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May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 1


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Secretariat

By Ron Flatter ESPN.com

Secretariat named 35th-greatest athlete of the century!

Seldom does performance match excessive expectation. Super Bowls are rarely super. Pay-per-view fights are hyped without money-back guarantees. And there’s that old expression that applies so perfectly to horse racing: There’s no such thing as a sure thing. Secretariat was sold to a breeding syndicate for a then-record $6.08 million.

Then there was Secretariat at the 1973 Belmont Stakes. continued on next page>>>> The Military Press May 1, 2014 Publisher Richard T. Matz Customer Service Manager Carol Williams

remember when...

1992

CHARGER REPORT

A look at the Wide Receivers

Walk down memory lane... news, sports and entertainment in 1992 on pages 20-21

Advertising Manager Valerie Swaine Account Representatives: Michelle Hull Victoria Wills Public Relations Lisa Matz

Possible prospects on page 18

Production / Web Sandra Powers • Joe Yang Distribution Dennis Winks Nicole Matz, Mandie Matz Victoria Wills Contributing Writers Doug Aguillard Crystal Arriaga Mort Fretel • Art Garcia Howard Hian • Keith Angelin Jeri Jacquin, The Movie Maven Contact Us: 9715 Carroll Centre Road Suite #104 San Diego, CA 92126 Tel 858.537.2280 www.militarypress.com editorsdesk@militarypress.com

5 reasons why General Mattis is immortal on page 13

Running for judge Interview with this former Marine on page 11

• Chemical Warfare, page 8 • Marriage Fitness, page 9 • Military News, page 12 • California Roundup, page 15 • Sports, page 17 • Just For Laughs, page 22-23 • Crossword Puzzle, page 22 • We Support Our Troops, page 24-25 • Classifieds, page 26

The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

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Secretariat continued from page 3 >>>>

He carried a lot more than jockey Ron Turcotte when he went to the gate a 1-to-10 favorite. He had the weight of Secretariat Mania on his back. The international buzz surrounding him was deafening. He was being counted on to win the race and become the first Triple Crown champion in 25 years — the first of the television generation that had already put him on an unrealistic pedestal. Secretariat’s response went beyond unreal. He won by a jaw-dropping 31 lengths. His time of 2:24 for 1 1/2 miles set a world record many argue may never be broken. Secretariat became so popular, Time, Newsweek and Sports Illustrated featured the horse on the cover the same week. The William Morris Agency booked his appearances the way it would for a hot movie star. At the time, no movie star was as hot as “Big Red.” “This red horse with blue and white blinkers and silks seemed to epitomize an American hero,” said Penny Chenery, who owned the playful, barrelchested colt during his racing days. In a career that spanned only 16 months, Secretariat started 21 times, won 16 and finished in the money in all but his first race. He was an odds-

on favorite 17 times, winning 13. By the time he went to stud, he had won backto-back Horse of the Year awards. The true measure of Secretariat’s greatness was his performances in big races. As former Pimlico general manager Chick Lang said, “He looked like a Rolls-Royce in a field of Volkswagens.” Secretariat was born on March 30, 1970, at the Meadow Stud in Doswell, Va. He was the third offspring of 1957 Preakness winner Bold Ruler, the greatest sire of his generation, and Somethingroyal, who raced just once but whose breeding was of top quality. Secretariat was the brightest of chestnuts, deep-chested with the muscular quarters of the speed horse and the length and scope of the stayer. In Secretariat’s debut on July 4, 1972 at Aqueduct, he went off as the favorite but was impeded at the start and finished fourth in the 5 1/2-furlong race. Eleven days later, he broke his maiden in a 6-furlong race at Aqueduct. Secretariat’s only other defeat as a two-year-old would be on a disqualification, in which he was placed second for bumping Stop the Music in the Champagne at Belmont. His seven victories in nine races enabled him to become the first two-year-old to be voted Horse

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4 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

Secretariat winning the Belmont Stakes in 1973.

of the Year. Before his 1973 season, Secretariat became the solution to a financial crisis. Christopher Chenery, Penny’s father, died in January. As the builder of Meadow Stud, he left behind hefty estate taxes. His family decided to pay the bill by selling Secretariat to a breeding syndicate that would assume ownership at the end of the horse’s racing days. The price tag was a thenrecord $6.08 million. Secretariat won his first two races

that year, but in his final tuneup before the Kentucky Derby, he finished third behind Angle Light and Sham in the Wood Memorial at Aqueduct. At 1 1/8 miles, Secretariat seemed to hit his limit. The Derby — all 1 1/4 miles of it — was only two weeks away. It turned out that just hours before the Wood, an abscess was found under Secretariat’s lip. When the abscess broke before the Derby, the pain he was suffering was gone. But was the abscess the reason Secretariat lost? Or

TRANSPORTATION

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A playful Secretariat reaching in to steal a mint. was it an excuse? broke Gallant Man’s 16-year-old track The answer came soon enough. record was the equivalent of 13 lengths. The 13-horse Derby shaped up as a But most impressive was the duel between Secretariat and Sham. 31-length gap. It was so big, even the The two held back early — Secretari- widest angle of the CBS camera coverat at the rear; Sham just off the lead. ing the stretch run could barely show Then Laffit Pincay moved Sham to the Secretariat in the same shot as the front just before the final turn. Tur- next-nearest horse, Twice A Prince. As cotte moved Secretariat to the outside Charles Hatton wrote in The Daily Racto close on Sham, who was picking up ing Form, “His only point of reference steam. is himself.” “I didn’t think anybody would be The ensuing months were anticliable to catch him,” Pincay said of mactic for Secretariat. Suffering from Sham. “I knew we were going to win.” a fever, he lost the Whitney Stakes at Secretariat had other ideas. He Saratoga to Onion in August and the caught Sham halfway down the stretch Woodward Stakes at Belmont Park to and won by 2 1/2 lengths in a world- Prove Out. But he went out in triumph. record time of 1:59 2/5, the only Derby On Oct. 28, 1973, he won the 1 5/8-mile winner to crack two minutes. Canadian International Championship Two weeks later in the Preakness, Stakes by 6 1/2 lengths in the cold of Secretariat went from last to first on suburban Toronto, raising his career the clubhouse turn, never relinquished earnings to $1,316,808. the lead and beat Sham again by 2 In stud, Secretariat sired such fu1/2 lengths. Clockers timed him in a ture champions as 1988 Preakness Pimlico-record 1:53 2/5 for the 1 3/16 and Belmont winner Risen Star and miles, but because of an apparently 1986 Horse of the Year Lady’s Secret. malfunctioning clock, the official time But none of his offspring came close to was recorded as 1:54 2/5, two-fifths of matching the standard he set. a second off the track record set by He remained a popular figure even Canonero II in the 1971 Preakness. after Secretariat Mania subsided. But Only four horses challenged Secre- his life ended tragically. Suffering from tariat in the Belmont, even though the laminitis — a painful hoof disease — previous seven horses to have won the the 19-year-old superstar was given a Kentucky Derby and Preakness with- lethal injection on Oct. 4, 1989, at Claiered in the 1 1/2-mile race, unable to borne Farm in Paris, Ky. match Citation’s 1948 Triple Crown. “It was a terrible day for all of us,” “Big Red” changed all that on June Claiborne president Seth Hancock 9, 1973. said. “We just couldn’t stand to see him Secretariat and Sham broke togeth- suffer.” er and stayed that way into the first To this day, Secretariat remains turn. They were by themselves on the one of the first names everyone thinks backstretch when Secretariat made of whenever the topic of horse racing the biggest move ever seen in a Triple comes up. “It’s hard to believe after all Crown race. these years,” Chenery said, “but hard“Secretariat is alone. He is moving ly a day goes by that I don’t get mail like a tremendous machine!” track an- about Secretariat.” nouncer Chick Anderson yelled. “He’s going to be the Triple Crown winner. Unbelievable! An amazing performance. He’s 25 lengths in front!” “I kept hearing Chick Anderson,” Turcotte said. “I finally had to turn to see where the other horses were. I know this sounds crazy, but the horse did it by himself. I was along for the ride.” Secretariat paid $2.20 to win and his 2:24 remains a world record for 1 1/2 miles on a dirt track, and it’s still two full seconds better than subsequent challengers to his Belmont Stakes record. The 2 3/5 seconds by which he For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

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Del Mar racing toward summer session DEL MAR, Calif. – After playing host to celebrities, party-goers and the nation’s fastest Thoroughbreds for three-quarters of a century, Del Mar is once again looking ahead to its highly anticipated summer meet – with big stakes races, free concerts and fun weekend festivals and events – starting on Thursday, July 17. Then – for the first time – the seaside track will present a fall meeting between November 7 and November 30, a new season where the track plans to showcase its Hollywood roots, especially harkening back to its founder, Bing Crosby. But first comes the magic of a Del Mar summer and one of the West Coast’s hottest tickets – Del Mar’s Opening Day. The much-anticipated event is expected to draw more than 45,000 revelers decked out in sundresses, seersucker suits and, of course, big hats. “The One and Only Truly Fabulous Hats Contest” will return for its Opening Day tradition of showcasing Southern California’s wildest, most elaborate and glamorous chapeaus. Normally Del Mar has started its summer meet on a Wednesday, but the 2014 session will start on a Thursday to ensure the grounds and track are in top condition after a later-than-usual closing of the San Diego County Fair. Beyond world-class Thoroughbred sport, Del Mar is known for an exciting lineup of food and beer festivals, fam-

ily-friendly activities, seminars with top racing folks and its renowned Summer Concert Series. The 2014 musical lineup is still a work in progress, but a sampling of last year’s list includes stars such as Sammy Hagar, Weezer and Steel Pulse. Del Mar’s richest and most prestigious race, the $1 Million TVG Pacific Classic, will run Sunday, August 24 and is expected to draw many of the country’s top Thoroughbreds, jockeys and trainers. Additionally, families can look forward to the track’s annual Family Fun Day on Sunday, July 20 and some fun racing of another kind

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Park in Los Angeles. The fall meeting will run a total of 15 days through NovemDEL ber 30, with an

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Going against your best instincts

It’s painful for me to come clean is such a public forum, but I’ve finally accepted the reality that my eldest boy is an addict. Even worse, I’m his dealer and chief enabler, and God help me I can’t stop. I’ve been feeding his terrible addiction for the past seven years. He’s fortynine now. Every day like clockwork I drive him down to the local park where he meets up with his friends who are also addicts and dealers; like Gene, Jim, Max, Harriet, Sophie and the two Barbara’s. Then it’s a free-for-all where they all use right out in the open. Within the last month things at the

park have gotten pretty bad. His body is starting to give out. To be honest with you, I’m getting scared. You would think that — of all people — a substance abuse counselor would know better! And I do — believe me. Intellectually I understand that the problem isn’t just him. It’s me. He has reached the point all addicts inevitably reach where he can’t possibly continue his habit without help. My help. Armed with this knowledge the sane person would stop. No more paying doctor’s bills. No more transportation. No more enabling. No more hurting him. So far I haven’t been able to stop whatsoever. Lately he binges until he literally cannot walk. So I hold him in my arms, carry him home and put him to bed, only to repeat the cycle all over again the next day.

Is any of this making sense, or am I talking in circles? Circles probably, because intelligence has nothing to do

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with addiction regardless if you are the addict or the enabler. Rather, I’m acting out of emotion. I love Buster. I’m happiest when he’s happy. (That’s my high.) I am afraid he will hate me if I

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with Keith Angelin MBA, CADC-II, CNDAI stop. I can’t bear the pain evident on his face each time the craving seizes him. My brain makes use of these excuses. Twists them around. Fools me into believing that things will be different tomorrow magically and without me having to change in any way. Enabling is pure insanity. It’s an addiction itself. I am addicted to how Buster feels. Looking back on my confession I notice a lot of “I, I, I...” That makes sense. Enabling, like other addictions, is a selfish disease. There’s a fine line between loving someone, and loving them to death. In order to stop, you must first accept that there is a difference. Only then can enablers like me address the selfishness underlying their actions. Selfishness is part of ego.

Another way to think of ego is Edging God Out. In order for my boy to get healthy, I must get healthy. Forget about going cold turkey. That doesn’t work. I’d be jumping out of my skin. Instead I’ll do what I counsel other enablers and codependents to do to get healthy. First, accept that I’m behaving selfishly, then, attend Alanon or CoDA meetings and make friends there, read books like “ Co-Dependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” by Melody Beattie, and give the rest up to God. If Buster was my son rather than my 7-year old Yorkie-Poo, and we were talking about booze or narcotics instead of a fanatical obsession with tennis balls, I hope I’d take me own advice. Lately Buster has been limping off the field at the dog park after our daily marathon sessions of fetch. I’ve finally decided to listen to my higher power at the Veterinary Hospital and rest him for a full two weeks regardless of the soulful looks he gives me. Unfortunately the prognosis for chemically dependent people enabled by loved ones is usually far more ominous. That’s why I continue to be inspired by the families I work with who find the courage to go against their best instincts.

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Words can break a heart to pieces In elementary ing badly about school, you would someone to killing Marriage say ‘Sticks and them? BECAUSE stones can break BOTH DO IRREmy bones, but VOCABLE DAMwith Mort Fertel words can never AGE. hurt me.’ Just as you can’t It felt good to take it back once say that, but was it you kill someone; true? No! The words did hurt you. you can’t take it back once the words The truth is, words do MORE than come out of your mouth. The damage break your bones. They break your is done. heart. If you’re a person of faith, it’s worth During a recent phone session, a noting that in Leviticus 19:16 the Bible husband said to me, ‘Mort, after she says, ‘Do not go about as a talebearer said...bleep, bleep, bleep...I looked at among your people.’ And the sages her and for the first time in our mar- explain based on this verse that you riage I HATED her.’ should not say anything negative about Hate? Wow, that’s a strong feeling. another person EVEN IF IT’S TRUE. Isn’t it amazing how a few words can (An exception, by the way, is if the change everything? person you’re telling has a legitimate ‘I want a divorce.’ need for the information. For example, ‘You’re just like my first wife.’ if you’re submitting a reference for a ‘I’m done.’ job application or if someone’s life is ‘You’re just like your mother.’ in danger.) ‘I hate you.’ The following story is a powerful il‘You’re fat.’ lustration of the problem with slander. ‘You’re a loser.’ One day a man went through town ‘You can’t do anything right.’ gossiping about the Mayor. The next ‘You repulse me.’ day he felt bad about all that he said ‘I’m not attracted to you anymore.’ so he went to the Mayor and asked What have you said that’s been hurt- for forgiveness. He told the Mayor he ful? What has your spouse said to you would do anything to make things right that broke your heart or poisoned your between them. relationship? The Mayor told him to take several In frustration or rage, people say feather pillows, cut them open, and the dumbest things and use the most scatter the feathers into the winds. obscene language. Even if you or your The man did so and returned to tell the spouse didn’t mean to say it, once it’s Mayor that he fulfilled his request. The said, the damage is done. Mayor responded, ‘Now go gather all And it’s just as bad when you say it the feathers.’ to someone else. Maybe it’s worse. The man protested, ‘But that’s imAnd yet who doesn’t talk about their possible. They’re all over the place.’ spouse to others? For many people, it’s Likewise, it’s practically impossible part of their daily routine. Whether to repair the damage done by ill words. it’s a friend, a sister, or their children, You see, there’s actually a MARItoo many people find some way to jus- TAL reason you have two ears and only tify speaking negatively about their one mouth...it’s because you’re supspouse. But unless you’re speaking to posed to LISTEN twice as much as you a professional (or if someone’s life is in talk. Imagine how different your mardanger), there is no justification for it. riage would be if you and your spouse It’s wrong no matter why you do it. did that. There’s an ancient teaching which ‘But Mort, I was just being HONcompares slander to MURDER! Wow! EST.’ Murder? How can you compare speakWORDS, cont’d. on Page 26

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Sean Astin interview By Jeri Jacquin The Movie Maven Coming to theatres in time for everyone to celebrate Mom is directorsbrothers Jon and Andrew Erwin and TriStar Pictures answer to MOM’S NIGHT OUT. The film tells the story of Allyson (Sara Drew), a woman in the midst of a mom-life crisis. Trying to balance life and motherhood, she is looking for a night out with the girls. In order to make this happen the husbands need to step in to take care of the kids for a couple of hours. Simple right? Sean Astin plays a well meaning husband who may not always get it right but he’s sure going to give it the husbandly try! Yes, mothers are going to relate to that. Astin has been acting since childhood and if you are a die-hard GOONIES fan you know this to be true. In 1993 he starred in the true story of a football player in RUDY and that film still plays well to this day. In 2001, As-

tin once again became a household figure in his role as Samwise Gamgee in the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy. Now, in MOM’S NIGHT OUT we get to experience the Dad side of this well rounded actor. I was thrilled to have the chance to speak with him about his role. Hi Sean. Hi Jeri, how are you? Great! I know you’ve heard this a million times but really thank you for talking with me today Sean! It’s all good. I have to tell you that the film made me laugh being a mother of four. What drew you to want to get involved with the project? Well I’m glad it made you laugh and not want to throw something at the screen! Mother’s can be like ‘sure, some other Mother is having a night out!’ The truth of it is my friend Kevin Downes asked me if I wanted to be part of the project and I said yes before I SEAN ASTIN, cont’d. on Page 16

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Former Marine running for judge seat

By Robert Morey SAN DIEGO — Over the course of the political campaign season there are many candidates who don’t get enough attention. Retired Marine Corps Lt. Col. Paul Ware is unfortunately one of those candidates. Running for the Superior Court for the County of San Diego Seat 19, Ware brings a skill set learned while serving in the Marine Corps that lends itself perfectly for the office he is running for.

MP: Lt. Col. Ware, you have had a long and distinguished career during your 20 years of active duty in the Marine Corps. Give us a glimpse. PW: Upon graduating in 1989, I was commissioned a second lieutenant and I served as the Communications Officer during operation Desert Shield/Storm. I was accepted into the University of San Diego, School of Law. My assignments as a Judge Advocate included four years as a prosecutor at Marine Corps Air Station Miramar and seven years as a military judge. MP: How many cases have you in participated during your time in the Marine Corps? PW: As a prosecutor I was lead or sole counsel on over 220 trials and as a judge, I presided over more than 600 trials. MP: Tell us about some of your more memorable trials. PW: In Iraq at a base just outside of Fallujah, we held trial in a wooden building normally used for showing movies to the Marines during evenings. In the middle of the trial we heard two loud explosions and quickly realized we were under mortar and rocket attack. I hit my gavel and we went into recess — moving out of the building to a safer location. Oddly, all I keep thinking was “no one talk” because I didn’t have a way to record it. So there we were, the accused, the jury, court reporter, counsel and myself, sitting there silently wondering if some random round would hit us. After we received the all clear — we went back into the building and finished the trial. And yes, unbelievably, the accused was convicted. MP: San Diego has one of the largest military populations with approximately 380,000 active duty and retirees. Due to that, San Diego is one of the few counties that have special Veteran’s Courts, how important are these courts to our Veterans? PW: Our service members have made great sacrifices and are suffering from injuries from their experiences in combat that are not always visible. Two new generations of combat veterans are returning and many will be diagnosed with PTSD. It’s nothing to be ashamed of-- it is a natural human response to dealing with stress. Movies have done a great disservice to service members suffering PTSD — giving some in society the impression that these service members are violent and untreatable. That isn’t the case. What is the case is that they are not the same as before they went into combat. They need help working through the pain and the stress, to help reestablish their

moral compass and beginning to feel “human” again when they have done things that would be unspeakable in a normal society. Veteran’s courts recognize that these men and women can be helped, and that incarceration for minor offenses does not serve to rehabilitate. I hope to be a part of the system that holds veterans accountable for their actions, but provides understanding and a means to get help so that they can return to being productive members of society. We have asked so much from these men and women we owe it to them to try to help them, not ostracize them as they suffer and attempt to adjust back to a “normal” society. To learn more about Lt. Col. Ware, go to www.wareforjudge.com. An expanded version of this interview can be found online at www.militarypress.com/ware-for-judge. HEALTH

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What are politicians really doing for our homeless vets? By Eddie Agosto, BS, CATCIII Addiction Therapist Veterans Administration For the last seven years we have been hearing politicians consistently using phrases like “we are here to serve those you have served” or “We will leave no veteran behind.” Washington DC also declared to end veteran homelessness by 2015. These have all been wonderful campaign slogans to get local politicians elected into office because it is a topic that is very near and dear to the hearts of most Americans. There have been great organizations and programs that have been created to make these promises a reality; like veteran year around homeless shelters and the HUD VASH program that subsidizes low income housing for homeless veterans. There is also the Grant Per Diem (GPD) program that allows our homeless veterans to address addiction and mental health issues at local treatment facilities and recovery homes. The problem is that as the politicians in Washington DC create and promote these programs for our homeless veterans, it is nothing more than a mirage or smoking mirrors. This is

because as they developed these programs they also reconstructed the criterion that allows these homeless veterans the ability to qualify for these programs. The most recent reconstruction that mostly affects our veterans from qualifying for these programs is the ruling that was passed by Washington DC stating that any veteran who has received a discharge less than a general under honorable conditions or who has less than two years of service will not qualify for any GPD benefits. As a combat veteran myself who suffers from PTSD I know personally what that can do to a person who feels like they don’t belong in this world. Many of these men and women have been through traumatic experiences that they were never taught how to either address or deal with so develop coping skills through drugs and alcohol. These decisions ultimately get them in trouble with their command and usually results in an other than honorable discharge (OTH). Some of these soldiers serviced multiple tours of honorable service but according to this new ruling would not be eligible for services because the latest discharge is the one that counts. There is also the soldier

that serves less than two years but because of some traumatic experience is discharged, these soldiers also do not qualify for benefits. The question that this writer has for the readers of this article and for every American is, aren’t these the veterans that we should be helping the most and the reason why these program were created in the first place. By putting these reconstructions in place we are tak-

ing away programs and resources that these men and women need the most, thus not decreasing but increasing the amount of homeless veterans that we see today. These new stipulations are going to take away the opportunity for these homeless veterans to get the help that they truly need and deserve. We as a nation that prides ourselves on being thankful to those who served cannot allow this to happen.

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12 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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5 reasons why General Mattis is immortal By William Treseder

What makes General Mattis so amazing? Here are five reasons – among hundreds...

Every Marine, and many others who have worn the uniform, know about General Jim Mattis. He is the most renowned warrior of our day to the combat initiated – easily beating out more generals with more civilian name recognition such as David Petraues and Colin Powell. What makes General Mattis so amazing? Here are five reasons – among hundreds – why he will live on forever in the hearts of American Marines, soldiers, sailors, and airmen.

1. He has (at least) 3 nicknames.

General Mattis is known in various places and at various times by the following monikers: Warrior Monk; Mad Dog; and Chaos, which he recently revealed stands for the acronym “Colonel Has An Outstanding Solution.” Most of us would be happy with one – he has three, and probably a lot more ones that can’t be printed. These will live on forever, along with stories of his courage and leadership.

– look them up). When he really cares about something, when Mad Dog gets fired up, that right hand straightens out and the thumb aligns with the fingers. Then you better stand the f#@& by. We know and love General Mattis. He is unapologetic in a time of political correctness. He is honest in a time of deceit. He maintains his martial values while our culture celebrates decrepit excess.

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2. He comes up with amazing sayings.

“No better friend, no worse enemy.” “Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” These are well known, and he keeps adding to the list. Recent phrases that stuck out are “look past the rhetoric and rally to the flag,” “putting steel on target,” and “the military is a passport to America’s trust.” He captures things about us that we couldn’t possibly put into words without him.

3. He will never drop his pack.

Everywhere he goes, even when he’s wearing a suit, Chaos carries a desert brown, tactical daypack with MOLLE webbing on the outside. He will never, metaphorically or literally, drop his pack. We can always count on him to represent us – to keep the flame alive. I cracked a joke about his pack the last time I saw him, and I thought he was going to stab me in the eye with my own wine glass. Seriously.

4. He can wear a purple tie.

General Mattis spoke to an audience full of drunk Marines wearing a purple tie. A purple tie! And not just any purple tie – a soft sort of violet with a bit of sheen. Did he lose credibility? Of course not: the Warrior Monk could brief Congress wearing a garbage bag and still be the fiercest badass in the room. His combat aura is undefeatable.

5. When he gets upset, he brings out the knifehand.

Watch carefully during any of his speeches (there are million of pictures

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May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 13


News briefs... KISS & Def Leppard seeking hero roadies Do you wanna rock and roll all night? Did you serve your country with honor? KISS and Def Leppard are looking for two military veterans to be roadies on their 2014 Summer Tour. Spend your summer traveling the country and rocking out to two of the greatest rock & roll bands on the planet. The gig is a full-time job from mid-

June through September, 2014. KISS and Def Leppard will each be hiring a military veteran as a part of their teams to work on the 2014 Summer Tour. KISS and Def Leppard jointly decided to support our heroes and honor their dedicated military fan bases by partnering with six military organizations for the tour. More info at Military.com/heroes.

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U.S. sending two warships to Japan By Lolita C. Baldor
 Associated Press TOKYO — U.S. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel delivered a two-pronged warning to Asia Pacific nations Sunday, announcing that the U.S. will send two additional ballistic missile destroyers to Japan to counter the North Korean threat, and saying China must better respect its neighbors. In unusually forceful remarks about China, Hagel drew a direct line between Russia’s takeover of Ukraine’s Crimea region and the ongoing territorial disputes between China, Japan and others over remote islands in the East China Sea.

“I think we’re seeing some clear evidence of a lack of respect and intimidation and coercion in Europe today with what the Russians have done with Ukraine,” Hagel told reporters after a meeting with Japanese Defense Minister Itsunori Onodera. “We must be very careful and we must be very clear, all nations of the world, that in the 21st century this will not stand, you cannot go around the world and redefine boundaries and violate territorial integrity and sovereignty of nations by force, coercion and intimidation whether it’s in small islands in the Pacific or large nations in Europe.”

Lawmakers push back against military tobacco ban By Jon Harper, Stars and Stripes WASHINGTON — Lawmakers are pushing back against a Navy review to potentially ban the sale of tobacco products on Navy and Marine Corps facilities, saying it violates servicemembers’ “rights.” Last month, Cmdr. Tamara Lawrence, a Navy spokeswoman for the secretary, confirmed Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus is taking a new look at tobacco use across the service. A Navy official, who spoke to Stars and Stripes on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak on the topic, said one option on the table is banning tobacco sales on Navy bases and ships.

Other lawmakers support the Navy initiative. “We applaud your ongoing efforts to help our sailors and Marines break nicotine addiction and avoid the lifelong health complications and deaths associated with tobacco use. Hagel noted said dealing with tobacco-related health issues costs the Defense Department more than a billion dollars a year, and said the human costs of smoking must be considered. “Now the dollars are one thing. But the health of your people — I don’t know if you put a price tag on that. So I think it does need to be looked at and reviewed,” Hagel said.

What did you miss most about regular life while on deployment? There’s no doubt about it. Deployed service members make a lot of sacrifices, and time away from family and friends is one of the biggest sacrifices of all. But aside from missing loved ones, Military1.com asked its community on Facebook, “What is the strangest/most unique thing you missed about regular life while on deploySTORAGE

ment?” Take a look at our favorite responses to the post, and add more in the comments section below! 1. An actual toilet and actual shower – Sam Barrett 2. A real good piece of greasy pizza – Greg Stang 3. Green grass and ice cold beer – William Benson 4. Knowing exactly what is on my plate & where it came from – Jodia Cole 5. I missed American TV commercials while stationed overseas – Martin Benson 6. Dairy Queen Blizzards, snow, toilets that you don’t have to bring a stick and beat down the pile - gross but true - and soft toilet paper – Christopher Dillenburg 7. Honestly, REAL milk... – Kenny Strobeck 8. I missed steak. After I got back I ate steak every day for two weeks – William T. Goodall 9. Having ice cubes in a glass. You definitely didn’t want to use the ice or drink the water at Camp Phoenix. – Dan Hill

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14 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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By Howard Hian www.travels-with-hian. com Spring is here and Summer won’t be far behind, so let’s see what’s happening around town. Family Fun Magazine recently handed out its travel awards and the San Diego Zoo and SeaWorld were big winners. San Diego was on the list as one of the most kid-friendly cities.

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Balboa Park

Balboa Park, home to museums, attractions, gardens, performing arts, recreation/play areas and restaurants is both family and budget friendly. They have a new promotion, the Balboa Park Explorer Annual Pass, as well as a 7-Day Passport and Stayfor-the Day package. You can find information at www.balboapark.org.

San Diego Zoo

Spring introduces lots of baby animals to the world famous San Diego Zoo and its Safari Park. Don’t miss the orangutan and two koala joeys at the Zoo and Leroy, the 3-month-old Ugandan giraffe at the Park. Check out their live-cams at www.sandiegozoo.org and www.sdzsafaripark.org.

Legoland

My grandsons love LEGOLAND. There are four good reasons to visit: LEGOLAND itself, the water park, SEA LIFE Aquarium (separate admission) and the super kid-cool hotel. Vacation packages and discounts are available at www.california.logoland.com.

Birch Aquarium

One of my “under the radar” favorites is the Birch Aquarium at Scripps in La Jolla, www.aquarium.ucsd.edu. It is part of the Scripps Institution of Oceanography at the University of California. Located on a bluff overlooking the Pacific, the aquarium showcases more than 60 habitats of fish and invertebrates from the waters of the Pacific Northwest to Mexico.

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Las Vegas

May 8-11 brings the culinary extravaganza, Vegas Uncork’d by Bon Appétit, to town. The Bellagio, ARIA and MGM Grand will host a lineup of events, tastings and dinners featuring some of the world’s best chefs, sommeliers and mixologists. For details, go to www.vegasuncorked.com or www.mgmresorts. com. Don’t miss Bellagio’s Conservatory and Botanical Gardens Spring Celebration, featuring over 82,000 fresh flowers; it’s free, spectacular and open through May 11. Their Summer Garden opens May 18.

Its official name is The National Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement but it is better known as the Mob Museum. It features the largest collection of gangster andc law enforcement memorabilia under one roof. A new exhibit opens May 7 featuring Ralph Lamb, Las Vegas’ legendary law enforcement figure. His 18 year tenure as Clark County sheriff inspired the television drama, “Vegas,” starring Dennis Quaid. On May 21, the museum will host “Beating the Odds, An Inside Look at Casino Cheating” in its historic courtroom. Panelists include a card counter, a casino surveillance director and a former Nevada Gaming Control Board agent. The website is www.themobmuseum.org. Safe travels and enjoy the journey… Thanks to the various websites for information, photos, etc.

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INTERVIEW

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even knew what I was doing, I was trusting him. As it turns out the film very directly is my personal life. I’m married with three daughters and my wife’s idea of taking time for herself is going to Girl Scouts or something else kid/husband related. I identified with my character in the film who doesn’t seem to know how to help her to take time for herself but understands it’s an important thing to do. So you kind of felt like you were playing yourself in some ways? Yes, I did. It’s the better part of myself, my character says things that your suppose to remember all the time to say to your spouse but life can get in the way and you don’t’ remember to. My wife and children will watch this and be offended that clearly on the screen I know! You’ll have to have someone write your lines for you from now on for the family! Yes, I need to be scripted, absolutely. I noticed that the script is very faith based which I find an interesting concept because we haven’t seen too much of that in films. I think it’s clear to everyone that there is an appetite in the ‘faith’ community for material that reflects there values so I think lots of movies like CORAGEOUS and FIRE PROOF really speak to it. I haven’t seen NOAH yet but from what I understand he is a biblical character <laughing>. I think what is unique about MOM’S NIGHT OUT is that it’s a film that speaks to a faith audience without feeling the need to be overtly religious. It’s a film that a lot of people in the faith film base have been talking a lot about doing – to make movies that cross over. The way I interpret that is that they want to make good movies. No matter what it’s about it needs to be a good movie. This film spoke directly to Jon and Andrew Erwin. It is right out of there own personal life experience and they are strong Christians. There was no way the movie wouldn’t have that foundation built into it because it’s a story built about themselves. I was proud to participate in that. When people have a sense of discovery for themselves about their belief or culture, that kind of awakening is special to be apart of. My own faith aside I feel like this is a movie that speaks to a new group of people in this day and age with an underpinning of faith and belief.

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Racist remarks get Clippers owner Donald Sterling banned from NBA Donald Sterling, the longtime owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, was barred from the N.B.A. for life and may be forced to sell the team for making racist remarks, the league commissioner, Adam Silver, announced Tuesday. Silver said that Sterling would be barred

Sterling has not made any public comments or released a statement since the penalties were announced. Silver said Sterling expressed no remorse about the sentiments in the recording during his interview with the league. The Clippers, who will host Game 5 of their first-round playoff series with the Golden State Warriors on Tuesday night, a series that is tied, 2-2, were thrust into an awkward position. They quickly changed the home page of their website to contain only a team logo and the words, “We Are One.” But unless Sterling is forced to sell, he still owns the team.

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from any contact with his team and the league and that he would be fined $2.5 million, the maximum allowed by the league’s constitution. “The views expressed by Mr. Sterling are deeply offensive and harmful,” the commissioner said. “We stand together in condemning Mr. Sterling’s views. They simply have no place in the N.B.A.” The commissioner said Sterling, in an interview, had admitted to him that the racist remarks on a recording released last week by the website TMZ were his. He said he would “do everything in my power” to see that Sterling was forced to sell the Clippers. “I fully expect to get the support I need to remove him,” Silver said. Before the announcement, Silver said, he discussed the decision with Coach Doc Rivers and guard Chris Paul of the Clippers. “I believe the players will be satisfied with the decision,” Silver said. The commissioner’s announcement came at the conclusion of the league’s investigation, which started over the weekend after the recording was released and news of it spread. The ensuing outrage put tremendous pressure on Silver to act decisively. After the announcement, the immediate reaction from players and owners supported Silver’s decision. James L. Dolan, the owner of the Knicks, was among those releasing statements. “This behavior has no place in basketball, or anywhere else,” Dolan said in a statement. “We as a league must stand together in condemning this ignorance.” The process of forcing a sale will begin immediately, Silver said, first working through the league’s advisory finance committee. The board of governors will make the final decision, which would require approval of three-quarters of the 30 team owners. “When the board ultimately considers his overall fitness to be an owner in the N.B.A., they will take into account a lifetime of behavior,” Silver said.

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May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 17


CHARGERS REPORT

By Art Garcia As we go to print most mock drafts still have the Chargers taking a defensive player with the 25th pick of the first round. However, a couple of draft analysts – Charles Smith and Bryan Fisher from The NFL Network – have Tom Telesco bolstering up the Chargers offense by selecting USC wide receiver Marqise Lee. With question marks surrounding the return of veteran Malcom Floyd (neck), Antonio Gates’ age and Vincent Brown’s lack of consistency, the Chargers definitely need another threat at receiver. Eddie Royal did a great job as a slot receiver setting a career-high with eight touchdown receptions and at 6’3” Seyi Ajirotutu gives Rivers another tall target with good speed. But the Chargers need another top-tier receiver to keep opposing defenses from focusing on their No. 1 offensive threat – last years’ rookie sensation Keenan Allen (1,046 yds; eight touchdowns). Although finishing fourth in the league in passing (270.5 yds. per gm) and improving their touchdown percentage in the red zone to 51.5 last season, the Chargers still ranked 23rd – second worst amongst playoff teams (USA Today). Facing a daunting schedule that features both Super Bowl par-

Wide receivers and an intriguing trade scenario

ticipants and five playoff teams from last season, the Chargers red zone efficiency has to improve to have any hope of a return trip to the playoffs. Despite a terrific 2013 season that earned him another trip to the Pro Bowl and Comeback Player-of-the-Year, it is no secret that Rivers’ best seasons were when he had the threat of Floyd and Vincent Jackson – the 6’5’’ receivers whose size and speed gave defensive backs some serious challenges, especially in the red zone. With so many talented underclassmen deciding to leave college early, most give the receiver position in this draft a letter grade of A. Telesco struck gold last year when concerns about Allen’s injured knee dropped him to the third round. Former vice president of player personnel for the Dallas Cowboys (1960-1989) and NFL Media’s Senior Analyst Gil Brandt recently included eight receivers ranked his top 50 players in the draft. With the top two receivers Sammy Watkins and Mike Evans likely top 10 picks, a couple of talented receivers are likely fall into the second and possibly third round as Allen did a year ago. Below is a list of the six remaining receivers in his top 50 and a quote from

Brandt regarding each prospect.

Odell Beckham, LSU; 5-11/198 – Ranked 15th

“Beckham will be a star in the NFL both catching passes and returning kicks. He won the Paul Hornung Award as the nation’s most versatile player last season. At the combine, he ran a 4.31 in the 40 (4.43 officially), 3.94 in the short shuttle, and 6.69 in the threecone drill.”

Brandin Cooks, Oregon State; 5-9/189 – Ranked 16th

“Cooks is short but is a great athlete with excellent hands and toughness. He was one of the fastest guys at the combine, running 4.30 in the 40 (4.33 officially), 3.81 in the short shuttle and 6.76 in the three-cone drill.”

Marqis Lee, USC; 5-11/192 – Ranked 20th

“Lee is an outstanding athlete who ran a 4.44 40 at the combine (4.52 of-

ficially) and had a 38inch vertical. He also ran a sub-7.00 three-cone drill at his pro day. He isn’t the most advanced route runner. A knee injury and inconsistent QB play held him back last season, but he finished with a big game in the Vegas Bowl. In three seasons at USC he had 248 catches and 29 touchdowns.”

Kelvin Benjamin, Florida State; 6-5/240 – Ranked 32

“Benjamin is a big target with very good hands, but his attitude is a question. At one of his workouts, he told a CHARGERS, cont’d. on Page 25

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18 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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10 richest American athletes Here are the wealthiest American athletes of 2014, with figures gathered from TheRichest.com, Forbes, and CelebrityNetWorth.

billionaires of 2014, has a pretty good head start on his athlete contemporaries. The 68-year-old has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

1. Vince McMahon, $1.2 billion

2. Arnold Palmer, $675 million

While the merits of Professional Wrestling may be as sports entertainment, rather than a sporting event in the proper sense of the word, there is no denying that Vince McMahon, who started as a World Wrestling Federation announcer back in 1971 and bought the company from his father in the 1980s, has made an absolute killing with it. McMahon did not actually wrestle until the mid-’90s when he became Mr. McMahon — coincidentally, this was also when he was revealed to be the actual owner of the league, which would change its name to the WWE, for World Wrestling Entertainment, in 2002. McMahon, highlighted by Forbes as one of the most notable newly minted

It’s all that iced tea and lemonade, isn’t it? Well, that and the endorsements from golf-appropriate sponsors Rolex and Ketel One, because Arnold Palmer is a badass. Obvious, there’s the Arizona Iced Tea collaboration, which debuted in 2000 and “was set to hit the $100 million mark in 2010,” according to CNBC. At the time, the Arnold Palmer represented 10 percent of the company’s business and 40 percent of its growth.

3. Michael Jordan, $650 million

The highest basketball player on this list, Michael Jordan is perhaps the most brand-esque athlete in the hisRICHEST, cont’d. on Page 24

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George H.W. Bush 41st President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 1989 to Jan. 20, 1993

“I’m going to be so much better a president for having been at the CIA that you’re not going to believe it.” — George H.W. Bush

1992 Dodge Viper

Dan Quayle 44th Vice President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 1989 to Jan. 20, 1993

World news

•  Yitzhak Rabin comes to power in forts of UN weapons inspectors Israel promising to pursue peace talks •  UK rioting by local youths with PLO breaks out in Bristol •  U.S. and UN intervention in So•  Privatization in Russia of state malia with Operation Restore Hope to owned businesses to the population end famine and civil war is a major success •  Bosnia Herzegovina declares in•  Following the public outdependence cry over royal spending, the •  Earth Summit Queen of England will now held in Brazil pay income tax and the •  Signing of number of royals rethe Maastricht ceiving tax payer Treaty which money will defounded the Eucrease ropean Union •  Fire •  Gas in sewer damages for explodes in Guaa major part of opensna ’s d l dalajara, Mexico, a i Windsor Castle n h o C McD iness in killing 215 •  Summer bus •  First McDonOlympics begin in Barcelona alds open sin Bei•  Overthrow of communist governjing, China ment in Afghanistan * Hindu militants tear down the •  Winter Olympics held in AlbertBabri Mosque in Ayodhya and during ville, France rioting, 2000 lives are lost •  South Africans vote for political •  Euro Disney opens in France reforms to end apartheid •  Iraq continues to hamper the ef-

ern Iraq authorized by UN •  Largest shopping mall in America, Minnesota’s Mall of America, constructed spanning 78 acres •  Rioting breaks out in L.A. foland create a power-sharing, multilowing the acquittal of racial government four white police officers accused of beating black U.S. news motorist Rod•  Ross Perot announces ney King bid in presidential race •  Abortion •  Mafia boss John Gotti rights activists is sentence to life in march in Washington prison after being •  Mike Tyson convicted found guilty of conof the rape of Miss Black spiracy to commit Rhode Island, Desiree murder and rackNicotine Patch Washington eteering Introduced •  Two of the strongest •  Hurricane Anearthquakes ever to hit drew hits South Florida California strike in the desert area •  TWA declares bankruptcy east of L.A. •  UN refuses to sign the UN Con•  Georgia Superdome is completed vention on Climate Change and Bio•  NAFTA is signed logical Diversity in Rio de Janeiro •  27th Amendment to the Constitu- Technology tion ratified •  Windows 3.1 released by •  FDA urges stopping the use of Microsoft silicone gel breast implants •  Microsoft Works released •  No-fly zone in place over south•  AT&T releases video telephone ($1,499) •  The first nicotine patch is introduced to help stop smoking

1992 Corvette 20 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

AT&T Ph


remember when...

2 9 19 AVERAGE COST OF LIVING

•  Space Shuttle Endeavor’s successful maiden voyage

Sports

•  Superbowl: Washington over Buffalo, 37-24 •  NBA Finals: Chicago Bulls defeat Portland Trail Blazers, 4-2

T Video hone

Popular culture

•  A telephone conversation is recorded between an unknown woman (Diana, Princess of Wales) talking to an unknown man about her unhappy marriage

BORN THIS YEAR: Above right: Kate Upton, model. Above left: Kyrie Irving, basketball player; Taylor Lautner, actor; Tyler James Williams, actor; Demi Lovato, singer

Popular movies

•  Aladdin •  Home Alone 2: Lost in New York •  Batman Returns •  Lethal Weapon 3 •  A Few Good Men •  Sister Act •  The Bodyguard •  Wayne’s World •  Basic Instinct •  Unforgiven •  Honey, I Blew Up The Kid •  Reservoir Dogs

Popular music

•  “End of the Road,” Boyz II Men •  “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-a-Lot •  “Jump,” Kris Kross •  “Save The Best for Last,” Vanessa Williams •  “Baby-Baby-Baby,”

TLC •  “Tears in Heaven,” Eric Clapton •  “My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It),” En Vogue •  “Under The Bridge,” Red Hot Chili Peppers •  “I’m Too Sexy,” Right Said Fred •  “Black or White,” Michael Jackson •  “Achy Breaky Heart,” Billy Ray Cyrus •  “Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen * “One,” U2 •  “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” Bonnie Raitt

•  Income per year .... $30,030 •  Minimum wage ........... $4.25 •  New house ......... $144,100 •  Monthly rent ................. $519 •  New car ................. $16,950 •  Gallon of gas ............... $1.05 •  Dozen eggs .................... 93¢ •  Gallon of milk .............. $2.78 •  Loaf of bread ............... $1.60 •  First-class stamp ........... 29¢ •  Movie ticket ................. $4.15

TV shows

•  Martin •  Highlander •  Picket Fences •  Red Shoe Diaries •  The Larry Sanders Show •  Dateline NBC

Born this year

•  Selena Gomez, singer •  Miley Cyrus, singer •  Josh Hutcherson, actor •  Nick Jonas, singer •  Neymar, soccer player

1992 Ferrari For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 21


ked man in the closet. He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend. “Damn it, Dave” he shouted, “Jill’s having a heart attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!”

Name change

Just for Laughs

A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.

“Carmen,” she replied.

That’s a nice name,” he said warming up the conversation,

“Who named you, your mother?”

“No, I named myself, she answered.

“Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”

“Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked.

“Beersex.”

Besties

PUZZLE PAGE

A man came home from work early one day, and found his wife naked and panting on the bed. “Honey,” she said, thinking quickly, “I think I’m having a heart attack!” While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly stumbled over his crying four year old, who told him there was a na-

ACROSS 1. Rectum 5. Arab chieftain 9. Plateau 13. Gave temporarily 14. Elector 16. Winglike 17. Fabricated 18. Lacquer ingredient 19. After-bath powder 20. Mixes 22. Anagram of “Streaming” 24. Essence 26. Hair net 27. A painkiller 30. Sags 33. Pupils 35. Worries 37. Paraphernalia 38. Stealer 41. Type of whiskey 42. Talk 45. Less wavering 48. Trim 51. Oval 52. French farewell 54. Whip 55. Standing firm 59. Hex 62. Atop 63. Banana oil, e.g. 65. Chocolate cookie 66. Recent events 67. Rhinoceros 68. Warbled 69. Dispatched 70. Away from the wind 71. If not

It’s in the genes

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and five children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. “Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ...” The wife gently interrupts him. “Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother’s grave that you are his father.” The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other four.”

No nuts about it

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say “You’re a handsome man!” The man looked around, but still couldn’t see where the voice was coming from.

When he went

DOWN 1. Charity 2. Tidy 3. Unchallenged 4. A type of hormone 5. Night before 6. Infiltrator 7. List components 8. Prompt 9. Bullfighter 10. Dash 11. Sodium chloride 12. Circle fragments 15. Severity 21. Certain

22 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

23. Top of a house 25. Fluff 27. Requests 28. Anagram of “Spite” 29. Greatest possible 31. The outer area 32. Infections of the eye 34. Female sib 36. Arid 39. French for “Summer” 40. Tumbled 43. Opposed 44. Children 46. “What a shame!”

back to his beer, the voice said again “What a stud you are!” The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.

The bartender said “Oh, it’s the nuts — they’re complimentary.”

Free drinks

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

 After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

 While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him $400 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $500 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases

47. Discard 49. Fertilizer ingredient 50. Japanese hostess 53. Up to 55. Flows 56. Type of sword 57. Scattered 58. Heredity unit 60. Focusing glass 61. Balcony section 64. Caviar

the offer, this time to $700 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

 “Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $700.”

 “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

Doggone it

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?”

“No.”

A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.

“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly.

“That’s not my dog.”

Uncle Idiot

A woman is in an accident while she’s pregnant. While in a coma she has twins — a boy and a girl. When she woke up she asked the doctor were her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them. She replied,”My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?” “Denise,” replied the doctor. That’s not so bad.”What about the boy,” she finally asked. “Denephew.”

SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

This week’s solutions:

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com


Dental debt

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. “I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.” “Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”

It’s not all fun and games

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” 

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

Golf bet

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, “How is the singing career going?”
Stevie Wonder says, “Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf.”

Nicklaus replies: “Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I’m still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I’ve got that right now.”

 “I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right,” says Stevie.

 “You play golf!?” asks Jack.

Stevie says, “Yes, I have been playing for years.”

 “But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?” Jack asks.

 “I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and

play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice,” explains Stevie.

 “But how do you putt?” Nicklaus wondered.

“Well,” says Stevie, “I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice.”

Nicklaus says, “What is your handicap?”
 “Well, I play off scratch,” Stevie assures Jack.

Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, “We must play a game sometime.”

Wonder replies, “Well, people don’t take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole.”

 Nicklaus thinks it over and says, “OK, I’m up for that. When would you like to play?”

“I don’t care - any night next week is OK with me.”

Ask a simple question…

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field 
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?”
The tower responded, “Who is calling?”
The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?”
The tower replied “It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o’clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to “Happy Hour.”

pocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!” Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie. The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “Bullshit, come!” Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately screwed the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

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Groaners

•  A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?” •  A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.” •  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.” •  Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says, “Oi, get out! We don’t want your type in here.” •  There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. •  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

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A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!” Hip-

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tory of sports. While other athletes are inseparable from their sponsors, Jordan is his own sponsor. At least, that’s what it feels like. While Jordan shoes are technically a subset of Nike, they may as well be their own line — with their own series of endorsed basketball players and all. Also, there’s the whole Jordan-as-godhead thing that he definitely pulled off, a combination of the spread of technology before the rise of social media. So for the most famous athlete in the world, money gets stacked pretty fast. In 2013, ten years after his retirement, His Airness still pulled $60 million, according to Forbes.

4. Magic Johnson, $500 million

Magic Johnson, the point guard for the Los Angeles Lakers during the Showtime Era that turned the NBA from an also-ran American sports league into an international phenomenon, is quite well off. Johnson was able to parlay his $18 million earnings from his sixteen-year NBA career (courtesy of basketball-reference) into Magic Johnson Enterprises, a billiondollar company that has managed to snag Magic a comfortable personal net worth of $500 million.

24 May 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

5. Tiger Woods, $500 million

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2009, a figure that dropped all the way down to $62 million in the wake of his messy, and very public, divorce. With Woods struggling to regain his championship form, and his lucrative partnerships with EA and others reaching their end, it remains to be seen how the golfer will respond in his new business ventures. Like Nicklaus, Woods is the head of a golf course design firm, Tiger Woods Design, that he founded in 2006. 10. Shaquille O’Neal — $250 million 9. Jack Nicklaus - $280 million 8. Don King — $290 million 7. Dale Earnhardt Jr. — $300 million 6. Alex Rodriguez — $300 million

Surprised he’s this low? Woods, the legendary golfer who broke $1 billion in career earnings back in January, or so says Golfer’s Digest (Via ESPN), made $78 million last year, mostly off endorsements. That’s not a surprise, as Woods hasn’t been at the top of the PGA tour for a while now, despite still being near the top of the golf world’s collective rankings. Golfer’s Digest estimated that almost 90 percent of Tiger’s $1.16 billion take came from endorsements, noting that the golfer had earned over $100 million from his sponsors in 2008 and www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com


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Allen Robinson, Penn State; 6-5/207 – Ranked 48th

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The Endzone

One of the more intriguing possibilities amongst all the hype and untruths spit out leading up to the draft was presented by ESPN Chargers’ reporter Eric D. Williams. In his recent post on April 19, Williams presents a scenario where Jacksonville, having passed up a quarterback with the third pick overall, makes a trade back into the first round where they give up their 2nd

and 3rd round picks for the Chargers’ 25th pick. The Jaguars then take one of the top quarterbacks who fell down the draft and the Chargers would now own four picks within the top 100 – their own 2nd and 3rd round picks (57th and 89th) in addition the picks acquired from the Jaguars, No. 39 and 70, respectively. In a year where the draft is rated one of the deepest in years because of the talent pool available, this trade would be ideal for a Chargers team that is lacking overall depth. Last year Telesco took two players from Cal Berkley, Allen and cornerback Steve Williams, with his third and fifth round picks. Two players I wouldn’t mind

seeing the Chargers go after are OLB Trent Murphy and OG David Yankey – both of the Stanford Cardinal. At 6-5/252, Murphy led the nation in sacks (15) and garnered 23.5 tackles for loss last season. He is considered a hybrid standup outside linebacker/defensive end in the NFL and is ranked No. 24 on Dan Shonka’s (Ourlad’s Draft Guide) top 150 draft board. The 6-5/312-pound Yankey is ranked No. 87 by Shonka and is viewed as one of the best run zone blocking linemen in the draft. The versatile Yankey was an All-American tackle in 2012 and switched to guard last season where he was also an AllAmerican.

GOLFING

coach who had just arrived that he was too tired to work out. He played only two years with Florida State after redshirting in 2011. He ran the 40 in 4.53 at the combine (4.61 officially).”

Jordan Matthews, Vanderbilt; 6-3/212 – Ranked 41st

“Matthews had 206 receptions for 2,800 yards over the past two years. He has great ball skills and should catch a lot of passes to move the chains, and no one will outwork him. He ran the 40 in 4.40 seconds at the combine (4.46 officially).”

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Cont’d. from Page 9 People think they can say anything in the name of honesty. But when you hurt someone with your words, it’s not honest; it’s stupid. And it’s insensitive. Truth (in relationships) is not just a statement that’s factually accurate. It’s a statement expressed with the utmost concern for another person’s feelings. That’s more than honest; it’s Truth with a capital ‘T.’ At this point, you’re probably wondering if I can answer Judie’s question. After all, so far all I’ve done is highlight what a serious mistake she made and how difficult it is to fix. Isn’t there anything Judie can do? Is there anything you can do to fix the damage from speaking negatively about your spouse? I think there is. What I’m about to share with you I learned from Sara, a friend.

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One time Sara lost her temper with her oldest son and said some hurtful things to him that she deeply regretted. If the roles had been reversed, and Sara’s son spoke inappropriately to her, he would have lost a privilege. She would have prohibited him from eating dessert with dinner, playing with his baseball cards, or going outside for the afternoon. In other words, she would have taken something away from him. So after Sara spoke inappropriately to her son, she said to him, ‘Mommy made a mistake and should be punished. Would you like to pick my punishment?’ Can you imagine the look on her son’s face? He must have thought it was so funny. He was going to get to punish Mommy! Sara’s son decided that Mommy would not be allowed to drink her favorite diet soda for the rest of the day. But SARA decided that she would not be able to drink her favorite diet soda

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www.suddenlyslimmer.net for the rest of HER LIFE. And she hasn’t taken a sip since. So what does this have to do with Judie’s situation? Judie’s ill words for her husband are lingering between them and just may do so for quite some time. I suggest that Judie make a corresponding commitment. In other words, a commitment to a POSITIVE act that will forever correspond to the negative energy caused by her ill words. For example, Judie might decide to brew her husband a fresh pot of coffee every morning, or warm up his car each day of the winter, or rub his shoulders for five minutes each evening, or send him fresh flowers at work every Monday. And Brad should know that Judie’s commitment to this positive act was motivated by her remorse. No positive act can heal the hurt from the words that mistakenly escaped Judie’s mouth; however, it can

619.726.3984 serve as a steady reminder to John that Judie is remorseful. Furthermore, John can begin to associate Judie’s mistake not only with his pain, but with something positive in their marriage too. I encourage you to try this. Think about what mistake you’ve made that’s caused an enduring pain for your spouse. Then commit to an offsetting POSITIVE act. Let your spouse know what you’re doing and let your commitment serve as a constant reminder to your spouse that you’re remorseful and that for as long as they hurt you will do this act to help them heal. Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages.

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Broker Cooperation Welcome. ©2014 KB Home (KBH). A 1.4kW solar power system is included as a standard component of a new KB home at Mahogany Hills. Energy bill savings are based on estimated monthly costs for electricity and gas for a home as designed (not as built) with the corresponding solar power system compared to estimated monthly costs for electricity and gas without the system. KBH makes no guarantee of energy production by any solar power system installed with a home or of energy costs or savings, if any, experienced by any homeowner. Energy costs and savings, if any, will vary by floor plan, home size, occupancy, daily activities, appliance usage, thermostat settings, climate conditions and orientation of the home and the solar power system size and operating conditions, among other factors. KBH reserves the right to modify, discontinue or replace any solar options at any time without prior notice. Other restrictions and limitations may apply. Solar power systems are supplied by SunPower Corporation®. KBH and SunPower Corporation are independent companies. SunPower and the SunPower logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of SunPower Corporation. See Built to Order™ options and upgrades offered at KB Home Studio. All options/upgrades require additional charges and ordering at predetermined stages of construction, and are subject to change/discontinuation anytime by KB Home. KB Home is not a custom homebuilder. Plans, pricing, financing, terms, availability and specifications subject to change/prior sale without notice and may vary by neighborhood, lot location and home series. Buyer responsible for all taxes, insurance and other fees. Sq. footage is approximate. HOA applies. Photos may depict upgraded landscaping/options and may not represent lowest-priced homes. Photo does not depict racial preference. See sales representative for details. KB Home Sales–Southern California Inc. (CA Real Estate License 00242327). SOCAL-117379

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