1c JACK SHEPPARD MILLS A QUOD OR TWO 5

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JACK SHEPPARD MILLS A QUOD OR TWO I had as much wit as four folks – Two fools, a madman and a gull on the Gregorian tree soon to be toes up. It was no odds of mine to polish the King’s iron. By cock and pie, I’m not fretting my giblets! I’ve made plans for my palls, don’t you know. As soon as I kick the clouds, they will cut me down And take my body to an ale house in Long Acre Before the death-hunter can put me in the eternity-box And thence to bed with a shovel. Instead of me being the fruit of the gibbet, Their intended is to open a vein to fig me up to life. Ha! It’s quite simple, really. You just need faith. Beside, to snuff the candle at twenty-three, pshaw! ‘Tis too tender in the prime and pride of a popinjay. Snug’s the word, but I loved Elizabeth Lyon with a cream-pot love: As long as I can buy milk, I shall not keep a cow. But Edgworth Bess and I did dab it up together She was my warming-pan, not my leg-shackle. An easy mort with bene dumplings, as good as ever twanged. Bess or betty is a burglar’s tool, a picklock; and that she was. First she was my fence at the Black Lion ale-house, Situate in Drury Lane; that was my beat. Then she became my mistress of sorts. When she was rubbed to St Giles roundhouse, I tipped the beadle a settler and drew claret With a click in the gob and two chops to the noggin, Broke open the door and ravished her like a true Trojan, Much to the glee of jilted covesses everywhere, But in partickler the kittle-kattle vestals of Drury Lane. That’s the beauty of it: to offend yet cut a caper and fun the traps. As God is my witness, my profession was nuts and honey. Nay, not a chips; that was a mere cover, Where I could ease the cove of the ken of silver clanks and feeders Or condiddle bolts of fustian for piece-makers. You see, a carpenter is known for his chips, But a jolly cracksman is famed for his quips And is nimble as a eel wriggling in the mud,


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