Military Press, August 1, 2019

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Volume 43 • Number 15 • August 1, 2019

ALL THESE LOVELY FACES...

WHERE DO THEY ALL COME FROM?

ALL THESE LOVELY FACES, WHERE DO THEY ALL COME FROM?

T

hey all come from America so I guess we can call them all Americans. In order to try and eliminate as much racism as possible we must all try not to divide and conquer by separating each other by the color of our skin. Think back 10, 20 or even 40 years ago there was not as much racism as there is today.

SOMEONE’S TO BLAME, BUT WHO? And as I think back to those years I do not remember any of my friends distancing themselves from me by calling themselves German-American, Irish-Americans, Mexican-Americans or African-Americans. Did I notice the different colors of their skin .. of course I did, I wasn’t blind then and I’m not blind now but I refuse to address them by saying hello Herman My German American friend or Kelly my Irish American friend or José my Mexican American friend and last but not least Tyrone my African American friend!

Where do we all live... in America.

Where do we all want to live... in America. Where do most of us come from...

America. So is there a better place in this whole world that’s a better place to live in or want to live in or be from than America? Now I know I’ll have some or maybe many detractors, and their claim

will be that they are proud Trump a racist. The crime infested places from which they of their heritage, which has president made a few in- came. Ocasio-Cortez and her 3 colabsolutely nothing to do POINT correct statements about leagues, who are collectively known as with being an American.

Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna “The Squad" on Capitol Hill, also have Being proud of your heriPressley, Rashida Tlaib tangled with fellow Democrats, includtage gives you an excellent and Ilhan Omar who is ing Pelosi, who has portrayed them as opportunity to return to a refugee from Somalia marginal players in Washington those countries where your and is the only repreparents grandparents or sentative not born in As publisher of the Military Press, great-great grandparents America. The president I have hired more women than men. came from. In those counsaid that they were unpa- Most women have earned twice as tries I’m sure you’ll be able triotic leftists that should much as the men in my company beto raise their national flag return to their countries cause they were worth it. I have yet to and wave it back and forth RICHARD T. MATZ of origin and accused meet a business man or woman that as long as you care to but to them of saying hateful would not hire a productive person of disrespect your American things about United color, religion or sexual preference and flag by either burning it, States and suggested that they go back if that person does exist he or she is trampling it, flying it upside down and and help fix the totally broken and nothing but a fool! putting another country’s flag on top of it not only shows disrespect to our country but to all of our citizens that are proud to honor our flag and be called patriotic Americans.

America over the last two and a half years has seen tremendous growth in our economy. The stock market at the end of Obama’s administration in December 31, 2015 the Dow 500 was 17,425. The Dow 500 closed under the present administration of Donald Trump last week at 26,656 which is an all-time high. The unemployment rate has hit it’s lowest levels ever for every American but even with these Ocasio-Cortez and her three colleagues, who are outstanding accomplishments the left collectively known as “ The Squad " on Capitol Hill and far left have continued to call Pres.

PUBLISHER’S

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LOGAN RYAN WITH LEO AND JULIUS: ADOPTED 2014 AND 2018.

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THE VERY REAL AIRCRAFT OF AREA 51 Never mind the UFOs, here are eight wonder planes that have called the secret base their home.

An event on Facebook is making the news, calling for an army of social media users to crash the gates of the legendary Area 51 complex in Nevada. Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us has attracted nearly three million people, with 1.6 marking themselves as “attending” the event and 1.2 million interested. While the activists may not see any UFOs, the top secret base has seen its share of unusual aircraft over the years.

Area 51 has long played a role in the development of secret aircraft and aircraft technologies. With its cavernous hangars, extremely long air strip, and remote location, it was the perfect place to test new concepts in aviation, as well as foreign warplanes acquired for testing and evaluation purposes.

While Area 51 may not have hosted UFOs, it has hosted an eclectic mix of secret, not-so-secret, and weird airplanes The U-2 went on to fly missions over the Soviet Union, Cuba, China, and other communist bloc countries during the Cold War. SR-71 Blackbird The Soviet Union’s development of high-altitude surface-to-air missiles rendered the slow but high flying U-2 vulnerable. In

response, legendary aircraft designer Clarence “Kelly” Johnson developed theSR-71, a high altitude, high speed reconnaissance aircraft meant to outrun enemy air defenses.

The SR-71 had a top speed of Mach 3.3, or 2,193 miles an hour. After more than two decades of service the Air Force suspended SR-71 flights in 1989, ending the program entirely in the 1990s.

F-16 Fighting Falcon The F-16 single-engine fighter is the most numerous fighter in the Air Force’s inventory. Move it to Area 51, however, and it becomes very mysterious. Several F-16s are based at the secret Nevada facility, with up to four visible in Google Earth at a time. One is currently visible outside a cluster of four hangars on the north side of the base complex. The planes are reportedly used to dogfight Russian or Soviet fighters and as chase/ observation planes for other aircraft.

The planes included MiG and Sukhoi fighter jets acquired from allies abroad and other, more illicit means. Although originally a Cold War program the testing of adversary aircraft continues to this day; in September 2017 a Su-27 Flanker jet piloted by a U.S. Air Force officer crashed in the Nevada Test and Training Range.

Sukhoi Su-27 Flanker For decades, a key goal of the intelligence community and the U.S. Air Force has been the recovery and test flying of Soviet and then Russian fighter jets. These aircraft were flown from Area 51 under the guise of the 413th Flight Test Squadron and the 4477th Testing and Evaluation Squadron, or “Red Eagles”.

F-117A Nighthawk Stealth Fighter The first purpose-built stealth aircraft, the F-117A aircraft was designed and built in total secrecy, in large part thanks to Area 51. An early proof of concept version code-named “Have Blue” was flown out of the base, followed by five YF-117A prototypes.

Lockheed and the U.S. Air Force built and maintained a force of 59 stealth

fighters (the name is a misnomer, it’s actually a light bomber) from the nearby Tonopah Test Range and Airport. Although the F-117A fleet was officially retired in 2008, the Air Force continues to fly small numbers of stealth fighters

over the California and Nevada deserts. Aircraft spotters believe the jets are based at—you guessed it—Area 51.

‘ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD’ IS SOOOOO GOOD!

BY JERI JACQUIN MILITARY PRESS

In theatres this week from visionary writer/ director Quentin Tarantino and Columbia Pictures is a film that can only be called Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.

It is 1969 Los Angeles and Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) is having an identity crisis. Once the lead in his own television series, he also makes time to do roles in other television shows. Living in the Hollywood hills on the secluded Cielo Drive, he is driven around town by his stunt double and friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt).

It is 1969 Los Angeles and Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) is having an identity crisis. Once the lead in his own television series,

he also makes time to do roles in other television shows. Living in the Hollywood hills on the secluded Cielo Drive, he is driven around town by his stunt double and friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt).

Also living on Cielo Drive next door is actress Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie) and husband director Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha). She is living and loving life taking time to enjoy her career.

While working out life and where his career is going, Dalton has to take each phase like a scene with decisions that constantly plague him. Cliff is a little more free spirited and enjoys stunt work when he gets it and being a friend to

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HOLLYWOOD, continued on Page 11 August 1, 2019 3

NFL, NBA & MLB UPDATES, STATS + MORE The Voice of the Lakers

CHICK HEARN

Chick Hearn One of the most recognizable voices in Los Angeles, Francis Dayle Hearn, better known as “Chick” was the play-by-play voice of the Los Angeles Lakers for from 1960 to 2002.

Known for his witty comments during the game and lightning-quick reactions to the play on the court, Hearn was as well-known a personality as some of the past Laker greats including Jerry West, Elgin Baylor, Wilt Chamberlain, Magic Johnson, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Originally from Illinois, Hearn came to Los Angeles in 1956 and did radio and TV work in a variety of sports before getting his gig with the Lakers. Chick coined the terms “slam dunk,” “air ball” and “no harm, no foul."

When the basketball game was is in bag, Chick would say, "The game is in the refrigerator, the door’s closed, the light’s out, the eggs are cooling, the butter’s getting hard and the Jello’s jiggling. Chick was the voice of the Lakers along with his side kick Stu Lance. Stu to this day is still an announcer with the Lakers.

MR. CLUTCH... JERRY WEST During Jerry West’s fabulous Laker career as a player at the end of every game when it was winning time Mr. clutch not only wanted the ball but scored consistently each and every night while he was playing.

When it comes to basketball, the legendary West knows what he’s talking about.

He’s not one of the best judge of talent in the NBA, he is the best.

As a coach, West led the Lakers into three consecutive playoff campaigns, and then went on to win seven NBA championships as a general manager, building the 1980s Lakers dynasty under coach Pat Riley and players Magic Johnson, Kareem-Abdul-Jabbar and James Worthy and the 2000s under coach Phil Jackson and players Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant.

He won executive awards with the Los Angeles Lakers and Memphis Grizzlies, and joined the executive board of the Golden State Warriors just before they went on their amazing, multi-year playoff run. West is with the Los Angeles Clippers now, and he wants everyone to know how exceptional that organization has been.

West also spent a little time expounding on the Clippers’ two big acquisitions, Kawhi Leonard and Paul George. He said that he had a “very small” role in signing Leonard and trading for George, and he praised the Clippers’ executives. And as you might imagine, West loves both players a lot.

“I try to be completely fair and honest to all the players in the league.

But honestly I think they’re the two best two-way playJerry ers in basketWest ball. And to get

On the Hunt for the Home Run Record In addition to an outstanding 47-24 record, the Twins have racked up 137 home runs thus far in 2019. That leads MLB, and their average of 1.93 homers per game works out to a full-season pace of 313. That would be 46 more than the record-setting 267 that the New York Yankees hit last season.

Twins hitters do like to swing their bats, yet they’re more selectively aggres4 August 1, 2019

LA CHARGERS

sive than free-swinging. They rank fifth in MLB in swing percentage against fast-

them in one night is pretty remarkable.”

And he gives due praise to Leonard for making inroads with George, because without his intervention, the Leonard-George Clippers team-up may not have happened.

As a player West said, "You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good. Great players do what’s outstanding for their team, not what makes them stand out. The only thing I care about is winning. That’s all. If you don’t want to win, you don’t want to be around

CHARGERS

Melvin Gordon Training camp isn’t and never was the deadline for Gordon and the Los Angeles Chargers to get a new contract done. Gordon is justifiably upset that the fifth-year option on his rookie contract is scheduled to pay him just $5.6 million this year, and he wants a new deal that pays him like the high-level performer he has been. Both sides hope they can reach a deal that makes him happy by the time the season starts. If they can’t, sure, there’s a chance the Chargers could look to trade Gordon.

Jerry West me. If you don’t think you can, you won’t.

Anything can happen with hard work and dedication. To have harmony on a team, you need a coach who can get inside the head of every player and get them all pulling in one direction. When time is running out and the score is close, most players are thinking, ‘I don’t want to be the one to lose the game,’ but I’m thinking, ‘What do I have to do to win.’ I’m just ultracompetitive. I will be till they put me in the grave. I don’t really want to go into my problems with the team at the time except to say that no one’s ever had to pay me to play basketball.

I always wanted the ball in my hands with a game on the line, as I think any real competitor does. To be candid with you, free agency hurts all sports. It’s great for athletes making an enormous amount of money. But to say it helps the sports, I don’t believe that You can’t ever totally know what’s inside of someone else, or see the kind of will someone like Magic has. You have to rely on your instincts to find people who hate losing and know how to win.”

balls, and they’re tied for third in swing percentage against all pitches in the “heart” of the strike zone.

These are otherwise known as good pitches to hit, and Twins have obliged.

They boast the third-lowest strikeout rate in MLB. Plus, their .575 slugging percentage against fastballs and .750 slugging percentage against pitches in the heart of the zone are both MLBbest marks.

MLB STANDINGS

# 1.

2.

3 4.

5.

AL East Division New York Yankees Tampa Bay Rays Boston Red Sox Toronto Blue Jays Baltimore Orioles

GP 105 108 107 108 106

W 67 60 59 41 35

L 38 48 48 67 71

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

AL Central Division Minnesota Twins Cleveland Indians Chicago White Sox Kansas City Royals Detroit Tigers

GP 105 105 103 108 102

W 64 62 46 40 31

L 41 43 57 68 71

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

AL West Division Houston Astros Oakland Athletics Los Angeles Angels Texas Rangers Seattle Mariners

GP 107 107 108 106 109

W 68 60 55 53 46

L 39 47 53 53 63

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NL East Division Atlanta Braves Washington Nats Philadelphia Phils New York Mets Miami Marlins

GP 107 106 105 105 104

W 62 57 55 50 41

L 45 49 50 55 63

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NL Central Division St.Louis Cardinals Chicago Cubs Milwaukee Brewers Cincinnati Reds Pittsburgh Pirates

GP 105 105 107 104 106

W 56 56 56 49 46

L 49 49 51 55 60

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NL West Division Los Angeles Dodgers San Francisco Giants Arizona Dbacks San Diego Padres Colorado Rockies

GP 108 106 107 106 107

W 69 54 53 50 50

L 39 52 54 56 57

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“

SCANDALS for the sake of their careers. Tallulah Garland. She had just Bankhead’s biographer said that she turned 17 when The Wizard of Oz transformed her into a

Bette Davis Undoubtedly the most controversial of the Hollywood scandals was mandated abortions. Back in Old Hollywood, the studios decided when it was right for an actress to have a baby. When a starlet got pregnant at an undesirable time, she was quietly checked into a hospital for an “appendectomy” or an “ear infection.”

Joan Crawford, Jeanette MacDonald, and Bette Davis all had abortions

Tallulah Bankhead had “abortions like other women got permanent waves.” Jean Harlow was not only forced to “get some rest,” but rumor says she was forbidden to marry the father, actor William Powell, because MGM thought a wife couldn’t be a “blonde bombshell.”

And then we have poor Judy

ODE TO ‘TREES’ AUTHOR Alfred Joyce Kilmer (December 6, 1886 – July 30, 1918) was an American writer and poet mainly remembered for a short poem titled “Trees” (1913), which was published in the collection Trees and Other Poems in 1914. Though a prolific poet whose works celebrated the common beauty of the natural world as well as his Roman Catholic religious faith, Kilmer was also a journalist, literary critic, lecturer, and editor. While most of his works are largely unknown, a select few of his poems remain popular and are published frequently in anthologies.

Several critics—including both Kilmer’s contemporaries and modern scholars— have disparaged Kilmer’s work as being too simple and overly sentimental, and suggested that his style was far too traditional, even archaic. Many writers, including notably Ogden Nash, have parodied Kilmer’s work and style—as attested by the many parodies of “Trees.”

At the time of his deployment to Europe during World War I, Kilmer was considered the leading American Roman Catholic poet and lecturer of his generation, whom critics often compared

to British contemporaries G. K. Chesterton (1874–1936) and Hilaire Belloc (1870–1953). He enlisted in the New York National Guard and was deployed to France with the 69th Infantry Regiment (the famous “Fighting 69th”) in 1917. He was killed by a sniper’s bullet at the Second Battle of the Marne in 1918 at the age of 31.

Joan Crawford Hollywood darling. By this time, however, she already had an eating disorder and a drug habit courtesy of MGM. In 1941, she became pregnant at 19, but the studio still wanted her to play the part of an innocent child,

Judy Garland

not a mother. MGM and Garland’s mother arranged for her to have an abortion and did the same thing again two years later.

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Trees

By Joyce Kilmer I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the earth’s sweet flowing breast; A tree that looks at God all day, And lifts her leafy arms to pray; A tree that may in Summer wear A nest of robins in her hair; Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree.

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‘Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels -­men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, may we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion.’

Dwight D. Eisenhower

34th U.S. President January 20, 1953 – January 20, 1961

s downer

The Sun

Richard Nixon

36th U.S. Vice President January 20, 1953 – January 20, 1961

News Stories

• A merican U-2 spy plane, piloted by Francis Gary Powers, shot down over Russia, May 1.

• Communist China and Soviet Union split in conflict over Communist ideology.

• Togo, Cote D’Ivoire, Chad, Benin, Mau-

namese (NLF) is formed with North Viet The National Liberation Front in cy rgen insu ent the antigovernm backing as the political wing of of North arm an as NLF the s view es South Vietnam. The United Stat Cong military wing of the NLF the Viet Vietnam and starts calling the

ritania, Senegal, and the Central African Republic gain independence from France.

• The U.S. decides to send 3,500 U.S. troops and 900 US military advisers to Vietnam.

• Top Nazi murderer of Jews, Adolf Eichmann, captured by Israelis in Argentina (May 23)—executed in Israel in 1962.

John F. Kennedy Jr. born to the newly elected President.

• D emocrat John F. Kennedy wins the U.S. Presidential Election after defeating Republican Richard Nixon. Kennedy became the youngest person to have been elected into the highest office at the time.

• Black sit-in at Greensboro, NC, diner receives national attention.

• TIROS-1, the first weather satellite, is launched by the U.S. • The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) is created.

Sports

A civil righ staged a si in Greensb service.

• Winter Olympic Games were held in Squaw Valley, USA • Summer Olympic Games were held in Rome, Italy • Golf Masters won by Arnold Palmer • Golf U.S. Open won by Arnold Palmer • The Baseball World Series won by Pittsburgh Pirates

Entertainment

• Seventy million people watch the presidential debate between Sen. John F. Kennedy and Vice President Richard Nixon.

• John Coltrane forms his own quartet and becomes the voice of jazz’s New Wave movement.

• Ninety percent of U.S. homes have a television set.

• Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho terrifies moviegoers and becomes one of the year’s most successful films, as well as one of the most memorable psychological thrillers.k.

1960 Movies

1960 Chevy Corvette

6 August 1, 2019 6 August 1, 2019

• Psycho • The Apartment • The Sundowners • Sons and Lovers

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. . . n e h w r e b m Reme

0 6 19

1960 Ford Thunderbird

COST OF LIVING

hts protest where young African-American students it-in at a segregated Woolworth’s lunch counter boro, NC, and refused to leave after being denied

Pulitzer Prizes

• Fiction: Advise and Consent, Allen Drury • Music: Second String Quartet, Elliott Carter • Drama: Fiorello! George Abbott, Jerome Weidman, Jerry Bock, and Sheldon Harnick

BORN THIS YEAR: John F. Kennedy Jr. - Entrepreneur David Duchovny - Actor Jeffrey Dahmer - Serial Killer John Elway - Quarterback Julianne Moore - Actress

Nobel Prize

• Literature: St. John Perse (Alexis St.-Léger Léger) (France)

• Income per year ........................ $5,300 • Average wage............................................ $1.25 • New house ..................................... $15,500 • Rent ........................................................................... $200 • New car........................................................... $2500 • Gallon of gas ...................................................... 25¢ • Gallon of milk .................................................. 95¢ • Loaf of bread ................................................... 20¢ • First-class stamp .......................................... 4¢ • Movie ticket .......................................................... 75¢

Psycho

Academy Award

• Best Picture: Ben-Hur

Album of the Year • Mack the Knife, Bobby Darin

Record of the Year

• Come Dance With Me Frank Sinatra

Miss America • Lynda Lee Mead

1960 Buick Convertible

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August 1, 2019 7 August 1, 2019 7

By Howard Hian

FABULOUS CASINO AT JAMUL INDIAN VILLAGE

The small town of Jamul is located in San Diego’s East County. Its highlights are the San Diego National Wildlife Refuge and several regional parks offering camping, hiking, fishing, and grand vistas. My visit was to check out the three year old Jamul Casino located 20 minutes from downtown San Diego.

Tribal History

The Jamul Indian Village is one of 13 federally recognized tribes of the Kumeyaay Nation of Southern California. Their ancestors have been in the region for 12,000 years. In August, 2018, the tribe began independently operating the Jamul Casino.

Where’s the Action

The Jamul Casino boasts 200,000 square feet of 24/7 entertainment, food, and gambling. There are over 1,700 flashing, chiming, bell ringing slots, and 15 different table games, including the big four; craps, blackjack, roulette, and pai gow.

My favorite area was the well appointed, comfortable ten table poker room.

8 August 1, 2019

Quadruple Whammy

I had the opportunity to play in an 11 AM Sunday tournament and was impressed by the level of play. The game was fun until I got knocked out in 11th place. This was bad for three reasons: I didn’t make the final table, was out of the money, and no bragging rights. But, it got worse. I walked over to the Sunday Lobster Buffet and it had closed! Quadruple whammy, indeed.

Food and Entertainment

There are a lot of eating choices, including the top of the line steak and seafood house, Prime Cut. Its outstanding wine cellar won the Wine Spectator’s Award of Excellence in both 2018 and 2019. Other options include Tony Gwynn’s Sports Pub (don’t miss the grilled lobster & cheese sandwich), Loft 94 (serving 24 craft beers and gourmet bar food), Emerald (Chinese cuisine with generous portions). The Jamul Marketplace showcases three fast food type outlets; a pizzeria, burgers and shakes, and a taqueria. The Coffee Shop features Mary’s Donuts (5-stars on Yelp)

and in-house baked cakes, cookies, and brownies (my favorite).

There are three special all-you-can-eat buffets: Thursday is snow crab; Friday is prime rib, and Sunday is lobster. JIVe

Lounge features DJs and live, local bands, plus an array of signature handcrafted cocktails.

Nice Touches

Make sure to join the Sweetwater Rewards Club. It provides terrific discounts, comps, and extras based on your level of play. Every day, Jamul Casino has some sort of promotional giveaway. Take a look at the website under the promotions tab.

State-of-the-art beverage dispensers, including coffee, water, and soft drinks, can be found in the casino; all free.

Need a ride? Check online for their shuttle bus schedule and pick up locations in and around San Diego.

Information Everything about Jamul Casino can be found at their website. Logon to www.

JamulCasinoSD.com tor a schedule of the poker tournaments and cash games under the casino tab. Also, check out giveaways, promotions, and daily specials.

There’s ALWAYS something going on at the Jewel of Jamul!

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down; “I don’t know” and you put down, “Neither do I”

BAPTIZING A DRUNK

Just for Laughs A FATHER TOLD HIS SON...

A father told his son: "The time has come for you and I to have a conversation, my son."

Soon, you will have new urges and feelings that you have not had before and that will be hard for you to understand. It might leave you feeling perplexed."

He added, "B enjoying myself every night!"

APPLYING FOR A JOB

Boudreaux the Cajun applied for an engineering position at a St. James Parish Refinery.

Goldberg the New Yorker applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Boudreaux and said: “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give Goodberg the job.”

Boudreaux asked: “And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Cajun I should get the job!”

The manager said: “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed.”

Boudreaux then asked: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”

The manager replied: “Boudreaux its like this, on question #4, the Goldberg put

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.”

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again,”Have you found Jesus, my brother?”

The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again. This time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and yells to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

IT WASN’T ME

Two buddies, John and Bill, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly John throws up all over himself.

“Oh, no. Now Julie will kill me!”

Bill says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your shirt pocket, tell Sheila that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually John rolls into home and Julie starts to give him a hard time.

“You reek of alcohol and you’ve puked all over yourself! My God, you’re disgusting!”

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, John says, “Nowainaminit, I can e’splain everytin! Ish snot wha chew tink.

I only had a cuppla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me. He had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was ver rry sorry an’ gave me twenny bucks for da cleanin’ bill!”

Julie looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks.”

“Oh, yeah…I almos’ fergot, he peed in my pants, too!

LOUD SEX:

A wife went in to see a therapist, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed making love my husband lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

WORMS

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey.

The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

DOIN’ TIME

IN PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit.

IN PRISON: you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK: you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle.

AT WORK: you can’t even speak to your family on the phone.

IN PRISON: you get three meals a day.

AT WORK: you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON: you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK: you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK: you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.

AT WORK: you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: you must deal with sadistic wardens.

AT WORK: they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK! I’m going to PRISON !!!

IN PRISON: you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK: you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: you get your own toilet.

AT WORK: you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

10 August 1, 2019

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CLASSIFIEDS HELP WANTED Now interviewing for part-time managers. North County, San Diego and Nationwide Offices. Only careerminded individuals need to apply. Call 24/7

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HANDYMAN

Dalton. It is difficult for Cliff with a rumor that surrounds an incident in his life.

What no one could know was what would happen on Cielo Drive that hot night in 1969!

DiCaprio as Dalton is absolutely stunning in this role. He is a paranoid, dysfunctional, insecure chain smoking alcoholic who believes the worst about himself as an actor.

Pitt as Cliff is laid back and happy with his life of being in the background of Dalton’s career. This character that has a past that gets in his way yet not enough to bother him. His true love is pittie Brandy who is just as adorable as she wants to be and very protective of her human. Pitt gives the audience charm, rooftop abs (oh sorry, should I not have mentioned that?), that insanely memorable grin and a threshold of no-nonsense that is amazing up to the point where it isn’t. I am crazy about every aspect of this character until the absolute… very…end and then I just fell head over heels once again for Pitt. There couldn’t have been a better pairing than these two actors and honestly I never would have thought of it which is why I’m not a director.

Robbie as Tate gives a performance of a sweet and simple woman who loved music, friends, and sitting in a movie theatre watching herself not out of narcissm, but to experience the audience reaction. Her character portrayal of the actress was beautiful.

In the end – it is a story of Hollywood Tarantino style!

Publisher: Richard T. Matz Advertising: (858)537-2280 x303 Public Relations: Lisa Matz Managing Editor: Lisa Vante Distribution: Dennis Wink Contributing Writers: Doug Aguillard, Keith Angelin, Elise Cooper, Art Garcia, Howard Hian, Jeri Jacquin (The Movie Maven), Carlos Kremer, Heather E. Siegel Contact Us: Tel 858.537.2280 333 S. Juniper St., Suite 103 Escondido, CA 92025

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Continued from Page 3

To place an advertisement or for more information, call

HOPS FOR HEROES

HOT OFF THE TEE

www.milita

rypress.com Volume 42

• Number 18

• Sept. 15,

2018

MIRAMAR AIR SHOW!

SALUTING 100 YEARS OF WOMEN IN THE

REMEMBER WHEN

1937

PACKING A

CORPS

PUNCH

LOOKING BACK AT BOXING GREATS

DELIVERED TO YOUR MAILBOX!

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DISTRIBUTION Distributed on the 1st and 15th of each month. Available aboard all San Diego County military bases, onboard in-port ships, at participating Albertsons, Ralphs, CVS Pharmacies and 7-11s.

For more locations, visit www.militarypress.com/distribution.

The Military Press is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Publishing LLC, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

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PUZZLES ACROSS 1. Big band music 6. Group of eight 11. Product of bees 12. Growing in extreme abundance 15. The intersection of two streets 16. Emboldens 17. Arrive (abbrev.)

18. Perturb 20. One time around 21. Anagram of "Ties" 23. Anagram of "Silo" 24. Like a bog 25. Adolescent 26. Entomb 27. Carryall 28. Concludes 29. Donkey 30. Hard fats 31. Unbinds 34. Startles 36. A type of evergreen tree 37. It was (contraction) 41. Anagram of "Note" 42. Family group 43. Anger 44. Keg stopper 45. Small dam 46. Not under 47. Simian 48. Horrible 51. Santa's helper 52. Stalwart 54. Large indefinite amount 56. A Christian recluse 57. Strips of potato 58. 10 cent coins 59. Canvas shelters

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SUDOKU

The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the number 1 through 9.

DOWN 1. Abridge 2. Apprehensive 3. Hotel 4. Require 5. Calyx 6. For all to see 7. Steep rugged rocks 8. Ripped 9. Abaft 10. Gunfighter 13. Traps 14. Catch a glimpse of

15. Hindu social division 16. Hairdresser 19. Awaken 22. Resulting 24. Musical master 26. Flying mammals 27. Mongrel 30. Stitched 32. Born as 33. It pumps blood 34. Daze 35. Syrupy

38. Ripple 39. Eternal 40. Feudal workers 42. Stops 44. Cotton bundle 45. Not black 48. Lamp or candle 49. Garret 50. Bygone era 53. French for "Friend" 55. Cacophony

This week’s solutions:

August 1, 2019 11

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