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Military Serving Active and Retired Military, DoD Workers and Civilians for Over 35 Years


Volume 38 • #4 • February 15, 2014


The Death of Democracy In 1887 Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years prior: “A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse over loose fiscal policy, (which is) always followed by a  dictatorship.”  Continued on page 3  



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2 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

Lena Atkinson ‘14 •

DEMOCRACY... a Utopian theory

By Alexander Fraser Tytler “A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over lousy fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average of the worlds great civilizations before they decline has been 200 years. “These nations have progressed in this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; from faith to great courage; from courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to Complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again to bondage.” I am one of the out-voted taxpayers. I don’t pay my taxes, I go to jail. No questions asked. It doesn’t matter how much I disapprove of the use of tax dollars. It doesn’t matter that the elite political class votes itself elaborate benefits at my expense. it doesn’t matter that the entrenched corporate and agricultural and manufacturing and union class interests vote themselves special privileges unavailable to the rest of us. And it certainly does not

often cannot rule. And even if they did, the very concept of innovation, change and dynamism stands in opposition to the existence of a “majority.” No doubt that collective action is necessary in some areas of our lives – but also no doubt that we have extended its reach beyond anything reasonable people could tolerate. Were it not for our magnificent wealth today, the Revolution would have started long ago.

In fact, one of the proper roles of government, in my view, is to promote in a society a flexibility and an insensitivity to technological and societal changes. Yes, there might be some losers in the short term when institutions evolve, but in the long run, “we” all win from it. How the government can do this is quite another story – I think Plato would have had more confidence than I do on that one.

of Law in St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts Cont’d. from Page 3 concerning  the last Presidential election:  “The average age of the world’s Number of States won by Obama: greatest civilizations from the  be19, Romney: 29;  Square miles of ginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, land won by Obama: 580,000, Romthese nations always progressed ney: 2,427,000; Population of counties won by Obama: 127 million, through the following sequence:  From bondage to spiritual faith;  Romney: 143 million; Murder rate From spiritual faith to great cour- per 100,000 residents in counties age; From courage to liberty;  From won by Obama: 13.2, Romney: 2.1  Professor Olson adds: “In agliberty to abundance; From abungregate, the map of the territory; dance to complacency;  From complacency to apathy; From apathy Romney won was mostly the land to dependence;  From dependence owned by the taxpaying citizens of the country. back into bondage. Obama territory mostly enThe Obituary follows: Born 1776, compassed those citizens living Died 2012, It doesn’t hurt to read this several times. Professor Joseph in low income tenements and Olson of Hamline University School DEATH, cont’d. on Page 4


seem to matter that we are running at the state and federal levels a degree of spending that is completely unsustainable. This cannot happen in a marketplace. I may wish to charge each of my students $1,000 per class. But I am limited by competition and choice to not be able to support such desires. This should, of course, give myth to the notion that democracy and majority rule are means in and of themselves to be desired. They are not. Majorities

The Military Press February 15, 2014 Publisher Richard T. Matz

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Contact Us: 9715 Carroll Centre Road, Suite #104 San Diego, CA 92126 • Tel 858.537.2280 The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 3

Just ignore our Constitution, Mr. President By Armstrong Williams One of our greatest achievements in the founding of our beloved America was the execution of our framers constructing two very essential aspects of the U.S. Constitution, that being both the concepts of federalism and the division of powers. Both of which are carried out in devel-

opment in efforts to limit and divide the power of the government’s wouldbe overreaching arms. Federalism was specifically an engine to do this by the design of two sovereign powers, i.e. national and state governments. Whilst, the division of powers allotted for the branches to retain totally separate functions, yet remained compelled to share their powers with the others. Our founding fathers crafted the Constitution with divided powers as such for good reason. With the powers of government limited through the division between our Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches, the actions of


is now somewhere between the “complacency and apathy” phase of ProfesCont’d. from Page 4 sor Tyler’s definition of democracy, living off various forms of government with some forty percent of the nation’s welfare...” population already having reached the Olson believes the United States “governmental dependency” phase. If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million  criminal invaders called illegals - and they vote then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.  If you are in favor of this, then by all means, bypass this message. If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how  much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom. •

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4 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

government would ideally grow more coherent in terms of resonating in consensus with society. The framers were indisputably worried about the possibilities of giving creed to a dictatorship and the lack in restriction of the government in terms of the freedom to the American public. Last week President Barack Obama, former professor of Constitution law, effectively announced that as president of the United States he was ignoring the spirit of the constitution. In lieu of his incapability to get agreement with Congress he is willing to use executive power to implement laws that Congress will not officially endorse. An extraordinary leader does not merely conceive extraordinary ideas but is additionally able to convince his political adversaries that these ideas are in fact extraordinary. President Obama has decided he is no longer willing to work with the Republican Party in Congress to pass legislation. His desire and will for reaching compromises has wholly diminished. He has made clear that he will henceforth move with actively implementing laws without convincing a majority of the Congress that it is the right thing to do. This is in clear violation of our Constitution. I’m sure that President Obama has good intentions and the best interest of the American public at heart through implementing by executive order certain changes in American law. Unfortunately the only issue remains is the fact of the matter that this quite plainly is called a dictatorship. While authoritarian dictatorships ignore the will of the people, dictators will passionately hold that they know what is ultimately best for their constituents. We as Americans can expect to see our freedom drastically eroded if Congress and the Supreme Court do not impede this president at once.

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 5

George W. Bush 43rd President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 2001 to Jan. 20, 2009

“You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.”   — George W. Bush

2004 Mustang GT

Dick Cheney 46th Vice President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 2001 to Jan. 20, 2009

World events

• Queen Elizabeth II christens the RMS Queen Mary 2 cruise liner • Suicide bombers detonate car bombs in Basra, killing at least 74 • U.S. transfers sovereignty and control back to the Iraqi people • 60th anniversary of D-day • World AIDs report tells of 5 million new cases and 3 million people dead • Japan is hit with multiple Desmond Tutu

earthquakes and typhoons • Following ethnic cleansing by governmentbacked militia in Darfur, Sudan, one million people flee their homes • West African countries suffer the worst locusts plagues in 40 years • Hurricane Ivan strikes Grenada, destroy 90% of homes • Hurricane Jeanne kills over 3,000 in Haiti • EU accepts 10 new states • Four U.S. contractors am-

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bushed and murdered with photos released to new agencies worldwide • Strongest earthquake in 40 years originates from the Indian Ocean close to Indonesia, measuring 9.3 on the Richter Scale. It creates tsunami waves that sweep across much of the coastlines of Sri Lanka, India, Bangladesh, the Maldives, Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. At least 290,000 people are confirmed to have died.

U.S. news

• U.S. admits there was no imminent threat from weapons of mass destruction before the 2003 invasion of Iraq

6 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

• CBS uncovers systematic torture of Iraqi prisoners at the Abu Ghraib prison • Statue of Liberty is reopened the public • Colin Powell resigns and Condoleezza Rice is nominated as his replacement for Secretary of States • President George Bush beats John Kerry to gain a second term in office • Facebook is launched • Oil peaks at just over $50 a barrel, then retreats back • Ex-soldier John Muhammad is found guilty of one of a series of sniper shootings that terrorized Washington, D.C. • Martha Stewart is convicted of a felony and sentenced to five months in prison • First same sex marriage performed in Massachusetts •

4 0 20

remember when...



• Lance Armstrong wins 6th consecutive Tour de France cycling title • Summer Olympics held in Athens, Greece • New England Patriots 32 over Carolina Panthers 29 in Superbowl XXXVIII • NBA Finals Detroit Pistons 4 games to 1 over the LA Lakers


• Space Ship One is the first privately-funded spaceplane to achieve space flight • Google IPO raises $1.67 billion • Official opening of Taipei 101, tallest skyscraper in the world at 1,676 feet • National WWII Memorial opens in Washington, D.C. • Remains of a previously unknown species of human is discovered in Indonesia, named Homo floresiensis

Popular culture

• Janet Jackson’s breast exposed in Super Bowl Nipplegate • Ken Jennings wins over $2.5 million on Jeopardy • High controversial film Fahren-

GONE IN 2004: Above right: Marlon Brando. Above left: Janet Leigh, Rodney Dangerfield, Rick James, Robert Keeshan (aka Captain Kangaroo)

heit 9/11 opens

Popular music

• Usher, “Yeah” “Burn” • Alicia Keys, “If I Ain’t Got You” • Maroon 5, “This Love” • OutKast, “The Way You Move” • Hoobastank, “The Reason” • Mario Winans, “I Don’t Wanna Know” • OutKast, “Hey Ya!” • J-Kwon, “Tipsy” • Nickelback, “Someday” • Evanesence, “My Immortal”

Popular TV shows

• Lost • House M.D. • Veronica Mars • Battlestar Gallactica • Entourage • Desperate Housewives • The L Word • Boston Legal • Deadwood

•  Income per year .... $51,000 •  Minimum wage ........... $6.90 •  New house ......... $145,000 •  New car ................. $21,000 •  Gallon of gas ............... $1.88 •  Dozen eggs .................... 99¢ •  Gallon of milk .............. $3.75 •  Loaf of bread ............... $1.20 •  First-class stamp ........... 37¢ •  Movie ticket ................. $7.00

Popular films

• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban • Spider Man 2 • The Incredibles • The Passion of the Christ • The Day After Tomorrow • Meet the Fockers • Ocean’s Twelve • Mission Dollar Baby

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

Great homes with wide open views MENIFEE, CA — Mahogany Creek, D.R. Horton’s newest Southern California community in Menifee, offers welldesigned homes featuring inspired exteriors, spacious interiors, and gorgeous open spaces. Mahogany Creek, by D.R. Horton, America’s #1 Builder per Builder Magazine, features 108 single-family homes with unique single and multiple two-story plans ranging from 2,798 to 3,866 square feet and up to six bedrooms and four and one-half bathrooms. The community is located at 28889 Park Trail Way, Menifee, CA 92584, with prices starting in the mid $300s. Menifee is located in Southwest Riverside County, and provides easy access to Los Angeles, Orange and San Diego counties. Its central location makes for easy city commutes and day trips to coastal attractions.


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8 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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26407 Jean Baptiste Way Moreno Valley, CA 92555 951. 532. 3524 Single-family homes 2,472 – 3,614 sq. ft. 3 to 6 bedrooms, 2.5 to 4.5 baths 3 and 3-car tandem garages From the mid $300,000s


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Each home includes a beautifully detailed kitchen and Great Room layout, plenty of space for family activities and ideal for entertaining. The exteriors showcase the best of Craftsman, Spanish and Tuscan architecture. Master suites feature a spacious layout and include walk-in closets, a separate tub and shower, and dual sinks with e – stone countertops. Mahogany Creek also offers one of D.R. Horton’s exclusive HomeShare℠ homes, which features 3,529 sq. ft. in two stories with a separate living suite with a private entry for extended-stay guests or additional family members. This home comes complete with 4 – 5 spacious bedrooms, loft & 3 baths, and an additional bedroom option. The separate HomeShare suite is a convenient feature for residences with large families, elderly relatives or recent graduates. The 705 sq. ft. suite comes complete with a bedroom, full bath, kitchenette and living room. In addition, Mahogany Creek offers a 2,798 sq. ft. single story residence. This spacious home includes 3 – 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, a 3-car garage, and an open Great Room – ideal for entertaining a growing family. Mahogany Creek is located in the heart of Menifee and offers a unique blend of natural beauty and modern convenience. Mahogany Creek offers great recreation all year round with a variety of nearby parks and local shopping and dining options. The community is in close proximity to the recently completed Countryside Marketplace, which boasts an excellent collection of retail shops, restaurants and specialty stores. Mahogany Creek is located within both the Menifee Union Elementary School District and Perris Union High School Districts. The City of Menifee is also home to Mount San Jacinto Community College. Interested buyers can stop by the grand opening event on November 2, or call 951-679-0319. Buyers can “LIKE” D.R. Horton on Facebook to stay up-todate on the latest D.R. Horton Southern California news and happenings at




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VA accused of changing rules to reach goals

By Bryant Jordan Longtime allies of the Department of Veterans Affairs directed some tough-love at the agency recently, accusing its leadership of playing games with Congress and creating policies to make the claims backlog look healthier than it is. Panelists drawn from several veterans service organizations criticized the VA for defining claims in order to make the backlog appear small and shrinking, and for proposing to process some claims faster than others as it pushes its electronic system. “What you see here is a coldblooded assessment by VA officials that if they cannot achieve their goals under the current standards, they will change the rules to achieve their goals,” said Gerald Manar, deputy director of National Veterans Service, Veterans of Foreign Wars. Diana Rubens, VA deputy under secretary for field operations, later opened her testimony by noting that the VA has reduced its claims backlog by 35 percent. However, Manar had already testified that the VA excludes veterans dependents and claims appeals from its backlog claims. “Today there are over 1.7 million compensation, pension and education claims and appeals. Instead of fully fixing the problem, VA leaders have redefined them,” he said. “Since VA couldn’t reduce the entire 1.7 million by 2015, they decided to define the workload as only disability claims requiring rating action.” The 700,000 disability claims currently pending represent just 41 percent of outstanding claims, he said. Focusing on disability claims that require a rating decision resulted in the VA not processing 60 percent of its overall claims. As a result the inventory of claims filed by dependents of veterans has grown from about 40,000 to more than 630,000 in the past three years, he said. The inventory of appeals has grown over the past year from 252,000 to more than 268,000.

New tech can seal a gunshot wound in 15 seconds By Rose Pastore,
Popular Science WILSONVILLE, Ore. — RevMedx recently asked the FDA to approve a pocket-size invention: a modified syringe that injects specially coated sponges into wounds. Called XStat, the device could boost survival and spare injured soldiers from additional pain by plugging wounds faster and more efficiently than gauze. The team’s early efforts were inspired by Fix-a-Flat foam for repairing tires. “That’s what we pictured as the perfect solution: something you could spray in, it would expand, and bleeding stops,”

says Steinbaugh. “But we found that blood pressure is so high, blood would wash the foam right out.” So the team tried a new idea: sponges. They bought some ordinary sponges from a hardware store and cut them into 1-centimeter circles, a size and shape they chose on a whim but later would discover were ideal for filling

Petty Officer promotion standards get overhaul By Erik Slavin, Stars and Stripes The Navy is making several changes to its advancement system for petty officers, including a formula that would add greater weight to performance evaluations and less to advancement tests. The changes are part of a long-term, phased approach that could change the promotion quotas for the Navy’s many job ratings, Chief of Naval Personnel Vice Adm. Bill Moran wrote in a post on the Navy Times’ Facebook page. “The majority of you seem to like greater weight added to performance — make the evals count more, make it less about who can pass the test or who

hangs around long enough,” Moran said. “In general, I agree with you.” Currently, for sailors vying for E-4 and E-5 pay grades, the next-level exam equals 37 percent, and evaluations equal 42 percent of the total promotion score. For sailors aiming for E-6, the test equals 33 percent and the evaluations equal 47.5 percent of their promotion score. The new formula, which could be introduced as early as the autumn test cycle, would minimize the importance of testing and increase the weight of evaluations even more, though exact figures have not yet been determined, according to Navy Times.

Sailors’ personnel records online U.S. Navy selection board season runs January through October. Taking the time to prepare in advance can relieve a lot of stress when a Sailor’s record goes before a board. Sailors can review their Official Military Personnel File (OMPF) online by selecting the “OMPF - My Record” link under the BUPERS Online (BOL) Application Menu Log available online. It is still possible to update your OMPF prior to the board commencing if you

discover something is missing. The Navy Personnel Command can scan images into OMPFs. Also, Sailors who have any missing, new, or additional information, like recently obtained qualifications, degrees and awards to be considered that are not in their OMPF may submit them to the board via a letter to the board. For more information, visit the Naval Personnel Command’s Boards tab and webpage at http://goo. gl/TQafzi

VA launches new online college comparison tool By George Altman, AF Times The Veterans Affairs Department has unveiled a new way for student veterans to quickly get important information about schools they’re considering attending. The online GI Bill Comparison Tool, found at url shortcut XSI58S, can be searched by school and details whether a school participates in the Yellow Ribbon program and has agreed to the White House’s Principles of Excellence for military education, as For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 •

wounds. Then, they injected the bits of sponge into an animal injury. “The bleeding stopped,” says Steinbaugh. “Our eyes lit up. We knew we were onto something.” After seeing early prototypes, the U.S. Army gave the team $5 million to develop a finished product.

DoD has no plans to close commissaries

According to Army Gen. Martin E. Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, there are no plans to close military commissaries. The chairman first addressed this issue during his Facebook town hall meeting last month (a transcript of the recent town hall meeting with General Dempsey is available on DoD Live). Although the DoD officials are not planning to close commissaries, they did ask the Defense Commissary Agency for a range of options, including how the system would operate with reduced or no taxpayer subsidies. Military exchanges work on this system and that the same potential exists with commissaries.

TRICARE update on automatic payments

An electronic fund transfer (EFT) is an easy, low-maintenance option for managing TRICARE Reserve Select (TRS) payments. While TRS beneficiaries are required to setup an EFT to pay their premiums, it is not foolproof and missed payments can result in a loss of health care coverage. One major reason for missed payments is an expired credit card. Check the expiration date on the credit card used for TRS EFTs, and update the regional contractor with any new or pending account information. Failure to pay any overdue premium amounts will result in suspension of coverage. Learn more about TRS premiums and EFT options at www. Premiums.

well as how many GI Bill beneficiaries the school enrolls. The site includes academic success and cost data for institutions, such as graduation rates, loan default rates and average borrowing costs, although the data is not limited to student veterans. However, it provides some specific information for vets on how much of a housing allowance they can expect to get from the Post-9/11 GI Bill, based on their length of service and military status, as well as the location of the school. February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 9

Visit us online at

‘NFL not ready for gay player’ T:5.6875”


By Dan Graziano, any different. But that could be diffiMichael Sam's announcement that cult for some people, just the way our he is gay has been the story of the week locker rooms work.” in the NFL, and players in the league Pressed on the likelihood that he’s know the story is just beginning. already played on teams with gay playFor that reason and for others, New ers, Thomas said, “I’m pretty sure I York Giants cornerback Terrell Thom- have.” as said, Sam could find acceptance in “But there’s a difference between NFL locker rooms difficult to come by. knowing and not knowing that changes "The attention on him is going to a lot of things,” he said. “You’re talkbring attention to the team — unwant- ing about playing in the NFL, the grind, ed attention, questions that the play- the brotherhood, the joking that goes ers, the coaches, the whole organiza- along with it. The locker room may not tion is going to be ready for that, have to answer because it’s the — and that's kind of thing that a lot for one changes everyI think society is player to carry thing. by himself," “It may make ready for it and Thomas told guys feel like America's in they have to a phone interchange the way ready for it, view Tuesday they carry them“You just selves and some but I don't look at what of the things they think the happened this say. You’re talking year with the about a league NFL is. As Miami Dolwhere things have a player, all phins’ situbeen done a ceration. That tain way for a long you want to became sometime, and now thing we were you’re going to know is if he can play. being asked expect people to That's on the field. But about every change, and peoday in our lockple may not know in the locker room, it's er room, and it how to do that the different. wasn’t even right way.” our team. And Sam came out they’re the to his University — Giants CB Terrell Thomas, kinds of quesof Missouri teamon an openly gay player tions where mates prior to you have to the 2013 season, in the NFL think carefully and the team emabout how you braced him and phrase things.” went 12-2. Sam, an All-America pass-rusher at “That’s the hardest question. If a Missouri, announced he is gay during bunch of 18-year-olds can accept him, an interview Sunday with ESPN’s “Out- why can’t a bunch of grown men?” side The Lines.” Assuming he is draft- Thomas said. “I just think it’s differed, Sam would become the first openly ent when you put him in an NFL locker gay player in NFL history. room with a bunch of grown men the Thomas said he was personally un- way we are around each other, and with sure about the situation because of people who don’t already know him. his “views as a Christian,” and he was “Their locker room accepted him, concerned that players in NFL locker but at the same time, their locker rooms might start to act differently room knew him before he came out. If with Sam around. he would have said it after his second “I think society is ready for it and year in the league, things might be difAmerica’s ready for it, but I don’t think ferent. But to come in as a rookie who the NFL is,” Thomas said. “As a player, nobody knows and have this be the all you want to know is if he can play. big story, that could make it tough for That’s on the field. But in the locker some people to handle. It’s going to put room, it’s different. There’s a lot of talk people on edge. Not necessarily make and joking around, and some guys walk everybody uncomfortable, but maybe around completely naked all the time, guys just might not know how to act.” and they might not want to do that anyThomas played a full season for the more. When you add that situation to the mix, I think it’s going to make some Giants in 2013 after missing the previous two seasons with torn ACLs in his people uncomfortable. “Things are changing, and certain right knee. He is eligible for unrestrictchange is inevitable. We have to look at ed free agency when the new league him like a brother and can’t treat him year opens March 11.

10 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

Vendor: Williams Release Date: 9/28/10

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T:10.5” •

Innocence lost

The first one pulls out a harmonica and says “I can play all my favorite songs on this.” The second takes out a deck of cards. “I can play poker with myself with these.” The third gets out a box of tampons. “Well, it says on here that with these I can go swimming, horseback riding, cycling...”

Partially paralyzed

Just for Laughs

A big heavy set housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, “Come here quick, Charlie! I’m paralyzed! I can’t get up!” He comes in, takes a look, and says, “Stand up, silly. You’re kneeling on your breasts.”

New name

After everything I keep hearing daily concerning the Arabs, Palestinians, Afghans, etc., I have decided to search my roots. So, from now on, please call me by my new Muslim name. Seldom Ben Laid.

Oldest tampon joke in the book


Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail.

As the two little girls walked hand in hand to kindergarten, one confided: “I found a contraceptive on the patio yesterday.” Asked her friend: “What’s a patio?”

Old, old practice

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete’s abilities. In fact, men have known and practiced this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, “Oops, gotta run!”

What, what, whaaaattt?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!”

Where’s the cork?

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it’s up to women to stomp the hell out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Oh no he didn’t...

Human Resources Manager: “What is your greatest weakness?” Interviewee: “Honesty.” Human Resources Manager: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” Interviewee: “I don’t really give a damn what you think.”

All in the name

Okay, if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags”. And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs.” What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

Life lessons

Doctor, please

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day. But teach him how to surf the ‘Net for porn, and he’ll never bother you again.

ACROSS 1. Religious belief 6. Wings 10. Not legs 14. Hello or goodbye 15. Focusing glass 16. Get-out-of-jail money 17. Provide food for 18. Tight 19. Anger 20. In a crosswise direction 22. Small island 23. Trumpet 24. Not the youngest 26. Competent 30. Frozen water 31. Cup 32. Weightlifters pump this 33. Piecrust ingredient 35. Clobbered 39. Simpleton 41. Troop formation 43. Besmirch 44. Carve in stone 46. Require 47. Wander aimlessly 70. Visual organs 49. Historic period 71. Pays attention to 50. Throw 51. Ancient ascetic DOWN 54. Lease 1. Proven information 56. Flower stalk 2. Winglike 57. A type of infantry 3. Greek letter 63. Alike 4. Not now 64. Is endebted to 5. Abrasive 65. Slant 6. Quarrel 66. Biblical garden 7. Student 67. Rational 8. Rectum 68. A sloping mass of 9. High regard loose rocks 10. A shortened version 69. Dispatched 11. Lift

12. Grinds 13. Mixture of rain and snow 21. “There you have it!” 25. Verdant 26. Helps 27. The top edge of a vessel 28. Solitary 29. Betrothal 34. Diminishes 36. Margarine 37. Foot digits 38. Terminates 40. Fiber source

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. “Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.” “Come on now Mr Peters,” the doctor said, “your sex drives all in your head.”

42. Cantillate 45. Terrestrial 48. Force out 51. S S S S 52. Ancient Greek unit of length 53. Seminal fluid 55. Garbage 58. On the road 59. A single time 60. Monster 61. Implored 62. Views

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“Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.”

Dental humor

The dentist pulls out a Novocaine needle to give a man a shot so he can pull his tooth. “No way! No needles. I hate needles,” the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects, “I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. “No objection,” the patient says. “I’m fine with pills.” The dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra tablet.” The patient says, “Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!” “It doesn’t‚“ says the dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!

SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

This week’s solutions:

February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 11

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