BURGLARIOUSLY SCREWING IN CAMBRIDGE
At blackmans I’d look at King’s College upon the crack. With wood and foil, a screw I faked, Knapped the wedge of strainers, snuffers and skewers, Candlesticks, ladles, medals, tankards and feeders. The Provost offered one hundred guineas’ meed, But most of the plate I’d christened or melted, Smashed and uttered bits of benders and bobsticks, Rung the changes in crucibles for dimmock. Next I screwed Trinity with Grimshaw, my pall. A huge swag of ridge we hid in a back well. Came beaks from London, grunters at turnpikes And traps in my crib to spring the prize stake. Caius cleaned out, we trigged the jigger at Emmanuel, Knocked up more larks than repairing thimbles. Clankernappers twain, we made our money at the best. ‘Twas on broad acres the poney I’d post. Our game was spoiled by the nosing pigs, Who knowed and chanted us adept prigs, You see, I’d served in bridewell, been publicly whipped, And now under sentence of the choking drop nipped. Cleverest fellow at Caius, but dead in law, Nigh the horse’s nightcap with poor Grimshaw. Christened a lifer, I saved Governor Collins’ life. Wherefore Dick Kidman pardoned by Diemen strife!
Michael Small
March 1819, 2004