The Thunderbolt April 2022 Issue by The Thunderbolt

Volume 62, Issue 5

The Thunderdolt April 1st, 2022

Read inside: Thunderbolt lawsuit Advice Column Champion Golfers ‘Teacher Work Days’? April Fools Best Movie=Emoji Movie

NEW

Ryan Kurniawan, Staff Writer

“Unknown to the Mills Thunderbolt team, it was in fact not a stock photo”

Mills students banned from The Habit Hanson Han, Staff Writer

“The Habit bathrooms are ‘just as dirty as the Mills Center Court bathrooms, only if Freshmen were in the restaurant previously’ ”

New Bathroom Restrictions Tiffany Xu, Staff Writer

“they roam around campus for longer periods of time”

Prom Cancelled because of COVID Mia Khan, Staff Writer

“Prom is an added possible super spreader, and the risks are too high to get another winter break surge at the end of the year.”

Features

Mr. DeBois changes his career with legendary dog Selene Phoebe Piserchio, Staff Writer

fter just one year on the Viking ship, Mike DeBois, beloved science teacher for Biology and AP Environmental, has recently announced his resignation to pursue his dog Selene’s modeling career. DeBois submitted a formal letter of resignation to Principal Duszynski late Friday afternoon before Spring Break. He announced his plans to his students via email a few hours later. The email read: Hello students! I hope you are looking forward to a relaxing spring break after all your hard work. I’m writing with a bit of personal news that may come as a shock to you all. Recently, a video of my dog, Selene, went viral on TikTok (over 1M views!). Without going into too many details, I accepted a contract with a dog modeling agency in Los Angeles, which requires me to leave Mills. I’ll complete the school year with you, and treasure these last couple months. It was a bittersweet decision because of you all, but I felt this would be best for Selene. With regards, - Mr. DeBois

for Diva Dogs, the premier talent agency for canines. Their past clients include the dogs that played Lassie, Beethoven, and Air Bud, as well as the famous dog Doggy Dior, recently featured on Shark Tank.

End

Free

Food

Elizabeth Chen, Staff Writer

school

After months of providing free breakfast and lunch Mills administration has de-

cided to start charging students for their meals. The free breakfast and lunches were originally made so that low-income families that were affected by Covid were able to give their children meals, but since Covid cases have died down, Mills administration has decided to slowly raise the costs of lunches. The lunches will still be low cost and reduced meals will still be available for low-income families but they will no longer be available to the whole student body.

tition has started to keep the free meals. The petition calls for administrators to keep

pay for meals would make them less likely to eat at school because they didn’t bring since the school started providing free brunch and lunch as well, the highest Mills has seen in the last couple decades. This may be because students no longer have to worry about paying for their meals and can instead devote their focus to their studies. Without the stress of having to wake up early and put in the work of making breakeffect of positive change in students health and wellbeing. More sleep and less stress leads to a successful and encouraging school environment. Teachers have also threatened to go on strike because of this new policy, the staff refusing to back down, willing to go through with this strike lunches will make students less likely to eat meals at school and we can’t let dents should have the choice to get food and by adding a price back onto

it you take the choice away from some ed teacher says. Not everyone has a chance to get a meal without any stress, and talking that away only serves to further add to the strain of good grades and staying he althy. When the news of the removal of free lunches reached the parents, many threatened to pull their students out of school unless they kept the free lunches. They felt that because of the free lunches, they no longer had

removing the option, parents who could afford having their child buy school way to feed their child. Many predict that the lunch lines will get shorter because of the price start bringing food from home instead says. Schools are not known for their great food and because the food is no longer free some students feel that it

would be better to just bring food from home. The food from home would be less costly and could be simple things like the previous night's leftovers. The call for a price increase on breakfast and brunch has upset both staff and students. The administration has already approved this price in-

BTS: Designated Teacher Work Days

Chloe Ho, Staff Writer

TPD: teacher professional development.

of a variety of snacks scattered throughout. Lounging around were teachers (to be kept anonymous) cuddling and occasionally looking over to the screen, which was playing The Princess Diaries (2001). in the most obvious way. As the rest of their colleagues entered the room, dressed in brightly colored pajamas and cute animal slippers, they on their lives.

black board smeared with the remnants of old chalk markings, years worth of pondering and the irritation they received from how little Meanwhile, teachers had grouped together at a foldable table, moved to the back of the room, where they had begun to set up little group of them decided to make friendship bracelets for the people who couldn’t come with their names spelled with alphabet beads. Unteachers supporting each other, and their hard work will never go unappreciated. menting on the beautiful resolution, while others had fallen into a deep slumber, snuggled with a variety of stuffed animals. allegedly could only nervously ask who each other liked. This was not successful at uncovering anything interesting, however, as most of

As the day concluded, the room was cleaned thoroughly. The tedious work of picking up little bits of trash made them note how great the janitors of the school were, but it wasn’t long before they were ready to go home after a long day of productive work.

Mr. Hensley — Royalty? An Ancestry DNA Test Michaela Gonzalez , Staff Writer

Vietnam, Malaysia, you name it. When talking about this topic in class, Mr.Hensley brings up his My family always told me stories about my great great great great great great grandfather that

as a way to get in touch with his deep ancestry and love for his Scottish roots before his parents ways had a deep place in my heart where my Scottish ancestors guide me to always do the right he found out that his ancestor who immigrated here, David Agnus Hensley, was in line for the feeling out of place when arriving on American land. As we all crowd around the primitive book, -

of Scotland in 1040. Mr.Hensley states he knew an idea of this, but never the whole picture that for kinsmanship. ness. He is planning on moving back to his motherland later this year.

Center Spread

The Thunderbolt

ASK THE EDITOR... Dear The Thunderbolt, I’ve been having this recurring nightmare every night for the past few weeks. It starts off with a bowl of grapes laying an egg. It then hatches into Alvin (the chipmunk) eating a rotten apple before turning into a sesame bagel. But that’s not even the worst part. At the end, the bagel gets secret hidden cameras for the government used for surveillance). Anyways, what does this mean? Is the government trying to kidnap my family? I need answers. Sincerely, Your Local Birdwatcher. Hey there, Your Local Birdwatcher! Thanks for sending in this question. We’re sorry you’ve been losing so much sleep, and we hear your distress. While your nightmare may have many interpretations, we believe we have the answer. Let us lay it out for you. The bowl of grapes clearly symbolizes yourself. Laying an egg indicates a new beginning, while the chipmunk represents success and prosperity. Unfortunately, the rotten apple means whatever your initial plan is for your future will not work out so well. Don’t worry, though, because the sesame bagel is a sign of something better that will come afterwards. You have nothing to fear about the raven because it merely symbolizes that we as a society are all part of a simulation controlled by the government, in keeping with your theory. Of course, your ing to bed on an empty stomach. Either way, your family is completely safe. We recommend you have a healthy snack and perhaps take some melatonin to help you fall asleep. Hope these are helpful for you. Dear The Thunderbolt, I’m worried about what will happen once my brother graduates this year and becomes a freshman next year. I don’t like the idea of going to the same school as him. I’m going to be a senior next year and all I can think about is him embarrassing me. He’s an immature brat most of the time and it’s only going to affect me now that we’re on the same campus. My friends will probably tease me about him since he’s such an embarrassment. And I’ll have to see him in the halls when I go to all my classes. I already want to see him as little as possible so the thought of having to see him everywhere now is like my worst nightmare. What can I do to deal with this? Sincerely, Sister of a Brat. Hey there, Sister of a Brat! We can surely sympathize with your current situation. After consulting with several of our staff members about their experiences with the exact same issue, here is what we have gathered. As a senior you’ll have less contact than you think with your freshman year brother. Your schedules will never align (unless you somehow decide to take the same elective). Generally freshmen will stick to make sure your paths never cross. As for them being an embarrassment… well there’s not much you can do about that. On the other hand, as a senior you should treasure the last year you have with him. Soon you’ll most likely be off to college and you won’t see him as much anymore. Many writers with the paper have expressed the same sentiments. After their older siblings left for college or the workforce after high school their relationships were never the same. They were never what you want your relationship with your brother to be. You don’t want to graduate high school and move on with any regrets. Try to see eye to eye and at the very least tolerate each other. The difference in maturity might get in the way, but there’s always a way to establish a friendlier relationship before, frankly, it becomes too late.

The Thunderbolt

Center Spread

Dear The Thunderbolt, Recently, I’ve been facing some struggles with my love life. I’m a current freshman at Mills and, well, my girlfriend broke up with me. I’m not exactly sure what I did to upset her, but she texted “Hey, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I’m just not feeling it anymore. I think we should break up. It’s nothing that you did, but I think I need to focus on myself for a little while”. But here’s the kicker. I heard from one of my friends that she’s been texting my best friend behind my back since she broke up with me. I don’t know how to feel. I can understand “losing feelings” but how can she move on so fast? What should I do? Sincerely, Confused Teenager. Hey there, Confused Teenager! We completely get it. After consulting as a class about your dilemma, we empathize with your predicament. Getting broken up with over text is never a good feeling. I have a feeling your girlfriend is pulling the old “it’s not you, it’s me” with you. Whether or not she was honest with you with her break up text, I bet that what you felt from that was nothing compared to hearing about ship. Were they really going behind your back, or were they just talking? Maybe getting some answers will help you in the long run to have some closure. But, just to ground you back in reality, you’re a freshman. You’re most likely somewhere around 14 or 15 years old. You have your whole high school experience and life ahead of you. Just think about this break up as a positive. You’ll learn so much more from this and be able to move on. You have so many more years ahead of (through text, no less) is a painful and emotionally draining experience. But, to look on the posi-

“the one”. And at the end of the day remember: you’re a high schooler. This incident will be a small mark in a long roll of memories.

Dear The Thunderbolt, have a boyfriend or anything that I could go with and all my guy friends are already accounted for. I don’t want to be that one girl without a date there. How odd will I look, especially if all of my friends in the group I’m going with already have dates. I’ll be the odd one out. Is there any way out of this predicament? Should I just not go? I really would like to go experience prom but Worried Willow.

Hey there, Worried Willow! There is truly nothing that feels worse than feeling like an odd duckling in the middle of a pack of every single one of your friends truly do already have dates. Maybe through your search you’ll become aware of someone who you may not be close to, but is in the same boat as you and would be willing to go with you. If not, then the other solution you could consider is going with a different group. Even if you really want to go with your current planned group, if everyone already has of friends that are going without dates and just collectively with each other. It may not be what

8 Stuffed Animals Instead of Sports Balls The Mills administration announced on March 24th that due to safety complaints from parents, all sports

that employ balls will now be played with stuffed animals instead. This sudden change has prompted mixed reactions, garnered the attention of international media, and even initialized a lawsuit. The movement started when Anna Pesley, parent of a freshman at Mills High School, interrupted the March 10th board meeting to give a moving statement. “I know that I am interrupting you all from approving several Hillsdale High School students to go to their band Disneyland trips, but frankly, no one cares about that. I am here to talk about a crucial safety concern that you need to take care of ASAP,” Pesley said during the meeting, “When I was a ninth grader back then, I was young, innocent, and spared from knowing how cruel humans can be. This all changed one day during PE. I was dribbling my basketball, trying to shoot, you know, just minding my own business when one of my classmates stomped up to me and accused me of stealing her boyfriend. I forgot what her name was, but I like to think of her as Toenail. Toenail was screaming, ‘how dare you, you know I am his sweetheart, I will make you regret all this’ blah blah blah blah blah. Of course, I never had a boyfriend and was pretty sure she made a mistake. Well, good for his boyfriend, I thought then. She was obviously of very poor character and it did not shock me one bit that his boyfriend left him. I was about to tell Toenail that she got the wrong person, when she threw her ball at me and knocked eight of my teeths out. Eight. And I had to stay in the hospital for about one month. “Later, when I look back, I think about whose fault this is. Clearly this was mostly that stupid Toenail, but my school was clearly responsible. I mean, what were people thinking, giving out potential lethal weapons to a bunch of teenagers. Now that my own child is entering high school, I am not going to let this happen to him. These kids, they all have futures, dreams, wishes. These can all vanish because of a poorly aimed shot that causes a lasting injury. Therefore, I beg the school board to seriously consider banning all balls from every school campus. Thank you.” The speech soon became viral on social media and was reported by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal (“The Push Against Balls in Schools: Will Sport Retailer Stocks Go Down?”), and even The Nikkei, a popular business newspaper in Japan. When The Thunderbolt asked one reader in Japan about the issue, he replied, “I really don’t care.” The Mills administration soon issued a notice announcing that all sports would be banned in PE and organized sports, effective immediately: “After evaluating several alternative equipment, such as balloons, pillows, and sponge cakes, we have determined that stuffed animals will best ensure the safety of our athletes while not compromising on the fun.” The notice also contains a list of all types of ball that will be banned, raising many questions on what should be on the list. The Association For Classifying Tennis Balls As Non-Lethal Equipment, a student-led organization consisting of numerous Mills tennis fans, posted a statement on its website. The AFCTBANLE worst, tennis balls can only knock two of a person’s teeth.” The Mills administration later released a response, arguing that “with a strategic throw, tennis balls can in fact knock out eight teeth.” Charles Crawford, the president of AFCTBANLE, told The Thunderbolt, “This is entirely ridiculous. Tennis balls can not knock out eight teeth. We have decided to sue Mills in order to revert this unjust decision. The AFCTBANLE have up in the Supreme Court and will be as monumental as Citizens United.” One common criticism of the measure is how sudden the change is, without any prior alerts. Because of was a throw pillow with the face of Leonardo DiCaprio embroidered on it. A student watching the event told Except for a few, most people The Thunderbolt talked to lauded the new rule. Many school districts around the country, including Boston, New York, and Seattle, have already committed to similar transitions. Meanwhile, here at Millbrae, Anna Pesley is already content with what she did. “When my kid comes home from school, I now know that he will be safe and sound,” she said and smiled, showing eight golden teeth.

S P O R T S

Golf Champions - Jadon Lo and Antonio Sacco

S P O R T S

Championship. The championship was spread across the span of two days, from March 18 to 19. After all the points were tallied, it turned out that Jadon Lo (11) and Antonio Sacco (11) won the entire competition, barely winning against the previous champions for the past three years, John Proctor and Jay Gatsby of Los Angeles, CA. Coming into the competition, Lo and Sacco were major underdogs, going against collegiate level golfers who have been playing since

have since propelled themselves into the spotlight of fame. Our very own Mills students have been the talk of the day for many popular sports news shows such as ESPN and CBS Sports. ESPN anchor Huckleberry Finn has said that “these two students from nowhere have pulled the biggest upset in sports history. Jadon Lo and Antonio Sacco have simply done the impossible. They have defeated the reigning champions for the last three years with only a few years worth of practice. These two students will most certainly be the spearhead for the next generation of golfers”. CBS Sports anchor Hester Prynne has also done some interviewing and has uncovered the true feelings of how Proctor and Gatsby feel about the loss to two seemingly amateur golfers. According to Prynne, Proctor has been caught slandering Lo and Sacco on social media, stating unrealistic explanations for why they had won, such as “steroids, swapping out scorecards, as well as witchcraft”. Gatsby has also told Prynne in an interview that he is “extremely upset, and is looking to quit golf due to this tremendous loss”. Gatsby has since then been arrested for attempting to smuggle After Lo and Sacco heard the reactions of these previous champions, they felt extremely ecstatic in knowing that they made two high level collegiate athletes essentially rage quit. This has further encouraged Lo and Sacco to continue practicing golf in order to completely dominate next year’s Dublin Double Championship. However, Lo and Sacco aren’t the only two doubles preparing for next year’s championship. Two high school seniors, Spencer James and Jordan Baker, have also found golf in a similar fashion. James and Baker both started playing golf during a New Year’s Party. The two, much like Lo and Sacco, have found amazing chemistry as well as a natural talent for golf. Spencer and Baker have been said to have been practicing for hours upon hours in order to have a chance to beat Lo and Sacco in next year’s Dublin Doubles Championship. Finn has dubbed these two athletes the “reincarnation of Proctor and Gatsby”, with the two highschoolers also coming from Los Angeles, CA. When interviewing Lo and Sacco about their thoughts on their newfound competition, they simply stated: “We are glad to be able to have some competition in the tournament. The past championship was just a warm-up, so we can’t wait to face some real competitors in next year’s Dublin Doubles Championship”. With these two doubles having almost a year to practice and perfect their game, next year’s championship will be an interesting one to watch for sure.

<Jadon Lo

Antonio Sacco>

Removal of the Mile Magdalene Ko, News Editor The mile run has always been disliked by all students. A recent Thunderbolt article explained the disadvantage of the mile, as

well as complaints students have had. To their credit, it seems the school administration read and took the article to heart, for a The administration stated they had not realized students were so unhappy with the mile requirements. “We had originally decided, in conjunction with our P.E. teachers, that mandating improvements on every mile would encourage students to focus and work hard during their classes. It seems this was not the result” came the public statement. The letter continued on to explain the details and psychology behind setting goals and working towards them. An analogy of the mile was valid: “Like in your English class, you’d want to get better on each essay, so at the end of the year, you can look back at your improvement”. Students need to push themselves to improve, and setting goals with repercussions and rewards are good motivators. However, it is too much pressure for a student to push themselves to the max every single week. The unnecessary stress when students worry about their grade can even affect their performance in other classes. “I’m so happy the rules are changing, but I’m kinda disappointed I had to deal with it dragging down my entire GPA” said a sophomore. “It was annoying when we were focusenjoyed learning skills such as badminton and tennis. Katelyn Lam described her P.E. experience “I was never good at sports, but what helps students learn and grow.

would be at a disadvantage if they are compared with others, since the mile was just a competition with oneself. Some options are testing more heavily on skills during different units or increasing requirements on other physical activities, such as pushups and sit slacking off, as well as give tips and encouragement. Students will have access to the proper equipment and be able to discover workout mistakes easier. However, using PLT4M would limit time spent on other normal units, like wrestling and weight training. This rule change has been joyous to students and incoming students alike. Since rearranging one of the most crucial parts of class will take some time, Mills is expected to try new options and discover which works best. The mile will still be run for at least a year, but the trial of replacements will be started as soon as possible. Good luck to the students who have yet to take P.E.!

EntErtainmEnt

The Thunderbolt

Why April Fools is the Best Holiday By: Katelyn Lam; Features Editor April fools day, the one day of the year practical jokes and obnoxious humor is accepted, if not expected. With all the joy it brings to both the pranksters and targets alike, it’s a wonder the holiday is not more widely celebrated. After all, who doesn’t love spending an entire day in absolute fear of being humiliated? The readers of the Thunderbolt agree. Ranked as the number one favorite holiday among the participants of the poll sent out last month, April fools brings something new to the table year after year. Pranks pulled never a dull moment with all the excitement that comes along with the day, without being as stressful as some of the other more well known holidays. There’s no pressure to spend time with family or friends, and you don’t have to panic the week before about getting gifts for people you might only see once a year. All you need is a few tricks and a penchant for mischief, and with just that you can set April fools to be the best holiday ever. From tape over faucets to buckets of water over the door, the options available are endless. Don’t forget to conspire against your friends and coworkers on this wonderful holiday, and remember, the more the merrier! If you want, rope your family and friends into the fun too. The better you know your victim, the better you can prank them. The options available are endless. The fact that the day is exclusive forces the trick you pull and the plan you scheme to be all the more touching to your unknowing victim. Not confessions you make on the day and want to take back have an exclusive “Happy April Fool’s Day” card, keeping your secrets and lies under the guise of comedy and humor. From practical to serious, don’t worry about making people mad, after all, it’s just a joke, and that’s what this holiday is all about. It’s a chance to do something petty and make it funny and completely accepted. After all, who’s someone else to judge your potentially favorite holiday? Don’t let someone’s opinions hold you back from having fun. Don’t tion than the disguise of humor and any petty reason for revenge you’ve been hiding underneath your bed. Everyone has skeletons in the closet and this is your chance to show April second.

come your way when April peeks around the corner; all aspects of your life are fair game. But worry not about defending yourself, those who cannot handle it should not deal it. Beware and approach the day with a cautious jubilee as your entire Friday awaits!

The Emoji Movie - A Masterpiece By: Julia Xia; Staff Writer When someone asks the question “what movie is the best?” Many people would immediately respond with Pride and Prejudice or Endgame, but one movie many people seem to forget about is the Emoji Movie. This movie seems to get a lot of hate only getting 6% rotten tomatoes, but this can be quickly discredited because of the personal vendetta they had against Tony Leondis. The main character, Gene, is part of the ‘meh’ emoji family. From the minute he was born his parents and the rest of the emojis already decided that he would become a ‘meh’ emoji. Because of society’s impact on the way he sees himself he begins to think that the only way of him to succeed is to become ‘normal’ and that just because he can feel more than one emotion it doesn’t mean he’s different or needs to try any harder to be accepted by society. One reason why the movie seems to get criticism is its jokes. Many people say they’re ‘unfunny’ or ‘overused’ but the jokes in the movie are actually pretty funny when you show the targeted audience. Since the audience of the movie is kids of course the jokes are going to be pretty surface level and not overly complicated. The thing is, most kids’ movies try to make these types of surface level jokes but they don;t always land the way the creators intended them to. The Emoji movie is the exception. This movie is able humor was’t targeted to them but to kids, so it’s understandable why they would understand a lot of it. Many people seem to hate the masterpiece because it doesn’t stand out. It also seems like a rip off of the movies Wreck-it Ralph, Inside-Out, and The Lego Movie, The characters have similar characteristics and the storyline is something we’ve seen before countless times, but perhaps the true meaning of the movie was overshadowed because of the society has already set for them, they are allowed to explore the different sides to their personalities and the writers use emojis as a relatable reason to connect with the audience. in college. Oftentimes children feel like their life has already been planned out from the start and they have no control over it. Since Gene(the main character) also feels this way person, not their parents or societies.