Military Press, Jan. 1, 2019

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Volume 43 • Number 1 • Jan. 1, 2019




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Bradley Cooper made his directorial debut along side Lady Gaga in “A Star is Born.”

THE 10 BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR It may not feel like it, but “Black Panther” came out this year. And it was a lengthy and taxing 2018 where the escapist nature of the movies was needed as much as ever. While there were only a couple of truly great films, it was nonetheless still a good year spent sitting in a darkened theater and booting up the Apple TV (with the occasional intimacy of watching a movie on a laptop). We learned it’s hard to ignore loud chewers and candy wrappers during the extreme quiet of “A Quiet Place,” that disco may never die thanks to another “Mamma Mia!” and, as evidenced by “Solo,” the “Star Wars” franchise can have an off year and still make serious bank. Here are the very best films Hollywood had to offer in 2018, ranked:

10. ‘Hereditary’

Ari Aster’s completely freaky debut edges out sci-fi flick “Annihilation” as the year’s top scarefest, plus unleashes the full primal power of an awards-worthy Toni Collette. Featuring occult madness and a dramatic family implosion,

“Hereditary” is an unnerving, unshakable nightmare about not being able to trust your loved ones and a warning to maybe not dig too deep into your background, lest you risk finding out a relative totally had a thing for demon worship.

9. ‘Crazy Rich Asians’

In any other context, an opulent wedding scene with the bride walking down a water-filled aisle surrounded by abundant plant life and someone crooning “Can’t Help Falling in Love” would be eye-rolling. But by the time it arrives in Jon M. Chu’s wholly charming movie, it’s earned every tugged heartstring. Constance Wu and Henry Golding impress as leads in a film that’s both a win for Asian representation and the best romantic comedy in years. (You might also feel the need to play Mahjong afterward, but go with it.)

8. ‘Three Identical Strangers’

In a year full of excellent documentaries (“RBG,” “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”), the one that’s truly stranger than fiction is tops. “Strangers” chronicles the story

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of three identical triplets raised separately who find each other as college-age young men and develop a close bond, but that feel-good narrative turns into a very different film as they and loved ones discover the dark truth behind their separation.

various dimensions come alive via vibrant, trippy animation and a clever plot that posits anyone is capable of being the type of hero who could wear a web slinger’s mask. Come for the OG Spider-Man, Peter Parker – in this, a schlubby guy who’s all about pizza and early super-retirement – but stay for the amazing journey of his de facto stu7. ‘Cold War’ There’s one black-and-white for- dent Miles Morales, the mixed-race eign period piece this year that’s a teenager who learns how to be Spimust-watch – and it’s not “Roma.” dey on the job. The bittersweet Polish love story tracks the post-World War II on- 5. ‘First Reformed’ again, off-again love affair between A holy warrior questions the a quiet musical director (Tomasz battles he fights in this thoughtKot) and the tempestuous young provoking effort by “Taxi Driver” singer (Joanna Kulig) he discovers screenwriter Paul Schrader. Revwhile recruiting for a folk-music erend Toller (Ethan Hawke) is the troupe. They break up often, usual- troubled, heavy-drinking priest of a ly having to do with politics or per- small church with a shrinking felsonal issues, only to find their way lowship, and his existential crisis back to each other in a gripping deepens when he meets a woman and gorgeous take on the can’t- (Amanda Seyfried) who asks him live-with-them, can’t-live-without- to help her environmentalist husthem dynamic. band. Issues of climate change and religion add extra heft to a deeply personal and affecting character 6. ‘Spider-Man: Into the study. Spider-Verse’ A parade of Spider-People from

MOVIES, continued on Page 6

Jan. 1, 2019 1

Former child actor testament to resilience as Soldier By Daniel P. Elkins Army Mission and Installation Contracting Command


OINT BASE SAN ANTONIOFORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — You need not look further than the headlines of the latest tabloids in the grocery checkout line or scroll through social media viral videos that often find their way to television broadcast entertainment news to see the destructive paths often taken by child actors following stardom. Access to practically anything they want while under the spotlight of Hollywood movie sets and paparazzi tempers reality and can lead to treacherous choices when transitioning to and accepting the real-life consequences of growing up. For the Mission and Installation Contracting Command’s Joe Todd, it was a combination of the short-lived acting role along with typical boyish pursuits that contributed to a different direction after costarring with brothers Mike and Dan as the young Douglas triplets during the final two season of “My Three Sons.” As a native of San Diego, it was Todd’s grandmother in Los Angeles who spotted a newspaper ad seeking twins to join the cast of the long-running series “My

Three Sons” in 1970. And as boastful grandmothers often do, promptly informed show producers that she could do one better. “Because the show was called ‘My Three Sons,’ they thought it was cool to put triplets in the show,” said Todd, the youngest of the three brothers. “So while most people get into acting because they’re talented, we got into it more because of the novelty of being triplets than anything else.” Baby Boomers and those born on the front decade of Generation X are most likely familiar with the show. It ran an impressive 12 seasons on both ABC and CBS and starred one of Hollywood’s top paid actors of that time, Fred MacMurray. MacMurray played widower Steve Douglas raising his three sons with the aid of his father-in-law. One of those boys, Robbie, eventually left home to marry his high school sweetheart who had triplets, leading to the role as Charley Douglas for Todd from 1970 to 1972. Todd readily admits that because of his young age, he recalls little about taping the series. “We were just young kids, so everybody was real nice and friendly. There are pictures from the set that I view now that I don’t remember seeing or doing. A lot of people ask me after looking at



Joe Todd costarred with his brothers as the grandsons of Fred MacMurray during the final two seasons of “My Three Sons” before going on to join and retire from the Army and continue his service as a civil servant. Photo by Daniel P. Elkins

the pictures on the internet, which triplet I am. I could not point myself out,” Todd said. “We didn’t put anything into context. It wasn’t until later on that I realized that show had a big impact on people because it ran for a lot of years, even though we were only on it for a couple of years.” There are few exceptions from his time on the show where certain methods, considered non-traditional by today’s standards, may have been used to achieve the desired scene response. “The show aired back in the late ’60s and early ’70s, so the techniques and procedures were a little bit odd. For instance, if they needed you to cry for a scene, they might poke you or something,” Todd said. “I remember the movie set trailers. Can you imagine three hyperactive kids bouncing around in a trailer? If it were me, I’d put concertina wire around us and say, ‘You guys stay in there.’” Following the two seasons on the show, his family remained in San Diego where the Todd triplets went on to tape a few commercials for such products as Doublemint chewing gum, the California restaurant chain Mr. Steak and others.

“There was never a strong desire to stay in the business. Hollywood always portrays itself as lollipops and rainbows, but there’s more to it. If you’re interested in that, then you’re willing to overlook some things. It’s not for everybody,” Todd said. “But if you’re kids, you just want to be outside and do normal kid stuff. (Acting) was just something to do, and again, it goes back to the talent versus the novelty of being triplets.” The Todd brothers made an appearance on “The Joan Rivers Show” in 1989 to recount their experiences on “My Three Sons,” but have since been absent from the small screen. Their father’s job relocated the family to Houston during the triplets’ senior year. All three finished high school and began college. “We realized we weren’t mature enough to handle college, and decided to join the Army. It was the best thing we could have ever done,” Todd said. “Some people believe we all joined the Army for the same reason. Well, we did, to find our own individuality. When you’re alResilience, continued on Page 7




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Start the new year at San Diego Restaurant Week MILITARY TAPE PACKAGE By Howard Hian Military Press

sensational view of the downtown skyline and Coronado Bridge. or (619) 291-9110 Ballast Point Kitchen at Miramar has a $20 menu, featuring salmon poke or a Bavarian pretzel with house beer mustard and hot beer cheese dip for starters. Don’t miss the outstanding Sea Rose mussels entree. The dessert trio of homemade gelatos is a perfect ending to the meal. Note: There are two vegetarian main-course options. The restaurant is located at their brewery (tours available by reservation), which has a sleek modern design and nautical feel with lots of polished wood. Outdoor seating and a nice bar area are also available. or (858) 790-6901 Please note that drinks, taxes and gratuities are not included in the meal price. Go to www.SanDiegoRestaurantWeek. com for further information and a full list of participants.

The holidays are over. Is your New Year’s resolution to try something new? This month provides an opportunity to dine at your choice of almost 200 restaurants throughout San Diego County. They will be serving two-course lunches for $10, $15 or $20 per person and three-course, prix-fixe dinners ranging from $20 to $50. Need help deciding? Here are my lunch recommendations. Don’t forget to bring a friend and share dishes for an enhanced experience. Cafe Coyote, in historic Old Town San Diego and winner of the “Best Mexican” in 2018, offers an outstanding bargain for $10. Start with either the Sopes Mexicanos or Caesar salad. There are seven entrees to choose from. You can’t miss with the Old Town Carnitas. The Pollo a la Crema features a distinctive jalepeño sauce. If you prefer a dessert instead of an appetizer, pick from three: apple tacos, More excitement in January fried ice cream or Mexican flan. Outdoor The Cygnet Theater in Old Town San seating, great margaritas, and music add Diego is presenting the musical “Marie to the fun. and Rosetta” from Jan. 16 to Feb. I am a or (619) 291-4695 huge fan of both and can’t wait to see the Tom Ham’s Lighthouse, a favorite on production. The legendary Tharpe, enHarbor Island since 1971, overlooks San shrined in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Diego Bay and is my $15 suggestion. The was an early influence of Elvis, Johnny extensive menu includes eight starters, 12 Cash and Ray Charles. Her protégée was entrees and four desserts. For two people, Marie Knight and they toured together. order the chopped Caesar salad and lob- Logon to for inster bisque, followed by cioppino and a formation and tickets. crab BLT. Dessert choices include New Let’s go! York cheesecake, cinnamon apple crumb cake, chocolate mousse cake or creme Follow Howard Hian online at www.Travels-withbrûlée. The portions are generous. Lunch and, or in the iTunes is served on the new patio, providing a store at Omaha Tutorial/Poker Resorts. For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 •


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‘We must be the great arsenal of Democracy.’ Franklin Roosevelt 32nd. U.S. President Served March 4, 1933 – April 12, 1945

John ‘Cactus Jack’ Garner

book his comic cover. s e k a m merica r on the Captain A ching Adolf Hitle n u debut, p

32nd U.S. Vice President • Food rationing begins Jan. 8 in Great Served March 4, 1933 – Jan. 20, 1941 Britain.

World events

• Luftwaffe Col. Hermann Goring assumes control of most German war industries Jan. 4.

• Members of the Soviet Politburo sign an order March 5 for the execution of 25,700 Polish intelligentsia. • Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini meet March 18 in the Alps, where Mussolini agrees to bring Italy into the war. • Germany invades the neutral countries of Denmark and Norway on April 9. • Winston

Winston Churchill becomes prime minister of Great Britain.

Churchill becomes prime minister of the United Kingdom on May 10. Three days later he would make his first address, saying, “I have nothing to offer you but blood, toil, tears and sweat.” • President Roosevelt asks Congress for $900 million to build at least 50,000 airplanes a year on May 16. • Nazi concentration camp AuschwitzBirkenau, the largest German concentration camp, opens May 20 in occupied Poland. More than 1 million people will be killed there through January 1945. • The Dunkirk evacuation of British Expeditionary Forces starts May 26. Through June 4, 300,000 troops were evacuated by the British and French navies with the help of civilian vessels. • The French government flees to Bordeaux as Paris falls to the Germans on June 14. • The Battle of Britain begins July 10. • The U.S. and Britain announce an agreement Sept. 2 to use 50 U.S. destroyers as escorts for British ships. • Nazi Germany begins the first of 57 consecutive

The Tacom months af nights of bombing London on Sept. 7, an action known as “The Blitz.” • Charlie Chaplin releases his controversial wartime satire “The Great Dictator” on Oct. 15.

U.S. News

• “The Three Stooges” short comedy “You Nazty Spy!” is released Jan.19, the first Hollywood parody of Adolf Hitler. • Disney’s “Pinocchio” is released in theaters Feb. 7. • Elmer Fudd makes his debut in the animated short “Elmer’s Candid Camera” on March 2. • Robine the Boy Wonder, Batman’s sidekick, makes his debut in the April edition of “Detective Comics.” • The first McDonald’s opens May 15 in San Bernardino. • The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is held for the first time June 16 in South Dakota. • Bugs Bunny appears for the first time July 27 in the Oscar-nominated short “A Wild Hare.” • President Roosevelt signs the Selective Training and Service Act on Sept. 16, creating the first peacetime draft in U.S. history. • President Roosevelt defeats Republican Wendell Wilkie on Nov. 5, becoming the only U.S. president to win a third term. • The Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapses Nov. 7 in Tacoma, Wash., four months af-

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ter opening. • Disney releases “Fantasia” on Nov. 13, the first box office failure for Walt Disney, though the film would recoup its cost years later and become on of Disney’s most highly-regarded films. • Abbott and Costello make their film debut Nov. 15 in “One Night in the Tropics.” • Timely Comics’ “Captain America Comics #1” hits newsstands in the United States in December. • California’s first modern freeway, the Arroyo Seco Parkway (now the Pasadena Freeway, or State Route 110), opens to traffic Dec. 30 in Pasadena.

Movies • • • • • • • • • •

“The Shop Around the Corner” “The Invisible Woman” “The Great Dictator” “Pinocchio” “My Favorite Wife” “Rebecca” “The Philadelphia Story” “Remember the Night” “Fantasia” “The Grapes of Wrath”

4 BORN THIS YEAR: John Lennon, musician (Oct. 9). Above left: Chuck Norris, martial arts expert, actor (March 10); Al Pacino, actor (April 25); Linda Gray, actress (Sept. 12); Richard Pryor, comedian, actor (Dec. 1).

•  Income per year ....... $1,725 •  Minimum wage ............. 30¢ •  New house .............. $3,920 •  Rent .................................. $30 •  New car.......................... $850 •  Gallon of gas .................... 11¢ •  Gallon of milk . ............... 34¢ •  Loaf of bread ..................... 8¢ •  First-class stamp ...............3¢ •  Movie ticket ................... 24¢

Sinatra • “When You Wish Upon a Star,” Cliff Edwards (Ukelele Ike) • “Only Forever,” Bing Crosby • “We Three (My Echo, My Shadow & Me),” The Ink Spots • “The Woodpecker Song,” Glenn Miller • “The Breeze & I,” Jimmy Dorsey • “When You Wish Upon a Star,” Glenn Miller • “You Are My Sunshine,” Jimmie Davis


• “In the Mood,” Glenn Miller • “Frenesi,” Artie Shaw • “I’ll Never Smile Again,” Tommy Dorsey & Frank

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Movies Continued from Page 1

4. ‘The Favourite’

Imagine the Three Stooges as a trio of actresses giving their all for the glory of arthouse slapstick. The farcical costume drama pits Emma Stone’s scullery maid and Rachel Weisz’s royal confidante in mudslinging, book-throwing, pigeon-shooting conflict to be the resident “favourite” of Queen Anne (an inspired Olivia Colman). There’s no better film to find a mashup of hilarious wickedness, power-hungry drive and horrendously bad manners.

3. ‘BlacKkKlansman’

Proving he’s as fiery as ever, Spike Lee tackles the real-life story of African-American cop Ron Stallworth infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan with a sense of timely relevance, connecting that 1970s situation with race relations in modern America. It’s also a viciously funny take on a buddy cop comedy that positions its star John David Washington (son of Denzel), brandishing loads of charisma and a monumental Afro, as Hollywood’s next big thing.

Former NFL defensive end Greg Hardy (left) will make his UFC debut in January against Allen Crowder.

Former NFL player Greg Hardy to make UFC debut MMAjunkie

The UFC is ready to call up Greg Hardy. In early December, cited UFC President Dana White in reporting that Hardy’s promotional debut was close to being finalized for UFC on ESPN+ 1 against Allen Crowder.


Hardy the next morning seemingly confirmed the booking in an Instagram post. “???????? Anybody else super hypeeeeeeeeeee God I love my job and life,” Hardy said in the post. UFC on ESPN+ 1 takes place Jan. 19 at Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York, “I was amazed! Sounds I hadn’t heard in years came back to me!”

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and serves as the UFC’s debut event on its new deal with ESPN. Hardy (3-0 MMA, 0-0 UFC), who was signed to a UFC developmental deal after his first appearance on Dana White’s Contender Series in the summer, had been slated for a Dec. 21 regional bout at Island Fights 51. That plan, however, has apparently changed with his imminent UFC debut happening instead. All three of Hardy’s pro fights have been first-round knockout wins for the former NFL All-Pro. None have gone past the first minute. Crowder (9-3 MMA, 0-1 UFC) will be making his second UFC appearance after also earning a contract of his own on DWCS. In his promotional debut last year at UFC 218, Crowder was knocked out by Justin Willis in the first round. The timing of Hardy’s UFC debut is curious as it comes on the same night that Rachael Ostovich will meet Paige VanZant in a women’s flyweight bout. Ostovich decided to still fight despite suffering a broken orbital last month in an alleged attack by her husband, MMA fighter Arnold Berdon, who was charged with second-degree assault in Honolulu. In 2014, Hardy was convicted of domestic violence. The charges were later dropped when the victim failed to appear in court.

2. ‘A Star Is Born’

It’s about 40 minutes into the musical drama, when Lady Gaga warily walks out on stage for one of cinema’s most goosebump-inducing moments in 2018, where you say to yourself, “Wait, Bradley Cooper’s never directed a movie before? That’s crazypants.” Cooper masterfully handles duties behind the camera and in front (as a country rocker on a career downswing) while Gaga is a belting force of nature in an absolutely fabulous reimagining of the familiar Tinseltown template.

1. ‘Black Panther’

Neither its cultural importance nor financial success can be understated. It’s a wonder of technical majesty, from Afro-futuristic landscapes to impeccably designed costumes. Probably no other superhero film has the nerve to take on colonialism and global resource-sharing. But here’s the thing about “Panther”: It’s just an endlessly enjoyable film. The personality lineup is so strong, you’ll have a new favorite character every time – maybe Letitia Wright’s precociously genius Shuri, then Michael B. Jordan’s captivating antagonist Killmonger the next – with Chadwick Boseman anchoring the whole thing with winning gravitas. And need we mention the armored war rhinos? Nothing was the complete package this year quite like director Ryan Coogler’s Wakandan treasure.




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accepting a contract position to teach soldier medics at Fort Sam Houston. Soon after, he accepted a civil service position to ways lumped in with your brothers, some- continue training soldiers. Today, as a training and readiness mantimes you want to stand on your own two ager for the MICC, his attention is squarefeet, and the military let us do that.” The three brothers joined the service at ly on soldier-oriented tasks but also supage 19 electing different military occupa- ports the acquisition career management tional specialties but unexpectedly were of the command’s civilian workforce. He is all assigned to different areas of Germany responsible for the update of key data in the digital training management system, for their first tour of duty. “We were not known as the triplets. the commander’s portal and other career Even though it is a blessing and truly great management systems that all contribute growing up as a triplet, it allowed us to all to the Army top priority of readiness. “We’re in an organization where there stand on our own and establish our own identities more so than if we had stayed aren’t too many military, but the care and together and just hung out in the same feeding of these military folks is pretty substantial when you look at the mantown and same jobs,” he said. Todd served as an Army medic for 20 hours it takes to support the military folks years before retiring in March 2007 and instead of the civilian folks,” Todd said. For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • Continued from Page 2

And while successfully avoiding the consequences many child actors often cope with, Todd instead teaches the value of resiliency to the members of the MICC workforce as one of his duties. “The Army has a great resiliency program for soldiers who have trouble with coping skills. If you use and implement 12 of the 14 skills, there are two soft skills, it’s got to help people. And this goes for any age,” Todd emphasized. “Even though we’re all able to manage ourselves, a lot of times we don’t focus on the simple things and simple tasks or give them the attention they need and lose sight of priorities.” His brother, Mike, retired from the Army as a combat engineer and now teaches at the Army Medical Department at nearby Camp Bullis. Dan separated from the service after eight years and went

on to graduate from the University of Houston before starting up his own small business in Houston. “When we get together, we feel like we’ve never been apart. We take up just where we left off,” Joe Todd said. And while the Todds’ recollection of acting remains fuzzy at best after more than 40 years, there is one thing of which they are quite sure. “People ask me about royalties and if I get paid. If you were part of the Screen Actors Guild and you were represented and paid dues, there was a way to get residual money, but I do know I’m not getting paid,” he said with a hearty laugh. “I don’t watch TV Land or those channels where I might find an old episode of ‘My Three Sons,’ but I do like to catch ‘Rockford Files’ now and again.” Jan. 1, 2019 7

honest, so will I. You see, I’m a hooker.” “I see,” he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said...”It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

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Mr. Anderson: I am very lucky. When I talk with my wife, she always bows her head. Mr. Smith: Why? Mr. Anderson: Because she is taller than me.

Now, that’s cheap!

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic a tiny $15 bottle. “What I mean,” said Tim, build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.” and is good to the children.” Avid golfer The clerk handed him a mirror. The next-door neighbor protested, A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, in love. They were discussing how they has a big mouth, and is mean to your chilwould continue their relationship after Missing husband their vacations were over. A wife went to the police station with dren.” The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants “It’s only fair to warn you, Linda,” he her next-door neighbor to report that said. “I’m a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and her husband was missing. The policeman HIM back?” breathe golf.” asked for a description. “Well,” Linda said. “Since you’re being She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, Grocery shopping A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a 3-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” Do you owe more than $10,000 in credit card bills He passed the Mother again in the canor other debt? Let National Debt Relief dy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to resolve your debt for a fraction of what you owe. shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen, don’t One Affordable Monthly Payment cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be checking out.” We work with you to set up a single, affordable monthly payment. The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to No Upfront Fees clamor for gum and burst into a terYou won’t pay a penny until your debt is resolved. . rible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, “Ellen, we’ll be through this check out stand in five Resolve Your Debt in 24–48 Months minutes, and then you can go home and We’ll resolve your debt as quickly as possible so you can finally have a nice nap.” start living the life you want. The man followed them out to the parkThe doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

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8 Jan. 1, 2019

ing lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen...” The mother broke in, “My little girl’s name is Tammy... I’m Ellen.”

asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Blonde and pizza

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ‘’Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.’’

Bathtub test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, “How do you determine whether a patient should be institutionalized?” “Well,” the director said. “We fill a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the tub.” “Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than a teaspoon or a teacup.” “No,” the director said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

Drunk club

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club. “You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.

Costume party

An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, “Going to a party?” “Yeah, a costume party,” the man answers. “I’m supposed to come dressed as Sunday school learning A Sunday school teacher was discussing my love life.” “But you look like Abe Lincoln,” protests the Ten Commandments with her 5- and the bartender. 6-year-olds. “That’s right. My last four scores were After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy father and thy mother, she seven years ago.” •


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www.milita Volume 42

• Number 18

• Sept. 15,











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The Military Press is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Publishing LLC, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.


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ACROSS 1. “Smallest” particle 5. Belonging to a duke 10. Imperfection 14. Gray wolf 15. Bouquet 16. Tropical American wildcat 17. Electrical or crossword 18. Sequestered 20. Creative persons 22. Sports competitor 23. Travel through air 24. S S S S 25. Social scientist 32. Salad oil holder 33. Columbus’s birthplace 34. Possessed 37. Breezed through 38. Ink blemishes 39. Part of the outer ear 40. Little bit 41. Soft leather 42. Mature 43. In a forceful manner 45. Shoemaker’s awl 49. Frozen water 50. Wash 53. Type of alcohol 57. Deductive 59. Cook in an oven 60. Church’s central area 61. Split 62. Former Italian currency 63. Weight loss plan 64. Carved 65. Dash DOWN 1. Seaweed 2. Unit of pressure 3. Death notice

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SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9. 4. Altered 5. A finger or toe 6. Website addresses 7. Loving murmur 8. Dogfish 9. Not first 10. Experiences 11. Harps 12. Mountain crest 13. Walks through water 19. 8th Greek letter 21. Notch 25. Leave in a hurry

26. Killer whale 27. Prompted 28. Leers 29. Crystal-lined rock 30. ___ alia 31. Mayday 34. Expect and wish 35. Cain’s brother 36. Declare untrue 38. Passenger vehicle 39. Habitable 41. Light-haired 42. Wealthy

44. Belonging to the peerage 45. African antelope 46. Hawaiian veranda 47. Debonair 48. Arm of the sea 51. Carve in stone 52. Anger 53. Overhang 54. Found on a finger 55. Gumbo 56. Low-fat 58. Bovine

This week’s solutions:

Jan. 1, 2019 9

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