‘I can do it myself’ attitude, it all begins with choice. They are individuals. Therefore, they want to choose”.

55

MOTHER MUSINGS

56

a confident and happy child) with the

“The more choices they have, the more they practice their identity, and that habit then blossoms over time”.

help of our wonderful nanny is what it takes to train him to make my morning coffee, I am in.

Jemina also reminds me that if I’m interested to immerse my boy more deeply into the empowering Montessori transformative learning experience, I can consider Guidepost Montessori AYANA Bali, located in Jimbaran within the AYANA Estate. Here, their new campus, inspired by the traditional

Truthfully, this all sounds great to me.

Balinese house, offers children rich

A toddler who can begin to do things

Balinese culture and nature while

for himself? Sounds like a dream.

maintaining the unique Guidepost

When can he start making my coffee in

Montessori classroom. They offer a range

the mornings? It sounds like the more

of programs, from short-term camps to

opportunities we give him, the faster he

long-term kindergarten programs that

will begin to learn to make independent

cover the entire academic year. These

decisions.

are conducted in English and Mandarin by trained Montessori teachers. Here

“Correct” confirms Jemina. “It’s really

children are encouraged to think

about building habits. The understanding

independently and interact deeply with

of what is behind the habit will come in

the vibrant surroundings of the AYANA

time. Still, it’s about repeating it… the

Estate.

more choices they have, the more they practice their identity and feel like they can make choices for themselves, and that habit then blossoms over time”.

I love my toddler dearly (even when he’s screaming bloody murder because the dog looked at him the wrong way), and if moving toward fostering a more independent child (and, therefore,

Website: guidepost.id Email: ayanabali@guidepost.id WhatsApp: +62 812 3967 2804 Book a private tour: HERE Join for their new campus Grand Opening on Saturday, July 6th: HERE

57

WELLNESS ACADEMY 58

QUESTION THE NORM: WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT FEMALE HYGIENE PRODUCTS.

BY ALEXA SUMMERS Choosing feminine hygiene products is a decision many women make routinely, often on autopilot. Most of us were given pads or tampons by our mothers when we were young. Apart from making a few minor adjustments, such as choosing a different brand based on factors like absorbency and comfort, we rarely bother to seriously consider the implications or alternatives to our choices. This was certainly the case for me. I never thought to question the pads I was using. I just trusted them to be the best and safest option out there.

When it comes to feminine hygiene, transparency has long been lacking. For generations, periods were rarely discussed because they were considered a social taboo. Companies have exploited this silence by refusing to inform women about the ingredients used in products that routinely touch the most intimate and sensitive parts of our bodies. This information is essential if we are to understand whether there are dangers associated with using the brands that line our supermarket shelves.

I spoke with Bali’s own award-winning menstrual health enterprise, Perfect Fit, to learn more about the issues with commercial pads as well as whether there were safer alternatives. To my surprise, I discovered that commercial pads, while widely used, contain a shocking range of chemicals and materials that can pose health risks.

Commercial pads contain Endocrine-disrupting chemicals (EDCs), which are substances that interfere with hormonal systems and potentially lead to adverse health effects. Some of the most common EDCs include phthalates, parabens, fragrances, organotins, triclosan, formaldehyde, PBDEs, OPFRs, and PFAS. These chemicals have been linked to skin irritation, allergic reactions, reproductive disorders, hormonal imbalances, and even cancer*.

59

60

WELLNESS ACADEMY To be honest, upon hearing all this, and

From the detergents we use to wash our

even after reviewing some of the studies,

clothes, to the plastic products we come

I was skeptical. I had been using pads

into contact with, the environmental

my entire life, and nothing bad had ever

pollutants in our air and water, and even

happened to me, outside of the occasional

the food we eat, our bodies are constantly

innocent itch. It seemed like fear-

exposed to a myriad of chemicals. This

mongering. Some of what I read did pique

exposure can compound over time

my interest, though. It made me realize

and increase the potential health risks

there were some questions worth asking,

associated with individual products like

and convinced me to dig deeper.

pads, especially for those with sensitive skin or preexisting health conditions.

As is so often the case, it’s not that one side is right and the other is wrong.

Rather, both are right under

I had assumed that I was not in the category of people who should

be concerned about these “Studies things. After all, I’m The critical factor in indicate that it healthy, right? The determining whether trouble is, we don’t a woman will be takes on average often know that we negatively affected astonishing 7 - 10 have a preexisting by the chemicals in health condition in feminine hygiene years (!) to its initial stages. The products lies in diagnose thyroid early signs can be understanding the small, and we are pros concept of cumulative disorders or at ignoring our bodies exposure and individual endometriosis”. cries for help. We shrug vulnerability. different circumstances.

off rashes; we blame our boss When certain chemicals interact with

for poor sleep. We are used to bloating

our bodies, their combined impact

and the occasional bad mood. We don’t

can be greater than the sum of their

understand that all of these may well be

individual parts. This means that even

symptoms of hormonal imbalance.

if a single chemical is present at low levels and proven to be safe on its own,

If left unchecked these imbalances can

its effects may be amplified or altered

snowball into serious problems such

when combined with other chemicals.

as thyroid disorders, endometriosis, or

That means it’s not just about the pads

even infertility. Studies indicate that, on

themselves, which may not cause harm

average, underlying medical conditions

alone, but the broader context of chemical

take an astonishing 7-10 years (!) to

exposure in our daily lives.

diagnose.

61

WELLNESS ACADEMY

“The critical factor determining whether a woman will be negatively affected by the chemicals in feminine hygiene products lies in understanding the concepts of cumulative exposure and individual vulnerability”.

And what about the amount of time it might take, once you have a diagnosis, to find the right treatment?

After combing through the lists of early warning signs of hormonal imbalance, I recognized too many of them in myself. I began to see that bad things might, in fact, be happening to my body. They were just happening quietly, slowly. This discovery put my choices in a different light. If my body is more delicate than I once assumed, then I need to make better-informed choices.

So what now then? Perfect Fit helps to highlight that healthier alternatives to commercial pads do exist. Organic cotton pads, reusable cloth pads, menstrual cups, menstrual underwear, sea sponge tampons, and biodegradable pads and tampons offer chemical-free options that prioritize both health and sustainability.

Organic cotton pads are made from pesticide-free and chemical-free cotton or bamboo, providing a natural and gentle option for those concerned about chemical exposure. They might be bulkier than the ultra-thin slick pads I’m used to, but it seems a small price to pay for my healthy temple.

62

I also discovered reusable cloth pads or menstrual underwear. These are washable and can be used many times over. I must admit, they weren’t my favorite choice for Bali simply because I don’t have a washing machine. Back home, however, where I can do my own laundry they’ve become my products of choice.

Menstrual cups, made from silicone or rubber, are inserted into the vagina to collect menstrual flow and are typically free from harmful chemicals. When I use them, I try to be sure that the supplier is not cutting corners by choosing cheap raw materials. Storage in humid moldy Bali is also a concern for me.

I’m grateful to Perfect Fit for opening my eyes to what I’ve unknowingly been risking all these years. By providing period care and period-positive education, they help women and girls feel valued, supported, and heard, which makes them more likely to be engaged and productive at school and in the workplace. You may see their products starting to emerge on the shelves of many health stores, cafes, and supermarkets here in Bali. Kudos for your amazing work.

Learn more about Perfect Fit and shop their products here https://perfectfit.co.id

* Journal of Wound, Ostomy, and Continence Nursing in 2007, ”Irritant Dermatitis Secondary to Feminine Hygiene Products: A Review of the Literature 63

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SURPRISE YOURSELF: EMPOWERMENT ON EIGHT WHEELS Did you know our island is home to one of Asia’s most dynamic roller-skating communities?

Founded in 2020, we spent the pandemic uplifting one another and safely providing hope, community, and personal empowerment at a time when those things were sparse, and the future felt uncertain.

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COVER STORY

COVER STORY

YOU ASK YOURSELF: IS THIS REALLY SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE DOING? YOUR AGE, PAST INJURIES AND LIFE RESPONSIBILITIES SILENTLY SCREAM AT YOU IN YOUR HEAD. YOU CONTINUE TO PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER. YOU MAY FALL AND FEEL AWKWARD AND DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START. BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THOSE FEELINGS IS A STRENGTH YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD, A COMMUNITY THAT ACCEPTS YOU EXACTLY AS YOU ARE, AND A NEW SKILL THAT WILL ENDLESSLY SURPRISE YOU. 68

A SECRET WORLD REVEALS ITSELF AS YOUR SHOULDER BRUSHES PAST THE BAMBOO WALL. THE SOLID BEAT OF THE DISCO MUSIC AND GIDDY, GENUINE LAUGHTER DROWN OUT THE THOUGHTS YOU HAD JUST MOMENTS PRIOR. THE SQUEAK AND SKRRT OF WHEELS ON CONCRETE DRAW YOUR EYES DOWN TO THE FLOOR, NOTICING THAT MORE PEOPLE ARE ROLLING THAN WALKING. AS OTHERS AROUND YOU BEAM WITH JOY, YOU FEEL YOUR MOUTH PULLED INTO A SMILE, THOUGH YOU AREN’T ENTIRELY SURE WHY YET. DEEP BREATH. NEXT STEP. LET’S GO.

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ROLLER SKATING IS A VEHICLE BY WHICH PEOPLE CAN SIMULTANEOUSLY DISCOVER AND EMPOWER THEIR BOLDEST PARTS AND AWAKEN THE SAME IN OTHERS SIMPLY

BY SHARING THE EXPERIENCE. NO SHARED LANGUAGE, COMMON EXTERNAL INTERESTS, OR PREREQUISITES NEEDED – JUST A WILLINGNESS TO START, FAIL, TRY AGAIN, AND RECOGNISE THAT THE BRAVERY IN YOUR CHOICE ALSO EXISTS IN OTHERS.

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MY NAME IS PERRY PIERCE, AKA IBU SKATE. I AM A CO-DIRECTOR OF SKATERS WITHOUT BORDERS, A GLOBAL NON-PROFIT ORGANISATION MAKING ROLLER SKATING ACCESSIBLE AND ACCOUNTABLE WORLDWIDE, AND A FOUNDER OF SWB BALI, ONE OF THE MANY COMMUNITIES MADE POSSIBLE THROUGH THE GLOBAL NONPROFIT. THE UNEXPECTEDLY INTIMATE AND BORDERLINE RITUALISTIC NATURE OF THE ROLLER SKATE COMMUNITY IN GENERAL, BUT PARTICULARLY OF THE ONE WE HAVE BUILT ON THIS ISLAND, MUST BE EXPERIENCED TO BE BELIEVED.

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INDIRA: “HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY TO WORK AND COLLABORATE WITH COOL BRANDS AND ARTISTS?!

GIRLLL, LAST TIME I CHECKED, I WAS A REGULAR GIRL DOING REGULAR THINGS… AND NOW? ALL OF THIS!

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AULIA: “IT HAS GIVEN ME A SPACE FOR CREATIVITY AND SELF-EXPRESSION THAT SHOWCASES MY SKILLS IN UNIQUE WAYS, AND I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL FOR THAT.”

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KARINA: “IT FELT LIKE MAGIC. IT FELT LIKE I WAS IN THE HAPPIEST PLACE EVER. THE SUPPORT YOU GET FROM YOUR SKATE HOMIES IS POWERFUL. NO MATTER YOUR LEVEL OR HOW LONG YOU POSTPONE YOUR JOURNEY, I HOPE PEOPLE CAN ALWAYS GO BACK—TO SHARE, EXPLORE, AND EDUCATE OTHERS KEEN TO LEARN. AS BALI’S FIRST INTERNATIONALLY SPONSORED ROLLER SKATER, I DREAM OF SHOWING THE WORLD THAT WE ARE HERE, TOO, THE ROLLER SKATERS OF ASIA. WE HAVE INTERESTING STORIES TO TELL. 76

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INDIRA, AULIA, KARINA, AND MYSELF, PERRY, WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. ANYONE OF ANY AGE, ANY GENDER, AND ANY EXPERIENCE LEVEL WHO’S INSPIRED TO SKATE IS WELCOME AT SWB BALI’S EVENTS AND INTO OUR COMMUNITY. YOU CAN FIND US EVERY TUESDAY AT LOCO BY NATURE IN CANGGU FROM 7 UNTIL 10PM, AND ON INSTAGRAM @SWB.BALI WHERE WE POST SKATE UPDATES FROM THE COMMUNITY, OUR EVENTS, AND ANY SPECIAL CLASSES OR WORKSHOPS COMING UP. WE CAN’T WAIT TO SKATE WITH YOU!

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