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Volume 37 • #21 • November 1, 2013

Serving Active and Retired Military, DoD Workers and Civilians for Over 35 Years

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November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 1

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Veterans: A Cut Above Today is the day we honor, the noble and the brave, the men and woman who dedicated their lives, and the sacrifices that they have made. When America had an urgent need, they were the first to raise their hand, without thinking twice about it, they were proud to take a stand. Some came back from war with battle scars, others in flagged draped coffins, even though their flesh may have left, their spirits will never be forgotten. They unselfishly and knowingly, put their lives on the line, so when you see a veteran, thank them, cause without them, freedom would have died.

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Public Relations Lisa Matz

Distribution Dennis Winks Nicole Matz, Mandie Matz Jose Salazar

Interview with Danny Woodhead


completely incompetent or brilliant mastermind?

see page 11 for some insight

Can you figure out who these two are? Turn to page 25 for the answer.

• Steel Magnolias, page 12 • Marriage Fitness, page 14 • Chemical Warfare, page 16 • Test Drive, page 17 • Gone to the Movies, page 19 • Jokes & Crossword Puzzle, pages 24-25

The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

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Veterans Day 101: How did it start, what it means By David Allen Veterans Day is a solemn and thoughtful time where we give thanks to all of those that have served in America’s military forces. A day where we can hopefully take a brief respite from our partisan bickering to pay homage to those that made it all possible. Because while the war in Iraq is essentially over, Afghanistan begins to wind down, and we start using drones for everything from surveillance to attacking nothing can replace the efforts of our veterans past and present. And let’s hope we can make the right decisions as a country for the sake of the veterans of the future. Here are four things to know about Veterans Day.

1. How did it start?

Veterans Day was first called Armistice Day to commemorate the ending of WWI. It was first proclaimed by Woodrow Wilson on November 11th, 1919. ENTERTAINMENT

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2. How did Armistice Day become Veterans Day?

A WWII veteran, Raymond Weeks worked tirelessly starting in 1945 to expand Armistice Day to include all veterans. With the help of Dwight D. Eisenhower Veterans Day was celebrated for the first time nationally in 1947. In 1954, Congressman Ed Rees presented a bill that was eventually signed into law that changed Armistice Day to Veterans Day officially.

4. Who was the last living American WWI veteran?

If Veterans Day had stayed Armistice Day and only celebrated WWI veterans then Frank Buckles would have been the last man to be honored alive having served in WWI and dying at the age of 110 on February 27th, 2011.

3. What’s the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day?

Veterans Day celebrates all who served in the armed forces while Memorial Day celebrates those who died while serving.


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Latter day conflicts in U.S. history The following lists latter day military conflicts involving the United States, those that took place around the time Armistice Day was created.

World War I (1914–1918)

Rivalries over power, territory, and wealth led to the “Great War.” In 1917, the U.S. joined the Allies (Britain, France, Russia, Italy, and Japan), who were at war with the Central Powers (Germany, Austria-Hungary, Bulgaria, and Turkey), after German submarines began sinking unarmed ships.

Vietnam War (1961–1973)

In 1955, communist North Vietnam invaded non-communist South Vietnam in an attempt to unify the country and impose communist rule. The United States joined the war on the side of South Vietnam in 1961, but withdrew combat troops in 1973. In 1975 North Vietnam succeeded in taking control of South Vietnam.

Dominican Republic (1965)

World War II (1939– 1945)

The Axis powers—Germany, Italy, and Japan—attempted to dominate the world. The Allies (U.S., Britain, France, USSR, and others) fought to stop them. The United States entered the war in 1941, after Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor. Germany surrendered in 1945, and Japan surrendered later that same year, after the U.S. dropped the atomic bomb on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Korean War (1950–1953)

Communist North Korea, supported by China, invaded non-communist South Korea. UN forces, principally made up of U.S. troops, fought successfully to protect South Korea. The Korean War was the first armed conflict in the global struggle between democracy and communism, called the cold war.

Bay of Pigs (1961)

The U.S. orchestrated the invasion, an unsuccessful attempt by Cuban exiles to overthrow Fidel Castro’s communist regime in Cuba.


President Lyndon Johnson sent marines and troops to quash a leftist uprising in the Dominican Republic, fearing the island nation would follow in the footsteps of Cuba turn communist.

Lebanon (1982–1984)

U.S. troops formed part of a multinational peacekeeping force to help the fragile Lebanese government maintain power.

Grenada (1983)

President Reagan invaded the Caribbean nation of Grenada to overthrow its socialist government, which had close ties with Cuba.

Panama (1989)

President George H.W. Bush invaded Panama and overthrew Panamanian dictator and drug-smuggler Manuel Noriega.

Gulf War (1991)

Iraq invaded Kuwait, and a U.S.-led multinational force came to Kuwait’s aid and expelled Iraqi dictator Saddam CONFLICTS, cont’d. on Page 22


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California Pizza Kitchen

California Pizza Kitchen is honoring Veterans and Military personnel by inviting them in to dine for free. Enjoy an pizza and a non-alcoholic beverage for free. Dine-in only. Please come in uniform or bring your military ID or other proof of service.

Carrows Free Slice of Pie

Get a free slice of pie with any purchase. Present military ID.

Chevys Fresh Mex


• Be sure to bring proof of military service such as current military I.D. or DD-214 and photo I.D. • Some offers are for more than Veterans Day only. • Some offers are dine-in only. • Some offers are for participating locations only. Review official site info for rules before heading out. • Call ahead if you are unsure.

Applebees — Free Meal

On Monday, November 11th, veterans and active duty military can choose from a free signature Thank You Meal menu that includes some of Applebee’s favorite items, including a 7 oz. House Sirloin, Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger, Three-Cheese Chicken & Sundried Tomato Penne, Fiesta Lime Chicken, Double Crunch Shrimp, Chicken Tenders Platter or Oriental Chicken Salad. Must present valid Veteran’s form of identification or be in uniform.

Golden Corral — Free Meal

Monday November 11th from 4 PM to 9 PM get a free Veterans Day buffet and beverage to any veteran who has served in the United States military or is a current active duty service member. All Golden Corral locations will be participating. No identification is required to get your free Veterans day meal.

Menchie’s — Free Frozen Yogurt

On Veterans Day, Monday, November 11th, 2013 Veterans and active duty personnel get a a free 6 oz. frozen yogurt. Show a valid ID or be in uniform to receive.

Paciugo Gelato Caffe

Paciugo will thank our nation’s veterans and troops on Veterans Day with a free 12 oz Gelatte on Monday, November 11, 2013. Military guests will need to provide proof of military service.

Travel Centers of America — Free Meal

All CDL drivers who are Military Veterans eat FREE at participating full-servicerestaurants with proof of service. Must present valid ID.

Baker’s Square — Slice of Pie

Get free slice of pie to veterans and active military.


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Arby’s — Free Roast Beef Sandwich

Arby’s largest franchisee is offering a free roast beef sandwich at their 280 Arby’s restaurants.  This offer is valid only at all participating Arby’s locations in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois and Colorado (Colorado Springs and Pueblo).

Bar Louie — Free Lunch or Dinner

Bar Louie is saluting veterans and active-duty this year with a free lunch or dinner, up to an $11 value.

BJ’s Restaurant Free Lunch or Pizza

All veterans and active duty military get a complimentary lunch entree or a one topping mini or individual pizza. Simply present proof of service.

We’ll quote their Facebook status “Many of our Chevys locations are offering 20% off today (and every day) to veterans and active military with military ID. Check your nearest Chevys for what’s happening there today.”

Chili’s Free Meal

Veterans and active-duty military get a choice of 7 free meals. Must show proof of military service.

Claim Jumper 15% Off

Official Facebook posting, “Today and tomorrow we are giving all veterans and active military members and their family or friends 15% off all food purchases. Offer is valid on up to 4 people. To receive this offer please show your military ID or DD form 214.”

Coco’s Free Slice of Pie

Get a free slice of pie with any purchase. Present military ID.

Denny’s All You Can Eat Pancakes

Get all you can eat pancakes for all active duty military and veterans with a valid ID.


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Einstein Bagels Free Bagel

Receive a classic or signature bagel.

Famous Dave’s Free or Discounted Meal

Famous Dave’s is providing a variety of free meals and discounts at participating locations to former and current military personnel. Offers vary by location.

Hooters 10 Free Boneless Wings

Receive 10 free boneless wings with the purchase of a drink for all veterans and active duty military. Military ID or proof of service required.

Krispy Kreme Free Donut & Coffee

Offering a free donut to all those served or currently are serving. Proof of military service required or those in uniform.

Little Caesars Free Crazy Bread

Receive free Crazy Bread with valid ID.

McCormick and Schmick’s Free Entree

Enjoy a complimentary entree. All veterans must show official verification. Veterans Day entrees must be enjoyed at the restaurant. No to-go orders permitted.

Mimi’s Cafe Free Meal with a Purchase

Free lunch or dinner entree with the purchase of a meal plus two beverages. Must bring coupon.

Olive Garden Free Meal

All veterans and military active duty will receive a choice of 1 of 5 entrees plus unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks.

On The Border Free Entree

15% of purchases will be donated to Carry The Load plus veterans and active-duty will receive a free entrée certificate, valid up to $10.

Outback Steakhouse Free Bloomin’ Onion® & Coca-Cola®

Military personnel and veterans get FREE Bloomin’ Onion® and CocaCola®. Must have valid identification. Also, receive 10% off the entire guest check (excluding alcohol, taxes and gratuity).

Red Lobster

Free appetizer to all veterans and active-duty personnel.

Sizzler Free Lunch

Veterans and active duty military will receive a free lunch from a select menu. Valid ID required or in uniform or photo in uniform



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November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 7


Famous folks who served BEA ARTHUR

Best known for her role as Dorothy on the show “The Golden Girls,” Bea was also once a truck driver in the Marine Corps. She stands as one of the first members of the Women’s Reserve and aside from driving military trucks, she was also a typist. Despite being a pioneer in terms of female veterans, Bea kept her military service a secret until she was nearing death.

after stealing a car. He served in the Army for 11 months but was honorably discharged due to an ankle injury. It comes as no surprise that Jimi wasn’t the best soldier and instead did things his own way, including playing his guitar in



Who would have ever guessed that the man who became famous for his amazing guitar playing and musical composition was once in the military? Back when he was known as James Marshall Hendrix and at the ripe age of 18, Jimi had the choice between going to jail or joining the Army,

the barracks when others were trying to sleep.


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Though his popularity has dwindled a bit, Shaggy was once a popular voice heard on the airwaves. But, before he became a well known R&B and reggae artist, he was known as Orville Burrell. In 1988 he joined the U.S. Marines and served in the Gulf War. After this experience, Shaggy became more grounded and even more committed to

making music. In 1993 he released his debut album and things only went up from there.


If you couldn’t tell by the outfit, Chuck Norris was once enlisted in the U.S. Army and today shows plenty of support for the military. This should come as no surprise, especially if you’ve seen his movies and the stunts that he’s been able to pull off as a world known martial artist. Chuck entered the military right after high school and decided


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to join the Air Force. He was stationed in Korea, which fueled his passion to learn about and practice martial arts. He became the first American to earn an eighth-degree Black Belt. After the Air Force, he became a prominent actor and martial arts enthusiast.


Montel Williams enlisted with the U.S. Marines after graduating high school in 1974. After impressing his superiors, he was sent to the U.S. Naval Academy and in 1976 was honorably discharged from the Marines and then enlisted as a midshipman in the Navy. In 1980, Montel became the first black enlisted marine to graduate from the Academy Prep School. After being sent to Guam, California, and Maryland, Montel found a love and compassion for speaking, which inspired him to leave the Navy, after ranking as Lieutenant, and become a talk show host.


Long before Hugh Hefner ever became the face of Playboy and one of the most well-known playboys of all time, he served as a U.S. Army Soldier during WWII. In 1,946 he was released from the Army and became a copywriter for Esquire Magazine. After deciding that he wanted to make a real name for himself, Hefner raised thousands of dollars in order to launch the Playboy

magazine and released the first centerfold: a nude picture of Marilyn Monroe.


In 1956, Bill Cosby joined the U.S. Navy and served as a hospital corpsman on various ships at Quantico inVirginia. He was also sent to Bethesda Naval Hospital during the time of the Korean War to take care of patients. During his time in the Navy, he won several awards for being on the track team. In 1960, Cosby was honorably discharged. He then went on to earn a degree from Temple University as well as the University of Massachusetts. Not too long after that, Cosby became a well-known face on the TV as an entertainer and actor.


Before he became Ice-T and a famous rapper and actor, Tracey Marrow was a soldier in the U.S. Army. He joined the forces after graduating in 1979. He was part of the Army for four years and was then honorably discharged in 1983 in order to pursue a career as a rapper and musician. Just four years later, his first album was released, which put his name on the charts for years to come.


Drew Carey is probably best known FAMOUS, cont’d. on Page 10


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New funds, location for Veterans Day parade By Jeanette Steele UTSanDiego.com After years of painful fund-raising and being shuffled from site to site, the San Diego Veteran's Day parade will get a new title sponsor and return to Harbor Drive, the location that one organizer called the most prestigious start line in town. Last year, the parade's budget was $30,000 and organizers barely found the money. Veterans Week San Diego Chairman Jack Harkins put out a desperate public call in October 2012 when donations were falling short.

Still, a record crowd of 40,000 gathered to watch 125 entries march down Pacific Highway downtown. This year, thanks to new sponsorship, Harkins said the budget will be about $100,000. That will pay for more grandstands and other logistics. Despite San Diego being a military town, the city's veterans parade has not had an easy time. Veterans assumed the task of organizing the parade in 1989 because they said San Diego hadn't had a Veterans Day parade for 17 years. "If it was going to be done, we decided we'd have


to do it," former organizer Joe Brunner said in a 2006 San Diego UnionTribune article. The event has relied on government grants. And with public spending cuts, those have sometimes been slim in recent years. In 2006, the parade's budget was only $15,000. Location has also been an issue. In 2005, it was held on Balboa Park's Park Avenue. In later years, it moved to Pacific Highway. Veterans don't like the fact that the event hasn't had a dependable home. This year, the starting position will

be on Harbor Drive in front of the County Administration Building.


Cont’d. from Page 9 for his comedic acting on The Drew Carey Show. If there’s something else he’s easily spotted by, it’s his glasses and short-cut blonde hair, which he claims stayed with him after his time in the Marine Corps Reserves. He served as a reservist from 1980 until 1986. During his time there, he was told to go out and try to tell jokes to make money, which eventually landed him a spot in show business.


Way before he ever wore his famous parachute pants, MC Hammer, also known as Stanley Burrell, was part of the U.S. Navy as well as the bat boy for the Oakland A’s. After college didn’t go as planned, he joined the Navy and worked as an Aviation Storekeeper for three years. Once his service was done, he jumped right into a music career that inevitably launched his road to stardom and fame.


Mystical, who was born Michael Tyler, is best known as being a rapper, but before he made it big in the rap world, he served in the Gulf War in the U.S. Army. During the war he worked as a combat engineer which some say influenced his ability to come up with witty lyrics that were crafty yet flowed off the tongue. During his height of fame, Mystical had create a rapping style of his own that set him apart from anyone else.

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A gorilla in the room?

(Publisher’s note: Whatever your political leanings, this article raises some critical issues and is worth reading.   I don’t doubt it for one minute.)

By Barack Hussein Obama is no fool. He is not incompetent. On the contrary, he is brilliant. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He is purposely overwhelming the U.S. economy to create systemic failure, economic crisis and social chaos thereby destroying capitalism and our country from within. Barack Hussein Obama was my college classmate (Columbia University, class of ‘83). He is a devout Muslim; do not be fooled. Look at his czars... Anti-business, anti-American. As Glenn Beck correctly predicted from day one, Barack Hussein Obama is following the plan of Cloward & Piven, two professors at Columbia University. They outlined a plan to socialize America by overwhelming the system with government spending and entitlement demands. Add up the clues below. Taken individually, they’re alarming. Taken as a whole, it is a brilliant, Machiavellian game plan to turn the United States into a Socialist/Marxist state with a permanent majority that desperately needs government for survival. And can be counted on to always vote for even bigger government. Why not? They have no responsibility to pay for it.

addicts in the middle of a depression? Certainly not American taxpayers! But this has been Barack Hussein Obama’s plan all along. His goal is to add two new Democrat senators, five Democrat congressmen and a million loyal Democratic voters who are dependent on big government. (This will tip the balance of those living off the government to more than those who must pay for it; and we’re done for.)

Legalize 12 million illegal Mexican immigrants Just

giving these 12 million GORILLA, cont’d. on Page 22


Universal Health Care

The Health Care bill has very little to do with healthcare. It has everything to do with unionizing millions of hospital and healthcare workers as well as adding 15,000 to 20,000 new IRS agents (who will join government employee unions). Obama doesn’t care that giving free healthcare to 30 million Americans will add trillions to the national debt. What he does care about is that it cements the dependence of those 30 million voters to Democrats and big government. Who but a socialist revolutionary would pass this reckless spending bill in the middle of a depression?

Cap and Trade

Like healthcare legislation having nothing to do with healthcare, Cap and Trade has nothing to do with global warming. It has everything to do with redistribution of income, government control of the economy, and a criminal payoff to Obama’s biggest contributors. Those powerful and wealthy unions and contributors (like GE, which owns NBC, MSNBC and CNBC) can then be counted on to support everything Obama wants. They will kick-back hundreds of millions of dollars in contributions to Obama and the Democratic Party to keep them in power. The bonus is that all the new taxes on Americans with bigger cars, bigger homes and businesses helps Obama spread the wealth around.

Making Puerto Rico a state

Who’s asking for a 51st state? Who’s asking for millions of new welfare recipients and government entitlement For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

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Communicate with your Veteran before it’s too late Have you ever thought about what it’s like in combat? For a second let’s imagine what it might have been like for your spouse in the sandbox, constantly in a heightened state of fear for his life. As things are just getting back to normal around here, Veteran’s Day next week may bring up some of those same mixed feelings. Typical Duck Dynasty loving Americans don’t realize what we go through, let alone what our spouses choose to go through. I think many fail to realize that everyone who’s gone to combat comes home with some sort of extra baggage. Mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically — if they even come home at all. It’s not all civilians’ faults though because it’s either not a part of their lives or it’s just out of sight and out of mind. I understand we’re a very small percentage of Americans but the more Americans know, care and understand, the less all of our Veterans and service members will feel isolated and misunderstood.


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What always gets me is the statistic that 22 Veterans a day commit suicide. That adds up to more deaths from suicide than were killed in action in the current war. That’s a suicide every 65 minutes. Even more astonishing, according to CNN, is that the numbers are underreported due to Veterans not registering with the VA and states not turning in accurate numbers because of lack of information. The numbers are mainly for older Veterans. Apparently 30% of the OIF & OEF service members have considered taking their own lives and 45% said they know a service member who has attempted suicide. Steel Magnolias, I encourage you all to teach your children about Veterans Day and educate them on how things used to be and why we should cherish and respect not only our elders but especially the Veterans. Volunteer and speak up so that we do not let the cycle of unknowing civilians continue. Always try to keep positive communication going with your spouse not only for your marriage and yourself but also the well-being of your family. So many of our marriages end up in the drain because of things that are out of our control but there are many wives who don’t get to make this point or celebrate holidays with their husbands anymore and only get to visit them at national cemeteries. Don’t let them stuff down their feelings and suck it up living in horrid silence alone. Please don’t wait until it’s too late to try and communicate. If you need a push start don’t be afraid to contact FOCUS, a local therapist, find a couples retreat or even simply go run errands together, hold hands and keep that constant feeling of support and openness there. Don’t forget yourself in all of this. Have a glass of wine with a fellow spouse occasionally. As Steel Magnolias we have the strength to be the spouse, cheerleader, researcher, mother and health advocate these men need but the only way to prevent all of this is to simply talk. Questions or comments? Email us at Military Press at keepinformed@militarypress. com! You can also follow my blog @ http:// marinecorpswives101.wordpress.com/.

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How to stimulate your marriage There was once a study that showed that work productivity increased in offices where the lights were dimmed. However, after a few weeks, productivity returned to the original level. Since the lighting didn’t seem to have a long-term impact on productivity, the lighting was returned to its original brightness. But guess what happened. Productivity went up again! What’s going on? Is it lower lighting or higher lighting that increases productivity? Eventually, the study revealed that it was neither low lighting nor high lighting that was causing productivity to increase. It was the CHANGE in lighting! Change stimulates us. This was never more apparent to me than when we moved to Baltimore after living in Florida for 9 years. Everyone who takes a winter vacation in Florida fantasizes about how wonderful it would be to live in a warm climate. But that’s because they don’t live in a warm climate. After a few

years of constant sunshine, many people feel differently. My wife and I feel much more vibrant living in the northeast where we experience the CHANGE of seasons. I never realized how much changes with the seasons until we moved to Baltimore. It’s not just the temperature that changes; it’s also the sounds, the colors, the feel of the ground when you walk on it, the taste of the air, and the weight of your clothes. And all those changes on the outside definitely stimulate us on the inside. Don’t worry; this is not a pitch for you to move to Baltimore. And I have nothing against living in Florida. (What matters is not where you live; but what lives within you.) And your assignment is NOT to pray for climate changes in your area. Your assignment this week is to change your environment and immerse in that change with your spouse. STIMULATE, cont’d. on Page 30


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The solution to your problem is here If someone had told me in 2008 that I could make it five years sober, I would have laughed in their face. Yet, on October 21, I did make it. And, I’ll tell you exactly how I did it. For ten years straight - right in the prime of my life - I indulged my darkest desires. Like Robert Louis Stevenson’s character Dr. Jekyll, the more chemicals I consumed, the darker I became. Stevenson’s fictional tale is well known of course. The kindly and respected Dr. Jekyll ingests a chemical concoction that transforms him into horrible Mr. Hyde. The more the good

doctor indulges his addiction and escapes into Hyde, the more powerful Hyde becomes. Yet he can’t stop. Inevitably the elixir stops working altogether and he is Hyde for good. Isolated, paranoid, miserable... he ends his life in the same way many chemically dependent people die each year; some intentionally, some unintentionally, all unnecessary. Addiction can be defined as the continued repetition of a behavior despite adverse consequences. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was published in 1886, but timeless are the concepts of addiction which it illus-


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trates. If only Dr. Jekyll had been introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn’t until the advent of Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1930’s that alcoholism was thought of in terms of a disease rather than a lack of willpower. AA was the first to view alcoholism as having two components; an obsession of the mind together with a sort of metabolism difficulty called an allergy of the body. The obsession guarantees the alcoholic

will keep drinking even when they don’t want to. The allergy dooms the sufferer to death, insanity or jail. These concepts, once considered radical, are explained in great detail in the AA bible, called the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (now in its fourth edition). Initially the big book was used by alcoholics and addicts. As Alcoholics Anonymous grew in popularity, Narcotics Anonymous was formed and published Narcotics Anonymous (now in its fifth edition) written specifically for addicts. The wisdom contained in these books are identical. Each, however, contains different personal stories by alcoholics or addicts. Other more recent texts include Cocaine Anonymous, and Marijuana Anonymous. I remember vividly how a close friend gave me a copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous big book many years before I got sober for good. On the inside front cover he inscribed: “To my dear friend Keith. Read this book. You will find wisdom and freedom.” What a nutjob, I thought, as I tossed the book to the bottom of my closet where it stayed undisturbed for eight full years. Unfortunately, no amount of time would cure my addiction. Eventually I was Hyde (i.e. high) all the time. Everything good about me was stuffed so far deep down inside that I feared life was over. With nothing left to lose, I rummaged through the closet and pulled out that damn book. Then a funny thing happened. Once I started reading, I couldn’t stop. I had stumbled upon a step-by-step instruction manual for being happy; no chemicals necessary. Over time, the twelve-step programs of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous became the solution to my problems. What an idiot I was! Chapter 2 of the AA big book is entitled “There is a Solution.” Could it have been any more obvious?! Though the solution to my problems lay on the closet floor for nearly a decade, thank God I decided to give it a try. Are you a good person with a bad disease, like me? It’s never too late. Twelve-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life and are still the solution to all my problems and yours. Give it a try. What do you have to lose? Keith Angelin, MBA, CADC-II, CNDAI, is a Master’s level, board-certified alcohol and drug counselor, and nationally certified intervention specialist. Prior to entering the field of substance abuse counseling he spent two-decades as a leading marketing executive in the health and nutrition industry. He can be reached at (949) 939-9222 or by visiting www.InterventionRx.com.

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2013 Hyundai Santa Fe AWD By Greg Zyla Veracruz, and comes well equipped This week, we’re driving Hyundai’s regardless of trim. Our upscale Limited all-new 2013 Santa Fe FE LTD AWD, featured leather interior, two rows of another member of the SUV/crossover heated seats, Captain Chair second row, class we’ve been driving the last four power liftgate, tilt-and-telescoping, weeks. With a Bluetooth, sixlarger wheelbase speaker sound than last week’s stereo CD, satLikes: V-6 power, comfort, test of sibling ellite, USB, safety, standard equipment Kia Sorento SX, 19-inch alloys value. Dislikes: Fuel mileage where the two and more. suspect, rear visibility, share 3.3-liter V6 The inteengines, the Korior is invitbackup safety camera rean built Santa ing and offers not available in GLS. Fe offers consumlots of room for ers more passenadults. Although ger space, cargo room and impressive the dashboard information systems and “satisfaction quotient” on owner lists gauge clusters are real busy with inand blogs. formation (you’ll get used to it), you’ll Unlike the American-built Sorento, come to be thankful for its bevy of inthere is, however, a smaller Santa Fe formation and the safety back up camthat is built in America, notably the era. Overall, Santa Fe offers a modern Santa Fe Sport. Sport is a turbo charged and comfortable layout and an extenHyundai assembled on the same plat- sive number of safety and amenity feaform in Georgia as the 2014 Sorento tures. (Your dealer is waiting to explain line with an entry price of $26,505. Oth- in detail). er than this share of Sorento and Sport Our tester came with a $2,900 Techcomponents, the “bigger” Santa Fe is nology Package that adds a panoramic autonomous, and comes in both front or sunroof, eight-inch touch screen NaviAWD traction. gation, 12-speaker 550-watt Infinity Two Santa Fe models are available Logic 7 Surround HD system, heated including GLS or an upscale Limited. steering wheel and manual rear side Both are well equipped and come stan- window sunshades. dard with a third row of seating. AdAll safety items expected on modditionally, Santa Fe now replaces the ern cars are in place, including traction

control systems to help in AWD weather conditions. The 4x4 system is an active AWD with a lock, resulting in much safer negotiation during bad weather. The powerful 3.3-liter V6 produces great acceleration characteristics from its 290 horsepower and 252 torque design, while the undercarriage mechanicals are upgraded to handle power and AWD performance while still delivering surprising comfort. We timed our Santa Fe to 60-mph in 7.8 seconds, which is quite impressive for a seven passenger vehicle. The EPA average is identical to last week’s Sorento, at 18 city and 24 highway for the AWD model. On the highway or on a twisty road,

Entry Price: $28,600 Price as Tested: $38,550 the ride is quiet and tight, with good overall handling. As with the Kia, it’s no sports car, but Santa Fe is better or as good as most others when pushed in a corner. Regardless of trim, Hyundai expects over 100,000 2013 Santa Fe models on the road this year, a tremendous success for a company that was laughed at 15 years ago. Additionally, now may be the best time to check with your dealer for leftover savings and incentives, as few if any changes are expected for 2014.


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Happy 238th, Marine Corps! Birth of the Marine Corps

During the American Revolution, the Continental Congress passes a resolution stating that “two Battalions of Marines be raised” for service as landing forces for the recently formed Continental Navy. The resolution, drafted by future U.S. president John Adams and adopted in Philadelphia, created the Continental Marines and is now observed as the birth date of the United States Marine Corps. Serving on land and at sea, the original U.S. Marines distinguished themselves in a number of important operations during the Revolutionary War. The first Marine landing on a hostile shore occurred when a force of Marines under Captain Samuel Nicholas captured New Province Island in the Bahamas from the British in March 1776. Nicholas was the first commissioned officer in the Continental Marines and is celebrated as the first Marine commandant. After American independence was achieved in 1783, the Continental Navy was demobilized and its Marines disbanded. In the next decade, however, increasing conflict at sea with Revolutionary France led the U.S. Congress to establish formally the U.S. Navy in May 1798. Two months later, on July 11,

President John Adams signed the bill establishing the U.S. Marine Corps as a permanent military force under the jurisdiction of the Department of Navy. U.S. Marines saw action in the so-called Quasi-War with France and then fought against the Barbary pirates of North Africa during the first years of the 19th century. Since then, Marines have participated in all the wars of the United States and in most cases were the first soldiers to fight. In all, Marines have executed more than 300 landings on foreign shores. Today, there are more than 200,000 active-duty and reserve Marines, divided into three divisions stationed at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina; Camp Pendleton, California; and Okinawa, Japan. Each division has one or more expeditionary units, ready to launch major operations anywhere in the world on two weeks’ notice. Marines expeditionary units are self-sufficient, with their own tanks, artillery, and air forces. The motto of the service is Semper Fidelis, meaning “Always Faithful” in Latin.


18 November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

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Gone to the movies By Jeri Jacquin, Movie Maven quin and Jeri Jac rvisor pe u story s ann M y e Kels

This week I was thrilled to visit Pixar Animation Studios in Northern California celebrating Tuesday’s release of MONSTERS UNIVERSITY. Director Dan Scanlan reunites fans with their favorite monsters as Sulley and Mikey go back in time meeting as kids and again while attending Monsters University! Mikey has known since he was a young monster that scarring was his life but hasn’t exactly fit in with other monsters. Sulley comes from scarers and a natural born scarrer! Coming together chaos rules, monsters abound and a friendship is formed for life. Director Dan Scanlon spoke with me about the film and making it happen. When asked how the idea came about he said, “We loved Mike and Sulley and the relationship they have. We wanted to bring them together again but had to think about what would be the best way to do that.” Why college? Producer Kori Rae explained, “It’s that age that’s so crucial in our lives, when we are out on our own figuring out who we are. It’s a coming of age story.” With MONSTERS UNIVERSITY, the director worked with talented people like Ricky Nierva and Jason Deamer who told me, “The challenge for this film was to go from a few monsters

in the first film to over 500 different fur, horns, wings, sizes and shapes in MU.” The Pixar short, THE BLUE UMBRELLA, created by Saschka Unseld and producer Mark Greenberg tells the heartwarming tale as a city comes alive in a rainstorm. His inspiration? “I was walking in the rain and saw this sad umbrella on the ground. I took a picture of it and a story slowly began to take shape on its own. I worked on it until I had something special.” It’s very special and one of the best shorts to come out of Pixar! The DVD bluray has fun stuff including bonus features on Campus Life, Story School, Scare Games, Welcome to MU, Music Appreciation, Scare Tactics, Color and Light, Paths to Pixar – MU Edition, Furry Monsters, and Deleted Scenes. I had the pleasure of participating in Storytelling 113 with Kelsey Mann, a story supervisor, who taught me to draw a young Mike Wazowski. The Scare Games was a crazy good time and a great way to end my visit at Pixar Animation Studios.

This Tuesday, on DVD/bluray/Digital from Disney Pixar, Mikey and Sulley are back so grab MONSTERS UNIVER-

SITY and join in on the fun for yourself – don’t forget to share with the kids!



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By Art Garcia, Jr. When the Chargers signed running back Danny Woodhead as a free agent last March, they were hoping he could come in and add some spark to their offense. And through the first seven weeks of the season, Woodhead has not disappointed and is one of the main reasons this team is sporting a 4-3 record entering the bye week. As they prepare to face the Redskins this Sunday, Woodhead ranks second on the team with 172 yards rushing with one touchdown and third on the team with 40 receptions for 314 yards and three touchdowns – he also leads the team in YAC (yards after catch) with 271 yards. Prior to their bye week, Woodhead answered a few questions from MP reporter Art Garcia Jr. AG: What are your thoughts having signed with the Chargers as a free agent? DW: It felt like it was a good opportunity because I liked what both Tom (Telesco) and Mike (McCoy) were starting and it just felt like a good fit for me.

Woodhead is a key cog in the Chargers offensive attack

AG: Did you get any other offers while you were out on the free agent market? DW: You know it’s interesting because you get different offers from different teams. In the end you just have to do what’s best for you and your family. AG: So what made you decide to sign with the Chargers? DW: I think it was just what Tom and Mike were starting and they obviously convinced me that I wanted to be a part of this. AG: Having gone undrafted, can you believe you are playing in your sixth year in the NFL? DW: You know it’s crazy, I still feel like it’s early on in my career. You know, I’ve been blessed – anytime you get to play on Sundays … I mean I’m blessed even if I didn’t get to play on Sundays. As far as football, any time you can play on Sundays it’s a whole different feeling, and I’m fortunate to be able to. AG: With the lifespan of the average NFL player being, I believe, 3-1/2 years, I would think that your size has played a big part in your career – thoughts? DW: I don’t know necessarily if my


20 November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

size has anything to make me feel better about it, because I don’t feel like that’s really (an issue), everyone wants to say that it’s such a detriment but I’m not worried about it. AG: I’m not saying you’re size is a negative, rather, I would think it’s an advantage because I remember Doug Flutie telling me he had a long career in part because nobody could get a clean hit on him. Is that your experience? DW: Oh yeah, exactly. I’m mean, six years – it’s crazy to be in it for six years and like I said, I’m just thankful I’ve been able to play. AG: With all the negative reports surrounding injuries in football what would you tell parents who are concerned about letting their kids play this sport? DW: I don’t know, that’s what is awesome about being parents, you can decide on what you want your children to do or what you think

is best for your children. I feel like I’ve experienced a lot of good playing football and a lot of great life lessons, but that’s what’s awesome about being parents is you can do what you think is best for your child. AG: Having beaten the odds by making the NFL, what’s the best thing about being an NFL player? DW: It’s being able to play a game that not a lot of people are able to play like … like a kid’s game, and I get to. I’m so blessed that I’ve been able to (play pro ball), God has blessed me to be able to play some football in my life. AG: You and Philip (Rivers) seem much more in sync on the field, are you at that point where you can look at each other and CHARGERS, cont’d. on Page 21


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The Arthritis Foundation Jingle Bell Run/Walk in San Diego is just around the corner. Register your team today by visiting www.sdjbr.org or by calling the local office at 858-492-1090. This community event is a great way to kick off the holiday season by doing something fun for a good cause. Wear a holiday themed costume. Tie jingle bells to your shoe laces – run or walk to celebrate the season by giving. The Arthritis Foundation expects more than 2,500 participants) to take part in Jingle Bell Run/Walk this year. Jingle Bell Run/Walk takes place on Saturday, December 14th located at Balboa Park (West Side) along 6th Avenue and Quince Street. Registration Opens at 6:30 a.m. – Health and Wellness Expo Opens at 7:00 a.m. and the Run/Walk begins exactly at 8:00 a.m. Following the Run/Walk are the Top Runner Awards Presentations and other events until Noon. The Greater San Diego Branch of the Arthritis Foundation’s Jingle Bell Run/Walk for Arthritis offers a five kilometer timed and UST&F certified run and walk and a one kilometer Dash with the Elves for Children as well as may other fun activities for the entire family. Sign up and join one of the nearly 150 Jingle Bell Run/Walks for Arthritis nationwide and spread some cheer by helping to prevent arthritis.

Test your sport trivia skills 1) What boxer holds the record for youngest professional debut? A: Teddy Baldock, B: Kid Laredo, C: Baby Arizmendi, D: Jack Dempsey 2) What yachting race was called the Hundred-Guinea Cup until a team from the U.S. won the race in 1851? A: The Admiral’s Cup, B: The Stanley Cup, C: The America’s Cup, D: The Gascoigne Cup 3) What golfer coined the term “caddy?” A: Walter Hagen, B: Bobby Jones, C: Napoleon, D: Mary Queen of Scots 4) What was the first sport televised in the U.S.? A: Baseball, B: Tennis, C: Golf, D: Rugby 5) What sport has a hooker in a scrum? A: Fencing, B: Gymnastics, C: Polo, D: Rugby

6) What Chicago Bears runningback was known as “The Galloping Ghost?” A: Harold Grange, B: Walter Payton, C: Gale Sayers, D: Brian Piccolo 7) Who was the only college football player to win the Heisman Trophy twice? A: Earl Campbell, B: Archie Griffin, C: O.J. Simpson, D: Jay Berwanger 8) Who was the first golfer to win more than $1 million in official earnings in a single year? A: Lee Trevino, B: Arnold Palmer, C: Curtis Strange, D: Jack Nicklaus 9) What professional sports league’s MVP trophy is called the Podoloff Cup? A: The NBA’s, B: The NHL’s, C: The BWBL’s, D: The MLS’s 10) What sport is the most common cause of eye injuries in the U.S.?

A: Darts, B: Fencing, C: Baseball, D: Football 11) What religious leader is credited with inventing nine-pin bowling? A: Pope Leo XII, B: Martin Luther, C: Joseph Smith, D: Buddha 12) By what name is the University of Texas Longhorn mascot known? A: Tex, B: Bevo, C: Buck, D: Bessie 13) What quarterback threw 70 passes in a single game.? A: Dan Marino, B: John Elway, C: Drew Bledsoe, D: Trent Dilfer 15) What 1990 championship sporting event attracted a TV audience of one billion people? A: The Superbowl, B: The World Series, C: The World Cup, D: Tyson vs. Douglas Answers: 1-A. 2-C. 3-D. 4-A. 5-D. 6-A. 7-B. 8-C. 9-A. 10-C. 11-B. 12-B. 13-C. 14-C.

Register today for the Arthritis Foundation’s Jingle Bell Run/Walk



Cont’d. from Page 20 know what to do without having to say a word? DW: I think every day you have to work with every single player on your team because it’s a long season. It’s a process and we have to develop the best chemistry we can as a team.

The Endzone

When asked if he sees any similarities between Rivers and his former quarterback for the Patriots, Tom Brady, Woodhead stated he doesn’t like to compare players. However, he did describe Rivers as “a great quarterback, a great player and a great teammate.” While playing college ball at Chadron State in Nebraska, Woodhead was a two-time recipient of the Harlon Hill Award, Division II’s equivalent of the Heisman Trophy. Woodhead finished his collegiate career as the NCAA’s all-time leading rusher (7,962 yards) and he tied a national mark with 109 touchdowns.

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Cont’d. from Page 5 Hussein’s forces.

Somalia (1993)

A U.S.-led multinational force attempted to restore order to war-torn Somalia so that food could be delivered and distributed within the faminestricken country.

Bosnia (1994–1995)

During the Bosnian civil war, which began shortly after the country declared independence in 1992, the U.S. launched air strikes on Bosnia to prevent “ethnic cleansing,” primarily by Serbs against Bosnians. The U.S. became a part of NATO’s peacekeeping force in the region.

Kosovo (1999)

Yugoslavia’s province of Kosovo

erupted into violence in the spring of 1999. A U.S.-led NATO force intervened with air strikes after Slobodan Milosevic’s Serbian forces uprooted the population and embarked on the ethnic cleansing of Kosovo’s ethnic Albanian population.

Global War on Terror (2001– )

In the immediate aftermath of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, President George Bush launched the Global War on Terrorism—which has become the longest period of continuous war in U.S. history. The United Kingdom, several NATO countries, and other nations have participated to eliminate al-Qada and other militants groups.

Afghanistan (2001– )

The Taliban government harbored Osama bin Laden and the al-Qaeda terrorist group, responsible for the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the United States. After Afghanistan refused to turn over Bin Laden, the U.S. and UN coalition forces invaded. The Taliban government was ousted and many terrorist camps in Afghanistan were destroyed. U.S. and NATO troops remain in Afghanistan to support its fragile new government.

Iraq War (2003–2010)

The U.S. and Great Britain invaded and toppled the government of dictator Saddam Hussein. Troops remain in Iraq to combat the insurgency that formed after Hussein’s defeat


Cont’d. from Page 11 potential new citizens free healthcare alone could overwhelm the system and bankrupt America. But it adds 12 million reliable new Democrat voters who can be counted on to support big government. Add another few trillion dollars in welfare, aid to dependent children, food stamps, free medical, education, tax credits for the poor, and eventually Social Security. (see note above re: Puerto Rico).

Stimulus and bailouts

Where did all that money go? It went to Democrat contributors, organizations (ACORN), and unions -- including billions of dollars to save or create jobs of government employees across the country. It went to save GM and Chrysler so that their employees could keep paying union dues. It went to AIG so that Goldman Sachs could be bailed out (after giving Obama almost $1 million in contributions). A staggering $125 billion went to teachers (thereby protecting their union dues). All those public employees will vote loyally Democrat to protect their bloated salaries and pensions that are bankrupting America. The country goes broke, future generations face a bleak future, but Obama, the Democrat Party,

government, and the unions grow more powerful. The ends justify the means. Raise taxes on small business owners, highincome earners, and job creators. Put the entire burden on only the top 20 percent of taxpayers, redistribute the income, punish success, and reward those who did nothing to deserve it (except vote for Obama). Reagan wanted to dramatically cut taxes in order to starve the government. Barack Obama wants to dramatically raise taxes to starve his political opposition. With the acts outlined above, Barack Hussein Obama and his regime have created a vast and rapidly expanding constituency of voters dependent on big government; a vast privileged class of public employees who work for big government; and a government dedicated to destroying capitalism and installing themselves as socialist rulers by overwhelming the system. Add it up and you’ve got the perfect Marxist scheme all devised by my Columbia University college classmate Barack Hussein Obama using the Cloward-Piven Strategy. Last point: think about what this designed rule of the rabble will do to anyone successful and everyone receiving this is. What will your lives be like under Communism? The time to fight this abomination is now.

I hope each of you will share this with your friends. Richard Matz, Publisher

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November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 23

“Four cents?!” he says in amazement. “How much for a plate of fish and chips with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and a side order of peas?” “Eleven cents,” says the bartender. The customer says he’s going to recommend this place to all of his friends because of the low prices. “Wow!” he exclaims. “Where’s the manager so I can thank him for these low prices and shake his hand?” “Upstairs,” says the bartender, “with my wife.” “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” the customer asks. “Same thing I’m doing to his bar and his money,” the bartender calmly replies.

Just for Laughs No-lick chapstick

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. As he gets off his horse, the cowboy kisses his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, “Mind if I ask why’d ya kiss your horse on the butt?” The cowboy says, “It’s ‘cause I’ve got chapped lips.” The bartender asks, “Does manure help them heal?” The cowboy replies, “No, but it keeps me from licking them.”

Well played my friend

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer, and the bartender says, “That’ll be four cents, please.” The guy nearly spits out his beer.

Not hard to see

A guy walks INTO a psychiatrist’s office covered only in Saran Wrap. He says to the doctor, “I’ve felt so weird lately, Doc, can you tell me what’s wrong?” 

The doctor replied, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts!”

Good samaritan

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door

24 November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man is drunk. “Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push??” “No, get lost, it’s half past three. I was in bed.” says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost??” “But the guy was drunk.” says the husband. “It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.” So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: “Hey, do you still want a push??” and he hears a voice cry out “Yeah please.” So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: “Where are you?” And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”

Aren’t you forgetting something?

A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. “Well, I don’t want the bartender to think I’m drunk, so I’ll pretend I tripped and I’ll try it again.” So he gets

up and falls on his face. “Well, the door’s not too far away; I’ll just crawl.” When he gets outside he thinks, “Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far.” So he stands up and falls on his face. He decides he’ll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face. Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed. In the morning his wife wakes him up. “You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?” “How did you know?” “The bartender called. He said you left your wheelchair at the bar.”

Failed to notice

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
 She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

High octane hooch

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud says, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!” Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?” So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

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NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It’s Jim. Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?” Bud says, “I feel great. How about you?” Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?” Bud says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.” “Yeah, well there’s just one thing...” “What’s that?” “Have you farted yet?” “No.....” “Well, DON’T, ‘cause I’m in PHOENIX!!!”

The perfect breakfast as a man sees it

You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.

Matching ends

A woman was very despondent over not having a boyfriend. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see a doctor. Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese sex therapist named Dr. Chang. When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms and he said, “Take off all your clothes and you crawl real fass away from me across the froor.” She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said, “Now...you crawl real fass back to me,” and she did. Dr. Chang shook his head and said, “You haf real bad case of Ed Zachary disease....worse case I ever see! That why you haf boyfriend probrem.” The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Ed Zachary Disease was and he replied, “Ed Zachary Disease... that when your face rook ED-ZACHARY rike your butt!”


Q: What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits? A: Puppets.
 Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t? A: Her navel.

THEN Kanye West

Megan Fox

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog!
 Q: What is a crack head’s favorite song? A: I Wanna Rock! Q: How do you get half-wits out of a tree? A: Wave to them!

Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side? A: You would be all right.

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? A: 45 lbs.


It’s the coolness factor

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week.” The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket. A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll make love to you for a week.” The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket. A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll make love to you for a whole year!” The programmer smiles and walks on. Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised to make love to you for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?” “I’m a programmer,” he replies. “I don’t have time for sex.... But a talking frog is pretty neat.”

He knew too much

Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.

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November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 25

Bill Clinton (Born Aug. 19, 1946 in Hope, Ark.) 42nd President of the United States

“People are more impressed by the power of our example rather than the example of our power...” — Bill Clinton


Al Gore (Born March 31, 1948 in Washington, D.C.) 45th Vice President of the United States

World events

• The Euro falls to record low against the U.S. dollar • Concorde Air France Flight 4590 crashes after takeoff from Paris killing all onboard • The UK fuel protests take place • Divers discover the ancient port of Alexandria, the home of Cleopatra and Mark Anthony • In Aden, Yemen, the USS Cole is badly damaged by two suicide bombers • Pope John Paul II visits Israel and prayed for forgiveness of the sins of those involved in the Holocaust • The use of mobile phones continues to grow • President Robert Mugabe pressed on with his plan to remove Zimbabwe’s farms from white ownership • Mexico votes Vicente Fox as

president • The UK is hit by one of the worst snow storms in 50 years • Mad Cow Disease causes alarm in Europe • Summer Olympis held in Sydney • Control of Panama Canal handed over to Panama from the U.S. • Jeffrey Schilling taken hostage by terrorist group in Philippines

U.S. news

• Vermont legalizing same-sex civil unions • 300 gallons of black sludge is released into the Mississippi River • California suffers the first of two years of rolling

blackouts • U.S. citizen lifespan is now 77.5 years • Hillary Clinton elected to U.S. Senate representing New York • 5 million acres destroy in brush fires


• Tiger Woods youngest golfer to win a Grand Slam • Super Bowl XXXIV: St. Louis 23, Tennessee 16 • NBA Finals: LA Lakers 4 wins, Pacers 2 wins

• Concerns over Y2K pass without the serious widespread computer failures and malfunctions that had been predicted • Microsoft releases Windows 2000 • America Online and Time Warner merge • Dot Com bubble bursts • Faulty Bridgestone/Firestone tires blamed in nearly 100 deaths • Hole in the Ozone layer has increased to 17 square miles in only 12 months

Popular culture

• “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” published • 51 million viewers watch the first season of “Survivor” • Last of the original Mini’s roll off the production line

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2000 Chevy Camaro

remember when...


Popular films

• How The Grinch Stole Christmas • Cast Away • Mission Impossible II • Gladiator • What Women Want • The Perfect Storm • Meet The Parents • X-Men • Scary Movie • What Lies Beneath • Erin Brockovich

Popular music

• Breathe, Faith Hill • Smooth, Santana feat. Rob Thomas • Say My Name, Destiny’s Child • I Wanna Know, Joe • Everything You Want, Vertical Horizon • Maria Maria, Santana feat. The Product G&B

BORN IN 1991: Above right: Jamie Lynn Spears. Right: Emma Roberts, Samuel Larsen, Kelsey Chow, Erik Per Sullivan.

• Willow Shields • Willow Smith • Mackenzie Foy • Jared Gilmore • Mason Cook • Griffin Gluck • Morgan Lily • Addy Miller

• Bent, Matchbox Twenty • Amazed, Lonestar • I Knew I Loved You • Higher, Creed • Country Grammar, Nelly

Popular TV shows

• CSI • Malcolm in the Middle • Gilmore Girls • Curb Your Enthusiasm • Survivor • Queer as Folk • Coupling • Waking the Dead • Yes, Dear • Big Brother

•  Income per year $30,343 •  Minimum wage $5.15 •  New house $134,150 •  New car $24,750 •  Gallon of gas $1.26 •  Lb. of bacon $2.97 •  Loaf of bread $1.72 •  Dozen eggs 89¢ •  Lb of ground coffee $3.44 •  First-class stamp 33¢

Born in 2000 2000 Dodge Viper

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Cont’d. from Page 14 Let’s transition from the abstract to the practical. Here are some ideas for you: •  Light one room of your house with candles ONLY and spend at least 30 minutes there with your spouse. It doesn’t matter what you do. You could talk, sip coffee, play a game, or make love. But do it to candlelight. •  This idea will cost you, but if you can afford it, it’s a good one. Buy enough flowers to fill one room of your house. I mean really fill it. And pick a room you spend lots of time in; for example, your bedroom, the kitchen, or

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30 November 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

the family room. •  Buy mood music at a music store or online and play it while you’re together one night. Pick a type of music you don’t usually listen to and a type that’s truly inspiring. Stay away from pop, rock, and rap. Try sounds like Enya, Josh Groban, or classical music. •  Buy some smelling scents or strong scented candles and burn them throughout your home this week. Put them in the most frequented rooms of your house so that you and your spouse breathe new air for an entire night. Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.

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Profile for Military Press Newspaper

Military Press, Zone 1, Nov. 1, 2013  

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