WORDS R ACH EL CASTLE PHOTOGRAPHY FR ANÇOISE BAU DET
On the of the precipice other side
Looking back at the journey of parenthood.
MINTY
Once in a supermarket queue, a stranger, an older woman about the age I am now, told me to 'treasure every moment with those babies, it flashes by in the twinkle of an eye’. Gah! She was so right. From the start, we’re on stealth alert - we need to keep these babies safe and happy. We take the folic acid, we stop drinking, we rest and try to slow down, we don’t lift the heavy boxes, we try to birth them gently, we sprinkle them with powder, we kiss and cuddle and bathe and feed them, we teach them to walk and talk and to eat healthy things like tomatoes (my kids still don’t like them), we cross the road safely all holding hands, we cry on their first day of school because they’re vulnerable and we’re scared they might be lonely for the first time in their safe and happy lives. As they grow, as we tuck them in and watch them sleep night after night, we breathe a little sigh of relief, they’re still here. They’re alive and growing, they’re learning, they’re becoming bigger and stronger and more independent. It’s working, it’s hard yakka but so far so good. We’re making this little journey with them and appreciate that their life is an ok one, and we feel lucky for it. All the while, we’re keeping vigil. Please pass on our good traits, oh please we pray, don’t pass on the bad. Please let them be kind but not too soft, bossy but not too pushy, wilful but not too stubborn, free but not too careless. Geez it’s a tough gig, but we would quite literally walk off a cliff for these little people, so our hopes for their happiness are high.
We’re doing an important job here people, we’re trying to raise good kids. And then one day when we’re into the seventeenth year of asking nicely, lecturing, pleading and bribing them into taking responsibility for their own actions, the birds in the sky start to sing and the heavens part and they finally realise that avocado on grain toast is way nicer than pancakes with sugar. You can’t believe these little people, for all their supposed ignoring and indifference were actually, *sound the trumpets*, quite likely listening after all. It’s a glorious day. No more ‘be nice to your brother’, ‘don’t be mean to your sister’. Now, it’s ‘stop ganging up on your mother’, and ‘what are you two up to now?’ They can drive a car, they can fix the electronics, they can screw the lids off the jars, they can book the hotels, they can hold the passports. They have jobs, they study, they have boyfriends and girlfriends and you wonder exactly how this all happened. You’re grateful and relieved when you can finally get them out of school and employed or at university, and out living by themselves. Job done. Phew. This leaves you at the door of the big shebango, on the other side of the precipice. How oh how, really WHAT ON EARTH will this new life look like when we don’t all live together under the same roof? Every waking hour for nearly two decades devoted to their care, to peace and harmony and growth and striving for those rare but beautiful moments of family tranquillity, and then what? Well, I’m here on the other side, still breathing, to tell you, and I’m a very sooky mother, that it's really all going to be ok. Recently my son asked over dinner ‘where does Cleo actually P58
