About the Book
GraysonReedisintome.
We are eachother’s fiercestopponents inthe rink. Butnow, Grayson’s eyes are strippingme downwhenever we cross eachother’spaths
Idon’tmindbeingtheobjectofanotherguy’sdesire,butIalsorefusetojumpintoastranger’sbedsoquickly.It’sjustthat I’mnotreallydatingmaterial
And ofall the guys onEarth, GraysonReed is the lastpersonIwould give a chance. Butifthere is one thingeveryone knowsaboutGray,it’sthatheisnotaquitter
ThemoreIpushhimaway,themorehetriestogetcloser.Andashestrugglestowinmeover,Istumbleintotheverything IsworeIwouldavoid.
Love
Our struggles onthe ice are nothingcomparedtothe conquestofeachother.AndwhenIfindoutaboutthe dare thathad broughtustogether,mytrustisshattered Itwilltakealotmorecouragetofixthismessthanittooktowinadatewithme And Ijustdon’tknowifthisplayboyisbraveenoughforarelationshiporifhisstoryendswiththeconquest.
Grayson
THE AIR PULSED WITH THE THUMPING BASS. BEER FLOWED LIKE A RIVER AND PEOPLE MOVED WITH A SWAY IN THEIR STRIDE. OUR smallpackofoutsidersstoodinthemidstofchaosandouropponentsbristledontheothersideofthespaciouscommonarea
The Alpha Kappa Phi frathousewelcomedstudentsfromalloverthecity,notexclusivelyfromtheiruniversity.Thatmeant weoftencrossedpathswithourrivals Butitwasworthit Northwoodcampuspartieswerenotoriouslysuperiortoours That was the extentoftheir qualities though.Their universityrankedbelow ours inacademic achievements;their volleyball team hadn’twonagameagainstoursinayear;theirflagshiphockeyprogramhadoncebeentheprideofNorthwood Their Frozen Four victorylastyearwouldbeshortlived.
Since I tookover the Blizzard Breakers and the new season kicked off six weeks ago, we had scored two out of two victoriesagainstthe Arctic Titans,whichwasthefirstinlivingmemory,andIwasdeterminedtokeepthisstreakgoing ItappedSpencer’sshoulder.“Getussomethingtodrink,bud.”
“Surething,Cap,”hesaid Spencerwasmyright-handmanandbestfriendsincechildhood Whenwejoinedthe Breakers, weaddedourteammateColetothegroup.Wewerealsothemainoffensiveonourteam,withmetakingcenterandmyfriends playingonthe wings We were the dreamteamthatthe Breakers had beenwaitingfor We had knownthatlastyear, butwe werestartingtoproveittoeveryonethisseason.
“IsthatCadenJones?”Coletuggedonmysleeve.Ifollowedhisgazeand,sureenough,foundthe Titans’winger,Caden, strikingupaflirtylookingconversationwithsomedude You go, buddy,Ithought,respectinganopenlygayguyonahockey teamwithallmyheartbutalsopreemptivelygloatingaboutkickinghisassintherinkthisweekend.
Ilooked around and found thatCadenwasn’tthe only Titan inthe room Ispotted their goalie, Sawyer, and a couple of theirdefensemen.TylerandSebastian,ifIrecalledcorrectly.
Our third friendly game against the Titans was only two days away. I could feel the current of the electric excitement coursethroughmyveins.TocomefacetofacewithBeckettPartridge,thenephewoftheverypopular,veryskilledNHLstar, NatePartridge,andsnatchthethirdvictoryfromunderhisnosewasadreamcometrue.Asabonus,Ihopedtofaceoffagainst mylong-timerivalinoneoftheperiods TherewasnothingIlikedmorethanhard-checkingAveryCollins I’dcrossedpaths withhimcountlesstimes.SoofteninfactthatIknewheworeanalpinebreezecolognewithstrongnotesofsageandcypress, lemonandmusk,juniperandcedar
As if I had Beetlejuiced him, Avery Collins flung the front door open and drew my attention instantly. He scanned the crowdwithhissteel-grayeyes.Hislipswerepressedtightandthin,theCupid’sbowevenmorepronouncedwiththetenseset ofhisfacialmuscles,andhisnosewasperfectlystraight.Thewayheshavedtwolinesontheoutersideofhisrighteyebrow markedhimasafuckboy.Iwasrarelymistakenaboutthat.
HeturnedhiscoldgraygazetomeasifIhadsummonedhim Itwasasintenseastouchingabarewire Itstirredsomething deepinsideofme,butIdidn’tlookaway.Hewasonlyscanningtheroomforhisfriends,sohisgazeleftmelikeIhadn’teven beenthere
Ihadseenhimupcloseoftenenough.Iknewbothwhatitfeltliketoslamintohimandtraphimagainsttheboardsandtobe trappedbyhiminturn.Beneaththelayersofhis Arctic Titan jerseyandthepadsunder it,Iknew hehadafirm,wiryfigure. His broad shoulders were rounded with exercise and his stride was as determined on a hardwood floor as it was on the polishedsurfaceoftheice.Hechargedthroughthecrowd,emotionlessandfocused,likeamysteryinatightT-shirt.
Foranentireyear,Icouldn’tgetareadonthatguy ThemostIsawwaspurecontempt Forme Formyteam Foreveryone outsidehis social circle.Iwas almostcertainthatwas whatitwas.Whatever brewedbeneaththecool maskheworeevery day,Averyhiditwell ButIhadalsoseenthebloodlustandthesparksinhiseyeswhenwebattledoneanotherintherink He hadbeenhellbentonbestingme,butthefeelingshadalwaysbeenmutual.
SpencerreturnedwiththreeplasticcupsfullofbeerandhandedthemtoColeandmyself.Itoastedtoourupcomingvictory.
ONE
“Becausethere’snowaywe’relosingagainstthe Titans,”Iinsisted
“You’reverysureofyourself,Captain,”Colesaid,buthedranktoitanyway.
Iharrumphed
MygazetrailedAveryCollinsacrosstheroomashecoollynoddedtotheirgoalie,Sawyer,andthenerdylooking guy standing next to him. Another couple. I wondered how one team could attract so many guys from across the spectrumwhenmyownteamwas as straight as anarrow now that Jonah Hamilton had graduated I was the last gay man standingonthe Breakers.“Onlythreethingsarecertaininlife,myfriend.Death,taxes,andthe Titans blunderingthisseason.”
ColeandSpencernoddedreluctantly “YourhubrisoutshinesaShakespearecharacter,Gray”Spencerworehisskeptical mask,butIknewthefireinthoseeyes.Hewasreadyforbattle.
“Noteventhebestbardcouldimaginethelikesofyou,”Colesaid,deadpan.
Ishrugged “I’mtellingyou,webaggeditalready Theirmoraleislowaftertwoconsecutivedefeats Theirleadershipisin shambles.Lookatthem.They’reworriedevennow.”
Myfriendslookedatthescattered Titans aroundtheroom “Theylookfinetome,”Spencersaid
“You’renotgonnagotragicallymadifweactually,youknow,lose,right?”Coleaskedwithexaggeratedconcernfor my sanity
“Wehaven’tlostagameinsixweeks.We’renotabouttostartthisweekend,”Isaidfirmly.
Spencerwastheonewhoseemedgenuinelyworried.“Yeah,butwhatifwedo?”
“Knockonwood,dammit,”Isaid
“You’retheonetemptingfate,Gray,”Spencerinsisted.
“Iwouldnever,”Isaid,incredulous “I’mjustthatconfident”
Spencershrugged.“Alright.Areyouwillingtoputthattothetest?”
Cole’searsperkedandhiseyesglimmeredwithmischief.“Ooh,arewebettingagainstourselves?”
SpencerlaugheditoffwhileIconsideredthis.“Notbettingagainstourselves,justtestinghowconfidentourCaptainreally is.”Heleanedinconspiratorially.“Thatway,wecanwardofftheevilspiritsheissummoning.”
“Howso?”Iaskedflatly
“Simple.Ifyoukeeppushingthatwe’reanunsinkableship,Iamwillingtobetwe’reonacollisioncoursewithaniceberg. However,ifthisisjustatestofyour daring,thenit’sgotnoreasontotickleanyhockeygod’swrath”Spencer laidhiscase likehewasatribeshaman.
“Weathletesreallyareasuperstitiousbunch,”Colehuffed.
“Youknowwhat?Whatever.I’llproveittoyou.”Idrainedmybeer,setmycuponthewindowsill,andcrossedmyarms. “Letmehearyourterms,traitor.”
Spencernarrowedhiseyes “Ifwewinthethirdgameagainstthe Titans,I’llneveragainquestionyourpropheticpowers” Hebithislip,thenadded:“Foramonth.”
ColesnortedandIshookmyhead “Nah,ifI’mright,you’llweartheirjerseyinpublictheweekendafter”
Spencer’seyeswidened.“Youarecruel.”
“Youwantedtomakeitpersonal,”Isaidwithashrug.
“That’sactuallyfair,”Coleoffered “Easyforyoutosay,”Spencersaid.
“Andifwelose?”Iasked,puttingastoptotheirbanter “WhatdoIdo?”
Spencerglancedaround.Ifeltamomentofdreadbeforehespoke.Andwhenhiswordspouredoverhislips,myfrightwas justified “Easyenough Youhavetohookupwithoneofthe Titans ”
Cole’seyeswidenedwithshockandthenagrinsplithisface.“Nice.”
“Outofthequestion,”Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotsleepingwithanyoneonadare.Whatifnoneofthemwantit?DoIlose?”
Spencerraisedhishandsindefense “Fine,alright Takeoneoutonadate,then”
Iconsideredit.Adatecouldbeanything.Wecouldseeamovieor havedinner.Itdidn’tnecessarilyhavetobethemost romanticnightofourlives Asmyeyesnarrowed,Spencerinhaledtocontinue
“ButImeanthemotherofall dates,doyouhearme?ColeandIwill benearbytomakesureyouaredoingeverythingin yourpowertoseducehim Fairenough,youdon’thavetogetintohispants,butyouhavetodoyourbest”Hecrossedhisarms andpushedhischestout.
Mylipspursedinthought.Mostofthe Titans wereprobablymoregaythanstraight,somuchsothatIhadheardthemcalled the Arctic Unicorns onceortwice Asidefromthecoupledones,therehadtobeonewillingtogooutonadatewithme Notto brag,butIwasacutiewhenIdressedupandahottiewhenIdresseddown.Ihadnevergottena‘no’inmylife.Atleastwhen itcametotakingsomeoneoutonadate
“Whichone?”IaskedSpencer.“Orisatleastthatmuchuptome?”
Mybestfriendsuckedhisteeth.“Jones.”
Ithrewmyheadbackandlaughedoutloud.“AndhereIwas,thinkingthiswouldbefun.”
“Whywouldn’titbe?”Coleasked.
“Tooeasy,” Isaidquietly.“ButIwouldn’ttrustyoutopayattention.CadenJones has beenona bender since before the seasonkickedoff.Icangooverthereandgethisnumberbeforeyouevenfinishyourbeer.”
Spencer bristled, butCole cocked his head “How aboutone ofthose two?” Cole pointed atthe defensemen, Tyler and Sebastian.
“Nah,wedon’twanttocreatefrictionintheirrelationship,”Spencersaid
“They’restraight,dude,”Ipointedout.
“Howdoyoukeeptabsoneveryone?”Spencerasked,mockconcernedabouthisprivacy
“Wehaveamutualfriend,”Isaid.“Thosetwohavegirlfriends.”
“So,Jonesistooeasy.Defensemenaretoohard.Whoelse?”Colesummarized.
Ilooked around the room, mygaze landingonthe MountEverestofall dates He had sleptwitha guyIknew, although discreetly,sohewasn’ttotallystraight.Itwasjustthatwehadfoughtagainsteachothersomanytimesthatitwasallweknew.
As Iexamined him, knowingwhere Spencer was headed, mybestfriend sealed myfate “AveryCollins” He nodded to reaffirmhisdecision.“That’swhoyouneedtotakeoutonadate.”
Fuck Ihadnoexcuses “Hehatesmyguts,”Isaid
“Perfect,”Colesaid,clappinghishandstogether.“Whenhasthateverstoppedyou?”
“It’llbemoreofachallenge,”Spencersaid.
AndIknewitwasthesortofchallengethatIcraved Ilikedwinning Sueme Ilikeditmorethananything AndifIgothis numberandscoredadatethatwasn’tatotalflop,thenitwouldbeavictoryfortheages.
Isighed “Thatguy’s a robot Apsycho, probably” I’d found myselfinadvertentlyinhis arms, althoughnotparticularly romantically,morethanafewtimes.IknewwhatsortofroughnessIwasgettinginto.
Coleshrugged.“Whydoesitmatter?We’regonnawinanyway.Right,Cap?”
Spencerliftedoneknowingfinger.“Youcan’tpullout,Gray.What’sdoneisdone.”
Iforceda calmwave topass throughme.Itwas the same thingIdidoutonthe ice tofocus onsolutions,rather thanget draggedintobattles “I’vegotnothingtoworryabout”AndImeantit Iwasabouttotakethisteamtothegreatnessithadn’t seeninyears.
Spencerdisappearedforaminute,thenreturnedwiththreemorebeers “Let’sdrinkonit”Heraisedhiscupbetweenthe twoofusandImimickedhissolemnexpressionaswesealedthedarebydrainingourcups.Iwipedmymouthwiththebackof myhand,laughedatthechildishnessofthewholething,andscannedtheroomagain.
AveryCollins.
I ran a mental checklist on him. Of all the whispers I’d picked up through my friends, anything regarding himwas the quietest Iknew hehadbeenwithaguylastyear andIknew hewassingle Ifhewasonanydatesrecently,theworddidn’t reachme.
Ihadnoideawhathedidthissummerorifhewaspursuinganyoneprivately WhatIdidknowwasnotcomforting Scoring adatewithhimwouldbearealchallenge.ButifIwasright,itwouldneverhavetocometothat.
Sowhywasn’tIsatisfiedwiththat?WhydidIfeellikewinningthenextgamewasgoingtolosemesomethingIhadnever had?
The sneakiestidea crossed mymind and Ibanished itas quicklyas ithad arrived. Itwas a ridiculous thought. Iwould neverjeopardizemyintegrityandthebenefitofmyteamforsomethingassillyasaboyishdare Notevenifitgavemeagood reasontowalkuptoAveryCollins.
Avery
Asthefinalminutescounteddown,Iwasreadyforatie
Headingformewastheircaptain,GraysonReed.Hesentthepuckviciouslytotheleft Breaker andattemptedtoavoidme. Hiseyesonthepuckbetrayedhim Hewasgoingtobaitandswitch,thentakethepuck Andashenearedme,heliftedhisgaze inasurprisemove.Helookedrightintomyeyesasour bodiescollidedandIcarriedhimofftowardtheboards.Islammed intohim,holdinghimjustlongenoughthathehadnochanceofretrievinghismomentumandhisposition
Wewerelocked.“Ah,fuck,”hescoffedashecrashed.“That’s…rough.”Butinthenextheartbeat,Iwasturningawayfrom him.IwatchedBeckettsnatchthepuckfromtheirleftplayerandCadenblazedafterhim.
It was possible that every last person who filled this rink, including all the Arctic Titans, Blizzard Breakers, Coach Murray,andBeckettPartridgehimself,wereshockedatthatmoment.EvenIcouldhardlybelieveit.Thetwoplayedoffeach otheralmostliketheyhadbeenhockeypartnersforages
Myheartstoppedasweallfrozeandwatchedthelastsecondstickaway.Thepuckflewbetweentheirgoalie’sskates.
SinceBecketthadtakenoverthecaptaincyfollowingRiley’sgraduation,wehadbeenonalosingstreak Itwasn’ttheguy’s fault.Hehadbeenoverwhelmedwiththeweightoftheresponsibility athingIneverwouldhavewishedtohaveplacedon myshoulders.Andifthatwasn’tenough,oneofourfinestplayershaddecidedtoprotestBeckett’scaptaincybymakinghimself prettyuselessouthere
The teamhad beenforced to make animpromptuinterventionfor Beckettand Cadena while back. We’d giventheman ultimatum Eithertheywouldcooperate,ortheywouldbothbeofftheteam Wecouldn’taffordalosingstreakbecauseofthe discordwithintheteam.
Andforachange,wefinallywon.Traditionally,wekickedthe Breakers’ buttseveryseason.Theywereagoodteambut never great. Lastyear, theyhad upped their game butstill fell shortoftakingus down. This season, however, was a whole differentstory.Their freshlyappointedcaptain,a sophomore studentwithhis eyes onthe prize,hadshakenthings upfor the Breakers Where Beckett Partridge struggled to keep the team together, Grayson Reed seemed to easily weave all his teammatesintoasingle-mindedfocusontheice,followingtheircoach’sdirectiontoadotandwinningtwofriendlymatches againstus Notthethird,though Ourluckwasturningaround.Icouldfeelit.
Madnessconsumedtherink.Nobodyhadexpectedthisvictory,andevenBeckettshoutedandcheeredfromthetopofhis lungs.
Iscannedtheice.Aheadofme,my Titans celebrated.Atickleofjoypassedthroughme.Myfacewashardasstone,butI knew that myeyes twinkled The corners of mylips quivered as myfriend and our goalie, Sawyer Price, skated over and claspedmyshoulder.“Lookatyou.You’repositivelyecstatic.”
“AmI?”MyeyebrowsroseasIpulledmyhelmetoff
“No.”Sawyerthrewhisheadbackandlaughedoutloud.Iwasn’tsurewhy.Hetendedtolaughatmostthingswhentalking tome.Ihadlearnedquicklythathewasn’tmockingme,justhavingfun.Thetruthwas,alltheguyswerequicktolaugh,andthe jokesseemedtoflyovermyhead or,morelikely,weren’tveryfunny
Iwashappywewon.Obviously.ButdidIfeeltheneedtorisktwistingmyanklebyjumpingupanddownwhilewearing myblades?Hellno Iwassmarterthanthat AndIdidn’tlikepointlessrisks Theydidnothingforme
So,whilemyreckless teammates jumpedupanddown,includingeventhepoutynewbie,Asher Sullivan,Ilookedatthe losingteam Mostofthemweretakingtheir helmets offroughlyas ifwantingtosmashthemagainsttheice Butoneofthem wasn’tangryatall.
GraysonReed.
TWO
THE TENSION WAS PALPABLE.EVERY MUSCLE IN MY BODY BURNED. MY MOUTH WAS DRY. I HELD MY BREATH WHILE THE CROWD’S cheersandboosincreased
Heblazedaroundonhisskatesandtossedhissticktoateammatewhiletakinghishelmetoff.Andwhenhedid,hewore thegoofiestsmileIhadeverseen.Youwouldhavebeenexcusedforthinkinghehadjustscoredthebiggestvictoryofhislife. SomeoneonhisteamsaidsomethingandGraysonReedthrewhisheadbackandlaughedoutloud Asheslowedtoahalt,he twirledonhisskates.Likehecouldfeelmycoolgazeonhim,heturnedhisheadandlookeddirectlyintomyeyes.
Evenfromhere, Icould see himclearly I’d clashed withhimcountless times onthe ice Lastyear, he was promoted to assistantcaptainafteronlyacoupleofmonths.Hehadbeenontheoffenselikemesincehejoinedtheteam.Iknew hiseyes werechestnut
Iknewhowveinsappearedonhisneckwhenheexhaustedhimself Iknewwhathisdustyblondhairlookedlike whenitsweatedunderhishelmet.AndIknewthoselipsbothwhentheysneeredandwhentheygrinned.I’dseenhimbarehis teethunderhishelmetcountlesstimes.I’dseenhimchallengingmeandmockingmeintoomanyencounters.
Acold wind washed over me The muscles inmyneckstiffened Itwas as thoughIwas beingpulled toward himbyan invisiblerope.
Graysonmock-saluted me withtwo fingers touchinghis temple Ididn’treplybutturned awayfromhim Myteammates werepreparingtoleavetherinkandIfollowed.Inthelockerroom,theatmospherewasmorerelaxedthanithadbeeninages. Thevictoryhadbroughtusclosertogether,evenifitwasforjustonemoment BeckettandCadenexchangedarespectfulnod Even Asher wasn’t as sullen and pouty as he usually was. Sebastian had Tyler in a headlock, rubbing his head with his knuckles,andPhoenixwasnexttothem,laughingoutloud.Jordan,Asher’sstepbrother,woreasubtlesmile.Sawyerwason hisphone,probablymakingplanstoseehisboyfriend,Noah,foraroundofcelebratorydrinks
Afterweshoweredanddressed,someoftheguystookaraincheck,Beckettgaveinanddecidedtojoinusforonedrinkbut warnedusnottogowild,andCadenshruggedandsaidhewouldsitwiththeteamforabit Iwonderedifhehadadatelateror ifhejustdidn’twanttobeexposedtoBeckettall thatmuch.Whatever.Iwasinagoodmoodafter thevictory.Itspokeofa turningtide.
Notthatthe Breakers werethathardtobeat,butourseasonwasalreadyinshambles,soIwouldtakewhatIgot.Whenthe smallergroupofuswalkedoutoftherink,weheadedstraightforthe Thirsty Thinker tavern.Itwasasizableestablishment,so itwasn’ta bigsurprise to find a lotofthe Blizzard Breakers congregatingonone end We smartlyfollowed Beckettto the oppositesideofthebar.
Thechatterandthemusicofthebarwereenoughofabufferbetweenusandouropponentsthatwecouldsafelyjoke,laugh, andcelebratewithoutrubbingitintoomuch.Alittlewasallowed,though.
Wekickedthingsoffwitharoundofbeers.Ourfreshmen,AsherandPhoenix,waitedforourseniors,SebastianandTyler, tobringadoubleorderofdrinks.Nobodyaskedtoomanyquestionsatthe Thinker,butweneverpushedourluckbysending thebaby-facedteammatestogettheirowndrinks.
Thepartygrewsmallerafterthefirstround JordansaidsomethingtoAsheraboutdrinkingandAsherthrewhishandsup sowildlythatitwasobvioushewasfedup.Hedrainedhisdrink,slappedhisroommate,Phoenix,ontheshoulder,andsaid theywouldtalklater Phoenix,forhispart,turnedafriendlysmiletoeveryonehecameacross Histattooedarmsandneck and as I had noticed in the locker room, chest, and some parts of the sides of his torso and smaller areas of his legs attemptedtogivehimabad-boyaura,buthisgrinshatteredthoseideas.
Jordanremained, shakinghis head, and rolled his eyes whenBeckett said somethingI could barelyhear “ himtime He’llunderstand.”
Cadendidn'tstaywithusforlong Hemovedovertothebarandstruckupaconversationwithsomeguy Itdidn’ttakea geniustoseewherethingswereheaded.Evenso,Cadenmadeitclearafteratime.Heandhisdatewereallhandsywithone another,nevermissingachancetoleaninwhilelaughing SinceBecketthadbeennamedthecaptain,all Cadendidwasflirt around. Iliked it. He deserved to have some fun. Butthere were moments whenIfeltlike he was doingitina muchmore destructivefashion.
Not my place to lecture him,Idecided
Beckettclappedhishandsafterputtinghisphoneinsidehisjacketpocket,saidsomethingImissed,andthenheadedtoward the bar Iwatchedhimas he ordereddrinks andthe furyinhis eyes whenCadenandthe guykissed,bumpingintoBeckett’s elbowandspillingsomeofhisbeer.ThealtercationwasbriefbecauseJordanintervened,butitlastedonlyaminute,andthen hereturned,shakinghishead ThetwosoonleftthetavernoneaftertheotherandIdidn’tseethemfortherestofthenight
Theshrinkinggrouponoursideofthebarorderedanotherroundofdrinks.Sawyer’sboyfriend,Noah,joinedjustthen,and my friend’s attention was redirected completely to him. I didn’t blame him. Noah was an interesting guy and objectively handsomeashell ItwasonlyrightforSawyertoforgetabouttherestoftheworldwhenNoahenteredaroom
Ilookedtomyleft,whereJordanmulledoversomething,finishedhisdrink,anddecidedtoheadbacktothehouse.Across fromwherehehadbeensitting,theconjoinedtwins,Tyler andSebastian,hadtheir phonesout,tappinghurriedly Theywere probablytextingtheir girlfriends,whose names Icouldn’tremember andwhose faces Icouldn’tdistinguish.Ihadseenthem both,butIwouldbehard-pressedtomatchthemwiththeirboys.Bothguysweresmirking.Andtomyright,SawyerandNoah werestillexperiencingtheirhoneymoonphaseeventhoughtheyhadbeentogetherforoverhalfayear Iwasstartingtothink theywerejustsimplyhappy.
Thatleftme.Alone.Thefifthwheel.
Mygaze wandered around the tavern. Fewer and fewer students remained. Mostofthe Breakers had left, too. And as I scannedthemostlyemptytablesGraysonReed’steamhadoccupied,mygazelandedonhisoblongface
Hehadbeenstaringatme.Ididn’tknow forhow long.Butwhenourgazesmet,Isaw thespikeofpaniconhisface.He almostlookedawaybutinsteadcockeduponesideofhislipsandliftedhisheadinagreeting Hewasabouttodrink,sohe pausedandsalutedmewithatallglassoffoggybeer.
Myeyes narrowed Asortofhummingfilledmyears Myhands wereclumsywhenIreachedfor myglass likesomeone elsewascontrollingthem.Iliftedtheglass,pursedmylipsforamoment,andthendrank.EvenwhenIlookedawayfromhim andthenreturnedmygazebacktohim,hewasfacingme.
Why?Washemockingme?OrwasheangrythatIhadblockedhimtosecurethewin?Itwashisownfault Hehadbeen careless,cacklinglikeanidiotinsteadoffocusingonthepuck.
Sometimes,IfeltlikeSawyerwasright MaybeIwasarobot IhadnocluewhyGraysonwasn’ttalkingtohisfriendsbut insteadlookinginmydirectioneverysooften.ItriedtobecoolaboutitandnotrevealthatIwasobservinghim,too,buthe caughtmeatitthreeorfourtimes
“Weshouldheadtoyourplace,”SawyersaidtoNoah.Ilookedathim,thencheckedthetime.Itwasn’teveneleven.Last year, before Sawyer had met Noah, he had beena menace. Takinghimout usuallymeant stayinguntil dawn. Occasionally, Sawyerwoulddisappearforanhourortwo,thenreappearwiththegoofiestsmileonhisface I’dalwaysplayedalong,butI hadn’tbeenalltoohappyseeingmyfriendwastehistimeonmeaninglesshookups.
NotthatIwasn’tguiltyofquiteafewmyself Butthetalesofmybedroomconquestsweregreatlyexaggerated Backthen, Sawyerhadoftenassumedthatifhewassleepingaround,everyonewas.Especiallyme.Thetruthwas,Ihadneverbothered correctinghim.ItchangednothinganditwouldhaveinvolvedalotofexplainingofthingsthatevenIwasn’tsureof.I’dbeen aroundtheblockwithafewpeople,butithadneverfeltrightandsoimportantthatIwouldneedtobragaboutit.
“Areyoustaying?”Sawyeraskedme.“We’rewatchingBride of Frankenstein.Youcancomewithus.”
Iwasn’tthrilledaboutthird-wheelingtonight “Nah,IthinkI’llstayawhilelonger”
“Yourloss,”Sawyersingsonged.
“Ireallydon’tthinkitis,”Ireplied
Hefounditamusingandlaughed,thentappedNoah’sshoulder,andthetwoleft.Istayed,eventhoughIwonderedwhy.We had done the celebratingpart, we had done the fallingoutthatwas almosta traditionofthe seasonatthis point, and now I stayedforanotherdrink.
“Areyouhavinganotherbeer,guys?”Ioffered.“I’mbuying.”
TylerandSebastiandrainedtheirglasses “Neversaynotoafreebeer That’smymotto,”Sebastiansaid Hisdarklocks wentinalldirectionsandhisbrowneyesglinted.Hewastipsy,Irealized.
“Right,”Isaidcarefully,gettingupfrommychair “Butlet’smaybetryandsavorit”
Sebastianlaughed,althoughTylermetmyeyeswithasliverofconcern.“Idunno,A.MaybeIshouldtakehimbacktothe house.There’sbeerinthebasementifyouwannahangout.”
Iinstantlyknewitwasthebestwaytogo SebastianneededtorestelseBeckettwouldneverstopridinghimaboutit And Tylerwasright.WehadaminifridgefullofbeerinthebasementifthatwaswhatIwanted.ButIalsorealizedthatbeerwasn’t atallwhatIwasafter
“Canyoutakehim?”Iasked.“IthinkI’llstickaroundalittlelonger.”
Tylercheckedthetime “Idon’tknowwhereyoufindtheenergy”Helaughedsoftly “AllIwantisasoftpillowundermy headandyou’regoingfishingatthishour.”
Isnorted. Fishing. Iwouldn’tcorrecthimanymore thanIwould Sawyer. IfTyler wanted to believe Iwas some sortof Casanova,gettinglaidwheneverIwasn’tinhisfieldofvision,hewaswelcometothatfantasy Itippedmyheadandwinked asthetwoleft.TherewasadrunkenswaytoSebastian’sstride.
Insteadofsittingaloneattherowoftableswehadjoinedtogether,Itransferredtothebar Ididn’tlookleftorrightasIdid this, but curiosity burned within me. I’d glanced only once at the tiny group of Blizzard Breakers. Their captain sat idly, watchinghisfewteammatesstareattheirphones Hewasbored
Isatdownand ordered another beer for the sake oflookingoccupied. Rather thanpullingoutmyphone, Ilooked atthe mirrorbehindtheshelveswithboozeontheothersideofthebar.
ThetensionIfeltinmychestwasastrangefeeling Ididn’tknow whatIanticipated GraysonReedwasaskilledplayer andarespectedcaptain.Hewasuniquelyattractive,althoughthatdidn’tmatter agreatdeal.Hisgoodlooks helpedgrabmy attentionbutdidnothingelsetome NotthatIcouldn’thookup Butdoingithadneverleftmefeelingparticularlyhappy I’d gottentogetherwithafewgirlsandacoupleofguys,butitalwayslackedsomethinginthoseencounters.Ihadn’tbeenableto exactlyputmyfingeronit.
MaybeIjustdislikedsleepingaroundwithstrangers.AndmaybeIwasn’tthefondestofpeoplewhospentalltheirhours chasingacheapthrill.Butthentherewasthisguy,ruiningwhatlittleIunderstoodaboutmyself.
WhenevermygazemetGrayson’s,anaggingthoughttoldmethatIshouldentertainthatoption,butIcouldn’tmakemyself obeymyownadvice.IcouldseehowhandsomehewasjustlikeIcouldseehowhandsomeNoahwas,orSawyer,oranyof theguysonourteamforthatmatter Andstill,Ifeltnothingotherthanaplatonicappreciationofbeauty
WhenIlookedatthemirrorbehindthebaragain,GraysonReedwasn’tinhischair.Buttheshiftingfigurebehindmyback pulledmyattention Ihadn’tevennoticedhimsneakinguponmelikethat
“Isthisspotfree?”Graysonasked,hisvoicehuskyandcalm.Hispearlyteethclosedaroundhislowerlip.Thecreamyskin onhisfacehadatouchofpink
WhatthehellwasIdoinghere?“Yeah,”Isaid.“Knockyourselfout.Iwasjustleaving.”
Islippedoffthechair,resolvingtostickwiththisdecision.Icouldn’ttellwhathadmademestayhereandopenmyselfup tohim,butsomesensestillremainedwithinme Hewastheguywhohadtriedtobestmeoneveryturnalloflastyear Andhe wastheguyIhadhumbledintherinktonight.
Whateverhewanted,hewasn’tgettingitfromme
Grayson
“W
MyearsrangwithhisblatantdisregardforwhatIhadtosay Imean,Iexpectedhimtobeadifficultcatch,butIdidn’tthink hewouldbeimpossible.
Iballedmyfistsandturnedonmyheels SpencerandColeweresnickeringwhenIlookedatthetablewhereI’dspentthe entirenightwaitingfortheopening.
Fumingfrommyearsandnostrils,Ireturnedtomytable,ploppeddownintothechair likeanarmful ofwetlaundry,and pressedmytall glass ofwheataleagainstmypursedlips.Alongsiplater,Iexhaled.“Thatdidnotgoas planned.”Tension slowlyleftmyshoulders and neckas Ifocused onthe nextmove. The stab atmypride was still raw, butitwasn’ta mortal wound “He’selusive,thatone”
“Youdon’tsay.”Spencerworealopsidedgrinandshookhishead.
“What’stheplan,Cap?”Coleaskedovertherimofhisglass
Irolled myshoulders and stretched myneckleftand right, joints cracking. “Gotta thinkaboutit. Imightthrow outsome biggerbait”Iconsidereditcarefully
“Youshouldbecareful,”Colesaid.
“Youspookedhim,”Spencersaidbluntly.
“He’snotadeer,”Ipointedout Then,thevoiceofDavidAttenboroughcametomeandIinhaledthroughmynose “Avery, sensingthe impendingshiftinhis night,tooka stepawayfromthe bar,leavingbehindboththe stool andthe remnants ofhis untasteddrink Asilentcue,perhaps,totheunfoldingdramaofthehumansocialritual”
“Makesyousoundlikeapredator,”Spencersaid.
Ishrugged.“Inthesamewaycatsare,Isuppose.Cuddly,butwithsharpclaws.”Averywasnothinglikeamouse.“I’llget him,though.”
“Sureyouwill,”Spencersaidskeptically.
“Maybewepickedthewrongtarget MaybeitshouldhavebeenJonesafterall”Cole’sdampeningmoodwasgoingtokill me.
“No,”Isaid,settingmyglassfirmlyonthetableafteranothersip Thecompetitorinmeawakenedtohisfullestextent He wasn’ta quitter,evenagainstthe highestodds.“This was a temporaryhiccup.How longdoIhave before youdeclare me a loser?”
SpencerandColeexchangedalook.Spencerscratchedthebackofhishead.“Wedidn’tthinkaboutthat,huh?Aweek?”
“Tsk,” Cole cutin. “They’re goingoutoftown, right? Iheard themmentionsome game inMilwaukee. Should be longer thanthat”
Spencernarrowedhiseyesinthought.“Alright.Youhavetotakehimoutonadreamdatebytheendofthemonth,then.”
Ipressedmyhandstogetherandbowedtomyfriend “Howverygenerousofyou”BytheendofOctober,Iwouldbuilda happylittlefamilywiththefucker.
Nobodydismissed me withouthearingmycase first. Itwasn’tfair. Besides, he had caused me to lose the game and the winning streak tonight If it hadn’t been for himand his swinging shoulders, I would have kept my eyes on the puck and wouldn’thaveletmyselfgetdistracted.
Isupposeitwasthepressureofthebethangingover myhead IlostmymindwhenIsaw himcomeouttoplaythethird periodinsteadofPhoenix.MyhearthadbegunracingandIknew immediatelythathewouldcomeformewithoutashredof mercy Hewastheirsecretweaponandmykryptonite
Wefinishedourdrinksandgotacabtotakeustoourcampusanddormitory.Spencerwasknockedoutthemomenthishead touchedthepillow,butIstayedawake.Ithought.Iplanned.Ifantasized.
THREE
HAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?”I ASKED THE EMPTY CHAIR.
Myeyeshadbeenpracticallygluedtohimthewholenight.Ihadkeptavigilantwatchinordernottomisshim.AndwhenI sawanopportunity,Itookit.Fornothing.
Not for nothing,mycalmvoiceofreasonsaid It’s a start
Andintruth,itmadethingsmoreexciting.TheveryreasonIhadn’tleapedattheopportunitytoaskCadenJonesoutwas thefactitwouldhavehappenedafterafewglancesandaquickchat Theguywasonabender
Imagine the bragging rights when you actually score this date,Itoldmyself. Spencer will eat his helmet and weep.
My brain worked through all the loops and always returned to the same conclusion I knew nothing about my target I couldn’tplanmymoves whenIcouldn’tpredicthis responses.All Iknew was thathe wouldn’tgive me the time topresent myselfbasedsolelyonmyswaggeringwalk,mysuaveentreé,ormygoodlooks.
Mynextstepwasobvious:gettoknowtheguy Buttodothat,Ineededtogetclosetohim
Isleptonit.Inthemorning,overabowlofcereal,IsearchedthewebforcluesaboutAveryCollins.HisFacebookprofile hadn’tbeenupdated insevenyears His Instagramwas locked up and displayed zero posts IfItexted himthere, he would neverseeit.HedidnothaveaLinkedInprofile,whichwasarelief.HisTikTokwasalsopostlessandprivate.Andthebiggest reliefwas thatIfound nothingofAveryinthe wasteland thathad once beenTwitter buthad now boiled downto pornand racism.
Stalkinghimonlinesimplywasn’tgoingtocutit.So,IdecidedtoapplymyselftheonlyotherwayIknew how.Firstly,I discoveredafratpartyonhiscampustonight Immediatelyafterthat,Iorderedafewopeninvitestobedeliveredbynoonto histeamhouseandafewmoretomyroom.IaddedabunchofotherstudentaddressestothecourierallovertheNorthwood campusasadecoy Then,IleftanotetomysleepingroommatetomakenoplansforthenightbecauseIwouldneedawingman attheparty.
Mymorningracedby.Ispentacoupleofhours atthegymnear campus,conditioningandbringingmyselftothebrinkof musclefailure.ItclearedmymindofeverythingandIspenttheenergythatwouldhaveotherwisegoneintotappingmyfootand pacingaroundthedormitory.AfterIshoweredatthegym,Ireturnedtocampus,grabbedabiteonmyown,stalkedAverysome moreonlinetonoavail,andreturnedtomyroom Thenotesfromthisweek’slectureshadpiledup,butIignoredthemtofirst confirmwithSpencerthatweweregoingtotheparty.
“I’minvitingtheimpartialthirdparty,”hejoked,leavingtheroomtofindCole Itwasagoodplan Ihadrarelybeentoa fratpartyonNorthwood’scampuswithoutcrossingpathswithafewofthe Titans.Icouldfeelhispresencealready.Andinthe worstcase,IwouldstrikeupaconversationwithsomeonewhocouldgivemeAvery’s phonenumber,email address,or fax number,dependingonhowrustichewas.Infact,Iwaspreparedtosendabirdifnecessary.
Fortherestoftheday,Itriedtofocusontheworkloadthathadbeengrowingexponentiallysincethesemesterhadstarted. Notalotofitagreedtosinkin,soIfoundmyselfdriftingawayintodaydreams Hewashot,thatAveryCollins,inafuckedup, psychoway.Hecouldstareyoudowntoshreds.Ihadneverseenhimsmile.Notonce.Andthoseeyes.Coldlikesteel.
Whenitwasfinallytimetogo,Ipushedthequalitystockpaperinvitesintomypocketandjoinedmyfriends Wegotaride totheNorthwoodcampusandwalkedintothe Alpha Kappa Phi frathousewithinnocentsmiles.Iwonderedwhatmyparents wouldhavesaidiftheyknewhowmuchitcosttoprintanddeliverthesefakeinvitesatamoment’snotice.Iwonderedifthey wouldhavecared
Firmlyputtingmyparentsoutofmymind,Iinhaledadeepbreathandwavedtheinviteatoneofthefratbroswhohosted theparty “Thanksfortheinvite,man?”
“Youtoo?”heasked,scratchinghishead.“That’sweird,dude.”
Imade a confused expressionat himand the guyturned away, shakinghis head He decided to forget about the strange invitesbygettingkeggedonthefarendofthesprawlingcommonareaoftheoldcolonialhouse.
MyfriendsandIfounddrinksandformedaprivatetriangle.ThefirstroundtooktheedgeoffmynervesasIlookedaround thehouseforanysignofthe Titans ButwhenIbroughtusthesecondone,Iwasbeginningtoworrythatmyplanhadfailed Maybetheywerejusttoobusy.Maybetheywerestayingsoberbeforetheout-of-stategame.MaybeBeckettPartridgetightened theleashonhisteammates
Justas IconsideredthatIspottedCadenJones.Hewalkedinwiththenewbie,Asher,andlookedaroundthecrowd.He wavedmyfakeinviteatoneofthehosts,whothrew hishandsupindespair ItmademelaughandIquicklypressedmycup againstmylipstoconcealit.
Thenightdraggedon.The technobeatofthe music poundedthroughme as Iwaited.Cole andSpencer were ina heated debateoverAliversusTysonifbothwereintheirprime Ihadmyowndebate IfAveryCollinsdidn’tenterthishouseinthe next tenminutes, I would have to marchup to Cadenand demand help. Or begfor it. Except, I had seena couple of guys approachingCadenandgettingacoldshowerofhisdisregard Hewasinamoodtonight
MyheartclenchedandIbitmylip.IhadabsolutelynointerestintheuppercutsColeandSpencermimickedtoprovetheir individualpoints.Instead,Istaredatthedoor. Walk in, dammit Walk the hell in Now Three… Two… One Damn Irolledmy eyesandturnedaway,lickedmylukewarmbeer,anddecidedtoexchangeitforafreshone.
PeopleshiftedaroundasImarchedtotheopenkitchenandpouredmyselfacoldone.AsIlookedaround,Idecidedtorisk
it. Caden. Iknew himbetter thanthatgoalie, so he had to be mylink. Whatever his mood was, Icould atleasttryand get Avery’snumberfromhim.
Iplasteredonmybestsmileandwalkeduptohim Hissullenfacealmostmademeturnback “‘Sup,Jones?”
“Whatdoyouwant?”heasked.
Iletoutadescendingwhistle “It’snicetoseeyou,too Me?I’mdoinggreat Youlookravishingtonight”
“I’mnotinterested,”hesaidflatly.HelookedtoSawyerforhelp,butthegoaliewastexting.
“Thatmakestwoofus,”Isaid,thenbitmyspeedingtongue “Can’taguyjusttalktoyou?”
Cadencrossedhisarmsandleanedagainstthegreenandbrownwall.“I’mnotfeelingconversational,Reed.Whatdoyou need?”
“Jeez,”Imoaned
“Besides,it’snotagoodlook,conspiringwiththeenemycaptain,”headdedtestily.
“I’veseenyourgamethisseason It’lltakemoretoconvincemethatyouactuallycarewhatthislookslike”Ilaughedto softentheblow,butitwasoneIcouldn’tresist.
“Whydon’tyouwalkawaynowwhileallyourteetharestillinplace”Cadensaidquietly,seething
Iliftedmyindexfingers,onehandstillholdingmycoldbeer.“BecauseIneedtohumblemyselfbyaskingforyourhelp.” Cadenstaredatme.Notevena‘goon.’Hislipswerepressedintoatightline.
Afteramomentofawkwardsilence,Ifoundmyballs “IwouldappreciateitifyoucouldgivemeAvery’sphonenumber” “Why?”Hisfrownwasoutrageous.
Irolledmyeyesimpatiently “I’mtryingtoreachhimabouthiscar’sextendedwarranty”
Cadenwasn’tamused.Butthegoalieliftedhisgazeandsparedmeasmirk.“Whydon’tyouaskhimyourself?”Hepointed somewhere behind me and my heart freaking tap-danced. I spun away from the moody prick and discovered my target’s expressionless face. He was holding the fake invite and an increasingly intoxicated frat bro was shaking his head while claspingAvery’sshoulder.
Imarchedtowardhimimmediately,notevencaringthatIdidn’thaveanopening “…askedaround.NobodyIknowsentthem,butyou’rewelcometostayanyway,”thedrunkhostsaid. Igrinned “Soweird,huh?Weallgotthesemysteriousinvites ItremindsmeofAgathaChristie”
Averyturnedhiscool,graygazetomeetmine.Itwasall-consumingandfocusedlikeaneedlepoint.“Reed.”
Ishruggedandpushedmyselfrightintothesmallgroup.“Let’shopeweallsurvivethenight,huh?”
Averytuckedtheinviteintohisbackpocket.“What’sup?”
The frat bro sauntered away when a few of his buddies chanted the chugging call. “Hanging around,” I said. “Funny I shouldrunintoyou”Ibarelykeptthesmirkoffmyface
“Whyisitfunny?”Averyasked,deadlyserious.
“Noreason,”Isaid,rememberingthatIwastalkingtoanactualwoodendollwhohadwishedtobearealboy “Ididn’tget achancetotalktoyoulastnight.”
“That’scorrect,”Averysaid.
ItwasluckyIwasanavidgymgoer Fewpeoplehadthebackmusclestocarrytheconversationlikeme “Youkindofran awayfromme.”Mygrinsoftenedthejabinmywords.
AverynarrowedhiseyesandIwonderedwhythatmadehimtwiceassexy Damn Hewassomething Iwasgratefulforthe crowded space whensomeone passed behind me and Iscooted closer to myunsuspectingdate-to-be. “Iwould never run,” Averysaid “HowmanytimeshaveIcrashedyouintotheboardsinsteadofrunning?”
MytemperflaredfasterthanIcouldtameit.“Crashed me?Please…”Ibitmytongue.IhadoutdonehimmoretimesthanI couldcount.Andthenumberoftimeshehadhardcheckedmewasfarinferior.ButIrememberedwhatmypurposeherewas.I lickedmylipsandthenstretchedthemintoawarmsmile “Anyway,Iwasgoingtojoinyouforadrinkwhenyou left” Not ran.
“Ididn’trealizeyouweregoingafterme”Avery’sexpressionwasasblankasever Ifrowned.“Seriously?Iaskedtositnexttoyouinanemptybar.”
Averyshrugged “Itwasthenearestchairtothetap Maybeyouwantedyourbeerextrafast”
“Iwantedtotalktoyou,”Iinsisted.
Mypreyliftedhisgazetosomewherebehindme.Hegavealittlenodofgreetingtohisfriends,thenlookedatmeagain. Wewerenearlythesameheight,althoughhisshoesmighthavegivenhimanextrainch Hissmoothfaceandsharplipspulled mein.Ifoundmyselfwantingtoleanin.“Why?”
“Oh,wow,okay Straighttothepoint”Iforcedoutalaugh “Ifyoureallywannaknow,Iwasgoingtoaskyouout”
“Whilebeingoutandsittingnexttome?”Averyasked,cockinghishead.
“Well,yeah,butit’snotthesame.Dude.Iwantedtoaskyououtonadate.”Mywordsleftmylips,butitwashardtotell basedonhisstatuesqueexpressionswhetherhecomprehendedthem.
“Er…”Heclearedhisthroat.“Look,myfriendsarewaitingforme.”Hewincedalittle.
Igrabbedmychest.“You’rebreakingmyheart,man.Theycanwaitaminutelonger.” Hevisiblyheldhisbreath.
“So,fromonetoAmerica,howfreeareyounextweekendforadatewithme?”Ihadanurgetocrossmyarmsprotectively, butIdidn’twanttosendanymixedmessages.Thetruthwas,Iwasscaredtohearhisanswer.
Hedidn’tlaugh “Whywouldyouwanttogoonadatewithme?”heasked ThatwasasclosetoagenuinesurpriseasIhad everseenhim.“Youdon’tevenknowme.”
Ibitmytonguefor aninstant “Doyouknow what?That’sexactlywhatIwasthinking Anditcametomethatwhentwo peopledon’tknoweachother,theyarrangeatimeandaplacetocorrectthaterror.Youknow?Likeadate.”
“Areyoubeingcondescending?”heasked,eyesnarrowinsuspicion.
“I’mmakingajoke,Collins,”Isaidlightly
“That’syourideaofajoke?Ithinkyouneedtoworkonthedeliveryaswellasthepunchline.”Hedeadpannedsowellthat Ibarkedoutalaugh
“That’sagoodone.”Idaredtoclasphisshoulder.Fuck.Hewastenseandmuscled.Iwonderedwhatitwouldfeellikeif hewasn’twearingashirtandanundershirt MyfingertipstingledwhenItouchedhimandIjustknewalotmorewouldbuzzin mybodyifwegottotoucheachothermore.Thefactthathewassocomposedandcoolmadehimamilliontimessexier.And thefactthathewaspracticallyimmunetomycharmfrustratedmeasmuchasitinspiredmetodobetter.
“Notajoke,Reed,”Averycorrectedme,buthistonewasalittlemoremelodicandamused
“Comeon.It’sjustadate.Howhorriblecanitbe?”Ipressedon.
“At best? As bad as this Can you give up, please?” He didn’t step back, though He let me hold his shoulder It was electricandexciting.Warmthpooledinmystomach.
Ishookmyheadwhilesmiling.“Charming.Butno.I’dliketogettoknowyou.Ithinkwehavealotincommon.We’reboth wingers.We’rebothloyaltoourteams.We’rebothhandsomeasfuck.Wink,wink.”
Hedidn’tbite.“We’reopponents,Reed,”hesaidflatly.“You’rea Blizzard Loser;I’man Arctic Titan. You’re myworst nightmareoutthere Andweshouldremainloyaltoourteams”Hesighed “So, this,”ashegesturedhishandbackandforth betweenus,“isnotgonnahappen.”
Andyet,hewasn’tpullingback ButIknewhowfarIcouldstretcharubberband “Look,I’llcutyouagreatdeal Idon’t wanttoturnonmystalkermode,butIwillifIhaveto.So,I’llletyougonow,butyouhavetoletmekeeptrying.”
ThecornersofAvery’slipsquivered.Therewaspuresuspicioninhiseyes,butIwasgettingtohimalittle.
“Givemeyourphonenumber.Isweartouseitonlywhenit’sappropriate.Andonlytoconvinceyoutogooutwithme.”I pulledbackfromhimandextendedafriendlyhandforahandshake.“Whatsayyou?”
Averyhesitated
Hecouldhavetoldmehedidn’twanttobeconvinced
Hecouldhavetoldmetogofuckmyself Yethe saidneitherofthosethings.“You’rereallyhell-bentontrying,huh?”
“Youknowit,”Isaid “Gimme”Ipulledmyphoneoutandhandedittohim
Reluctantly,Averytookmyphoneandtypedinhisphonenumber.“Ican’tbelieveI’mdoingthis,”hemuttered.And,ashe handedmebackmyphone,helookedintomyeyeswarningly.“Thisis not ayes.Don’tgetyourhopesup.”
Igrinnedwithunfilteredpride “Youwon’tregretit”
Avery
I REGRETTED IT.
Aroundfourinthemorning,myphonedinged Ihadbeensleepinglightly SawyerwasstayingwithNoah,sotheroomwas allmine,andIhaddriftedtosleepwithalampon.Iglancedatmyphone.Ididn’tneedtohavehisnumbermemorizedtoknow itwasGraysonReed
Seriousquestion:ifaliensinvadedtheEarthandyouwerethefirsthumantheyencountered,whatwouldbe yourintergalacticicebreaker?
Istaredatthemessageforahotminute.Washeserious?Atfourinthemorning?Sighing,Iswitchedmyphonetosilent.It wasn’tabulletproofsolution,butIsleptforanother coupleofhours MyphonevibratedonlyoncemoreinthetimeIdozed AndwhenIcarrieditdownstairswithmeforbreakfast,Idiscoveredanothertextfromthesamenumber.
Bearwithme,Collins Ifyoucouldhavedinnerwithanycelebrity,deadoralive,whowoulditbe?Andmore importantly,whatareweorderingfortakeouttonight?
Ididn’thavemuchtimetothinkaboutGraysonReed.Whateverhisplanswere,theywouldn’tcometrue.Wewerenatural foes Thatwassimplyourfate Besides,Iwasdesperatelyboredofsleepingaround Inalltheyearsofcollege,Ihadlearned thatmuchatleast.
Days seemed to race byone after the other. Practice, lectures, practice, and lectures again. Ididn’tsee Reed, althoughI keptgettingasteadyvolumeoftextmessagesthroughouttheweek Onetime,afterpractice,Igrabbedmyphonetocheckthe timeandfoundanewlevelofweirdness.
Ifyouwereadancemove,whichonewouldyoube?I’mfeelinglikeanawkwardpenguinwaddle Wanna practiceonthedancefloortonight?
Thenightbeforeweleftforourout-of-stategame,Iwasskimmingthroughatextbookatthelibrary,andmyphonedinged, causingafewannoyedexhalesnearby
Notevenkidding Ifyouwereapizzatopping,wouldyoubeaclassicpepperoniorafunpineapple?Moreto thepoint,caretocomebyandhelpmemaketheperfectflavor?
Ishookmyheadandgrittedmyteeth.Iwouldhavetoblockthisnumber.Andburnthisphone.Andfakemydeath.Andstart anewlifeoverseasasaFlamencodancer YetIcouldn’tdenyit;therelentlessnesswasamusing Fornow
ThemorningofourdepartureforthegameinMilwaukee,itfinallylookedlikehewasabouttoloseinterestinme. Howdoyouexpectustogettoknoweachotherifyouneverfilloutanyofmysurveys?Applyyourself, Collins
Partofmewasfinewithputtingthiswholethingtorest.Itwasn’tgoingtogoanywhere.Whydragitout?Anotherparthad gottenusedtotheconstantflowoftexts.
Iwantedtoletitgo Truly IknewthatthebestthingIcoulddowaskeepsilentandhopeforittoblowover Hewouldlose interest theyalldid andmoveon.Then,Icouldgobacktomypeacefulexistence.Evenso,Ikeptglancingatmyphone everysooften,buthehadstoppedtheavalanche
SowewenttoMilwaukeeandsomethingstrangehappenedthattookmymindoffGraysonReed.Wewonthegame.Itwasa struggle,butwewerevictorious onour secondnightthere Andthestrangestpartwas thefactthatour victorywas squarely earnedbyCadenandBeckett’scooperation.SomethingpassedbetweentheminthemomentofthehighesttensionthatIfiled intoaseparatecompartmentofmymind,likeoneofthoseunsolvablemysteries,andIdecidedtojustbegladofthewin.
FOUR
Iwas ridiculouslyhappyafterwardwhenwe founda bar a couple ofstreets awayfromthe hotel room.Caden,whohad gottenaroughtreatmentontheice,haddisappearedforashorttime,thenshowedupandtalkedtoBeckettliketheyhadtruly beenfriends for ages Sawyer was onthe phone withNoah, and Iwas fiddlingwithmyphone, wonderingifGraysonwas playingagametonight.
Notthatitmattered
Butheusuallytextedbyeightintheevening.
Iscrolledthroughhissillytexts,sniffingatafewandalmostchucklingatone Guysaroundmetalked,joked,andlaughed, butIdrummedmyfingersagainstthetableandremindedmyselfoverandoveragainthatitwassafernottoengage.
EvenIwasalittlesurprisedwhenIrealizedIwastyping.
Bert,Isuppose
Itwasshortandcrisp,anditdidn’tinviteareply,exactly,butIhadtobitedownmygrinbecauseGrayson’smessagecame almostinstantlyafter
Figures.ThatwouldmakemeErnie.Youdorealizetheyareacouple,right?ShouldIpopthechampagne?
Nope We’renotdoingthat
Fairenough Youcan’tblameaguyfortrying,though
Whenmyears hurt, I realized theywere perkingso hard that myface was stretchingand mylips were…ohgod. Am I smiling? Damnhim
Ifyouwereafruit,youknow,justhangingoutonatree,whichonewouldyoube?I'mpersonallyfeelinglike arebelliousbananatoday
Whatkindofaquestionisthat?
Duh Sillyme It’sobvious You’reacoconut
Idon’tgetit HowamIacoconut?
See,ifyouweren’tacoconut,youwouldtotallyunderstand Butthisway,you’rejustprovingmypoint I proposeyouproveitsomemoreinperson OveraSauvignon WiththeviewofdowntownDetroit
Ididn’tagreetoadate,Reed AndIknewreplyingwasgonnabeamistake
Youwoundme Anyway,whatwillbethethemesongforourdatenextweek?
No
Oh,Igotit ABBA’s‘LayAllYourLoveOnMe’
Nope ‘KnowingMe,KnowingYou’
Nofuckingway!!!Dude YouknowABBAsongs?Dude!Also,that’safuckedupchoice Verypessimistic
Ichuckledundermybreathandlookedaround,tryingtothinkofaresponse.Hebeatmetoit,quickandwittyashewas.
Holdon Youpickedourthemesong So,we’regoingonadate?
Whydoyouevenwanttogoonadatewithme,Reed?
Hewasn’tcomingnearmybed,Iwassureofthat.Nomatterhowhandsome,Iwasn’tgoingtosleepwithhim.Oranyone, forthatmatter Ihadtotakeastepbackandfiguremyselfout
DoIneedasecretagenda?It’sadate,Avery IthinkI’llwearabowtietoimpressyou
Ibitmylip and closed myeyes GraysonReed wearinga bowtie was notsomethingIhad expected to be daydreaming about.YethereIwas,imagininghimstraighteningit.MyheartclenchedandIswallowedtheknotinmythroat.
“EarthtoAvery,”Sawyerwassaying “Areweorderinganotheroneornot?”
“Huh?Oh.Yeah.Sure,”Isaid,mymindstillswirlingaroundthemonolithicideaofGraysonReedinabowtie,arrivingfor ourdate TherehadbeensomecommotionaroundmeandBeckettandCadenweren’taround Ididn’tthinkaboutthemfortoo long,though,becausemythoughts quicklyreturnedtoGrayson.Ifhis missionhadbeentoconfusemeor distractmethenext timewefacedeachotherintherink,Iwasafraidhenearlysucceeded.Iwouldn’tlethim,butitwashardtokeepthisweird, ticklingsensationoutofmyfingertips
“You’reawfullycheerful,buddy,”Sawyersaid.
“LastIchecked,itwasstilllegal,”Ipointedout.
Sawyer opened his mouth and widened his slanted, hazel eyes “Are you getting cheeky with me?” He shook his head playfully.“Ilikeit.”
Our drinks arrived and thankfullyinterrupted myfriend’s curiosity We toasted to our victoryand I set myphone aside despitetheexcruciatingitchtocheckifGraysonhadtextedsomemore.Itwouldn’thurthimifIlefthimhangingfor awhile longer
After Sawyer and Ireturned to our room, we were fairlyquiet. Our roomhad two single beds withnightstands between them.Therewasasmall flat-screenTVmountedtothewall andacoffeetablebelow it.Twochairswereplacedaroundthe table Adresser,acloset,andamirrormadeuptherestofthefurniture Asmallprivatebathroomwasattachedtoourroom
IexpectedSawyertocallNoahfortheirgoodnightchat,buthedidn’t.
Ilaystill,myfingerstwinedonmystomach,mygazegluedtotheceiling
SawyertappedathisscreenwhileIresistedtheurgetodothesame.HecouldwaituntilIfiguredoutwhattodowithhim. Thissuddendesiretogoonadatewithmewasn’tsinkingin
“Youdidn’tstayout,”Sawyersaidcasuallyashetossedhisphoneonthenightstand.
Iturnedmyheadrighttolookathim.Hislegsweretangledinthetwistedcomforter.HeworeawhiteT-shirtandboxer briefs,readyforsleeping Ihadn’tundressedyet “Didyouwanttheroom?”
“What?No.”Hisvoicecrackedalittle.Itwouldn’thavebeenthefirsttimewewereoutoftownandSawyermissedNoah so much that they needed to “chat privately” I resolutely did not think of what Sawyer did in our shared room on such occasions.“I’mjustasking,”heexplained.“Younevermissanopportunitywhenwe’reaway.That’sall.”
“Oh,”Isaid.Thatwasn’tentirelytrue.Itwasn’tcompletelyfalse,either.“I’mtired.”Itwasalameexcuse.Iheldmybreath foratime,thenexhaledwithanewsenseofdetermination.“Igottatellyousomething…”Andthedeterminationrocked. “Shoot,”Sawyersaid.
Iwassilentforalongwhile,lookingattheceilingagain
“You’restartingtospookme,Avery,”Sawyersaidinadarkertone.“Areyoualright?”
“I’mfine It’snotlikethat”Idrummedmyfingersagainstmychest “It’sjust Idon’t ”Whywasthissohardtogetover mylips?“Idon’tactuallyscrewaround.”
SawyermighthavelaughedhadIsaidthisoutright.Instead,helookedatmeworriedly.Probablybecausehecouldseethat Iwashavingahardtimetalking.Wehadalwaysbeenclose,butneitherofuswasparticularlychatty.Ourfriendshipwasbuilt onmutualunderstandingandrespectratherthanlong-windedconversations.
Isatupabruptly,setmyfeetonthefloorbetweenourbeds,andrestedmyelbowsonmyknees “Imean,Iwas,butnotas muchasyouthink.”
Sawyersatuppartially,liftingthepillowtoresthisbackonitagainsttheheadboard “Um okay?Wait,istheresomething badaboutthat?”
Ithoughtaboutitforamoment.Theworstofitwassimple.“Ilied.Byomission.”
Sawyerflattenedhiseyebrowsandsnorted “Halftheguysexaggerate,Avery We’regood”Andafteramoment,headded, “Areyousureeverything’sfine?”
Iscratchedmyheadinfrustration “It’sjustthatIcan’tmakealotofsenseoutofitmyself”AndIwasn’tsureIwantedto spillallthedetailstoSawyer.Ididn’tevenknowwhatthisthingwithGraysonReedwasexceptthatittickledmesomewhere deepinmychest “We’reincollege Everyone’salwayshookingupandthentellingthetale It’salmostpartofthemandatory curriculumatthispoint.”
Sawyerlaughed.“Yourcomedyclassesarepayingoff.”
Iwasn’ttakinganycomedyclasses Itdidn’tmatterrightnow “Forthesakeofbeinghonest,Igottaadmit,Ineverlikedit thatmuch.SoIwasthinking,maybethere’ssomethingwrongwithme.Irememberyoulastyear,beforeyoumetNoah,living for it Nightafter night, dude Youdidn’tmiss a single partyoncampus for anentire semester Me? Icouldn’tcare less ifI scoredwithsomeone.”
Sawyerletoutalongexhale “There’snothingwrongwithyou,man”
“Youthinkso?BecauseIfeelliketherereallyis.IfeellikeI’mseriouslymessedupbecauseI’mnotnearlyasinterestedin hookingupasyouallwere.”Irubbedmyface.
Sawyer’ssilencewasshort Heshiftedandsethisfeetonthefloor “YouneedtorememberthatIlostallthatinterestwhen Imettherightguy.Frankly,itwasalittlesad.Ididn’tknowwhatIwasmissingbeforemylessonswithNoahstarted.Maybe it’severyoneelsethat’smad Didyouthinkaboutthat?”
Isnorted.“Right.That’snotreallyhowmadnessworks,though.”
“Letmeaskyousomething,”hesaidcarefully.“Whatbroughtthison?”
Itwas myturnto be quietfor a time. And whenIspoke, Itried to be as careful aboutthe details as possible. “Okay… there’sthisguy.He’sreallyattractive.AndImean, really hot.”
“Grayson.”
IlookedupatSawyer’samusedsmile,myhearttornbetweenleapingatthementionofhisnameandsinkingwithdreadat thesecretbeingout “Notnaminganynames”
“Oh.Gotit.But…it’sGrayson.”Sawyerlaughedoutloud.
“Whywouldyoueventhinkthat?”Idemanded
“Because he asked for your number,” Sawyer explained. “And I told himto askyoupersonally.” He rubbed his hands, excitementrisingtohisface “Alright,sowhataboutthis‘hotguy?’”
Isniffed.“Thisdoesn’tleavetheroom,alright?”
Sawyergesturedtoziphislipsandnoddedhisagreement.
Ithadbeeneasiertotalkwhenitwasasecret,butIwastoodeepintoittopulloutnow “Idunno He’sintome,Iguess He’sbeenaskingmeoutonadatenearlyeverydaysincetheparty.IsaidIwouldn’t,butheisn’ttaking‘no’forananswer.”
“Ifhe’sbotheringyou ”
Iinterruptedhimrightthere.“It’snotlikethat.Betweenyouandme,Ikindoflikeit.He’sreallytrying.”
“Andtheproblemis?”Sawyernudged HeseemedgenuinelyhappywithwhatIwastellinghim,evenifitfeltlikeaperfect storminsidemyhead.
“TheproblemisthatI’mnotintohookingupwithanyone,letalonetheenemycaptain.”IblinkedtwiceatSawyer.Iwas prettysuretheproblemswereobvious
Myfriendnoddeddeeply.Then,helookedintomyeyes.“Let’ssetasidethefactthatyouapparentlycan’tmessaroundwith himbecausehe’sa Blizzard Breaker Whydoyouthinkhe’sonlytryingtohookup?”
Itseemedobvioustome.Whyelsewouldhewanttogooutwithme?
“Maybehelikesyou.Youknow?Maybehereallylikesyou.Orhe’sattractedtoyouandwantstoseeifyoufeelthesame. And maybe bear withme youcould go ona date withhimand not fuckhimif youdon’t feel like it.” Sawyer was grinningmorewitheachsentencehesaid.“Peoplearecomplicated,man.You’renodifferent.Ifsexfor thesakeofsexisn’t yourthing,thenjustdon’thaveit Butdon’tdenyyourselftheopportunitywhenyoulikesomeone”
Iscoffed.“Whosaidanythingaboutmelikinghim?”Iwasn’tevensureIdid.
“Oh buddy, if you didn’t like him, you would never have given himyour phone number” His smile was obnoxiously victorious.AndIhadtogiveittohim.IwascuriousaboutwhereGraysonwasgoingwiththis.Iabsolutelywouldn’tgetmy hopesup.AndIwouldn’thurryintohisbedjustbecauseIthoughteveryoneexpectednothingotherthansex.AndIdefinitely wouldn’tmakeiteasy.WhenhadIeverdonethataboutanything?
IthankedSawyerforlistening,flickedthelampoff,andfoundmyphoneundermypillow.Icouldn’trememberleavingit there Themessageonthescreenmademebitemylip
Grayson: My bowtie must have left you speechless. Prepare yourself. I have plenty more surprises for you.
Achuckleescapedme Damnhim
“Dude,”Sawyerwhispered.“Whatwasthat?”
“Nothing,”Imuttered.Iwantedtobitethepillow.
“Nah-ah,youlaughed,”Sawyersaid,hisvoicestrungwithheld-backlaughter “Ididn’t,”Isaidflatly.“Ichoked.”
Hewassilentforafewheartbeats Then,likeanafterthoughtthatdidn’tneedanydebating,hemused,“Youreallyshould goonadatewithhim.”
Ishutmyphoneoff,undressedinthedark,andturnedawayfrommyfriend WhenIpulledthecomforteruptomyneck,I shut my eyes, and the same old image of Grayson Reed in a dotted white shirt, wearing a bowtie and maybe a pair of suspenderslikeahotgeek,floatedbeforemyeyes.
ItwastheimageIwenttosleepwith AndhewasstillonmymindwhenIwokeupthenextmorning
Grayson
I CHUCKLED AT MYSELF AND THE WORK I HAD DONE. ALL IN ALL, IT WAS A PRODUCTIVE MORNING. I STARED AT THE STACK OF postcards I am so gonna get you,Ithought Twostreets awayfrommydormitory,there was a shopthatmatchedall myneeds.At Cupid’s, theyspecialized ingrand gestures, the art of seduction, and happily ever afters From personalized chocolate box combos to elaborate flower arrangements,fromsuggestiveandnaughtytoysforlaughstospeciallytailoredplushies,theyhaditall.Andthebestpart?For afee,theyprovidedlocal deliveryservicesfor secretadmirers NotthatIplannedonbeinganythingbutbombasticallyloud andobvious.IwantedAverytohavetofacethecouriereachmorning.
IgrabbedthestackofcardsI’dfilledout,thegrinonmyfaceindestructible,andheadedout.Spencerwashangingoutwith Coleonabenchinasunnyspot,althoughcoldairwaswinningthebattleofseasons,andthetwoofthemspottedme
“CaptainReed,Sir.”Colesaluted.
“Speak, peasant,” Isaid, earninga punchinthe shoulder Itwas absolutelywarranted “Careful,” Icried “Ineed these intact.”Iclutchedthebundleofcards.
Spencersnickered “You’rekidding,right?”
“Notevenclose,”Icorrectedhim.“Iamdeadserious.Whatdoyouthink?”
Myfriendsgrabbedthecardsandsplitthembetweeneachother.“There’sgottobethirtycardshere,”Colepointedout. “Thirtyexactly,”Isaid
“Youonlyhaveeighteendaysleft,Captain,”Spencersaid,shufflingthroughthecards.
“Don’tmixthem Iorderedthempreciselyforthatreason Afterthelastdayofthebet,theygetincreasinglymorepathetic,” Isaid,shrugging.
Cole flipped one of those around and read it out loud. “Newsflash, heartbreaker: I amTinkerbell. Your disdainfor my lettershasmademyfairywingssag.Iamonmypixiedeathbed.Sendattention.ASAP.Wingedandwounded yourSnarky Tink.”
Iwasdamnproudofthatone,butmyfriendsrolledtheireyes
“DearestAvery,”Spencerread.“Iwritetoyouwiththeutmosturgencytorequestyourattendanceat Tiki Lounge foraday ofpampering Pleasechecktheboxforthedatethatsuitsyoubestandreturntothesender Notethatthereisnowaytodecline this. You are absolutely trapped. Yours desperately, Grayson Reed.” Spencer shot me a contemptuous look. “Have some dignity,dude.”
Ilaughedoutloud.“Don’tyouworryaboutmydignity.”
“Dear Avery, itlooks like youare a hard guyto dragoutofyour room. Letme bringa date to you, then. No one has to know I’ll bringa ladder and sneakinthroughyour window Gray” Cole chuckled atthatone and shookhis head “Do you maybethinkwe’reharassingthepoorguy?”
Myheartdropped Theydidn’tknowAvery Imean,Ididn’tknowhimeither,butIknewawholelotmoreaboutmydateto-be andrink-rival thanmyfriends did.Deepdown,Averywas enjoyingit.His textmessages,while sporadic as fuck,had toldmeasmuch.“He’sfine,”Isaid.“Now,Ineedtomailtheseout.”
Spencersortedthecardsformethewaytheyhadbeen,thenhandedthembacktome ButasItookthem,thegriptightened onhisend.“You’rereallytakingthisdareseriously.”
Ilooked into his eyes and attempted a mixofirondeterminationand friendlyplayfulness “Don’tdare me ifyou’re not readytoseemeinaction.”
Spencersurrenderedthecards,buthisexpressionremainedunsureandreluctant “What?”Iasked.
HeshruggedandexchangedalookwithCole.“Nothing.”Sometimes,silencewasabiggermotivatorthananyquestionyou
FIVE
couldask Spencersimmeredinitforaminute,thenfinallybroke “Youhaveanobsessivepersonality,Gray I’mwonderingif itwassmarttochallengeyoulikethat.”
“Idonot,”Isaid,incredulous,andgrabbedmychestwithover-the-topsurprise
“Ohyeah?Rememberwhenyouwatchedtheoriginal Pirates of the Caribbean trilogyeveryFridayforayear?Youcould quotethewholething Moretothepoint,younevermissedachancetotelleveryoneitwasthegreatestmovietrilogysince The Lord of the Rings.”Spencer’spiercinggazewassolelyonme.Colesnickeredattherevelation.
“Because it is,” I insisted “I like myswashbucklingpirates swaggeringontheir ships And DavyJones is the greatest villainofalltime.”Ifake-chokedup.“Itbreaksmyhearttothinkabouthim.”
“That’swhatIwastellingyouabout,”SpencerexplainedtoCole,thenturnedtomeagain.“Thefactis,whenyougetinto something,yougoalltheway Andthisisn’tthetimetogetdistracted,Gray Wejustlostourwinningstreaktendaysago We shouldbefocused.”
“You’re makinga problemwhere there isn’t one,” I said coolly I was the captainof this team, not mybest friend He neededtorememberthat.“Iamgivingitmybest.ThisthingwithAvery?It’sallforshitsandgiggles.”
Spencersurrendered “Ifyousayso Alright”
“Yougogethim,Cap,”Coleadded,butnotnearlyaslightlyasbefore.
I walked awaywiththe cards inmyhands. Myfriends were wrong. I wasn’t losingfocus because of Avery. I was as dedicatedtomyteamasever Thiswholethingwaspurefunandnothingelse Itwasnodifferentthanhangingoutwithfriends
As for myobsessivenature,Spencer mighthave hada bitofa point.Itendtolove things hardandfast.Butthose things passed,too,soitwasn’tlikeIhadaproblemonmyhands
MyphonebuzzedinmypocketwhenIturnedthecornerandsaw Cupid’s attheendofthestreet.Imighthavebeenatadtoo excitedwhenIfeltthevibrationagainstmyleg.Ipulledmyphoneoutandchuckledwithdelight.
JustwhenIthoughtIwasoutofchoices,youfinallygaveup!
Iwaslettingyoucatchyourbreath,honey You’renevergettingridofme
Averyleftitatthat,notevensuspectingthathewasabouttoreceiveawizardingschoollevelofmailunlesshewentouton adatewithme.
“That’s animpressive stack,” the youngmanbehind the counter said while countingthe cards Eachcard was fromtheir shopandeachwasuniquelydesigned.Ihaddecidedagainstrepeatingthemforthesethirtydays.
“I’dlikehimtogetoneeachmorning.Isthatpossible?”Ialreadyknewtheanswer. “Absolutely,”theguysaid.“Wecanhavethemdeliveredfirstthingeveryday.”
“Anddon’tstopunless Icall andsayso,please,”Isaid.IncaseAveryagreedonthis date,Iwouldfloodhimwithgifts otherthancards Fornow,though,thiswasasgoodasitgot
Theguytookmycardandenabledarepeatpaymentoption,thenassuredmetheywouldstartdeliveringthemthefollowing day HewishedmeluckwithmyromanticendeavorsandsuggestedIshouldlookaroundtheshopformoreideas IsaidIwas fullyawareoftheirentireassortmentandhadgrandplans,whichmadehimlaugh.
AsIreturnedtocampus,IwonderedifSpencerwouldsuggestdroppingthiswholedare.Heseemedclosetocallingquits onitearlier.AndwhatwouldIdothen?Chaseaguymercilesslywithoutacuteexcuse?Creepy.Or worse,wouldIhaveto stop?
ThethingaboutAveryCollinswasthattalkingtohimalwaysmademelaugh Notthathewasacomediantype wecould safelyrulethatoneout buthisattitudecheeredmeup.Hiscynicalviewsandthewaysarcasmflewoverhisheadmademe chuckle Thewayheenabledmysillyjokesmademefeelgoodaboutmyself Andwheneverheengagedwithmywackyside,I feltalittleclosertohim.
Itwasoddtorunintohimthreedayslater.Notthatitwasasurprise,though,sinceIwastheonewhocrossedthecityto crashapartyattheNorthwoodcampus ColehadaccompaniedmeandSpencer hadscoredhisowndate SowhenIspotted Averyonthefarsideofthefrathouse,Idebatedleavingmyfriendhangingimmediatelyorleavinghimhangingalittlelater. Avery’srateofrepliestomytextmessageswasaroundfour-to-onethesefew days,buttheyweregoodreplies Andthey weremadebetterwhenIcaughthimlookingatmefromthecornerofthelargecommonroom.Histeethclampedonhislower lipwhenourgazescollidedandIfeltlikeacartooncharacterwhohadjustsmelledafreshlybakedpie Iwasn’tgoingtolet myselffloatall thewaythere.Ididn’twanttospookhim.ButIalsohadagoodfeelingaboutwinningthechallengetonight. Andscoringadate.
Thetruthwas,Ididn’tcareaboutthechallengeatall Itwasaneasyexcuseforsappybehavior Anditwasashieldthat protected me fromfeelinglame. Who chased a guythis hard for suchsmall returns? Notsomeone who didn’thave a pretty solidwaytoprotecthisegobysayingithadallbeenaruse
Butitdidn’tfeellikearusewhenhisgrayeyesmetmineandhisearsperked.Hishighfadeandsoft,stylishhairbeggedto befeltbymyfingertips
ItoccurredtomethatIhadn’tbotheredscoringadatesincethedare.Averyhadbeenthesoletargetonmymind.MaybeI
wasgettingalittleobsessive,butitwassomethingIcouldcontrol.
“Whatareyouwaitingfor?”Thevoiceasked.Forthebriefestofmoments,IimagineditwasAveryurgingmetogoforit. ThenIlookedatthesourceandfoundColewatchingmewithacheekysmirk
“Lethimwonder,”Isaidconfidently.“Heexpectsmetogothere.I’ll betyouanythinghehasalistofplacestogettoas soonasIcomeclose He’lllethisguarddownifhestartsthinkinghe’sfreeofme”
“Youthinkaboutthesethingstoomuch,”Colesaidlazily.
“Doesn’teveryone?”Iasked
Myfriendlaughedoutloud.“LastIchecked?Nope.”
“Howdoyouseducesomeonewhoisconvincedyou’reabadidea,then?”Iasked.
Cole’sfacewentblankwithconfusion Hisbrowwrinkledalittleandhecockedhishead “I don’t Imoveon”
Itwasmyturntobeshocked.“Butit’sthesweetestwhenyouworkhardforit.”
“Man,I’vegotenoughstrugglesonmyplate,”hesaid “Datingisnotoneofthem IfagirlrollshereyesatmelikeCollins doesatyou,Iwouldbeoutofthereandnevertryagain.”
Ipressedmyindexfinger againstCole’s chest “You,myfriend,aremissingout Averydoesn’tactuallyhateme Andhe doesn’treallythinkI’manannoyingstinkbugwhosolelyexiststopesterhim.Datingisallaboutfreestyling,andthesooneryou getthat,thesooneryou’lldiscoverhowfunthechaseis.”
Coleconsidereditanddismissedit “Sometimes,Ithinkyouenjoythechasemorethantheactualrewards”
Iwouldhavesaidsomethingclever,butitwasmyguardthatwasdown,anditwasAvery’shandthatslappedmyshoulder. “Notevena‘hello?’”Hisvoicewasprettyflat,whichIwasstartingtolearnmeantnothingatall Hewasatame,composed creature.Hewasasstableasamountain.Hissteadydemeanorwasn’tashowofdisregard.ItwasjustAveryCollins.
Colesmirkedandpulledaway,meltingintothecrowd.Andthecrowddimmedinmyfieldofvision.Everythinggrewstill, andallthatremainedwasthistall,handsomeguy,hiscomposedposture,andhisintensegaze.
Ifeltatinglingrisefrommystomachandtakeholdofmyheart.“Whywastebreathonthatwhenwecouldbemakingout?”
Avery’slipsstiffenedandhisfacehardened Iwonderedifthatwasalmostasmile “Slowdown,soldier”
“What for?” I asked. This might have been the wrong course to take if I wanted to convince hima date with me was somethinghewouldenjoy Thenagain,Icouldn’tletmygazedrifttohislipswithoutfeelingthefireblazeinmeandwantingto kisshim.
Damn.Iamreallystartingtolikethisguy.
“I’mhere,”Ipointedoutandlaugheditoff.“Andyoukeepresisting.”
Averymovedhishandbehindhisbackandpulledsomethingoutofhisbackpocket.Acard.Oneofmine.Itfeaturedtwo illustrated dinosaurs withthe caption: “We could be dino-mite together” He licked his lips and read the back “IfIwere a painter, you’d be mymasterpiece. Let’s brushstrokes together at your place. GR.” Averylifted his gaze to meet mine and pushedthecardbackintohispocket “Igotitthismorning”
Isharedaproudsmile.“Andtheothertwo?Doyoucarrythemaroundaswell?”
Avery’seyestwinkledforamomentbeforethesparkwentout.“Iforgotitwasinmypocket.”
“Ah,ofcourse,”Isaidandnoddedgravely “Stowawaycardsaresuchamodern-daynuisance” “Alright.Fine.Iexpectedtocatchyou,”headmittedlevelly.
“And youfigured youwould RSVPinperson Delightful!” Mysmile was genuine Ilifted myfree hand and setitonhis shoulder.Normally,itwouldhelptheotherpersonleanintoapositivereply,butthiswasmoreaboutmyneedtofeelhimnear me Iwantedhim Itwasthatsimple NothingSpencerandColesaidcouldchangethislittlefact Averywaselusiveyetoddly flirtatious.Heactedlikehedidn’tcareeitherway.Thesethingsonlymademewanttoshow offmore.“Whatwillittakefor youtoagreetothatdateofours?”
“Iwasgoingtoaskwhatitwouldtakeforyoutostopfloodingmyinboxwithlovesickcards,”hesaidsoftly Thecorners ofhislipstwitchedalittle.
“Oh,darling,webothknowtheanswertothat”Mygrinwashardtocontrol Hewasgoingtosayyes Icouldbarelykeep myheartfromblowingup.“Besides,Ican’tmakeanypromisesastowhatyouwillorwon’treceive.Iknowwhereyoulive, Collins”
“I’ll move,Iswear toGod,Reed.”Averyplayedalong.Iknew itinmybones.Helovedthiscareful danceasmuchasI did.
“Ifyoureallywantmetostop,”Isaidandpulledhimcloser,wrappingmyarminafriendlywayaroundhisshouldersand leaningclosetohisear.“Allyouhavetodoisjoinmeforadate.”
Hisearsperkedup,butheremainedcalmandcomposed “Andthenyouwillstopstalking?”
Mysmilewidened.“Ifyoustillwantmetobythetimeourdateends.”Icrossedmyheart.“Butyouwon’t.”
Averyslippedfrommyholdandlookedintomyeyes.“Youarereallysureofyourself,Reed.Youknow,that’swhyIlove slammingyouagainsttheboards.”
Fluttersfilledmystomachevenasmycompetitivenatureroaredtolife. We’ll see about that the next time you face me on
the ice.“Ifitmakesyouhappy,babe,I’llletyouslammealltheway.”
Hiseyebrowsfellflatoverhiseyes.“EvenIcantellthat’saninnuendo.”
Ireminded myselfthat Averywasn’t someone who exhibited a great deal ofphysical attractionor his sexuality What I knew were rumors. Iknew he was into guys enoughto entertainthe idea ofgoingoutwithme. Or to textme whenhe was bored Iswitchedthesubject “IheardaboutMilwaukee Greatjob”
“Youjustwaituntilwemeetagain,”Averysaid,wagginghisfingerbetweenus.“We’returningthetide.”
“Noshit Itonlytookyouguyshalfasemester,”Isaid,laughing
Heshrugged.“That’strue.Wehadacoupleoffalsestarts.Butwe’recomingforyounow.”
“Ooh. I’mready. Take me, bigguy.” Iwinked athimand reveled inthe slightghostofa smile thattouched his lips. He shookhisheadrightawayasifshakingthesmileoffhisface
Thecuriouslookinhiseyeswasallthatcluedmeinonthefacthewasactuallyamusedbyme.“Howdoyoudothat?”he asked,butIwassurehewasjustwonderingaloud
“Bethisirresistible?It’sinmyblood,”Isaidwithmycockiestgrin.
Hesniffedachuckle “Howdoyoujustpicksomeoneanddecidetoannoythemintohavingadate?”heaskedbluntlyand withouthesitation.
Iwantedtolaughsohardthatmystomachshook,butIthrew myarmover his shoulders andpulledhimclose enoughto practicallypressmylipsagainsthisear “MaybeIjustlikeyoualot”
Myheatedbreathmusthavetickledhisearlobebecauseheslidawayfromme,craninghisneckandtiltinghishead.“Why, though?”
“Checkyourselfoutinthemirror,dude,”Isaid,incredulous.“Whydoyouthink?”
He looked straightinto myeyes and Ifeltlike he was readingmymind and gazinginto mysoul. There was suchfierce intensityinthatlook.Foralltheemotionlackingonhisface,hiseyescarriedanabundanceoffeelings.Itwaseasytomissand justassumehislookswerenothingmorethanacolddisdain.Ilikedthatittookefforttoseewhatwasbelowthesurface.“IfI dothis,Reed if I’mnotgoingtosleepwithyou”
“Neversaynever,Collins,”Isaidlightly.
Heshookhisheadthoughtfully “Imeanit I’mnotaplayboy”
“Reformed?”Iteased,butitflewoverhisheadasusual.
“Bored,”heexplained,buthisvoicewaslow,likehedidn’twantanyoneoverhearing.“It’snotmything.”
“Good,”Isaid.
Ashortsilencelingeredbetweenus.Averyappearedstifferandcooler.Hequicklyblinkedtwiceandlickedhislips.“Do youstill wantthatdate?”
MyheartgrewquickerthanIhadimagineditwaspossible.Hewantedit.Heactuallywantedit.Andhewasafraidthatthe terms had changed Oh, Avery You need a hug I smiled “Did you really think I only wanted us to hook up? That’s what Grindr’sfor.”
Avery’sfacehardenedalittlemore.Hepressedhislipsintoatightline.Suchinsecurity.Hecouldn’tbesexierifhetried. “Isn’tthatwhateveryonealwayswants?”
“Noteveryone.Andnotalways.”Ishothimmysweetestsmile. You’re only winning a bet, asshole,Ithought,andapangof guiltclutchedmyheart Itwasn’ttrue Itwasn’tjustthatsillydare I’dbeenthrilledwhentheypointedtoAvery Thechallenge, thepossibilities,andtherewards.Iwantedthisguytolikeme.
Averynodded “Okay,then”
IlaughedoutloudbecauseIcouldn’tcontainit.“Excellent.When?AreyouplayingonFriday?Ineedtimetofigureoutthe details.Anddon’tthinkI’llstopwiththosecardsuntilyoushowuptoourbigdate.”
Theskepticismonhisfacewasprecious “Ah,alright Friday’sfine Afterpractice Icanmeetyouaroundeight”
Ididn’twanttoshow himthatIwas ecstatic.The whole dare thingpaledincomparisonwiththe excitementIfeltabout this Justthetwoofus,romanceintheair,andabitofrazzle-dazzle “Ihaveabetter idea I’ll pickyouupafter practice”I shothimagrinandwaitedforhimtochewonthat.Hesighedlikeanexhaustedrabbitwhoacceptedhisfate.
“Iguessthatworks,too,”hesaid Hetippedhishead,heldmygazeamomentlonger,thenpulledbackfromme I couldn’t take myeyes off him. The smoothfade of the sides of his head and the clean, soft skinof his neckheld my attention. I watched his broad shoulders swing, the earringinhis left ear dangle subtly, and I noticed a slender line of ink extendingfrombehindhiseardownhisneck Itwassexyashell Itmademewonderwhereelsehewastattooed Hewouldn’tshow mesuchthingsonFriday.IwassureAverywasn’taliar.Hewasprobablyincapableofalie.Andhe wasn’tintoaquickie Notthatitwaspartofthatdamneddare,butIwasgrowingmoreandmoreinterestedinwhatAveryhad tooffer.
Iknewtherewassomethinginsatiabledeepinsideofme.IknewIhadaperpetuallysimmeringlustwithinme.AndAvery wasfanningthoseembersbetterthananyoneI’devermetbefore.Maybeitwastheveryfactthathewasn’twillingtogiveinso easily.Maybeitwasjustthecalmandcomposedpresencethathewas.
Icouldn’tpinpointexactlywhatitwas,buttherehadtobeareasonwhyIcouldn’tgetAveryCollinsoutofmyhead.
Avery
I DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT, BUT THIS CRAZY THING I HAD AGREED TO HAD BEEN HANGING OVER MY HEAD FOR theentireweek Truetohisword,Graysoncontinuedsendingthepostcards OnFridaymorning,thedayofourdreadeddate, thecourierbroughtacardandaboxofchocolate.“Increasingfirepower,”heexplainedwithacasuallaugh.Hecouldn’thave beenmucholderthanme,ifatall Helookedlikeacollegestudentwithapart-timegig
“He’sdrivingyoursalesoffthecharts,huh?”Iacceptedthegiftsfortheday.
“I’veneverseenanythinglikeit,”hesaid
IeyedthecourierandwonderedifhewaspartofGrayson’selaborateplan.Washesupposedtosweet-talkmeintoliking Grayson?Iwouldn’tadmitittoastranger,butGrayson’seffortwaswasted.Ialreadylikedhimdespitemybesteffortsnotto. “Doyoudothisalot?”Iasked,chattingidly
“It’smymom’sshop,”theguysaid.“Ipracticallygrewupthere.I’mtellingyou,guyslikehimdon’tcomethatoften.Weget two,maybethree,consecutiveordersbeforetheygiveup Orwintheirsweetheartover”Hehadadreamywayofspeaking, andhisbig,blueeyesshonelikehewasbeingsweptoffhisfeetbyGrayson’sefforts.
Iexhaledthroughmynose,holdingtheheart-shapedboxofchocolate,andshookmyhead “Thanks,”Isaid
Thatday,Ifelttheanticipationstrongerthanever.Hewasonmymindduringthelectures,whileIconditioned,andatthe drills.Icouldn’tputhimoutofmyheadwithoutfeelingtheabsence,whichinturnledmebacktothinkingabouthim.
Whyme?Ididn’tgetit Itwastooquick,tooabrupt,tooout-of-nowhere
EvenasImanagedtokeepmyfocusonthepuckanddotheharddrillswithmyteammates,partofmehadtowonder.What did he expect? Nobody put so much effort into a one-night-stand And if that were what he was doing, he would be disappointed.Ihaddecided,onceandforall,Iwasdonechasingthehighofahookup.Itwasunattainable.Ididn’tlikeit.And Iwouldn’tforcemyselftotryitagain.
Iwasn’tsureaboutanythingelse.ThatwastheonlylineIhaddrawninthesand.
“Youhave to do whatfeels rightfor you,” Sawyer had said a couple ofdays ago. We had talked againand his position hadn’tchanged “ButI’mgladyou’regivinghimashot”
Iwasn’tsure ifIwas glad.The risks were highandthere were toomanyunknowns.Andthe worstofall,Ilikedhim.I likedhimjustenoughforittosuckifitallfellthrough Butitwouldn’tkillme
ItoldthattomyselfasIgotreadyafterpractice.Textmessageskeptmyphoneawakeforthefinalhourbeforeouragreed time.
Sixtyminutes,Collins Countingdown
Thebowtieislockedandloaded
Ichangedittoaregularslimtie Can’tdecide [Viewattachment]Canyouhelpmepickoneout?
WhenIopenedthelasttexttocheckoutthephotoshehadattached,myhearthammeredrapidlyinmychest.Twobathroom selfiesgreetedme Graysonworeatowelsecurelyaroundhiswaist,butthatwasit Aroundhisneck,hehadastripedwhite and blue bowtie inone photo and a cornflower blue tie reachingto his bellybuttoninthe other. He wore a fake frownof indecisionandaghostofacheekysmirkonhislips
LetmeseewhatyouarewearingsoIcanmakesurewedon’tlookthesame.I’mleavingthatlevelof codependencefortheseconddate
SIX
I’mnotwearinganything Letmegetready
Iswear,Ihadn’tmeanttobeprovocative.Ihadmerelystatedafactandhadn’trealizedhowhehadtakenituntilhereplied.
Youcan’texpectmetostoptypingNOW Lemmesee!
IsweartoGod,I’llblockyournumber.
[Viewattachment]
Myheartgrew as Iclicked onthe photo. Ididn’twantitto be whatIthoughtitmightbe. Yetwhenthe image loaded to reveal a fake sad self-portrait, Iwas bothglad and mildlydisappointed Itwas mere curiosity, butIwondered whathe hid behindthattowel.
Ifoundmyselfbitingmylipagainstacreepingsmile.
Therewasasweetnesstohiminthatphoto Hiseyeswereinnocent,evenifhisinherentnaughtinessdominatedhislook Somethingwarmspreadthroughmychestanddescendedthroughmystomach.Ifeltitinmyabdomenandtheninmygroin.I felttheheatofcuriosityandthetinglingofmylibido Ameretickle,butfarmorethanwhatanyrandomhookuphadmademe feel.
Whatwashisgame?Ihadtoknow,butthemomenthadelatedmesomuchthatIfoundmyselfsnappingaselfie.Itwentas lowasmyabsbutnotmorethanthat.Iwasn’tashamedofmyself.Isimplydidn’twanttogivehimthewrongidea.Itwouldbe abummerifhemadeamoveandIhadtopushhimback.
Dude Icalledit Ialwaysknewyouwerehotasfuck Savingthisoneforthefridge
Irolledmyeyes,shookmyhead,leftmyphone,andlookedatthemirror.Thecornersofmymouthwereannoyinglywide anddraggingup
Canitbedateo’clockalready?
Ishouldhaveresistedglancingatmyphone,butthebuzzofanewmessagewasbecomingaddictive Andhiswordssenta bubbleofairoutofmylungs.IthitchedinmythroatandIscoldedmyselfforalmostgigglinglikeakid.
Whenitwasfiveminutesto‘dateo’clock,’Ididafinalcheck.Myblackpantswererolledupalittle,lettingacoupleof inches ofmyankles show Iwore a creamshirtwithtightcuffs anda goodfitthathuggedmybroadshoulders andpecs,the sleeves slightlytightaroundmybiceps.Ichose tobe casual andcomfortable,keepingthe topbuttonundone andwearingno accessories around myneck I threw a jacket over myoutfit and nodded to myself I looked decent I’d used a bit of hair producttosculptmyhairthewayIliked,butthatwastheextentofit.Itshouldn’tsendanywrongmessages,Ithought.
SawyermarchedintotheroomjustasIfinishedbrushingmyteethandwipingmymouth
“Istonightthebignight?”heasked.
“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean,”Irepliedtruthfully.Whywoulditbebig?
Sawyerlookedatmeforashorttime EmotionsIcouldn’tnameplayedoverhisface Hebithislipandsmiled “You’re nervous.”
“I’mlateiswhatIam,”Icorrectedhim
“Thisiswhatyou’relikewheneveryou’renervous,”Sawyersaid.“Butletmetellyou,you’vegotnothingtobeworried about,buddy Youlookgreat Andhe’salreadyintoyou Youcanrelax”
Ididn’tknowhewasrightuntilhesaidthelastfewwords.Somethingtightandhardloosenedinmystomach.Itwaslikea steelgriphadrelaxedinmeandIinhaledadeepbreathofair.Damn.I’dbeennervous.AndIstillwas,butnotasmuch.Just enoughtodrummyfingersagainstthesidesofmylegsasSawyerwinkedandpointedatthedoor “Gogethim”
IforcedadismissivesnortbutdiscoveredthatItrulywantedto‘gethim.’AndIreallywantedhimtobethekindofguy whowouldn’twalkawayafterIcutthingsshorttonight Well,shortofundressing,atleast If we got that far at all,Ireminded myselfasIlefttheroomandwalkeddownstairs.
Ihadn’t beenona proper date inages. Ever? I’d gone out witha few girls and anodd guyor two inmytime without hookingup.Thethingwas…they’dnevercalledback.AndwhenitwasthepeopleI’dsleptwith,itwasmewhonevergotin touchagain.
Holy shit,IthoughtasIsteppedoutofthehouseandglancedaround Asleek,blacklimoglidedslowlyandcametoahalt whileIstrugglednottoletmymouthhangopen.Was heinsane?Theanswer was aresoundingyes.Hewas absolutelymad. ThedoorofthelimoflewopenandthegoofysmileheworewassoblindinglybrilliantthatIfeltmypulserise
“Hopin,handsome,”hecalled,steppingoutofthecar.Heheldthegoddamndooropenforme.
“This is crazy,” Itold himina leveled voice as Iapproached. The door behind me opened, and Iheard a distinctwolf whistle,whichmadethehairsonmyneckstand.IshotmyteammatesalookovermyshoulderasIapproachedthecar.Beckett Partridgewasgrinningatthedoor,Cadenstandingbehindhimwithasurprisedexpressiononhisface,andSawyerworethe
smuggestfacehecouldpulloff.“Great.NowtheyallknowI’mbeingwooedbytheenemy.”
“Youkidshavefun,”Sawyercalledafterme.
“I’llbringhimbackinonepiece,”Graysonsaid,bowingtheatricallytomyfriendsbeforeheslippedintothelimowithme The blackleather seats were softwhenIsatdownand the heatinside made me regretwearingthe coat. The sectional was spaciousenoughtohostsixoreightpeopleeasily,sothefactthatitwasjustthetwoofusallowedforsomeprivacybuthinted atintimacy,too.Ofallthatspace,Graysonchosetositrightnexttome.“Makeyourselfcomfortable,”hesaid.“It’llbealittle whilebeforewegetthere”
“Getwhere?”Iasked.
Graysonwinked. “It’s a surprise.” He wore his cologne withnotes ofvetiver and leather and blackpepper. Itmade me thinkofametropolisandaconfidentlywornleatherjacket Itbroughttomindanadventurouscityexplorerwithaneasysmile andwindswepthair.ItwasGrayson.Hecheckedallthoseboxes.Blond,brown-eyed,handsome,flirtatioustoafault.Luckily, he wore more thanjust a bowtie, but that was his standout accessory Combined witha midnight blue shirt and light beige pants,helookedlikesomeonewhohadapersonalstylist.
“DidIsaycrazy?Imeantbatshit crazy,”Isaid,thecornersofmylipsquivering
Graysonlaughedoutloud.“Youhaven’tseenanythingyet.”HepulledoutabottleofProseccofromthebucketoficeonthe sideofthesectionalasthecarleftcampusandjoinedthetrafficintheheartofthecity.TheridewassosmooththatGrayson easilypoppedthe bottle openandpouredeachofus a splashofthe sparklingbeverage “Have youever beenonthe sortof datewhereyoufeltlikeaDisneyprincess?”heasked.
Icouldn’thelpit AlaughbrokeoutofmebeforeIcouldtameit
“Because you’re about to be,” he said with a grin. “Salud.” He brought his glass to mine and waited for my reluctant surrender.Ididn’thesitatetoomuch.Still,myexperienceadvisedcautionandIcheckedtomakesuremywallswereinplace.
ButGraysonhadawayofluringsmilesoutofmeandIcouldn’tfightit.ItastedtheProseccoandexhaledthroughmynose. “Igotyourchocolate,”Isaid.“Thankyou.”Itwasthepolitethingtosay,right?Itwashardtothink.Graysonwasveryclose, andveryhappy,andhesmelledtoogood “Youlook great”
“Youknow,Ican’tbelieveyousaidyes,”headmitted.“Iwasstartingtothinkyou’dnevercrack.”
Ilookedathiseyesandalmostlostmyselfinthem “Nooneevercalledyouaquitter,huh?”
“Notonceinmylife,”hesaid,raisinghisglass.“Goodthingshappentothosewhotry.”
IbitmylipbeforeIcouldthinkaboutit.“That’sanicethingtosay.”
“Imeanit,”hesaid.“Idon’twanttospookyou.It’sjust…yougavemesuchachase.Howlonghasitbeen?Threeweeks?”
Inodded.Twoweeksuntil I’dagreedtothisandanotherweekofensuringIdidn’tchangemymind.“Aren’tyourfriends goingtogiveyoucrapforgoingoutwithyourrival?You’rethecaptain”
“Theyshouldtrustmyjudgment,”Graysonsaidcalmly.“I’vehadmyeyeonyouforawhile.”
Afrownwrinkledthespacebetweenmyeyebrows “Really?”
“It’strue.You’reascaryguy,though.”Helaughedalittlenervouslybeforelookingathisglassandspeakingintoit.“You don’tlookliketheeasy-going,approachable,fun-lovingpersonIthinkyouactuallyare.”
“I don’tknowifthat’sacompliment,”Itoldhim
Hechuckled.“Truthis,you’realittleintimidatingatfirst,”hesaidandlookedatme.
“Whatmadeyoucomeafterme,then?”Iasked Iwasn’toffended Maybealittle Icouldn’tbesure Evenso,Idisguised myvoicesohewouldn’tnotice.
Hegaveaneasyshrug “Ilikeyou You’reafiercehockeyplayer,you’rebeautiful,youdoameanhardcheck,andthatis notacomplaint.”
“Good.You’llbegettingmoreofthose,”Itoldhim.
Graysonthrewhisheadbackandlaughed “Weshallsee I’mnotalittlekitten,either”
Iknewhewasn’t.HecouldslammeintotheboardssohardIwouldseethestars.Ithadhappenedonnumerousoccasions. “Eh,Icantakeit Ifyoumanagetogetcloseenoughtome”
“Nothinggives me more pleasure thanfacingyouonthe ice, Avery. Oh, that’s a lie. This does.” He clinked our glasses againandwedrank “Butit’sfun You’reagoodenemytohave AndIsuspectyou’reaprettycoolguytotakeout”
Frankly,Istruggledtogetanywordsoutoverthewellingbubbleof…something wasitjoy? thatinsistedoninflating inmychest.“Idon’tknowwhatgaveyouthatidea,”Isaid,althoughmyvoicewasalittlestrained.
Graysonlaughed “Funny”
Iwasn’tsure ifitwas. Mysense ofhumor didn’toftenreceive standingovations. ButIcouldn’tcome up witha single reasonforGraysontolietome
“Date selfie for our scrapbook?” Graysonasked. His phone was outbefore Ianswered. And whenIrolled myeyes and saiditwasfine,hesnappedadozenphotos.
Wesatinacomfortablesilenceforashortwhileafter.Thecarwasslidingsmoothlydowntheroad.“Whywon’tyoutell mewhereyou’retakingme?”
“Ithoughtalotaboutthis,”Graysonsaid.“Youdidn’tbiteanyofthebaitsIthrewatyou.Spaday,movies,moonlitdinner ontheroofofmydormitory,Scrabbleatyourplace.You’reahardguytoentice,Avery.RememberwhenIsuggestedwetakea horse-drawncarriage? Nothing Notevena ‘maybe’fromyou” He shotme a pleased smile “And ifyouthinkI’mstalling, now,it’sbecauseIam.”Helookedoutthewindow.Wewereonanopenroadandhadbeenforawhile.Thecarwasslowing downandGraysonsmiled “Afewminutes”
Isattightasthecarleftthewideroadforamuchnarrowerone.IsatquietlyandwatchedtheglimpsesofLakeSt.Clair. WehadleftthecitybehindusandtravelednorthtoAnchorBay Ihadn’tbeenpayingattentiontoanythingotherthanGrayson Hecouldhavetakenmeanywhere.WouldIhavenoticed?
Iwaslettingmyselfgettooabsorbedinhim.Wherethehellwasmyguard?IknewwhatwouldhappenifIgaveinandjust sleptwithhimfor thesakeofit Iknew Iwouldresenthimtomorrow andnotcareifIever saw himagain Ithadhappened before.Ihadruinedpotentialfriendships,evenrelationships,byrushingintosomethingIwasn’tsureIwanted.SomethingthatI haddonebecauseofexpectationsplacedonme
Thecarsloweddown.ThispartofAnchorBaywasn’tclutteredwithhouses,buttheshorewasdottedwithhouseboats.I hadseenthemadvertisedasgetawaysforallsortsofpurposes IknewSawyerhadcelebratedhis quarter-versary withNoah ononeofthese,althoughIwasn’tsureifitwashereor onLakeEerie.He’dvisitedboth.Onewasaweekendandtheother wasjustapicnic.
Graysonhadgoneoutofhis way Wegotoutofthecar Graysonwalkedarounditandspoketothechauffeur for ashort while, thennodded heartilyand stepped back. Whenhe looked atme again, he couldn’thide his anticipation. “Whatdo you think?”heasked “No Wait Don’ttellme I’llaskyouwhenwe’reinside”
MyheartclenchedandIliftedanotherbarrierbyinstinct. Give him a chance,Iwhisperedtomyself,thenfollowedmydate asheswaggeredtowardthehouseboat.Thelongrampcreakedunderourfeetaswelefttheshorebehindusandgotontothe deckterraceoftheboat.Thestructurewasfairlysizable,all woodenlikemountaincabins,andwithtintedwindows.Outon theterrace,therewerepottedevergreens,makingthescenelush.Watersplashedtheshoreandthesidesofthedeck,tiltingthe entirehousegentlyleftandright
Asingle yellow lightabove the entrance door litour way. Graysonunlocked the door and thenpulled itopenfor me to enter
AsIsteppedinside,warmthwashedoverme.He’dhadtheplaceheatedbeforepickingmeup,Imadenomistake.Itwasas cozyandsnugasacountrysidecottage,exceptitswayedlightlyontherestlesslake.Itwasalllitwithcornerlamps.Theshort hallwayledtowardthespaciousdiningareawithatablealreadysetforadreamdate whitecloth,burningredcandles,a bottle of red wine, dinner placed in the middle of the table and covered with a silver lid, and two comfortable chairs on oppositeends andthesoundsystemplayedafamiliartune Lay All Your Love On Me byABBA Herememberedapassing jokeandmadeitreal.
Whothehellwasthisguywhocaredsomuchaboutsomeonehebarelyknew?Andwhy?
“Letmegetyourcoat,”Graysonsuggested,andhetookitbeforeIknewit.TherewasagoodchanceIwouldn’thavefought hardifhehadtriedtakingallofmyclothes.
“Grayson,thisis ”Ilookedaround Thesmall kitchenhadabarseparatingitfromthediningarea Thefloor-to-ceiling windowsgaveusaniceviewoftheopenlake,litbymoonlightandstars,beyondthefrontterrace.“Alot.”
“Can’thavetoomuchofagoodthing,”hesaidsmoothlyandpulledoutachair
As Icircled the table to take myseat, Ilooked around. Alounge area was setonthe far side ofthe house. There was a smalltable,lamps,acozysectional,andawindowviewofthelakeandthespecksoflightinthedistance Butaboveuswas theloft,whereIassumedtherehadtobeabed.
Ipushedthosethoughtsoutofmyheadandsatdown.Inarrowedmyeyessuspiciously.“So,youwentalloutonthis.”
Heshruggedas hepouredus wine Wesatacross fromeachother andIcouldhavestayedlikethatfor theentirenight I couldhavewatchedhisredlipsinthatplayfulcurl.Icouldhavegazedathisbigchestnuteyes.Icouldhavebrokenmyonly ruleandencouragedhimtoflirtwithme
ButGraysonsmiledandmadeasmallgesturewithhiseyebrows.“TellmeaboutAvery.”
“You’llhavetobemorespecificthanthat,”Isaid
“Noted.Notageneralist,”hesaidandlaughed.Ihadtoadmit,itquirkedmylips,too.“Whythe Titans? Whatmade you jointhem?”
Icocked myhead Good question “Funnyenough, Ireceived a scholarship fromyour universitya weekbefore Igotthe Northwood one. I’mnotsure whatmade me tip over. I’mnotdissing. Ialways thoughtthe Arctic Titans were the top team. CoachMurrayleftagreatimpression,too,sowhenIgottheirletter,Iinstantlyknew”
Graysongrabbedhisheart.“Youwoundme.”Helaughed.“No,butIhearyou.You’reonagreatteam.The Breakers were aprettyobscureteamuntilafewyearsago.Someleadershipchangeshelpedputusonthemap,butit’salongroad.”
“Ididn’tfeelthatway,”Iexplained.“Iwasexcitedwhentheyacceptedme,too.”
“Excited?Iwouldlovetoseethat,”heteased.Hislipsseemedredderwiththewine.Thehousetiltedwithastrongertide
butsettledafterafew moments.“We’remakingprogress,”hesaidalittlemoreseriously.“I’mnotgonnaletthisopportunity pass.We’remakingseriousprogressasateam.”
Ilickedmylips “Look,I’malways goingtowanttoseeyoudefeatedwhenwefaceeachother,butI’ll admitit,you’ve beendoingbetterthanlastyear.Ortheyearbefore.”
“Ikeepforgettingyou’rejunioryear,”Graysonsaid
“Andyou’reasophomore,”Ipointedout.“Doesitmatter?”
Grayson’seyeswidened “Ofcourseitmatters Howarewegoingtomakeitwork?Whenwe’rehappilymarriedandyou graduate,I’llstillhaveayearbeforeI’mout.”
Iblinkedathim,butlaughterbubbledinmedespitemybesteffortstoremaincool.“Let’snotgetmarried,”Iproposedasa solution
“Pfft.Ifitwerethateasy,”Graysonsaid,shakinghisheadgravely.“I’vemadeyougooutwithme.There’snostoppingthis train,now”
“Youhaveareputation,Grayson,”Isaid.
“Idreadtothink,”hejoked
Ishruggedoneshoulder.“Areyouasmuchofaplayboyastheysay?”
“Direct.Ilikethataboutyou,”hesaid.Iwastornbetweenswooningandpointingoutthathewasdodgingmyquestion.
“Iliketoclearthingsupbeforeanyconfusion,”Isaid
Graysongave a firmnod. “Let’s eat.” He uncovered the dishbetweenus. It was a huge trayof spinach- and chickpeastuffed portobello mushrooms withroasted garlic quinoa pilaf, lemontahini drizzle, and sides of balsamic glazed brussels sproutsandherb-infusedroastedsweetpotatoes.
“Hasthisbeenheresincethismorning?”Iasked.
The sparkle inGrayson’s eyes was pure naughtiness. “I wouldn’t know. Racoons could have dragged it in.” His smile lingered while Ichuckled. “The stafflefta few minutes before we arrived,” he assured me. “Iwas punctual, for once.” We sharedalittlesmile,or ahintofit,andhestartedservingus Matter-of-factly,Graysonreturnedtoour earlier conversation “It’sexaggerated,Ithink,whateveryou’veheard.But,Imean,I’vebeenaroundtheblock.”Heservedmeaportionandthen filledhisplate “Morewine?”
Ihadn’trealizedI’dfinishedit.Herefilledmyglass.“Thanks.”
“Iguessyoucouldcallitbeingaplayboy,butwhoisn’t?”Helookedatmemischievously.
Myheartclenched.“Therearepeoplewhoaren’t.”
“Proveit,”hedemandedjokingly.“Showmethosepeople.”
Iboughtmyselfsometimebytakingabiteofthestuffedmushrooms Theyweredelicious “Areyouavegetarian?”Iasked, notingthelackofmeatonthetable.
“No,”Graysonsaid “ButIforgottoaskifyouwere Bettersafethansorry”
“Areyouthatcarefulwithallyourdates?”Icouldn’thelpbutgrin.Properlygrin.Ithurtmymuscles.Whowasthatattuned tootherpeople’sneeds?Whatsortofapersonthoughtofeverything?
“YouassumeIgoonmanydates,”Graysonsaidandlaughed “Idon’t Lastyear,Iwaslikeanexcitedgoldenretriever,just letoffhisleash.Iwaspickingupguysleftandright.Butthatgetsold.Andthatdoesn’trequiretheeffortofgoingonanactual date”
“That’strue,”Iagreed.IfIcouldjustrelaxandtakethisforwhatitwas,IwouldsaythiswasthekindofdateIhadbeen missing ButIcouldn’t Iwaited for the secretmotives to surface Iwaited for himto make a move and getshotdown Or worse,Iwaitedforhimtoconvincemeandtowakeuptomorrowregrettingthewholething,feelingemptyinsideanddetached fromhimandtheworld.
“You’vegotareputation,too,Ithink,”Graysonsaid Isippedmywine.“Lies.Slander.”
Hethrewhisheadbackandlaughed “Notallofit Or?”
Ishookmyhead.“Ah,Idon’tknowwhatyouheard.I’vebeenwithpeople.Obviously.”
“Thatshouldprovemypoint,”Graysonsaid,poppinganothermushroomintohismouth Fordramaticsuspense,hedidn’t speakfor a longwhile,chewinginnocentlyandlookingatme.Iwentfromtense tolaughinginthe time ittookhimtospeak again.“Noteverythingyouhearistrue.We’vebothdoneourfairshareofscrewingaround.Andhereweareanyway.”
Ithoughtaboutitwhileweate Itwasanice,lightdinnerandpairedwithanexcellentwine “Here,”Imused “Youknow whatthisplaceis,right?”Ilookedaround.Itwasdesignedasanaphrodisiac.Everylittledetailwasfullydevotedtoromance andintimacy Therewerenosoundscomingthroughfromtheoutside Thewindowsweretintedsonobodycouldseethrough themfromtheneighboringhouseboats.
“Imean, that’s not the onlypurpose,” Graysonsaid. He almost scolded me withhis tone. Like Iwas the one hintingat somethingelsehappening.“Besides,Ipromisedyourfriendstobringyouhomeinonepiece.”
Ialmostspat. Ilaughed so hard thatmystomachhurt. “Are yousuggestingthatus sleepingtogether would rip me apart?
I’vegotanewsflashforyou.”
“Dotell,”hesaid,andhiseyessparkled.
Ipressedmylipstightlyandkeptmysilence
Graysonwasthefirsttoclearhisplate.HewaitedaminutewhileIfinishedeating,thenpickeduphisglassandthebottle. “Let’sgetcozy”
Ifollowedhimtothespacioussectionalonthefarendofthehouseboat.Icouldseethebathroomwithanelegantwalk-in showertuckedinatthebottomofthestairs Itwasdiscreetlyplacedthere Myattentionwenttothestairsanduptotheloft It wasadateboat.Itwasasexboat.Thosewerethefacts.
Why does that scare you? The voice askingme thatwas myown. Ididn’tknow. Maybe because Istill needed to figure myselfout Maybebecauseithadalwaysbeenabadomen MaybebecauseIhadnevergonebeyondthefirstdatewithanyone
“Avery,areyoualright?”Graysonasked.Weweresittingaboutanarm’slengthapart.Heleanedclosertomeandexamined myfacewiththatwarm,fall-browngaze
“Huh?Oh.Yeah.”Icouldn’thavefooledatoddlerwiththat.
Graysonpulledhislowerlipbetweenhisteethandsethisglassonthesmallcoffeetablebeforethesofa “It’sjustthatyou gotreallytenseallofasudden.”
Iclenchedmyteeth.“I’mfine.”
“Alright Butifyou’renot,itwouldbeokay,”hesaid
Silence.Itfeltlikeitwouldneverend.WhenIinhaled,itwasawheeze.Isetmyglassonthetablenexttohisandcarefully turnedtofacehim “Look,thiswasnice Imeanit Thewholething Thelimo,thehouseboat,thedinner Andyou’resweetfor makingsureitwasvegetarianjustbecauseyouforgottoaskontime.”Iheldmyhandstogetherbecauseabriefshiverpassed downmyarms.Myfingertipstingled.“Butthiscan’thappen.”
Graysonfrownedslightlyandcockedhishead.“Whynot?”
Iheld a breathofair as Isorted throughmythoughts. Myhands were onmyknees suddenlyand Ileaped up. Iwalked across the roomtothe massive glass windows The softorange lights inside were strongenoughtoturnthe blackness ofthe nightinto a mirror. Isaw myreflectioninthe window and the emotionless expressionIcarried for everyone to see. “I’m… messedup,somehow I’mweird Ican’t ”Ipaused “Whoa,holdon,”Graysonsaid.His feetthuddedalongthewoodenfloor as henearedme.“Whatareyoutalkingabout? Weird,how?”
“Idon’tknow,”Iwhispered.Bitterdisappointmentfilledme.Inmyfearoffuckingitup,Ifuckeditup.Great. “Because Idisagree,” Graysonsaid. “You’re wrong. You’re notweird atall. And you’re notmessed up, Avery. IfIdid somethingtoupsetyou,Iapologize IwishIknewwhatitwas,though”
Ishookmyhead.“It’snotyou.Seriously,youdidnothingwrong.I’mamess,actually.I,uh…”How muchworsecouldI makeit?Thewholethingwas alreadyatotal blunder I’dwastedashotwithsomeonewhoseemedlikeaprettygoodguy I turnedtofacehim.“Grayson,I’mnotgoingtosleepwithyou.Idon’tknowwhatmyproblemis,butIknowI’mnotintoit.And forcingitisonlygonnamakethingsworse.I’vebeenthere.I’vedoneit.Ihatedit.”
Grayson’stinyfrownplayedonhiseyebrows “Isthatwhatthisisabout?”
“Iwastedyourtime,”Isaidflatly.“I’msorry.”
His shoulders relaxed and Irealized how tense he had been He laughed softly, thenlouder “Seriously? Jesus, Avery I thoughttherewasaproblem.IthoughtIsaidsomethingstupid.Ican’talwaystrustmymouth,youknow.It’sjustthat?”
“Imean,isn’tthatwhywe’rehere?Anddon’tjustbepoliteforthesakeofit”Iwaslookingatthereliefthatwashedover hisface.
“That’s absolutelymybad,” he admitted. “Ishould have realized whatmessage itsends. And hey, Ifigured, ifthings go well,whoknows?Maybe?Butifyouthinkthat’sthereasonIwantedtogooutwithyou,you’rewrong Gettingyoutocome aroundwasmoreworkthananyhook-updeserves.”Helaughedharder.“Andthere’snothingwrongwithyouifyoudon’twant tosleepwithaguyonyourfirstdate Come Sit”Heputahandonmyshoulder,andIadoredthewarmth,strength,andcourage itlentme.
Ifollowedhimbacktothesofaandwesatalittlecloser “Youdon’tmind?”Iasked Myvoicewastightandreservedlike Iexpectedittobeaprank.
“Mind?Iactuallylikeit.It’sbetterthatway.AllIwantedwastogettoknowyou.AndtoshowyouthatI’mnotjustyour worstnightmareandasuperiorhockeyplayer I’malsokindofaniceguywhoisinterestedinyou”Helickedhislipsquickly “Therearesomanyotherthingswecouldbedoing,Avery.Itdoesn’thavetobethat.”
“Idon’tknow Social cues flyover myhead Ilookaround,anditfeels likeit’s sexfirst,exchangingnames second,and maybeappearinginpublicifwe’reseriousaboutit.”Iliftedmyglassanddrankalittle.
“That’sagoodwayofputtingit,”Graysonsaid,chuckling.“I’llbehonestwithyou.Ididn’tplanforit.Ididn’tpreparefor it.Itwasontheperipheryofpossibilities.”
Eachwordhesaidwasanewlevelofrelieftome.“You’renotjustsayingthatbecauseIfreakedout?”
Heshookhisheadwhilelookingintomyeyes.AndIbelievedhim.“Notevenalittle.Ilikeyou.I’dliketohangoutmore often.AndIthinkthat’sasfarasIwanttoplan.Dowhatfeelsright,huh?”
Inodded Exhalingwaslikewakingupfromanightmare Ifoundmyselfinanice,safeplace “You’reagoodguy,Grayson Iappreciateit.”
“I’mgladyouthinkthat”Hehadsomeofhiswineandrelaxed Heleanedbackandeyedme “Yousaidyoudidn’tknow whatitwas.Yousoundedlike…Idunno,likeyou’reworried.”
Ithoughtaboutitbriefly “Sortof Alittle It’slike,wheneverIwentoutwithsomeone,andwewenttotheirplace,andwe didthething,itneverfeltright.It’slikeImissedsomethingimportant.Evenifeverythingwentwell,Istillfeltlikewelacked somethinghuge,andIwouldjustleaveaftershoweringandneverlookback.”
Graysonnoddedwithunderstandingplaininhiseyes “Beenthere”
“I’mnot asexual. I think. I’ve got the drive.” I stopped talking. He didn’t need to hear about it. Even today, when we exchangedafewphotos,Ifeltit I’dfeltthatspark
“Tell me if I’m crossing the line. I don’t want to intrude. But did you ever think it might be about the emotional connection?” He looked atme hopefullyand withpure interest “EvenIknow sexis better whenyoulike the personyou’re with.AndIdon’tmeanphysically.Imean,whenyouliketheirsoul.”
Somethinginmewantedtotrusthimcompletely.Andwhenheshiftedandleanedtowardme,Iknew itwas his innocent curiosityandnothingelse “Maybe,”Isaid Ithoughtaboutit,butitwashardtoputmyfingeronit
“Youmightbedemisexual.Justthrowingthatoutthere.I’mnotsayingIknowbest.Maybeyouneedtomeetsomeoneand gettoknowthem Maybeyouneedtotrustthemandlikethem”Helaughedalittlenervously “It’snotlikeI’mhopingtobethe luckyone.”
Myheartpickedupthepaceathiswords.He’dsaidtheminsuchacutetonethatevenIcouldn’tmisstheirrealmeaning. “Youweren’tkidding,”Isaidandlookedathishandsomeface.“Youlikeme.”
Fireblazedinhiseyes.“IknewI’dgetthatthroughyourheadeventually.”
Ichuckledsoftly ItwasasoundIwasn’tusedtomaking,yetI’ddoneitmoretimesthanIcouldcounttonight
Atthatmoment,IknewwithabsolutecertaintythatIcouldtrusthim.Iknewhewouldn’ttakeitthewrongway.Iknewhe wouldn’tmisinterpretit IknewhewouldtakeitthewayIwasgivingit Andhewouldunderstandwhatitmeant
As soonas his teethreleased his lower lip, Isurrendered to the currentthatcarried me there. Ileaned inand tossed the dice.Whatevercamenext,itwouldbealright.Hewouldn’tbejustanotherboredplayerinsearchofaquickrelease.Grayson Reedwassomuchmorethanthat.
Andknowingthismadeitsomuchsweeterwhenmylipstouchedhis.Thewarmthofhisfleshandthesweetnessofwineon hislipsleftaprintonmymind,onmysoul Iembracedhim,onehandonthebackofhisheadandtheotheronthesideofhis ribcage.Hekissedmebackgently,almostcarefully,butIfeltthesmilestretchinghislipsafewmomentslater.
Ididn’twantittostop Everythinginmehummedhappily Everythingtoldmethiswasright Itwasnothingliketherough makingoutwithastrangerIdidn’tcareabout.Itwassofter,morecareful,moremeaningful.Hiskisseswerelikecuddlesand showsofactualaffection.
Itelatedmewithitsblindingshine Itwaslikebeinglostinthedarkandseeingthegoldenraysofthedawnsunlight
His scenttickled mynostrils and broughtthe images ofanimmense cityskyline to mymind. His grip onmybicep was strong,butthewayhecuppedmycheekwithhisotherhandwassoftandcaring Hekissedmeforamomentlonger,thenpulled back.“Now,thatwasverynice.”
Icouldn’tbelievehowgiddyitmademetohearthosewords “Itwas”
Hetookmyhandinhisandlookedatmypalm.Withthetipofhisindexfinger,hetracedthelongestline.“Igrewupina conservativehome,”hesaidcarefullyandeyedmeasifheexpectedmenottobeinterested.Whenhesawmygazelockedonto his face, he nodded “Well, I grew up and watched all the boys and girls in school exchanging notes, holding hands, and kissing.Thewholenineyards.Ineverhadit.Myparents…ah,itdoesn’tmatter.Igrewup.Istartedfoolingaroundwithguys. ButIneverhad that Youknow?Theexcitementofsharingakissjustforthesakeofkissing”
Myearsperked.Iwantedtosaysomethingcomforting,butthatwasasocialfieldIwastheleastexperiencedin.Instead,I turnedourhandsaroundandheldhisinsteadoflettingitbeheldbyhim
Herepaidmewithapearlysmile.“Thiswasveryspecialtome,Avery.”
Ilikedhow he matchedmyforwardness.Itwas the onlywayIknew how tospeak.Anditwas the surestwayfor me to understand “Itwasspecialtome,too”
He wore that smile for a few heartbeats longer, then leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. I welcomed him completely Ididn’tworryhe would go too far or askfor too much Itwas like we had made a promise to eachother And everymomentofourlipspressingtogethermadethefireinmeburnbrighter.
Ifoundmyselfhopingforaseconddate.Andathird.Iwantedustocrossthesebridgesonebyone,handinhand.Iwanted him to be the person with whom I tried something I had never tried before. Something more than just a cheap one-off. Somethingbigandscaryandcomplicated.
Ourpathshadbeentangledforanentireyear.Wehadfacedeachotherwithanger,evenfury,countlesstimes.Butthiswas somethingelsecompletely.
Ikissedhimnotbecausehewasthecaptainoftheenemyteamwho’dbadgeredmeforadate Ikissedhimbecausehehad earnedit.Hewantedit,andhewaswillingtogotosuchlengthsforit.AndIfeltitinmycore,thisburningdesiretobeclose tohim
SoIkissedhimmore.Ikissedhimsofterandslowerandforalongtime.Ikissedhimlikeweweretwoteenagerswhohad neverhadthiscrazychancebefore Ikissedhimthewaywebothneededtobekissedtonight
Grayson
I WALKED ACROSS THE SPRAWLING FRONT LAWN IN FRONT OF THE DORMITORIES MUCH LATER THAN I HAD PLANNED. THE NIGHT hadbeenmagical WehadbeenmakingoutuntilourfaceshadgottensoreandthenIinvitedhimuptotheloft
Avery’s moment of hesitation had been priceless. I could imagine how afraid he must have been that I had turned on everythingIhadsaidearlier “A Trustme”Andhehad He’dgivenmehishandandfollowedmeupstairs Thebedwaslaid outinthemiddleoftheloft,butthetruepurposewasthehugewindowthatgaveustheviewofthenightskyandthecanopyof stars That waswhyIhadbroughthimup
“Thereheis,”Spencersaid.Hewashavingbreakfastinthekitchenonourflooratthebeginningofthehallway.“Youlook likeshit.”
Isnorted Itwastrue Ihadn’tsleptmuchlastnight Now,Iworemyshirtuntuckedandmybowtiewashangingfrommy fist.IhaddroppedAveryoffatNorthwoodbeforedirectingthechauffeurtobringmebackhere.Truthfully,Ihadn’twantedto leavethehouseboat Itwastoogoodtoleavebehind
“So?”ColeaskedasIenteredthekitchenanddroppedintoanemptychair.Therewereonlythethreeofusinhere.“How diditgo?”
Istretched mylips before Icould stop myself. The smile spilled outofme and Ishookmyhead to diminishitatleasta little.“Itwentgreat.”
Spencerdrummedhisfingersagainstthetable “Gotproof?”
“I,uh…” Traitor,Isnappedatmyself.I’daskedhimtotrustme.Andforwhat?Towinasillybet.
“Whathappened?”Coleasked “Ithoughtheagreed”
“No,hedid,”Isaid.
“Well?” Spencer was growing slightly impatient. “You changed the terms, Cap. We need to see the proof. Unless it’s explicit.ThenI’dratherpass.”
Thatsetmyassonfire.“It’s not explicit.”
“Didn’tyousleepwithhim?Youlooklikeyoudid,”Colesaid,snickering “Technically,”Isighed.“Wedidn’thavesex.Wejust…fellasleep.Youknowwhat?Idon’tneedtotellyouthat.Forgetit.” Islippedmyphoneoutandswallowedmyannoyance Theywereright We’dhadadealforthemtobeattherestaurantuntilI bailedonthatwhole planandbookeda private houseboatinstead.“Here.” Ipushedmyphone across the diningtable tomy friends.Itwasaselfiefromthelimo.
“Helookslikehe’sabouttoharvestyourkidneys,”Colesaid.
“Shutup,”Isnapped.“That’sjustmean.He’sagreatguy.”
Cole’seyebrowsrosehigh,hisearsturningred “I’mjustfuckingaround Jeez”
“Well,don’t,”Isaidshortly.
Spencerpushedmyphoneback “Whyareyoucranky?Needasnack?”
Igrittedmyteethfor amoment.“I’mnotcranky.It’s justnastytomocktheguyfor lookingserious.Sowhat?Hedoesn’t laughlikeanidiot,solet’sallpointfingersathim.”
“Nobody’spointinganything,”Spencersaidlazily “Anyway,youwonthebet It’sovernow”
Itwasanythingbutover.Thismorning,whenIstartledmyselfawake,IdiscoveredAverylyingonme.Myrightarmwas numb,butIdidn’twanttorollhimoffofit He’dbeenlyingonhisside,facingme,andIcouldn’tstoplookingathishandsome face.Thosesharpcheekbonesandhisuniquelysandyhair.Icouldn’tbringmyselftoendthedate.
“Ohshit,”Spencersaid,lookingatme Hehadjustbittenoffapieceofhissandwich Hechewedit,shookhishead,and swallowed.“It’stoolate.Youalreadygotobsessed.”
“I’mnotobsessed.Jesus,Spencer.”HearingthatwasalmostasbadasrememberingthatIhadtakenAveryoutunderfalse
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