Just for
Laughs Hungry birds
Two robins were sitting in a tree. “I’m really hungry,� said the first one. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.� They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more. “I’m so full, I don’t think I can fly back up into the tree,� said the first one. “Let’s just lay back here and bask in the warm sun,� said the second. “OK,� said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up again?� asked the psychiatrist. and gobbled them up. son would pull the plug. Do you want a liquid with her finger and tasted it. “For a hundred buck’s a visit? A barAs the cat sat washing his face after room with or without a view?� “Is it wine?� she guessed. tender cured me for tendollars.� his meal, he thought... “No,� the boy replied. She tasted an“Is that so! How?� “I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS.� other drop and asked, “ Champagne ? Drunken argument “He told me to cut the legs off the bed!� “No,� said the little boy... “It’s a puppy!� Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiCured ful night. Look at that moon!� Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,� Unionized bed time Spin cycle The other drunk stops and looks at his he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I A labor union president was sitting at A blonde is swimming in a river. A get into bed, I think there’s somebody his son’s bedside getting ready to read man walks up and asks her, “What are drunk friend. “You are wrong. That’s not the moon; that’s the sun!� under it. I get under the bed, I think him a bedtime story. you doing in there?� Both continued arguing for awhile there’s somebody on top of it. Top, unHe starts out, “Once upon a time and She says, “I’m washing my clothes.� der, top, under ... you gotta help me, I’m a half...� The man asks, “Why don’t you use a when they came upon another drunk going crazy!� washing machine?� The blonde says, “I walking along. So they stopped him and said, “Sir, could you please help settle “Just put yourself in my hands for The gift tried that, but it was too dizzy.� our argument? Tell us what that thing two years,� said the shrink. “Come to me On the first day of school, the chilis up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the three times a week, and I’ll cure your dren brought gifts for their teacher. The Laundry reunion fears.� florist’s son brought the teacher a bouTwo elderly ladies meet at the laun- moon or the sun?� The third drunk look at the sky and “How much do you charge?� quet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s dry mat after not seeing one another for “A hundred dollars per visit.� daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of some time. After inquiring about each then looked at them and said, “Sorry, I “I’ll sleep on it,� said Shakey. candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son other’s health, one asked how the other’s don’t live around here.� Six months later the doctor met brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher husband was doing. Shakey on the street. lifted it up and noticed that it was leak“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out Starting a diet “Why didn’t you ever come to see me ing a little bit. She touched a drop of the to the garden to dig up a cabbage for My friend Kimberly announced that dinner, had a heart attack and dropped she had started a diet to lose some down dead right there in the middle of pounds she had put on recently. the vegetable patch!� “Good!� I exclaimed. “I’m ready to “Oh dear! I’m so very sorry,� replied start a diet too. We can be dieting budher friend. “What did you do?� dies and help each other out. When I “Opened a can of peas instead.� feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.� “Great!� she replied. “I’ll ride with Crazy test During a visit to the mental asylum, a you.� visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,� said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teaAdvertisers in this cup and a bucket to the patient and ask newspaper are him or her to empty the bathtub.� “Oh, I understand,� said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.� “No,� said the director, “A normal perXXX NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN t OFXT!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN 14 4FQU
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